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Speaker 1: This is a podcast about failure with me. Lola Berry, author, nutritionist,

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Speaker 1: and yoga teacher, join me as we get to know

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Speaker 1: these guests and learn about how their failures have ultimately

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Speaker 1: shaped their dreams. Welcome to Fearlessly Failing with Lola Berry. Hello,

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Speaker 1: it's Lols here. This next guest is Lauren Miller. Now,

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Speaker 1: Laura Miller heads up the management agency that I am with.

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Speaker 1: I'm lucky to be on the gang and on the

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Speaker 1: books there. We've been mates and obviously she's been my

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Speaker 1: manager for quite a few years now, I'd say to

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Speaker 1: be maybe around the seven or eight year mark. When

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Speaker 1: I ask Lauren to be on this podcast, she goes

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Speaker 1: on one can do? Can I please talk about online dating?

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Speaker 1: And I was like, hell yes. So Lauren shares what

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Speaker 1: it's like to date in this day and age when

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Speaker 1: she's a single mom, she runs her own business. She's

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Speaker 1: a go getter, she's passionate, she's driven, and sometimes that

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Speaker 1: can be intimidating to people. So she's just a pocket rocket,

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Speaker 1: pocket dynamo. And it's a joy to have you on here. Lauren.

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Speaker 1: Enjoy Lauren Miller, Welcome, Thank you. This is Lauren Miller,

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Speaker 1: a talent agent manager. How long have we been?

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Speaker 2: I would say it's twenty nineteen. It could be nine

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Speaker 2: eight is it eight years? Maybe? I reckon I would leasure.

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Speaker 1: Because as soon as I moved to Sydney, I'd signed

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Speaker 1: the dot line like we.

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Speaker 2: Well, yes, said we won't represent to you unless you

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Speaker 2: moved to Sydney.

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Speaker 1: And now now I'm like popping back and forth around.

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Speaker 1: At the start of not this year, last year, you

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Speaker 1: were like, our theme is to be nimble. And when

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Speaker 1: you and I had a meeting on mon Monday or Tuesday,

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Speaker 1: you were like, it's nimble with structure. Yes, and I

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Speaker 1: love that. It's like my now, it's like that's becoming

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Speaker 1: my work motto.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Absolutely, And so I you know, I've been in

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Speaker 2: the in the business which is now called HMMG but

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Speaker 2: formerly the Harriet Miller for over twenty one years now.

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Speaker 2: I started in nineteen ninety seven straight from UNI June sixteen,

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Speaker 2: to be to be clear, And yeah, so I did

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Speaker 2: straight from UNI. I didn't finish UNI. I did a

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Speaker 2: couple of years. I had a hell of a lot

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Speaker 2: of fun and I basically said to my father at

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Speaker 2: that time, I am wasting your money, which he was

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Speaker 2: not a fan of ever, and at that time, the

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Speaker 2: receptionist role at the what was called the Paria Miller

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Speaker 2: and Co. Management was open, and I'd done that job

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Speaker 2: for you know, four dollars fifty an hour as a teenager,

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Speaker 2: and so I stepped into that role and that was

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Speaker 2: in nineteen ninety seven.

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Speaker 1: And then from there you kind of like ps to

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Speaker 1: hear a few people walking past, we are in the

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Speaker 1: wonderful caf new.

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Speaker 2: It's okay, it's fabulous, yeah, isn't it?

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Speaker 1: Just even the artist room is done by local artists.

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Speaker 1: Now I've put all over and stuff. So when you

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Speaker 1: went from a receptionist, you just climbed the ranks.

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Speaker 2: Right, Yeah. So I did my you know, sort of

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Speaker 2: it was a learning curve and a steep one. And

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Speaker 2: I went from receptionist a client management assistant to being

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Speaker 2: an agent and then a senior agent. And then as

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Speaker 2: my father's kind of started his transition out of the business,

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Speaker 2: which was sort of about two thousand and started about

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Speaker 2: two thousand and eight two thousand and nine, came CEO

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Speaker 2: and then I've I've owned the business since twenty ten. Wow,

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Speaker 2: And so that brought about, as you can imagine, succession

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Speaker 2: planning in any business is challenging. Succession planning in a

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Speaker 2: family business when your father's Harry and Miller was triple that. However,

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Speaker 2: we worked through that and his health was not in

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Speaker 2: a great space anyway. So the succession, I say, was

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Speaker 2: a long time in the planning, but very quick to

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Speaker 2: happen in the end.

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Speaker 1: Okay.

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Speaker 2: And so then twenty and ten was that big year.

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Speaker 2: Left Darlinghurst, thank goodness, had moved to Fox Studios. I

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Speaker 2: loved being at Fox Studios's a magic.

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Speaker 1: There's a magic about being on Fox Studio. Weren't they

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Speaker 1: cutting Gatsby.

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Speaker 2: Oh they're incredible films and television and big shiny floor TV.

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Speaker 1: I made and you'd see the buggies like I remember

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Speaker 1: the first time when I was like, oh my god,

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Speaker 1: this is where that, this is where shit happens in Australia.

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Speaker 1: You could feel that.

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Speaker 2: But also you'd go what I loved being a part

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Speaker 2: of that community, made incredible friends and you know, network

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Speaker 2: and all of those things. But you know, a from

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Speaker 2: a business sense, you go and have a coffee in

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Speaker 2: the morning at the at the cafe, and you know

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Speaker 2: a head of production or a head of you know,

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Speaker 2: a head of broadcast or you know, or not from

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Speaker 2: the network or from Foxtel or brands or whatnot would

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Speaker 2: be there having a coffee too, and it would kind

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Speaker 2: of spur about that, Oh, I've been meaning to call

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Speaker 2: you about this kind or that. So in front of mine,

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Speaker 2: it delivered. It delivered on that front, and loved it.

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Speaker 2: But then in probably more a bit more connected to

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Speaker 2: my sort of personal story, in twenty seventeen, I have

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Speaker 2: found myself in a little bit of a I just

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Speaker 2: was having a bit of a midlife shift, you know,

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Speaker 2: I'd settled my divorce, I was turning forty that year,

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Speaker 2: I was in a relationship. I was you know, building,

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Speaker 2: you know, building and doing things with Joshi.

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Speaker 1: And you were running this entire business and looking after

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Speaker 1: a few brady clients, one of them probably being myself

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Speaker 1: not too.

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Speaker 2: Ready, they've been worse, but really and celebrated twenty years

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Speaker 2: in the business that year and in June of that year,

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Speaker 2: and I sort of looked over there was a gathering

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Speaker 2: of clients and friends and family, and my partner at

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Speaker 2: the time was in the room, and I sort of

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Speaker 2: looked across all these people and I and I was

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Speaker 2: making a speech and I became incredibly emotional. It was

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Speaker 2: like this deep sob within and just something in me

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Speaker 2: was just not I was not happy. I felt the

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Speaker 2: pressure of not letting people down and letting myself down,

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Speaker 2: and I thought like, I've got to get to the

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Speaker 2: bottom of it, and so professionally I wanted to get

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Speaker 2: to the bottom of it. And long story short, within

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Speaker 2: about six months we exited the office at Fox Studio.

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Speaker 2: Better Joshi into you my son to start kindergarten. I'd

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Speaker 2: said to I had some you know some stuff, said oh, well,

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Speaker 2: I want to go here, and I want to move

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Speaker 2: over here, and I want to go and work in film.

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Speaker 2: And I said, okay, well, let's just sit tight. Let's

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Speaker 2: not replace them, Let's we had clients moving overseas. It

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Speaker 2: was a huge sort of a lot of people were

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Speaker 2: making a bit of a transition in their life and

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Speaker 2: career and whatnot, and I did too, and I just

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Speaker 2: sort of pushed myself to sit on the razor's edge

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Speaker 2: for a bit and we were very much, you know,

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Speaker 2: hmmg in the cloud for a couple of months. Better

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Speaker 2: Joshi into school, and then made that realization that I

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Speaker 2: was not made to be a stay at home mum,

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Speaker 2: and I was not made to work from home, and

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Speaker 2: it was only are going to be temporary. But you

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Speaker 2: know the nature of our businesses we need to be

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Speaker 2: we need to be around people, we need to be

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Speaker 2: in community, we need to be talking to people, bouncing

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Speaker 2: off people. And so again all these sort of really

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Speaker 2: uncomfortable moments kind of pushed me, you know, pushed me

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Speaker 2: to seek out, well, where do we want to you know,

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Speaker 2: where do we want to be where? You know, where

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Speaker 2: where should the company be? And what I knew then too,

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Speaker 2: was that I was totally tapped for capacity. You know,

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Speaker 2: the nature of the management business had become really transactional

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Speaker 2: and this sort of high volume of transactions and which

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Speaker 2: is you know, where they you know, where the sort

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Speaker 2: of the brand or network spend or what things are gone.

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Speaker 2: So I'm totally tapped for capacity. But I didn't feel

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Speaker 2: like I was actually reaching the return on what I

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Speaker 2: was really capable of. And I thought, I need to

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Speaker 2: I want to find I want to find projects that

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Speaker 2: I can get involved in that could actually build, that

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Speaker 2: can tap into my what I thought it was capable of.

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Speaker 2: And then that you know that Naomi Simpson is one

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Speaker 2: of is one of our clients, and again, long story short,

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Speaker 2: we ended up HMMG ended up moving into her working

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Speaker 2: space of the company she founded co founded called the

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Speaker 2: Big Red Group with Ian's experienced Browns like Red BALLOONA

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Speaker 2: and Joan and I. It's got a vibe and so

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Speaker 2: you know, at the time that had seventy people in

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Speaker 2: this we work space in Carrington Street. It's now about

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Speaker 2: one hundred and so we sit independently as HMMG. But

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Speaker 2: as you can see, as you've seen, you know, it's

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Speaker 2: all open plan. We've got obviously direct access to Naomi,

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Speaker 2: which is helpful when you've got lots of work on,

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Speaker 2: but also we're surrounded by incredible consumer markets. It's incredible tech,

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Speaker 2: amazing sort of product management tables, and it's so and

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Speaker 2: literally the from where I was feeling at the end

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Speaker 2: of twenty seventeen and this you know, I need to

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Speaker 2: shift the way I'm doing life and business. You know,

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Speaker 2: fast forward into being in this incredible, you know, dynamic,

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Speaker 2: ever changing sort of commerce environment, tech environment that it

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Speaker 2: just brought about a huge amount of just that big

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Speaker 2: energy shift and united enthusiasm. And I was working in

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Speaker 2: the city for the first time in my whole career,

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Speaker 2: like Smiley. We're on the train every day into Martin

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Speaker 2: Place and I walk down Martin Place and I feel

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Speaker 2: grateful for that.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, thank god.

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Speaker 2: I never would have thought that we would have been there.

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Speaker 2: So the reason why circling back, the reason why we say,

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Speaker 2: you know where nimble with structure is that we sit

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Speaker 2: inside this incredible coworking environment, but we're incredibly nimble within it.

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Speaker 2: You know, Rachel who works with me and also Jenny,

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Speaker 2: or you know we do work with Haley and Lee

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Speaker 2: from Frankie and Jenny we both used to work at

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Speaker 2: HMMG or with me at HMMG. We you know, we

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Speaker 2: mostly all have kids or there's partners or we have

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Speaker 2: that kind of flexibility and openness in our communications of

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Speaker 2: what we need to get done in our lives and

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Speaker 2: in our work. And it's just really worked.

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Speaker 1: And can I say, as a client of yours coming

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Speaker 1: into that space, every time I come in, you'll introduce

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Speaker 1: me to someone in the space, or you'll it's got

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Speaker 1: this feeling of like possibility and potential like that really

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Speaker 1: like it's like a super inspiring kind of buzz which

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Speaker 1: and I think it suits you to a tea like

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Speaker 1: when you were like, you've actually inspired me because I

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Speaker 1: find it really hard to work at home. I have

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Speaker 1: to take myself out of home into a space where

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Speaker 1: I don't know if it's like you don't mean level

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Speaker 1: of your brain change, but you know you can't walk

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Speaker 1: to the fridge or you can't just like do these

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Speaker 1: little things that get you stop you being on track.

