Speaker 1: I'm going to tell you something. Okay. When I tell
Speaker 1: you this, you cannot react. Okay, you have to still
Speaker 1: continue sitting here in this seat. Do you agree to
Speaker 1: those terms? I'm ready. Yeah, I'll tell you after the intro.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to two noting dads. I am Mattie J
Speaker 1: And I'm Ash And this is a podcast all about parenting.
Speaker 1: It is the good, it is the bad and the relatable.
Speaker 1: Hang on a second, away, my guy, give us. Yeah,
Speaker 1: just a little baby, Burt go, well, my baby, baby baby.
Speaker 2: Go.
Speaker 1: Shoot.
Speaker 2: Let me just regather myself. First of all, we don't
Speaker 2: give any advice, never have no will.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, promise me you will not call out, You
Speaker 1: are not get off your seat. You will remain seated
Speaker 1: after hearing this news. I can't promise you. Well, dude,
Speaker 1: I'm not going to tell. You. Have to promise me.
Speaker 1: That's the whole thing. This relationship is based on trust.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna bluff you into telling me. No tell Okay, So,
Speaker 1: do you know who's been locked upstairs the whole time?
Speaker 1: Don't you go out? Who? Okay, my mum, do you
Speaker 1: know what she did? She pooped in her own room? No? No, uh,
Speaker 1: she came home last night, and I was like, what
Speaker 1: the fuck have you done to your face? I'm talking
Speaker 1: quietly because she may hear me. She has she fell over.
Speaker 1: Even worse than that, she has gotten lipstick tattooed on
Speaker 1: her lips, and her lips currently are very swollen. Oh,
Speaker 1: and it's they're so bright red. The reds so aggressive,
Speaker 1: like real, real, like hectic. And I'm not allowed to
Speaker 1: say anything though she was so she's been so embarrassed.
Speaker 1: She looked like the joker when she came home last night.
Speaker 1: And then I don't know, my mom sometimes makes silly decisions, okay,
Speaker 1: not knowing the full context. And I was like, holy fuck, Ellie,
Speaker 1: what have you done in your face? And it's going
Speaker 1: to be like that for apparently a week. So why
Speaker 1: is she upstairs? She's embarrassed, Well, she's got her own room. Yeah,
Speaker 1: because then the bathroom is upstairs. The on swite because
Speaker 1: she's like, I don't want to see he'll make fun
Speaker 1: of me. I would never, Yeah, I would definitely would.
Speaker 1: And I tried to get it to come the podcast,
Speaker 1: so I can't. I don't think I can share a
Speaker 1: photo of her because and then she didn't know we're
Speaker 1: doing for those of you wondering. We've done two records
Speaker 1: today with a great guest coming out very shortly. So
Speaker 1: she thought we're doing one record. So she was like,
Speaker 1: can I come downstairs and get some food? And I
Speaker 1: said no, we're about to record another episode. So she's
Speaker 1: starving herself upstairs right now. Four old things. I'm just
Speaker 1: picturing the joker. She was wearing a green shirt and
Speaker 1: she like it also looked so weird last night because
Speaker 1: she's like, all right, good night, I'm off to bed.
Speaker 1: She's in her pajama's no makeup, and then this red
Speaker 1: lips that's like so bright you have to wear sunglasses?
Speaker 1: Why did she? Why did she do that? Because she
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, they'd be great. I don't have
Speaker 1: to wear lipstick anymore. Is she gone on the Golden Bachelor?
Speaker 1: Well maybe she is, is she She said, she said
Speaker 1: I don't want to. She's denied. She's denied it because
Speaker 1: she said she's got your sore foot. So she's worried
Speaker 1: that she's going to you know, not sleeping chronic pain.
Speaker 1: Although now that you mention it, the red lipstick, it
Speaker 1: makes a lot of sense. It sounds make a lot
Speaker 1: of and I think she got I'm thinking of that
Speaker 1: Simpsons episode were Homer gets the makeup make up for March.
Speaker 3: She got Eyeline a tattooed on as well. My god,
Speaker 3: what is she doing out there? I don't know, dude,
Speaker 3: I can't wait to see it. She used to get
Speaker 3: sucked into those Daniel's Direct TV deals. We used to have,
Speaker 3: like the Abtronic.
Speaker 1: Home but who ab swiveled me?
Speaker 2: You do?
Speaker 1: We had all the app mom anyway, blessed her cotton socks.
Speaker 2: She's just up and night ordering ship off Daniel's Direct.
Speaker 2: Does Dan's Direct still exist?
Speaker 1: I think so. I think they do it anyway. So
Speaker 1: that's why she may come down after the record. I
Speaker 1: look forward to seeing the Ellie's new features. Apparently a
Speaker 1: week a week for it to settle down. For the
Speaker 1: dye needs to fade a little bit. Yeah, I've been
Speaker 1: tatted before on your lips. You would look good with
Speaker 1: the lipstick. Hey, April's been anybody of your content lately.
Speaker 1: Every now and then she's making a little appearance. People
Speaker 1: love it. They can't get enough. She's very funny. Is
Speaker 1: she going to mate? Get her to jump on board
Speaker 1: the influencer train?
Speaker 2: Nah?
Speaker 1: She won't do it? Why not of us? Why not us?
Speaker 1: She won't do it. I have a little story of
Speaker 1: a meltdown that we had recently go on you who
Speaker 1: who were talking about this is? This is Lola.
Speaker 2: This is little Lola and the youngest of the Johnson
Speaker 2: clan correct Burn Clan.
