WEBVTT - MINI: Listener Teddy shares his experience finding his dad in his 30s

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<v Speaker 1>Listen, ladies. Last week on the show, Laura, you were

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<v Speaker 1>telling us a story that has divided your household. Really,

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<v Speaker 1>you've got a friend in your life that has had

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<v Speaker 1>a baby, only if she is the baby's daddy is

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<v Speaker 1>a backpacker. He had a one night stand and thought

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<v Speaker 1>it was a good night of fun. But I know

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<v Speaker 1>he got this girl pregnant. She has not told him. Mary.

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<v Speaker 2>It's very scandalous, so she doesn't want to tell him.

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<v Speaker 2>She's in her forties, he's in his twenties. But we've

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<v Speaker 2>been having like lots of moral conversations in our household

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<v Speaker 2>as to whether she has an obligation to tell him.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, if you missed it, this is what happens.

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<v Speaker 2>So the baby is now four months old.

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<v Speaker 1>Now.

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<v Speaker 2>The dad was a man who is in his very

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<v Speaker 2>early twenties. He was in Australia as a backpacker. They're

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<v Speaker 2>friends on Facebook and their friends on Instagram. But they

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<v Speaker 2>had a one night stand while he was traveling through

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<v Speaker 2>Sydney and he has no idea that he has fathered

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<v Speaker 2>a baby.

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<v Speaker 1>Now, the big.

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<v Speaker 2>Moral question of this is is can she keep this

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<v Speaker 2>a secret or does she morally have to tell him

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<v Speaker 2>because at this rate, there's no way that this kid's

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<v Speaker 2>ever going to find out who their father is.

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<v Speaker 1>It's you're a real sticky moral conundrum, right.

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<v Speaker 2>I just questioned, like, growing up this whole time not

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<v Speaker 2>knowing who your dad is, but then maybe one day

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<v Speaker 2>finding out that your mum always knew and she kept

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<v Speaker 2>that secret from you.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, listen, it sounds like something that's you hear in movies,

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<v Speaker 1>you hear on the radio. We had a pickup listener.

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<v Speaker 1>His name is Teddy. Teddy is a listener of the show.

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<v Speaker 1>He sent us a DM last week when we put

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<v Speaker 1>this to air, and Teddy's story truly left me with

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<v Speaker 1>my draw on thefore Teddy, welcome to the show. Why

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<v Speaker 1>don't you tell us your amazing story?

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<v Speaker 3>Uh? Yeah, I was listening last week and I resonated

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<v Speaker 3>with the story. I recently two months ago just met

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<v Speaker 3>my biological father. Wow, and I'm thirty four, almost thirty five,

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<v Speaker 3>and my mum chose not to tell my dad, Like

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<v Speaker 3>I found out that she could have told him and

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<v Speaker 3>she didn't, and she has now passed, so like I

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<v Speaker 3>kind of answered that question. But yeah, Wow, it's been

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<v Speaker 3>really good meeting.

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<v Speaker 1>Him so quickly set the scene. So did you did

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<v Speaker 1>you ever ask about your dad growing up to your mother?

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<v Speaker 1>Did you say, I want to meet him? Do you

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<v Speaker 1>know who he is?

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<v Speaker 3>Well? Constantly, I was raised technically by my grandma, but

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<v Speaker 3>my biological mum was in my life and I had

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<v Speaker 3>asked and she just didn't give me an answer ever,

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<v Speaker 3>like it was kind of just like I don't know,

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<v Speaker 3>and so like that's kind of how I've lived with it,

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<v Speaker 3>even like other members of my family were a bit

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<v Speaker 3>weird about it.

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<v Speaker 1>Teddy, how did you find out?

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<v Speaker 3>Well, I did an ancestry dot com Yes, sponsor mem

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<v Speaker 3>just kidding up they might now, But my mom, my

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<v Speaker 3>mom was a bit of a bike around that at

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<v Speaker 3>the time.

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<v Speaker 1>She had a good time in her twenties.

