Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait Island
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gadigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and you know what twenty
Speaker 2: twenty two side Laura fuck. Twenty twenty two was supposed
Speaker 2: to be a good year. It was supposed to be
Speaker 2: the year and now half of Queensland's underwater. There's so
Speaker 2: much shit happening in Ukraine, which is horrendous. I just
Speaker 2: think that the year is not the year that we
Speaker 2: thought it was going to be.
Speaker 1: But do you know, I think we've got to stop
Speaker 1: thinking that it's going to get better. I think at
Speaker 1: this point we need to live just in the moment.
Speaker 1: I think we need to all embrace life, live every
Speaker 1: day to the fullest because if anything that we've learned
Speaker 1: the last few years, it's you literally never know what
Speaker 1: is going to happen.
Speaker 2: Thank you for that inspirational talk, Brittany.
Speaker 1: But it's true, don't you think. It's like I think
Speaker 1: of how many plans people have made, how optimistic we've been,
Speaker 1: and I think it's really important to stay optimistic. For sure.
Speaker 2: I was wondering where you were going with that, and
Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, so everyone should stop planning anything
Speaker 2: and like just give up because that's where we're at
Speaker 2: in life. They ever going to get better than this.
Speaker 1: The opposite. I think it's a little bit of a reminder,
Speaker 1: and I think I am really guilty of it as well,
Speaker 1: in not living in the moment and enjoying a day
Speaker 1: or a situation for what it is. It's always I've
Speaker 1: got to do this tomorrow, this is next week, this
Speaker 1: is next year, We're gonna do this in four months.
Speaker 1: It's always this looking ahead and working really hard towards things,
Speaker 1: which is amazing. But how often do we all sit
Speaker 1: here and just say, hey, right now, I'm having a
Speaker 1: really good day.
Speaker 2: I agree with everything you've just said, but I also
Speaker 2: want to say, like, for anybody who is in Queensland
Speaker 2: and is suffering with these floods, like, holy crap, we're
Speaker 2: thinking of you. I can't even imagine how hard that
Speaker 2: would be. I kind of feel and not that we
Speaker 2: want to talk about what's happening in Ukraine, because I
Speaker 2: feel like we are not the authorities to speak on
Speaker 2: this at all. But I think that a lot of
Speaker 2: people are probably feeling very helpless right now, Like I know,
Speaker 2: like I've been reading the news, I've been trying to
Speaker 2: step up today, I've been looking at what charities to
Speaker 2: donate to, But I feel incredibly helpless by how big
Speaker 2: and absolutely fucking devastating what's happening overseas is, and when
Speaker 2: we're so protected and we're so lucky here.
Speaker 1: No, and in terms of what's happening in the Ukraine,
Speaker 1: like Laura said, of course, we don't want to be
Speaker 1: a dooming podcast, But the fact is, there is a
Speaker 1: part of the world that is undergoing something that no
Speaker 1: one should ever ever have to do. And I think
Speaker 1: it's really important that everyone educates themselves on that. And
Speaker 1: I did put some links up. I did do some
Speaker 1: searching to find places to donate that actually are really
Speaker 1: helping the cause. So somewhere that I found and I
Speaker 1: linked it to my Instagram stories. But if you are
Speaker 1: wanting to help and you don't know how. There is
Speaker 1: a page that I found that I did a lot
Speaker 1: of searching and I found some other people that shared it.
Speaker 1: It's very reliable. Her name is Bethany Frankel. Her instagram
Speaker 1: is Bethany b E t h E double ny fr
Speaker 1: A n k E L Now Bethany in conjunction with
Speaker 1: b Strong provide emergency assistance to people in crisis. It's
Speaker 1: an initiative in partnership with Global Empowerment Mission. They have
Speaker 1: so far raised nearly three and a half million dollars
Speaker 1: as of this recording, but that is just nowhere near enough,
Speaker 1: and one hundred percent of their donations go to helping
Speaker 1: those people in Ukraine. So if you are wanting to
Speaker 1: look for somewhere to donate, that's where I have chosen,
Speaker 1: and that is somewhere that I am going to recommend.
Speaker 2: Even like caratasts, like I mean, I think if you
Speaker 2: can spare a little bit of money just to put
Speaker 2: towards whether it's a monthly donation a one off donation
Speaker 2: like that will help in a big way. And I
Speaker 2: know that a lot of people listening to this will
Speaker 2: feel exactly how I felt on Saturday, which was really helpless.
Speaker 2: The anxiety around feeling helpless, that something so big is
Speaker 2: happening in the world, and that we can't really do
Speaker 2: anything about it, but you can if you have some
Speaker 2: spare money to help in that way. Now onto the
Speaker 2: podcast and what we're talking about on today's episode. You
Speaker 2: guys might remember a few weeks back we talked about celibacy.
Speaker 2: It was a small intro chat that kind of grew
Speaker 2: into like a bigger chat.
Speaker 1: We just and then we became obsessed with it.
Speaker 2: And then now none of us ever want to have
Speaker 2: sex ever again because we're all working on ourselves.
Speaker 1: That's a lie anyone listening. We definitely do want to
Speaker 1: have sex again. I have sex on the weekend. Everyone
Speaker 1: hoping that can be happy for me. Well, there is
Speaker 1: no need to rub any more.
Speaker 2: Some of us are not.
Speaker 1: Some of us are healing. I'm glad for you.
Speaker 2: Okay. So the chat that we had about celibacy wasn't
Speaker 2: like your typical religious celibacy. It wasn't because of a
Speaker 2: cultural perspective or a belief system. It was just like
Speaker 2: every day you, me, whoever, chicks deciding and guys deciding
Speaker 2: that they wanted to have some time off the emotional
Speaker 2: turmoil and the physical connection that you create with someone
Speaker 2: when you have sex or when you're chasing being in
Speaker 2: a relationship, or when you're chasing that connection with someone.
Speaker 2: So it's not just celibacy in a physical sense, but
Speaker 2: also emotional celibacy. We spoke about our views on it
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago, but after that we had
Speaker 2: so many people from our community reach out who had
Speaker 2: had some really interesting experiences from going free from the d.
Speaker 1: NO, and it started as a like a TikTok trend.
Speaker 1: That's where we found it. People were talking about their
Speaker 1: celibacy on TikTok and what has done for them and
Speaker 1: why they've done it. We got really interested in it,
Speaker 1: so we had a little discussion. I have been celibate
Speaker 1: before unintentionally just because I couldn't.
Speaker 2: Get lucky in the past, but it also doesn't Carecay.
Speaker 2: So the whole Celibacy's Chat thing was like, it doesn't
Speaker 2: count if you're spending all your time trying to date,
Speaker 2: Like if you're still going out there and you're texting,
Speaker 2: you're still like on the dating merry go round, even
Speaker 2: if you're not actually having sex. It's not really embracing
Speaker 2: this whole idea of celibacy. So that was a joke, Laura.
Speaker 1: It's definitely intentional celibacy. It's not as funny when I
Speaker 1: explain it. It's definitely intentional celibacy. And I have had
Speaker 1: friends that have done it in the past. I do
Speaker 1: know people that have said, you know what, I'm just
Speaker 1: going to do it. I know athletes through Drew Jordan.
Speaker 1: I know people that have done it for three months
Speaker 1: at a time. A lot of athletes do it because
Speaker 1: it's supposed to help them perform better, perform better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I keep that testosterone in the body.
Speaker 1: That's masturbation as well. So the athletes that do it,
Speaker 1: it's not just sex, it's ejaculations because I think they
Speaker 1: think that all that pent up energy is used elsewhere.
Speaker 2: But also I think we all know how distracting and
Speaker 2: how all consuming it can be when you're in those
Speaker 2: initial phases or stages of dating, or when you're trying
Speaker 2: to be in a relationship, or when you're like, maybe
Speaker 2: you're not in a relationship, maybe you really want to
Speaker 2: be in one, and it can be all consuming the
Speaker 2: whole dating cycle. And I think that a lot of
Speaker 2: people go through phases of having dating fatigue, and I
Speaker 2: know that Britta and I we've been talking about doing
Speaker 2: an episode on dating fatigue coming up. But this conversation
Speaker 2: around celibacy. We put it out to the community, and
Speaker 2: so many of you had had your own experiences around celibacy,
Speaker 2: but one of you wrote in now, Becky, she is
Speaker 2: part of the life on Cut community as she is
Speaker 2: a legend. We got her story she wrote into us,
Speaker 2: and we were like, we don't even know how we're
Speaker 2: gonna what we're gonna do with this.
Speaker 1: Originally it's with it. I was like, what, you're every
Speaker 1: part of this.
Speaker 2: I was like, yes, yes, yes, Well she did it
Speaker 2: as like a bit of a self discovery, a bit
Speaker 2: of self healing coming out of a bad relationship and
Speaker 2: then had a really unique experience with being celibate intentionally celibate.
Speaker 2: So we originally were like, I don't even know what
Speaker 2: we're gonna do with this interview or how we're going
Speaker 2: to use it. And then we sat down with Becky
Speaker 2: and we were like, oh, no, we're gonna this is
Speaker 2: an episode. We're going to share this with you guys.
Speaker 2: So we're so excited to get into that a little
Speaker 2: bit later and talk to Becky talk about her experience
Speaker 2: with celibacy and maybe if you're going through a really
Speaker 2: hard period where you feel like you're on the dating
Speaker 2: merry go round, where you feel like maybe sex hasn't
Speaker 2: always been used as a healthy way in your relationships,
Speaker 2: you might get something out of this as well. But
Speaker 2: before we.
Speaker 1: Get into that chat, which we absolutely frothed, we want
Speaker 1: to talk about something else now. Laura, you put some
Speaker 1: stories up on your own in Instagram about this whole
Speaker 1: influencer band that we've seen in the last few days.
Speaker 1: If you guys haven't seen what we're talking about, it's
Speaker 1: everywhere at the moment, there is an influencer band. Like
Speaker 1: a new law, new rule that's come out about promoting
Speaker 1: skincare or medical skin care, vitamins, things like that on Instagram.
Speaker 1: You're not allowed to do it anymore. In a nutshell,
Speaker 1: you're allowed to do it. You're allowed to get paid
Speaker 1: for it, You're not allowed to receive free gifts for it.
Speaker 1: Laura decided to go on her Instagram and have a
Speaker 1: little chat about it. Now, how did that turn out?
Speaker 1: Because I know you've got a lot of people sliding
Speaker 1: into DMS. I know the Daily Mail popped you back
Speaker 1: on another story what happened? And because I think this
Speaker 1: is really interesting chat, so I do want to talk
Speaker 1: about it seriously.
Speaker 2: Okay, there's many layers to this. The first layer is
Speaker 2: that I've had a couple of ones on my Saturday night.
Speaker 2: I'm going to go into the whole thing, but just
Speaker 2: to kind of give you a bit more insight into
Speaker 2: what these regulations are. So it's the TGA, who's Therapeutic
Speaker 2: Goods Administration of Australia bringing in more restrictions around how
Speaker 2: influencers can promote certain products, and like Britz said, it's
Speaker 2: products in healthcare space, but also in this skincare space,
Speaker 2: and it's skincare that makes medical claims. Now, I just
Speaker 2: want to make it really clear because I'm not here
Speaker 2: being like, won't someone think of the influences. I genuinely
Speaker 2: think this is a great thing. I think it is
Speaker 2: really important that there is more regulation around the things
Speaker 2: that influencers are allowed to promote and how they promote it,
Speaker 2: because at the moment it's a relatively unregulated space. The
Speaker 2: only product in this entire category list that I was like,
Speaker 2: I don't get it. I don't understand why you want
Speaker 2: to minimize promotion in this space was sunscreen? So sunscreen
Speaker 2: is considered a medical product because it is regulated by
Speaker 2: the TGA, and that has been excluded. So moving forward,
Speaker 2: influencers will no longer be able to say, hey, use
Speaker 2: sunscreen or where this They can say use sunscreen, of
Speaker 2: course they can, but they cannot be paid by brand.