Speaker 1: Currently three years old. Picked her off from daycare the
Speaker 1: other day and she was great. She was amazing. I mean,
Speaker 1: often is Lola when we pick her up. She's just
Speaker 1: full of smiles, full of energy, having a great time.
Speaker 1: And very very quickly things turned with Lola and she
Speaker 1: I think I had this thing on a pick the
Speaker 1: kids up. I don't know if you do this, I'm
Speaker 1: sure you ignore all the other kids ash, but I
Speaker 1: asked the kids what they're having for dinner? The other
Speaker 1: kids yeah, well, like we know ID. I'm like, hey, Timmy,
Speaker 1: what are you having for dinner? And he's like, I'm
Speaker 1: having chicken nuggets. And I'm like that's great.
Speaker 2: I don't engage at all, no, because then they like
Speaker 2: when I go and drop Oscar off, like there's one
Speaker 2: or two kids and I'm sorry, if their parents listening,
Speaker 2: you won't name them.
Speaker 1: They're like Oscar's dad Oscar's dad oscars dad.
Speaker 2: Just like no social cues, like they would just keep
Speaker 2: like to get my attention. They like you, and I
Speaker 2: don't want to engage by like being more friendly than
Speaker 2: I already have, like a fist palm, but high far,
Speaker 2: because then I'll take me forever to get in and out.
Speaker 1: And you know me, I'm like, get out of my car.
Speaker 1: It's my kids. I'm out of here. Of God, those
Speaker 1: kids are like give them an inch, take a mile.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, so I like to I like to have
Speaker 1: the old chat. Just what are you having for dinner? Right, Timmy,
Speaker 1: let's call them? Said I'm having a hamburger. Oh and
Speaker 1: I said that sounds delic, Timmy, you enjoy that anyway.
Speaker 1: Get Lula's bag and she goes, I want a hamburger. Okay, sorry,
Speaker 1: no hamburger tonight. Why not? We've got spaghetti Bolonnes. Again,
Speaker 1: I do have an awful lot of spaghetti Bolinas. Won't
Speaker 1: need it anymore. Bro, it's a steak. They're on to me.
Speaker 1: So no, there's no hamburger spaghetti Bollinnes. But I'm like,
Speaker 1: this will be fine spaghetti. She'll have a little winge.
Speaker 1: She fights back when she finds out she's having spaghetti billonnes,
Speaker 1: but then she ends up beating and she loves it.
Speaker 1: But then in the car, she's like, I want a hamburger.
Speaker 1: She stepped it up, and she stepping it up okay,
Speaker 1: And I'm like, there's no hamburger, Like, it's spaghetti bolinnis.
Speaker 1: We'll have it tomorrow night, tomorrow night with a hamburger.
Speaker 1: She's still going, She's like, oh what steps it up again?
Speaker 1: And I'm like, do you know what, I'm not going
Speaker 1: to engage with this, wow, Like I'm not gonna reciprocate.
Speaker 1: Stop the conversation and that will then she'll she'll run
Speaker 1: out of steam. Can I just say, please, that's very
Speaker 1: mature of you, thank you. I would not do that.
Speaker 1: So I just send the music right up. Okay, well
Speaker 1: that's very sure of you. Try and just like drown
Speaker 1: around with some music. What song was it? Best? Buys? Girls,
Speaker 1: stop right now, thank you. If you want to be
Speaker 1: my lover, you got to get with my friends nice,
Speaker 1: get home and do this fucking hamburger. Chat's just continuing,
Speaker 1: So I want a hamburger and dragging her up out
Speaker 1: of the car, up the stairs full tears, full on tears,
Speaker 1: like hysterical, still wants his hamburger, barely has a mouthful
Speaker 1: of food in the bar. Still, Ash, what the hamburgerous?
Speaker 1: Jess feigning for that burger. Never had this before ever,
Speaker 1: I'm like, what the fuck is it with this hamburger?
Speaker 1: Put it in bed? Still her whimpering, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: for a hamburger. Okay, we wake up Still she's having
Speaker 1: a week bis and She's like, I just wanted a hamburger.
Speaker 1: I was like, I get it. They're bigs. I understand.
Speaker 1: Tonight we will get you a hamburger. So that night,
Speaker 1: Ash we went to the RSL. Right, it's tradition. We
Speaker 1: got the RSL once a week. They save hamburgers. Beautiful kids.
Speaker 1: Hamburgers are a full adult hamburger by Okay. And I
Speaker 1: was like, do you know what if she wants you
Speaker 1: a die hamburger, I'm not going to get in the
Speaker 1: way she's Urn't that the amount of winching she's done.
Speaker 1: I was like, and I picked her up, Hey, guess
Speaker 1: what time for a hamburger? Oh yeah, hamburger time tonight.
Speaker 1: She's like, yeah, she's pumped. You get there, go to
Speaker 1: order it. The till and I'm like, Lola, just double checking,
Speaker 1: you want the hamburger? And she goes, no, I'd like
Speaker 1: a pizza. Oh god. And I was like fuck okay,
Speaker 1: And I was like, let's just let's just rewind a second.
Speaker 1: Just threw the test. Just rewind. You know, you've been
Speaker 1: asking for a hamburger quite a lot. Does she know
Speaker 1: what a hamburger is? Maybe she doesn't, hmm, maybe she doesn't. Anyway,
Speaker 1: she say I want the pizza, and I was like,
Speaker 1: it's those kind of situations where it's very hard to
Speaker 1: know which way to turn. Do you take her word
Speaker 1: for it? Kids don't know what they want, bro, I
Speaker 1: figured that out. Yeah, so many times they've asked for something.
