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Speaker 1: Get a. I'm Laala Berry, nutritionist, author, actor, TV presenter,

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Speaker 1: and professional oversharer. This podcast is all about celebrating failure

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Speaker 1: because I believe it's a chance for us to learn,

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Speaker 1: grow and face our blind spots. Each week, I'll interview

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Speaker 1: a different guest about their highs as well as their lows,

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Speaker 1: all in a bid to inspire us to fearlessly fail. Hello,

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Speaker 1: Welcome to the Potter Rooney. Today we have a very

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Speaker 1: talented and lovely human on the pod, Madame Matthews. She

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Speaker 1: is an actor, a very funny human being, a content creator,

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Speaker 1: a podcaster, an author, does incredible sketches, does stand up,

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Speaker 1: absolutely unstoppable human being, has a humongous following on TikTok insta.

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Speaker 1: She actually started on Vinel and had Mazillian followers there too.

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Speaker 1: I don't know have they called followers on bhine, but

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Speaker 1: you get my gist community. And in this pod she

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Speaker 1: shares some highs lows honesty, honestly should I say? And

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Speaker 1: she's super vulnerable and kind and open and mann and

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Speaker 1: thank you so much for sharing so much of yourself

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Speaker 1: on this pod and with me. You'd only just met

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Speaker 1: me probably four minutes before we hit records, so I

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Speaker 1: really appreciate it. You are absolutely wonderful and to you

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Speaker 1: the listener, please enjoy a very wonderful and funny human being.

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Speaker 1: Do you know how long I've been trying to get

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Speaker 1: you on this pod friend?

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Speaker 2: Fourteen years?

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Speaker 1: Yes, exactly, that's to the day to the day. I've

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Speaker 1: heard you're good with dates. Ps I am.

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Speaker 2: I love dates and times and math and numbers.

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Speaker 1: Mate, I like this. I don't know why roll with it.

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Speaker 2: It feels like God like two plus two equals and

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Speaker 2: like there's no emotion behind that. So it just feels

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Speaker 2: pretty like emotionless because I'm a very sensitive person, so

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Speaker 2: I think numbers took me out of my emotions the.

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Speaker 1: Logic or something like that. Okay, Man and Matthews, Holy mackerel.

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Speaker 1: I don't even know how to describe you. Actress, comedian, author,

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Speaker 1: stand up comedian. You've done as well, right, Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: incredible content creator. I am going to tell you how

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Speaker 1: I found out about you. Okay, So my boyfriend knows

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Speaker 1: I have an Air one habit. I call it Air

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Speaker 1: one Americans. How do you guys call it Aero one?

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Speaker 2: I mean some people say Air one Era one that one. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: like that Air one and my boyfriend's like, is this.

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Speaker 1: The person who's rinning it on the pod? And I

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Speaker 1: was like absolutely. He's like, do your best get her outside.

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Speaker 1: We have been in fits and I've got friends in

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Speaker 1: Australia that will just keep sending me your reels every

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Speaker 1: time you do an updated air one.

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Speaker 2: Real, so I need to do more?

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Speaker 1: Oh yes, please, okay, I'll put my order in now

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Speaker 1: things than you very much. So you've done so much.

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Speaker 1: But the interesting thing that was so fascinating when I

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Speaker 1: research you is because you've been on so many flame

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Speaker 1: and pods. Might I say great ones?

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Speaker 2: Thank you?

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Speaker 1: You're a natch. You're so good on them.

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Speaker 2: That's so great. Yeah, it's such a new development. It

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Speaker 2: feels like so I'm just I'm happy that you say that.

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Speaker 2: I don't know, no one's told me that.

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Speaker 1: Oh and your own pod, Johnny is awesome.

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Speaker 2: Yes, that one's fun. Lately, it's been hard though, because

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Speaker 2: I feel like he has to do everything. He just

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Speaker 2: got a full time job, so we've stressed out about it.

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Speaker 2: But other than that, it's a lot of work. It's

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Speaker 2: a lot of work.

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Speaker 1: Pods are a lot of work. I see my boyfriend

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Speaker 1: does all my oh behind the scenes, Thank you, Matt,

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Speaker 1: thank you.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. All, I just want to be the creator. I

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Speaker 2: don't want to have to do any of the heavy lifting.

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Speaker 1: It's a lot of heavy lifting.

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Speaker 2: It's too much. It's two different parts of the brain.

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Speaker 2: It's like creative and then there's like, okay editing.

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Speaker 1: It's methodical, and then if you've got ads, just let

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Speaker 1: oh man.

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Speaker 2: Whole hor right now.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like your initial kind of success is

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Speaker 1: the word I'm loosely going to use. Was was it Vine? Yeah,

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Speaker 1: back in the day? Not back in the day, Well.

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Speaker 2: No, I mean ten years ago.

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Speaker 1: That's when it started, right, So you did these awesome

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Speaker 1: funny video.

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Speaker 2: Well, first I was doing improv at Second City and Groundlings,

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Speaker 2: and then I started doing stand up. So I was

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Speaker 2: doing stand up, and then in my stand up I

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Speaker 2: was doing a Kristen Stewart impression which highlight nioteod and

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Speaker 2: someone on Vine asked me to do it. Like in

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Speaker 2: the comments, I had a hundred followers, Like that's being

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Speaker 2: an influencer or create a content creator was not a thing,

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Speaker 2: so like that wasn't in the realm of possibility at

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Speaker 2: the time. So I just was like, yeah, sure, I'll

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Speaker 2: put up with this video who cares like I have

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Speaker 2: no attachment in my world. I'm going to be a

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Speaker 2: stand up comic and then I'm going to book TV

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Speaker 2: shows and then eventually hopefully.

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Speaker 1: Do X Y or Z.

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Speaker 2: And so then you know, that night that Christmas Steward

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Speaker 2: video blew up and it was like one hundred thousand

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Speaker 2: followers within a week, and then five hundred thousand in

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Speaker 2: a month, and then eventually three million, and my whole

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Speaker 2: life took a turn to like, Okay, I guess I'm

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Speaker 2: going to content create.

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Speaker 1: How And can I say Jennifer Coolidge right, yeah, yeah, yeah,

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Speaker 1: she's great.

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Speaker 2: I love her. You can go to Linguini and get

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Speaker 2: Poda Italy.

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Speaker 1: So good and what a good icon as well.

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Speaker 2: You know I did that in my early stand up

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Speaker 2: like ten years ago, but no one they kind of

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Speaker 2: knew who she was, right like obviously if you're a

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Speaker 2: mega fan, you remember her from Best in Show and

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Speaker 2: whatever back in the day. But I'd always just do it.

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Speaker 2: I'm taking the dark dumb ath and people loved it

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Speaker 2: and they're like, oh yeah, we remembered her and now

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Speaker 2: she's the biggest thing. And yes, last night I did

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Speaker 2: my Christmas Steward Impression and that one didn't kill, whereas

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Speaker 2: ten years ago that one killed. And Jennifer Coolidge was like,

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Speaker 2: you know, so they've kind of flipped a little bit

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Speaker 2: oh cool in popularity.

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Speaker 1: I still feel like I feel like I would laugh

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Speaker 1: at a Twilight one that would land for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah.

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Speaker 1: So, and then when you went to New York, You're

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Speaker 1: doing stand up in New York. I was was that

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Speaker 1: that's like one the holy Grail, but also holy shit scary.

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Speaker 2: It was so scary. I think I lived there for

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Speaker 2: like three weeks and got a call from Carolines on

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Speaker 2: Broadway and they're like, hey, can you come headline. I

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Speaker 2: don't know how they got my number. I don't know

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Speaker 2: why they called me. I just said yes, and then

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Speaker 2: I hung up the phone. I was like, I just

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Speaker 2: made a huge mistake because I don't even have forty

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Speaker 2: five minutes. So I took two weeks to just come

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Speaker 2: up with forty five minutes. And then did that do.

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Speaker 1: You miss because you did? So you didn't stand up

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Speaker 1: last night? Right?

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Speaker 2: I did, But that was my fourth time within three years.

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Speaker 1: I was gonna say, had you missed it? In the break?

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Speaker 2: No, I forgot about it.

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Speaker 1: I just never forgot petrifying.

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Speaker 2: Well, yes, if you don't know what you're gonna say,

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Speaker 2: and you're like you've not done it before, for sure,

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Speaker 2: it's scarier in the mind than it actually is, i'd

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Speaker 2: say in person.

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Speaker 1: So okay, that makes sense, right, Like.

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Speaker 2: Once you actually do it, I think everyone should just

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Speaker 2: try and open mic for three minutes just to get

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Speaker 2: up there. In the muscle memory of standing in front

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Speaker 2: of people, it's not as scary. Like Johnny really had

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Speaker 2: hesitated for years and was so scared and we finally

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Speaker 2: went to one and he was like, oh, that's it.

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Speaker 2: I was like, yeah, it's not that scary. I would say,

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Speaker 2: go towards it, or even still ten years later, I'm like,

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Speaker 2: you know, yesterday I was like what a uh? You know.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like your magic would be And this

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Speaker 1: is the thing that I noticed with stand ups that

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Speaker 1: I love. I feel like I'm seen without being judged.

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Speaker 1: So I feel like as an audience member. So sometimes

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Speaker 1: because I'm like the token Australian in the audience, I'm like, oh, please,

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Speaker 1: don't ask me to say anything. You're going to pick

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Speaker 1: on my accent. I'm screwed. Right there. You go like

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Speaker 1: and when I went to a stand up show and

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Speaker 1: they asked me to answer some question and no picking

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Speaker 1: on me, but like you, I was still part of

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Speaker 1: the bit and I felt seen and safely seen, like

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Speaker 1: I didn't feel like, oh, like no anxiety and I

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Speaker 1: and I said, and I then later interviewed the comedian

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Speaker 1: and they said, that's my whole stick. I want to

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Speaker 1: be vulnerable and make people feel like they come and

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Speaker 1: see yeah, and still like laugh but they're laughing with me, yes,

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Speaker 1: and also at themselves, all in one big kind of

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Speaker 1: like it's like a feel good.

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Speaker 2: I don't know. Yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's really great.

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Speaker 2: Not every comedian can do that, though.

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Speaker 1: No, which is why it's very fair that I get

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Speaker 1: my anxiety.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I think so, I've got I get anxiety watching comedians,

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Speaker 2: especially if they're not good at it. It's really uncomfortable.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, Okay, I know that's fair.

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Speaker 2: You know you're because they're basically giving the tone of

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Speaker 2: the audience. So however they feel, the audience will feel.

