WEBVTT - Ask Uncut - Do 'Instagram' Men Give You the Ick? 0:00:00.080 --> 0:00:12.680 This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and 0:00:12.720 --> 0:00:14.800 welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut, I'm. 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:17.680 Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our ask guncut episode 0:00:17.680 --> 0:00:20.119 where you're writing your deepest, darkest burning questions. We do 0:00:20.200 --> 0:00:21.959 our damn best to answer them. 0:00:21.800 --> 0:00:22.560 We certainly do. 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:25.400 But first, can we just like talk about em Rada 0:00:25.400 --> 0:00:26.639 for one hot second? 0:00:27.040 --> 0:00:30.120 Em Rada hot? Love her hottest? Do you do? You 0:00:30.240 --> 0:00:30.600 know why? 0:00:31.400 --> 0:00:34.360 Because even when I don't love her, I find her 0:00:34.479 --> 0:00:36.280 interesting to watch. That's why I think I like it 0:00:36.320 --> 0:00:39.400 Because I disagree with so many things that she doesn't say, 0:00:39.600 --> 0:00:40.919 but I still love watching it. 0:00:41.000 --> 0:00:42.839 I don't know if I disagree with things that she 0:00:42.920 --> 0:00:45.839 does and says. I understand the complexities around a lot 0:00:45.840 --> 0:00:48.400 of the conversations that have been had when she's I 0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:49.880 don't know, well, let's not even get into it in 0:00:49.960 --> 0:00:52.880 terms of like her take on feminist issues, but it 0:00:52.880 --> 0:00:54.680 feels very choice feminism anyway. 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:56.080 I don't care about that. What I care about is 0:00:56.120 --> 0:00:58.120 her haircut. I deeply care about her haircut. 0:00:58.480 --> 0:01:00.760 She has just been posting for the six days on 0:01:00.760 --> 0:01:04.280 her TikTok around the worst haircut she's ever had. Like 0:01:04.319 --> 0:01:06.479 you would never think that someone with that much money, 0:01:06.680 --> 0:01:09.000 with that much access to like the best of the best, 0:01:09.319 --> 0:01:12.400 could possibly be subjected to like a bad haircut. 0:01:12.600 --> 0:01:14.600 It's beyond bad, it's horrific. 0:01:14.600 --> 0:01:16.000 I think we need to break this down a little 0:01:16.000 --> 0:01:18.119 bit in case people haven't seen it. Emm Rada has 0:01:18.120 --> 0:01:20.640 gone she's doing a series of videos on TikTok about 0:01:20.640 --> 0:01:22.759 the worst haircut she's ever had. So she hasn't named 0:01:22.800 --> 0:01:25.400 the person, but she's like, I've gone to this guy 0:01:25.600 --> 0:01:28.399 that cut my hair. So he's cut her bangs from 0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.720 it literally starts from the nape of her neck. 0:01:31.240 --> 0:01:33.360 The band start from the back of her neck and 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:33.959 go all. 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.039 The way over the front. 0:01:35.160 --> 0:01:38.000 It's like David Bowie, It's terrible. 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:40.920 It's like he was cutting her fringe and then he 0:01:41.120 --> 0:01:42.920 slipped on some hair on the ground. I was like sure, 0:01:43.000 --> 0:01:44.319 and then he was like, oh, I better just do 0:01:44.360 --> 0:01:46.000 that to the other side and call it a choice. 0:01:46.080 --> 0:01:46.840 Do you reckon that. 0:01:46.840 --> 0:01:48.680 It's that or do you reckon that. She's kind of 0:01:48.680 --> 0:01:51.080 gone in being like I want this edgy look, this 0:01:51.280 --> 0:01:54.240 is what I want, and so the hairdress has gone Okay, 0:01:54.480 --> 0:01:56.600 that's what you asked for, Like, that's what you want? 0:01:57.120 --> 0:01:59.360 To give you what you want, you're paying me, and 0:01:59.400 --> 0:02:02.040 then she's gone, this is the worst haircut I've ever had. 0:02:02.040 --> 0:02:04.560 I wonder whose fault it is. Did she ask for 0:02:05.040 --> 0:02:07.160 you know, that particular type of haircut and it just. 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:07.720 Doesn't suit up. 0:02:07.760 --> 0:02:09.960 I think it is quite hard for hairdresses because often 0:02:09.960 --> 0:02:11.920 people would describe what they want, but they don't use 0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:12.720 the right words. 0:02:12.840 --> 0:02:14.400 Like, for example, I take. 0:02:14.240 --> 0:02:15.960 A picture in of like Kendall Jenner and I'm like, 0:02:16.000 --> 0:02:16.360 maybe look. 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:18.400 I went in once and I was like, I took 0:02:18.400 --> 0:02:19.560 a photo and I was like, oh, I want to 0:02:19.560 --> 0:02:21.920 get like some ashy highlights, and the woman was like, 0:02:22.080 --> 0:02:24.639 just so you know, there's nothing ashy about that reference photo. 0:02:24.720 --> 0:02:27.359 That is warm highlights. And I was like, cool, that's 0:02:27.400 --> 0:02:29.320 my problem. I've done it wrong. 0:02:29.520 --> 0:02:31.200 That's why it needs to be visual. You need to 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:33.800 take a picture instead of going in and describing what 0:02:33.840 --> 0:02:34.160 you want. 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:36.560 Just please go and look at Emrat's TikTok. It's like 0:02:36.600 --> 0:02:39.359 someone's cut steps into the fringe when it's like parted 0:02:39.400 --> 0:02:42.040 as a normal fringe, but when it's fully forward, it 0:02:42.240 --> 0:02:44.840 starts from the back of her part, like it is 0:02:44.880 --> 0:02:48.480 the most aggressively long full head of fringe that. 0:02:48.440 --> 0:02:49.760 I've ever seen. It's amazing. 0:02:49.840 --> 0:02:53.960 It's very like two thy ten MySpace era where like 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.680 the shaggy mullet kind of look was in where it 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:57.640 came over the front. 0:02:57.840 --> 0:03:01.600 But I'm sorry, she's still so hot. Sheila's supermodel, like 0:03:01.639 --> 0:03:03.839 she could do anything to her hair and she would 0:03:03.880 --> 0:03:04.280 be amazed. 0:03:04.320 --> 0:03:06.360 That's what's annoying, because she's like, this is the worst 0:03:06.360 --> 0:03:09.919 haircut I've ever had, but I'm beautiful. Look at me. 0:03:10.120 --> 0:03:12.400 She still looks hard, like, imagine me with that haircut. 0:03:13.760 --> 0:03:16.160 Yeah, I don't want to imagine that. Thanks love, heart, 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:17.680 I had. 0:03:18.200 --> 0:03:19.120 Because I just pitched. 0:03:19.360 --> 0:03:21.320 Remember that time when you put my clip on fringe, 0:03:21.360 --> 0:03:23.639 which is blonde For anyone who doesn't know, I am 0:03:23.720 --> 0:03:25.720 like almost white blonde hair. 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:27.799 I have this clip in fringe. I actually have one 0:03:27.840 --> 0:03:29.480 in right now. I love it. 0:03:29.840 --> 0:03:31.920 Laura put it on the front of her head, and 0:03:31.960 --> 0:03:33.240 because you have brown. 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:35.400 Hair, it looked like a top deckch I also look 0:03:35.480 --> 0:03:36.240 like David Bowie. 0:03:36.560 --> 0:03:38.600 I feel like we all have to go through that 0:03:38.640 --> 0:03:40.600 phase of life where you have a terrible haircut. I 0:03:40.640 --> 0:03:43.480 remember when I just thought that this was the coolest haircut, 0:03:43.520 --> 0:03:46.000 and I'm mortified when I see it now. I ended 0:03:46.080 --> 0:03:47.720 up with a nickname Lego Man. 0:03:48.280 --> 0:03:51.280 I part so my less I already know what it looks. 0:03:51.920 --> 0:03:55.000 My hair was jet black, like I had the darkest 0:03:55.040 --> 0:03:56.720 hair because I used to just died at home and 0:03:56.760 --> 0:03:58.840 it was just easier to get. It was called darkest brown, 0:03:58.880 --> 0:04:01.880 but it was basically black. And I cut a fringe 0:04:02.120 --> 0:04:05.920 that was straight, and then I cut it into a 0:04:05.960 --> 0:04:09.880 straight bob. It looks like Lord fark Wood. Yeah, I 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:13.200 looked exactly. I looked like Lord Farquard and it was 0:04:13.360 --> 0:04:16.680 terrible and I was like hot, edgy Fashian and everyone 0:04:16.760 --> 0:04:17.880 was like, no, Lego Man. 0:04:17.920 --> 0:04:21.160 But also every single person in their younger years has 0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:23.240 had a horrifying haircut, Like that's just like a ride 0:04:23.240 --> 0:04:25.520 of passage. I also do deeply remember the time when 0:04:25.520 --> 0:04:28.480 it was like normal for people in their like early twenties, 0:04:28.800 --> 0:04:30.080 late teens to dye their hair. 0:04:30.120 --> 0:04:32.359 I also went through the home dying era. The problem 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:32.880 with home. 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:35.320 Dies back then is that the color was so dense, 0:04:35.440 --> 0:04:38.640 Like the color was just dense and heavy, thickest color. 0:04:39.080 --> 0:04:40.960 It just yeah, it made your hair look like it 0:04:41.000 --> 0:04:42.680 was four D. There was so much color to it. 0:04:43.080 --> 0:04:45.279 But I had this one. So I had really long 0:04:45.320 --> 0:04:46.719 hair that I could almost sit on. 0:04:46.760 --> 0:04:49.520 When I was little, my mum was so long. 0:04:49.839 --> 0:04:52.039 My mum was so proud about the fact that both 0:04:52.080 --> 0:04:54.240 my sister and I had this like long, beautiful hair. 0:04:54.640 --> 0:04:56.040 So Mum would never let me get a cut. And 0:04:56.080 --> 0:04:58.400 I wanted a bob, like I wanted a bob so bad, 0:04:58.560 --> 0:05:00.560 and she was like, it's not happening anyway. She took 0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:02.440 me to the hairdresser and she got me a cut, 0:05:02.480 --> 0:05:03.800 but it was nowhere near short enough. 0:05:03.839 --> 0:05:05.000 It was only like to my brasstrap. 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.360 And because I had divorced parents and I could play 0:05:07.360 --> 0:05:09.400 them off against each other. I then went to my 0:05:09.520 --> 0:05:11.920 dad's house the next weekend and I said, oh, Dad, 0:05:11.960 --> 0:05:13.680 Mum said I could get my haircut and need to 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:16.159 get a trim, and he's like, oh, okay, yeah, no worries. 0:05:16.279 --> 0:05:18.600 Took me into Just Cuts and I sat in the 0:05:18.680 --> 0:05:20.159 chair at Just Cuts and my dad was like, oh, 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:21.680 I'm going to go to the fishing shop. I'll come 0:05:21.720 --> 0:05:23.840 back in twenty minutes. And I was like, can I 0:05:23.880 --> 0:05:25.840 get really short bob? And the woman was like, I 0:05:25.839 --> 0:05:27.320 don't know if your dad said that's okay, And I 0:05:27.360 --> 0:05:29.359 was like, yeah, so fine, so fait did you? 0:05:29.600 --> 0:05:30.920 I had an undercut. 0:05:31.200 --> 0:05:33.800 I went from hair that I could almost sit on 0:05:34.040 --> 0:05:37.279 to having a shaved undercut, and I thought it was 0:05:37.320 --> 0:05:37.880 so cool. 0:05:37.920 --> 0:05:40.360 I was like, fucking up, did you undercut? 0:05:40.560 --> 0:05:40.880 Did you? 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.760 Oh? Did you ask for the undercut or was that 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:44.679 an accidental shave? 0:05:45.120 --> 0:05:47.400 I asked for the bob to be so short that 0:05:47.480 --> 0:05:49.640 the only way to cut it is to shave up 0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:51.479 to the bob, like you have to shave up to 0:05:51.520 --> 0:05:52.120 the undercut. 0:05:52.200 --> 0:05:54.000 I remember the time where that was really cool too. 0:05:54.040 --> 0:05:56.320 It's like a fifty year old woman's hairstyle, or maybe 0:05:56.360 --> 0:05:57.960 like sixty year old woman's hairstyle. 0:05:58.240 --> 0:06:00.600 I also used to when I or a fourteen. 