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Speaker 1: Ashton, the Lovely, the Gorgeous Victoria Devine. She is best

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Speaker 1: known as the host of the wildly successful podcast She's

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Speaker 1: on the Money, which we actually filled in on a

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Speaker 1: number of months ago.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that was the episode I got flack for not

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Speaker 2: throwing my kids' birthday parties.

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Speaker 1: Yes correct.

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Speaker 2: She's also the founder of Zella Money, a mortgage broking business,

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Speaker 2: and the author of several books Matthew, that's right, I

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Speaker 2: said several, which includes her most recent cover Business Bible.

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Speaker 1: But most importantly, she is the mom of eight month

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Speaker 1: old Harvey.

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Speaker 2: Yes, Victoria shares her experience of what led up to

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Speaker 2: her pregnancy with a little boy that includes two miscarriages

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Speaker 2: along the way.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. She gives us a glimpse into what it must

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Speaker 1: feel like for the wonderful woman who have to go

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Speaker 1: through child loss.

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Speaker 2: She also shares a list of requirements given to her

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Speaker 2: visitors wanting to meet her newborn in hospital.

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Speaker 1: I'm assuming which should ruffle one or two feathers out there,

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Speaker 1: ash As a finance expert, Victoria also shares her thoughts

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Speaker 1: on two big parenting money questions. Shall we get into

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Speaker 1: a big boy apps?

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Speaker 2: Absolutely?

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Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads and one doting mum.

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Speaker 1: I am Maddie, J I'm.

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Speaker 3: Ash and I am Victoria.

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Speaker 1: And this is a podcast all about parenting. It is

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Speaker 1: the good, it is.

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Speaker 2: The bad and the relatable.

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Speaker 1: And we always say no advice. However, Victoria, if there's

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Speaker 1: anyone who is ever going to give any type of

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Speaker 1: advice on this podcast, I believe it would be you.

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Speaker 3: Thank but like more financial advice.

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Speaker 2: Everything we're hoping for first and.

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Speaker 3: Foremost advice is stickle. You guys are brave.

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Speaker 1: Mainly because sometimes every now and then we'll talk about

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Speaker 1: something that's medical and we always just say, look, we're

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Speaker 1: not the experts. We'll get the diagnosis, the name, everything

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Speaker 1: completely wrong. So just if anyone is PA's.

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Speaker 3: With a grain of salt and pretend that we're at

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Speaker 3: the pub having a chat. Take it like that.

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Speaker 2: One time we did like we were trying to figure

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Speaker 2: out how to do a pregnancy test. I was like,

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Speaker 2: don't you just do it?

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Speaker 1: Well? We weren't sure if it was.

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Speaker 2: Like different sorts of ways.

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Speaker 1: We thought it might be like a tea bag scenario

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Speaker 1: in the toilet bowl once you pee the to anyway,

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Speaker 1: it all, Victoria, we would like to know, yes, Ash

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Speaker 1: and I were talking about what a younger Victoria would

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Speaker 1: have been like, and we I think we both agreed

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Speaker 1: that you would have been someone who I think would

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Speaker 1: have been school captain.

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Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, I didn't get due, let's go back

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Speaker 3: and get it. I didn't. I didn't, but you won't

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Speaker 3: be surprised to you that my boyfriend at the time did.

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Speaker 3: It was a thing. I was so envious.

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Speaker 2: You're dumping.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean at some point I did. At some

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Speaker 3: point I did. But yeah, younger Victoria, she do you

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Speaker 3: know what, She's exactly what you thought she was. Wow,

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Speaker 3: she's exactly like she was debating team captain. I did athletics, like,

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Speaker 3: what's my athletics? Oh what, it's obviously like the Rock

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Speaker 3: of Dedford for maths.

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Speaker 1: I thought it would be like.

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Speaker 2: And then someone's like, and.

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Speaker 3: You just give it. I would die under that.

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Speaker 2: I thought that's what it was like.

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Speaker 3: I know, she's she's exactly what you thought she would be.

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Speaker 1: You're someone to me who just exudes confidence.

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Speaker 3: That's very kind because it's not true. It's not true.

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Speaker 1: It is it's an athletics.

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Speaker 3: It's the athletics. It's the fake it till you make

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Speaker 3: it vibe I'm an.

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Speaker 1: Anxious I don't believe you at all.

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Speaker 3: You say that, but like my anti anxiety medication.

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Speaker 2: Mix it with a coffee, And did you trip up

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Speaker 2: at all? Did you get any into any trouble?

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Speaker 1: Surely?

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Speaker 2: Do you know what?

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Speaker 3: I was a goody two shoes honestly, Like I like

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Speaker 3: my parents always like you were a goody two shoes.

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Speaker 3: Your sister, on the other hand, like she made for it.

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Speaker 3: I mean, I won't go on and on because I

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Speaker 3: don't know how much she would like that. But we

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Speaker 3: had to call the police. My dad, my own dad

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Speaker 3: called the police to my own sister's sixteenth birthday.

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Speaker 1: Wow, because why.

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Speaker 3: They were teenagers jumping over the back fence project X

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Speaker 3: sort of yeah, like just very very interesting. My my

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Speaker 3: sister had said to my parents, Oh, it's my sixteenth birthday,

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Speaker 3: can we just have like a barbecue at home? And Dad,

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Speaker 3: you like do a barbecue? And my was like, awesome, great,

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Speaker 3: Like you're going to invite some friends and Alix. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: Mom's like do you want to send out invites? ALEX

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Speaker 3: just like nah, like send out in mites and.

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Speaker 2: Then word of mouth people were then.

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Speaker 3: Like the cops came and scored people out of the house.

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Speaker 3: My parents had to replace the carvet in the front room.

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Speaker 1: Like, holy shit, were you at home at the time.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, it was great party, making me look so good, Alex.

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Speaker 1: Did you know then from an early age what you

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Speaker 1: wanted to be when you grew up?

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Speaker 3: No, No, I thought when I feel like I put

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Speaker 3: a lot of pressure on myself because I am very academic,

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Speaker 3: Like I love a study and that's not something that

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Speaker 3: lots of people can resonate with, Like I just love learning.

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Speaker 3: I also have ADHD. I have been diagnosed since I

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Speaker 3: was like eighteen. I think I got diagnosed in Medica then. Yeah,

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Speaker 3: and I used to go but I used to be

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Speaker 3: so embarrassed of it, like I would lie through my teeth,

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Speaker 3: Like I used to take my medication, pop it out

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Speaker 3: of all of the medication things and put it in

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Speaker 3: a panidole container in my handbag because I was so

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Speaker 3: scared that someone would see that I was taking dex

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Speaker 3: hampetter meane and be like, she's crazy, She's crazy.

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Speaker 1: How does it feel now that all these diagnoses.

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Speaker 3: You believed believed because you know, as somebody with ADHD,

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Speaker 3: you like see it in other people and you're like

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Speaker 3: you're a bit the same. Hey, like you kind of

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Speaker 3: look at someone and go I see a lot of

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Speaker 3: me and you I get it, and then they go

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Speaker 3: I've got ADHD and I'm like, whoa, I'm so surprised.

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Speaker 2: I started so then I was like, this is just

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Speaker 2: gonna take too long.

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Speaker 3: Unless you're really struggling, like the diagnosis process nowadays really arduous.

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Speaker 3: So anyway, loved studying and I thought I wanted to

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Speaker 3: be a doctor and then decided that's probably not for me.

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Speaker 3: Wanted to do psychology. How was it not for you

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Speaker 3: to think the part where like blood.

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Speaker 2: And that's why I'm not a doctor.

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Speaker 1: Either, that's like a mechanic.

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Speaker 3: And then I went to psychology, did psychology, got into

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Speaker 3: like a child psychology like internship, and this was in

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Speaker 3: the last year of my degree before honest, and I

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Speaker 3: thought this is gonna be great, like I have done it,

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Speaker 3: and I was so proud of myself because that was

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Speaker 3: like one of the hardest internships to secure. I love

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Speaker 3: a flex Oh got the best one, thank you mum. Anyway,

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Speaker 3: got that and I hated it. After two weeks, I

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Speaker 3: was like crying, I hate it. Like the idea that

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Speaker 3: you can'tn't pick up kids and take them home and

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Speaker 3: take them out of their situation. I was like, hold on,

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Speaker 3: you're telling me that psychology is about helping people deal

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Speaker 3: with their situations, not fixing it. Like I'm a fixer,

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Speaker 3: Like I'm that person that you come to for advice,

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Speaker 3: and I'll be like, all right, whether you want this

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Speaker 3: or not, this is.

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Speaker 2: What you need to do.

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Speaker 3: And then I'm not offended if you don't do it.

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Speaker 3: I get it, but I'm always going to go into

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Speaker 3: solution mode. So didn't like that. Had a midlife crisis

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Speaker 3: during university and I was like, where's my career going?

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Speaker 3: And realized through some careers counseling at UNI that there

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Speaker 3: was this thing called organizational psychology, which is the science

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Speaker 3: of people at work. So you could do psychology but

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Speaker 3: for like CEOs and leaders and help them develop into

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Speaker 3: better leaders and manage people properly. And I thought kind

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Speaker 3: of like a life coach kind of, but like you

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Speaker 3: actually have a degree, you don't just put it in

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Speaker 3: your bio. I'm going to put it in my BioPen

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Speaker 3: it's working anyway. Did that for a while and started

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Speaker 3: to learn about finance, got myself into a whole heap

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Speaker 3: of debt and needed to work that out, and realized

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Speaker 3: that there was a lot of power in studies of

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Speaker 3: Oh I wish I could be like, oh, yeah, of course,

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Speaker 3: it was like student debt. No, I bought a car

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Speaker 3: and then I went to France and then I went

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Speaker 3: all around Europe and then I had a really good wardrobe,

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Speaker 3: so many nice shoes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, a little experience too, though.

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Speaker 3: Oh live love laugh. But a credit card, Oh no,

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Speaker 3: go hard, I got a person alone. Yeah. So my

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Speaker 3: dad's an accountant, and I hid that from him.

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Speaker 2: Obviously he would have seen the signs though. Yeah, there

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Speaker 2: was to get this car from a found. I come

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Speaker 2: here in France and this car is still here, and

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Speaker 2: you've got a brand new wardrobe full of shoes. I

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Speaker 2: don't know. I don't know.

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Speaker 3: I came home from France with forty thousand dollars worth

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Speaker 3: of personal debt and realize.

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Speaker 1: You're like Will and you assist did have another birthday party.

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Speaker 3: I was like, I probably should do something about it,

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Speaker 3: but for a long time buried my head in the sand.

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Speaker 3: I hated the idea of it. It was really embarrassed

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Speaker 3: of it, Like you don't want to tell your mates,

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Speaker 3: and at the time, I felt a lot of pressure

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Speaker 3: because I had gone into a very corporate role, so

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Speaker 3: done an organizational psyche it on as you went into

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Speaker 3: this like consultant role. It wasn't a grad role. And

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Speaker 3: I was like in with all these like big dog

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Speaker 3: forty year olds who had powersuits and like were looking

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Speaker 3: really good, and I'm like, they've got their lives together,

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Speaker 3: Like I'm going to have my life together. And in

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Speaker 3: my head it was age that gave you life experience.

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Speaker 3: It was age that helped you get your finances sorted,

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Speaker 3: not the suit. No, it turns out no. But I

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Speaker 3: was just like, oh, like i can do whatever I

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Speaker 3: want because one day I'm going to be forty in

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Speaker 3: have a house and all of those things because it

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Speaker 3: just happens, right.

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Speaker 2: That's very true. You've just triggered something there for me

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Speaker 2: where it's like I remember thinking, like when I was younger,

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Speaker 2: that you're like, yeah, i'll have it sort of when

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Speaker 2: i'm older.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I'll sort it when i'm older. I'll do it

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Speaker 3: when i'm older. And it turns out none of these

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Speaker 3: people had shit together. And I was like learning more

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Speaker 3: about you know, them and their personal lives and like,

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Speaker 3: as a consultant, you travel a lot, so we're like

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Speaker 3: in lots of hotels and going out for like dinners

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Speaker 3: and stuff, and they'd be talking about their divorces that

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Speaker 3: be talking about, you know, not being able to buy houses.

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Speaker 3: And I remember being like, oh, I thought that when

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Speaker 3: you got to forty five, it was like a rite

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Speaker 3: a passage, you owned a property, you work for one

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Speaker 3: of the Big four. What are you talking about? Like

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Speaker 3: it just the math wasn't mathing in my head, and

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Speaker 3: I realized I probably should sort my own finances out

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Speaker 3: instead of just paying the minimum repayment on my personal loan.

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Speaker 3: So started to look into that and just found a

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Speaker 3: passion because I realized the power that taking control of

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Speaker 3: your finances could have. It was making me feel better,

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Speaker 3: it made the people around me feel better. I was

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Speaker 3: like going to brunch with my girlfriends being like, okay,

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Speaker 3: so if you looked at your super because like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I don't know if you know this, but if you

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Speaker 3: don't take control of this now, it's going to cost

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Speaker 3: you like seventy thousand dollars worth of fees over the

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Speaker 3: long term. And like my friend's like, no, I didn't

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Speaker 3: know exactly my account.

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Speaker 1: She like, just drink the bloody Mary.

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Speaker 3: So yeah, ended up loving finance and kind of one

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Speaker 3: thing led to another and I realized maybe that's where

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Speaker 3: I should be and sectioned on in.

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Speaker 1: I do have to congratulate you for what you've built.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to call it an empire.

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Speaker 3: Thank you. It doesn't feel like an empire. It feels

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Speaker 3: like a ship show. But you were just.

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Speaker 1: Talking about some of your staff and I'm like, it's

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Speaker 1: it's very impressive.

