1
00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:08,319
Speaker 1: One of the most popular books that I've been hearing

2
00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:11,000
Speaker 1: about is from the number one podcast on the planet.

3
00:00:11,039 --> 00:00:14,040
Speaker 1: Her name is mel Robbins and the book is called

4
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:19,440
Speaker 1: The Let Them Theory, The Let Them Theory, Kylie. Missus

5
00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:22,840
Speaker 1: Happy Families has spent the last couple of weeks diving

6
00:00:22,920 --> 00:00:27,240
Speaker 1: deep into this New York Times bestseller, and today we

7
00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,960
Speaker 1: tell you what that let Them theory is and what

8
00:00:30,000 --> 00:00:34,960
Speaker 1: it means for peace, serenity, calm, bliss and all the

9
00:00:35,000 --> 00:00:37,360
Speaker 1: good things in your life. I think I don't actually

10
00:00:37,360 --> 00:00:41,680
Speaker 1: know what Kylie's going to say. Stay with us, good day.

11
00:00:41,880 --> 00:00:43,960
Speaker 1: Thanks so much for joining us on the Happy Families podcast,

12
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:48,720
Speaker 1: Real Parenting Solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded

13
00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,720
Speaker 1: parenting podcast. We are Justin and Kylie Colson. All right, Kylie,

14
00:00:51,840 --> 00:00:54,800
Speaker 1: let's get straight into it. You're not the expert on

15
00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:57,400
Speaker 1: the let Them theory. Well, what's the actual title of

16
00:00:57,400 --> 00:01:01,560
Speaker 1: the book, they Let Them Theory? But let Them Theory? Okay,

17
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,560
Speaker 1: what is if you can tell me? Will you're not

18
00:01:04,600 --> 00:01:06,160
Speaker 1: the expert and didn't write the book, what is the

19
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,000
Speaker 1: let Them Theory?

20
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:10,120
Speaker 2: Well, I'm actually going to let mail tell you. I'm

21
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:12,280
Speaker 2: going to read a little excerpt from the beginning of

22
00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,880
Speaker 2: a book. Because it's just, it's such a profound thought.

23
00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,399
Speaker 2: If you're, if you're reading this book wanting someone to

24
00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:22,039
Speaker 2: mody coddle you and to speak gently, she is not

25
00:01:22,160 --> 00:01:26,840
Speaker 2: the person. She speaks hard truth and they can be

26
00:01:26,880 --> 00:01:27,560
Speaker 2: hard to swallow.

27
00:01:27,720 --> 00:01:29,720
Speaker 1: Slap in the belly with a wet fish. Yeah, a

28
00:01:29,720 --> 00:01:31,600
Speaker 1: little bit maybe across that a little bit maybe, But

29
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:32,320
Speaker 1: this is what she says.

30
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:36,520
Speaker 2: She says. The let them theory is about freedom, two

31
00:01:36,560 --> 00:01:38,240
Speaker 2: simple words, let them.

32
00:01:38,440 --> 00:01:39,280
Speaker 1: I thought you're going to say.

33
00:01:39,280 --> 00:01:43,040
Speaker 2: Freedom will free you from the burden of trying to

34
00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:46,319
Speaker 2: manage other people. When you stop obsessing over what other

35
00:01:46,360 --> 00:01:49,440
Speaker 2: people think, say, or do, you finally have the energy

36
00:01:49,480 --> 00:01:51,960
Speaker 2: to focus on your own life. You stop reacting and

37
00:01:52,040 --> 00:01:55,680
Speaker 2: start living instead of driving yourself crazy trying to manage

38
00:01:55,800 --> 00:01:58,520
Speaker 2: or please other people, you'll learn to let them. So

39
00:01:58,560 --> 00:02:01,120
Speaker 2: what does this look like? Imagine you're at work and

40
00:02:01,160 --> 00:02:03,920
Speaker 2: your colleague is in a bad mood. Instead of letting

41
00:02:03,920 --> 00:02:07,920
Speaker 2: their negativity affect you, you just say, let them. Let

42
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,600
Speaker 2: them be grumpy, it's not your problem. Focus on your

43
00:02:10,600 --> 00:02:11,640
Speaker 2: work and how you feel.