0:06:00.320 --> 0:06:02.320 Year old boys like it's one of the two. Laura 0:06:02.400 --> 0:06:03.200 had a fade. 0:06:03.640 --> 0:06:06.320 I had a fade like Ben, but I was I 0:06:06.360 --> 0:06:08.720 was only like fifty. No, yeah, I was younger than that. 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:10.520 I was like, no, that's I was. I was probably 0:06:10.600 --> 0:06:11.320 twelve or eleven. 0:06:11.440 --> 0:06:13.800 I also remember before I could dye my hair, I 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:16.160 was allowed to dye my hair. Everyone was dying it 0:06:16.200 --> 0:06:18.279 at school and I was like, please warm, and she 0:06:18.360 --> 0:06:20.240 was like, you're not dyeing your hair. I was in 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:23.679 year six and my older brothers were allowed to bleach 0:06:23.720 --> 0:06:24.120 their hair. 0:06:24.480 --> 0:06:25.680 Oh, that's a bit of a rough lot. 0:06:25.720 --> 0:06:27.559 Well, they were older in high school, it was different. 0:06:27.600 --> 0:06:29.880 They have short hair. I was in year six and 0:06:29.920 --> 0:06:32.640 I had brown hair, and I remember they had some 0:06:32.760 --> 0:06:34.600 diet home and I was like, I'll just die a 0:06:34.680 --> 0:06:36.800 couple of strands and she won't know. But I had 0:06:36.800 --> 0:06:39.039 no idea how it worked. So I got, yeah, you 0:06:39.040 --> 0:06:40.320 know how they used to hate the name, but they 0:06:40.400 --> 0:06:43.240 used to be called slut strips, like sluts. So I 0:06:43.320 --> 0:06:46.040 got these two slut strands of like they were a 0:06:46.040 --> 0:06:48.880 centimeter and there was I thought they were so thin, 0:06:49.040 --> 0:06:51.320 so I like wound the bleach down them, thinking that 0:06:51.320 --> 0:06:53.839 there would be such a subtle sul lit highlight. 0:06:53.920 --> 0:06:55.320 Anyway, it was. 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:57.680 Like two centimeters strips of bleach down the front of 0:06:57.720 --> 0:06:59.440 my hair and that seat Mum was like, what the 0:06:59.520 --> 0:07:00.960 hell have you done? And I was like, I don't 0:07:00.960 --> 0:07:01.600 know how it happened. 0:07:01.760 --> 0:07:04.920 I don't I don't know. It was so bad. 0:07:05.440 --> 0:07:08.160 Oh, guys, I'm sure everyone has a story about their 0:07:08.240 --> 0:07:08.760 terrible hair. 0:07:08.880 --> 0:07:09.560 We've all been there. 0:07:09.680 --> 0:07:11.720 I have an update on something that I kind of 0:07:11.960 --> 0:07:14.520 accidentally discovered last ask on cut when. 0:07:14.400 --> 0:07:16.400 You guys, I'm trying to think of the question that 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:16.960 you were answering. 0:07:16.960 --> 0:07:18.640 I don't even remember which question it was, but I 0:07:18.640 --> 0:07:22.360 remember having this revelation where I kind of interjected and 0:07:22.360 --> 0:07:25.400 I was basically I was like, wait, hang on a second, 0:07:25.880 --> 0:07:28.200 are you telling me that in a long term relationship, 0:07:28.240 --> 0:07:31.120 you guys still make out just for the purpose of 0:07:31.160 --> 0:07:34.040 making out, not needing it to go anywhere, not having 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:35.960 it always lead to sex. 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:38.480 Or like, are you regularly doing this? 0:07:38.600 --> 0:07:38.800 Yeah? 0:07:38.840 --> 0:07:40.360 I just asked Laura. I just said, do you guys 0:07:40.360 --> 0:07:41.560 still make out in the kitchennel? No? 0:07:41.680 --> 0:07:44.360 Your exact words were, I can't imagine you two ever 0:07:44.440 --> 0:07:45.960 making out, And I was like, we still make. 0:07:45.840 --> 0:07:46.960 Out, yeah, with each of it. 0:07:47.680 --> 0:07:49.640 Sorry, I mean without sex. I mean like, do you 0:07:49.720 --> 0:07:51.640 still just walk around and make out, have a session 0:07:51.680 --> 0:07:52.520 and then continue on. 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.120 Well, sometimes when you've got kids, you can't have the 0:07:55.200 --> 0:07:57.320 sex right after, so you make out and then like 0:07:57.800 --> 0:07:58.480 a book. 0:07:58.640 --> 0:08:01.080 That was nice. That's not gonna anything, is it? See 0:08:01.080 --> 0:08:03.400 you twenty twenty six, we'll finish that off. 0:08:03.640 --> 0:08:05.360 It was kind of for me one of those moments 0:08:05.400 --> 0:08:08.200 where I just realized that my reality is very different 0:08:08.240 --> 0:08:10.880 to some other people's because I could not tell you 0:08:10.960 --> 0:08:13.440 hand on my heart, I couldn't tell you the last 0:08:13.440 --> 0:08:15.200 time I made out with my boyfriend when it didn't 0:08:15.240 --> 0:08:16.920 lead to sex, and it's crazy. 0:08:16.960 --> 0:08:19.880 I don't know if it's ever happened. I don't think 0:08:19.920 --> 0:08:20.320 it's crazy. 0:08:20.360 --> 0:08:22.120 I think there's a lot of people who would share 0:08:22.120 --> 0:08:25.080 that similarity, especially after long term relationships, like the makeout 0:08:25.120 --> 0:08:28.160 sessions turn into PEX and the makeout sessions turn into 0:08:28.400 --> 0:08:31.160 only when it's gonna you know, time for more fun time. 0:08:31.040 --> 0:08:32.560 And then people have sex without even kissing. 0:08:32.559 --> 0:08:35.319 Now time for more fun times? What was that sex? 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:36.760 It's okay, I'm a grown up. 0:08:36.800 --> 0:08:38.480 I just have kids and sometimes I forget I'm allowed 0:08:38.520 --> 0:08:40.040 to speak like an adult on this podcast. 0:08:40.400 --> 0:08:42.040 So we put a poll up, as you know, we 0:08:42.120 --> 0:08:42.600 love to do. 0:08:42.920 --> 0:08:45.640 There were seven thousand people who responded to the poll, 0:08:46.080 --> 0:08:49.360 and thirty six percent of people are still making out 0:08:49.480 --> 0:08:52.040 in their long term relationship without having it lead to anything. 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:54.960 Yes, they're my people. 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:57.600 I do feel comfort in the fact that not really 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:00.480 it almost always leads to sex. Is at sixty four opposite, 0:09:00.600 --> 0:09:02.199 So at least I'm in the majority. 0:09:02.480 --> 0:09:04.439 But I got a couple of messages. 0:09:04.040 --> 0:09:06.560 From people and they were like, why would I make 0:09:06.559 --> 0:09:07.360 out with my husband? 0:09:09.800 --> 0:09:12.360 That to me is the problem. That to me is 0:09:12.400 --> 0:09:14.000 the problem and so funny. 0:09:14.040 --> 0:09:16.360 I also got a message from Tara Oh, who we've 0:09:16.360 --> 0:09:18.200 had on the podcast before You Guys spoke with her 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:21.080 about all things to do with like igniting the spark 0:09:21.120 --> 0:09:23.000 and all that kind of thing, and she was like, girlfriend, 0:09:23.360 --> 0:09:25.160 you need to be making out. And that was when 0:09:25.200 --> 0:09:27.160 I was I was kind of thinking, like, I know, 0:09:27.240 --> 0:09:29.280 you gave me homework. I did give you, I know, 0:09:29.360 --> 0:09:31.959 but I didn't do it because I felt you were like, because. 0:09:31.800 --> 0:09:33.640 I was so frightened it would lead to set. I 0:09:33.640 --> 0:09:35.000 didn't want to give them the wrong impression. 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:36.520 No, it can't. That was the point. 0:09:36.559 --> 0:09:38.200 It can't lead to sex. You have to go up, 0:09:38.280 --> 0:09:40.560 have a makeout and walk away, go go back to work. 0:09:40.679 --> 0:09:42.880 The whole point was the challenge Kija wonder. 0:09:42.920 --> 0:09:44.840 I'm sorry, Ma, can you go to a sex club? 0:09:44.880 --> 0:09:47.079 I'm just asking to kiss your So funny because I 0:09:47.280 --> 0:09:49.280 was the one that when You Guys spoke with Jessica, 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:50.800 who owns a sex club in Sydney. 0:09:50.840 --> 0:09:52.560 I remember at the time this is years ago, but 0:09:52.640 --> 0:09:54.760 I was the one who was like, yeah, okay, I'll go, 0:09:54.880 --> 0:09:55.559 like this will. 0:09:55.360 --> 0:09:58.040 Be fun experiment because you won't even kiss your partner. 0:09:58.320 --> 0:10:00.320 Come approved, No, you're like I'd rather go to the 0:10:00.320 --> 0:10:03.120 sex club. It's my boyfriend, that's the problem. 0:10:03.240 --> 0:10:05.840 No, we don't want to blarring to hear that it 0:10:05.840 --> 0:10:09.080 doesn't it's fine, it's fine. I still ask the question, though, 0:10:09.120 --> 0:10:11.800 when does it change? Like when is that pivot in 0:10:11.840 --> 0:10:14.520 a long term relationship where you go from you know, 0:10:14.679 --> 0:10:18.320 having like just the passionate makeouts to going oh, can't 0:10:18.320 --> 0:10:18.800 be bothered? 0:10:19.040 --> 0:10:20.679 Like when does it happen? It happen to a lot 0:10:20.679 --> 0:10:21.880 of people. But I think it's a slow burn. 0:10:21.960 --> 0:10:25.000 I actually think it happens to most people at some point, Like, 0:10:25.360 --> 0:10:27.319 but I don't know if there's a specific day. I 0:10:27.360 --> 0:10:28.800 think it's a slow faded. 0:10:28.559 --> 0:10:31.839 It's a Tuesday, it's once fine summer day. 0:10:32.040 --> 0:10:34.080 I don't think there's a point in time or like 0:10:34.120 --> 0:10:35.760 a one year in three years, and I think it 0:10:35.920 --> 0:10:38.839 just just happens. Yeah, this is why I'll never live 0:10:38.880 --> 0:10:40.720 with my partner, so I'll always make out with him. 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.040 That's such a shame, isn't it? Keep the makeouts alive? 0:10:43.160 --> 0:10:43.440 All right? 0:10:43.480 --> 0:10:45.440 Well, let's get into vibes and unsubscribe before we answer 0:10:45.440 --> 0:10:45.920 your questions. 0:10:45.960 --> 0:10:47.319 Britt, what is your. 0:10:47.800 --> 0:10:51.000 Bab My vibe is on Apple TV. If you have 0:10:51.040 --> 0:10:53.000 Apple TV. It came out a couple of days ago, 0:10:53.040 --> 0:10:56.400 and it's called Number One on the Call Sheet. It's 0:10:56.520 --> 0:11:00.120 about the acting industry, it's about Hollywood, but it's a 0:11:00.160 --> 0:11:04.120 two part docu series, but it's specifically on black actors 0:11:04.120 --> 0:11:08.599 in Hollywood. Episode one is just based around leading Hollywood 0:11:08.800 --> 0:11:12.839 Black men, So I'm talking the Rock, Eddie Murphy, Kevin Hart, 0:11:12.840 --> 0:11:16.760 Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Jamie Fox, Will Smith, all of 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:18.880 the people that you would associate being with the top 0:11:19.080 --> 0:11:22.400 leading men in Hollywood. The second episode is exactly the 0:11:22.400 --> 0:11:25.319 same thing, but leading black women. So like the halle Berry, 0:11:25.440 --> 0:11:30.200 Viola Davis, will Be Goldberg, Cynthia and Revo Angela Bassett, 0:11:30.200 --> 0:11:32.640 you get the gys. So they've basically gone through and 0:11:32.679 --> 0:11:35.720 found people that are absolutely killing it in the acting 0:11:35.760 --> 0:11:39.320 industry in Hollywood, and they interview them, and they interviewed 0:11:39.320 --> 0:11:43.319 them on all of their individual stories about how they 0:11:43.320 --> 0:11:46.120 got to where they did, but also the challenges they 0:11:46.200 --> 0:11:49.200 faced being black in the industry, what they had to 0:11:49.240 --> 0:11:51.320 do to fight for a seat at the table to 0:11:51.400 --> 0:11:54.360 be looked at to be a leading person. So number 0:11:54.400 --> 0:11:57.040 one on the call sheet, what that actually means is 0:11:57.040 --> 0:11:59.560 if you are number one on your acting call sheet. 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:01.360 It means you you are the highest paid actor and 0:12:01.440 --> 0:12:04.160 means you are the leading person. So some people don't know, 0:12:04.240 --> 0:12:07.760 but you get ranked, so there are you know. Some 0:12:07.800 --> 0:12:09.160 of these actors have come out saying I was always 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:11.400 number twelve or thirteen. Sometimes I didn't get a name. 0:12:11.440 --> 0:12:14.600 It was like, you know, this man whatever. And it 0:12:14.679 --> 0:12:17.439 not only goes through how hard it was, it also 0:12:17.559 --> 0:12:19.440 some of them found it really easy. So I think 0:12:19.520 --> 0:12:22.440 was Eddie Murphy was saying, I'm in the minority. I 0:12:22.440 --> 0:12:23.920 had one audition in my entire. 