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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the

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Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants.

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Speaker 2: Answers Now in terms of what it does for our

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Speaker 2: relationship and what it does for setting our course for

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Speaker 2: the future, it.

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Speaker 1: Just feels so invigorated. And now here's the stars of

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Speaker 1: our show, my mum and dad Today.

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Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Colson, the author of six books

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Speaker 2: about raising families to be happy. Sometimes I wonder if

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Speaker 2: it's actually possible. And here with my wife and co

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Speaker 2: hosts missus Happy Families, Kylie, Mum to our six daughters.

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Speaker 3: It's been a long week.

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Speaker 1: I'm so ready for the weekend.

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Speaker 3: Been a long week.

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Speaker 2: So this is our favorite segment every week. We kind

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Speaker 2: of say that every week, but we always look forward

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Speaker 2: to it because this is where we I kind of

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Speaker 2: feel like it's becoming the place where we go to

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Speaker 2: give an accounting of our week to be you know,

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Speaker 2: here's how it all went, Here's what worked, Here's what didn't.

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Speaker 2: But really the idea is we're interested in insights and

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Speaker 2: learning from the week how we can be better parents,

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Speaker 2: and we kind of share with you the ups and downs,

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Speaker 2: the winds and losses, the failings and foibles and also

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Speaker 2: the fantastic moments of our week.

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Speaker 1: I've got two this week, which.

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Speaker 2: Is kind of cheating. And you always roll your eyes

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Speaker 2: and think I talk too much?

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Speaker 1: But can I have to too?

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Speaker 4: Oh?

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Speaker 2: You do? Okay, Well, I'm going to go first, and

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Speaker 2: then are you now? Ladies before gentlemen? You go first?

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Speaker 1: You come on, you go first? I want to hear

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Speaker 1: we Well, the first.

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Speaker 5: One's actually a personal one, but I'm really excited. I've

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Speaker 5: been working hard at the gym, Yes you have. And

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Speaker 5: I have been looking at this lady who is doing

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Speaker 5: these box jumps like she's just an extraordinary She's doing

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Speaker 5: seventy centimeter jumps every time she's in the gym. I

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Speaker 5: can't even jump onto a step.

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Speaker 1: Really, no, Wow.

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Speaker 5: There are some muscles in my body. We won't talk

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Speaker 5: about which ones, but they actually don't work.

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Speaker 1: They just they literally do they actually not work? Or

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Speaker 1: are you just saying they don't work? They just does

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Speaker 1: your pet say they don't work? Yes? Or really?

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Speaker 3: Yes?

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Speaker 5: I have been told by numerous different specialists that I

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Speaker 5: have these muscles that just want to sit.

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Speaker 3: On their laurels.

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Speaker 1: Well, actually.

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Speaker 2: We're talking about your butt muscles, right, Your glutamer's Maximus.

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Speaker 1: They don't engage.

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Speaker 3: They just don't engage.

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Speaker 1: I want to sit there.

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Speaker 3: But I've been working really hard. Yeah, I've I've been sitting.

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Speaker 5: I've been working really really hard on these muscles to

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Speaker 5: engage them for about four weeks now.

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Speaker 2: Hopefully we're talking about engaging your butt muscles on the podcast.

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Speaker 5: And yesterday I had the biggest win ever. And the

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Speaker 5: reason it's a big win is because about six months ago,

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Speaker 5: when we took the kids camping, I tried to jump

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Speaker 5: onto a step like I'm talking, what fifteen centimeters off

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Speaker 5: the ground.

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Speaker 1: I don't think that that's even how high they are.

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Speaker 2: Oh, don't give me, Yeah, I'm serious. Anyway, go on,

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Speaker 2: I'm sure that a builder who's listing could tell us.

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Speaker 2: I know that's regulations.

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Speaker 5: Well, everyone else in the family could do it, and

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Speaker 5: I wanted to do it too, and I couldn't. I

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Speaker 5: literally could not take my two feet off the ground multaneously.

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Speaker 3: I had to jump up with one foot and then

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Speaker 3: the other.

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Speaker 1: Can you like skip rope or you just don't.

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Speaker 3: I couldn't even do that, and I said, love doing that.

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Speaker 1: So look at what getting old does to us.

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Speaker 5: Huh.

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Speaker 3: Yesterday, I have to tell you.

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Speaker 5: Yesterday, I was looking at this box chot and the

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Speaker 5: gym that I go to it has these small ones,

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Speaker 5: so they are about fifteen centimeters high, so it's not

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Speaker 5: even really a box.

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Speaker 3: It's just a step.