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Speaker 3: And do you know what the one stuff you've got

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Speaker 3: I wanted it first.

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Speaker 2: I can say what you think about it.

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Speaker 1: I like you guys, so you could keep her perfect

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Speaker 1: during this time when you are building your business. What

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Speaker 1: was your thought process in regards to having kids.

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Speaker 3: I when I was really young, I'm very maternal, Like,

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Speaker 3: I love kids. If you've got babies, please show me

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Speaker 3: your pictures. Like I was always maternal, but I just

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Speaker 3: wanted to look to your right, pretty.

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Speaker 2: He's oldest child.

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Speaker 3: No, I just I wanted kids. I just didn't know

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Speaker 3: how that was going to happen. And that was one

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Speaker 3: of the things that was starting to stress me out.

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Speaker 3: So at the same time as being in personal debt,

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Speaker 3: I just come out of a really long term relationship

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Speaker 3: because I was in a relationship from when I was

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Speaker 3: fourteen to twenty two with the.

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Speaker 2: Guy who got ducks.

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Speaker 3: We don't like, yeah, I mean so lovely, which is

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Speaker 3: so annoying. Isn't that annoying when you're like, yeah, is

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Speaker 3: your exit?

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Speaker 2: No, he also got ducks.

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Speaker 3: He's really smart. So got out of that and was

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Speaker 3: just like finding my feet and was like, you know

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Speaker 3: when you're twenty two and you're just like, it's never

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Speaker 3: going to happen for me, Like you're single and you

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Speaker 3: think you're never going to meet the love of your

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Speaker 3: life because you've left it too late, like dumb, But

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Speaker 3: do you know what I mean, it's so dumb. You're

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Speaker 3: just like, what is going on? Anyway? I think I was, Yeah, okay,

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Speaker 3: boys have a lot of a different mentality.

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Speaker 2: Was on a TV show.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but I remember being twenty eight and kind of

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Speaker 1: thinking like the thought of, hey, maybe it won't happen.

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Speaker 1: Does pop in every now and then?

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Speaker 3: And oh is this going to work out? They're really expensive,

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Speaker 3: that's a lot of commitment. Like I love kids, but

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Speaker 3: like all these people are looking about getting up at

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Speaker 3: five am, and I'm not a morning person is it like,

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Speaker 3: and they're dumb things that now I look back and

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Speaker 3: I'm like, that's so dumb that I was.

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Speaker 2: It's definitely like the like your young mind thinking, like.

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Speaker 3: You just extrapolate out catastrophe anyway, So I really wanted kids,

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Speaker 3: but I knew I was really purposeful. This is going

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Speaker 3: to sound so lame, and I'm so happy to share it.

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Speaker 3: But like when I was dating, I would often like

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Speaker 3: go home to my housemate, who was my best friend

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Speaker 3: still is my best friend. We've had kids at the

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Speaker 3: same time. It's the best and be like, oh no,

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Speaker 3: you would your shit dad.

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Speaker 1: Like wow, n or some of those red flags that

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Speaker 1: will make you think they'd be a.

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Speaker 3: Bad really irresponsive, like really self centered, like oh just

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Speaker 3: you know those things where you're just like I know

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Speaker 3: that you like really underlying misogyny, like just thinking that

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Speaker 3: there are gender roles, but you're dating on Tinder, so

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Speaker 3: you're gonna get like I ended up meeting my husband

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Speaker 3: on Tinder, so it's not all bad, but yeah, I

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Speaker 3: just remember being like, red.

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Speaker 1: Flag, do you remember the green flags?

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Speaker 3: When my husband whipped out photos of his friend's kids

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Speaker 3: and oh yeah, on the weekend, I was like look

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Speaker 3: how cute she and I was like okay. And then

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Speaker 3: as time went on, he got nieces and nephews, and

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Speaker 3: seeing him with his nieces and nephews, I.

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Speaker 2: Was like, can we talk about your husband you met

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Speaker 2: on Tinder? We did classic modern love story. Just give

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Speaker 2: us a little insight to how that went down.

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Speaker 3: So I've got dating rules so on Tinder. I thought

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Speaker 3: you guys would like this on Tinder, and I will

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Speaker 3: tell anybody who will listen. Everybody complains, They're like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I never meet the right person online dating because it's

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Speaker 3: so hard, And I'm like, it's because you're not like

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Speaker 3: putting some boundaries in place. I would only go on

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Speaker 3: dates on Monday or Tuesday nights because I'd say we

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Speaker 3: can grab a drink after work, because it gives me

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Speaker 3: the ability to like have a drink with them. We

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Speaker 3: all know that I don't mind turning up to work hungover,

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Speaker 3: so like, if it goes well, I can have a

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Speaker 3: few glasses and some dinner with you and have a

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Speaker 3: nice evening on a Monday. But if it doesn't, I

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Speaker 3: can be like, I've got work really early, so I

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Speaker 3: have to go home and cut it early. Also, the

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Speaker 3: type of person that's willing to go on a Monday date.

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Speaker 3: They know it's not like a Friday night where they

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Speaker 3: can call you up and be like you up, Like,

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Speaker 3: it's not like if you're willing to go on a

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Speaker 3: Monday date with me, Like you knew it was a

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Speaker 3: glass of wine after work, Like the expectations have been

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Speaker 3: set without me having to articulate them. And so we

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Speaker 3: did that. My husband and I ended up having a

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Speaker 3: whole bottle of wine that night and basically seeing each

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Speaker 3: other every single night for the rest of our lives.

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Speaker 1: Wow, so Wednesday night's off the cards.

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Speaker 3: Oh do you know what Wednesdays is?

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Speaker 2: Goodnight?

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Speaker 3: Well, in my head, especially because when I first started

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Speaker 3: online dating, I'd come out of this long term relationship,

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Speaker 3: and I found that social balance of like dating plus

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Speaker 3: maintaining my friendship groups, and like, if I was going

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Speaker 3: on a date on a Friday night, I'd be like, oh,

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Speaker 3: I'm not going out with the girls. They're getting espressos

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Speaker 3: after work, And like I found that by saying, do

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Speaker 3: you know what, I'm only going to on first date?

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Speaker 3: So not all dates, but first dates on Mondays or Tuesdays.

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Speaker 3: That means that the weekends are for the girls, I

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Speaker 3: still have my life balance that I want. My friends

352
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,840
Speaker 3: aren't being left behind, and it turns out that I

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Speaker 3: did meet the love of my life, So like, that's

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Speaker 3: pretty slight, it's pretty good.

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Speaker 1: With there any other rules that we should be aware of?

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Speaker 3: No, just like the Monday night setting some expectations, Like

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Speaker 3: I'm a bit of a rules girl, as you guys know.

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Speaker 1: We will get into some more rules a little bit later.

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Speaker 1: Was was there any kind of checklist that you wanted

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Speaker 1: to follow? Because I feel like you are and I

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Speaker 1: love it.

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Speaker 3: No, I didn't. Not with dating, oh my.

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Speaker 1: Without with having kids though, because people are often.

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Speaker 3: Things I wanted to do before.

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Speaker 1: I'm also like the question of how do I know

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Speaker 1: when I'm ready?

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Speaker 3: So my husband was ready the year that we met,

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Speaker 3: Like he would have had kids, I think, and been

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Speaker 3: very happy to have kids. I mean, we probably would

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Speaker 3: have wanted to work out a few like semantic things.

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Speaker 3: But I was the one who was like, I really

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Speaker 3: want to get my businesses into a place where I

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Speaker 3: could walk away comfortably. Like if we had gone back

374
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,359
Speaker 3: three or four years and I had a baby, my

375
00:17:28,440 --> 00:17:30,880
Speaker 3: businesses would have suffered way too much, Like they would

376
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Speaker 3: have absolutely gone to the curb, and I knew that

377
00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,040
Speaker 3: when Steve and I were getting married, we kind of

378
00:17:36,080 --> 00:17:38,040
Speaker 3: had you always plan it, right, You're like, I'm going

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Speaker 3: to get married, We're going to do this, We're going

380
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Speaker 3: to do that, because like I knew that we were

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Speaker 3: going to get engaged, like and I know that that's

382
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,720
Speaker 3: not that romantic. It was a surprise. I didn't know

383
00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,920
Speaker 3: when where, but like we'd spoken about marriage, so obviously

384
00:17:48,960 --> 00:17:51,000
Speaker 3: that was a stead it's going to happen, and like,

385
00:17:51,240 --> 00:17:53,399
Speaker 3: I'm not letting my husband spend that much on a

386
00:17:53,440 --> 00:18:01,399
Speaker 3: ring without I was doing some budgeting, like it's so

387
00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:03,639
Speaker 3: there was a lot that I wanted to do. And

388
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Speaker 3: in fact, I sold my financial advice business because I

389
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:12,240
Speaker 3: knew that I couldn't have so many plates spinning by

390
00:18:12,280 --> 00:18:14,240
Speaker 3: the time that I wanted to have kids. So I

391
00:18:14,280 --> 00:18:17,240
Speaker 3: decided to focus on my mortgage breaking business and my

392
00:18:17,359 --> 00:18:21,520
Speaker 3: podcast and then give away that financial advice business. So

393
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,440
Speaker 3: in September twenty twenty two, I sold that. In November

394
00:18:24,480 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 3: twenty twenty two, I got married, and the plan was

395
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Speaker 3: to have babies after that.

396
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Speaker 2: So did you want to have like certain financial goals

397
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Speaker 2: before you started to try to have kids.

398
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Speaker 3: I definitely wanted to make sure that we had a

399
00:18:36,840 --> 00:18:39,800
Speaker 3: solid ground. In my head, I wanted to own property.

400
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:43,399
Speaker 3: It was just something that was financially achievable for my

401
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,760
Speaker 3: husband and I. But I think for me that was

402
00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:49,040
Speaker 3: just because I wanted financial security. I also own a

403
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:52,200
Speaker 3: mortgage breaking business, and I know that, don't you.

404
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:57,679
Speaker 2: Own my own soul. I was kindergarten, primary school and.

405
00:18:57,720 --> 00:19:01,360
Speaker 3: Then my mortgage breaking business. Through that, I know that

406
00:19:01,520 --> 00:19:04,280
Speaker 3: to get alone with dependence is going to drop your

407
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,280
Speaker 3: borering capacity. So I was like, I kind of want

408
00:19:06,320 --> 00:19:08,359
Speaker 3: to secure that before I have all these dependents.

409
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,560
Speaker 2: That's good advice, that's solid.

410
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:12,560
Speaker 3: I meant that I could borrow more money and get

411
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Speaker 3: the house that.

412
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:16,520
Speaker 2: Can it gives your kids back and then go, oh.

413
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Speaker 3: No, sorry the kids didn't come up in the meeting

414
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Speaker 3: with the broker.

415
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:20,439
Speaker 2: Sorry about that.

416
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Speaker 3: So I knew I wanted to do that. But for me,

417
00:19:23,000 --> 00:19:25,480
Speaker 3: I also wanted to have a pretty healthy emergency fund

418
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Speaker 3: because you never know what's going to happen, and kids

419
00:19:27,600 --> 00:19:30,560
Speaker 3: are expensive, and birth is expensive or it can be

420
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Speaker 3: quite expensive, and you just never know. And like for me,

421
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,160
Speaker 3: I wasn't sure whether I would take you know, two

422
00:19:37,160 --> 00:19:40,000
Speaker 3: weeks of maternity leave. Or I'd fall in love with

423
00:19:40,040 --> 00:19:42,920
Speaker 3: this stay at home monthing and need to take twelve months.

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Speaker 3: So we really had to plan financially to go with

425
00:19:46,560 --> 00:19:49,439
Speaker 3: this situation. Work with that because, as you guys know,

426
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,600
Speaker 3: you could plan and then the baby comes near like

427
00:19:53,640 --> 00:19:55,160
Speaker 3: this is nothing lack we expected.

428
00:19:55,200 --> 00:19:56,399
Speaker 2: Oh yes, yeah it's not.

429
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Speaker 3: This isn't what the box said.

430
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Speaker 2: There's also like this thing thing online about how people

431
00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:03,359
Speaker 2: were saying, this is how much it costs to have

432
00:20:03,440 --> 00:20:03,919
Speaker 2: a baby.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, I got savaged, like I got sad. So I

434
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:10,199
Speaker 3: did a podcast on my experience, and I track everything.

435
00:20:10,200 --> 00:20:14,119
Speaker 3: You guys know, I had a spreadsheet you'd like to know.

436
00:20:14,280 --> 00:20:16,800
Speaker 3: I have a line item of how much I spent

437
00:20:16,840 --> 00:20:20,560
Speaker 3: on Gaviscon while I was pregnant. How much it was

438
00:20:20,680 --> 00:20:24,159
Speaker 3: like three hundred and eighty something. Yeah, there was a

439
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:28,360
Speaker 3: lot of Gaviscon. But that's fine for heartburn. Yeah, it's

440
00:20:28,359 --> 00:20:29,440
Speaker 3: a heartburn and refox.

441
00:20:29,720 --> 00:20:32,240
Speaker 1: Please tell me they ended up sponsoring your podcast.