0:12:23.720 --> 0:12:26.520 Life because it always just got cast. 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:27.880 For Saturday Night Live, and then it was just the 0:12:28.000 --> 0:12:30.440 easiest thing for him. From there, But other people talking 0:12:30.440 --> 0:12:33.240 about the struggles and how far we've got to come. 0:12:33.400 --> 0:12:35.640 But they also speak a lot about their personal life too, 0:12:35.720 --> 0:12:38.560 So The Rock is really honest about why his first 0:12:38.559 --> 0:12:41.680 marriage deteriorated. Will Smith talks a lot about where he 0:12:41.679 --> 0:12:43.400 went wrong with his daughter Willow Smith. 0:12:43.559 --> 0:12:45.800 Interesting that they've got so many like high flying celebrities 0:12:45.840 --> 0:12:47.920 to be a part of it, every. 0:12:47.480 --> 0:12:52.480 Single leading black person basically, so Apple TV number one 0:12:52.559 --> 0:12:54.760 on the call sheet. I personally loved it. It's just 0:12:54.800 --> 0:12:55.959 two docuseries. 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:56.839 My vibe this. 0:12:56.840 --> 0:13:00.360 Week is one of I'm actually going to say it, 0:13:00.360 --> 0:13:03.040 it's one of the best podcast episodes I have ever 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:04.640 listened to in my entire life. 0:13:04.679 --> 0:13:06.440 It is the recent. 0:13:06.120 --> 0:13:08.840 Episode of Diary of a CEO with Logan Yuri, who 0:13:08.880 --> 0:13:10.439 is the behavioral scientist from him. 0:13:10.520 --> 0:13:12.160 She's been on the podcast a bunch of times. 0:13:12.559 --> 0:13:15.680 Very coincidentally, her episode of Cloud came out on Dating 0:13:15.679 --> 0:13:17.680 An ADHD last Thursday. 0:13:17.240 --> 0:13:19.559 But was equally the best episode Kesh's ever listen. 0:13:19.640 --> 0:13:22.880 And to show his life episodes of She was on 0:13:23.200 --> 0:13:27.200 Chloe Kardashian's podcast the week before Diary the CEO, and 0:13:27.240 --> 0:13:29.840 so I was like, Wow, Logan, you're really big guns. 0:13:29.960 --> 0:13:32.120 Cloud's the third one, you know, the big one leading 0:13:32.120 --> 0:13:32.400 the world. 0:13:32.520 --> 0:13:35.240 We had a first We've spoken to Logan quite a 0:13:35.240 --> 0:13:37.480 few times. What makes this the best episode? It was 0:13:37.480 --> 0:13:39.240 with Prof g So Scott Galloway. 0:13:39.320 --> 0:13:41.400 You guys have heard me recommend his podcast a couple 0:13:41.440 --> 0:13:43.840 of times as well. He's the guy who I spoke 0:13:43.840 --> 0:13:46.319 about his podcast because I was like, he's an easy 0:13:46.559 --> 0:13:49.440 entry for me to the world of finance, and I 0:13:49.600 --> 0:13:51.760 just love the way that the two of them discussed this. 0:13:52.320 --> 0:13:56.079 The episode is called Masculinity Debate, Our dating apps, creating 0:13:56.120 --> 0:14:00.560 in cells. Lonely men are more dangerous than ever. This 0:14:00.600 --> 0:14:03.240 episode is really long, It's nearly two and a half hours. 0:14:03.679 --> 0:14:09.320 It is basically a debate between Logan and Scott. However 0:14:09.520 --> 0:14:12.400 they agree on most things, but they have so many 0:14:12.440 --> 0:14:15.640 incredible statistics to back it up, and like listening to 0:14:15.679 --> 0:14:19.240 the episode, yes, it is a little bit alarming about 0:14:19.320 --> 0:14:21.480 what is going on in our world at the moment. 0:14:21.480 --> 0:14:24.360 This is obviously quite topical because there was a recently 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.960 this report published called Lost Boys, and it was basically 0:14:28.040 --> 0:14:31.320 all about what's going wrong with the generation of men 0:14:31.360 --> 0:14:33.160 that are coming through now and with the boys who 0:14:33.200 --> 0:14:35.640 are growing up and adolescence has obviously been the number 0:14:35.640 --> 0:14:37.080 one TV show in the world, so this is a 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.800 particularly interesting thing, I think for a lot of people 0:14:40.320 --> 0:14:43.400 to try and examine the reasons that you know, men 0:14:43.440 --> 0:14:46.000 are failing in society and the things that are causing 0:14:46.000 --> 0:14:47.560 for them to feel like they don't have a sense 0:14:47.560 --> 0:14:50.200 of purpose and why are they finding these internet people 0:14:50.720 --> 0:14:54.040 to align with, Why can't they find dates, why can't 0:14:54.080 --> 0:14:56.640 they have sex with people? And there was this really 0:14:56.640 --> 0:14:59.240 interesting part where Scott was talking about, you know, if 0:14:59.240 --> 0:15:01.720 a man doesn't live with a partner or have a 0:15:01.720 --> 0:15:04.600 long term relationship by the time they're thirty, there is 0:15:04.640 --> 0:15:07.840 a one in three chance that that person will experience 0:15:07.840 --> 0:15:11.880 substance abuse issues. And Logan's rebuttal to that was, Okay, 0:15:12.480 --> 0:15:14.560 that might be a statistic, but like, it's also not 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:18.480 a woman's role to have to emotionally raise men, so like, 0:15:18.520 --> 0:15:20.440 how do we intervene? And I just found it one 0:15:20.440 --> 0:15:23.920 of the most interesting and brilliant conversations. They are both 0:15:24.000 --> 0:15:29.640 so incredibly intelligent, and I think that this is an episode. 0:15:29.680 --> 0:15:32.360 Not only did I feel as though I was like, Wow, 0:15:32.480 --> 0:15:34.800 I'm so glad I now know these things, but if 0:15:34.800 --> 0:15:37.080 I was a parent of a boy, this is a must. 0:15:37.200 --> 0:15:39.520 It is an absolute must for you to listen to this. 0:15:39.640 --> 0:15:41.960 But also the interesting thing about that as well, in 0:15:42.040 --> 0:15:45.560 terms of like men being more inclined if they've reached 0:15:45.560 --> 0:15:48.200 thirty and not had a relationship with a woman, I'd 0:15:48.200 --> 0:15:50.160 be interested to know what the return statistics are that 0:15:50.240 --> 0:15:53.120 are for women who reach thirty and haven't had a 0:15:53.160 --> 0:15:57.120 significant relationship with a man. It's like the patriarchy affects 0:15:57.160 --> 0:16:01.000 everyone you know negatively, but also I guess it's like 0:16:01.320 --> 0:16:03.840 almost that there should be this expectation of not pity, 0:16:03.920 --> 0:16:07.840 but like taking care of responsibility for and that just 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:08.920 seems so misplaced. 0:16:09.320 --> 0:16:11.800 Yeah, it's interesting because there are obviously a lot of 0:16:11.840 --> 0:16:14.680 problems that are happening with the rise of feminism and 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:18.280 the rights that women have gained, a lot of men 0:16:18.320 --> 0:16:20.280 feel as though they don't have a purpose in the 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:20.960 world anymore. 0:16:21.000 --> 0:16:21.160 You know. 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:23.360 They go through a lot of statistics about when women 0:16:23.400 --> 0:16:25.960 earn more, when they're more educated, and like everything is 0:16:26.000 --> 0:16:27.440 on the up and up, and Scott is the first 0:16:27.440 --> 0:16:29.120 person to say that is brilliant. 0:16:29.120 --> 0:16:31.560 We are not saying that this needs to change, but 0:16:31.680 --> 0:16:32.160 we need. 0:16:32.040 --> 0:16:35.360 To adapt other parts of society. How are we creating 0:16:35.440 --> 0:16:37.880 connection for men? How are we creating men's groups, How 0:16:37.880 --> 0:16:39.800 are we creating a sense of purpose? How are we 0:16:39.880 --> 0:16:43.080 redefining what masculinity means? 0:16:43.840 --> 0:16:44.760 How are we going to. 0:16:44.680 --> 0:16:47.440 Fix this problem? Because we've got all of these really 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:50.680 massive issues at the moment, and he's not saying how 0:16:50.720 --> 0:16:52.880 are women going to fix it? He's the first person 0:16:52.920 --> 0:16:54.800 to say, how are men going to fix this? But 0:16:54.840 --> 0:16:56.640 it's something that I think we all kind of need 0:16:56.680 --> 0:16:59.680 to be aware of so that we can work out 0:16:59.720 --> 0:17:01.920 ways that we are contributing to it. You know, there 0:17:01.920 --> 0:17:04.600 were so many statistics about dating and relationships in this 0:17:04.680 --> 0:17:08.040 where eighty percent of women will set their filters on 0:17:08.160 --> 0:17:10.480 dating apps to be six foot and above, but that's 0:17:10.480 --> 0:17:14.199 only fourteen percent of adult men. And so they were 0:17:14.200 --> 0:17:16.240 talking about, you know, the top ten percent of men 0:17:16.280 --> 0:17:20.040 on dating apps are getting ninety percent of the people. 0:17:19.720 --> 0:17:21.520 Swiping right on the yes. 0:17:21.680 --> 0:17:21.840 You know. 0:17:21.880 --> 0:17:23.840 It was just it was absolutely fat. I mean, that's 0:17:23.840 --> 0:17:26.280 the stat that's said in adolescents itself. He was like, 0:17:26.359 --> 0:17:28.280 you know, only twenty percent of the I can't remember 0:17:28.280 --> 0:17:29.879 exactly what it was, but something around the lines of 0:17:29.920 --> 0:17:33.360 like only twenty percent of the men get like eighty 0:17:33.400 --> 0:17:35.199 percent of the women or something like that, you know, 0:17:35.320 --> 0:17:36.560 which is just I. 0:17:36.560 --> 0:17:38.399 Don't know, I think that that's the same On the 0:17:38.480 --> 0:17:40.400 other side, I don't know how I feel about the stats, 0:17:40.400 --> 0:17:42.600 because we were talking about how to mediocre men have 0:17:42.720 --> 0:17:45.480 these ludicrously high standards and get these amazing women, Like 0:17:45.520 --> 0:17:47.880 we had this whole conversation about it, not on the podcast, 0:17:47.960 --> 0:17:49.520 so don't go back and look for that episode. It 0:17:49.560 --> 0:17:53.040 was just a conversation between friends off the back of substack, yeah, 0:17:53.160 --> 0:17:54.600 or it was off the back of a substack, was 0:17:54.600 --> 0:17:57.240 it was an interesting conversation to have, and maybe it's 0:17:57.240 --> 0:17:58.960 something that we do need to unpack more. I want 0:17:58.960 --> 0:18:00.880 to listen to that episode and maybe we can all 0:18:00.960 --> 0:18:03.600 unpack it because it sounds fascinating. But from what you've said, 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:06.520 like I feel like I have a strong visceral reaction 0:18:06.640 --> 0:18:07.880 to some of the things you've said. 0:18:07.960 --> 0:18:08.920 Yeah, I think maybe. 0:18:08.720 --> 0:18:11.880 Something that we could potentially unpack on a future episode 0:18:11.960 --> 0:18:14.400 is this idea of red pill men. It's a kind 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:16.040 of a term that's being thrown around a bit in 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:17.800 the culture, and it was thrown around in this episode. 0:18:17.840 --> 0:18:19.480 And that's why I ended up going and googling it 0:18:19.480 --> 0:18:22.280 because I didn't completely understand. But I think we would 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:24.920 all find it quite fascinating. And yeah, like I said, 0:18:25.280 --> 0:18:27.399 it's a really long one. It's on YouTube, It's on 0:18:27.480 --> 0:18:30.160 wherever you get your podcasts. It's the episode of Diary 0:18:30.200 --> 0:18:32.240 of CEO Masculinity. 0:18:31.640 --> 0:18:34.520 Debate with Prof. G Scott Galloway. 0:18:34.160 --> 0:18:38.840 And Logan Yuri, and I cannot recommend it more awesome. 0:18:38.880 --> 0:18:41.800 I have an unsubscribe which comes very infrequently, and it's 0:18:41.800 --> 0:18:43.200 something that we've been discussing here. 0:18:43.320 --> 0:18:46.560 I am unsubscribing. 