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Speaker 5: But I looked at it and I thought, you know what,

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Speaker 5: I really I just want to know if I can

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Speaker 5: do it. And so my EP told me to jump down.

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Speaker 5: It's like, oh, that seems stupid. She says, You're using

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Speaker 5: the same muscles, so just jump down. It's an easy start.

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Speaker 5: So I did ten jump downs.

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Speaker 1: This is the old edatoria. I jumped down a step ten.

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Speaker 1: I'm so proud of you, honey, that's great.

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Speaker 3: It's so horrible.

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Speaker 5: But then I thought, you know what, I'm going to

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Speaker 5: give it a go, and so I turned around and

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Speaker 5: I jumped up.

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Speaker 3: I actually did it. I jumped up.

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Speaker 1: What have we become as we get old?

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Speaker 3: Holy you're making fun of min owes.

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Speaker 2: You know what?

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Speaker 5: You know, this is a micro micro achievement for me.

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Speaker 5: But it's massive and I'm going to celebrate it even

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Speaker 5: if you won't.

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Speaker 1: No, I really am. I'm excited for you.

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Speaker 2: And in the moment when you sent me the video

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Speaker 2: of yourself jumping up onto whatever that boxy thing was.

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Speaker 1: I was ecstatic for you.

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Speaker 2: But listening to it now as we talk about it

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Speaker 2: in public, it does sound kind of funny, doesn't it?

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Speaker 1: Like you got to admit getting old.

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Speaker 3: It's not fuss.

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Speaker 2: Sometimes I think to myself, what would my fifteen year

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Speaker 2: old me think of me today?

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Speaker 5: Hey, well, I'll tell you right now, because my twenty

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Speaker 5: one year old was with me when I couldn't jump,

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Speaker 5: and when I sent her that video, she was really

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Speaker 5: proud of me.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I am too. I think that's great. Well, my

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Speaker 1: first I'll do better tomorrow is built on a.

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Speaker 2: Tradition that we have created for ourselves as a couple,

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Speaker 2: and I just I can't emphasize what a.

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Speaker 1: Difference this has made in our lives.

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Speaker 2: What happened several years ago was I was in a

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Speaker 2: business strategy meeting working out where we were going to

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Speaker 2: go with our business for the next quarter, and listen

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Speaker 2: to other people talking about where their businesses were going

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Speaker 2: to go for the next quarter, and I had this insight.

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Speaker 2: We spend so much time planning our businesses, our holidays,

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Speaker 2: our children's educations. We spend all this time in planning

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Speaker 2: all these kinds of things. But how much strategic planning

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Speaker 2: actually goes into our families. And so I came home

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Speaker 2: and talked to you about that, and I said, if

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Speaker 2: I'm going to have a quarterly business planning session, maybe

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Speaker 2: you and I should have a quarterly family planning session.

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Speaker 2: I'm in family planning, as in, how many kids are

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Speaker 2: we going to have for the rest of our lives?

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Speaker 2: I mean, how's our family going to survive? Once every quarter,

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Speaker 2: once every ninety days, once a term. What would it

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Speaker 2: be like if we sat down and said, what are

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Speaker 2: our key priorities, how do we realign our family with

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Speaker 2: our values? What are we going to do to keep

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Speaker 2: our family in check?

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Speaker 3: Did I roll my eyes? I can't remember.

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Speaker 2: No, you were all in because I said, this is

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Speaker 2: how it would look. We get somebody to look after

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Speaker 2: the kids for two nights and we go away somewhere

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Speaker 2: so that we can have good quality time together but

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Speaker 2: also have these conversations that matter.

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Speaker 3: And for the last you got me right there.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, for the last several years we've been doing that.

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Speaker 1: And I mean, for those of you who are not

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Speaker 1: familiar with.

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Speaker 2: This idea, basically, we stay local, so we're based in

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Speaker 2: Brisbane and we actually go and have two nights in

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Speaker 2: a local Brisbane hotel. We don't even get on an airplane.

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Speaker 1: We don't go to the.

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Speaker 2: Gold Coast or the Sunshine Coast and us we're really

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Speaker 2: living large. We stay local so that we can really

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Speaker 2: maximize the time that we have together. I know that

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Speaker 2: not everybody has the support from a family or a

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Speaker 2: nanny kind of point of view. We have missed plenty

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Speaker 2: of these quarterly getaways because we haven't been able to

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Speaker 2: rely on family.

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Speaker 1: But we were fortunate that your mum was.

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Speaker 2: Able to look after the kids last weekend and we

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Speaker 2: got away two nights just at a hotel in Brisbane.

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Speaker 1: And in terms of what it.