Speaker 1: I give them what they've asked for and they're like
Speaker 1: what is this?
Speaker 2: Or they do this thing where someone else has something
Speaker 2: and you know that they don't like it, but they're.
Speaker 1: Like, I like it now You're like, no, you don't,
Speaker 1: look I do. It's like Laura loves pickles. I bet
Speaker 1: she does. The kids like, I'd like a pickle. You
Speaker 1: don't want a pickle? Now? I love pickles? Yeah, give
Speaker 1: a pickle? Like, what the fuck away from me? It's
Speaker 1: like I had the I was eating the kiwi fruit
Speaker 1: with the skin on. Delicious. Delicious to me. I love
Speaker 1: kiwi fruit? Does he? I was like, do ye take
Speaker 1: a bite then? And he was like I don't like
Speaker 1: hear three. When Mum has a gin and tonic and
Speaker 1: Ma thinks it's like phizzy nice water. I say this
Speaker 1: physicistuff is very good. You're gonna hate the tonic water.
Speaker 1: And she's like, just give us, just hit me the
Speaker 1: stratege in. So what did you do? So what do
Speaker 1: you reckon? What would you have done in that situation?
Speaker 1: If you're me for a second, let's imagine what would
Speaker 1: you have ordered? The pizza or the hamburger.
Speaker 2: I would have got them the pizza, and then I
Speaker 2: would have used it against them when they said.
Speaker 1: Oh, I said, well, do you recall or record her
Speaker 1: saying I want pizza? Order pizza? See what she says?
Speaker 1: And then she's like, I wanted a burger. Go, well,
Speaker 1: here's the receipt for that. That's very good. I forgot.
Speaker 1: I ended up ordering both. I should have done both,
Speaker 1: but I sound very expensive. Now bro Oh yeah, I
Speaker 1: know the pizza and oh you can see I saw
Speaker 1: it coming on my mind. Why are you making life
Speaker 1: so hard for me.
Speaker 2: Right now, I've got to gripe with hamburgers an Oscar please,
Speaker 2: in particular Oscar so happy meals.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: I always go the nugget route because I know they'll
Speaker 2: eat them every now and then, and April falls.
Speaker 1: For it every time. I will not. I refuse to
Speaker 1: fall for it, and I won't stand for it.
Speaker 2: Is Oscar every now and then will go to I
Speaker 2: want a cheeseburger instead, and I'm like, you won't eat it.
Speaker 2: All you'll do is eat the bread on top, like
Speaker 2: pick at the bread and leave the paddy and leave
Speaker 2: everything else.
Speaker 1: What about if you go no mustard, no onion? Still
Speaker 1: want to eat it? No?
Speaker 2: Right? Every time he does it without fail every time,
Speaker 2: and April's like, no, no, I'm here out.
Speaker 1: Some of my mind. I'm like, you are so you're
Speaker 1: so easy to manipulate.
Speaker 2: Like so she'll get in it, and then he'll do
Speaker 2: the exact same thing, and every time I'll be like
Speaker 2: see and it's not like he'll take a bite out
Speaker 2: of it and then put it down to be like
Speaker 2: a half had enough.
Speaker 1: And then I can come in like a seagull swoop
Speaker 1: it up. Because I was going to say that surely
Speaker 1: it's not the worst thing for you. If something angles
Speaker 1: it up, he mangles it. It's so ugly looking. With
Speaker 1: a nugget.
Speaker 2: They can leave a nugget and I'm like, that's a
Speaker 2: fresh piece of gold. Yes, that's gone straight my mouth, delicious.
Speaker 2: Granted I did eat but the chicken out of the
Speaker 2: beIN one time. But the three piece or six piece nuggets, yeah,
Speaker 2: I always get the extra because they're mine.
Speaker 1: Thank you. Yeah, you know, it's like an extra, like
Speaker 1: fifty cents. You're a wise man. I am once.
Speaker 2: Someone has once told me that anyway, so he every time,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, and then we had some friends stay
Speaker 2: over the other day and they are a little bit older,
Speaker 2: the kids, and they had burgers and ate them like burgers,
Speaker 2: and well they when they ordered them, and April's formed
Speaker 2: for it again and what did he do?
Speaker 1: The exact same fucking thing. Can I just say happy meals?
Speaker 1: I remember them being three dollars forty five? Yeah, they
Speaker 1: like twelve bucks. Yeah, but you get two sides, so
Speaker 1: you get some apples, you get some chips, apples, and
Speaker 1: the apples are shit out. Let's be My kids love
Speaker 1: the apples the most. I'm just driving through, I'm like,
Speaker 1: just give us some apples. Kids happy, but they're like,
Speaker 1: I've eaten, I've had some of the apples. They're they're
Speaker 1: sorry from which McDonald's. You gotta go to the better McDonalds.
Speaker 1: Because we've always going down south. We go like we
Speaker 1: are we stopping at the engadeen machas iesco motioned themselves.
Speaker 2: Yes, I can't go to our local McDonalds anymore because
Speaker 2: I was in there the other I usually drive through
Speaker 2: with my app get a coffee or whatever before I
Speaker 2: come here, because it's right in your kindy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no problems.
Speaker 2: I had to piss, so I had to stop and
Speaker 2: walk in, and there was a collective group of girls
Speaker 2: behind the counter working there, and one of them asked
Speaker 2: me if I'm the TikTok guy, and I was like.
Speaker 1: The TikTok guy, Yeah, is that offensive? No?
