1
00:00:00,160 --> 00:00:03,160
Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the

2
00:00:03,279 --> 00:00:06,600
Speaker 1: land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboo

3
00:00:06,720 --> 00:00:10,560
Speaker 1: Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present

4
00:00:10,600 --> 00:00:14,320
Speaker 1: and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and

5
00:00:14,400 --> 00:00:22,680
Speaker 1: Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson,

6
00:00:22,800 --> 00:00:30,240
Speaker 1: and this is the Rise and Concer podcast. This is

7
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,199
Speaker 1: the podcast where we ch have mindset, self development and

8
00:00:33,280 --> 00:00:37,159
Speaker 1: becoming your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs,

9
00:00:37,280 --> 00:00:40,360
Speaker 1: plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses

10
00:00:40,479 --> 00:00:43,839
Speaker 1: and being among Think of us as the perfect combo

11
00:00:43,960 --> 00:00:47,479
Speaker 1: of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No

12
00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,879
Speaker 1: matter where you are in your journey, We're here to

13
00:00:49,920 --> 00:00:53,840
Speaker 1: help you be curious, pull yourself out and embrace radical

14
00:00:53,960 --> 00:00:58,480
Speaker 1: self awareness. If you're ready to get into the driver's

15
00:00:58,520 --> 00:01:01,720
Speaker 1: seat of your own life, stop letting life pass you by,

16
00:01:02,400 --> 00:01:03,560
Speaker 1: then you're in the right place.

17
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:13,280
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, and welcome back to the podcast. We are

18
00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:17,520
Speaker 2: so excited for today's episode. It is with the beautiful Elena,

19
00:01:17,880 --> 00:01:22,280
Speaker 2: who is a qualified sex and relationship coach. We will

20
00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:24,440
Speaker 2: pop all her links in the show notes for you.

21
00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:28,160
Speaker 2: She is incredible. She has recently one Relationship Coach of

22
00:01:28,360 --> 00:01:32,120
Speaker 2: the decade, so be sure to check her out. G

23
00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:36,280
Speaker 2: is talking to her about all things love, sex, and

24
00:01:36,360 --> 00:01:40,640
Speaker 2: everything in between. G has actually done one of her courses,

25
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:44,399
Speaker 2: so you guys are going to absolutely love this episode.

26
00:01:44,880 --> 00:01:47,760
Speaker 2: But before we get into it, just a little reminder

27
00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:52,320
Speaker 2: that the Riiz and Conker Project is currently open for enrollment.

28
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:56,680
Speaker 2: It opened on Monday and spots are filling up fast,

29
00:01:56,880 --> 00:01:59,960
Speaker 2: so if you are feeling called, now is the perfect

30
00:02:00,080 --> 00:02:03,160
Speaker 2: time to get in. It is the last live round

31
00:02:03,200 --> 00:02:05,720
Speaker 2: we will be running of this ever, and we will

32
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:09,160
Speaker 2: be pulling it off the website once enrollment closers, so

33
00:02:09,639 --> 00:02:12,880
Speaker 2: if you've ever thought about doing it, now is the time.

34
00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:15,400
Speaker 2: But I won't take up any more of your time.

35
00:02:15,560 --> 00:02:24,680
Speaker 2: We'll just get straight into today's episode.

36
00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:29,000
Speaker 1: Elena, Welcome to the Rise and Conquer Podcast. I'm so

37
00:02:29,080 --> 00:02:30,200
Speaker 1: excited to have you on.

38
00:02:30,720 --> 00:02:32,639
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me here. Now.

39
00:02:32,720 --> 00:02:35,080
Speaker 1: I know I've already told you, but just so the

40
00:02:35,240 --> 00:02:40,079
Speaker 1: RNC community, No, I actually found you because someone had

41
00:02:40,120 --> 00:02:43,079
Speaker 1: posted you on their stories and they were doing your

42
00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:48,160
Speaker 1: BJ Queen course. And as someone who grew up in

43
00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,320
Speaker 1: a you know, I was a Jehovah's witness growing up

44
00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:54,480
Speaker 1: and sex was very taboo. I've also been with my

45
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:57,240
Speaker 1: partner since I was seventeen, so didn't have a lot

46
00:02:57,240 --> 00:03:01,240
Speaker 1: of sexual experience before him, like a little. And I

47
00:03:01,320 --> 00:03:04,000
Speaker 1: was like, I do all this like self development, self

48
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:08,000
Speaker 1: improvement with my mindset, you know, with different things with business.

49
00:03:08,639 --> 00:03:11,800
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't I do that with my sex life precisely?

50
00:03:11,960 --> 00:03:14,920
Speaker 1: And so I did BJ Queen and Tim said, I

51
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:17,840
Speaker 1: now give the best, like he's always like, I've always

52
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:22,280
Speaker 1: loved your blowjobs, but he's like, holy shit, best blowjob

53
00:03:22,440 --> 00:03:23,679
Speaker 1: of my life.

54
00:03:24,200 --> 00:03:27,720
Speaker 4: That makes me so happy to hear, honestly, the feedback

55
00:03:27,720 --> 00:03:30,160
Speaker 4: from tongue Tactics. So there's two versions, yeah, J Queen

56
00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:33,760
Speaker 4: and pussy Pro and the feedback is my most favorite

57
00:03:33,800 --> 00:03:34,720
Speaker 4: thing in the entire world.

58
00:03:34,800 --> 00:03:36,320
Speaker 3: So I'm very very happy for you.

59
00:03:36,760 --> 00:03:40,040
Speaker 1: Well then also plot twists. I then bought him pussy

60
00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:45,880
Speaker 1: Pro yes and can confirm ten out of ten. But

61
00:03:46,000 --> 00:03:49,840
Speaker 1: my life is made he again, I think the biggest

62
00:03:49,880 --> 00:03:52,600
Speaker 1: thing that he got from it, he was like, cause

63
00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,760
Speaker 1: you talk a lot. I love how even in BJ Queen,

64
00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:59,800
Speaker 1: you talk a lot about beforehand, so you know, making

65
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:04,680
Speaker 1: your partner feel safe and you know, enjoying the experience

66
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:07,600
Speaker 1: and almost like the mindset going into it. And it's

67
00:04:07,640 --> 00:04:10,120
Speaker 1: so funny because I obviously do this work. I'm a

68
00:04:10,160 --> 00:04:13,120
Speaker 1: mindset coach, like all the things, and I'm like, oh wow,

69
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,440
Speaker 1: there's like an actual energy before you go into the

70
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:19,520
Speaker 1: act of it. And that was like, that was such

71
00:04:19,520 --> 00:04:21,920
Speaker 1: an eye opener for me. And Tim also like he

72
00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:25,120
Speaker 1: loved the very first videos where you were talking about

73
00:04:25,120 --> 00:04:29,200
Speaker 1: like how to make the female feel the pussy feel

74
00:04:29,279 --> 00:04:32,280
Speaker 1: safe and all those sorts of things, and it was

75
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:34,920
Speaker 1: so eye opening and I was like, oh my god,

76
00:04:34,920 --> 00:04:37,800
Speaker 1: there's like there's a whole world I haven't explored, even

77
00:04:37,839 --> 00:04:42,520
Speaker 1: though I've done this for you know, for my whole life,

78
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:44,240
Speaker 1: but it's insane.

79
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,560
Speaker 4: Well, sex is something that we don't really think about

80
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:50,080
Speaker 4: very often. We sort of put it down the lists

81
00:04:50,080 --> 00:04:54,680
Speaker 4: of priorities, and yeah, you know, sometimes we realize at

82
00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:56,600
Speaker 4: a point in our relationship that oh, I haven't really

83
00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:59,799
Speaker 4: been prioritizing this or I haven't really been allowing myself

84
00:04:59,839 --> 00:05:02,400
Speaker 4: to fully open up to it. And so it's such

85
00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,200
Speaker 4: a fun thing to really like allow yourself to explore.

86
00:05:05,560 --> 00:05:05,720
Speaker 3: Well.

87
00:05:05,760 --> 00:05:09,000
Speaker 1: I think also if I'm thinking of like like in

88
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:11,200
Speaker 1: the past where I'm like, oh, I want to spice up.

89
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,760
Speaker 1: You know, me and Tim sex life, I've kind of

90
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:18,400
Speaker 1: always gone to sex toys or costumes or like those

91
00:05:18,839 --> 00:05:22,040
Speaker 1: things that you think you need on top. But what

92
00:05:22,080 --> 00:05:25,640
Speaker 1: I really loved about, like your tutorial videos is like

93
00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:30,599
Speaker 1: you're really talking about the basic concepts and it really

94
00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:33,920
Speaker 1: it was like life changing. So thank you so much.

95
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:37,120
Speaker 3: I am so on it. I am so happy for

96
00:05:37,160 --> 00:05:38,240
Speaker 3: that feedback. Thank you.

97
00:05:38,560 --> 00:05:41,000
Speaker 1: And because I asked him, I'm like, can I tell everyone?

98
00:05:41,120 --> 00:05:43,760
Speaker 1: And He's like, of course, like love this and like

99
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:47,120
Speaker 1: we think other people should know. So very excited to

100
00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:51,520
Speaker 1: share you with the RNC fan today. But before we

101
00:05:51,520 --> 00:05:53,839
Speaker 1: get into the questions, do you just want to tell

102
00:05:53,960 --> 00:05:56,920
Speaker 1: everyone a little bit about yourself and kind of how

103
00:05:57,040 --> 00:05:59,559
Speaker 1: you came to be in this career.

104
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,320
Speaker 3: Yeah, definitely. So.

105
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:06,760
Speaker 4: I'm a sex educator and coach and embodiment practitioner as well.

106
00:06:07,320 --> 00:06:09,440
Speaker 4: My story sort of started back when I used to

107
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:11,520
Speaker 4: own a poll dancing studio in Melbourne. I ran that

108
00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:14,880
Speaker 4: for four years and that was really the start of

109
00:06:14,920 --> 00:06:19,200
Speaker 4: my journey to sensuality and movement and to really exploring

110
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:25,040
Speaker 4: a different style of movement and existing really tapping into

111
00:06:25,120 --> 00:06:29,039
Speaker 4: my sensuality. And then I eventually had an idea to

112
00:06:29,080 --> 00:06:31,880
Speaker 4: create my own movement practice that was all about sensual

113
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:35,720
Speaker 4: movement and it was from the place of embodiment as

114
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:39,599
Speaker 4: opposed to performance, And so I sold my studio, started

115
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:44,680
Speaker 4: my own movement practice, eventually studied coaching sex coaching and

116
00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:49,920
Speaker 4: started just teaching and talking more about sensuality, embodiment, sexuality,

117
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,560
Speaker 4: and then you know, creating really practical sex ed so

118
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:56,680
Speaker 4: that people could really put it into practice and not

119
00:06:56,760 --> 00:06:59,880
Speaker 4: have it be something that's just sort of really conceptual.

120
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:04,080
Speaker 4: I think sometimes, especially in this industry, in this work,

121
00:07:04,520 --> 00:07:07,760
Speaker 4: sexuality can feel like this big conceptual thing, but really,

122
00:07:07,760 --> 00:07:09,039
Speaker 4: at the end of the day, like we need to

123
00:07:09,080 --> 00:07:13,160
Speaker 4: just sort of get down to the basics and not

124
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:16,480
Speaker 4: kind of heighten it and make it seem bigger than

125
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,600
Speaker 4: it is. It's just connection at the.

126
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:20,200
Speaker 3: End of the day.

