Speaker 1: A good pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura ben Rady.
Speaker 2: Your work, our windows done, my world, reason the dust
Speaker 2: only good, babs all down.
Speaker 3: I don't much, but yeah I'm not.
Speaker 2: I'll big get and what I want.
Speaker 3: It don't matter where.
Speaker 1: This is the pick up, Hi, guys, it's the pick
Speaker 1: up with Britt Hartley and Laura ben Hey.
Speaker 3: Thrilling news I read today.
Speaker 4: Apparently there's a bit of a push in the political
Speaker 4: world for a four.
Speaker 3: Day work week.
Speaker 1: When you say the political agree exactly agreed to this agree,
Speaker 1: I mean I think a four day work week is
Speaker 1: great in theory. Votamen, except I do like during the show.
Speaker 1: So does that mean that we get a Friday off?
Speaker 1: Or would we still do it because.
Speaker 2: Out of the pure joy of our own hearts?
Speaker 3: Yes, I would do this show for free, is how
Speaker 3: much I love it.
Speaker 2: Tell that to the bosses, but hear.
Speaker 4: But if the bosses forced me into a four day
Speaker 4: work week, I wouldn't be mad about it. I do
Speaker 4: think we work too much, not you and I as
Speaker 4: a like the hustle and the constant grind and the
Speaker 4: feeling like we've got to be doing too much. I
Speaker 4: think we need to kick back, take our shoes off,
Speaker 4: relax a little bit.
Speaker 1: I think it's great for the people and terrible if
Speaker 1: you are someone who like runs a business or are
Speaker 1: a boss yourself, because having a four day work week,
Speaker 1: you will never be able to convince me that people
Speaker 1: will still be able to be as productive in four
Speaker 1: days as what they are in five.
Speaker 3: It's actually been proven.
Speaker 4: There are other countries that have brought it in and
Speaker 4: productivity has been proven to have increased because people are
Speaker 4: wanting to work harder when they come back, because they
Speaker 4: have more job satisfaction, they feel more relaxed. They're getting
Speaker 4: the same amount of work done, if not more, in
Speaker 4: four days.
Speaker 3: Don't quote me.
Speaker 2: I think it was Japan. But doesn't it just.
Speaker 1: Mean that people are just taking the piss for most
Speaker 1: of the time of their five days of the week.
Speaker 1: Then like people are only working at like sixty percent capacity.
Speaker 4: No, I just explained it to you, Laura, there's an
Speaker 4: increase in productivity and.
Speaker 2: How much they're fuck you.
Speaker 1: I came across an Instagram post on the weekend that
Speaker 1: really kind of stopped me in my tracks and I
Speaker 1: read this and it as a mum and as someone
Speaker 1: who has been in the trenches with little kids. For
Speaker 1: the last couple of years, I've sought of in there, well,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm dragging myself out, but definitely having
Speaker 1: two kids under the age of two. There was a
Speaker 1: period there where I would talk about and relate to
Speaker 1: this idea of feeling like I lost my identity a
Speaker 1: little bit, feeling like I lost my sense of self. However,
Speaker 1: I never really felt as though describing it as a
Speaker 1: loss of identity really made sense for me, because I
Speaker 1: still knew who I was, but there was something that
Speaker 1: fundamentally was different now that I was a mum.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and I think it's the thing that you hear
Speaker 4: the most from new parents in the first couple of years.
Speaker 4: They all say the same thing. I don't know who
Speaker 4: I am anymore. I don't know what I want anymore,
Speaker 4: I don't know my identity. Like you hear that said
Speaker 4: so often.
Speaker 1: I mean, obviously it sounds like it's such a negative,
Speaker 1: but it is something that's so many mums experience. But
Speaker 1: there was a different way of approaching this conversation and
Speaker 1: this Instagram post. It's from a psychologist named the Psyched Mummy,
Speaker 1: and I resonated it with it so deeply, because it
Speaker 1: wasn't about losing your identity, it was about losing your auto.
Speaker 1: And it went like this, A mum came to see
Speaker 1: me for therapy, and something she said stuck with me
Speaker 1: for years, and I wonder if you might feel the same.
Speaker 1: She shared all the ways her life had changed since
Speaker 1: becoming a mother. I nodded with deep understanding, knowing just
Speaker 1: how many parents felt similarly, including myself. And then she said,
Speaker 1: I don't feel like I lost my identity. I lost
Speaker 1: my autonomy. And that's been the hardest part for me.
