WEBVTT - #109 Victoria Devine On Miscarriage, Birth Rules & Family Finance 0:00:00.320 --> 0:00:05.160 Ashton, the Lovely, the Gorgeous Victoria Devine. She is best 0:00:05.240 --> 0:00:08.479 known as the host of the wildly successful podcast She's 0:00:08.560 --> 0:00:11.639 on the Money, which we actually filled in on a 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:12.560 number of months ago. 0:00:12.760 --> 0:00:14.320 Yes, that was the episode I got flack for not 0:00:14.360 --> 0:00:15.640 throwing my kids' birthday parties. 0:00:15.720 --> 0:00:16.360 Yes correct. 0:00:16.400 --> 0:00:19.239 She's also the founder of Zella Money, a mortgage broking business, 0:00:19.280 --> 0:00:21.759 and the author of several books Matthew, that's right, I 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:25.920 said several, which includes her most recent cover Business Bible. 0:00:26.320 --> 0:00:28.840 But most importantly, she is the mom of eight month 0:00:28.880 --> 0:00:29.920 old Harvey. 0:00:30.120 --> 0:00:33.080 Yes, Victoria shares her experience of what led up to 0:00:33.120 --> 0:00:36.440 her pregnancy with a little boy that includes two miscarriages 0:00:36.520 --> 0:00:37.120 along the way. 0:00:37.320 --> 0:00:39.480 Yeah. She gives us a glimpse into what it must 0:00:39.520 --> 0:00:41.680 feel like for the wonderful woman who have to go 0:00:41.720 --> 0:00:42.800 through child loss. 0:00:43.040 --> 0:00:45.680 She also shares a list of requirements given to her 0:00:45.760 --> 0:00:48.159 visitors wanting to meet her newborn in hospital. 0:00:48.159 --> 0:00:51.640 I'm assuming which should ruffle one or two feathers out there, 0:00:51.800 --> 0:00:56.000 ash As a finance expert, Victoria also shares her thoughts 0:00:56.000 --> 0:00:59.200 on two big parenting money questions. Shall we get into 0:00:59.240 --> 0:00:59.880 a big boy apps? 0:01:00.040 --> 0:01:00.680 Absolutely? 0:01:15.640 --> 0:01:18.720 Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum. 0:01:18.800 --> 0:01:20.240 I am Maddie, J I'm. 0:01:20.040 --> 0:01:21.440 Ash and I am Victoria. 0:01:21.640 --> 0:01:23.679 And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is 0:01:23.680 --> 0:01:24.520 the good, it is. 0:01:24.480 --> 0:01:26.280 The bad and the relatable. 0:01:26.640 --> 0:01:31.720 And we always say no advice. However, Victoria, if there's 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:33.600 anyone who is ever going to give any type of 0:01:33.640 --> 0:01:36.960 advice on this podcast, I believe it would be you. 0:01:37.120 --> 0:01:39.760 Thank but like more financial advice. 0:01:40.000 --> 0:01:42.880 Everything we're hoping for first and. 0:01:42.840 --> 0:01:46.959 Foremost advice is stickle. You guys are brave. 0:01:47.000 --> 0:01:50.960 Mainly because sometimes every now and then we'll talk about 0:01:51.000 --> 0:01:54.240 something that's medical and we always just say, look, we're 0:01:54.240 --> 0:01:57.760 not the experts. We'll get the diagnosis, the name, everything 0:01:57.800 --> 0:02:00.840 completely wrong. So just if anyone is PA's. 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:02.560 With a grain of salt and pretend that we're at 0:02:02.560 --> 0:02:04.880 the pub having a chat. Take it like that. 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:06.920 One time we did like we were trying to figure 0:02:06.960 --> 0:02:08.239 out how to do a pregnancy test. I was like, 0:02:08.280 --> 0:02:08.959 don't you just do it? 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:13.720 Well? We weren't sure if it was. 0:02:13.720 --> 0:02:15.480 Like different sorts of ways. 