442
00:20:32,520 --> 00:20:39,240
Speaker 3: You know they didn't call MEMI. Yeah, I worked hard

443
00:20:39,359 --> 00:20:41,880
Speaker 3: for that. And fruit Tingles they care to be in business,

444
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:44,720
Speaker 3: but it's one of those things that you just can't

445
00:20:44,760 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 3: predict one what that pregnancy is going to cost, and

446
00:20:47,520 --> 00:20:49,640
Speaker 3: it could be really low cost. You could go through

447
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:52,960
Speaker 3: the public system, which in Australia is incredible, or like me,

448
00:20:53,280 --> 00:20:55,120
Speaker 3: I was like, oh, I have private health. I want

449
00:20:55,119 --> 00:20:57,080
Speaker 3: to go through this, but like I didn't know how

450
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,800
Speaker 3: much that would cost. And I was a financial advisor,

451
00:21:00,160 --> 00:21:02,200
Speaker 3: but I didn't realize that. I don't know if it's

452
00:21:02,200 --> 00:21:04,360
Speaker 3: different in Sydney, but like we had to pay our

453
00:21:04,359 --> 00:21:07,600
Speaker 3: obstetric out of pocket that was like ten grand, and

454
00:21:07,640 --> 00:21:09,560
Speaker 3: then on top of that you have the excess for

455
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:11,840
Speaker 3: the hospital, and then the scans on top of that,

456
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,439
Speaker 3: because it wasn't public, were like four hundred and fifty

457
00:21:14,480 --> 00:21:17,280
Speaker 3: dollars each and like you get what's seventy dollars back

458
00:21:17,320 --> 00:21:20,040
Speaker 3: of that, And so for us, pregnancy really added up.

459
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,040
Speaker 3: And I'm very grateful that we had the capacity to

460
00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,080
Speaker 3: pay for that. But at the same time, I'm like,

461
00:21:25,280 --> 00:21:27,679
Speaker 3: does everybody do this? How are you guys budgeting for this?

462
00:21:27,840 --> 00:21:31,440
Speaker 3: Because like this is insane to me, and I'm not complaining,

463
00:21:31,680 --> 00:21:33,960
Speaker 3: but I'm also like, we need to be better at

464
00:21:34,400 --> 00:21:37,679
Speaker 3: planning financially because you don't have to do it the

465
00:21:37,680 --> 00:21:38,120
Speaker 3: way I did.

466
00:21:38,119 --> 00:21:38,280
Speaker 2: It.

467
00:21:38,520 --> 00:21:40,640
Speaker 3: Wouldn't it be nice that if something's hitting the fan,

468
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:43,560
Speaker 3: you have the cash flow available to go. I'd have

469
00:21:43,600 --> 00:21:45,239
Speaker 3: a lot more peace of mind if we went and

470
00:21:45,280 --> 00:21:47,680
Speaker 3: just got another ultrasound, Like I'd just be able to

471
00:21:47,680 --> 00:21:49,840
Speaker 3: sit better at night. And I'd want people to have

472
00:21:49,840 --> 00:21:50,640
Speaker 3: that flexibility.

473
00:21:50,680 --> 00:21:52,560
Speaker 2: A lot of people that can't afford to do that

474
00:21:52,640 --> 00:21:54,160
Speaker 2: and they're not aware of.

475
00:21:54,520 --> 00:21:56,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, you just don't know your options either if you

476
00:21:56,840 --> 00:21:59,840
Speaker 3: don't do enough research into your finances, because the more

477
00:21:59,840 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 3: you research into what would this cost, you're like, oh,

478
00:22:02,400 --> 00:22:04,280
Speaker 3: that cost came out. I didn't realize that might be

479
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:06,120
Speaker 3: part of it, And why do I have this? And

480
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,200
Speaker 3: it's kind of like working backwards, don't know if.

481
00:22:08,119 --> 00:22:11,400
Speaker 2: There's any other complications that happened after birth as well.

482
00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:13,479
Speaker 2: It's kind of like we've just spent all this money

483
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:17,240
Speaker 2: trying to do things the safest and the most a

484
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:19,560
Speaker 2: peace of mind, but then anything could happen.

485
00:22:19,359 --> 00:22:21,720
Speaker 3: Right, you can't control it, and like that's exactly what happened.

486
00:22:21,760 --> 00:22:24,159
Speaker 3: I was so hippie dippy. I spent so much money

487
00:22:24,320 --> 00:22:27,600
Speaker 3: on at cupuncture in the lead up to birth, and

488
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,880
Speaker 3: I saw this gorgeous birth physio. She was a midwife

489
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,399
Speaker 3: and a physio, and we did all of these like

490
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:35,440
Speaker 3: opening up your hips, massages and stuff and it ended

491
00:22:35,520 --> 00:22:38,520
Speaker 3: up in an emergency Cisian money.

492
00:22:38,560 --> 00:22:44,119
Speaker 1: Well, of course, our birth plan goes out the windows early.

493
00:22:44,440 --> 00:22:45,600
Speaker 3: Who she? We don't know her.

494
00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:50,359
Speaker 1: We want to talk about your pregnancies, yes, and we

495
00:22:50,400 --> 00:22:53,120
Speaker 1: spoke before we started recording about your miscarriage.

496
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:53,520
Speaker 3: Yes.

497
00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:57,600
Speaker 1: And I want to know what was it like leading

498
00:22:57,720 --> 00:23:00,880
Speaker 1: up to your first miscarriage after you have been pregnant?

499
00:23:01,080 --> 00:23:02,399
Speaker 1: Was it twelve weeks?

500
00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:06,200
Speaker 3: Yeah? So we lost our first pregnancy at ten weeks

501
00:23:06,200 --> 00:23:09,760
Speaker 3: and we lost our second pregnancy at twelve weeks, and

502
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:13,280
Speaker 3: we still don't know why. So like there's obviously no

503
00:23:13,400 --> 00:23:16,840
Speaker 3: reason why, but like, let's be honest, it was really shit.

504
00:23:17,400 --> 00:23:19,720
Speaker 3: Was shit for me, It was shit for my husband

505
00:23:20,040 --> 00:23:22,359
Speaker 3: the first time though. I don't know how much do

506
00:23:22,359 --> 00:23:24,119
Speaker 3: you want me to get into it, but like I

507
00:23:24,160 --> 00:23:26,400
Speaker 3: found out that I was miscarrying because I was bleeding,

508
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:30,280
Speaker 3: and that's obviously a really stressful period of time. I

509
00:23:30,359 --> 00:23:32,400
Speaker 3: was so excited though, because like I'd want a baby's

510
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:34,600
Speaker 3: for so long found out I was pregnant. I told everybody,

511
00:23:34,760 --> 00:23:37,600
Speaker 3: like I had told every mannitty dog, like I can't

512
00:23:37,680 --> 00:23:39,360
Speaker 3: keep a secret to save my life. So if you've

513
00:23:39,359 --> 00:23:42,479
Speaker 3: got them, don't tell them to me, because I will yap.

514
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,760
Speaker 3: I just come on, I'm just so excited about it.

515
00:23:45,840 --> 00:23:47,520
Speaker 1: How long have you been trying for before you?

516
00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:51,000
Speaker 3: We were really lucky. We got pregnant really quickly. So

517
00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,880
Speaker 3: our first pregnancy, it turns out when I went on

518
00:23:53,920 --> 00:23:56,920
Speaker 3: my honeymoon, which was we got married and then there

519
00:23:56,960 --> 00:23:58,960
Speaker 3: was a few weeks and then we went on a honeymoon.

520
00:23:59,000 --> 00:24:02,160
Speaker 3: Because work life balance, it's out the window. It turns

521
00:24:02,200 --> 00:24:04,399
Speaker 3: out we tried on our honeymoon, but I was actually

522
00:24:04,440 --> 00:24:07,160
Speaker 3: already pregnant, so that was really good.

523
00:24:07,240 --> 00:24:08,719
Speaker 2: So we had go before then.

524
00:24:08,920 --> 00:24:14,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, what a man, well, Steve Golds. So that that

525
00:24:14,520 --> 00:24:18,080
Speaker 3: was really surprising because I for my whole life had

526
00:24:18,160 --> 00:24:22,480
Speaker 3: period issues and like you know, lots of like women issues.

527
00:24:22,520 --> 00:24:25,000
Speaker 3: That meant I just assumed it was going to be

528
00:24:25,040 --> 00:24:28,200
Speaker 3: really hard, and it happened really quickly, and I was like, wow,

529
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:29,760
Speaker 3: this is magic, this is really cool. I was a

530
00:24:29,800 --> 00:24:32,280
Speaker 3: bit anxious because I hadn't started like taking the prenatles

531
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:33,720
Speaker 3: and stuff and like you want to do all of

532
00:24:33,720 --> 00:24:37,240
Speaker 3: the right things, and so yeah, I went to a

533
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,720
Speaker 3: work event and found that I was bleeding and was like.

534
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:43,240
Speaker 1: Oh, did you feel No, I felt.

535
00:24:43,000 --> 00:24:45,800
Speaker 3: Fine, Like everything was hunky, dory. I did have pretty

536
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:48,199
Speaker 3: bad morning sickness, but like in my head that was

537
00:24:48,240 --> 00:24:50,000
Speaker 3: like a good thing, right, like that's a sign of

538
00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:53,560
Speaker 3: a sticky good pregnancy. And yeah, was bleeding and did

539
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:55,720
Speaker 3: a bit of googling and had convinced myself that was

540
00:24:55,760 --> 00:24:57,840
Speaker 3: actually okay because it was only a little bit. And

541
00:24:57,880 --> 00:24:59,760
Speaker 3: then I went home and it just got worse and worse.

542
00:25:00,040 --> 00:25:03,200
Speaker 3: I ended up in emergency with my husband, and yeah,

543
00:25:03,240 --> 00:25:06,280
Speaker 3: they let us know that that wasn't viable. And then

544
00:25:06,280 --> 00:25:08,760
Speaker 3: that in itself is a bit of a circus because

545
00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:12,240
Speaker 3: you get there and I at that point I knew

546
00:25:12,320 --> 00:25:15,480
Speaker 3: what was happening, like you can't that amount of blood,

547
00:25:15,560 --> 00:25:19,840
Speaker 3: that amount of blood, that situation, like it was stressful

548
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:24,680
Speaker 3: because emergency. Obviously I'm not gushing blood out of my arm.

549
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,119
Speaker 3: I don't need stitches. I'm not the priority. I get it,

550
00:25:27,160 --> 00:25:30,760
Speaker 3: but like your baby, at that point, nothing could feel

551
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,120
Speaker 3: more urgent. So it just felt like they were moving

552
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:35,760
Speaker 3: at snail's pace. And then they lost my blood work

553
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:40,720
Speaker 3: three times, so like we'd gone into emergency straight after

554
00:25:40,760 --> 00:25:42,520
Speaker 3: my work events. So I was like, maybe they're from

555
00:25:42,520 --> 00:25:45,639
Speaker 3: two pm till five am, and they kept losing the

556
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:48,120
Speaker 3: blood work and I kept saying, I know what's happening.

557
00:25:48,119 --> 00:25:49,960
Speaker 3: Can I just go home? And they were like, no,

558
00:25:50,280 --> 00:25:52,960
Speaker 3: I'm really sorry. We need to actually like make sure

559
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:56,040
Speaker 3: this isn't an ectopic pregnancy, because if it is, we

560
00:25:56,080 --> 00:25:58,000
Speaker 3: need to do surgery and all of that other stuff.

561
00:25:58,040 --> 00:26:01,120
Speaker 3: So you're just sitting in limbo in an emergency with

562
00:26:01,160 --> 00:26:03,880
Speaker 3: some dude beside you complaining about his toe, and you're

563
00:26:03,920 --> 00:26:08,840
Speaker 3: just like, this is not the moment. So that happened,

564
00:26:09,280 --> 00:26:12,960
Speaker 3: and it was really bad because I came home and

565
00:26:13,000 --> 00:26:15,760
Speaker 3: then had to tell everybody that that had happened and

566
00:26:15,800 --> 00:26:18,480
Speaker 3: it wasn't. I'm the type of person where, yeah, that

567
00:26:18,640 --> 00:26:22,119
Speaker 3: was devastating. I was so upset, But I'm also really pragmatic.

568
00:26:22,480 --> 00:26:24,080
Speaker 3: It's not meant to be. It's not meant to be,

569
00:26:24,320 --> 00:26:26,600
Speaker 3: and I'm a bit hippie dippy, so I'm very much

570
00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:29,320
Speaker 3: okay cool, Like I have a sun Harvey now, and

571
00:26:29,359 --> 00:26:31,560
Speaker 3: I'm very much of the opinion that his little soul

572
00:26:31,720 --> 00:26:34,679
Speaker 3: was destined for me and those other previous babies they

573
00:26:34,720 --> 00:26:36,920
Speaker 3: had the same soul that body just didn't work, and

574
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,840
Speaker 3: that really has helped me be like, no, like, in

575
00:26:39,840 --> 00:26:41,679
Speaker 3: the moment, it feels like your world is ending, But

576
00:26:41,720 --> 00:26:43,480
Speaker 3: now I'm like, okay, cool, Like that was just part

577
00:26:43,480 --> 00:26:46,800
Speaker 3: of the journey for me to get Harvey Like, it's

578
00:26:46,840 --> 00:26:49,040
Speaker 3: not good, but that's part of the journey, right.

579
00:26:49,680 --> 00:26:53,320
Speaker 1: I try and remember we'd a really similar scenario. Laura

580
00:26:53,359 --> 00:26:57,440
Speaker 1: miscarried in a similar way that she found out by

581
00:26:57,480 --> 00:27:01,879
Speaker 1: bleeding and it didn't stop. Kind of thing back to

582
00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:06,000
Speaker 1: how we managed the emotional whiplash of thinking you're pregnant

583
00:27:06,040 --> 00:27:07,800
Speaker 1: one second and then finding it You've lost over the

584
00:27:07,800 --> 00:27:09,360
Speaker 1: next and it's like all your hopes.

585
00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,800
Speaker 3: And dreams have been wished, Like I've just been ripped away.

586
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, you can't help, but imagine, you know, life as

587
00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,040
Speaker 1: a parent, you know, like changing your baby's nappy, like

588
00:27:17,080 --> 00:27:19,000
Speaker 1: going to the park. You know, as you're thinking about

589
00:27:19,000 --> 00:27:21,399
Speaker 1: as pregnancy, you look at other families and everything around

590
00:27:21,440 --> 00:27:24,240
Speaker 1: you is just all baby, baby, baby. Yeah, how do

591
00:27:24,320 --> 00:27:26,120
Speaker 1: you digest the news?

