Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of Life. I'm Cut, I'm.
Speaker 2: Laura, I'm Brittany, and this is our ask guncut episode
Speaker 2: where you're writing your deepest, darkest burning questions. We do
Speaker 2: our damn best to answer them.
Speaker 3: We certainly do.
Speaker 1: But first, can we just like talk about em Rada
Speaker 1: for one hot second?
Speaker 3: Em Rada hot? Love her hottest? Do you do? You
Speaker 3: know why?
Speaker 2: Because even when I don't love her, I find her
Speaker 2: interesting to watch. That's why I think I like it
Speaker 2: Because I disagree with so many things that she doesn't say,
Speaker 2: but I still love watching it.
Speaker 1: I don't know if I disagree with things that she
Speaker 1: does and says. I understand the complexities around a lot
Speaker 1: of the conversations that have been had when she's I
Speaker 1: don't know, well, let's not even get into it in
Speaker 1: terms of like her take on feminist issues, but it
Speaker 1: feels very choice feminism anyway.
Speaker 3: I don't care about that. What I care about is
Speaker 3: her haircut. I deeply care about her haircut.
Speaker 1: She has just been posting for the six days on
Speaker 1: her TikTok around the worst haircut she's ever had. Like
Speaker 1: you would never think that someone with that much money,
Speaker 1: with that much access to like the best of the best,
Speaker 1: could possibly be subjected to like a bad haircut.
Speaker 3: It's beyond bad, it's horrific.
Speaker 2: I think we need to break this down a little
Speaker 2: bit in case people haven't seen it. Emm Rada has
Speaker 2: gone she's doing a series of videos on TikTok about
Speaker 2: the worst haircut she's ever had. So she hasn't named
Speaker 2: the person, but she's like, I've gone to this guy
Speaker 2: that cut my hair. So he's cut her bangs from
Speaker 2: it literally starts from the nape of her neck.
Speaker 3: The band start from the back of her neck and
Speaker 3: go all.
Speaker 2: The way over the front.
Speaker 3: It's like David Bowie, It's terrible.
Speaker 2: It's like he was cutting her fringe and then he
Speaker 2: slipped on some hair on the ground. I was like sure,
Speaker 2: and then he was like, oh, I better just do
Speaker 2: that to the other side and call it a choice.
Speaker 3: Do you reckon that.
Speaker 4: It's that or do you reckon that. She's kind of
Speaker 4: gone in being like I want this edgy look, this
Speaker 4: is what I want, and so the hairdress has gone Okay,
Speaker 4: that's what you asked for, Like, that's what you want?
Speaker 4: To give you what you want, you're paying me, and
Speaker 4: then she's gone, this is the worst haircut I've ever had.
Speaker 4: I wonder whose fault it is. Did she ask for
Speaker 4: you know, that particular type of haircut and it just.
Speaker 3: Doesn't suit up.
Speaker 1: I think it is quite hard for hairdresses because often
Speaker 1: people would describe what they want, but they don't use
Speaker 1: the right words.
Speaker 3: Like, for example, I take.
Speaker 2: A picture in of like Kendall Jenner and I'm like,
Speaker 2: maybe look.
Speaker 1: I went in once and I was like, I took
Speaker 1: a photo and I was like, oh, I want to
Speaker 1: get like some ashy highlights, and the woman was like,
Speaker 1: just so you know, there's nothing ashy about that reference photo.
Speaker 3: That is warm highlights. And I was like, cool, that's
Speaker 3: my problem. I've done it wrong.
Speaker 2: That's why it needs to be visual. You need to
Speaker 2: take a picture instead of going in and describing what
Speaker 2: you want.
Speaker 1: Just please go and look at Emrat's TikTok. It's like
Speaker 1: someone's cut steps into the fringe when it's like parted
Speaker 1: as a normal fringe, but when it's fully forward, it
Speaker 1: starts from the back of her part, like it is
Speaker 1: the most aggressively long full head of fringe that.
Speaker 3: I've ever seen. It's amazing.