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:18.360 We thought it might be like a tea bag scenario 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:22.359 in the toilet bowl once you pee the to anyway, 0:02:22.480 --> 0:02:26.799 it all, Victoria, we would like to know, yes, Ash 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:29.239 and I were talking about what a younger Victoria would 0:02:29.280 --> 0:02:31.520 have been like, and we I think we both agreed 0:02:31.560 --> 0:02:33.880 that you would have been someone who I think would 0:02:33.919 --> 0:02:35.000 have been school captain. 0:02:35.480 --> 0:02:40.280 Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't get due, let's go back 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:43.120 and get it. I didn't. I didn't, but you won't 0:02:43.160 --> 0:02:45.600 be surprised to you that my boyfriend at the time did. 0:02:49.080 --> 0:02:51.680 It was a thing. I was so envious. 0:02:52.400 --> 0:02:52.880 You're dumping. 0:02:53.760 --> 0:02:55.920 Yeah, I mean at some point I did. At some 0:02:55.960 --> 0:02:59.760 point I did. But yeah, younger Victoria, she do you 0:02:59.760 --> 0:03:02.559 know what, She's exactly what you thought she was. Wow, 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:07.040 she's exactly like she was debating team captain. I did athletics, like, 0:03:07.240 --> 0:03:10.359 what's my athletics? Oh what, it's obviously like the Rock 0:03:10.400 --> 0:03:11.640 of Dedford for maths. 0:03:14.040 --> 0:03:14.840 I thought it would be like. 0:03:16.560 --> 0:03:17.960 And then someone's like, and. 0:03:17.919 --> 0:03:21.720 You just give it. I would die under that. 0:03:22.360 --> 0:03:23.320 I thought that's what it was like. 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:27.200 I know, she's she's exactly what you thought she would be. 0:03:27.440 --> 0:03:29.840 You're someone to me who just exudes confidence. 0:03:30.000 --> 0:03:32.440 That's very kind because it's not true. It's not true. 0:03:32.639 --> 0:03:33.920 It is it's an athletics. 0:03:34.120 --> 0:03:36.080 It's the athletics. It's the fake it till you make 0:03:36.120 --> 0:03:37.400 it vibe I'm an. 0:03:37.400 --> 0:03:39.320 Anxious I don't believe you at all. 0:03:39.400 --> 0:03:42.440 You say that, but like my anti anxiety medication. 0:03:44.560 --> 0:03:47.600 Mix it with a coffee, And did you trip up 0:03:47.640 --> 0:03:50.280 at all? Did you get any into any trouble? 0:03:50.400 --> 0:03:50.760 Surely? 0:03:50.800 --> 0:03:51.200 Do you know what? 0:03:51.240 --> 0:03:54.080 I was a goody two shoes honestly, Like I like 0:03:54.160 --> 0:03:55.920 my parents always like you were a goody two shoes. 0:03:55.920 --> 0:03:59.040 Your sister, on the other hand, like she made for it. 0:03:59.360 --> 0:04:01.360 I mean, I won't go on and on because I 0:04:01.360 --> 0:04:03.280 don't know how much she would like that. But we 0:04:03.360 --> 0:04:06.480 had to call the police. My dad, my own dad 0:04:06.480 --> 0:04:09.520 called the police to my own sister's sixteenth birthday. 0:04:09.760 --> 0:04:11.360 Wow, because why. 0:04:11.280 --> 0:04:14.800 They were teenagers jumping over the back fence project X 0:04:14.840 --> 0:04:19.839 sort of yeah, like just very very interesting. My my 0:04:19.880 --> 0:04:22.200 sister had said to my parents, Oh, it's my sixteenth birthday, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:23.960 can we just have like a barbecue at home? And Dad, 0:04:24.080 --> 0:04:27.480 you like do a barbecue? And my was like, awesome, great, 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:29.400 Like you're going to invite some friends and Alix. Yeah, 0:04:29.440 --> 0:04:30.960 Mom's like do you want to send out invites? ALEX 0:04:31.040 --> 0:04:33.800 just like nah, like send out in mites and. 0:04:33.720 --> 0:04:35.719 Then word of mouth people were then. 0:04:35.800 --> 0:04:39.640 Like the cops came and scored people out of the house. 