Speaker 1: I would like a well done from you. Please not
Speaker 1: going to happen normally. I'm very late. I'd like to argue.
Speaker 2: That, Yeah, but you've fucking ghosted me since last night.
Speaker 2: April's off here because we asked a question. I asked
Speaker 2: you a question last night about courriers. You completely fucked and.
Speaker 1: She's like stressing out, she's off.
Speaker 3: Sorry, then you just shut you literally just exposed yourself
Speaker 3: to her up.
Speaker 1: That's the first time I've ever gone to the bathroom
Speaker 1: and not closed the door on your household and a
Speaker 1: that's she knew I was in there. She was like,
Speaker 1: oh damn, she knew what she was doing.
Speaker 4: She heard how thick the stream of aws in there
Speaker 4: with me.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two doting dads. I'm Maddie J.
Speaker 2: And for the last time this year, I am.
Speaker 1: Ash changing my name next year, Big Dick. This is
Speaker 1: a podcast all about parenting. It's the good, the bad.
Speaker 2: And the sweaty.
Speaker 1: It is very warm.
Speaker 2: I told you as soon as I shut doors. Also,
Speaker 2: it was what do they call it where you're like
Speaker 2: air DJ. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Before as it was setting up, Ash and I just
Speaker 1: to get in the mood, put on some Hans Zimmer
Speaker 1: and it.
Speaker 2: Was anyone parts of the b N Pirates of parts
Speaker 2: of the Pilots of the Root.
Speaker 1: Pilots of the Caribbean. Quick get into the seven four seven.
Speaker 2: It's the Pirates of the Caribbean Medley for those listening
Speaker 2: and go to the back end of that and that.
Speaker 2: I'm sweat and thinking about it.
Speaker 1: I do not find anything appealing about that song. I
Speaker 1: like a good deep, chunky, thick house.
Speaker 2: Tune with a solid booblet.
Speaker 1: You're a running to Hans Zimmer to me is like
Speaker 1: running to coca melon. It does nothing I find it. Run.
Speaker 2: You've got to have you run, run, run, run, you
Speaker 2: like it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's what it's like.
Speaker 2: That was a perfect rendition of a cocoa melon.
Speaker 1: And right now my kids will be like, coca melon
Speaker 1: is on somewhere.
Speaker 2: Somewhere there with that little be that goes.
Speaker 1: Run run.
Speaker 2: You have to have you run.
Speaker 1: You stop traumatizings.
Speaker 3: We could just do the whole episode record record. You
Speaker 3: have to do recording, mic record.
Speaker 1: Recording.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was going to say, Matt, you usually say,
Speaker 2: just so everyone's aware, there's no advice given. Yes, what
Speaker 2: do you got?
Speaker 1: What? You actually just check that camera on me?
Speaker 2: Am, I ugly, your little flicking with your hair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I like that. Actually it's got morphing into me.
Speaker 1: Someone said, you're coming you have no hair. I'm looked
Speaker 1: in for some dats next week.
Speaker 2: Are you imagine just got like a hand?
Speaker 1: Someone did say one of our posts. It's hard to
Speaker 1: tell apart Ash and Matt, you are morphing into the
Speaker 1: same person. I decided to keep the mustache. We went
Speaker 1: to cut it last week. As we were about to
Speaker 1: chop it off, I had a change of heart.
Speaker 2: A tear in your eye.
Speaker 1: I couldn't do it.
Speaker 2: Keep it.
Speaker 1: I don't It's here, it's here. And then I decided
Speaker 1: to wear a hat for the first time.
Speaker 2: People are really going to be like, dude, get your
Speaker 2: own look. I'll allow it.
Speaker 1: Perhaps take it as a compliment.
Speaker 2: That's a bit much, but you're welcome. You've got a hair.
Speaker 1: What's been going on? Aside from trying to look like
Speaker 1: you every day?
Speaker 2: It has trying to act like me.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm starting to sound like you couldn't
Speaker 1: handle it. I've been drunk every day for a week.
Speaker 2: You couldn't handle the head noise, my friend.
Speaker 1: It has been a hard week. It's always a hard week.
Speaker 1: Parenting is always hard. You have moments where this morning
Speaker 1: was actually a good morning, getting out the door, the
Speaker 1: kids were in a great mood. But the last few
Speaker 1: days since Friday have been particularly tough because it was
Speaker 1: when we were at the cricket, were with the cricket
Speaker 1: on Friday together and I've got a text from Laura
Speaker 1: and we've been speaking about it for a little while
Speaker 1: about removing dummies from Lola, and we thought we're going
Speaker 1: to do it around Christmas time and play into the
Speaker 1: fact that a lot of people were saying the best
Speaker 1: way to do it is to say, you've got to
Speaker 1: give the dummies to Santa.
Speaker 2: Oh smart, that's really good. And we classic we tried that,
Speaker 2: I mean, is real, and we.
Speaker 1: Tried to say you've got to pick cat one the
Speaker 1: well done you, it's good recovery Dad ruining Christmas one everybody.
