Speaker 1: Life on Cut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose
Speaker 1: lands were never seated.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present.
Speaker 1: Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. This episode was
Speaker 1: recorded on gaddigal Land.
Speaker 3: Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life
Speaker 3: on Cut. I'm Laura and.
Speaker 2: I am produced Akisha filling in for brit while she's
Speaker 2: eating really gross things at inappropriate dinner times.
Speaker 1: It's very unfortunate that they put on the what do
Speaker 1: they call it, the Trials Tucker Time Tuesdays or something,
Speaker 1: that they put it on it like such an inappropriate
Speaker 1: time of night.
Speaker 3: Laura, this is what happened to me last night.
Speaker 2: My boyfriend and I sat down on the couch We've
Speaker 2: cooked sorry Mexican food, and I was like, oh, you know,
Speaker 2: we've got to put brit on because I'm slibs on
Speaker 2: it this time.
Speaker 3: I need to see her.
Speaker 2: I saw her attempt to eat a pigs nipple, amongst
Speaker 2: other things, which she failed. She vomited, poor thing, and
Speaker 2: he turned to me. It was like I'd committed a crime,
Speaker 2: and he was like, do we have to watch this
Speaker 2: right now?
Speaker 3: I'm trying to eat my dinner.
Speaker 1: I understand that because last week when we I can't
Speaker 1: remember who it was it was. I think it was
Speaker 1: Michelle Bridges and she was eating a penis.
Speaker 3: Tristan testicle.
Speaker 4: Last night, Bridges ate a penis and Tristan ate a
Speaker 4: testical like a champion. Put it down. We've all been there,
Speaker 4: we've all done it. What a good guy taking one
Speaker 4: for the team, I do think.
Speaker 1: So. I didn't get to watch last night's episode. But
Speaker 1: also it is safe Khan went home, which is very disappointing.
Speaker 1: Kann firstly is an angel and secondly, he's a very
Speaker 1: good cook. So that's a disappointing person to lose in
Speaker 1: the camp. But if you had to eat a pig nipple,
Speaker 1: surely that's just kind of like bacon rind but with
Speaker 1: a little bit of extra chewy bit Like I think
Speaker 1: I would be okay with that. I think I could
Speaker 1: eat a pig nipple.
Speaker 3: That's what Sky said at the time.
Speaker 2: But then I thought about it and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I want wonder if it was one of those like
Speaker 2: hairy nipples are.
Speaker 1: Really and they're big and they're thick, like think of
Speaker 1: like a cow utter.
Speaker 3: Then think of like a pig nipple. They're not like
Speaker 3: a cat nipple. For example.
Speaker 1: I think it's the hair on the nipple that would
Speaker 1: get me, like pick it off first, or do you
Speaker 1: have to eat every single thing? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Actually just felt a bit sick thinking about it.
Speaker 3: Can they wash it down?
Speaker 2: I did see Britt take a drink of water, but
Speaker 2: I think there's like a time period they're not allowed
Speaker 2: to do it immediately.
Speaker 3: I feel sick. I'm so sorry.
Speaker 1: If you're listening to this, which you are if it's
Speaker 1: on right now, I feel sick, which means you probably
Speaker 1: feel sick anyway, speaking of cat nipples, I just.
Speaker 2: Really quickly wanted to say that we're recording this on Wednesday,
Speaker 2: which means that there has been an episode tonight before
Speaker 2: this episode comes out, so like really fingers crossed. This
Speaker 2: is not the episode where brit gets eliminated. So please
Speaker 2: keep voting, Please keep voting to keep her in there,
Speaker 2: because we're like down to one of the last final days.
Speaker 1: I know it's actually it's all going so quickly now,
Speaker 1: so every day someone's going home the whole You can
Speaker 1: vote ten times a day.
Speaker 3: Make sure you're doing it. It's on tenplay.
Speaker 1: But yeah, if there is a situation where tonight is
Speaker 1: the night Briack goes home. That's awkward for everyone listening today,
Speaker 1: because you know, this would be a very different conversation
Speaker 1: had we known now. But we don't get We don't
Speaker 1: get told anything. But speaking of cat nipples, back to
Speaker 1: the cat nipples. Finally I am back into my lady
Speaker 1: in a cat era. We have Raspberry. Raspberry has been
Speaker 1: brought home. She is so cute.
Speaker 3: Buster is so fucking off it.
Speaker 1: Matt is also pretty off it, to be honest, But
Speaker 1: everyone's gonna come around. We're gonna be one big, happy,
Speaker 1: hairy family with lots of nipples. There's so many nipples
Speaker 1: in our household now, there is there? Just is do
Speaker 1: the maths, dog nipples, cat nipples.
Speaker 2: There's more functional nipples than what there are unfunctional nipples, now,
Speaker 2: is there? Well, Matt's nipples don't work, and Busters certainly don't.
Speaker 1: It's true, that's true. Yeah, how I really are a
Speaker 1: female household?
Speaker 2: For anyone who doesn't know the backstory to this, Laura
Speaker 2: adopted a kitten named Raspberry a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 2: but she was so little that she had to wait
Speaker 2: a little while to pick her up and bring her home.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so she's already ten weeks, but she's still under
Speaker 1: like she's tiny, tiny, she was the little runt of
Speaker 1: the litter and we had to bring her home. The
Speaker 1: girls are obsessed with her and introduce her to our
Speaker 1: very big dog who weighs as of today. We took
Speaker 1: him to the vet. He's thirty nine kilos, so he's massive.
Speaker 3: And he's one leg less and he's not seeing a leg.
Speaker 1: If he had all four legs, he'd be like forty
Speaker 1: five kilos. Like, the dog is huge. He is petrified
Speaker 1: of her, Like he sat on his bed like the
Speaker 1: biggest fanny and he wouldn't even look at her. He
Speaker 1: just made these little side eyes and just shook and
Speaker 1: he was shaking in his bed. And she is tiny,
Speaker 1: less than a kilo, and she's hissing at him, and
Speaker 1: he is whipped whipped. He's so frightened. But it's gonna
Speaker 1: be a big transition for him, Like I think for
Speaker 1: anyone who has animals and then they've had children, it's
Speaker 1: such a big transition, going from them being the child
Speaker 1: of the family to then going down the pecking order,
Speaker 1: and then you have kids and then the animals kind
Speaker 1: of go down that and then you bring home a cat. Now,
Speaker 1: my poor dog's like, what's left for me? How did
Speaker 1: it best to respond when you had Marley the same thing?
Speaker 1: Somebody's better shook. He'll get over it, He'll be fine.
Speaker 1: He's so they are so loved, they are so well
Speaker 1: taken care of. But it's it's funny to me because
Speaker 1: I think people always say you have to be a
Speaker 1: cat person or you're a dog person, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I'm a specific animal person. I don't like all cats,
Speaker 1: and I don't like all dogs, but the ones I like,
Speaker 1: I love, you know, So I'm picky where I put
Speaker 1: my energy into. And Matt he has always said he
Speaker 1: doesn't like cats, but now he owns a cat, and
Speaker 1: he has been for someone who doesn't like cats.
Speaker 3: He has been very, very, very.
Speaker 1: Cuddly and proactively snugly with this kitten that he doesn't like.
Speaker 2: There is no one who will love a family dog
Speaker 2: more than the dad who said he didn't want to
Speaker 2: get a dog.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's one hundred percent. They're like no, no, no,
Speaker 3: no no.
Speaker 2: The rest of the family convinces them that they're getting one,
Speaker 2: and then the dad is like.
Speaker 3: The dog's best friend. It's exactly how it's happening in
Speaker 3: our household.
Speaker 1: The only thing though, which I had forgotten about, which
Speaker 1: it's the only negative of owning a cat. Actually, there's
Speaker 1: probably two negatives. One is that you can't trust them.
Speaker 1: You think you're just having a nice pattern. Then they'll
Speaker 1: turn around, they'll fuck you. That's that's a cat mentality.
Speaker 1: The number two is kitty litter, Like I cannot get
Speaker 1: on board with it. I don't if you are a
Speaker 1: cat owner and you figured out some sort of like
Speaker 1: a great way of disguising the kitty litter tray or
Speaker 1: putting it somewhere or doing something with it, like it's
Speaker 1: just it's so obscene having a big tray of cat
Speaker 1: shit in your bathroom.