127
00:07:21,240 --> 00:07:23,400
Speaker 1: I love that, And that's what I really felt like

128
00:07:23,440 --> 00:07:26,520
Speaker 1: in your trainings. I was like, she's really simplified this

129
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:31,720
Speaker 1: and made it feel like very relatable and doable. And

130
00:07:32,320 --> 00:07:36,440
Speaker 1: I think also, I think I've realized and obviously we're

131
00:07:36,440 --> 00:07:39,320
Speaker 1: going to go full into it in this episode. And guys,

132
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:42,160
Speaker 1: what I'm sharing with you, I hope you know you

133
00:07:43,040 --> 00:07:45,560
Speaker 1: like respectful, like obviously I'm going to share a lot

134
00:07:45,600 --> 00:07:48,720
Speaker 1: of about my men tim sex life, so just you know,

135
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,360
Speaker 1: have be conscious of that. But I remember when I

136
00:07:52,400 --> 00:07:57,960
Speaker 1: was doing BJA Queen, I realized I had some almost

137
00:07:58,200 --> 00:08:02,400
Speaker 1: concepts about blow jobs, because it's like almost the concept

138
00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:08,040
Speaker 1: that it felt like a lot of pressure because it's

139
00:08:08,120 --> 00:08:11,800
Speaker 1: not just you two together, it's just you pleasing him,

140
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:16,320
Speaker 1: you know, to the point of what's the word of,

141
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:20,440
Speaker 1: like finishing or you know those sorts of things. And

142
00:08:20,520 --> 00:08:23,160
Speaker 1: I had like this weird concept in my head of

143
00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:27,600
Speaker 1: sometimes I almost wouldn't want to even like go there

144
00:08:27,720 --> 00:08:31,440
Speaker 1: because it felt like pressure totally. And I was like,

145
00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:35,400
Speaker 1: then I started thinking about all the concepts about sex,

146
00:08:35,520 --> 00:08:39,160
Speaker 1: how much they are up in our head rather than yeah,

147
00:08:39,320 --> 00:08:43,080
Speaker 1: just like learning the basics, knowing it's about connection and

148
00:08:43,160 --> 00:08:44,040
Speaker 1: simplifying it.

149
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:47,920
Speaker 4: I think that there's a really common belief with sex

150
00:08:48,000 --> 00:08:51,760
Speaker 4: in general, but also specifically with low jobs, that I'm

151
00:08:51,840 --> 00:08:54,760
Speaker 4: doing this for the other partner and this is all

152
00:08:54,800 --> 00:08:57,880
Speaker 4: about them and it's not about me at all. And

153
00:08:57,920 --> 00:09:01,520
Speaker 4: also sometimes we can feel like we're being used and

154
00:09:02,480 --> 00:09:04,600
Speaker 4: that can create resistance and me like, I don't actually

155
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,200
Speaker 4: want to do this because I feel like I'm not

156
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,439
Speaker 4: getting anything from it, or I'm only doing it to

157
00:09:08,480 --> 00:09:10,960
Speaker 4: please my partner, but I don't enjoy it. And so

158
00:09:11,240 --> 00:09:13,679
Speaker 4: everything that I teach is about kind of coming back

159
00:09:13,679 --> 00:09:16,760
Speaker 4: to prioritizing your own pleasure first, Like I want you

160
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,520
Speaker 4: to feel like empowered.

161
00:09:18,880 --> 00:09:20,880
Speaker 3: In this because it's actually a.

162
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:23,720
Speaker 4: Really really fucking fun thing to do, and to be

163
00:09:23,760 --> 00:09:26,440
Speaker 4: able to provide pleasure for a partner and take pleasure

164
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:30,760
Speaker 4: from giving pleasure. It's this kind of circular thing, whereas

165
00:09:30,760 --> 00:09:33,960
Speaker 4: if it seems more transactional and it's like, oh yeah, okay, fine,

166
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,840
Speaker 4: I'll give you a blowjob on your birthday.

167
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,360
Speaker 1: You know, it's total And that's actually like me and

168
00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:42,320
Speaker 1: Tim were talking about it after and that was the

169
00:09:42,360 --> 00:09:46,840
Speaker 1: biggest thing, is like I really hope my parents don't

170
00:09:46,840 --> 00:09:51,440
Speaker 1: listen to it's totally getting embarrassed right now, but like

171
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:55,600
Speaker 1: I enjoy it so much now, Like all I want

172
00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:58,679
Speaker 1: to do is give Tim Bojo I feel you, and

173
00:09:58,880 --> 00:10:01,400
Speaker 1: it's I'm getting so much an enjoyment out of it.

174
00:10:01,520 --> 00:10:05,480
Speaker 1: And then he's the exact same, and we're like, I'm

175
00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:08,760
Speaker 1: not even doing anything that different. Because the girls were like,

176
00:10:09,559 --> 00:10:12,160
Speaker 1: what's this secret, and I'm like, it's it's honestly not

177
00:10:12,240 --> 00:10:16,000
Speaker 1: what you think. It's having your whole mindset change. It's

178
00:10:16,040 --> 00:10:19,800
Speaker 1: having like redefining what it is. And it is so

179
00:10:19,840 --> 00:10:22,439
Speaker 1: funny because I'm like, oh, no, like I enjoy it

180
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:25,880
Speaker 1: so much now, and he's the exact same, where he's like,

181
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,040
Speaker 1: I enjoy it because I know you enjoy it, and

182
00:10:28,080 --> 00:10:33,480
Speaker 1: it's like this beautiful connection piece not just transactional. So

183
00:10:33,559 --> 00:10:35,640
Speaker 1: thank you so much for putting articulation to that.

184
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,440
Speaker 4: Oh I'm so glad that that's kind of come through

185
00:10:38,480 --> 00:10:41,679
Speaker 4: for you and that you have that experience of enhancing

186
00:10:41,679 --> 00:10:44,360
Speaker 4: the pleasure, not just the pleasure that you're giving, but

187
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,120
Speaker 4: the pleasure that you're receiving by giving. It really is

188
00:10:47,160 --> 00:10:51,600
Speaker 4: this circular thing where it's it builds and then you

189
00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:55,240
Speaker 4: can actually just enjoy it, because so often we kind

190
00:10:55,240 --> 00:10:57,720
Speaker 4: of breathe this sense of resentment because we're like, oh gosh,

191
00:10:57,800 --> 00:11:00,280
Speaker 4: like I have to do this, or like I feel

192
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:02,960
Speaker 4: like I'm meant to, but I don't enjoy it, and

193
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,280
Speaker 4: then you judge yourself for not enjoying it. But when

194
00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:10,080
Speaker 4: you just shift again your mindset around it and think, oh,

195
00:11:10,200 --> 00:11:13,880
Speaker 4: this is a beautiful gift that I'm sharing with my partner,

196
00:11:14,480 --> 00:11:18,200
Speaker 4: and now I'm getting turned on by doing this, that's

197
00:11:18,240 --> 00:11:18,920
Speaker 4: what happens.

198
00:11:19,040 --> 00:11:22,360
Speaker 1: I get so turned on. And my block with it

199
00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:27,920
Speaker 1: before was I had this concept that to enjoy it

200
00:11:27,960 --> 00:11:30,520
Speaker 1: is almost because I grew up a Jehovah's witness, there

201
00:11:30,559 --> 00:11:33,839
Speaker 1: was a lot of like shame around being a slut

202
00:11:34,080 --> 00:11:37,240
Speaker 1: or enjoying sex. So I had this weird blox where

203
00:11:37,240 --> 00:11:40,120
Speaker 1: I'm like, I can't be that person. I'm his wife?

204
00:11:40,480 --> 00:11:41,320
Speaker 3: Yeah do you mean?

205
00:11:41,640 --> 00:11:44,840
Speaker 1: Which is like so twisted when I say it out loud.

206
00:11:45,400 --> 00:11:47,280
Speaker 3: It's so true. So many people think that.

207
00:11:47,480 --> 00:11:50,040
Speaker 1: I had such a weird thing. But now that I've

208
00:11:50,160 --> 00:11:52,960
Speaker 1: rekind of rewired how I think about it, we have

209
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:57,520
Speaker 1: such a different experience with oral that's so beautiful. Obviously, guys,

210
00:11:57,600 --> 00:12:02,560
Speaker 1: I highly recommend to go and do BJ queen because again,

211
00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:05,960
Speaker 1: change the game for me. But can we give the

212
00:12:06,040 --> 00:12:09,079
Speaker 1: audience a little taste watch your kind of three tips

213
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:10,160
Speaker 1: for giving a blowjob?

214
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:11,760
Speaker 3: Oh my gosh.

215
00:12:11,800 --> 00:12:13,920
Speaker 4: Okay, well I have several, of course, as you.

216
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:17,040
Speaker 1: Know, don't give them all. Just give us a taste.

217
00:12:17,120 --> 00:12:17,440
Speaker 3: Okay.

218
00:12:18,000 --> 00:12:21,280
Speaker 4: So yeah, I think what we've already been discussing is

219
00:12:21,720 --> 00:12:25,560
Speaker 4: the energy around it and allowing yourself to really find

220
00:12:25,720 --> 00:12:28,520
Speaker 4: enjoyment in giving a blowjob is going to change the

221
00:12:28,559 --> 00:12:33,400
Speaker 4: game absolutely. I always suggest as well, starting with both

222
00:12:33,480 --> 00:12:36,280
Speaker 4: sides as well, so this applies to both BJ Queen

223
00:12:36,320 --> 00:12:41,800
Speaker 4: and pussy pro. Start with a soft, broad, flat tongue

224
00:12:42,440 --> 00:12:46,240
Speaker 4: and like long slow licks, and then you can start

225
00:12:46,280 --> 00:12:48,800
Speaker 4: getting like the tip of the tongue involved, so you're

226
00:12:48,840 --> 00:12:50,640
Speaker 4: kind of going around the head, so like lick it

227
00:12:50,720 --> 00:12:55,080
Speaker 4: like a lollipop from root to tip, circle around and

228
00:12:55,160 --> 00:12:57,480
Speaker 4: then back down, and then you can start to build

229
00:12:57,520 --> 00:13:01,280
Speaker 4: the actual like sucking sort of motion or like taking

230
00:13:01,440 --> 00:13:02,559
Speaker 4: the cock into your mouth.

231
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:06,320
Speaker 1: What I loved is you even talking about for example,

232
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:11,760
Speaker 1: when you're kissing before like suck his suck his bottom lip,

233
00:13:11,840 --> 00:13:14,800
Speaker 1: and it's almost like this foreplay of like this is

234
00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:18,280
Speaker 1: what's coming. And even that I was like, oh my god.

235
00:13:18,320 --> 00:13:20,839
Speaker 1: Of course, like with anything, you don't go straight in

236
00:13:21,440 --> 00:13:26,000
Speaker 1: like you need especially like females, like we need that

237
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:30,040
Speaker 1: foe play. We need that like central sort of connection beforehand.

238
00:13:30,160 --> 00:13:32,600
Speaker 1: Of course guys would too, And that was like a

239
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:34,680
Speaker 1: big thing for me that I notice.

240
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,440
Speaker 4: Well, I think that so often we have this assumption

241
00:13:37,520 --> 00:13:40,280
Speaker 4: that we need to go straight for the goods and

242
00:13:40,600 --> 00:13:43,320
Speaker 4: we want to build up. So like everything that I

243
00:13:43,360 --> 00:13:46,080
Speaker 4: teach in All of my work is about building up

244
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:50,320
Speaker 4: you want to create that feeling of like I'm almost

245
00:13:51,120 --> 00:13:54,440
Speaker 4: at a point where I'm begging you, like I do

246
00:13:54,640 --> 00:13:58,120
Speaker 4: so much. I have been so turned on because so

247
00:13:58,200 --> 00:14:00,839
Speaker 4: often what happens is we go straight there and then

248
00:14:01,400 --> 00:14:05,680
Speaker 4: it's we don't reach our pleasure potential because we haven't

249
00:14:05,679 --> 00:14:10,160
Speaker 4: been properly warmed up and aroused. So yeah, like tease them,

250
00:14:10,320 --> 00:14:14,160
Speaker 4: take your time, gently, slowly get there, and then when

251
00:14:14,160 --> 00:14:16,560
Speaker 4: you're there you can kind of, you know, go to town.

252
00:14:16,960 --> 00:14:19,600
Speaker 3: Don't forget about the balls as well. Perineum.

253
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:23,080
Speaker 4: There's so many little sweet spots as well on the cock,

254
00:14:23,120 --> 00:14:25,320
Speaker 4: which is just such a good time. I'm not going

255
00:14:25,320 --> 00:14:28,600
Speaker 4: to share the magic sequence because that's very involved, but

256
00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:33,520
Speaker 4: it's good. We love the magic sequence. Creating a rhythm

257
00:14:34,120 --> 00:14:37,000
Speaker 4: is going to be a really really powerful thing rather

258
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:39,080
Speaker 4: than sort of trying to do too much. I think

259
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,720
Speaker 4: sometimes people think, you know, my course is called tongue Tactics, right,

260
00:14:42,880 --> 00:14:44,240
Speaker 4: and they're like, oh, I'm going to learn all these

261
00:14:44,280 --> 00:14:46,200
Speaker 4: different tactics and these techniques and I'm going to try

262
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:50,360
Speaker 4: them all, and sure, try them all, but eventually don't

263
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,440
Speaker 4: try and just like go like I'm sucking I'm liking

264
00:14:53,480 --> 00:14:56,240
Speaker 4: I'm doing this, I'm doing that, and make it too

265
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:59,800
Speaker 4: kind of all over the place and hectic, take your time,

266
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:03,800
Speaker 4: creative pattern, create a rhythm, and then eventually you can

267
00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,880
Speaker 4: switch it up and then their minds will just be blown.