44
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,080
Speaker 1: I've got to cut you off for a sec. This

45
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,119
Speaker 1: sounds like that thing that I said to you about

46
00:02:15,160 --> 00:02:17,760
Speaker 1: ten years ago that really changed our relationship. I felt

47
00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:19,520
Speaker 1: like you were cranky at me. I felt like you

48
00:02:19,560 --> 00:02:21,640
Speaker 1: were going through a really, really really rough time. I

49
00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:23,720
Speaker 1: felt like I was doing everything I could to support

50
00:02:23,840 --> 00:02:26,200
Speaker 1: you and it wasn't working. And one day I said,

51
00:02:26,840 --> 00:02:28,239
Speaker 1: I'm not going to let you be in a bad

52
00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:30,320
Speaker 1: mood affect my mood. Like if I'm going to have

53
00:02:30,360 --> 00:02:32,960
Speaker 1: a good day, I'm having a good day, and I'm

54
00:02:33,160 --> 00:02:35,600
Speaker 1: satisfied to just let you have a bad day. But

55
00:02:35,800 --> 00:02:37,600
Speaker 1: I still love you and I'm here to support you.

56
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:39,480
Speaker 1: But you get to choose your mood.

57
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:43,079
Speaker 2: And I think, generally speaking, men are a lot better

58
00:02:43,240 --> 00:02:48,400
Speaker 2: at differentiating between someone else's emotion and their own.

59
00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:51,880
Speaker 1: So to detach, Okay, you're upset, you can be upset.

60
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:53,880
Speaker 1: I'm going to go about my day. That's kind of

61
00:02:53,880 --> 00:02:57,240
Speaker 1: what she's saying. That's what happens. Okay, So if my

62
00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,000
Speaker 1: mother in law drives me crazy, my mother in law

63
00:03:00,040 --> 00:03:01,000
Speaker 1: look at me and saying, well, if you want to

64
00:03:01,040 --> 00:03:03,320
Speaker 1: be upset at me, that's your choice. But I'm seventy

65
00:03:03,400 --> 00:03:05,000
Speaker 1: years old and I'm going to live the life that

66
00:03:05,040 --> 00:03:08,000
Speaker 1: I want to live. Yeah, this is the anti change.

67
00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:11,280
Speaker 1: Other people book got it just you do you?

68
00:03:11,440 --> 00:03:14,120
Speaker 2: So maybe your dad makes another comment about your life

69
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,960
Speaker 2: choices and it hits you like a brick. Instead of

70
00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:19,280
Speaker 2: letting it ruin your day, just let him. Let him

71
00:03:19,280 --> 00:03:21,560
Speaker 2: have his opinions. They don't change who you are, or

72
00:03:21,600 --> 00:03:24,520
Speaker 2: what you've accomplished, or your right to make decisions that

73
00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:28,120
Speaker 2: make you happy. The truth is, other people hold no

74
00:03:28,280 --> 00:03:31,120
Speaker 2: real power over you unless you give it to that.

75
00:03:31,280 --> 00:03:32,960
Speaker 1: I'm thinking of so many people we need to give

76
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:33,520
Speaker 1: this book case.

77
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:35,160
Speaker 2: Here's how it works.

78
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:36,000
Speaker 1: Are you still going?

79
00:03:36,320 --> 00:03:38,640
Speaker 2: When you stop trying to control things that aren't yours

80
00:03:38,680 --> 00:03:42,320
Speaker 2: to control, You stop wasting your energy. You recclaim your time,

81
00:03:42,440 --> 00:03:45,440
Speaker 2: your peace of mind, your focus. You realize that your

82
00:03:45,520 --> 00:03:50,680
Speaker 2: happiness is tied to your actions, not somebody else's behavior, opinions,

83
00:03:50,760 --> 00:03:53,760
Speaker 2: or moods. They let them. Theory will teach you that

84
00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:56,400
Speaker 2: the more you let other people live their lives, the

85
00:03:56,440 --> 00:03:59,200
Speaker 2: better your life gets. Yeah.