Speaker 1: She was no longer in control of her life. Her
Speaker 1: decisions were dictated by others. Even her time was not
Speaker 1: her own. So it's not that she didn't know who
Speaker 1: she was anymore, it's that she couldn't access that person.
Speaker 1: All of the things that made her feel the most
Speaker 1: about herself were out of her reach. She valued independence,
Speaker 1: she valued spontaneity, she valued being in the driver's seat
Speaker 1: of her own life. But she felt like that that
Speaker 1: was squished somewhere in the back seat.
Speaker 3: Now it sounds like a poem from Robert Frost, The
Speaker 3: Path Less Taken.
Speaker 1: That was deep, It really is, and I read it
Speaker 1: and I was like, Wow, Okay, maybe it isn't identity,
Speaker 1: maybe is autonomy. And I say this as someone who,
Speaker 1: like I never expected to love being a mum as
Speaker 1: much as I do, Like I deeply love being a mum,
Speaker 1: and I love my children so much. But there definitely
Speaker 1: are times where.
Speaker 3: You wish you had my life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, having a friend who's able to go and do
Speaker 1: whatever they want to whenever they want to. It's the
Speaker 1: small things, you know, They're not being able to go
Speaker 1: to the gym or or go and just see your
Speaker 1: friends or have time to yourself, especially when you're in
Speaker 1: the trenches of little kids. I know what changes at
Speaker 1: different ages and everything's the stage, but I don't think
Speaker 1: I realized how much I have experienced this to different
Speaker 1: levels at different times throughout my motherhood journey until I
Speaker 1: read it so plainly, And it also kind of gave
Speaker 1: me the language to be able to talk about it,
Speaker 1: because I think there's been times where I'm I'm not
Speaker 1: frustrated about not knowing who I am, but I definitely
Speaker 1: have times where I feel frustrated that I don't have
Speaker 1: time for me at all.
Speaker 3: It's interesting because as the person in the friendship group
Speaker 3: that doesn't have kids. I've always said to you.
Speaker 4: Laura, That's always been what I've been hyper aware of
Speaker 4: when I have been on the fence or justscussing whether
Speaker 4: I'm going to go forth and have kids. The number
Speaker 4: one thing I always used to say is I'm aware
Speaker 4: enough to know that I'm very selfish with my time.
Speaker 2: Now it's like the inherent sacrifice you have to make.
Speaker 4: I don't know if I was ready to make the
Speaker 4: sacrifice of my time and not be autonomous.
Speaker 3: So I've always been aware of that, and I haven't
Speaker 3: gone into that stage of children yet.
Speaker 4: But that's been my worry. So my worry was never
Speaker 4: losing my identity. My worry was I'm thirty seven years
Speaker 4: old and I've only ever had to worry about and
Speaker 4: look after myself my entire life. How do I go
Speaker 4: from not doing what I want when I want? How
Speaker 4: do I go from I had a nap on the
Speaker 4: lounge yesterday. It was brilliant, And every time I do it,
Speaker 4: I wake up and I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, couldn't do that.
Speaker 3: I wouldn't have done that. Could every time I do anything.
Speaker 4: In my life, I'm like, wouldn't be doing that if
Speaker 4: I had a kid. But do you think Matt feels
Speaker 4: the same, Like, I don't think it's necessarily just the women. Obviously,
Speaker 4: the women bear the load a lot more in the
Speaker 4: mental load, the physical load, what they're doing.
Speaker 3: But I imagine it's a bit of a change for the
Speaker 3: men to.
Speaker 1: I think it depends on your relationship. I think it
Speaker 1: definitely depends on how much of the load is falling
Speaker 1: on you the mum. We know that it's not an
Speaker 1: equal disparity in most relationships or equal parity in most relationships.
Speaker 1: But I feel very lucky because Matt and I share
Speaker 1: the parenting load very, very equally, and at different stages
Speaker 1: I've done more and at the moment he's doing more.