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Speaker 1: It sounds like you're just in like this kind of

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Speaker 1: like think tank. Yep.

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Speaker 2: Absolutely, And it means that we can we can go

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Speaker 2: you know, being a coworking space that you know, you

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Speaker 2: can go into different spaces if you need to make

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Speaker 2: a private phone call, there's like a roof deck, there's

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Speaker 2: you know, always sort of cool and interesting speakers happening,

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Speaker 2: and there's always a space to be if you need

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Speaker 2: thinking space. There are you know, systems in place within

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Speaker 2: the you know, big Red Group if you know where

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Speaker 2: you need assistance or help or talk to people or whatnot.

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Speaker 2: And both Rachel and I sud have also have a

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Speaker 2: Big Red Group identities to email addresses and things and

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Speaker 2: get very involved in that community. That was sort of

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Speaker 2: very much what Noa, I mean David wanted wanted us

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Speaker 2: to do is be a part of our community just

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Speaker 2: a lot. I love being a part of it too.

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Speaker 2: But it also led to this idea of where I

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Speaker 2: could work on special projects for them, which I have

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Speaker 2: over the last eighteen months where I'm I'm bringing my

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Speaker 2: networking experience into special projects with them and built out,

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Speaker 2: you know, some sort of project consultancy, which again I've

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Speaker 2: I've really relished and been grateful for as well. And

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Speaker 2: you know long way that continue.

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Speaker 1: And do you find that that's perfect for you with

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Speaker 1: your how old's Joshi? Now?

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Speaker 2: Joshi is seven and a half because we find three

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Speaker 2: daily when how far away his birthday is? Because he's planning,

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Speaker 2: been planning his birthday party since the day after the

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Speaker 2: last on.

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Speaker 1: What's he planning? Because you I remember the year Do

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Speaker 1: you remember when you made the rainbow layer cake from scratch?

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Speaker 2: Because you only need to make a rainbow cake once

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Speaker 2: to prove that you can make a rainbow cake. It

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Speaker 2: was literally it could be. It's right up there with

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Speaker 2: one of the greatest days of my life. One of

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Speaker 2: my greatest achievements was baking around Bouquete.

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Speaker 1: I love so I obviously only on Instagram, and I

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Speaker 1: love that You've got this beautiful balance. Well, it comes across.

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Speaker 1: So you've got this beautiful balance of like work, and

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Speaker 1: then you've got this beautiful soul Joshi, yeah's your heart. Yeah.

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Speaker 2: And I you know, I talk to I talk openly

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Speaker 2: about Joshi because I love you know, Josh's on the spectrum.

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Speaker 2: He's diagnosed an autistic at two and a half, has

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Speaker 2: had you know, the amazing thing about autistic kids is,

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Speaker 2: you know, particularly if you're really on board, is you

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Speaker 2: get out what you put in, and they they love,

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Speaker 2: you know, can thrive with intervention and thrive with you know,

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Speaker 2: love and engagement and tight hugs and whatnot. And the

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Speaker 2: reason why I'm really open about Joshi too on Facebook

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Speaker 2: or Instagram and whatnot, is he's got his own sort

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Speaker 2: of cheer squad of people. Then oh my god, listen

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Speaker 2: to him reading, you know, like he didn't he didn't

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Speaker 2: awkward three and a half four, you know, like he

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Speaker 2: didn't have language, and now he's now he sort of

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Speaker 2: reads like in like one of the best readers in

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Speaker 2: his class in first grade. And so you know, people,

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Speaker 2: I love that people have kind of joined that sort

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Speaker 2: of journey with him too. But also you know, I

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Speaker 2: want them to go, oh well, you you know, you

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Speaker 2: can see what anything's possible. You can see what's possible

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Speaker 2: and that people might meet a friend or somebody else

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Speaker 2: to say, which is you know, which has happened. I

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Speaker 2: have this friend who I'd love you to talk to them.

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Speaker 2: Their sons has been diagnosed, and you know, and I've

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Speaker 2: learned some hard lessons.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, have there been some moments where you.

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Speaker 2: Like, there was there was The biggest defining moment was

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Speaker 2: we had he went to a very fancy early learning

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Speaker 2: school in the Eastern suburbs and we're talking about how

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Speaker 2: old was he maybe three three to four and was

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Speaker 2: doing a fair bit of you know, regular weekly therapy

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Speaker 2: and whatnot, but would have still been pull ups and

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Speaker 2: had some really obsessive things, you know, Pumpty Dumpty being

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Speaker 2: one of them. And I got to I was just

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Speaker 2: sort of struggling to just get them a bit on board.

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Speaker 2: It was a bit sort of overpromise under deliver, and

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Speaker 2: I just never kind of I could just never sort

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Speaker 2: of get them to the table with me. And again

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Speaker 2: they were overrun. And he had amazing advocate is one

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Speaker 2: of our sort of leaders of our kind of team therapy.

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Speaker 2: And I remember I was in wa I was driving

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Speaker 2: to the airport and with I was with some friends

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Speaker 2: and there I think their kids are in the back.

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Speaker 2: And she called me because she'd just done her she'd

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Speaker 2: been in the classroom done an observation, and she called

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Speaker 2: me and she said, listen, you need to get him

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Speaker 2: out of there now.

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Speaker 1: Ah.

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Speaker 2: And he is distressed and anxious. He's not learning. He's

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Speaker 2: rocking in the corner singing humptyd with you know, Permany's

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Speaker 2: pull up. And I was just like night and I

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Speaker 2: was just so distraught, and on the phone tour end,

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Speaker 2: she said, you need to find somewhere else now. I

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Speaker 2: don't know what it's like these days, but that time,

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Speaker 2: and we already knew is autistic and whatnot. So we're

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Speaker 2: well and truly on our journey. But to find places

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Speaker 2: was just a nightmare at that time. And I managed,

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Speaker 2: I mad was managing all of I was head of

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Speaker 2: autism operations, and I was already separated by the by

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Speaker 2: this time anyway. But and she said to me, did

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Speaker 2: you apply to any of the childcare centers that have

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Speaker 2: a special needs resource? Pretty straight up question. And I

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Speaker 2: said to her, like I was furious, just with the

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Speaker 2: world and myself, I was like which ones are they?

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Speaker 2: For fuck's sake, like, which ones are they? Like the

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Speaker 2: you know, four hundred dollars dollar in our pediatric you know,

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Speaker 2: developmental pediatricians, all of these therapists, so like that eighteen

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Speaker 2: months before and what not? And did it occur to

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Speaker 2: me to ask no? But did one of them ever

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Speaker 2: help like suggest it? And I just think, oh God,

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Speaker 2: and my you know, my feeling for Joshi was I

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Speaker 2: have just blown a year of his development. And it

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Speaker 2: took me a really long time to actually get over

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Speaker 2: the guilt of that. Here is my son that thrives

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Speaker 2: on intervention, and I have just flushed a year of

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Speaker 2: his brain down the toilet.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but you can't be hard on yourself because you

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Speaker 1: I watched you through a time time like you were

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Speaker 1: like even me as a nutritionist, you'd sometimes be like, Okay,

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Speaker 1: Josh needs a bit to like and we talk through

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Speaker 1: recipe ideas together, and I think you've always done everything

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Speaker 1: in your power. Sure, we can get foggy when there's

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Speaker 1: all these especially when other people are giving you their

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Speaker 1: opinion or judgment, you know, and it can be hard.

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Speaker 1: So I don't I think you've and just seeing the

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Speaker 1: bond that you two have.

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Speaker 2: It's amazing.

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Speaker 1: Even a fox. You remember, you beat your desk, which

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Speaker 1: would be down the back end of the space, and

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Speaker 1: he would just can't like palt straight to you, like

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Speaker 1: sprint to you as fast as he.

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Speaker 2: God's just it's just a heavenly creature. But I did

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Speaker 2: talk myself about that, and I suppose what I learned was,

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Speaker 2: you know, when I talked to people, it's like, the

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Speaker 2: questions aren't obvious, and you've got to, you know. So

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Speaker 2: that's one thing I've all. I've always told that story

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Speaker 2: because it might you've got to you've got to know

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Speaker 2: what questions to ask. And the only way that you

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Speaker 2: know what questions to ask is to constantly ask more questions.

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Speaker 2: But which sounds ridiculous, but it kind of I think,

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Speaker 2: well to me, it kind of makes sense too. But

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Speaker 2: the wonderful, the wonderful part of that which was again

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Speaker 2: same same amazing woman. So she identified where we should go.

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Speaker 2: I played straight away and it was walking distance to

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Speaker 2: my house. And here's a place that is like seven

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Speaker 2: hundred meters from my house, the most amazing preschool of

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Speaker 2: all time. And it was about one hundred and twenty

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Speaker 2: dollars per day cheaper than the events. Oh wow, So

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Speaker 2: it's just ridiculous because throwing money at autism is sometimes

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Speaker 2: a solution and then in other times it's not.

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Speaker 1: Would you say the flip side of autism, although there

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Speaker 1: can be those like the challenging experience you just described. Then,

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Speaker 1: I've always read or heard that these kids are all

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Speaker 1: love so like you'll have these moments with this like

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Speaker 1: airpic glove that you probably might not get from a kid.

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Speaker 1: That's like kind of like orthodox for lack of a bit,

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Speaker 1: probably a very bad word to use, but you know

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Speaker 1: what I mean. They say the lave that like it's

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Speaker 1: that very unconditional love in the moments.

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Speaker 2: But you know, sometimes they fight, you know, and all

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Speaker 2: kids are different, they find different ways to express it.

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Speaker 2: And Astrasha gets more and more sort of confident around

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Speaker 2: his own thoughts and in himself and in his own

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Speaker 2: body and whatnot. I mean now he just comes out

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Speaker 2: with the most cracking, amazing things and it's and he

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Speaker 2: and because you know, I rely on the help of

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Speaker 2: opairs and really close relationship with therapists and his teachers

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Speaker 2: and the principal at school just magic and they're so

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Speaker 2: on board. You know, he just he is so loved,

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Speaker 2: but he's such he's one of you know, he's just

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Speaker 2: genuinely a loving, gorgeous, warm kid and has that empathy

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Speaker 2: and things like that. So he's he's like Sunchi. He's

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Speaker 2: just he's just a cracker.

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Speaker 1: And he loves Nippers.

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Speaker 2: Does do we do Nippers? Or a big member and

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Speaker 2: a big card carrying member of the brownie community. He

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Speaker 2: loves Snippers. And I've and you know, we've had our

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Speaker 2: first weekend back last weekend and it's just amazing too.

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Speaker 2: It's such a privilege to be there. And you know,

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Speaker 2: the water is literally like eighteen degrees at the moment too.

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Speaker 2: There's no complaints, you know, in they all go. But

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Speaker 2: what's wonderful is that it's the inclusiveness, Like they're all inclusive.

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Speaker 2: There's got a yeah, and there's a lot of crossover

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Speaker 2: between the public school and who goes to who's at

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Speaker 2: Nippers two. I just love, you know, because be honest,

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Speaker 2: I'm not getting I get to much drop off and

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Speaker 2: pick up, so a lot of times I'm catching up

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Speaker 2: with parents and their kids at Nippers too.

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Speaker 1: And I noticed Joshi you're always taking him out to nature.

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Speaker 1: Oh so you'll be like you'll do like weekends and

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Speaker 1: family trips away, but they're always to get Josh and

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Speaker 1: he's out nature and you've.

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Speaker 2: Got to he can do hikes. I mean we've we've

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Speaker 2: summited summited, which was I can I've got him up

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Speaker 2: at like five am. It was punishment but actually for

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Speaker 2: him waiting up at five am on New Year's Day

401
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Speaker 2: a few years ago. But you know that thing too

402
00:23:00,640 --> 00:23:03,080
Speaker 2: of you know, doing that heavy work in your body,

403
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Speaker 2: whether it's an adult or a child or a special

404
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:09,199
Speaker 2: you know, autistic child, is that using your muscles and

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00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:12,960
Speaker 2: whatnot sends good signals to the brain. It regulates behavior,

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Speaker 2: it regulates you know, regulates his nervous systems and.

