1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:07,840 Speaker 1: Date night for the kids. Is it a good idea, 2 00:00:07,960 --> 00:00:09,920 Speaker 1: is it a bad idea? Does it work or does 3 00:00:09,960 --> 00:00:14,720 Speaker 1: it just indulge them? And the importance of setting limits. 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:18,160 Speaker 1: That's where we're going today on the Happy Families podcast 5 00:00:18,320 --> 00:00:22,040 Speaker 1: Real Parenting Solutions every Day. This is Australia's most downloaded 6 00:00:22,040 --> 00:00:25,120 Speaker 1: parenting podcasts where Justin and Kylie Courson. Every Friday we 7 00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: share news from our week, good, I'll do about it tomorrow, 8 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:30,400 Speaker 1: what's working, what's not working in our home and our 9 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:32,760 Speaker 1: family with our kids, in the hope that us being 10 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:34,720 Speaker 1: intentional about our parenting will help you to be intentional 11 00:00:34,760 --> 00:00:38,599 Speaker 1: about your parenting and raise happier kids, make your family happier. 12 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:40,199 Speaker 2: Kylie, I'm going to go. 13 00:00:40,200 --> 00:00:44,400 Speaker 1: First because my one is about getting heavy, coming in 14 00:00:44,720 --> 00:00:48,559 Speaker 1: and setting limits. Increasingly, I'm seeing parents that really struggle 15 00:00:48,600 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 1: with this, Like we just want our kids to feel 16 00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:51,680 Speaker 1: good all the time, We want them to have good 17 00:00:51,720 --> 00:00:55,200 Speaker 1: things in their lives, and I'm susceptible to that like 18 00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,520 Speaker 1: anybody else, Like, we try not to have too many 19 00:00:58,600 --> 00:00:59,360 Speaker 1: rules for our kids. 20 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:00,000 Speaker 2: Would that be fair? 21 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,680 Speaker 3: Yep? Yep, that would be. 22 00:01:03,320 --> 00:01:06,080 Speaker 1: And sometimes they do take advantage of that. So for 23 00:01:06,120 --> 00:01:08,399 Speaker 1: those of you who have missed the memo Emily is 24 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,040 Speaker 1: our youngest. Two stories about Emily today, actually one from you, 25 00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:11,560 Speaker 1: one from me. 26 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:14,679 Speaker 3: But oh, we're not going to be very popular with 27 00:01:14,720 --> 00:01:16,560 Speaker 3: the other kids today, are we o. 28 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:18,759 Speaker 1: Kids get angry when we don't share stories about them. 29 00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:22,840 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, kids, today is all about Emily. So Emily's eleven, 30 00:01:22,880 --> 00:01:26,199 Speaker 1: she's been homeschooled. She's technically in grade five, and she's 31 00:01:26,319 --> 00:01:29,520 Speaker 1: keeping up with the curriculum. But just recently she has 32 00:01:29,560 --> 00:01:33,320 Speaker 1: been unenthusiastic since the school holidays, because we do school holidays, 33 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:37,039 Speaker 1: she's been unenthusiastic about homeschool. Yeah, really just doesn't want 34 00:01:37,040 --> 00:01:39,160 Speaker 1: to be doing it. And the other day you said 35 00:01:39,160 --> 00:01:42,240 Speaker 1: to her, until you've done your writing, that there was 36 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:45,039 Speaker 1: a specific writing assignment that she had to do. Until 37 00:01:45,040 --> 00:01:47,880 Speaker 1: you've done the writing, no, you can't watch TV. And 38 00:01:47,920 --> 00:01:49,160 Speaker 1: she's like, but I want to play a game, or 39 00:01:49,200 --> 00:01:51,000 Speaker 1: I want to watch YouTube, or I want to all this. 40 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:52,960 Speaker 1: She just wanted to be on the screen and you 41 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,760 Speaker 1: said no, and as a result of that, she refused 42 00:01:55,760 --> 00:01:58,200 Speaker 1: to do her writing. But then she also refused to 43 00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,559 Speaker 1: do any other lessons as well, which that the morning 44 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,640 Speaker 1: was completely unproductive. And then you had to go out. 45 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:06,040 Speaker 1: So I'm in the office, Emily comes into me and says, Dad, 46 00:02:06,080 --> 00:02:08,639 Speaker 1: can I watch the TV? I give you a quick 47 00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:10,360 