592
00:27:26,440 --> 00:27:30,919
Speaker 3: I gaslp myself a lot, so I was like, it's fine,

593
00:27:30,960 --> 00:27:33,320
Speaker 3: these things happen. It's one in four, like all of

594
00:27:33,359 --> 00:27:36,240
Speaker 3: that stuff that you hear. I didn't really know anybody

595
00:27:36,240 --> 00:27:38,440
Speaker 3: with it. When I started to share that I had

596
00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,360
Speaker 3: been through it, though, people would be like, oh us too.

597
00:27:40,440 --> 00:27:43,560
Speaker 3: I'd be like sorry, what, Yeah, I mean, like, you know,

598
00:27:43,920 --> 00:27:46,040
Speaker 3: i'd talk to someone like you, Matt, and you'd be like, yeah,

599
00:27:46,080 --> 00:27:48,880
Speaker 3: we went through that. I'd be like, sorry, what like when?

600
00:27:49,119 --> 00:27:51,919
Speaker 3: How like what happened? What did you do? And so

601
00:27:52,040 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 3: it was nice to talk about it. I did feel

602
00:27:54,440 --> 00:27:56,600
Speaker 3: awkward talking about it because, like, you know, I might

603
00:27:56,760 --> 00:27:59,520
Speaker 3: bop on into a podcast recording with someone and haven't

604
00:27:59,520 --> 00:28:01,840
Speaker 3: seen you guys in ages, and you might go, how's

605
00:28:01,840 --> 00:28:05,120
Speaker 3: the pregnancy, And I'd have to be like, oh, I'm

606
00:28:05,119 --> 00:28:07,040
Speaker 3: going to make this really awkward for you, and I

607
00:28:07,040 --> 00:28:08,720
Speaker 3: think that I'm one of those people. I don't want

608
00:28:08,720 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 3: to make it awkward. I'd be like, I'm really sorry,

609
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:15,439
Speaker 3: but I'm okay. But also, this happened, and that was

610
00:28:16,000 --> 00:28:18,360
Speaker 3: I hated delivering the news that it wasn't there, which

611
00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:21,280
Speaker 3: is why I waited with my second and then third

612
00:28:21,280 --> 00:28:24,159
Speaker 3: pregnancy so long to tell people. Not because I was

613
00:28:24,200 --> 00:28:26,480
Speaker 3: waiting for that twelve weeks, but I just I didn't

614
00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:29,360
Speaker 3: want to tell someone something to then have to make

615
00:28:29,359 --> 00:28:31,959
Speaker 3: it awkward to bring it back up. I don't know.

616
00:28:32,040 --> 00:28:35,960
Speaker 3: It was an interesting period of time, but I definitely

617
00:28:36,000 --> 00:28:39,000
Speaker 3: gas liped myself into being like, wine, this happens a lot.

618
00:28:39,040 --> 00:28:42,680
Speaker 3: I was heartbroken, but like I probably didn't process it

619
00:28:42,840 --> 00:28:44,440
Speaker 3: the way that I would, which is why the second

620
00:28:44,480 --> 00:28:45,760
Speaker 3: time it happened it was way worse.

621
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:49,640
Speaker 2: After that, the thought of falling pregnant again, the anxiety.

622
00:28:49,680 --> 00:28:52,920
Speaker 3: Was so stressed. And I'm really lucky I get pregnant

623
00:28:52,960 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 3: very quickly, which is so nice, and so many people

624
00:28:55,720 --> 00:28:58,640
Speaker 3: struggle with that, and that made me feel guilty again

625
00:28:58,760 --> 00:29:01,200
Speaker 3: because I was like, this is you know, that's the

626
00:29:01,240 --> 00:29:03,440
Speaker 3: easy bit for me, and so many people struggle, and

627
00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:06,760
Speaker 3: like we all struggle with different things. But I remember

628
00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:10,560
Speaker 3: getting pregnant probably the month after our miscarriage, and it

629
00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:13,320
Speaker 3: was an accident. We weren't not trying. We knew we

630
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:16,240
Speaker 3: wanted babies, but I just didn't think it would happen

631
00:29:16,240 --> 00:29:18,400
Speaker 3: that quickly. And then I found out I was pregnant

632
00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:21,680
Speaker 3: and I was elated but terrified, Like I just cried

633
00:29:21,720 --> 00:29:24,320
Speaker 3: for like three days because I was so scared of

634
00:29:24,360 --> 00:29:26,880
Speaker 3: what would happen. And I called my doctor and I

635
00:29:26,920 --> 00:29:28,080
Speaker 3: was like, what can I do? How can I make

636
00:29:28,120 --> 00:29:30,440
Speaker 3: it sticky? Like how do I not lose this baby?

637
00:29:30,520 --> 00:29:33,080
Speaker 1: And he would just have the same morning sickness again.

638
00:29:33,080 --> 00:29:35,040
Speaker 3: Same thing. That's how I found out because I felt

639
00:29:35,080 --> 00:29:37,800
Speaker 3: really off and I was like, we haven't tried yet,

640
00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:42,600
Speaker 3: and so felt really off and took a pregnancy test elated,

641
00:29:42,640 --> 00:29:45,520
Speaker 3: bit terrified, and my doctor was like, no, like it's

642
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,920
Speaker 3: so rare for it to happen a second time, like

643
00:29:48,000 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 3: less than one percent of people experience recurrent this carriage.

644
00:29:51,280 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 3: And I'm like, okay, all right, Like that that made

645
00:29:53,640 --> 00:29:56,120
Speaker 3: me feel a little bit better. I wasn't as anxious

646
00:29:56,120 --> 00:29:59,240
Speaker 3: as my third pregnancy, but like this second one fine

647
00:29:59,360 --> 00:30:02,280
Speaker 3: was going so well, Like because we had had a loss,

648
00:30:02,560 --> 00:30:05,080
Speaker 3: We'd booked in really early with our obstetrician and I

649
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:07,160
Speaker 3: had like a six week scan, an eight week scan,

650
00:30:07,240 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 3: a ten weeks like and I got to see this

651
00:30:09,080 --> 00:30:11,160
Speaker 3: baby all the time. And then we went to our

652
00:30:11,200 --> 00:30:14,320
Speaker 3: twelve week scan and she had to say, I'm really sorry,

653
00:30:14,360 --> 00:30:18,400
Speaker 3: but there's no heartbeat and the fack I had a

654
00:30:18,440 --> 00:30:21,760
Speaker 3: missed miscarriage, which is where you don't know that you're

655
00:30:22,000 --> 00:30:25,520
Speaker 3: not pregnant anymore, and the baby passed away, and so

656
00:30:26,480 --> 00:30:28,560
Speaker 3: whipped down to the hall or we whipped down the

657
00:30:28,560 --> 00:30:32,880
Speaker 3: hallway to another like ultrasound clinic because they have to

658
00:30:32,920 --> 00:30:35,280
Speaker 3: like double check and make sure that the first one

659
00:30:35,360 --> 00:30:37,880
Speaker 3: was right, and they confirmed it and they said you

660
00:30:37,920 --> 00:30:40,840
Speaker 3: can go home. I said what I said, you can

661
00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,600
Speaker 3: go home, like and see if you naturally miscarrie, We'll

662
00:30:44,600 --> 00:30:46,200
Speaker 3: call you in a couple of days and see how

663
00:30:46,240 --> 00:30:49,640
Speaker 3: you're going. I mean, my OB was very empathetic, she

664
00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:51,640
Speaker 3: was very kind, But you're like, what do you mean

665
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,520
Speaker 3: I just go home? You just told me that I'm

666
00:30:54,560 --> 00:30:58,280
Speaker 3: not pregnant anymore. I'm still so full of morning sickness.

667
00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,200
Speaker 3: I'm so like, what do you mean I feel pregnant? Like, okay,

668
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:04,560
Speaker 3: so go home and I wait and I wait and

669
00:31:04,600 --> 00:31:06,840
Speaker 3: nothing happened. Should call every day and be like, how

670
00:31:06,840 --> 00:31:09,720
Speaker 3: are you feeling? Has anything happened? And I'd be like no,

671
00:31:09,880 --> 00:31:12,640
Speaker 3: because in a lot of those situations and OB will

672
00:31:12,640 --> 00:31:14,200
Speaker 3: pick it up, or your doctor will pick it up,

673
00:31:14,600 --> 00:31:17,800
Speaker 3: and then you will just start bleeding at home and

674
00:31:17,840 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 3: like things will progress naturally. It didn't for me, and

675
00:31:20,840 --> 00:31:22,920
Speaker 3: so I had to go in for a DNC and

676
00:31:23,000 --> 00:31:25,520
Speaker 3: like going to hospital do all of that? What's d

677
00:31:25,640 --> 00:31:28,240
Speaker 3: and sorry, so it's a I can't even remember it.

678
00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 3: So something in curatedge it's basically where they perform a

679
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:35,800
Speaker 3: medical procedure to remove the baby and like all of

680
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:39,480
Speaker 3: which is really stressful because obviously no one wants to

681
00:31:39,480 --> 00:31:41,800
Speaker 3: go through that. In addition to that, you've got all

682
00:31:41,800 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 3: of this doubt. What if they're wrong. What if I'm

683
00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:46,640
Speaker 3: going into this surgery, like this surgery is real final,

684
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:49,200
Speaker 3: like they're going to take the baby out. What if

685
00:31:49,240 --> 00:31:50,959
Speaker 3: they were wrong and they just couldn't see that. So

686
00:31:51,000 --> 00:31:57,440
Speaker 3: the anxiety of going into that was really awful. And

687
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:00,760
Speaker 3: I just remember that's when I really I wasn't as

688
00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:03,200
Speaker 3: anxious that pregnancy because I was, like my doctor said,

689
00:32:03,240 --> 00:32:06,040
Speaker 3: it was only one percent chance. The idea of getting

690
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,040
Speaker 3: pregnant a third time. Yeah, that wasn't very fun.

691
00:32:11,120 --> 00:32:16,360
Speaker 1: When you were in recovery following your second miscarriage. I'm

692
00:32:16,400 --> 00:32:19,160
Speaker 1: assuming there's no silver bullet to something that you would

693
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,000
Speaker 1: do to try and make the situation easier for yourself

694
00:32:22,320 --> 00:32:24,720
Speaker 1: and for your partner. But do you remember was there

695
00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:27,080
Speaker 1: anything that that really helped you?

696
00:32:27,160 --> 00:32:27,280
Speaker 2: Oh?

697
00:32:27,360 --> 00:32:30,560
Speaker 3: My god, yes, it was the nurse. I was actually

698
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:34,280
Speaker 3: telling Zara, my assist, about this literally yesterday. We're grilled

699
00:32:34,520 --> 00:32:37,000
Speaker 3: obviously talking about my miscarriage, which is very normal for

700
00:32:37,040 --> 00:32:39,320
Speaker 3: me as you do as you do, and I remember

701
00:32:39,920 --> 00:32:42,120
Speaker 3: it didn't really hit me, like you go through the motions, right,

702
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:44,480
Speaker 3: like a doctor tells you you're going to go into

703
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:46,560
Speaker 3: hospital this time, go in your check in whatever, real

704
00:32:46,600 --> 00:32:49,280
Speaker 3: clinical like I'm not crying or anything, I'm not upset.

705
00:32:49,600 --> 00:32:51,920
Speaker 3: Wasn't until they started going, all right, we're going to

706
00:32:51,920 --> 00:32:53,880
Speaker 3: take you down to surgery, and they like put the

707
00:32:53,920 --> 00:32:56,920
Speaker 3: sides of the bed up, and I was hysterical, like

708
00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:01,320
Speaker 3: I it was uncontrollable. And there was this gorgeous nurse

709
00:33:01,720 --> 00:33:03,520
Speaker 3: and she like grabbed my hand and was stroking my

710
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:07,160
Speaker 3: hand and she's like, I will just be here because

711
00:33:07,160 --> 00:33:09,560
Speaker 3: my husband couldn't come into surgery with me, and so

712
00:33:09,720 --> 00:33:11,800
Speaker 3: like he walked all the way. But anyway, she was

713
00:33:11,840 --> 00:33:14,280
Speaker 3: holding my hand and she was stroking it and being like, oh,

714
00:33:14,320 --> 00:33:16,959
Speaker 3: it's okay. I've been here and it gets better. I

715
00:33:16,960 --> 00:33:19,240
Speaker 3: promise it's okay. And she was like the most wholesome

716
00:33:19,280 --> 00:33:21,719
Speaker 3: person in the entire world. And I just remember it

717
00:33:21,760 --> 00:33:23,640
Speaker 3: was like I don't need you to tell me I'm

718
00:33:23,680 --> 00:33:27,680
Speaker 3: going to be okay. But the empathy of somebody just

719
00:33:27,720 --> 00:33:30,400
Speaker 3: being like this really fucking shit, I'm really sorry, you

720
00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:33,160
Speaker 3: are making the right decision, like it like just validating

721
00:33:33,160 --> 00:33:35,280
Speaker 3: what I'm going through, like I don't need someone to go.

