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Speaker 1: She's on the Money.

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Speaker 2: She's on the Money.

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Speaker 3: Hello, and welcome to She's on the Money, the podcast

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Speaker 3: for millennials who want financial freedom. My name is Tony Lodge,

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Speaker 3: and joining me for another shot back money Diary is

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Speaker 3: Miss Victoria.

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Speaker 1: Divine Tony Lodge.

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Speaker 4: How are you?

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Speaker 3: I'm good, Thank you, And today's money Diary has a

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Speaker 3: bit of a twist.

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Speaker 1: I have no email.

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Speaker 4: Yeah. I said to you, hey, are we doing a

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Speaker 4: money diary, and You're like, no, we're not. I haven't

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Speaker 4: scheduled run and us. I have though, and You're like,

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Speaker 4: this is not how it works, and I was like,

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Speaker 4: well it is today. And the reason for that is

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Speaker 4: because I got a DM recently that has turned into

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Speaker 4: a money diary. So I just want to make sure

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Speaker 4: that you guys get a trigger warning before we jump

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Speaker 4: into any of this, because today we are going to

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Speaker 4: be talking about rape, we are going to be talking

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Speaker 4: about chronic illness, and we are going to be discussing

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Speaker 4: a lot of the financial impacts around that. But also

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Speaker 4: given the nature of this topic and the fact that

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Speaker 4: I genuinely do not believe we talk about these things

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Speaker 4: enough or in enough detail to fully comprehend how that

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Speaker 4: impacts people and what that means. We are going to

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Speaker 4: be having a pretty unsensored conversation about this. So if

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Speaker 4: that is something that you're not ready for, don't want

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Speaker 4: to have a listen to, or will not be the

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Speaker 4: right content for you at this point, we will see

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Speaker 4: you next week. I promise it will be a lighter episode.

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Speaker 4: And obviously we have two other episodes that you can

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Speaker 4: go listen to this week anyway, so I promise you're

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Speaker 4: not missing out. But Tony, let's dive straight in and

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Speaker 4: I will read out the DM that I got this

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Speaker 4: week from our money diarist. Okay, so the DM reads, Hey,

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Speaker 4: V I know you get a ton of dms, which

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Speaker 4: I do, but I love it, So don't stop from

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Speaker 4: the She's on the Money community. But I wanted to

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Speaker 4: still say huge thank you. Your team has helped me

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Speaker 4: to work through my money story and the shame I

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Speaker 4: had surrounding it. After growing up being a dedicated saver

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Speaker 4: and a hard worker, I turned to shopping as a

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Speaker 4: coping mechanism after Ira was raped and had a miscarriage

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Speaker 4: last year. I spent so much money that I ended

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Speaker 4: up broke and I had to move home for support.

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Speaker 4: Since that time, I started reading your book, listening to

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Speaker 4: your podcast and other podcasts like CZ the AA which

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Speaker 4: Tony we love, Sarah's podcast is amazing and I've come

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Speaker 4: so far mentally. I now run and support myself via

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Speaker 4: my own business, have stayed in UNI full time, I'm

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Speaker 4: actually studying finance what a Queen, and have managed to

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Speaker 4: recently adopt my mini dash hound puppy, who is my

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Speaker 4: actual baby. If that is not a money diary ready

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Speaker 4: to happen, I don't know what is money, Darrest, Welcome

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Speaker 4: to the show.

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Speaker 5: Hi, thank you for having me.

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Speaker 4: Oh my, oh gosh, of course my friend, and I

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Speaker 4: know you didn't slide into my DMS to get on

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Speaker 4: the show and do a money diary, but that was

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Speaker 4: such a beautiful message, such a beautiful story to share

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Speaker 4: with me, And I'm just I love these messages and

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Speaker 4: knowing that we have such an impact with our community.

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Speaker 4: So after you and I had gone back and forth

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Speaker 4: with a couple of messages mainly talking about puppies, I

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Speaker 4: was like, would you do a diary? And you were like,

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Speaker 4: oh my gosh, yes, I'd love to. But I didn't

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Speaker 4: know if I should like write in or not. And

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Speaker 4: I was like, oh, you don't have to. Can I

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Speaker 4: read your DM and you said yes? And here we

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Speaker 4: are literally less than twenty four hours later. So Money Diarist,

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Speaker 4: can we just jump into the questions because I have

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Speaker 4: a million questions for you to get to later in

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Speaker 4: the show. Sure, let's go for it, all right, Money Diarist,

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Speaker 4: what is your attitude towards money?

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Speaker 6: Definitely a work in progress, I'd say at the moment,

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Speaker 6: there's still a lot of fear arounding it. I'm still

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Speaker 6: absolutely terrified every time that I open my bank account,

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Speaker 6: even though I know I'm making money. But there is

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Speaker 6: also this sense of achievement there as well that I

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Speaker 6: know that I am being intentional about it. So I

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Speaker 6: guess if I had to say it was an attitude,

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Speaker 6: it would be this sort of a bit apprehensive because like,

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Speaker 6: I do know that I'm working, but I also know

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Speaker 6: I've got a.

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Speaker 5: Long way to go.

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Speaker 4: Can understand that. So next question, what do you currently

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Speaker 4: do for work? And how much money do you earn?

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Speaker 5: My friend, so, as I said, I am running my

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Speaker 5: own business. After everything that.

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Speaker 6: Happened in the last year, I needed to be able

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Speaker 6: to support myself from home because I was in a

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Speaker 6: wheelchair after everything, So I couldn't really turn up to

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Speaker 6: an office or go to a cafe like I had

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Speaker 6: in the past, because you need to walk for that.

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Speaker 6: So I started a digital marketing agency from home and

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Speaker 6: I currently do all the digital marketing socials, emails, websites

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Speaker 6: for about six different companies in Perth.

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Speaker 4: Six already.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, so it's been about six months, but it's just

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Speaker 6: grown faster than I could have imagined. Wowow, that's my

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Speaker 6: primary source of income at around eighty grand.

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Speaker 5: Yeah.

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Speaker 4: Wait, so you've gone from like zero to five thousand,

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Speaker 4: making eighty grand a year in your own business.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, Oh my gosh, that's really exciting. But I'm also

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Speaker 6: lucky enough to have some part time work doing pr

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Speaker 6: in a company as well, just two days a week

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Speaker 6: for experience for my degree. But they're paying me, so

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Speaker 6: that is an extra thirty grand a year as well.

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Speaker 1: Whoa wow.

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Speaker 3: And so do you do the digital agency stuff that

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Speaker 3: you do from home?

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Speaker 1: You must be so busy.

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Speaker 3: So do you do that on the other three days

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Speaker 3: or are you just working like around the clock.

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Speaker 5: It is a bit of a juggle. I'm not gonna lie.

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Speaker 6: It's a bit messy sometimes because the days I'm not

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Speaker 6: working in the city.

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Speaker 5: I am at uniful time.

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Speaker 1: Wow.

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Speaker 6: So the digital agency stuff happens after hours or in

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Speaker 6: between classes or on the weekend if I don't have

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Speaker 6: enough time. So I'm usually like that weird kid in

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Speaker 6: the library who's just like out of class and taking

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Speaker 6: a client meeting on zoom, then like back into class

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Speaker 6: writing and assessment. It's just the way it's worked out.

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Speaker 6: But I actually love it, so it's fine.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, I'm so in awe of how you've

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Speaker 4: just gone. You know what, I'm going to start my

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Speaker 4: own business. I might still be a UNI. I've got this.

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Speaker 1: I'll figure it out.

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Speaker 4: I'll figure it out. Can I have like a leaf

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Speaker 4: out of your book of confidence? Please? My friend?

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Speaker 6: Gosh, Oh, it definitely doesn't feel like confidence.

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Speaker 5: It feels like insanity at some points. But thank you.

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Speaker 4: We're all winging it. That's the secret. I don't even

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Speaker 4: know what I'm doing, and that's totally fine. I think

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Speaker 4: it's one of those things where sometimes and I talk

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Speaker 4: about this a lot on the Business Bible podcast, sometimes

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Speaker 4: you feel like you've got to have it all together

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Speaker 4: before you can even start, and in reality that's not

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Speaker 4: the case at all. You just start and you'll work

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Speaker 4: it out from there, wing it, She'll be right done.

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Speaker 6: It is very much better than perfect, and that's something

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Speaker 6: I've really had to adjust to learn.

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Speaker 4: Yes, all right, money diarist, what is your big money goal?

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Speaker 6: So the one that I'm working to currently is to

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Speaker 6: rebuild my emergency fund, especially with a little four legged friends,

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Speaker 6: I find it really important to have money set aside

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Speaker 6: for those emergencies that you just don't see coming.

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Speaker 5: And I'm about halfway there with that.

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Speaker 6: And once I've done that, the next big goal is

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Speaker 6: to start working on a house to cause it.

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Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, that's so exciting. What to you is

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Speaker 4: quote a healthy emergency fund, like, what is that number

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Speaker 4: that would make you feel comfortable? And ask this just

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Speaker 4: because it varies from person to person.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, I guess for me, knowing that.

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Speaker 6: Life can be super unpredictable and you just never know

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Speaker 6: what's going to happen, I aim to have six months

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Speaker 6: of living expenses set aside so that if something were

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Speaker 6: to happen in the future where I am not able

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Speaker 6: to work or whatever it might be, I've got that

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Speaker 6: stability and that confidence that I I've looked after future

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Speaker 6: me and I don't want to end up in the

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Speaker 6: same position that I've been in where I've just got nothing.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, six months is my goal.

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Speaker 4: I like that, and it seems like a really solid

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Speaker 4: goal as well. From your perspective, You're like, you know what,

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Speaker 4: I have a clean, clear goal, and a lot of

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Speaker 4: people when we start talking about emergency funds, they'll often say, oh,

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Speaker 4: maybe like between three to six, and it's like, well,

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Speaker 4: those two numbers are actually really different, like six is

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Speaker 4: actually double three, So you know where are we going

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Speaker 4: and what are we doing? So I like that. You're like, Nope,

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Speaker 4: I've chosen six. That's what I'm working towards. So that

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Speaker 4: when your emergency fund is full and you have reached that,

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Speaker 4: there's clarity on that goal having been set and achieved,

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Speaker 4: and you can move on to a house deposit feeling

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Speaker 4: confident that that goal's done and dusted, instead of like, oh,

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Speaker 4: do I need to top it up more or is

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Speaker 4: that enough? Like, no, You've planned it and I love it.

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Speaker 4: Money Diarist, do you have any investments?

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Speaker 5: I do.

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Speaker 6: Actually, this is the only part of my money that

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Speaker 6: I wasn't able to spend in my frenzy last year

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Speaker 6: because I couldn't access it and I couldn't be bothered

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Speaker 6: to try and access it if I'm honest. So I've

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Speaker 6: had a Superhero account for about sixteen months maybe oh wow. Yeah,

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Speaker 6: So that was something that was like one of the

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Speaker 6: first big money steps that I took while I was

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Speaker 6: working last year, and I just make it a habit

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Speaker 6: of consistently putting money aside each month because my income

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Speaker 6: does vary a little bit, it's more of a percentage

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Speaker 6: than an exact number that goes in there. But yeah,

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Speaker 6: I've seen a pretty good return on that so far,

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Speaker 6: and obviously I'm young enough to let it compound for

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Speaker 6: quite a few years, so hopefully in the future that

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Speaker 6: will be worth it.

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Speaker 4: Side note, I obviously work with Superhero because I also

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Speaker 4: quite like their platform and I'm comfortable sharing it with

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Speaker 4: our community. Obviously, there's lots of other platforms I talk about,

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Speaker 4: like I talk about Cheesy's and six Park, and I've

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Speaker 4: spoken about a whole heap of micro investing platforms from

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Speaker 4: the perspective of someone who so clearly got Superhero before

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Speaker 4: I even started talking about it. Are you enjoying it?

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Speaker 4: Do you like it?

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Speaker 5: I definitely do.

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Speaker 6: I did a lot of reading and research before I

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Speaker 6: knew because I just knew nothing, and I obviously was

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Speaker 6: quite overwhelmed by the thought. Being a young female who

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Speaker 6: never learnt about it. I was like, I start, but

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Speaker 6: I did. I actually listened to a different podcast about it,

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Speaker 6: and they were quite massive fans of Superhero and it

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Speaker 6: just seemed like this really clear and easy way to

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Speaker 6: get started. There was no fees involved for the type

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Speaker 6: of investments I wanted, which was a massive plus. And

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Speaker 6: they're super supportive like this. The help that you can

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Speaker 6: get from them is really good. So that's yeah, I

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Speaker 6: find that really good.

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Speaker 4: I'm glad. Thank you for letting me be a bit

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Speaker 4: of self indulgent and ask a question. I mean that

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Speaker 4: could have gone two ways, Tony. She could have been like, yeah,

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Speaker 4: they're actually like not that good, and I'm like cool,

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Speaker 4: So I just said I work quiz them, but good

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Speaker 4: to know. Next question, do you currently have any debts?

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Speaker 6: It's not technically a debt, but I'm counting is it

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Speaker 6: a debt to myself to rebuild what I spent last year?

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Speaker 6: But in terms of like real world debt at the moment, no,

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Speaker 6: because I never allowed myself to go down the loan

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Speaker 6: or credit card route, even when I was like, let's

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Speaker 6: spend all of the money all the time.

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Speaker 5: And I'm really grateful that that was the one line I.

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Speaker 6: Wouldn't let myself cross because I just know that could

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Speaker 6: have spiraled so quickly.

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Speaker 5: So not at the moment.

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Speaker 6: I do have a little bit of money to repay

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Speaker 6: my parents who helped me with some medical loans, but

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Speaker 6: there's no interest on that, so that's, you know, quite easy,

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Speaker 6: and then.

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Speaker 5: It's just text.

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Speaker 6: But I'm really really lucky that I scored a scholarship

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Speaker 6: that pays half my HEX debt.

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Speaker 1: So oh what congratulations?

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Speaker 4: Hold on, Tony.

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Speaker 1: Of course she did.

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Speaker 4: Of course she did. She's a hustler, she's obviously intelligent.

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Speaker 4: Of course you did.

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Speaker 6: So I'm really happy about that because that just halves

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Speaker 6: the burden that the future bean has to pay.