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Speaker 2: So if there's any slight discomfort or awkwardness, the audience

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Speaker 2: is going to feel it.

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Speaker 1: We're all connected totally. I love that though you described

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Speaker 1: and I'm totally going to butcher this, so please correct me.

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Speaker 1: You described that how comedians they're like they get rid

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Speaker 1: of tensional. They like they can you can feel the tension,

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Speaker 1: and comedians and what is it.

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Speaker 2: The tension release? So they break the tension, so that

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Speaker 2: take sensitive topics and they'll tell the truth about something

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Speaker 2: that no one else will say, and then they say

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Speaker 2: it and expose it and it just releases tension. I

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Speaker 2: love that because everybody's pent up all the time from stress,

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Speaker 2: and so if they can just laugh it out or

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Speaker 2: like release, it's yeah, that's tension release. That's why we

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Speaker 2: need them around.

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Speaker 1: Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: The world is not that serious and we're all walking

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Speaker 2: around so serious for whatever reason. I mean, I'm not,

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Speaker 2: but like I feel like I have to keep things

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Speaker 2: funny so that it can just show both sides of

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Speaker 2: the coin of like it's serious, but it's also not.

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Speaker 2: It's like not that serious.

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Speaker 1: It's just it's funny but serious. Serious but funny.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, but funny with Bett because I love butts. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: I love a good butt.

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Speaker 1: So good, so good. Okay, so you do all these

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Speaker 1: amazing things, but then I he you talk so honestly

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Speaker 1: on multiple podcasts about going through something really shitty at

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Speaker 1: a pretty young age, might I add.

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Speaker 2: Do you think so?

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Speaker 1: Fuck? Yeah? Yeah? How old were you when you got Mark?

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Speaker 1: Can I ask? That's pretty young to then go through

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Speaker 1: a divorce soon after?

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Speaker 2: Yes, very soon after?

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Speaker 1: Can you share one a little bit about that? So

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Speaker 1: this pot is called fearlessly failing, and you share it

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Speaker 1: so beautifully that I guess I didn't expect I can

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Speaker 1: get I can want to say right now. When I

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Speaker 1: reached search, I was like, Oh, this is gonna be

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Speaker 1: like shit and giggle a little bit of fun. And

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Speaker 1: then I was like, what do you share this so beautifully?

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Speaker 1: So the take it away space is yours?

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Speaker 2: You want to know the story of my love story

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Speaker 2: that turned?

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Speaker 1: Yeh?

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Speaker 2: Is that?

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Speaker 1: Okay?

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Speaker 2: Yeah? Go for It was November one. I was moving

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Speaker 2: into New York City a new apartment and I was

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Speaker 2: scrolling on Instagram when I saw my friend's story and

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Speaker 2: there was a man in his story that I a

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Speaker 2: strong draw to, and so I went to this guy's

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Speaker 2: page saw that he lived in Australia, and there was

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Speaker 2: something about his energy that I really felt drawn to.

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Speaker 2: And so he also was kind of funny as well,

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Speaker 2: but he also had a really good. Look. He was

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Speaker 2: like a Scottish man and something I don't know, something

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Speaker 2: in me felt like I wanted to talk to him,

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Speaker 2: and so I actually went to DM him, which I

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Speaker 2: didn't do at the time, like I'm not a DM

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Speaker 2: or like that's just not wasn't part of my path.

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Speaker 2: This was in twenty seventeen November first, because of course

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Speaker 2: I remember day night time. That sounds like depending on

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Speaker 2: which way the story, guy, I know the date that

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Speaker 2: we I just know. Yeah, it's very strange. I don't

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Speaker 2: know why that is. I think it's a way for

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Speaker 2: me to just keep time. I'm not sure it's an

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Speaker 2: organization thing. It doesn't matter and it's not relevant to

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Speaker 2: this at all. And I saw that he had already

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Speaker 2: written me eighteen months before Echo, and I was like, well,

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Speaker 2: that's weird that this man from Australia, who I feel

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Speaker 2: drawn to I'm looking at his videos already wrote me.

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Speaker 2: And what he wrote was you shine unlike any other

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Speaker 2: human I've seen in a very long time. I'm happy

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Speaker 2: to see how you're channeling your light. And I thought

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Speaker 2: that's so beautiful. That sounds like how I talk. So

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Speaker 2: we're kind of both into like whatever channeling light. I

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Speaker 2: don't even know. He said the perfect beautiful thing that like,

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Speaker 2: oh my god. And so we were messaging and going

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Speaker 2: back and forth and I felt this weird sadness, like,

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Speaker 2: oh man, he's telling me in these DMS that he

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Speaker 2: lives in he's visiting La and I'm like, dang, I

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Speaker 2: used to live there my whole life. I'm now in

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Speaker 2: New York, Like why do I feel sad? Because he

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Speaker 2: was like, do you want to go for a coffee walk?

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Speaker 2: And I was like, I would love nothing more, but

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Speaker 2: I don't live I'm not there, and I remember feeling

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Speaker 2: sad and I was like, this is a very premature

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Speaker 2: feeling to feel sad, but okay, And then I think

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Speaker 2: he facetimed me and I couldn't answer. I got like

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Speaker 2: kind of spooked. I was like, unpocking boxes, I'm not

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Speaker 2: you know whatever. But then that night I facetimed him

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Speaker 2: and he just had such an allure to him and

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Speaker 2: he was so present and these green eyes and you know,

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Speaker 2: you look like a Viking, really handsome. My type. I

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Speaker 2: think at the time I was just I guess that

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Speaker 2: was my type. I liked, like, you know, guy Ritchie

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Speaker 2: kind of looking guys got some tattoos and kind of

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Speaker 2: looked like Ewan McGregor from Lulan Rouge or whatever, like

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Speaker 2: very Scottish. Yeah, And we were just talking and we

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Speaker 2: both seem to be really present with each other, Like

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Speaker 2: I'm I feel I'm pretty present with people. I don't

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Speaker 2: always feel like I get that back for whatever reason,

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Speaker 2: especially with men at the time that I was dating.

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Speaker 2: I mean, I'll find them.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, I'll find him.

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Speaker 2: But he was so present, and you know, within moments,

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Speaker 2: I heard this voice in my head like, Oh, that's

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Speaker 2: the man I'm gonna marry. Wow, which was bizarre because

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Speaker 2: that was an unusual feeling. It was a thought mixed

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Speaker 2: with the feeling.

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Speaker 1: And you're quite spiritual too, you yes.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean I got spiritual. And then like

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Speaker 2: six months into it, I was like, okay, I need

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Speaker 2: to do stand up. Like I feel like everything shifted

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Speaker 2: in my life when I started listening and nurturing the

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Speaker 2: spiritual spirituality in the universe and signs and praying and

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Speaker 2: meditating and listening and not like you know, numbing myself

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Speaker 2: out with alcohol or food or whatever I was doing

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Speaker 2: before in my early ages, when I was like really

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Speaker 2: reactive to life started listening and like, Okay, I'm gonna

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Speaker 2: just like I love your podcast because I think it's

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Speaker 2: a lot of it. We can either be fear driven

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Speaker 2: or driven by love and trust, and so like, when

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Speaker 2: we choose the other way, love and trust and expansiveness,

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Speaker 2: really good things can happen. When we follow fear, we're

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Speaker 2: gonna get the same result of like hiding and like shrinking,

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Speaker 2: and ultimately that leads to resentment and.

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Speaker 1: No one runs regrets. That's my whole thing. I'm like,

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Speaker 1: I just want to you know what. I gave it

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Speaker 1: a red hot go. I gave it a big shake mate.

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Speaker 2: You know, I'm the same way. I don't like regret

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Speaker 2: at all. No, but this is why people don't care.

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Speaker 2: Though they don't. That's not always every like, not everybody's

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Speaker 2: like that. I've noticed a lot of people want to

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Speaker 2: stay really safe.

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Speaker 1: Safe, comfy. But but here's my thing. I recently read

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Speaker 1: an article that a palliative nurse wrote about the five

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Speaker 1: biggest regrets of people, and she would spend the last

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Speaker 1: three to twelve weeks with people as their lives were ending,

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Speaker 1: and the five biggest regrets. The first one was not

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Speaker 1: having the courage to do this stuff that I really love.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, that's like my biggest fear in life is coming

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Speaker 2: to the end of it and being like, I didn't

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Speaker 2: do that thing. I didn't make that movie, I didn't

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Speaker 2: do the I didn't go for it. Yeah, that far

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Speaker 2: makes me sick.

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Speaker 1: No, same a thousand million percent, which I think it

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Speaker 1: looks to me like you're really going for it, by

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Speaker 1: the way, I think so absolutely. But even this beautiful

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Speaker 1: story you're telling, although spoiler alert, don't say you're going

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Speaker 1: to give it away. You're going to You're gonna say it, okay,

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Speaker 1: go that's me.

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Speaker 2: I was nodding my head. I was like, guy, enjoy well.

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Speaker 2: I think where you were getting at is that I

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Speaker 2: was fearlessly embarking on a love story right without hesitation,

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Speaker 2: which is true. So I had the thought, oh my god,

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Speaker 2: this is the man I'm gonna marry. And then we

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Speaker 2: proceeded to have like a two hour FaceTime that was

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Speaker 2: really really connected. I felt like we were really in sync,

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Speaker 2: and then like the we facetimed for a few days.

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Speaker 2: There was one time where I was in a park

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Speaker 2: in Washington Square Park facetiming him. He was in La

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Speaker 2: and it was just really beautiful, and I started tearing

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Speaker 2: up because I just felt so connected and he would

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Speaker 2: just held the space seemingly well, and he was like,

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Speaker 2: there's this song, but I really want to show you.

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Speaker 2: Just listen to it and tell me what you think.

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Speaker 2: So he hung up. I listened to this beautiful song,

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Speaker 2: and again, within moments, I hear that's Oh, that's our

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Speaker 2: wedding song. So I typed that to him. I text him,

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Speaker 2: that's our wedding song. He immediately writes back, I know

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Speaker 2: it is. That's why I haven't shared it with a

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Speaker 2: single Soul. I've saved it for us. And I'm like,

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Speaker 2: of course, he would say this, of course, I'm having

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Speaker 2: my experience over here. Of true, Like, oh, I don't know,

356
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:14,080
Speaker 2: an experience I haven't had before, Like I've fallen in

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Speaker 2: love and I've definitely like been a romantic, but these

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Speaker 2: these thoughts and feelings were very unique in my lifetime.