Speaker 2: And it's so so smelly, and something I think is
Speaker 2: sorry to all the cat owners, but I need to
Speaker 2: tell you this because your friends might not. You get
Speaker 2: used to the smell and you get a little desensitized
Speaker 2: to it.
Speaker 3: Other people don't.
Speaker 2: I've walked into my friend's houses before and felt physically uncomfortable,
Speaker 2: like you've got punched in the face. But cat your rear,
Speaker 2: it's so strong, and you can tell me that you've
Speaker 2: got the whole leg, so you can put these things
Speaker 2: on top of them that are like circular and spin
Speaker 2: or something like.
Speaker 1: You know, they've got all these castles to try and
Speaker 1: get rid of the smell. It's still there, whether you
Speaker 1: can still smell it or not. It's like your own
Speaker 1: bo you get slightly used to it or you start
Speaker 1: to like it.
Speaker 3: I'm going to keep you accountable, Okay.
Speaker 2: If I come to your house and it starts to smell,
Speaker 2: I'm going to tell you.
Speaker 1: Please. I never want to become so comfortable in my
Speaker 1: lady in a cat status that I can't tell that
Speaker 1: my house smells like piers. Please please tell me, because
Speaker 1: that's when I think things are spiraling out of control
Speaker 1: in my life.
Speaker 3: I really do.
Speaker 2: Oh my days, Well, I'd look forward to this, and
Speaker 2: I look forward to seeing the relationship between Matt and
Speaker 2: the cat become the strongest relationship in your home.
Speaker 1: Literally, it's not the dog going down, it's actually me,
Speaker 1: like I'm going down in the order of priorities at
Speaker 1: the moment because there's too many animals and too many.
Speaker 2: Children, and you welcomed it into your own life. Should
Speaker 2: be getting to vibes and unsubscribes for the week. Yes, Keisha,
Speaker 2: what is your vibe?
Speaker 1: I know you have a good one, and so I
Speaker 1: am looking forward to this.
Speaker 2: I also really quickly have a small unsubscribe because we
Speaker 2: got a message not long ago saying you guys used
Speaker 2: to do unsubscribes as well.
Speaker 1: I'm unsubscribing from kitty litter. If I didn't make that clear,
Speaker 1: that's what I'm un alternative. I want to teach her
Speaker 1: to shit in the toilet. That's what I want to teach.
Speaker 1: You know, there's cats on YouTube. There's like some sort
Speaker 1: of training thing where you can like teach a cat
Speaker 1: to pool straight into the toilet.
Speaker 3: I want to teach her to do that.
Speaker 2: Please be careful because she's so small right now, like.
Speaker 3: A cockroach in the bottom of a toilet bot like.
Speaker 2: In the toilet bowl when you get home one afternoon.
Speaker 1: But how impressive would that be if you came over
Speaker 1: to my house and there's just the cats on the
Speaker 1: pray just looks at you as you walk past the bathroom.
Speaker 1: She's hanging half in the toilet or a poo. We
Speaker 1: had to wait for her to finish. Excuse me, can
Speaker 1: you give the cats some privacy? Raspberries doing going to
Speaker 1: the toilet, close the door.
Speaker 3: Oh my days.
Speaker 1: Okay, my unsubscribed for the week is the plastic liner
Speaker 1: in swimwear.
Speaker 3: It's fucking disgusting.
Speaker 2: Can we all please just make you know that you
Speaker 2: buy a pair of swimmer necessary Well, it's only necessary
Speaker 2: because we don't trust everyone to wear underwear when they
Speaker 2: try on swimwear. And I think this is where we
Speaker 2: all need to come together and create a solution, because
Speaker 2: when you that plastic thing off of swimwear, you don't
Speaker 2: know how many flaps.
Speaker 3: You don't know how much trust you're putting in that well,
Speaker 3: like do you do it with?
Speaker 2: I always feel like, wow, this is so potentially disgusting,
Speaker 2: but I don't know how disgusting because I don't know
Speaker 2: how many flaps this it's touched, because I don't know
Speaker 2: how many of you have tried this pair of swimmers
Speaker 2: on without your underwear on.
Speaker 3: That's true, that's true. What a gamble? What do you do?
Speaker 1: Do you take it off then go wash your hand
Speaker 1: straight away? Or do you just take it off and
Speaker 1: then bang it on like you know?
Speaker 3: Game on? I really play off. I try to get like.
Speaker 2: The corner, like with my fingernails, and then I sanitize.
Speaker 1: You always sanitize afterwards, Yeah, yeah, I think I do.
Speaker 1: But sometimes I just put on swimmers at the beach
Speaker 1: that I've just bought, so you just rip it off
Speaker 1: and put them on.
Speaker 3: Do you always wash them before you put them on? No?
Speaker 2: I don't, okay, but yeah, yeah, maybe I'm contradicting myself. Now,
Speaker 2: maybe if they didn't have the sticker thing on them
Speaker 2: that I would feel the need.
Speaker 3: To wash them.
Speaker 2: You always watch underwear before anyway, I move on.
Speaker 3: I actually don't. I'm so bad with that. Whatever.
Speaker 1: It's worked out so well thirty eight. Nothing's happened yet anyway,
Speaker 1: And that's a good unsubscribe, except I still think it's
Speaker 1: quite necessary. Do you know what I think we should
Speaker 1: do instead of it being the plastic one? You know
Speaker 1: how you can get those ones? They're like Satney better.
Speaker 3: More costly for the businesses though, I agree.
Speaker 2: Okay, this is a complex issue that obviously we need
Speaker 2: to think about a little bit more in depth. But
Speaker 2: I do have a really good vibe for this week.
Speaker 2: It was Tuesday's episode of the Daily OS podcast. You
Speaker 2: guys all know that we really like the Daily Ods.
Speaker 2: I think that they deliver news in a really consumable way.
Speaker 2: The episode was titled Bruce Lehman lost his defamation case.
Speaker 3: What does this mean?
Speaker 2: So I think it was Monday, Yeah, Monday afternoon, just
Speaker 2: as Michael Lee handed down a judgment for this defamation case.
Speaker 2: There has been so many different cases to do with
Speaker 2: Bruce Lehman. There's been criminal cases, there's been civil cases.
Speaker 2: A guy like spending time in court. Put it that way.
Speaker 1: Yes, he's gonna have no money left very likely. Also,
Speaker 1: terrible reputation far up could not be more in the gutter.
Speaker 2: There is definitely an irony in the fact that he
Speaker 2: brought this defamation case forward saying that he wanted to
Speaker 2: not be called an alleged rapist, and now we had
Speaker 2: a judge say on the balance of probabilities that he
Speaker 2: is a rapist.
Speaker 1: Like I'm sure everyone has heard the quote from the
Speaker 1: judge having escaped the lines Dan mister Lehrmann made the
Speaker 1: mistake of coming back for his hat, and I think
Speaker 1: that that is just it paints such a picture around
Speaker 1: what this court case was, what this trial was.
Speaker 2: So The Daily Os did a twenty minute episode that
Speaker 2: broke it down. Sam who is one of the co
Speaker 2: founders of The Daily Ohs. He has a legal background.
Speaker 2: He breaks it down in such a way that's really, really,
Speaker 2: really easy to understand, and he also goes into kind
Speaker 2: of the nuances of what is going to happen.
Speaker 3: Next next Tuesday.
Speaker 2: We've been told that the costs are going to be
Speaker 2: kind I don't know what the legal term is. Basically,
Speaker 2: the court are going to say who needs to pay
Speaker 2: who money and who needs to pay for the legal
Speaker 2: representation side of things. So that's happening next Tuesday, and
Speaker 2: there's going to be more news about it around, So
Speaker 2: if you want to kind of get your head around it,
Speaker 2: I really recommend that episode.
Speaker 1: I'm so interested as well because I think there's been
Speaker 1: there's been so much reporting around the case, like this
Speaker 1: case couldn't have had more reporting, And I think that
Speaker 1: for a lot of people understanding the nw onance of it,
Speaker 1: because there's been so much speculation and there's been so
Speaker 1: much commentary and personal opinion that's been loaded into this,
Speaker 1: I think understanding the legalities around it for some people
Speaker 1: it can still seem a little bit vague. In for myself,
Speaker 1: I think getting my head around how this case has
Speaker 1: actually come about. But also part of this story that
Speaker 1: I think is so interesting is Lisa Wilkinson and her
Speaker 1: involvement in it and how she has been misrepresented within
Speaker 1: the media, and how that's going to then play out
Speaker 1: over the next couple of months. And I think we're
Speaker 1: going to be seeing the next story or the next
Speaker 1: part of this, which will be Lisa Wilkinson having her
Speaker 1: time to be able to say, well, I was misrepresented
Speaker 1: and I was also defamed.