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Speaker 4: Oh so good, so good. How did you get a scholarship?

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Speaker 4: How does that work?

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Speaker 6: So as a first year UNI student, I was like, Wow,

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Speaker 6: living's expensive. UNI's expensive. How do I make this better?

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Speaker 6: And I just chatted to the UNI. I was like,

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Speaker 6: what scholarships are there available? I was a country student

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Speaker 6: who had to move four hours away from home to study,

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Speaker 6: so there was quite a little bit more options available,

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Speaker 6: I guess for somebody in those positions. And yeah, I

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Speaker 6: just started applying, started writing essays and making myself sound

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Speaker 6: super intelligent, which, to be honest, it was all just.

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Speaker 4: Writing no, no, no. What she means is she didn't

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Speaker 4: have to try.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, so yeah, and then went through the interview process

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Speaker 6: and managed to get one, so that I'm really grateful

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Speaker 6: for that.

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Speaker 5: Actually it's been a really big spot.

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Speaker 4: Oh congrats. How cool is that? And I wanted to

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Speaker 4: ask you that just purely because I don't think enough

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Speaker 4: people put their hands up for things like scholarships, and

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Speaker 4: as you said, you actually had to go searching for it.

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Speaker 4: You had to be proactive about it.

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Speaker 1: And if this is.

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Speaker 4: Your sign and have a look if your university offers them,

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Speaker 4: because it literally gets rid of half your extept if

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Speaker 4: you get the same one as our money direst All right,

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Speaker 4: next question, do you currently use shot Back?

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Speaker 6: I am a shot back fan of about two weeks

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Speaker 6: now so since listening to that episode of the podcast obviously,

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Speaker 6: and I've installed it on my laptop so that it's

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Speaker 6: really easy just to see like where it applies. And

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Speaker 6: I've also found by default that it actually applies to

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Speaker 6: so many of my business subscriptions and I had.

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Speaker 5: No idea how good.

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Speaker 6: Yeah, so it's actually saving money, not just personally but

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Speaker 6: in my business, and I'm really grateful for that.

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Speaker 1: Oh that's a good tube. I think.

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Speaker 3: Make sure that you take it for any subscriptions for

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Speaker 3: you know, like Adobe or like I.

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Speaker 4: Don't know, Yeah, I wonder if you've got moob Is

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Speaker 4: that a thing?

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Speaker 5: Not yet.

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Speaker 6: I'm absolutely terrified of bookkeeping at the moment, just because

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Speaker 6: it's like one step.

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Speaker 5: I'm like, I don't have time for that, but I

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Speaker 5: do need to get there, all right.

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Speaker 4: Next question, money diarist, what is your best money habit?

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Speaker 6: I'm going to say discipline, but like in quotation marks

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Speaker 6: for anyone who's listening, because I know that's a really

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Speaker 6: hard thing to kind of say. Like it has been

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Speaker 6: a bit of a journey for me, especially surrounding.

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Speaker 5: The shame of spending all my money.

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Speaker 6: So for me, it's been really important to make those

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Speaker 6: promises to myself that I'm going to, you know, when

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Speaker 6: I get paid, transfer things straight away into the right

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Speaker 6: bank accounts, or think about my purchase for twenty four

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Speaker 6: hours before I do it. If it's something for myself

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Speaker 6: or just those little things that do require that discipline.

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Speaker 6: But it's actually like it's about making a promise to

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Speaker 6: yourself and keeping it and learning to trust yourself again,

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Speaker 6: because I think I kind of broke that trust with myself.

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Speaker 6: I couldn't trust myself with my own money, which sounds

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Speaker 6: so strange, but it's true. So yeah, I think just

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Speaker 6: taking that time to really put those good habits in

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Speaker 6: place is my good habit.

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Speaker 4: If that works, I think that is a very good

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Speaker 4: place to start. In contrast, what is your worst money habit.

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Speaker 6: You've probably guessed my now, but emotional spending. So I

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Speaker 6: started to use shopping as a way to cope with

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Speaker 6: all the feelings.

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Speaker 5: That I had.

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Speaker 6: And I also just didn't want to be in the

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Speaker 6: house by myself, so I was just going out and

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Speaker 6: it wasn't even online shopping, it was just me out

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Speaker 6: in the shops, like walking around. So for me, that's

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Speaker 6: still a bit of a problem on the days that

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Speaker 6: I'm not coping so well, like when all those emotions

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Speaker 6: come back up, it's really easy for me to be like, oh,

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Speaker 6: I just like I deserve to buy this, but actually, yes,

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Speaker 6: like it's nice to treat yourself sometimes, but when it's

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Speaker 6: to the extent that future you is going.

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Speaker 5: To be suffering really badly.

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Speaker 6: It's not worth it, I've realized, and you have to

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Speaker 6: just kind of make that hard decision in that moment,

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Speaker 6: even when you're feeling pretty terrible already.

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Speaker 5: So yeah, emotional spending still something.

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Speaker 6: I'm working through for sure, but hopefully few more months

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Speaker 6: or years I'll be a lot better at that.

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Speaker 4: I feel like you're really self aware of that as well.

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Speaker 4: It's not often that people pinpoint as a bad or

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Speaker 4: a worst money habit that emotional spending is one of them.

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Speaker 4: Often they'll be like, oh, yeah, I can do this,

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Speaker 4: I can do that. But the way you've articulated that,

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Speaker 4: my friend, I think you are on exactly the right track.

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Speaker 3: Especially you adding I've never really thought about it before,

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Speaker 3: but you saying that you broke that trust with yourself.

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Speaker 3: I think so often we think about, you know, letting

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Speaker 3: other people down, like I don't want to let Victoria down,

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Speaker 3: or I don't want to let down my boyfriend or whoever.

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Speaker 3: But thinking about the trust and that relationship with yourself,

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Speaker 3: I think that that's often the most neglected relationship that

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Speaker 3: we have. And the fact that you're aware of that,

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Speaker 3: and that you now think like, hang on, do I

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Speaker 3: want to hurt myself by spending this money or whatever?

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Speaker 3: I think is just like such a nice way of

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Speaker 3: looking at it and so great that you're seeing and

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Speaker 3: know how that can affect you and go hang on, like,

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Speaker 3: not only is it spending the money, but I'm also

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Speaker 3: going to like hurt myself emotionally by doing this.

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Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely a new reference to future you, which I

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Speaker 4: obviously adore, because that's who we're looking out for. That's

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Speaker 4: who we're creating this secure financial future for, and the

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Speaker 4: decisions that you make do impact them. And I think

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Speaker 4: that you're just really self aware of that. And I

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Speaker 4: think that that just regardless of where you're at on

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Speaker 4: that journey, I think self awareness is the most important

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Speaker 4: thing that you can have on a money journey. Next

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Speaker 4: and final question before we take a quick break, money diarist,

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Speaker 4: what grade would you give your money.

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Speaker 5: Habits being a work in progress?

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Speaker 6: I'm going to say a C, not because I'm trying

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Speaker 6: to like sell myself short or anything, just because i

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Speaker 6: know that I've got a long way to go, and

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Speaker 6: that's okay. I'm actually excited about that because I'm heading

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Speaker 6: in the right direction. So I've kind of pulled myself

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Speaker 6: up out of a pit, so to speak, and I'm

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Speaker 6: like making some money again and I'm saving again. But

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Speaker 6: it is still baby steps and it is still the

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Speaker 6: start of a journey. So yeah, I'm comfortable with a

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Speaker 6: sea at the moment.

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Speaker 4: I think, well, we'll leave you with a C. But

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Speaker 4: I do have a lot of questions about your journey

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Speaker 4: and how you've gotten through it after this quick break.

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Speaker 4: All right, money Diarist, we are back and at the

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Speaker 4: start of this episode, I read out the DM you

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Speaker 4: sent to me, and we didn't touch on any of

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Speaker 4: the content in that except for maybe your shopping and

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Speaker 4: what you got up to in the questions prior to

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Speaker 4: the break. But I think the best way to start

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Speaker 4: this chat is actually to ask you, in your own words,

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Speaker 4: tell me a bit about your journey and what you've

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Speaker 4: been through.

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Speaker 6: Sure, So, like I said, this is all things that

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Speaker 6: have happened in the last twelve months, so it is

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Speaker 6: quite recent for me, which makes.

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Speaker 5: It quite easy to remember all the details. I suppose

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Speaker 5: last year.

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Speaker 6: Obviously, when we were hit at the pandemic, it did

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Speaker 6: upset so many lives and for us, even though we

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Speaker 6: weren't in lockdown as long.

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Speaker 5: We were in lockdown for a while. In twenty twenty

404
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Speaker 5: UNI shut down.

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Speaker 6: I lost my rental up in the city, I lost

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Speaker 6: my job up here, so I had to move back

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Speaker 6: down to the country town where I grew up, and

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Speaker 6: I ended up moving in with the family that I

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Speaker 6: worked for. I worked in a family restaurant at the time,

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Speaker 6: and I ended up moving in with them because it

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Speaker 6: was kind of if I was going to be working

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Speaker 6: with the public and working with them, it didn't make

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Speaker 6: sense to go home to my family and spread those

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Speaker 6: germs further. So I kind of stayed in that bubble.

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Speaker 6: And I absolutely loved that family. I still adore them,

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Speaker 6: but unfortunately things were not so great for me during

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Speaker 6: that period.

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Speaker 5: I was really unwell.

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Speaker 6: I went through some big health ups and downs, and

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Speaker 6: their son became like my care He just sort of

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Speaker 6: stepped up and was like willing to help. He was

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Speaker 6: dressing me, feeding me, me, like all the things that

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Speaker 6: you never expect somebody to just step up and do.

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Speaker 6: And so as a result, you know, when you're that

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Speaker 6: vulnerable with someone, you do become quite close.

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Speaker 5: And we ended up becoming really good friends, and the time.

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Speaker 6: Came for you need to restart and jobs to reopen,

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Speaker 6: and we both moved back up to the city, and

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Speaker 6: obviously there was a lot of trust there, so he

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Speaker 6: was coming to the hospital with me for my appointments,

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Speaker 6: and I was like helping him out with a few

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Speaker 6: things until one night he needed a left home from

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Speaker 6: a party, and me, not thinking twice, I just went

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Speaker 6: and got him, because you know, I've lived with this

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Speaker 6: person for so long, and I've trusted them with pretty

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Speaker 6: much my entire life at this point of course, So yeah,

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Speaker 6: went and picked him up, and nothing sort of seemed different.

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Speaker 6: I had seen him drunk before, I didn't really have

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Speaker 6: any cause for alarm. I also had to go and

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Speaker 6: get another friend who was in the same position, couldn't

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Speaker 6: get home from the city, so I went and got her,

442
00:20:57,320 --> 00:21:01,119
Speaker 6: brought them both back to my place, and unfortunately that

443
00:21:01,320 --> 00:21:05,320
Speaker 6: night there was no boundaries for him and it just

444
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:09,840
Speaker 6: I don't know what changed, but I couldn't escape. And

445
00:21:10,160 --> 00:21:14,639
Speaker 6: I guess coming out of that, it's really you're just

446
00:21:14,760 --> 00:21:17,919
Speaker 6: in this such deep period of denial where you just

447
00:21:17,960 --> 00:21:20,560
Speaker 6: don't want it to be true because you've trusted that

448
00:21:20,600 --> 00:21:24,639
Speaker 6: person and you've invested so much in that relationship and

449
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:27,359
Speaker 6: to have that just be torn out from underneath you,

450
00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:29,240
Speaker 6: and then it's like, well, who do I trust now

451
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:32,439
Speaker 6: and what am I supposed to do in the aftermath

452
00:21:32,480 --> 00:21:36,399
Speaker 6: of this? And obviously we are making progress in that space,

453
00:21:36,440 --> 00:21:39,080
Speaker 6: but there is still so much shame that surrounds it,

454
00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:42,920
Speaker 6: especially as the victim, and it's so hard to speak

455
00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:45,120
Speaker 6: up because you do get knocked back with people who

456
00:21:45,119 --> 00:21:47,520
Speaker 6: don't believe you, or people who think you're exaggerating, or

457
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:50,280
Speaker 6: people who go, well, you brought a drunk guy home,

458
00:21:50,320 --> 00:21:54,000
Speaker 6: what did you expect? And I just don't see how

459
00:21:54,200 --> 00:21:57,160
Speaker 6: me opening my door to a friend justifies that kind

460
00:21:57,200 --> 00:22:00,880
Speaker 6: of like behavior. Like I just I've worked really hard

461
00:22:00,880 --> 00:22:04,200
Speaker 6: to get to that point because I definitely blamed myself, absolutely,

462
00:22:04,440 --> 00:22:06,720
Speaker 6: but and I know that so many people do, and

463
00:22:06,800 --> 00:22:09,800
Speaker 6: I just I know that feeling, and it's awful, and

464
00:22:09,840 --> 00:22:13,359
Speaker 6: you just feel so unworthy and so sort of used,

465
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:16,240
Speaker 6: I suppose it's the only way to describe it. And

466
00:22:16,359 --> 00:22:19,520
Speaker 6: coming like in the weeks that followed, I still was

467
00:22:19,680 --> 00:22:22,359
Speaker 6: popping down south to where his parents lived to do

468
00:22:22,440 --> 00:22:24,960
Speaker 6: some work for them, so I was still sort of

469
00:22:25,000 --> 00:22:27,280
Speaker 6: part of the family, and it was like this horrible

470
00:22:28,119 --> 00:22:30,600
Speaker 6: period of having to tell them what had happened and

471
00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:32,840
Speaker 6: be like, look, I can't be here anymore. These are

472
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,879
Speaker 6: the reasons I'm really sorry to put you in this

473
00:22:34,880 --> 00:22:37,200
Speaker 6: position where you're between me and your actual child.

474
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,600
Speaker 4: Wow, that would have been huge for you to tell

475
00:22:40,600 --> 00:22:42,680
Speaker 4: his parents what had happened.

476
00:22:43,280 --> 00:22:46,760
Speaker 6: Yeah, especially when you're like the adoptive kid, and it's

477
00:22:46,920 --> 00:22:51,200
Speaker 6: just this unnatural thing to do is to be like, look,

478
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,000
Speaker 6: I'm just have to cut myself off here because for

479
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:58,080
Speaker 6: my own sanity and you're sort of processing, I.