Speaker 2: So basically, influencers will no longer be able to receive
Speaker 2: payment for all free gifts to promote sunscreen. And it
Speaker 2: means like brands like Nutrogena or Laroche or I don't
Speaker 2: know name is the other skincare brands Bontay sans who
Speaker 2: creates sunscreen, they will no longer be able to pay
Speaker 2: influencers to promote their specific products. However, influencers will still
Speaker 2: be able to say, hey, guys wear sunscreen, which they
Speaker 2: won't do because they're not getting paid for it.
Speaker 1: Well, I completely agree. I think that there do need
Speaker 1: to be more regulations around what people promote one hundred percent,
Speaker 1: so I'm not worried about that. I do completely agree.
Speaker 1: I don't understand why, when we live in a country
Speaker 1: with the highest level of skin cancer in the world,
Speaker 1: why you would ban people from advertising sunscreen. I think
Speaker 1: that it's really important and I have advertised sunscreen in
Speaker 1: the past because I'm very particular about what advertised. If
Speaker 1: I ever advertise something, it's because I have to really
Speaker 1: believe in it or use it.
Speaker 2: Susman, I believe in sunscreen.
Speaker 1: Well, sunscreen is like I do not leave the house
Speaker 1: and this is like, no one's sponsoring these guys. I
Speaker 1: don't leave the house without fifty plus on, and that
Speaker 1: is because I used to leave the house without fifty
Speaker 1: plus on. I used to go and serve ad I
Speaker 1: was with no cream on. I used to bake myself
Speaker 1: when I was younger because no one cool was using
Speaker 1: sun cream. It wasn't cool back in the day when
Speaker 1: we were younger. And that's because, like Laura was having
Speaker 1: a laugh this morning, She's like, remember the old slip
Speaker 1: slop slap, great promo, but it's not cool.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Look, don't get me wrong. There's been amazing advertising that
Speaker 2: has happened on and off social media for sunscreen, Like
Speaker 2: incredible advertising. The slipslop slap campaign is great. Is it cool? Nah?
Speaker 2: Not really, Like I don't think there's any fourteen year
Speaker 2: old or fifteen year old going out to their friends,
Speaker 2: being like, hey, slipslop slab. I've actually said that to
Speaker 2: my friends clock but we know I'm not cool, Okay, Okay.
Speaker 2: The reason why I wanted to do obviously, I talked
Speaker 2: about it on Instagram if you follow me, you know,
Speaker 2: but I kind of wanted to have a bit more
Speaker 2: of a fleshed out conversation around this because I think
Speaker 2: that there are a lot of levels to it that
Speaker 2: go just beyond the sunscreen.
Speaker 1: So before you get into it, can I just say
Speaker 1: I was out having some drinks with my sister and
Speaker 1: friends on Saturday night. My sister came down and I
Speaker 1: saw Laura's stories. Because I was out, I couldn't hear them,
Speaker 1: and I was like, I can't wait tomorrow and see
Speaker 1: what she's ranting about. I could just see like the
Speaker 1: hand actions that I know your facials, and I was like,
Speaker 1: would love to see what that's about tomorrow.
Speaker 2: It's so funny because I think that we have a
Speaker 2: bit of a unique take on this, and I think
Speaker 2: that we're in an awkward position because some people would
Speaker 2: say that we are influencers because we have big social
Speaker 2: media followings.
Speaker 1: I don't find that.
Speaker 2: All good, No, I think it is because I think,
Speaker 2: you know, we in Australia people don't really like influencers,
Speaker 2: and I understand why. It's because there's this huge distrust
Speaker 2: and there are also a lot of influencers out there
Speaker 2: who will happily take money from a brand, will promote
Speaker 2: it without ever using it, and I think that that's
Speaker 2: really unconscionable.
Speaker 1: You mean we're in an awkward place because I guess
Speaker 1: we are in a way grouped into that total, though
Speaker 1: we don't necessarily see ourselves like that totally.
Speaker 2: And I think that my defending any of this new
Speaker 2: law doesn't come because I'm worried about not making money
Speaker 2: off sunscreen. I did receive a couple of messages like that,
Speaker 2: and I was like, okay, guys, I own other businesses,
Speaker 2: but that's totally fine. I guess I wanted to just
Speaker 2: flesh this out because it did blow up in my
Speaker 2: stories for many different reasons, and I totally understand why,
Speaker 2: and I can see the fore and against with the
Speaker 2: whole conversation, especially in terms of sunscreen, but like with
Speaker 2: all the other categories, I just want to reiterate I
Speaker 2: absolutely think that influencers need to be more highly regulated
Speaker 2: and I think that there needs to be a higher
Speaker 2: level of accountability in the same way that there is
Speaker 2: for marketing and advertising online or also in magazines. There's
Speaker 2: a standard for which people can advertise and you can't
Speaker 2: make radical false claims around products. The other thing about
Speaker 2: sunscreen and why it's such a specific industry is because
Speaker 2: I know that there are a lot of natural skincare
Speaker 2: products that have come out now and influencers claiming that
Speaker 2: they are sunscreen. I guess my thing is instead of
Speaker 2: blanket banning such an important product, instead of blanket banning
Speaker 2: a product that we know people need to use for
Speaker 2: their own health and for their own safety, and we
Speaker 2: know that the positive affirmation and influence of people talking
Speaker 2: about it has actually helped to reduce skin cancer in
Speaker 2: Australia and also the amount of people who are not
Speaker 2: wearing sunscreen. My thoughts are, why wouldn't you just limit
Speaker 2: people or put the regulations and the restrictions on people
Speaker 2: talking about non TGA approved sunscreen. So instead of saying
Speaker 2: all sunscreen's blanketed, go okay, well, yes, things that have
Speaker 2: gone through the TGA process, they can still be talked
Speaker 2: about and endorsed. However, anything that comes up as like
Speaker 2: a natural health remedy, Rub this bloody dirt on your
Speaker 2: arm and you'll be safe from the sun. Like, then
Speaker 2: that can be what is actually banned in this process.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't think a blanket ban makes any sense.
Speaker 1: And then it's confusing because it's like and look, we
Speaker 1: drink alcohol. We like alcohol. But it's just interesting when
Speaker 1: you would go and ban something like sunscreen, which we
Speaker 1: know in Australia is so important, but you wouldn't go
Speaker 1: and put bands on things that are actually altering to
Speaker 1: your body and then approven effects to be harmful to
Speaker 1: your body, like alcohol. And again, like when we drink,
Speaker 1: we're not used correctly. I do think it's interesting that
Speaker 1: there is a different set of standards for like how
Speaker 1: they're calling out the healthcare world or the world of
Speaker 1: like trying to promote healthy living. But it's okay, like
Speaker 1: we said alcohol, but also things like fast fashion, fast food,
Speaker 1: there's no regulations around this. And so it seems like
Speaker 1: things like alcohol and fast food, things that are infinitely
Speaker 1: more unhealthy and can lead to a much more unhealthy lifestyle,
Speaker 1: don't have the same or any regulations around them. And
Speaker 1: I guess there is like, this does have a flow
Speaker 1: on effect. If you think of small startup brands or
Speaker 1: people really trying to get out there, this takes a
Speaker 1: huge level of advertising away from them because whether people
Speaker 1: like it or not, we live in a world now
Speaker 1: where social media is the way of the future. It
Speaker 1: is the way of advertising. People don't really pay for
Speaker 1: TV commercials anymore. People are funneling their advertising money into
Speaker 1: Instagram because that is where we consume everything. It's where
Speaker 1: we consume our news, it's where we consume our entertainment,
Speaker 1: it's where we consume ads. Instagram is the way of
Speaker 1: the future. So this does have a flow on effect
Speaker 1: for a lot of little businesses. So it is I
Speaker 1: don't know. I'm here for it for sure. I think
Speaker 1: we do need more regulations, but the things like the
Speaker 1: sun cream can't get my head around.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 2: I think this whole conversation comes back to, like, generally speaking,
Speaker 2: people do not like influencers as a whole as a business.
Speaker 2: You know, it's not a respected industry. It's also there's
Speaker 2: so much mistrust when it comes to influencers, and that's
Speaker 2: because so many of them have shot themsels in the
Speaker 2: foot by working with brands that just go out and
Speaker 2: we've all seen it. I'm not going to name brands
Speaker 2: because I don't want to go to Introta Robbil, but like,
Speaker 2: there are plenty of brands who are like new startups.
Speaker 2: It might be a skin cream, it might be a
Speaker 2: hair product, whatever it is, and they basically just go
Speaker 2: out and go bang bang bang ban bang, use every
Speaker 2: single influencer in the market. You guarantee that these influencers
Speaker 2: have never tried the product before jumping on the bandwagon,
Speaker 2: and that's why there's such a huge amount of mistrust.
Speaker 2: You know, one cream that's saying it can cure acne,
Speaker 2: it can cure cellulite, it can make your skin suffle.
Speaker 2: It's like there's too many things that it's claiming to
Speaker 2: be possible, and a whole variety of influencers are claiming
Speaker 2: can be possible, and then people go out and spend
Speaker 2: their money because they've been influenced and the product is subpar.
Speaker 2: So I get why people feel misled, but I also
Speaker 2: think in that there's also a responsibility that comes from
Speaker 2: the brand. As a brand, we need to be more
Speaker 2: conscionable in like you're going to use an influencer as
Speaker 2: a brand really upskilling them, explaining to them what the
Speaker 2: benefits of the product is, making sure that you have
Speaker 2: mandatories where that influencer actually uses the product for a
Speaker 2: certain period of time, so that the advertising that you're
Speaker 2: getting as a brand is also authentic. I think that
Speaker 2: there are many levels here of responsibility.
Speaker 1: One hundred percent agree, And that is like a perfect
Speaker 1: little segue into something else I wanted to talk about
Speaker 1: that is sort of in this transparency world of influencers.
Speaker 1: The UK has just brought in a law almost around
Speaker 1: the same time as the law we're talking about now
Speaker 1: that bans influences from using quote misleading filters in paid
Speaker 1: beauty ads. So in the beauty world, skin world, everything,
Speaker 1: influencers now are not allowed to use filters that will
Speaker 1: actually mislead you into thinking the result is better. And
Speaker 1: I think that this is absolutely one hundred percent something
Speaker 1: that should be brought in worldwide, because it's pretty easy
Speaker 1: to put a photo up that's like, look how bad
Speaker 1: my skin was, and then throw a Paris filter on
Speaker 1: it be like, look how good it is now. I
Speaker 1: think that this is a really really good law to
Speaker 1: be brought in, and if influencers are found to be
Speaker 1: using these filters that are completely changing their face and
Speaker 1: their look. The influencer and the brand has repercussions. They
Speaker 1: both can be reprimanded, they can be taken off Instagram
Speaker 1: or other social media's and they can be fined. So
Speaker 1: I think that this is really interesting.
Speaker 2: So when you say they can be taken off social media,
Speaker 2: does does that mean that actually Instagram is endorsing of
Speaker 2: this as well or is it a government endorsement.
Speaker 1: So this decision was made by the Advertising Standard Authority,
Speaker 1: which is the ASA. It applies to all brands, influencers
Speaker 1: and celebrities based in the UK. So the UK's Advertising
Speaker 1: regulatory recently announced a watershed ruling against Instagram influencers that
Speaker 1: use image altering filters while being paid to promote beauty products.