Speaker 2: But now it's like I go there incognito, and now
Speaker 2: I've been cognitoed and I don't and I'm like, I
Speaker 2: can't come back here.
Speaker 1: Now that's it. This is it for me. Dude, You're
Speaker 1: about to get free stuff from makis.
Speaker 2: No, no, no, they've got laws against that. Now I'm
Speaker 2: not a policy, but yeah, I can't. I rang able
Speaker 2: straight away. I said, that's it. We can't go to
Speaker 2: this McDonald's anymore.
Speaker 1: Where are you getting your coffees from? Just raw dognity? Now,
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great that
Speaker 1: you're like a big thing within the younger generation. Well done.
Speaker 1: She was a little bit older.
Speaker 2: It's like seventy. It was embarrassing. Now I've also got
Speaker 2: to grow up with Macy.
Speaker 1: That little princess. What has she done? Have you let
Speaker 1: your kids watch the original Lion King? I think we
Speaker 1: watched the new one. It's fucking weird, isn't it. I can't.
Speaker 1: I dipped in for a second action. I wasn't hugely
Speaker 1: into it. If I'm being really honest, I don't think
Speaker 1: they've seen the original.
Speaker 2: There's a scene in that movie which we all know
Speaker 2: is probably one of the saddest scenes in cinematic history.
Speaker 1: What the one with the cliff and Scar. I don't
Speaker 1: want to ruin the movie for anyone. It's the it's
Speaker 1: the scene where Scar throws more faster off the cliff. Well,
Speaker 1: there you go, just ruined it for people who haven't
Speaker 1: seen it. Alert very sad after they very sad. I
Speaker 1: can't even watch it still tears. No, okay, quite the opposite.
Speaker 1: I thought I had you.
Speaker 2: Nope, So I've come home the other day in April
Speaker 2: has put the linking on.
Speaker 1: I'm okay with that.
Speaker 2: And then I'm like, are we gonna again skip the scene?
Speaker 2: She's like, no, I think it's I think it's sign
Speaker 2: to they I've seen it. I see what happens, because
Speaker 2: usually we skip all that bit.
Speaker 1: Why don't you because it's just too emotional.
Speaker 2: Emotional maybe for me, but they just thought the Simba
Speaker 2: got lost. Sim is the dad, right, so whoa whoa
Speaker 2: fast as the dad. Sorry, I apologize, so look at
Speaker 2: me like that. Anyway, we've seen the scene. No sadness
Speaker 2: out of Macy. She seemed to resonate more with the
Speaker 2: villain or the bad guy, so for the rest of
Speaker 2: the movie she kept going on about, where's the bad guy?
Speaker 1: I want to see the bad guy scar again.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So she started to resonate with the bad guy
Speaker 2: of every everything is we.
Speaker 1: Watched Taste with the Bad Boys? Yeah? So she was like,
Speaker 1: what were we watching? Lelo was Stitch?
Speaker 2: Is he the bad guy? Where's the bad guy? I
Speaker 2: want to see the bad guy. We went to the
Speaker 2: zoo the other day when saw the lions, where's the
Speaker 2: bad guy? Oh gosh, she wants the bad guy.
Speaker 1: Makes a lot of sense though, because she does like
Speaker 1: me quite a lot. I happened to be a bad
Speaker 1: boy a bit rough around the edges, said, no trouble
Speaker 1: back in my day. What's spended twice from high school?
Speaker 1: Maybe you can pick up on that. Ye, she noticed,
Speaker 1: she sees how I drive that to one He went
Speaker 1: over to my place, and now she'd be like, I've
Speaker 1: moved on from everywhere we go now and everything we watch.
Speaker 2: Anything she wants, there has to be a bad guy
Speaker 2: in at because she resonates way more with the bag.
Speaker 2: She's a bit evil, this child. But I am concerned
Speaker 2: that she's going to start to like the bad boys
Speaker 2: as she gets a little bit older.
Speaker 1: Which scares me because how is she at daycare? Very
Speaker 1: good question, Mike, Lola has a little crush on one boy.
Speaker 2: There is a boy I willn't remain nameless, of course, yes,
Speaker 2: but I mean it's so far, so good.
Speaker 1: I haven't met the little trouble maker yet. Well, mate,
Speaker 1: that's why if you went in there instead of asking
Speaker 1: you about what they're having for dinner. You'd maybe me
Speaker 1: get to know him, but I'm like, oh, I don't know.
Speaker 2: It's like the first taste of one day she's going
Speaker 2: to grow up and bring a boy home, and like,
Speaker 2: you've got double the trouble.
Speaker 1: Okay, so happened to me, oh recently? Yeah, I don't
Speaker 1: want to say which child it is. It was Marley.
Speaker 1: For those of you wondering, she's five. So she came
Speaker 1: home five and a half. Sorry, yes, thank you for
Speaker 1: the correction. She came home and she's like, Daddy, I'm
Speaker 1: getting married. Oh my god, sorry, daddy, I'm getting married.
Speaker 1: That was so wet. Ash ordered some sweet potato fries,
Speaker 1: which is bad for two reasons. One they both make
Speaker 1: us very sleepy and two they make you very gassic.
Speaker 1: It's not that it's the Christmas Ham? Did you have
Speaker 1: Christmas Ham this morning? Also, it's November. It's November.
Speaker 2: Christmas Ham is available all year out. It's just it's
Speaker 2: just so called Christmas ham. It's just called get this ham.
Speaker 1: Why are you calling it Christmas ham?
Speaker 2: Because we're leaning into Christmas, trying to get festive, trying
Speaker 2: to get the spirits.