Speaker 4: It's very like two thy ten MySpace era where like
Speaker 4: the shaggy mullet kind of look was in where it
Speaker 4: came over the front.
Speaker 2: But I'm sorry, she's still so hot. Sheila's supermodel, like
Speaker 2: she could do anything to her hair and she would
Speaker 2: be amazed.
Speaker 1: That's what's annoying, because she's like, this is the worst
Speaker 1: haircut I've ever had, but I'm beautiful. Look at me.
Speaker 1: She still looks hard, like, imagine me with that haircut.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't want to imagine that. Thanks love, heart,
Speaker 2: I had.
Speaker 3: Because I just pitched.
Speaker 4: Remember that time when you put my clip on fringe,
Speaker 4: which is blonde For anyone who doesn't know, I am
Speaker 4: like almost white blonde hair.
Speaker 3: I have this clip in fringe. I actually have one
Speaker 3: in right now. I love it.
Speaker 4: Laura put it on the front of her head, and
Speaker 4: because you have brown.
Speaker 1: Hair, it looked like a top deckch I also look
Speaker 1: like David Bowie.
Speaker 2: I feel like we all have to go through that
Speaker 2: phase of life where you have a terrible haircut. I
Speaker 2: remember when I just thought that this was the coolest haircut,
Speaker 2: and I'm mortified when I see it now. I ended
Speaker 2: up with a nickname Lego Man.
Speaker 3: I part so my less I already know what it looks.
Speaker 2: My hair was jet black, like I had the darkest
Speaker 2: hair because I used to just died at home and
Speaker 2: it was just easier to get. It was called darkest brown,
Speaker 2: but it was basically black. And I cut a fringe
Speaker 2: that was straight, and then I cut it into a
Speaker 2: straight bob. It looks like Lord fark Wood. Yeah, I
Speaker 2: looked exactly. I looked like Lord Farquard and it was
Speaker 2: terrible and I was like hot, edgy Fashian and everyone
Speaker 2: was like, no, Lego Man.
Speaker 1: But also every single person in their younger years has
Speaker 1: had a horrifying haircut, Like that's just like a ride
Speaker 1: of passage. I also do deeply remember the time when
Speaker 1: it was like normal for people in their like early twenties,
Speaker 1: late teens to dye their hair.
Speaker 3: I also went through the home dying era. The problem
Speaker 3: with home.
Speaker 1: Dies back then is that the color was so dense,
Speaker 1: Like the color was just dense and heavy, thickest color.
Speaker 1: It just yeah, it made your hair look like it
Speaker 1: was four D. There was so much color to it.
Speaker 1: But I had this one. So I had really long
Speaker 1: hair that I could almost sit on.
Speaker 3: When I was little, my mum was so long.
Speaker 1: My mum was so proud about the fact that both
Speaker 1: my sister and I had this like long, beautiful hair.
Speaker 1: So Mum would never let me get a cut. And
Speaker 1: I wanted a bob, like I wanted a bob so bad,
Speaker 1: and she was like, it's not happening anyway. She took
Speaker 1: me to the hairdresser and she got me a cut,
Speaker 1: but it was nowhere near short enough.
Speaker 3: It was only like to my brasstrap.
Speaker 1: And because I had divorced parents and I could play
Speaker 1: them off against each other. I then went to my
Speaker 1: dad's house the next weekend and I said, oh, Dad,
Speaker 1: Mum said I could get my haircut and need to
Speaker 1: get a trim, and he's like, oh, okay, yeah, no worries.
Speaker 1: Took me into Just Cuts and I sat in the
Speaker 1: chair at Just Cuts and my dad was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm going to go to the fishing shop. I'll come
Speaker 1: back in twenty minutes. And I was like, can I
Speaker 1: get really short bob? And the woman was like, I
Speaker 1: don't know if your dad said that's okay, And I
Speaker 1: was like, yeah, so fine, so fait did you?
Speaker 3: I had an undercut.