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Speaker 1: Your present always.

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Speaker 2: But the other big thing, so the two things I

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Speaker 2: push on him is nippers. Also helps with my water

410
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Speaker 2: confidence and if you can survive at bronze, you can

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Speaker 2: survive anywhere. And horses. It's very important in our family,

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00:23:35,080 --> 00:23:41,120
Speaker 2: huge horse history and there's also amazing documentaries and stories

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Speaker 2: therapies and the equine therapy and whatnot. But he has

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Speaker 2: we'd say he has a beautiful seat on a horse.

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Speaker 2: But he's a beautiful horse connection. Ever since he was

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00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,959
Speaker 2: little where my mother and stepfather are on the Hawksbury

417
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Speaker 2: they run a pre training operation and he would just

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Speaker 2: even at like two two and a half, would just

419
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Speaker 2: walk along the row of you know, the row of

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00:24:05,280 --> 00:24:08,840
Speaker 2: horseheads coming out of their stays and just run his

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Speaker 2: hand under their muzzles and he's he's I've found him

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Speaker 2: once in a fifty meters into a paddic of you know,

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Speaker 2: probably crazy mares. Yeah, And they were stood, they were

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Speaker 2: stood like statues and he's standing between their legs, patting them,

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Speaker 2: talking to them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah. Wow.

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Speaker 2: And so that made my heart literally fall out onto

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Speaker 2: the ground. Oh josh y amazing, Okay, back coming, Yeah,

429
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Speaker 2: but incredible, you know, just sort of that's that calm

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Speaker 2: moment and the sense between them. It was just horses,

431
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Speaker 2: spiritual killing horses.

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Speaker 1: They say horses can read your heart and they call

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Speaker 1: it dropping in which he would be amazing at. So

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Speaker 1: I did a photo shooting Byron with horses and they

435
00:24:57,960 --> 00:25:00,680
Speaker 1: were like the photographer was drunk and a few were drunk,

436
00:25:00,680 --> 00:25:03,719
Speaker 1: and the horses would rear up around those people and

437
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,399
Speaker 1: we're all barefoot, and I'd just be standing in between

438
00:25:07,440 --> 00:25:10,360
Speaker 1: like that the way you describe saying between the horses

439
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:12,119
Speaker 1: and the train the horse training come over and is like,

440
00:25:12,119 --> 00:25:14,400
Speaker 1: I've never seen someone drop in so far since that thing.

441
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:16,080
Speaker 1: You just chill out and I just want to be

442
00:25:16,119 --> 00:25:18,600
Speaker 1: the horses. I couldn't handle the energy. Neither could they

443
00:25:18,760 --> 00:25:22,480
Speaker 1: and I can see their power. And my boyfriend gets anxiety.

444
00:25:22,600 --> 00:25:25,679
Speaker 1: Matt and I know we've spoken about this. We go

445
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:27,760
Speaker 1: to this place called Living Legends in Melbourne. I just

446
00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:31,640
Speaker 1: look after retired raised horses, so calm. But you've always

447
00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:32,240
Speaker 1: loved horses.

448
00:25:32,320 --> 00:25:36,760
Speaker 2: I've always loved and you know, my mother's a was

449
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 2: the equine anistis she's the Afterlosvet on the horse farm

450
00:25:41,080 --> 00:25:44,840
Speaker 2: now but specialized in cattle and horses. But my grandmother

451
00:25:44,920 --> 00:25:48,639
Speaker 2: was a horsewoman, you know, like we've Bloody Club. It's

452
00:25:48,680 --> 00:25:50,480
Speaker 2: you know, my sister and I did at Pony Club.

453
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:54,679
Speaker 2: And yeah, we've just been lucky enough to be around

454
00:25:54,760 --> 00:25:57,680
Speaker 2: being around had a bit of a country upbringing as well,

455
00:25:57,760 --> 00:25:59,960
Speaker 2: so just been lucky enough to be around them. So yeah,

456
00:26:00,080 --> 00:26:03,959
Speaker 2: the two things I make Joshi engage in. Well, I'm

457
00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:05,080
Speaker 2: going to send you with doc guys.

458
00:26:05,680 --> 00:26:07,720
Speaker 1: When there's this doco called This Way of Life and

459
00:26:07,720 --> 00:26:09,919
Speaker 1: it's about a horse whisper in New Zealand. And he

460
00:26:10,080 --> 00:26:12,840
Speaker 1: just trains horses. But it's amazing to watch these little

461
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:17,840
Speaker 1: kids ride the horses with no saddle, nothing, tiny little kids.

462
00:26:18,000 --> 00:26:20,840
Speaker 2: I think that's host Boy is probably one of the

463
00:26:20,840 --> 00:26:26,800
Speaker 2: most sort of powerful stories that I've ever seen about,

464
00:26:26,840 --> 00:26:30,560
Speaker 2: you know, parents, that the parents with an artistic son

465
00:26:30,640 --> 00:26:32,880
Speaker 2: and that horse connection was just amazing.

466
00:26:33,160 --> 00:26:35,600
Speaker 1: And yeah, I'm so glad you talked about horses. You know,

467
00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:37,679
Speaker 1: I'm an animal nerd. I didn't have that in my notes.

468
00:26:38,440 --> 00:26:43,280
Speaker 1: I love, I love, thank you for sharing. I mean,

469
00:26:43,359 --> 00:26:46,760
Speaker 1: I'm really honest and open about Joshi. I'm getting into

470
00:26:46,760 --> 00:26:48,639
Speaker 1: a topic that you and I have had a lot

471
00:26:48,720 --> 00:26:51,080
Speaker 1: of fun talking about, to the point that when when

472
00:26:51,119 --> 00:26:52,640
Speaker 1: we book this podcast, Lawrence, like.

473
00:26:52,600 --> 00:26:54,320
Speaker 2: Can we talk about dating?

474
00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,760
Speaker 1: But I imagine, so let's just paint the picture for your

475
00:26:57,800 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 1: profile for a moment, like successful business woman see of

476
00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:02,040
Speaker 1: her own company.

477
00:27:02,119 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 2: I thought you were talking about my online dating profile now,

478
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:04,960
Speaker 2: but like of.

479
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:07,159
Speaker 1: Who you are, like you know, on a first date,

480
00:27:07,200 --> 00:27:11,919
Speaker 1: they're going to figure this out. Yeah maybe, but mama

481
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:16,400
Speaker 1: of Joshi, so seven year old, divorced yep. So these

482
00:27:16,440 --> 00:27:20,320
Speaker 1: are all things that could potentially intimidate other they shouldn't

483
00:27:20,760 --> 00:27:24,919
Speaker 1: at all, which we just spoke about, But tell me

484
00:27:25,000 --> 00:27:27,320
Speaker 1: about the tell me because you got me onto Bumble

485
00:27:27,320 --> 00:27:29,040
Speaker 1: and that's how I met my boyfriend.

486
00:27:29,240 --> 00:27:30,800
Speaker 2: It's all because of it.

487
00:27:30,880 --> 00:27:35,000
Speaker 1: Was you take full credit to the point that Lauren's like,

488
00:27:35,080 --> 00:27:36,879
Speaker 1: you need to get you need to change things up,

489
00:27:36,920 --> 00:27:38,800
Speaker 1: you need to get on Bubble. And I was leaning

490
00:27:38,840 --> 00:27:41,119
Speaker 1: on the photo like right next to the photo copy machine,

491
00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:42,840
Speaker 1: and You're like, have you got on it that fast?

492
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:48,479
Speaker 1: Like two minutes later? So tell me what is dating online?

493
00:27:48,560 --> 00:27:50,960
Speaker 1: Dating like in well, do you meet people on Bumble

494
00:27:51,000 --> 00:27:52,120
Speaker 1: and what do you use? Oh?

495
00:27:52,160 --> 00:27:56,119
Speaker 2: Look, I've kind of I've tested a few bits, but

496
00:27:56,440 --> 00:28:02,720
Speaker 2: you know, ultimately I've wait until my sort of single

497
00:28:02,800 --> 00:28:06,000
Speaker 2: for two years post separation, finalizing my divorce, and I

498
00:28:06,040 --> 00:28:09,200
Speaker 2: didn't feel I didn't feel great, I didn't feel good

499
00:28:09,200 --> 00:28:11,639
Speaker 2: in myself. I didn't feel confident. I just kind of

500
00:28:11,680 --> 00:28:16,880
Speaker 2: wanted to close that chapter before I got out there.

501
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,040
Speaker 2: And then it was actually I had an amazing opair

502
00:28:20,119 --> 00:28:24,399
Speaker 2: called Nicky, who was not that much younger than me,

503
00:28:25,160 --> 00:28:30,080
Speaker 2: and she said, right, I'm leaving in two weeks. You've

504
00:28:30,119 --> 00:28:32,560
Speaker 2: got two weeks to I think it was Bumble that

505
00:28:32,640 --> 00:28:34,360
Speaker 2: I first got on. She said, you're right, you've got

506
00:28:34,359 --> 00:28:38,120
Speaker 2: two weeks to get amongst it. I will parent you

507
00:28:38,160 --> 00:28:40,240
Speaker 2: know that the whole time it was hysterical and I

508
00:28:40,280 --> 00:28:45,080
Speaker 2: probably needed that little push to to do it. And

509
00:28:45,120 --> 00:28:48,520
Speaker 2: I'd had friends, my friends Pip and Lye Cinder had

510
00:28:48,600 --> 00:28:50,760
Speaker 2: spent in the months before, you know, both of them

511
00:28:51,040 --> 00:28:54,800
Speaker 2: had spent probably that Christmas, this is about February March,

512
00:28:55,280 --> 00:28:57,640
Speaker 2: and they'd spent we'd spent time together at Christmas. So

513
00:28:57,800 --> 00:28:59,960
Speaker 2: I'd had my profile and all of those things read,

514
00:29:00,160 --> 00:29:02,600
Speaker 2: and I just was that big step and those things

515
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:05,320
Speaker 2: to consider too, you know, yeah, a single mom, and

516
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:08,920
Speaker 2: there're so many single moms, but it was more about, oh,

517
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:12,040
Speaker 2: my favorite got to have. I got a I've got

518
00:29:12,160 --> 00:29:17,920
Speaker 2: a public life. I have you know, I've had a

519
00:29:17,960 --> 00:29:22,000
Speaker 2: public family history, you know, how public, How open do

520
00:29:22,080 --> 00:29:25,720
Speaker 2: I want to be? And then ultimately I just have

521
00:29:25,800 --> 00:29:28,200
Speaker 2: of let go of that because what it came down

522
00:29:28,240 --> 00:29:32,920
Speaker 2: to was, I'm I was turning forty that year I

523
00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:36,760
Speaker 2: was divorced. I felt a bit attention starved and into

524
00:29:37,000 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 2: you know, intimacy, love starved, all of those things. I thought,

525
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:43,239
Speaker 2: I have a lot to give, and you know, I

526
00:29:43,280 --> 00:29:45,800
Speaker 2: love love and all of the cliches and whatnot. I

527
00:29:45,840 --> 00:29:47,440
Speaker 2: thought I just want to meet I just want to

528
00:29:47,440 --> 00:29:48,920
Speaker 2: meet people. Yeah, I just want to dip a toe

529
00:29:49,040 --> 00:29:51,960
Speaker 2: in the water. Here, dip a toe in And so,

530
00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,400
Speaker 2: as my sister says, you know, took to it like

531
00:29:54,440 --> 00:29:58,440
Speaker 2: a duck to water and just sort of and crashed

532
00:29:58,480 --> 00:30:00,880
Speaker 2: and burned and learned the bits and far too trusting

533
00:30:00,920 --> 00:30:03,720
Speaker 2: and all of that stuff. But after about six weeks,

534
00:30:03,800 --> 00:30:06,200
Speaker 2: met someone and spent the next sort of just sober

535
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:10,600
Speaker 2: a year with them, which was amazing, and you know

536
00:30:10,800 --> 00:30:13,280
Speaker 2: he was kind and warm and of you know, complicated

537
00:30:13,320 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 2: and all those we all have a bit of complicated

538
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:19,640
Speaker 2: baggage and whatnot. But helped me navigate sort of some

539
00:30:19,800 --> 00:30:23,200
Speaker 2: things over this sort of you know, midlife I'm not

540
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:25,600
Speaker 2: going to say crisis because it was never a crisis,

541
00:30:25,640 --> 00:30:29,920
Speaker 2: but it was a shift and you know, had a

542
00:30:29,960 --> 00:30:32,400
Speaker 2: lot of fun and all of those things. But what

543
00:30:32,480 --> 00:30:35,720
Speaker 2: I kind of what I found really hard to reconcile

544
00:30:35,760 --> 00:30:39,800
Speaker 2: and I still do, is this sort of the disposable

545
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:44,160
Speaker 2: nature of relationships. And my girlfriend of my Vanessa's, and

546
00:30:44,240 --> 00:30:47,720
Speaker 2: when she sort of coined this recently, she said, yeah,

547
00:30:47,720 --> 00:30:52,120
Speaker 2: they're so disposable relationships that there's so many people and

548
00:30:52,160 --> 00:30:54,200
Speaker 2: people are talking to so many people.