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Speaker 2: Does for our relationship and what it does for setting

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Speaker 2: our course for the future, I just feel so invigorated,

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Speaker 2: and I wanted to share that for any couple or

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Speaker 2: even any individual who wants to make sure that they

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Speaker 2: stay aligned to their true north, to their core, their purpose,

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Speaker 2: their focus, what they value because having a couple of

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Speaker 2: days where you can take some time out. Stephen Covey,

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Speaker 2: in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People calls

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Speaker 2: this idea sharpening the saw. You know, we're so busy

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Speaker 2: sowing sometimes that we forget that we need to stop

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Speaker 2: soaring and sharpen the saw so that we can be

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Speaker 2: more affective with our soaring. And I feel like we

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Speaker 2: can soar through the tree of term one so much

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Speaker 2: better as a result of this weekend away. So just

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Speaker 2: a quick idea. I've got to also add something to this.

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Speaker 2: I've got a good friend who is at the very

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Speaker 2: highest level in the executive of a major financial institution

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Speaker 2: here in Australia, and I was sharing this idea with

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Speaker 2: him when we got together a couple of years ago,

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Speaker 2: and he said, you know, that's a great idea.

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Speaker 1: I've never thought of doing that.

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Speaker 2: And just a couple of weeks ago we caught up

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Speaker 2: and he said, I've just come back from my quarterly

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Speaker 2: getaway with my wife and I said, oh, do you

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Speaker 2: do that? He said, yeah, you told me about it

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Speaker 2: on a bike ride a couple of years ago. He said,

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Speaker 2: this is one of the most powerful things that we've

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Speaker 2: ever done for our family or for our marriage.

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Speaker 1: I just love it.

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Speaker 2: So that's my first I'll do better tomorrow as a

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Speaker 2: bit of inspo, a bit of you know, get excited

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Speaker 2: about this, folks. I just can't emphasize how good I

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Speaker 2: feel that I got to have a couple of days away,

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Speaker 2: a couple of nights away with you, And how grateful

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Speaker 2: I am that your mum, in spite of the fact

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Speaker 2: that she needs a hip replacement, is going into the

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Speaker 2: hospital in the next couple of weeks, and your dad took.

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Speaker 1: Some time out to come and do that for us.

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Speaker 2: I feel really really grateful to them, but also really

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Speaker 2: grateful for that time away.

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Speaker 5: Well, we both hinted that we had an extra one

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Speaker 5: that we wanted to share, so maybe we can do

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Speaker 5: that after the break.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 4: Imagine a home where discipline got results without anyone having

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Speaker 4: to feel bad or in trouble. The Do's and don'ts

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Speaker 4: of discipline as a webinar to help parents set limits

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Speaker 4: with love, compassion, and humanity. Find it now at Happy

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Speaker 4: families dot com dot au slash shop.

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Speaker 2: Are you looking to give your kids a fun and

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Speaker 2: safe way to explore a new level of independence while

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Speaker 2: still staying connected.

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Speaker 5: The Space Took adventurer Watch provides phone calls, SMS, messaging

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Speaker 2: Water resistant and equipped with a heart rate monitor and

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Speaker 2: fitness tracker. The space Talk Adventurer is built tough to

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Speaker 2: withstand the daily activity of five to twelve year olds.

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Speaker 5: Space Talk does not give children access to social media

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Speaker 5: or apps and has school mode for distraction free learning.

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Speaker 2: And our ten year old daughter loves hers. We love

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Speaker 2: that She's got it. Available in four colors at major

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Speaker 2: retailers and online at space talk watch dot com.

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Speaker 5: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 5: poor parent who just wants answers now. And today we're

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Speaker 5: talking about the insights that we've had as parents. So

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Speaker 5: before the break we probably didn't share so much how

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Speaker 5: parenting insights, but some opportunities that we've had as individuals

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Speaker 5: and as a couple to connect and.

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Speaker 1: To improve and to make things better.

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Speaker 5: Yeah, but my parenting insight this week, things have been

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Speaker 5: pretty challenging with baby number six. Miss Emily has regressed

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Speaker 5: signific as we've gone through this COVID period of isolation

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Speaker 5: and a complete change up with homeschooling.

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Speaker 1: And a big summer holiday, a lack.

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Speaker 5: Of routine and all of those kinds of things, and

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Speaker 5: so as we've kind of gone back to school and

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Speaker 5: gone back to church, and we've started to see her

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Speaker 5: kind of in these I guess, more institutionalized spaces. She's

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Speaker 5: just really really struggling to realign herself.

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Speaker 2: And our family is not the only one struggling with this.