0:18:45.840 --> 0:18:49.480 From April Fools Jokes and The reason why I'm unsubscribing 0:18:49.480 --> 0:18:51.600 this year is because I feel like, maybe it's just me, 0:18:51.640 --> 0:18:56.199 maybe it's my algorithm, but the increase in influences and 0:18:56.320 --> 0:18:59.320 people working in media who have jumped on the April 0:18:59.359 --> 0:19:02.320 Fools band, and I just find it a. 0:19:02.240 --> 0:19:04.240 Little bit l I hate it. 0:19:04.480 --> 0:19:06.040 Sorry to anyone who works in me that I was 0:19:06.040 --> 0:19:07.480 not pointed at any specific person. 0:19:07.520 --> 0:19:08.400 I just saw a few of them. 0:19:08.320 --> 0:19:10.240 And I was like, I mean, your husband did do one. 0:19:10.440 --> 0:19:12.320 Yeah, I mean I pointed to him as well. I 0:19:12.359 --> 0:19:13.639 was like a man describing my husband. 0:19:13.720 --> 0:19:15.080 Do you know why I didn't like it because I 0:19:15.080 --> 0:19:17.560 just feel like it's in a way I don't want 0:19:17.560 --> 0:19:19.240 to say lost its meaning, because that's not right. It 0:19:19.280 --> 0:19:21.720 still has its meaning. I just don't like that. Yesterday, 0:19:21.760 --> 0:19:23.439 by the end of the day, I was so pissed 0:19:23.480 --> 0:19:27.680 off that every single thing I saw on every single platform, 0:19:27.800 --> 0:19:33.159 whether it was mainstream news, huge brands, small people, influences, 0:19:33.200 --> 0:19:35.720 every single thing I saw. There was nothing that I 0:19:35.720 --> 0:19:37.919 saw that was real, but I thought it was. And 0:19:37.920 --> 0:19:39.399 by the end of the day, I just I was 0:19:39.400 --> 0:19:40.760 just say angry. I was like, I'm just sick of 0:19:40.800 --> 0:19:41.160 the internet. 0:19:41.200 --> 0:19:41.480 Today. 0:19:41.520 --> 0:19:43.400 See, I felt kind of different because I had seen 0:19:43.480 --> 0:19:45.479 so many, and I instantly knew so many of them 0:19:45.480 --> 0:19:48.400 were April Fools jokes, and maybe because we'd spoken about 0:19:48.400 --> 0:19:50.000 it in the morning, so I was very. 0:19:49.800 --> 0:19:51.080 Conscious that it was April Fools. 0:19:51.359 --> 0:19:53.600 I just stopped engaging with social media that day because 0:19:53.600 --> 0:19:55.399 I was like, I'm not going to believe anything anything 0:19:55.440 --> 0:19:58.040 that seemed like slightly exceptional or was like an announcement 0:19:58.200 --> 0:20:01.159 or was a breakup post or Most of them are 0:20:01.200 --> 0:20:03.720 harmless and I don't have like any strong feelings. They're 0:20:03.720 --> 0:20:05.800 just kind of a bit annoying. I'm like, ahah, here 0:20:05.800 --> 0:20:06.840 we go again, another one. 0:20:07.080 --> 0:20:08.840 But there were a couple that I saw. 0:20:09.080 --> 0:20:12.439 One in particular, she is an influencer but also an 0:20:12.480 --> 0:20:16.040 incredible entrepreneur who I follow online based out of America, 0:20:16.359 --> 0:20:18.520 and she is I don't want to give the handle 0:20:18.560 --> 0:20:20.159 away because I don't want to like start more of 0:20:20.200 --> 0:20:23.479 a pilongs that's already happening. But basically, she's a real 0:20:23.560 --> 0:20:25.919 advocate in the space for being childless by choice. Her 0:20:25.960 --> 0:20:27.440 and her husband talk about it all the time, that 0:20:27.480 --> 0:20:30.200 they've made really considered decisions around not wanting to have kids. 0:20:30.440 --> 0:20:34.240 She's very vocal in that space, and then posted about 0:20:34.240 --> 0:20:36.640 how her and her husband were having a baby, and 0:20:36.920 --> 0:20:38.760 a few people in the comments were obviously like, is 0:20:38.800 --> 0:20:42.080 this April Fools. A lot of people were congratulating, And 0:20:42.160 --> 0:20:44.400 then I'd seen it and thought, if that's an April 0:20:44.400 --> 0:20:46.760 Fool's stroke, that's a really bad one. Like that's like 0:20:46.800 --> 0:20:49.200 one thing or one of many things you just don't 0:20:49.320 --> 0:20:52.119 joke about. And she posted a photo of herself with 0:20:52.200 --> 0:20:54.320 the caption saying I fucked up, and it set it 0:20:54.359 --> 0:20:55.920 on the picture as well, and she was like, look, 0:20:56.200 --> 0:20:57.920 you know, for so many years I've been asked around 0:20:57.960 --> 0:20:59.720 whether I am or I'm not going to have children, 0:20:59.760 --> 0:21:02.240 people of so publicly and quiet into my life and 0:21:02.280 --> 0:21:06.040 my choices around around having kids, and I just never 0:21:06.119 --> 0:21:08.480 thought that the alternate was that there are so many 0:21:08.480 --> 0:21:10.359 women who want children and can't have them, and so 0:21:10.400 --> 0:21:12.000 making a joke out of this would be tone deaf. 0:21:12.359 --> 0:21:13.480 And I was just kind. 0:21:13.320 --> 0:21:15.440 Of in my like when I saw this, I was like, Okay, 0:21:15.560 --> 0:21:19.119 appreciate the responsibility. Like it's so great that people acknowledge 0:21:19.119 --> 0:21:21.640 that sometimes April Fool's jokes are not funny because they're 0:21:21.680 --> 0:21:24.560 not punching across they're just punching down on people. 0:21:25.080 --> 0:21:27.159 I was like aren't we past the point where. 0:21:27.000 --> 0:21:30.160 Things like this could even be thought of as being 0:21:30.160 --> 0:21:31.560 a good idea for an April Fool's joke. 0:21:31.680 --> 0:21:35.440 It does seem weird in twenty twenty five that we're 0:21:35.480 --> 0:21:38.000 still doing the pregnancy jokes. Like maybe it's just been 0:21:38.000 --> 0:21:40.600 the algorithms that we've watched over the years. There's been 0:21:40.600 --> 0:21:43.040 many people the last five six years that have made 0:21:43.040 --> 0:21:45.200 the mistake of doing that April Fool's joke, have learned 0:21:45.200 --> 0:21:47.080 the dead lesson, and I felt like that was really public. 0:21:47.080 --> 0:21:48.880 I felt like by the time, how open we are 0:21:48.880 --> 0:21:52.440 with the pregnancy discussions or the infertility discussions. And I 0:21:52.480 --> 0:21:54.159 don't say weez in US, I see weez in a 0:21:54.200 --> 0:21:56.920 society and online. You'd think people would have learned by 0:21:56.960 --> 0:21:58.959 now that there are like a few no go zones 0:21:59.040 --> 0:22:01.960 for April fools and that is absolutely like up there 0:22:01.960 --> 0:22:02.680 with the top of them. 0:22:02.760 --> 0:22:05.600 Yeah, obviously brands are all jumping on board. It's definitely 0:22:05.640 --> 0:22:08.160 a big influencer thing at the moment. People have social 0:22:08.160 --> 0:22:11.640 media profiles. I saw the increase this year than last 0:22:11.720 --> 0:22:14.000 year and years in the past, and I think that, 0:22:14.240 --> 0:22:15.600 you know, next year, it's going to be something that 0:22:15.640 --> 0:22:17.720 we see more and more of I just don't find 0:22:17.760 --> 0:22:20.159 them particularly amusing. And maybe I'm on my own on that. 0:22:20.200 --> 0:22:21.800 I'm happy to be a gringe, but I just kind 0:22:21.800 --> 0:22:23.000 of was like, I'm bored by this. 0:22:23.160 --> 0:22:26.040 I completely agree, and I think that as technology advances 0:22:26.080 --> 0:22:29.120 with AI and the ability to create something that looks 0:22:29.160 --> 0:22:32.600 super real, they're going to get more and more extreme and. 0:22:32.520 --> 0:22:34.200 They're going to look more and more real. 0:22:34.200 --> 0:22:36.080 And like, I know that I'm probably taking this a 0:22:36.119 --> 0:22:39.760 little bit too seriously, but for me looking at social 0:22:39.760 --> 0:22:42.440 media yesterday and how believable some of the things were, 0:22:42.480 --> 0:22:45.200 it was that reminder to myself that I'm like, wow, 0:22:45.240 --> 0:22:48.040 we actually can be fed so much bullshit, deceived and 0:22:48.160 --> 0:22:50.960 not so easily. Some brands did it, and the jokes 0:22:50.960 --> 0:22:53.359 were funny, you know. I saw Shopo created a glow 0:22:53.400 --> 0:22:55.000 in the dark dress for your friend that you always 0:22:55.040 --> 0:22:56.240 lose in the club so that you'll be able to 0:22:56.280 --> 0:22:56.520 find them. 0:22:56.600 --> 0:22:57.119 That's funny. 0:22:57.119 --> 0:22:58.880 It's Hilaire, in line with what they do. It doesn't 0:22:58.920 --> 0:23:00.400 hurt anybody, like say, and. 0:23:00.359 --> 0:23:02.119 It's very much like you said, I think the big 0:23:02.160 --> 0:23:03.840 part of that is it's in line with the brand. 0:23:03.920 --> 0:23:06.440 It's when people do things that's really rogue and outside 0:23:06.440 --> 0:23:08.200 of like what their core values are. 0:23:08.280 --> 0:23:10.720 Or believable, like really believable in the wrong way. 0:23:10.880 --> 0:23:12.919 Yeah, and then turn around and go psych that's not 0:23:13.000 --> 0:23:15.520 us anyway. It's like, but why for what point? I 0:23:15.640 --> 0:23:17.880 like that one because I think it's very much in line. 0:23:18.000 --> 0:23:20.440 But yeah, I'm just not an April Fools person the end. 0:23:20.600 --> 0:23:24.600 All right, Well, let's get into the questions question number one. 0:23:25.119 --> 0:23:28.040 I've freshly started dating again, but after being treated pretty 0:23:28.040 --> 0:23:31.400 poorly in my last relationship, I'm unfortunately a bit scared 0:23:31.440 --> 0:23:34.960 and always preemptively looking for reasons why a relationship won't 0:23:34.960 --> 0:23:37.880 work out, sometimes before we even have a first date. 0:23:38.280 --> 0:23:41.359 That my friend is called self sabotage. One thing I 0:23:41.400 --> 0:23:45.320 find really strange is men who have quite public profiles 0:23:45.359 --> 0:23:49.400 on social media and are very into creating and curating 0:23:49.680 --> 0:23:52.840 photos and content. It's weird because the traits I am 0:23:52.840 --> 0:23:56.840 attracted to, which is like motivated, inspired, outgoing active, tend 0:23:56.880 --> 0:23:58.920 to be the kind who posts a lot on social media. 0:23:59.000 --> 0:24:00.760 So it does feel like some thing I might need 0:24:00.800 --> 0:24:03.960 to get over. But I wonder how Laura found navigating 0:24:04.000 --> 0:24:06.560 her relationship in the public eye at first, and if 0:24:06.600 --> 0:24:09.199 she ever felt the ick from any of Matt's posts 0:24:09.240 --> 0:24:12.840 when they originally started dating. Basically, she's saying she's got 0:24:12.880 --> 0:24:16.040 the ick from men that she's dating that are like 0:24:16.440 --> 0:24:18.359 influences that are like, hey, can you take this photo 0:24:18.400 --> 0:24:19.480 of me here? And I'm going to do this and 0:24:19.520 --> 0:24:22.080 I'm going to look away, and like the very curated 0:24:22.200 --> 0:24:25.320 Instagram influencer photos is what's giving her the ear. 0:24:25.440 --> 0:24:27.840 Yeah, I guess, well, firstly, I don't think Matt's Instagram 0:24:27.880 --> 0:24:30.000 is particularly curated, Like he's not really the type of 0:24:30.000 --> 0:24:32.680 person that's posting hot photos. If anything, it's like dumb, 0:24:32.760 --> 0:24:35.760 funny content. But he's had a real transition in his 0:24:35.840 --> 0:24:38.920 content because when we first started dating, he was more 0:24:38.960 --> 0:24:41.560 of your traditional influencer. I guess we're both trying to 0:24:41.560 --> 0:24:44.520 figure out, like what was Instagram to us as people 0:24:44.520 --> 0:24:46.479 who had never used it before but now had a 0:24:46.800 --> 0:24:49.800 social media following. And I think it's an interesting one 0:24:49.840 --> 0:24:52.399 because I feel like social media we are very gendered 0:24:52.400 --> 0:24:54.199 with it, and it's exactly I think that this is 0:24:54.240 --> 0:24:57.240 point and case an affirmation of that we're okay with 0:24:57.280 --> 0:24:59.600 women doing it, but we don't like men doing it. 0:25:00.200 --> 0:25:02.399 With women being influencers, we find it weird when mental 0:25:02.440 --> 0:25:05.280 influencers we don't quite understand. And I don't mean this 0:25:05.440 --> 0:25:08.560 just as in like women having that perspective of men 0:25:08.560 --> 0:25:11.400 who post, men also have that perspective of other men 0:25:11.440 --> 0:25:14.520 who post. And I honestly couldn't tell you the amount 0:25:14.520 --> 0:25:16.560 of times where like we've left a party or a 0:25:16.600 --> 0:25:19.119 dinner or Matt meeting new people and he's been like, 0:25:19.640 --> 0:25:22.159 it's so hard for me to explain to people what 0:25:22.240 --> 0:25:24.399 I do for a job, and so I always just 0:25:24.440 --> 0:25:26.119 fall back on the podcast and say, oh, I have 0:25:26.160 --> 0:25:26.880 a podcast, Go. 0:25:26.840 --> 0:25:27.560 Two dotting dads. 0:25:27.600 --> 0:25:30.720 You know, he doesn't make his majority income through the podcast. 