480
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,080
Speaker 5: Need to be removed.

481
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,919
Speaker 6: So that was really difficult because that was a major

482
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,920
Speaker 6: part of my support structure that I had effectively taken

483
00:23:05,960 --> 00:23:08,720
Speaker 6: away from myself. I knew it was the best thing

484
00:23:08,760 --> 00:23:10,800
Speaker 6: to do at the time, but it still made it

485
00:23:10,840 --> 00:23:14,960
Speaker 6: really difficult because then you're relying on people that maybe

486
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:17,000
Speaker 6: don't know the story or people who don't know you

487
00:23:17,040 --> 00:23:20,120
Speaker 6: as well, and it's just a bit messy. To cut

488
00:23:20,160 --> 00:23:24,359
Speaker 6: a very long story short, it was about two and

489
00:23:24,359 --> 00:23:28,800
Speaker 6: a half months after this had happened. I was at

490
00:23:28,800 --> 00:23:31,840
Speaker 6: home one night in the shower and I just started

491
00:23:31,840 --> 00:23:33,960
Speaker 6: bleeding and I didn't know what was happening to me.

492
00:23:34,119 --> 00:23:36,399
Speaker 6: I was so scared, And it turns out that I

493
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,920
Speaker 6: had had a miscarriage and I was about ten weeks pregnant,

494
00:23:40,119 --> 00:23:42,680
Speaker 6: but I didn't know that because I had always been

495
00:23:42,720 --> 00:23:46,000
Speaker 6: told that I couldn't get pregnant and I was also

496
00:23:46,080 --> 00:23:48,639
Speaker 6: on the pill, so I was like, oh, I'll be okay,

497
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:51,800
Speaker 6: Like I don't need to worry about this, and not

498
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,840
Speaker 6: being in a relationship at the time, it hadn't been

499
00:23:53,840 --> 00:23:56,159
Speaker 6: something I was really worried about or thinking about. I

500
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:59,800
Speaker 6: just didn't think. That's all I can really say. So, yeah,

501
00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:02,680
Speaker 6: I find that out was like a massive blow because

502
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:06,680
Speaker 6: it was just that loss all over again. Even though

503
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:09,560
Speaker 6: I'm young and I wasn't planning for a baby or

504
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:12,399
Speaker 6: I didn't even want to be a parent at that time,

505
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,399
Speaker 6: there is still this feeling of immense loss there in grief,

506
00:24:16,600 --> 00:24:20,200
Speaker 6: and I can't really describe that to anyone except if

507
00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:24,120
Speaker 6: you've been through it, because people just assume like, oh,

508
00:24:24,160 --> 00:24:25,520
Speaker 6: but you didn't want to be a parent, so you

509
00:24:25,560 --> 00:24:27,480
Speaker 6: must have been so relieved, And I was like, yeah,

510
00:24:27,520 --> 00:24:30,560
Speaker 6: there's an element of relief there, but you still feel sad,

511
00:24:30,960 --> 00:24:32,120
Speaker 6: And I think that's okay.

512
00:24:32,520 --> 00:24:34,080
Speaker 5: It's okay to feel that's.

513
00:24:33,960 --> 00:24:34,880
Speaker 1: Still your baby.

514
00:24:35,200 --> 00:24:36,399
Speaker 4: That's still your child.

515
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:39,840
Speaker 3: I think given like, oh, this might be you don't

516
00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:43,359
Speaker 3: have to answer this, but given the circumstance obviously that

517
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,760
Speaker 3: you've gone through as well, it's probably just such an

518
00:24:45,800 --> 00:24:50,639
Speaker 3: emotional time obviously, Like it goes without saying, but I

519
00:24:50,680 --> 00:24:53,159
Speaker 3: can't even imagine you coming to terms with that and

520
00:24:53,200 --> 00:24:55,600
Speaker 3: going hang on, like, what is happening here?

521
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:56,879
Speaker 1: Is this really happening to me?

522
00:24:57,520 --> 00:25:01,600
Speaker 5: Absolutely? And knowing that like if I had found.

523
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:03,919
Speaker 6: Out and I hadn't had a miscarriage, I would have

524
00:25:03,960 --> 00:25:07,640
Speaker 6: been in this position to make this life changing decision

525
00:25:08,359 --> 00:25:10,280
Speaker 6: that you know, all of the things I had been

526
00:25:10,320 --> 00:25:13,560
Speaker 6: working towards, my studies and my job and all of

527
00:25:13,600 --> 00:25:15,800
Speaker 6: those things would have had to be put on hold

528
00:25:16,640 --> 00:25:18,520
Speaker 6: and my life would have been changed if I had

529
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,000
Speaker 6: chosen to go down that path. And I just that

530
00:25:21,160 --> 00:25:23,320
Speaker 6: is such a scary thing to realize that you were

531
00:25:23,359 --> 00:25:26,240
Speaker 6: one step away from your life looking that different, because

532
00:25:26,720 --> 00:25:29,520
Speaker 6: I think you fall into this false sense of security

533
00:25:29,520 --> 00:25:33,239
Speaker 6: in a world that just assumes that pregnancy is like

534
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,600
Speaker 6: this thing that you have to try really hard for,

535
00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:38,440
Speaker 6: or like that it doesn't happen when you're not expecting

536
00:25:38,440 --> 00:25:40,960
Speaker 6: it sometimes, and the fact is it does, and it's

537
00:25:41,160 --> 00:25:44,080
Speaker 6: unfortunately in these situations it happens a lot more than

538
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,520
Speaker 6: people realize. And I didn't know that. Nobody told me that.

539
00:25:48,600 --> 00:25:50,760
Speaker 6: And even when you know, I went and went to

540
00:25:50,840 --> 00:25:55,240
Speaker 6: the hospital after the initial incident, nobody warned me or

541
00:25:55,320 --> 00:25:59,560
Speaker 6: tested me, because we all just assumed that it wasn't

542
00:25:59,640 --> 00:26:03,400
Speaker 6: a physical possibility because of my health.

543
00:26:03,480 --> 00:26:07,800
Speaker 5: And so if I can just give any advice, it's just.

544
00:26:07,840 --> 00:26:11,639
Speaker 6: Please and go and explore all the options, ask for

545
00:26:11,720 --> 00:26:13,520
Speaker 6: all the tests, because you don't want to be caught

546
00:26:13,560 --> 00:26:15,679
Speaker 6: off guard. It's so much harder when you don't have

547
00:26:15,720 --> 00:26:18,159
Speaker 6: any idea what you're going through than if you know.

548
00:26:18,680 --> 00:26:20,919
Speaker 6: And I was really sick in those ten weeks, but

549
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:23,080
Speaker 6: it just for me, I just assumed it was all

550
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:26,720
Speaker 6: the emotions and the anxiety, all those things coming to

551
00:26:26,720 --> 00:26:29,880
Speaker 6: the surface. I never ever did it once cross my mind,

552
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:33,359
Speaker 6: but I could be pregnant. So yeah, that was a

553
00:26:33,400 --> 00:26:37,560
Speaker 6: really challenging time for sure. And it did end up

554
00:26:38,520 --> 00:26:42,920
Speaker 6: between the initial injuries from the incident and then sort

555
00:26:42,920 --> 00:26:46,159
Speaker 6: of the physical toll of a miscarriage, I ended up

556
00:26:46,200 --> 00:26:50,400
Speaker 6: in a wheelchair, as I said, for about six months.

557
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:56,600
Speaker 6: I wasn't working so until April this year. And yeah,

558
00:26:56,640 --> 00:26:58,760
Speaker 6: even that in itself, like that just gave me a

559
00:26:58,800 --> 00:27:02,199
Speaker 6: newfound appreciation for or the less able bodied members of

560
00:27:02,240 --> 00:27:05,040
Speaker 6: our community and just you know, what they experience and

561
00:27:05,080 --> 00:27:07,720
Speaker 6: what they go through and the total lack of accessibility

562
00:27:07,720 --> 00:27:10,800
Speaker 6: that there is just generally, and the way that people

563
00:27:10,840 --> 00:27:14,040
Speaker 6: treat you is so different. And I guess through all

564
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,720
Speaker 6: of these experiences there's been some huge lessons for me.

565
00:27:17,320 --> 00:27:18,120
Speaker 5: I'm not saying that.

566
00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:20,360
Speaker 6: Makes it worth it at all, but you know, there

567
00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:22,440
Speaker 6: is things that I've gone like, Wow, I never would

568
00:27:22,440 --> 00:27:25,480
Speaker 6: have known that if I hadn't gone through it. So yeah,

569
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:30,320
Speaker 6: I think that pretty well summarizes what the last twelve

570
00:27:30,320 --> 00:27:31,240
Speaker 6: months have looked like.

571
00:27:31,840 --> 00:27:38,159
Speaker 4: Yeah, wow, I am. It's not often Tony in podcast

572
00:27:38,200 --> 00:27:40,240
Speaker 4: world for me that I'm at a loss for words.

573
00:27:41,359 --> 00:27:44,080
Speaker 4: In fact, arguably, I usually have too many of them.

574
00:27:44,520 --> 00:27:46,919
Speaker 4: I just don't know where to start with this. That

575
00:27:47,160 --> 00:27:51,320
Speaker 4: sounds horrific, and I'm so sorry you've been through that situation,

576
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:55,119
Speaker 4: and I hope, like I am in awe of how

577
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:58,760
Speaker 4: you're handling this and how you're articulating this and we're

578
00:27:58,800 --> 00:28:02,320
Speaker 4: not even talking about something. You know, there's there's no

579
00:28:02,400 --> 00:28:05,159
Speaker 4: such thing as a good rape end of story, but

580
00:28:05,359 --> 00:28:08,840
Speaker 4: like you ended up in a wheelchair this was as

581
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,879
Speaker 4: much physical as it was mental. And it's not like

582
00:28:13,119 --> 00:28:16,479
Speaker 4: it's taken such a toll on you, your body, your life,

583
00:28:16,840 --> 00:28:20,760
Speaker 4: your ability to generate revenue. You've I mean, you've bounced

584
00:28:20,840 --> 00:28:23,960
Speaker 4: back incredibly. Well you've gone and started your own business,

585
00:28:24,040 --> 00:28:27,560
Speaker 4: Like holy shit, Like you've gone and started your own

586
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,480
Speaker 4: business after that happened, because you're like, do you know

587
00:28:30,480 --> 00:28:34,520
Speaker 4: what I have to support myself? Like that's incredible, my friend,

588
00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:37,600
Speaker 4: Like that is you know, a lot of people get

589
00:28:37,640 --> 00:28:40,040
Speaker 4: down and obviously that makes sense, and we all have

590
00:28:40,120 --> 00:28:44,120
Speaker 4: different coping mechanisms. But I just, yeah, I don't I

591
00:28:44,120 --> 00:28:45,560
Speaker 4: don't know what to say. I don't know what to

592
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:48,920
Speaker 4: ask you. And I feel like this has been such

593
00:28:48,960 --> 00:28:52,719
Speaker 4: a special story to share because I'm so grateful that,

594
00:28:52,840 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 4: you know, even if one person listens to this and

595
00:28:54,720 --> 00:28:57,360
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, I'm not alone, like somebody else went

596
00:28:57,400 --> 00:29:00,880
Speaker 4: through this. But I guess to loop the back, you know,

597
00:29:01,160 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 4: to she's on the money, obviously started a business. You're okay,

598
00:29:05,440 --> 00:29:08,760
Speaker 4: but going through all of this financially, what did that

599
00:29:08,840 --> 00:29:12,400
Speaker 4: look like for you? During that process? Like you said before,

600
00:29:12,440 --> 00:29:14,920
Speaker 4: you've got some medical bills that your parents have covered

601
00:29:14,960 --> 00:29:17,720
Speaker 4: and you've got to pay them back for like, what

602
00:29:17,760 --> 00:29:20,239
Speaker 4: does that look like? How much has this cost you?

603
00:29:20,600 --> 00:29:20,880
Speaker 5: Sure?

604
00:29:20,920 --> 00:29:24,040
Speaker 6: So I did have some pre existing health things that

605
00:29:24,080 --> 00:29:27,080
Speaker 6: were happening in the background this whole time, which I

606
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:29,680
Speaker 6: had been dealing with for a couple of years prior

607
00:29:29,720 --> 00:29:33,680
Speaker 6: to this, and that was mostly around the fact that

608
00:29:33,720 --> 00:29:35,680
Speaker 6: I've had four organs removed.

609
00:29:35,800 --> 00:29:36,800
Speaker 5: For yeah, for.

610
00:29:37,200 --> 00:29:40,360
Speaker 4: Four organs, Tony, I didn't even know I had more

611
00:29:40,400 --> 00:29:41,800
Speaker 4: than four organ trying.

612
00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:43,960
Speaker 3: To work out which four you can still live without?

613
00:29:45,040 --> 00:29:47,080
Speaker 3: One kidney, one gall bladder.

614
00:29:48,960 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 4: All right, money diar is still share that with us, I hope,

615
00:29:51,360 --> 00:29:53,720
Speaker 4: because I'm real pervy, Like, is she missing a heart

616
00:29:53,760 --> 00:29:56,320
Speaker 4: and she's still just blopping around? We don't know, not yet.

617
00:29:57,160 --> 00:29:59,200
Speaker 6: Many people have asked me that, are you missing a heart?

618
00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:00,560
Speaker 6: I'm like, wow, am I that cold?

619
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:02,959
Speaker 4: That's what I mean?

620
00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,320
Speaker 1: Oh my gosh, no, flight.

621
00:30:05,440 --> 00:30:09,080
Speaker 6: It's so from the age of six, like I stopped

622
00:30:09,160 --> 00:30:12,720
Speaker 6: growing and I was having a lot of stomach issues,

623
00:30:12,760 --> 00:30:15,240
Speaker 6: and like, as a six year old, nobody really believes you.

624
00:30:15,280 --> 00:30:17,000
Speaker 5: They're like, oh, yeah, you're six, you're just being.

