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Speaker 1: It's The Happy Family's Podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for the time poor parent They just wants.

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Speaker 1: Answers mew Friday is one of those days we start

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Speaker 1: to exhale, breathe a sigh of relief. The weekend's almost here,

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Speaker 1: which means you get to have all that time with

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Speaker 1: the family and do all the washing, and do all

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Speaker 1: the mill prep, and do the shopping and do all

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Speaker 1: the other things that make it so that you can hopefully,

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Speaker 1: hopefully scratch away through another week white knuckling it. Hello,

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Speaker 1: this is doctor Justin Colson. I am the for a

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Speaker 1: bunch of balks about how to make your family happier

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Speaker 1: and the husband of the start of today's show, missus

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Speaker 1: Happy Families, Mum to our six daughters and one grand baby.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're not mom to the grand baby. You know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. I'm trying to get it all in grandmum.

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Speaker 1: And this is the number one podcast in Australia for

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Speaker 1: parenting and family. It's called The Happy Family's Podcast, The

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Speaker 1: podcast for the time poor parent who just wants Answers Now.

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Speaker 1: Every Friday in the pole we talk about how we've

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Speaker 1: done things well or how we haven't done things well.

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Speaker 1: We get a little bit analytical so that we can

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Speaker 1: try to do better tomorrow. The name of the podcast

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Speaker 1: on a Friday, I'll do better tomorrow, Kylie. I'm going

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Speaker 1: first today, and I'm not really talking so much about parenting.

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Speaker 1: I'm talking about life. Reason being I tried to share

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Speaker 1: this last week, but you decided to share with the

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Speaker 1: world my terrible games night parenting fiasco.

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Speaker 2: Well, what happened at our last games night?

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Speaker 1: I didn't play, he didn't play. Following on from the podcast,

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Speaker 1: we had another night around the table with cards, and

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Speaker 1: I said, actually, I had a good reason for not playing,

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Speaker 1: other than the fact that I hate it and I'm

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Speaker 1: a bad sport and I don't do games very well.

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Speaker 1: My number one reason was I had Delhi belly. I

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Speaker 1: went to a conference. I was a speaker there. I

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Speaker 1: spoke before lunch, then went and had lunch, and they

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Speaker 1: served up some dodgy lamb, an Indian Lamb dish that

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Speaker 1: even as I was eating, I was thinking, not sure,

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Speaker 1: but too many calories were necessary, So I swatted it anyway,

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Speaker 1: for the next forty eight hours, I was pretty crook.

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Speaker 1: So that's the reason that I really didn't do it anyway. Today,

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Speaker 1: I want to talk about what I was going to

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Speaker 1: talk about last week, which it does have a fairly

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Speaker 1: somber tone to it. Nevertheless, I'm hopeful that it's one

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Speaker 1: of those things that reminds us about what life is

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Speaker 1: all about. Over the last twelve months, we've lost four

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Speaker 1: people who are close to us. We lost my paternal

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Speaker 1: grandmother about a year ago. We lost my nephew in November.

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Speaker 1: We lost a very good friend of mine under similar

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Speaker 1: circumstances to that of my nephew just about a month ago,

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Speaker 1: and a couple of weeks back, my grandfather, my maternal grandfather,

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Speaker 1: the last of my grandparents, also left this I think

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Speaker 1: the official term for it is this mortal coil. I

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Speaker 1: don't know why they call it a coil, but my

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Speaker 1: grandfather died as well.

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Speaker 2: And you look at our kids' lives and just how

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Speaker 2: richly blessed they've been because not only do they have

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Speaker 2: in grandparents. Chanelle's nearly twenty five, and she's.

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Speaker 1: Had great grandparents all the way through in her life

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Speaker 1: and has facilitated connection. I mean, it's been really, really nice,

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Speaker 1: but with the loss of so many people who really

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Speaker 1: do matter to me, that it's been caused for a

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Speaker 1: lot of reflection, and in why I'll Do Better Tomorrow,

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Speaker 1: I want to emphasize one core concept, and that is

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Speaker 1: that a good death can only come after a good life.