722
00:33:35,760 --> 00:33:38,280
Speaker 3: We went through that, and what happened was and like,

723
00:33:38,440 --> 00:33:40,680
Speaker 3: I just don't have the mental capacity for that right now,

724
00:33:40,720 --> 00:33:43,280
Speaker 3: but could you kind of just coddle me and make

725
00:33:43,360 --> 00:33:46,520
Speaker 3: sure that I feel so cared about? And she did,

726
00:33:47,200 --> 00:33:49,920
Speaker 3: and in a very full circle moment, I ended up

727
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,680
Speaker 3: having an emergency cesarian at the same hospital that I

728
00:33:53,720 --> 00:33:58,600
Speaker 3: had my DNC performed at, and I again was quite

729
00:33:58,640 --> 00:34:00,880
Speaker 3: upset because I had this like natural birth plan right

730
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:03,120
Speaker 3: like I was going to I was going to a

731
00:34:03,200 --> 00:34:08,080
Speaker 3: raw dog birth. I was gonna be the best birthing

732
00:34:08,160 --> 00:34:11,120
Speaker 3: lady ever, and I was just really upset that I

733
00:34:11,160 --> 00:34:15,200
Speaker 3: was going down into this emergency cesarean. I felt really

734
00:34:15,200 --> 00:34:17,040
Speaker 3: out of control, and as you have probably learned, I

735
00:34:17,040 --> 00:34:19,200
Speaker 3: don't like being out of control. That was not a

736
00:34:19,239 --> 00:34:23,719
Speaker 3: situation I loved. And the same woman I lost it,

737
00:34:23,960 --> 00:34:25,040
Speaker 3: I lost it.

738
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:26,560
Speaker 1: Like I would she remember you?

739
00:34:26,800 --> 00:34:30,560
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, And I saw her. And when you're going

740
00:34:30,640 --> 00:34:32,279
Speaker 3: into a cesarean, I don't know how it works at

741
00:34:32,280 --> 00:34:35,600
Speaker 3: other hospitals, but you get you get like taken into

742
00:34:35,719 --> 00:34:37,839
Speaker 3: the surgery and they say to your husband or your

743
00:34:37,920 --> 00:34:40,279
Speaker 3: your birthday partner, wait out there, We're just going to

744
00:34:40,320 --> 00:34:43,200
Speaker 3: get everything set up, and they they move you onto

745
00:34:43,239 --> 00:34:44,520
Speaker 3: the bed and like get the little.

746
00:34:44,520 --> 00:34:45,359
Speaker 2: You hit one too.

747
00:34:46,160 --> 00:34:48,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you can hear that, but you can't see

748
00:34:48,640 --> 00:34:50,920
Speaker 3: me and my We separated for a bit, and then

749
00:34:50,960 --> 00:34:53,160
Speaker 3: you get invited back into the room once everything's ready

750
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:53,440
Speaker 3: for us.

751
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:55,919
Speaker 2: They've dropped my wife. That's because I heard the bang.

752
00:34:57,200 --> 00:35:01,160
Speaker 1: Look after itsh.

753
00:34:59,560 --> 00:35:01,120
Speaker 3: Alright, didn't get yah.

754
00:35:03,239 --> 00:35:03,399
Speaker 1: Yah.

755
00:35:03,440 --> 00:35:06,600
Speaker 3: Steve comes back in. I'm hysterical because I'm just like

756
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:09,760
Speaker 3: this is meant to be. Like, there's this beautiful woman

757
00:35:09,960 --> 00:35:13,360
Speaker 3: and she helped my hand again while I had Harvey,

758
00:35:13,400 --> 00:35:16,080
Speaker 3: which was really cool. But that felt really full circle.

759
00:35:16,320 --> 00:35:20,200
Speaker 1: That was fucking crazy. That's cool. It also amazing that

760
00:35:20,239 --> 00:35:23,160
Speaker 1: she remembered you because our midwife I saw her at

761
00:35:23,160 --> 00:35:25,840
Speaker 1: the shops maybe like a few months after we'd given birth,

762
00:35:25,840 --> 00:35:27,640
Speaker 1: and I was like, hey, and she didn't have any

763
00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:31,839
Speaker 1: idea I was. I was like, that's right, she must do.

764
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:32,920
Speaker 2: That every day.

765
00:35:33,040 --> 00:35:35,680
Speaker 3: My husband did humble me after because I was like,

766
00:35:35,760 --> 00:35:37,759
Speaker 3: oh my god, it was amazing. I need to find

767
00:35:37,760 --> 00:35:40,480
Speaker 3: out her name Rarah And he's like, how did you

768
00:35:40,520 --> 00:35:45,759
Speaker 3: remember you? You must have been real hystericis thanks funny?

769
00:35:46,800 --> 00:35:51,040
Speaker 1: Amazing, Like just just the anxiety with Harvey of just

770
00:35:51,080 --> 00:35:52,840
Speaker 1: like trying to make sure that nothing was going to

771
00:35:52,880 --> 00:35:54,759
Speaker 1: go wrong. But it's so out of your control, is

772
00:35:54,800 --> 00:35:56,160
Speaker 1: just so freaking scary.

773
00:35:56,360 --> 00:35:59,680
Speaker 3: It's terrifying. And I just kept in my head during

774
00:35:59,719 --> 00:36:05,120
Speaker 3: her pregnancy, which for our third pregnancy, our obstetrician recommended

775
00:36:05,120 --> 00:36:08,000
Speaker 3: that I started taking progesterone and like a few other

776
00:36:08,080 --> 00:36:10,439
Speaker 3: things to hopefully help. And I don't know if it worked,

777
00:36:10,480 --> 00:36:12,960
Speaker 3: but that pregnancy worked. So like the second I find

778
00:36:12,960 --> 00:36:15,720
Speaker 3: out I'm pregnant again, one day, I will be running

779
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:18,520
Speaker 3: for the progesterone because in my head that worked. But

780
00:36:18,560 --> 00:36:23,080
Speaker 3: I remember thinking that milestones were going to help my

781
00:36:23,160 --> 00:36:25,600
Speaker 3: mental health. So I'd be like, right, once we hit

782
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:27,560
Speaker 3: twelve weeks and we'd get to that scan and it's

783
00:36:27,600 --> 00:36:30,640
Speaker 3: all good, it's gonna BEOK fine, And then it wasn't,

784
00:36:30,680 --> 00:36:33,600
Speaker 3: and I was so anxious. And I don't believe that

785
00:36:33,680 --> 00:36:36,400
Speaker 3: I enjoyed that pregnancy at all, because every time I

786
00:36:36,400 --> 00:36:39,720
Speaker 3: thought about it, I was anxious. I ended up with preclampsia,

787
00:36:39,920 --> 00:36:41,840
Speaker 3: so I was calling the hospital every year with my

788
00:36:41,880 --> 00:36:44,799
Speaker 3: blood pressure and just like it was just a bit

789
00:36:45,200 --> 00:36:47,480
Speaker 3: of an experience. But I remember fourteen weeks. I was like,

790
00:36:47,480 --> 00:36:49,479
Speaker 3: surely at fourteen weeks, because that's pretty legit.

791
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:50,359
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll be fine.

792
00:36:50,440 --> 00:36:54,000
Speaker 3: No, maybe twenty weeks. Maybe when you hit halfway. No, oh,

793
00:36:54,000 --> 00:36:56,200
Speaker 3: maybe when I hit twenty three and like I reached that,

794
00:36:56,600 --> 00:36:59,040
Speaker 3: you know, they say it's viable, a viable pregnant. Maybe

795
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:01,480
Speaker 3: that will make me feel good because if something happens,

796
00:37:01,520 --> 00:37:04,839
Speaker 3: like they will go into like I see, like neo

797
00:37:05,239 --> 00:37:09,319
Speaker 3: natal care or whatever. Nothing helped. It was when I

798
00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:11,840
Speaker 3: had him in my arms and I'm like, we actually

799
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,640
Speaker 3: did it, like we didn't mess it up, Like what

800
00:37:14,680 --> 00:37:18,399
Speaker 3: do you mean? That was when I started to be like, oh,

801
00:37:18,440 --> 00:37:21,439
Speaker 3: this is really real. But it did feel quite abstract

802
00:37:21,840 --> 00:37:24,880
Speaker 3: because I think you also go into protecting yourself a

803
00:37:24,920 --> 00:37:27,720
Speaker 3: little bit by being like, I'm going to distance myself

804
00:37:27,760 --> 00:37:30,080
Speaker 3: from this baby a little bit, which then made me stressed.

805
00:37:30,080 --> 00:37:32,080
Speaker 3: I'm like, am I not forming the right bond with

806
00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:35,720
Speaker 3: this baby? And so it was an experience, I suppose.

807
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:37,839
Speaker 1: And then what was the newborn phase? Like I mean,

808
00:37:37,840 --> 00:37:40,399
Speaker 1: we're kind of almost still a newborn phase because you're

809
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:41,359
Speaker 1: eight months.

810
00:37:41,080 --> 00:37:44,040
Speaker 3: Now, which is wild. He's such a chunky boy, Like

811
00:37:44,760 --> 00:37:46,359
Speaker 3: he's like thirteen kilos at.

812
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:49,520
Speaker 2: Eight months, with my kid's like five and a half. Anyways,

813
00:37:49,520 --> 00:37:51,359
Speaker 2: like fifteen, I.

814
00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:53,760
Speaker 3: Can't, I can't. He's so big. He's in like eighteen

815
00:37:53,800 --> 00:37:56,359
Speaker 3: month old clothing. At eight, he's like a little good

816
00:37:56,560 --> 00:37:58,080
Speaker 3: show your photo his little poma.

817
00:37:58,239 --> 00:37:59,520
Speaker 1: It's a bit of a flex when you get a

818
00:37:59,520 --> 00:37:59,879
Speaker 1: big kid.

819
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,360
Speaker 3: I can't put him in his carrier. I look novel

820
00:38:04,520 --> 00:38:08,160
Speaker 3: carrying him like, oh, like getting him in and out

821
00:38:08,160 --> 00:38:08,480
Speaker 3: of the car.

822
00:38:08,520 --> 00:38:13,840
Speaker 1: I'm like, with any parts that you found really difficult.

823
00:38:13,480 --> 00:38:18,360
Speaker 3: A few. I think going from being so career orientated

824
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:22,000
Speaker 3: to being a mum where I'm home all the time,

825
00:38:22,520 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 3: I really struggled with because I felt like, what am

826
00:38:24,480 --> 00:38:26,200
Speaker 3: I meant to do with my hands when he's asleep,

827
00:38:26,800 --> 00:38:28,920
Speaker 3: Like I'm what am I supposed to do? I also

828
00:38:29,040 --> 00:38:33,400
Speaker 3: really struggled with breastfeeding that never worked for me from

829
00:38:33,920 --> 00:38:36,600
Speaker 3: being in the hospital. It was painful, it was hard.

830
00:38:36,719 --> 00:38:39,000
Speaker 3: My son had a tongue tie that we ultimately had

831
00:38:39,000 --> 00:38:41,799
Speaker 3: to get cut, which was okay, but then once he

832
00:38:41,920 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 3: was feeding properly, I think it was a bit too late.

833
00:38:45,280 --> 00:38:47,479
Speaker 3: So I went on the medication to increase my milk

834
00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:49,560
Speaker 3: supply and all that did was make me put on

835
00:38:49,640 --> 00:38:54,080
Speaker 3: seven kilos, which didn't impact my mental health at all.

836
00:38:55,440 --> 00:38:58,239
Speaker 3: But it's one of those things that that didn't work.

837
00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:01,040
Speaker 3: But I was so like, I have to breastfeed, like

838
00:39:01,160 --> 00:39:04,800
Speaker 3: I have to. Why, I don't know, there's so much pressure.

839
00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:07,239
Speaker 3: But I'm a really logical person. So if you came

840
00:39:07,239 --> 00:39:09,319
Speaker 3: to me and said I'm struggling breastfeeding, first thing I do,

841
00:39:09,440 --> 00:39:12,120
Speaker 3: be like, you know, you could just use formula. But

842
00:39:12,160 --> 00:39:14,600
Speaker 3: then the pressure you put on yourself to like be

843
00:39:14,800 --> 00:39:19,160
Speaker 3: this stereotypical mum, You're just like, but I have to.

844
00:39:19,320 --> 00:39:21,840
Speaker 3: I have to try. And so I was trying and trying,

845
00:39:21,880 --> 00:39:25,120
Speaker 3: and I was crying, my boobs were cracked. My song was,

846
00:39:25,400 --> 00:39:28,080
Speaker 3: you know, not putting on wage. The maternal health nurse

847
00:39:28,239 --> 00:39:31,440
Speaker 3: was consistently like, hey, like we need to do formula

848
00:39:31,560 --> 00:39:34,680
Speaker 3: top ups, and I was like, okay, we can, but like,

849
00:39:35,040 --> 00:39:37,759
Speaker 3: I'm trying so hard, and I was like doing what's

850
00:39:37,760 --> 00:39:40,440
Speaker 3: called triple feeding, where you like feed the baby from

851
00:39:40,480 --> 00:39:43,480
Speaker 3: the breast, you then feed them with a bottle and pump,

852
00:39:43,880 --> 00:39:46,799
Speaker 3: and it killed me, like it was a circus. I

853
00:39:46,800 --> 00:39:48,920
Speaker 3: feel like once I finished that and put him to sleep,

854
00:39:48,960 --> 00:39:52,439
Speaker 3: I was cleaning pumps and bottles and then going back

855
00:39:52,480 --> 00:39:54,759
Speaker 3: to do it again around the clock, and it just

856
00:39:54,840 --> 00:39:58,120
Speaker 3: my milk supply never increased. And I think that pressure

857
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:01,919
Speaker 3: to breastfeed and it's so easy for so many women

858
00:40:01,960 --> 00:40:03,600
Speaker 3: in my mother's group, and I remember looking at them

859
00:40:03,640 --> 00:40:08,719
Speaker 3: being like I felt I felt bad pulling a formula

860
00:40:08,760 --> 00:40:13,200
Speaker 3: bottle out of the pram and like you shouldn't, no, no,

861
00:40:14,000 --> 00:40:15,879
Speaker 3: And now he's one hundred percent formula and we've never

862
00:40:15,920 --> 00:40:17,080
Speaker 3: been happier and what the hell.