86
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:02,480
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, I love what's going on here. I love

87
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:04,760
Speaker 1: what the book is about. When I hear this, though,

88
00:04:04,800 --> 00:04:07,760
Speaker 1: one of the great challenges that I'm confronted with is

89
00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:10,960
Speaker 1: as a parent. As a parent, you can't just let

90
00:04:11,160 --> 00:04:13,560
Speaker 1: the Yes, you can let the kids have a big

91
00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:16,760
Speaker 1: emotional outburst. I'm really good at saying, you know what, kids,

92
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:18,720
Speaker 1: If you want to be upset about this, I get it.

93
00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:20,960
Speaker 1: I still love you. I'm trying to help you. But

94
00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,120
Speaker 1: if you don't want to talk to me, if you

95
00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:24,240
Speaker 1: want to be cranky, that's on you. I'm here when

96
00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,080
Speaker 1: you're ready. So I get that. But you also can't

97
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:30,960
Speaker 1: let your children go and behavior responsibly, you know, responsibility

98
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:31,920
Speaker 1: to socialize them.

99
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:35,000
Speaker 2: That's exactly right. Your role as a parent is to

100
00:04:35,160 --> 00:04:38,159
Speaker 2: parent them, so does to safeguard them and to yes

101
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:41,200
Speaker 2: and to them navigate. Yes.

102
00:04:41,320 --> 00:04:44,040
Speaker 1: Does she have any content about because.

103
00:04:43,800 --> 00:04:45,480
Speaker 2: You're not specifically in this.

104
00:04:45,360 --> 00:04:47,200
Speaker 1: Book, she does adult that adult.

105
00:04:47,279 --> 00:04:50,479
Speaker 2: That's exactly right, and she does acknowledge that a parental

106
00:04:50,520 --> 00:04:53,880
Speaker 2: relationship with your child is different, especially with young children.

107
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:56,800
Speaker 2: But she has something that you could go and look

108
00:04:56,880 --> 00:04:59,720
Speaker 2: on an ebook and have access to. There's just one

109
00:04:59,720 --> 00:05:02,680
Speaker 2: other that's really important when we think about the let

110
00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:06,360
Speaker 2: them theory, she said, too often people stop there at

111
00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:10,159
Speaker 2: letting other people have their emotions, have their opinions, But

112
00:05:10,200 --> 00:05:13,320
Speaker 2: there's actually more to it. There's two steps. So she said,

113
00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:16,760
Speaker 2: the let them theory isn't just let them. Yes, it

114
00:05:16,839 --> 00:05:20,599
Speaker 2: begins with these two words, but that's not the whole story.

115
00:05:21,080 --> 00:05:23,560
Speaker 2: Let them is just the first half of the equation.

116
00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:27,480
Speaker 2: There is a second, even more crucial step to this theory,

117
00:05:28,120 --> 00:05:32,800
Speaker 2: which is let me. So this book is actually not

118
00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:38,000
Speaker 2: about other people. It's about us and what we choose

119
00:05:38,080 --> 00:05:45,640
Speaker 2: to do following our acceptance of other people's behavior, opinions, thoughts, emotions,

120
00:05:45,920 --> 00:05:46,920
Speaker 2: and everything that goes with that.

121
00:05:47,480 --> 00:05:51,640
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, after the break, what Kylie loved most about

122
00:05:51,680 --> 00:05:54,599
Speaker 1: this book? Because my sense, Kyle is you liked it

123
00:05:54,640 --> 00:06:05,440
Speaker 1: a lot. Okay, Kylie, they'll let them theory, Mel Robins,

124
00:06:05,520 --> 00:06:08,200
Speaker 1: she's the number one podcaster globally. Wouldn't mind if we

125
00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,599
Speaker 1: were the number one podcast as globally. But we're not

126
00:06:10,680 --> 00:06:13,560
Speaker 1: there yet. Can everyone just tell everyone about this podcast