268
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:12,840
Speaker 1: I think even I loved that concept too of yeah,

269
00:15:12,880 --> 00:15:15,360
Speaker 1: you can't just try a million different things. Even if

270
00:15:15,440 --> 00:15:19,640
Speaker 1: I think about what I like. It's the rhythm, Yes,

271
00:15:19,920 --> 00:15:23,640
Speaker 1: it's the kind of you know what's coming and then

272
00:15:24,160 --> 00:15:27,560
Speaker 1: that like that not shock, but it's like changing things

273
00:15:27,640 --> 00:15:30,480
Speaker 1: up but like too much. It's almost like scat energy.

274
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:32,520
Speaker 3: Totally don't need that energy.

275
00:15:32,600 --> 00:15:35,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, you're like you're starting to soften it and relax

276
00:15:35,120 --> 00:15:37,960
Speaker 4: into it and build It's almost like this like this

277
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:41,480
Speaker 4: building of the pleasure. And then if someone just comes

278
00:15:41,480 --> 00:15:43,240
Speaker 4: out of left field and they throw something and you're like,

279
00:15:43,240 --> 00:15:46,200
Speaker 4: whoa shit, it takes you off track, and so you

280
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:49,560
Speaker 4: want to start like building that so you can actually

281
00:15:49,600 --> 00:15:52,600
Speaker 4: allow yourself to fully feel. Because we often have a

282
00:15:52,600 --> 00:15:56,720
Speaker 4: lot of resistance, particularly women and people revolvers, like we

283
00:15:56,800 --> 00:16:00,680
Speaker 4: can like kind of cop lock ourselves from pleasure because

284
00:16:00,680 --> 00:16:02,680
Speaker 4: we're some in our heads and we go, oh, I

285
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,000
Speaker 4: don't deserve this, or what are they going to think

286
00:16:05,040 --> 00:16:07,280
Speaker 4: if I come and I make a weird noise, or

287
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:09,680
Speaker 4: you know, if I arch my back or like what

288
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:11,840
Speaker 4: are they going to think? And so we sort of

289
00:16:11,880 --> 00:16:16,160
Speaker 4: stop ourselves. And so if we have the time to

290
00:16:16,440 --> 00:16:20,840
Speaker 4: build that up and we're really really enjoying it, then

291
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:23,360
Speaker 4: we're going to actually soften and like drop into the

292
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:25,400
Speaker 4: depth of pleasure that we are actually capable of.

293
00:16:26,160 --> 00:16:30,280
Speaker 1: And I think also like the biggest thing that like

294
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:36,040
Speaker 1: personally our sex life is like never rushing the other person, yes,

295
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:41,040
Speaker 1: and like not rushing yourself. And obviously this is hard

296
00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:43,120
Speaker 1: when I have a like we have a two year old,

297
00:16:43,520 --> 00:16:45,640
Speaker 1: so we are parents, like we have a life and

298
00:16:45,680 --> 00:16:50,560
Speaker 1: all the things. But if like that person feels rushed,

299
00:16:50,680 --> 00:16:52,760
Speaker 1: like if you think about it yourself, like that's just

300
00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:56,680
Speaker 1: not the energy that you're going to feel safe in

301
00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:59,520
Speaker 1: that you're going to surrender that you can like drop into.

302
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:02,600
Speaker 1: So it's like not creating that like rush energy has

303
00:17:02,640 --> 00:17:03,480
Speaker 1: been like really big.

304
00:17:04,040 --> 00:17:04,600
Speaker 3: Definitely.

305
00:17:04,640 --> 00:17:08,159
Speaker 4: I think that it's essentially what we call in this

306
00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:11,240
Speaker 4: sort of sexological space is a break. So we have

307
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,640
Speaker 4: accelerators and we have breaks when it comes to our arousal,

308
00:17:14,640 --> 00:17:18,800
Speaker 4: our desire, our libido and feeling rushed and feeling like

309
00:17:18,840 --> 00:17:20,479
Speaker 4: our partner's like, oh my god, I just get on

310
00:17:20,520 --> 00:17:22,639
Speaker 4: with it and come already, that's going to be a

311
00:17:22,680 --> 00:17:25,000
Speaker 4: break and it's going to put those breaks on where

312
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,840
Speaker 4: you're like I can't even think about pleasure now or

313
00:17:27,880 --> 00:17:29,280
Speaker 4: I'm not going to experience it.

314
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:29,880
Speaker 1: Yeah.

315
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:33,120
Speaker 4: And so a huge concept that is really really key

316
00:17:33,160 --> 00:17:35,480
Speaker 4: and super super helpful when it comes to your sexuality

317
00:17:35,840 --> 00:17:38,199
Speaker 4: is consider what are your breaks and what are your accelerators?

318
00:17:38,240 --> 00:17:39,960
Speaker 4: What are the things that turn you on and what

319
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,680
Speaker 4: are the things that turn you off? And how can

320
00:17:42,720 --> 00:17:46,280
Speaker 4: you minimize the turnoffs and how can you maximize the

321
00:17:46,280 --> 00:17:46,840
Speaker 4: turn ons?

322
00:17:47,440 --> 00:17:49,520
Speaker 1: And having that conversation.

323
00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:53,040
Speaker 4: Yes, exactly, these are my turn ons, These are my turnoffs.

324
00:17:52,840 --> 00:17:53,520
Speaker 3: What are yours?

325
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:58,159
Speaker 4: Okay, how can we consider those when we're approaching our

326
00:17:58,200 --> 00:18:00,760
Speaker 4: sexuality and you know, like how do you like to

327
00:18:00,760 --> 00:18:03,480
Speaker 4: be initiated into sex? You know, some people are like

328
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:05,720
Speaker 4: a little spark, a little flame, and they're like immediately

329
00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:07,679
Speaker 4: I'm horny all of a sudden, And that's what we

330
00:18:07,760 --> 00:18:11,480
Speaker 4: call spontaneous desire. They could be right here, right now,

331
00:18:11,600 --> 00:18:14,240
Speaker 4: I'm horny and I want to go right But for

332
00:18:14,320 --> 00:18:17,040
Speaker 4: someone who has a more responsive desire, type.

333
00:18:17,480 --> 00:18:19,600
Speaker 3: They need that build up, They need.

334
00:18:19,480 --> 00:18:22,000
Speaker 4: Something sexually relevant to already be happening for them to

335
00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:24,679
Speaker 4: go ooh, okay, I wasn't thinking about it now, but

336
00:18:24,760 --> 00:18:26,760
Speaker 4: I think I'm actually turned on now I'm going to

337
00:18:26,840 --> 00:18:29,879
Speaker 4: get into it. So when we understand these things about

338
00:18:29,880 --> 00:18:34,359
Speaker 4: one another in relationships, it changes the game because you

339
00:18:34,480 --> 00:18:37,960
Speaker 4: no longer have like your lenses on, seeing the world

340
00:18:38,000 --> 00:18:42,080
Speaker 4: through only your glasses. You're like, oh, my partner needs

341
00:18:42,160 --> 00:18:45,720
Speaker 4: this to feel horny, needs this to feel aroused, needs

342
00:18:45,720 --> 00:18:47,520
Speaker 4: this to feel safe. Ye, I'm going to take that

343
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:48,520
Speaker 4: into consideration now.

344
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:51,560
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's actually that's so true. And that's like that's

345
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,280
Speaker 1: even a conversation you know, me and Tim had is like,

346
00:18:54,359 --> 00:18:57,280
Speaker 1: you know, here's like sometimes I just feel like really rushed,

347
00:18:57,400 --> 00:19:00,719
Speaker 1: and so like I even introduced, you know, saying some

348
00:19:00,840 --> 00:19:03,280
Speaker 1: things like like I could do this all day with you,

349
00:19:04,040 --> 00:19:06,600
Speaker 1: and like I love being in this moment with you.

350
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:09,880
Speaker 1: Like yeah, like obviously they're probably a bit more sexual.

351
00:19:09,760 --> 00:19:11,679
Speaker 3: But I'm not going to tell you.

352
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,960
Speaker 1: You could imagine, but you know, like that, and so

353
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:20,720
Speaker 1: he feels like not rush, like you know, those sorts

354
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:23,960
Speaker 1: of things, but it's about having you know, that communication

355
00:19:24,080 --> 00:19:28,080
Speaker 1: and even like for me. I am someone who I

356
00:19:28,080 --> 00:19:30,439
Speaker 1: do have quite a high libido and I'm down and

357
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:34,680
Speaker 1: ready anytime, whereas he, yeah, well he's like I need

358
00:19:34,680 --> 00:19:39,200
Speaker 1: that little bit of you know, seduction. Yeah, so I'm like, oh, okay,

359
00:19:39,280 --> 00:19:42,399
Speaker 1: let's make this bit of a game, like how can

360
00:19:42,440 --> 00:19:46,359
Speaker 1: I seduce my husband today? I love that and me

361
00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:49,639
Speaker 1: not because, like I think previously, I used to feel

362
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:54,200
Speaker 1: not rejected. But there's such a you know, there's such

363
00:19:54,240 --> 00:19:56,160
Speaker 1: a thing of like men should just speak money all

364
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,879
Speaker 1: the time. So if he's not, what's wrong with me?

365
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,520
Speaker 1: And I think, say that would you know, trip us

366
00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:04,000
Speaker 1: up in the relationship, But like I don't look at

367
00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,960
Speaker 1: that now. It's like oh okay, Like so who do

368
00:20:07,080 --> 00:20:10,479
Speaker 1: I get to be to not seduce him? But you know,

369
00:20:10,680 --> 00:20:14,359
Speaker 1: those sorts of things, and again it's a tuning to

370
00:20:14,920 --> 00:20:20,240
Speaker 1: our senses and who we are and not putting a

371
00:20:20,280 --> 00:20:23,080
Speaker 1: cookie cutter thing on like that's how he should be,

372
00:20:23,119 --> 00:20:26,600
Speaker 1: that's how I am. And that has been like really

373
00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:27,680
Speaker 1: life changing for us.

374
00:20:28,119 --> 00:20:33,400
Speaker 4: Those sort of societal expectations can have such an impact

375
00:20:33,760 --> 00:20:36,520
Speaker 4: on our sex lives. And so what you're talking about

376
00:20:36,600 --> 00:20:39,400
Speaker 4: is kind of like a classic case of you have

377
00:20:39,640 --> 00:20:42,960
Speaker 4: more of a spontaneous desiotype and he might have more

378
00:20:42,960 --> 00:20:47,439
Speaker 4: of a responsive desiotype totally. And the fact that you

379
00:20:47,560 --> 00:20:51,080
Speaker 4: understand that about each other is such a game changer, because, Yeah,

380
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,600
Speaker 4: we can get stuck in those patterns of like, oh

381
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,600
Speaker 4: my god, I can't believe my partner never desires me.

382
00:20:55,880 --> 00:20:58,000
Speaker 4: And it's not that they don't, it's just that the

383
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:01,000
Speaker 4: way that they experience design is different to the way

384
00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:03,719
Speaker 4: that you've experienced des are And when you can like

385
00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:06,880
Speaker 4: create that language and that vocabulary around it, it will

386
00:21:06,960 --> 00:21:08,720
Speaker 4: just absolutely change everything.

387
00:21:09,240 --> 00:21:13,240
Speaker 1: I love that. So how would you recommend someone kind

388
00:21:13,280 --> 00:21:18,560
Speaker 1: of having that conversation in the relationship in regards to

389
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:22,160
Speaker 1: different desires or you know, how they're feeling, Like, let's

390
00:21:22,200 --> 00:21:27,040
Speaker 1: say they haven't had any communications about their sex life.

391
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,879
Speaker 1: What's an initial conversation they can have.

392
00:21:29,720 --> 00:21:32,760
Speaker 4: I always like to encourage people to like blame me

393
00:21:33,320 --> 00:21:36,080
Speaker 4: and say, oh, I listened to this podcast with this

394
00:21:36,240 --> 00:21:39,400
Speaker 4: sex coach and she was talking about this idea of

395
00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,600
Speaker 4: different desire types and the different ways that we get

396
00:21:41,640 --> 00:21:45,720
Speaker 4: feel turned on, and you know, introduce them to this concept.