549
00:30:54,080 --> 00:30:55,320
Speaker 1: And you can swipe one.

550
00:30:55,160 --> 00:30:58,960
Speaker 2: Way, swipe away, or you can you know, you can

551
00:30:59,160 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 2: date someone then then just go, oh no, you're off,

552
00:31:01,960 --> 00:31:06,080
Speaker 2: off I go. And you know, and and it being disposable.

553
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:09,200
Speaker 2: And the other thing too is you know, you know,

554
00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:15,360
Speaker 2: sensitive around that moment of well, you know, when are

555
00:31:15,360 --> 00:31:19,880
Speaker 2: you actually in a relationship with somebody and how many

556
00:31:19,880 --> 00:31:21,760
Speaker 2: people are they talking to? And have they got like

557
00:31:21,800 --> 00:31:24,840
Speaker 2: an tention coming elsewhere? And that's always been a bit

558
00:31:24,840 --> 00:31:28,000
Speaker 2: of an insecurity for me too. And and to a

559
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:31,520
Speaker 2: degree absolutely and to a degree goes on, but it

560
00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,520
Speaker 2: also comes back to well where am I? You know,

561
00:31:33,680 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 2: it's not about them? Where am I in that? You know?

562
00:31:36,720 --> 00:31:37,600
Speaker 2: Am I am I?

563
00:31:38,080 --> 00:31:38,320
Speaker 1: You know?

564
00:31:38,440 --> 00:31:41,360
Speaker 2: If I'm feel let down? Then have I let myself down?

565
00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:44,120
Speaker 2: If I feel rejected, I'm rejecting myself.

566
00:31:44,200 --> 00:31:46,480
Speaker 1: Ultimately, it takes a lot of self work to figure

567
00:31:46,520 --> 00:31:47,920
Speaker 1: that out, you know.

568
00:31:48,040 --> 00:31:54,240
Speaker 2: And but also so when that you know, when that's

569
00:31:54,240 --> 00:31:59,680
Speaker 2: have ended last year halfway through last year, that's probably

570
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,760
Speaker 2: and I was it didn't end. It didn't end well,

571
00:32:04,920 --> 00:32:07,600
Speaker 2: it ended in silence, which was crippling.

572
00:32:07,320 --> 00:32:09,440
Speaker 1: And it was no closure.

573
00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:12,960
Speaker 2: Was there no? But there there there there has been now.

574
00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:15,640
Speaker 2: But there was a bit of you know, just that

575
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:19,520
Speaker 2: kind of activity, was that sort of terrible dating, ghosting,

576
00:32:19,880 --> 00:32:23,960
Speaker 2: going to silence, actually ghost accused of ghosting time, you know,

577
00:32:24,000 --> 00:32:26,280
Speaker 2: and it was just fine. It was just I just

578
00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:31,040
Speaker 2: found that challenging. But but that's when I started, That's

579
00:32:31,040 --> 00:32:33,480
Speaker 2: when I actually thought, well, hang on a minute, I've

580
00:32:34,240 --> 00:32:39,080
Speaker 2: just felt awful. I felt awful in it. But that's

581
00:32:39,120 --> 00:32:43,920
Speaker 2: when I started seeing like a executive leadership coach. That's

582
00:32:43,960 --> 00:32:47,760
Speaker 2: probably where my actual real I sort of started on

583
00:32:47,800 --> 00:32:50,960
Speaker 2: the new path from started on a new path from that.

584
00:32:51,200 --> 00:32:55,520
Speaker 2: But you know, I it's so that you know, they're

585
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:58,280
Speaker 2: dating in your post of ace, dating in your forties,

586
00:32:58,320 --> 00:33:03,080
Speaker 2: all of that stuff. I've met the most I've had.

587
00:33:04,840 --> 00:33:06,240
Speaker 2: I've had awesome times.

588
00:33:06,320 --> 00:33:08,600
Speaker 1: I've had had one time dates.

589
00:33:08,640 --> 00:33:13,000
Speaker 2: I've had a couple of absolutely disastrous dates to which

590
00:33:13,000 --> 00:33:14,920
Speaker 2: I can tell you. The first one was someone we

591
00:33:14,960 --> 00:33:19,760
Speaker 2: had a huge amount of mutual friends and we went down, Oh,

592
00:33:19,800 --> 00:33:21,920
Speaker 2: we just went down somewhere in BONDI whatnot. We both

593
00:33:21,960 --> 00:33:25,520
Speaker 2: lived in our kind of hood, and I just I

594
00:33:25,520 --> 00:33:27,840
Speaker 2: don't know what was going on. I don't know what happened.

595
00:33:27,880 --> 00:33:29,480
Speaker 2: I don't know if I had too hot a shower,

596
00:33:29,960 --> 00:33:34,640
Speaker 2: I could not stop sweating, and I'm from a long

597
00:33:34,680 --> 00:33:37,240
Speaker 2: line of face sweaters. So I'm sitting at the table

598
00:33:37,880 --> 00:33:42,200
Speaker 2: literally sweating from my face profusely, and it couldn't stop.

599
00:33:42,560 --> 00:33:45,680
Speaker 2: And I thought, oh, I can't, I can't stop. And

600
00:33:45,760 --> 00:33:47,600
Speaker 2: of course, because I'm me and I went to school

601
00:33:47,640 --> 00:33:49,880
Speaker 2: near suburbs and blah blah blah blah blah. Of course

602
00:33:49,920 --> 00:33:53,040
Speaker 2: I'm in the restaurant on an awkward first date, sweating profusely,

603
00:33:53,640 --> 00:33:56,720
Speaker 2: and T. Laula, who used to work with us at HMMG,

604
00:33:56,880 --> 00:34:00,280
Speaker 2: is sitting three tables down. So it was just or

605
00:34:00,480 --> 00:34:02,480
Speaker 2: it was awesome, so that I felt that that was

606
00:34:02,520 --> 00:34:05,840
Speaker 2: a bit of a disaster that went nowhere. The other

607
00:34:06,600 --> 00:34:11,160
Speaker 2: disaster was probably a guy that lived around the corner.

608
00:34:11,560 --> 00:34:14,560
Speaker 2: I thought you was really open, and I said, you

609
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:16,719
Speaker 2: know what this is doing my head in? I just

610
00:34:16,880 --> 00:34:19,080
Speaker 2: this is very early days. This is sort of in

611
00:34:19,120 --> 00:34:21,560
Speaker 2: the first sort of six way period. I thought, you

612
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:24,239
Speaker 2: know what it's doing my head in. Let's just you know,

613
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:30,360
Speaker 2: communists have like dinner as friends. But I'll be honest,

614
00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:32,640
Speaker 2: he's you know, I was on bumble or something his

615
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:36,200
Speaker 2: profile pick and I'm feeling my way and probably being

616
00:34:36,200 --> 00:34:41,440
Speaker 2: too trusting and whatnot. Of people anyway, profile pick was like, awesome,

617
00:34:41,480 --> 00:34:45,399
Speaker 2: hot dad. A couple of red flags in there, as

618
00:34:45,640 --> 00:34:46,840
Speaker 2: when I think about it now, it.

619
00:34:46,840 --> 00:34:47,760
Speaker 1: Was a red flag away.

620
00:34:48,239 --> 00:34:50,839
Speaker 2: Well, the first red flag for me is always a

621
00:34:50,880 --> 00:34:55,800
Speaker 2: man in his forties who has picks of being at

622
00:34:57,040 --> 00:35:01,880
Speaker 2: what's the music festival in the desert Halla? No, not Paella,

623
00:35:02,760 --> 00:35:06,880
Speaker 2: burning Man. So burning Man says, I've left my wife

624
00:35:06,920 --> 00:35:14,560
Speaker 2: and kids. Midlife crisis anyway, sweeping generalization anyway. So the

625
00:35:14,600 --> 00:35:18,080
Speaker 2: person that opens the door was literally was a little

626
00:35:18,080 --> 00:35:20,520
Speaker 2: bit of a haggard midlife crisis version of the hot

627
00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:24,719
Speaker 2: profile pick gotcha and they got fishing. No, it's got

628
00:35:24,800 --> 00:35:28,080
Speaker 2: something else, but it was anyway, So that and then

629
00:35:28,120 --> 00:35:30,839
Speaker 2: that was fine. He was drunk, Let's be honest. He'd

630
00:35:30,840 --> 00:35:32,719
Speaker 2: already drunk half a bottle of wine or something by

631
00:35:32,760 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 2: the time I got there. But I think the highlight

632
00:35:36,160 --> 00:35:43,520
Speaker 2: was when he then put was then put pot in

633
00:35:43,600 --> 00:35:47,640
Speaker 2: his vape and got absolutely baked in front of me.

634
00:35:48,000 --> 00:35:49,080
Speaker 1: The first time he met him.

635
00:35:49,239 --> 00:35:53,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, amazing, And and I just laughed myself, thinking, no,

636
00:35:53,719 --> 00:35:55,880
Speaker 2: we had dinner. It was at his house. We had

637
00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,359
Speaker 2: dinner at his house. He lived like three hundred years away,

638
00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:02,720
Speaker 2: and he got really, really stoned, and I thought, wow,

639
00:36:02,920 --> 00:36:09,160
Speaker 2: am I am I that chit company? No, but I

640
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:13,680
Speaker 2: just I just laughed. I was like nine o'clock, Oh

641
00:36:13,760 --> 00:36:16,520
Speaker 2: my god, I've absolutely got to go. And I just

642
00:36:16,640 --> 00:36:20,920
Speaker 2: walked home, called a girlfriend and laughed. But it was

643
00:36:21,120 --> 00:36:24,360
Speaker 2: all but all brilliant. But I've met some amazing guys.

644
00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:27,200
Speaker 2: I've made fantastic friends and some kind of might have

645
00:36:27,760 --> 00:36:31,600
Speaker 2: you know, been a few dates or whatnot, but it's

646
00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:35,840
Speaker 2: just been incredible. I've always harbored the secret crush for

647
00:36:35,880 --> 00:36:40,480
Speaker 2: the police detective sergeant. And I was listening to too

648
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 2: many true crime podcasts at the time, but giving and

649
00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:48,120
Speaker 2: all you want is integrity and honesty and whatnot. Sometimes

650
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:49,440
Speaker 2: the integrity is a bit lacking.

651
00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:51,200
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, And.

652
00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:57,600
Speaker 2: I've been, you know, even in more recent times, totally

653
00:36:57,640 --> 00:37:01,160
Speaker 2: swept off my feet straight into that very full on

654
00:37:02,000 --> 00:37:05,000
Speaker 2: and you know, don't look sideways, and this is together

655
00:37:05,080 --> 00:37:07,400
Speaker 2: and I've got you back and all of these things.