Speaker 1: call to check in and find out what she's up 48 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:12,560 Speaker 1: to with schoolwork, and you reaffirmed to me that she 49 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,600 Speaker 1: hadn't done her writing and that there's no TV intil 50 00:02:15,600 --> 00:02:18,920 Speaker 1: the writing's done. And sometimes she's got a lot of 51 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:21,960 Speaker 1: energy for this, and she wins because you've got other 52 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:24,320 Speaker 1: things to do, and we just sort of shrug our 53 00:02:24,320 --> 00:02:26,120 Speaker 1: shoulders and go, you know what, it's too hard, and 54 00:02:26,480 --> 00:02:28,160 Speaker 1: we're just going to give her the remote because we 55 00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:31,080 Speaker 1: need twenty minutes to record a podcast or whatever. But 56 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:32,800 Speaker 1: you were out, I had work to do, and I 57 00:02:32,840 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 1: just looked at her and said, I'm so sorry, kiddo. 58 00:02:34,680 --> 00:02:36,320 Speaker 1: I love you so much, and I wish that you 59 00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,720 Speaker 1: could have twenty or thirty minutes watching an episode on Telly, 60 00:02:38,720 --> 00:02:43,760 Speaker 1: but you've not done your writing assignment for homeschool today, 61 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:46,519 Speaker 1: and so therefore I can't let you watch TV. 62 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,560 Speaker 2: And she lost it. I mean, a total screaming banshie. 63 00:02:51,639 --> 00:02:53,440 Speaker 1: If I was a neighbor, I would have thought that 64 00:02:53,520 --> 00:02:55,880 Speaker 1: this was a call to the police, right, And I 65 00:02:55,919 --> 00:02:56,480 Speaker 1: wasn't near her. 66 00:02:56,520 --> 00:02:57,400 Speaker 2: I didn't make any threats. 67 00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:00,440 Speaker 1: I was extremely loving, gentle, and kind, but she and 68 00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,720 Speaker 1: she wailed as she ran through the house and cried 69 00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:04,959 Speaker 1: that I was the worst pairing. 70 00:03:04,760 --> 00:03:07,359 Speaker 2: In the world and did all the stuff, and. 71 00:03:07,320 --> 00:03:08,959 Speaker 1: Then she came back to me about an hour later 72 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,200 Speaker 1: and said, Dad, I've done five lessons now. I don't 73 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:14,040 Speaker 1: know how she did five homeschool lessons in one hour, 74 00:03:14,480 --> 00:03:16,320 Speaker 1: but she showed me the evidence and she actually had 75 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,640 Speaker 1: They were pretty easy lessons, but she'd done five lessons 76 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:22,120 Speaker 1: and she was like, can I watch TV now because 77 00:03:22,160 --> 00:03:23,880 Speaker 1: I've done all the lessons that I had to do today? 78 00:03:23,919 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 1: And I said, what about the writing assignment that you 79 00:03:26,480 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 1: had to do? 80 00:03:27,520 --> 00:03:29,280 Speaker 2: And she just lost it again. She said, I don't 81 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:30,440 Speaker 2: want to do it. It's the worst. 82 00:03:30,440 --> 00:03:32,080 Speaker 1: And when I tried to ask her about it, it 83 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:34,200 Speaker 1: just came down to it. It was not about ability, 84 00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:37,960 Speaker 1: and it wasn't even about the valid the usefulness of 85 00:03:37,960 --> 00:03:39,160 Speaker 1: that particular assignment. 86 00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:42,160 Speaker 2: She just had zero motivation for doing it. 87 00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,760 Speaker 1: I was like, kid, I'm so sorry, I'm so glad 88 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,000 Speaker 1: you've done five lessons and you deserve a high five 89 00:03:47,040 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: and a hug for that. But she hid so she 90 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:52,480 Speaker 1: wouldn't let me do that I said, no TV, and Kylie, 91 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:53,720 Speaker 1: you're the worst. 92 00:03:53,920 --> 00:03:54,680 Speaker 2: This was worse. 