0:25:30.760 --> 0:25:33.520 He makes his majority income as a content creator working 0:25:33.520 --> 0:25:38.960 alongside brands. But most people, especially other men, don't understand. 0:25:39.600 --> 0:25:42.320 They cannot wrap their head around a man doing that 0:25:42.480 --> 0:25:45.639 for an income. And I think it's because traditionally the 0:25:45.680 --> 0:25:47.840 world of social media has been very much reserved for 0:25:47.880 --> 0:25:49.040 women and how we use it. 0:25:49.280 --> 0:25:51.440 Did he give me the ick? No, he doesn't give 0:25:51.480 --> 0:25:52.240 me the ick at all. 0:25:52.359 --> 0:25:54.879 I actually think it's incredibly creative how he's able to 0:25:55.000 --> 0:25:57.520 use it. He doesn't care about like what people say 0:25:57.560 --> 0:26:00.000 in and if anything, he has very funny come back 0:26:00.280 --> 0:26:03.159 and witty responses to things when people write stuff that's 0:26:03.240 --> 0:26:07.119 quite mean, Matt never retaliates in a way that has venom. 0:26:07.400 --> 0:26:11.080 He always retaliates in a way that's very, very self 0:26:11.080 --> 0:26:13.400 deprecating and really joking. And I think that that's such 0:26:13.400 --> 0:26:15.880 a beautiful quality because sometimes I react in a way 0:26:15.880 --> 0:26:18.960 that's like, hey, screw you, how dare you say that? 0:26:19.320 --> 0:26:20.960 But I think that this is something that you should 0:26:21.000 --> 0:26:23.040 get over. I mean, obviously there's a limit to it. 0:26:23.359 --> 0:26:25.640 There's some people that post every single part of their 0:26:25.680 --> 0:26:28.199 lives and they post things that are just incredibly cringe. 0:26:28.240 --> 0:26:30.920 We've all seen the person who's hogged at the sunset. 0:26:31.040 --> 0:26:34.200 Maybe you've been on holidays a sunset no, I mean this. 0:26:34.480 --> 0:26:38.399 I remember being on holidays in Bali, sitting in a 0:26:38.440 --> 0:26:42.280 nice restaurant and this one couple just took four hundred 0:26:42.280 --> 0:26:45.720 photos of themselves literally blocking everybody else's beautiful view of 0:26:45.720 --> 0:26:48.600 the sunset because they were taking social media content. 0:26:48.640 --> 0:26:51.280 And I was like, that is I mean, it's so annoying. 0:26:51.320 --> 0:26:53.359 That is annoying. I want to take away for that 0:26:53.400 --> 0:26:54.120 would give me the oic. 0:26:54.240 --> 0:26:57.840 Yeah, taking away from the fact firstly that the that 0:26:57.880 --> 0:27:01.199 you're getting these content creation is an ick whatever it is. 0:27:01.240 --> 0:27:03.000 If you get an ick from something it's pretty hard 0:27:03.000 --> 0:27:05.800 to get over. So your ick is a guy that 0:27:05.880 --> 0:27:09.800 creates too much content. Firstly, if you can get over that, great, 0:27:10.080 --> 0:27:13.800 If you can't, don't date someone that is in content creation. 0:27:14.320 --> 0:27:16.320 That's what I want to say, but that I do 0:27:16.520 --> 0:27:19.359 feel you in a way, so and I say that 0:27:19.400 --> 0:27:21.280 because sometimes you can't help it. But I remember and 0:27:21.320 --> 0:27:24.000 I know that you guys, remember I was dating this 0:27:24.040 --> 0:27:25.840 guy a couple of years ago, very briefly. 0:27:26.320 --> 0:27:29.320 His content was cringe, but it was like, hang on 0:27:29.440 --> 0:27:32.639 even talking about the same person are but he was great, 0:27:32.640 --> 0:27:35.520 but he was very He definitely had this life on 0:27:35.600 --> 0:27:37.720 social media that he was trying to present himself a 0:27:37.720 --> 0:27:39.600 certain way, which is I don't have a problem with it, 0:27:40.080 --> 0:27:42.240 but I had the problem with how much it meant 0:27:42.320 --> 0:27:42.680 to him. 0:27:43.200 --> 0:27:44.879 But when I say how much it meant to him, 0:27:44.880 --> 0:27:47.240 it's because it was things like I remember he would 0:27:47.240 --> 0:27:50.520 do really nice, lovely things for me, which was great, 0:27:50.560 --> 0:27:52.840 and he was a really nice person. But then and 0:27:52.880 --> 0:27:54.800 I'll use the example of like he sent me this beautiful, 0:27:54.840 --> 0:27:57.280 big bunch of flowers and it was lovely, and then 0:27:57.320 --> 0:27:59.040 he came over and he was like, do you love them? 0:27:59.080 --> 0:28:00.639 And I was like, I love them? So much. They 0:28:00.640 --> 0:28:02.879 are stunning. It was something like a hundred like it 0:28:02.920 --> 0:28:04.040 was one hundred roses or something. 0:28:04.080 --> 0:28:04.600 It was huge. 0:28:04.640 --> 0:28:06.760 It would have cost him a lot. We hung out 0:28:06.800 --> 0:28:07.800 for a couple of hours and then he was like, 0:28:07.840 --> 0:28:10.960 are you going to post that? And that was the 0:28:11.000 --> 0:28:14.080 moment literally, and I don't even know if he remembers it, 0:28:14.119 --> 0:28:16.560 but that was the moment in me where I was like, Oh, 0:28:17.440 --> 0:28:20.520 your life isn't real, Like you didn't actually want to 0:28:20.520 --> 0:28:22.120 give me those because you want to give me them. 0:28:22.240 --> 0:28:24.960 You wanted to make a moment that you could post 0:28:25.000 --> 0:28:26.679 on social media. And that was the moment where I 0:28:26.680 --> 0:28:29.520 was like, Okay, cool, we have very different ideas around 0:28:29.560 --> 0:28:31.240 our lives and our private lives. 0:28:30.960 --> 0:28:32.560 And you're like, and I'm also not ready to go 0:28:32.600 --> 0:28:33.679 public with you, so no. 0:28:33.720 --> 0:28:36.040 And I was like and I was like, I was like, yeah, 0:28:36.040 --> 0:28:38.000 I might post some Yeah. 0:28:38.120 --> 0:28:39.560 Do you know what this reminds me though, of that 0:28:39.600 --> 0:28:43.200 really good quote. There's a big difference between doing things 0:28:43.200 --> 0:28:46.000 in your life and posting it on social media versus 0:28:46.080 --> 0:28:48.040 doing things in your life so that you. 0:28:48.000 --> 0:28:51.200 Can post it on social media. Yeah, really really different intention. 0:28:51.360 --> 0:28:53.240 And I think that's why you were like, Oh, the 0:28:53.320 --> 0:28:55.480 intention here is really different. 0:28:55.760 --> 0:28:57.800 I think it comes down to authenticity though, right, Like, 0:28:57.840 --> 0:28:59.960 if you meet a guy and he's super out, goal 0:29:00.440 --> 0:29:03.920 and he's you know, motivated, inspired, active, all these things 0:29:03.920 --> 0:29:06.880 that you mentioned that you like in someone and he 0:29:07.000 --> 0:29:10.320 posts on social media, if is his authentic version. I 0:29:10.320 --> 0:29:12.760 hate that word, but it's true. If he's authentically himself 0:29:12.800 --> 0:29:15.680 on social media and also is the same person in 0:29:15.720 --> 0:29:18.040 real life, then I don't think you'll get the ick 0:29:18.120 --> 0:29:19.960 because I think that you'll be like, oh, it's so 0:29:20.120 --> 0:29:22.120 congruent with the person he is that it's kind of 0:29:22.160 --> 0:29:25.160 just like an extension of his personality. But if he's 0:29:25.200 --> 0:29:27.080 posting things and you look at it and you're like, 0:29:27.120 --> 0:29:29.520 oh my god, you're a fucking try hard, like, that's 0:29:29.560 --> 0:29:32.640 a very different perception. My only thing I do want 0:29:32.640 --> 0:29:34.720 to say is is like, it's so obvious that you're 0:29:34.720 --> 0:29:37.120 trying to pick apart and look for things that you 0:29:37.160 --> 0:29:39.240 don't like in someone. You even said, unfortunately, I'm a 0:29:39.280 --> 0:29:42.040 bit scared and always premptively looking for reasons why relationship 0:29:42.080 --> 0:29:45.200 won't work out, even before the first date. I do 0:29:45.240 --> 0:29:48.400 think that that's something that you probably have to recognize 0:29:48.440 --> 0:29:51.200 in yourself, and if you're getting the dick too, easily. Yes, 0:29:51.200 --> 0:29:52.680 it's easy for us to say, well, when you got 0:29:52.680 --> 0:29:54.840 the ick, you got the ick, but you can't get 0:29:54.840 --> 0:29:56.640 the ick about everything and you do have to work 0:29:56.680 --> 0:29:58.960 on that. If that's the case, and power through it, 0:29:59.000 --> 0:30:00.000 I think totally. 0:30:00.040 --> 0:30:02.320 But I also think it comes down to in these situations, 0:30:02.400 --> 0:30:04.880 like how much does it take over their life? Are 0:30:04.880 --> 0:30:08.200 you going somewhere and he's like, Hey, this looks like 0:30:08.240 --> 0:30:10.080 it'd be a great post. Can you get a picture 0:30:10.120 --> 0:30:11.680 of me there? You get the picture and it's done. 0:30:12.000 --> 0:30:13.400 You get a picture of the food and it's done. 0:30:13.480 --> 0:30:15.600 Or is he the four hundred person at the sunset? 0:30:15.680 --> 0:30:16.800 But is he the person that. 0:30:16.880 --> 0:30:19.120 Like the sunset hog? I would get the ick. 0:30:19.000 --> 0:30:20.800 One hundred percent if my partner was like, you take 0:30:20.840 --> 0:30:22.760 some photos of me here then came over and was like, 0:30:22.800 --> 0:30:24.920 oh take them better, goes back, goes back. If this 0:30:25.040 --> 0:30:26.720 was going on for forty five minutes, I'd be like, 0:30:26.760 --> 0:30:28.280 this isn't the life I want to live. But if 0:30:28.320 --> 0:30:30.040 he's happy to get his content and be like this 0:30:30.120 --> 0:30:31.720 is this would be cool. Let's make a great post. 0:30:31.800 --> 0:30:33.880 Let's do this and then it's done, And then he 0:30:33.880 --> 0:30:35.560 doesn't sit there and look at his phone and edit 0:30:35.560 --> 0:30:37.560 his photos and edit the videos over dinner, and if 0:30:37.560 --> 0:30:40.240 it's not consuming his whole life, then yeah, get over it. 0:30:40.280 --> 0:30:43.440 But if it is, it's interesting, isn't it, though, Because 0:30:43.480 --> 0:30:45.200 like that's what a lot of women do, Like a 0:30:45.200 --> 0:30:47.800 lot of women do that for their social media profile. 0:30:47.600 --> 0:30:49.120 One hundred percent. But I wouldn't want to be in 0:30:49.120 --> 0:30:51.360 a relationship with that woman either. So if you're both 0:30:51.360 --> 0:30:54.000 two content creators that want to go take your photos 0:30:54.000 --> 0:30:55.880 and videos and then sit down at dinner and edit together, 0:30:55.920 --> 0:30:57.880 there's nothing wrong with that, but you both have to 0:30:57.920 --> 0:30:58.680 just be on board with it. 0:30:58.720 --> 0:31:00.960 I think I'm a hypocrite with this because my boyfriend 0:31:00.960 --> 0:31:03.440 hasn't posted on Instagram since like twenty twenty one or 0:31:03.480 --> 0:31:06.720 something that's hot, and I've this is whenever I say 0:31:06.720 --> 0:31:09.640 that to people, like to other women, to other girls, 0:31:10.080 --> 0:31:13.160 they're like, oh, that's such a green flag, and I agree. 0:31:13.240 --> 0:31:14.920 And yet I'm here being like. 0:31:14.960 --> 0:31:18.160 Post post post post post, post, my upfits, post everything. 0:31:18.840 --> 0:31:22.240 And I realize that it's hypocritical because I have different 0:31:22.240 --> 0:31:24.000 standards for what I want in a partner. 0:31:23.800 --> 0:31:25.880 To what I actually put out. But I will. 0:31:25.680 --> 0:31:28.840 Admit it really was something that made me attracted to 0:31:28.920 --> 0:31:31.040 him because I was like cool, you don't care about that, 0:31:31.080 --> 0:31:33.320 you don't feel the need to get validation through people 0:31:33.360 --> 0:31:35.240 on Instagram like must be nice? 0:31:35.560 --> 0:31:37.840 Yeah, I mean you did ask one more question, and 0:31:37.880 --> 0:31:41.080 this is does having an Instagram slash TikTok presence imply 0:31:41.280 --> 0:31:43.160 anything about someone that I should avoid? 