Speaker 1: Just shoot me. Okay. So Marley's come home and she's like, Dad,
Speaker 1: I'm getting married. And I was like, whoa, whoa? Slow down?
Speaker 1: He didn't ask me from a mission, and I was like,
Speaker 1: who is it? She told me his name and I
Speaker 1: was like, who is that boy? I was like, I
Speaker 1: couldn't remember who it was, so I had to go
Speaker 1: through the daycare app. So you stalked it and I
Speaker 1: was like, is he talked him? Like? It's an Instagram model?
Speaker 1: You let me go deep into the archive. I was.
Speaker 1: I was like, is this here? And she says, no,
Speaker 1: it's Rupert. I was like, okay, is this here? No,
Speaker 1: that's Timmy. Okay. Found the guy and I was like, hey,
Speaker 1: he's all right, he's okay, Okay. I don't hate him.
Speaker 1: I love him. And I was like, why this again?
Speaker 1: This is opposite to Macy. I was like, why do
Speaker 1: you want to marry him? She goes, because he's really
Speaker 1: nice to me. That's lovely. But you they're the one
Speaker 1: you got to look out for, right right? So I
Speaker 1: was like, how are we going to do this? And
Speaker 1: she goes, I want to write him a letter. She's
Speaker 1: really into She like can write a few words, and
Speaker 1: she's like, I want to write him a letter. She's
Speaker 1: a secret genius and pulls out like a feather and
Speaker 1: I was like, what is name? I haven't told her name? Okay, yeah, Rupert,
Speaker 1: I love that, And they what do you do? You
Speaker 1: luss over me? Mally May Johnson pretty much? So she's like,
Speaker 1: I want to give him a card, and I want
Speaker 1: to give him a gift. Okay, so all good gifts
Speaker 1: for five year old. So I've got some lollies give
Speaker 1: him that I think she had, like a mini slinky?
Speaker 1: What are the ones that you get from like, you know,
Speaker 1: the birthday party bag? Very dangerous, but also I had
Speaker 1: to smuggle these things in. Remember we can't have sweets
Speaker 1: at school. Yeah, did you ask April friend of tips
Speaker 1: on that, No, I should have. I should have. She
Speaker 1: would do really well in prison. So we've written this letter,
Speaker 1: We've got the lolly, we've got the toy, and she goes,
Speaker 1: I want to give it to him as a gift
Speaker 1: in the morning and then let him know that I
Speaker 1: want to marry him. And I was like, great, I'm
Speaker 1: in on this, perfect And I said, do you want
Speaker 1: to put all that in your bag and then give
Speaker 1: it to him or do you want to like, just
Speaker 1: do you want to hold it? And she goes, I
Speaker 1: want to hold it all. Okay. So that morning, we're
Speaker 1: a little bit late going to daycare and by the
Speaker 1: time we rock up, all the kids Normally when we
Speaker 1: drop the kids off, they're kind of playing like it's playtime,
Speaker 1: so they're playing like in the corners or whatever. But
Speaker 1: because I've rocked up late, all the kids were sitting
Speaker 1: on the mat in a circle, right, And I said
Speaker 1: to Marley, I'm like, hey, you don't have to give
Speaker 1: it to him now, because you know, I know, I
Speaker 1: know it's nerve wracking, that's it. So we can put
Speaker 1: it in your bag and then we can give it
Speaker 1: to him later. But she was pomped, okay, so pumped,
Speaker 1: so she got I want to give to him now. Nice.
Speaker 1: Marley is absolutely shitting herself. She's so nervous, Adam, because
Speaker 1: all the kids are like, Marley, what's that? What do
Speaker 1: you got in your hands? Does she? And also does
Speaker 1: she have enough for all of them? Not all? She's
Speaker 1: got one for them to marry, that's it. And I'm like, Mary,
Speaker 1: we can just we can put it back in the
Speaker 1: bag like this is like with pull the pin and
Speaker 1: then She's like, no, I want to do it. So
Speaker 1: nervous goes up to him, hands it him, and everyone's like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, what is she doing? Anyway? I was like,
Speaker 1: I just left it to it, right, What did she say?
Speaker 1: I didn't. I didn't hang around for that. Oh you
Speaker 1: let it look okay. I put a bag down in
Speaker 1: the locker. I got out of there. I had to
Speaker 1: tell the teacher because the teacher was like, oh, that's contraband.
Speaker 1: And I was like, so sorry, you just do what.
Speaker 1: It's under the sandwich and a lunch book. Okay, So
Speaker 1: did you fill you in like later on? Yeah? I
Speaker 1: picked her up, okay, burst into tears. What happened? He said,
Speaker 1: I don't want to marry you. I'm too young. That's fair,
Speaker 1: that's fair. Yeah, he could have been marrying into a
Speaker 1: very powerful family.
Speaker 2: I could have a house and other Dolly, you don't
Speaker 2: know that. The thing with like gifting, like Oscar. We
Speaker 2: went to a birthday on the on.
Speaker 1: The weekend and straight away they've got no chill, these kids.
Speaker 1: So he was like, I want to.
Speaker 2: Hold the present to take it fine, no worries, and
Speaker 2: neighbor was like yeah, but when we get there, we'll
Speaker 2: give it to you as soon as you got there.
Speaker 2: That his main priority is to have the gift. When
Speaker 2: he's walking into give it to the boy, like there's
Speaker 2: no chill. And then it's like the mom of the kids, like, oh,
Speaker 2: I put it over there with the other presents, and
Speaker 2: I was just like, what do you mean?
