WEBVTT - Is Keeping The Engagement Ring Trauma Tax? 💍 🧾

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<v Speaker 1>Flex and Frooms Flex and Frooms.

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<v Speaker 2>This is the Flex and Frooms catch up podcast. Welcome

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<v Speaker 2>to Wednesday. Yesterday. In the podcast intro, we were talking

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<v Speaker 2>about how builders and other trades people are superior perhaps

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<v Speaker 2>and flixy. It got me thinking, would you go on

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<v Speaker 2>celebrity Apprentice?

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<v Speaker 1>No, really, too much work. I told you, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to work hard. It's just I mean, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>want to do hard work. I want to work hard.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to do hard work. And I think that

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<v Speaker 1>I've set myself up so the work that I'm doing

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<v Speaker 1>is easy for me to execute, Like I'm using all

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<v Speaker 1>my natural skills. For someone doing a podcast or public speaking,

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<v Speaker 1>it would be a difficult thing to do. It's a

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<v Speaker 1>very simple thing for me to do, and so I

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<v Speaker 1>want to do that. I'm like, they caught me at

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<v Speaker 1>a wrong time. Ask me four years ago when I

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<v Speaker 1>was on my rise and grindhustle culture. I'm like, yeah,

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<v Speaker 1>I'll try it, and half try it now these says,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like too fragile, too sensitive. Really yeah, And I

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<v Speaker 1>also just want to balance the scales. I said, in

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<v Speaker 1>the last ten years of my life trying to be

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<v Speaker 1>really proficient professionally, and would be a proficient person.

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<v Speaker 2>Good on you.

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<v Speaker 1>Let's get to the podcast, Okada, Flex and Frooms, Flex

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<v Speaker 1>and Frooms. As you know, it's breakup season and also

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<v Speaker 1>engagement season. It happens, you know, at the same time

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<v Speaker 1>for obvious reasons if you really think about it. But

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<v Speaker 1>we won't. We won't. A couple of weeks ago I

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<v Speaker 1>talked about how if you happened to it, proposed to

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<v Speaker 1>and call off the engagement, do you have to give

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<v Speaker 1>back the ring? Is the ring a gift or almost

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<v Speaker 1>you know, a mmm, like collateral or like a gift

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<v Speaker 1>subject to the marriage actually happening, and if it doesn't happen,

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<v Speaker 1>you must give the gift back. Well, we had someone

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<v Speaker 1>who's called in to give us their hot take on

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<v Speaker 1>how shit all go.

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<v Speaker 2>Let's go.

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<v Speaker 3>So when my nan was young, being twenty seven meant

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<v Speaker 3>you were on the shelf aka absolutely no good brought

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<v Speaker 3>in goods about to expire. Her fiance had gone and

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<v Speaker 3>got a lady up the duff, so that relationship was

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<v Speaker 3>well and truly done. So I'm not sure whether her

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<v Speaker 3>keeping the engagement ring was a mistake or traumat tax.

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<v Speaker 3>I'd like to think the latter, thank you very much,

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<v Speaker 3>But What happened next is what you could say is

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<v Speaker 3>the cherry on top of a very cheap Bullies mudcake.

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<v Speaker 3>I won't get into the kit store of how my

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<v Speaker 3>grandparents met, but not too long after the engagement falling apart,

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<v Speaker 3>my grandfather did appear on the scene. He was a

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<v Speaker 3>refugee and couldn't afford much, let alone speak English very well,

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<v Speaker 3>so when it came to locking my Aussie nan down,

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<v Speaker 3>he basically was like, Cath, why would I buy you

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<v Speaker 3>a new ring when you already have one.

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<v Speaker 2>It was a true upcycle moment.

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<v Speaker 3>I don't know how she didn't get the ear immediately,

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<v Speaker 3>but I guess when you're twenty seven, you've got to

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<v Speaker 3>take what you can get.

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<v Speaker 2>Can I just say, impeccable story? Tear?

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<v Speaker 1>When you write that down?

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<v Speaker 2>Are you reading some of that woman in That doesn't

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<v Speaker 2>even sound red? That just sounded like beautiful pace, intelligent intention,

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<v Speaker 2>an intelligent queen, if you absolutely. I love viewing the

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<v Speaker 2>ring as traum attacks because it goes on both ends.