127
00:06:13,600 --> 00:06:15,080
Speaker 1: like I think we do a I think we do

128
00:06:15,120 --> 00:06:17,360
Speaker 1: a good pod. Jump online, leave us a five star

129
00:06:17,440 --> 00:06:19,080
Speaker 1: rating and review. Maybe that'll help us to move up

130
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:21,960
Speaker 1: the charts a little bit. Gee wiz, please please, pretty

131
00:06:21,960 --> 00:06:24,160
Speaker 1: please do it? Is this the bit where you say

132
00:06:24,200 --> 00:06:26,760
Speaker 1: just let them do what they want? Is that the

133
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:27,320
Speaker 1: bit what you said?

134
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:28,760
Speaker 2: I was about to say, maybe just write a bit

135
00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:29,159
Speaker 2: of book.

136
00:06:29,400 --> 00:06:35,920
Speaker 1: Oh I don't know. It hurt a lot. Okay, what

137
00:06:36,040 --> 00:06:38,440
Speaker 1: did you laugh most about? Mel Robins? They'll let them

138
00:06:38,480 --> 00:06:39,279
Speaker 1: theory book.

139
00:06:39,440 --> 00:06:42,359
Speaker 2: I'm going to share with you three main things that

140
00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:45,719
Speaker 2: I took away from this. The first one she calls

141
00:06:45,760 --> 00:06:50,520
Speaker 2: hacking your stress response. She says, the moment anything happens

142
00:06:50,520 --> 00:06:54,799
Speaker 2: that stresses you out, literally say the words let them

143
00:06:55,360 --> 00:06:59,520
Speaker 2: put yourself in pause, then say let me and take

144
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:04,920
Speaker 2: a breath, Let me take another breath, slow your stress response,

145
00:07:05,320 --> 00:07:09,800
Speaker 2: calm your body and brain down, take control and regain

146
00:07:10,120 --> 00:07:16,240
Speaker 2: your power. I love the fact that she just in

147
00:07:16,280 --> 00:07:20,680
Speaker 2: these few simple steps, what happens when somebody aggravates.

148
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:26,120
Speaker 1: Us, Well, we respond reactively. We I mean, sometimes we

149
00:07:26,160 --> 00:07:28,680
Speaker 1: ignore it. Sometimes you turn against or turn away. Right,

150
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,640
Speaker 1: That's the way that I normally talk about it.

151
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:33,360
Speaker 2: If you're not a confrontational person, you might not actually

152
00:07:33,400 --> 00:07:37,360
Speaker 2: have anything to do with the perpose. You will ruminate

153
00:07:38,080 --> 00:07:41,920
Speaker 2: over that, you'll keep going over the conversation I should.

154
00:07:41,680 --> 00:07:43,560
Speaker 1: Have said that thing instead.

155
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:47,840
Speaker 2: Exactly exactly, And so we actually number one, give our

156
00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:52,080
Speaker 2: power to them. All of our energy is focused on

157
00:07:52,480 --> 00:07:56,200
Speaker 2: that scenario, and we can no longer move forward in

158
00:07:56,280 --> 00:08:01,120
Speaker 2: positive ways. And the idea and the science back behind

159
00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:06,840
Speaker 2: taking a breath and stopping ourselves between stimulus and response

160
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:12,600
Speaker 2: is so powerful. And I just love the reminder that

161
00:08:12,720 --> 00:08:16,800
Speaker 2: I get to regain my power by acknowledging. I can't

162
00:08:16,880 --> 00:08:20,280
Speaker 2: change you, but I can change how I choose to

163
00:08:20,360 --> 00:08:21,600
Speaker 2: see this and respond to it.

164
00:08:21,840 --> 00:08:22,120
Speaker 1: Love it.

165
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:27,040
Speaker 2: Number two, the power of let me. This is really

166
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:28,119
Speaker 2: this is so good.

167
00:08:28,760 --> 00:08:30,760
Speaker 1: I love that you're over this book. I love seeing

168
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,440
Speaker 1: you enjoy a book. It's been at ages since I've

169
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:33,760
Speaker 1: seen this, she said.