Speaker 1: I wanted him to open it so that we can
Speaker 1: play with it together. It's story that one. I've got
Speaker 1: a fart again, go out, No, I refuse too fair,
Speaker 1: I haven't smelt one. Yeah, I'm very wet. I would
Speaker 1: throw this pillow out. Done on the pillows, bro, Sorry.
Speaker 2: Christmas ham gets me every time. Honey, saltiness the Brian.
Speaker 2: Those parts are briany anyway, Okay, come on, okay, Matthew,
Speaker 2: let's play a little game we liked to call parenting
Speaker 2: hack or fuck that.
Speaker 1: As you know, with your girls, you don't cut their hair.
Speaker 1: Do You did do a fringe? But how did that go?
Speaker 1: Really good? Yeah? I did it well. Bangs? What are bangs?
Speaker 1: Have you ever seen my mother in law's hair? They're bangs.
Speaker 1: It's like like a fringe.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: What are they called bangs? I don't know. I've always
Speaker 1: been confused, people mentioned bangs, and I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 1: did buy these fringe and I tried to do Lola's fringe,
Speaker 1: which she freaked out last minute, so I didn't do it.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oscar's a nightmare. Do you know my mother in
Speaker 2: law has had the same haircut since she.
Speaker 1: Was a child. Mix it up, mix it up. So
Speaker 1: tell her that it's Meredith. But she does. She does
Speaker 1: look great, she does if she's listening, she does.
Speaker 2: I wanted to show you something that I've just can't
Speaker 2: stumbled across because Oscar touch or go when he cut
Speaker 2: his hair, and as well as right, you think that,
Speaker 2: but how do you scarm to sit still? Also, every
Speaker 2: now and then he gets he's scared of the clippers
Speaker 2: because of the noise.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and like sometimes he's fine. I've got to bribe
Speaker 1: a lot. But I've come across this. I thought it
Speaker 1: was genius.
Speaker 2: So it's a little boy and they put a they
Speaker 2: put him in a cardboard box, essentially cut a headhole.
Speaker 1: I'll be honest, that looks like torture. I imagine if
Speaker 1: you were doing that to Oscar and someone came over unexpected,
Speaker 1: how would you explain that? I would say, this is
Speaker 1: what you call a Berenty hacket, I mean traumatic for
Speaker 1: the child. Yes, effective at haircuts.
Speaker 2: Absolutely, it's like essentially it's like a cardboard box straight jacket.
Speaker 1: It's very good.
Speaker 2: I also like the clipp that they've got seems to
Speaker 2: have some sort of and I don't know where to
Speaker 2: get this from, has like a little vacuum on the
Speaker 2: front of it.
Speaker 1: Very good. So it's a double. It's a double. In
Speaker 1: the one video, I love how there's like a big
Speaker 1: foot saying like do not do not stomp on this.
Speaker 1: Very good anyway, So hack or that's a parenting hat.
Speaker 1: Thank you two from two for me. Very good from you. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Do you know I had someone reach out to me.
Speaker 2: You know, last week I did the the ziplock bag
Speaker 2: over the hand yeap one. Someone messages me like DM
Speaker 2: me and like.
Speaker 1: That's not you Like when I break when I used
Speaker 1: to break.
Speaker 2: Bones and had the cast, their parents would wrap their
Speaker 2: whole arm. It's in a plastic bag.
Speaker 1: I'm not making money from this, bro, I know. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I'm not selling ziplock bags.
Speaker 2: All right.
Speaker 1: I have a long listener question here, all right. This
Speaker 1: one is from Britt. Hello Britt. She says, I have
Speaker 1: a four month old, and I've caught up on all
Speaker 1: of your apps. Now, oh wow, I know. Well, it's impressive.
Speaker 1: I will probably be in the top three percent for
Speaker 1: the upcoming Spotify wrapped for twenty twenty four. We'll wait
Speaker 1: and see. Britt confidence very little, Arrogan. We love you, Britt. Sorry,
Speaker 1: you always let me laugh, and I love your guests too.
Speaker 1: This is it's very self indulgent for me to read this.
Speaker 1: I'm liking it. I had awful pregnancy with my son.
Speaker 1: I had enough about that. Get back to us. Hyper
Speaker 1: Excuse me, Brett, I apologize, I'm butchering this message. Hyper
Speaker 1: hyper messis hypermesis gravidarum. That's Latin for something else that's
Speaker 1: got to be Latin. Well, she says, it's basically vomiting
Speaker 1: and nausea the whole time. Despite this, just say vomiting
Speaker 1: and nausea the whole time. Despite this, my baby is
Speaker 1: ridiculously cute, so of course that makes you want to
Speaker 1: have another one. So if we did have another one,
Speaker 1: it will be carefully planned. We are about it the
Speaker 1: pregnancy part, but very good at the conception part. All right, alright,
Speaker 1: good on YouTube. Well done, Brett, which is why I'm
Speaker 1: asking this silly question, what season do you think is
Speaker 1: best to have a baby? And she goes on to add,
Speaker 1: we had a winter baby, which was nice with all
Speaker 1: the cuddles and layers, So I can't imagine having a
Speaker 1: summer baby. But can you tell me what you think
Speaker 1: is the best season for having a baby in your experience? Well,
Speaker 1: actually been pregnant many times, not me personally, but my
Speaker 1: wife has many times. Two times. I've only had sex
Speaker 1: twice too, when was Maci born. Start with my eldest.
Speaker 2: Eldest's winter baby, June didn't enjoy that too cold, But
Speaker 2: also we didn't realize how cold our apartment was at
Speaker 2: the time.