Speaker 3: Absolutely.
Speaker 2: And the other thing that I thought was very interesting
Speaker 2: and I'm really really glad about from this particular court case,
Speaker 2: is that just Michael Lee, he explained in his findings
Speaker 2: that Brittney Higgins was an unreliable witness, but he also
Speaker 2: went in to explain that that is so often the
Speaker 2: case for sexual assault victims absolutely to experienced trauma, and
Speaker 2: I know that for us, we have these conversations all
Speaker 2: the time and we go, yeah, obviously, anyone who's been
Speaker 2: traumatized has glitches in their memory and their story may change,
Speaker 2: not because they're not telling the truth, but because it's
Speaker 2: a really traumatic experience. Having that actually delivered in court
Speaker 2: is a really good step in the right direction, and
Speaker 2: I know that it might seem a bit fucking prehistoric,
Speaker 2: but it is like our court system has been so so,
Speaker 2: so bad for victims of sexual assault, and so it's
Speaker 2: been really nice to kind of see this first step
Speaker 2: in a better direction.
Speaker 1: I also hope in that Brittany Higgins was never able
Speaker 1: to have her day in court and him being able
Speaker 1: to walk freely with the assumption that I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people draw the assumption that because he was
Speaker 1: never prosecuted for the rape trial that he's innocent. Just
Speaker 1: because someone isn't found guilty doesn't automatically mean that they're innocent.
Speaker 1: And there is hopefully so much vindication for Britney Higgins
Speaker 1: in this But that's such an amazing vibe Keisha and
Speaker 1: I will absolutely listen to it.
Speaker 2: I just quickly want to. I mean, this is a
Speaker 2: little bit us covering ourselves legally. He was found guilty
Speaker 2: on the balance of probabilities, and if you listen to
Speaker 2: this episode of The Daily OS, that will be explained
Speaker 2: to you why that is different to the criminal proceedings.
Speaker 3: So yes, The Daily ohs Bruce Leman lest his defamation case.
Speaker 3: What does this mean? On wherever you get your podcast? Laws?
Speaker 1: What's you like my vibe is very self fulfilling, guys,
Speaker 1: so give me a second. But also it's something I'm really, really,
Speaker 1: really proud of, and I know I don't. I mean,
Speaker 1: we've spoken a little bit about Tony May over the
Speaker 1: last couple of weeks, but this is such a huge
Speaker 1: part of my life that I don't speak about a
Speaker 1: lot on the podcast. And last week there's been a
Speaker 1: few things that have happened that just means we haven't
Speaker 1: had a chance to talk about this yet. But last
Speaker 1: week we launched our Mother's Day collection and it's a
Speaker 1: campaign that I am so proud of. We shot it
Speaker 1: on my birthday this year, and we wanted because every
Speaker 1: year we do this like limited edition Mother's Day necklace,
Speaker 1: which we have done for like the last three years,
Speaker 1: and then this year we wanted to do something that
Speaker 1: was a little bit different, and part of that was
Speaker 1: capturing motherhood stories, so talking to different moms. We had
Speaker 1: I think it was nine different people come through that
Speaker 1: day and the podcast or in me got to sit
Speaker 1: down and interview each of those moms. The questions that
Speaker 1: we asked were all the questions that I asked were
Speaker 1: all around, like what does motherhood mean to you? And
Speaker 1: how has your life changed since becoming a mom that
Speaker 1: there was this one question that came up and with
Speaker 1: every single person I spoke to, literally from the minute
Speaker 1: they sat down until the minute they left, we were
Speaker 1: all in tears. But the one question was around priorities
Speaker 1: and when you put so much of yourself into your
Speaker 1: children and into your relationships and into your work, like,
Speaker 1: where do you fall in the list of priorities.
Speaker 3: Especially when you get a new kitten and there's so
Speaker 3: many nipples in your house, where do you fall?
Speaker 1: And every single woman that day said that they are
Speaker 1: at the bottom, that they are at the very bottom
Speaker 1: of their list of priorities. One person and it was
Speaker 1: my sister, but also another one of the women that
Speaker 1: I interviewed said that they're below the dogs. And I
Speaker 1: know that a lot of mums feel like this at
Speaker 1: different times, that they deprioritize themselves so much because everything
Speaker 1: else requires so much of them, especially when you have
Speaker 1: little kids. But it was really a moment of self
Speaker 1: reflection for myself, and also I think it was just
Speaker 1: a really powerful video that we were able to And
Speaker 1: if you haven't seen it, it was a video that
Speaker 1: we made.
Speaker 3: It's on my Instagram. It's also on Tony May's Instagram.
Speaker 1: What it was supposed to be was everybody's individual motherhood
Speaker 1: story came together to kind of share what one singular
Speaker 1: thing is that we all experience. And even though everybody
Speaker 1: shows up to motherhood differently, we all have very similar
Speaker 1: things that we go through. And I was really proud
Speaker 1: of it, and I think it was a really beautiful
Speaker 1: capture of what motherhood is. And I'm sorry for anyone
Speaker 1: who may cry, but my vibe for the week, I
Speaker 1: guess is overarchingly. We have this beautiful collection that we've
Speaker 1: created which is all around motherhood. It's all around celebrating
Speaker 1: the many forms of it. And one of the pieces
Speaker 1: that we have in there, which over the years we
Speaker 1: have always received the feedback of what about people who
Speaker 1: haven't had their happy endings with motherhood or are still
Speaker 1: on their motherhood journey because Mother's Day can be so isolating,
Speaker 1: And we've created this really beautiful necklace which is to
Speaker 1: be a keepsake, to be a memory, to be something
Speaker 1: that you can hold on too if you're in a
Speaker 1: different phase of motherhood, whether it is that you have
Speaker 1: a rainbow baby, whether it is that you're still in
Speaker 1: your fertility journey, whether it's that you've lost a child
Speaker 1: or you want to give something to someone this Mother's
Speaker 1: Day who is going through that themselves. And that was
Speaker 1: like the basis of creating this range as well. So
Speaker 1: I'm really really proud of it. Yeah, I mean it
Speaker 1: feels so, I know, it feels so. I hate being like,
Speaker 1: this is my five it's something that I've created, but
Speaker 1: I'm genuinely so proud of it.
Speaker 3: And the video made me cry and I feel like
Speaker 3: I got a mom. I'm not a mom.
Speaker 2: And it was a very impactful and beautiful, beautiful campaign.
Speaker 2: That campaign meant more than a piece of jewelry totally
Speaker 2: in it.
Speaker 3: There's depth to it. Well it wasn't.
Speaker 1: I mean, the campaign doesn't even have the handpagn video
Speaker 1: doesn't even have jewelry in it, but it didn't need to.
Speaker 3: It wasn't about that.
Speaker 1: But I yeah, I think, you know, I'm so lucky
Speaker 1: that I get to design jewelry and I had this
Speaker 1: whole other life and a whole other job that I
Speaker 1: get to do. But there are a couple of things
Speaker 1: that we do each year that I deeply look forward to.
Speaker 1: And the Mother's Day collection is one of them. So
Speaker 1: I'm so proud of how it's all come together. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and that's it for me.
Speaker 3: All right, Let's get into the questions. Okay, Question number one.
Speaker 1: One of my best friends constantly cuts me off or
Speaker 1: cuts people off mid sentence, sometimes when the person is
Speaker 1: answering the question that she has literally asked them. She
Speaker 1: also will cut into people's conversations and start talking about
Speaker 1: something completely unrelated, showing pictures on her phone or something
Speaker 1: else she saw on there, taking the conversation away from
Speaker 1: what people were talking about and making it hard to
Speaker 1: get the original chat back on track. Now that I've
Speaker 1: noticed she does this, I just can't stop noticing. It
Speaker 1: drives me mental and makes me not want to have
Speaker 1: a deep, engaged conversation with her, as it seems like
Speaker 1: she's not properly listening or interested in what I have
Speaker 1: to say. Is there a way to politely tell her
Speaker 1: that she does this or is this a quirk of
Speaker 1: her personality that they just need to let go.