170
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:38,160
Speaker 2: Regardless of what circumstances and situations of which you find yourself,

171
00:08:38,240 --> 00:08:41,080
Speaker 2: using the let them theory, you'll learn that no matter

172
00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:44,920
Speaker 2: how big the problem is or how stressful something feels,

173
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:48,240
Speaker 2: there's always something you can do through your actions and

174
00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,120
Speaker 2: attitudes to make it better. That is the power of

175
00:08:51,200 --> 00:08:53,960
Speaker 2: let me. You can't control everyone around you, or the

176
00:08:53,960 --> 00:08:56,200
Speaker 2: world at large, or what people are doing at the park,

177
00:08:56,440 --> 00:09:00,480
Speaker 2: but you can always control what you say, what you think, think,

178
00:09:00,960 --> 00:09:02,760
Speaker 2: or what you do in response.

179
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,199
Speaker 1: I've got to jump in on you with what you're

180
00:09:05,200 --> 00:09:07,679
Speaker 1: talking about here. This is the ultimate don't be a

181
00:09:07,760 --> 00:09:11,320
Speaker 1: victim book. That's what I'm hearing you say. I know

182
00:09:11,400 --> 00:09:13,880
Speaker 1: that that sounds really offensive, and some people, well, like

183
00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,559
Speaker 1: I say, for what I'm saying, but you said this.

184
00:09:15,559 --> 00:09:18,120
Speaker 2: Is I said that at the beginning, She says some.

185
00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,079
Speaker 1: Like she hard truths, really hard truth.

186
00:09:21,679 --> 00:09:25,960
Speaker 2: Even to the point that you are in the wrong. Yeah,

187
00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:28,720
Speaker 2: like literally you were in the wrong. If you're feeling

188
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,280
Speaker 2: x Y and Z about x y and Z, then

189
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:32,320
Speaker 2: you're in the wrong.

190
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:36,360
Speaker 1: I'm hearing take responsibility for you and let other people

191
00:09:36,360 --> 00:09:39,760
Speaker 1: be themselves. Does she make the point that if people

192
00:09:39,840 --> 00:09:42,239
Speaker 1: really cross the line, that you have to act though.

193
00:09:42,320 --> 00:09:45,880
Speaker 2: Yes, of course she acknowledges you're not supposed to be

194
00:09:45,920 --> 00:09:48,960
Speaker 2: a doormat, But that's where you get to decide. Am

195
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,440
Speaker 2: I going to stay in this relationship? Is this a

196
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,440
Speaker 2: relationship that builds me, lifts me up?

197
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,440
Speaker 1: Am I going to put a boundary in here and

198
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:56,840
Speaker 1: say you've just crossed the line?

199
00:09:57,000 --> 00:09:57,320
Speaker 2: Yes?

200
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:57,920
Speaker 1: All right, great?

201
00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:58,280
Speaker 2: Yes?

202
00:09:58,280 --> 00:09:59,920
Speaker 1: What's the third thing? We are nearly out of time,

203
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,920
Speaker 1: and I feel like I need to pick up this

204
00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:03,520
Speaker 1: book and read it as well. It sounds like fun.

205
00:10:03,720 --> 00:10:08,400
Speaker 2: The last thing that she makes is don't be the

206
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:12,800
Speaker 2: person who bends over backwards to make everyone happy. She said,

207
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:16,559
Speaker 2: someone is always going to be disappointed by the decisions

208
00:10:16,600 --> 00:10:20,560
Speaker 2: that you make. This is so powerful and as she

209
00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:25,760
Speaker 2: shared the experience that led her to this belief. I

210
00:10:25,880 --> 00:10:28,120
Speaker 2: was just thinking about all the times I have done this.

211
00:10:28,240 --> 00:10:29,720
Speaker 1: Give me the short version of the experience.

212
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:34,800
Speaker 2: So one weekend, her best friend is having a milestone birthday.