0:31:43.600 --> 0:31:44.320 I don't think so. 0:31:44.560 --> 0:31:44.720 No. 0:31:44.880 --> 0:31:47.520 I think a lot of people use social media now 0:31:47.640 --> 0:31:50.720 for many many reasons. I think what we've established is 0:31:50.720 --> 0:31:52.960 that it's how they engage with their social media. I 0:31:53.000 --> 0:31:56.160 don't think that someone having you know, a following or 0:31:56.160 --> 0:31:57.880 posting what they're doing in their day, so long as 0:31:57.880 --> 0:32:01.640 it doesn't consume their life is a big deal. The 0:32:01.680 --> 0:32:04.000 only time when I would disagree with that is when 0:32:04.200 --> 0:32:06.200 it is their job. So like for Matt, it is 0:32:06.240 --> 0:32:08.880 his job. He spends a lot of time creating content 0:32:08.920 --> 0:32:11.280 for social media, but he gets paid to do so. 0:32:11.400 --> 0:32:12.840 And so at the same way that a lot of 0:32:12.840 --> 0:32:15.200 people spend time at their physical work working at nine 0:32:15.200 --> 0:32:20.080 to five, he has allocated time for writing content, coming 0:32:20.160 --> 0:32:24.200 up with skits, filming skits, like he has designated work 0:32:24.240 --> 0:32:26.480 hours that he does that for And so I can't 0:32:26.520 --> 0:32:28.440 turn around and be like, oh god, he spends so 0:32:28.520 --> 0:32:30.040 much time on social media I'm like, it's his. 0:32:30.080 --> 0:32:32.520 Job, but it also doesn't imply anything. Having an Instagram 0:32:32.560 --> 0:32:35.000 and a TikTok that's literally every single person. It's almost 0:32:35.000 --> 0:32:36.640 a red flag. If someone doesn't, you're like, what are 0:32:36.680 --> 0:32:37.080 you hiding? 0:32:37.360 --> 0:32:38.680 I don't know what do you got? 0:32:38.720 --> 0:32:41.760 But like, having someone that has social media is absolutely 0:32:41.760 --> 0:32:45.200 not a red flag because it's every person. You're a 0:32:45.240 --> 0:32:46.640 minority if you don't have it. 0:32:46.880 --> 0:32:49.280 Yeah, I agree, I agree, all right. Question two. I've 0:32:49.280 --> 0:32:50.600 been with my husband for three years. 0:32:50.640 --> 0:32:52.320 A couple of years ago, he opened up to me 0:32:52.320 --> 0:32:56.560 about enjoying prostate stimulation and told me he never told 0:32:56.680 --> 0:32:59.800 anyone or done it with any partner before. He said 0:32:59.840 --> 0:33:03.040 he wasn't comfortable doing it with me at the time. Now, 0:33:03.080 --> 0:33:05.080 a little while later, he told me he decided that 0:33:05.120 --> 0:33:06.360 he was ready to give it a crack. 0:33:06.760 --> 0:33:10.840 I was crack. He was ready for me to put 0:33:10.880 --> 0:33:11.520 it up the crack. 0:33:12.480 --> 0:33:14.760 I was really happy that he felt comfortable and was 0:33:14.800 --> 0:33:17.760 really open to doing anything that made sex even better 0:33:17.760 --> 0:33:19.760 for him. He said he'd like to go to a 0:33:19.800 --> 0:33:22.000 sex shop to buy a toy, but I didn't push that. 0:33:23.000 --> 0:33:25.840 Last night, when we were having sex, he suddenly brought 0:33:25.880 --> 0:33:29.080 out quite a large dildo. I'm talking like six inches 0:33:29.160 --> 0:33:32.080 and a replica of a penis and balls. I was 0:33:32.160 --> 0:33:34.800 quite taken aback as there wasn't much warning, but I 0:33:34.840 --> 0:33:36.920 was still okay with him to use it while we 0:33:36.960 --> 0:33:40.360 had sex. Afterwards, he told me he went by himself 0:33:40.400 --> 0:33:42.080 to buy it a couple of weeks ago because he 0:33:42.080 --> 0:33:45.480 felt more comfortable going into a sex shop without me, 0:33:45.880 --> 0:33:47.880 and he was open about trying it out a couple 0:33:47.960 --> 0:33:50.960 of times by himself first. There is a lot I'd 0:33:51.000 --> 0:33:53.920 like to ask him about, like why would he select 0:33:53.960 --> 0:33:56.680 a dildo that is really phallic as opposed to like 0:33:56.760 --> 0:33:59.480 an anal plug or just a plain dildo. But even 0:33:59.520 --> 0:34:02.160 asking him about when he bought it made him really shy, 0:34:02.320 --> 0:34:04.280 and I don't want to undo any of the progress 0:34:04.280 --> 0:34:07.480 he's made to do something that I imagine would have been 0:34:07.520 --> 0:34:11.000 difficult for him. What would you do in this situation? 0:34:12.280 --> 0:34:14.439 I don't think this situation has to be a big 0:34:14.480 --> 0:34:17.560 deal at all. Obviously he's quite shy and reserved, but 0:34:17.719 --> 0:34:20.520 he's come out to you saying like, hey, I want 0:34:20.520 --> 0:34:22.960 to try something new, which I think is great. He 0:34:23.200 --> 0:34:25.279 has been open about the fact that he felt more 0:34:25.280 --> 0:34:27.480 comfortable buying it on his own he's tried out in 0:34:27.520 --> 0:34:29.319 his own I also think that he is okay, like 0:34:29.360 --> 0:34:31.200 it's okay for people to masturbate and do what they 0:34:31.200 --> 0:34:34.799 want in private, and maybe he wanted to make sure 0:34:34.880 --> 0:34:36.719 he liked it before he introduced it to you and 0:34:36.719 --> 0:34:41.279 had further conversations. Would I personally find it strange if 0:34:41.320 --> 0:34:44.400 my partner not wanted to try butt stuff, that's fine. 0:34:44.440 --> 0:34:46.200 But if my partner wanted to try it with a 0:34:46.360 --> 0:34:49.520 replica of a penis as opposed like a big six 0:34:49.640 --> 0:34:52.080 inch as opposed to starting with the butt plugs and 0:34:52.120 --> 0:34:55.800 smaller things, would I have questions? Absolutely? But it doesn't 0:34:55.800 --> 0:34:57.759 have to be negative questions, and it doesn't have to 0:34:57.760 --> 0:35:00.759 be like accusatory. It's just a conversation. And you said 0:35:00.800 --> 0:35:04.520 you're curious. He's your husband. You can have those conversations. 0:35:04.560 --> 0:35:06.359 I'd just be saying, why did you go for this? 0:35:06.440 --> 0:35:08.480 Have you ever tried butt plugs first? Have you other 0:35:08.560 --> 0:35:11.319 other things you want to try in this situation, Even 0:35:11.320 --> 0:35:14.200 if he's shy, that's not a reason to not have 0:35:14.280 --> 0:35:17.319 a conversation. You're married to the guy that has gone 0:35:17.320 --> 0:35:19.600 out and bought a six inch dick with balls. It's 0:35:19.640 --> 0:35:23.680 okay to ask, like it's okay. I don't think it's like, 0:35:23.800 --> 0:35:24.840 I fully agree. 0:35:24.920 --> 0:35:27.440 I also think it's not an indicator of something to 0:35:27.440 --> 0:35:29.400 be worried about, because, like, I think a lot of 0:35:29.400 --> 0:35:32.120 people listening or like the reading between the lines is like, oh, like, 0:35:32.280 --> 0:35:35.000 does that indicate that maybe he's bisexual, or that he 0:35:35.160 --> 0:35:38.240 likes you know, that he's maybe wanting to do other things. 0:35:38.640 --> 0:35:41.400 I think he just likes butt play, and he probably 0:35:41.640 --> 0:35:43.920 I mean, who knows. Maybe it's a fetish, maybe it's 0:35:43.920 --> 0:35:46.160 something that he finds super attractive. 0:35:46.239 --> 0:35:48.640 Obviously he does. I think it's okay to ask questions. 0:35:48.680 --> 0:35:50.719 I think it's okay to be like, hey, it does 0:35:50.719 --> 0:35:52.440 feel a little bit like we went from zero to 0:35:52.480 --> 0:35:55.359 one hundred. Is there any sort of like, you know one, 0:35:55.440 --> 0:35:56.120 what do you like? 0:35:56.200 --> 0:35:56.960 What don't you like? 0:35:57.239 --> 0:36:00.440 Is there a specific reason why this is more referred 0:36:00.440 --> 0:36:02.600 for you or feels better for you? I think you 0:36:02.680 --> 0:36:05.400 can have those conversations, because, like, if he's been comfortable 0:36:05.480 --> 0:36:07.640 enough to bring it to you, if he's been comfortable 0:36:07.719 --> 0:36:10.240 enough to try it and to talk about trying it, 0:36:10.239 --> 0:36:12.319 it does sound like he's been pretty damn open with you, 0:36:12.520 --> 0:36:14.080 and so as much as like you don't want to 0:36:14.080 --> 0:36:16.840 make him shy. There probably are questions that you feel 0:36:17.080 --> 0:36:19.359 a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask as well, because 0:36:19.360 --> 0:36:21.920 it does sound like he is being really open and honest. 0:36:21.960 --> 0:36:23.600 And I keep coming back to it, is that is 0:36:23.640 --> 0:36:26.359 this like fear that she must be feeling around like, well, 0:36:26.360 --> 0:36:29.280 where did this come from? And I guess like maybe 0:36:29.320 --> 0:36:31.880 ask yourself. Yes, you might have curiosities around some of 0:36:31.920 --> 0:36:34.040 the questions that you want to ask, But what are 0:36:34.080 --> 0:36:35.840 you going to do with the answers or the outcome? 0:36:35.880 --> 0:36:37.480 Like if he's like, oh, yeah, I've been using butt 0:36:37.520 --> 0:36:40.080 plugs for the last five years, what difference is that 0:36:40.160 --> 0:36:40.799 going to make to you? 0:36:40.840 --> 0:36:42.360 Like is that going to make you upset? Is that 0:36:42.400 --> 0:36:43.960 going to make you feel validated? 0:36:44.040 --> 0:36:44.120 Like? 0:36:44.160 --> 0:36:44.759 What will that do? 0:36:45.280 --> 0:36:47.759 Because I mean, even if he has or he hasn't been, 0:36:47.880 --> 0:36:49.920 I feel like, now you know that that's something he 0:36:49.960 --> 0:36:52.400 wants to incorporate into his sex life, Like is it 0:36:52.440 --> 0:36:54.319 a big deal for you? And I guess like, only 0:36:54.360 --> 0:36:55.320 you can answer that question. 0:36:55.400 --> 0:36:56.879 I don't think it has to be a big deal. 0:36:56.920 --> 0:36:58.879 I think it's just important to know if three years 0:36:58.920 --> 0:37:02.440 in the relationship, currently being pleasuring himself in a way 0:37:02.480 --> 0:37:04.920 that you had no idea about it's just information. Information 0:37:05.000 --> 0:37:09.640 is knowledge and power. And for me, he has told 0:37:09.680 --> 0:37:12.360 you that he enjoys it. It's not abnormal for a 0:37:12.400 --> 0:37:15.239 man to enjoy the prostate stimulation, like that's that is 0:37:15.360 --> 0:37:16.120 very enjoyable. 0:37:16.200 --> 0:37:18.319 Fine, Yeah, And I don't think it's that. I think 0:37:18.360 --> 0:37:20.960 that it's the reaction to the object he's chosen. I 0:37:20.960 --> 0:37:23.560 think that's like, yeah, I think it's like, Okay, of 0:37:23.600 --> 0:37:26.520 all the things that you could choose if you're into 0:37:26.560 --> 0:37:30.120 butt play, there is something that probably for her feels 0:37:30.120 --> 0:37:33.160 a bit intimidating by it being a replica of a penis. Yeah, 0:37:33.200 --> 0:37:36.200 and there is far more implications in that that probably 0:37:36.200 --> 0:37:38.759 makes her be like, Okay, is this a conversation we 0:37:38.840 --> 0:37:39.279 need to have? 0:37:39.560 --> 0:37:42.120 And that's where I feel like this question is circling. 0:37:42.320 --> 0:37:45.520 Do you think it also could be that because it 0:37:45.520 --> 0:37:50.600 does seem like quite a jump. I think naturally you 0:37:50.600 --> 0:37:52.760 would have a bit of a question of like, Okay, 0:37:52.760 --> 0:37:54.560 well I didn't I didn't know about any of the 0:37:54.560 --> 0:37:56.520 steps that kind of happened in between here, So is 0:37:56.560 --> 0:37:57.480 there other things that I. 0:37:57.400 --> 0:37:58.920 Don't know about totally? 0:37:59.239 --> 0:38:01.120 You know, like, and I don't think that I don't 0:38:01.160 --> 0:38:03.360 think you've been at all judgmental. I don't think that 0:38:03.640 --> 0:38:07.600 having that as a natural curiosity is a particularly judgmental thing. 0:38:07.640 --> 0:38:08.279 I think it's just. 0:38:08.760 --> 0:38:11.160 Quite a normal feeling to be like, oh, I've just 0:38:11.200 --> 0:38:14.080 found out this thing that I feel like is quite 0:38:14.120 --> 0:38:16.960 far down the line in terms of this compared to 0:38:17.040 --> 0:38:20.520 where I thought things were. Maybe there's other things I 0:38:20.520 --> 0:38:23.480 don't know about, so maybe asking those questions actually will 0:38:23.560 --> 0:38:25.560 validate you in a sense where it's just like, Okay, 0:38:25.640 --> 0:38:27.680 now I feel a little bit more like there's less 0:38:27.760 --> 0:38:30.080 question marks around other things. And I'm not implying that 0:38:30.160 --> 0:38:32.760 he's been doing anything dodgy. It's just I can understand 0:38:32.760 --> 0:38:35.080 why you would feel a little bit confronted. I also 0:38:35.080 --> 0:38:36.759 think that if we flipped this and let's say, like 0:38:36.800 --> 0:38:39.760 a lot of women like to incorporate vibrates into the bedroom, 0:38:40.200 --> 0:38:42.440 but if you had said, in a while, I would 0:38:42.480 --> 0:38:45.600 like to incorporate a vibrator or something like that, and 0:38:45.640 --> 0:38:48.200 then all of a sudden, you turned up, however, far 0:38:48.280 --> 0:38:52.840 in the future, and you had a twelve inch vibrating. 