93 00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:58,080 Speaker 1: She responded worse the second time because now she felt 94 00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,240 Speaker 1: like she'd earned it because she done lessons. And I'm 95 00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:02,880 Speaker 1: sitting there going, I'm just trying to get I'm trying 96 00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: to write a book here about earning and I'm being tested. Finally, 97 00:04:08,440 --> 00:04:10,880 Speaker 1: she came to me about half an hour later, and 98 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:13,160 Speaker 1: she did the writing assignment. She showed it to me 99 00:04:13,200 --> 00:04:14,720 Speaker 1: and she said, now can I watch TV? 100 00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,720 Speaker 2: And I had to look at it, and she. 101 00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:20,000 Speaker 1: Did a completely satisfactory job. She was able to do 102 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:22,080 Speaker 1: it all the way through. And I said, well, it's 103 00:04:22,120 --> 00:04:23,480 Speaker 1: so funny you ask. Mum's going to be home in 104 00:04:23,480 --> 00:04:24,880 Speaker 1: a couple of minutes, so we're going to show this 105 00:04:24,920 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 1: to Mum and Mum will decide whether you've done it 106 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,920 Speaker 1: satisfactorily or not, and then we'll work out whether you 107 00:04:30,000 --> 00:04:33,880 Speaker 1: can watch TV. But well done. You did the hard thing, 108 00:04:34,440 --> 00:04:37,080 Speaker 1: and once you do the hard stuff, then you get 109 00:04:37,120 --> 00:04:41,680 Speaker 1: to do the good stuff. And it was just I 110 00:04:41,680 --> 00:04:45,200 Speaker 1: guess my I'd do better tomorrow. Is this setting limits 111 00:04:45,240 --> 00:04:49,240 Speaker 1: matters and our children if they can just like a river, 112 00:04:49,279 --> 00:04:52,719 Speaker 1: they will find the path of least resistance. Unless we 113 00:04:52,800 --> 00:04:56,919 Speaker 1: provide the supports and the expectations that they will do 114 00:04:57,040 --> 00:04:59,080 Speaker 1: the hard stuff before they get the good stuff. 115 00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:01,480 Speaker 2: And I don't know. 116 00:05:01,520 --> 00:05:04,480 Speaker 1: It was just one of those moments where it crystallized 117 00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,719 Speaker 1: for me our kids need limits, and when they have 118 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,000 Speaker 1: the limits, they do live up to the expectations we have. 119 00:05:09,000 --> 00:05:10,200 Speaker 2: Of them, they can do it. 120 00:05:10,600 --> 00:05:12,279 Speaker 1: I just felt like it was a great parenting moment 121 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,480 Speaker 1: and needed to be shared today in case any parent 122 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:16,560 Speaker 1: is starting to think I'm wavering. 123 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,599 Speaker 2: It's getting too hard. Maybe I should let go of 124 00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:19,159 Speaker 2: the limits. 125 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: They matter, right, They matter with context, you want to 126 00:05:22,800 --> 00:05:24,919 Speaker 1: make sure that you're understanding what's really going on. 127 00:05:24,960 --> 00:05:34,760 Speaker 2: But they matter. So what's your old about tomorrow? 128 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,800 Speaker 3: Well, I've actually had a really good win. School in 129 00:05:37,839 --> 00:05:40,480 Speaker 3: general has been really tricky since we've got back, as 130 00:05:40,520 --> 00:05:44,120 Speaker 3: you've already mentioned, but we've been making some really intentional 131 00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:48,040 Speaker 3: decisions around food lately, and we had a couple of 132 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:51,320 Speaker 3: brilliant days with Emily. I introduced her to radish and 133 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:56,280 Speaker 3: snow peas and sugar bees and she did amazing And 134 00:05:56,320 --> 00:06:00,320 Speaker 3: then we found ourselves alone, just her and I night 135 00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,200 Speaker 3: or the girls were at youth that you were out, 136 00:06:03,440 --> 00:06:06,120 Speaker 3: and I looked at her, and I said, am, we've 137 00:06:06,120 --> 00:06:08,000 Speaker 3: got the house to ourselves. Do you think we should 138 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:11,600 Speaker 3: have a little date night? And she said yes, and 139 00:06:11,640 --> 00:06:14,560 Speaker 3: I said, maybe we could get a little treat. You 140 00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:16,880 Speaker 3: know what she said to me, She literally looked at 141 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,680 Speaker 3: me and she said, Mum, I don't know if I 142 00:06:19,720 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 3: want to put that bad food in my body after 143 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,320 Speaker 3: I've been eating so well witning. I was like, who 144 00:06:25,440 --> 00:06:29,080 Speaker 3: is this kid? But I thought, you've been doing so well, 145 00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:30,920 Speaker 3: and I don't want her to think it's an all 146 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:31,800 Speaker 3: or nothing. 