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Speaker 2: My Facebook page, parents that I'm talking to, they're saying, Ah,

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Speaker 2: the little ones especially are really struggling to get back

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Speaker 2: into what we expect of them, because especially for people

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Speaker 2: who are in Melbourne with the big lockdown, people who

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Speaker 2: are overseas who have gone through major shutdowns, it's been

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Speaker 2: really disruptive.

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Speaker 5: We've got this beautifully bright young girl, and she is

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Speaker 5: energetic and strong willed and independent, and these are all

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Speaker 5: qualities that I love and admire about her and hope

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Speaker 5: that through time she will continue to hone in and develop.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, but they can also be very inconvenient.

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Speaker 5: But as a six year old, they are very inconvenient

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Speaker 5: and can be very challenging to navigate. And so I

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Speaker 5: will admit I've been bracing myself. I've been waiting for

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Speaker 5: that phone call from the school or a conversation.

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Speaker 2: With the team, we're suspending your six year old because

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Speaker 2: she won't stop moving.

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Speaker 3: And it happened. It happened.

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Speaker 5: The other day, the teacher pulled me aside and just

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Speaker 5: you know, acknowledged that Emily was having a hard time

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Speaker 5: about things, and so we were able to have a

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Speaker 5: good conversation. But what came out of that was just

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Speaker 5: this opportunity for me. I can do one of two things.

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Speaker 5: I can sit back and I can beerate myself because

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Speaker 5: I'm such a bad parent and clearly my parenting skills

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Speaker 5: are just not up to the task. Or I can

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Speaker 5: reflect on the things that I know about my daughter

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Speaker 5: and about myself and us as a family, and I

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Speaker 5: can go back to basics. And so that's exactly what

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Speaker 5: we've done as a family. We've made some really really significant,

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Speaker 5: I guess decisions around supporting her because at the moment,

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Speaker 5: she's been lacking in structure, and now we've got structure,

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Speaker 5: and I need to just help her realign with that structure.

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Speaker 5: And yesterday I have to tell you I had a

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Speaker 5: couple of wins. And again there were a couple of

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Speaker 5: not so good wins in the day. There were some

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Speaker 5: really big challenges. But when I was able to sit

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Speaker 5: back at the end of the day and just reassess

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Speaker 5: where we were at with her and the accomplishments that

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Speaker 5: we made through the day. I was really grateful that

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Speaker 5: I could actually see improvement, so.

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Speaker 2: To take our message when things started to get a

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Speaker 2: little bit out of control back to basics. Yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 2: children respond so well to the secure, predictable routines of life.

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Speaker 2: This one's a challenging one for me to share, but

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Speaker 2: it's so important. I don't think that it's any secret

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Speaker 2: that COVID has had a fairly substantial impact on people's businesses,

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Speaker 2: especially someone like me who gets paid to travel around

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Speaker 2: the country and give talks to large audiences. Like that,

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Speaker 2: part of what I do for work has just vanished.

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Speaker 2: And while I wish that everything that I do for

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Speaker 2: parents I could do for free. I love having the

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Speaker 2: social media and the podcast and all the stuff that

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Speaker 2: we do, we do need to derive an income, and

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Speaker 2: therefore I give talks and I write books and that

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Speaker 2: kind of thing. But obviously the speaking stuff's just vanished.

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Speaker 2: The governments have brought in regulations for appropriate safety, and

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Speaker 2: some people would agree and some people would disagree.

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Speaker 1: I don't want to be political.

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Speaker 2: The short version of this, though, is that it's had

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Speaker 2: a significant and tremendously direct impact on the way we

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Speaker 2: provide for our family, and it hasn't all.

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Speaker 1: Been good news.

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Speaker 2: As we've entered this year, there's been some challenges associated

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Speaker 2: with that. In my stress levels have been a little

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Speaker 2: bit higher than normal. And the other day, our thirteen

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Speaker 2: year old and our ten year old started to have

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Speaker 2: a fight and it was just ugly, and I intervened

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Speaker 2: in a high stress moment. You know, my emotions were

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Speaker 2: very high. My intelligence went out the door, and I

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Speaker 2: treated my thirteen year old, our thirteen year old just horribly.

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Speaker 2: I did not behave the way I teach people to behave.

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Speaker 2: I left all of my intelligence at the door and

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Speaker 2: just went in their roarings, what's going on? And I

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Speaker 2: got it totally wrong, to the point where she was

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Speaker 2: in tears and she ran out of the room and

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Speaker 2: then she didn't want to ever see me again, and

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Speaker 2: she hates me and all that sort of stuff.

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Speaker 1: And then she had to go to school, and she

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Speaker 1: had to go to school in that frame of mind.