0:38:52.719 --> 0:38:55.960 Huge phallic object that would probably. 0:38:55.560 --> 0:38:57.719 Be intimidating to the other partner, you know, Like, I 0:38:57.800 --> 0:39:00.680 think that it's it's also based off of the type 0:39:00.719 --> 0:39:02.480 of toy. And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong 0:39:02.520 --> 0:39:04.080 with that. If that's what you want to do, that's fine, 0:39:04.080 --> 0:39:06.040 And we wouldn't judge the fact that maybe you'd use 0:39:06.080 --> 0:39:08.480 smaller vibrators on yourself. But I think that we have 0:39:08.560 --> 0:39:11.359 to be reasonable about how to we get from ada Z. Yeah, 0:39:11.400 --> 0:39:14.480 and like what we're expecting the partner to react, you know, 0:39:14.680 --> 0:39:16.239 Like I would find that a bit of like a 0:39:16.600 --> 0:39:19.360 oh okay, I just feel like I've gone from being 0:39:19.440 --> 0:39:21.400 you know, in year one to being in year twelve. 0:39:21.480 --> 0:39:24.120 That's going from year one to pegging him like a ten. Yeah, 0:39:24.120 --> 0:39:24.560 you know what I mean. 0:39:24.680 --> 0:39:27.399 Like, I think the advancement of it is what would 0:39:27.440 --> 0:39:30.040 probably put me on the back foot a little bit, 0:39:30.080 --> 0:39:31.800 like wow, okay, this kind of came out of nowhere. 0:39:31.880 --> 0:39:32.120 Yeah. 0:39:32.160 --> 0:39:34.480 It's definitely the size and the phallicness when there were 0:39:34.480 --> 0:39:36.800 other choices. That's the thing that's taken by the surprise. 0:39:37.080 --> 0:39:39.359 She's known for years, three years that he likes butt play. 0:39:39.360 --> 0:39:41.040 He's always said that, but he never wanted to bring 0:39:41.040 --> 0:39:43.440 it in. So I think she probably assumed butt play 0:39:43.840 --> 0:39:45.799 was a butt plug or something smaller. So when a big, 0:39:45.840 --> 0:39:46.759 giant penis came out. 0:39:46.800 --> 0:39:48.319 She was like, just wasn't expecting it. 0:39:48.640 --> 0:39:50.480 So I think it's one hundred percent okay for you 0:39:50.560 --> 0:39:53.040 to be like, hey, just wasn't expecting it. Let's chat 0:39:53.040 --> 0:39:55.359 about it, like that's that's so fine, but let us. 0:39:55.320 --> 0:39:57.600 Know that after my FID, I know I need to know. 0:39:57.840 --> 0:39:59.520 Okay, next quest I need to know, is this the 0:39:59.520 --> 0:40:01.200 biggest of toys that he whipped out first? 0:40:01.239 --> 0:40:02.080 Imagine if there's more. 0:40:02.640 --> 0:40:05.000 That's him starting smaller, if he started. 0:40:04.719 --> 0:40:06.799 From the bottom he was like I did start. He's like, 0:40:06.840 --> 0:40:09.279 I did start little. That's my smallest one. All right? 0:40:10.960 --> 0:40:13.520 How much should I take into account my partner's parents 0:40:13.560 --> 0:40:16.439 in my relationship. I love my partner and I feel 0:40:16.480 --> 0:40:19.200 like he is the one, but I'm concerned about his father, 0:40:19.520 --> 0:40:22.120 who is very close with and we see often. My 0:40:22.160 --> 0:40:26.280 partner's father is a misogynist, constantly making derogatory comments about women. 0:40:26.400 --> 0:40:29.920 He supports Trump, he says things about being homophobic, and 0:40:29.960 --> 0:40:31.839 he comments on people's bodies and wait quite a lot. 0:40:31.960 --> 0:40:34.680 This is particularly triggering for me as I have struggled 0:40:34.719 --> 0:40:37.760 with an eating disorder in the past. My partner doesn't 0:40:37.760 --> 0:40:40.720 make these comments, but when his dad says these things, 0:40:40.800 --> 0:40:43.880 he also doesn't respond, and that's what bothers me. He 0:40:43.960 --> 0:40:46.160 never brings it up with me afterwards either, So I'm 0:40:46.160 --> 0:40:49.239 worried my partner might have similar views deep down because 0:40:49.280 --> 0:40:51.399 that's how he's been raised. But I'm scared to bring 0:40:51.440 --> 0:40:53.200 it up because he is so close to his dad. 0:40:53.239 --> 0:40:56.000 They're a big Greek family. I don't want to be offensive. 0:40:56.040 --> 0:40:58.479 Am I overthinking it? What should I do? What would 0:40:58.520 --> 0:40:58.719 you do? 0:40:59.280 --> 0:41:01.759 This is a tricky one because I mean, obviously you 0:41:01.760 --> 0:41:04.000 don't want to just rule out your boyfriend because his 0:41:04.160 --> 0:41:07.640 parent is problematic. But I think it's important to have 0:41:07.719 --> 0:41:10.440 conversations with your boyfriend to figure out if his views 0:41:10.480 --> 0:41:12.359 are the same, because then that will be a really 0:41:12.400 --> 0:41:14.759 key sign and a key indicator. I think there are 0:41:14.800 --> 0:41:16.520 a lot of people that are close to their parents, 0:41:16.600 --> 0:41:19.360 but they don't necessarily agree with their parents, or agree 0:41:19.360 --> 0:41:22.080 with the things and the political views or the perspectives 0:41:22.080 --> 0:41:23.840 of their parents, even though they can love them and 0:41:23.920 --> 0:41:27.120 have a good relationship with them. So for me, if 0:41:27.120 --> 0:41:28.759 I was in this situation, I think the very first 0:41:28.800 --> 0:41:30.719 thing I would do would be to have conversations with 0:41:30.840 --> 0:41:33.200 him to really drill down. Okay, well, what is it 0:41:33.239 --> 0:41:35.279 that you think of women? What is it that you 0:41:35.320 --> 0:41:36.160 think of racism? 0:41:36.160 --> 0:41:36.680 What is it like? 0:41:36.719 --> 0:41:39.839 Where do our values align? And it sounds like you 0:41:39.920 --> 0:41:43.120 actually aren't sure yet whether your values and your boyfriend's 0:41:43.200 --> 0:41:45.840 values are aligned. I don't know how long you've been 0:41:45.960 --> 0:41:49.400 dating for. It may be an early relationship and he 0:41:49.480 --> 0:41:51.400 might still be on best behavior with you because he 0:41:51.480 --> 0:41:55.120 might be trying to present himself as a version of 0:41:55.200 --> 0:41:58.279 himself that you will like. So that's why it's so 0:41:58.400 --> 0:42:02.239 important to have these conversations, especially after his dad has 0:42:02.280 --> 0:42:06.040 done things and said things and shown a version that 0:42:06.120 --> 0:42:08.759 you just don't like and don't accept. Definitely, don't think 0:42:08.760 --> 0:42:10.840 that you should rule out being in a relationship with 0:42:10.880 --> 0:42:13.279 someone just because their parents sucks, you know, because we're 0:42:13.280 --> 0:42:15.120 not always a direct reflection about parents. 0:42:15.480 --> 0:42:18.320 I think you're overthinking, you've said them overthinking. You're absolutely 0:42:18.360 --> 0:42:20.680 overthinking whether you can have this chat to him about it. 0:42:20.719 --> 0:42:22.600 That's the number one thing you should chat about. If 0:42:22.640 --> 0:42:26.120 his dad says something horrific or derogatory or homophobic at 0:42:26.160 --> 0:42:28.319 the dinner table, you go home and you say, hey, 0:42:28.320 --> 0:42:29.759 what did you think when your dad said this? What 0:42:29.800 --> 0:42:33.160 do you think about that? That is an absolutely baseline 0:42:33.239 --> 0:42:35.760 normal discussion for me, and I think if you're worried 0:42:35.760 --> 0:42:39.799 about being offensive, which you have said, then that's not 0:42:39.840 --> 0:42:42.160 the relationship for you, because I wouldn't be in a 0:42:42.160 --> 0:42:47.360 relationship if my partner's family were making racist, homophobic jokes 0:42:47.400 --> 0:42:51.279 constantly and my partner agreed with those. You don't have 0:42:51.360 --> 0:42:53.400 to have a partner that goes up against his family. 0:42:53.480 --> 0:42:55.520 That is fine, but you need to know where he stands, 0:42:55.560 --> 0:42:57.040 like you don't want to cause a rift where he 0:42:57.080 --> 0:42:58.800 has to sit there and fight them at the dinner table. 0:42:59.040 --> 0:43:01.239 It might be something he's been battling for a long time. 0:43:01.480 --> 0:43:03.440 He knows he's going to disagree with them, so they 0:43:03.480 --> 0:43:06.279 just let it slide. That's fine, but you have to 0:43:06.280 --> 0:43:07.960 make sure that you align on those views or the 0:43:07.960 --> 0:43:10.279 relationship isn't going to go anywhere you've said you think 0:43:10.320 --> 0:43:13.200 he's the one, You can't know he's the one if 0:43:13.239 --> 0:43:15.680 you haven't had the conversation, if your morals aligned yet. 0:43:15.880 --> 0:43:16.880 I truly believe that. 0:43:17.000 --> 0:43:18.880 Yeah, And I also think I know you say you 0:43:18.880 --> 0:43:22.400 don't want to make anything uncomfortable. I actually would question, 0:43:22.600 --> 0:43:23.840 and maybe it would be good to like have a 0:43:23.880 --> 0:43:26.800 little think about it. I question whether it's about making 0:43:26.840 --> 0:43:29.640 things uncomfortable or whether you're worried about getting an answer 0:43:29.640 --> 0:43:32.799 you don't like because that's a very different response. Right, 0:43:32.840 --> 0:43:35.479 So are you scared to bring this up in case 0:43:35.560 --> 0:43:38.239 your partner says, oh, you're overreacting. Dad's great, Like, there's 0:43:38.280 --> 0:43:41.440 nothing what he said is fine, because that means you 0:43:41.520 --> 0:43:43.560 have to do something. That means you have to actually 0:43:43.600 --> 0:43:46.520 consider that maybe your values don't align. So that's going 0:43:46.600 --> 0:43:48.840 to be real uncomfortable for everyone because you'll have to 0:43:48.880 --> 0:43:53.279 take action. I really, and this is not just for 0:43:53.320 --> 0:43:56.320 this question. This is for everyone, Like, don't avoid hard 0:43:56.360 --> 0:43:58.359 conversations that are going to get you to your end 0:43:58.360 --> 0:44:01.520 destination faster, because it's either going to mean your relationship 0:44:01.600 --> 0:44:04.000 is rock solid and you know that they're the one, 0:44:04.080 --> 0:44:06.279 you don't just think that they're the one, or it's 0:44:06.320 --> 0:44:08.279 going to show you that actually your values are not 0:44:08.480 --> 0:44:12.080 aligned and you're wasting time with someone who in five years, 0:44:12.160 --> 0:44:15.520 six years time, you're going to realize is misogynistic, supports 0:44:15.520 --> 0:44:18.399 people that you don't support, thinks it's okay to make 0:44:18.600 --> 0:44:21.399 jokes about people's bodies and weights when that's something that's 0:44:21.440 --> 0:44:24.000 really struggled and has been like really triggering for you. 0:44:24.040 --> 0:44:26.520 Like there's so many parts of this that I think 0:44:26.560 --> 0:44:29.320 like finding out sooner rather than later is really important. 0:44:29.680 --> 0:44:32.719 The other thing, though, is if your partner knows that 0:44:33.239 --> 0:44:36.799 eating disorders and conversations around weight is something that is 0:44:36.840 --> 0:44:39.120 triggering for you, if you've had that conversation with him, 0:44:39.600 --> 0:44:41.520 then I do think that that is something he probably 0:44:41.520 --> 0:44:43.560 should stand up to his dad about and not in 0:44:43.600 --> 0:44:45.719 front of you, but just say hey, dad, like, this 0:44:45.760 --> 0:44:47.319 is a really tricky thing for if you can be 0:44:47.320 --> 0:44:49.200 a bit more sensitive about way because it's something that's 0:44:49.239 --> 0:44:51.760 been like a really really hard thing in her life. 0:44:52.200 --> 0:44:54.120 That is a considered response of a partner who cares 0:44:54.160 --> 0:44:56.560 about your feelings. And I think, you know, don't write 0:44:56.600 --> 0:44:59.560 off the relationship until you know, but don't be fearful 0:44:59.560 --> 0:45:01.839 of asking the questions that will allow you to really 0:45:01.880 --> 0:45:04.000 understand and get closer to your partner. I think it's 0:45:04.000 --> 0:45:07.640 really important. Okay, next question, how soon is too soon? 0:45:07.920 --> 0:45:10.239 I came out of a six year relationship with my ex. 0:45:10.280 --> 0:45:12.600 We ended on good terms as it was a mutually 0:45:12.640 --> 0:45:15.000 agreed thing and things weren't working out. 0:45:15.560 --> 0:45:17.520 He is definitely more upset. 