Speaker 1: But yeah, we we tried the whole got to give
Speaker 1: a dummies to Santa. Lola looked at us as we're
Speaker 1: trying to explain it to her and she was like, literally,
Speaker 1: she's like what the fuck.
Speaker 2: She's like, you can have one of these, and you
Speaker 2: have one of these and go fuck yourself.
Speaker 1: She hates Santa now because we were like, Santa's going
Speaker 1: to take your dummies, and.
Speaker 2: She's like, well he's a frick welcome to the club.
Speaker 1: We're at the cricket and Laura just messaged and she said, hey, tonight,
Speaker 1: tonight I've had enough, no dummies. I think what happened
Speaker 1: was we all had a busy week last week. Forgot
Speaker 1: to tell Laura that we were going to the cricket,
Speaker 1: which we had in diary for a little while, and
Speaker 1: she had a busy day at work. Kids are being
Speaker 1: pretty hard. She got kicked in the face by Lola
Speaker 1: in the bath and like Lola did it and laugh.
Speaker 1: I think maybe she and the bath too. I didn't question.
Speaker 1: I don't want to say, like to Laura, like how
Speaker 1: do you even.
Speaker 2: How did you? How did this physically appen? You're in
Speaker 2: there like CSI can you reenact? The numbers put up
Speaker 2: around it and you've got the camera and you're like.
Speaker 1: How did so? How did they go? Projectory of the
Speaker 1: foot would have.
Speaker 2: Been set up one of those like in court reenactments,
Speaker 2: just like so what you're.
Speaker 1: Saying, Lola's a pleading innocent And the cricket finished at
Speaker 1: ten thirty which meant that I missed the whole bed
Speaker 1: bath love that night'sime routine. And that was the night
Speaker 1: that Laura decided post being kicked in the face, that's.
Speaker 2: Not that's not on you, not on me, Bro, that
Speaker 2: wasn't your call. I hate that when they call an audible.
Speaker 1: I hate that.
Speaker 2: There's been times where when we were like sleep training,
Speaker 2: so to interrupt your story really quickly, You're looking at
Speaker 2: me like, how do you fucking trupt me anywhere? Be
Speaker 2: really quick when you're doing the settling right, and then
Speaker 2: you go in with a plan right, and then Abral's like, oh, sorry,
Speaker 2: should playing April for this? But like then midway through it,
Speaker 2: plans change without consulting.
Speaker 1: You go to have united front.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, I think calling an audible just because you've been
Speaker 2: kicked in the fact.
Speaker 1: Did you even get kicked? Was there even a kicking?
Speaker 1: Did that even happen?
Speaker 2: A dog house? Now? Is that dog house for that?
Speaker 2: You'll be sharing it for the next week.
Speaker 1: Lua's got a blood nose in a missing tooth, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, did you even get hurt? Yeah?
Speaker 2: She just like punched herself.
Speaker 1: So she dealt with an awful night. Lola is obsessed
Speaker 1: with d's.
Speaker 2: She walked in the other day and she she had
Speaker 2: a dummy in amount.
Speaker 1: She loves it, and it was getting worse. Normally trying
Speaker 1: to keep it to dummies for bedtime, but she just
Speaker 1: walking around.
Speaker 2: She just DayWalker with it.
Speaker 1: She was into it. So Friday awful. Saturday was pretty good.
Speaker 1: She like, I think she was just so tired. She
Speaker 1: literally she screamed till eleven o'clock. Like I got home
Speaker 1: as she fell asleep, and I was like, she sounds
Speaker 1: like she's been fine, don't say that. But then Sunday
Speaker 1: just big emotions, big emotions. Can I forget that? For
Speaker 1: so long her entire life, anytime she'd have a meltdown,
Speaker 1: we just go have a dummy. It's like dealing with
Speaker 1: someone who's a heroin addict.
Speaker 2: Whenever that was dressed down, drunk last week. And yeah,
Speaker 2: it's getting worse withdraw its shaken.
Speaker 1: Literally, she doesn't know what to do, she doesn't know
Speaker 1: what she wants. She's now kind of shifted. She was
Speaker 1: obsessed with just like bringing in her toys into the cot.
Speaker 1: We're like, sure, we can like shift the addiction to toys.
Speaker 1: So she was in bed with all these toys, and
Speaker 1: she was like, what the fuck am I doing? Then
Speaker 1: she was throwing the toys out, and then she was
Speaker 1: like yeah, dude, flipping out. And then she's passed on
Speaker 1: the addiction now to warm water. We got her off
Speaker 1: the bottle with milk. We now give a warm water.
Speaker 2: That was her routine, and now she just sucks on
Speaker 2: the bottle.
Speaker 1: Now she's like, now she'll like guzzle the water. And
Speaker 1: then she's like, moh, it's the sucking. It's the same. Yeah.
Speaker 1: But then issue is she pisses herself in the middle
Speaker 1: of the night because she has four bottles of water
Speaker 1: plus a couple of times in the middle of the night,
Speaker 1: if she wakes up, I'll just give them a water.
Speaker 1: So she's now pissing herself.
Speaker 2: Heard of water poisoning.
Speaker 1: Don't put that in my head. I don't need that
Speaker 1: kind of stress right now. Why the fuck would you
Speaker 1: do that? Have you ever heard of killing your child
Speaker 1: too much warm water at bedtime?