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Speaker 2: If that makes Soul may other life times between flamebodies. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: because normally I wouldn't write that to somebody. Yeah, as

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Speaker 2: like you know, I mean, I'm not much of a

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Speaker 2: game player anyway, but I felt so sure of it

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Speaker 2: and like free, I guess to say something like, oh,

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Speaker 2: I think this is our wedding song, and he just

365
00:17:48,119 --> 00:17:51,800
Speaker 2: wrote back he matched it, you know, and then I

366
00:17:51,840 --> 00:17:54,080
Speaker 2: would listen to that song, you know. So anyway, we

367
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:57,679
Speaker 2: facetimed every day and decided before he'd go back to

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Speaker 2: Australia that he would fly to New York meet me.

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Speaker 2: So we met in Madison Square Park at five point fifteen,

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Speaker 2: you know that time. The sun was setting and he

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00:18:07,880 --> 00:18:09,520
Speaker 2: had a hat and I walked up to him and

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00:18:09,600 --> 00:18:12,120
Speaker 2: my heart was beating out of my chest and we

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Speaker 2: met and hugged and teared up and you know, talked

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Speaker 2: a little bit, and eventually he said, where have you

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Speaker 2: Where have you been? And I said, I've been looking

376
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Speaker 2: everywhere for you, because I feel like I spent my

377
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Speaker 2: whole life like looking for this love.

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Speaker 1: You know.

379
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Speaker 2: I I was definitely like somebody that loved romantic movies.

380
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Speaker 2: I didn't feel like I could focus in school. I

381
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Speaker 2: was heavily felt like I was looking for the one again.

382
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Speaker 2: I don't know if that's programming. I don't know why

383
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Speaker 2: I was, why I cared so much about that, even

384
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Speaker 2: in my career and creating content. While it was really

385
00:18:54,440 --> 00:18:56,600
Speaker 2: fun and I appreciate it, I still felt like I

386
00:18:56,640 --> 00:19:00,840
Speaker 2: was always looking around for this person that, like not

387
00:19:00,880 --> 00:19:02,960
Speaker 2: to sound cheesy, but that like I had lost in

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Speaker 2: another lifetime. And so you know, when I saw this man,

389
00:19:07,359 --> 00:19:10,240
Speaker 2: I instantly felt like, oh my god, there he is.

390
00:19:11,600 --> 00:19:14,480
Speaker 2: And I felt like I had hit the jackpot because

391
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Speaker 2: I found the man that I was searching for, and

392
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Speaker 2: I was really open to whoever it was, wherever it

393
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Speaker 2: was going to be, and whatever shape or form. And

394
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Speaker 2: I felt like he was on that ride with me,

395
00:19:25,960 --> 00:19:29,640
Speaker 2: like he was right there really matching that energy, right.

396
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:35,399
Speaker 2: And so we spent that night together and spent a

397
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,919
Speaker 2: week together, and there was like really beautiful symbolic moments,

398
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,679
Speaker 2: like you know, outside of Eddie Bauer. I got a

399
00:19:42,800 --> 00:19:45,280
Speaker 2: jacket because it was twenty eight degrees in New York City,

400
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:47,520
Speaker 2: I couldn't zip up the zippers. So he bends down

401
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:49,960
Speaker 2: on his knee and people start walking by and they're like,

402
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:53,040
Speaker 2: were's the ring? Say yes, say yes, And we were

403
00:19:53,040 --> 00:19:54,800
Speaker 2: just laughing in This girl's like, oh my god, I

404
00:19:54,840 --> 00:19:57,000
Speaker 2: need to take a photo. It looks like he's proposing.

405
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,280
Speaker 2: And I was like, oh, this is so symbolic of

406
00:19:59,320 --> 00:20:01,920
Speaker 2: what's to come, because if this man asked me today,

407
00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:05,000
Speaker 2: I would say yes to marry him, like I was

408
00:20:05,080 --> 00:20:08,040
Speaker 2: just so I don't know, there was just nothing in

409
00:20:08,080 --> 00:20:14,200
Speaker 2: the way, like right, fearlessly falling, failing both same shit,

410
00:20:16,200 --> 00:20:20,280
Speaker 2: and so you know, there was like all these interesting,

411
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:23,280
Speaker 2: beautiful signs like he was born on the day my

412
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:27,200
Speaker 2: parents got married May nineteen eighty six, like we would

413
00:20:27,280 --> 00:20:31,480
Speaker 2: joke like, oh, he was literally born for me. We

414
00:20:33,560 --> 00:20:37,080
Speaker 2: he met my mother for a coffee before he met me,

415
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,360
Speaker 2: because she was in la at the time, and he said,

416
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Speaker 2: I'd love to meet your mom before I meet you,

417
00:20:42,280 --> 00:20:44,080
Speaker 2: and they had a two hour coffee and she'd call me.

418
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Speaker 2: She's like, he's so endearing, and so that gave me

419
00:20:47,000 --> 00:20:49,720
Speaker 2: another level of like wow, like no one does that

420
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,440
Speaker 2: if they're not in it, and he seems to be

421
00:20:52,560 --> 00:20:54,200
Speaker 2: in it, like I'm in it. And so we were

422
00:20:54,200 --> 00:20:59,680
Speaker 2: in it and got engaged in Australia, Perth. I flew

423
00:20:59,720 --> 00:21:03,040
Speaker 2: there and met his mother and she was lovely, and

424
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Speaker 2: he proposed in Perth or a Margaret River, oh good

425
00:21:08,280 --> 00:21:11,680
Speaker 2: spot where the river meets the sea. Ah, and I

426
00:21:12,080 --> 00:21:14,200
Speaker 2: kept We got there and I kept laying down and

427
00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:15,840
Speaker 2: he's like, hey, could you get up and let's look

428
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,520
Speaker 2: at the ocean. And I was like, oh cool. And

429
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,119
Speaker 2: then I laid back down. He's like, no, get up,

430
00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:21,680
Speaker 2: let's let's now look at the river. And I was like,

431
00:21:21,720 --> 00:21:23,960
Speaker 2: what are we doing? Like what we got we came

432
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Speaker 2: here to like lay like, I'm not going to walk around.

433
00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:29,760
Speaker 2: But then his heart started beating really fast, and then

434
00:21:29,800 --> 00:21:30,719
Speaker 2: he proposed.

435
00:21:31,119 --> 00:21:34,320
Speaker 1: I was like, good spot, good spot to do it

436
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:35,160
Speaker 1: really beautiful.

437
00:21:35,200 --> 00:21:37,679
Speaker 2: He hired photographers. I had no idea they were there,

438
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:40,720
Speaker 2: so they the wedding proposal photos looked like a movie

439
00:21:40,800 --> 00:21:43,280
Speaker 2: from like the Notebook, Like we're just both embracing each

440
00:21:43,280 --> 00:21:44,520
Speaker 2: other with tears in our eyes.

441
00:21:44,720 --> 00:21:45,160
Speaker 1: Oh.

442
00:21:46,000 --> 00:21:48,080
Speaker 2: I love that he did that because I love capturing

443
00:21:48,160 --> 00:21:51,879
Speaker 2: moments like that, you know. And yeah. And then like

444
00:21:51,920 --> 00:21:54,240
Speaker 2: a couple months later, he tattooed my name on his

445
00:21:54,400 --> 00:22:02,320
Speaker 2: chest across his heart. Yeah and uh yeah, and then

446
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:05,000
Speaker 2: we spent we were we were a long distance for

447
00:22:05,040 --> 00:22:09,160
Speaker 2: the first six months, and then he eventually moved over

448
00:22:09,160 --> 00:22:11,040
Speaker 2: into the New York apartment, and then we moved to

449
00:22:11,200 --> 00:22:14,400
Speaker 2: la and we had a really beautiful wedding in Malibu.

450
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:17,399
Speaker 1: And I've seen the wedding bid mate, I've seen the wedding.

451
00:22:17,520 --> 00:22:20,199
Speaker 2: You've seen the wedding video. Gorgeous I kind of just

452
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:21,359
Speaker 2: left it up because it.

453
00:22:21,320 --> 00:22:24,879
Speaker 1: Actually feels a bit twilight vibes. The hanging fairy how weird,

454
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,919
Speaker 1: you know, the fairy light like the day, Yeah, gorgeous

455
00:22:29,000 --> 00:22:32,920
Speaker 1: and you're off the shoulder situation, Uh huh. Dress one

456
00:22:33,040 --> 00:22:33,480
Speaker 1: dress one?

457
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:36,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's one dress. I mean there was three dresses. Yeah, yeah,

458
00:22:36,600 --> 00:22:37,040
Speaker 2: dressed one.

459
00:22:37,720 --> 00:22:40,080
Speaker 1: Yeah, you did it well.

460
00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:43,600
Speaker 2: I never would have done that on my own accord,

461
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:47,000
Speaker 2: but I was really lucky that a Laura Bridle sponsored it.

462
00:22:47,040 --> 00:22:49,600
Speaker 2: So they were like, you can pick and I was like,

463
00:22:49,640 --> 00:22:51,000
Speaker 2: all right, I'll do some changes.

464
00:22:51,080 --> 00:22:53,840
Speaker 1: Why not run with it, mate, run with it?

465
00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:59,159
Speaker 2: Yeah, And so I I did buy us a house

466
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,800
Speaker 2: on Weddington five days before the wedding. Another weird coincidence,

467
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:08,919
Speaker 2: just weird thing after another. Had the wedding danced to

468
00:23:08,960 --> 00:23:11,200
Speaker 2: the art that was our wedding song, the one that

469
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:18,440
Speaker 2: Amazing originally had heard and yeah it was beautiful.

470
00:23:19,520 --> 00:23:23,399
Speaker 1: And then take me and then what happened? Take me

471
00:23:23,440 --> 00:23:26,240
Speaker 1: to your MIT's being like, yeah, we gotta tight you

472
00:23:26,240 --> 00:23:29,920
Speaker 1: for a coffee.

473
00:23:30,680 --> 00:23:34,400
Speaker 2: So I get the wedding photos. They're beautiful, stunning, look

474
00:23:34,520 --> 00:23:36,679
Speaker 2: like they could be in magazines or whatever. And my

475
00:23:36,720 --> 00:23:39,920
Speaker 2: best friend Travis and his girlfriend call and like, let's

476
00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,080
Speaker 2: take you to a coffee. And I was like, no,

477
00:23:41,160 --> 00:23:44,119
Speaker 2: come over, let's look at the wedding photos. They're like, no,

478
00:23:44,200 --> 00:23:46,560
Speaker 2: we want to take you to coffee. We're sitting at

479
00:23:46,560 --> 00:23:48,440
Speaker 2: the coffee. I think something's weird. I feel like they're

480
00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:51,679
Speaker 2: about to surprise me with a really fun thing, but instead,

481
00:23:52,119 --> 00:23:56,199
Speaker 2: they each grab my arm and they say, you know,

482
00:23:56,240 --> 00:23:57,480
Speaker 2: we just want you to know that we're going to

483
00:23:57,520 --> 00:23:59,239
Speaker 2: be here for you no matter what. And I think

484
00:23:59,280 --> 00:24:02,720
Speaker 2: they're about to tell me that someone's died. My heart sinks.