656
00:37:07,440 --> 00:37:10,359
Speaker 2: And then until the moment where suddenly that just switched off,

657
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:15,480
Speaker 2: I was okay. So, but what I've built is probably

658
00:37:15,520 --> 00:37:18,560
Speaker 2: a bit of you know, through doing work on myself

659
00:37:18,600 --> 00:37:21,880
Speaker 2: and all the work I did last year is building

660
00:37:21,920 --> 00:37:24,279
Speaker 2: the resilience and the tools around that. So I know

661
00:37:24,400 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 2: that it's you know, it's not me, but I can

662
00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:30,920
Speaker 2: I can wait because I'm I'm committed. I'm committed. I

663
00:37:31,040 --> 00:37:35,200
Speaker 2: love I love being. I want to I want to

664
00:37:35,239 --> 00:37:36,600
Speaker 2: be in a relationship, but I want to be in

665
00:37:36,600 --> 00:37:40,399
Speaker 2: a relationship with my equal. And my ole has some

666
00:37:40,400 --> 00:37:49,040
Speaker 2: pretty key core characteristics like integrity, fun, intimacy, growth. I'm

667
00:37:49,040 --> 00:37:51,600
Speaker 2: trying to remember that they all come from my guy crag,

668
00:37:53,120 --> 00:37:56,640
Speaker 2: you know, and safety and all of these things. And

669
00:37:56,640 --> 00:38:00,960
Speaker 2: and so now how I approach it now is I'm

670
00:38:01,239 --> 00:38:04,440
Speaker 2: I'm so upfront and I'm so upfront on what i

671
00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:06,880
Speaker 2: want from day dot. I yes, I've got those you know,

672
00:38:06,920 --> 00:38:10,319
Speaker 2: I've had those words. I'll communicate those words. And I'm

673
00:38:10,320 --> 00:38:13,560
Speaker 2: looking for my equal and they have these characteristics and

674
00:38:13,600 --> 00:38:17,440
Speaker 2: that kind of that sort of what that does is

675
00:38:17,480 --> 00:38:21,719
Speaker 2: two things. Either says you know, see later, or that's this.

676
00:38:21,880 --> 00:38:23,759
Speaker 2: I love the idea of that. I love that you

677
00:38:23,800 --> 00:38:27,160
Speaker 2: know what you want, you know, unicorn, you've got shit

678
00:38:27,239 --> 00:38:30,640
Speaker 2: together all of that stuff. But and I don't apologize

679
00:38:30,640 --> 00:38:34,040
Speaker 2: for how how upfront type and on that because it's

680
00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,279
Speaker 2: not waste time. Because also if that's not if you

681
00:38:36,280 --> 00:38:38,480
Speaker 2: don't think you're aligned on that, then let me.

682
00:38:38,480 --> 00:38:39,560
Speaker 1: Go yes, s safe.

683
00:38:39,920 --> 00:38:42,520
Speaker 2: So I think that, you know, the most recent example too,

684
00:38:42,640 --> 00:38:45,600
Speaker 2: is that you know, all of that was aligned well

685
00:38:45,600 --> 00:38:48,840
Speaker 2: and truly until one day it wasn't you know, and

686
00:38:48,920 --> 00:38:52,520
Speaker 2: it could be a night shift well you know, not

687
00:38:52,640 --> 00:38:56,120
Speaker 2: really but anyway, but you know, I sort of dust

688
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:58,879
Speaker 2: my again. I dust myself off from that.

689
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 1: Have people ever been on dates with you and then

690
00:39:02,080 --> 00:39:05,279
Speaker 1: asked you because obviously you are like one of the

691
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:09,440
Speaker 1: biggest talent agents in the country. Have people ever been so,

692
00:39:11,200 --> 00:39:15,279
Speaker 1: you know, I've dated guys that have asked for your details,

693
00:39:15,320 --> 00:39:17,480
Speaker 1: like have been like I want Lauren to manage me,

694
00:39:17,520 --> 00:39:19,960
Speaker 1: and I'm like, oh wow, I'm here just as a

695
00:39:20,040 --> 00:39:21,200
Speaker 1: vehicle to get to Lauren.

696
00:39:22,640 --> 00:39:26,799
Speaker 2: No. But I think that what sometimes comes with that is,

697
00:39:28,400 --> 00:39:31,960
Speaker 2: you know, I had a very famous father. I have

698
00:39:32,040 --> 00:39:34,480
Speaker 2: they had a perception of who I am, or what

699
00:39:34,480 --> 00:39:36,279
Speaker 2: my life is like or what you know that I'm

700
00:39:36,320 --> 00:39:40,920
Speaker 2: swilling champagne five nights a week and or you know,

701
00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:45,359
Speaker 2: may sitting on a you know what of cash, you know,

702
00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:49,040
Speaker 2: that sort of trust funding moment, and and so I

703
00:39:49,080 --> 00:39:52,840
Speaker 2: think that those people, you know, there's the natural selection

704
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:56,240
Speaker 2: kicks in there too. They don't ever kind of cut across.

705
00:39:56,600 --> 00:39:59,640
Speaker 2: I remember having I remember getting a phone call from

706
00:39:59,640 --> 00:40:03,759
Speaker 2: someone who he's ended up being a great friend. And

707
00:40:05,120 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 2: the next morning and for whatever reason, somebody he was

708
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:12,839
Speaker 2: telling that he'd met this great girl called Lauren and

709
00:40:12,840 --> 00:40:16,040
Speaker 2: she's a talent agent. She's really cool and I was

710
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:18,120
Speaker 2: so great and all of this stuff, and then someone

711
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,480
Speaker 2: in her someone in his office, is obviously like immediately

712
00:40:22,520 --> 00:40:25,759
Speaker 2: google stalked me or whatnot, and just like, gone, is

713
00:40:25,840 --> 00:40:29,160
Speaker 2: this her? And so then he rang me kind of

714
00:40:29,640 --> 00:40:32,000
Speaker 2: embarrassed that he might have said the wrong thing or

715
00:40:32,040 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: like undermined my and I was like, I know, like

716
00:40:36,360 --> 00:40:36,880
Speaker 2: that's sweet.

717
00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:38,160
Speaker 1: I would see that as sweet.

718
00:40:38,040 --> 00:40:43,200
Speaker 2: Absolutely divine, and it is still that divine person, but

719
00:40:43,320 --> 00:40:46,839
Speaker 2: it so look, it's just different. And then you know,

720
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,520
Speaker 2: others are a bit like, you know, swept into a

721
00:40:49,520 --> 00:40:52,160
Speaker 2: we can be power couple mode and then they you know,

722
00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:58,080
Speaker 2: then they kind of implode. There's a cry. But the

723
00:40:58,200 --> 00:41:03,200
Speaker 2: wonderful I think the cool thing is the is that

724
00:41:03,280 --> 00:41:08,040
Speaker 2: it is an opportunity to meet people and make friends

725
00:41:08,160 --> 00:41:11,200
Speaker 2: or you know, or build bigger connections people. To lose

726
00:41:11,200 --> 00:41:14,400
Speaker 2: it for hookups and whatnot, that's not my purpose.

727
00:41:14,640 --> 00:41:19,520
Speaker 1: But with friends in La that I met on bumble.

728
00:41:19,560 --> 00:41:22,200
Speaker 2: Yeah, but it's a you know, it can be brutal.

729
00:41:22,640 --> 00:41:23,839
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, it can be.

730
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,359
Speaker 2: And as you know, my friend says, it's it could

731
00:41:26,400 --> 00:41:31,880
Speaker 2: be disposable. Yeah, but the you know, I still I

732
00:41:32,000 --> 00:41:35,959
Speaker 2: still have a burning flame from someone who was from

733
00:41:36,239 --> 00:41:39,040
Speaker 2: years and years and years, you know, like in my twenties, yeah,

734
00:41:39,200 --> 00:41:40,400
Speaker 2: my late teens.

735
00:41:40,080 --> 00:41:40,920
Speaker 1: Yeah, but.

736
00:41:42,480 --> 00:41:43,800
Speaker 2: You know we've all got.

737
00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,520
Speaker 1: You've got a plane for that person.

738
00:41:46,480 --> 00:41:49,359
Speaker 2: Oh there's all yeah, there's still there's still claims. Yeah,

739
00:41:49,880 --> 00:41:53,919
Speaker 2: but romantic. But I just, oh, you know, I'm trying

740
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:56,279
Speaker 2: to go with the flow. I'm trying to get you know,

741
00:41:57,000 --> 00:42:00,440
Speaker 2: I'm trying to do the best I can for my child, old,

742
00:42:00,560 --> 00:42:05,920
Speaker 2: for my total self, totally, my business, our clients, my friends.

743
00:42:06,280 --> 00:42:09,000
Speaker 2: I'm a I'm a I can be a crap daughter

744
00:42:09,120 --> 00:42:14,360
Speaker 2: and sister. I can tell you that. However, you know

745
00:42:14,800 --> 00:42:15,920
Speaker 2: I'm doing my best.

746
00:42:16,360 --> 00:42:19,000
Speaker 1: You're doing at a great job of it too. And

747
00:42:19,120 --> 00:42:23,000
Speaker 1: remember also, you're you are more than a manager to

748
00:42:23,080 --> 00:42:26,680
Speaker 1: all of us, like you guide us. You. I mean,

749
00:42:27,080 --> 00:42:28,800
Speaker 1: I've dated people for and you're like you need to

750
00:42:28,800 --> 00:42:31,239
Speaker 1: stop that, you know, like this is that person is not,

751
00:42:31,640 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 1: but you are always able to help me when I.

752
00:42:33,680 --> 00:42:36,759
Speaker 2: Was really stuck and lost. We had I had a

753
00:42:36,800 --> 00:42:40,839
Speaker 2: meeting of her charline the other day and and she

754
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:43,960
Speaker 2: she was intro senior insect. There was introducing somebody else

755
00:42:44,000 --> 00:42:46,359
Speaker 2: into the mix that we would talk to, and and

756
00:42:46,440 --> 00:42:50,719
Speaker 2: she said, yes, but you care. The difference is that,

757
00:42:51,400 --> 00:42:55,000
Speaker 2: you know, is really the through line, is the care

758
00:42:55,200 --> 00:42:58,640
Speaker 2: this sort of and we do have a huge amount

759
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:03,200
Speaker 2: of care and attention to detail, but we're all so

760
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:06,279
Speaker 2: brutally honest, you know, you and I or you know

761
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:09,560
Speaker 2: and other clients or whatnot. You know, we have we

762
00:43:09,600 --> 00:43:14,000
Speaker 2: have truth bomb conversations and both here they come both. Yeah,

763
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:17,160
Speaker 2: you know, we're not we're not perfect. We stuff up,

764
00:43:17,800 --> 00:43:22,239
Speaker 2: we know, but you know I have though. Yeah, but

765
00:43:22,360 --> 00:43:25,839
Speaker 2: that's and that's okay too. We build, we get over

766
00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:28,880
Speaker 2: that and and some you know, and that's why we

767
00:43:28,960 --> 00:43:33,000
Speaker 2: have long term client relationships. But you know, also long

768
00:43:33,080 --> 00:43:35,920
Speaker 2: term relationships can come to an end too, and that's

769
00:43:36,239 --> 00:43:39,360
Speaker 2: you know, that can be just part of growth. Absolutely.

770
00:43:39,360 --> 00:43:41,520
Speaker 2: I probably had one or two in my twenty one

771
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:43,600
Speaker 2: years that have ended in a not nice way. But

772
00:43:44,120 --> 00:43:46,280
Speaker 2: the rest, you know, I've always said, you can't represent

773
00:43:46,320 --> 00:43:48,680
Speaker 2: somebody who no longer wants to be represented. By you,

774
00:43:49,200 --> 00:43:51,359
Speaker 2: so that's them on the pat them on the bum

775
00:43:51,360 --> 00:43:51,799
Speaker 2: and send them.

776
00:43:51,960 --> 00:43:54,200
Speaker 1: I remember you you were able to pull my head in.

777
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:57,839
Speaker 1: I definitely you've held in held space me when I've

778
00:43:57,840 --> 00:44:00,680
Speaker 1: been in my brattiest of like I've generally come out

779
00:44:00,719 --> 00:44:05,080
Speaker 1: the other red beautifully, but there were times when I

780
00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:07,440
Speaker 1: was a full brat and I would like get really

781
00:44:07,560 --> 00:44:10,080
Speaker 1: worked up and I was very irrational when something wasn't

782
00:44:10,120 --> 00:44:12,279
Speaker 1: going my way, and one day you got me the

783
00:44:12,280 --> 00:44:15,240
Speaker 1: Elvis and you're like, Lola, we need to stop acting

784
00:44:15,360 --> 00:44:17,360
Speaker 1: like a big brother house, which you remember says this

785
00:44:17,480 --> 00:44:19,800
Speaker 1: to me to stop, we need to stop it.