863
00:40:16,960 --> 00:40:27,000
Speaker 2: Was It's crazy this, Yeah, the expectation. I think that

864
00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:29,319
Speaker 2: that mum was put on themselves, Like you were saying, like,

865
00:40:29,480 --> 00:40:31,759
Speaker 2: if someone came to you and said, my baby's not

866
00:40:31,760 --> 00:40:33,920
Speaker 2: not latching, you'd be like, just try some formula. And

867
00:40:33,960 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 2: it's so easy to just say that, and I get that, right, Yeah,

868
00:40:37,160 --> 00:40:40,160
Speaker 2: probably have other mums that when you were struggling, you

869
00:40:40,200 --> 00:40:43,320
Speaker 2: were like actually really struggling mentally with the whole thing and.

870
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:45,920
Speaker 3: The mental Yeah, it's the mental thing. It's not even

871
00:40:46,000 --> 00:40:50,160
Speaker 3: like yeah, breastfeeding physically wasn't happening well, but it's the pressure.

872
00:40:50,239 --> 00:40:54,480
Speaker 3: It's the anxiety, it's the feeling like a ship mom.

873
00:40:54,840 --> 00:40:58,920
Speaker 3: And does that make your mom? Absolutely not? Absolutely not,

874
00:40:59,160 --> 00:41:02,120
Speaker 3: And like I'm a better mum now my baby is

875
00:41:02,160 --> 00:41:05,319
Speaker 3: on formula because he is happy, he is healthy, he

876
00:41:05,400 --> 00:41:09,200
Speaker 3: is thriving, and so am I Like that's the ultimate outcome.

877
00:41:09,640 --> 00:41:13,680
Speaker 3: So next baby, I'll give it a crack, sure, because

878
00:41:13,680 --> 00:41:17,680
Speaker 3: I actually enjoyed the active breastfeeding. It was really nice

879
00:41:17,719 --> 00:41:21,160
Speaker 3: to form that bond. But once Harvey hit six months,

880
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:23,600
Speaker 3: I was still trying to breastfeed him. In six months

881
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,799
Speaker 3: and he was feeding morning and night, and I felt

882
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:29,040
Speaker 3: like that was a good bonding time, but also we

883
00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:32,000
Speaker 3: were definitely still topping him up with formula. He got

884
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,960
Speaker 3: teeth and was like, hey, hey, I'm going to bite you,

885
00:41:36,560 --> 00:41:38,160
Speaker 3: and I was like, do you know what I think

886
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:42,440
Speaker 3: actually done? You didn't pass your six month probation, so

887
00:41:42,520 --> 00:41:45,640
Speaker 3: we're just going to cancel this role and move on.

888
00:41:45,920 --> 00:41:48,279
Speaker 1: The only part that I didn't like about the fact

889
00:41:48,320 --> 00:41:51,400
Speaker 1: that both our kids started bottle feeding pretty early on

890
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 1: was the fact that I had to do the feeds

891
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,920
Speaker 1: at nighttime with Laura. And up until that point when

892
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:01,040
Speaker 1: Laura was breastfeeding, I had a pretty clean rid. Yeah,

893
00:42:01,160 --> 00:42:02,680
Speaker 1: so when Laura was like, I think we're going to

894
00:42:02,760 --> 00:42:06,480
Speaker 1: do formula, I was like, that's totally fine.

895
00:42:07,280 --> 00:42:10,200
Speaker 3: My husband took it like a champ. He was just like, oh,

896
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,560
Speaker 3: I'll do all of that. Like I feel like.

897
00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:14,279
Speaker 2: I've lucked down the green flag.

898
00:42:14,440 --> 00:42:18,000
Speaker 1: That's also that's also what I said, Okay, but.

899
00:42:17,960 --> 00:42:21,319
Speaker 3: Like, my husband walked the walk mat and do you

900
00:42:21,360 --> 00:42:24,400
Speaker 3: know what this is? Such a flex. I was talking

901
00:42:24,480 --> 00:42:26,759
Speaker 3: on the plane on the way here to one of

902
00:42:26,760 --> 00:42:29,279
Speaker 3: my team members and I said, do you know how

903
00:42:29,280 --> 00:42:31,600
Speaker 3: cool it is that I just I got up really

904
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:34,560
Speaker 3: early this morning, I got on a plane and coming

905
00:42:34,600 --> 00:42:36,279
Speaker 3: to Sydney. I have an eight month old baby, and

906
00:42:36,400 --> 00:42:38,360
Speaker 3: I didn't feel the need at all to leave my

907
00:42:38,440 --> 00:42:41,799
Speaker 3: husband any instructions. Wow, I just knew he knew.

908
00:42:41,880 --> 00:42:43,279
Speaker 2: Does he not know the bar is that low?

909
00:42:43,480 --> 00:42:47,440
Speaker 1: He's just like, wow, man, we need to have a

910
00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:48,040
Speaker 1: chat to him.

911
00:42:48,080 --> 00:42:49,120
Speaker 2: We need to talk to this girl.

912
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:52,400
Speaker 1: It's the green flags. They lived up to their expectations.

913
00:42:53,040 --> 00:42:55,360
Speaker 3: They did, and I feel like that was actually something

914
00:42:55,360 --> 00:42:58,920
Speaker 3: that was important to me dating and like finding a

915
00:42:59,000 --> 00:43:02,120
Speaker 3: life partner. I did want a good dad. I was

916
00:43:02,120 --> 00:43:03,960
Speaker 3: always like, I want to marry a good day. I

917
00:43:04,000 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 3: had a good dad. Babies deserve that. And you know,

918
00:43:07,880 --> 00:43:10,200
Speaker 3: sometimes you can't pick it, and sometimes the person that

919
00:43:10,239 --> 00:43:12,080
Speaker 3: you think you're marrying ends up not being the person

920
00:43:12,080 --> 00:43:16,560
Speaker 3: that you're marrying. Like there's so many different situations, but like, goddamn,

921
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,200
Speaker 3: am I so grateful that it actually worked out.

922
00:43:19,520 --> 00:43:23,040
Speaker 1: I should celebrate that behavior because jokes aside. That's that

923
00:43:23,239 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 1: is how dads should be behaving. It shouldn't be a no

924
00:43:25,760 --> 00:43:26,800
Speaker 1: noomally to have a dad like that.

925
00:43:26,880 --> 00:43:27,359
Speaker 2: Yeah, for sure.

926
00:43:27,520 --> 00:43:31,640
Speaker 3: But I remember being like, I should be celebrating because like,

927
00:43:31,840 --> 00:43:35,279
Speaker 3: this is not what society has said is the expectation.

928
00:43:35,840 --> 00:43:38,880
Speaker 3: Like I'm talking to other people that I know and

929
00:43:38,880 --> 00:43:41,200
Speaker 3: they're like, oh my god, I had to leave frozen

930
00:43:41,239 --> 00:43:42,880
Speaker 3: meals and I had to leave out a list and

931
00:43:42,920 --> 00:43:45,400
Speaker 3: they didn't even know where, you know what the code was,

932
00:43:45,400 --> 00:43:47,359
Speaker 3: a daycare drop off and all of this other stuff.

933
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:48,279
Speaker 3: And I remember being like.

934
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:48,960
Speaker 1: How.

935
00:43:51,040 --> 00:43:54,440
Speaker 2: Just honestly, from a bloke perspective, a lot of blokes

936
00:43:54,480 --> 00:43:55,040
Speaker 2: are useless.

937
00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:57,279
Speaker 3: Yeah, but like the other day I had to ask

938
00:43:57,360 --> 00:44:00,120
Speaker 3: my husband. I was like, sorry, what was the and

939
00:44:00,200 --> 00:44:03,560
Speaker 3: a formula? Again, I'm buying it, like maybe I'm a ship.

940
00:44:05,880 --> 00:44:08,279
Speaker 3: What one was it? And he's like it's a Lula Advance,

941
00:44:08,400 --> 00:44:12,560
Speaker 3: not Gold And I was like, oh, yeah, totally, I

942
00:44:12,640 --> 00:44:13,120
Speaker 3: get it.

943
00:44:14,400 --> 00:44:16,839
Speaker 1: I do want to ask you about we've spoken about

944
00:44:16,840 --> 00:44:19,239
Speaker 1: some of your dating rules. You do have some other

945
00:44:19,320 --> 00:44:21,880
Speaker 1: rules that I'm going to bring up and just get yours.

946
00:44:22,080 --> 00:44:23,720
Speaker 3: Not everybody likes my rules.

947
00:44:23,960 --> 00:44:24,400
Speaker 1: I love it.

948
00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,680
Speaker 3: The internet doesn't seem to like my rules, but I

949
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:27,400
Speaker 3: think you guys.

950
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:31,000
Speaker 2: Will, Okay, this is specifically for newborn stage.

951
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:32,600
Speaker 3: I feel like we need to give a little bit

952
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:36,400
Speaker 3: of context because it makes me one, I feel like

953
00:44:36,440 --> 00:44:39,959
Speaker 3: I'm justifying myself, but also it does make me seem

954
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:41,799
Speaker 3: a little bit more de lulu, and I think that

955
00:44:41,880 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 3: works for you.

956
00:44:42,600 --> 00:44:44,720
Speaker 1: You have called yourself hippie dippy at least four times

957
00:44:44,719 --> 00:44:45,160
Speaker 1: so fast.

958
00:44:45,280 --> 00:44:46,160
Speaker 3: But it is true.

959
00:44:46,480 --> 00:44:47,160
Speaker 2: I told you that.

960
00:44:48,719 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 3: Not only are these rules, but this is a set

961
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,200
Speaker 3: of rules that I sent out to all of my

962
00:44:52,239 --> 00:44:54,520
Speaker 3: friends and family before I even had the baby.

963
00:44:54,640 --> 00:44:56,080
Speaker 2: Oh before you had the baby.

964
00:44:56,320 --> 00:44:58,319
Speaker 3: The baby didn't even even Oh my gosh, the baby

965
00:44:58,400 --> 00:44:59,320
Speaker 3: hadn't been born yet.

966
00:45:00,239 --> 00:45:01,960
Speaker 2: Can I just give you the first one? Really quick? Hello,

967
00:45:02,160 --> 00:45:03,080
Speaker 2: family and friends.

968
00:45:03,719 --> 00:45:06,640
Speaker 1: I'll take on the first rules. Some of these are

969
00:45:06,719 --> 00:45:07,240
Speaker 1: very obvious.

970
00:45:07,360 --> 00:45:09,680
Speaker 3: I haven't seen this in a very very long time.

971
00:45:09,960 --> 00:45:12,680
Speaker 1: Let me refresh your memory. Rule Number one, please do

972
00:45:12,760 --> 00:45:14,440
Speaker 1: not kiss our baby on their face.

973
00:45:14,960 --> 00:45:18,399
Speaker 3: I feel like that's reasonable. I agree, like babies get sick,

974
00:45:18,480 --> 00:45:21,399
Speaker 3: they have really bad immune systems. I want to kiss

975
00:45:21,400 --> 00:45:23,160
Speaker 3: my baby all over my face. I get it.

976
00:45:24,880 --> 00:45:25,440
Speaker 2: I get it too.

977
00:45:26,760 --> 00:45:30,720
Speaker 3: True doating dads your newborns did you want people kissing

978
00:45:31,000 --> 00:45:32,440
Speaker 3: your baby on their face.

979
00:45:33,480 --> 00:45:37,960
Speaker 1: Well, our kids were COVID baby, it must be nice.

980
00:45:40,320 --> 00:45:43,160
Speaker 2: She's got you there, so no one.

981
00:45:43,000 --> 00:45:45,759
Speaker 1: Would have done that, correct. Yeah.

982
00:45:46,120 --> 00:45:50,080
Speaker 2: Point taken for my second was so we didn't have

983
00:45:50,120 --> 00:45:52,640
Speaker 2: that problem. But the first one I can't. I can't remember.

984
00:45:54,040 --> 00:45:56,960
Speaker 2: I think I don't think anyone did, maybe without me

985
00:45:57,120 --> 00:46:01,000
Speaker 2: knowing or seeing. But like looking at this reading it going,

986
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 2: that's so reasonable, especially with hsv RSV.

987
00:46:04,160 --> 00:46:06,800
Speaker 3: I want you to love my baby. I really do, totally,

988
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:10,399
Speaker 3: but and I'm not don't call it, but don't lick

989
00:46:10,440 --> 00:46:11,120
Speaker 3: their face? Yeah?

990
00:46:11,160 --> 00:46:14,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's to be weird. It's like ugle Steve's

991
00:46:14,640 --> 00:46:15,120
Speaker 2: out of the game.

992
00:46:16,080 --> 00:46:16,879
Speaker 3: Talk to my dog.

993
00:46:18,440 --> 00:46:20,759
Speaker 2: This one's also, I think, really reasonable. If you're sick,

994
00:46:20,840 --> 00:46:23,200
Speaker 2: could be sick, or have been around someone who is sick,

995
00:46:23,239 --> 00:46:26,160
Speaker 2: please reschedule you visit. We can't wait to share our

996
00:46:26,200 --> 00:46:28,279
Speaker 2: baby with you, but also want to make sure they're

997
00:46:28,280 --> 00:46:29,640
Speaker 2: say totally fair.

998
00:46:29,800 --> 00:46:32,600
Speaker 3: Okay, okay, I think that's very reasonable. I feel like

999
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:36,759
Speaker 3: not turning up when someone has a newborn and you're

1000
00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:37,720
Speaker 3: potentially sick.

1001
00:46:38,080 --> 00:46:40,440
Speaker 1: Did you have to turn anyone away? No?

1002
00:46:40,520 --> 00:46:42,080
Speaker 3: I didn't because do you know what my family and

1003
00:46:42,160 --> 00:46:45,200
Speaker 3: friends were incredibly respectful of the rules that I said.