Speaker 1: So Britain's Advertising Standard Authority determined that social media adverts
Speaker 1: containing filters that could exaggerate the results of the product
Speaker 1: being marketed to the audience were misleading and that brands
Speaker 1: and influencers found in breach of this ruling moving forward
Speaker 1: would be removed and see both parties reprimanded. So I'm
Speaker 1: going to a sh there is a fine or a
Speaker 1: longer term ben but they can both be removed. So
Speaker 1: I think this is a really huge move.
Speaker 2: It kills me when I see influencers who I've met
Speaker 2: in real life and then I see I know, you
Speaker 2: don't look like it or like it's almost shocking sometimes
Speaker 2: like you see them in real life and you're like, wow,
Speaker 2: you do not look like you look online. And so
Speaker 2: to be spooking products where you're claiming that it can
Speaker 2: do something that you don't even have yourself is really
Speaker 2: really unconscionable, and I'm so all for that. Like we
Speaker 2: said at the very beginning, I think that this is
Speaker 2: a place that needs to be more heavily regulated. For example,
Speaker 2: we all came out of this wave of skinny me tea,
Speaker 2: Like how fucked was that? Drink skinny tea and you'll
Speaker 2: have diarrhea and then be skinny.
Speaker 1: Of course, it's drink water and not eat food and
Speaker 1: you'll be skinny of dose. So I also understand why
Speaker 1: there's so many medical professionals who when they hear these
Speaker 1: new regulations and rules come out, they're like yes, because
Speaker 1: the only people who are supposed to be giving health
Speaker 1: advice are people who are actually skilled in it. I
Speaker 1: feel like these laws come out in the UK and
Speaker 1: America first and they make their way to Australia. So
Speaker 1: I don't think this is too far off for this
Speaker 1: banning of filters for especially after this law with banning
Speaker 1: sunscreen and medical skincare. I think really soon Australia is
Speaker 1: going to see the ban of filters for any beauty products.
Speaker 1: I'm very welcoming of that.
Speaker 3: Well.
Speaker 2: I also think it makes sense, but I think it
Speaker 2: makes sense across like all media platforms. How crap is
Speaker 2: it that you can open up a magazine and you
Speaker 2: can see somebody promoting a skincare product, but that person
Speaker 2: in the picture has been photoshopped. It works in all
Speaker 2: types of media. I think we can be particularly critical
Speaker 2: of social media and of influencers, but I also think
Speaker 2: that this plays out across a huge variety of different
Speaker 2: advertising platforms. It's not just something that's solely problematic on
Speaker 2: social media.
Speaker 1: Another interesting aspect to this is around media literacy and
Speaker 1: where where does the blame lie and the responsibility completely lie.
Speaker 1: And now I understand we can say advertiser shouldn't be
Speaker 1: able to do this. I understand we can say that
Speaker 1: influencers should know better. There has to be a level
Speaker 1: of responsibility on the consumer to a point where you
Speaker 1: can make an educated decision yourself and say, I actually
Speaker 1: don't believe that that doesn't look right. We do have
Speaker 1: to be able to self educate to a point, and
Speaker 1: it's just an interesting discussion on how much responsibility does
Speaker 1: lie on us to sort of educate ourselves around a product.
Speaker 2: I agree that in some way and to some level
Speaker 2: where like, oh, we need to be responsible for what
Speaker 2: we consume, whether it be on social media, on TV,
Speaker 2: or wherever. But the other part of this is that
Speaker 2: there's children who are consuming this. There are so many
Speaker 2: kids that are on social media, and they're the ones
Speaker 2: that are easily misled. And like, I don't expect a
Speaker 2: twelve year old or a thirteen year old or a
Speaker 2: fourteen year old to have media literacy. I don't expect
Speaker 2: them to understand that what that influence is saying, they've
Speaker 2: actually been paid for them to be saying what they're saying.
Speaker 2: So that's why I think like ads need to have
Speaker 2: a higher level of transparency. I'm glad that they brought
Speaker 2: in the whole rules around like paid partnership, hashtag, add
Speaker 2: all that sort of stuff. I hope that they bring
Speaker 2: in rules and legislation around using filters to mislead your audience.
Speaker 2: But I also think like we could also work towards
Speaker 2: having some sort of influencer governing body that actually works
Speaker 2: towards upskilling influences, teaching them how to make better ads,
Speaker 2: teaching them how to be more responsible in the advice
Speaker 2: that they're giving. So it's not just these you know, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen,
Speaker 2: young twenty year old girls who are out there trying
Speaker 2: to make a business but also don't really understand the
Speaker 2: ethics behind the business that they're running.
Speaker 1: Because I know at university, and you'll remember as well,
Speaker 1: at university, you are taught these things. You are taught
Speaker 1: how to receive information and interpret information and what you
Speaker 1: do with that information. So we are taught these things.
Speaker 1: Maybe it needs to be something that we're taught because
Speaker 1: the world is changing from when we were young to
Speaker 1: now social media is everywhere. Maybe it's something we need
Speaker 1: to look at teaching in high school now about how
Speaker 1: to consume information, how to ask questions, and how to
Speaker 1: do your own research. Maybe that is something, unfortunately we
Speaker 1: have to bring in to the younger generation because, like
Speaker 1: you said, you cannot expect a young child eight to
Speaker 1: fifteen to self moderate to self moderate. No, Sure, they
Speaker 1: have the ability one hundred percent. They're doing it every
Speaker 1: day without knowing. They receive information every single day and
Speaker 1: they decide what to do with that. We're just start
Speaker 1: pushing for them to be able to do that online.
Speaker 1: And maybe that is a whole new conversation that the
Speaker 1: world needs to have.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I totally agree. And then there's a whole other
Speaker 2: one that comes into it, like does that happen at
Speaker 2: home or does it happen in school? Or like how
Speaker 2: long we can talk about it? And I know that
Speaker 2: there's probably school teachers who are listening to this who
Speaker 2: are like, please, don't give us any more things to
Speaker 2: try and teach your children in school. Like the world
Speaker 2: is rapidly changing, and I'm glad that the legislation is
Speaker 2: catching up with social media. However, I do think that
Speaker 2: we have this very warped set of standards between what's
Speaker 2: okay in like print magazine versus what's okay on a
Speaker 2: social media platform.
Speaker 1: It also opens up one more can of worms, and
Speaker 1: that is and then's something that we've said many a time,
Speaker 1: that is the whole idea that this online world that
Speaker 1: so many people strive for can be taken away in
Speaker 1: a heartbeat. If your whole income, your job is purely
Speaker 1: on social media, this is a pretty volatile world that
Speaker 1: can change overnight, and we have just that. So for
Speaker 1: anyone that just had huge ambassadorships in skin care, medical skincare, proteins.
Speaker 2: Protein, all these supplements, yeah, we.
Speaker 1: Haven't even mentioned that, the proteins and the fitness people
Speaker 1: and like, I love a protein powder. But people that
Speaker 1: are purely based on that, they have just lost a
Speaker 1: huge amount of their income, and I imagine that would
Speaker 1: be worrying. This is volatile, these could be taken away
Speaker 1: at any point, So it's just food for thought.
Speaker 2: Like young influencers truly are a business. They're their own business,
Speaker 2: but no one's teaching them the right way or the
Speaker 2: consionable way to go about doing that business. And so
Speaker 2: when I said before that you've got sixteen, seventeen, twenty
Speaker 2: year olds running these businesses. You know they've got big
Speaker 2: brands coming to them saying, hey, I'll pay you three
Speaker 2: thousand dollars to post a photo. They're not and they
Speaker 2: haven't been given the skill set to understand necessarily or
Speaker 2: to work through why it's so important and what can
Speaker 2: be the ramifications of not being transparent and authentic. I
Speaker 2: do think that with like big profiles, there's a huge
Speaker 2: responsibility that comes with it. But I think that it's
Speaker 2: an ever evolving space and it's a really interesting space.
Speaker 2: But I still think that influencers should be able to
Speaker 2: promote sunscreen because I want everyone wearing it.
Speaker 1: I think anyone should be able to promote sunscreen. Anyway,
Speaker 1: let's move on saying a little bit more fun and
Speaker 1: that is accidentally unfiltered slash confessional.
Speaker 2: I have a confessional today, and I love this one
Speaker 2: because this is an urban legend come real life.
Speaker 1: Okay, someone in this room, Laura Delilah or Keisha has
Speaker 1: just farted.
Speaker 2: What fuck, it's not me, Keisha. Keisha's literally sitting on
Speaker 2: the dog bed. Though in the house, we're sitting in
Speaker 2: what is like the spare room that's been set up
Speaker 2: as a studio room. We're really moving up in the world, guys.
Speaker 2: But instead of Keisha's sitting on the couch, she's sitting
Speaker 2: in the dog bed. I've just realized, yeah, on the
Speaker 2: dog mat, and the dog is not on the dog Matt.
Speaker 1: Anyways, move on. You've got a confessional? Is it that
Speaker 1: you just fighted?
Speaker 2: No confessional? This is like, this is the stuff of
Speaker 2: urban legends, but this one really happened.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'll be the judge of that.
Speaker 2: I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me, not
Speaker 2: just once, but not an urban legend, had a full
Speaker 2: on other relationship with this chick. We were living in
Speaker 2: a sharehouse with his best mates at the time, so
Speaker 2: I felt incredibly betrayed, as there is no way that
Speaker 2: they all didn't know what he was doing and what
Speaker 2: was going on behind my back. I ended up moving
Speaker 2: out almost immediately, but all my stuff was still at
Speaker 2: his house. So this one day I arranged to go
Speaker 2: to the house to get my staff. I organized a
Speaker 2: time when I knew all the boys would be out
Speaker 2: of the house because I still had my spare set
Speaker 2: of keys. I said I didn't want to face them
Speaker 2: and I didn't want to see him. I brought my
Speaker 2: best friend, however, and a five hundred grand bag of
Speaker 2: uncooked prawns and two knitting needles. I then proceeded to
Speaker 2: stuff uncooked prawns into the curtain rods in all the bedrooms.
Speaker 1: And the lounge room.
Speaker 2: I used the knitting needles to shove it as far
Speaker 2: down as I possibly could. Turns out that the boys
Speaker 2: ended up moving out of the house three months later
Speaker 2: because they thought that a possum had died in the
Speaker 2: walls and the whole place stuck like shit.
Speaker 1: That is a brilliant what a mastermind?
Speaker 2: That is like that's messed up. And that's what I
Speaker 2: mean by this is an urban legend because I have
Speaker 2: heard something similar to this in like the Winds. But
Speaker 2: to actually go and physically do it, you are an
Speaker 2: evil gean.
Speaker 1: I think it's brilliant and they deserved it. But I
Speaker 1: would never think. I mean A, I would never think
Speaker 1: to do that myself. B If there was a smell
Speaker 1: in my house, I would never think to look in
Speaker 1: the curtain rods. I was it must be a prawn
Speaker 1: in the curtain road.
Speaker 2: You never would, and you would clean everything out of
Speaker 2: the house and you would still be like, where is
Speaker 2: it coming from? And the fact that you did it
Speaker 2: in multiple rooms. I've got a few feelings about this
Speaker 2: because let's just also reflect on the fact that this
Speaker 2: was a rental property, and so the people who own
Speaker 2: this property are like one of my house stink about What.
Speaker 1: About the people that just moved in, Well, make it.
Speaker 2: We would have to burn it down, start again, rip
Speaker 2: the covers out, like that stuff is going to get
Speaker 2: into the walls people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's true. That's funny for hot second, but not
Speaker 1: for moving on in the future. If I owned a
Speaker 1: house and someone in that house did that to me,
Speaker 1: I would be robal because at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: that's your business. Now there's a stinky prowl hid somewhere, you.
Speaker 2: Would also assume it was a possum in the wall
Speaker 2: and pay someone a lot of money to come out
Speaker 2: and find it. They need like a metal detector, but
Speaker 2: like a smell detector for real bad things.