786
00:44:20,560 --> 00:44:21,960
Speaker 2: When tomorrow she said, it's.

787
00:44:21,840 --> 00:44:23,600
Speaker 1: Really calmly as well, it was like we need to

788
00:44:23,600 --> 00:44:26,440
Speaker 1: figure out and I'd be like almost like, yeah, you're right,

789
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:29,960
Speaker 1: I need to. I need to. And even conversations that

790
00:44:30,040 --> 00:44:32,560
Speaker 1: were and you were always and you've always been so

791
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:37,520
Speaker 1: fantastic at having the hard convos in a really like

792
00:44:37,600 --> 00:44:41,400
Speaker 1: authentic clear way, and I'd always be grateful for them.

793
00:44:41,440 --> 00:44:44,920
Speaker 1: After they'd always teach me something, I'd always be like, ohuck,

794
00:44:44,960 --> 00:44:48,560
Speaker 1: she's right, and it's meant that we've now got this

795
00:44:48,920 --> 00:44:49,720
Speaker 1: huge respect.

796
00:44:49,960 --> 00:44:54,080
Speaker 2: Absolutely absolutely now you touched on this.

797
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:56,399
Speaker 1: We had a meeting earlier this morning, and you start

798
00:44:56,440 --> 00:44:58,680
Speaker 1: having this wonderful story and I was like, save it

799
00:44:58,719 --> 00:45:01,360
Speaker 1: for the pody, because you, you and I both quite

800
00:45:01,400 --> 00:45:04,080
Speaker 1: passionate about working on yourself, and you were just saying

801
00:45:04,120 --> 00:45:06,799
Speaker 1: before you've got an executive coach. I've got a kind

802
00:45:06,800 --> 00:45:10,760
Speaker 1: of like live coach but also therapist. And he's called Terry,

803
00:45:11,080 --> 00:45:14,280
Speaker 1: and it's my non negotiable. Yeah. It keeps me clear,

804
00:45:14,400 --> 00:45:15,880
Speaker 1: it gets me out of my own way, it stops

805
00:45:15,880 --> 00:45:18,719
Speaker 1: being brat like it just he'll literally I remember I

806
00:45:18,719 --> 00:45:20,919
Speaker 1: went there for breakup and he goes, So how much

807
00:45:20,920 --> 00:45:23,319
Speaker 1: longer would you like to date narciss at school level?

808
00:45:23,400 --> 00:45:27,480
Speaker 2: I know, isn't that funny? So I started, I started,

809
00:45:27,760 --> 00:45:31,680
Speaker 2: and I'm late to it. So I started halfway through

810
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 2: last year. And again it was two weeks post to

811
00:45:35,840 --> 00:45:39,759
Speaker 2: you know, post a breakup, and as it turned out,

812
00:45:39,800 --> 00:45:43,720
Speaker 2: two weeks before my father died and I was with him.

813
00:45:44,040 --> 00:45:48,439
Speaker 2: I saw him once a week till for the rest

814
00:45:48,480 --> 00:45:50,879
Speaker 2: of the year, for the better part of you know,

815
00:45:51,120 --> 00:45:57,000
Speaker 2: five to six months. And I think about where I

816
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,520
Speaker 2: was on that first day, and I'm someone that, you know,

817
00:46:00,560 --> 00:46:02,440
Speaker 2: if I'm nervous about something or I know what I

818
00:46:02,440 --> 00:46:04,560
Speaker 2: know I'm about to have this big release. I'm crying

819
00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,839
Speaker 2: before I've even touched the doorhand or to go in.

820
00:46:08,040 --> 00:46:11,439
Speaker 2: I have no problem with crying. I think crying is spectacular. Yeah,

821
00:46:11,680 --> 00:46:14,960
Speaker 2: I love I am. I'm absolutely a crier and proud

822
00:46:14,960 --> 00:46:18,560
Speaker 2: of it. But you know, weekly six months, so that

823
00:46:18,680 --> 00:46:20,840
Speaker 2: was the therapy set have part, as he said, and

824
00:46:20,880 --> 00:46:24,359
Speaker 2: then from this year it's been once a month. But

825
00:46:24,400 --> 00:46:27,399
Speaker 2: the wonderful thing about him is that, as I say,

826
00:46:27,440 --> 00:46:29,520
Speaker 2: you know, a lot of psychologists just shift the dirt

827
00:46:29,560 --> 00:46:32,320
Speaker 2: around the surface. You know, I come from a complex

828
00:46:32,320 --> 00:46:36,920
Speaker 2: family background, your complex father, complex relationships or all of

829
00:46:36,960 --> 00:46:39,640
Speaker 2: those things, and in myself and all of that and

830
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:42,880
Speaker 2: the relationship piece at the end of my marriage or things.

831
00:46:42,920 --> 00:46:45,759
Speaker 2: For Josh, life is unfair, you know, like all of those.

832
00:46:45,880 --> 00:46:48,719
Speaker 1: But also having massively high achieving parents. I think that

833
00:46:48,719 --> 00:46:50,279
Speaker 1: puts a lot of pressure.

834
00:46:49,920 --> 00:46:53,640
Speaker 2: On yourself, absolutely, And my siblings are high achievers, and

835
00:46:53,640 --> 00:46:55,880
Speaker 2: my step siblings are high achievers as well. They're all

836
00:46:55,920 --> 00:47:01,280
Speaker 2: around me. And you know, I so did the therapy

837
00:47:01,320 --> 00:47:03,200
Speaker 2: over the first six months and kind of did the

838
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:08,600
Speaker 2: deep acceptance work you'd call it, and then moved into

839
00:47:09,200 --> 00:47:12,359
Speaker 2: but like really gets to the bit and the same

840
00:47:12,520 --> 00:47:14,880
Speaker 2: like do you want to keep dating narcissists? You know,

841
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:20,160
Speaker 2: mine was creating this moment about you know, finding it's

842
00:47:20,239 --> 00:47:25,120
Speaker 2: equal or single, you know, And so that's in all

843
00:47:25,120 --> 00:47:27,720
Speaker 2: the relationship piece. But obviously it's been a huge amount

844
00:47:27,719 --> 00:47:30,680
Speaker 2: of the work things too. You know, I was working

845
00:47:30,719 --> 00:47:33,080
Speaker 2: on these you know, big projects, and it was that

846
00:47:33,160 --> 00:47:36,440
Speaker 2: reminder of you know, one of my from one of

847
00:47:36,480 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 2: my kind of like mantras, and I have it in

848
00:47:39,800 --> 00:47:43,120
Speaker 2: my phone. It goes off twice a day still and

849
00:47:43,160 --> 00:47:46,560
Speaker 2: it's all in emojis, which was touching into different parts

850
00:47:46,560 --> 00:47:49,160
Speaker 2: of my life. But it was I am loving dynamics,

851
00:47:49,239 --> 00:47:54,200
Speaker 2: sexy and clear. So and it was that, you know,

852
00:47:54,400 --> 00:47:58,120
Speaker 2: it's about you know, my heart, It's about what I

853
00:47:58,600 --> 00:48:01,880
Speaker 2: what I project and own my confidence. It was about

854
00:48:01,880 --> 00:48:05,080
Speaker 2: my self confidence, you know, in mynd being happy in

855
00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:08,120
Speaker 2: my own skin. But also I'm decisive.

856
00:48:07,920 --> 00:48:09,520
Speaker 1: Oh you are clear clear on what I want.

857
00:48:09,560 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 2: I've always but I mean that structure that I'd never

858
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:16,080
Speaker 2: had before, and so I'm so grateful for that to

859
00:48:16,200 --> 00:48:18,319
Speaker 2: have been able to and I you know, I talk

860
00:48:18,800 --> 00:48:22,680
Speaker 2: I talk about it, I talk about I talk about him,

861
00:48:22,719 --> 00:48:24,600
Speaker 2: have referred friends to him. A lot of people I

862
00:48:24,640 --> 00:48:27,279
Speaker 2: know referred them to which is this morning to it?

863
00:48:27,760 --> 00:48:31,840
Speaker 2: Oh no, that's a different guy. So I was through

864
00:48:31,920 --> 00:48:36,640
Speaker 2: my friend Vanessa's a counselor. She she literally said to

865
00:48:36,680 --> 00:48:38,960
Speaker 2: me with laughing about it, now that I have seen him,

866
00:48:38,960 --> 00:48:42,080
Speaker 2: she literally said, don't ask me too many questions because

867
00:48:42,080 --> 00:48:44,400
Speaker 2: I don't know how to answer them. But here is

868
00:48:44,440 --> 00:48:47,799
Speaker 2: the name and number of of a man. He has

869
00:48:47,840 --> 00:48:51,279
Speaker 2: a treatment room in his apartment and you just need

870
00:48:51,320 --> 00:48:52,440
Speaker 2: to book an appointment.

871
00:48:52,640 --> 00:48:52,960
Speaker 1: Wow.

872
00:48:53,200 --> 00:48:56,879
Speaker 2: I love that, okay, And I've got a curiosity around it.

873
00:48:56,960 --> 00:48:59,960
Speaker 2: And now that I'm sort of on that journey about

874
00:49:00,239 --> 00:49:03,000
Speaker 2: you know, energy and being more mindful and being a

875
00:49:03,000 --> 00:49:06,200
Speaker 2: bit more kind of frankly accountable for my own behavior

876
00:49:06,680 --> 00:49:09,880
Speaker 2: and creating a bit of distance between me and somebody

877
00:49:09,920 --> 00:49:15,320
Speaker 2: else's shitty behavior, you know. So and I still react

878
00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:18,319
Speaker 2: badly to things, I can promise you, but but that's

879
00:49:18,560 --> 00:49:23,640
Speaker 2: mostly my family cops. That's sadly. But anyway, so I

880
00:49:23,719 --> 00:49:26,200
Speaker 2: just booked an appointment and it's like nine am on Wednesday,

881
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:28,359
Speaker 2: show up. I have no idea what this is going

882
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,560
Speaker 2: to be. But what I did know is that he

883
00:49:30,600 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 2: works on a cellular level as a neuroscience, you know,

884
00:49:33,920 --> 00:49:40,880
Speaker 2: as a neurologist. Background and that was about who knows

885
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:44,640
Speaker 2: whether what comes up or whatnot, who knows what's going

886
00:49:44,719 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 2: to come up. But again, because I can walk in

887
00:49:46,719 --> 00:49:48,879
Speaker 2: there and say, this is the kind of work I've done,

888
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:50,560
Speaker 2: this is what I think about, you know, I have

889
00:49:50,960 --> 00:49:54,000
Speaker 2: I have some big top line stuff around being alone

890
00:49:54,239 --> 00:50:00,200
Speaker 2: or you know, so we could just kind of get

891
00:50:00,680 --> 00:50:04,640
Speaker 2: pretty stuck in and the openness helps in these ends. Right,

892
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:07,759
Speaker 2: So it's like working working the muscle. But then one

893
00:50:07,800 --> 00:50:10,880
Speaker 2: of the and so he's kind of like with the raking,

894
00:50:10,920 --> 00:50:11,400
Speaker 2: he kind of have.

895
00:50:13,600 --> 00:50:15,399
Speaker 1: Basically yeah, I just.

896
00:50:15,360 --> 00:50:18,440
Speaker 2: Again I have no I don't actually have their vocab

897
00:50:18,560 --> 00:50:22,239
Speaker 2: to explain. Yes he did. But at one stage, I'm

898
00:50:22,320 --> 00:50:26,160
Speaker 2: lying on the table and I have I have tears

899
00:50:26,239 --> 00:50:30,080
Speaker 2: pulling in my ears, and it was something huge about

900
00:50:30,120 --> 00:50:33,120
Speaker 2: my It was a huge kind of let go acknowledgment

901
00:50:33,200 --> 00:50:35,719
Speaker 2: moment about my father and he's got his hands in

902
00:50:35,800 --> 00:50:39,920
Speaker 2: my head. At that moment was like wow, which was incredible.