397
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,440
Speaker 4: I think that can be a really really fun way.

398
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,080
Speaker 4: I do also have like workbooks and sheets that you

399
00:21:50,160 --> 00:21:52,679
Speaker 4: can go through and it explains exactly what it is

400
00:21:52,720 --> 00:21:54,720
Speaker 4: and you can figure out what your breaks and accelerators

401
00:21:54,720 --> 00:21:59,320
Speaker 4: are and just allowing yourself to almost like set a

402
00:21:59,400 --> 00:22:03,440
Speaker 4: date night and go, hey, I really value our sex life.

403
00:22:03,480 --> 00:22:06,159
Speaker 4: I'm really really curious to learn more about how I

404
00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:09,320
Speaker 4: can turn you on more and I want to, you know,

405
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:13,200
Speaker 4: give you the best experience of your life. How about

406
00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,360
Speaker 4: we set a time and we do this spicy date

407
00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:20,080
Speaker 4: night and we go through these exercises. It's fun intimacy

408
00:22:20,119 --> 00:22:24,040
Speaker 4: exercises and learn more about one another's pleasure language.

409
00:22:24,280 --> 00:22:24,760
Speaker 3: You know, like.

410
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 4: Set it up as a really like sexy date because

411
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:32,000
Speaker 4: I think if we start a conversation with like, the

412
00:22:32,040 --> 00:22:35,200
Speaker 4: way that you approach me for sex doesn't work for me,

413
00:22:35,359 --> 00:22:37,680
Speaker 4: and I hate it and you're the.

414
00:22:37,600 --> 00:22:40,680
Speaker 3: Worst like that, you're a shit.

415
00:22:41,320 --> 00:22:44,600
Speaker 4: But people are sometimes going to feel like, oh, if

416
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:46,960
Speaker 4: my partner wants to talk about sex, that must mean

417
00:22:47,000 --> 00:22:49,760
Speaker 4: that our sex life isn't good enough. It's more like,

418
00:22:49,880 --> 00:22:52,639
Speaker 4: how can we expand? How can we expand in our

419
00:22:52,680 --> 00:22:57,919
Speaker 4: relationship and deepen our sexual pleasure and the experiences that

420
00:22:57,960 --> 00:23:02,080
Speaker 4: we're having, And so approaching it from this fun and playful,

421
00:23:02,440 --> 00:23:05,280
Speaker 4: connected sort of nature is going to be really really

422
00:23:05,320 --> 00:23:06,000
Speaker 4: helpful so.

423
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:09,840
Speaker 3: That those those sort of scary.

424
00:23:09,760 --> 00:23:13,520
Speaker 4: Conversations don't come up where people feel like, oh, maybe

425
00:23:13,560 --> 00:23:14,480
Speaker 4: something's wrong with.

426
00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,000
Speaker 2: Me, you know.

427
00:23:15,680 --> 00:23:18,760
Speaker 1: I think also a great conversation me and my husband

428
00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:21,560
Speaker 1: had was because we have been together, you know, since

429
00:23:22,080 --> 00:23:24,960
Speaker 1: I was seventeen for such a long time, nearly twelve years.

430
00:23:25,240 --> 00:23:30,000
Speaker 1: I remember even having this conversation with him being like like,

431
00:23:30,119 --> 00:23:32,320
Speaker 1: first of all, first of all, how I approached it

432
00:23:32,359 --> 00:23:35,199
Speaker 1: is like, we have an amazing sex life, Like I

433
00:23:35,240 --> 00:23:37,439
Speaker 1: love you so much, we have an amazing sex life.

434
00:23:37,480 --> 00:23:42,080
Speaker 1: But just like I constantly work on my mindset around

435
00:23:42,240 --> 00:23:45,960
Speaker 1: you know, work or my business or you know, just

436
00:23:46,040 --> 00:23:48,760
Speaker 1: my happiness, and I improve on it. I don't want

437
00:23:48,800 --> 00:23:51,280
Speaker 1: to just always have a good mindset. I want to

438
00:23:51,320 --> 00:23:54,840
Speaker 1: have a magical mindset. And so I'm like with our

439
00:23:54,840 --> 00:23:57,879
Speaker 1: sex liife, I'm like, our sex life is incredible, but

440
00:23:58,000 --> 00:24:01,560
Speaker 1: could it be extraordinary? And you know, like putting it

441
00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:03,399
Speaker 1: that way, so it's like no, no, Like trust me,

442
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:05,800
Speaker 1: I love having sex with you, but let you know,

443
00:24:05,800 --> 00:24:07,960
Speaker 1: can we explore that? And I think also explaining to

444
00:24:08,040 --> 00:24:11,200
Speaker 1: him when we first were together when I was seventeen,

445
00:24:11,320 --> 00:24:13,199
Speaker 1: like what used to turn me on? And what I

446
00:24:13,280 --> 00:24:17,320
Speaker 1: used to like has changed. I'm a different person, like

447
00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,600
Speaker 1: you know, I've had a baby, like I've you know,

448
00:24:19,720 --> 00:24:23,399
Speaker 1: I've grown up. And even now for me, I notice,

449
00:24:23,480 --> 00:24:26,920
Speaker 1: like I said before, I'm like down ready to go

450
00:24:27,000 --> 00:24:30,960
Speaker 1: quite quickly. That is only when I feel connected to

451
00:24:31,080 --> 00:24:35,000
Speaker 1: him emotionally, Like if I feel connected to him emotionally,

452
00:24:35,080 --> 00:24:37,800
Speaker 1: like I'm like I'm ready to go all the time,

453
00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,440
Speaker 1: and so like I had to but again explaining that,

454
00:24:43,119 --> 00:24:46,800
Speaker 1: and then so he's conscious of like you know, in

455
00:24:46,880 --> 00:24:48,920
Speaker 1: Rise and Conquer, we have connection cards where you ask

456
00:24:48,960 --> 00:24:51,920
Speaker 1: your partner questions and so like date night, he's always

457
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,520
Speaker 1: like I got the conversation cards because he you know,

458
00:24:54,640 --> 00:24:58,560
Speaker 1: like he gets that side of me and again me

459
00:24:58,840 --> 00:25:03,840
Speaker 1: understanding how he is now and knowing that we're allowed

460
00:25:03,840 --> 00:25:06,760
Speaker 1: to change and evolve. And I think when you say

461
00:25:06,760 --> 00:25:09,200
Speaker 1: that to your partner in that way, they're like, oh, yeah,

462
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:10,000
Speaker 1: that makes sense.

463
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:11,120
Speaker 3: Yeah exactly.

464
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:12,879
Speaker 4: It's like I want to explore a new side of

465
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,639
Speaker 4: myself and I want to explore a new side of

466
00:25:14,680 --> 00:25:17,640
Speaker 4: you and a new side of our relationship. I want

467
00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:20,680
Speaker 4: to expand into this because there's so much pleasure potential

468
00:25:20,720 --> 00:25:23,840
Speaker 4: out there and it's just a continuous expense.

469
00:25:24,040 --> 00:25:24,720
Speaker 3: The expansion.

470
00:25:25,760 --> 00:25:28,919
Speaker 1: I love that. So a question we have, what are

471
00:25:28,920 --> 00:25:32,560
Speaker 1: your top tips for flirting? For flirting, we're going to

472
00:25:32,560 --> 00:25:33,760
Speaker 1: be a little flooty girls.

473
00:25:33,680 --> 00:25:34,639
Speaker 3: Well flirty girls.

474
00:25:35,240 --> 00:25:38,960
Speaker 4: Okay, My top tip one thousand percent is eye contact

475
00:25:39,760 --> 00:25:43,160
Speaker 4: because there is so much presence that is portrayed when

476
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:47,439
Speaker 4: you are making deep eye contact with someone. And i'llthow

477
00:25:47,480 --> 00:25:52,639
Speaker 4: you recently, I okay, there was this tell us just

478
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:56,880
Speaker 4: absolutely delicious looking barista at my local cafe I don't

479
00:25:56,880 --> 00:26:01,879
Speaker 4: even drink coffee that I just walked past and I

480
00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:07,520
Speaker 4: was like, oh my god, that person is glorious. And

481
00:26:07,560 --> 00:26:10,040
Speaker 4: so I proceeded to go in and get myself an

482
00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:16,000
Speaker 4: and Marcher and I got three when Marchers until this

483
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,399
Speaker 4: person asked me out, and I swear to god, it

484
00:26:18,520 --> 00:26:21,359
Speaker 4: was all in the eyes. We just had the most

485
00:26:21,400 --> 00:26:24,920
Speaker 4: intense eye contact with one another, and it's it's a

486
00:26:25,840 --> 00:26:27,800
Speaker 4: it do it to me right now? You want me

487
00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:28,359
Speaker 4: to okay?

488
00:26:28,440 --> 00:26:29,080
Speaker 3: Yeah, so.

489
00:26:33,040 --> 00:26:36,520
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, I'll give you my number later. I really

490
00:26:36,520 --> 00:26:37,400
Speaker 1: got a baby.

491
00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:38,760
Speaker 3: Let on it.

492
00:26:40,560 --> 00:26:43,760
Speaker 4: So it's that like that eye contact and holding it

493
00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:46,840
Speaker 4: because I've had so many conversations with friends with clients

494
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:48,399
Speaker 4: that are like I just can't do it eleanor it

495
00:26:48,400 --> 00:26:50,440
Speaker 4: feels so scary, or it's like I last a second

496
00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:53,520
Speaker 4: and then I look away, and you have to challenge

497
00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:57,480
Speaker 4: yourself to just hold it for that little bit longer

498
00:26:57,560 --> 00:27:01,040
Speaker 4: that is past your comfort zone. And I promise they'll

499
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:04,800
Speaker 4: just like they'll be magnetized to you. And so I

500
00:27:05,400 --> 00:27:07,160
Speaker 4: I was, you know, I was like a bit flirty,

501
00:27:07,359 --> 00:27:09,960
Speaker 4: you know, just having like a little chat, just not

502
00:27:10,160 --> 00:27:14,919
Speaker 4: much three matches and they were like, what are you

503
00:27:14,920 --> 00:27:15,800
Speaker 4: doing after this?

504
00:27:17,600 --> 00:27:17,840
Speaker 3: Yeah?

505
00:27:18,119 --> 00:27:20,439
Speaker 4: Yeah, He's like, do you want to go for a

506
00:27:20,440 --> 00:27:21,080
Speaker 4: swim in the rain?

507
00:27:21,600 --> 00:27:22,719
Speaker 3: Like, what are you doing right now?

508
00:27:23,160 --> 00:27:23,399
Speaker 5: Let's go?

509
00:27:24,400 --> 00:27:27,800
Speaker 1: I would love to. Yeah, oh my god, stop. Yeah

510
00:27:28,160 --> 00:27:32,000
Speaker 1: that's such a good Okay, we love that. I'm going

511
00:27:32,040 --> 00:27:34,400
Speaker 1: to really practice that on him now. Oh yeah, we'd

512
00:27:34,440 --> 00:27:38,960
Speaker 1: be like what are you looking at? He wouldn't, I know,

513
00:27:39,080 --> 00:27:43,000
Speaker 1: but I'm even thinking now. And it's even the concept

514
00:27:43,080 --> 00:27:49,200
Speaker 1: emotionally of like when someone actually sees you, when someone

515
00:27:49,480 --> 00:27:54,400
Speaker 1: actually looks at you and sees you like, you're like, wow.

516
00:27:55,080 --> 00:27:58,240
Speaker 4: That's the thing, Like, there is so many there are

517
00:27:58,280 --> 00:28:01,640
Speaker 4: so many opportunities for us to make eye contact when

518
00:28:01,680 --> 00:28:05,679
Speaker 4: it's with our lovers. Okay, I've done workshops where I've

519
00:28:05,960 --> 00:28:08,440
Speaker 4: explored like the art of eye gazing and just sort

520
00:28:08,480 --> 00:28:12,040
Speaker 4: of invited people to try eye contact and see how

521
00:28:12,040 --> 00:28:14,359
Speaker 4: it feels. You know, put on a song eye contact

522
00:28:14,359 --> 00:28:17,600
Speaker 4: for a few minutes, and I've done this with couples,

523
00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:20,320
Speaker 4: and some of them who have been together for let's

524
00:28:20,320 --> 00:28:22,879
Speaker 4: say twelve years, they're like, I've never looked at my

525
00:28:22,920 --> 00:28:23,680
Speaker 4: partner for that long.