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Speaker 1: Get a little bit weepy thinking about it, So terror

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Speaker 1: management theory, I want to get psychological and scientific for

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Speaker 1: a moment, so I don't get too emotional. Terror management

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Speaker 1: theory argues, at least in part, that if you cling

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Speaker 1: to life, which is like, we all live with this

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Speaker 1: existential dread, we all know that we're going to die

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Speaker 1: one day, and most of us just pretend that it's

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Speaker 1: not going to happen. But they argue in this theory

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Speaker 1: that if you cling to life, you don't really live,

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Speaker 1: but if you cling to death, you really do live.

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Speaker 1: In other words, the more you maintain a remembrance of

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Speaker 1: your mortality and the fact that you will die, the

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Speaker 1: more likely it is that you will treasure every moment

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Speaker 1: the great paradox you manage the reality that you're going

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Speaker 1: to die well and you'll live fully. Does that make sense?

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it does, it does. But like you said, it's

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Speaker 2: a bit somber, isn't it.

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Speaker 1: It kind of is. But I think really at the

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Speaker 1: truxt of what they're saying is in the face of death,

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Speaker 1: you're going to gravitate to your core worldview more fully.

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Speaker 1: You're going to focus on living your values out the

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Speaker 1: very best that you can. The more you focus on

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Speaker 1: and reflect on and recognize the terminal nature of life,

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Speaker 1: we're all going to end up six foot under or

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Speaker 1: scattered somewhere in the beautiful ocean or mountaintop or something

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Speaker 1: like that. We don't Oh gosh, I'm going to get

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Speaker 1: a little bit sentimental for a second. We don't count

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Speaker 1: the days. We make the days count. And as I

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Speaker 1: reflect on everything that's occurred in the last twelve months,

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Speaker 1: my main I'll do a better tomorrow is just that

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Speaker 1: other people matter. When we remember that we're going to die,

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Speaker 1: we invest more fully in life. And the last year

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Speaker 1: has been a constant reminder that this is what life

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Speaker 1: does to us. It causes us to have these moments

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Speaker 1: and ah, I mean, it's hard, and yet it's through

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Speaker 1: the hard stuff, it's through the adversity and the affliction

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Speaker 1: and the challenge and the difficulty that we live more

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Speaker 1: fully and have much more rich lives.

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Speaker 2: I spent the weekend with my sisters recently, and while

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Speaker 2: we were out walking there was a couple of tourists

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Speaker 2: who asked if I could take their photo, and then

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Speaker 2: we continued to have maybe a five to seven minute

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Speaker 2: conversation about what they might do in the area. They

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Speaker 2: only had a few hours, and they were just kind

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Speaker 2: of really interested to make the most of it. And

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Speaker 2: when I finally came back to my sisters, they said,

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Speaker 2: so are they coming for lunch? And they just gave

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Speaker 2: me a little bit of a hard time that wherever

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Speaker 2: I go, I managed to have conversations with people and

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Speaker 2: people gravitate to me. And I've been thinking about that

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Speaker 2: and just I don't think that there is a higher

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Speaker 2: compliment that anyone could give me in that. I just

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Speaker 2: I love being around people, and I love I love

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Speaker 2: hearing their stories, and I love being able to just

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Speaker 2: add whatever little glimmer of light to their life, and

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Speaker 2: that they were able to see that. And just like

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Speaker 2: I said, it was in jest, but there was just

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Speaker 2: this beautiful acknowledgment that people feel safe to come and

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Speaker 2: talk to me, and it just it just added an

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Speaker 2: extra bounce to my step through the day.

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Speaker 1: You get to enjoy people, Yeah, putting yourself out there

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Speaker 1: and inviting others in it's so enriching. Other people matter,

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Speaker 1: mishappy families. What is yours? I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 2: We've talked lots about family meetings on the podcast lately,

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Speaker 2: and they often say that you teach what you need

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Speaker 2: to learn the most. And we've been really, really, really

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Speaker 2: slack over the last little while.

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Speaker 1: Well, we came back from a holiday and we just

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Speaker 1: never got back into any kind of routine or any

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Speaker 1: sense of functionality. It's been pretty Can I say maladaptive?

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Speaker 1: Can I say dysfunctional? Yeah, it's been pretty rough, hasn't

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Speaker 1: it yet?