Speaker 1: I went from hair that I could almost sit on
Speaker 1: to having a shaved undercut, and I thought it was
Speaker 1: so cool.
Speaker 2: I was like, fucking up, did you undercut?
Speaker 3: Did you?
Speaker 2: Oh? Did you ask for the undercut or was that
Speaker 2: an accidental shave?
Speaker 1: I asked for the bob to be so short that
Speaker 1: the only way to cut it is to shave up
Speaker 1: to the bob, like you have to shave up to
Speaker 1: the undercut.
Speaker 3: I remember the time where that was really cool too.
Speaker 1: It's like a fifty year old woman's hairstyle, or maybe
Speaker 1: like sixty year old woman's hairstyle.
Speaker 2: I also used to when I or a fourteen.
Speaker 3: Year old boys like it's one of the two. Laura
Speaker 3: had a fade.
Speaker 1: I had a fade like Ben, but I was I
Speaker 1: was only like fifty. No, yeah, I was younger than that.
Speaker 1: I was like, no, that's I was. I was probably
Speaker 1: twelve or eleven.
Speaker 2: I also remember before I could dye my hair, I
Speaker 2: was allowed to dye my hair. Everyone was dying it
Speaker 2: at school and I was like, please warm, and she
Speaker 2: was like, you're not dyeing your hair. I was in
Speaker 2: year six and my older brothers were allowed to bleach
Speaker 2: their hair.
Speaker 3: Oh, that's a bit of a rough lot.
Speaker 2: Well, they were older in high school, it was different.
Speaker 2: They have short hair. I was in year six and
Speaker 2: I had brown hair, and I remember they had some
Speaker 2: diet home and I was like, I'll just die a
Speaker 2: couple of strands and she won't know. But I had
Speaker 2: no idea how it worked. So I got, yeah, you
Speaker 2: know how they used to hate the name, but they
Speaker 2: used to be called slut strips, like sluts. So I
Speaker 2: got these two slut strands of like they were a
Speaker 2: centimeter and there was I thought they were so thin,
Speaker 2: so I like wound the bleach down them, thinking that
Speaker 2: there would be such a subtle sul lit highlight.
Speaker 3: Anyway, it was.
Speaker 2: Like two centimeters strips of bleach down the front of
Speaker 2: my hair and that seat Mum was like, what the
Speaker 2: hell have you done? And I was like, I don't
Speaker 2: know how it happened.
Speaker 3: I don't I don't know. It was so bad.
Speaker 1: Oh, guys, I'm sure everyone has a story about their
Speaker 1: terrible hair.
Speaker 3: We've all been there.
Speaker 4: I have an update on something that I kind of
Speaker 4: accidentally discovered last ask on cut when.
Speaker 3: You guys, I'm trying to think of the question that
Speaker 3: you were answering.
Speaker 4: I don't even remember which question it was, but I
Speaker 4: remember having this revelation where I kind of interjected and
Speaker 4: I was basically I was like, wait, hang on a second,
Speaker 4: are you telling me that in a long term relationship,
Speaker 4: you guys still make out just for the purpose of
Speaker 4: making out, not needing it to go anywhere, not having
Speaker 4: it always lead to sex.
Speaker 3: Or like, are you regularly doing this?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: I just asked Laura. I just said, do you guys
Speaker 2: still make out in the kitchennel? No?
Speaker 1: Your exact words were, I can't imagine you two ever
Speaker 1: making out, And I was like, we still make.
Speaker 3: Out, yeah, with each of it.
Speaker 2: Sorry, I mean without sex. I mean like, do you
Speaker 2: still just walk around and make out, have a session
Speaker 2: and then continue on.
Speaker 1: Well, sometimes when you've got kids, you can't have the
Speaker 1: sex right after, so you make out and then like
Speaker 1: a book.
Speaker 3: That was nice. That's not gonna anything, is it? See
Speaker 3: you twenty twenty six, we'll finish that off.