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Speaker 2: And I felt sick to my stomach. My heart was

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Speaker 2: exploding with sadness. So when she came home, the first

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Speaker 2: thing I did was I said, I really need to

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Speaker 2: talk to you, and she refused. She didn't want to

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Speaker 2: do it, and finally I kind of convinced, kind of

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Speaker 2: coerced her into our bedroom so that I could just

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Speaker 2: sit down with her. And there's something about apologizing to

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Speaker 2: your children that is so humbling and yet so precious,

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Speaker 2: and I just I had to do such a hard thing.

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Speaker 2: But I said to Annie, I just got it so

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Speaker 2: wrong this morning. And then I explained precisely what I

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Speaker 2: had done so she knew that I wasn't skipping over

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Speaker 2: the apology.

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Speaker 1: I told her exactly how I.

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Speaker 2: Had behaved, and then I spent some time telling her

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Speaker 2: how it left her feeling. It left her feeling scared,

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Speaker 2: left to feeling worried, It left to feel embarrassed because

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Speaker 2: she had to go to school with tears in her

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Speaker 2: eyes because she still hadn't been able to process and

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Speaker 2: work through it herself, and really stepped through the impact

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Speaker 2: of my loss of control as a parent, as her dad,

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Speaker 2: as someone she's supposed to trust on the rest of

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Speaker 2: her day. And then I said those four words that

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Speaker 2: I think every parent needs to practice and rehearse and

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Speaker 2: use when they have those moments. I said, Annie, will

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Speaker 2: you forgive me four words? She said, I'm not sure

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Speaker 2: and so I said, well, do you.

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Speaker 1: Mind if I give you a hug?

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Speaker 2: And she shrugged her shoulders and said I'm not sure.

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Speaker 2: And we spent another couple of minutes in conversation, and

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Speaker 2: then I asked her again, will you forgive me? And

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Speaker 2: this time she just broke down and put her head

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Speaker 2: into my shoulder and sobbed. And I thought, how grateful

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Speaker 2: I am for the opportunity to say sorry. It just

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Speaker 2: does such extraordins. Not just opportunity to say sorry, but

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Speaker 2: the opportunity to ask for forgiveness. I thought, if we

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Speaker 2: as parents, as we as partners, could use those four

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Speaker 2: words more often, I think that our families would be

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Speaker 2: much happier places. We're always going to break down in

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Speaker 2: our relationships. There will always be mistakes, even in the

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Speaker 2: very best families. There will be big blow ups and

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Speaker 2: challenges and errors.

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Speaker 1: But if we can.

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Speaker 2: Get repair right, we can restore our families to where

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Speaker 2: they should.

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Speaker 1: Be and maybe even move beyond.

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Speaker 5: Now.

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Speaker 1: We don't want this to be a pattern.

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Speaker 2: It shouldn't happen all the time, But that experience in

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Speaker 2: our bedroom with our thirteen year old that afternoon, it

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Speaker 2: was a really.

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Speaker 1: Hard thing to do as a dad.

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Speaker 2: But it was also one of the most beautiful things

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Speaker 2: that I've been able to do, So that was my

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Speaker 2: I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 3: It's amazing.

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Speaker 5: As we go throughout our week we have all of

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Speaker 5: these experiences, and sometimes we actually miss the learning that

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Speaker 5: we can take from them with out the opportunity to reflect.

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Speaker 5: So I love Fridays for that reason. I love being

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Speaker 5: able to reflect on the things that we've experienced together

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Speaker 5: and the way in which we can be better now.

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Speaker 2: We hope that this has provided you with a mindful

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Speaker 2: moment and maybe you could take a few moments yourself

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Speaker 2: to consider how you might be better tomorrow as you're

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Speaker 2: head into the weekend and get set to spend more

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Speaker 2: time with your family. We also hope that you really

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Speaker 2: enjoyed the podcast. We're here because we want to make

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Speaker 2: families happier. If you have enjoyed the podcast, we'd be

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Speaker 2: so grateful if you tell people about it, Share the link,

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Speaker 2: jump onto Apple Podcasts.

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Speaker 1: Leave a rating and review.

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Speaker 2: We really appreciate those five star ratings and reviews. Justin

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Speaker 2: Ruland from Bridge Media is the producer of the podcast.

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Speaker 2: Craig Bruce is our executive producer.

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Speaker 1: We thank them for their great work on the podcast.

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Speaker 2: If you'd like more information about how to make your

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Speaker 2: family happier, including how you can get ongoing monthly support

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Speaker 2: to help your family to thrive, please visit happyfamilies dot

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Speaker 2: com dot au