Speaker 1: So I would dare say that he probably feels the
Speaker 1: same in a lot of ways, Like I think that
Speaker 1: he makes a lot of sacrifices as well as every
Speaker 1: parent does when you have children. But there really is
Speaker 1: this kind of sense of mourning, the ability to do
Speaker 1: whatever it is that you want to, to be spontaneous,
Speaker 1: to sometimes feel like you're fun because you kind of
Speaker 1: give those bits of yourself up a little bit to
Speaker 1: be a responsible parent. In the same time, I don't
Speaker 1: know it's a there's like a sacrifice that's made for
Speaker 1: a wonderful gain, and the gain is so worth it
Speaker 1: in so many ways. But it doesn't mean that at
Speaker 1: some points you don't have these moments where you're like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I don't remember my.
Speaker 2: Old self as my old self was.
Speaker 3: So now that you put it into words from Robert Frost.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 3: You feel better about it.
Speaker 1: I feel better about it. But it doesn't mean that
Speaker 1: it changes anything, you know. I think sometimes there's like
Speaker 1: value and validation in being able to understand what an
Speaker 1: experience is, even if it means that you can't change
Speaker 1: it right now. And I think we're still at a
Speaker 1: stage where our kids are really really little, and we
Speaker 1: are still kind of in that.
Speaker 2: Throes of parenting, and maybe it never fully changes. I
Speaker 2: don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know what it's like to pairent a ten
Speaker 1: year old or a fifteen year old.
Speaker 2: I don't know when it is that you wake up
Speaker 2: and you go hold on.
Speaker 1: I can go to the gym whenever I want to now,
Speaker 1: I don't know when that time is, but certainly not
Speaker 1: at my stage of life.
Speaker 3: Tell everyone again what that instagram was. If you want
Speaker 3: to go look at the psych.
Speaker 1: It's at Sight Mummy. I highly recommend it. It's got some
Speaker 1: good nuggets of gold in there as well.
Speaker 4: I actually can't believe what I'm about to say is
Speaker 4: going to come out of my mouth.
Speaker 3: But there is a comedy club in the UK. It
Speaker 3: is called Top Secret Comedy Club.
Speaker 2: So secret.
Speaker 3: Well, it's going to have no patron soon. It's going
Speaker 3: to be so secret.
Speaker 4: Has no one that the owner has brought in a
Speaker 4: new band, like a new checklist when you enter, so
Speaker 4: you know when you enter sometimes you got to get
Speaker 4: a photo taken or you get their ID.
Speaker 2: Check no songs and address code yea.
Speaker 4: He has banned anyone from coming if they have botox.
Speaker 2: How are you gonna police this?
Speaker 3: No, he actually is going to police it.
Speaker 4: Basically, he has just said our talent, like our comedians
Speaker 4: are so sick of performing to reactionless faces because people
Speaker 4: have botox and their faces aren't moving. So he's saying
Speaker 4: that comedians are putting complaints saying that they just can't
Speaker 4: it's so challenging to connect with their audience and delivered
Speaker 4: jokes when they only laugh from like the cheeks down
Speaker 4: like when their faces are moving, and when they only
Speaker 4: hearing the laughter and not seeing it on their faces.
Speaker 4: So he has said to protect his high end talent
Speaker 4: like Dave Chappelle and Amy Schumer, who apparently go to
Speaker 4: the club, he has said that you will now have
Speaker 4: to be checked on entry, but he will be doing
Speaker 4: reaction tests when you enter. Surely this is like a
Speaker 4: lawsuit for you'll never getting I won't even get into
Speaker 4: the lineup.
Speaker 3: But mind you, I have migro botox.
Speaker 2: I could you don't have to defend yourself.
Speaker 4: No, but I could bring a medical certificate I reckon
Speaker 4: and still get in because otherwise, okay.
Speaker 2: Well I'd be up shit creek.
Speaker 1: Wouldn't I I don't have a medical reason.
Speaker 2: Okay, I did read this. We've got here.
Speaker 1: I've had numerous complaints from performers who find it increasingly
Speaker 1: challenging to gauge the audience's engagement and bounce off their reaction.
Speaker 2: I'm sorry, but I would go as far.
Speaker 1: As to say that if the audience isn't having a reaction,
Speaker 1: it's probably because the talent isn't that funny. Because you
Speaker 1: can still laugh with botox.
Speaker 2: I mean you can still.
Speaker 4: Have no because no one's trying to do a laugh
Speaker 4: without moving my forehead.
Speaker 1: No one's getting that much botox that you can't move
Speaker 1: your face.
Speaker 3: That's a lie people do.