Speaker 4: It was kind of for me one of those moments
Speaker 4: where I just realized that my reality is very different
Speaker 4: to some other people's because I could not tell you
Speaker 4: hand on my heart, I couldn't tell you the last
Speaker 4: time I made out with my boyfriend when it didn't
Speaker 4: lead to sex, and it's crazy.
Speaker 3: I don't know if it's ever happened. I don't think
Speaker 3: it's crazy.
Speaker 1: I think there's a lot of people who would share
Speaker 1: that similarity, especially after long term relationships, like the makeout
Speaker 1: sessions turn into PEX and the makeout sessions turn into
Speaker 1: only when it's gonna you know, time for more fun time.
Speaker 2: And then people have sex without even kissing.
Speaker 3: Now time for more fun times? What was that sex?
Speaker 3: It's okay, I'm a grown up.
Speaker 1: I just have kids and sometimes I forget I'm allowed
Speaker 1: to speak like an adult on this podcast.
Speaker 3: So we put a poll up, as you know, we
Speaker 3: love to do.
Speaker 4: There were seven thousand people who responded to the poll,
Speaker 4: and thirty six percent of people are still making out
Speaker 4: in their long term relationship without having it lead to anything.
Speaker 2: Yes, they're my people.
Speaker 4: I do feel comfort in the fact that not really
Speaker 4: it almost always leads to sex. Is at sixty four opposite,
Speaker 4: So at least I'm in the majority.
Speaker 3: But I got a couple of messages.
Speaker 4: From people and they were like, why would I make
Speaker 4: out with my husband?
Speaker 2: That to me is the problem. That to me is
Speaker 2: the problem and so funny.
Speaker 4: I also got a message from Tara Oh, who we've
Speaker 4: had on the podcast before You Guys spoke with her
Speaker 4: about all things to do with like igniting the spark
Speaker 4: and all that kind of thing, and she was like, girlfriend,
Speaker 4: you need to be making out. And that was when
Speaker 4: I was I was kind of thinking, like, I know,
Speaker 4: you gave me homework. I did give you, I know,
Speaker 4: but I didn't do it because I felt you were like, because.
Speaker 1: I was so frightened it would lead to set. I
Speaker 1: didn't want to give them the wrong impression.
Speaker 3: No, it can't. That was the point.
Speaker 2: It can't lead to sex. You have to go up,
Speaker 2: have a makeout and walk away, go go back to work.
Speaker 2: The whole point was the challenge Kija wonder.
Speaker 3: I'm sorry, Ma, can you go to a sex club?
Speaker 4: I'm just asking to kiss your So funny because I
Speaker 4: was the one that when You Guys spoke with Jessica,
Speaker 4: who owns a sex club in Sydney.
Speaker 3: I remember at the time this is years ago, but
Speaker 3: I was the one who was like, yeah, okay, I'll go,
Speaker 3: like this will.
Speaker 4: Be fun experiment because you won't even kiss your partner.
Speaker 3: Come approved, No, you're like I'd rather go to the
Speaker 3: sex club. It's my boyfriend, that's the problem.
Speaker 1: No, we don't want to blarring to hear that it
Speaker 1: doesn't it's fine, it's fine. I still ask the question, though,
Speaker 1: when does it change? Like when is that pivot in
Speaker 1: a long term relationship where you go from you know,
Speaker 1: having like just the passionate makeouts to going oh, can't
Speaker 1: be bothered?
Speaker 3: Like when does it happen? It happen to a lot
Speaker 3: of people. But I think it's a slow burn.
Speaker 2: I actually think it happens to most people at some point, Like,
Speaker 2: but I don't know if there's a specific day. I
Speaker 2: think it's a slow faded.
Speaker 3: It's a Tuesday, it's once fine summer day.
Speaker 2: I don't think there's a point in time or like
Speaker 2: a one year in three years, and I think it
Speaker 2: just just happens. Yeah, this is why I'll never live
Speaker 2: with my partner, so I'll always make out with him.
Speaker 3: That's such a shame, isn't it? Keep the makeouts alive?
Speaker 5: All right?