Speaker 3: Ah, this is such.
Speaker 2: An uncomfortable question for me to answer because I have
Speaker 2: been your friend and I've had this exact situation unfold
Speaker 2: where I was needing to be accountable for some kind
Speaker 2: of shitty behavior. The first thing I want you to
Speaker 2: ask is whether you think this interrupting and this kind
Speaker 2: of like breaking of conversation is intentional, because I think
Speaker 2: this is one of the situations where intension actually really
Speaker 2: does matter.
Speaker 3: Giving a little bit of context.
Speaker 2: It is a symptom of ADHD that I wasn't aware
Speaker 2: of until I was diagnosed. And that's kind of how
Speaker 2: this whole thing came about within my own personal life.
Speaker 3: I didn't realize that I was so so so.
Speaker 2: Bad for interrupting people's conversation because in my mind, I
Speaker 2: thought it showed that I was excited about the conversation
Speaker 2: and that I had something to add to it and
Speaker 2: that I wanted more, you know, like that was my
Speaker 2: way of kind of engaging, and I didn't have any
Speaker 2: self awareness at all as to how rude it was
Speaker 2: or how it had the ability to make people feel
Speaker 2: really diminished.
Speaker 1: I think it's the big and important part of this
Speaker 1: is how it can take a conversation off track. And
Speaker 1: I know, like Keisha, I have seen such a difference
Speaker 1: in you, and I mean this with all deep kindness,
Speaker 1: I truly do, but I've seen such a difference in
Speaker 1: you since you have been diagnosed with like and you've
Speaker 1: gone through being medicated in some way and figuring all
Speaker 1: that out, like in how you approach conversations, because there
Speaker 1: was and like it never ever ever was an issue.
Speaker 3: Never was it like oh my god, Keisha, Like it.
Speaker 2: Might not have been an issue for you, but it
Speaker 2: definitely was for other people to be in life. And
Speaker 2: I feel really embarrassed about it. And that's why I
Speaker 2: kind of want to ask you about your friend because
Speaker 2: for me, like I actually this is so incredible embarrassing
Speaker 2: And for anyone who's been through an ADHD diagnoses.
Speaker 3: You'll know this.
Speaker 2: You sit across from your psychiatrist and they ask you
Speaker 2: the question of how do you go at turn taking
Speaker 2: in conversation and you're like, am I three?
Speaker 1: You're like, I talk for the whole conversation, What what
Speaker 1: do you mean?
Speaker 3: Like? And it's meant to be a tennis match?
Speaker 2: And I had, like I truly actually mean this, And
Speaker 2: this is why I think you need to ask about
Speaker 2: the intention. I had no idea that this is something
Speaker 2: that I did, and I felt really embarrassed when I
Speaker 2: became aware of it.
Speaker 3: So I think there is a really big.
Speaker 2: Difference between whether your friend is aware of the fact
Speaker 2: that they're doing this. If they are aware and they
Speaker 2: don't care, it's fucking rude and you shouldn't be friends
Speaker 2: with someone who only cares about themselves in that way.
Speaker 2: I think it might just be worth you investigating to Firstly.
Speaker 3: I really want to validate you.
Speaker 2: It is so reasonable that this pisses you off, and
Speaker 2: that this makes you annoyed and not want to have
Speaker 2: conversations because it makes you feel as though what you've
Speaker 2: got to say is less important totally, but it's not
Speaker 2: necessarily a personal trait of theirs.
Speaker 3: It may be. There are a couple of ways that you.
Speaker 2: Can bring their attention to it, and if I was
Speaker 2: to recommend some one on one, please don't do this
Speaker 2: in a group environment. It's really really embarrassing when that happens.
Speaker 2: It also will most likely make your friend feel guilty.
Speaker 2: And I think what you can kind of approach it
Speaker 2: with is like, look, I just wanted to bring this
Speaker 2: up with you and make you aware of the fact
Speaker 2: that this is how I've felt some conversations have been
Speaker 2: with you, and I want to know whether it's because
Speaker 2: you don't think what I've got to say is important,
Speaker 2: and that will give them the opportunity to tell you
Speaker 2: that what you do have to say is important to them.
Speaker 2: And the other thing that I really recommend is not
Speaker 2: saying that other people have noticed it, because when you're
Speaker 2: in the position of being the one who's in the
Speaker 2: wrong here and you feel as though everyone has been
Speaker 2: thinking and feeling this about you, you just feel like
Speaker 2: the worst person, Like you actually feel really ashamed of yourself.
Speaker 2: And it's not something like you know, if you're not
Speaker 2: doing it intentionally, it's not an evil thing.
Speaker 3: You're not trying to hurt people.
Speaker 1: It's also incredibly triangulating when using that. It doesn't matter
Speaker 1: what the conversation is or what the argument is, saying
Speaker 1: other people have said the same, or other people have
Speaker 1: thought the same, or other people have said this to me,
Speaker 1: any of those variations of that same context, or you're
Speaker 1: saying to that person is we've been talking about you
Speaker 1: behind your back.
Speaker 3: That's what that says.
Speaker 1: And you don't need to use other people's observations as
Speaker 1: ammunition to make a point to your friend. It's a
Speaker 1: cruel way of approaching conversation. And I'm not saying that
Speaker 1: you were going to do that either I think it
Speaker 1: gives good context to the question that you've asked. But
Speaker 1: this is more so just around how to approach it
Speaker 1: with your friend and what parts to share with her
Speaker 1: from a place of kindness and empathy verse what would
Speaker 1: become and be seen as being super argumentative or being
Speaker 1: seen as combative even the only thing I like I
Speaker 1: want to add to that case because I think your
Speaker 1: perspective on it is so important. I don't think it
Speaker 1: is a normal trait of someone, like a personality trait,
Speaker 1: to just be a chronic interrupter.
Speaker 3: I would say that more.
Speaker 1: Often than not, it does lend itself to someone who
Speaker 1: does have some sort of maybe it's ADHD, maybe it's
Speaker 1: some sort of communication issues, because especially if they show
Speaker 1: up as a great friend in every other way, that
Speaker 1: would indicate that they are invested in you, they do
Speaker 1: care about what you have to say. They are a
Speaker 1: friend who is absolutely clocked in on the friendship. So
Speaker 1: then it's not congruent for them to turn around and go, oh,
Speaker 1: but I don't care what you say it I'm just
Speaker 1: gonna interrupt you. That to me seems like it is
Speaker 1: just and I don't want to say part of their personality,
Speaker 1: but it's part of the way in which they communicate,
Speaker 1: whether that is right or wrong. But I can understand
Speaker 1: why it is really really frustrating. I think the hardest
Speaker 1: one for me is is it's not so much the
Speaker 1: being interrupted, it's the deviating of the conversation away from
Speaker 1: what it is that the group is talking about. That
Speaker 1: can be really really hard because the other person doesn't
Speaker 1: understand like the person who's doing it. They might even
Speaker 1: feel like, oh, I tried to say something, you guys
Speaker 1: aren't listening to me, and it's like, yeah, we're not
Speaker 1: listening to you because you're not talking about the thing
Speaker 1: that we're talking about.
Speaker 2: So like, oh my gosh, I've actually just had a
Speaker 2: moment of self awareness that we joked about on the
Speaker 2: podcast when I came to your house to watch I'm
Speaker 2: a Celeb and I kept showing.
Speaker 3: Your photos of Africa. Fuck, I'm this person.
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry the memory I have and this is
Speaker 1: the only time that I had noticed when because like Keise,
Speaker 1: you don't do it and I don't want you to
Speaker 1: leave this conversation having like this deeplag Oh my god.
Speaker 3: But truly, it is something that I actually feel a
Speaker 3: lot of shame about But you don't need to feel
Speaker 3: shame about it. But I've been.
Speaker 2: Trying to work on it, and obviously it's not.
Speaker 3: Self awareness is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 1: No, I want to be so clear because in no
Speaker 1: way do I want you to leave this conversation thinking
Speaker 1: as though that the way in which you communicate is
Speaker 1: a problem. I mean, you're a great communicator. Everyone who
Speaker 1: listens to the podcast knows that you can. You can
Speaker 1: talk for England, but also you listen for England too.