Speaker 2: Well? I spooped ap with this too, because there was
Speaker 2: something on the news about a lady who got water poisoning,
Speaker 2: who drank X amount of water in a certain amount
Speaker 2: of times water poisoning and she died.
Speaker 1: Come on, come on, you're better than that. I am.
Speaker 1: You know what are you watching sky news? I don't
Speaker 1: need that kind of stress.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so anyway, guzzling.
Speaker 1: No, So well, she's still alive, thanks, Ash. So I've
Speaker 1: managed to poison my child with too much water, but
Speaker 1: we've now cut down. We have cut down the water,
Speaker 1: so fear not, Ash.
Speaker 2: We're working on it.
Speaker 1: We're working on it. But it's hard because up until
Speaker 1: now she has been like you put her down, you
Speaker 1: would give her the dummy, give her the bottle of
Speaker 1: warm water, close the door, boom boom.
Speaker 2: That was it.
Speaker 1: It was like Laura and I would hire five happy
Speaker 1: days now and then because she's screaming at nighttime and
Speaker 1: she's up so late, she wakes up early. She's moody
Speaker 1: all day.
Speaker 2: So send her off to kindy and she's someone else's proper.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. Like it's
Speaker 2: it's half the transition.
Speaker 1: Like do you Ash?
Speaker 2: No?
Speaker 1: You ash?
Speaker 2: Like my kids been obsessed with dummies there if you
Speaker 2: killed the.
Speaker 1: Child with too much water, Ash.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, also too many toys in there that could suffocate.
Speaker 2: You're really put this kid in danger anyway. Look, I
Speaker 2: feel your paint because it's never easy when their whole
Speaker 2: life they've relied on something for the tough times, at
Speaker 2: sad times, the angry times, of the moody times, and
Speaker 2: you're just like, you've also relied on it too in someone.
Speaker 1: It would be like if someone said to you, you
Speaker 1: can't masturbate anymore.
Speaker 2: Well, I've actually taken an oath's not to masturbate it.
Speaker 1: That's not true at all as you've reconceived it.
Speaker 2: And thirty five this morning, poor little chicken.
Speaker 1: So we're trying to be patient, trying to be patient.
Speaker 2: Keep us updated on that. I'm sure by this well
Speaker 2: I will. But hey, last episode, last episode.
Speaker 1: Sorry guys, you will find out next year what a cliffhanger.
Speaker 2: And that's all we got talking about. You'll find out
Speaker 2: next year. How LOL is going with that?
Speaker 1: We're saying drunk, except actually she's going to.
Speaker 2: Start stuck in a thumb.
Speaker 1: I'm sure she will.
Speaker 2: He's going to will.
Speaker 1: She's going to be like, you know, part of the problem.
Speaker 1: You know what I mentioned a couple of weeks ago
Speaker 1: that she doesn't like one dummy, she likes four in
Speaker 1: bed with her. And we've lost so many dummies that
Speaker 1: throughout the house. We've had to rebuy more dummies. We've
Speaker 1: got fucking dummies in every nook and cranny in the house.
Speaker 2: You get like a dummy rash or anything.
Speaker 1: No, I never got that. One thing I always regret
Speaker 1: is not getting a dummy attachment.
Speaker 2: Like so when it falls off, Yeah, I should have
Speaker 2: got that.
Speaker 1: Because we have so many dummies. A house is like
Speaker 1: a dummy graveyard. So in the morning, she'll sit on
Speaker 1: the couch and pull out a dummy from behind the
Speaker 1: cushion and she's like, oh, look another dummy, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: give it back.
Speaker 2: She's got to me. She's like, waiting for your leave room, She's.
Speaker 1: Like this Actually this was her ploy the whole time.
Speaker 1: She's like, I know the dummy is going to run
Speaker 1: out sooner or later, so I'll stock pile of them.
Speaker 2: And lost it, lost it.
Speaker 1: As we leave her room, she's just whipping them out
Speaker 1: behind the cushion.
Speaker 2: The people have moved into your old house, just lodged
Speaker 2: in different places. Yeah, great, hey smart.
Speaker 1: Actually we'll keep.
Speaker 2: Us updated on that. Matt.
Speaker 1: How are you, mate? What's going on?
Speaker 2: Look, I'm gonna have to dig someone again, not you
Speaker 2: this time. You know how much you know how I
Speaker 2: feel about dentists.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you don't like dentists.
Speaker 2: What do you refer to the mass mouth salesman. Yes,
Speaker 2: they've struck again. Well they've tried to strike again. But
Speaker 2: I'll tell you Oscar went to the dentist for the
Speaker 2: first time. He's four and a half. Cong congratulations. No
Speaker 2: that's not right. No, no, anyway, so he was saying
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks back, he was like, oh, I
Speaker 2: feel like he must have bit down on something and
Speaker 2: fell to tooth. And he was like, oh, my tooth A
Speaker 2: bit hurts, right, but it doesn't bother him like regularly, right,
Speaker 2: And we're like, what is it? He can see he's
Speaker 2: got like a little needs of a little like a feeling.