147 00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,440 Speaker 1: Yeah, so let's not be religiously fanatic about what our 148 00:06:34,640 --> 00:06:35,200 Speaker 1: kids are eating. 149 00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:36,320 Speaker 2: Like that's exactly right. 150 00:06:36,640 --> 00:06:38,039 Speaker 3: And so I said to I just thought maybe we 151 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,360 Speaker 3: could go get a scoop of gelato, or we could 152 00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:43,560 Speaker 3: just go home and have a hot chocolate with some marshmallows. 153 00:06:43,920 --> 00:06:45,279 Speaker 3: And she looked at me and she said, oh, I 154 00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:48,719 Speaker 3: could probably do a hot chocolate. She said, we probably 155 00:06:48,720 --> 00:06:51,440 Speaker 3: shouldn't get Tim Tam, should we? And I looked at 156 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,480 Speaker 3: her and I said, you know what, if we're only 157 00:06:53,520 --> 00:06:57,159 Speaker 3: having it on once even once a week, we're doing 158 00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:58,919 Speaker 3: one hundred times better than we've been doing in a 159 00:06:59,040 --> 00:07:01,360 Speaker 3: very long time. I think we could get a packet 160 00:07:01,360 --> 00:07:01,920 Speaker 3: of tim tams. 161 00:07:02,000 --> 00:07:04,200 Speaker 1: Right, so you're undermining the very thing that you're trying 162 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:07,279 Speaker 1: to encourage that you bought the tim tams. 163 00:07:07,720 --> 00:07:08,760 Speaker 3: I brought the tim tams. 164 00:07:08,800 --> 00:07:11,720 Speaker 2: I didn't see those tim tams. Are they still? They're gone? 165 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:11,880 Speaker 1: On? 166 00:07:12,040 --> 00:07:13,720 Speaker 3: No, someone else found there. 167 00:07:13,800 --> 00:07:16,360 Speaker 1: One of the people who are less conscious about Okay, 168 00:07:16,400 --> 00:07:16,920 Speaker 1: all right, go on. 169 00:07:17,000 --> 00:07:17,480 Speaker 2: So you bought the. 170 00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:20,080 Speaker 3: Tim tams and we came home. We made hot chocolate. 171 00:07:20,320 --> 00:07:22,320 Speaker 3: I only gave her half a cup. I have quite 172 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,520 Speaker 3: big mugs, to be honest. So I gave her half 173 00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 3: a cup of that, and I put a couple of 174 00:07:26,040 --> 00:07:29,240 Speaker 3: marshmallows in it. And she had two Tim tams. So 175 00:07:29,240 --> 00:07:32,000 Speaker 3: it's a pretty big sugar rush after having not had 176 00:07:32,040 --> 00:07:35,360 Speaker 3: it for a couple of days. But she sat down 177 00:07:35,720 --> 00:07:37,840 Speaker 3: and we were playing a game together, and at the 178 00:07:38,040 --> 00:07:42,080 Speaker 3: end of her second Tim Tam, she looked at me 179 00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:45,680 Speaker 3: and she said, I don't think I should have done that. Mum. 180 00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:48,440 Speaker 3: I really don't feel well. 181 00:07:48,520 --> 00:07:50,640 Speaker 2: It's so good. 182 00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:54,680 Speaker 3: I just I'm struggling to find the words because this 183 00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:58,920 Speaker 3: is so massive. This is massive. 184 00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,160 Speaker 1: This is that whole thing though, the conversation that I've 185 00:08:01,160 --> 00:08:02,360 Speaker 1: been trying to have with them, and that is that 186 00:08:02,360 --> 00:08:04,360 Speaker 1: your brain tells you lies. If you listen to your body, 187 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,280 Speaker 1: not your brain, you make different choices. 188 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:08,320 Speaker 3: If I had have told her she wasn't allowed a 189 00:08:08,360 --> 00:08:11,880 Speaker 3: hot chocolate and she definitely wasn't allowed Tim TAM's number one, 190 00:08:11,960 --> 00:08:13,880 Speaker 3: she would have missed out on the learning right and 191 00:08:14,000 --> 00:08:15,720 Speaker 3: number two she would have thought I was the worst 192 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:19,080 Speaker 3: parent in the world. Sure, second point is not so important, 193 00:08:19,400 --> 00:08:21,920 Speaker 3: but the first one is she would have missed out 194 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:25,800 Speaker 3: on the learning by me allowing her to have it. 195 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:30,920 Speaker 3: She has now had an experience where she recognizes how 196 00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:31,680 Speaker 3: her body feels. 