485
00:24:02,760 --> 00:24:08,960
Speaker 2: I'm like what. They're like, this girl messaged us and

486
00:24:09,119 --> 00:24:12,240
Speaker 2: basically said that man, it's going to need a friend

487
00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:16,199
Speaker 2: right now because her new husband has been sending me

488
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:23,560
Speaker 2: inappropriate messages, nudes, nude videos wild and here are the

489
00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:28,800
Speaker 2: screen shots. And I start looking at the screenshots because

490
00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:30,600
Speaker 2: at first I'm like, what do you taught? His guy's

491
00:24:30,640 --> 00:24:32,879
Speaker 2: obsessed with me, like he treats me like a queen.

492
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:37,159
Speaker 2: I don't even this doesn't make any sense. We spend

493
00:24:37,200 --> 00:24:41,640
Speaker 2: every second together, we're in love, we have the best communication.

494
00:24:41,960 --> 00:24:48,160
Speaker 2: Like I'm sorry, no, but yes, it's Travis. He's been

495
00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:52,080
Speaker 2: my best friend for thirteen years. They said, we made

496
00:24:52,119 --> 00:24:54,600
Speaker 2: sure that all this was true before coming to you.

497
00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:57,560
Speaker 2: We weren't about to just bring you drama for no reason.

498
00:24:58,240 --> 00:25:01,520
Speaker 2: And here's like a hundred screen shots. So not only

499
00:25:01,560 --> 00:25:04,920
Speaker 2: did I scroll through and see screenshots of the guy

500
00:25:05,040 --> 00:25:07,119
Speaker 2: with my name on his chest in the new kitchen,

501
00:25:08,600 --> 00:25:11,720
Speaker 2: videos of him on the couch naked with his whole

502
00:25:11,920 --> 00:25:15,200
Speaker 2: body out, but I also got to see message got

503
00:25:15,240 --> 00:25:19,480
Speaker 2: to I also got to see messages written messages from

504
00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:26,280
Speaker 2: him to her saying, man, it's nothing, She's useless, she's

505
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:29,200
Speaker 2: just a roommate. Since you've arrived, you're my true queen.

506
00:25:29,320 --> 00:25:33,880
Speaker 2: I love you, I always have. She's not funny, she's boring,

507
00:25:34,160 --> 00:25:37,080
Speaker 2: she's not sexy. I'm about to blow up on the

508
00:25:37,119 --> 00:25:39,520
Speaker 2: red carpet, and I want you by my side. Keep

509
00:25:39,520 --> 00:25:41,920
Speaker 2: in mind, this guy only did one non union commercial.

510
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:47,880
Speaker 2: I don't know what he was talking about. It literally

511
00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:53,040
Speaker 2: made me feel like I didn't know up from down.

512
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:56,879
Speaker 2: I literally was like, what do you talk? This doesn't

513
00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:02,480
Speaker 2: make any sense. I've never been more shock in my life.

514
00:26:02,760 --> 00:26:03,320
Speaker 2: I couldn't.

515
00:26:03,600 --> 00:26:08,640
Speaker 1: I've got it out, like, how how do you con

516
00:26:09,119 --> 00:26:12,920
Speaker 1: because it was a part of you, Like, obviously you're

517
00:26:12,920 --> 00:26:14,960
Speaker 1: not in disbelief because You've got actual proof right in

518
00:26:15,000 --> 00:26:15,359
Speaker 1: front of you.

519
00:26:15,440 --> 00:26:17,760
Speaker 2: Right, yes, And it's it's the way he talks too.

520
00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:20,159
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, that's I love you. I always have,

521
00:26:20,560 --> 00:26:23,400
Speaker 2: Like I've known another lifetimes. That's exactly what he said

522
00:26:23,400 --> 00:26:25,679
Speaker 2: to me. So I know it's his language. I know

523
00:26:25,720 --> 00:26:27,440
Speaker 2: it's his folk. I know this is all what I'm

524
00:26:27,480 --> 00:26:28,240
Speaker 2: seeing is true.

525
00:26:29,440 --> 00:26:35,679
Speaker 1: Wild So then, how like, I've never been through anything

526
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,040
Speaker 1: like that, So I don't know whether I'd be like

527
00:26:37,080 --> 00:26:39,639
Speaker 1: wanting to vomit, wanting to go home and packle my

528
00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:42,119
Speaker 1: stuff up, even though it's your You've bought it, like

529
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:45,520
Speaker 1: your house, Like I don't what was your What did

530
00:26:45,520 --> 00:26:45,840
Speaker 1: you do?

531
00:26:48,040 --> 00:26:52,600
Speaker 2: I sat with them for a little while in shock.

532
00:26:52,800 --> 00:26:55,119
Speaker 2: I literally I was just staring off into space, and

533
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:56,639
Speaker 2: they were like, what do you need from us? I

534
00:26:56,680 --> 00:26:58,800
Speaker 2: was like, I don't know, Like I didn't know what

535
00:26:58,920 --> 00:27:02,359
Speaker 2: to do. I had no idea. I just the next

536
00:27:02,400 --> 00:27:04,480
Speaker 2: thing I could think of was, Okay, I don't know

537
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:07,280
Speaker 2: this man. Something. I don't know him like I thought.

538
00:27:07,440 --> 00:27:09,800
Speaker 2: I thought I knew him in and out thought we

539
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:12,040
Speaker 2: told each other everything. I thought we made such a

540
00:27:12,040 --> 00:27:16,480
Speaker 2: safe place for communication. I mean we even made containers

541
00:27:16,520 --> 00:27:18,800
Speaker 2: of like, hey, if you ever find anyone else attractive.

542
00:27:18,880 --> 00:27:21,200
Speaker 2: Let's bring it to each other, Like, let's just make

543
00:27:21,240 --> 00:27:23,159
Speaker 2: sure that we are in the same boat and we

544
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:25,560
Speaker 2: are partners and we're never going to make each other

545
00:27:25,600 --> 00:27:29,560
Speaker 2: wrong for having feelings. But like the container we're creating

546
00:27:29,680 --> 00:27:32,600
Speaker 2: is that we bring it to each other because I'm

547
00:27:32,600 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 2: not going to make you wrong for feeling the way

548
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:36,000
Speaker 2: you feel. I just want to be in on it.

549
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:39,800
Speaker 2: And chances are when you share the truth, it dissolves

550
00:27:40,520 --> 00:27:43,400
Speaker 2: and it doesn't carry so much weight. Please just don't

551
00:27:43,440 --> 00:27:46,080
Speaker 2: hide it, Like truth and honesty is like my number

552
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,520
Speaker 2: one policy, and I hope to create a really safe

553
00:27:49,520 --> 00:27:53,159
Speaker 2: place for you to come and land softly. And so

554
00:27:53,600 --> 00:27:57,439
Speaker 2: this was confusing to me on every level because this

555
00:27:57,560 --> 00:28:04,359
Speaker 2: isn't what we what Yeah, and also like what he

556
00:28:04,480 --> 00:28:07,679
Speaker 2: was saying about me, I was like, one thing is

557
00:28:07,760 --> 00:28:10,359
Speaker 2: one thing, right, those are two separate things. Okay, you

558
00:28:10,359 --> 00:28:13,160
Speaker 2: have a sex issue or like maybe you're not getting

559
00:28:13,160 --> 00:28:15,920
Speaker 2: your needs men the way, like you're not communicating. I

560
00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:18,000
Speaker 2: don't know, but like why are you throwing me under

561
00:28:18,000 --> 00:28:21,359
Speaker 2: the bus? I didn't why. That's a whole other level

562
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:23,399
Speaker 2: of like self sabotage stuff.

563
00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,000
Speaker 1: But yes, on a level of like pain with a

564
00:28:27,560 --> 00:28:28,280
Speaker 1: so many.

565
00:28:29,600 --> 00:28:34,680
Speaker 2: Life, yes, potentially, yeah, And so I just went home

566
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,880
Speaker 2: packed a bag. I was like, I don't know this man,

567
00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:39,320
Speaker 2: this could be really gonna be I just gotta be

568
00:28:39,360 --> 00:28:41,920
Speaker 2: ready to leave because he doesn't really have a place

569
00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:43,600
Speaker 2: to go I do. I could just get in the

570
00:28:43,600 --> 00:28:45,120
Speaker 2: car and go. So I packed a bag, had my

571
00:28:45,200 --> 00:28:48,760
Speaker 2: key in my pocket, sat outside, waited for him to

572
00:28:48,800 --> 00:28:50,480
Speaker 2: come home. He came home, I said, could he bring

573
00:28:50,520 --> 00:28:53,400
Speaker 2: me some water? He did, and then I got right

574
00:28:53,440 --> 00:28:55,680
Speaker 2: to it. I was like, so, I know what happened.

575
00:28:56,360 --> 00:28:59,360
Speaker 2: I know what's going on. I know that you've been

576
00:28:59,360 --> 00:29:01,760
Speaker 2: messaging this. You know. I just said it really calmly,

577
00:29:02,880 --> 00:29:04,560
Speaker 2: and he was in shock. I don't know if he

578
00:29:04,600 --> 00:29:06,480
Speaker 2: was expecting. And he fell to the floor and started

579
00:29:06,480 --> 00:29:10,360
Speaker 2: crying and admitting everything. And then I was just sad.

580
00:29:10,400 --> 00:29:13,080
Speaker 2: I was like with like, you know, I just questioned him,

581
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,520
Speaker 2: but trying to be in a way that opened his

582
00:29:15,600 --> 00:29:17,760
Speaker 2: heart because I could feel like, oh, this man's in pain,

583
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,720
Speaker 2: like this is not this is something else.

584
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,480
Speaker 1: And then the wild thing that is you kind of

585
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:26,840
Speaker 1: cared for him for a while.

586
00:29:28,840 --> 00:29:31,240
Speaker 2: Yeah, So that night he was crying a lot that night,

587
00:29:31,520 --> 00:29:34,520
Speaker 2: right like there wasn't space necessarily for me to feel

588
00:29:34,640 --> 00:29:37,280
Speaker 2: I mean, I didn't give myself to space because I

589
00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:40,240
Speaker 2: was like, oh, he's in pain, he needs to let

590
00:29:40,280 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 2: this out clearly. So I saved him, showered him, held him.