Speaker 1: Is that anything?
Speaker 2: I don't know, But surely this happens. Surely this legitimate
Speaker 2: happens where something dies in a roof or dies in
Speaker 2: a wall and then you can never find it.
Speaker 1: For sure. But there would be a big difference between
Speaker 1: like a possum behind a cement wall and prawns in
Speaker 1: your above your bed too, because my bed's under a
Speaker 1: curtain rod.
Speaker 2: Could you okay, well you were absolved of your sins.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Actually I'm not you can absolve. I'm not absolving. That's cooked,
Speaker 1: that's raw.
Speaker 3: Get it.
Speaker 2: That was so fucking bad. It was so bad, it
Speaker 2: was great. O can't give me a confessional. Wait if
Speaker 2: you've got a confessional or an accent?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean it came as an accident, unfiltered, but
Speaker 1: it's a confessional, all right, hear me. I feel like
Speaker 1: this is something you would do, probably petty, because I'm
Speaker 1: petty af That's why. No, this is not about being petty.
Speaker 1: Super duper are super dupid dupid duper anonymous message?
Speaker 3: Please?
Speaker 1: That's literally the opening line. But I feel like you'll laugh.
Speaker 1: You were the only people I think I will ever
Speaker 1: tell and all of Australia because it's so mortifying. A
Speaker 1: few months ago, my toddler was having a nap of
Speaker 1: their life in the car. They're one of those kids
Speaker 1: that when they're asleep you need to leave or that
Speaker 1: all important ninety minute nap will be a ten minute
Speaker 1: nap and that will be it for the rest of
Speaker 1: the day. Now I feel like you can relate.
Speaker 2: I can't transfer them.
Speaker 1: You can't transfer.
Speaker 2: It's a real problem.
Speaker 1: So I sat in the car being good mum and
Speaker 1: letting my darling child sleep. I'd been running around all
Speaker 1: day and hadn't had a moment to even think about
Speaker 1: going to the bathroom. Suddenly I had a terrible feeling.
Speaker 1: I really needed to pooh, oh no, but I didn't
Speaker 1: want to wake my child.
Speaker 2: Oh no.
Speaker 1: I waited and I waited and I waited, and of
Speaker 1: course she kept sleeping and sleeping, and after thirty minutes
Speaker 1: I couldn't wait any longer. I waited up. Do I
Speaker 1: wake my child up and they be the devil for
Speaker 1: the rest of the day, or do I find somewhere
Speaker 1: to poop you wake them up now? I? Or she
Speaker 1: did not? She did not wake them now. I lived
Speaker 1: in an apartment, so we were in an underground car park.
Speaker 1: It was dark and no one was around, and I
Speaker 1: remembered I'd left a plastic b in the nappy bag.
Speaker 1: So I got up, pulled my bag out, sat next
Speaker 1: to the car, pulled my jeans down, and did hope
Speaker 1: in a plastic bag wow, rather than wake now, she
Speaker 1: must have a devil child. If you are going to
Speaker 1: poop in your garage at risk of any someone walking
Speaker 1: in see you, rather than get your child out of
Speaker 1: the car, you have a devil child.
Speaker 2: I think it's a real low point when you're taking
Speaker 2: a poop bag to a beIN it's your own like,
Speaker 2: that's real.
Speaker 1: I mean I've done that in the past. I did
Speaker 1: that when I was like twenty one and I had
Speaker 1: to live a parasite in Europe.
Speaker 2: Oh dick God. Anyway, guys, on that note, thank you
Speaker 2: to everyone who's written in acil unfilters and confessionals. I
Speaker 2: think we need some more confessionals. I think we need
Speaker 2: some more like I, what have you done that you
Speaker 2: just wanted to go to the grave with? But instead
Speaker 2: you tell Britain myself?
Speaker 1: Maybe, Laura, maybe you and I need to come up
Speaker 1: with a confessional. Maybe we need to put a couple
Speaker 1: in and people can get Shosi sho's.
Speaker 2: I have some pretty cook things that I've done. Maybe
Speaker 2: I'll just lie to you.
Speaker 1: Actually, I'd rather rely on yours and minnarrow.
Speaker 2: Alright, guys, let's get into the chat with Becky around
Speaker 2: intentional celibacy. You might remember a couple of weeks ago
Speaker 2: when we spoke about celibacy, Lo, what effect does it
Speaker 2: have on your relationships? What effect does it have on
Speaker 2: you as a person? And we did a little call out.
Speaker 2: We asked if there was anyone from the community who
Speaker 2: had actually spent some time where they had consciously gone
Speaker 2: and abstained from sex. And we received so many people
Speaker 2: who messaged us and said they're unique and different stories
Speaker 2: around why they chose celibacy. And when do we say this,
Speaker 2: I mean not in like a religious sense, not because
Speaker 2: it was something that from their own ethics or belief
Speaker 2: systems that they felt that they needed to abide by.
Speaker 2: But it was just a conscious decision, you know, being
Speaker 2: your twenties or in your thirties and going cool, I'm
Speaker 2: gonna just have some time away from having sex. And
Speaker 2: we had somebody slide into the DMS. We have Becky
Speaker 2: here to talk to us about her story because it
Speaker 2: was so unique and it stood out so much to Britain.
Speaker 2: I around how and why Becky decided to have a
Speaker 2: stint of abstaining from sex. Becky, Welcome to.
Speaker 3: Life on card, Hi cal thanks for having me, Becky.
Speaker 1: I read your little DM slide in and I called
Speaker 1: the girls and I was like, I don't know what
Speaker 1: we're going to do with this, but we need to
Speaker 1: talk to this girl. I was like, this is so
Speaker 1: interesting and there are so many layers to your story.
Speaker 1: It's not just oh, I didn't have sex. I want
Speaker 1: to read out your Instagram DM, but I thought, you
Speaker 1: know what, it's better if I just let you tell
Speaker 1: your story. So let's start from the very beginning. Give
Speaker 1: us a bit about you. How old are you and
Speaker 1: what relationship were you in when you decided, fuck, I
Speaker 1: have had enough of this.
Speaker 3: So I am thirty one years old, I'm a midwife,
Speaker 3: and I was in it just a shit, a shit, toxic,
Speaker 3: gross relationship on and off like two and a half years,
Speaker 3: and it just was such a waste of my time.
Speaker 3: But I still got out of it and was, you know,
Speaker 3: just devastated as you are from these kind of toxic
Speaker 3: shit relationships. And I just realized how much time I'd wasted,
Speaker 3: how much validation I seekd from this one person, and
Speaker 3: I decided, no, that's enough. I can't. I need to
Speaker 3: heal myself, and in order to do that, I can't
Speaker 3: use sex and relationships as a distraction anymore.
Speaker 1: What was so toxic about the relationship, If you don't
Speaker 1: mind me asking in terms of was it just that
Speaker 1: you were two people that were wrong for each other?
Speaker 1: Did you fight a lot? Was their cheating, was it abusive?
Speaker 1: Like what level are we talking so we can get
Speaker 1: our head around why you ran the other direction.
Speaker 3: From sex totally. So it was toxic in all of
Speaker 3: those senses. Basically, we're really we'll just treat people that
Speaker 3: were really bad for each other. We had absolutely nothing
Speaker 3: in common. He wasn't very nice to me, he didn't
Speaker 3: treat me very well, and yeah it was pretty he
Speaker 3: was pretty manipulative, and yeah, it was just it was
Speaker 3: just shit. It was just bad.
Speaker 2: What was I think this is a very personal question,
Speaker 2: but like how important was sex in your relationship with him?
Speaker 2: Like was that like something like you guys had a
Speaker 2: healthy sex life. Would you say up until that point
Speaker 2: that like sex was something that was high on your
Speaker 2: priority list.
Speaker 1: Sounds like it's the only thing they had in common.
Speaker 3: Total one hundred percent, which I.
Speaker 1: Think that is common as well, Becky. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people stay in relationships. I know in the past,
Speaker 1: like I've definitely dated people too long purely because I
Speaker 1: was like, we have a lot of chemistry, we have
Speaker 1: great sex. I'm gonna just like hold on to this
Speaker 1: one knowing it's not going anywhere. And I think a
Speaker 1: lot of people are in the same boat.
Speaker 3: Totally. Look, the sex wasn't necessarily the best sex of
Speaker 3: my life. I'm not gonna lie.
Speaker 2: I hope he's listening to this, but.
Speaker 3: There's something about that toxicity and the breakup sex and
Speaker 3: the makeup sex, and he was kind of just a
Speaker 3: shit boyfriend. So the only time I felt close to
Speaker 3: him was when we were having sex. So I really
Speaker 3: kind of, you know, that's something that I craved and
Speaker 3: that I saw out and I wanted to do all
Speaker 3: the time. If he wasn't having sex with me, he
Speaker 3: didn't love me, which you know, we didn't want me anyway,
Speaker 3: so it didn't really fuck it matter whether or not. Else.
Speaker 2: Totally hit the nail on the head with that. There's
Speaker 2: something that's so like it really binds you to someone
Speaker 2: because it's volatility that can come with these toxic relationships
Speaker 2: and the physical side of it really kind of just
Speaker 2: like that's where you get your affirmation from. If they're
Speaker 2: not giving you verbal affirmation or anything else, that can
Speaker 2: be where you seek. And I think that you can
Speaker 2: then almost have patent behavior where okay, cool, that relationship
Speaker 2: has broken down, but then you can kind of go
Speaker 2: and seek that in your next relationship as well. So
Speaker 2: after your breakup, how long was it that you were like, Okay,
Speaker 2: I'm going to just not have any sex at all.
Speaker 3: So I decided after the breakup. But once i'd done
Speaker 3: like a bit of healing, like a lot of it,
Speaker 3: I think to begin with was a lot of self preservation,
Speaker 3: I was like, nah, I need to take a step back,
Speaker 3: I need to heal, I need to sort my shit out,
Speaker 3: because I was a bit of a mess at the end.
Speaker 3: And then I decided I'm going to be celibate for
Speaker 3: a year, like no sex, and it had to be
Speaker 3: an emotional celibacy too, So I wasn't talking to anyone,
Speaker 3: I wasn't on dating sites, I wasn't having any kind
Speaker 3: of emotional connection like relationship wise with anybody. So it
Speaker 3: was an emotional celibacy and a sexual celibacy. And I decided, yes,
Speaker 3: it's going to be a year and I'll see how
Speaker 3: I go. And I thought after a year that I'd
Speaker 3: be like, hang in for it then and the year passed,
Speaker 3: and I mean, I guess we'll get into that more later.
Speaker 3: But it was one of the best years of my life.
Speaker 3: And then I went another year, so I ended up
Speaker 3: two years.
Speaker 2: Thol, But why was it one of the best years
Speaker 2: of your life.
Speaker 3: So I'd always been like a super super sexual person,
Speaker 3: Like even going back to when I was a kid,
Speaker 3: I was like a sexual kid. I was like humping furniture.
Speaker 3: I was always really I'm not getting I was always
Speaker 3: really fucking into sex.
Speaker 1: Even you've actually felt like you felt horny younger than
Speaker 1: you think other people did.
Speaker 3: Totally super super young.
Speaker 2: That is so interesting.
Speaker 3: I was like sex obsessed. So when I started having sex,
Speaker 3: it was so fun, it was so freeing, it felt
Speaker 3: so good. I was so in control. It was the
Speaker 3: best thing ever. And then I started getting into relationships
Speaker 3: and falling in love and seeing what sex could be
Speaker 3: like from this safe, like loving, beautiful place, and that
Speaker 3: was fantastic. And then I got into this shit relationship
Speaker 3: where I was just like completely like bought down and
Speaker 3: just treated badly, and the sex became so toxic and
Speaker 3: so gross, and it was just like I wanted to
Speaker 3: wash it. I just want to like wash it off me.