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<v Speaker 2>As I was saying, let's say in a as you

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<v Speaker 2>love them so dearly heterosexual relationship community, the man is

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<v Speaker 2>proposing to the woman and saying with this gift I

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<v Speaker 2>give to you on the occasion that we do actually

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<v Speaker 2>get married. This is your little gift, right, but as

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<v Speaker 2>a person on the receiving end, like it is my gift,

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<v Speaker 2>and if for some reason you do something that makes

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<v Speaker 2>me unable to redeem the next part of my gift,

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<v Speaker 2>the wedding band and the marriage, then I should be

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<v Speaker 2>entitled to take. This is a deposit. Yeah, it's non refindby.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a laby look like this ring.

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<v Speaker 2>For example, I got a ring on my finger, Yeah, beautiful.

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<v Speaker 2>I think my dad got this three his ex girlfriend

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<v Speaker 2>and then they broke up, and then he met my

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<v Speaker 2>mum that Saturday, and he's worn this on his pinky

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<v Speaker 2>finger on her on the show call her at by

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<v Speaker 2>name literally anyway, it's very like it's a weird looking ring.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a gorgeous ring that I couldn't describe it, but

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<v Speaker 1>you'll just you have to see it to believe it.

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<v Speaker 1>I will say though, that it takes a certain amount

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<v Speaker 1>of lack of shame to ask for the ring back.

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<v Speaker 1>Isn't it shameful enough that I've called off the engagement?

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<v Speaker 1>But I guess pettiness will really feel anyone to do

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<v Speaker 1>the craziest things.

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<v Speaker 2>Fully, it's very it's very emotionally. It's an emotional piece

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<v Speaker 2>of jewelry, that's for sure. Also, can we just really

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<v Speaker 2>quickly say we won't go into it. But how did

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<v Speaker 2>all of our grandparents just meet people like the next

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<v Speaker 2>day after breaking up with their partners?

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<v Speaker 1>They got near it?

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<v Speaker 2>What the hell? Guys?

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<v Speaker 1>They went to social events, they were part of their community.

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<v Speaker 1>They were trapped in their two bedroom, one bathroom, mold

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<v Speaker 1>infested in a city apartment with the roommate they met

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<v Speaker 1>on face for who works full time so they never

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<v Speaker 1>see each other.

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<v Speaker 2>I want to go back. Let's go back in time, guys,

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<v Speaker 2>let's all go back in time.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I want to go Thank you.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if I want to get.

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<v Speaker 2>This is flex and Frooms on kit Flexi. We're going

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<v Speaker 2>to be talking about wiki how. There's a website called

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<v Speaker 2>wiki how. Yes, it's Wikipedia mixed with how to do things.

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<v Speaker 2>And this one actually doesn't come from Wiki how. This

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<v Speaker 2>comes from my very own brain. So Flexi, I have

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<v Speaker 2>come up with a genius way to figure out what

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<v Speaker 2>the best photo of me is to then put up

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<v Speaker 2>on Instagram. Great, you're on a dating app, right, and

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<v Speaker 2>it's Hinge. Let's just use that as an example. Do

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<v Speaker 2>you want not from personal experience? And obviously with Hinge

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<v Speaker 2>there's a function to like answers or photos. So what

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<v Speaker 2>I've done is I've created a Hinge account with five

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<v Speaker 2>different photos of myself, and what I'm doing is trying

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<v Speaker 2>to figure out what I should put on my Instagram.

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<v Speaker 2>And what I do is I go through and you're.

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<v Speaker 1>Soft launching to a bunch of strangers men and then

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<v Speaker 1>taking that data to then hard posts on your Instagram.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, it's genius. So I put up like a few

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<v Speaker 2>photos myself smiling, and the one that got the most

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<v Speaker 2>likes is me in a lemon shirt, smiling, full beat

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<v Speaker 2>on my face, not messing about. And I got the

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<v Speaker 2>most likes of the men. And it wasn't the first photo.

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<v Speaker 2>It was about three down, so you know, they really

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<v Speaker 2>assessed all options and thought that's the one I'm attracted to.

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<v Speaker 2>If so facto new profile pick uploaded.

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<v Speaker 1>See, I don't know. I don't know. I feel like

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<v Speaker 1>on dating apps in particular, people act in a contrary way.