Speaker 2: Keeping in mind their baby teeth, I never thought people
Speaker 2: were like, has your kid been going to the he's
Speaker 2: going to lose those teeth. No, don't need to go
Speaker 2: to the dentists. Those teeth are temporary teeth.
Speaker 1: That's a very valid point, very valid.
Speaker 2: He grew them, they fall out, he'll grow new ones.
Speaker 1: Adult teeth, very important, very important.
Speaker 2: It was different if it was like, this is an
Speaker 2: adult tooth, I'd be like, oh my god. Whatever. However,
Speaker 2: people act yet to be there. I don't know how
Speaker 2: I would act. Let's figure that out down the track.
Speaker 2: So he was like, oh, and you could clearly see,
Speaker 2: like you know, but it wasn't bothering unless he accidentally
Speaker 2: bit it or bit down too hard on it. And
Speaker 2: still like, even though we've been to the dentist, nothing's
Speaker 2: changed as yet. Still because it's not bothering him that
Speaker 2: much anyway, So a couple of times he was like, oh,
Speaker 2: it's actually hurting. So April took him to the dentist
Speaker 2: first of all, freaked out because it was a dentist
Speaker 2: and the guys like open his mouth. Oscar couldn't quite
Speaker 2: comprehend what was going on. He was like like, as
Speaker 2: you can imagine a four and a half year old, it's.
Speaker 1: Quite a situation for the first time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you can imagine all the lights and stuff. So
Speaker 2: he had to see it on April's lap. That's fine.
Speaker 2: Apparently he didn't go that bad. I thought it would
Speaker 2: have gone way worse. But the thing that shipited me, Like,
Speaker 2: I said, their baby teeth, they're gonna fall out. They're temporary.
Speaker 1: Once he got like a gold cap on it or something.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, they were like, oh, oh okay, Oh this
Speaker 2: is bad.
Speaker 1: This is bad to put him down.
Speaker 2: No, They're like, okay, so what we need to do
Speaker 2: is we need to get him back in. First of all,
Speaker 2: he's already there. Just do what he needs to do
Speaker 2: while he's there. Get him back in.
Speaker 1: This is like a physio like we needed for four
Speaker 1: more sessions to.
Speaker 2: Fill it up with what good question? Fill it up,
Speaker 2: and then after it come back and get a crown?
Speaker 1: Fuck? What a crown?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: How badly?
Speaker 2: Fifteen hundred bucks? Mouth salesman.
Speaker 1: Okay, so what did you say?
Speaker 2: I wasn't there. A April was like, oh okay, Like
Speaker 2: we'll go and we'll rebook.
Speaker 1: Didn't do it in the moment, you're taking what they're
Speaker 1: saying is gospel, and you're like, well, man, question every damn.
Speaker 2: I'm like, how did you do that?
Speaker 1: You're like, how did you get to that prime? Grab
Speaker 1: a little mirror and you're like give me a look, Yeah,
Speaker 1: looks fine, get out of here.
Speaker 2: Well that's like with me and the dentist. I went
Speaker 2: to the dentist that, oh, you need a root now,
Speaker 2: and I was like, oh no, I don't.
Speaker 1: Anyway, I was like, fill it up.
Speaker 2: I'll be on my way. That was eight years ago, dude,
Speaker 2: same tooth, completely fine. Haven't had an issue with it since,
Speaker 2: I mean extreme pain. I've been over this in another episode.
Speaker 2: But if go back and listen, if you don't know
Speaker 2: what I'm talking about. And I did get some flak
Speaker 2: from some dentists. I called the math mechanics. That's all
Speaker 2: they are, because no one knows what's going on in
Speaker 2: there unless you're a dentist.
Speaker 1: So what's the deal with Oscar?
Speaker 2: They can just suffer like me in pain because the
Speaker 2: teeth kind of fall so that's right. They were like, no,
Speaker 2: it's probably not going to fall out till it's like seven.
Speaker 1: Bullshit, dude, not my watch.
Speaker 2: But he hasn't complained about it since it's there. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, should we go? I'm like, not that
Speaker 2: salesman's got you hooked.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they just mouth Actually, do you know what happened
Speaker 1: to me? Yeah?
Speaker 2: You or your kids both both.
Speaker 1: So this is the best act of salesmanship I've ever seen.
Speaker 1: Almost got me. We're going all crowns must go, but
Speaker 1: do you.
Speaker 2: Know also go on sorry before you do, go onto
Speaker 2: your story. Do you know what the dentist called it
Speaker 2: to really hook oscaring as a kid, he called it
Speaker 2: a Transformers too. Oh my, you motherfucker you were.
Speaker 1: That's evil.
Speaker 2: How dare you try and sell to my son?
Speaker 1: Calculated? Now? He wants it, money hungry, how he wants it.
Speaker 2: I't even asked for it for Christmas, like you, fucking
Speaker 2: stupid mouth salesman. Anyway, I'm an anti dentite, as Jerry Simon,
Speaker 2: as Kramer from Seinfeld would say, he's just a dentist, and.
Speaker 1: You're an anti dentite. I am not an anti dentist.