213
00:10:35,120 --> 00:10:37,959
Speaker 2: They're going away for the weekend. It's a four hour

214
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:43,200
Speaker 2: drive in one direction. But months previous to this, there's

215
00:10:43,200 --> 00:10:47,599
Speaker 2: another commitment invitation. Her parents have acknowledged that her grandparents

216
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,720
Speaker 2: will be in town and she's promised that she will

217
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:54,760
Speaker 2: be with them for the weekend. So torn her totally torn.

218
00:10:55,040 --> 00:10:57,360
Speaker 2: Number One, she wants to be a good friend, but

219
00:10:57,440 --> 00:11:00,360
Speaker 2: she also wants to be a good daughter and a

220
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:05,200
Speaker 2: grand grand So she decides there's only one solution. She's

221
00:11:05,240 --> 00:11:07,520
Speaker 2: going to drive the four hours to spend the night

222
00:11:07,559 --> 00:11:11,199
Speaker 2: with her best friend and the girls get completely sloshed,

223
00:11:11,600 --> 00:11:14,360
Speaker 2: have asleep, wake up the next morning, and while everyone's

224
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:17,200
Speaker 2: still sleeping it off. She gets in the car and

225
00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,360
Speaker 2: she drives to her mom's place. It's not until a

226
00:11:20,360 --> 00:11:22,520
Speaker 2: few days later that she's catching up with her friends

227
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:26,439
Speaker 2: and somebody acknowledges that the birthday girl was really disappointed

228
00:11:26,440 --> 00:11:28,959
Speaker 2: and made the comment that why did she even bother

229
00:11:29,360 --> 00:11:30,240
Speaker 2: to show up if.

230
00:11:30,120 --> 00:11:31,480
Speaker 1: She could, if she was going to leave the next

231
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:32,320
Speaker 1: morning weekend.

232
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:36,240
Speaker 2: Yeah. Meantime, when she showed up at her parents' house,

233
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:38,440
Speaker 2: her mum gave her a big hug and whispered in

234
00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 2: her ear, I need you to know, Grandma was really

235
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:42,440
Speaker 2: disappointed you here last night.

236
00:11:43,720 --> 00:11:46,360
Speaker 1: Just keep it to yourself, Mom, like, can you see?

237
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:49,560
Speaker 2: Can you see just in that situation, she's tried in

238
00:11:49,640 --> 00:11:52,960
Speaker 2: her in the only way she knows how to please

239
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:55,439
Speaker 2: both people and please know it, and she hasn't pleased

240
00:11:55,480 --> 00:11:56,839
Speaker 2: to send and no one has.

241
00:11:56,960 --> 00:11:59,960
Speaker 1: The sad thing about that for me is there's no gratitude,

242
00:12:00,200 --> 00:12:03,679
Speaker 1: there's no grace. That's right. People aren't saying Mel's got

243
00:12:03,679 --> 00:12:05,800
Speaker 1: so much on and at least she made the time

244
00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,000
Speaker 1: to do something. Instead, they're saying, why did she bother it?

245
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,440
Speaker 1: I mean, to me, that's that's an indictment on them.

246
00:12:10,640 --> 00:12:14,600
Speaker 1: And Mel needs new relatives and new friends, draw some

247
00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:15,720
Speaker 1: boundaries mail robins.

248
00:12:15,840 --> 00:12:18,120
Speaker 2: But as I read that, I was thinking of all

249
00:12:18,240 --> 00:12:22,199
Speaker 2: the times that I have turned my life upside down,

250
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:25,760
Speaker 2: twisted into one hundred different knots and like a breath,

251
00:12:26,040 --> 00:12:31,680
Speaker 2: directions to please everyone, and I've had similar outcomes, and

252
00:12:31,760 --> 00:12:37,080
Speaker 2: I'm left feeling less than whole and seriously upset. And

253
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:42,679
Speaker 2: disappointed that there is just no grace of it in

254
00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:46,440
Speaker 2: spite of my very best efforts. It's not enough cheer.