526
00:28:24,680 --> 00:28:25,320
Speaker 3: What are you doing?

527
00:28:26,119 --> 00:28:28,479
Speaker 4: This is such a beautiful practice. So if you are

528
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,439
Speaker 4: in a relationship, I highly recommend putting a timer on

529
00:28:31,720 --> 00:28:33,960
Speaker 4: or putting a few songs on and just sitting and

530
00:28:34,000 --> 00:28:38,160
Speaker 4: looking at one another in the eyes really intentionally. It's

531
00:28:38,200 --> 00:28:40,680
Speaker 4: not a stare in competition, you're allowed to blink, but

532
00:28:41,440 --> 00:28:44,880
Speaker 4: just seeing them. And the amount of times that I've

533
00:28:44,880 --> 00:28:48,680
Speaker 4: done this with even strangers who suddenly feel really emotional

534
00:28:49,320 --> 00:28:53,360
Speaker 4: and they're like, oh my god, I've never felt seen

535
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,719
Speaker 4: like that, and how beautiful it was to witness and

536
00:28:57,840 --> 00:29:02,320
Speaker 4: see this other person. It's so gorgeous. And so, you know,

537
00:29:02,360 --> 00:29:05,720
Speaker 4: you can do eye gazing as a whole practice, three minutes,

538
00:29:05,760 --> 00:29:08,400
Speaker 4: five minutes, whatever you want, or you can just hold

539
00:29:08,560 --> 00:29:11,600
Speaker 4: eye contact a little bit longer with strangers, with friends,

540
00:29:11,760 --> 00:29:15,120
Speaker 4: with your partner and just really see them. Because I

541
00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:18,560
Speaker 4: think that eye contact. It portrays presence. It's like I'm here,

542
00:29:19,040 --> 00:29:21,400
Speaker 4: I'm with you, I'm not thinking about anything else, I'm

543
00:29:21,400 --> 00:29:25,680
Speaker 4: not distracted. I'm really really conscious. Something though, that I

544
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:28,280
Speaker 4: do want to add is I'm really aware that eye

545
00:29:28,320 --> 00:29:30,160
Speaker 4: contact can be really difficult for a lot of people,

546
00:29:30,240 --> 00:29:34,280
Speaker 4: especially people who are neurodivergent. So like, if this is like,

547
00:29:34,800 --> 00:29:38,160
Speaker 4: absolutely not, I can't do that. It's a deep discomfort

548
00:29:38,160 --> 00:29:41,160
Speaker 4: for me. Totally fine, there's other ways to connect. But

549
00:29:41,240 --> 00:29:43,600
Speaker 4: if it is something that you're like, oh, I'm open

550
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:46,920
Speaker 4: to it feels a little uncomfortable, then I encourage you.

551
00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:50,080
Speaker 1: So how's the barista going?

552
00:29:51,480 --> 00:29:55,920
Speaker 4: Look, that was short lived, but we got there, moved

553
00:29:55,920 --> 00:29:58,960
Speaker 4: to Melbourne. But so yeah, that was a shame, but

554
00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:00,520
Speaker 4: it was like good time.

555
00:30:00,760 --> 00:30:01,960
Speaker 1: We still got the first day.

556
00:30:02,160 --> 00:30:03,600
Speaker 3: Yeah, several days.

557
00:30:03,640 --> 00:30:07,760
Speaker 1: Okay, we've definitely got a story out of it.

558
00:30:07,840 --> 00:30:09,000
Speaker 3: Oh, we've got several.

559
00:30:10,840 --> 00:30:14,040
Speaker 1: So let's switch gears and chat a little bit about

560
00:30:14,080 --> 00:30:17,840
Speaker 1: self love and sex because we had the question about

561
00:30:18,320 --> 00:30:21,920
Speaker 1: you know, if you're not loving yourself, you're not feeling sexy,

562
00:30:22,200 --> 00:30:27,120
Speaker 1: then it's hard to enjoy sex. What would you suggest

563
00:30:27,320 --> 00:30:28,640
Speaker 1: for someone who's feeling like that.

564
00:30:29,800 --> 00:30:33,960
Speaker 4: Firstly, I see you, I think that there is such

565
00:30:34,040 --> 00:30:38,720
Speaker 4: a correlation between low self worth, low self love, and

566
00:30:39,520 --> 00:30:43,320
Speaker 4: lack of pleasure as well, because it's about do you

567
00:30:43,400 --> 00:30:47,240
Speaker 4: feel that you really deserve pleasure and are you allowing

568
00:30:47,280 --> 00:30:52,160
Speaker 4: yourself to feel this pleasure? And so practices around self love,

569
00:30:52,240 --> 00:30:54,840
Speaker 4: especially when we think more on the sexual end of

570
00:30:54,840 --> 00:30:56,800
Speaker 4: the spectrum, I like to think of it more like

571
00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:04,520
Speaker 4: sensual self love is allowing yourself to really indulge in

572
00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:07,800
Speaker 4: the senses. And so some practices that I always suggest

573
00:31:07,960 --> 00:31:11,600
Speaker 4: are with self touch. And so often people think, you know,

574
00:31:11,640 --> 00:31:13,600
Speaker 4: as a sex educator, I'm talking about self touch, I

575
00:31:13,640 --> 00:31:16,840
Speaker 4: must be talking about masturbation. An absolutely big fan, we

576
00:31:16,840 --> 00:31:20,800
Speaker 4: can talk about that too, But I think that we

577
00:31:20,880 --> 00:31:25,880
Speaker 4: need to start by just creating safety, so allowing yourself

578
00:31:25,880 --> 00:31:28,960
Speaker 4: to touch your own body. There's so much conditioning in

579
00:31:29,000 --> 00:31:31,600
Speaker 4: this world that's like you're not allowed to enjoy your

580
00:31:31,600 --> 00:31:35,560
Speaker 4: own body, and especially as women, we are conditioned to

581
00:31:35,560 --> 00:31:39,160
Speaker 4: go our body exists for the pleasure of men.

582
00:31:39,600 --> 00:31:40,200
Speaker 3: And so it's.

583
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,520
Speaker 4: About reclaiming our pleasure, reclaiming our sexuality and saying, you

584
00:31:43,560 --> 00:31:46,720
Speaker 4: know what, that's actually mine and I get to enjoy

585
00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:48,840
Speaker 4: it first, and if I choose to, I can share

586
00:31:48,880 --> 00:31:52,080
Speaker 4: it with whoever I want. But it's not for another person.

587
00:31:52,120 --> 00:31:55,080
Speaker 4: I'm not sexy for another person. I'm not sensual for

588
00:31:55,160 --> 00:31:58,560
Speaker 4: someone else. My pleasure isn't for you. It's for me

589
00:31:59,240 --> 00:32:02,640
Speaker 4: to share as I want, and so cultivating that through

590
00:32:02,920 --> 00:32:07,280
Speaker 4: practices like self touch, like self massage. I'm a dancer,

591
00:32:07,360 --> 00:32:11,560
Speaker 4: so sensual movement and allowing yourself to have this kind

592
00:32:11,560 --> 00:32:15,680
Speaker 4: of like intuitive movement like close your eyes, like close

593
00:32:15,720 --> 00:32:19,640
Speaker 4: the curtains, turn the music up, lights down low, put

594
00:32:19,680 --> 00:32:22,440
Speaker 4: some candles on, and just like roll around on the floor,

595
00:32:22,960 --> 00:32:25,840
Speaker 4: dance around to music that makes you feel something that

596
00:32:25,880 --> 00:32:30,040
Speaker 4: makes you want to breathe and feel sexy. That's going

597
00:32:30,080 --> 00:32:33,120
Speaker 4: to be such a powerful practice. And then you know,

598
00:32:33,200 --> 00:32:36,000
Speaker 4: you can choose to take that a step further and

599
00:32:36,280 --> 00:32:40,680
Speaker 4: enjoy some self touch and like really turn yourself on,

600
00:32:41,120 --> 00:32:43,680
Speaker 4: find yourself sexy. You know, I love doing this in

601
00:32:43,680 --> 00:32:46,120
Speaker 4: front of the mirror. There's kind of stages, depends where

602
00:32:46,120 --> 00:32:50,000
Speaker 4: your comfort level is when you're beginning, but eventually, you know,

603
00:32:50,600 --> 00:32:55,560
Speaker 4: naked body oil like touching yourself, seducing yourself in front

604
00:32:55,600 --> 00:32:57,920
Speaker 4: of the mirror, having a little boogie in your room.

605
00:32:58,600 --> 00:33:03,360
Speaker 4: It is so delicious and I think something that we

606
00:33:03,760 --> 00:33:06,720
Speaker 4: often need to remind ourselves of when we're thinking of

607
00:33:06,760 --> 00:33:10,920
Speaker 4: these kind of practice, these embodiment practices, is no one

608
00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:13,400
Speaker 4: else is watching. This is not for anyone else. It's

609
00:33:13,440 --> 00:33:15,960
Speaker 4: not a performance. Everything I do with my work is

610
00:33:16,000 --> 00:33:20,120
Speaker 4: about embodiment over performance. I want you to really really

611
00:33:20,360 --> 00:33:24,200
Speaker 4: feel your body and savor your senses and feel into

612
00:33:24,200 --> 00:33:27,320
Speaker 4: that pleasure and not think, oh, I need to do

613
00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:30,280
Speaker 4: this perfectly because I need to put on a show.

614
00:33:30,320 --> 00:33:33,080
Speaker 4: It needs to be a performance. And sometimes even if

615
00:33:33,120 --> 00:33:35,600
Speaker 4: we're in the privacy of our own homes and no

616
00:33:35,640 --> 00:33:39,120
Speaker 4: one else is around, it's almost like we self censor

617
00:33:39,560 --> 00:33:41,600
Speaker 4: and we're like, oh, what would this person think.

618
00:33:41,480 --> 00:33:44,720
Speaker 3: If they saw me? Or wonder if there's a camera hidden.

619
00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:48,160
Speaker 4: In here it's your own room, there's not, And so like,

620
00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:50,440
Speaker 4: really give yourself a permission to go. I'm going to

621
00:33:50,480 --> 00:33:53,200
Speaker 4: do whatever it feels really good, and who cares what

622
00:33:53,200 --> 00:33:54,760
Speaker 4: it looks like. It's not about what it looks like,

623
00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:55,720
Speaker 4: it's about how it feels.

624
00:33:56,240 --> 00:33:59,080
Speaker 1: I love that. That's actually I had a bit of

625
00:33:59,080 --> 00:34:03,520
Speaker 1: a journey of self pleasure because yeah, I mean Tim

626
00:34:03,680 --> 00:34:06,600
Speaker 1: met when I was seventeen, and I remember I was

627
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:11,000
Speaker 1: maybe like twenty one, and I was like, I've never

628
00:34:11,040 --> 00:34:15,399
Speaker 1: given myself an orgasm. I've only ever gotten it from

629
00:34:15,640 --> 00:34:20,120
Speaker 1: Tim or someone else. And I then went on the

630
00:34:20,239 --> 00:34:22,880
Speaker 1: journey of self pleasure and something that came up and

631
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,680
Speaker 1: I just thought about it when you were talking then

632
00:34:25,360 --> 00:34:28,359
Speaker 1: is a conversation. I remember talking to a girlfriend about

633
00:34:28,400 --> 00:34:31,920
Speaker 1: it and she was saying how her partner almost didn't

634
00:34:31,960 --> 00:34:34,920
Speaker 1: want her to self pleasure because he wanted to do it.

635
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:41,760
Speaker 1: And we then had this conversation around what you said

636
00:34:42,000 --> 00:34:45,680
Speaker 1: of why should it just be his? You know, like,

637
00:34:45,840 --> 00:34:48,080
Speaker 1: why shouldn't you be able to give it to yourself?

638
00:34:48,520 --> 00:34:51,480
Speaker 1: And something that I've always really appreciated with Tim is

639
00:34:51,480 --> 00:34:55,480
Speaker 1: he's always been very encouraging in that department. And I

640
00:34:55,520 --> 00:34:58,480
Speaker 1: think it's even important for vice versa, like you've been

641
00:34:58,560 --> 00:35:02,480
Speaker 1: encouraging with your partner to self pleasure because it is

642
00:35:02,560 --> 00:35:05,200
Speaker 1: it's like it's getting that connection back with yourself, and

643
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:10,160
Speaker 1: it's so much more than sex. There's so much connection there.