Speaker 1: You're our rabbit.
Speaker 2: What happened to you? Matt?
Speaker 1: Previously? I have gone against your opinion on the dentist.
Speaker 1: I was all for the dentist industry. However, talk about
Speaker 1: them being very calculated sales men and women. I was
Speaker 1: coming back from swimming lessons, going through the shopping center
Speaker 1: and there was a fairy standing there in the shopping center,
Speaker 1: dressed head to toe in the most beautiful fairy dress
Speaker 1: you've ever seen. And can you imagine? Can you imagine
Speaker 1: what it was like for my kids coming face to face.
Speaker 1: They are obsessed with fairies. But it wasn't any old
Speaker 1: fairy ash. It was the tooth fairy and they were
Speaker 1: offering free toothbrushes. Fairy toothbrushes genius. Guess how you with
Speaker 1: the sight of business card and to get it you
Speaker 1: had to book in for an appointment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they can't keep getting away with it. Book next year.
Speaker 2: We are starting it.
Speaker 1: We need to riot.
Speaker 2: We're starting a campaign. Enough enough parents against dentists.
Speaker 1: It's a union. And enough of that flu ride in
Speaker 1: the water as well. We don't need it.
Speaker 2: It sounds like a bunch of boomers.
Speaker 1: I book the appointment.
Speaker 2: Long story shot is my kids heaven is.
Speaker 1: We've talked lately about a few meltdowns that I've been facing. Previously,
Speaker 1: they've been my children being told they're not twins, their
Speaker 1: sisters meltdown.
Speaker 2: Meltdown. That was cool, Maley.
Speaker 1: The RSL couldn't play the Pokey's meltdown. I understand, and
Speaker 1: I thought, I can't be the only one here dealing
Speaker 1: with these horrendous meltdowns.
Speaker 2: And as we know, Matt, there's no more budgetes segment.
Speaker 2: Oh yes at the moment for this episode. So the
Speaker 2: last episode of the Y and we wanted to try
Speaker 2: something new. We haven't got a jingle yet.
Speaker 1: We're working on the jingle jingles take a lot of
Speaker 1: time to put together.
Speaker 2: I've got a few. I had one the other day.
Speaker 1: It's the final meltdown, No, and it's the finale.
Speaker 2: It'll come to me. But it was like, that's genius.
Speaker 2: Ash damn it. I was driving, so I couldn't rite
Speaker 2: down anyway. So we thought maybe next year we introduced
Speaker 2: a new segment. We'll bring lives back here and there.
Speaker 2: But we have a segment we might sell to budget.
Speaker 1: We need the money.
Speaker 2: We need those dentist bills, you know, the most ridiculous tantrum.
Speaker 1: Before we go into the ones that have been submitted.
Speaker 1: I did have a meltdown last night.
Speaker 2: You personally, Laura's already called me and told me it's
Speaker 2: like I said, no again.
Speaker 1: I had zero patients last night. Obviously dealing with the
Speaker 1: fact that Lola's very emotional. We thought it was a
Speaker 1: last day that Laura's dad was going to be with.
Speaker 2: Us, staying with you.
Speaker 1: He's still alive, still alive.
Speaker 2: The man's old. Okay, be very specific.
Speaker 1: He's alive and well. But we thought, I know we've
Speaker 1: been going to the RSEL a lot lately, but we
Speaker 1: thought we'll go for a quick swim at the beach
Speaker 1: and then we'll go and have dinner at the RSL.
Speaker 2: Ah beautiful love that schooner.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Stonewood five bucks on special mate Happy Hour. So
Speaker 1: I went to the RSL and one of the hardest
Speaker 1: things about RSL's at the moment is that they're doing
Speaker 1: a lot of raffles. This is like big hampers that
Speaker 1: you can win. And at the RSEL at Icebergs there
Speaker 1: was a thousand dollars worth of toys.
Speaker 2: A thousand's only one hundred dollars ones an hour. And
Speaker 2: also arise Icebergs.
Speaker 1: It looks over on the beautiful beach. Shit on me
Speaker 1: for where am I meant to go? It's walking distance
Speaker 1: from my house mate. I can't help it that I
Speaker 1: live next to the earth.
Speaker 2: They're not giving away toys, they're asking for.
Speaker 1: So there was this table on display the most incredible
Speaker 1: collection of toys you've ever seen, just as everything from
Speaker 1: like Mickey Mouse dolls. There was like scooters, there was
Speaker 1: a bike, there was helmets, there was like everything, haul
Speaker 1: of hoops. We walk in there and Marley's just like,
Speaker 1: holy shit, you're asking for it. And she even goes
Speaker 1: to climb up on the table, and I'm like, oh, moh,
Speaker 1: it's not that's that's a prize, and she's like, I
Speaker 1: want it, freaking out. And I thought, look, we'll buy
Speaker 1: you some raffle tickets. Okay, we'll get ten raffle tickets.
Speaker 1: So we bought them, wanting to win this hamper of toys.