903
00:50:40,880 --> 00:50:47,520
Speaker 2: And then he's they're touching my ankles or things like that,

904
00:50:47,560 --> 00:50:52,160
Speaker 2: and he's he's incredible interesting and answer all these questions.

905
00:50:52,239 --> 00:50:56,080
Speaker 2: It was just amazing. You know, again, dynamic and when

906
00:50:56,120 --> 00:50:59,680
Speaker 2: you walk into the presence of someone and go like

907
00:50:59,800 --> 00:51:02,360
Speaker 2: this says, this is going to be incredible. Anyway, he

908
00:51:02,440 --> 00:51:06,200
Speaker 2: said to me, I love this. He's like, I have

909
00:51:06,840 --> 00:51:09,520
Speaker 2: always I never take them off. I have like four

910
00:51:09,600 --> 00:51:12,839
Speaker 2: rings that I wear on my right hand, like a

911
00:51:12,880 --> 00:51:17,280
Speaker 2: big one on the center finger. I have a little diamond,

912
00:51:17,320 --> 00:51:18,960
Speaker 2: a little ring. The girls from the office gave me

913
00:51:18,960 --> 00:51:22,600
Speaker 2: out of my family my Miller Family signet ring. And

914
00:51:22,880 --> 00:51:26,279
Speaker 2: he looks up and he said, right, what's that ring

915
00:51:26,320 --> 00:51:28,640
Speaker 2: in the middle. And I said, oh, you know, this

916
00:51:28,680 --> 00:51:32,640
Speaker 2: is where it came from. And you know I've always

917
00:51:32,719 --> 00:51:35,480
Speaker 2: I want it came you know, from my ex husband,

918
00:51:35,520 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 2: from my some was born. And he said, this ring

919
00:51:38,280 --> 00:51:42,520
Speaker 2: is a huge blocker's energy. You need to remove it.

920
00:51:42,880 --> 00:51:45,440
Speaker 2: And then he talked through the others. He said, on

921
00:51:45,560 --> 00:51:47,520
Speaker 2: the others less but you know, you don't care about

922
00:51:47,520 --> 00:51:49,239
Speaker 2: this or this has bad judy or whatever. And I

923
00:51:49,280 --> 00:51:54,920
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god. And then so I was like, wow, okay,

924
00:51:55,080 --> 00:51:57,000
Speaker 2: and so you just want to go with the flow, right,

925
00:51:57,320 --> 00:51:59,399
Speaker 2: And so then we kind of went on and talked

926
00:51:59,440 --> 00:52:01,600
Speaker 2: about other things, and I asked him questions. We're talking

927
00:52:01,600 --> 00:52:04,520
Speaker 2: about other stuff, and then there's this moment I just

928
00:52:04,520 --> 00:52:06,839
Speaker 2: sat up and I said, look, do you have any dish.

929
00:52:08,760 --> 00:52:13,279
Speaker 2: I feel like I can't get these off easily. I

930
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,439
Speaker 2: need to take these off right now. And he said,

931
00:52:15,480 --> 00:52:17,600
Speaker 2: I'm so glad you said that. And so he came

932
00:52:17,640 --> 00:52:21,080
Speaker 2: back with some beautiful like oppenmon oil or something, and

933
00:52:22,760 --> 00:52:25,520
Speaker 2: I immediately took them and I said, what about the

934
00:52:25,560 --> 00:52:27,879
Speaker 2: other zone. He said, I'll just have a break. And

935
00:52:27,960 --> 00:52:30,240
Speaker 2: so I mean that's the thing people might think.

936
00:52:30,120 --> 00:52:31,319
Speaker 1: Oh, did you sleep.

937
00:52:32,520 --> 00:52:37,279
Speaker 2: No, it never took them off. Literally, I literally, I

938
00:52:37,360 --> 00:52:40,120
Speaker 2: literally never take them off. I mean, you know, I

939
00:52:40,160 --> 00:52:45,400
Speaker 2: love Spraytown. I literally never take them off. So so

940
00:52:45,480 --> 00:52:47,600
Speaker 2: it was a really big thing. And he said, just

941
00:52:47,600 --> 00:52:49,919
Speaker 2: have a break, have a break. Definitely take the bigger

942
00:52:49,920 --> 00:52:51,439
Speaker 2: one off and have a break from all of them.

943
00:52:51,680 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 2: And so it sort of feels slightly I feel feel naked,

944
00:52:55,760 --> 00:52:59,120
Speaker 2: naked about them, but just one of those things. Why

945
00:52:59,160 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 2: not get amongst it, why not be curious about it,

946
00:53:02,880 --> 00:53:06,759
Speaker 2: be you know, try these sads and I've done I

947
00:53:06,840 --> 00:53:09,600
Speaker 2: might have done kinesiology or things over the years. That

948
00:53:09,800 --> 00:53:12,840
Speaker 2: one sounded good, but I mean, this is this is amazing.

949
00:53:12,880 --> 00:53:18,479
Speaker 2: But it's also because I've created this openness that it's

950
00:53:18,719 --> 00:53:23,080
Speaker 2: really I just found it incredible. And the cool thing too,

951
00:53:23,200 --> 00:53:26,400
Speaker 2: is that I do another session with him, but he

952
00:53:26,520 --> 00:53:32,240
Speaker 2: said I talked about Joshi, and he said he would

953
00:53:32,800 --> 00:53:35,560
Speaker 2: see us together because it's sort of channels from one

954
00:53:35,800 --> 00:53:38,480
Speaker 2: and whatnot. And one of the very interesting things that

955
00:53:38,560 --> 00:53:42,000
Speaker 2: I talk about, like alone and loneliness and whatnot. One

956
00:53:42,000 --> 00:53:47,719
Speaker 2: of Joshi's biggest anxieties is around bedtime, is about don't

957
00:53:48,040 --> 00:53:50,600
Speaker 2: don't leave me alone, don't sleep I don't want to

958
00:53:50,640 --> 00:53:55,680
Speaker 2: sleep alone. And so it was like, oh, you know,

959
00:53:56,280 --> 00:53:59,720
Speaker 2: so these sort of revelations come in fits and spurts.

960
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:02,200
Speaker 1: I think, can I ask one more question about therapy

961
00:54:02,239 --> 00:54:04,439
Speaker 1: and you absolutely don't have to answer if you don't

962
00:54:04,440 --> 00:54:08,320
Speaker 1: want to. But also, last yeah, you kind of lost

963
00:54:08,320 --> 00:54:12,479
Speaker 1: a soul mate. It was last Yes, Oh my god,

964
00:54:13,120 --> 00:54:15,640
Speaker 1: such an epic human. I was lucky enough to know

965
00:54:15,760 --> 00:54:20,719
Speaker 1: as well. But I believe that Christian Christian and I

966
00:54:20,719 --> 00:54:22,600
Speaker 1: don't don't correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel

967
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,960
Speaker 1: like he saved you in a way when you were

968
00:54:24,960 --> 00:54:29,840
Speaker 1: going through divorce and you were just and he's got

969
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:32,600
Speaker 1: He's one of those people that can make another human

970
00:54:32,880 --> 00:54:35,920
Speaker 1: feel love very beautifully in just his presence.

971
00:54:36,040 --> 00:54:42,399
Speaker 2: He Christian was just amazing and he we I basically,

972
00:54:43,200 --> 00:54:47,439
Speaker 2: which I'm very proud of I kind of stole him

973
00:54:47,440 --> 00:54:51,080
Speaker 2: from working on one production was amazing dop and brought

974
00:54:51,120 --> 00:54:54,840
Speaker 2: him onto work and introduced him to Piopo's producing Fashion Bloggers.

975
00:54:54,880 --> 00:54:58,640
Speaker 2: We love you kind of stole him and then where

976
00:54:58,680 --> 00:55:01,480
Speaker 2: that ended up was on the series two finale of

977
00:55:01,520 --> 00:55:05,759
Speaker 2: Fashion Bloggers. I'd done the deals with Quantus and tourism

978
00:55:06,800 --> 00:55:11,280
Speaker 2: by to shoot the finale in in all in Dubai

979
00:55:11,400 --> 00:55:14,839
Speaker 2: for ten days. It was incredible, and Christian came and

980
00:55:14,880 --> 00:55:18,080
Speaker 2: so I was, I don't know, four or five months

981
00:55:18,120 --> 00:55:21,440
Speaker 2: into my and another friend of you know friend and

982
00:55:21,520 --> 00:55:24,520
Speaker 2: dop Nick was on that and they were friends. Yeah,

983
00:55:24,880 --> 00:55:29,200
Speaker 2: kind of make you know, working on this show, and

984
00:55:29,200 --> 00:55:32,719
Speaker 2: and we spent these ten incredible days together. But I was,

985
00:55:33,120 --> 00:55:33,960
Speaker 2: I was broken.

986
00:55:34,320 --> 00:55:38,719
Speaker 1: I was in that skydive thing, didn't he Yeah.

987
00:55:38,040 --> 00:55:40,600
Speaker 2: We were really busy on the ground for ten days.

988
00:55:40,719 --> 00:55:43,360
Speaker 2: We were, you know, shooting Sex and the City style

989
00:55:43,680 --> 00:55:46,640
Speaker 2: and finale endings across the sand dunes with the girls

990
00:55:46,640 --> 00:55:51,319
Speaker 2: looking spectacular in their high fashion, and but we just

991
00:55:51,400 --> 00:55:55,000
Speaker 2: spent He just was that probably that male friend and

992
00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:58,880
Speaker 2: male company. And Nick was too, but was but we

993
00:55:59,040 --> 00:56:02,360
Speaker 2: just had a really a bond and he was like,

994
00:56:02,440 --> 00:56:04,719
Speaker 2: it's going to be all right. I remember one day

995
00:56:04,719 --> 00:56:06,839
Speaker 2: we're on like the bus going to shoot b roll

996
00:56:06,920 --> 00:56:09,680
Speaker 2: or whatnot, and they were showing some photos from the

997
00:56:09,800 --> 00:56:12,359
Speaker 2: night before and one of them said, oh, is that

998
00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:14,839
Speaker 2: that could be a new Tinder profile pick. And I'm

999
00:56:14,880 --> 00:56:18,440
Speaker 2: like five months into my separation and dealing with the silence,

1000
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:21,160
Speaker 2: suffering and the silence of that, and I just burst

1001
00:56:21,200 --> 00:56:22,920
Speaker 2: into tears, going, I don't want to have to go

1002
00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:26,719
Speaker 2: on Tinder, and we just they just helped. I just

1003
00:56:26,800 --> 00:56:33,440
Speaker 2: laughed and cried. But our friend connection stayed forever. But

1004
00:56:33,680 --> 00:56:35,520
Speaker 2: one of the amazing things we did while we were

1005
00:56:35,520 --> 00:56:36,840
Speaker 2: there was going the wind tunnel.

1006
00:56:37,160 --> 00:56:39,080
Speaker 1: Yes this and it.

1007
00:56:38,920 --> 00:56:43,920
Speaker 2: Was literally that like it is it is such a

1008
00:56:44,000 --> 00:56:49,920
Speaker 2: really such a huge like letting go released unbelievable and

1009
00:56:49,920 --> 00:56:52,279
Speaker 2: that really it was at the end of the trip

1010
00:56:52,280 --> 00:56:54,279
Speaker 2: and it really set me on my path. And when

1011
00:56:54,280 --> 00:56:56,360
Speaker 2: I got home, I was able to just you know,

1012
00:56:56,440 --> 00:56:58,239
Speaker 2: with his support and the other friend, you know, other

1013
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:01,680
Speaker 2: gorgeous friends like people the Sindo was able to really

1014
00:57:04,520 --> 00:57:08,040
Speaker 2: just said about kind of you know, getting it done.

1015
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:10,840
Speaker 1: Really, I think he bought an element of freedom to

1016
00:57:11,040 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 1: his whole spirit, his.