Speaker 1: Because when you don't have a child, and as it
Speaker 1: is you two, you're like, might just check another layer on?
Speaker 1: Simple as that. What about what about pregnancy? Then you
Speaker 1: would have been I guess you would have only just
Speaker 1: been had a little taste of pregnancy during summer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, early on too, because it's like six that it'll
Speaker 2: be the third like the second and the third month
Speaker 2: would have been in summer. But then she's not overly uncomfortable.
Speaker 1: But for April being pregnant throughout like March, April fine, fine, enjoyable.
Speaker 1: I wouldn't say enjoyable. Is it ever enjoyable? I mean
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: Either.
Speaker 1: Should we housecape? Yes? For those listening and don't know.
Speaker 1: April is my wife and hello darling. She had said,
Speaker 1: are you guys recording it? No, it's only our job, babe.
Speaker 1: But we had a list of question about the best
Speaker 1: season to have a baby. I know the exact answer
Speaker 1: to that. Take it away exactly what we called you both.
Speaker 1: As you know, Matt and I have never been pregnant.
Speaker 1: So what I would say, springtime the best season to
Speaker 1: have a baby for multiple reasons. Go on, A couple
Speaker 1: of go on. So I would say it's a little
Speaker 1: bit more much during the evenings, especially when you're getting
Speaker 1: up in the middle of the night. You're not that
Speaker 1: heavily pregnant throughout like a really hot summer or anything.
Speaker 1: You're just heavily pregnant through winter, so it's nice to
Speaker 1: just rug up. And when your child is going to
Speaker 1: big school, there's no well should I send him early?
Speaker 1: Should I send him late? You just there's only one option.
Speaker 1: So there's my top three reasons for springtime. I am
Speaker 1: glad you're here. Yeah, we were just struggling with that
Speaker 1: one because we thought we don't know. But no, that's
Speaker 1: very good. Any other questions for April while we've got it, man,
Speaker 1: I'm good for now. Thank you, April. Well, we'll bring
Speaker 1: you back if we need anything else. But we appreciate
Speaker 1: that you really got us out of a jam with
Speaker 1: that one. I'll tell you what I make. You didn't
Speaker 1: want to get home as sound appreciate it. I've already
Speaker 1: pre cooked my own meal. But that's okay. Did you
Speaker 1: pre cook me one? I didn't know. I'll just go
Speaker 1: to fuck myself. They okay, good night, I mean bye, Britt.
Speaker 1: I really hope that that answers your question. Thank goodness
Speaker 1: for April, and over the last few weeks she's been
Speaker 1: very helpful, very helpful. Share about your dinner. Sorry about that?
Speaker 1: Just opens the doors opportunity for what I'm going to have?
Speaker 1: What are you going to have? Cereal leftover zereal?
Speaker 2: Okay, next question, this is from Jen, and Jen wants
Speaker 2: to know who is entitled to visit your newborn baby
Speaker 2: in the hospital.
Speaker 1: For you just give him birth. Ye, people want to
Speaker 1: visit you, some people do, some people don't. Look my
Speaker 1: opinion on this is probably a little bit different to Laura's.
Speaker 1: I think childbirth is one of the absolute miracles of life,
Speaker 1: Ash and I wouldn't want to restrict an opportunity for anyone, anyone,
Speaker 1: every man, woman or child to be a part of
Speaker 1: that process. I think if you ask and there's space.
Speaker 1: I made a mistake when it came to Marley's childbirth, Lola.
Speaker 1: We were in COVID so it was just there was
Speaker 1: no option. It was me only with Marley. My mom
Speaker 1: was like, can I be in the room delivery. I
Speaker 1: would say, yeah, you can be there? What My memory
Speaker 1: is a little foggy, but I remember just saying yes.
Speaker 1: And then I remember at the time, this is my
Speaker 1: mother to Brisbane, and I think I just said to Laura, like, oh,
Speaker 1: and by the way, I've got that meeting tomorrow at
Speaker 1: midday and my mum's going to be in the delivery suite.
Speaker 1: I got two tickets to the delivery too, going once,
Speaker 1: so she was there and then but also we had
Speaker 1: some complications. Marley was posterior, so head down facing the
Speaker 1: wrong way, and we were in the public hospital down
Speaker 1: the road at the time. There was an obstetrician who
Speaker 1: was on call. He came into the room, and then
Speaker 1: not long after that, there was like a group of doctors.
Speaker 1: They were students. They oh, that's right, I think you
Speaker 1: told me this. And then next thing, someone says, do
Speaker 1: you mind if I come in with a students? They
Speaker 1: just wanted to observe what's happening. There must have been
Speaker 1: about eight of them plus the teacher. I said, sure,
Speaker 1: come on in the more than marrier. And next thing,
Speaker 1: Laura was kind of looking at me and there was
Speaker 1: like fucking twenty people in the room, and I was
Speaker 1: just like, you're doing great, Bay, you got an audience,
Speaker 1: now keep it up. An hindsight, yeah, probably shouldn't have
Speaker 1: done that. No, I would say, not your best move.
Speaker 1: I'm an inclusive kind of guy. You were just like,
Speaker 1: who else wants to come in? But then I think
Speaker 1: and then childbirth afterwards, we kind of like we didn't
Speaker 1: stay long in the hospital. We kind of got the
Speaker 1: hell out of there same day. We had one night.
Speaker 1: One night, yeah, and then and then Laura was like,
Speaker 1: I want to go home. We were there for like
Speaker 1: a week, but then April had the sea section se section,
Speaker 1: so he came to visit. You guys, April's mom and dad.