Speaker 1: You know, like you are very perceptive around what's going on.
Speaker 1: But I think that sometimes and this is what I
Speaker 1: mean by maybe it's an indication of someone who does
Speaker 1: have ADHD, is that if you get it in your
Speaker 1: head that you want to talk about something, it doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what the other conversation is that's happening here. It
Speaker 1: has to be talked about right now. Do you remember
Speaker 1: when we were we had the live shows and we
Speaker 1: were all in the bus. I can't remember what we
Speaker 1: were talking about, but you wanted to tell everyone about
Speaker 1: the fact that you had, like you spend a lot
Speaker 1: of time in tweet as we were driving towards.
Speaker 2: No, I didn't, I mean I have no this is
Speaker 2: what I mean, but that's really no awareness of it.
Speaker 2: Like what you're talking about was like I have, like
Speaker 2: you know, awareness of this, and yes I did.
Speaker 3: I did my university degree.
Speaker 1: I'm like, Okay, it's a beautiful spot tweet is gorgeous
Speaker 1: and it's not. But I also understand why that's time
Speaker 1: sensitive because we're driving through an area, so like you
Speaker 1: want to be like, oh, this is because you're going
Speaker 1: to drive past it and then it's not going to
Speaker 1: be there anymore. But at the same time, it's like,
Speaker 1: are they you know, is there another conversation that's happening
Speaker 1: here that has to be in erupted for that? And
Speaker 1: I think it's like, take a second to have a
Speaker 1: look at your friend's overall behavior and are there other
Speaker 1: indicators that might show that she has other things going
Speaker 1: on in her personality? Are there other small indicators And
Speaker 1: maybe it's good to kind of like do a little
Speaker 1: bit of read up on ADHD for example, so you
Speaker 1: can be like, oh, yeah, you know what, Wow, she
Speaker 1: does have a few of these other things as well.
Speaker 1: This might be a moment where she has self reflection
Speaker 1: in her own life and kind of realizes that there
Speaker 1: are some things that she struggles with that have become
Speaker 1: so normal to her that she's not even conscious of.
Speaker 1: Or it might be something that she's absolutely in denial
Speaker 1: about and it's not actually a problem for her, or
Speaker 1: maybe she doesn't have it and it is just something
Speaker 1: that she does. There's many ways in which this could unfold,
Speaker 1: but I think it is okay with you to have a.
Speaker 2: Conversation with her about it, especially if it makes you
Speaker 2: feel like this, Yeah, I also just to like to
Speaker 2: end this conversation. I also want to say that if
Speaker 2: that is the case, let's say that actually she is
Speaker 2: similar to me, had no idea that this is something
Speaker 2: that she does really badly and it was symptomatic of
Speaker 2: something else, even if she is to be diagnosed. And
Speaker 2: I'm really really strong talking about this because I.
Speaker 3: Don't think everyone feels this way. It's not an excuse.
Speaker 2: Even though I have ADHD and I have a tendency
Speaker 2: to interrupt people, that's actually my responsibility to try and
Speaker 2: work on because it has the effect of hurting people.
Speaker 2: So it's not like a get out a jail free
Speaker 2: card of I've.
Speaker 3: Got a condition.
Speaker 2: I can do whatever the fuck I want and say
Speaker 2: what I want in conversation and you just have to
Speaker 2: get over it.
Speaker 3: It does give.
Speaker 2: You more context that you know it's not malicious, and
Speaker 2: I think that's where it becomes a little bit of
Speaker 2: a better place to start the conversation because you have
Speaker 2: an understanding of the fact that they're not meaning to
Speaker 2: do it, but they also need to take accountability for
Speaker 2: the fact that they have done it and they need
Speaker 2: to work on it.
Speaker 1: It's really interesting because me and Friedman, she came out
Speaker 1: I think it was the last year you before, saying
Speaker 1: that she had been diagnosed, and it happens for women
Speaker 1: a lot. It's a late onset diagnosis. We're seeing a
Speaker 1: lot of conversations about it now. She was diagnosed with
Speaker 1: ADHD later in life, and she said it was like
Speaker 1: someone turned the lights on because of the fact that
Speaker 1: even from like an interview perspective, she obviously has mum
Speaker 1: and me and no filter. She interviews people all the time,
Speaker 1: and so much the feedback that she'd received over the
Speaker 1: years was that she interrupted guests, and she was like,
Speaker 1: it made sense because it's not it wasn't an intentional interruption,
Speaker 1: it wasn't trying to make it about herself. It was
Speaker 1: a enthusiasm about the conversation as you said, which I
Speaker 1: myself can completely relate to.
Speaker 3: Keisha. Just one thing I want to ask you in
Speaker 3: terms of like.
Speaker 1: A personal reaction slash response, when your friend brought it
Speaker 1: up with you and made it aware to you that
Speaker 1: this is how you were behaving, how did you respond
Speaker 1: to that and how did that make you feel?
Speaker 2: I had it happened twice, one was with a friend
Speaker 2: and one was with my boyfriend, and not well. I
Speaker 2: didn't respond well because I felt attacked, defensive, so incredibly defensive.
Speaker 2: And I have enough awareness of it now and this
Speaker 2: has been a benefit of medication for me. I'm able
Speaker 2: to zoom out and be less personally offended and go
Speaker 2: They had a really good point, like they both had
Speaker 2: such a point. They both had multiple examples. But at
Speaker 2: the time, I was like, this is just an attack
Speaker 2: on my character because I didn't mean to do it,
Speaker 2: you know, like I felt like I was. I thought
Speaker 2: I was trying to engage with you, like I thought
Speaker 2: I was trying to get more and add, like add
Speaker 2: to the conversation.
Speaker 3: Not take away from it.
Speaker 1: And I didn't realize that we're making it about yourself,
Speaker 1: Like I wasn't trying to us, trying to use my
Speaker 1: life experience to empathize with you, like as a comparison
Speaker 1: instead of just listening.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and so initially, like I mean, your friend probably
Speaker 2: will be. That's why I think it's really important that
Speaker 2: you do this in such a soft way. I think
Speaker 2: it's probably best if you do it when I mean
Speaker 2: you say it. You kind of constantly notice it, so
Speaker 2: it's probably not going to be long before it happens again.
Speaker 2: And if I were you, and or if I was
Speaker 2: kind of reversing it and saying how I think it
Speaker 2: would be best if it happens in the moment, I
Speaker 2: think that's when i'd bring it up, and I think
Speaker 2: i'd go, can we just stop for a second. I
Speaker 2: really wanted to talk to you about this, and I
Speaker 2: just felt like you really interrupted me. And I just
Speaker 2: want to make you aware of that, because sometimes I
Speaker 2: feel not listened to in our conversations and I feel
Speaker 2: like you dominate the conversation a bit, and I just
Speaker 2: wanted to like kind of broach that with you. I think, yeah,
Speaker 2: I understand why you're like, this drives me mental.
Speaker 3: It's so rude and it cuts off conversation.
Speaker 2: But please figure out first whether your friend is kind
Speaker 2: of like deliberately doing it. If they are, if they're
Speaker 2: like just a really self involved, selfish person, I'd probably
Speaker 2: be decreasing the friendship.
Speaker 1: And that's a whole different response. But I think there'll
Speaker 1: be other indicators of that, not just the cutting off thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, Okay, let's get into question number two. Enough talking
Speaker 3: about me.
Speaker 2: Sorry we interrupting talking about myself? Okay, question number two,
Speaker 2: And I just want to preface this by saying that
Speaker 2: right now, if conversations around termination or abortion are hard
Speaker 2: for you to listen to, it might be best that
Speaker 2: you skip this question. I've recently moved into state to
Speaker 2: a brand new city and I'm loving it. I met
Speaker 2: a guy pretty soon after arriving here, and he is amazing.