Speaker 1: But you can move your lip, you can still laugh,
Speaker 1: you can still have a reaction. I feel like it's
Speaker 1: almost trying to blame a bad performance on the audience.
Speaker 1: It feels like the ultimate gas lighting of your own audience.
Speaker 4: Well, he said, comedy thrives on connection, and facial expression
Speaker 4: plays a huge part. We want people to laugh, cry,
Speaker 4: frown sneer, but frozen faces from botox impact the entire
Speaker 4: higher atmosphere.
Speaker 2: This is discrimination.
Speaker 3: It is discrimination.
Speaker 4: And I bet you, I'm sorry, I bet you half
Speaker 4: of your performers have botox. If they're allowed to have
Speaker 4: botox to deliver the jokes, the listeners are allowed to
Speaker 4: receive the.
Speaker 3: Jokes with botox.
Speaker 1: What's the very famous comedian who just did the Golden Globes.
Speaker 1: She's amazing, nikky glass, gleaser, glazer, whatever. I'm clearly super
Speaker 1: invested in her work, but she is very funny. Cannot
Speaker 1: move her face, she has so much botox, looks amazing,
Speaker 1: that's no shade, but like can still deliver very funny jokes,
Speaker 1: and it kind of like comes off because it's part
Speaker 1: of her stick.
Speaker 4: Yeah, but also if you're doing an expression test, what
Speaker 4: if it's just useful.
Speaker 3: What if there's a twenty.
Speaker 4: Year old that wants to come in that hasn't gone
Speaker 4: a wrinkle yet and their for it doesn't move though.
Speaker 2: The forest stormy movie. Your eyebrows.
Speaker 3: No, I can do it.
Speaker 2: That's a frown. A frown?
Speaker 3: Are you do it?
Speaker 2: God?
Speaker 3: Yeah, you're frozen too.
Speaker 2: When I haven't had botox in months. Oh that's a lot,
Speaker 2: It is true. How much of a frown I'm it's
Speaker 2: not moving, You're constipated.
Speaker 1: This one is for anybody out there who is single.
Speaker 1: This is going to be a little hot tip for you.
Speaker 1: Something that I wish i'd known back in the time
Speaker 1: when I was out there flirting and trying to date.
Speaker 3: Well, not all heroes were capes.
Speaker 2: I'm just here to.
Speaker 3: Save the day everyone.
Speaker 1: I would say that I am a particularly bad flirt,
Speaker 1: Like the idea of flirting makes me feel uncomfortable.
Speaker 3: I don't often agree with you, but I will hear here.
Speaker 2: Thank you?
Speaker 1: What about me makes you think that I can't flirt everything? Oh,
Speaker 1: to be fair, we were just talking about this. It
Speaker 1: is shocking to me. Genuinely shocking that I managed to
Speaker 1: win The Bachelor, because like, when it comes to wooing
Speaker 1: a guy or flirting, I don't think that I have
Speaker 1: a sexual bone in my body.
Speaker 2: Like literally, it's non existent. That's more than.
Speaker 3: Manipulation that you used to get not Yeah.
Speaker 2: That's what my husband still says after eight years together.
Speaker 3: I'm joking. I don't know.
Speaker 4: I don't want it to come across the wrong way
Speaker 4: like I'm bullying you.
Speaker 2: You are, but that's okay.
Speaker 3: No, you don't scream flirty. You just don't. I don't
Speaker 3: know what it is.
Speaker 1: Okay, but while you get by being super good looking.
Speaker 2: That's not even true.
Speaker 1: But you can keep on and complimenting me, It's fine. Look,
Speaker 1: the reason I want to talk about this is because
Speaker 1: I think there is a very fine line between being
Speaker 1: a good flirt and being a creep. Like that line
Speaker 1: is thin, and you don't know what side you sit
Speaker 1: on until you hear that someone's talking about you behind
Speaker 1: your back.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Right, And a lot of it comes down to eye contact. Now,
Speaker 1: we all know the eye contact is very important, but
Speaker 1: how much is too much? How do you know what
Speaker 1: is the right amount of eye contact to hold with
Speaker 1: someone who you think could be, like, you know, a
Speaker 1: hot and potential partner. So there's a relationship expert who's
Speaker 1: come out. Her name is Luanne Ward, and she has
Speaker 1: said that there is an eye contact rule. It is
Speaker 1: called the at twenty eye contact rule. The amount of
Speaker 1: eye contact, like as in like maintaining physical eye contact
Speaker 1: with someone that you should hold is only twenty percent.