644
00:35:10,320 --> 00:35:12,839
Speaker 1: And yeah, I remember being about twenty one and kind

645
00:35:12,840 --> 00:35:16,319
Speaker 1: of like figuring out self pleasure, which you know might

646
00:35:16,360 --> 00:35:19,960
Speaker 1: be young or old in other people's experiences, but again,

647
00:35:20,320 --> 00:35:24,640
Speaker 1: that was such an important part of not only me

648
00:35:24,760 --> 00:35:28,759
Speaker 1: feeling independent, because there is something about never getting it,

649
00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:31,319
Speaker 1: you know, sorry, never giving it to yourself and only

650
00:35:31,320 --> 00:35:33,640
Speaker 1: getting it from someone else where you feel like, oh

651
00:35:33,680 --> 00:35:35,319
Speaker 1: well I need someone else.

652
00:35:35,480 --> 00:35:36,359
Speaker 3: Yes, yeah, so that.

653
00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,200
Speaker 1: Was a huge part of it. But then also yeah,

654
00:35:39,239 --> 00:35:43,200
Speaker 1: in those moments being connected to yourself and being like,

655
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:46,440
Speaker 1: this is my body and my home. I have everything

656
00:35:46,560 --> 00:35:49,240
Speaker 1: I need in it, and I feel safe and comfortable

657
00:35:49,280 --> 00:35:49,719
Speaker 1: in it too.

658
00:35:50,440 --> 00:35:53,440
Speaker 4: I'm so so happy to hear that you've had that experience,

659
00:35:53,640 --> 00:35:57,920
Speaker 4: because I know it's very common for people to have

660
00:35:58,000 --> 00:36:01,440
Speaker 4: your friend's experience of a partner saying no, why are

661
00:36:01,480 --> 00:36:06,040
Speaker 4: you self pleasuring? Like that's for me? Or I'm the

662
00:36:06,040 --> 00:36:07,760
Speaker 4: only one that could give you pleasure?

663
00:36:07,920 --> 00:36:10,320
Speaker 3: Or what do you mean? Like why would you self pleasure?

664
00:36:10,320 --> 00:36:12,560
Speaker 4: Am I not enough? Why wouldn't you have sex with me?

665
00:36:13,360 --> 00:36:14,719
Speaker 4: Like why would you have sex with yourself when you

666
00:36:14,719 --> 00:36:18,200
Speaker 4: could have sex with me? And again, this just drives

667
00:36:18,200 --> 00:36:21,840
Speaker 4: home my point of your pleasure doesn't belong to anyone else.

668
00:36:22,520 --> 00:36:26,920
Speaker 4: You're allowed to share it as you wish, but it's

669
00:36:26,960 --> 00:36:30,880
Speaker 4: not owned by anyone else. And also similarly, your partner's

670
00:36:30,920 --> 00:36:34,680
Speaker 4: pleasure is not yours. And if they are self pleasuring

671
00:36:34,760 --> 00:36:38,120
Speaker 4: and they're masturbating, good for them. It's their body right,

672
00:36:38,280 --> 00:36:40,520
Speaker 4: It doesn't have to mean something like we need to

673
00:36:40,520 --> 00:36:43,360
Speaker 4: really check the stories that we're creating. Are we saying

674
00:36:43,840 --> 00:36:46,680
Speaker 4: this is a story that is the story that I'm

675
00:36:46,719 --> 00:36:51,560
Speaker 4: telling myself? Is your self pleasuring means I'm not enough?

676
00:36:52,800 --> 00:36:55,239
Speaker 4: And oh the fact that you're masturbating means that I'm

677
00:36:55,280 --> 00:36:58,200
Speaker 4: not sexy enough. And so like, really check yourself if

678
00:36:58,239 --> 00:37:01,239
Speaker 4: you have that thinking, and then also flip it on

679
00:37:01,280 --> 00:37:02,920
Speaker 4: yourself and go, oh, do I allow.

680
00:37:02,680 --> 00:37:06,080
Speaker 3: Myself to experience pleasure? What I see so many.

681
00:37:05,920 --> 00:37:10,759
Speaker 4: People do is outsourcing their pleasure, saying oh, this is

682
00:37:10,920 --> 00:37:13,600
Speaker 4: your job. And so either it's like I'm giving it

683
00:37:13,640 --> 00:37:17,760
Speaker 4: away and I'm saying my pleasure is for everybody else

684
00:37:17,840 --> 00:37:20,799
Speaker 4: except for me or my partner and not me. And

685
00:37:20,920 --> 00:37:23,520
Speaker 4: other times we outsource our pleasure and we say, oh, well,

686
00:37:23,520 --> 00:37:26,759
Speaker 4: you're responsible for my orgasm. You're the one that's meant

687
00:37:26,800 --> 00:37:29,360
Speaker 4: to provide me with an orgasm, and if you don't,

688
00:37:29,680 --> 00:37:33,120
Speaker 4: then that's your failing. And I think there's a really

689
00:37:33,200 --> 00:37:35,560
Speaker 4: big opportunity here for reflection and to hold a mirror

690
00:37:35,640 --> 00:37:38,160
Speaker 4: up and go, actually, do you understand your own pleasure?

691
00:37:38,160 --> 00:37:40,640
Speaker 4: Do you understand what turns you on? Do you understand

692
00:37:40,640 --> 00:37:43,399
Speaker 4: what makes you come. Can you make yourself come and

693
00:37:43,760 --> 00:37:46,279
Speaker 4: not expecting my partner has to be the one to

694
00:37:46,360 --> 00:37:50,240
Speaker 4: provide it. This is like a team kind of process.

695
00:37:51,080 --> 00:37:54,560
Speaker 1: I love that, And that's like, it's so true because

696
00:37:54,600 --> 00:37:57,160
Speaker 1: I'm even thinking now from like a self development lens

697
00:37:57,200 --> 00:37:59,880
Speaker 1: of like any time that you're having a problem live

698
00:38:00,120 --> 00:38:03,319
Speaker 1: like someone else and you think it's their fault or

699
00:38:03,360 --> 00:38:06,840
Speaker 1: they're doing something to you, it's really just a mirror

700
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:11,600
Speaker 1: of what's happening internally with yourself, and you need to

701
00:38:11,680 --> 00:38:12,440
Speaker 1: check yourself.

702
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:13,120
Speaker 3: You need to.

703
00:38:13,840 --> 00:38:16,200
Speaker 1: And I think also it's so beautiful what you brought

704
00:38:16,280 --> 00:38:20,920
Speaker 1: up about the stories of like what stories are you

705
00:38:21,000 --> 00:38:24,520
Speaker 1: telling yourself in your sex life about like what they

706
00:38:24,560 --> 00:38:27,879
Speaker 1: do or you do? What this means? And instead of

707
00:38:28,760 --> 00:38:34,480
Speaker 1: creating those stories and keeping those stories going, can you communicate?

708
00:38:35,200 --> 00:38:38,560
Speaker 1: Can you maybe like you said of like, oh, I

709
00:38:38,600 --> 00:38:41,880
Speaker 1: feel like them self pleasuring means they're not attractive to me.

710
00:38:42,400 --> 00:38:45,160
Speaker 1: Do I even want to self pleasure myself? And like

711
00:38:45,520 --> 00:38:49,400
Speaker 1: those sorts of questions, I think, yeah, like everything is

712
00:38:49,480 --> 00:38:51,440
Speaker 1: just a mirror really totally.

713
00:38:51,840 --> 00:38:54,640
Speaker 4: And you know, there's so much societal conditioning that we

714
00:38:54,760 --> 00:38:59,920
Speaker 4: receive around pleasure and sex and relationships that can really

715
00:39:00,080 --> 00:39:02,000
Speaker 4: hold us back. It kind of like acts like this

716
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:07,120
Speaker 4: like giant sort of jacket around your pleasure potential. You're like, oh,

717
00:39:07,160 --> 00:39:09,880
Speaker 4: I just actually need to peel back some layers. I

718
00:39:09,960 --> 00:39:13,000
Speaker 4: often think of, you know that scene in Friends from

719
00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:16,000
Speaker 4: years ago where Joey is wearing like every.

720
00:39:15,760 --> 00:39:17,160
Speaker 3: Single item of Channel's clothing.

721
00:39:17,320 --> 00:39:19,919
Speaker 4: Yeah, and he's like wearing like, you know, let's say,

722
00:39:19,920 --> 00:39:23,360
Speaker 4: like fourteen layers. Yeah, and he's like doing lunges and stuff. Anyway,

723
00:39:23,600 --> 00:39:26,000
Speaker 4: He's wearing all these layers, and so I kind of

724
00:39:26,040 --> 00:39:28,840
Speaker 4: have that visualization, and I'm like, each of those layers

725
00:39:28,960 --> 00:39:33,440
Speaker 4: represents some kind of messaging or conditioning, and at the bottom,

726
00:39:33,760 --> 00:39:36,640
Speaker 4: like underneath all of those layers is like this beautiful

727
00:39:36,680 --> 00:39:40,640
Speaker 4: gem of like the most orgasmic life possible. But you

728
00:39:40,760 --> 00:39:43,040
Speaker 4: got to like, oh, let's take that one off first,

729
00:39:43,120 --> 00:39:45,120
Speaker 4: and like, oh, these are all the things the message

730
00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:47,920
Speaker 4: that I got, and I'm going to slowly peel them

731
00:39:47,960 --> 00:39:51,440
Speaker 4: away and kind of discard them, and then you can

732
00:39:51,520 --> 00:39:53,640
Speaker 4: kind of get to like the juice.

733
00:39:53,960 --> 00:39:57,799
Speaker 1: Yeah, So let's even maybe go into an example of that.

734
00:39:58,040 --> 00:40:02,480
Speaker 1: So let's just use like my conditioning of you know,

735
00:40:02,520 --> 00:40:05,480
Speaker 1: growing up religious and having a lot of like sexual

736
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:09,840
Speaker 1: shame around like don't be sletty, don't enjoy it too much.

737
00:40:10,080 --> 00:40:10,279
Speaker 2: You know.

738
00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,880
Speaker 1: I also had the belief of, like, you shouldn't have

739
00:40:12,880 --> 00:40:15,400
Speaker 1: sex before you get married, and like all those sorts

740
00:40:15,440 --> 00:40:20,040
Speaker 1: of things. Let's say someone does have sexual shame. How

741
00:40:20,080 --> 00:40:21,239
Speaker 1: can they work through that?

742
00:40:22,200 --> 00:40:25,799
Speaker 4: Oh, this is such a good question. I think that

743
00:40:26,400 --> 00:40:29,520
Speaker 4: sexual shame, firstly, it's important to recognize, Okay, we've all

744
00:40:29,560 --> 00:40:32,200
Speaker 4: got some degree of it. Like you can't exist in

745
00:40:32,239 --> 00:40:35,959
Speaker 4: this society and not have some kind of messaging about

746
00:40:36,000 --> 00:40:39,640
Speaker 4: sexual shame. So firstly recognize it's fine, I have it. Okay,

747
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,040
Speaker 4: now I'm going to work through it. I think that

748
00:40:42,280 --> 00:40:45,440
Speaker 4: journaling is such a powerful practice. I'm sure that this

749
00:40:45,520 --> 00:40:47,960
Speaker 4: is something that you're a huge proponent of as well

750
00:40:48,120 --> 00:40:50,880
Speaker 4: we are. And so, you know, asking yourself intentional questions

751
00:40:50,920 --> 00:40:53,759
Speaker 4: when something comes up, and if you're you know, in

752
00:40:53,800 --> 00:40:56,400
Speaker 4: the moment, or you reflect back on some sex that

753
00:40:56,440 --> 00:40:58,319
Speaker 4: you've had and you're like, oh, I didn't want to

754
00:40:58,320 --> 00:41:01,719
Speaker 4: be too loud, maybe the next time your journaling, say

755
00:41:02,360 --> 00:41:06,359
Speaker 4: what story am I telling myself about being loud in sex? Oh?

756
00:41:06,360 --> 00:41:06,680
Speaker 3: Okay?

