Speaker 1: It's the Pickup with Britt, Laura and Mitch. Here rush
Speaker 1: into Chemists Warehouse. This Father's Day for big brand fragrances
Speaker 1: at the lowest prices Chemists Warehouse great savings. Every day.
Speaker 1: It is time, guys for this. Ask Kat.
Speaker 2: So Ask gun Kat is a show favorite. We do
Speaker 2: it every Thursday, and it's where you, guys, you call
Speaker 2: in with your deep, your dark, your biggest problems and
Speaker 2: we do our best to answer them. Now we have
Speaker 2: a really, really hard one today. We have Tanya on
Speaker 2: the phone and she is having some parents, some problems
Speaker 2: co parenting with her partner's X.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Hi Tanyall, welcome to the Pickup.
Speaker 3: Hey guys, Hi, Hi, Danielle, Danye.
Speaker 1: What's happening.
Speaker 3: I'm just kind of co parent with the narcissist luck
Speaker 3: and I'm on the other end and it's my partner's
Speaker 3: ex wife. So I'm seeing it as the female watching
Speaker 3: the male get completely screwed, and you know, his children
Speaker 3: are being taken away from him and used as financial pawns.
Speaker 3: And I'm realizing how powerless I am. But all like
Speaker 3: men in these co parenting situations, I got them at
Speaker 3: a very young age, extremely close. So this has only
Speaker 3: kind of happened over the last year or so. Was
Speaker 3: so actively involved and we had them for so long
Speaker 3: and regularly, and then all of a sudden when they
Speaker 3: I guess became of age. It was just they were
Speaker 3: manipulated and mayde believe that they were only financially benefited
Speaker 3: for us and we don't have them anymore.
Speaker 2: So how old were they? And then what happened a
Speaker 2: year ago? Like what changed?
Speaker 3: Yeah, so their preteens kids test both parties. We get
Speaker 3: that we were acknowledged like one of the kids were lying.
Speaker 3: We thought we would address it. The other party had
Speaker 3: basically shared that information and manipulated this situation to go, well,
Speaker 3: they've gone through your personal devices, they've caught you out,
Speaker 3: and now they're like, well I don't want to come home.
Speaker 4: So when you say the kids are being used as
Speaker 4: financial pawns and against you in what capacity do you
Speaker 4: mean that is the X trying to get more money
Speaker 4: from you?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, so obviously through you know, your child support,
Speaker 3: you the kids have to stay a certain amount with
Speaker 3: the dad for them to I guess be considered as
Speaker 3: a contributor. Is not the dads have to pay more
Speaker 3: child support.
Speaker 4: Well, now do you think that she's trying to manipulate
Speaker 4: the kids to want to stay with her more to
Speaker 4: get more money.
Speaker 3: It's not thinking, it's one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: I think that all you.
Speaker 4: Can really do in this situation is the kids are
Speaker 4: going to look back and remember how they were treated
Speaker 4: by whom at this point. But if you are constantly
Speaker 4: not showing these kids that they are loved and supported
Speaker 4: and you know you will do anything for all them
Speaker 4: and they feel safe, then that is going to be
Speaker 4: powerful enough. When the time comes and the other mum
Speaker 4: is telling them these stories against you try and manipulate them,
Speaker 4: they're like, well, we actually have an amazing time when
Speaker 4: we're with them that we feel so loved and so safe.
Speaker 2: I know that they're preteens and maybe it's changed, but
Speaker 2: from my understanding, I grew up in a separated household.
Speaker 2: We had to do shared parenting with my dad. Even
Speaker 2: at preteens, you don't really have a choice around where
Speaker 2: you are at. It's still too young to make that
Speaker 2: decision for yourself, and so there should be some If
Speaker 2: you're not able to be able to get parenting access
Speaker 2: because that's being denied to you, there should be some
Speaker 2: other ways in which that can be. I don't want
Speaker 2: to go so far as say, man data, but there
Speaker 2: are rules around it where you know the kids are
Speaker 2: going to be co parented between the two houses, and
Speaker 2: I think in order to have that opportunity to have
Speaker 2: face time with them so that when they are with you,
Speaker 2: they know that they're not in trouble, because that seems
Speaker 2: like that's a big thing, is that they're so worried
Speaker 2: that they're going to get in trouble if they're at
Speaker 2: your house. But having them to exactly as it's said,
Speaker 2: like reinforce that they're not in trouble, reinforce that the
Speaker 2: love is consistent and that it's not conditional based on
Speaker 2: the way that they're behaving or what they're doing. And
Speaker 2: I guess the other big thing is is you can
Speaker 2: go through these periods where you think that this is
Speaker 2: going to be a static but in a year's time
Speaker 2: they will be older. The situation will continually change as
Speaker 2: they get a little bit older and as their understanding
Speaker 2: of everything changes too, And I think the only thing
Speaker 2: you can be is consistent with your love and your
Speaker 2: your adoration of them.
Speaker 4: And also last thing, kids, even if they're yours or
Speaker 4: their step children, it doesn't matter. At that preteen early
Speaker 4: teen age, they hate you regardless, Like every kid goes
Speaker 4: to that moment where they're going to hate their mum
Speaker 4: and they rebel and it does come back around, and
Speaker 4: it will because you sound like an amazing parent. So
Speaker 4: that's also. I know you feel horrible like you're the
Speaker 4: horrible stepmum. But we've all literally, I feel like especially females,
Speaker 4: but like girls, we all go through it.
Speaker 3: It's hard on Alan because you know we have and
Speaker 3: obviously you have to go back to courts now.
Speaker 1: Protes Yes, yeah, that's the problem.
Speaker 3: They do have their stay once they're past twelve, so
Speaker 3: it's hard because they miss them. And yeah, like the
Speaker 3: dynamics of our family have changed, you know, the pressure
Speaker 3: on our marriage, trying to support that relationship when these
Speaker 3: beautiful minds are being manipulated and said, it's horrible to
Speaker 3: think that that's what they're growing up to believe.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's tough. Telling keep us updated, Okay, our thoughts
Speaker 1: are with you and listen. If you want to get
Speaker 1: on the show like that, you can DM us on
Speaker 1: the pickup on the socials so you can write in
Speaker 1: the Pickup dot com dot Au. But that is a
Speaker 1: tricky situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, really is, isn't it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all right, guys were back after this here on
Speaker 1: the Pickup