0:45:17.200 --> 0:45:19.640 About it than I am, though I've known for over 0:45:19.680 --> 0:45:21.800 a year that we should end it, but was holding 0:45:21.960 --> 0:45:25.319 on hope that things would improve. Now, one month on 0:45:25.400 --> 0:45:27.880 from our breakup, I met someone who I've instantly clicked 0:45:27.880 --> 0:45:30.080 with and I get the feeling he is the one. 0:45:30.480 --> 0:45:32.839 But is it too soon? Should I take more time 0:45:32.880 --> 0:45:35.319 to heal and move on? I was not expecting to 0:45:35.360 --> 0:45:37.920 find someone so soon, and I met this guy completely 0:45:37.960 --> 0:45:40.799 by accident. I had no intention of seeing anyone so soon. 0:45:41.239 --> 0:45:43.600 No one ever felt so perfect for me, though. But 0:45:43.640 --> 0:45:46.800 I'm really worried it's happening so fast after my breakup. 0:45:47.200 --> 0:45:48.640 It's way too soon. 0:45:49.080 --> 0:45:52.200 You never know. Bullshit? You know what I say? 0:45:52.239 --> 0:45:55.240 It is not too soon to date. No, that's fine. 0:45:55.320 --> 0:45:57.680 You can date the week after, especially like when you've 0:45:57.760 --> 0:46:01.120 checked out this relationship earlier. But after six years with someone, 0:46:01.480 --> 0:46:05.320 you've just met someone and one month in you're saying 0:46:05.360 --> 0:46:07.239 that they're the one. That is too soon? And now 0:46:07.440 --> 0:46:09.560 it is someone that has fallen in love with someone 0:46:09.640 --> 0:46:11.520 over a weekend. I will say that I didn't say 0:46:11.520 --> 0:46:13.479 he was but I didn't say he was the one 0:46:13.600 --> 0:46:15.120 after a week and I didn't come out of a 0:46:15.160 --> 0:46:17.719 six year relationship. There are definitely some feelings that you 0:46:17.800 --> 0:46:21.080 may not have processed after a six year relationship. YEA 0:46:21.480 --> 0:46:24.799 and quite often. We can hold on to something very 0:46:24.920 --> 0:46:28.759 quickly when it feels amazing. This would feel amazing. It's 0:46:28.760 --> 0:46:31.680 something new after being with someone for six years, it's 0:46:31.719 --> 0:46:32.319 something new. 0:46:32.960 --> 0:46:33.880 It's so early. 0:46:33.960 --> 0:46:36.920 There's chemistry, there's attraction, there's things that are going to 0:46:37.000 --> 0:46:40.160 feel I imagine your last relationship the last few years 0:46:40.160 --> 0:46:42.400 probably felt a little bit dead, dry and boring. You 0:46:42.600 --> 0:46:46.200 checked out. It was long term. This is going to 0:46:46.360 --> 0:46:49.279 feel amazing. People are on their best behavior on the 0:46:49.280 --> 0:46:53.440 first month, definitely the honeymoon stage. Chemistry can lie. We 0:46:53.480 --> 0:46:57.359 know that go forth date this person if you want to, 0:46:57.680 --> 0:46:59.719 but don't go and date them with intention that they're 0:46:59.719 --> 0:47:01.480 going to be the one. That's what I would say now, 0:47:01.520 --> 0:47:03.959 I would just not lock yourself into something too soon. 0:47:04.480 --> 0:47:06.279 I definitely would try and hook up with some other 0:47:06.280 --> 0:47:08.280 people in the interim, just to like get some stuff 0:47:08.320 --> 0:47:10.239 out of your system in case this person is the 0:47:10.280 --> 0:47:11.799 one and then you're locked down for the rest of 0:47:11.840 --> 0:47:12.160 your life. 0:47:12.320 --> 0:47:14.360 I just think, slow it down, you've said, as it 0:47:14.400 --> 0:47:16.880 moving too fast. Yes, pump the brakes, pump the breaks. 0:47:16.920 --> 0:47:19.239 You're in control of the speed of their You can 0:47:19.239 --> 0:47:20.800 go on one day to week, or one day to 0:47:20.880 --> 0:47:23.920 fortnite or you know, I think it's very easy when 0:47:23.960 --> 0:47:26.360 you spent six years with someone and then not be 0:47:26.440 --> 0:47:30.200 alone at all, to instantly replace them with someone else. 0:47:30.280 --> 0:47:33.000 Like it's almost the definition of monkey branching, just straight 0:47:33.040 --> 0:47:35.320 into the next exciting, big thing that comes along. 0:47:35.560 --> 0:47:37.440 Is it common? I mean a lot of people know 0:47:37.560 --> 0:47:37.840 a lot of. 0:47:37.840 --> 0:47:40.160 People monkey branch, and in my experience, it doesn't work 0:47:40.200 --> 0:47:42.839 out well. It's very exciting for a short period of time, 0:47:42.880 --> 0:47:45.040 and then you know you haven't resolved or fixed the 0:47:45.080 --> 0:47:47.319 things that you wanted to fix or the you know, 0:47:47.480 --> 0:47:49.279 even necessarily figured. 0:47:49.000 --> 0:47:51.600 Out what's the right type of person for you. 0:47:51.960 --> 0:47:54.000 And you've just done six years in a relationship with 0:47:54.040 --> 0:47:56.400 someone who ended up not being the right person for you. 0:47:56.440 --> 0:47:57.759 That's a really long time. 0:47:57.840 --> 0:48:01.440 And it's been four weeks, yeah, twenty eight days. 0:48:01.680 --> 0:48:03.120 I was twenty eight days. 0:48:03.200 --> 0:48:05.560 Yeah, I would say, And you've only been broken up 0:48:05.560 --> 0:48:07.239 for four weeks, which means you didn't meet him, you 0:48:07.280 --> 0:48:10.600 haven't even known him for four weeks. I would say, 0:48:10.680 --> 0:48:13.600 if you're having feelings of like this person could be 0:48:13.719 --> 0:48:16.960 the one to me, that's an alarm bell and that's 0:48:16.960 --> 0:48:19.279 a red flag. That's not an indicator that this is 0:48:19.320 --> 0:48:22.839 necessarily a good idea. I'm not saying don't explore it. 0:48:22.840 --> 0:48:26.920 It's really hard to deny those excitement and the butterflies 0:48:26.960 --> 0:48:30.000 and everything else when you met someone new. Absolutely explore it, 0:48:30.320 --> 0:48:32.600 but explore it with your eyes wide open to what 0:48:32.680 --> 0:48:33.160 it could be. 0:48:33.480 --> 0:48:35.759 And also just slow it down. 0:48:35.880 --> 0:48:38.759 You don't need to go straight into a full time relationship, 0:48:38.800 --> 0:48:41.160 which is something that we can often be guilty of 0:48:41.200 --> 0:48:43.799 doing when we've come out of a full on relationship 0:48:43.840 --> 0:48:46.920 because we only know how to operate in full monogamy 0:48:46.920 --> 0:48:49.399 and commitment. That's not how you have to be now. 0:48:49.520 --> 0:48:51.640 You don't know this person, you don't owe them anything. 0:48:52.000 --> 0:48:54.239 You can just calm it. I also get down to 0:48:54.320 --> 0:48:57.080 the dating level, not to the instant relationship level, the 0:48:57.120 --> 0:48:57.760 one level. 0:48:57.880 --> 0:48:59.040 Yeah, to the one level. Yeah. 0:48:59.080 --> 0:49:02.960 I also think if you have said quote should I 0:49:03.040 --> 0:49:06.000 take more time to move on, that means that you 0:49:06.160 --> 0:49:09.319 haven't moved on yet. So the answer is yes, you 0:49:09.360 --> 0:49:12.279 don't need to be fully moved on and heal to date, 0:49:12.600 --> 0:49:14.640 not just to go out and enjoy it, to hook up, 0:49:14.719 --> 0:49:16.680 have sex, have situationships. 0:49:17.000 --> 0:49:17.319 You can. 0:49:17.560 --> 0:49:20.040 I believe you can do that simultaneously. Sometimes it helps 0:49:20.040 --> 0:49:23.000 you to move on. But I think trying to get 0:49:23.000 --> 0:49:24.759 into a relationship with someone a couple of weeks after 0:49:24.760 --> 0:49:26.960 that you think is the one. If you haven't healed 0:49:27.000 --> 0:49:29.960 and moved on, that is a recipe for disaster. I 0:49:30.000 --> 0:49:32.720 do think you need to be ready for a proper 0:49:32.800 --> 0:49:34.920 relationship with somebody that you think is going to be 0:49:34.960 --> 0:49:35.800 your person forever. 0:49:35.960 --> 0:49:36.640 Don't get me wrong. 0:49:36.680 --> 0:49:39.040 I know that there are people who have gotten out 0:49:39.080 --> 0:49:41.480 of a relationship, met someone really soon, and then they're 0:49:41.520 --> 0:49:42.240 with them for forever. 0:49:42.320 --> 0:49:44.840 Like I mean, to be fair, I think my sister 0:49:44.920 --> 0:49:46.319 is kind of a version of that. 0:49:46.560 --> 0:49:48.759 Of course, it happened, and it happens, and this could 0:49:48.840 --> 0:49:51.040 be the case, but it's going to be the case 0:49:51.080 --> 0:49:53.440 regardless of speed, Like it'll be the case even if 0:49:53.480 --> 0:49:55.839 you slow things down or don't slow things down. I 0:49:55.920 --> 0:49:58.480 just think, like, give yourself some buffer so that you're 0:49:58.480 --> 0:50:01.480 not going headfirst into some and then getting so deep 0:50:01.640 --> 0:50:03.560 and so caught up in the emotion of it that 0:50:03.600 --> 0:50:07.520 you can't make sensible decisions. And also, it's not like 0:50:07.560 --> 0:50:09.840 you owe your ex partner anything. I know that you 0:50:09.880 --> 0:50:12.040 guys are obviously separated. You can do whatever you want, 0:50:12.520 --> 0:50:14.960 but like do it with some kindness, you know, Like 0:50:15.120 --> 0:50:17.360 I don't know, I do think that there is a 0:50:17.440 --> 0:50:20.799 kind way of navigating post breakup, and then there's a 0:50:20.880 --> 0:50:24.640 really selfish and hurtful way of navigating post breakup. And 0:50:24.719 --> 0:50:27.760 I think like flaunting a new relationship four weeks after 0:50:27.840 --> 0:50:33.000 a six year, long term, committed relationship would be incredibly hurtful, 0:50:33.080 --> 0:50:36.440 and so I would say, do it all with kindness. 0:50:36.680 --> 0:50:38.319 You don't have to do that for forever. But like 0:50:38.360 --> 0:50:40.920 this is, you're in like the red hot zone post breakup. 0:50:41.080 --> 0:50:42.560 You can't have been with him more than two or 0:50:42.560 --> 0:50:44.160 three weeks because there's only been a month since you 0:50:44.200 --> 0:50:45.640 broke up then you met him. 0:50:45.520 --> 0:50:49.279 Unless he was the reason that the breakup actually kept year. 0:50:50.320 --> 0:50:52.400 I wasn't expecting to find someone so soon after I 0:50:52.440 --> 0:50:55.279 met him completely by accent you just to say, no 0:50:55.320 --> 0:50:59.000 one ever felt so perfect for me. You truly, I 0:50:59.120 --> 0:51:01.360 just don't care what anyone's says. It is impossible to 0:51:01.520 --> 0:51:06.600 know someone wholeheartedly after two weeks. They're just not their 0:51:06.640 --> 0:51:09.080 honest version of themselves. That's not to say he is 0:51:09.200 --> 0:51:11.399 not the most incredible person, but you haven't gone through 0:51:11.400 --> 0:51:13.520 the process yet. You haven't seen how they argue. You 0:51:13.560 --> 0:51:15.760 haven't seen how they are with their family. You probably 0:51:15.800 --> 0:51:18.120 haven't got the bottom of to their morals or seen 0:51:18.120 --> 0:51:20.160 how they treat other people in their life. There are 0:51:20.200 --> 0:51:22.440 so many things that you don't know about a person. 0:51:22.480 --> 0:51:24.319 You can know enough to know the feeling is good 0:51:24.360 --> 0:51:26.479 and you're like, oh, there could definitely be something here, 0:51:26.880 --> 0:51:29.560 but I do reckon that you need to slow it down. 0:51:29.680 --> 0:51:32.560 Continue to date him for sure. Like the feeling is there, 0:51:32.680 --> 0:51:35.200 that is absolutely fine, but just do it without the 0:51:35.239 --> 0:51:37.560 pressure and the expectation of him being the one. 0:51:37.800 --> 0:51:41.399 Just go forth with caution, everybody. And that's it from us, guys. 0:51:41.440 --> 0:51:42.160 That's asking Cut. 0:51:42.200 --> 0:51:44.080 If you have any questions to asking Cut for next week, 0:51:44.120 --> 0:51:46.960 slide on into the dms at Life on Cut podcasts 0:51:46.960 --> 0:51:49.400 on our Instagram. Go and follow the instagram page as well, 0:51:49.719 --> 0:51:52.000 and also you can join the discussion group on Facebook. 0:51:52.040 --> 0:51:53.880 And also I'm going to Italy to see Bann in 0:51:53.880 --> 0:51:55.160 two days time. Whoo. 0:51:55.360 --> 0:51:56.200 How excited are you? 0:51:56.320 --> 0:51:56.520 Yep? 0:51:56.560 --> 0:51:58.799 So next time you hear from me, guys, I'm middle 0:51:58.880 --> 0:52:00.920 b Os week for the updates. 0:52:01.080 --> 0:52:03.879 Brittany and Italy is coming here next week anyway, guys. 0:52:03.880 --> 0:52:05.839 That's it. Mask to you, Mum, to your dad, to you, DOT, 0:52:05.840 --> 0:52:08.520 to your friends and she the love because we love 0:52:08.600 --> 0:52:08.880 love