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Speaker 2: When I asked the kids at the beginning of the meeting,

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Speaker 2: if they were to raid us out of ten, how

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Speaker 2: our family was functioning.

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Speaker 1: You're not supposed to share this part.

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Speaker 2: I won't share the scores, but let's say we didn't

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Speaker 2: even reach five. Life has been pretty crazy.

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Speaker 1: I think most of the scores were between two and

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Speaker 1: oh no, we had a zero point five zero five. Yeah,

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Speaker 1: I'm going down. I wanted to start nicely. It just

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Speaker 1: got worse as we went around the room.

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Speaker 2: But this is what I love about family meetings. We

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Speaker 2: were able to sit there as a family. We're talking ten, fourteen,

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Speaker 2: and seventeen and.

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Speaker 1: She's not seventeen. Don't say it. Yeah, it's coming up,

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Speaker 1: it's coming up. But if you tell us she's seventeen,

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Speaker 1: she'll take it too far.

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Speaker 2: And there was absolute acknowledgment of where we were at,

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Speaker 2: but there was also accountability. And this is what I

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Speaker 2: love about family meetings. There is an acknowledgment that right

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Speaker 2: now our family doesn't feel great. And so as we

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Speaker 2: were able.

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Speaker 1: To say, see, we didn't didn't because it's been a

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Speaker 1: good week.

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Speaker 2: As we were able to sit in that place, we

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Speaker 2: were able to then highlight what are the things that

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Speaker 2: we do that makes our family feel great. They were

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Speaker 2: the ones that came up with the things. If I

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Speaker 2: had have given them that list, we would have had

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Speaker 2: an absolute riot. They would have said, Nope, not doing it,

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Speaker 2: don't want to do that. But because they recognize those

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Speaker 2: are the key factors that make our family great, it's

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Speaker 2: meant we've had one of the best weeks we've had.

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Speaker 2: One of the decisions we made this is huge. One

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Speaker 2: of the decisions we made was that we're not moving

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Speaker 2: our bodies as much as we would like.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I thought you were going to say that we're

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Speaker 1: getting rid of all of our subscriptions. That was another

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Speaker 1: big decision, but they bought into it. Sorry, I know

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Speaker 1: the moving your body thing is a big deal here,

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Speaker 1: but when you sit down with the kids and say,

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Speaker 1: what are you noticing, let's get your feedback, and then

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Speaker 1: the conversation organically moves to we've got problems with screens,

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Speaker 1: and then the children, well they didn't suggest it, are

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Speaker 1: receptive to parents saying let's cut off the subscriptions and

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Speaker 1: reduce our screen usage. Like I mean, in what world

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Speaker 1: does that happen? With teenagers?

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Speaker 2: We've always had a rule that we don't have phones

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Speaker 2: in the bedroom, but over time phones have become the

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Speaker 2: alarm clock or you know, they're talking to their friends

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Speaker 2: or whatever, and so from time to time they slip up.

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Speaker 2: And again there was just an acknowledgment. I need an

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Speaker 2: alarm clock so that I can put my phone away

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Speaker 2: so it's not in my room at nighttime. And I just,

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Speaker 2: like I said, I just love that there's this complete

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Speaker 2: buy in because it's their decision.

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Speaker 1: So go back to the whole exercise thing, because this

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Speaker 1: is or the waking up order. I know where you're

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Speaker 1: going now, but I cut you off. Let's go back

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Speaker 1: to that because this is mind boggling.

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Speaker 2: So you get up at about quarter to five.

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Speaker 1: Issu yep, and you go for a bike ride. Horrible.

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Speaker 2: And because of homeschooling, the younger girls haven't really had

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Speaker 2: a wake up time or even a bedtime, so to speak.

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Speaker 2: We've just been kind of going through the motions and

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Speaker 2: falling where we fall, which has meant this has been

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Speaker 2: really really challenging. So we sat down and we talked

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Speaker 2: to them about the fact that we're not moving our

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Speaker 2: body as much as we should and how might we

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Speaker 2: change that. And one of the things that I love

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Speaker 2: doing since we've moved to the coast is going for

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Speaker 2: an early morning walk. So a few weeks ago I

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Speaker 2: took Emily with me, but she wore her roller skates.