Speaker 3: So in contrast to that, not having sex for so
Speaker 3: long it just made me realize that I'd been using
Speaker 3: sex and relationships as it just complete distraction to figure
Speaker 3: out what I kind of needed to figure out in
Speaker 3: my life. So that first year it was like I
Speaker 3: had so much clarity. There was no background noise. I
Speaker 3: wasn't thinking about anyone. I wasn't thinking about is he
Speaker 3: going to text me? Or like, you know, when we
Speaker 3: fucked the other night, I did he like, I didn't care.
Speaker 3: I just had this clear mind where I could focus
Speaker 3: on myself and I've never done that before, and it
Speaker 3: just made me really realize how many of us in
Speaker 3: retrospect had been using sex and relationships as such a
Speaker 3: distraction for the deeper stuff. So that first year was
Speaker 3: really like gritty. I did a lot of digging. I
Speaker 3: went to therapy, you know, I bought an apartment. I
Speaker 3: lived by myself for the first time ever. There was
Speaker 3: just so much that I did and it was so hard,
Speaker 3: but it was so so great.
Speaker 1: Going back a second to something that you just said,
Speaker 1: where I find this really interesting that you wanted to
Speaker 1: do just not like a physical celibacy, but you want
Speaker 1: to do an emotional celibacy too. I find that and
Speaker 1: I hadn't really and literally until you saw this right now,
Speaker 1: I hadn't really thought about it before. But it is
Speaker 1: so draining when you are in like even if you
Speaker 1: weren't having sex when you're in an emotional relationship, or
Speaker 1: not even in a relationship, like you just said those
Speaker 1: early days of I've gone on a date, or is
Speaker 1: he going to text me? Did I do this wrong?
Speaker 1: What should I write to him right now? Just all
Speaker 1: those stupid little things. I think there is one hundred
Speaker 1: percent something to be said for just cutting both off.
Speaker 1: Were you one hundred percent? Did you set yourself the
Speaker 1: date of one year and say that, like, nothing's going
Speaker 1: to get in my way? But in that year, were
Speaker 1: there times where you wanted to or were you were
Speaker 1: close to or you thought, fuck, let me just go
Speaker 1: and have a one light stand. Was there any sort
Speaker 1: of temptation in that year?
Speaker 3: No, there wasn't. There really wasn't, and I thought there
Speaker 3: would be. I was like, this is going to be
Speaker 3: hard for me and my friends. I was like, you know,
Speaker 3: I told them I was going to be celibate for
Speaker 3: the year, and they all had bets on like when
Speaker 3: I was going to have sex again, and it was
Speaker 3: like it was like the next week, They're like, all right,
Speaker 3: you're not going to last that long. But I wasn't
Speaker 3: tempted at all. Like I'd go out with my girlfriends
Speaker 3: on a night out and it was really nice because
Speaker 3: I was just there with my girlfriends, like I was
Speaker 3: just there to have fun with them. I wasn't looking around.
Speaker 3: I stopped dressing for the male gaze. I stopped presenting
Speaker 3: myself in a way that you know that I thought
Speaker 3: would even be like, because I just didn't care, you know,
Speaker 3: instead of like going out and getting dressed up and
Speaker 3: like looking to fuck. It just wasn't even on my
Speaker 3: gender at all. And I wasn't tempted. I didn't meet
Speaker 3: anybody that I was interested in. I wasn't looking like
Speaker 3: I had a fuck off sign on my.
Speaker 1: Back literally all metaphorically, that would have been funny if
Speaker 1: I saw you on the dance floor, the fuck.
Speaker 3: And I think that the longer you go without sex
Speaker 3: as well, and the longer you go without relation, you know,
Speaker 3: whatever it is, whether it's like a situationship or like
Speaker 3: you know, talking to someone or fucking somebody, the longer
Speaker 3: you go without it, the more your self worth really
Speaker 3: starts to grow. So all of a sudden, people that
Speaker 3: I might have gone home with before, I was like, no, like,
Speaker 3: you're not good enough to go in me, I'm not
Speaker 3: into it.
Speaker 1: You're you are not the man that I'm going to
Speaker 1: bring this drout for.
Speaker 2: That's for sure.
Speaker 1: You were not good enough to go. I feel like
Speaker 1: that needs to be a bumper sticker.
Speaker 2: Yes, that's that's our next merge, that's our slogan. First.
Speaker 2: I think that's so many people. When we think about
Speaker 2: when you're in that dating phase, we have this scarcity
Speaker 2: mindset where we think we're going to miss out. We
Speaker 2: think we're gonna like, you know, we're not gonna not
Speaker 2: even just fomo, but not miss out on like the dating,
Speaker 2: but just miss out on finding someone who we're going
Speaker 2: to have a long term relationship, like wasting time. This
Speaker 2: is a question that we get over and over again
Speaker 2: from women who are in their twenties or in their
Speaker 2: thirties who see everybody else settling down, getting in relationships,
Speaker 2: and they're like, in their mind, they're like, well, fuck,
Speaker 2: what if I miss out on that? You know what
Speaker 2: if no one ever loves me? Did you ever have
Speaker 2: a moment where you were like in that year thinking, oh, well,
Speaker 2: I'm consciously taking a year out of my life from
Speaker 2: where I'm going to find someone or had you really
Speaker 2: come to peace and were you like, no, do you
Speaker 2: know what? There are much other, bigger and more important
Speaker 2: things than just being in a relationship.
Speaker 3: Totally, it was a bit of both, Like it wasn't
Speaker 3: always easy, Like I've been single before, but I've never
Speaker 3: truly been alone, and this was about truly being alone.
Speaker 3: So there were times when friends were getting into relationships
Speaker 3: and people getting married. I was like, fucking well, I
Speaker 3: ever meet someone especially hot? My standards are so high,
Speaker 3: Probably fucking not. So I was really, you know, I
Speaker 3: thought about it a lot.
Speaker 2: Well, maybe if you take the sign off your back back,
Speaker 2: like I love this, I love this conversation. I love like,
Speaker 2: you know, the energy that you're putting out into the world,
Speaker 2: because I do think for so many people, and I
Speaker 2: know that I've been there personally, I lowered my standards
Speaker 2: just because I didn't think I would meet somebody. I
Speaker 2: didn't want to be alone. So instead of going out
Speaker 2: there and trying to reassess and readjust and work with myself,
Speaker 2: I was like, well, the standards just lowered down, and
Speaker 2: like my boundaries lowered down, and what I would accept
Speaker 2: in a relationship was lowered down because I was so
Speaker 2: find about being on my own.
Speaker 3: Absolutely, yeah, I.
Speaker 1: Did this right, but I didn't know that I was
Speaker 1: doing it. I just didn't have sex for a long
Speaker 1: time because I was just not in a good place.
Speaker 1: I didn't want to meet anyone. People disgusted me, and
Speaker 1: I was so okay with it. But I didn't really
Speaker 1: realize until my friends and I were like talking about
Speaker 1: it one day, when was the last time you had sex?
Speaker 1: And I was like, let me think about this, and
Speaker 1: I was like, holy shit, it's what will you been
Speaker 1: like ten months now. I know that that's not a
Speaker 1: long time, but it's a pretty long time for like
Speaker 1: a young single woman. But the thing with me was
Speaker 1: it wasn't intentional. I didn't actually know I was doing it.
Speaker 1: I didn't put it out to the world. It just
Speaker 1: happened and it was so fine. I felt really good.
Speaker 1: I was in a good place in my life in
Speaker 1: terms of work and what I was doing, and I've
Speaker 1: never gone that long again. But I can appreciate why.
Speaker 3: You did it totally well. I was just going to
Speaker 3: quickly go back to what Laura said about kind of
Speaker 3: lowering standards, and that was something that I was really
Speaker 3: conscious of that I had been in this relationship with
Speaker 3: this person that was very much not on my level.
Speaker 3: And I kind of thought, what made me get into
Speaker 3: that relationship with that person that I have nothing in
Speaker 3: common with, that is kind of a piece of shit
Speaker 3: that he's going nowhere? What about me thought that that
Speaker 3: was a good thing for me? What made me think
Speaker 3: that I wasn't good enough to be better than that?
Speaker 3: So that was a really conscious thing as well, that
Speaker 3: this year, I need to build myself up. I need
Speaker 3: to make myself you know, a better person for me
Speaker 3: so that when I do get into a relationship, And
Speaker 3: that was never the point. It was never the point
Speaker 3: to get into relationship after the year, but it was
Speaker 3: definitely part of being a better person, having a self validation,
Speaker 3: you know, feeling good about myself again so that if
Speaker 3: I did meet somebody, well, I'd be the best, but
Speaker 3: you know, version of myself.
Speaker 2: For somebody who's listening to this, who's maybe come out
Speaker 2: of a bad breakup or can identify with the situation
Speaker 2: that you've been through and kind of sees themselves in that.
Speaker 2: When we had the conversation about celibacy on the podcast earlier,
Speaker 2: we sort of spoke about it more so around physical celibacy,
Speaker 2: and we only just touched on the emotional side. But
Speaker 2: why do you think it's so important that from a
Speaker 2: healing perspective, the emotional celibacy and the physical celibacy go
Speaker 2: hand in hand.
Speaker 3: So I think that the physical celibacy, I mean, you
Speaker 3: sleep with somebody and they can make you feel really
Speaker 3: good about yourself in the moment, like you're having a
Speaker 3: good time, But then it's what comes emotionally, like does
Speaker 3: he text you afterwards? Is he taking you out on dates?
Speaker 3: Is he treating you well? Sometimes we get that sexual
Speaker 3: validation and sometimes that's a really good thing, and that
Speaker 3: can be really fun. And if that's all you need,
Speaker 3: then that's fantastic. And no shade to anyone that's having
Speaker 3: you know, like, good for you. I've had so many
Speaker 3: one nightstands, I had so much fun. That's great. But
Speaker 3: for me, it just wasn't about that. It was about
Speaker 3: what comes after and what for me I kind of
Speaker 3: I needed to work on so that for what came after,
Speaker 3: I didn't care about it anymore. Whereas you know, in
Speaker 3: this previous relationship, it was something that I braved so
Speaker 3: much from him. I needed that validation and that love
Speaker 3: from him after the sex?
Speaker 1: Did you kiss anyone at all? Like, did you have
Speaker 1: any physical contact at that time? Nope, you didn't. So
Speaker 1: for two years you didn't even kiss anyone nothing. She
Speaker 1: takes the assignment seriously, Brittany. Yeah, you've read the brief
Speaker 1: and you delivered big time. Okay, so you've done this
Speaker 1: two years. Well, you know, you started off as one
Speaker 1: year and eventuated to two years. What was the moment
Speaker 1: what happened? If your life was moving in a direction
Speaker 1: that you wanted. You were happy mentally, emotionally, physically, you
Speaker 1: were on your own, you were doing everything you wanted
Speaker 1: to do, what was the moment where you're like, cool,
Speaker 1: I've made it. I've reached the point I want to fuck.
Speaker 3: So it kind of came up to the back end
Speaker 3: of the two years. I kind of reached the two
Speaker 3: years and I was like, all right, well, like what next.
Speaker 3: I got to get on the horse, and I felt
Speaker 3: like I was ready. There was just something that swept
Speaker 3: over me, not suddenly, but kind of overtime where I
Speaker 3: was kind of like looking and thinking like I need
Speaker 3: to start dating again, or like at least need to
Speaker 3: have a fuck, Like I need to need to get
Speaker 3: it out of the way, so it just slowly happened
Speaker 3: that I just reached a point where I was ready.