197 00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:35,520 Speaker 1: Trusting in our children's the technical term in psychological speak 198 00:08:35,600 --> 00:08:40,960 Speaker 1: is their organismic growth. Trusting in their organismic developmental capacity 199 00:08:41,200 --> 00:08:46,960 Speaker 1: to grow in healthy ways towards flourishing. That's fundamentally what 200 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,080 Speaker 1: this is about. Rather than making the decision for them, 201 00:08:49,559 --> 00:08:51,760 Speaker 1: saying to them, let's give you a chance to do 202 00:08:51,800 --> 00:08:54,160 Speaker 1: this and you can listen to what your body says. 203 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:56,600 Speaker 1: You get the sugar rush, Oh that's really good, But 204 00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:58,080 Speaker 1: five minutes later, where are you now? 205 00:08:58,920 --> 00:09:02,280 Speaker 3: Two days later, she'd had a really good day with 206 00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,400 Speaker 3: food again, and it was mid afternoon. She was a 207 00:09:04,400 --> 00:09:05,920 Speaker 3: bit packaged, and I said, why don't you go on 208 00:09:05,960 --> 00:09:09,959 Speaker 3: to the school treats bucket and get yourself out some 209 00:09:10,320 --> 00:09:11,040 Speaker 3: grain waves. 210 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:13,800 Speaker 1: I feel like, I feel like I need to interrupt 211 00:09:13,840 --> 00:09:16,000 Speaker 1: this story halfway with the going to get the grain waves. 212 00:09:16,240 --> 00:09:17,760 Speaker 1: And the reason I want to interrupt it is to 213 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:23,520 Speaker 1: emphasize just how into prepackaged non healthy food this kid 214 00:09:23,559 --> 00:09:27,640 Speaker 1: has always been like yellow and white foods only, and 215 00:09:27,679 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: now you're having this experience anyway. So she goes to 216 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 1: get the grain waves. 217 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:32,679 Speaker 3: I guess she goes and gets the grain waves. 218 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,960 Speaker 2: Which are a food product, not a food. 219 00:09:34,160 --> 00:09:35,959 Speaker 3: She comes back to me, I'm not sure, maybe three 220 00:09:36,040 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 3: or four minutes later, and she has half a packet 221 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:43,080 Speaker 3: of grain Waves in her hand, and she said, Mum, 222 00:09:43,360 --> 00:09:47,199 Speaker 3: I don't think I can eat these anymore. That's the punchline. 223 00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 3: She said. 224 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,080 Speaker 1: I just realized I'm looking at you slack jawed because 225 00:09:51,120 --> 00:09:53,040 Speaker 1: I didn't know this, and I forgot we're doing a 226 00:09:53,040 --> 00:09:55,880 Speaker 1: podcast and people can't see my face, you like. 227 00:09:56,440 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 2: She didn't even finish the package. 228 00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,600 Speaker 3: She did not finish the packet. Now, I could give 229 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,319 Speaker 3: her a full size packet and she. 230 00:10:01,280 --> 00:10:03,440 Speaker 2: Would have deled that total. 231 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:06,040 Speaker 3: This is just one of those little individual packets with 232 00:10:06,080 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 3: what six chips in it? Wow, And she literally said 233 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:10,360 Speaker 3: I can't finish this. Do you want them? 234 00:10:10,520 --> 00:10:11,520 Speaker 2: Take home message? 235 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:17,839 Speaker 3: The takeo message is our kids just need I think 236 00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,199 Speaker 3: this is a boundary conversation. 237 00:10:19,280 --> 00:10:20,880 Speaker 2: Again, really I do. 238 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,920 Speaker 3: I think that it's so we fall into these traps 239 00:10:23,960 --> 00:10:28,280 Speaker 3: of providing our kids with the things that provide us 240 00:10:28,320 --> 00:10:30,840 Speaker 3: with the less the. 241 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:33,079 Speaker 2: Least friction, like the easiest possible way forward. 