625
00:30:16,880 --> 00:30:20,680
Speaker 6: Fussy, Like you'll be fine. So it actually took them

626
00:30:22,120 --> 00:30:25,960
Speaker 6: ten years to diagnose me with chronic pancreatitis, which is

627
00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:28,480
Speaker 6: really unusual for a little kid to have because usually

628
00:30:28,480 --> 00:30:31,160
Speaker 6: it's like after years of alcohol abuse or you know,

629
00:30:31,240 --> 00:30:34,120
Speaker 6: something along those lines. But basically, for those who don't

630
00:30:34,160 --> 00:30:38,320
Speaker 6: know where your pancreas, instead of sending the enzymes it

631
00:30:38,360 --> 00:30:40,280
Speaker 6: makes into your stomach to break down your food, it

632
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:44,320
Speaker 6: starts digesting itself. Wow. Yeah, so it eats itself and

633
00:30:44,360 --> 00:30:47,000
Speaker 6: when it works through that, it starts everything around it,

634
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:47,920
Speaker 6: which hurts.

635
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,000
Speaker 5: By the way, if anyone.

636
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:51,120
Speaker 4: I was about to say, that sounds really painful.

637
00:30:52,000 --> 00:30:54,920
Speaker 6: So when I was sixteen, I was actually fed through

638
00:30:54,960 --> 00:30:57,120
Speaker 6: tubes because I couldn't eat anymore because of the pain.

639
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,680
Speaker 6: So I had a tube going into my heart, a

640
00:30:59,680 --> 00:31:02,440
Speaker 6: tube going through my nose for a long time, and

641
00:31:03,520 --> 00:31:05,800
Speaker 6: it got to the point where the doctors were like, look,

642
00:31:05,880 --> 00:31:08,000
Speaker 6: you're wasting away. We don't really know what to do

643
00:31:08,080 --> 00:31:11,080
Speaker 6: with you. You've probably got a good three months. And

644
00:31:11,120 --> 00:31:13,520
Speaker 6: my parents were like, hell, no, this is our kid, Like,

645
00:31:13,680 --> 00:31:17,000
Speaker 6: she's only sixteen, we can't do this. So I don't

646
00:31:17,040 --> 00:31:18,840
Speaker 6: even to be honest when I tell this story, I

647
00:31:18,880 --> 00:31:22,280
Speaker 6: still can't believe how this happened. But somehow my parents

648
00:31:22,280 --> 00:31:25,200
Speaker 6: found out about this surgery that was happening in America,

649
00:31:25,280 --> 00:31:27,920
Speaker 6: it had never been done in Australia, and they got

650
00:31:27,960 --> 00:31:31,120
Speaker 6: in touch and the team was like really synthetic to

651
00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:34,640
Speaker 6: our situation. So they came from America to Sydney.

652
00:31:34,760 --> 00:31:36,080
Speaker 5: What we fell over.

653
00:31:35,960 --> 00:31:38,760
Speaker 6: To Sydney and they did this surgery for me. So

654
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:41,520
Speaker 6: they took out my pancreas and they took the little

655
00:31:41,600 --> 00:31:44,400
Speaker 6: tiny bit of functioning tissue that still was there that

656
00:31:44,520 --> 00:31:46,560
Speaker 6: made insulin and put it into my liver.

657
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:48,560
Speaker 5: So my liver kind of does two jobs now.

658
00:31:48,960 --> 00:31:51,880
Speaker 6: They also took out my spleen, my gallbladder, and most

659
00:31:51,880 --> 00:31:56,400
Speaker 6: of my intestine, so that's what I'm missing.

660
00:31:58,720 --> 00:32:00,880
Speaker 5: Yeah, so that was like a major thing.

661
00:32:00,960 --> 00:32:03,440
Speaker 6: Obviously at sixteen, I missed a year of school and

662
00:32:03,520 --> 00:32:06,400
Speaker 6: like there were all these things that just happened out

663
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:09,840
Speaker 6: of that. But when I recovered and bounced back, it

664
00:32:09,880 --> 00:32:11,800
Speaker 6: was like this new lease on life. I was like, Yes,

665
00:32:11,920 --> 00:32:15,400
Speaker 6: let's go. I'm gonna do everything. And so, you know, God,

666
00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:18,120
Speaker 6: I think I got my first job like literally eleven

667
00:32:18,160 --> 00:32:20,440
Speaker 6: months after the surgery. I was like, yes, I start

668
00:32:20,520 --> 00:32:24,040
Speaker 6: making money and I you know, put so much into

669
00:32:24,080 --> 00:32:26,000
Speaker 6: my school. I was just like so happy to be

670
00:32:26,040 --> 00:32:29,560
Speaker 6: back with my friends and it was really incredible the

671
00:32:29,640 --> 00:32:33,280
Speaker 6: support that we got from the doctors and like just

672
00:32:33,320 --> 00:32:35,760
Speaker 6: the team in general, like I still have a team

673
00:32:35,800 --> 00:32:40,400
Speaker 6: that's across Perth, Sydney and America because they just don't

674
00:32:40,400 --> 00:32:41,400
Speaker 6: have the resources here.

675
00:32:41,440 --> 00:32:42,320
Speaker 5: And I totally get that.

676
00:32:43,640 --> 00:32:47,640
Speaker 6: So that obviously, as wonderful as that recovery was, there

677
00:32:47,680 --> 00:32:51,280
Speaker 6: always is going to be some little bubbles and hiccups.

678
00:32:50,840 --> 00:32:53,560
Speaker 5: When, of course you're doing the job of those organs

679
00:32:53,560 --> 00:32:54,320
Speaker 5: from the outside.

680
00:32:54,360 --> 00:32:56,680
Speaker 6: And that's what had fled up last year was mostly

681
00:32:56,760 --> 00:33:00,680
Speaker 6: around the digestion and the blood sugar point of view.

682
00:33:01,440 --> 00:33:04,840
Speaker 6: And to just put a money spin on this, I

683
00:33:04,880 --> 00:33:09,600
Speaker 6: guess that surgery for anyone who's interested, was eight hundred

684
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:10,400
Speaker 6: thousand dollars.

685
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:11,080
Speaker 5: Oh.

686
00:33:11,440 --> 00:33:14,200
Speaker 4: I was about to ask how much that cost, because

687
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:18,280
Speaker 4: I was like, all right, that sounds expensive eight hundred grand, but.

688
00:33:18,840 --> 00:33:21,520
Speaker 6: You will never believe there's the Australian government was like, look,

689
00:33:21,560 --> 00:33:23,120
Speaker 6: this is a life threatening situation.

690
00:33:23,360 --> 00:33:24,360
Speaker 5: We are going to cover it.

691
00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,040
Speaker 4: What.

692
00:33:25,320 --> 00:33:28,800
Speaker 3: Yeah, So I'm so glad I paid taxes for you

693
00:33:28,840 --> 00:33:30,440
Speaker 3: to get your concreas out.

694
00:33:31,080 --> 00:33:31,280
Speaker 5: Yeah.

695
00:33:31,440 --> 00:33:34,080
Speaker 4: Yeah, that's what we pay taxes for. I am so

696
00:33:34,200 --> 00:33:40,400
Speaker 4: here for that. Oh my gosh, that is epic. Tony, Tony, Tony,

697
00:33:40,440 --> 00:33:42,320
Speaker 4: did we just hear the biggest money win of the

698
00:33:42,320 --> 00:33:43,800
Speaker 4: community ever.

699
00:33:44,640 --> 00:33:46,640
Speaker 5: So yeah, taxes, we love them, guys.

700
00:33:47,160 --> 00:33:51,320
Speaker 4: Wow, Oh my gosh, eight hundred grand.

701
00:33:51,720 --> 00:33:54,000
Speaker 6: Super grateful for the country that we live. No other

702
00:33:54,040 --> 00:33:55,680
Speaker 6: country in the world has that level of.

703
00:33:55,640 --> 00:33:58,080
Speaker 4: S and they never would have done that in America.

704
00:33:58,160 --> 00:34:00,640
Speaker 4: That would have not been an option. And that's where

705
00:34:00,640 --> 00:34:02,520
Speaker 4: those surgeons came from, for you.

706
00:34:02,680 --> 00:34:05,720
Speaker 6: And because they were considering asking us to come to America.

707
00:34:05,720 --> 00:34:07,360
Speaker 6: And if that was the case, my family would have

708
00:34:07,360 --> 00:34:10,239
Speaker 6: lost their house, their cars, everything, like, they would have

709
00:34:10,280 --> 00:34:12,040
Speaker 6: been in so much debt just to keep me alive.

710
00:34:12,080 --> 00:34:15,080
Speaker 6: It would not have really worked out the way that

711
00:34:15,120 --> 00:34:19,360
Speaker 6: it has. So yeah, that was incredible. But ongoing from that,

712
00:34:19,560 --> 00:34:22,360
Speaker 6: there is obviously a lot of costs. I'm very high maintenance,

713
00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:26,080
Speaker 6: as you can imagine it, and my budget obviously looks

714
00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:28,879
Speaker 6: a little bit different from people my age, I have

715
00:34:28,960 --> 00:34:31,280
Speaker 6: to say, because there has to be around two thousand

716
00:34:31,320 --> 00:34:33,360
Speaker 6: dollars in there for medical stuff every month.

717
00:34:33,680 --> 00:34:35,920
Speaker 1: Wow, every month, Holy moly.

718
00:34:36,560 --> 00:34:36,920
Speaker 5: Yeah.

719
00:34:36,960 --> 00:34:40,440
Speaker 6: So I am lucky to have support from my family

720
00:34:40,480 --> 00:34:44,399
Speaker 6: where they can, and things like healthcare, cars and things

721
00:34:44,440 --> 00:34:46,680
Speaker 6: do make some difference, but obviously there has to be

722
00:34:46,760 --> 00:34:49,040
Speaker 6: that safety net there to know that I can afford

723
00:34:49,040 --> 00:34:50,560
Speaker 6: the medications I need, and I can go.

724
00:34:50,480 --> 00:34:53,560
Speaker 5: To the appointments that I need and all of those things.

725
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:55,879
Speaker 6: And at the moment, I need to get a new

726
00:34:56,000 --> 00:34:59,600
Speaker 6: insulin pump and that's like ten grand in one, so

727
00:34:59,680 --> 00:35:00,560
Speaker 6: excit expensive.

728
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:01,440
Speaker 1: Wow.

729
00:35:02,280 --> 00:35:05,319
Speaker 6: So you know, there are those things that really do

730
00:35:06,280 --> 00:35:07,720
Speaker 6: add up after a while.

731
00:35:07,840 --> 00:35:10,480
Speaker 5: And I'm really grateful for my parents.

732
00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:13,680
Speaker 6: I could not have done it without them, absolutely, but

733
00:35:14,160 --> 00:35:15,800
Speaker 6: I have taken it upon myself to be like, I

734
00:35:15,880 --> 00:35:17,920
Speaker 6: want to contribute to that because obviously it is for

735
00:35:18,000 --> 00:35:23,279
Speaker 6: me and I just yeah, they are very supportive, which

736
00:35:23,280 --> 00:35:27,000
Speaker 6: I'm grateful for Franks mom and dad. But yeah, that's

737
00:35:27,080 --> 00:35:31,120
Speaker 6: kind of how the medical stuff plays into the money stuff.

738
00:35:30,800 --> 00:35:31,200
Speaker 5: I guess.

739
00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 3: And with your medical I guess responsibilities, like the financial

740
00:35:36,640 --> 00:35:39,480
Speaker 3: responsibilities that you have for yourself, does that play a

741
00:35:39,560 --> 00:35:43,080
Speaker 3: large part into your emergency fund as well? So you

742
00:35:43,160 --> 00:35:46,360
Speaker 3: kind of you know, so my emergency fund, I think, okay,

743
00:35:46,360 --> 00:35:48,080
Speaker 3: this is how much my bills are my rent cost

744
00:35:48,160 --> 00:35:53,120
Speaker 3: per month, But you're thinking rent bills emergency like emergency

745
00:35:53,160 --> 00:35:55,080
Speaker 3: medical things that you might need to take care of,

746
00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:58,400
Speaker 3: let alone your normal monthly medications, right.

747
00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:02,120
Speaker 6: Absolutely, and those spiral when you're in a bad patch

748
00:36:02,200 --> 00:36:04,840
Speaker 6: because you don't need so much more support, and you

749
00:36:04,920 --> 00:36:07,719
Speaker 6: often need to, you know, get people into help with things.

750
00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:10,200
Speaker 6: And I do have a really amazing group of friends,

751
00:36:10,200 --> 00:36:12,279
Speaker 6: which luckily a lot of them are support workers, so

752
00:36:12,360 --> 00:36:15,080
Speaker 6: they jump in as my support workers.

753
00:36:15,320 --> 00:36:18,080
Speaker 4: Oh my gosh, what a special group of friends to

754
00:36:18,120 --> 00:36:19,000
Speaker 4: have around.

755
00:36:18,680 --> 00:36:19,320
Speaker 1: You as well.

756
00:36:19,680 --> 00:36:22,759
Speaker 6: I absolutely are, And yeah, like you said, it just

757
00:36:23,000 --> 00:36:25,319
Speaker 6: I have to factor that into my emergency fund, and

758
00:36:25,360 --> 00:36:27,640
Speaker 6: that is why that fund is so crucial for me,

759
00:36:27,719 --> 00:36:29,600
Speaker 6: because I just don't know what.

760
00:36:29,520 --> 00:36:30,960
Speaker 5: The next six months will look like.

761
00:36:31,160 --> 00:36:34,160
Speaker 6: Often and it's obviously not just health stuff that can

762
00:36:34,160 --> 00:36:34,719
Speaker 6: interfere with that.

763
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:36,920
Speaker 5: It can be totally out of your control.

764
00:36:37,000 --> 00:36:40,360
Speaker 6: But yeah, the health things do make me really aware

765
00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,600
Speaker 6: of how quickly things change and how much we take

766
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,680
Speaker 6: for granted those days where we wake up, get out

767
00:36:44,680 --> 00:36:47,040
Speaker 6: of bed and just go and do stuff, because that's

768
00:36:47,080 --> 00:36:49,319
Speaker 6: not the reality for a lot of people dealing with

769
00:36:49,400 --> 00:36:54,840
Speaker 6: chronic illness. So yeah, I guess that's the picture for

770
00:36:54,920 --> 00:36:57,840
Speaker 6: me when it comes to health. A little bit messy,

771
00:36:57,960 --> 00:36:58,799
Speaker 6: but there it is.