Speaker 1: Did you masturbate it all over the time, Like was
Speaker 1: there any self pleasure or did you withhold from that everything?
Speaker 3: Yeah, of course masturbated constantly, but I did I didn't.
Speaker 3: I did go on a porn band, so I didn't
Speaker 3: watch porn for two years because I felt like I
Speaker 3: was really relyant on porn, like I'd always just use
Speaker 3: porn to get off. And I didn't use a vibrator
Speaker 3: for two years.
Speaker 2: Wow, So you've really had rules for.
Speaker 3: Yourself, total total rules. There was so much that I
Speaker 3: wanted to work on, like going back to, you know,
Speaker 3: sex when I was younger, and like my obsession with
Speaker 3: sex when I was younger. I think it got like
Speaker 3: an unhealthy place where like I would only be able
Speaker 3: to come if I was watching porn. I probably hadn't
Speaker 3: come without a vibrator for like years and years, So
Speaker 3: I was like, all right, I need to need to
Speaker 3: cut this out too. I think it's not going to hurt,
Speaker 3: so I just cut it.
Speaker 1: I find it interesting because we've talked about porn obsession,
Speaker 1: Laura and I by it before we're like, let's do
Speaker 1: an episode on porn addiction and sex addiction and those
Speaker 1: kind of things. So when I hear someone say, you know,
Speaker 1: I was pretty much digted to porn, I just find
Speaker 1: it and someone that's my age and a woman, I
Speaker 1: find it really fascinating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think that that's the key differentiator. I
Speaker 2: think that in society, we're okay with men watching porn,
Speaker 2: and we think that's acceptable and that's normalized that men
Speaker 2: watch porn, But it's still a bit like unusual maybe
Speaker 2: is the right word to use, like unusual when a
Speaker 2: woman does it, but so many women do, they just
Speaker 2: don't talk about it because there's a little bit more
Speaker 2: of tab a stigma around women watching porn, especially women
Speaker 2: watching porn on their own, not with their partner. Now,
Speaker 2: the reason why we wanted to speak to you not
Speaker 2: just because you have such an interesting and long stint
Speaker 2: of celibacy, but because you have a pretty spectacular way
Speaker 2: in which you decided to break the drought, came Maki sang, Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: the girl's on fire. Can you talk us through when
Speaker 2: you did get to this point where you were like,
Speaker 2: all right, cool, I want to get back out there
Speaker 2: into the world of sex? How did you do it?
Speaker 1: How do you pick your prize?
Speaker 3: So basically, I well, I went to a sex party.
Speaker 3: Let's just put that out there. I went to a
Speaker 3: sex party and I had group sex in order to
Speaker 3: basically lose my to year virginity.
Speaker 1: So Tinder just wasn't going to do it for you
Speaker 1: were like, this is a baptism of fire. You're like,
Speaker 1: I want to I want the more the merrier. I
Speaker 1: want a group.
Speaker 2: Yeah, a big, big party.
Speaker 3: Don't do things by heart?
Speaker 1: Yeah, go hard or go home? How did you good one, Laura?
Speaker 1: How did you find this sex?
Speaker 3: Like?
Speaker 1: What made you decide on a sex party?
Speaker 3: It wasn't something that I was like, Okay, I'm going
Speaker 3: to go to a sex party and this is what
Speaker 3: I'm going to do. It literally fell from the universe.
Speaker 3: I think the universe was like this girl needs to
Speaker 3: catch a dick. So I got this message from this.
Speaker 1: There are so many bumper stickers in this episode. I
Speaker 1: don't know which one I love more.
Speaker 3: So I got this text message from this guy that
Speaker 3: I hadn't heard from for ages. We went to like
Speaker 3: high school parties to that we had each other on Facebook.
Speaker 3: He messaged me He's like, listen, I know you've always
Speaker 3: been like a really sexually out there person because you know,
Speaker 3: going back to my young years, I definitely was I'm married,
Speaker 3: but i am polyamorous, and I'm part of this community.
Speaker 3: I wondered if you wanted to come to an event
Speaker 3: with me. So this came out of nowhere straight away.
Speaker 3: I was like, all right, cool. So we messaged back
Speaker 3: and forth and then there was an event happening, and
Speaker 3: basically it was just like at a bar. It was
Speaker 3: like a high venue at a bar that was organized
Speaker 3: by this girl and her partner. And so you go
Speaker 3: to the bar, you pay, there's like an entry, you pay,
Speaker 3: there's no sex on premises. This is like purely just
Speaker 3: like a party, and it's people in the community. So
Speaker 3: it's a polyamorous community. A lot of people are partnered up,
Speaker 3: a lot of people are married. There's also single people there,
Speaker 3: not as many single guys, but they definitely want single girls.
Speaker 3: So I was there with two of my best friends.
Speaker 3: We basically just rocked up. We paid our fifty bucks
Speaker 3: to get him, and it was just a really fun night.
Speaker 3: And so we got to know all these different people
Speaker 3: and we met the girl that ran the events and
Speaker 3: ran the sex parties, and you need to meet her.
Speaker 3: She I guess she needs to scuss that if you're
Speaker 3: attractive and you know, clean and just you know, a
Speaker 3: normal person there for the right reasons. And so we
Speaker 3: met her and she invited us to one of her
Speaker 3: sex parties, maybe three or so weeks later.
Speaker 1: So this night where you go to the bar and
Speaker 1: meet people, is the idea that at the end of
Speaker 1: the night people go home together, or is there a
Speaker 1: venue later somewhere else that the sex can happen or
Speaker 1: group sex can happen, or is it just like this
Speaker 1: is our initial meeting and in two weeks we have
Speaker 1: a sex party. If you want to come, you come, correct.
Speaker 3: So I don't know people went home together. They very
Speaker 3: well could have. I don't know they could have gone
Speaker 3: home together after that, but it's really saved for the
Speaker 3: sex party. People like to be there, they like to
Speaker 3: be all together, they like having group sex, they like
Speaker 3: watching group sex. So I think it's more about the party.
Speaker 2: So told me through a little bit about this, like
Speaker 2: was it overwhelming or was it nerve wracking walking into
Speaker 2: a situation where you've abstained from sex for two years
Speaker 2: and then you're literally surrounded by it in the most
Speaker 2: ho like uninhibited way possible.
Speaker 3: Totally. I didn't know what I was walking into, but
Speaker 3: they were all really nice people. It was a really
Speaker 3: safe environment, and I felt before I went, I gave
Speaker 3: myself like a bit of a pep talk and I'm like, listen,
Speaker 3: you gotta do this, girl. And I wasn't going to
Speaker 3: force it. If there was nobody that I was into, obviously,
Speaker 3: I wasn't going to force it. But I fake tan
Speaker 3: my titties. I was ready to go.
Speaker 1: Justy boobs or the rest of body as well. Walking
Speaker 1: I just really wanted to highlight these bad boys.
Speaker 3: You know when you go out and you just leave,
Speaker 3: you leave like the white bit like here and like here, Nah,
Speaker 3: I fake tan my tits. I was ready. So we
Speaker 3: rocked up at the house and with two of my
Speaker 3: best friends. We rocked up at the house and it
Speaker 3: was very chill. I was expecting like a gimp masks
Speaker 3: and like people pegging each other in the corner, but
Speaker 3: it was not the case. It was like a cocktail event.
Speaker 3: There were like drinks and nibbles and people like standing
Speaker 3: around having conversation.
Speaker 2: I mean, that was just that was the full play,
Speaker 2: and so.
Speaker 3: I met up with the guy that I knew and
Speaker 3: I was like, all right, well when people are going
Speaker 3: to start fucking, and he's like at nine pm, So
Speaker 3: we kind of waited around for nine pm, and then
Speaker 3: the girl that hosts the event basically like stood up
Speaker 3: on a chair and told us that from now we
Speaker 3: could take our clothes off and we could start engaging insects.
Speaker 3: So there were lots of rules, lots of talk about consent,
Speaker 3: enthusiastic consent and maybe isn't a yes, you know, there
Speaker 3: was all of that was spoken about. Safe sex was
Speaker 3: a muss, So there was condoms everywhere. No anal sex,
Speaker 3: probably just because of cleanup. So it was her, well
Speaker 3: I'm guessing it was her. I mean, I know it
Speaker 3: was her place. She had like a three bedroom little
Speaker 3: little house. One of the bedrooms was locked off, you
Speaker 3: couldn't go in there, but the other two bedrooms were
Speaker 3: basically just mattresses on the floor and like lots of
Speaker 3: little three pillows and blankets around, and then there were
Speaker 3: like couches that you could have sex on as well.
Speaker 2: So how many people do you think were there in total?
Speaker 3: I think probably like a good forty people.
Speaker 1: That's a lot of people in a confined in like
Speaker 1: a two bedroom.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it felt pretty crowded in like a small place.
Speaker 3: So I reckon like a good forty people.
Speaker 1: And so was there somebody or multiple people on the
Speaker 1: initial meet up night at the bar that you had
Speaker 1: your eye on and you thought, I'm actually interested in them? Like,
Speaker 1: did you go in knowing what Pe and I you
Speaker 1: were going for?
Speaker 3: Not at all? Not at all. So I met some
Speaker 3: really nice people at the event that weren't there at
Speaker 3: the party. But then there was a couple that I
Speaker 3: spoke to quite a bit and they were the couple
Speaker 3: that I ended up having sex with.
Speaker 2: And going to this party. So you said you arrived
Speaker 2: with your friends, Like, how was that conversation and how
Speaker 2: did that go down? I mean, you know, I think
Speaker 2: like a lot of us have pretty open relationships and
Speaker 2: conversations with our friends, but having conversations around sex and
Speaker 2: being open in that regards is probably something that's unfamiliar
Speaker 2: to a lot of people. What sort of relationship do
Speaker 2: you have with your girlfriends? For that too, have been
Speaker 2: something that was like cool, we're going to do this together.
Speaker 1: Are you trying to ask me Laura, and you want
Speaker 1: to know how to do it exactly.
Speaker 3: So it was never it was never an issue for
Speaker 3: us in our friendship group were very very open, Like
Speaker 3: my best friend has literally pulled out a used condom
Speaker 3: out of me because I thought my cervix was coming
Speaker 3: out and she yanked it out and it was literally
Speaker 3: a condom from tee days ago. So it wasn't an
Speaker 3: It just wasn't an issue.
Speaker 1: It's like a scene out of Sex in the City.
Speaker 3: It was like life. I thought my cervix was falling
Speaker 3: and she just gave it a yank. But no, it
Speaker 3: was It was never an issue. It was always an
Speaker 3: open conversation. She was so excited to be there. She
Speaker 3: didn't necessarily want to have sex with anybody. She was
Speaker 3: just kind of there to see if she was interested,
Speaker 3: but she was. It was very much there to support
Speaker 3: me as well.
Speaker 1: I love that you thought and she thought it was
Speaker 1: your cervix and you both still trying to pull it out,
Speaker 1: like you probably shouldn't try to pull me your cervixt
Speaker 1: like just a cervix prolaps.
Speaker 2: So when you got there and all this was going down,
Speaker 2: they've had they've had the initial like instructions around how
Speaker 2: the night will unfold. How did you meet this couple.
Speaker 2: Did you have a conversation with them first? Were you
Speaker 2: just drawn into a room, like talk to me about
Speaker 2: how you went from standing around having nibbles and cannapas
Speaker 2: to having sex with a married couple.