242 00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:38,760 Speaker 3: Yes, yes, without giving them the opportunity to learn and grow. 243 00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:41,720 Speaker 3: We've gone through this with her multiple times. 244 00:10:41,800 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 2: Yeah, this is not the first rodeo. 245 00:10:43,360 --> 00:10:47,320 Speaker 3: No, We've gone through this multiple times with her. But again, 246 00:10:47,520 --> 00:10:54,640 Speaker 3: scaffolding and maturity and ongoing initiation in this area is 247 00:10:54,679 --> 00:10:58,480 Speaker 3: making the reinforcement is making all the difference. But what 248 00:10:58,559 --> 00:11:01,800 Speaker 3: I'm loving is that she is experienced in the learning. 249 00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:05,760 Speaker 3: Instead of me having to dictate and educate and you know, 250 00:11:05,880 --> 00:11:09,280 Speaker 3: kind of give her all of the reasons why she 251 00:11:09,320 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 3: should be eating healthy, she's actually experiencing it. We're now 252 00:11:12,679 --> 00:11:17,040 Speaker 3: nearly two weeks past this experience and she actually hasn't 253 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,120 Speaker 3: asked for a single sugar item. 254 00:11:19,320 --> 00:11:22,560 Speaker 1: You well, So to take our message for me, there 255 00:11:22,559 --> 00:11:25,920 Speaker 1: are a couple. First of all, boundaries matter, and secondly, 256 00:11:26,280 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: supporting kids autonomy by helping them to understand reasons why, 257 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,880 Speaker 1: giving them the experiences that they need, and then trusting 258 00:11:33,920 --> 00:11:35,719 Speaker 1: in their ability to make those decisions to be in 259 00:11:35,720 --> 00:11:38,480 Speaker 1: the driver's seat of their lives. For me, they're the 260 00:11:38,480 --> 00:11:40,040 Speaker 1: two things that are really standing out here. 261 00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,719 Speaker 3: I think it's very easy as parents, we kind of 262 00:11:42,800 --> 00:11:44,959 Speaker 3: keep hitting a brick wall with our kids in whatever 263 00:11:45,040 --> 00:11:50,160 Speaker 3: area they're specifically struggling in, and we often lose sting. 264 00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:53,280 Speaker 3: It's really easy to just kind of give up and 265 00:11:53,559 --> 00:11:57,120 Speaker 3: take the path of least resistance to create peace in 266 00:11:57,480 --> 00:12:00,680 Speaker 3: the home. What we're experiencing with Emily, this is eleven 267 00:12:00,760 --> 00:12:04,880 Speaker 3: years of really hard work. It is very, very hard work. 268 00:12:04,920 --> 00:12:07,320 Speaker 3: We have never had a child so resistant to food 269 00:12:08,200 --> 00:12:13,080 Speaker 3: like Emily has been. But as we have continued to 270 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:18,920 Speaker 3: just reintroduce things to educate her and to provide her 271 00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:23,479 Speaker 3: with the support she needs to make good choices, we're starting. 272 00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,280 Speaker 2: I'm not saying, yeah, we'll see how we're going. 273 00:12:25,800 --> 00:12:30,160 Speaker 3: I'm not saying that we're reached reached the pinnacle by 274 00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:35,360 Speaker 3: any straight This is a massive win and I am 275 00:12:35,559 --> 00:12:38,800 Speaker 3: just so grateful that, in spite of the fact I've 276 00:12:38,800 --> 00:12:41,240 Speaker 3: wanted to throw the talent so many times, that we've 277 00:12:41,400 --> 00:12:43,959 Speaker 3: just kept plodding along and working with her. 278 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:45,480 Speaker 2: But that's the thing as a parent, you never throw 279 00:12:45,480 --> 00:12:49,400 Speaker 2: the talent. That's that's the great, the great challenge and 280 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:50,240 Speaker 2: the great reward. 281 00:12:50,840 --> 00:12:53,000 Speaker 1: We really hope that there's some inspiration for you if 282 00:12:53,040 --> 00:12:55,120 Speaker 1: you're having struggles in your family. Thank you so much 283 00:12:55,120 --> 00:12:57,040 Speaker 1: for listening to I'll Do Better Tomorrow and The Happy 284 00:12:57,040 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 1: Family's Podcast. 285 00:12:58,080 --> 00:13:00,199 Speaker 2: The Happy Family's Podcast is produced by Justice. 286 00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,280 Speaker 1: And Rule on from Bridge Media and More information and 287 00:13:02,320 --> 00:13:04,800 Speaker 1: resources to make your family happier can be found at 288 00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:06,240 Speaker 1: happy families dot com, dot a u