772
00:36:59,040 --> 00:37:02,520
Speaker 4: It's so interesting to learn about your story and it

773
00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:06,920
Speaker 4: makes me angry at the same time to think that

774
00:37:07,080 --> 00:37:09,960
Speaker 4: you have been through all of that and then you

775
00:37:10,080 --> 00:37:13,239
Speaker 4: opened up to somebody let them be your care and

776
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:17,080
Speaker 4: they abused that and abused you and put you in

777
00:37:17,120 --> 00:37:19,879
Speaker 4: a position where you were really trusting of them, which

778
00:37:19,920 --> 00:37:22,960
Speaker 4: obviously that's a really intimate thing to go through, Like

779
00:37:23,040 --> 00:37:27,759
Speaker 4: if you're caring for somebody, it's not a relationship that

780
00:37:27,960 --> 00:37:31,320
Speaker 4: by any stretch of the imagination I would think stretches

781
00:37:31,360 --> 00:37:35,760
Speaker 4: into to sexual anything. It's nope, like I'm just helping

782
00:37:35,760 --> 00:37:38,720
Speaker 4: her do this, like your care. And to then abuse

783
00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 4: that situation in the way that yours was, how is

784
00:37:42,960 --> 00:37:46,520
Speaker 4: that impacting you moving forward? Because obviously you know, with

785
00:37:46,600 --> 00:37:48,680
Speaker 4: what you've been through, you're going to go through patches

786
00:37:48,719 --> 00:37:51,760
Speaker 4: where you do need some extra care and some extra support,

787
00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:55,200
Speaker 4: and that's probably going to play on your mind about

788
00:37:55,320 --> 00:37:57,719
Speaker 4: oh am I safe here, like you don't need that?

789
00:37:58,080 --> 00:38:01,719
Speaker 6: Yeah, that trusty, And I think for me, it's really

790
00:38:01,760 --> 00:38:06,319
Speaker 6: important to be aware and continually learn where those boundaries are,

791
00:38:06,360 --> 00:38:09,160
Speaker 6: because when I'm already sick, the last thing I need

792
00:38:09,239 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 6: is a whole heap of emotional stress on top of that,

793
00:38:11,640 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 6: because it makes the recovery so much harder. So I

794
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:17,680
Speaker 6: think some of the things that have been super important

795
00:38:17,719 --> 00:38:20,319
Speaker 6: for me is just to learn to actually speak up

796
00:38:20,920 --> 00:38:23,279
Speaker 6: and that it's okay to say when I'm not comfortable,

797
00:38:23,320 --> 00:38:24,480
Speaker 6: and that it's okay.

798
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:24,640
Speaker 5: To say no.

799
00:38:24,880 --> 00:38:27,960
Speaker 6: Because I know that we're in the twenty first century

800
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,320
Speaker 6: and like feminism and all those things have made amazing progress,

801
00:38:31,360 --> 00:38:33,640
Speaker 6: but it is still really hard when you grow up

802
00:38:33,640 --> 00:38:35,759
Speaker 6: as a little girl being taught that you know, guys

803
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,680
Speaker 6: a mean when they like to you, or like don't

804
00:38:37,719 --> 00:38:40,000
Speaker 6: say no, just be polite and just go with the flow,

805
00:38:40,080 --> 00:38:43,160
Speaker 6: and like all of these sentiments that we grow up

806
00:38:43,200 --> 00:38:46,399
Speaker 6: with really carry through to when you're in those situations.

807
00:38:46,400 --> 00:38:48,879
Speaker 6: You don't realize how much that those inform the way

808
00:38:48,880 --> 00:38:49,399
Speaker 6: that you act.

809
00:38:49,920 --> 00:38:51,600
Speaker 5: And so for me, yeah, learning to be.

810
00:38:51,680 --> 00:38:54,680
Speaker 6: Like actually no, it's this crosses my boundary, I'm not

811
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:57,799
Speaker 6: okay with this has been really important. There's been a

812
00:38:57,840 --> 00:38:59,879
Speaker 6: lot of times when I've been in hospital that I've

813
00:39:00,160 --> 00:39:04,120
Speaker 6: said to my team, like can female doctors please look

814
00:39:04,160 --> 00:39:04,520
Speaker 6: after me?

815
00:39:05,080 --> 00:39:06,800
Speaker 5: Or like if somebody has.

816
00:39:06,680 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 6: To examine me, I would like it to only be

817
00:39:08,719 --> 00:39:11,239
Speaker 6: a female that's touching me, or like whatever it is.

818
00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:15,200
Speaker 6: They're really accommodating. They're generally very supportive. There's very few

819
00:39:15,239 --> 00:39:18,360
Speaker 6: people who will say no. It's just that step of

820
00:39:18,400 --> 00:39:22,120
Speaker 6: actually speaking up that's the hardest, and then at home,

821
00:39:22,280 --> 00:39:26,839
Speaker 6: because unfortunately this incident did happen in my space, and

822
00:39:27,600 --> 00:39:29,840
Speaker 6: in the current rental market, it's not an option to

823
00:39:29,920 --> 00:39:31,640
Speaker 6: just jump ship and be like, oh, I'm just gonna

824
00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:34,399
Speaker 6: move down the road or to another suburb, because there's

825
00:39:34,440 --> 00:39:38,520
Speaker 6: just no places available, especially as a student. So that's

826
00:39:38,560 --> 00:39:41,040
Speaker 6: been a really long process of making this a space

827
00:39:41,080 --> 00:39:43,560
Speaker 6: I want to be and not run away from, and

828
00:39:43,760 --> 00:39:47,680
Speaker 6: sort of you know, renovating it and making it somewhere

829
00:39:47,719 --> 00:39:49,960
Speaker 6: I want to come home to and that I feel

830
00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,920
Speaker 6: relaxed and safe, and I'm really happy that I've kind

831
00:39:52,960 --> 00:39:55,560
Speaker 6: of gotten to that point. But that also includes who

832
00:39:55,600 --> 00:39:59,160
Speaker 6: you let into your space, and so I'm very selective

833
00:39:59,239 --> 00:40:01,920
Speaker 6: about who I let into my home and into that

834
00:40:02,000 --> 00:40:03,319
Speaker 6: safe zone because.

835
00:40:03,000 --> 00:40:04,680
Speaker 5: For me, I need to keep it safe.

836
00:40:05,160 --> 00:40:07,759
Speaker 6: It needs to be this place that I can come

837
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:10,640
Speaker 6: back to and just take a to eat breath and

838
00:40:10,719 --> 00:40:14,160
Speaker 6: kind of not have to be on such hilot and

839
00:40:14,200 --> 00:40:16,080
Speaker 6: not have to be on guard all time and just

840
00:40:16,760 --> 00:40:18,160
Speaker 6: let myself relax.

841
00:40:17,840 --> 00:40:18,319
Speaker 5: A little bit.

842
00:40:19,239 --> 00:40:21,759
Speaker 6: So, yeah, it definitely breaks that trust, and I think

843
00:40:21,800 --> 00:40:24,920
Speaker 6: that is the hardest thing to rebuild, and it's also

844
00:40:25,000 --> 00:40:28,759
Speaker 6: the scariest thing to rebuild because as I've learned you

845
00:40:28,960 --> 00:40:33,520
Speaker 6: never know, like it's not some big, bad stranger that

846
00:40:33,640 --> 00:40:37,160
Speaker 6: does this to people more often than not. In fact,

847
00:40:37,200 --> 00:40:41,480
Speaker 6: it's actually about eighty two percent of these situations that

848
00:40:41,640 --> 00:40:45,560
Speaker 6: it's somebody that is closely connected with you. And that

849
00:40:45,640 --> 00:40:49,760
Speaker 6: figure is it should shock people because that's like people

850
00:40:49,800 --> 00:40:51,400
Speaker 6: that we trust and that we know. And I'm not

851
00:40:51,400 --> 00:40:54,040
Speaker 6: trying to put fear into everybody's hearts, but I'm just

852
00:40:54,040 --> 00:40:56,680
Speaker 6: trying to bring home how easily these situations happen, and

853
00:40:56,680 --> 00:41:00,279
Speaker 6: that people don't go out there looking for trouble, don't

854
00:41:00,320 --> 00:41:03,120
Speaker 6: go out there and like put ourselves in positions that

855
00:41:03,880 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 6: warrants this happening. Ever, it's just the fact is this

856
00:41:07,800 --> 00:41:10,080
Speaker 6: does happen, and it does happen close to home.

857
00:41:10,080 --> 00:41:14,080
Speaker 4: And it happened in a position where you were trusting

858
00:41:14,120 --> 00:41:17,000
Speaker 4: that person as well, Like it's an abusive power and

859
00:41:17,080 --> 00:41:21,319
Speaker 4: abusive trust, and there's absolutely no rhyme, no reason for

860
00:41:21,400 --> 00:41:23,680
Speaker 4: that to have happened. It's a thousand percent on him,

861
00:41:23,719 --> 00:41:26,080
Speaker 4: Like you could have done anything in the entire world

862
00:41:26,080 --> 00:41:28,439
Speaker 4: and it still would have been one thousand percent on him.

863
00:41:28,880 --> 00:41:31,080
Speaker 4: But that came from you just trying to do the

864
00:41:31,160 --> 00:41:34,160
Speaker 4: right thing for a friend, like drunk friend called you

865
00:41:34,200 --> 00:41:36,080
Speaker 4: and you're like, yeah, no problems, I'll pick you up.

866
00:41:36,160 --> 00:41:39,160
Speaker 4: I want you to be safe, and they didn't extend

867
00:41:39,239 --> 00:41:42,600
Speaker 4: you that same opportunity, and that that breaks my heart

868
00:41:42,680 --> 00:41:46,000
Speaker 4: to think that you were in such a caring kind mentality,

869
00:41:46,040 --> 00:41:49,040
Speaker 4: like you drove to the city to pick up drunk friends,

870
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:51,799
Speaker 4: like you know what when I'm not drunk, Like I

871
00:41:51,840 --> 00:41:53,960
Speaker 4: can't put up with drunk people. Like that's the thing

872
00:41:53,960 --> 00:41:55,279
Speaker 4: that you go, all right, you know what, I'll pick

873
00:41:55,320 --> 00:41:57,080
Speaker 4: them up because like they're my mates and I just

874
00:41:57,120 --> 00:42:01,799
Speaker 4: want them to be safe. And then for that to happen, oh,

875
00:42:01,840 --> 00:42:05,040
Speaker 4: Like that's such an abuse of power and such an

876
00:42:05,160 --> 00:42:08,319
Speaker 4: awful thing to have gone through that it really makes

877
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,040
Speaker 4: you go, is everybody like that?

878
00:42:10,320 --> 00:42:10,400
Speaker 5: Like?

879
00:42:10,480 --> 00:42:12,839
Speaker 4: Am I just? Am I too nice? And it's not.

880
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:16,200
Speaker 4: It's not. It absolutely isn't and it was never your fault.

881
00:42:16,280 --> 00:42:19,279
Speaker 4: But to think that he just walked away and it's

882
00:42:19,320 --> 00:42:22,200
Speaker 4: all good for him, like that's disgusting.

883
00:42:22,520 --> 00:42:22,880
Speaker 5: Yeah.

884
00:42:23,040 --> 00:42:26,640
Speaker 6: I think that something that's been really important for me

885
00:42:26,719 --> 00:42:30,040
Speaker 6: to understand is that because obviously now there is that

886
00:42:30,200 --> 00:42:33,960
Speaker 6: fear and it's like, well, is everybody bad? Is everybody

887
00:42:34,000 --> 00:42:36,360
Speaker 6: capable of doing this? And I think about it like

888
00:42:37,719 --> 00:42:39,600
Speaker 6: if I had a bag of Maltesers, right, and I

889
00:42:39,680 --> 00:42:41,960
Speaker 6: told you that one of those maltesers was made of

890
00:42:42,040 --> 00:42:44,799
Speaker 6: dog poo. That doesn't mean that all of them are

891
00:42:44,840 --> 00:42:46,400
Speaker 6: made of dog poop, but you're going to be weary

892
00:42:46,400 --> 00:42:48,200
Speaker 6: and you're going to be slightly scared of all of

893
00:42:48,200 --> 00:42:49,839
Speaker 6: them just in case that's the one.

894
00:42:49,920 --> 00:42:52,279
Speaker 4: Right, I'm not going to mean any mald Teesers if

895
00:42:52,320 --> 00:42:54,200
Speaker 4: you offer it to me. Heck no, exactly.

896
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:58,560
Speaker 6: So for me it's been this like, Okay, not all men.

897
00:42:58,680 --> 00:43:00,359
Speaker 6: I'm not trying to be on here.

898
00:43:00,960 --> 00:43:03,919
Speaker 4: Absolutely not not all men. But like if you tell

899
00:43:03,920 --> 00:43:05,839
Speaker 4: me one of them's dog poo, I'm sure it's hell

900
00:43:05,880 --> 00:43:07,520
Speaker 4: gonna be wary of all of this exactly.

901
00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:11,160
Speaker 6: And that's I think what has been important for me

902
00:43:11,239 --> 00:43:14,359
Speaker 6: to try and explain to people, because I'm like, there

903
00:43:14,440 --> 00:43:17,000
Speaker 6: is a fear there, there is this hesitancy there, and

904
00:43:17,040 --> 00:43:18,120
Speaker 6: it's there for a reason.

905
00:43:18,160 --> 00:43:20,520
Speaker 5: It's not made up, and it's not because we hate you.

906
00:43:20,600 --> 00:43:25,799
Speaker 6: It's just because unfortunately this happens, and it comes more

907
00:43:25,840 --> 00:43:27,960
Speaker 6: often than not from a male figure in.

908
00:43:27,960 --> 00:43:32,239
Speaker 5: Somebody's life, and as a result, we don't know who

909
00:43:32,239 --> 00:43:32,680
Speaker 5: to trust.

910
00:43:32,960 --> 00:43:37,399
Speaker 6: Absolutely, and really big step for me was actually being

911
00:43:37,440 --> 00:43:38,200
Speaker 6: invited back.

912
00:43:38,400 --> 00:43:40,040
Speaker 5: After sharing my story with one.

913
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,440
Speaker 6: Of my old teachers from high school, she invited me

914
00:43:42,520 --> 00:43:45,040
Speaker 6: back to my old high school to give a seminar

915
00:43:45,120 --> 00:43:47,520
Speaker 6: on consent and what that actually means.