591
00:29:47,720 --> 00:29:51,280
Speaker 2: And then the next day, still you know, in shock,

592
00:29:51,520 --> 00:29:53,600
Speaker 2: I finally like let myself out and went and got

593
00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:57,440
Speaker 2: like half a bagel somewhere just try to decide what

594
00:29:57,520 --> 00:30:01,360
Speaker 2: was going on. I think we even friends the next night,

595
00:30:01,960 --> 00:30:04,960
Speaker 2: and I tried to make light of it with jokes.

596
00:30:05,320 --> 00:30:07,840
Speaker 1: Like that feel safe space, yeah.

597
00:30:07,360 --> 00:30:10,240
Speaker 2: And he was very confused why I was joking, but

598
00:30:10,320 --> 00:30:11,720
Speaker 2: I didn't know what else to do. And then the

599
00:30:11,760 --> 00:30:15,480
Speaker 2: next day I was like, you need to leave because

600
00:30:15,480 --> 00:30:17,560
Speaker 2: I need to process this. Yeah, of course I was.

601
00:30:19,240 --> 00:30:22,080
Speaker 1: It sounds like you were already on a very spiritual

602
00:30:23,160 --> 00:30:27,880
Speaker 1: journey before your world, yes, and you already had a

603
00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:33,560
Speaker 1: very probably healthy way of processing things, understanding your own

604
00:30:33,680 --> 00:30:36,840
Speaker 1: happiness and when mental health. Not that this was a

605
00:30:36,880 --> 00:30:39,840
Speaker 1: mental healthy, but this could easily spiral someone something like this,

606
00:30:39,960 --> 00:30:45,400
Speaker 1: and it's interesting that, like, it's so interesting that you

607
00:30:45,560 --> 00:30:48,360
Speaker 1: It says so much about your character that you chose

608
00:30:48,400 --> 00:30:51,719
Speaker 1: to stay and help him. Essentially for those couple of days,

609
00:30:51,840 --> 00:30:54,400
Speaker 1: I would have been like, there's the door, Sun.

610
00:30:55,720 --> 00:30:58,560
Speaker 2: I mean that I wish I mean all huh, yeah,

611
00:30:58,600 --> 00:31:01,640
Speaker 2: Well I could see that he was in Yeah, I cared.

612
00:31:01,760 --> 00:31:06,440
Speaker 2: I married the guy for me. I'm like, what I can't.

613
00:31:06,480 --> 00:31:08,640
Speaker 1: And after that, after he left, was that that was

614
00:31:08,680 --> 00:31:09,360
Speaker 1: done and dusted.

615
00:31:09,960 --> 00:31:13,200
Speaker 2: No, So he left for a month. We stayed in contact,

616
00:31:13,280 --> 00:31:17,239
Speaker 2: but we didn't we didn't see each other. He had

617
00:31:17,280 --> 00:31:19,000
Speaker 2: told me he was going to work on everything. He

618
00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:21,520
Speaker 2: had said I want to change, like I have a problem.

619
00:31:21,720 --> 00:31:23,360
Speaker 2: And so I was like, okay, I've seen a lot

620
00:31:23,440 --> 00:31:26,000
Speaker 2: of people change. I would say a lot of people

621
00:31:26,000 --> 00:31:28,040
Speaker 2: say people never change. I think they do if they

622
00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:32,360
Speaker 2: want to. So I could tell that it seemed like

623
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:34,600
Speaker 2: he really wanted to. And so we were like, Okay,

624
00:31:34,600 --> 00:31:36,200
Speaker 2: we're gonna spend a month apart and you're gonna work

625
00:31:36,200 --> 00:31:39,080
Speaker 2: on yourself and come back to me better, and I

626
00:31:39,120 --> 00:31:41,840
Speaker 2: will keep processing this and then we'll see what happens.

627
00:31:41,880 --> 00:31:44,160
Speaker 2: And then therapy.

628
00:31:44,280 --> 00:31:44,520
Speaker 1: Guys.

629
00:31:44,960 --> 00:31:50,720
Speaker 2: We went three months of therapy, which was really helpful

630
00:31:50,760 --> 00:31:53,120
Speaker 2: and very healing, and I got to hear more about

631
00:31:53,160 --> 00:31:57,400
Speaker 2: his upbringing and like, you know, really realize like, oh,

632
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:01,560
Speaker 2: this clearly has nothing to do with me. That was

633
00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:05,000
Speaker 2: something I felt initially anyway, because I really take I

634
00:32:05,040 --> 00:32:06,840
Speaker 2: took pride in like how well I showed up in

635
00:32:06,920 --> 00:32:12,000
Speaker 2: that relationship, how honestly, Like I've went through my relationships

636
00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:14,520
Speaker 2: where I didn't do a good job and felt like

637
00:32:14,600 --> 00:32:18,080
Speaker 2: I could have done better. I don't have regret of

638
00:32:18,120 --> 00:32:19,360
Speaker 2: how I was in the relationship.

639
00:32:19,400 --> 00:32:20,320
Speaker 1: How beautiful is that.

640
00:32:20,400 --> 00:32:24,959
Speaker 2: It's the most freeing thing because I knew when he

641
00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:26,800
Speaker 2: did what he did. There was not one part of

642
00:32:26,800 --> 00:32:28,640
Speaker 2: me that was like, well this is because I'm not enough.

643
00:32:29,080 --> 00:32:30,280
Speaker 2: I did not feel that way.

644
00:32:30,560 --> 00:32:32,000
Speaker 1: That's amazing.

645
00:32:32,520 --> 00:32:34,200
Speaker 2: If this would have happened ten years ago, it would

646
00:32:34,200 --> 00:32:35,640
Speaker 2: have ruined me, and I would have been like, Okay,

647
00:32:35,680 --> 00:32:38,960
Speaker 2: I'm just going to switch to women or something I

648
00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:44,280
Speaker 2: don't know, which may still happen. Self medicate, never date again,

649
00:32:44,480 --> 00:32:48,880
Speaker 2: never open my heart, like just go into complete spiral

650
00:32:48,960 --> 00:32:54,360
Speaker 2: about complete confidence shot like of course. But luckily, you know,

651
00:32:54,600 --> 00:32:57,560
Speaker 2: even in my early twenties, I remember being in college

652
00:32:57,640 --> 00:33:00,280
Speaker 2: and I would black out, and I remember making out

653
00:33:00,280 --> 00:33:03,920
Speaker 2: with somebody else and feeling so much shame and not

654
00:33:04,000 --> 00:33:08,360
Speaker 2: telling my partner about it, and like, the good news

655
00:33:08,400 --> 00:33:11,760
Speaker 2: is is like in that moment, I realized, oh, when

656
00:33:11,760 --> 00:33:14,040
Speaker 2: I made out with somebody else that wasn't my boyfriend.

657
00:33:14,080 --> 00:33:15,800
Speaker 2: That had nothing to do with my boyfriend. That had

658
00:33:15,840 --> 00:33:19,480
Speaker 2: everything to do with me, my lack of boundaries, my insecurities,

659
00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:22,239
Speaker 2: me needing attention to the moment, me not considering like

660
00:33:22,280 --> 00:33:24,600
Speaker 2: that had everything to do with my pain. So I

661
00:33:24,640 --> 00:33:26,920
Speaker 2: got to learn that lesson early on being on the

662
00:33:26,920 --> 00:33:31,480
Speaker 2: other side of it, of like, it's not about the partner,

663
00:33:32,040 --> 00:33:34,760
Speaker 2: it's about the person who's cheating and their own issue,

664
00:33:34,800 --> 00:33:38,239
Speaker 2: like not issues, but like, yeah, where they're at like that.

665
00:33:38,400 --> 00:33:41,040
Speaker 2: At that point, when I was what twenty years old,

666
00:33:41,080 --> 00:33:43,000
Speaker 2: I didn't know how to be honest. I didn't know

667
00:33:43,000 --> 00:33:45,880
Speaker 2: how to tell my partner, Hey, I'm not ready to commit.

668
00:33:46,280 --> 00:33:48,480
Speaker 2: I have a flirtatious energy. I kind of want to

669
00:33:48,480 --> 00:33:50,080
Speaker 2: see what else is out there. Like I did know

670
00:33:50,080 --> 00:33:51,920
Speaker 2: how to say that. Yeah, I did know how to

671
00:33:51,960 --> 00:33:54,240
Speaker 2: speak up. I didn't know how to not drink to

672
00:33:54,280 --> 00:33:56,120
Speaker 2: the point of blackout, to the point of not being

673
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:57,440
Speaker 2: able to make out with someone.

674
00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:00,320
Speaker 1: Early twenties, that's hot, they's old riots of past we

675
00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:02,800
Speaker 1: all go through.

676
00:34:02,840 --> 00:34:05,280
Speaker 2: I laugh at how hard I was on myself. I'm like, girl,

677
00:34:05,640 --> 00:34:09,680
Speaker 2: you're fine, Like why did I beat myself up so hard?

678
00:34:10,000 --> 00:34:13,040
Speaker 1: Yeah? Can I ask how it feels like now you're

679
00:34:13,640 --> 00:34:17,680
Speaker 1: beautifully pregnant, mama bear to be. You've got a very

680
00:34:17,719 --> 00:34:23,120
Speaker 1: funny partner, very cool, very funny, very cool, laugh too.

681
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:27,880
Speaker 1: Might I say, Johnny, how does it feel now to

682
00:34:28,000 --> 00:34:30,960
Speaker 1: be in what? And now? Obviously I'm going by what

683
00:34:31,000 --> 00:34:33,320
Speaker 1: I hear on the pod and what I see on Instagram,

684
00:34:33,360 --> 00:34:37,719
Speaker 1: but it looks like a very solid teammate. Yeah, and

685
00:34:37,760 --> 00:34:40,360
Speaker 1: how does that feel now in comparison to what you

686
00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:40,880
Speaker 1: went through?

687
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:44,200
Speaker 2: It shows me that what I went through is necessary

688
00:34:44,840 --> 00:34:47,680
Speaker 2: for my own healing because I chose to marry a

689
00:34:47,719 --> 00:34:50,480
Speaker 2: man that had I mean, there was red flag after

690
00:34:50,560 --> 00:34:53,400
Speaker 2: red flag after red flag, I mean, and I ignored it.

691
00:34:53,719 --> 00:34:56,480
Speaker 2: I chose to listen to his words over my own body.