Speaker 1: What you should be doing is going around the golden triangle.
Speaker 1: So you should be like moving your eye contact from
Speaker 1: the eyes to the mouth, to.
Speaker 2: The nose, to the eyes to the mouth.
Speaker 1: To how low down is that triangleg and that way
Speaker 1: you know you've reached creep state.
Speaker 2: That's the creepstate. No, but like it's the.
Speaker 1: Moving of the eyes around that creates a sense of confusion,
Speaker 1: not confusion I was gonna say of like suspense producer
Speaker 1: Grace is.
Speaker 2: Looking at me like I've lost the blow the room in.
Speaker 1: No, but it's meant to like help you create a
Speaker 1: sense of like lust rather than coming across as too
Speaker 1: intense or two for long.
Speaker 3: Well, okay, hear me out.
Speaker 4: I am basically a relationship expert without the actual qualification.
Speaker 4: What I will say is I don't think you should
Speaker 4: be looking all over the face because when you look
Speaker 4: at the forehead it makes people feel awkward, like they've
Speaker 4: got something on their face.
Speaker 2: That is, like I said, eyes nose mouth, eyes nose mouth.
Speaker 4: Yeah, you literally said all over the face. Oh, but
Speaker 4: I think when you look above the eyes, it's weird.
Speaker 3: It makes them uncomfortable, like they've gotten something on their face.
Speaker 2: What if I look at above your eyes?
Speaker 3: I do, now I feel like I got saying on
Speaker 3: my head.
Speaker 4: Yeah what What I think the best thing to do
Speaker 4: is is just a really subtle glance down to live
Speaker 4: like that.
Speaker 2: That was hot, Admit it.
Speaker 3: I just did to you. Did you? Everyone in the
Speaker 3: car field they felt that.
Speaker 1: They felt it. They felt the tone shift in your voice.
Speaker 1: You always make things weird.
Speaker 3: It's like the subtle smiles and then the look away.
Speaker 4: So like when you see someone produce a gray stuff,
Speaker 4: raising your eyebrows at me and.
Speaker 2: Like blow your kisses across the room. But that was
Speaker 2: sort of hot too.
Speaker 4: I think it's the like, for example, you might not
Speaker 4: be in conversation with someone, but this is like my
Speaker 4: main tip for flirting, look across the room at them
Speaker 4: where it's out of your way, Like you might even
Speaker 4: have to look over your shoulder at them, catch their
Speaker 4: eye for a minute, little smirk, look away, ten minutes later,
Speaker 4: little look back.
Speaker 2: That's it.
Speaker 4: That's enough, two second eye contact. That is enough for
Speaker 4: them to be like hold the line.
Speaker 2: But that's the question, right.
Speaker 1: That's always to me is how long does the eye
Speaker 1: contact need to be held from across the room, because
Speaker 1: that's when it can err into Okay, that's too long.
Speaker 1: That person's just staring at me.
Speaker 3: You not a minute.
Speaker 4: It's just not like a minute steering competition across the room,
Speaker 4: like who can blink first?
Speaker 2: You know what.
Speaker 1: I also think though, fifty percent, yeah, sure, it might
Speaker 1: be technique of like how you're looking at someone's eyes whatever.
Speaker 1: The other fifty percent is whether or not you're attracted
Speaker 1: to the person, because if they're hot ass and they're
Speaker 1: staring at you from across the room, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1: If they're standing there staring you for ten minutes, you'll
Speaker 1: be like, so, I got it, not creepy. But if
Speaker 1: there was someone who you're not attracted to at all,
Speaker 1: then that's when I think it ers into creepy territory,
Speaker 1: which is totally unfair, but it does show that we're
Speaker 1: very superficial beings.
Speaker 4: Absolutely, I wouldn't add anything to that. I think that
Speaker 4: was a perfect wrap off of how to flirt.
Speaker 1: Thank you, well done, Bruce Luen everybody. If you want
Speaker 1: any more great tips like that, you can go to
Speaker 1: Britney's Instagram page.
Speaker 2: Brittany Underscore Hockeley.
Speaker 3: Sorry, Golden Triangle. I'm pretty sure that means something else
Speaker 3: in another country.
Speaker 2: It does, It really does.