0:04:39.839 --> 0:04:43.000 My parents had to replace the carvet in the front room. 0:04:42.720 --> 0:04:45.120 Like, holy shit, were you at home at the time. 0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:52.240 Yeah, it was great party, making me look so good, Alex. 0:04:53.800 --> 0:04:55.839 Did you know then from an early age what you 0:04:55.880 --> 0:04:57.040 wanted to be when you grew up? 0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:00.360 No, No, I thought when I feel like I put 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:03.560 a lot of pressure on myself because I am very academic, 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:06.000 Like I love a study and that's not something that 0:05:06.440 --> 0:05:08.920 lots of people can resonate with, Like I just love learning. 0:05:09.160 --> 0:05:12.840 I also have ADHD. I have been diagnosed since I 0:05:12.880 --> 0:05:17.320 was like eighteen. I think I got diagnosed in Medica then. Yeah, 0:05:17.360 --> 0:05:22.200 and I used to go but I used to be 0:05:22.240 --> 0:05:24.560 so embarrassed of it, like I would lie through my teeth, 0:05:24.560 --> 0:05:26.839 Like I used to take my medication, pop it out 0:05:27.000 --> 0:05:29.080 of all of the medication things and put it in 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.400 a panidole container in my handbag because I was so 0:05:31.480 --> 0:05:33.760 scared that someone would see that I was taking dex 0:05:33.839 --> 0:05:36.919 hampetter meane and be like, she's crazy, She's crazy. 0:05:37.640 --> 0:05:40.000 How does it feel now that all these diagnoses. 0:05:40.000 --> 0:05:44.240 You believed believed because you know, as somebody with ADHD, 0:05:44.360 --> 0:05:46.400 you like see it in other people and you're like 0:05:46.880 --> 0:05:51.680 you're a bit the same. Hey, like you kind of 0:05:51.720 --> 0:05:54.080 look at someone and go I see a lot of 0:05:54.120 --> 0:05:56.000 me and you I get it, and then they go 0:05:56.080 --> 0:05:58.680 I've got ADHD and I'm like, whoa, I'm so surprised. 0:05:59.160 --> 0:06:01.080 I started so then I was like, this is just 0:06:01.080 --> 0:06:01.960 gonna take too long. 0:06:03.680 --> 0:06:09.000 Unless you're really struggling, like the diagnosis process nowadays really arduous. 0:06:09.640 --> 0:06:12.600 So anyway, loved studying and I thought I wanted to 0:06:12.600 --> 0:06:15.839 be a doctor and then decided that's probably not for me. 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:17.880 Wanted to do psychology. How was it not for you 0:06:17.960 --> 0:06:20.480 to think the part where like blood. 0:06:20.240 --> 0:06:23.200 And that's why I'm not a doctor. 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:25.160 Either, that's like a mechanic. 0:06:28.760 --> 0:06:32.960 And then I went to psychology, did psychology, got into 0:06:33.839 --> 0:06:38.520 like a child psychology like internship, and this was in 0:06:38.560 --> 0:06:41.320 the last year of my degree before honest, and I 0:06:41.320 --> 0:06:43.440 thought this is gonna be great, like I have done it, 0:06:43.440 --> 0:06:44.960 and I was so proud of myself because that was 0:06:44.960 --> 0:06:48.440 like one of the hardest internships to secure. I love 0:06:48.480 --> 0:06:53.600 a flex Oh got the best one, thank you mum. Anyway, 0:06:53.839 --> 0:06:55.880 got that and I hated it. After two weeks, I 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.400 was like crying, I hate it. Like the idea that 0:06:59.480 --> 0:07:02.280 you can'tn't pick up kids and take them home and 0:07:02.320 --> 0:07:05.039 take them out of their situation. I was like, hold on, 0:07:05.520 --> 0:07:08.480 you're telling me that psychology is about helping people deal 0:07:08.520 --> 0:07:10.840 with their situations, not fixing it. Like I'm a fixer, 0:07:11.200 --> 0:07:13.520 Like I'm that person that you come to for advice, 0:07:13.560 --> 0:07:14.960 and I'll be like, all right, whether you want this 0:07:15.080 --> 0:07:15.640 or not, this is. 0:07:15.560 --> 0:07:16.840 What you need to do. 0:07:17.320 --> 0:07:19.200 And then I'm not offended if you don't do it. 0:07:19.240 --> 0:07:21.480 I get it, but I'm always going to go into 0:07:21.600 --> 0:07:25.600 solution mode. So didn't like that. Had a midlife crisis 0:07:25.920 --> 0:07:28.400 during university and I was like, where's my career going? 