692
00:34:56,640 --> 00:34:59,319
Speaker 2: There are times that my body would close off and

693
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:01,319
Speaker 2: I would move away from him, and we would just

694
00:35:01,400 --> 00:35:06,000
Speaker 2: joke about it that like I would it would we

695
00:35:06,120 --> 00:35:09,399
Speaker 2: made it about me, and how I'm like I made

696
00:35:09,400 --> 00:35:11,000
Speaker 2: it about me as well, of like, oh, I just

697
00:35:11,000 --> 00:35:13,439
Speaker 2: don't deserve the type of love he's giving me when

698
00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:16,160
Speaker 2: actually my body was trying to tell me something the

699
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:19,799
Speaker 2: entire time. I mean, I joke, but like he did

700
00:35:19,840 --> 00:35:23,040
Speaker 2: tattoo my name on him without telling me, and not

701
00:35:23,120 --> 00:35:26,040
Speaker 2: in like a little cursive, but in like a ninety

702
00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:30,640
Speaker 2: six Lucinda font calligraphy. But then I scanned down. I

703
00:35:30,680 --> 00:35:33,560
Speaker 2: see he has like a giant crow on his sternum

704
00:35:33,960 --> 00:35:36,640
Speaker 2: that's black, and then no regrets on his shin. I'm like,

705
00:35:36,680 --> 00:35:41,759
Speaker 2: really none. So anyway, I see I see a lot

706
00:35:41,760 --> 00:35:46,240
Speaker 2: of tattoos. Now, very differently, I go, oh, yeah, there's

707
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:50,440
Speaker 2: something there's that. I don't know. It seems that Okay,

708
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:52,360
Speaker 2: you really want to be significant in the world. Okay,

709
00:35:52,800 --> 00:35:55,680
Speaker 2: I understand what that's like. I'm not there right now.

710
00:35:57,280 --> 00:35:59,520
Speaker 2: I see things in a very different lens. I think,

711
00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:03,160
Speaker 2: if some one's coming on that strong, yeah, it's a

712
00:36:03,160 --> 00:36:04,719
Speaker 2: little love bomby right, Like.

713
00:36:05,480 --> 00:36:09,480
Speaker 1: It's our Twilight dream. Like we grew up watching those kind.

714
00:36:09,320 --> 00:36:12,440
Speaker 2: Of men coming in yeah and saving and being like,

715
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:14,560
Speaker 2: I'm in love with you. So I just thought I

716
00:36:14,600 --> 00:36:17,120
Speaker 2: was living my fairy tale totally. I really did.

717
00:36:17,280 --> 00:36:19,719
Speaker 1: That is every girl's dream. The way you described the

718
00:36:19,760 --> 00:36:25,200
Speaker 1: first half of that story is the quintessential dream for

719
00:36:26,000 --> 00:36:27,920
Speaker 1: someone that has grown out watching a Hollywood mab.

720
00:36:28,000 --> 00:36:30,000
Speaker 2: I thought I had done enough spiritual work that I

721
00:36:30,080 --> 00:36:32,320
Speaker 2: was getting my dream. I was like, I can't believe

722
00:36:32,320 --> 00:36:35,400
Speaker 2: this is happening. This is like a fairy tale. But

723
00:36:35,520 --> 00:36:39,920
Speaker 2: of course it obviously didn't end well, and I realized

724
00:36:40,000 --> 00:36:41,880
Speaker 2: a lot now. I go, I look back, and I go,

725
00:36:42,000 --> 00:36:44,879
Speaker 2: you know what, if it's urgent, it's not spiritual. Why

726
00:36:44,880 --> 00:36:47,759
Speaker 2: did I have to move so quickly? Was I afraid

727
00:36:47,920 --> 00:36:49,680
Speaker 2: that if I didn't jump in that I was going

728
00:36:49,760 --> 00:36:52,880
Speaker 2: to lose it? You can't lose like I think about

729
00:36:52,880 --> 00:36:57,640
Speaker 2: this with Johnny, complete opposite man, just lighter and younger

730
00:36:57,680 --> 00:37:02,040
Speaker 2: on every level, completely aligned with his integrity, his morals,

731
00:37:02,400 --> 00:37:05,120
Speaker 2: his ethics. There's no part of me that feels urgent.

732
00:37:05,480 --> 00:37:07,800
Speaker 2: With Johnny, like I'm like, oh, we have our life.

733
00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,960
Speaker 2: We're like good, Like we can take our time. But

734
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:12,640
Speaker 2: with the other guy, I was like, we have to

735
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:14,600
Speaker 2: do everything now we have, everything is so intimes, we've

736
00:37:14,600 --> 00:37:16,319
Speaker 2: got to get engaged. After four months, I'm like, I

737
00:37:16,320 --> 00:37:18,880
Speaker 2: don't ever need to be engaged or married to Johnny

738
00:37:19,200 --> 00:37:22,239
Speaker 2: because it's just there, there's like nothing to prove. But

739
00:37:22,320 --> 00:37:25,040
Speaker 2: this other guy, I think there was something to prove underneath.

740
00:37:25,120 --> 00:37:28,280
Speaker 2: And I look at that energy and I'm like, that's frantic.

741
00:37:29,320 --> 00:37:31,680
Speaker 2: That's not patient, right. Love is patient, Love is kind,

742
00:37:31,719 --> 00:37:35,000
Speaker 2: Love is not jelat like all these things and I'm like, whoa,

743
00:37:36,000 --> 00:37:36,680
Speaker 2: And that's on me.

744
00:37:36,920 --> 00:37:39,759
Speaker 1: You know, I participated, no, but I think there is

745
00:37:39,840 --> 00:37:42,920
Speaker 1: something that we have romanticized about that urgency and that

746
00:37:43,040 --> 00:37:46,040
Speaker 1: like love at first sight, knowing it and then like

747
00:37:46,560 --> 00:37:49,600
Speaker 1: being committed there and then and I think also the

748
00:37:49,600 --> 00:37:52,200
Speaker 1: way you were describing about the way your body's tried

749
00:37:52,239 --> 00:37:55,160
Speaker 1: to protect you the urgency in a weird way, you

750
00:37:55,239 --> 00:37:57,399
Speaker 1: now know the urgency is a red flag as well,

751
00:37:57,440 --> 00:37:59,279
Speaker 1: like a beautiful way to be like, hang on, this

752
00:37:59,360 --> 00:38:03,440
Speaker 1: is even breathe, this is so fast, but in the

753
00:38:03,520 --> 00:38:06,080
Speaker 1: moment it's so hard to pick up, like don't like.

754
00:38:07,200 --> 00:38:08,520
Speaker 1: What I'm trying to say is like and I know

755
00:38:08,560 --> 00:38:11,480
Speaker 1: you wouldn't be doing this at all, but like sometimes

756
00:38:11,480 --> 00:38:13,680
Speaker 1: we don't see the red flags until we've had a

757
00:38:13,719 --> 00:38:15,440
Speaker 1: little bit of space, the dust has said all and

758
00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:18,759
Speaker 1: we look back and go, oh, wow, that was a

759
00:38:18,800 --> 00:38:20,799
Speaker 1: red flag. Wow that was also a red flag. But

760
00:38:20,840 --> 00:38:25,880
Speaker 1: I chose to like somehow, you know, just warp it

761
00:38:25,920 --> 00:38:28,879
Speaker 1: into the green slash red flo you know what I mean.

762
00:38:28,960 --> 00:38:32,200
Speaker 2: It's wild, it really is, but we need to learn

763
00:38:32,239 --> 00:38:36,000
Speaker 2: it and look back and go, Okay, I now know,

764
00:38:36,600 --> 00:38:41,920
Speaker 2: I now know more, you know, I butterflies nervousness, like

765
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:45,080
Speaker 2: that kind of nervousness in the gut is a warning sign.

766
00:38:45,680 --> 00:38:48,640
Speaker 2: I don't feel that with John. I just feel peace, right,

767
00:38:48,680 --> 00:38:50,960
Speaker 2: But I didn't grow up with peace. The love that

768
00:38:51,040 --> 00:38:55,640
Speaker 2: I was shown as a child was chaotic and stressful,

769
00:38:56,200 --> 00:38:59,480
Speaker 2: and so I wired that to love is love is painful.

770
00:38:59,520 --> 00:39:02,319
Speaker 2: Sometimes it's too much, it's it's strangling, it's this, it's

771
00:39:02,360 --> 00:39:05,319
Speaker 2: a a and so it has to be painful if

772
00:39:05,320 --> 00:39:08,680
Speaker 2: it's love. If it's not painful, then it's not love.

773
00:39:08,840 --> 00:39:10,960
Speaker 1: So so many people would think this though, because of what

774
00:39:11,000 --> 00:39:14,400
Speaker 1: they've grown up with or learned or seen, you know.

775
00:39:14,920 --> 00:39:19,120
Speaker 1: So it's how freaking lucky that you've now you're now

776
00:39:19,160 --> 00:39:21,760
Speaker 1: in this like beautiful healthy.

777
00:39:22,440 --> 00:39:25,160
Speaker 2: Yeah, and unintentionally too. I mean the way we met

778
00:39:25,320 --> 00:39:28,480
Speaker 2: was very had you me. We met for a coffee

779
00:39:28,520 --> 00:39:30,799
Speaker 2: because he was like him and his friends were going

780
00:39:30,840 --> 00:39:32,600
Speaker 2: to make a film and they wanted me to be

781
00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:34,759
Speaker 2: in it, and so we didn't meet to date. We

782
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:38,000
Speaker 2: met under circumstances for another reason, and so the first

783
00:39:38,040 --> 00:39:41,200
Speaker 2: few times we met there was no agenda, which makes

784
00:39:41,239 --> 00:39:42,719
Speaker 2: all the difference in the world, because then you can

785
00:39:42,760 --> 00:39:47,280
Speaker 2: just kind of be yourself and there's no pressure. Yeah,

786
00:39:47,360 --> 00:39:50,239
Speaker 2: and then we just started hanging out again. You know,

787
00:39:50,280 --> 00:39:53,360
Speaker 2: I was getting out of my marriage, so on no

788
00:39:53,520 --> 00:39:56,040
Speaker 2: level is he thinking this is the term to swoop in,

789
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:59,680
Speaker 2: and neither was I. But we did like being around

790
00:39:59,680 --> 00:40:03,760
Speaker 2: each other, so we naturally kept hanging out. And again,

791
00:40:04,000 --> 00:40:07,480
Speaker 2: like I think because of where I was at, I

792
00:40:07,480 --> 00:40:10,600
Speaker 2: don't know, there just wasn't any pressure again, no urgency.