Speaker 2: It has been the best start to my new life
Speaker 2: in a new city, and I'm feeling as though the
Speaker 2: puzzle pieces are finally falling together. Turns out, the first
Speaker 2: night we slept together, I fell pregnant. I am not
Speaker 2: in a position to keep the baby, and we're aligned
Speaker 2: on that decision. However, he hasn't been as supportive as
Speaker 2: I would have hoped. I've been super sick, unable to work, bedridden,
Speaker 2: and he hasn't been replying to my messages for days
Speaker 2: on end. He hasn't offered to bring me anything, or
Speaker 2: even just pay for my appointments or supplies, or even
Speaker 2: just ask how I'm doing. I know we're not together,
Speaker 2: but I can't help but feel disappointed in the way
Speaker 2: that he's handled this. What would your tips be before
Speaker 2: going forward in this situation, the hardest part is still
Speaker 2: ahead of us. And if he's not realizing the gravity
Speaker 2: of the situation now, how should I approach it when
Speaker 2: I go through the procedure? Should I keep seeing him after?
Speaker 1: I mean, the very first line that you said was
Speaker 1: I met a guy pretty soon after arriving here, and
Speaker 1: he is amazing. He doesn't sound amazing at all. He
Speaker 1: sounds pretty average.
Speaker 2: Is it?
Speaker 1: He amazing because on paper he ticks the boxes of
Speaker 1: what you wanted in a person, like when you went
Speaker 1: up for a few dates. Because obviously this must be
Speaker 1: still really early. If you got pregnant the first time
Speaker 1: you slept together, and now you're at a point where
Speaker 1: you're going through the potential of a termination, it still
Speaker 1: must be relatively early in the dating of you guys.
Speaker 1: So my question around his amazingness is is he amazing
Speaker 1: on paper? Is he amazing in terms of the things
Speaker 1: that you think you want in a person, and does
Speaker 1: he tick those boxes, because the way in which he's
Speaker 1: behaving around this situation to me, would say and indicate
Speaker 1: that he is not amazing. Firstly, I want to say,
Speaker 1: I'm so sorry that you're going through this and that
Speaker 1: you feel alone. But secondly, I think it's very very
Speaker 1: early in your relationship. Like, as you said, you're not exclusive,
Speaker 1: you're not even really dating. It's very early in your
Speaker 1: relationship to have any understanding as to who that person is.
Speaker 1: The person that you've been on a few dates with,
Speaker 1: you don't know them at all. And I think that
Speaker 1: some is reaction to something like this, especially when you're
Speaker 1: on the same page, especially when you've both made the
Speaker 1: decision that you want to have a termination, is very
Speaker 1: very indicative of who that person is and how much
Speaker 1: they care for you, how empathetic they are, how much
Speaker 1: they're willing to take care of you, and not because
Speaker 1: they have an obligation to because you're their girlfriend, but
Speaker 1: because they're actually a kind person who realizes that this
Speaker 1: might be hard for you and cares that it's hard
Speaker 1: for you, so they show up, so they check in.
Speaker 1: I think that that really defines who a person is
Speaker 1: or isn't, And for me, that's what I would be
Speaker 1: making my decisions on around whether or not I wanted
Speaker 1: to date them in the future. Not because when I
Speaker 1: first met them they seem like they ticked all the boxes.
Speaker 1: Because you know, we all know one chemistry can lie
Speaker 1: and two you can have someone who ticks every single
Speaker 1: box in the world. But then after getting to know
Speaker 1: them a bit, you're like, actually, you're a bit of
Speaker 1: a dick.
Speaker 2: Also, does this person show up for you? Yeah, because
Speaker 2: I think he's really showing you who he is. He
Speaker 2: might be amazing when you go on your first few
Speaker 2: dates and you're getting to know it each other and
Speaker 2: you're having all this fun, but he's showing you that
Speaker 2: he's not there for you when you're down and out totally.
Speaker 1: Also, if you're communicating with him that you're sick, you're
Speaker 1: going through this on your own, your bed ridden, and
Speaker 1: you're also financially paying for everything, and he hasn't at
Speaker 1: all shown an interest or cared for your health, for
Speaker 1: your financial wellbeing. He hasn't contributed in any way like that,
Speaker 1: to me speaks so much greater than what he was
Speaker 1: on the first few dates or how you thought he
Speaker 1: was prior. I myself, would I want to continue giving
Speaker 1: this guy time and energy. No, I wouldn't. And I
Speaker 1: know that there's probably ways that you could mentally split this.
Speaker 1: You could kind of I think you could convince yourself, well,
Speaker 1: we're not exclusive, so it's not really his problem yet.
Speaker 2: Also, the whole you're in the driver's seat of this
Speaker 2: decision totally, you know, like you do have more of
Speaker 2: a Basically, the outcome could very much change his life.
Speaker 2: And I think a lot of people give a bit
Speaker 2: too much credit to men in those situations that are like, well,
Speaker 2: I was just scared because I didn't know what she
Speaker 2: was going to do.
Speaker 1: I think, like, and I know we've said it, this
Speaker 1: is a real testament to who his character is. Because
Speaker 1: there are some men who will show up for you,
Speaker 1: regardless of whether they're in a relationship with you or
Speaker 1: whether And what I mean by show up is they
Speaker 1: just show that they care. They will at least check in,
Speaker 1: They will offer to financially contribute. That I think should
Speaker 1: be normal. And I know that there are people out
Speaker 1: there who would behave like that. And so if you've
Speaker 1: found yourself with someone who only cares in the good
Speaker 1: times and is completely lacking an empathy right now for
Speaker 1: you with what you're going through something that they participated in,
Speaker 1: regardless of whether you're exclusive or not exclusive, I don't
Speaker 1: think that they should approach it differently. I think that
Speaker 1: there should be a level of care and consideration that's
Speaker 1: still given and that you are still entitled to. So
Speaker 1: I don't want you to mentally make excuses for him
Speaker 1: on the basis that there's the caveat of oh, but
Speaker 1: we weren't exclusive, so maybe, like I shouldn't expect that
Speaker 1: of him, and you know, maybe you shouldn't expect it
Speaker 1: of him, but I certainly wouldn't giving HI more opportunities
Speaker 1: once that termination has happened.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think you and I are pretty aligned on
Speaker 2: how we feel about this, And I'm sorry if that's
Speaker 2: kind of hard for you to process at the moment,
Speaker 2: because you're already going through a lot and you've.
Speaker 3: Just moved into state.
Speaker 2: So I think the next thing to ask yourself is
Speaker 2: do I have support around me to go through this
Speaker 2: procedure here? Or can you potentially go back to where
Speaker 2: you're from, where you have deep connections.
Speaker 3: Of people who will look after you.
Speaker 2: Because I mean, this experience can be so different for
Speaker 2: so many people. For some people, it's a very emotional
Speaker 2: experience and it's very hard and physically they can experience
Speaker 2: a lot as well, and they need a bit of
Speaker 2: downtime and they need love around them. For other people,
Speaker 2: I know people who have said they've had much, much,
Speaker 2: much worse periods and they were not emotionally connected to
Speaker 2: it whatsoever. So it really can exist on such a.
Speaker 1: Scale, and unfortunately, you don't really know how you're going
Speaker 1: to respond until you're.
Speaker 3: In it totally.
Speaker 1: But also on that thoughkish if you have responded adversely
Speaker 1: to it, if it is something that you're struggling with
Speaker 1: and you've communicated that to the person who has contributed
Speaker 1: to the situation in the first place, and they're not
Speaker 1: showing you that they care, especially if you're in the
Speaker 1: early days of dating, why would you invest any more
Speaker 1: time in them? You know, like, because I think that unfortunately,
Speaker 1: this spook in the road has happened so early in
Speaker 1: your relationship. If he showed a deep level of empathy,
Speaker 1: if he showed that he cared around how you feel.
Speaker 1: If he was like making sure financially you were okay,
Speaker 1: it would be a no brainer.
Speaker 3: You would still want to go through with the termination.
Speaker 1: That wouldn't necessarily change your opinion on your fertility or
Speaker 1: on your plans, but it would make you go, this
Speaker 1: is a fucking great guy, as everyone.
Speaker 3: Who turns up for me when I need it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I want to date him, Like, you know,
Speaker 1: way too early to have kids with this person, but
Speaker 1: I want to date him and I want to see
Speaker 1: where this goes. Whereas like he has done the complete opposite.
Speaker 1: He has shown you in a time of a very
Speaker 1: stressful situation, who he is and how he's going to
Speaker 1: show up. And I wouldn't personally be giving him another opportunity.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: From a very serious question to a very silly question.
