Speaker 1: It's the pick up around Australia with Britt Laura and Mitcheer. Hello, Hi, welcome,
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Speaker 1: feel in like a bit of therapy.
Speaker 2: Oh therapy Thursday.
Speaker 1: We love it.
Speaker 2: This is ask on Cut sections.
Speaker 1: Let's jump in Askat.
Speaker 2: We do this every week on our podcast Life on
Speaker 2: Cut podcast where you guys ride in your deepest, darkest
Speaker 2: burning questions and we do our best to answer them.
Speaker 2: And we have someone that's called in this week.
Speaker 3: Beck Hi beck, I beg.
Speaker 4: Hi, guys, I'm it's so exciting to be talking to you.
Speaker 4: Please give me. I've got a call. I had a
Speaker 4: call to Oh it's the worst nay voice, But I've
Speaker 4: got a question for you. So do I change my
Speaker 4: last name? Basically, my partner and I we've been together
Speaker 4: for five years and we got engaged finally at the
Speaker 4: start of this year, and our wedding is not too
Speaker 4: fast around the corner. It's in February. I had told
Speaker 4: my partner that I would absolutely change my last name.
Speaker 4: And take his However, as we're getting closer to the wedding,
Speaker 4: I'm getting cold feet and I'm feeling really nervous.
Speaker 2: About it, about the wedding or the name chan.
Speaker 4: More the name change because femininely child, my dad, his
Speaker 4: sibling is. He only has a sister. So my situation
Speaker 4: is if I take his name, like yeah, yeah, basically
Speaker 4: it ends with me.
Speaker 3: So what have you spoken to your partner about not
Speaker 3: wanting to take his name or that you are feeling
Speaker 3: like you're having a bit of a change of heart.
Speaker 4: Well, no, not yet, because I think he'll be a
Speaker 4: bit upset because I always said I would, and I
Speaker 4: think he won't understand why I would change my name.
Speaker 4: I did make a joke the other day about hyphenating
Speaker 4: and he was like, wait.
Speaker 2: What, And I think I think a hyphen's a happy medium. Look,
Speaker 2: the whole taking the man's name is very archaic. It
Speaker 2: always has been. It's just it's just what society expects
Speaker 2: of us. No one even knows why we do it anymore.
Speaker 2: It's just what we've been told to do, so we
Speaker 2: do it. I think trying to approach the hyphen if
Speaker 2: nothing else, so you don't have to completely change.
Speaker 3: But what are you going to do in the instance
Speaker 3: if you guys have kids, So say you do keep
Speaker 3: your name and then you have children together, what last
Speaker 3: name would you give the kids?
Speaker 4: This is this is the other thing I don't I
Speaker 4: would assume they just have to take his name.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the thing. Why do you have to assume? Also,
Speaker 1: this is what I hate about this whole situation. Why
Speaker 1: does this have to happen? I understand the patriarchy, We're
Speaker 1: not going to destroy it in the three pm pick up,
Speaker 1: But I just feel, what do you want to do back?
Speaker 1: Do you want to keep your surname or not? If
Speaker 1: it ends with you? Does that upset you?
Speaker 4: It kind of does. And I feel like it's so
Speaker 4: nice that I have the same nickname as my dad
Speaker 4: because our surname' is good Liss. What's fun to be
Speaker 4: called Goodie?
Speaker 1: Then keep it? Then My answer is keep it because
Speaker 1: if that's how you feel, keep it. And you have
Speaker 1: to have a conversation with your husband.
Speaker 3: It's so hard because what if you know you have
Speaker 3: had these conversations all the way, you are obviously engaged now,
Speaker 3: and then you worry that when you do speak to
Speaker 3: him that he's going to react badly to it, like, well.
Speaker 1: It's not the right partner, even totally.
Speaker 3: I mean that's very easy to say though, Like you know,
Speaker 3: and Beck is actually living this. So if you do
Speaker 3: broach this conversation with him, do you feel that he
Speaker 3: will just be disappointed? Do you think he's going to
Speaker 3: want to call the wedding off? Like, what do you
Speaker 3: think will be his level of frustration?
Speaker 4: I think I don't think he would call the wedding off.
Speaker 4: I do think he would be really disappointed, and I
Speaker 4: think I get the feeling he would take it quite personally.
Speaker 2: I mean, I don't know your fiance, but I would
Speaker 2: think if he's going to pull the pin on the
Speaker 2: wedding over you broaching this.
Speaker 1: Then it's probably perfectly honest. He needs to and I'm
Speaker 1: sure he's a lovely person, Beck, but he needs to
Speaker 1: understand the nw once of why you, why it's important
Speaker 1: to you. I'm going to end up marrying a man
Speaker 1: one day. We're going to keep our names. Means nothing
Speaker 1: to us, and that's only because we have the privilege
Speaker 1: of being two men. He just needs to understand what
Speaker 1: is actually at play here. And I think regardless of
Speaker 1: whether or not you choose to keep your name. He
Speaker 1: needs to understand why it's important if.
Speaker 3: You want to Beck speaking experience, I am. I got
Speaker 3: married to my husband last year. His last name's Johnson,
Speaker 3: and I've remained a burn and both of our little
Speaker 3: girls have the last name Johnson Matt. When we originally
Speaker 3: got together, he very much said that he wanted us
Speaker 3: to have the same name in the household. He wanted
Speaker 3: me to take his name, and I sat down and
Speaker 3: had an honest conversation with him about how I really
Speaker 3: felt attached to my name and I really wanted to
Speaker 3: keep it, and I was so surprised by how okay
Speaker 3: he was with it once he realized how important it
Speaker 3: was to me, and he never pushed back. So you
Speaker 3: may be pleasantly surprised, but I think if you're just
Speaker 3: doing it because you don't want to disappoint him, but
Speaker 3: it doesn't feel authentic for you, then I think it's
Speaker 3: a really important conversation that you should.
Speaker 4: Have, oh thanks to but actually makes me feel so
Speaker 4: much better. I'm going to tell him. Laura said, yeah,
Speaker 4: did you tell him?
Speaker 1: Laura Burn said so, no, but sorry.
Speaker 2: In your situation, Laura, Matt, your husband didn't change his
Speaker 2: name to Burn. So if you want all the same
Speaker 2: name as a family, that's where it comes to the issue.
Speaker 4: I don't mind. It's like we have kids. We obviously
Speaker 4: want to have kids together, and he would want the
Speaker 4: kids to have his name. It's just more maybe my name.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that was the sacrifice we made as well.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh no, that's really good to know. That don't
Speaker 4: so much better.
Speaker 1: And if the relationship falls apart, just blame Laura Burn. Yes,
Speaker 1: you know she's the one who pushed you in the end,
Speaker 1: Laura Johnson.
Speaker 3: She doesn't exists so much.
Speaker 1: If you want to get in touch, you can hit
Speaker 1: us up on the pickupsocials or the pickup dot com
Speaker 1: dot you will get you on for an ask and cut.
Speaker 3: Coming up, I want to tell you guys about a
Speaker 3: very look a little bit hated a fight that I
Speaker 3: had with my lovely husband Maddie j.
Speaker 1: I may have doubled down.
Speaker 3: Oh good, coming up
Speaker 1: All right, that's next on the pickup