0:07:29.200 --> 0:07:32.680 And realized through some careers counseling at UNI that there 0:07:32.760 --> 0:07:36.000 was this thing called organizational psychology, which is the science 0:07:36.040 --> 0:07:38.560 of people at work. So you could do psychology but 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:42.240 for like CEOs and leaders and help them develop into 0:07:42.280 --> 0:07:45.080 better leaders and manage people properly. And I thought kind 0:07:45.080 --> 0:07:47.520 of like a life coach kind of, but like you 0:07:47.600 --> 0:07:55.320 actually have a degree, you don't just put it in 0:07:55.360 --> 0:07:58.480 your bio. I'm going to put it in my BioPen 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:03.760 it's working anyway. Did that for a while and started 0:08:03.800 --> 0:08:06.360 to learn about finance, got myself into a whole heap 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:09.600 of debt and needed to work that out, and realized 0:08:09.600 --> 0:08:13.000 that there was a lot of power in studies of 0:08:13.320 --> 0:08:15.600 Oh I wish I could be like, oh, yeah, of course, 0:08:15.640 --> 0:08:17.760 it was like student debt. No, I bought a car 0:08:18.160 --> 0:08:20.680 and then I went to France and then I went 0:08:21.000 --> 0:08:23.800 all around Europe and then I had a really good wardrobe, 0:08:24.120 --> 0:08:25.160 so many nice shoes. 0:08:25.640 --> 0:08:27.840 Yeah, a little experience too, though. 0:08:28.000 --> 0:08:32.000 Oh live love laugh. But a credit card, Oh no, 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:36.400 go hard, I got a person alone. Yeah. So my 0:08:36.480 --> 0:08:39.200 dad's an accountant, and I hid that from him. 0:08:39.760 --> 0:08:45.080 Obviously he would have seen the signs though. Yeah, there 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:47.679 was to get this car from a found. I come 0:08:47.760 --> 0:08:49.240 here in France and this car is still here, and 0:08:49.240 --> 0:08:51.600 you've got a brand new wardrobe full of shoes. I 0:08:51.600 --> 0:08:52.840 don't know. I don't know. 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:55.880 I came home from France with forty thousand dollars worth 0:08:55.920 --> 0:08:57.319 of personal debt and realize. 0:08:57.040 --> 0:08:59.559 You're like Will and you assist did have another birthday party. 0:09:00.320 --> 0:09:02.280 I was like, I probably should do something about it, 0:09:03.679 --> 0:09:05.640 but for a long time buried my head in the sand. 0:09:05.679 --> 0:09:08.040 I hated the idea of it. It was really embarrassed 0:09:08.040 --> 0:09:09.360 of it, Like you don't want to tell your mates, 0:09:10.360 --> 0:09:12.160 and at the time, I felt a lot of pressure 0:09:12.240 --> 0:09:15.280 because I had gone into a very corporate role, so 0:09:16.160 --> 0:09:19.360 done an organizational psyche it on as you went into 0:09:19.400 --> 0:09:22.320 this like consultant role. It wasn't a grad role. And 0:09:22.360 --> 0:09:24.160 I was like in with all these like big dog 0:09:24.200 --> 0:09:26.839 forty year olds who had powersuits and like were looking 0:09:26.840 --> 0:09:28.680 really good, and I'm like, they've got their lives together, 0:09:29.200 --> 0:09:30.840 Like I'm going to have my life together. And in 0:09:30.880 --> 0:09:34.599 my head it was age that gave you life experience. 