Speaker 1: It's a real change of pace here, Okay. Question number three,
Speaker 1: Please help me settle this debate between my boyfriend and I.
Speaker 1: Is it okay to pee in the shower when I
Speaker 1: shower with my boyfriend? For context, we shower together every night,
Speaker 1: and he always finds it weird and gross that I
Speaker 1: have to pee in the shower. But I think it's
Speaker 1: fine as it ends up just going down the same
Speaker 1: pipes to the same destination as the toilet. Debatable, Do
Speaker 1: you shit in the shower? Should he just get over it?
Speaker 1: Or should I stop peeing in the shower when he
Speaker 1: is in there with me? Yes, you should absolutely stop
Speaker 1: peeing in the shower when he's there with you.
Speaker 3: Sorry, there are.
Speaker 1: Two questions here, and one of them really centers around consent.
Speaker 3: Okay, unless you're into.
Speaker 2: Golden showers and you have expressed she not peing on him.
Speaker 1: She could, but she's just standing to the side of him,
Speaker 1: around his feet.
Speaker 2: I would not like her if my boyfriend peede around
Speaker 2: me in the shower. Frankly, if you say you don't
Speaker 2: pee in showers, I think you're lying. I think most
Speaker 2: people pee in the shower.
Speaker 3: I agree.
Speaker 1: It's convenient, it's warm, and it makes you need to go.
Speaker 1: Even if you've done one beforehand, you always end up
Speaker 1: doing it in the shower. Yeah, not a bath, though,
Speaker 1: you've got to get out of a bath. But the
Speaker 1: shower's fine.
Speaker 3: Game on.
Speaker 2: I see this as if you are alone, absolutely play on.
Speaker 3: That's your decision.
Speaker 2: You can make that decision because you're the only one
Speaker 2: impacted by it. If you're with someone else in the shower,
Speaker 2: they have to also agree to that. You cannot keep
Speaker 2: peeing around your boy doesn't want you to.
Speaker 3: You're in the wrong.
Speaker 1: I am in full of Greeans and I'm so sorry
Speaker 1: because when you guys writing questions, I know it's usually
Speaker 1: because you expect that we're gonna side.
Speaker 3: With you or give you the outcome that you hope for.
Speaker 2: I think you're funny, and I think you're really bold.
Speaker 1: I do also like good on you for having the
Speaker 1: self confidence just to piss next to your partner who
Speaker 1: doesn't want you to. Like. Good on you for having
Speaker 1: that much self comf I don't. I don't know where
Speaker 1: you found it. I'd like some I I agree. I
Speaker 1: think anyone who says they don't pee in the shower
Speaker 1: is lying. I think everybody has peed in the shower,
Speaker 1: whether you're a regular peer in the shower or whether
Speaker 1: it just happens from time to time. I think most
Speaker 1: people pee in the shower. Is it okay to do
Speaker 1: it when your partner is in the shower, it's fine
Speaker 1: if they're fine with it. That he has expressed that
Speaker 1: he's not fine with it, and he would like you
Speaker 1: to stop, and you do not care. And I think
Speaker 1: that that it's not about whether it's okay, because it's
Speaker 1: the same pipes. It's about him saying this is a
Speaker 1: boundary for me, and you're just saying.
Speaker 3: I don't care.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna piss on the piss on that boundary. Yeah,
Speaker 1: so I would say I would say stop. I would
Speaker 1: say just go to the toilet first.
Speaker 2: I don't even mind if you pee while he's in
Speaker 2: the shower. Like, if you're just on the toilet peeing,
Speaker 2: that's fine. You do you, that's no problem. I mean, oh,
Speaker 2: look if he's okay with that, which like sorry, if
Speaker 2: you've been peeing the shower with him, he's probably gonna
Speaker 2: prefer you to be the toilet next to it.
Speaker 3: I think he would be okay with that.
Speaker 1: Also, Okay, do not ever just do it where you
Speaker 1: just let it little bit ghost then no one knows,
Speaker 1: like Matt will be brushing his teeth and if I
Speaker 1: need to pee, I'll just pee a little bit.
Speaker 3: Good for the pelvic floor.
Speaker 1: Stop peel a little bit, stop, peel little bit, stop
Speaker 1: so that.
Speaker 3: He secretly pee.
Speaker 1: Well, yeah, you fucking hypocrit You just pee, girl, now
Speaker 1: this is when he's in the room brushing his teeth.
Speaker 3: I would never do it with him in the shower.
Speaker 1: No, I just secret pee if he's coming, if he
Speaker 1: has entered my space to do something whilst I'm in
Speaker 1: the shower and he's chatting away, I'm not gonna say, hey, honey,
Speaker 1: can you go out second piss in the shower.
Speaker 2: I'll just try and get it with a bit of
Speaker 2: the strong smelling shampoo.
Speaker 3: You've got a bit of body wash. And then I
Speaker 3: just go on, off, on off too much. Too much.
Speaker 3: I share too much on this podcast. We all do.
Speaker 2: We actually way too much.
Speaker 1: Yesterday I was at an event from the Witchery white
Speaker 1: shirt campaign and Matt's beautiful ex girlfriend was there, right.
Speaker 3: Who we're friendly with. She's really really.
Speaker 1: Lovely every It's also though one of those things where
Speaker 1: like they're friends and like we're friendly, but we're not
Speaker 1: friends and they are like a long term sh was
Speaker 1: like a long term ex of his. But we said
Speaker 1: hello and she's great, and she was like, I listened
Speaker 1: to the podcast, please talk Why why do you listen
Speaker 1: to this?
Speaker 2: Because it's validating for her because she's seven minutes over
Speaker 2: here in the amount of times I've.
Speaker 3: Put my life say she's really hot. If you're listening
Speaker 3: to this, you're really hot. Yeah that's her. I know. Yeah,
Speaker 3: that's hurtful, sad for Matt. All right, last question.
Speaker 1: I lost my dad when I was a teenager from
Speaker 1: a neuro degenerative disorder. This disorder is genetic and each
Speaker 1: child has a fifty to fifty chance of inheriting it,
Speaker 1: with it being a dominant gene.
Speaker 3: Actually, you guys had a conversation with.
Speaker 2: Mega Marx about something that was inherited in a similar
Speaker 2: way four months ago. There is no cure or treatment,
Speaker 2: so it essentially is a death sentence. My sister is
Speaker 2: in the latest stages of the disease, having been diagnosed
Speaker 2: in her mid twenties. I haven't been tested due to
Speaker 2: not feeling ready, but I'm starting to look into testing
Speaker 2: now as I've started to realize how much it has
Speaker 2: held me back from things in my life I've such
Speaker 2: as my relationships and my career. At this stage, from
Speaker 2: our family history, it's looking like I don't have it.
Speaker 2: I have been single for a long time because of
Speaker 2: this and not wanting to bring someone into my life
Speaker 2: just in case I have it. For them to have
Speaker 2: to witness what my family is going through. I've been
Speaker 2: on a few dates recently, but a lot of the
Speaker 2: time people ask why I've been single for so long.
Speaker 2: At what stage do I tell them my family history.
Speaker 2: I don't want to scare people straight away, but also
Speaker 2: I don't want to misinform them.
Speaker 1: I feel very strongly that you do not owe a
Speaker 1: stranger your medical history. You don't have to tell them
Speaker 1: all the information because you don't know whether you want
Speaker 1: to be with them yet either. So I think have
Speaker 1: some grace for yourself. I can only imagine how challenging
Speaker 1: this has been for you. I can only imagine how
Speaker 1: horrible it must be to feel like you have a
Speaker 1: death sentence hanging over you and not want to burden
Speaker 1: anyone with that. Like that is a truly empathetic and
Speaker 1: kind way that you've approached it. But you also can't
Speaker 1: limit your your life and not live your life in
Speaker 1: the fear of something that could be ten years, twenty years,
Speaker 1: thirty years, a normal life span, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1: Imagine getting to a ripe old age and being like,
Speaker 1: I never lived my life to the fullest because I
Speaker 1: was so afraid of dying earlier, but it never happened,
Speaker 1: you will live with so much regret. And I know
Speaker 1: it's easy for me to say this because I'm not
Speaker 1: going through it, and so please forgive me if that
Speaker 1: comes across in any way ignorant or insensitive. But I
Speaker 1: just don't think that you have to share with someone
Speaker 1: your medical, your very very personal family medical history until
Speaker 1: you're at a point where you feel as though that
Speaker 1: person is worthy of you investing that in them, and
Speaker 1: then they can make up their decision if that's the case,
Speaker 1: and that might be then something that you have to
Speaker 1: go through that could potentially show whether they're either A
Speaker 1: invested or B. It might be hurtful if they decide
Speaker 1: it's too much for them. But I don't think it's
Speaker 1: wise for you to approach very early dating with the
Speaker 1: extremely heavy information of something that you don't have all
Speaker 1: the information for because people will always go to worst
Speaker 1: case scenario or they'll go, Okay, well do I want
Speaker 1: to invest my time in that? And thing is you
Speaker 1: just don't know the person yet, you don't know whether
Speaker 1: or not you want to invest your time in them.