757
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,120
Speaker 4: Maybe the conditioning that I received was back in your

758
00:41:10,520 --> 00:41:14,239
Speaker 4: you know seven, that teacher said, it's really slutty to

759
00:41:14,360 --> 00:41:18,440
Speaker 4: enjoy sex, or like sex is and for women or whatever,

760
00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:22,719
Speaker 4: and you can start to reflect on the things that

761
00:41:22,920 --> 00:41:25,680
Speaker 4: were said to you by different people in your life,

762
00:41:25,760 --> 00:41:29,560
Speaker 4: or the things that you've absorbed from media, from TVs,

763
00:41:30,040 --> 00:41:34,720
Speaker 4: you know, really poor representations of sex scenes in TV shows,

764
00:41:35,360 --> 00:41:38,799
Speaker 4: and ask yourself like, how is this impacting me? How

765
00:41:38,840 --> 00:41:43,400
Speaker 4: would I like to experience pleasure? And why do I

766
00:41:43,400 --> 00:41:44,680
Speaker 4: feel like I don't deserve that?

767
00:41:45,160 --> 00:41:45,480
Speaker 3: Okay?

768
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:48,480
Speaker 4: And then you just you start diving, diving deeper and deeper,

769
00:41:48,880 --> 00:41:51,520
Speaker 4: and then sharing this with your partner as well. Okay,

770
00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:54,000
Speaker 4: I think I have a block around this. How can

771
00:41:54,080 --> 00:41:57,720
Speaker 4: we explore this together? So, for example, if you're talking

772
00:41:57,719 --> 00:42:00,640
Speaker 4: about not feeling like you can be loud during sex,

773
00:42:00,840 --> 00:42:03,560
Speaker 4: maybe even saying to your partner like, something in me

774
00:42:04,320 --> 00:42:07,320
Speaker 4: feels like I should be quiet and it's too much

775
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:12,320
Speaker 4: if I moan really loudly, do you mind like encouraging

776
00:42:12,360 --> 00:42:15,759
Speaker 4: me and making me feel safe to do that? That's

777
00:42:15,760 --> 00:42:18,120
Speaker 4: something that would feel really really good for me. You know,

778
00:42:18,160 --> 00:42:19,879
Speaker 4: you can start working through it in that way.

779
00:42:20,719 --> 00:42:25,080
Speaker 1: I love that. That's incredible. I know it's so interesting.

780
00:42:25,320 --> 00:42:29,920
Speaker 1: How much Yeah, all this these stories and the conditioning

781
00:42:30,160 --> 00:42:33,680
Speaker 1: is playing into our sex lives and almost like keeping

782
00:42:33,760 --> 00:42:36,640
Speaker 1: us small and keeping us from really enjoying ourselves.

783
00:42:36,920 --> 00:42:40,400
Speaker 4: Yeah, definitely, so much pleasure available. We just need to

784
00:42:40,440 --> 00:42:42,279
Speaker 4: allow ourselves to feel it.

785
00:42:42,520 --> 00:42:45,240
Speaker 1: I love that. So we've got a couple of questions

786
00:42:45,239 --> 00:42:47,400
Speaker 1: from the community I want to get into, and the

787
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:51,479
Speaker 1: first one is how do you keep connection strong through

788
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:55,040
Speaker 1: times of stress and trauma and not lose the bond?

789
00:42:55,719 --> 00:42:57,239
Speaker 1: And then you know, she goes on to say, we

790
00:42:57,320 --> 00:43:00,560
Speaker 1: have a baby, Nick, you so wondering advice for keeping

791
00:43:00,600 --> 00:43:04,680
Speaker 1: the connection strong when you're under so much stress and

792
00:43:04,760 --> 00:43:06,320
Speaker 1: spending a lot of time apart.

793
00:43:08,320 --> 00:43:08,640
Speaker 3: Yeah.

794
00:43:08,719 --> 00:43:12,000
Speaker 4: I think that in these cases, when there's just a

795
00:43:12,000 --> 00:43:16,520
Speaker 4: lot going on, be really gentle with yourself and understanding

796
00:43:16,719 --> 00:43:20,719
Speaker 4: that we're always going to have seasons and you might

797
00:43:20,800 --> 00:43:25,120
Speaker 4: just be in like your sexual winter exactly, okay, And

798
00:43:25,239 --> 00:43:28,800
Speaker 4: so we don't expect a flower to bloom year round,

799
00:43:29,320 --> 00:43:33,239
Speaker 4: and we don't expect the fire to be burning constantly,

800
00:43:33,760 --> 00:43:38,280
Speaker 4: especially if it's getting rained on, And so allow yourself

801
00:43:38,320 --> 00:43:39,799
Speaker 4: to go, Okay, maybe we're just in a bit of

802
00:43:39,800 --> 00:43:43,920
Speaker 4: a sexual winter, and eventually, like all seasons do, our

803
00:43:43,960 --> 00:43:46,840
Speaker 4: sexual summer and spring are going to come back around.

804
00:43:47,360 --> 00:43:50,279
Speaker 4: So firstly, just allowing yourself to not have so much

805
00:43:50,320 --> 00:43:54,960
Speaker 4: pressure and then taking sex off the table and thinking

806
00:43:54,960 --> 00:44:00,200
Speaker 4: about intimacy and connection. So there's studies out there that

807
00:44:00,360 --> 00:44:05,600
Speaker 4: sort of show the power of hugs, thirty second hug,

808
00:44:05,960 --> 00:44:12,320
Speaker 4: six second kiss, like longer connection. So you might see

809
00:44:12,320 --> 00:44:14,799
Speaker 4: your partner every day or maybe in this case you're not,

810
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:18,560
Speaker 4: But when you do allow yourself to like really embrace,

811
00:44:18,600 --> 00:44:23,360
Speaker 4: like actually have that connection, hold one another for longer,

812
00:44:23,920 --> 00:44:26,880
Speaker 4: kiss intentionally, don't just do like a quick peck on

813
00:44:27,280 --> 00:44:29,920
Speaker 4: the lips and then walk away. You need some extra

814
00:44:30,000 --> 00:44:32,960
Speaker 4: time to build that connection, and that's going to sort

815
00:44:32,960 --> 00:44:36,640
Speaker 4: of enhance your intimacy as well if you're a part

816
00:44:36,920 --> 00:44:40,120
Speaker 4: you know, obviously clear communication, thinking about the ways that

817
00:44:40,160 --> 00:44:44,520
Speaker 4: you can stay connected through texts or phone calls if

818
00:44:44,600 --> 00:44:47,000
Speaker 4: you are wanting to get a little bit spicier with it.

819
00:44:47,480 --> 00:44:50,480
Speaker 4: I am the biggest fan of nudes. I think it's

820
00:44:50,520 --> 00:44:53,640
Speaker 4: such a wonderful way to kind of connect if you're feeling,

821
00:44:54,080 --> 00:44:56,719
Speaker 4: you know, super sexual in the moment as well. It

822
00:44:56,760 --> 00:44:57,879
Speaker 4: really depends where you're at.

823
00:44:58,920 --> 00:45:04,239
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's beautiful. I love that because that's even like

824
00:45:04,880 --> 00:45:08,080
Speaker 1: I loved what you said about taking sex off the table. Yeah,

825
00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,719
Speaker 1: like it doesn't actually just have to be because even

826
00:45:10,880 --> 00:45:12,799
Speaker 1: during those times, if you're having sex just for the

827
00:45:12,840 --> 00:45:15,200
Speaker 1: sake of having sex, it's like it's not that intimate,

828
00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:18,680
Speaker 1: but it's like really cultivating that intimacy first.

829
00:45:18,880 --> 00:45:22,040
Speaker 4: Yeah, exactly, they come back to intimacy. You know, let's

830
00:45:22,040 --> 00:45:26,400
Speaker 4: go okay for the next month or so, let's just

831
00:45:26,440 --> 00:45:30,880
Speaker 4: sort of be teenagers again, and that pre sex life.

832
00:45:31,200 --> 00:45:33,760
Speaker 4: I think as soon as we have had our sexual

833
00:45:33,800 --> 00:45:38,480
Speaker 4: debut and we've already had sex with our lover, sometimes

834
00:45:38,560 --> 00:45:42,239
Speaker 4: any intimacy can feel like it must be a lead

835
00:45:42,320 --> 00:45:45,279
Speaker 4: up to sex. And this is also what creates a

836
00:45:45,280 --> 00:45:47,960
Speaker 4: lot of shutdown because people are like, oh, they're kissing me,

837
00:45:48,000 --> 00:45:50,120
Speaker 4: they're making out with me, they're like feeling my butt,

838
00:45:50,160 --> 00:45:54,120
Speaker 4: they're squeezing my butt and like flirting with me. Oh god,

839
00:45:54,120 --> 00:45:56,560
Speaker 4: that must mean they want sex. And sometimes I'm just

840
00:45:56,760 --> 00:46:00,200
Speaker 4: not keen for it. And so what happens is we go,

841
00:46:00,680 --> 00:46:04,000
Speaker 4: I'm going to shut all of that down because I

842
00:46:04,080 --> 00:46:06,640
Speaker 4: don't want to have sex in this moment. But what

843
00:46:06,680 --> 00:46:09,560
Speaker 4: you're doing is you're really shutting down intimacy. And so

844
00:46:10,120 --> 00:46:13,879
Speaker 4: having this clear conversation of like, okay, we can have

845
00:46:14,000 --> 00:46:18,319
Speaker 4: intimacy without it always leading to sex, and if this

846
00:46:18,400 --> 00:46:21,080
Speaker 4: is something that you're feeling, really share this with your partner, Like,

847
00:46:21,160 --> 00:46:24,920
Speaker 4: sometimes I'm not feeling like I want to have sex

848
00:46:24,920 --> 00:46:27,000
Speaker 4: with you, but I really want to connect with you,

849
00:46:27,640 --> 00:46:31,200
Speaker 4: and so I want to feel like we can have

850
00:46:31,280 --> 00:46:34,160
Speaker 4: a big makeout sesh, but there's no pressure, there's no

851
00:46:34,200 --> 00:46:36,320
Speaker 4: expectation for it to lead to sex.

852
00:46:37,280 --> 00:46:41,319
Speaker 1: I love that communication. Some pot on, Yeah, how many

853
00:46:41,320 --> 00:46:43,360
Speaker 1: times a week should we be having sex?

854
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:46,800
Speaker 3: Okay?

855
00:46:47,120 --> 00:46:51,320
Speaker 4: I actually saw recently there's wonderful sex educator in the States.

856
00:46:51,320 --> 00:46:54,720
Speaker 4: Her name is Shan Boodram, and she answered this question

857
00:46:55,320 --> 00:46:59,200
Speaker 4: with as many times as the person with a lower

858
00:46:59,239 --> 00:47:04,440
Speaker 4: sex drive is comfortable with love that And so, you know,

859
00:47:04,480 --> 00:47:07,760
Speaker 4: there's many layers to this, because we need to maybe

860
00:47:07,800 --> 00:47:11,560
Speaker 4: look at why someone isn't feeling like sex or why

861
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:14,240
Speaker 4: they don't feel like they want to connect in that way,

862
00:47:14,640 --> 00:47:19,080
Speaker 4: and learning their initiation style and their desire type and

863
00:47:19,480 --> 00:47:22,480
Speaker 4: working with one another. I don't think anyone should ever

864
00:47:22,560 --> 00:47:26,279
Speaker 4: feel this pressure and expectation to have sex when you

865
00:47:26,400 --> 00:47:29,479
Speaker 4: just don't feel like it, because why the fuck would

866
00:47:29,480 --> 00:47:29,839
Speaker 4: you do that?

867
00:47:30,040 --> 00:47:30,400
Speaker 1: Totally?

868
00:47:30,440 --> 00:47:32,760
Speaker 3: You know you each.

869
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,279
Speaker 4: Partner also has needs and so there's that layer of

870
00:47:36,680 --> 00:47:39,759
Speaker 4: understanding as well. They're like, Okay, someone is craving it.

871
00:47:40,200 --> 00:47:43,160
Speaker 4: How can we create a way where we build the

872
00:47:43,200 --> 00:47:48,200
Speaker 4: intimacy where someone will feel comfortable sharing sex with one

873
00:47:48,200 --> 00:47:51,839
Speaker 4: another as opposed to this is the expectation. And I

874
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,799
Speaker 4: heard someone say once that it has to be four

875
00:47:53,840 --> 00:47:56,080
Speaker 4: times a week or your sex life isn't good enough,

876
00:47:56,880 --> 00:48:03,879
Speaker 4: Like it's about quality over quantity. I could say, yeah, sure,

877
00:48:03,960 --> 00:48:06,600
Speaker 4: three times a week is ideal, that's the sweet spot.