Speaker 1: And they say, hey, the the first ticket that gets
Speaker 1: announced wins all the toys. Okay. So they're saying it's
Speaker 1: going to be drawn in five minutes. Everyone's like putting
Speaker 1: their meal to one side. We get all the tickets
Speaker 1: laid out on the table.
Speaker 2: Get this, you want, get this?
Speaker 1: We want?
Speaker 2: No, you didn't a leg of ham yeah, hand for
Speaker 2: a month. Kids, it's just as good. And I can
Speaker 2: imagine the.
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, dude. So we had orange tickets and
Speaker 1: the first one was like blue C seven and we
Speaker 1: said to my I'm so sorry, Marley, we hadn't won, dude, unbelievable. Meuntdown.
Speaker 1: And to make it worse, it was a table next
Speaker 1: to us who won. And so they're there like kids
Speaker 1: are like, oh my god, it's a Christmas morning for them.
Speaker 1: They've got the table is stacked full of toys. Anyway,
Speaker 1: the next next one they call out is our ticket,
Speaker 1: and I'm like Marley, and she's like, what have I won?
Speaker 2: It's like Ham.
Speaker 1: She goes out there, dude, and they give her a
Speaker 1: leg of hand full leg massivelyless massive, like a four
Speaker 1: kilo leg.
Speaker 2: That's amazing. How did you carry that?
Speaker 1: And she dragged it back to the table in tears.
Speaker 2: Look, that's understandable, that's not ridiculous.
Speaker 1: Like I was happy to it. I was like, you happy,
Speaker 1: this is great. I'm just saved a heap of money.
Speaker 1: And that's from Lucas Butcher's one of the best butchers
Speaker 1: in FRONTI.
Speaker 2: Yeah, look, to be honest, that's not ridiculous. But they
Speaker 2: need to understand that you can't get everything.
Speaker 1: Do you know what we did though? Actually we thought
Speaker 1: this is a really important life lesson. When we stood
Speaker 1: there back at our table with the leg of Ham,
Speaker 1: and the table next to us had all of these toys,
Speaker 1: and Marley's flipping out, screaming like wailing that one of
Speaker 1: the parents said, hey, look, does she want to take
Speaker 1: one of these toys? And I said no, absolutely, no chance.
Speaker 1: And Molly was like, Mally kind of she's so cluey.
Speaker 1: She heard it, and she was like, Daddy, can I
Speaker 1: grab one? And the parent as well was like grab
Speaker 1: one of them here like no, but.
Speaker 2: I want one?
Speaker 1: Well, I thought, she needs to realize that you can't
Speaker 1: win everything in life, can not win everything.
Speaker 2: What would it be like a participation toys?
Speaker 1: Yah? And she was like, it's not fair. Why didn't
Speaker 1: I win? Because you're not the main character every time, Maley,
Speaker 1: life is not fair, main character. You need to learn that.
Speaker 1: Very good.
Speaker 2: So let's go to some of the listener ones because
Speaker 2: we both put a call out.
Speaker 1: I've got some good ones, We've got.
Speaker 2: Some great ones. I've got one for you first. Okay,
Speaker 2: so this one we're giving names. Nah. This is from
Speaker 2: missus Missus Swain. I don't know. I don't know. That's
Speaker 2: a handle. It's on Instagram, so just don't know. My
Speaker 2: daughter was so mad that I emptied the bath water.
Speaker 2: She stood in the bath shit and then stopped it. Okay.
Speaker 2: My other one is this is from Kerry Hunt. My
Speaker 2: best friend's two year old had a meltdown because she
Speaker 2: wanted more than two eyes. Very reasonable anyway, ridiculous, re ridiculous.
Speaker 2: What do you got for me?
Speaker 1: This one is from Ashley and she says My two
Speaker 1: year old with exceptionally clear vocabulary, was at the pools
Speaker 1: and there was an older lady getting dressed and he
Speaker 1: was loudly yelling that he could see her vagina. And
Speaker 1: I told him that he can't stare at people getting dressed,
Speaker 1: and he lay down, started to scream and had a tantrum,
Speaker 1: saying that he wanted to see her boobies.
Speaker 2: Sounds like ash, sounds like something I would do.
Speaker 1: This one is from mel. She says that her daughter
Speaker 1: was having a full on meltdown because she couldn't put
Speaker 1: on her jumper hood but there was no hood. I
Speaker 1: even took a photo to show her there was no
Speaker 1: hood on the jumper, and she still had a tantrum.
Speaker 2: What is wrong with them?
Speaker 1: And it's good to know. Actually, you know, we love
Speaker 1: early educators, love them.
Speaker 2: We love them, big fans of dentists, doctors.
Speaker 1: I've got one from here because she says, I don't
Speaker 1: have any kids, but I work in childcare. She says,
Speaker 1: this morning a little girl had an exorcism because she
Speaker 1: didn't want to have a white plate for lunch. But
Speaker 1: we've only ever had white plates at the daycare.
Speaker 2: It's wrong with them. I'll never ever work them out.
Speaker 2: Just when you think you've got it worked out, they'll
Speaker 2: be like throw They will throw a spammer. They like,
Speaker 2: you know in that what's that movie with Adam Sandler.