0:09:34.640 --> 0:09:37.679 It was age that helped you get your finances sorted, 0:09:37.880 --> 0:09:40.880 not the suit. No, it turns out no. But I 0:09:40.960 --> 0:09:43.080 was just like, oh, like i can do whatever I 0:09:43.120 --> 0:09:44.719 want because one day I'm going to be forty in 0:09:44.800 --> 0:09:46.520 have a house and all of those things because it 0:09:46.600 --> 0:09:47.760 just happens, right. 0:09:48.200 --> 0:09:50.800 That's very true. You've just triggered something there for me 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:53.960 where it's like I remember thinking, like when I was younger, 0:09:53.960 --> 0:09:55.720 that you're like, yeah, i'll have it sort of when 0:09:55.720 --> 0:09:56.040 i'm older. 0:09:56.120 --> 0:09:57.480 Yeah, I'll sort it when i'm older. I'll do it 0:09:57.480 --> 0:09:59.360 when i'm older. And it turns out none of these 0:09:59.400 --> 0:10:02.800 people had shit together. And I was like learning more 0:10:02.920 --> 0:10:05.840 about you know, them and their personal lives and like, 0:10:05.880 --> 0:10:07.880 as a consultant, you travel a lot, so we're like 0:10:08.000 --> 0:10:10.000 in lots of hotels and going out for like dinners 0:10:10.000 --> 0:10:11.640 and stuff, and they'd be talking about their divorces that 0:10:11.760 --> 0:10:13.880 be talking about, you know, not being able to buy houses. 0:10:13.880 --> 0:10:16.640 And I remember being like, oh, I thought that when 0:10:16.640 --> 0:10:18.199 you got to forty five, it was like a rite 0:10:18.200 --> 0:10:20.840 a passage, you owned a property, you work for one 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:22.960 of the Big four. What are you talking about? Like 0:10:23.320 --> 0:10:25.800 it just the math wasn't mathing in my head, and 0:10:25.840 --> 0:10:28.360 I realized I probably should sort my own finances out 0:10:28.400 --> 0:10:31.760 instead of just paying the minimum repayment on my personal loan. 0:10:32.600 --> 0:10:35.520 So started to look into that and just found a 0:10:35.600 --> 0:10:40.000 passion because I realized the power that taking control of 0:10:40.040 --> 0:10:42.400 your finances could have. It was making me feel better, 0:10:42.640 --> 0:10:45.000 it made the people around me feel better. I was 0:10:45.080 --> 0:10:47.760 like going to brunch with my girlfriends being like, okay, 0:10:47.760 --> 0:10:50.559 so if you looked at your super because like, oh, 0:10:50.640 --> 0:10:52.360 I don't know if you know this, but if you 0:10:52.360 --> 0:10:53.959 don't take control of this now, it's going to cost 0:10:54.000 --> 0:10:56.160 you like seventy thousand dollars worth of fees over the 0:10:56.160 --> 0:10:58.319 long term. And like my friend's like, no, I didn't 0:10:58.320 --> 0:11:00.559 know exactly my account. 0:11:03.000 --> 0:11:04.720 She like, just drink the bloody Mary. 0:11:07.679 --> 0:11:10.959 So yeah, ended up loving finance and kind of one 0:11:11.000 --> 0:11:13.000 thing led to another and I realized maybe that's where 0:11:13.040 --> 0:11:15.559 I should be and sectioned on in. 0:11:16.480 --> 0:11:19.120 I do have to congratulate you for what you've built. 0:11:19.360 --> 0:11:20.640 I'm going to call it an empire. 0:11:20.920 --> 0:11:22.760 Thank you. It doesn't feel like an empire. It feels 0:11:22.760 --> 0:11:24.640 like a ship show. But you were just. 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:27.520 Talking about some of your staff and I'm like, it's 0:11:27.960 --> 0:11:28.880 it's very impressive. 0:11:31.840 --> 0:11:33.320 And do you know what the one stuff you've got 0:11:33.400 --> 0:11:34.959 I wanted it first. 0:11:36.400 --> 0:11:37.400 I can say what you think about it. 0:11:37.480 --> 0:11:40.600 I like you guys, so you could keep her perfect 0:11:41.120 --> 0:11:44.360 during this time when you are building your business. What 0:11:44.760 --> 0:11:47.160 was your thought process in regards to having kids. 0:11:48.000 --> 0:11:52.480 I when I was really young, I'm very maternal, Like, 0:11:52.559 --> 0:11:54.400 I love kids. If you've got babies, please show me 0:11:54.440 --> 0:11:57.200 your pictures. Like I was always maternal, but I just 0:11:57.200 --> 0:12:00.800 wanted to look to your right, pretty. 