255
00:12:46,960 --> 00:12:50,160
Speaker 2: And so the things that I love about this book

256
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,360
Speaker 2: the acknowledgment that I can't change anyone else. This is

257
00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:59,920
Speaker 2: not new, This is not new. But in me take

258
00:13:00,200 --> 00:13:06,199
Speaker 2: on that thought process of let them. I literally am

259
00:13:06,320 --> 00:13:09,000
Speaker 2: able to just say you have every right to feel

260
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,320
Speaker 2: that way. I know you're disappointed that I didn't get

261
00:13:11,360 --> 00:13:14,199
Speaker 2: to spend the weekend with you, but I feel good

262
00:13:14,360 --> 00:13:16,600
Speaker 2: about the decision I made to come and spend time

263
00:13:16,640 --> 00:13:16,920
Speaker 2: with you.

264
00:13:17,000 --> 00:13:20,240
Speaker 1: We're out of time, But I've got a question for you. Yes,

265
00:13:20,679 --> 00:13:22,520
Speaker 1: have you been using any of the let them theory

266
00:13:22,559 --> 00:13:24,160
Speaker 1: on me or our kids?

267
00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:27,400
Speaker 2: No? I haven't, But I've had I've had a situation

268
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:30,000
Speaker 2: just in the last few weeks. It has been really

269
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,800
Speaker 2: troubling for me, and for a handful of days, I've

270
00:13:32,840 --> 00:13:37,200
Speaker 2: really been ruminating over the way other people have chosen

271
00:13:37,240 --> 00:13:41,680
Speaker 2: to respond to a decision that I made. And the

272
00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,960
Speaker 2: problem is we know why we make the decisions we make.

273
00:13:45,240 --> 00:13:49,719
Speaker 1: Yeah, when you intimately trying to be helpful, that's right, and.

274
00:13:49,640 --> 00:13:52,559
Speaker 2: You're thinking about everybody being a people pleaser, I'm thinking

275
00:13:52,559 --> 00:13:55,400
Speaker 2: about everyone and trying to make everybody happy in the scenario.

276
00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:57,600
Speaker 2: But there are plenty of people who are not happy

277
00:13:57,640 --> 00:14:00,280
Speaker 2: with the decision that I made, and I was getting

278
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:02,160
Speaker 2: myself all worked up about it, and then I woke

279
00:14:02,240 --> 00:14:03,960
Speaker 2: up one morning and I just thought, you know what,

280
00:14:04,240 --> 00:14:06,840
Speaker 2: Let them. It's okay that they feel this way. No,

281
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:08,880
Speaker 2: not from A. It's not from A.

282
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,560
Speaker 1: It's not a smug arrogance in your face. Let them.

283
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,880
Speaker 2: It literally is. I can see why you would feel

284
00:14:14,880 --> 00:14:18,280
Speaker 2: that way. It's okay that you feel that way. That's

285
00:14:18,440 --> 00:14:21,240
Speaker 2: not why I made the decision, and I didn't make

286
00:14:21,280 --> 00:14:24,320
Speaker 2: it with that intent, but I can see how that

287
00:14:24,400 --> 00:14:28,080
Speaker 2: decision may have impacted you in that way, and that's okay.

288
00:14:28,200 --> 00:14:32,280
Speaker 2: It's not mine to fix it's that's theirs. My role

289
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:37,200
Speaker 2: is to take control of the things I can control.

290
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,920
Speaker 2: I can't control them, but I can control how I think,

291
00:14:41,160 --> 00:14:43,720
Speaker 2: how I choose to respond, and how I act.

292
00:14:44,040 --> 00:14:47,160
Speaker 1: The let them theory by Mel Robbins is Kylie Colson's

293
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:52,720
Speaker 1: new favorite book, Call It's Pretty Good. We will into

294
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,920
Speaker 1: it in the show notes. If you would like to

295
00:14:55,160 --> 00:14:58,120
Speaker 1: click on the link and grab a copy. The Happy

296
00:14:58,160 --> 00:15:01,200
Speaker 1: Families podcast is produced by Justin from bridge Media, and

297
00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:04,080
Speaker 1: if you'd like more information about making your family happier

298
00:15:04,080 --> 00:15:08,240
Speaker 1: and navigating those tricky relationships, jump online to Happy Families

299
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:09,400
Speaker 1: dot com, dot a