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<v Speaker 3>She had a few people at like around that time,

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<v Speaker 3>but she always was stuck on my dad's name. And

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<v Speaker 3>she had said that she was like, I think it's

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<v Speaker 3>this guy. He's a cop, but I'm not sure. Literally

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<v Speaker 3>all the information I had, and years later, maybe two

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<v Speaker 3>years ago, I think I did an ancestry dot com

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<v Speaker 3>thing and that last name was linked distantly and I

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<v Speaker 3>was like, hmm, okay, this is something. And then that

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<v Speaker 3>woman randomly messaged me and she actually also messaged my

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<v Speaker 3>dad and then we I messaged him on Facebook because

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<v Speaker 3>I just looked up his name, and then yeah, we

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<v Speaker 3>slowly got connected, but it took a few months to wait.

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<v Speaker 1>Wait, wait, okay, so your mom had mentioned a name

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<v Speaker 1>in passing growing up. She's like, I could have been

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<v Speaker 1>this guy. To be honest, I had a couple. So

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<v Speaker 1>you find him on Facebook? And do you call him?

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<v Speaker 1>Do you DM him? What's the first.

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<v Speaker 3>I just sent him a message being like, hey, did

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<v Speaker 3>you know like and then serided my mom's name there,

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<v Speaker 3>and then he left me on red for a while,

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<v Speaker 3>and then a few months went by and then I

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<v Speaker 3>was like, oh, you would have known her in like

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<v Speaker 3>nineteen eighty eight, and then he was like, oh, yes

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<v Speaker 3>I did. And I just I must feel been feeling

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<v Speaker 3>really brazy that day because I just replied being like, oh,

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<v Speaker 3>I think kill my dad. And then he called me

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<v Speaker 3>and then we spoke on the phone for a bit

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<v Speaker 3>and then yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Can I ask what was it like when you met

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<v Speaker 2>him for the first time, because you said you guys

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<v Speaker 2>have a bit of a relationship.

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<v Speaker 3>Now was well, it's insane because I grew up not

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<v Speaker 3>looking like anyone in my family, so I always stood

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<v Speaker 3>out like I've got brown eyes. They all had blue eyes,

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<v Speaker 3>so I never fitted in. And then as soon as

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<v Speaker 3>I saw him, I literally everyone who's seen a picture

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<v Speaker 3>of us says like he looks like me with like

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<v Speaker 3>the the age filter on snapshirt and like.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just you have other kids.

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<v Speaker 3>Yes, I have now got by blood. I now have

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<v Speaker 3>two more brothers and a sister. But he's also married

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<v Speaker 3>now and so and she also has two sons and

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<v Speaker 3>a daughter, so whole new family.

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<v Speaker 1>How do you think your mom would feel, teddy? Would

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<v Speaker 1>your um be happy that you're connected? Do you think?

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<v Speaker 3>Or? Yeah, I think she actually would, Like she was

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<v Speaker 3>she doesn't want to just didn't really care much like like,

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<v Speaker 3>but I think she would now be very happy with

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<v Speaker 3>it seeing how it has turned out.

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<v Speaker 1>I am.

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<v Speaker 2>I mean, obviously this has all come up because there's

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<v Speaker 2>someone in our life who's going through this and knowing

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<v Speaker 2>that you've had such an incredibly positive experience, what would

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<v Speaker 2>be your advice or what would you have to say

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<v Speaker 2>around like this kind of decision making as to whether

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<v Speaker 2>she should or shouldn't tell him about the fact that

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<v Speaker 2>he's fathered this baby.

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<v Speaker 3>Well, when it comes to my kids, I think you

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<v Speaker 3>should always know get like, leave the option up to

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<v Speaker 3>him at the end of the day, do you know

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<v Speaker 3>what I mean. Make sure everyone's aware and then go

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<v Speaker 3>from there. Yeah, in my opinion, because like he may

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<v Speaker 3>not want or be able to like everyone's circumstance of

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<v Speaker 3>the different Yeah, but like I just think he should know.

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<v Speaker 1>Imagine getting a Facebook message in the middle.

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<v Speaker 3>Seeing I've thought about it from his point of view,

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<v Speaker 3>like so much, and I'm just being like, yeah, sorry

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<v Speaker 3>about that, Teddy.

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<v Speaker 1>So great to meet you. Thank you for messaging and

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<v Speaker 1>coming on the happy Teddy. Yeah we really are anytime. Hey, guys,

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<v Speaker 1>a little bit of a different take.

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<v Speaker 2>After the break, I'm going to give you, guys a quiz,

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<v Speaker 2>not just any quiz, a vending machine quiz.

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<v Speaker 1>Oh the quiz I've always been waiting for. You didn't

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<v Speaker 1>know you needed it.