793
00:40:10,800 --> 00:40:14,760
Speaker 2: Eventually we kind of got intimate and that was really calming.

794
00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:17,640
Speaker 2: Like my body responded very differently. It was like a

795
00:40:17,760 --> 00:40:21,160
Speaker 2: very warm, open feeling. Like right away I was like, oh,

796
00:40:21,200 --> 00:40:24,360
Speaker 2: I could have this guy's kids, And I was like, whoa.

797
00:40:24,400 --> 00:40:29,759
Speaker 2: My body feels so safe and like cozy and like

798
00:40:29,800 --> 00:40:31,719
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I need to. I don't know,

799
00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:34,560
Speaker 2: I just feel calmness. And it's been a very slow

800
00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,120
Speaker 2: it's been you know, three and a half years, and

801
00:40:36,160 --> 00:40:40,080
Speaker 2: it's been a very slow, steady, but it's getting It

802
00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:43,400
Speaker 2: only gets better, which is really cool. Whereas when things spike,

803
00:40:44,120 --> 00:40:46,920
Speaker 2: they come up the Yeah, it's like a roller coaster.

804
00:40:47,000 --> 00:40:49,080
Speaker 2: You don't want to live on a roller coaster. It's

805
00:40:49,120 --> 00:40:51,040
Speaker 2: fun to ride for like a minute, but then it's like,

806
00:40:51,080 --> 00:40:51,799
Speaker 2: get me off of this.

807
00:40:53,160 --> 00:40:56,320
Speaker 1: Oh so well said, I have two questions for you, Okay,

808
00:40:56,880 --> 00:41:00,000
Speaker 1: did so? Hopefully I am giving you a nice Strey

809
00:41:00,440 --> 00:41:02,920
Speaker 1: experience so you can now be like, oh, Aussie's all right,

810
00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:05,280
Speaker 1: even though I know he was like Scottish Aussie.

811
00:41:04,880 --> 00:41:07,680
Speaker 2: But yeah, I love it. I'm not mad at them. No,

812
00:41:07,760 --> 00:41:08,880
Speaker 2: I don't generalize.

813
00:41:09,080 --> 00:41:11,360
Speaker 1: Oh no, and I doubt that you. I don't believe

814
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:13,200
Speaker 1: that you do. But I was like this. I was like,

815
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:16,440
Speaker 1: this guy's given a bad rap. As I was listening

816
00:41:16,520 --> 00:41:19,839
Speaker 1: to this store. Did you get to visit any other

817
00:41:19,880 --> 00:41:21,600
Speaker 1: parts of Australia And if so, do you have a

818
00:41:21,640 --> 00:41:25,080
Speaker 1: favorite part with him?

819
00:41:25,120 --> 00:41:28,560
Speaker 2: I visited Perth. On my way there, I stopped in Melbourne.

820
00:41:29,239 --> 00:41:30,160
Speaker 1: Do you like Melbourne?

821
00:41:30,280 --> 00:41:30,520
Speaker 2: Yeah?

822
00:41:31,040 --> 00:41:31,840
Speaker 1: Good coffee?

823
00:41:32,280 --> 00:41:36,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, good coffee. A couple of years prior to that,

824
00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:39,439
Speaker 2: I went to the Gold Coast beautiful. Loved it.

825
00:41:39,560 --> 00:41:41,680
Speaker 1: Yeah that I loved Yeah, oh beach.

826
00:41:41,800 --> 00:41:46,120
Speaker 2: They were filming with La maybe La. Yeah. It was

827
00:41:46,160 --> 00:41:48,880
Speaker 2: so real parts of Caribbean or something, and I was

828
00:41:48,920 --> 00:41:51,040
Speaker 2: on set for that. What are you We got to

829
00:41:51,080 --> 00:41:53,799
Speaker 2: be like an extra? So I flew there for that.

830
00:41:54,239 --> 00:41:56,360
Speaker 1: What was your what was your role as an extra?

831
00:41:56,760 --> 00:42:00,479
Speaker 2: Just running around in a dress? Oh amazing was going?

832
00:42:00,640 --> 00:42:02,800
Speaker 2: It was funny. We were on set and it was

833
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,799
Speaker 2: a bunch of us, like Vine influencers or whatever you

834
00:42:05,840 --> 00:42:09,560
Speaker 2: call us at the time. We were like, oh, we

835
00:42:09,600 --> 00:42:11,279
Speaker 2: get to be extras. Okay, cool, because you want us

836
00:42:11,280 --> 00:42:13,000
Speaker 2: to promote the film. Great, can we take like a

837
00:42:13,040 --> 00:42:15,600
Speaker 2: photo with Johnny Depp? And they were like, oh no, no, no,

838
00:42:15,640 --> 00:42:17,479
Speaker 2: but we have this cardboard cutout. I was like, that's

839
00:42:17,520 --> 00:42:19,719
Speaker 2: so stupid. I could do that in La, Like, what

840
00:42:19,760 --> 00:42:24,080
Speaker 2: are you talking about? But then I was filming a

841
00:42:24,200 --> 00:42:26,600
Speaker 2: Vine at the porta potty, acting like it was going

842
00:42:26,640 --> 00:42:30,360
Speaker 2: to be my dressing room. Yeah, and Johnny Depp walked

843
00:42:30,400 --> 00:42:33,719
Speaker 2: by and stopped and just stared at me, and I

844
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:35,919
Speaker 2: was like, oh, I'm just going in my dressing room.

845
00:42:35,960 --> 00:42:37,840
Speaker 2: And then he like played with it and he's like, oh,

846
00:42:37,880 --> 00:42:39,239
Speaker 2: it used to be my dressing room. And then he

847
00:42:39,280 --> 00:42:40,759
Speaker 2: came and took pictures with us, So.

848
00:42:40,840 --> 00:42:42,680
Speaker 1: Now I want a cham That's pretty.

849
00:42:42,719 --> 00:42:47,240
Speaker 2: He was great and character too as Jack Sparrow.

850
00:42:47,320 --> 00:42:53,160
Speaker 1: Yeah, character, that's great. Also, the Courtney Cox did you

851
00:42:53,280 --> 00:42:55,240
Speaker 1: foot up? Is amazing? Oh?

852
00:42:55,280 --> 00:42:55,759
Speaker 2: Thank you?

853
00:42:55,880 --> 00:42:57,879
Speaker 1: The one I'm talking about? Yeah, You're like.

854
00:42:58,280 --> 00:43:01,120
Speaker 2: Well, the I have a weird I love that video.

855
00:43:01,400 --> 00:43:03,760
Speaker 2: And I loved filming with her and she was so sweet.

856
00:43:04,160 --> 00:43:06,239
Speaker 2: The end of it got cut off, so I'm like,

857
00:43:06,360 --> 00:43:07,560
Speaker 2: is it even funny anymore?

858
00:43:07,760 --> 00:43:10,840
Speaker 1: It's funny, it's funny. It feels funny to make cute,

859
00:43:11,080 --> 00:43:14,319
Speaker 1: so cute, so cute. Okay. The other thing I wanted

860
00:43:14,360 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 1: to ask is you've mentioned a few times now, like

861
00:43:16,560 --> 00:43:19,680
Speaker 1: a spiritual practice. Can you share because a lot of

862
00:43:19,680 --> 00:43:22,520
Speaker 1: people that listen to this pot are health conscious have

863
00:43:22,600 --> 00:43:25,239
Speaker 1: some kind of spiritual practice. Can you share anything that

864
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,759
Speaker 1: you like? Is it like meditation, is it breath work,

865
00:43:27,920 --> 00:43:31,480
Speaker 1: is it therapy? A lot of this is the thing

866
00:43:31,520 --> 00:43:35,600
Speaker 1: I love about Americans or especially Los Angeleans. You say, oh, yeah,

867
00:43:35,600 --> 00:43:38,560
Speaker 1: I've got a therapist. An American be like amazing, how

868
00:43:38,600 --> 00:43:42,280
Speaker 1: many you know? Like an Australian. Still it's like, oh, okay,

869
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:43,200
Speaker 1: what are you going?

870
00:43:43,239 --> 00:43:43,880
Speaker 2: What's wrong with you?

871
00:43:44,160 --> 00:43:46,600
Speaker 1: Yeah? It's still a bit. It's getting less and less

872
00:43:46,600 --> 00:43:48,319
Speaker 1: and less, which is awesome. So any chance I get

873
00:43:48,320 --> 00:43:50,920
Speaker 1: to talk about mental health, I jump on it. But yeah, so, like,

874
00:43:51,000 --> 00:43:53,160
Speaker 1: what's your spiritual practice if you don't mind sharing?

875
00:43:53,520 --> 00:43:56,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean it's changed over the years. I'd say

876
00:43:56,000 --> 00:44:02,359
Speaker 2: back in the day it was definitely meditation, yeah. And writing, Yeah,

877
00:44:02,400 --> 00:44:06,879
Speaker 2: I like to write letters to the universe. Or God

878
00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:09,400
Speaker 2: or whatever you want to call it, something that's not me.

879
00:44:09,600 --> 00:44:12,080
Speaker 2: And I like to write out all my fears so

880
00:44:12,120 --> 00:44:14,640
Speaker 2: that I can get down to underneath of what's really

881
00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:17,480
Speaker 2: going on, because if I keep it in my head,

882
00:44:18,120 --> 00:44:20,600
Speaker 2: then the energy's floating around in my head or body.

883
00:44:20,640 --> 00:44:23,319
Speaker 2: But then I when I write, there's an energy that

884
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:25,000
Speaker 2: comes out of my arm onto the paper, and then

885
00:44:25,000 --> 00:44:27,279
Speaker 2: I can actually see what's actually going on within me,

886
00:44:27,760 --> 00:44:32,000
Speaker 2: which is usually just like, oh, I'm not following my bliss, right,

887
00:44:32,400 --> 00:44:35,560
Speaker 2: But we get stuck, and so I like to write

888
00:44:35,719 --> 00:44:38,799
Speaker 2: things out. I definitely love breath work. I don't think

889
00:44:38,840 --> 00:44:42,239
Speaker 2: i'm doing it now because I'm pregnant and so I

890
00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:45,480
Speaker 2: miss it, but breathwork is a really, really great way

891
00:44:46,360 --> 00:44:51,120
Speaker 2: to release that energy. I'm a very physical person.