0:12:02.320 --> 0:12:03.319 He's oldest child. 0:12:05.040 --> 0:12:07.400 No, I just I wanted kids. I just didn't know 0:12:07.440 --> 0:12:09.000 how that was going to happen. And that was one 0:12:09.040 --> 0:12:11.559 of the things that was starting to stress me out. 0:12:11.679 --> 0:12:13.680 So at the same time as being in personal debt, 0:12:13.679 --> 0:12:16.120 I just come out of a really long term relationship 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:18.160 because I was in a relationship from when I was 0:12:18.200 --> 0:12:19.560 fourteen to twenty two with the. 0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:20.400 Guy who got ducks. 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:25.520 We don't like, yeah, I mean so lovely, which is 0:12:25.559 --> 0:12:28.600 so annoying. Isn't that annoying when you're like, yeah, is 0:12:28.640 --> 0:12:29.080 your exit? 0:12:29.880 --> 0:12:33.000 No, he also got ducks. 0:12:33.640 --> 0:12:37.840 He's really smart. So got out of that and was 0:12:37.880 --> 0:12:39.960 just like finding my feet and was like, you know 0:12:39.960 --> 0:12:41.839 when you're twenty two and you're just like, it's never 0:12:41.880 --> 0:12:43.680 going to happen for me, Like you're single and you 0:12:43.679 --> 0:12:45.120 think you're never going to meet the love of your 0:12:45.160 --> 0:12:49.280 life because you've left it too late, like dumb, But 0:12:49.320 --> 0:12:50.959 do you know what I mean, it's so dumb. You're 0:12:51.000 --> 0:12:54.840 just like, what is going on? Anyway? I think I was, Yeah, okay, 0:12:54.920 --> 0:12:57.040 boys have a lot of a different mentality. 0:12:57.760 --> 0:12:58.679 Was on a TV show. 0:12:58.960 --> 0:13:02.280 Yeah, but I remember being twenty eight and kind of 0:13:02.320 --> 0:13:06.760 thinking like the thought of, hey, maybe it won't happen. 0:13:07.280 --> 0:13:08.640 Does pop in every now and then? 0:13:08.760 --> 0:13:11.400 And oh is this going to work out? They're really expensive, 0:13:11.559 --> 0:13:13.960 that's a lot of commitment. Like I love kids, but 0:13:14.080 --> 0:13:17.400 like all these people are looking about getting up at 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.760 five am, and I'm not a morning person is it like, 0:13:19.800 --> 0:13:22.520 and they're dumb things that now I look back and 0:13:22.559 --> 0:13:24.240 I'm like, that's so dumb that I was. 0:13:24.960 --> 0:13:28.760 It's definitely like the like your young mind thinking, like. 0:13:29.400 --> 0:13:35.720 You just extrapolate out catastrophe anyway, So I really wanted kids, 0:13:35.760 --> 0:13:39.320 but I knew I was really purposeful. This is going 0:13:39.400 --> 0:13:41.120 to sound so lame, and I'm so happy to share it. 0:13:41.160 --> 0:13:43.560 But like when I was dating, I would often like 0:13:43.640 --> 0:13:45.520 go home to my housemate, who was my best friend 0:13:45.600 --> 0:13:47.199 still is my best friend. We've had kids at the 0:13:47.200 --> 0:13:51.400 same time. It's the best and be like, oh no, 0:13:51.640 --> 0:13:53.760 you would your shit dad. 0:13:53.720 --> 0:13:57.480 Like wow, n or some of those red flags that 0:13:57.520 --> 0:13:58.640 will make you think they'd be a. 0:13:58.559 --> 0:14:02.960 Bad really irresponsive, like really self centered, like oh just 0:14:03.040 --> 0:14:04.760 you know those things where you're just like I know 0:14:04.960 --> 0:14:09.679 that you like really underlying misogyny, like just thinking that 0:14:09.720 --> 0:14:12.760 there are gender roles, but you're dating on Tinder, so 0:14:12.800 --> 0:14:15.240 you're gonna get like I ended up meeting my husband 0:14:15.240 --> 0:14:17.800 on Tinder, so it's not all bad, but yeah, I 0:14:17.880 --> 0:14:20.040 just remember being like, red. 0:14:19.880 --> 0:14:22.240 Flag, do you remember the green flags? 