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<v Speaker 1>So usually people like you don't want to light the

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<v Speaker 1>first one because it feels like you didn' look through

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<v Speaker 1>the profile. You know you don't like the sexiest one

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<v Speaker 1>because it makes you look like a like a horn dog, right,

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<v Speaker 1>you don't want to like Usually the ones that are

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<v Speaker 1>hot in hot in a way that's hot to like

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<v Speaker 1>fellow chicks is going to be like your fashion one

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<v Speaker 1>or like you know, your colored lenses polaroid moment. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>how do I say this in a way that's not

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<v Speaker 1>gonna offend men? I don't feel like men broadly have

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<v Speaker 1>the best assessment on what I look the best as interesting?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you know what I mean? Like, I don't feel

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<v Speaker 1>like when I'm wearing what I would deem to be

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<v Speaker 1>like my best fit with my best hair, the average

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<v Speaker 1>man would be like, yeah, that's sick, not my demographic.

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<v Speaker 2>They're not here for the jawts.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah. So then I feel like it's odd to use

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<v Speaker 1>the demographic of strangers who aren't seeing you in a

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<v Speaker 1>neutral way. By the way, dating apps and inherently is sexualized. True,

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<v Speaker 1>and they're like mating purposes, So you're taking their assessment

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<v Speaker 1>of you to go to an audience people who know

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<v Speaker 1>you and like you, and have them decide where you

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<v Speaker 1>look best. They're probably wrong.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, I'm not saying me specific, What about the person?

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<v Speaker 1>Who are you not saying? This is not personal evidence,

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<v Speaker 1>it's not research gathered from.

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<v Speaker 2>You, research from years ago.

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<v Speaker 1>I like it, though, I just don't think it's I

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<v Speaker 1>don't think it'd be accurate, but I think it's interesting.

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<v Speaker 2>Well let's say the photo yeah, well no, because it's

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<v Speaker 2>from years ago. Wink wink.

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<v Speaker 1>Now are you u thinking photos from years ago on

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<v Speaker 1>your dating app? That is crazy? You photos can't be

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<v Speaker 1>older than one year.

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<v Speaker 2>I agree to one year. Even too much.

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<v Speaker 1>Changes in one year, especially like I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>see one photo where you're bald versus one photo and

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<v Speaker 1>you've got sixteen inches of hair.

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<v Speaker 2>How do you think I go with my ever changing hair?

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<v Speaker 1>If the hair is ever changed because you change it frequently,

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<v Speaker 1>that's fine. That's a horny photo. Ill you're sick. She's

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<v Speaker 1>doing dog chest out blue eyeshadow. Think they're not thinking

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<v Speaker 1>about the blue eye shadow based from the ninety when

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<v Speaker 1>they're having their first exclamation, get out of here. Cut

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<v Speaker 1>the cameras, flex and fromes. You're listening to flex and firms.

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<v Speaker 3>What the frick?

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<v Speaker 1>We have yet another moral dilemma. This one is quite

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<v Speaker 1>good because I feel like if you fancy yourself a

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<v Speaker 1>person with taste, yep, then you might have gone through

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<v Speaker 1>this experience. Imagine you have a good friend who's romantically

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<v Speaker 1>interested in one of your other friends. You know, they're

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<v Speaker 1>part of the general friend network, and this good friend

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<v Speaker 1>wants you to hook them up or at least do

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<v Speaker 1>the intro get some wheels moving. The issue is you

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<v Speaker 1>don't think these two people would be a good coupleikes like,

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<v Speaker 1>you're like pretty certain. You're like, it's not gonna work. Bro,

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<v Speaker 1>what do you do?

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<v Speaker 2>We've all been here, have we? Yeah, we actually have.

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<v Speaker 1>We reside here, we pay rent.

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<v Speaker 2>I've been on literally all three sides of the coin now.

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<v Speaker 2>And I will say there is a feeling of indignation

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<v Speaker 2>when your friend won't hook you.

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<v Speaker 1>Up, like what are we doing?

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<v Speaker 2>Is? I know, especially when there has been a vibe

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<v Speaker 2>that has been observed by all parties. I don't want

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<v Speaker 2>to use the term colock clock use it and yeah here.