Speaker 1: And he adopts that kid big no, no daddy, big daddy,
Speaker 1: big daddy. There we go, look at us working things out.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like.
Speaker 2: They just like when they're throwing sticks at the rollerbladers.
Speaker 2: I'm cruising along and then you Toddler throws a stick out.
Speaker 1: You're like, yeah, yeah, one thing that's getting to work
Speaker 1: out right now in our household, and surely every every
Speaker 1: household with Toddler's in it is saying this at the moment,
Speaker 1: is you behave right now? Or I'm calling Santa?
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, that's that's We've got the Santa hierarchy. So
Speaker 2: it goes I'll tell Popper Popper reports directly into Sanda
Speaker 2: direct line. So it goes from you to me, from
Speaker 2: me to Popper, Popper to Santa.
Speaker 1: Have you ever threatened to call Santa direct?
Speaker 2: No, but I might use that.
Speaker 1: No, I'll skip Popper.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I'll skip the chain of command.
Speaker 1: I'll do that. Except when we've done that, Marley's like,
Speaker 1: why is Santa always watching? She's like, I want him
Speaker 1: out of my head? And I was like, yeah, this
Speaker 1: is like sand's a bit of a hey. To wrap
Speaker 1: things up, we should end things on some listener questions.
Speaker 2: We should do you want to go first?
Speaker 1: Yes? Okay, fire away?
Speaker 2: What have you got for me?
Speaker 1: This question is guys love the podcast. Thanks for the feedback.
Speaker 1: Really appreciate that I just made. I just made that up.
Speaker 1: I just made. I thought we just we need it,
Speaker 1: We needed a little Yeah, did you see me panic?
Speaker 1: As I was making that story up, You're looking at me,
Speaker 1: and I was.
Speaker 2: Like, I'm like, where are you reading this?
Speaker 1: I thought I thought you Yeah, I thought you needed that.
Speaker 1: But she says, how many times do your kids fart?
Speaker 1: And I reckon It's a lot, because my god, you
Speaker 1: are gassy.
Speaker 2: I'm one gassy man sometimes sometimes I'm always gassy. That
Speaker 2: farther led out before you let out. We start the
Speaker 2: rusty change.
Speaker 1: It went on for at least thirty seconds, at least.
Speaker 1: Goude Oscar is he a fighter or Macy? Is sheer Farer?
Speaker 2: Both both farters? Macy much more.
Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, but she just like sheould just be a girl.
Speaker 2: Like this morning she's sitting on the stairs over there
Speaker 2: and she's like and I was like, excuse me, did
Speaker 2: you farty? She's like, yeah, I blame Oscar for all
Speaker 2: of mine.
Speaker 3: But he's pretty bad. And kids farts because I told
Speaker 3: you that story where he was like, look, even gonna
Speaker 3: fart and then you shot himself to carry him upstairs.
Speaker 2: So he still does that.
Speaker 1: And kids farts, they stay. They are horrendous. Man, I
Speaker 1: told you about Marley fighting on me, like she is nonstar.
Speaker 2: If Oscar farts on me, that's the end of him.
Speaker 2: Your question, yes, Matthew, my question to you, and I
Speaker 2: think it's a listener question. It's actually not my question.
Speaker 2: I lied, it's a question to us both. But I'm
Speaker 2: going to ask you what's your go to cheap meals
Speaker 2: for your kids or even you.
Speaker 1: That you share with the kids't I'll start with the
Speaker 1: expensive mealers. I my daughters will have lobster They're actually like.
Speaker 2: You, would you like a chicken parmy? No, I want
Speaker 2: one of those egg plant parmies please, with chicken on top.
Speaker 1: Actually they actually the lobster spring roll.
Speaker 2: Oh my god. When I get a lobster tail, do
Speaker 2: you want to side the side of lobster tail, side
Speaker 2: of cavear. I want to start of caviar, but then
Speaker 2: on the side of that cavear, I want another lobster tail.
Speaker 1: It's an RSL mate. I'm not going to Iceberg's dining. RSL.
Speaker 2: You just yeah, I think you're covering this up. You're
Speaker 2: going to ask, but.
Speaker 1: We're not going. But the one meal that Marley and
Speaker 1: Lalla love more than anything else is chops.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, and it's not cheat.
Speaker 1: So expensive and now they've just like they'll have like
Speaker 1: two nibbles and they'll discard it. So I'm eating the
Speaker 1: chops off the floor because I don't want to waste
Speaker 1: the money. They're so expensive, like fifty bucks of kilo.
Speaker 2: I'm not even going to introduce chops into my house
Speaker 2: because I don't have a chopped budget.
Speaker 1: But what they love to eat, and this is something
Speaker 1: that I was given by my mum, who was very poor,
Speaker 1: is past the ham and cheese. I must have cheese.
Speaker 2: So just break that down for me.
Speaker 1: Shot pasta ham them cheese. Correct, that's right, that's right,
Speaker 1: past ham, cheese, cheese. Normally I would just.
Speaker 2: Go like a you got that four kilo ham, mate.
Speaker 1: That's yeah, and that'd be and then we serve that
Speaker 1: with lobster tail.
Speaker 2: On the start with caviar and the best prosecco we can.