916
00:43:47,680 --> 00:43:50,960
Speaker 4: Oh, I mean all of everything. You do, like to

917
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:54,279
Speaker 4: think this happened like less than twelve months ago, and

918
00:43:54,320 --> 00:43:58,320
Speaker 4: you're like, not having it like that often takes people years.

919
00:43:58,400 --> 00:43:59,920
Speaker 5: And that's fine, it takes you.

920
00:44:00,600 --> 00:44:02,360
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, no, it's not a good or a

921
00:44:02,360 --> 00:44:04,120
Speaker 4: bad thing. It is what it is. I'm just so

922
00:44:04,480 --> 00:44:06,920
Speaker 4: impressed that you've gone through this and you're like, nope,

923
00:44:07,080 --> 00:44:09,200
Speaker 4: straight straight out the gates, Like, this isn't going to

924
00:44:09,239 --> 00:44:12,480
Speaker 4: happen to anybody else because of your caring nature. You're

925
00:44:12,560 --> 00:44:16,120
Speaker 4: literally that person happened because you cared, and now you're

926
00:44:16,160 --> 00:44:19,760
Speaker 4: caring about everybody else so that doesn't happen to them.

927
00:44:19,800 --> 00:44:20,799
Speaker 5: Well, that's exactly that.

928
00:44:20,880 --> 00:44:23,000
Speaker 6: All I can hope for, right is that somebody else

929
00:44:23,040 --> 00:44:25,880
Speaker 6: doesn't have to live through this. And for me, presenting

930
00:44:25,960 --> 00:44:29,160
Speaker 6: on that day to five hundred students was like literally terrifying.

931
00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:30,160
Speaker 5: I wanted to pee my hat.

932
00:44:30,160 --> 00:44:32,839
Speaker 6: It's not gonna lie to you, but I was like,

933
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:36,120
Speaker 6: if one person in this audience doesn't have to live

934
00:44:36,120 --> 00:44:36,920
Speaker 6: what I've lived through.

935
00:44:37,080 --> 00:44:38,560
Speaker 5: This will totally be worth it.

936
00:44:38,960 --> 00:44:42,080
Speaker 6: Because we don't learn about consent at school, like or

937
00:44:42,120 --> 00:44:42,600
Speaker 6: I didn't.

938
00:44:42,640 --> 00:44:44,799
Speaker 4: I don't know about you, guys, but I did.

939
00:44:44,880 --> 00:44:48,040
Speaker 6: It was just this case of like sex ed by

940
00:44:48,080 --> 00:44:49,240
Speaker 6: the way, don't get pregnant.

941
00:44:49,239 --> 00:44:51,520
Speaker 4: That was it, Like that was sex ed.

942
00:44:51,719 --> 00:44:54,120
Speaker 6: Like there was forty five minutes in my entire high

943
00:44:54,120 --> 00:44:58,200
Speaker 6: school time, and it was such an underused space. So

944
00:44:58,640 --> 00:45:00,759
Speaker 6: to be able to come into that space and really

945
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,520
Speaker 6: speak into it and go like, guys, this is what

946
00:45:02,600 --> 00:45:05,120
Speaker 6: NO looks like, this is what NO sounds like. It

947
00:45:05,239 --> 00:45:07,480
Speaker 6: might not be necessarily a verbal thing, it might be

948
00:45:07,520 --> 00:45:09,480
Speaker 6: a physical thing. You need to be aware of that,

949
00:45:10,080 --> 00:45:13,320
Speaker 6: and you need to know the consequences if you don't listen,

950
00:45:14,560 --> 00:45:17,080
Speaker 6: and what that conversation looks like. And just being able

951
00:45:17,120 --> 00:45:19,920
Speaker 6: to really open people's eyes to that. The response from

952
00:45:20,040 --> 00:45:23,440
Speaker 6: students was so encouraging. I was like, Wow, they were

953
00:45:23,440 --> 00:45:27,279
Speaker 6: all really engaged, really asking questions, wanting to understand and

954
00:45:27,320 --> 00:45:29,600
Speaker 6: do the right thing, and I was happy for that,

955
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:33,720
Speaker 6: but it also just made me so aware of how

956
00:45:34,040 --> 00:45:35,360
Speaker 6: poorly this.

957
00:45:35,280 --> 00:45:36,440
Speaker 5: Concept is understood.

958
00:45:36,880 --> 00:45:39,560
Speaker 6: And I'm not saying that this is an excuse, but

959
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:41,840
Speaker 6: it's no wonder we're seeing so many of these situations

960
00:45:41,840 --> 00:45:45,200
Speaker 6: because we're not teaching people how to actually ask consent

961
00:45:45,400 --> 00:45:46,120
Speaker 6: or like make.

962
00:45:46,000 --> 00:45:49,680
Speaker 5: Sure that they've got it. Yeah, so yeah, I think that's.

963
00:45:49,440 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 6: A space that I'm really excited to work more in

964
00:45:51,520 --> 00:45:54,959
Speaker 6: the future as well, because it's something obviously that's close

965
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:57,200
Speaker 6: to my heart and that I can understand what it's

966
00:45:57,320 --> 00:46:01,560
Speaker 6: like to not be offered this sort of courtesy of

967
00:46:02,640 --> 00:46:06,360
Speaker 6: asking for consent. But like, yeah, it's also just something

968
00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:08,399
Speaker 6: that has the power to change people's lives. It's such

969
00:46:08,400 --> 00:46:10,839
Speaker 6: a simple thing, but if you skip it and you

970
00:46:10,960 --> 00:46:15,680
Speaker 6: just don't care, it has enormous consequences. So yes, sorry,

971
00:46:15,680 --> 00:46:18,480
Speaker 6: off the track from money, I know, but it is

972
00:46:18,520 --> 00:46:20,280
Speaker 6: something that I think is really important.

973
00:46:20,440 --> 00:46:24,440
Speaker 4: I couldn't agree with you more so. The next question

974
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,560
Speaker 4: I have for you is, as you said, this happens

975
00:46:26,600 --> 00:46:29,680
Speaker 4: more often than any of us would like to think

976
00:46:29,719 --> 00:46:33,440
Speaker 4: it does. But that's the reality of unfortunately the world.

977
00:46:34,040 --> 00:46:38,160
Speaker 4: And you come across as this strong, confident woman who

978
00:46:38,480 --> 00:46:41,719
Speaker 4: I know you know, that's my perception. That doesn't mean

979
00:46:41,719 --> 00:46:43,919
Speaker 4: that in those moments you felt that in any way,

980
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:47,480
Speaker 4: shape or form. But can we talk a bit about process.

981
00:46:47,680 --> 00:46:51,759
Speaker 4: So this happened, the incident occurred, What next, What do

982
00:46:51,840 --> 00:46:55,000
Speaker 4: we do if we're in that situation? Because I, in

983
00:46:55,040 --> 00:46:56,920
Speaker 4: all honesty, if that happened to me, I wouldn't have

984
00:46:56,960 --> 00:46:59,439
Speaker 4: a clue. No one's ever said to me, Okay, this

985
00:46:59,520 --> 00:47:02,040
Speaker 4: is what you need to do after that happens.

986
00:47:02,600 --> 00:47:06,560
Speaker 5: Absolutely. Look, I'm only twenty one.

987
00:47:06,840 --> 00:47:09,920
Speaker 6: I have had to learn all of this myself, and

988
00:47:09,960 --> 00:47:12,680
Speaker 6: I wish that somebody had given me the rundown and

989
00:47:12,719 --> 00:47:16,200
Speaker 6: been like, look, sometimes relationships or sex doesn't go the

990
00:47:16,239 --> 00:47:17,000
Speaker 6: way that we want it to.

991
00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:21,360
Speaker 5: Here's what happens. Here's what to do. So maybe this

992
00:47:21,480 --> 00:47:23,759
Speaker 5: is like that for somebody. I don't know, but I

993
00:47:23,800 --> 00:47:26,920
Speaker 5: guess the most important thing I can say is please

994
00:47:26,960 --> 00:47:27,840
Speaker 5: go and get help.

995
00:47:28,640 --> 00:47:32,080
Speaker 6: If you're not ready to get psychological help, at least

996
00:47:32,080 --> 00:47:34,919
Speaker 6: do yourself the favor of going to get medical help.

997
00:47:34,960 --> 00:47:38,680
Speaker 5: After this happens. I overshare.

998
00:47:38,800 --> 00:47:41,120
Speaker 6: I had to get stitches, I had to get you know,

999
00:47:41,600 --> 00:47:44,919
Speaker 6: patched up in a big way. And if I hadn't

1000
00:47:44,920 --> 00:47:46,719
Speaker 6: gone and gotten help, I could have been living with

1001
00:47:46,760 --> 00:47:50,640
Speaker 6: a lot worse you know, physical consequences. And it was

1002
00:47:50,800 --> 00:47:53,120
Speaker 6: terrifying to go to the hospital and have to admit,

1003
00:47:53,200 --> 00:47:55,799
Speaker 6: of course, but it's worth it, and the staff are

1004
00:47:55,840 --> 00:47:59,400
Speaker 6: so sympathetic and they are so gentle with you, and

1005
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:00,759
Speaker 6: they really are respectful.

1006
00:48:00,800 --> 00:48:02,000
Speaker 5: So please don't be afraid.

1007
00:48:02,080 --> 00:48:05,439
Speaker 6: Nurses understand what to do in these situations and they're

1008
00:48:05,440 --> 00:48:06,279
Speaker 6: really good about it.

1009
00:48:06,400 --> 00:48:09,840
Speaker 5: At least that's been my experience. So go and get medical.

1010
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:12,480
Speaker 6: Help and make sure that you are getting tests for

1011
00:48:12,560 --> 00:48:14,799
Speaker 6: STDs or whatever it might be, so that you are

1012
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:18,120
Speaker 6: covering all your bases for the future. Go and get

1013
00:48:18,120 --> 00:48:21,839
Speaker 6: a pregnancy test if that is, you know, applicable, and

1014
00:48:22,600 --> 00:48:25,839
Speaker 6: just make sure that you're safe. The next thing is

1015
00:48:25,880 --> 00:48:28,440
Speaker 6: to surround yourself with people that love you and will

1016
00:48:28,480 --> 00:48:31,160
Speaker 6: support you no matter what. You don't need a single

1017
00:48:31,200 --> 00:48:33,120
Speaker 6: person in your life that's going to make you feel

1018
00:48:33,120 --> 00:48:36,080
Speaker 6: guilty for what's happened. And you don't need a single

1019
00:48:36,080 --> 00:48:38,279
Speaker 6: person in your life that's going to blame you for

1020
00:48:38,640 --> 00:48:39,799
Speaker 6: being in that situation.

1021
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:42,680
Speaker 5: So please don't be afraid to cut off contact.

1022
00:48:42,239 --> 00:48:46,240
Speaker 6: With people, because as a people pleaser or recovering people pleaser,

1023
00:48:46,680 --> 00:48:48,200
Speaker 6: it's really.

1024
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,960
Speaker 5: Hard to just be like, actually, no, I don't have.

1025
00:48:50,960 --> 00:48:53,040
Speaker 6: Time to catch up with you because I just leave

1026
00:48:53,080 --> 00:48:55,200
Speaker 6: that feeling drained and worse about myself.

1027
00:48:55,239 --> 00:48:57,479
Speaker 5: It's not useful for my recovery at all.

1028
00:48:58,040 --> 00:49:01,400
Speaker 6: So that was like a real vision process of my

1029
00:49:01,760 --> 00:49:04,040
Speaker 6: support group and my friendship group. Not to say that

1030
00:49:04,080 --> 00:49:05,719
Speaker 6: those people are bad, they're just not people that I

1031
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:09,560
Speaker 6: needed in my space at that time. So surround yourself

1032
00:49:09,600 --> 00:49:11,120
Speaker 6: with people that are going to love and support you

1033
00:49:11,160 --> 00:49:13,040
Speaker 6: and sort of push you in the right direction and

1034
00:49:13,080 --> 00:49:14,680
Speaker 6: be there for the days that you can't get up

1035
00:49:14,719 --> 00:49:18,640
Speaker 6: and do it yourself, and who are also responsive and

1036
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:21,600
Speaker 6: understanding when you're out in public and something triggers you,

1037
00:49:22,000 --> 00:49:24,280
Speaker 6: that they don't get upset with you, but they understand

1038
00:49:24,320 --> 00:49:27,440
Speaker 6: what's happening, and that you don't have to tell them

1039
00:49:27,480 --> 00:49:29,600
Speaker 6: all the details, but at least let them know that

1040
00:49:30,000 --> 00:49:32,560
Speaker 6: it could happen, so that they're prepared a little bit

1041
00:49:32,560 --> 00:49:35,279
Speaker 6: and can help you when that panic sets in and

1042
00:49:35,320 --> 00:49:35,919
Speaker 6: you don't know how.

1043
00:49:35,800 --> 00:49:36,560
Speaker 5: To help yourself.

1044
00:49:37,080 --> 00:49:39,720
Speaker 6: And then, obviously I'm going to say this to everybody,

1045
00:49:39,880 --> 00:49:43,279
Speaker 6: is when you're ready, go and speak to somebody, Go and.

1046
00:49:43,239 --> 00:49:44,319
Speaker 5: Get professional help.

1047
00:49:44,440 --> 00:49:48,560
Speaker 6: There's lots of free help lines, there's lots of services accessible.

1048
00:49:48,640 --> 00:49:51,399
Speaker 6: If you don't have the money to pay for a psychologist,

1049
00:49:51,560 --> 00:49:52,960
Speaker 6: or you don't want to leave the.

1050
00:49:52,920 --> 00:49:56,239
Speaker 5: House like, there are so many services out there.

1051
00:49:56,360 --> 00:49:59,000
Speaker 6: You just have to make that initial contact, and I

1052
00:49:59,040 --> 00:50:03,840
Speaker 6: know that's the hardest part, but there is nothing else

1053
00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:06,440
Speaker 6: that will help you work through that stuff, like having

1054
00:50:06,520 --> 00:50:09,440
Speaker 6: professional help, just giving you that framework for how to

1055
00:50:09,480 --> 00:50:12,719
Speaker 6: deal with your thoughts and those sort of that advice

1056
00:50:12,880 --> 00:50:16,280
Speaker 6: for when that panic sets in and when those moments

1057
00:50:16,360 --> 00:50:19,160
Speaker 6: really take you back to that situation, how do you

1058
00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:21,040
Speaker 6: bring yourself back to the present and how do you

1059
00:50:21,080 --> 00:50:23,640
Speaker 6: calm yourself down in a productive way so that you

1060
00:50:23,680 --> 00:50:28,279
Speaker 6: can continue living your life. It's not about getting over it.