1004
00:46:45,280 --> 00:46:47,600
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think that one should be pretty common knowledge too,

1005
00:46:47,640 --> 00:46:49,360
Speaker 2: Like if you if you're sick, you don't want to

1006
00:46:49,400 --> 00:46:52,279
Speaker 2: go near a baby, so you think.

1007
00:46:52,080 --> 00:46:54,600
Speaker 3: That, but like common knowledge is not that common?

1008
00:46:55,360 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 1: Well, this one is a crazy one.

1009
00:46:57,360 --> 00:46:58,200
Speaker 3: Oh it's crazy.

1010
00:46:58,400 --> 00:47:00,880
Speaker 1: Explain this one. Please wash your hands before picking up

1011
00:47:00,920 --> 00:47:01,400
Speaker 1: the baby.

1012
00:47:01,640 --> 00:47:05,919
Speaker 2: Definitely not I'm joking, all.

1013
00:47:05,880 --> 00:47:08,200
Speaker 3: Right, hold on, hold on, When you guys go to

1014
00:47:08,239 --> 00:47:09,839
Speaker 3: the bathroom, do you wash your hands every time?

1015
00:47:11,200 --> 00:47:15,160
Speaker 2: Bullshit, you're not in there with me.

1016
00:47:16,080 --> 00:47:18,920
Speaker 3: Be too quick. Men are too quick, many too quick.

1017
00:47:19,360 --> 00:47:20,080
Speaker 2: Washing your hands.

1018
00:47:21,960 --> 00:47:23,799
Speaker 1: You looked in the chap moving on.

1019
00:47:25,239 --> 00:47:28,279
Speaker 2: Okay, I think this is also very reasonable too, thinking

1020
00:47:28,360 --> 00:47:29,080
Speaker 2: that they're reasonable.

1021
00:47:29,080 --> 00:47:31,040
Speaker 3: But I got savaged on the internet because I got

1022
00:47:31,080 --> 00:47:33,720
Speaker 3: asked about this and I said, I'll share the screenshots

1023
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:36,839
Speaker 3: of my message no worries, and people were like, you

1024
00:47:37,120 --> 00:47:39,160
Speaker 3: are controlling, You are weird.

1025
00:47:39,360 --> 00:47:42,400
Speaker 1: Tell us which one if there was anyone in particular

1026
00:47:42,440 --> 00:47:45,520
Speaker 1: that caused them, like the biggest controversy, I'm.

1027
00:47:45,400 --> 00:47:46,839
Speaker 2: Going to give you this one really quick. Please don't

1028
00:47:46,840 --> 00:47:48,960
Speaker 2: post any photos of our baby online or share them

1029
00:47:49,000 --> 00:47:50,440
Speaker 2: with others without ac consent.

1030
00:47:50,719 --> 00:47:54,279
Speaker 3: So we don't share any photos of Harvey online of

1031
00:47:54,320 --> 00:47:57,160
Speaker 3: his face. Like I'll share pictures of us with our kid,

1032
00:47:57,239 --> 00:47:59,560
Speaker 3: but I always put like an emoji or something over

1033
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:03,680
Speaker 3: his face. I just I don't want my baby online.

1034
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,400
Speaker 3: I'm not a mum content creator. I'm not a family

1035
00:48:06,440 --> 00:48:09,359
Speaker 3: content creator. My husband is not part of like the

1036
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 3: social media world. I just feel like that's us, that's

1037
00:48:12,520 --> 00:48:16,640
Speaker 3: our that's do I think other people should do it?

1038
00:48:16,880 --> 00:48:23,040
Speaker 3: Not like I love seeing other people's babies. I love it,

1039
00:48:23,480 --> 00:48:25,880
Speaker 3: no matter, I love it. But like, I'm a finance

1040
00:48:25,920 --> 00:48:29,280
Speaker 3: content creator, and I get and I mean you probably

1041
00:48:29,280 --> 00:48:31,400
Speaker 3: do as parents as well, But like I get a

1042
00:48:31,400 --> 00:48:34,080
Speaker 3: lot of bad feedback because I'm talking about like one

1043
00:48:34,080 --> 00:48:36,600
Speaker 3: of those three sacred topics that you should never talk about,

1044
00:48:36,600 --> 00:48:39,040
Speaker 3: and that's money. And so I just I don't know.

1045
00:48:39,120 --> 00:48:40,759
Speaker 3: It just makes me uncomfortable.

1046
00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,000
Speaker 2: Similar to me when I post my money, I put

1047
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:46,839
Speaker 2: an emoji over it. Yeah, yeah, I have noticed that

1048
00:48:46,840 --> 00:48:48,040
Speaker 2: it's most suitcase of money.

1049
00:48:48,400 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 3: Like every time you take a selfie in the mirror

1050
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:52,719
Speaker 3: as you're leaving and you're like, oh, sorry, I had

1051
00:48:52,760 --> 00:48:54,880
Speaker 3: to put an emoji over that wallet.

1052
00:48:55,760 --> 00:48:58,400
Speaker 1: Victoria, what about this one? No strong sense?

1053
00:48:58,840 --> 00:49:01,640
Speaker 3: Yeah, you can't wear perfect around a newborn what is

1054
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:04,960
Speaker 3: that it marks up there like a little that links Africa.

1055
00:49:05,719 --> 00:49:08,560
Speaker 3: That's the only one I allowed. That's the only one

1056
00:49:08,560 --> 00:49:12,480
Speaker 3: I allowed. So babies are really really sensitive, so having

1057
00:49:12,520 --> 00:49:15,759
Speaker 3: perfume on around them is actually really bad for their

1058
00:49:15,760 --> 00:49:19,040
Speaker 3: little endocrime system. And during that period of time when

1059
00:49:19,080 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 3: they are a newborn, they're trying to bond via smell

1060
00:49:21,680 --> 00:49:23,880
Speaker 3: to their parents. So please don't get.

1061
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:27,279
Speaker 1: In the way of that. The last one hit, which

1062
00:49:27,840 --> 00:49:29,200
Speaker 1: the most controversial of all.

1063
00:49:29,520 --> 00:49:32,359
Speaker 2: Okay, yes, this is going to be very controversial. If

1064
00:49:32,400 --> 00:49:35,239
Speaker 2: you haven't had an up to date hooping cough vaccination,

1065
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:38,319
Speaker 2: please don't plan a visit before our babies at least

1066
00:49:38,360 --> 00:49:39,200
Speaker 2: six weeks old.

1067
00:49:39,520 --> 00:49:41,360
Speaker 1: I mean, explain that one, Victoria.

1068
00:49:42,200 --> 00:49:46,239
Speaker 3: I'm just so pro vaxed, you know, so hooping cough

1069
00:49:46,280 --> 00:49:52,920
Speaker 3: can kill Newborns's feel like I don't actually want that

1070
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:56,320
Speaker 3: to happen. And it turns out, yeah, it's wild, but

1071
00:49:56,440 --> 00:49:59,040
Speaker 3: it turns out it's like semi avoidable. Like you could

1072
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:01,640
Speaker 3: just get vaccinated, and do I need you to get

1073
00:50:01,640 --> 00:50:03,759
Speaker 3: a VATS No, But like the trade off is you

1074
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:05,080
Speaker 3: can just meet our baby after their s.

1075
00:50:05,400 --> 00:50:07,560
Speaker 2: You just wait and be patient. I think that's fat.

1076
00:50:07,880 --> 00:50:09,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think boundaries are very important, and I think

1077
00:50:09,920 --> 00:50:11,080
Speaker 1: it's fucking great.

1078
00:50:11,360 --> 00:50:13,759
Speaker 3: That you have been gets hilarious that I had to

1079
00:50:13,800 --> 00:50:15,880
Speaker 3: listen to those back when I am a little bit unhinged.

1080
00:50:15,960 --> 00:50:18,720
Speaker 2: Hey, no, I think like you were saying, some people

1081
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,279
Speaker 2: common knowledge is in that common like there's some of

1082
00:50:21,320 --> 00:50:23,600
Speaker 2: those are on like the scent one. I'm like, idea.

1083
00:50:23,640 --> 00:50:27,560
Speaker 3: See, I had no idea about this either. And I

1084
00:50:27,600 --> 00:50:31,000
Speaker 3: had the privilege of having babies last in our friendship group,

1085
00:50:31,320 --> 00:50:33,160
Speaker 3: so all of my friends had had that, and I

1086
00:50:33,280 --> 00:50:36,239
Speaker 3: just remember along a long the time, you know, a

1087
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:39,120
Speaker 3: friend would be like, oh my god, such and such

1088
00:50:39,160 --> 00:50:41,520
Speaker 3: as mum came and visited the baby and she was

1089
00:50:41,520 --> 00:50:42,799
Speaker 3: covered in perfume and I was like.

1090
00:50:42,800 --> 00:50:44,800
Speaker 1: What and she was looking her face.

1091
00:50:46,280 --> 00:50:49,399
Speaker 3: I was like, yeah, so I was. I was kind

1092
00:50:49,400 --> 00:50:52,319
Speaker 3: of like, oh, I didn't realize that I wouldn't have

1093
00:50:52,360 --> 00:50:54,600
Speaker 3: done that. But also I didn't realize that was actually

1094
00:50:54,640 --> 00:50:57,560
Speaker 3: an issue. So being able to see and learn from

1095
00:50:57,600 --> 00:50:59,960
Speaker 3: their mistakes and set them up so I didn't have

1096
00:51:00,040 --> 00:51:01,920
Speaker 3: have to, you know, turn to my mum and be like,

1097
00:51:02,040 --> 00:51:04,480
Speaker 3: I love your perfume, but can you not leave sea.

1098
00:51:04,680 --> 00:51:06,239
Speaker 1: I guarantee, while it would have been a lot of

1099
00:51:06,239 --> 00:51:08,880
Speaker 1: people who are online being like, what is this? There

1100
00:51:08,880 --> 00:51:12,480
Speaker 1: would have been even more people's screenshotting those rules to

1101
00:51:12,560 --> 00:51:12,920
Speaker 1: use the.

1102
00:51:13,080 --> 00:51:16,080
Speaker 3: People messaging and being like, I wish that I had

1103
00:51:16,080 --> 00:51:18,560
Speaker 3: done the same thing. I didn't even think about it

1104
00:51:18,680 --> 00:51:20,680
Speaker 3: or I didn't know, and I'm like, neither did I. I

1105
00:51:20,760 --> 00:51:23,120
Speaker 3: just got to learn from all of my friends. Switches.

1106
00:51:23,400 --> 00:51:24,600
Speaker 2: Can you sniff the baby?

1107
00:51:24,680 --> 00:51:29,160
Speaker 1: You can sniff the baby, sniff feet, Matt's walk in

1108
00:51:29,200 --> 00:51:29,959
Speaker 1: the street.

1109
00:51:30,320 --> 00:51:30,879
Speaker 2: What is that?

1110
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:34,960
Speaker 3: Why is it so good? Their feet? Their head the

1111
00:51:35,000 --> 00:51:35,440
Speaker 3: top of it.

1112
00:51:36,719 --> 00:51:39,759
Speaker 2: I actually held a baby for the first time. Yeah,

1113
00:51:39,960 --> 00:51:41,960
Speaker 2: I've actually picked the baby, have my wife. He must

1114
00:51:42,000 --> 00:51:42,400
Speaker 2: be drunk.

1115
00:51:44,360 --> 00:51:49,040
Speaker 3: I was so good little drunk newborns.

1116
00:51:49,160 --> 00:51:52,000
Speaker 1: Victoria. I do want to ask you to finance questions.

1117
00:51:52,080 --> 00:51:54,319
Speaker 3: I love finds question and there may not.

1118
00:51:54,239 --> 00:51:56,759
Speaker 1: Be answers to these questions. If there's not, tell me

1119
00:51:56,800 --> 00:51:58,799
Speaker 1: to shut up. Yeah, but I'll try my luck. Question

1120
00:51:58,880 --> 00:52:02,120
Speaker 1: number one, what would you say is the biggest financial

1121
00:52:02,160 --> 00:52:04,800
Speaker 1: mistake that parents make for their kids?

1122
00:52:05,120 --> 00:52:09,279
Speaker 3: Oh, biggest financial mistake not investing in themselves. So like,

1123
00:52:09,440 --> 00:52:12,120
Speaker 3: I think parents make the mistake of thinking that to

1124
00:52:12,200 --> 00:52:14,880
Speaker 3: teach kids about money, they need to give their kids money.

1125
00:52:15,280 --> 00:52:16,880
Speaker 3: Like money is hard at the moment, we're in the

1126
00:52:16,920 --> 00:52:18,799
Speaker 3: middle of the cost of living crisis. Your kid does

1127
00:52:18,920 --> 00:52:23,320
Speaker 3: not need. They don't need their own little pay packet

1128
00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,279
Speaker 3: every week to manage. They need to see parents who

1129
00:52:26,280 --> 00:52:29,400
Speaker 3: are role modeling good money behaviors, like they need to

1130
00:52:29,440 --> 00:52:33,280
Speaker 3: see parents who are having open, honest conversations about budgets,

1131
00:52:33,320 --> 00:52:35,040
Speaker 3: Like you don't have to sit down with your five

1132
00:52:35,080 --> 00:52:37,359
Speaker 3: year old and be like, so mummy earns sixty five

1133
00:52:37,400 --> 00:52:40,200
Speaker 3: thousand dollars and daddy earns, but like, have you heard.

1134
00:52:40,040 --> 00:52:40,840
Speaker 2: A compound interest?

1135
00:52:41,040 --> 00:52:44,759
Speaker 3: Yes, kids are smarter than you give them credit for.