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Speaker 2: She doesn't want to walk with me, but she's really

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Speaker 2: happy to roller skate. So the decision was made that

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Speaker 2: Lily would walk the dog, Emily would roller skate, which

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Speaker 2: in turn forces me to walk much faster than I

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Speaker 2: would walk on my own, and that we would do

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Speaker 2: that and I would wake them at five fift We're

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Speaker 2: right in the middle of winter.

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Speaker 1: Look, this is a ten year old and a fourteen

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Speaker 1: year old. In fairness, it's a Sunshine Coast winter. It's

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Speaker 1: not like we're in Canberra or Melbourne. Still cold is.

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Speaker 2: It's still cold and it's still dark. And can I

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Speaker 2: tell you when I woke them up on day one?

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Speaker 2: As soon as the light went on in the hallway

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Speaker 2: and I opened Lily's door, she like her eyes like

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Speaker 2: popped open and she jumped up. This is unheard off.

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Speaker 1: It really is.

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Speaker 2: This is unheard of.

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Speaker 1: But they chose it. This is the thing in the

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Speaker 1: family meeting. They chose it. We didn't force it on them.

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Speaker 1: We just said we need to move our bodies. And

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Speaker 1: we brainstormed and worked on solutions until everyone came up

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Speaker 1: with something that they could buy into and get on

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Speaker 1: board with.

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Speaker 2: And then when I went into Emily, Emily, this is

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Speaker 2: huge for Emily. I mean ten years of age and

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Speaker 2: we're waking up just before six o'clock. She looked at

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Speaker 2: me and she said, Mummy, I'm still really tired. And

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Speaker 2: I said that's okay. Would you like to sleep in

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Speaker 2: this morning? And she said no, jumped out of bed,

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Speaker 2: found a roller, skates, jumped in the car. The time

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Speaker 2: I did the school drop off nine am, the house

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Speaker 2: is reset because the kids have now got their jobs

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Speaker 2: that they do while I'm gone. We've had family devotion,

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Speaker 2: We've exercised, fed and walked the dog, and our days

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Speaker 2: ready to start boom And what I just I can't

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Speaker 2: emphasize this enough. The buy in that comes from family meetings,

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Speaker 2: when everybody takes accountability for the part they play in

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Speaker 2: how our family feels and functions is life changing.

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Speaker 1: Our family Meetings episode was just a couple of weeks ago.

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Speaker 1: We'll link to it in the show notes. It's worth

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Speaker 1: scrolling back for and finding working through it now. One

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Speaker 1: quick thing because our family was such a mess. We

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Speaker 1: took several hours to have this one. This was an

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Speaker 1: all day event, and we preempted it by letting the

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Speaker 1: girls know that it was going to be a long

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Speaker 1: one and to buckle in and get ready. We put

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Speaker 1: together meal lists. I mean, we do a lot, but

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Speaker 1: the different across week one. Enthusiasm is still there.

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Speaker 2: Emily's had a sleep and a couple of mornings. She

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Speaker 2: hasn't come with us every morning.

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Speaker 1: But we're not looking for perfection.

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Speaker 2: We're leading ahead of progress because we've all good.

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Speaker 1: Buy in, great great story, So glad you share that.

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Speaker 1: Hopefully you've gotten some personal wisdom or at least some

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Speaker 1: ideas to make your family happier and to do better

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Speaker 1: tomorrow as you've listened today, thank you so much for

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Speaker 1: choosing to spend your time with us. We just love

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Speaker 1: that you're here. We love that you want to listen

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Speaker 1: to something that we think will make a big difference

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Speaker 1: in your family. The Happy Families Podcast is produced by

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Speaker 1: Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. We hope you have a wonderful,

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Speaker 1: wonderful weekend. If you would like to know how to

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Speaker 1: make your family happier, check out our Happy Families memberships.

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Speaker 1: All the details at happy families dot com dot you.

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Speaker 1: There's stuff for you to do with the kids, there's

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Speaker 1: stuff specifically for the kids, and of course there's all

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Speaker 1: the parenting help that you could possibly need. It's all

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Speaker 1: their happy families dot com dot you. On Monday, we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about Risky Play, what it is, some

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Speaker 1: of benefits it has, The Keys