878
00:48:06,920 --> 00:48:10,040
Speaker 4: But if it's three times a week of super disconnected

879
00:48:10,640 --> 00:48:14,400
Speaker 4: like little quickie where you're not even making eye contact

880
00:48:14,520 --> 00:48:17,759
Speaker 4: and one of you comes and the other doesn't, like, no,

881
00:48:18,440 --> 00:48:22,720
Speaker 4: give me like one delicious like three hour gourmet sex

882
00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:26,680
Speaker 4: marathon a month over a bunch of quickies that are

883
00:48:26,760 --> 00:48:29,160
Speaker 4: not satisfying. This is actually something that I speak a

884
00:48:29,160 --> 00:48:32,040
Speaker 4: lot about in my work, is the difference between snack

885
00:48:32,080 --> 00:48:37,200
Speaker 4: sex and gourmet sex. And so in like a regular diet, right,

886
00:48:37,280 --> 00:48:40,200
Speaker 4: you're going to have a whole bunch of different options

887
00:48:40,200 --> 00:48:44,680
Speaker 4: for food, and sometimes we just want a quick snack,

888
00:48:45,000 --> 00:48:48,239
Speaker 4: you know. Sometimes we're just like I'm craving chips and

889
00:48:48,320 --> 00:48:50,440
Speaker 4: I'm going to go through the drive in and I'm

890
00:48:50,440 --> 00:48:54,520
Speaker 4: going to get some chips, and you're like mmmm, delicious,

891
00:48:54,520 --> 00:48:56,560
Speaker 4: and there's nothing wrong with the chips. I fucking love

892
00:48:56,600 --> 00:49:01,080
Speaker 4: some chips, right, But afterwards, you're not necessarily satiated. You

893
00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,280
Speaker 4: don't feel very nourished. You're like, oh, I'm still hungry.

894
00:49:03,840 --> 00:49:06,680
Speaker 4: Like that was nice in the moment, enjoyed it, but

895
00:49:06,719 --> 00:49:09,279
Speaker 4: I'm still hungry. And then on the other end of

896
00:49:09,320 --> 00:49:12,560
Speaker 4: the spectrum, you've got like a full gourmet meal, a degastation.

897
00:49:12,640 --> 00:49:16,160
Speaker 4: You've got like linen tablecloths you went to raise on

898
00:49:16,200 --> 00:49:20,360
Speaker 4: the weekend, right, Like, that's like beautiful, it's creating very gourmet.

899
00:49:20,440 --> 00:49:24,920
Speaker 4: Iram is so gourmet, and you're like every single plate

900
00:49:24,960 --> 00:49:27,120
Speaker 4: that they bring out, like you're not just like stuffing

901
00:49:27,120 --> 00:49:28,440
Speaker 4: that in your face, just like yeah, yeah, I'm just

902
00:49:28,480 --> 00:49:32,759
Speaker 4: gonna quickly eat this. It's it's a whole presentation. You're

903
00:49:32,760 --> 00:49:35,759
Speaker 4: gonna take your time, you're gonna savor it. And so

904
00:49:36,280 --> 00:49:41,040
Speaker 4: that type of sex is the the gourmet sex that

905
00:49:41,120 --> 00:49:43,719
Speaker 4: you savor and you take your time and you're really

906
00:49:43,760 --> 00:49:46,960
Speaker 4: indulging and maybe it goes for hours. And then you've

907
00:49:46,960 --> 00:49:49,440
Speaker 4: got the quickie sex, the snack sex that is like

908
00:49:49,920 --> 00:49:53,160
Speaker 4: a quickie and you know, it scratches a little itch

909
00:49:53,320 --> 00:49:55,360
Speaker 4: and it's great and sometimes you're like, fuck ya, a

910
00:49:55,400 --> 00:49:59,120
Speaker 4: little quickie that was hot, and there's nothing wrong with

911
00:49:59,160 --> 00:50:03,000
Speaker 4: that either. But we can't necessarily subsist on a diet

912
00:50:03,000 --> 00:50:05,280
Speaker 4: of chips of snack sex.

913
00:50:05,600 --> 00:50:06,480
Speaker 3: And also it's.

914
00:50:06,400 --> 00:50:11,879
Speaker 5: Not sustainable, sustainable to have gourmet sex every single day, no, right,

915
00:50:12,280 --> 00:50:16,719
Speaker 5: And so how can you create something in between and

916
00:50:16,800 --> 00:50:20,840
Speaker 5: then like allow your diet to be like full, your sexual.

917
00:50:20,440 --> 00:50:23,440
Speaker 4: Diet to be full of all the different things on

918
00:50:23,480 --> 00:50:26,759
Speaker 4: the spectrum. Sometimes you're indulging in that gourmet, sometimes you're

919
00:50:26,760 --> 00:50:29,120
Speaker 4: having a little quickie, and most of the time you're

920
00:50:29,160 --> 00:50:32,399
Speaker 4: just having like what you need to get by and

921
00:50:32,520 --> 00:50:34,840
Speaker 4: that feels good as well and taste delicious.

922
00:50:36,280 --> 00:50:37,960
Speaker 3: But it's a spectrum.

923
00:50:38,640 --> 00:50:40,400
Speaker 1: I love that. That is the perfect answer.

924
00:50:40,680 --> 00:50:43,319
Speaker 3: Thank you. Didn't know where you were going to.

925
00:50:43,360 --> 00:50:47,279
Speaker 1: Go with that, but I love it. Let's finish this

926
00:50:47,320 --> 00:50:49,719
Speaker 1: episode of We've definitely got a part two coming because

927
00:50:49,719 --> 00:50:51,680
Speaker 1: we have so much more to talk about and unpack.

928
00:50:52,080 --> 00:50:54,839
Speaker 1: But to finish off this part one, I would love

929
00:50:54,880 --> 00:50:59,120
Speaker 1: to know what does self love mean for you personally?

930
00:50:59,760 --> 00:51:01,880
Speaker 1: And I don't know if you've had a journey with

931
00:51:01,920 --> 00:51:04,359
Speaker 1: it or anything like that. And then also like how

932
00:51:04,400 --> 00:51:08,359
Speaker 1: do you practice and cultivate self love, especially you know,

933
00:51:09,239 --> 00:51:10,799
Speaker 1: in a lens of your sexuality.

934
00:51:12,200 --> 00:51:16,320
Speaker 4: Yeah, self love, I think is such a broad topic

935
00:51:16,680 --> 00:51:20,279
Speaker 4: and my take on it is very much from a

936
00:51:20,320 --> 00:51:24,279
Speaker 4: sensuality sort of angle. And so the ways that I

937
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:28,919
Speaker 4: would show myself self love every day is through really

938
00:51:29,000 --> 00:51:32,719
Speaker 4: connecting with my body, whether that is going to the

939
00:51:32,760 --> 00:51:36,040
Speaker 4: gym and you know, doing a bunch of hit thrusts

940
00:51:36,120 --> 00:51:40,160
Speaker 4: and you know how to choose the most sexual I

941
00:51:40,160 --> 00:51:44,800
Speaker 4: can imagine, you know, going to the gym or going

942
00:51:44,800 --> 00:51:50,720
Speaker 4: for walks or legitimately just like massaging my body self pleasure,

943
00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:55,360
Speaker 4: eating really well, really looking after my body, because my

944
00:51:55,400 --> 00:51:59,240
Speaker 4: body is the vessel that allows me to feel pleasure.

945
00:52:00,520 --> 00:52:04,560
Speaker 4: Tuning into the senses and my sensual world really helps

946
00:52:04,640 --> 00:52:08,000
Speaker 4: me to connect with that sense of self love.

947
00:52:09,200 --> 00:52:11,200
Speaker 1: I love that so much and I even I know

948
00:52:11,239 --> 00:52:13,120
Speaker 1: you touched on it at the start of the episode

949
00:52:13,160 --> 00:52:17,239
Speaker 1: about like connecting in with your senses, Like, I think

950
00:52:17,239 --> 00:52:19,799
Speaker 1: that's something I probably miss with self love. I go

951
00:52:19,880 --> 00:52:23,120
Speaker 1: straight to the mind stuff because that's me as a person.

952
00:52:23,280 --> 00:52:25,719
Speaker 1: But it's like connecting in with your five senses and

953
00:52:25,760 --> 00:52:28,040
Speaker 1: like picking one and being like, how do I want

954
00:52:28,080 --> 00:52:29,759
Speaker 1: to cultivate self love in that way?

955
00:52:30,200 --> 00:52:32,200
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it's all about getting out of your

956
00:52:32,200 --> 00:52:34,959
Speaker 4: head and into your body sometimes, because we can live

957
00:52:35,160 --> 00:52:40,399
Speaker 4: very much up in our heads and logic and rationality,

958
00:52:40,520 --> 00:52:44,319
Speaker 4: and it's all just like you can just feel a

959
00:52:44,320 --> 00:52:47,239
Speaker 4: little bit exhausting sometimes. And some of my clients in

960
00:52:47,280 --> 00:52:49,000
Speaker 4: the past have told me that they feel like they're

961
00:52:49,080 --> 00:52:53,920
Speaker 4: living life from their head only and that they're numb

962
00:52:54,000 --> 00:52:56,560
Speaker 4: from the neck down. And it's like, Okay, I'm here

963
00:52:56,600 --> 00:52:59,319
Speaker 4: in this world, this beautiful world that has so many

964
00:52:59,440 --> 00:53:04,719
Speaker 4: sensual things available for me to savor, and yet I'm

965
00:53:04,719 --> 00:53:07,319
Speaker 4: just sitting up here, and so how can I drop

966
00:53:07,400 --> 00:53:09,640
Speaker 4: out of my head and into my body and recognize,

967
00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,680
Speaker 4: Oh wow, like this feels good, all that smells good,

968
00:53:12,760 --> 00:53:16,040
Speaker 4: Look how beautiful? Like look for beauty in the world,

969
00:53:16,560 --> 00:53:21,120
Speaker 4: and like, you know, savor the texture of things, and

970
00:53:21,280 --> 00:53:25,920
Speaker 4: really try and find things in your sensual world that

971
00:53:26,640 --> 00:53:30,040
Speaker 4: bring pleasure, whether that's a simple pleasure, whether that's a

972
00:53:30,080 --> 00:53:33,200
Speaker 4: sensual pleasure or a sexual pleasure. Pleasure is such a

973
00:53:33,239 --> 00:53:37,640
Speaker 4: broad spectrum, but allowing yourself to tune in that's going

974
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:39,720
Speaker 4: to be such a beautiful way to feel that sense

975
00:53:39,719 --> 00:53:40,319
Speaker 4: of self love.

976
00:53:41,480 --> 00:53:45,080
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing such a

977
00:53:45,120 --> 00:53:50,560
Speaker 1: wealth of knowledge. And really helping us unpack a sometimes

978
00:53:50,680 --> 00:53:55,560
Speaker 1: taboo topic. Guys, make sure you go and follow eleanor

979
00:53:56,120 --> 00:53:59,040
Speaker 1: and makes you check out PJ Queen.

980
00:53:59,520 --> 00:54:02,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, Twizzy Broke or Fussy prot.

981
00:54:04,239 --> 00:54:06,879
Speaker 1: And that will definitely be a part two, so watch

982
00:54:06,960 --> 00:54:09,560
Speaker 1: out for that in the next couple of weeks. Thank

983
00:54:09,600 --> 00:54:10,239
Speaker 1: you so much.

984
00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:11,120
Speaker 3: What's your pleasure?

985
00:54:14,960 --> 00:54:18,440
Speaker 1: Thank you so much for listening to another episode of

986
00:54:18,480 --> 00:54:21,640
Speaker 1: the Rise and Conquer podcast. If you enjoyed it and

987
00:54:21,760 --> 00:54:26,040
Speaker 1: want more, come connect with us on Instagram at Riseinconquer

988
00:54:26,280 --> 00:54:30,200
Speaker 1: dot podcast and join our Facebook discussion group, a Rise

989
00:54:30,239 --> 00:54:34,360
Speaker 1: and Concer podcast community. We're an independent podcast and we

990
00:54:34,440 --> 00:54:37,160
Speaker 1: have a small team, so we do appreciate your time

991
00:54:37,200 --> 00:54:40,000
Speaker 1: and support. If you have a spare moment, a follow

992
00:54:40,160 --> 00:54:44,080
Speaker 1: or subscribe on whatever platform you listen to would be

993
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:48,200
Speaker 1: so amazing, And look, if you're feeling extra kind, a

994
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:50,959
Speaker 1: review on Apple Podcasts would be great.