892
00:44:51,800 --> 00:44:55,360
Speaker 1: Yeah, and your comedy is quite physical as well. Yeah,

893
00:44:55,480 --> 00:44:58,560
Speaker 1: you're very funny. Thank you very right. You just mentioned

894
00:44:59,040 --> 00:45:02,759
Speaker 1: sometimes a theory is not following your bliss. If you

895
00:45:02,760 --> 00:45:05,080
Speaker 1: could sum it up for us, what would you say

896
00:45:05,120 --> 00:45:08,800
Speaker 1: your bliss is, because obviously it's many things I feel.

897
00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:12,200
Speaker 2: I think I really just care about being fully self

898
00:45:12,239 --> 00:45:15,080
Speaker 2: expressed in whatever form that takes. If I feel like

899
00:45:15,120 --> 00:45:17,759
Speaker 2: I can't say something, I don't feel free. So I

900
00:45:17,760 --> 00:45:20,359
Speaker 2: think freedom is my number one value to make sure

901
00:45:20,400 --> 00:45:22,960
Speaker 2: that I'm accessing the freedom the way that I did

902
00:45:22,960 --> 00:45:24,799
Speaker 2: when I was a little child, because that's when I

903
00:45:24,840 --> 00:45:27,800
Speaker 2: was my happiest. And if I can just embody whatever

904
00:45:27,880 --> 00:45:30,320
Speaker 2: I feel at the time, whether it's tears or joy

905
00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:34,640
Speaker 2: or joking or characters or whatever it is, then I

906
00:45:34,640 --> 00:45:37,520
Speaker 2: feel like I'm free. And that's there's nothing better than

907
00:45:37,520 --> 00:45:38,440
Speaker 2: that totally.

908
00:45:38,520 --> 00:45:41,840
Speaker 1: And from that free space, from feeling free and freedom,

909
00:45:42,239 --> 00:45:47,160
Speaker 1: anything's possible. I reckon mate. My final question is just

910
00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:51,480
Speaker 1: for anybody listening that's like, I'd love to do more

911
00:45:51,480 --> 00:45:54,520
Speaker 1: comedy or write or act or be like I think

912
00:45:54,600 --> 00:45:56,799
Speaker 1: as well. In Australia, it feels so far away those

913
00:45:56,880 --> 00:45:59,680
Speaker 1: kind of dreams, like your vocation, your job feels quite

914
00:46:00,320 --> 00:46:02,080
Speaker 1: far away for an Aussie, you know.

915
00:46:02,120 --> 00:46:04,480
Speaker 2: I like, but it's through your phone. A lot of

916
00:46:04,520 --> 00:46:08,360
Speaker 2: my creation is right at my fingertips, right, it's not

917
00:46:08,480 --> 00:46:12,080
Speaker 2: that far. Maybe change the language. It's right here. I

918
00:46:12,080 --> 00:46:14,800
Speaker 2: can do it now, Like what we say to ourselves

919
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:18,280
Speaker 2: is everything. Like that changed my life when I started

920
00:46:18,640 --> 00:46:21,600
Speaker 2: talking to myself in a really positive way and I

921
00:46:21,640 --> 00:46:24,279
Speaker 2: started stating things in the present tense of like I'm

922
00:46:24,320 --> 00:46:27,839
Speaker 2: a creator now I can do it now, Yes I can.

923
00:46:28,160 --> 00:46:31,920
Speaker 2: I'm doing it now. It does something to my chillions

924
00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:34,799
Speaker 2: of cells that are listening. You know. I changed my

925
00:46:34,840 --> 00:46:38,040
Speaker 2: whole eating habits with that. I started saying, I am

926
00:46:38,520 --> 00:46:41,680
Speaker 2: burning fat easily, effortlessly. I love and approve of my

927
00:46:41,760 --> 00:46:43,919
Speaker 2: body like I just had to get rid of that

928
00:46:44,120 --> 00:46:47,040
Speaker 2: negative voice that like haunted me for so long and

929
00:46:47,160 --> 00:46:50,759
Speaker 2: kept me small. It's like, which one do you want

930
00:46:50,760 --> 00:46:53,280
Speaker 2: to feel? I want to feel good?

931
00:46:53,520 --> 00:46:53,880
Speaker 1: Yeah?

932
00:46:54,040 --> 00:46:55,680
Speaker 2: So what do I need to say to myself to

933
00:46:55,719 --> 00:46:57,440
Speaker 2: feel good now? And who gets to say it?

934
00:46:57,520 --> 00:46:57,799
Speaker 1: I do?

935
00:46:58,520 --> 00:46:59,800
Speaker 2: There's nobody else here.

936
00:47:00,120 --> 00:47:05,279
Speaker 1: Mmmm, so empowering. Yeah, you're good, I say that now.

937
00:47:05,280 --> 00:47:06,360
Speaker 2: It's not always the case.

938
00:47:06,800 --> 00:47:08,759
Speaker 1: No, I appreciate you sharing that because I think like

939
00:47:08,840 --> 00:47:11,239
Speaker 1: as creatives as well. Sometimes you can hear a little

940
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,520
Speaker 1: roadblock and be like, oh, she's be a self doubt

941
00:47:14,560 --> 00:47:16,040
Speaker 1: can creep in all the time.

942
00:47:16,120 --> 00:47:18,279
Speaker 2: You know, you gotta be you gotta like I'm this.

943
00:47:18,560 --> 00:47:21,120
Speaker 2: I can get down after two days of not talking

944
00:47:21,120 --> 00:47:23,120
Speaker 2: to myself in a good positive way. That's why I

945
00:47:23,160 --> 00:47:26,040
Speaker 2: have to be around positive people that are like yes people,

946
00:47:26,440 --> 00:47:30,120
Speaker 2: because who we surround ourselves with will absolutely like determine

947
00:47:30,120 --> 00:47:32,719
Speaker 2: how we are. So I was literally just with my

948
00:47:32,719 --> 00:47:35,440
Speaker 2: friend Laura, who's also like into like positivity. So like

949
00:47:35,480 --> 00:47:37,719
Speaker 2: I'm feeling really good, but if I.

950
00:47:37,640 --> 00:47:40,840
Speaker 1: Don't go to the gym for a month, you're gonna I'm.

951
00:47:40,719 --> 00:47:42,680
Speaker 2: Not, I'm gonna feel it and I'm gonna feel down

952
00:47:42,719 --> 00:47:45,840
Speaker 2: and depressed because i haven't moved. So I it's like

953
00:47:45,880 --> 00:47:49,240
Speaker 2: a practice. It's like a daily thing to like start

954
00:47:49,280 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 2: getting it in your muscle memory of like I am enough,

955
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:54,880
Speaker 2: I'm amazing, I'm a creator, I'm a star walking around

956
00:47:55,200 --> 00:47:58,879
Speaker 2: saying these amazing things to yourself that like pump you up, right,

957
00:47:59,560 --> 00:48:02,640
Speaker 2: Like I always like to envision a child running a race.

958
00:48:02,719 --> 00:48:05,400
Speaker 2: Imagine a child's running a race and if the parent

959
00:48:05,520 --> 00:48:09,040
Speaker 2: is like, stop, what are you doing, you idiot? Just

960
00:48:09,400 --> 00:48:13,000
Speaker 2: forget it. The child's gonna get so defeated, right and

961
00:48:13,200 --> 00:48:15,759
Speaker 2: just give up and maybe just like go home, or

962
00:48:15,800 --> 00:48:18,040
Speaker 2: if the parent is going.

963
00:48:17,880 --> 00:48:20,680
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got it, Tommy, you're amazing.

964
00:48:21,000 --> 00:48:24,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, the kid's gonna like run faster with this chest up,

965
00:48:24,360 --> 00:48:27,480
Speaker 2: and so like we are that kid always listening.

966
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,640
Speaker 1: I love that. I really love that. Thank you so

967
00:48:32,640 --> 00:48:35,680
Speaker 1: so much. I'm gonna put all your details in the

968
00:48:35,719 --> 00:48:38,719
Speaker 1: show notes. And is there anything that you can talk

969
00:48:38,760 --> 00:48:41,360
Speaker 1: about that's coming up. I know you're working on mazillion

970
00:48:41,400 --> 00:48:42,479
Speaker 1: and one things right now.

971
00:48:42,520 --> 00:48:46,080
Speaker 2: No, I'm only really working on building a human. Well

972
00:48:46,080 --> 00:48:51,280
Speaker 2: you got the Pot of Rooney, Yeah, the Pot of Rooney. Yeah,

973
00:48:51,920 --> 00:48:56,720
Speaker 2: sketches occasionally on Instagram. Yeah, I mean, I guess getting

974
00:48:56,719 --> 00:48:57,799
Speaker 2: back into stand up.

975
00:48:58,120 --> 00:48:58,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

976
00:48:59,040 --> 00:49:01,239
Speaker 2: I have some travel comeing up, going to Europe in

977
00:49:01,280 --> 00:49:06,000
Speaker 2: a month. That's I'm really excited about that, you know.

978
00:49:06,440 --> 00:49:09,120
Speaker 2: But the main thing is, like I really want to

979
00:49:09,160 --> 00:49:13,400
Speaker 2: be I am being present with being pregnant because this

980
00:49:13,520 --> 00:49:15,880
Speaker 2: is like one percent of my life and I'm just

981
00:49:15,920 --> 00:49:18,719
Speaker 2: trying to be with it. Although I do have a

982
00:49:18,760 --> 00:49:20,200
Speaker 2: voice that's like, you're not doing enough, You're not doing

983
00:49:20,239 --> 00:49:22,400
Speaker 2: it up, and I just have to be like, should

984
00:49:22,400 --> 00:49:22,920
Speaker 2: I hear you?

985
00:49:24,400 --> 00:49:26,400
Speaker 1: I'm going to be I don't know. You know, you

986
00:49:26,560 --> 00:49:29,040
Speaker 1: do too many rules. You are doing awesome. It's been

987
00:49:29,080 --> 00:49:31,200
Speaker 1: a total honor to have you on the pod. Thank

988
00:49:31,280 --> 00:49:37,800
Speaker 1: you so so much, big love mate, you too. That's

989
00:49:37,840 --> 00:49:43,160
Speaker 1: a wrap on another episode of Fearlessly Failing. As always,

990
00:49:43,320 --> 00:49:46,680
Speaker 1: thank you to our guests, and let's continue the conversation

991
00:49:46,840 --> 00:49:52,640
Speaker 1: on Instagram. I'm at Yamo Lollerberry. This potty my word

992
00:49:52,640 --> 00:49:57,399
Speaker 1: for podcast is available on all streaming platforms. I'd love

993
00:49:57,440 --> 00:50:00,920
Speaker 1: it if you could subscribe, rate and comment. Of course,

994
00:50:01,360 --> 00:50:02,080
Speaker 1: spread the laugh