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<v Speaker 1>We are use it.

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<v Speaker 2>It's the most classic of the term. I will say.

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<v Speaker 2>I think if you're let's say the person who can

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<v Speaker 2>hook it up the middle person, the middle person is

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<v Speaker 2>saying go go stop, I think they will usually know

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<v Speaker 2>the best parts of each person, so I will trust

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<v Speaker 2>their judgment.

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<v Speaker 1>Can I quickly interject, please, my hand is up. I

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<v Speaker 1>feel I agree with you, but I want a devil's advocate.

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<v Speaker 1>I want to do my second year philosophy. Bro, you're

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<v Speaker 1>the person in the middle only knows those two people

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<v Speaker 1>in a specific platonic context. I know bunch of people

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<v Speaker 1>who are currently romantically involved that I would never place.

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<v Speaker 1>I would say the majority of my friends who who

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<v Speaker 1>have found themselves in a new relationship and it happens

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<v Speaker 1>to be with another friend, I would have never called it.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm like every time like you two wow, wow wow,

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<v Speaker 1>wow wow wow.

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<v Speaker 2>Have I ever been in a relationship like that where

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<v Speaker 2>people like, oh this is YouTube yeh yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>No, not like a boyfriend and girlfriend, but definitely like

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<v Speaker 1>a an entanglement where everyone's.

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<v Speaker 2>Like, damn he really did that want him?

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<v Speaker 1>Wow? Interesting? Interesting. So I will say that, like, being

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<v Speaker 1>the decider is not great because you don't actually know

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<v Speaker 1>what this person is like in a romantic context. I

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<v Speaker 1>will say, though, the best thing you can do is

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<v Speaker 1>cavea or like disclaim and say, hey, like, I don't

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<v Speaker 1>really know their situation. I don't know if they're dating anyone.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know if you're dating anyone. I don't know

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<v Speaker 1>if they're keen. But like here, like I'll start a

0:11:56.800 --> 0:11:58.880
<v Speaker 1>chat or whatever, Like I'll intro and then leave me

0:11:58.960 --> 0:12:00.280
<v Speaker 1>out of it. Like you have to be dip in

0:12:00.280 --> 0:12:03.160
<v Speaker 1>and dip out. You cannot be doing handholding Cupid checking

0:12:03.200 --> 0:12:06.480
<v Speaker 1>in or whatever, because more often than not, it does

0:12:06.640 --> 0:12:09.520
<v Speaker 1>not work. And I think by remaining the middleman, it

0:12:09.600 --> 0:12:11.720
<v Speaker 1>gives both parties, or at least you a good friend,

0:12:12.160 --> 0:12:14.280
<v Speaker 1>more hope that the vibe is stronger than it is,

0:12:14.400 --> 0:12:16.559
<v Speaker 1>because if the vibe was not strong, you would say

0:12:16.640 --> 0:12:19.640
<v Speaker 1>so right wrong. I would not say so if one

0:12:19.720 --> 0:12:22.000
<v Speaker 1>of my friends said I'm keen on your other friend,

0:12:22.000 --> 0:12:24.199
<v Speaker 1>I know for a fact the other friends would never borrow,

0:12:24.840 --> 0:12:28.280
<v Speaker 1>never borrow, go there. I'm not letting you know that.

0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:30.240
<v Speaker 1>That's for you to find out on your own, in

0:12:30.679 --> 0:12:32.400
<v Speaker 1>a far nicer way than I could probably tell you.

0:12:34.440 --> 0:12:34.920
<v Speaker 2>I hate it.

0:12:35.120 --> 0:12:38.240
<v Speaker 1>It's not great. Get on the app scales, nice, let's

0:12:38.280 --> 0:12:40.000
<v Speaker 1>get off the apps. Let's go to a let's go

0:12:40.040 --> 0:12:43.560
<v Speaker 1>to a bar. I will say, here's how we avoid

0:12:43.600 --> 0:12:46.800
<v Speaker 1>this situation in future. It's not relying on one person

0:12:47.200 --> 0:12:50.280
<v Speaker 1>to do the intro. It's about creating environments where mutual

0:12:50.320 --> 0:12:52.480
<v Speaker 1>friends can hang out with mutual friends to it, you

0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.560
<v Speaker 1>know what I mean? Like we did look at an

0:12:54.640 --> 0:12:59.439
<v Speaker 1>annual or like a fortnightly Sunday sesh. Everyone come to

0:12:59.520 --> 0:13:01.839
<v Speaker 1>this bar. You don't need the event. You'll know we'll

0:13:01.840 --> 0:13:05.840
<v Speaker 1>be there every Sunday long lunch vibes, pop in, pop out,

0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.959
<v Speaker 1>and do a casual intro. How good would that be?