Speaker 3: So basically, a lot of people started to undress. A
Speaker 3: lot of people walking around naked or just with like
Speaker 3: a bra, and so I was just in like a
Speaker 3: bra and undies and like knee high boots. I was
Speaker 3: looking like a snack and I was really feeling myself
Speaker 3: and I was just kind of walking like just just
Speaker 3: walking around like doing a like trying to talk to
Speaker 3: different people. It was very social. Everyone was there to
Speaker 3: like have a chat and get to know you. And
Speaker 3: then I spoke originally to the girl of the couple,
Speaker 3: so it was male and female couple. I spoke originally
Speaker 3: to the girl. She was really lovely. We had a
Speaker 3: really great conversation. Her boyfriend at the time was actually
Speaker 3: on the couch getting his dick sucked, because she was like, oh,
Speaker 3: that's my boyfriend, and I was like, oh, okay, by
Speaker 3: another girl, and so yes, I met her first and
Speaker 3: then we had a really good chat. And then later
Speaker 3: in the night I spoke to the two of them
Speaker 3: together and it was just kind of small talk and
Speaker 3: they were like, oh, you know, Becky, are you here
Speaker 3: to like to have sex with anyone? And I was like, yeah,
Speaker 3: maybe I am really interested. I just you know, don't know.
Speaker 3: I'm just a bit nervous and I don't know who.
Speaker 3: And they were like, would you like to come to
Speaker 3: one of the rooms with us? It was really simple,
Speaker 3: and I was just like yes, and they were like
Speaker 3: are you sure? And I was like yes, and so
Speaker 3: that was it.
Speaker 1: And then how okay, I'm sorry, we are so invested
Speaker 1: in this story because we have never gone to a
Speaker 1: sex party. So I'm literally in this room with you,
Speaker 1: like I am sitting I am was that guy in
Speaker 1: the couch for a hole. Second, When you walk into
Speaker 1: the room with a couple, who initiates that? And how
Speaker 1: do you know who to go and kiss first and
Speaker 1: start to have sex first? Do you go to the
Speaker 1: guy first? Does he come to you? Does she come
Speaker 1: to you?
Speaker 3: Yeah? So basically she led me by the hand down
Speaker 3: the hallway to the first room. There was already people say,
Speaker 3: there was mattresses all over the floor, there were already
Speaker 3: people having sex. There were maybe four people like engaged
Speaker 3: in group sex. And before they entered the room, they said,
Speaker 3: is it okay if we joined? So everything is very
Speaker 3: You don't just jump next to someone and stuff fucking
Speaker 3: next to them. You're like, is it okay if there's
Speaker 3: somebody standing at the door watching you having a wank? Like,
Speaker 3: they have to ask before they do that. So we
Speaker 3: asked if we could go into the space. We asked
Speaker 3: if we could go into the room, and then she
Speaker 3: really led me, so she was the first one to
Speaker 3: start kissing me, and then he was kind of watching.
Speaker 3: So that's how it begun.
Speaker 2: Up until this point. Had you ever had an experience
Speaker 2: with her with a woman before?
Speaker 3: Yeah? I have. I have. So I had been in
Speaker 3: a relationship. I slept with like a couple of girls before,
Speaker 3: and I've been in a relationship with a woman for
Speaker 3: six years. And then we broke up and it was
Speaker 3: very We just kind of became friends, and I was like, fuck,
Speaker 3: I'm not attracted to women anymore. That's why it ended,
Speaker 3: and so I very much went back to dating men,
Speaker 3: and I think that's probably why none of my relationships
Speaker 3: with men worked out in the end, but no, I
Speaker 3: have I have been with women before.
Speaker 1: And then okay, so you're making out with the girl,
Speaker 1: then you start obviously hooking up with the husband and
Speaker 1: does the wife just watch on?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, So there was lots of all of us together.
Speaker 3: It was very much all about me, like I felt
Speaker 3: I was literally the guest. I felt really good. There
Speaker 3: was lots of compliments like you know when, oh, can
Speaker 3: I and lots of asking can I take off your top?
Speaker 3: Is it okay if I take off your bra I
Speaker 3: took off my undies and the guy was like, You've
Speaker 3: got the best box I've ever seen, and straight away
Speaker 3: I was like, oh my god. Yeah, so lots of
Speaker 3: confluence and you just feel so good. No one's called
Speaker 3: it a box before, but anyway, you just feel so
Speaker 3: You just feel so good and everything's very very consensual.
Speaker 3: You feel very in control. So they ask you, is
Speaker 3: there anything you like? I was like, yeah, like being Spanish,
Speaker 3: like you can try that out, and you know, is
Speaker 3: there anything you don't like? He asked to begin with,
Speaker 3: is there anything you don't want to do? And I
Speaker 3: basically said, yeah, I don't really want to put your
Speaker 3: dick in my mouth, and he was like, all right,
Speaker 3: so there was kind of nothing off limits. You know,
Speaker 3: they were really happy to engage in anything. But if
Speaker 3: I didn't want to do anything, then that was totally
Speaker 3: fine too.
Speaker 2: So in terms of their relationship. And maybe you don't
Speaker 2: have this insight, but I guess we've spoken to some
Speaker 2: couples before who have had polyamorous or open relationships. Was
Speaker 2: it obvious to you that they had any rules at
Speaker 2: all between them or was it kind of a bit
Speaker 2: of a free for all in that terms.
Speaker 3: I think it was totally a free for all, to
Speaker 3: be honest. So everything that he did to her, he
Speaker 3: did to me. Like he went down to me, she'd
Speaker 3: be going down to me while he was fucking me
Speaker 3: from behind, Like it kind of just seems like there
Speaker 3: was really nothing off limits. We were kissing. We also
Speaker 3: were kissing the mouth, which I thought, maybe they won't
Speaker 3: want to do that. I don't know, is that too intimate?
Speaker 3: And the sex with the guy felt like quite intimate,
Speaker 3: like how he was touching me and like getting really
Speaker 3: close to me, And I was like, I don't know.
Speaker 3: I guess for her that was fine. For me, that
Speaker 3: felt like a bit too intimate for the setting that
Speaker 3: I was in and from what I wanted from it,
Speaker 3: But for them, I guess it's something that they're okay with.
Speaker 1: So how did you feel when you left? You've broken
Speaker 1: the cycle, it's been two long years, You've just had
Speaker 1: group sex in front of a lot of people. How
Speaker 1: did you walk away from that feeling?
Speaker 3: I felt good. I felt really really good. I felt
Speaker 3: really empowered. So basically it ended because she kind of
Speaker 3: jumped into the next group, so as like a group
Speaker 3: next to us having sex, and she kind of went
Speaker 3: and joined them, and so I was left fucking the
Speaker 3: guy and I was kind of like, h okay, like
Speaker 3: I've kind of had enough now, Like once she was gone,
Speaker 3: I kind of wasn't into it anymore. So I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: I've had enough, and he was like, oh okay, and
Speaker 3: so I just jumped off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, thanks, thanks, I'm done by I've gotten what I
Speaker 1: came here for.
Speaker 3: I've been three year celibate. I make the rules. I
Speaker 3: was like, I had enough. So I just kind of
Speaker 3: got off and was and I said thank you. I
Speaker 3: was like, listen, this was an amazing experience. Thank you
Speaker 3: so much. They also knew that I hadn't had sex
Speaker 3: for two years. So they were like, yeah, good on you.
Speaker 3: And then I kind of interrupted the girl as she
Speaker 3: was fucking this other guy next to us, just to
Speaker 3: say thank you to her. I was like, thank you
Speaker 3: so much, and that was it.
Speaker 1: She's been pounded.
Speaker 3: She's like exactly, and that was it. And then I left.
Speaker 3: I literally grabbed my girlfriends and I'm like let's go,
Speaker 3: and I like put a coat on and we went
Speaker 3: home and I felt like a million bucks. It was great.
Speaker 2: So this experience, did you ever see or like, what
Speaker 2: was the follow up with this couple? Do you keep
Speaker 2: in contact? Do you have a conversation with them afterwards?
Speaker 1: Just line into their Instagram DM?
Speaker 3: Nothing. I don't have them on Instagram. I don't have
Speaker 3: them on Facebook. So it's really I don't even know
Speaker 3: their last name. I know their first names. That's it.
Speaker 2: What an amazing experience. We've spoken to a couple of
Speaker 2: people who have been to sex parties and like, it's
Speaker 2: the unknown. It's this experience that so many of our
Speaker 2: listeners are interested in and like want to be a
Speaker 2: fly on the wall, but have never experienced it themselves. Now,
Speaker 2: coming out of this and coming out of breaking the
Speaker 2: celibacy draft, emotionally and also physically. What impact did that
Speaker 2: have on you? How did that change you as a
Speaker 2: person when you look back on those two years.
Speaker 3: It changed everything. It gave me so much. It gave me,
Speaker 3: you know, so much self love, so much self worth.
Speaker 3: I did so much growth. And I think a lot
Speaker 3: of people can do that, you know, having sex and
Speaker 3: being in relationships and that's okay, and that's great, But
Speaker 3: for me, I needed to completely be alone to do
Speaker 3: the work. It also showed me that I can be alone,
Speaker 3: and that's okay. I think is society has this choke
Speaker 3: hold on us as women that we're just treading water
Speaker 3: until we find somebody to love us. And it's really
Speaker 3: sad and I think there's so much work to do there.
Speaker 3: But for me, it changed the whole Like not to
Speaker 3: be dramatic, but it honestly changed the whole trajectory of
Speaker 3: my life. And I'm so grateful I did it.
Speaker 1: So what age were you, Becky? What were the two years?
Speaker 3: So I had gotten out of the relationship when I
Speaker 3: was twenty seven and I was celibate until I was
Speaker 3: twenty nine, Okay.
Speaker 1: So happy thirty and okay, And did you a lot
Speaker 1: of people say that there is this insane level of
Speaker 1: clarity that they feel in their brain or their brain,
Speaker 1: their mind, their body. But did you feel that? Did
Speaker 1: you just feel like everything you looked at the world
Speaker 1: differently and everything was so clear?
Speaker 3: Absolutely? Absolutely, everything was so clear. There was no background noise,
Speaker 3: there were no distractions. I just felt so so kind
Speaker 3: of centered in what I was doing and what I
Speaker 3: wanted to become and what I wanted to do. So yeah,
Speaker 3: there was absolute just clarity and clearness there for sure.
Speaker 2: Can I ask, as well, like, what impact now, now
Speaker 2: that it's been some use moving on, since you've had
Speaker 2: this experience, what impact has it had on your relationships
Speaker 2: and on how you approach dating?
Speaker 3: After the sex party, a couple of months after that,
Speaker 3: I was ready to date, Like I literally just did
Speaker 3: it and I was ready to go. So I went
Speaker 3: and from that experience as well, you know, once I
Speaker 3: realized that I enjoyed my time with the girl so
Speaker 3: much more than the guy, I went on a lesbian
Speaker 3: dating app and I met my girlfriend who I've now
Speaker 3: been with for a couple of years, and we lived
Speaker 3: together and we're very very happy, and I honestly don't
Speaker 3: think I would have been the person that I am
Speaker 3: to her and in this relationship, if I hadn't done
Speaker 3: that work, I really just she's amazing. She brings so
Speaker 3: much to the table. She's such a special person, and
Speaker 3: our relationship is so wonderful because I'm such a secure together.
Speaker 3: I've just got my shit sorted, and I think that's
Speaker 3: what I attracted from there. I attracted someone who was
Speaker 3: on the same level.