1017
00:57:12,640 --> 00:57:16,880
Speaker 2: Whole light, and he was traveling the world and you know,

1018
00:57:17,000 --> 00:57:20,000
Speaker 2: after he left us, was he was going to Germany

1019
00:57:20,080 --> 00:57:24,360
Speaker 2: to then you know, Frankly caught his you know who

1020
00:57:24,400 --> 00:57:29,040
Speaker 2: became his wife, sus who we love and just that

1021
00:57:29,200 --> 00:57:33,800
Speaker 2: free spirit and a mad skydiver and everything else. And

1022
00:57:33,840 --> 00:57:36,920
Speaker 2: he but even when he moved overseas, he always you know,

1023
00:57:37,440 --> 00:57:39,440
Speaker 2: remember him telling us when he was going to propose,

1024
00:57:39,560 --> 00:57:44,240
Speaker 2: and it always some people around the world who absolutely

1025
00:57:44,920 --> 00:57:50,720
Speaker 2: loved and adored him. And so when when he he

1026
00:57:50,800 --> 00:57:55,000
Speaker 2: died in a you know, freaked speed writing, speed flying

1027
00:57:55,120 --> 00:57:58,640
Speaker 2: accident in Switzerland earlier this year, and.

1028
00:57:59,240 --> 00:58:00,000
Speaker 1: Was that this year?

1029
00:58:00,320 --> 00:58:04,760
Speaker 2: It was this year, and it was just it was

1030
00:58:05,520 --> 00:58:09,960
Speaker 2: and I've only lost one really close friend before. But

1031
00:58:10,520 --> 00:58:13,720
Speaker 2: I remember Pip called me from La and I hadn't

1032
00:58:13,760 --> 00:58:16,840
Speaker 2: I think I'd just come out of yoga or had

1033
00:58:17,640 --> 00:58:20,120
Speaker 2: and walking down Hall Street in Bondai and she calls

1034
00:58:20,200 --> 00:58:23,800
Speaker 2: me and she said, you know, baby Christians died and

1035
00:58:23,840 --> 00:58:27,800
Speaker 2: I just literally fell to the ground. Of course, being Bondai,

1036
00:58:27,960 --> 00:58:30,440
Speaker 2: people probably thought I was high or something. No one

1037
00:58:30,560 --> 00:58:34,640
Speaker 2: came near me, but and I just and I really

1038
00:58:35,600 --> 00:58:43,320
Speaker 2: I really struggled, and I and I went to Craig.

1039
00:58:43,520 --> 00:58:45,520
Speaker 2: I couldn't work like for a couple of days too,

1040
00:58:45,600 --> 00:58:47,840
Speaker 2: this is awful. I went to Craig and I said,

1041
00:58:47,880 --> 00:58:50,960
Speaker 2: you've got to give me something, give me something. And

1042
00:58:51,000 --> 00:58:53,760
Speaker 2: the thing that he the tool that he gave me

1043
00:58:54,240 --> 00:58:57,680
Speaker 2: was this line to say, I choose for you what

1044
00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:02,680
Speaker 2: you choose for you. And it was like you just

1045
00:59:02,840 --> 00:59:05,880
Speaker 2: lifted you chose that life, and I chose it for

1046
00:59:05,960 --> 00:59:09,240
Speaker 2: you too, and had an amazing life and amazing friends

1047
00:59:09,280 --> 00:59:14,000
Speaker 2: and all of that and that and that's where you know,

1048
00:59:14,040 --> 00:59:17,040
Speaker 2: I found such you know, I could find the comfort

1049
00:59:17,840 --> 00:59:20,960
Speaker 2: in that. But it was a huge it was a

1050
00:59:21,040 --> 00:59:24,880
Speaker 2: huge loss for many for many many people just and

1051
00:59:24,960 --> 00:59:26,720
Speaker 2: all around the world and stuff too.

1052
00:59:26,920 --> 00:59:29,040
Speaker 1: We met about a week later, you and I and

1053
00:59:29,080 --> 00:59:31,360
Speaker 1: I remember walking in having many with you and just

1054
00:59:31,400 --> 00:59:34,960
Speaker 1: like hugging you and you were just so I've never

1055
00:59:35,000 --> 00:59:38,640
Speaker 1: seen a more heartbroken in our time together because he

1056
00:59:39,200 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 1: I think he, yeah, he was there for you when

1057
00:59:43,560 --> 00:59:48,880
Speaker 1: you needed like a male energy to show you that you're.

1058
00:59:48,720 --> 00:59:51,520
Speaker 2: Seen, absolutely, absolutely.

1059
00:59:51,360 --> 00:59:53,919
Speaker 1: And but we worked with him on many projects and yeah,

1060
00:59:53,920 --> 00:59:57,920
Speaker 1: and so even though he was this is just incredible creative,

1061
00:59:58,000 --> 01:00:01,280
Speaker 1: he was also this incredible sky diver and filmed his

1062
01:00:01,320 --> 01:00:02,360
Speaker 1: own show.

1063
01:00:02,480 --> 01:00:06,400
Speaker 2: And to round it out, because I work within the

1064
01:00:06,400 --> 01:00:09,960
Speaker 2: big red group that you know inside their environment. Yea

1065
01:00:10,160 --> 01:00:14,720
Speaker 2: and Red Balloon, a group about there's a group of

1066
01:00:14,800 --> 01:00:20,640
Speaker 2: ten people doing a skydive in Woollongong in early November.

1067
01:00:21,080 --> 01:00:24,120
Speaker 2: And I've had a voucher for eighteen months or so.

1068
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,440
Speaker 2: I think it's my birthday on Monday, so I've had

1069
01:00:26,480 --> 01:00:30,560
Speaker 2: about for a year for a skyDig at Woollongong. And

1070
01:00:30,600 --> 01:00:32,640
Speaker 2: they were kind of rallying and you know, remember of

1071
01:00:32,720 --> 01:00:34,280
Speaker 2: all their slack channels and all of that kind of

1072
01:00:34,320 --> 01:00:36,640
Speaker 2: stuff too, and they're like, there's one more spot and

1073
01:00:36,680 --> 01:00:38,160
Speaker 2: I just sort of walked over to one of the

1074
01:00:38,200 --> 01:00:42,560
Speaker 2: girls hurry in the office. I was like, I think

1075
01:00:42,600 --> 01:00:44,760
Speaker 2: I'm going to come. I think I'm going to come.

1076
01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:47,240
Speaker 2: And I thought, you know, it's that sort of you know,

1077
01:00:47,320 --> 01:00:49,880
Speaker 2: watching all these sort of tributes to Christian and whatnot.

1078
01:00:49,880 --> 01:00:51,400
Speaker 2: I always said to him, you know, if I go,

1079
01:00:51,520 --> 01:00:53,640
Speaker 2: can you come with? You know, you be there and

1080
01:00:53,680 --> 01:00:59,080
Speaker 2: all of that. But the opportunity to go with nine

1081
01:00:59,120 --> 01:01:02,160
Speaker 2: people who are know no one loved from the office

1082
01:01:02,280 --> 01:01:05,600
Speaker 2: and and be there and sort of support one another

1083
01:01:05,680 --> 01:01:07,919
Speaker 2: through that too. But again for me, I think it's

1084
01:01:08,040 --> 01:01:14,479
Speaker 2: it'll be a massive general release mode, which I'm really

1085
01:01:14,520 --> 01:01:15,320
Speaker 2: excited about.

1086
01:01:15,440 --> 01:01:19,120
Speaker 1: I'm excited for you and I love you almost a

1087
01:01:19,200 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 1: year ago and you're like, oh, I'm going to do it.

1088
01:01:21,200 --> 01:01:22,560
Speaker 2: I have to do it, and you're just going to

1089
01:01:22,600 --> 01:01:27,160
Speaker 2: say you've just have to sometimes just say yes, I'm

1090
01:01:27,200 --> 01:01:30,120
Speaker 2: so excited for you. Yeah. So I'm pumped about that.

1091
01:01:30,440 --> 01:01:32,920
Speaker 2: And I'll get the video and do all of those

1092
01:01:33,080 --> 01:01:34,959
Speaker 2: do all of the things too.

1093
01:01:36,320 --> 01:01:38,200
Speaker 1: How long do you think we've been talking for? I

1094
01:01:38,640 --> 01:01:44,240
Speaker 1: can't peak. We've hit an hour. How crazy? Can I

1095
01:01:44,280 --> 01:01:48,280
Speaker 1: ask you to share to round this and to end

1096
01:01:48,280 --> 01:01:54,080
Speaker 1: this with those your mantra that you're one of the

1097
01:01:54,120 --> 01:01:56,960
Speaker 1: healers or therapist works with the with the emojis that

1098
01:01:57,000 --> 01:01:59,240
Speaker 1: are sent to you every morning. Yes, yeah, so can

1099
01:01:59,240 --> 01:02:00,760
Speaker 1: we share that with it? Because I think it'd be

1100
01:02:00,760 --> 01:02:03,040
Speaker 1: a good manager for any person that just wants to

1101
01:02:03,240 --> 01:02:05,760
Speaker 1: have more confidence and believing themselves.

1102
01:02:06,520 --> 01:02:09,160
Speaker 2: Which is I soph you think about it, it's a

1103
01:02:10,640 --> 01:02:12,240
Speaker 2: what is it? I have to look in my phone.

1104
01:02:12,720 --> 01:02:21,720
Speaker 2: It's it's a love heart explosion, the dancing.

1105
01:02:21,320 --> 01:02:23,320
Speaker 1: Woman and sexy.

1106
01:02:25,360 --> 01:02:29,080
Speaker 2: Wait then it'll be it'll be in my watch because

1107
01:02:29,080 --> 01:02:32,880
Speaker 2: it was like clarity and clear okay, and there and

1108
01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:37,240
Speaker 2: the clapping hands. So it's a love heart the explosion,

1109
01:02:37,760 --> 01:02:40,880
Speaker 2: dancing woman and clapping hands like make a decision, you don't.

1110
01:02:41,280 --> 01:02:46,280
Speaker 2: I love it. So it's I'm loving dynamics, sexy and clear.

1111
01:02:46,600 --> 01:02:49,880
Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, I couldn't think of a better way

1112
01:02:49,880 --> 01:02:53,080
Speaker 1: to end it, and you are all those things. Thank you, Lauren,

1113
01:02:53,240 --> 01:02:57,480
Speaker 1: Thank you so so much. It's so weird. It's so

1114
01:02:57,520 --> 01:02:59,120
Speaker 1: weird that we've actually got the same name, but I

1115
01:02:59,360 --> 01:02:59,960
Speaker 1: get called.

1116
01:02:59,800 --> 01:03:02,880
Speaker 2: It and I'm very weird just to say it, but

1117
01:03:02,920 --> 01:03:05,840
Speaker 2: my nickname is Lolly.

1118
01:03:06,760 --> 01:03:11,360
Speaker 1: Thank you for yes being my manager for so many

1119
01:03:11,480 --> 01:03:14,400
Speaker 1: years now, but also you've been my mentor and my

1120
01:03:14,480 --> 01:03:18,720
Speaker 1: guide and you've had my back so when it hasn't

1121
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:22,400
Speaker 1: been probably fun to have my pack, I promise it'll

1122
01:03:22,400 --> 01:03:26,840
Speaker 1: pay off one day. Thank you every day. You're wonderful.

1123
01:03:27,040 --> 01:03:29,600
Speaker 2: Thank you for doing a podcast.

1124
01:03:29,640 --> 01:03:34,120
Speaker 1: By the way, push for Big Love.

1125
01:03:34,360 --> 01:03:35,040
Speaker 2: Bye.

1126
01:03:36,880 --> 01:03:42,520
Speaker 1: That's a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always,

1127
01:03:42,680 --> 01:03:46,040
Speaker 1: thank you to our guests, and let's continue the conversation

1128
01:03:46,200 --> 01:03:52,000
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I'm at Yamo Lollaberry. This potty my word

1129
01:03:52,000 --> 01:03:56,760
Speaker 1: for podcast is available on all streaming platforms. I'd love

1130
01:03:56,800 --> 01:03:59,800
Speaker 1: it if you could subscribe, rate and comment, and of

1131
01:03:59,840 --> 01:04:01,479
Speaker 1: course loss spread the love