Speaker 1: My parents lived on the Gold Coaster.
Speaker 2: That wasn't going to be immediate like with this is
Speaker 2: with Oscar, And because we didn't have we had a
Speaker 2: date in mind.
Speaker 1: It wasn't a planned sea section. It was an emergency.
Speaker 1: She just went into labor and it was just like
Speaker 1: my parents just wanted updates here and there.
Speaker 2: April's mom and dad were around, so they were the
Speaker 2: first on scene, I would say, And then over the
Speaker 2: next corresponding days, none of my family came, hm and
Speaker 2: they were just like, I'll just give you a space
Speaker 2: and then we'll come over, come over the house when
Speaker 2: you're back.
Speaker 1: And I think that's appropriate too. Sorry, I'm trying to
Speaker 1: I've got a burp and a yawn, but we're just
Speaker 1: starting now to get a few whiffs of your farts
Speaker 1: from before. Yeah, from the pillow. They're making their way
Speaker 1: down straight. I don't know, embarrassed, But we did have
Speaker 1: one family member who shall remain nameless.
Speaker 2: Just turn up to the hospital. Obviously intentions were good. Yeah, right,
Speaker 2: they didn't come to harm my child. They've come to
Speaker 2: welcome a child. They had balloons and all sorts of shit.
Speaker 2: Bearing gifts, yeah, bearing gives, which is great. But inappropriate
Speaker 2: to turn up unannounced. Yeah, And I was pretty polite,
Speaker 2: and I sort of thankfully grouped this particular relative in
Speaker 2: with April's parents and saying, look, April's just she needs
Speaker 2: some rest now, so it's just and it's not really
Speaker 2: appropriate to go in and see her. They take that
Speaker 2: fine because they grew them together, and I was I
Speaker 2: was honest. I could have been like, get the hell
Speaker 2: out of here.
Speaker 1: What an Anyway, I think I think grandparents sweet and
Speaker 1: Annie and Annie and uncle. That's probably about it. And
Speaker 1: maybe a strong maybe. Oh, it depends how closeure.
Speaker 2: Like my sister and I are really close, so it'd
Speaker 2: be like if my sister was like, hey, I wanted
Speaker 2: to come and meet little Gertrude.
Speaker 1: I'd be like, come on over. But yeah, I think
Speaker 1: that's about it.
Speaker 2: Like we stayed in hospital for a while and there
Speaker 2: was like other patients, my new mum, and there were
Speaker 2: some big, big gatherings going on, like it's also what
Speaker 2: do you mean?
Speaker 1: It's also probably.
Speaker 2: Cultural too, I would say, like I don't want to Yeah,
Speaker 2: it was just like smashing plates, like it's a Greek wedding.
Speaker 1: It was like what is on baseball flying? What's what's
Speaker 1: going on over there? What was the biggest gathering you
Speaker 1: saw in the hospital?
Speaker 2: There was an islander family how roughly how many sixteen fish?
Speaker 2: Sixteen to eighteen?
Speaker 1: That's beautiful? Was singing? What? Yeah, it was annoying, but anyway, No,
Speaker 1: it was lovely for them. I think like, if you marry.
Speaker 2: Into that family and then that's what you end up with,
Speaker 2: you'd be like, but thankfully not for us. We were
Speaker 2: tucked away in the corner nicely, and I think it
Speaker 2: ended up just only.
Speaker 1: Being my mother and father in law. They really visited this,
Speaker 1: and you know what, that's fine as well, that's fine. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I don't think the Islanders were looking at your little
Speaker 1: gathering and be like, oh, that's so sad, bud. They've
Speaker 1: got no family or friendie. Oh and one most thing
Speaker 1: before I forget ash, it's here. It's happened. The sexiest calendar,
Speaker 1: second sexiest or just now the sexiest is now the sexiest.
Speaker 1: It's the raunch sexiest, then draw play.
Speaker 2: Do you think I think it's let's say it's not sexier,
Speaker 2: let's say it's raunchier.
Speaker 1: It's because it is, of course called the raunchy. Ranch
Speaker 1: five pre order is available right now. We'll put the
Speaker 1: link in the show notes. But for this calendar, it's
Speaker 1: very exciting because we are supporting an amazing charity called
Speaker 1: Rise Up. They support victims of domestic violence. So one
Speaker 1: hundred percent of proceeds will be donated to that charity. Yes, Matt,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent, which is fantastic news. Did you say
Speaker 1: one hundred percent? I said one hundred percent. I meant it. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Available for pre order now. It will be dropping very
Speaker 1: very shortly. It's coming hot off. The print's get around it. Oh,
Speaker 1: the dog's now farting in front of me. Bus has
Speaker 1: just dropped his guts. Yes, bust, let's get you out
Speaker 1: of here. Yes, I need you out of my house. Sorry, sorry,
Speaker 1: that's fine, that's fine. If you enjoyed this episode or
Speaker 1: any episode, we would love it if you would subscribe. Review. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Follow us on socials as well. We've got two Doting
Speaker 2: Dance or the Facebook group which is on the Facebook
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Speaker 1: We welcome all comments, all feed don't I. We'll see
Speaker 1: you guys next week. See bye. Two Doting Dance podcast
Speaker 1: acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout Australia and the
Speaker 1: connections to land, see and community.
Speaker 2: We pay our respects to their elders past and present,
Speaker 2: and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torrestraight Islander
Speaker 2: peoples today.
Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on Gadigal Land.