Speaker 1: It's interesting that you from what you've said, obviously you've
Speaker 1: dated both men and women in the past, but going
Speaker 1: into that sex party and at that point of your
Speaker 1: life at twenty seven, you were convinced that it wasn't
Speaker 1: women you were attracted to anymore, it was men. That's
Speaker 1: why your relationship with a woman died down. You went
Speaker 1: into that sex party saying I'm into men, and you
Speaker 1: left that sex part you thinking I'm into women. Do
Speaker 1: you actually think that that was a defining moment in
Speaker 1: your change of trajectory.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was the defining moment. If I got anything
Speaker 3: out of that other than just ripping the band aid
Speaker 3: off and finally getting a fuck from two years, it
Speaker 3: was that I realized that this is why things haven't
Speaker 3: worked out with men. This is why I seek toxic
Speaker 3: shit men because I'm not into them being in a
Speaker 3: relationship with them. It has to be toxic if I'm
Speaker 3: in a relationship with them, because otherwise I'm really not
Speaker 3: that interested. Whereas I'm in this relationship with a woman
Speaker 3: and it's really sometimes it's really boring, and it's really comforting,
Speaker 3: and it's really wonderful and it's just the best thing ever,
Speaker 3: because well, you know, I like when she takes her
Speaker 3: clothes off, like she's she's a girl. That's what I'm into.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Like, I just got a bit lost for a
Speaker 1: little while there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And why do you think that is? Why do
Speaker 2: you think you like, I mean, why do you think
Speaker 2: that you kind of got to a point where you
Speaker 2: were like, oh no, maybe it's men, Like what was
Speaker 2: it that kind of pushed you towards that at one
Speaker 2: point in your life?
Speaker 3: So I think it was a lot of things. I
Speaker 3: think the first thing was at this relationship that I
Speaker 3: was with my ex girlfriend will together for six years
Speaker 3: and it just kind of died out and we stopped
Speaker 3: having sex, and I misinterpreted my lack of attraction for
Speaker 3: that particular relationship for what I was like forever, Oh,
Speaker 3: I don't want to have sex with her. Therefore I
Speaker 3: don't want to have sex with another woman again. And
Speaker 3: it was also I think I've got a lot of
Speaker 3: internalized homophobia, which is really weird as a lesbian to
Speaker 3: say that I've got internalized homophobia, but I definitely do.
Speaker 3: I always pictured I grew up in a very traditional family.
Speaker 3: I always pictured my life with a man. I always
Speaker 3: pictured getting married and having children, and everything was just
Speaker 3: so much harder as a lesbian, and that was something
Speaker 3: that maybe I wasn't ready to face yet, and maybe
Speaker 3: that was part of the work that I ended up doing.
Speaker 1: I think it's also just a journey. That's what dating is,
Speaker 1: and that's what growing up is. It's a journey to
Speaker 1: find out who you are and what you like, and
Speaker 1: there's you know, it's a different road for a lot
Speaker 1: of people. For you, you took you a little bit longer,
Speaker 1: and you went around in circles, and you went around
Speaker 1: a few sex parties, but you got there in the end.
Speaker 1: Have you done a sex party again or would you
Speaker 1: and your partner be involved in that or are you
Speaker 1: very you very happy in your closed relationship?
Speaker 3: No, so I didn't do it again. When I was single.
Speaker 3: Once I'd done it, I'd just done I got everything
Speaker 3: I needed out it, But I didn't need to do
Speaker 3: it again and make your friend. We would never she
Speaker 3: would literally rather die.
Speaker 2: So honestly, thank you so much. Like we absolutely love
Speaker 2: speaking to people from our own community and being able
Speaker 2: to just have these conversations to share them with everybody
Speaker 2: else who's listening. Like, your story is so unique, and
Speaker 2: I love that you reached out. I love that you
Speaker 2: were so vulnerable and wanting to share it with us,
Speaker 2: And I just I can't thank you enough for coming
Speaker 2: and being a part of the podcast.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me. It was an
Speaker 3: absolute pleasure.
Speaker 1: I'm literally so enthralled, and I have so many questions.
Speaker 3: It's like these bombing stickers out girls, get the producer,
Speaker 3: get some of those.
Speaker 2: We've seen the bugs coming that will be available online
Speaker 2: in six months.
Speaker 3: Guys.
Speaker 1: No, that was actually like I really really genuinely loved
Speaker 1: that chat, and I know there'll be so many people
Speaker 1: now that will get something from that. Whether that is
Speaker 1: people that want to go to a sex party you
Speaker 1: don't know how where that's people that are out of
Speaker 1: a toxic release, people wanting to just have some time alone,
Speaker 1: not have sex for a little while. I just think
Speaker 1: there's so much in that. So I really am genuinely
Speaker 1: so stoked you slid into our DMS.
Speaker 3: Oh I'm so glad. Thank you.
Speaker 2: I was like, I was gonna let you go, but
Speaker 2: I want to ask one more thing now, because the
Speaker 2: thing that I really take from this is like, for
Speaker 2: anybody who wants to take some time and be celibate
Speaker 2: but feels like they're going to miss out, you know,
Speaker 2: it feels like they're going to be left behind. Did
Speaker 2: your friends or did anybody in your close network judge
Speaker 2: you for wanting to be like, you know what, I'm
Speaker 2: completely not going to have sex for a while, And like,
Speaker 2: once you got to the one point five year mark,
Speaker 2: was anybody in your friendship group a bit like press you?
Speaker 2: Was there any sort of judgment that came from people
Speaker 2: in your network?
Speaker 3: I think to begin with, everybody kind of thought it
Speaker 3: was a bit of a joke. And then yeah, time
Speaker 3: went on and they realized I was taking it really seriously.
Speaker 3: People closest to me, I think, really understood and were
Speaker 3: really happy for me and really proud of me and
Speaker 3: you that I needed to do some work and that
Speaker 3: it was about time, and you know that were really
Speaker 3: that were really supporting that. But then yeah, once it
Speaker 3: got probably past the one mark, I think some of
Speaker 3: my friends, maybe not to my face, but maybe they
Speaker 3: were just just some you know, kind discussions behind my back,
Speaker 3: like is this bitch I'm going to have sex? Guess
Speaker 3: you're gonna be alone forever? Like they were probably panicking,
Speaker 3: But no, honestly, it was support all around, and I
Speaker 3: feel really grateful for that.
Speaker 2: Amazing Becky Thaki, thank you so much. I've loved chatting
Speaker 2: to today.
Speaker 1: Thanks legend.
Speaker 3: I have loved it too, Thank you so much. Girls.
Speaker 1: This week, I think, for very obvious reasons, we are
Speaker 1: not going to do our suck because I think us
Speaker 1: suck is the same as firstly everyone in Australia that
Speaker 1: is experiencing the flooding, but secondly everybody in the world
Speaker 1: that is experiencing what is happening between Russia and Ukraine.
Speaker 1: So we are not doing a suck today. But I
Speaker 1: think we should end on a high, so we will
Speaker 1: do our suite. It's important to stay positive, So Laura,
Speaker 1: what is your suite?
Speaker 2: My sweet for the week is that I finally got
Speaker 2: out my wedding invitations for round two ding Ding ding ding. Oh,
Speaker 2: I said, but you didn't even know that you got it.
Speaker 1: I had to tell you to check your emails, and
Speaker 1: looking out three thousands already emails.
Speaker 2: I love, love that we run a business together. How
Speaker 2: many of I got more? Let's trust trust. I sent
Speaker 2: out yesterday the invitations for our wedding, which means that
Speaker 2: it's absolutely definitely happening again. Things crossed. Nothing comes in
Speaker 2: the way it's happening.
Speaker 1: I know we said we're not allowed to project, but
Speaker 1: I'm projecting your wedding will happen this year one hundred.
Speaker 1: I'm calling it now, I'm telling the universe.
Speaker 2: And it was really nice. It's been one of those
Speaker 2: things that I've been putting off again, Like I think
Speaker 2: maybe I've had a bit of anxiety about planning it
Speaker 2: because it was canceled last year and everything was so
Speaker 2: up in the air. But like I finally feel really
Speaker 2: good about it now and like we've got most of
Speaker 2: the things in place and it is happening later this year.
Speaker 1: You can't well, bloody wait, I am going to burn
Speaker 1: some holes in that deep floor.
Speaker 2: We will no longer be living in sin put it
Speaker 2: that way, Mattie, Jay and me we tying the not.
Speaker 1: My sweet is, my sister Sherry is getting married as well.
Speaker 1: She's actually getting married before you, Laura. Not to rub
Speaker 1: that in, but literally she's kidd every single person who
Speaker 1: got engaged after me is.
Speaker 2: I see all these influences all the time. They're like, oh,
Speaker 2: getting married, going for my dress fitting. I'm like, you
Speaker 2: got engaged three months ago. We got engaged three years ago.
Speaker 1: It's not comparable. You are very disorganized.
Speaker 2: We got engaged three years ago and we're still not married.
Speaker 2: That's inside And sometimes I wonder why these like rude
Speaker 2: trolls write me messages every so often and are like,
Speaker 2: you're never going to get married. He's never going to
Speaker 2: marry you. It's because we've been engaged for three years.
Speaker 2: They legitimately think he's never going to marry me.
Speaker 1: Well, my sweet is. She flew down from the Gold
Speaker 1: Coast this weekend. We went wait in Joe shopping. We
Speaker 1: had a really nice we stayed in the city. We
Speaker 1: had a really nice weekend. We went had to dinner, drinks,
Speaker 1: had a lot of fun. And I sat there watching
Speaker 1: her in her wedding dress and I may or may
Speaker 1: not have teared up, and she I don't even think
Speaker 1: she's found the one yet, but I still got emotional,
Speaker 1: so I can't imagine what it's going to be like
Speaker 1: on the day. There's also a part where she's always
Speaker 1: I mean, she's thirty, but she's always going to be
Speaker 1: my little sister, and everyone that has a younger sibling
Speaker 1: they know that feeling like it doesn't matter how old
Speaker 1: they get, it's not old enough. I still look at
Speaker 1: her as like a sixteen year old, but she's like, bro,
Speaker 1: I'm thirty, Like, let me have sex, and okay if
Speaker 1: you have so weird. But you know, when you think
Speaker 1: of when I thought of her getting married and like
Speaker 1: having kids and stuff like that, I'm like, how are
Speaker 1: you old enough to do that?
Speaker 2: But she's thirty.
Speaker 1: But when you're and I guess that's what it's like
Speaker 1: for parents. I think parents would look at their kids
Speaker 1: and think, how is my child old enough to be
Speaker 1: doing that? Because you always hold on to the fact that,
Speaker 1: like they're these little babies.
Speaker 2: And I think it's different as well when you're like
Speaker 2: the older sibling and you've always kind of.
Speaker 1: Like you're not married either.
Speaker 2: Oh maybe maybe maybe there's like a point of comparison there,
Speaker 2: like when you're at different stages in life, you're like, oh,
Speaker 2: you're doing that, okay, cool, We're gonna go on your
Speaker 2: dress for me.
Speaker 1: So that it was pretty fun. I mean I had
Speaker 1: a laugh, of course, but I was sitting in you know,
Speaker 1: it's such a big fancy event. Everything's quiet when you
Speaker 1: try and wedding dresses on. Sherry's in a wedding dress
Speaker 1: and she's on that little platform looking at herself in
Speaker 1: the mirror, and the girl comes up to me and
Speaker 1: she's like, so, Brittany, are you married? And I was like,
Speaker 1: too soon, girl, it is too soon. We're not talking
Speaker 1: about it. Shardon's like, let's move on.
Speaker 2: It's just like every don't want to laugh.
Speaker 1: I mean you have to. If you don't laugh, your
Speaker 1: cry yeah okay, I feel like it's always too soon,
Speaker 1: but like yes, really if you don't laugh, your cracker anyway.
Speaker 2: That is it from us, guys, another episode, Done and dusted.
Speaker 2: If you love the episode, jump onto Apple Podcast leave
Speaker 2: us a review. You can also join the Facebook group,
Speaker 2: which is a Life Uncut discussion group, and that is
Speaker 2: where all the down and dirty stuff goes down.
Speaker 1: Don't forget to tell your mum, tell your dad, tell
Speaker 1: you Doug, tell your friends and share the love because
Speaker 1: we love love