0:14:23.400 --> 0:14:26.440 When my husband whipped out photos of his friend's kids 0:14:26.480 --> 0:14:28.360 and oh yeah, on the weekend, I was like look 0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:36.160 how cute she and I was like okay. And then 0:14:36.400 --> 0:14:40.000 as time went on, he got nieces and nephews, and 0:14:40.040 --> 0:14:42.240 seeing him with his nieces and nephews, I. 0:14:42.160 --> 0:14:45.960 Was like, can we talk about your husband you met 0:14:45.960 --> 0:14:49.360 on Tinder? We did classic modern love story. Just give 0:14:49.440 --> 0:14:51.280 us a little insight to how that went down. 0:14:52.320 --> 0:14:55.240 So I've got dating rules so on Tinder. I thought 0:14:55.240 --> 0:14:58.000 you guys would like this on Tinder, and I will 0:14:58.040 --> 0:15:01.360 tell anybody who will listen. Everybody complains, They're like, oh, 0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:03.960 I never meet the right person online dating because it's 0:15:04.000 --> 0:15:05.840 so hard, And I'm like, it's because you're not like 0:15:06.360 --> 0:15:08.560 putting some boundaries in place. I would only go on 0:15:08.640 --> 0:15:11.840 dates on Monday or Tuesday nights because I'd say we 0:15:11.840 --> 0:15:13.880 can grab a drink after work, because it gives me 0:15:14.120 --> 0:15:16.280 the ability to like have a drink with them. We 0:15:16.320 --> 0:15:18.640 all know that I don't mind turning up to work hungover, 0:15:19.120 --> 0:15:22.120 so like, if it goes well, I can have a 0:15:22.200 --> 0:15:24.120 few glasses and some dinner with you and have a 0:15:24.200 --> 0:15:26.680 nice evening on a Monday. But if it doesn't, I 0:15:26.680 --> 0:15:28.560 can be like, I've got work really early, so I 0:15:28.600 --> 0:15:31.600 have to go home and cut it early. Also, the 0:15:31.720 --> 0:15:34.120 type of person that's willing to go on a Monday date. 0:15:34.480 --> 0:15:36.600 They know it's not like a Friday night where they 0:15:36.600 --> 0:15:38.960 can call you up and be like you up, Like, 0:15:39.000 --> 0:15:40.800 it's not like if you're willing to go on a 0:15:40.800 --> 0:15:43.560 Monday date with me, Like you knew it was a 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:46.080 glass of wine after work, Like the expectations have been 0:15:46.120 --> 0:15:48.840 set without me having to articulate them. And so we 0:15:48.880 --> 0:15:51.000 did that. My husband and I ended up having a 0:15:51.000 --> 0:15:53.960 whole bottle of wine that night and basically seeing each 0:15:53.960 --> 0:15:55.840 other every single night for the rest of our lives. 0:15:56.040 --> 0:15:58.120 Wow, so Wednesday night's off the cards. 0:15:58.360 --> 0:15:59.480 Oh do you know what Wednesdays is? 0:15:59.560 --> 0:16:00.000 Goodnight? 0:16:00.200 --> 0:16:04.160 Well, in my head, especially because when I first started 0:16:04.360 --> 0:16:06.880 online dating, I'd come out of this long term relationship, 0:16:07.040 --> 0:16:11.920 and I found that social balance of like dating plus 0:16:11.920 --> 0:16:14.440 maintaining my friendship groups, and like, if I was going 0:16:14.480 --> 0:16:16.440 on a date on a Friday night, I'd be like, oh, 0:16:16.440 --> 0:16:18.680 I'm not going out with the girls. They're getting espressos 0:16:18.720 --> 0:16:21.120 after work, And like I found that by saying, do 0:16:21.120 --> 0:16:22.920 you know what, I'm only going to on first date? 0:16:23.000 --> 0:16:25.800 So not all dates, but first dates on Mondays or Tuesdays. 