Speaker 2: I completely agree with everything you've said, and I truly
Speaker 2: have a lot of empathy for the anxiety that you
Speaker 2: have to live with this space of not knowing, because
Speaker 2: I think it's a question that a lot of people,
Speaker 2: especially ones that have the potential of inheriting, and you're
Speaker 2: a generative disorder that is dominantly inherited. Often and I'm
Speaker 2: not sure if this is the case for yours, but
Speaker 2: often with dominant conditions like this, the age of onset
Speaker 2: gets younger as the generations go on. And so I
Speaker 2: think that, as you've stated, your sister is in the
Speaker 2: late stages of this disease.
Speaker 3: So I mean it's completely up to you.
Speaker 2: You've said that you're probably at the point where you
Speaker 2: are going to get tested yourself, and I just send
Speaker 2: so much love to you for that, because that would
Speaker 2: just be such a fucking heart desis to make, because
Speaker 2: on one hand, it could give you so much freedom
Speaker 2: because it could say you're in the clear and then
Speaker 2: hopefully your anxieties about this would go away.
Speaker 1: But also even if you do get tested for that,
Speaker 1: if it's something that's hereditary in your family, is there
Speaker 1: still the fear around or could I pass it on
Speaker 1: through a recessive gene to my child? Will that then
Speaker 1: be a consideration for a partner if you want to
Speaker 1: have children together, Like, does it go beyond it just
Speaker 1: being about you and then a being about like what
Speaker 1: your next generation could look like if you do want
Speaker 1: to have children.
Speaker 2: Is that something that you're grappling with four dominant conditions?
Speaker 2: That's not usually the case for recessive conditions. It absolutely
Speaker 2: is something that you would need to go through genetic
Speaker 2: testing if you were It's sorry, you may want to
Speaker 2: go through genetic testing if you wanted to have a child.
Speaker 3: But the other thing that I think you may be
Speaker 3: kind of missing in.
Speaker 2: This is that you're kind of talking about, like, at
Speaker 2: what stage do I tell them about my family history? Again,
Speaker 2: they're not entitled to that information, but when you find
Speaker 2: someone that you feel comfortable sharing that with, that's a
Speaker 2: very real thing that you're experiencing in your life and
Speaker 2: that you're having to go through with your family and
Speaker 2: be alongside your sister as she is going through this condition.
Speaker 2: And I think it's really really sad, But I do
Speaker 2: understand where it comes from that you haven't wanted to
Speaker 2: let someone get close because right now you're dealing with
Speaker 2: a lot. So I think just kind of try and
Speaker 2: take the pressure off of yourself because you are experiencing
Speaker 2: something that many, many, many of us will never.
Speaker 3: Have to go through.
Speaker 2: And I don't want you to also be hard on yourself,
Speaker 2: being like, oh, but I'm also not achieving in my
Speaker 2: career and not achieving in my relationships. Totally, totally, You're
Speaker 2: actually you're doing a fucking good job.
Speaker 1: Well, you're also in survival mode. You can't be flourishing
Speaker 1: in areas of your life when you're in survival mode.
Speaker 1: That I almost want to I mean, in knowing that
Speaker 1: you don't know, and whether you do go and get
Speaker 1: tested or don't get tested as entirely up to you
Speaker 1: and how what will give you less or more anxiety,
Speaker 1: Like how you feel is the better way for you
Speaker 1: to live. But I think it's important to kind of
Speaker 1: flip the script a little bit, And I guess I
Speaker 1: want to ask the question of if this was happening
Speaker 1: to someone else, if there was someone else who is
Speaker 1: in your life, who you loved, who had the possibility
Speaker 1: or the situation that you were in, would you think
Speaker 1: that they're deserving of love or a relationship. Would you
Speaker 1: think that they're still deserving of somebody out there wanting
Speaker 1: to be with them or would you say to your
Speaker 1: family member or your friend, Actually that's too much of
Speaker 1: a burden, Like what would be your honest opinion if
Speaker 1: it wasn't about yourself but it was about someone else,
Speaker 1: And because I'm talking about you, I would say, you're
Speaker 1: so deserving of being loved, just so deserving of a relationship.
Speaker 1: And somebody who wants to be with you will make
Speaker 1: the choice as though they're opting in. But you've got
Speaker 1: to give them the opportunity to make that decision if
Speaker 1: they want to make it, you know, But I think
Speaker 1: you only have to give that decision to someone who
Speaker 1: is worthy of it, of someone who's invested, of someone
Speaker 1: who is deserving of that information. And you don't have
Speaker 1: to tell anyone who you don't that information, because that's
Speaker 1: something that's earned when there's a level of connection and
Speaker 1: trust and commitment.
Speaker 2: Almost absolutely, And it sounds by the way you've written
Speaker 2: this in that you've kind of gone on the assumption
Speaker 2: that if you were to tell anyone that this was
Speaker 2: the case and that you were positive for the genetic mutation,
Speaker 2: you're kind of assuming that they would run for the hills,
Speaker 2: you know, like you're not actually giving them the opportunity.
Speaker 3: To say, Okay, well, like, what's this going to look
Speaker 3: like for us?
Speaker 2: You're just kind of making the firm assumption that no
Speaker 2: one would want to be with you. And exactly like
Speaker 2: you said, Laura, you're very worthy of love.
Speaker 1: And I'm really sorry for what you're going through and
Speaker 1: what your sister and your family are experiencing as well,
Speaker 1: because it must be really, really really challenging and very difficult.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, I know.
Speaker 1: When we spoke to Megan, she spoke about going through
Speaker 1: a very very similar situation and going through the real
Speaker 1: considerations around what would dating look like. Maybe it would
Speaker 1: give you some souls to have listened to that episode,
Speaker 1: to talk to other people who maybe have been in
Speaker 1: similar situations, how they navigated the idea of day, whether
Speaker 1: it's something they felt comfortable to do, Because I mean,
Speaker 1: we can tell you what we think, but at the
Speaker 1: same time, we have never been in this situation, so
Speaker 1: I hope that we're approaching it with enough empathy and
Speaker 1: with you know, enough understanding from the little bit of
Speaker 1: information that you've given us. We'll link the Mega Marks
Speaker 1: episode in the show notes as well if you want
Speaker 1: to have a listen to it and go back so
Speaker 1: you can find it easily. But that is it from
Speaker 1: ask Guys. If you have any questions for Ask gun Cut,
Speaker 1: slide into the DMS at Life on Cut podcast and
Speaker 1: pop it in there. Also, if you have any accidentally
Speaker 1: unfiltered stories or anything at all, you know where.
Speaker 3: To find us.
Speaker 2: I've just realized this might be my last Ask gun
Speaker 2: Cut for a while. Brit might be back next week.
Speaker 3: I mean, well, I don't know, I who know who knows?
Speaker 2: Keep voting Vote boy, Vote boy, vote because if she wins,
Speaker 2: one hundred thousand dollars will be going to a very
Speaker 2: deserving charity in Rise Up.
Speaker 3: So it works tenfold.
Speaker 1: Right One, if you keep voting, Brick could win, which
Speaker 1: is also a win. And then also if you keep
Speaker 1: voting producer Key, she says on the podcast longer like
Speaker 1: everyone's in a winter back, might detraction can bring proof?
Speaker 1: I no, absolutely not. I have loved having you on
Speaker 1: the podcast. I have loved recording alongside you. Anyway, Guys,
Speaker 1: you know the drill. Please mom, tea, your dad, tell you, doctor,
Speaker 1: your friends and shadel love because we love love