0:13:09.200 --> 0:13:10.559
<v Speaker 2>I feel like the girls and the gays in the

0:13:10.679 --> 0:13:14.719
<v Speaker 2>LGBTQI community the honerfectly, they got it puffed off on

0:13:14.760 --> 0:13:19.000
<v Speaker 2>a Sunday. They've got the bearded tit. They regularly congregate.

0:13:19.080 --> 0:13:21.320
<v Speaker 2>So we need to learn a thing or two, folks. Yeah,

0:13:21.760 --> 0:13:25.240
<v Speaker 2>this is flex and frooms on kDa. You're back with

0:13:25.480 --> 0:13:27.560
<v Speaker 2>fn F. I know it's not a swear word. How

0:13:27.600 --> 0:13:31.920
<v Speaker 2>to think a flop and flopinder you when you flop era?

0:13:32.040 --> 0:13:36.720
<v Speaker 2>Right now? Flex sleigh era or neutral pre sleigh pre SLA.

0:13:36.840 --> 0:13:40.160
<v Speaker 1>I had a sleigh, definitely, there's been a significant sleigh

0:13:40.160 --> 0:13:41.720
<v Speaker 1>at say in the last two years. It's been an

0:13:43.000 --> 0:13:46.079
<v Speaker 1>but I think I have another sleigh coming. I don't know.

0:13:46.120 --> 0:13:49.120
<v Speaker 1>It could be like Q one twenty four, or it

0:13:49.200 --> 0:13:49.920
<v Speaker 1>could be earlier.

0:13:50.120 --> 0:13:52.959
<v Speaker 2>I was talking a week to week personal sleigh basis.

0:13:53.160 --> 0:13:56.880
<v Speaker 1>Oh then yeah, we're slaying hell yeah yeah.

0:13:57.960 --> 0:14:01.959
<v Speaker 2>Flex. The great thing about having a public Instagram and

0:14:02.200 --> 0:14:02.800
<v Speaker 2>people who.

0:14:02.720 --> 0:14:06.880
<v Speaker 1>Follow it and a personal brand, what it is.

0:14:06.960 --> 0:14:11.120
<v Speaker 2>That is you get people messaging you with dreams that

0:14:11.160 --> 0:14:14.160
<v Speaker 2>they've had about you. Now, it freaks me out to

0:14:14.200 --> 0:14:16.280
<v Speaker 2>think that people would ever think of us outside of

0:14:16.480 --> 0:14:19.520
<v Speaker 2>when I'm thinking about them. However, if there's one exception

0:14:19.640 --> 0:14:22.760
<v Speaker 2>to the rule, it's dreams because they're inconsequential and they

0:14:22.880 --> 0:14:26.880
<v Speaker 2>perhaps a psyche based and like, no one's ever going

0:14:26.920 --> 0:14:28.280
<v Speaker 2>to send me a dream and be like, you're in

0:14:28.360 --> 0:14:30.400
<v Speaker 2>this dream and you did this really bad thing. Oh,

0:14:30.440 --> 0:14:36.280
<v Speaker 2>people have definitely sent me that. Oh oh well, I

0:14:36.360 --> 0:14:38.480
<v Speaker 2>got one from a listener. I won't say their name.

0:14:39.800 --> 0:14:42.280
<v Speaker 2>It's just like, as soon as I hear Frooms, I

0:14:42.360 --> 0:14:44.280
<v Speaker 2>had a dream about you last night, my heart just

0:14:44.400 --> 0:14:46.480
<v Speaker 2>flutters and I think, let me lick.

0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:47.800
<v Speaker 1>They're obsast with me.

0:14:48.160 --> 0:14:50.640
<v Speaker 2>Let me soak this up with a little piece of bread. Okay,

0:14:51.640 --> 0:14:53.880
<v Speaker 2>Rooms had a dream about you and Flex last night.