0:16:26.160 --> 0:16:27.920 That means that the weekends are for the girls, I 0:16:27.960 --> 0:16:30.640 still have my life balance that I want. My friends 0:16:30.640 --> 0:16:32.840 aren't being left behind, and it turns out that I 0:16:32.880 --> 0:16:34.640 did meet the love of my life, So like, that's 0:16:34.760 --> 0:16:36.360 pretty slight, it's pretty good. 0:16:36.760 --> 0:16:39.320 With there any other rules that we should be aware of? 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:44.480 No, just like the Monday night setting some expectations, Like 0:16:44.640 --> 0:16:46.560 I'm a bit of a rules girl, as you guys know. 0:16:46.960 --> 0:16:48.920 We will get into some more rules a little bit later. 0:16:50.040 --> 0:16:53.680 Was was there any kind of checklist that you wanted 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:55.640 to follow? Because I feel like you are and I 0:16:55.680 --> 0:16:56.040 love it. 0:16:56.240 --> 0:16:58.160 No, I didn't. Not with dating, oh my. 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:01.320 Without with having kids though, because people are often. 0:17:01.240 --> 0:17:02.800 Things I wanted to do before. 0:17:02.880 --> 0:17:05.240 I'm also like the question of how do I know 0:17:05.320 --> 0:17:06.160 when I'm ready? 0:17:06.400 --> 0:17:09.480 So my husband was ready the year that we met, 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.360 Like he would have had kids, I think, and been 0:17:12.480 --> 0:17:15.080 very happy to have kids. I mean, we probably would 0:17:15.080 --> 0:17:17.720 have wanted to work out a few like semantic things. 0:17:18.119 --> 0:17:19.880 But I was the one who was like, I really 0:17:19.920 --> 0:17:22.879 want to get my businesses into a place where I 0:17:22.960 --> 0:17:26.360 could walk away comfortably. Like if we had gone back 0:17:26.400 --> 0:17:28.359 three or four years and I had a baby, my 0:17:28.440 --> 0:17:30.880 businesses would have suffered way too much, Like they would 0:17:30.880 --> 0:17:34.000 have absolutely gone to the curb, and I knew that 0:17:34.040 --> 0:17:36.040 when Steve and I were getting married, we kind of 0:17:36.080 --> 0:17:38.040 had you always plan it, right, You're like, I'm going 0:17:38.119 --> 0:17:39.800 to get married, We're going to do this, We're going 0:17:39.840 --> 0:17:41.600 to do that, because like I knew that we were 0:17:41.600 --> 0:17:43.600 going to get engaged, like and I know that that's 0:17:43.640 --> 0:17:45.720 not that romantic. It was a surprise. I didn't know 0:17:45.760 --> 0:17:48.920 when where, but like we'd spoken about marriage, so obviously 0:17:48.960 --> 0:17:51.000 that was a stead it's going to happen, and like, 0:17:51.240 --> 0:17:53.399 I'm not letting my husband spend that much on a 0:17:53.440 --> 0:18:01.399 ring without I was doing some budgeting, like it's so 0:18:02.200 --> 0:18:03.639 there was a lot that I wanted to do. And 0:18:03.680 --> 0:18:08.600 in fact, I sold my financial advice business because I 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:12.240 knew that I couldn't have so many plates spinning by 0:18:12.280 --> 0:18:14.240 the time that I wanted to have kids. So I 0:18:14.280 --> 0:18:17.240 decided to focus on my mortgage breaking business and my 0:18:17.359 --> 0:18:21.520 podcast and then give away that financial advice business. So 0:18:21.680 --> 0:18:24.440 in September twenty twenty two, I sold that. In November 0:18:24.480 --> 0:18:26.760 twenty twenty two, I got married, and the plan was 0:18:26.760 --> 0:18:27.959 to have babies after that. 0:18:28.240 --> 0:18:31.240 So did you want to have like certain financial goals 0:18:31.280 --> 0:18:33.439 before you started to try to have kids. 0:18:33.640 --> 0:18:36.679 I definitely wanted to make sure that we had a 0:18:36.840 --> 0:18:39.800 solid ground. In my head, I wanted to own property. 0:18:40.640 --> 0:18:43.399 It was just something that was financially achievable for my 0:18:43.480 --> 0:18:45.760