Speaker 1: Buy fast, ham and cheese. I can't believe. Wait, why
Speaker 1: are you struggling to comprehend this meal?
Speaker 2: Pasta?
Speaker 1: Yes? Correct? Chopped up ham? Yes?
Speaker 2: Okay, Now I need to I'm a visual.
Speaker 4: I'm a visual.
Speaker 1: Do you have to a photo?
Speaker 2: Do you have one?
Speaker 1: Okay?
Speaker 2: Well, next time, all right, so let me just let
Speaker 2: me just brought my head around, please past pasta.
Speaker 1: Normally we'll go like a penne penne, maybe spaghetti. I
Speaker 1: never done bow tie, although that would go down well.
Speaker 1: Penne is actually quite difficult for the girls. But Laura,
Speaker 1: she's always advocating for a penne Terrible.
Speaker 2: Loves a bit of pasta, ham and cheese as well.
Speaker 1: Laura does, mate, honestly cook it. It's delicious. Okay, that's
Speaker 1: really good.
Speaker 2: This is why. And made about a little bit of
Speaker 2: the like parmesha sauce.
Speaker 1: You know, if they want sauce, it's tomato sauce my mind.
Speaker 2: And then just like a cheese, grated.
Speaker 1: Cheese, so with pasta comes out, it's cooked. I can't
Speaker 1: believe it's still talking about pasta, ham and cheese. I'm intrigued.
Speaker 1: So the pasta comes out cooked as the pasta is
Speaker 1: still hot, will sprinkle over just some like some cheddar mozzarella,
Speaker 1: whatever's in the fridge.
Speaker 2: You got more than one tople cheese in your fridge, Like,
Speaker 2: I'll just put some cabon bear and some bri on there.
Speaker 2: I got some aged parmesan. It's about three thousand dollars
Speaker 2: to killo because think we got that free ham. Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm wirty now I visualized it.
Speaker 1: It was pasta ham with ham.
Speaker 2: And then.
Speaker 1: Sauce. If you want to put it, will put the
Speaker 1: ingredients in the show notes.
Speaker 2: Like a cooking video cook with that's actually when we
Speaker 2: bring out a cookbook Fast Cheese twelve different ways. My
Speaker 2: go to meal is toast, So how that goes, it's bread, toasted, butter.
Speaker 1: Hang on slower, slower, right down.
Speaker 2: Topping on top of that is really dealer's choice. You
Speaker 2: could go honey, you could go jam lovely, you go
Speaker 2: peanut butter and tell her we're not made of money
Speaker 2: Mi caa or loves anyway, So toasts are go to.
Speaker 1: What kind of bread are we talking white bread like
Speaker 1: a sour dough. I was joking. I was joking, Ash.
Speaker 2: You did loafa sourdo the other day and you left
Speaker 2: the bag open and it was clearly going stale. I
Speaker 2: left it out of spite and I was like, what
Speaker 2: are these people.
Speaker 1: Just throwing around? I'll tell you what.
Speaker 2: Christmas at the Johnson's this year is going to be
Speaker 2: boogie pasta ham and che on that, Matthew. Yes, it
Speaker 2: has been a wild ride.
Speaker 1: An incredible year. Yes, one to remember.
Speaker 2: We would like to wish a happy and Mary, however
Speaker 2: you want to say it in your family Christmas and
Speaker 2: fruitful New Year, fruitful, happy, healthy, full of tantrums, new
Speaker 2: year together through next year. We will be back when.
Speaker 1: I think we're going to have the first two weeks
Speaker 1: off in January.
Speaker 2: It's super excessive.
Speaker 1: The first episode back will be the seventeenth of Jesus. Yes,
Speaker 1: why where are you going in a holiday? Mate? Well,
Speaker 1: I'll just be here.
Speaker 2: I'll just be sat right here waiting for you to
Speaker 2: come back, to.
Speaker 1: Break from you. So yeah, so we'll go back on
Speaker 1: the seventeenth. Happy New Year, Happy New Year, Merry Christmas,
Speaker 1: Merry Christmas and just all that shit. Thank you, for
Speaker 1: those who have just joined us, and also a huge
Speaker 1: thank you for those who have been with us from
Speaker 1: the very start. From episode one, Daddy wants a podcast.
Speaker 1: Without you guys, we wouldn't have this friendship because if
Speaker 1: we lost the listeners, Ash and I wouldn't hang out
Speaker 1: yeah where, this wouldn't happen. I wouldn't drive out to
Speaker 1: Worry would every second week.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't drive out to Pond. So every time I
Speaker 2: go there it costs me like two hundred dollars.
Speaker 1: You are our listeners, of the glue that keeps his
Speaker 1: friendship together.
Speaker 2: Good to know, but you are slowly morphing into me.
Speaker 1: I'm actually looking at a house down the.
Speaker 2: Road because I'm moving to North Pond. Yes, that's all
Speaker 2: from us.
Speaker 1: That's all from us, Thank you, goodbye. Two Doting Dad's
Speaker 1: podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and
Speaker 1: the connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Island
Speaker 2: a people's today. This episode was recorded on Gadgle Land