0:14:54.160 --> 0:14:57.360
<v Speaker 2>We were in Paris. Your hair was blonde again and

0:14:57.440 --> 0:15:01.280
<v Speaker 2>you were wearing green and orange. Very you, very Eliza

0:15:01.360 --> 0:15:08.920
<v Speaker 2>Thornberry vibes specific Flex was. Flex was not coping with

0:15:09.080 --> 0:15:11.000
<v Speaker 2>driving on the opposite side of the road, and we

0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:13.040
<v Speaker 2>had multiple small road accidents.

0:15:13.120 --> 0:15:16.680
<v Speaker 1>Ah, okay, okay, relax.

0:15:17.840 --> 0:15:21.360
<v Speaker 2>No one seemed that worried about trashing the car God complex,

0:15:22.080 --> 0:15:25.200
<v Speaker 2>We'll be right. A childhood friend was being very mean

0:15:25.280 --> 0:15:27.560
<v Speaker 2>to me. I haven't thought about her in years, but

0:15:27.680 --> 0:15:29.920
<v Speaker 2>she always had mean girlfriend of me vibes a dog,

0:15:30.760 --> 0:15:33.440
<v Speaker 2>and I was worried she would destroy all of my

0:15:33.520 --> 0:15:36.840
<v Speaker 2>things in the hotel. Flex told me to stop worrying

0:15:37.000 --> 0:15:38.040
<v Speaker 2>and wanted to go to a bar.

0:15:41.280 --> 0:15:45.840
<v Speaker 1>Flex said, anyway, respectfully.

0:15:47.840 --> 0:15:50.640
<v Speaker 2>Unfortunately the bar was a dad but the cocktails were nice.

0:15:51.440 --> 0:15:54.320
<v Speaker 2>You were very relaxed and chatty, cool girl vibes. Yes,

0:15:55.360 --> 0:16:03.280
<v Speaker 2>Flex was being a demon. I added that bit. I

0:16:03.360 --> 0:16:05.600
<v Speaker 2>woke up with a headache. Not sure what it all means.

0:16:05.800 --> 0:16:07.760
<v Speaker 1>Oh, woke up in real life or in the dream.

0:16:08.160 --> 0:16:10.480
<v Speaker 2>In real life? Okay, probably that I need to take

0:16:10.600 --> 0:16:14.600
<v Speaker 2>ubers in foreign countries. Needless to say, everyone looked very hot.

0:16:15.120 --> 0:16:18.560
<v Speaker 1>I love that. There's a lot to work with, there

0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:19.880
<v Speaker 1>a lot to work for.

0:16:20.040 --> 0:16:22.680
<v Speaker 2>This is a terrible driver who is inconsiderate.

0:16:23.520 --> 0:16:25.920
<v Speaker 1>And see, I didn't get that. I didn't get that.

0:16:26.040 --> 0:16:28.720
<v Speaker 1>I got Flex is willing to go with the flow

0:16:28.800 --> 0:16:30.960
<v Speaker 1>and understand that a few nicks and dings on the

0:16:31.000 --> 0:16:34.000
<v Speaker 1>way is just part of the journey. Flex also understands

0:16:34.040 --> 0:16:36.200
<v Speaker 1>that a bad vibe is contagious and didn't want to

0:16:36.200 --> 0:16:38.960
<v Speaker 1>affect the trip for everybody else. Flex also knows that

0:16:39.000 --> 0:16:42.160
<v Speaker 1>sometimes the girls you need to get amongst them are optional.

0:16:42.600 --> 0:16:46.160
<v Speaker 1>Just like a cute environment, cute outfit, cute music, cute people,

0:16:46.360 --> 0:16:49.040
<v Speaker 1>feels good. Flex wants kip the energy.

0:16:48.880 --> 0:16:52.560
<v Speaker 2>Up and for me is coolgo with chatty vibes.

0:16:52.680 --> 0:16:54.280
<v Speaker 1>Yeah, which is so crazy that they would say that.

0:16:57.480 --> 0:16:59.920
<v Speaker 2>You've been listening to The Flex and Froom's daily podcast.

0:17:00.320 --> 0:17:03.920
<v Speaker 2>For more, tune Indicater on DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.