1136
00:52:44,880 --> 00:52:48,200
Speaker 3: They catch on really quickly. But even just small things

1137
00:52:48,239 --> 00:52:52,600
Speaker 3: like not teaching them money during the grocery shop being like, okay, cool,

1138
00:52:52,680 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 3: So we have two hundred dollars to spend this grocery

1139
00:52:55,520 --> 00:52:57,799
Speaker 3: shop and that means that we need to look at

1140
00:52:57,800 --> 00:53:00,279
Speaker 3: these little dockets and you know those usually as a

1141
00:53:00,960 --> 00:53:03,200
Speaker 3: ten dollars a box. What is that about, by the way,

1142
00:53:03,640 --> 00:53:06,439
Speaker 3: And these ones, the off brand ones, you know, they're three,

1143
00:53:06,520 --> 00:53:09,480
Speaker 3: so you could choose, you could have three different snack

1144
00:53:09,520 --> 00:53:11,800
Speaker 3: options or one which one is? I know they're your favorite,

1145
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:13,359
Speaker 3: but do you want more for the week? Because once

1146
00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:16,280
Speaker 3: they're out, they're at It's love that have little games

1147
00:53:16,320 --> 00:53:19,080
Speaker 3: and decisions, And I think that the mistake parents make

1148
00:53:19,200 --> 00:53:20,879
Speaker 3: is thinking we need to have a lot of money,

1149
00:53:20,920 --> 00:53:22,680
Speaker 3: We need to pay them pocket money and get them

1150
00:53:22,680 --> 00:53:25,760
Speaker 3: to learn money that way, when in reality it's actually

1151
00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:29,040
Speaker 3: we learn by osmosis and being around people who are

1152
00:53:29,040 --> 00:53:32,040
Speaker 3: good with money. So I think that that would be

1153
00:53:32,120 --> 00:53:34,480
Speaker 3: the biggest mistake. It's not like investing or saving like

1154
00:53:34,520 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 3: you don't that pressure is wild. The idea that you know,

1155
00:53:37,880 --> 00:53:39,960
Speaker 3: I get asked all the time, how are you investing

1156
00:53:39,960 --> 00:53:43,080
Speaker 3: for Harvey? And it's like, why aren't we talking about

1157
00:53:43,120 --> 00:53:45,879
Speaker 3: your emergency fund? And you know, filling your own cup

1158
00:53:45,960 --> 00:53:49,160
Speaker 3: first and being a parent that you know doesn't have

1159
00:53:49,200 --> 00:53:51,799
Speaker 3: to rely on credit. It's hard, but like, can we

1160
00:53:51,840 --> 00:53:54,160
Speaker 3: put ourselves in that position? And they'd be like, wow,

1161
00:53:54,520 --> 00:53:58,759
Speaker 3: you know this unexpected bill came up, Jim, and we

1162
00:53:58,760 --> 00:54:00,759
Speaker 3: were able to pay for it. Isn't that call that

1163
00:54:00,800 --> 00:54:03,000
Speaker 3: we saved? And then now we weren't in a bit

1164
00:54:03,040 --> 00:54:04,800
Speaker 3: of a pickle. We can still go on the family holiday,

1165
00:54:04,880 --> 00:54:06,600
Speaker 3: we can still do that fund thing on the weekend.

1166
00:54:06,640 --> 00:54:09,160
Speaker 3: It's not going to impact that. Like, I think that

1167
00:54:09,480 --> 00:54:13,400
Speaker 3: is probably a mistake is not using everyday opportunities to

1168
00:54:13,480 --> 00:54:17,000
Speaker 3: teach kids about money when you think you need it.

1169
00:54:17,040 --> 00:54:19,080
Speaker 3: You don't need heaps of money to be good at money.

1170
00:54:19,120 --> 00:54:22,960
Speaker 2: What is the one thing parents or expecting parents should

1171
00:54:23,040 --> 00:54:24,239
Speaker 2: be doing financially?

1172
00:54:24,280 --> 00:54:27,799
Speaker 3: Do you think bumping up their emergency funds because you

1173
00:54:27,920 --> 00:54:31,480
Speaker 3: just never know what's going to happen. Life is expensive

1174
00:54:31,719 --> 00:54:33,880
Speaker 3: and you can budget to the end of the earth,

1175
00:54:33,960 --> 00:54:36,120
Speaker 3: but sometimes you need a little bit of wiggle room

1176
00:54:36,400 --> 00:54:38,800
Speaker 3: to order a tin of formula or Uber eats. And

1177
00:54:38,880 --> 00:54:41,040
Speaker 3: yes it is more expensive and it is not the

1178
00:54:41,040 --> 00:54:43,879
Speaker 3: best quote financial decision, but that is going to take

1179
00:54:43,920 --> 00:54:47,400
Speaker 3: so much pressure off your relationship. Wrangling a baby, Wrangling

1180
00:54:47,400 --> 00:54:50,720
Speaker 3: a newborn is hard, getting out of the house even harder.

1181
00:54:51,040 --> 00:54:53,200
Speaker 3: So I would make sure that I have an emergency fund,

1182
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:56,319
Speaker 3: make sure it's got, you know, as much as I

1183
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,960
Speaker 3: feel comfortable in it, but also then don't feel bad

1184
00:54:58,960 --> 00:55:01,280
Speaker 3: when you're using it during those periods of time, because

1185
00:55:01,280 --> 00:55:04,520
Speaker 3: to me, an emergency fund is there to help you

1186
00:55:04,560 --> 00:55:06,919
Speaker 3: with emergencies. And I know that you might go car

1187
00:55:06,960 --> 00:55:12,640
Speaker 3: accident or theft, but an emergency actually might be your

1188
00:55:12,640 --> 00:55:15,640
Speaker 3: mental health and just ordering that Tina formula or the

1189
00:55:15,680 --> 00:55:18,719
Speaker 3: food or even dinner or a pizza for two on

1190
00:55:18,920 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 3: Uber eats and paying a ridiculous amount for it so

1191
00:55:21,320 --> 00:55:23,200
Speaker 3: that you can stay on the couch and not have

1192
00:55:23,239 --> 00:55:25,480
Speaker 3: to lift a finger, because that's what's going to make

1193
00:55:25,680 --> 00:55:29,600
Speaker 3: your entire week better. So I think that emergency funds

1194
00:55:29,640 --> 00:55:33,719
Speaker 3: and savings are It's not private school education. It's not

1195
00:55:33,840 --> 00:55:36,279
Speaker 3: you know, all these fancy things kids, as you guys

1196
00:55:36,280 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 3: would probably know, they need not that much. Have you

1197
00:55:39,000 --> 00:55:40,799
Speaker 3: got somewhere safe for them to sleep? Have you got

1198
00:55:40,840 --> 00:55:43,480
Speaker 3: a nappy for them to wear? And have you got

1199
00:55:43,480 --> 00:55:47,440
Speaker 3: food for them? Like that's basic of what we need.

1200
00:55:47,719 --> 00:55:50,879
Speaker 3: Anything else is a luxury. So how do we kind

1201
00:55:50,920 --> 00:55:52,640
Speaker 3: of go back to like we don't need a mama

1202
00:55:52,719 --> 00:55:56,279
Speaker 3: roos wing. I promise you don't need you don't need that.

1203
00:55:56,320 --> 00:55:58,919
Speaker 3: You don't need the fancy carriers, you don't. They're nice

1204
00:55:58,960 --> 00:55:59,160
Speaker 3: to have.

1205
00:55:59,400 --> 00:56:00,840
Speaker 1: But what's the rocking?

1206
00:56:01,040 --> 00:56:03,040
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah yeah, the mamrou just gets the hand

1207
00:56:03,120 --> 00:56:05,880
Speaker 2: me down, the hand me down there. Our baby beyond

1208
00:56:05,920 --> 00:56:08,320
Speaker 2: car carry went through like four different steps of parents.

1209
00:56:08,360 --> 00:56:09,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, good because.

1210
00:56:09,320 --> 00:56:12,040
Speaker 3: They use it to such a short period of time.

1211
00:56:12,080 --> 00:56:15,960
Speaker 3: But I think seeing those things as luxuries is important

1212
00:56:16,000 --> 00:56:16,480
Speaker 3: as well.

1213
00:56:16,719 --> 00:56:18,359
Speaker 1: I love that. I do have one last question before

1214
00:56:18,400 --> 00:56:20,759
Speaker 1: you go, Victoria, what will be the one thing that

1215
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:23,560
Speaker 1: you want Harvey to remember about the house that he

1216
00:56:23,600 --> 00:56:24,200
Speaker 1: grew up in.

1217
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:26,600
Speaker 3: That it was full of love, Like I don't. I

1218
00:56:26,600 --> 00:56:31,399
Speaker 3: don't care about what it looks like or what it's done.

1219
00:56:31,520 --> 00:56:33,719
Speaker 3: I want him to know that, Like I want him

1220
00:56:33,719 --> 00:56:34,960
Speaker 3: to grow up and like you know when you talk

1221
00:56:35,000 --> 00:56:37,680
Speaker 3: about your family, like, oh my god, everyone was welcome.

1222
00:56:37,840 --> 00:56:39,720
Speaker 3: I want him to always be like, oh, all my friends,

1223
00:56:39,719 --> 00:56:41,600
Speaker 3: they would always come over, like. I want him to

1224
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:46,120
Speaker 3: know that everyone is welcome and that he's never not

1225
00:56:46,480 --> 00:56:49,719
Speaker 3: safe there. I think that for me is gold standard.

1226
00:56:50,200 --> 00:56:53,000
Speaker 1: I love it. Not the advanced standard, just gold standards

1227
00:56:54,360 --> 00:56:55,040
Speaker 1: every child.

1228
00:56:55,400 --> 00:56:58,120
Speaker 3: But yeah, every child deserves to feel safe and wanted

1229
00:56:58,160 --> 00:57:01,000
Speaker 3: and loved, and I think that that and sometimes be

1230
00:57:01,440 --> 00:57:04,200
Speaker 3: hard to achieve in a home, especially if it's busy

1231
00:57:04,320 --> 00:57:06,319
Speaker 3: or like pic Dick. I just want him to look

1232
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:08,359
Speaker 3: back and be like, oh, we had so much fun,

1233
00:57:08,440 --> 00:57:11,120
Speaker 3: we had so much love, Like that would be that would.

1234
00:57:10,960 --> 00:57:15,840
Speaker 1: Be very cool. Good answer, weis sure, my mum. Sometimes Victoria, mummy.

1235
00:57:16,320 --> 00:57:17,640
Speaker 3: That would get weird, really weird.

1236
00:57:17,720 --> 00:57:18,720
Speaker 2: Yeah you're a bit old.

1237
00:57:19,880 --> 00:57:20,720
Speaker 1: Thank you so much.

1238
00:57:20,840 --> 00:57:21,919
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me.

1239
00:57:22,040 --> 00:57:24,080
Speaker 2: Yes, thank you for jumping on. And I could just.

1240
00:57:24,080 --> 00:57:26,160
Speaker 1: Suck all the financial wisdom out of your brain.

1241
00:57:26,920 --> 00:57:28,720
Speaker 3: It's free for the taking.

1242
00:57:29,760 --> 00:57:35,439
Speaker 2: Thanks so much. One of the biggest lessons I learned

1243
00:57:35,480 --> 00:57:37,400
Speaker 2: from our chat with Victoria Matthew, Yeah.

1244
00:57:37,400 --> 00:57:38,040
Speaker 1: What would that be?

1245
00:57:38,320 --> 00:57:40,960
Speaker 2: My children do not deserve a cent.

1246
00:57:43,760 --> 00:57:46,600
Speaker 1: As if you needed any convincing. A huge thanks to

1247
00:57:46,680 --> 00:57:49,440
Speaker 1: Victoria for sharing her experience with pregnancy loss. It's a

1248
00:57:49,600 --> 00:57:53,240
Speaker 1: very difficult and vulnerable chat. Wonderful women go through it,

1249
00:57:53,280 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 1: and I think it's so important that more people talk

1250
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:56,800
Speaker 1: about the topic.

1251
00:57:56,920 --> 00:57:59,720
Speaker 2: Absolutely, matt And if you've enjoyed this episode, make sure

1252
00:57:59,720 --> 00:58:02,080
Speaker 2: you credit and follow Two Doting Dads wherever you get

1253
00:58:02,120 --> 00:58:04,880
Speaker 2: your podcasts or on social media of course Two Dollion

1254
00:58:04,920 --> 00:58:08,160
Speaker 2: Dads on Instagram. Join the Facebook page, the join.

1255
00:58:08,040 --> 00:58:11,320
Speaker 1: The chat and also a little reminders of the calendars

1256
00:58:11,400 --> 00:58:15,360
Speaker 1: are still available at the moment. A reminded that all

1257
00:58:15,400 --> 00:58:18,680
Speaker 1: proceeds one goes to Rise Up, an amazing charity that

1258
00:58:18,760 --> 00:58:21,240
Speaker 1: works with victims of domestic violence. So if you haven't

1259
00:58:21,240 --> 00:58:23,480
Speaker 1: bought one yet, go ahead and buy them because they

1260
00:58:23,560 --> 00:58:24,680
Speaker 1: will sell out.

1261
00:58:24,960 --> 00:58:27,720
Speaker 2: The link is in the show notes, budgetmag dot com

1262
00:58:27,720 --> 00:58:29,600
Speaker 2: dot au Bye here.

1263
00:58:35,360 --> 00:58:38,960
Speaker 1: Two Doting Dads podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country

1264
00:58:39,000 --> 00:58:42,680
Speaker 1: throughout Australia and the connections to land, see and community.

1265
00:58:42,920 --> 00:58:45,440
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,

1266
00:58:45,520 --> 00:58:48,600
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander

1267
00:58:48,640 --> 00:58:52,280
Speaker 2: peoples today. This episode was recorded on Gadagal Land.