1061
00:50:28,280 --> 00:50:29,480
Speaker 6: It's about moving.

1062
00:50:29,200 --> 00:50:34,080
Speaker 3: Forwards and working through it and not underestimating how important

1063
00:50:34,120 --> 00:50:36,600
Speaker 3: it can be to have those tools when all you

1064
00:50:36,640 --> 00:50:38,479
Speaker 3: want to do is not think about it, like you said,

1065
00:50:38,520 --> 00:50:41,360
Speaker 3: but bring yourself back and go, Okay, I have the

1066
00:50:41,440 --> 00:50:44,279
Speaker 3: tools to work through this. And as you said, I

1067
00:50:44,280 --> 00:50:46,799
Speaker 3: mean it's not going to be easy. Working through any

1068
00:50:46,880 --> 00:50:50,400
Speaker 3: trauma isn't easy. But having that trust in yourself and

1069
00:50:50,440 --> 00:50:52,640
Speaker 3: having the circle of people around you that you know

1070
00:50:52,760 --> 00:50:55,080
Speaker 3: that you can trust and that will be sympathetic to you,

1071
00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:57,360
Speaker 3: whether they know what you've been through or not, just

1072
00:50:57,480 --> 00:51:01,400
Speaker 3: knowing that that care is there. I just can't imagine

1073
00:51:01,560 --> 00:51:04,400
Speaker 3: going through this without other people around you that you

1074
00:51:04,440 --> 00:51:05,359
Speaker 3: can trust.

1075
00:51:05,400 --> 00:51:08,120
Speaker 6: And you know what, you don't have to do this alone.

1076
00:51:08,200 --> 00:51:10,279
Speaker 6: I thought I did for the first few months because

1077
00:51:10,280 --> 00:51:12,560
Speaker 6: I was so ashamed of myself and I was so

1078
00:51:13,280 --> 00:51:16,520
Speaker 6: in this cycle of blaming myself and feeling guilty. And

1079
00:51:17,160 --> 00:51:20,040
Speaker 6: when I realized that actually, I don't have to do

1080
00:51:20,080 --> 00:51:21,959
Speaker 6: this alone and it's not up to.

1081
00:51:21,920 --> 00:51:25,799
Speaker 5: Me to take the blame for this, absolutely not, that

1082
00:51:25,920 --> 00:51:27,480
Speaker 5: was like the most.

1083
00:51:27,320 --> 00:51:30,480
Speaker 6: Freeing part of the whole recovery was just this like

1084
00:51:30,560 --> 00:51:33,640
Speaker 6: sigh of relief, like, Oh, I don't have to hold

1085
00:51:33,640 --> 00:51:36,239
Speaker 6: it all together all the time, and I don't have

1086
00:51:36,320 --> 00:51:38,200
Speaker 6: to pretend like I'm.

1087
00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,319
Speaker 5: Not dealing with these things because I am. And they

1088
00:51:40,360 --> 00:51:42,280
Speaker 5: are messy and they are hard and it's okay.

1089
00:51:43,640 --> 00:51:46,080
Speaker 6: And I know that I'm anonymous on this podcast, but

1090
00:51:46,280 --> 00:51:47,759
Speaker 6: you know, I wish I could say, just send me

1091
00:51:47,760 --> 00:51:48,640
Speaker 6: a message on Instagram.

1092
00:51:48,680 --> 00:51:50,919
Speaker 5: I'm there for you, Like I've been there.

1093
00:51:51,000 --> 00:51:53,799
Speaker 6: I know what it's like, and anyone who knows me

1094
00:51:53,880 --> 00:51:56,239
Speaker 6: knows that they can reach out and ask me about it,

1095
00:51:56,280 --> 00:51:58,719
Speaker 6: and they their friends of friends have message been and

1096
00:51:58,719 --> 00:51:59,960
Speaker 6: be like, look, I've been in this situation.

1097
00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:02,480
Speaker 5: Can you give me tips for this or like, what

1098
00:52:02,560 --> 00:52:03,800
Speaker 5: did you do in this stage?

1099
00:52:03,840 --> 00:52:05,920
Speaker 6: And that's been such a privilege to be able to

1100
00:52:06,200 --> 00:52:09,960
Speaker 6: be in people's stories like that because of that shared experience.

1101
00:52:10,480 --> 00:52:13,319
Speaker 6: So yeah, I guess it is important to know that

1102
00:52:13,360 --> 00:52:15,000
Speaker 6: you don't have to be on your own if you

1103
00:52:15,040 --> 00:52:17,879
Speaker 6: want to be I understand that. I know that those

1104
00:52:17,920 --> 00:52:19,560
Speaker 6: feelings make you want to.

1105
00:52:19,480 --> 00:52:20,520
Speaker 5: Just shut yourself off.

1106
00:52:20,719 --> 00:52:22,880
Speaker 6: But the best thing you can do for yourself is

1107
00:52:23,560 --> 00:52:24,719
Speaker 6: work past that.

1108
00:52:24,960 --> 00:52:26,000
Speaker 1: Be aware that.

1109
00:52:25,960 --> 00:52:27,719
Speaker 6: Those feelings are there, but just go, hey, I'm actually

1110
00:52:27,760 --> 00:52:29,239
Speaker 6: going to get help anyway, and I'm going to tell

1111
00:52:29,239 --> 00:52:31,560
Speaker 6: a friend anyway, and I'm going to you know, pick

1112
00:52:31,640 --> 00:52:33,880
Speaker 6: up the phone when I'm feeling really down instead of

1113
00:52:33,920 --> 00:52:37,200
Speaker 6: just sitting by myself. And yeah, taking those steps to

1114
00:52:37,239 --> 00:52:39,920
Speaker 6: really open up to where you're comfortable.

1115
00:52:39,920 --> 00:52:42,560
Speaker 4: Because at the end of the day, what you're talking about,

1116
00:52:42,719 --> 00:52:46,359
Speaker 4: it's trauma. Yeape is trauma. Like regardless of whether you say,

1117
00:52:46,400 --> 00:52:49,080
Speaker 4: oh I'm fine, like you're not. You went through a

1118
00:52:49,280 --> 00:52:53,200
Speaker 4: significant trauma and at one point or another that's going

1119
00:52:53,239 --> 00:52:55,520
Speaker 4: to resurface and we need to deal with it. So

1120
00:52:55,640 --> 00:52:58,640
Speaker 4: regardless of whether you are feeling like you want to

1121
00:52:58,640 --> 00:53:00,759
Speaker 4: do it, you're like for on your own for a

1122
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:02,799
Speaker 4: little bit, that's okay. Like we all need our own

1123
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,600
Speaker 4: space and we all deal with things very differently. But

1124
00:53:05,800 --> 00:53:07,759
Speaker 4: if you have been through a trauma, you need to

1125
00:53:07,760 --> 00:53:09,799
Speaker 4: get some help for that. And even if it's just

1126
00:53:09,840 --> 00:53:12,279
Speaker 4: a few sessions with a psychologist and you're really good

1127
00:53:12,280 --> 00:53:15,920
Speaker 4: with it and it's okay. Knowing that you're okay and

1128
00:53:16,000 --> 00:53:18,640
Speaker 4: having been given a few tools and resources that maybe

1129
00:53:18,640 --> 00:53:21,000
Speaker 4: if something does come up again, like you can deal

1130
00:53:21,000 --> 00:53:24,440
Speaker 4: with it, or you didn't realize how it was actually

1131
00:53:24,480 --> 00:53:28,200
Speaker 4: impacting you, like you need to speak to someone regardless.

1132
00:53:29,080 --> 00:53:31,120
Speaker 4: The next question, And I know that this is a

1133
00:53:31,120 --> 00:53:33,080
Speaker 4: bit of a long money diary, but I just feel

1134
00:53:33,080 --> 00:53:38,160
Speaker 4: like it's such a powerful one. The ramifications from this

1135
00:53:38,360 --> 00:53:41,799
Speaker 4: incident for you have been insane, Like it is so

1136
00:53:42,080 --> 00:53:44,799
Speaker 4: unfair that you have been through all of this and

1137
00:53:44,840 --> 00:53:47,000
Speaker 4: then you know you have to go therapy, you've had

1138
00:53:47,000 --> 00:53:48,840
Speaker 4: to go to the hospital, you've been in a wheelchair

1139
00:53:48,880 --> 00:53:52,120
Speaker 4: for six months. What were the ramifications for the person

1140
00:53:52,120 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 4: who did this to you?

1141
00:53:53,160 --> 00:53:55,640
Speaker 5: Yeah, that's a really great question. I ask myself that

1142
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:56,280
Speaker 5: all the time.

1143
00:53:56,719 --> 00:54:02,080
Speaker 6: Look in my situation, we see added complexity of being

1144
00:54:02,120 --> 00:54:05,920
Speaker 6: part of the family and you know, having that connection.

1145
00:54:06,080 --> 00:54:08,719
Speaker 6: I really struggled over the decision of whether or not

1146
00:54:08,719 --> 00:54:11,880
Speaker 6: to formally report. I know that that's something that a

1147
00:54:11,920 --> 00:54:13,919
Speaker 6: lot of people wrestle with because it's not an easy

1148
00:54:14,000 --> 00:54:16,439
Speaker 6: choice to make, even if you don't know them, You're

1149
00:54:16,680 --> 00:54:19,560
Speaker 6: potentially going to have to talk about the incident publicly

1150
00:54:19,760 --> 00:54:22,560
Speaker 6: in front of police and courts and drag it up

1151
00:54:22,600 --> 00:54:24,879
Speaker 6: for yourself again and again. And for some people that's

1152
00:54:24,880 --> 00:54:27,839
Speaker 6: what they want, and I respect that one hundred percent and.

1153
00:54:27,800 --> 00:54:28,520
Speaker 5: I admire them.

1154
00:54:29,000 --> 00:54:33,120
Speaker 6: For me, though I couldn't bring myself to do that,

1155
00:54:33,400 --> 00:54:37,560
Speaker 6: I was like, I just knowing that the outcome was

1156
00:54:37,600 --> 00:54:40,879
Speaker 6: so unlikely to be in my favor because only three

1157
00:54:40,960 --> 00:54:44,120
Speaker 6: percent of these situations end up in a conviction. For me,

1158
00:54:44,200 --> 00:54:47,560
Speaker 6: it was like, that's not actually what's useful for my recovery.

1159
00:54:47,960 --> 00:54:52,319
Speaker 6: And I'm aware that for some people it feels like

1160
00:54:52,360 --> 00:54:54,879
Speaker 6: I'm letting that person get off scotfree.

1161
00:54:55,160 --> 00:54:58,200
Speaker 5: I'm not. I actually confronted them about it a few

1162
00:54:58,200 --> 00:55:01,000
Speaker 5: months ago and was like, I sat across from them,

1163
00:55:01,040 --> 00:55:02,920
Speaker 5: which was the hardest thing I've ever had to do,

1164
00:55:03,560 --> 00:55:04,719
Speaker 5: and I wrote them a letter and.

1165
00:55:04,680 --> 00:55:06,000
Speaker 6: I just read it to them and I said, I

1166
00:55:06,040 --> 00:55:09,000
Speaker 6: need you to understand exactly what your actions have meant

1167
00:55:09,000 --> 00:55:11,120
Speaker 6: for somebody else's life, and your family's life, and my

1168
00:55:11,200 --> 00:55:14,080
Speaker 6: family's life, because this is not just between you and me,

1169
00:55:14,200 --> 00:55:15,240
Speaker 6: this is so much.

1170
00:55:15,080 --> 00:55:17,759
Speaker 5: Bigger than that. And for you it may have been.

1171
00:55:17,680 --> 00:55:21,279
Speaker 6: Another Saturday, but for me, this has affected everything. You know,

1172
00:55:22,040 --> 00:55:24,200
Speaker 6: you just went to work the next day and carried on.

1173
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:26,640
Speaker 6: I lost all my money, I lost my ability to

1174
00:55:26,640 --> 00:55:30,200
Speaker 6: support myself, my ability to look after myself, I lost

1175
00:55:30,560 --> 00:55:33,240
Speaker 6: my faith in people. Like there's so many things beyond

1176
00:55:33,320 --> 00:55:38,960
Speaker 6: just that night. So we went down the more like

1177
00:55:39,760 --> 00:55:46,680
Speaker 6: rehab route than the professional like reporting route. And I

1178
00:55:46,760 --> 00:55:49,720
Speaker 6: don't have any problem with what people decide.

1179
00:55:49,760 --> 00:55:53,160
Speaker 5: I think it's totally up to you. But yeah, it was.

1180
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:56,319
Speaker 6: It was a hard decision to come to, especially when

1181
00:55:56,480 --> 00:55:59,040
Speaker 6: those feelings are there, like you just you want to

1182
00:55:59,080 --> 00:56:01,600
Speaker 6: see it's not even about revenge, it's just wanting to

1183
00:56:01,640 --> 00:56:05,200
Speaker 6: see them acknowledge and understand what they've done, because when

1184
00:56:05,239 --> 00:56:07,239
Speaker 6: you know them as well, it's like you're going to

1185
00:56:07,239 --> 00:56:10,320
Speaker 6: see them in the future. Like Perth is not that

1186
00:56:10,400 --> 00:56:12,640
Speaker 6: big of a place. I'm going to see him in

1187
00:56:12,680 --> 00:56:16,240
Speaker 6: the future, and I have to live with that. But yeah,

1188
00:56:16,360 --> 00:56:18,120
Speaker 6: to really get to a point where you can be

1189
00:56:18,160 --> 00:56:20,880
Speaker 6: comfortable with the decision that you've made, I'm still working

1190
00:56:20,880 --> 00:56:21,399
Speaker 6: towards that.

1191
00:56:21,480 --> 00:56:23,480
Speaker 5: I will be honest, Yeah.

1192
00:56:23,040 --> 00:56:25,680
Speaker 6: Because yeah, it does feel like you want consequences for

1193
00:56:25,719 --> 00:56:29,440
Speaker 6: that person. You want them to sort of experience what

1194
00:56:29,480 --> 00:56:32,960
Speaker 6: you've experienced, but that's never going to happen. Unfortunately, they

1195
00:56:33,120 --> 00:56:35,799
Speaker 6: have no concept of what you've been through, and that's

1196
00:56:35,840 --> 00:56:36,919
Speaker 6: the most frustrating part.

1197
00:56:37,000 --> 00:56:37,440
Speaker 5: I think.

1198
00:56:37,719 --> 00:56:43,160
Speaker 3: Yeah, and extending your emotional energy into somebody else that

1199
00:56:43,239 --> 00:56:47,160
Speaker 3: you have lost all of your respect for is another

1200
00:56:47,200 --> 00:56:51,280
Speaker 3: hard thing when you are so depleted and you're thinking, Okay,

1201
00:56:51,360 --> 00:56:54,719
Speaker 3: I'm running on one percent emotional energy currently. Do I

1202
00:56:54,800 --> 00:56:57,000
Speaker 3: want to give this person my one percent? Or am

1203
00:56:57,040 --> 00:56:59,360
Speaker 3: I going to hang on to that one percent and

1204
00:56:59,480 --> 00:57:02,520
Speaker 3: hope it cans and hope that I get that back,

1205
00:57:03,160 --> 00:57:05,400
Speaker 3: and you know, that lust for life back and that

1206
00:57:05,600 --> 00:57:08,120
Speaker 3: enjoyment and that trust for other people.

1207
00:57:08,200 --> 00:57:09,759
Speaker 1: And like you said, I.

1208
00:57:09,680 --> 00:57:12,680
Speaker 3: Can only imagine how difficult that decision was for you

1209
00:57:12,719 --> 00:57:16,840
Speaker 3: to come to. But I respect obviously your choice, and

1210
00:57:17,200 --> 00:57:19,680
Speaker 3: I really hope that that's worked for you, and that

1211
00:57:19,760 --> 00:57:22,840
Speaker 3: you said you're still working towards like that kind of

1212
00:57:22,880 --> 00:57:24,280
Speaker 3: coming to terms with everything.

1213
00:57:24,360 --> 00:57:25,600
Speaker 1: But I really really.

1214
00:57:25,400 --> 00:57:29,080
Speaker 3: Hope that that's coming soon, because, like Victoria said before,

1215
00:57:29,160 --> 00:57:30,840
Speaker 3: for you to be able to speak to this so

1216
00:57:31,040 --> 00:57:35,040
Speaker 3: eloquently and share your story and how it's impacted you,

1217
00:57:35,600 --> 00:57:38,280
Speaker 3: and everybody's story is different, and just thank you so

1218
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:40,400
Speaker 3: much for trusting us with it, because there are going

1219
00:57:40,480 --> 00:57:42,760
Speaker 3: to be people that are listening that have never had

1220
00:57:42,760 --> 00:57:46,320
Speaker 3: the confidence or you know, that emotional energy to talk

1221
00:57:46,360 --> 00:57:48,600
Speaker 3: about it or share with people that will have that

1222
00:57:48,720 --> 00:57:49,400
Speaker 3: because you've.

1223
00:57:49,240 --> 00:57:50,000
Speaker 1: Done this for us.

1224
00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:53,680
Speaker 3: So I just my heart, honestly is with you, and

1225
00:57:53,760 --> 00:57:56,120
Speaker 3: I can't believe that this is something you've gone through.

1226
00:57:56,160 --> 00:57:59,240
Speaker 3: But wow, like, look at what an incredible person you are.

1227
00:57:59,280 --> 00:58:01,320
Speaker 3: It's honestly just mind blowing.

1228
00:58:01,640 --> 00:58:05,400
Speaker 4: Look at you fly, honestly, and I couldn't agree with

1229
00:58:05,440 --> 00:58:07,720
Speaker 4: Tony Moore. I think the important thing there is that

1230
00:58:07,760 --> 00:58:10,800
Speaker 4: the power is in your hands, whether you decide to

1231
00:58:10,840 --> 00:58:12,360
Speaker 4: do it the way that you're doing it, or maybe

1232
00:58:12,360 --> 00:58:14,080
Speaker 4: one day you wake up and you go, no, I

1233
00:58:14,200 --> 00:58:17,840
Speaker 4: do want to report this. I it infuriates me to

1234
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:21,360
Speaker 4: think that our system is so broken that only three

1235
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:24,400
Speaker 4: percent actually go through and that as a victim of

1236
00:58:24,440 --> 00:58:28,520
Speaker 4: something like this, you're essentially fighting for your rights when

1237
00:58:28,560 --> 00:58:31,080
Speaker 4: you shouldn't have to because they've been violated in the

1238
00:58:31,120 --> 00:58:34,240
Speaker 4: first point. Yeah, it infuriates me, and I wish that

1239
00:58:34,280 --> 00:58:36,520
Speaker 4: there was more that we could do around this. And

1240
00:58:36,720 --> 00:58:39,760
Speaker 4: you know, if you're listening and you need help and

1241
00:58:39,800 --> 00:58:42,360
Speaker 4: you just don't know where to go. We're here where

1242
00:58:42,400 --> 00:58:44,600
Speaker 4: she's on the money, Like, We've got your back. Doesn't

1243
00:58:44,640 --> 00:58:47,120
Speaker 4: matter if it's finance or not. I've got your back.

1244
00:58:47,160 --> 00:58:49,880
Speaker 4: I will find the right place for you. I will

1245
00:58:49,920 --> 00:58:52,920
Speaker 4: be that friend that listens you slide into whatever DMS

1246
00:58:52,920 --> 00:58:55,160
Speaker 4: you want of mine, and we will make sure you

1247
00:58:55,240 --> 00:58:57,720
Speaker 4: go to the right place. I'm not the right place, like,

1248
00:58:57,760 --> 00:58:59,480
Speaker 4: I'm not going to be able to fix any of this.

1249
00:58:59,680 --> 00:59:02,080
Speaker 4: But you know, a lot of people who go through this,

1250
00:59:02,400 --> 00:59:04,720
Speaker 4: they feel like it's a burden. They feel like they

1251
00:59:04,720 --> 00:59:06,400
Speaker 4: don't want to reach out to their friends or their

1252
00:59:06,440 --> 00:59:09,280
Speaker 4: family and share that. Yet share it with me. It's okay.

1253
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:11,000
Speaker 4: I'm happy to hold that for you.

1254
00:59:10,920 --> 00:59:12,200
Speaker 1: And to be that first step.

1255
00:59:12,320 --> 00:59:14,840
Speaker 4: Yeah, and be that first step, Like, I'm so happy

1256
00:59:14,840 --> 00:59:17,320
Speaker 4: to hold that space for people if they need it,

1257
00:59:17,720 --> 00:59:20,760
Speaker 4: because I'm just so I feel so grateful for the

1258
00:59:20,800 --> 00:59:23,040
Speaker 4: privilege of being in the position that we're in to

1259
00:59:23,080 --> 00:59:26,040
Speaker 4: share these stories, but also know that we have such

1260
00:59:26,040 --> 00:59:29,360
Speaker 4: a positive impact on you know, our community and the world,

1261
00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:31,760
Speaker 4: and that you know people like you money Dirist, I

1262
00:59:31,800 --> 00:59:36,160
Speaker 4: want to use your name so much, you know, contribute

1263
00:59:36,200 --> 00:59:39,320
Speaker 4: to that to help our community through situations that might

1264
00:59:39,360 --> 00:59:41,800
Speaker 4: not just be financial, because at the end of the day,

1265
00:59:42,360 --> 00:59:46,800
Speaker 4: everything comes back to finance, everything, regardless of whether you

1266
00:59:46,840 --> 00:59:49,680
Speaker 4: believe it does or not. Money changes everything.

1267
00:59:50,760 --> 00:59:54,320
Speaker 6: Yeah, when all of your values and emotions and priorities change,

1268
00:59:54,360 --> 00:59:56,480
Speaker 6: that absolutely impacts your money.

1269
00:59:56,600 --> 00:59:57,920
Speaker 5: I've just demonstrated that.

1270
00:59:58,120 --> 01:00:02,440
Speaker 6: So for you guys, to have such an openness and

1271
01:00:02,520 --> 01:00:04,840
Speaker 6: approachability for people to share with you, I can only

1272
01:00:04,880 --> 01:00:07,840
Speaker 6: say thank you because you are doing You are opening

1273
01:00:07,880 --> 01:00:10,600
Speaker 6: up the biggest space, a safe place to talk, and

1274
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,200
Speaker 6: that is honestly all we want as survivors. That's like

1275
01:00:14,480 --> 01:00:17,840
Speaker 6: the best thing you can offer us is this openness

1276
01:00:17,880 --> 01:00:20,440
Speaker 6: to hear the story and not judge and just you

1277
01:00:20,480 --> 01:00:24,439
Speaker 6: know that I can't actually put towards how grateful I am.

1278
01:00:24,840 --> 01:00:26,320
Speaker 5: So thank you both so much.

1279
01:00:26,680 --> 01:00:30,720
Speaker 4: No, no, thank you. This stuff doesn't happen without you.

1280
01:00:31,160 --> 01:00:34,200
Speaker 4: This stuff doesn't happen without our money diarists being willing

1281
01:00:34,280 --> 01:00:36,960
Speaker 4: to share, like they think that that's the thing with

1282
01:00:37,080 --> 01:00:39,200
Speaker 4: money diarists. I get lots of dms like, oh, we

1283
01:00:39,240 --> 01:00:42,200
Speaker 4: want to hear a money diary on XYZ. Sorry, Like

1284
01:00:42,320 --> 01:00:45,480
Speaker 4: I'm not going to search out specific money diaries, like

1285
01:00:45,520 --> 01:00:47,960
Speaker 4: it's who's willing to share them, and if you've got

1286
01:00:47,960 --> 01:00:51,160
Speaker 4: a story, I would love to hear it. But Money Diarist,

1287
01:00:51,280 --> 01:00:54,080
Speaker 4: thank you for sharing your journey and being so open.

1288
01:00:54,480 --> 01:00:57,440
Speaker 4: As I said earlier, I'm just in awe of how

1289
01:00:57,480 --> 01:01:00,640
Speaker 4: you've bounced back, and I know that everybody listening is

1290
01:01:00,640 --> 01:01:03,840
Speaker 4: going to feel exactly the same. I'm so so proud

1291
01:01:04,240 --> 01:01:06,720
Speaker 4: that I get to call you a community member and

1292
01:01:06,760 --> 01:01:10,440
Speaker 4: now by an extension, a friend, like you're a friend

1293
01:01:10,440 --> 01:01:12,480
Speaker 4: of our community, you're a friend of me, and I

1294
01:01:12,720 --> 01:01:16,360
Speaker 4: just yeah, I'm just so grateful that people like you exist.

1295
01:01:16,440 --> 01:01:17,320
Speaker 5: Thank you so much.

1296
01:01:17,760 --> 01:01:21,120
Speaker 4: Again, I just can't tell you how important it is

1297
01:01:21,160 --> 01:01:23,640
Speaker 4: to share this story and how grateful I am that

1298
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:26,800
Speaker 4: you've shared it with us. It's just it blows my mind.

1299
01:01:26,920 --> 01:01:29,880
Speaker 4: But hopefully this has helped at least one person that

1300
01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:32,600
Speaker 4: is listening to this. But as always, guys, this is

1301
01:01:32,640 --> 01:01:35,240
Speaker 4: all we have time for today. So just before we

1302
01:01:35,320 --> 01:01:38,160
Speaker 4: head off, we'd like to acknowledge and pay respect to

1303
01:01:38,200 --> 01:01:43,080
Speaker 4: Australia's Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people's, the traditional custodians

1304
01:01:43,120 --> 01:01:47,200
Speaker 4: of the lands, the waterways and the skies all across Australia.

1305
01:01:47,640 --> 01:01:49,800
Speaker 4: We thank you for sharing and for caring for the

1306
01:01:49,880 --> 01:01:52,640
Speaker 4: land on which we are able to learn. We pay

1307
01:01:52,720 --> 01:01:55,439
Speaker 4: our respects to elders past and present, and we share

1308
01:01:55,480 --> 01:01:57,240
Speaker 4: our friendship and our kindness.

1309
01:01:58,040 --> 01:02:01,080
Speaker 3: The advice shared on ses on the Money generally nature

1310
01:02:01,120 --> 01:02:04,840
Speaker 3: and does not consider your individual circumstances. Shares on the

1311
01:02:04,880 --> 01:02:08,160
Speaker 3: Money exists purely for educational purposes and should not be

1312
01:02:08,200 --> 01:02:11,240
Speaker 3: relied upon to make an investment or any financial decision.

1313
01:02:11,800 --> 01:02:15,480
Speaker 3: And we promise that Victoria Divine is an authorized representative

1314
01:02:15,600 --> 01:02:19,840
Speaker 3: of Australia Pacific Funds Management Proprietary Limited ABN three four

1315
01:02:19,960 --> 01:02:23,360
Speaker 3: one three two four six three two five seven AFSL

1316
01:02:23,520 --> 01:02:26,560
Speaker 3: three three nine one five one And as everything that

1317
01:02:26,560 --> 01:02:28,520
Speaker 3: we've talked about today is quite sensitive.

1318
01:02:28,560 --> 01:02:30,600
Speaker 1: If that's brought anything up for you at.

1319
01:02:30,400 --> 01:02:32,919
Speaker 3: All, we have put a few resources into the show

1320
01:02:32,960 --> 01:02:34,720
Speaker 3: notes that you can have a look at. But you

1321
01:02:34,760 --> 01:02:38,560
Speaker 3: can always call our friends at Lifeline or reach out

1322
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:41,280
Speaker 3: to their chat function. They're very very helpful, very special

1323
01:02:41,360 --> 01:02:43,080
Speaker 3: humans and they can give you a bit of a

1324
01:02:43,120 --> 01:02:45,160
Speaker 3: hand with anything that you might be working through.

1325
01:02:45,360 --> 01:02:46,640
Speaker 4: See you next week, guys.

1326
01:02:46,960 --> 01:02:49,240
Speaker 1: Buy