Speaker 1: Well, let's get into vibes and unsubscribe before we answer
Speaker 1: your questions.
Speaker 3: Britt, what is your.
Speaker 2: Bab My vibe is on Apple TV. If you have
Speaker 2: Apple TV. It came out a couple of days ago,
Speaker 2: and it's called Number One on the Call Sheet. It's
Speaker 2: about the acting industry, it's about Hollywood, but it's a
Speaker 2: two part docu series, but it's specifically on black actors
Speaker 2: in Hollywood. Episode one is just based around leading Hollywood
Speaker 2: Black men, So I'm talking the Rock, Eddie Murphy, Kevin Hart,
Speaker 2: Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington, Jamie Fox, Will Smith, all of
Speaker 2: the people that you would associate being with the top
Speaker 2: leading men in Hollywood. The second episode is exactly the
Speaker 2: same thing, but leading black women. So like the halle Berry,
Speaker 2: Viola Davis, will Be Goldberg, Cynthia and Revo Angela Bassett,
Speaker 2: you get the gys. So they've basically gone through and
Speaker 2: found people that are absolutely killing it in the acting
Speaker 2: industry in Hollywood, and they interview them, and they interviewed
Speaker 2: them on all of their individual stories about how they
Speaker 2: got to where they did, but also the challenges they
Speaker 2: faced being black in the industry, what they had to
Speaker 2: do to fight for a seat at the table to
Speaker 2: be looked at to be a leading person. So number
Speaker 2: one on the call sheet, what that actually means is
Speaker 2: if you are number one on your acting call sheet.
Speaker 2: It means you you are the highest paid actor and
Speaker 2: means you are the leading person. So some people don't know,
Speaker 2: but you get ranked, so there are you know. Some
Speaker 2: of these actors have come out saying I was always
Speaker 2: number twelve or thirteen. Sometimes I didn't get a name.
Speaker 2: It was like, you know, this man whatever. And it
Speaker 2: not only goes through how hard it was, it also
Speaker 2: some of them found it really easy. So I think
Speaker 2: was Eddie Murphy was saying, I'm in the minority. I
Speaker 2: had one audition in my entire.
Speaker 3: Life because it always just got cast.
Speaker 2: For Saturday Night Live, and then it was just the
Speaker 2: easiest thing for him. From there, But other people talking
Speaker 2: about the struggles and how far we've got to come.
Speaker 2: But they also speak a lot about their personal life too,
Speaker 2: So The Rock is really honest about why his first
Speaker 2: marriage deteriorated. Will Smith talks a lot about where he
Speaker 2: went wrong with his daughter Willow Smith.
Speaker 1: Interesting that they've got so many like high flying celebrities
Speaker 1: to be a part of it, every.
Speaker 2: Single leading black person basically, so Apple TV number one
Speaker 2: on the call sheet. I personally loved it. It's just
Speaker 2: two docuseries.
Speaker 3: My vibe this.
Speaker 4: Week is one of I'm actually going to say it,
Speaker 4: it's one of the best podcast episodes I have ever
Speaker 4: listened to in my entire life.
Speaker 3: It is the recent.
Speaker 4: Episode of Diary of a CEO with Logan Yuri, who
Speaker 4: is the behavioral scientist from him.
Speaker 3: She's been on the podcast a bunch of times.
Speaker 4: Very coincidentally, her episode of Cloud came out on Dating
Speaker 4: An ADHD last Thursday.
Speaker 3: But was equally the best episode Kesh's ever listen.
Speaker 4: And to show his life episodes of She was on
Speaker 4: Chloe Kardashian's podcast the week before Diary the CEO, and
Speaker 4: so I was like, Wow, Logan, you're really big guns.
Speaker 4: Cloud's the third one, you know, the big one leading
Speaker 4: the world.
Speaker 1: We had a first We've spoken to Logan quite a
Speaker 1: few times. What makes this the best episode? It was
Speaker 1: with Prof g So Scott Galloway.
Speaker 4: You guys have heard me recommend his podcast a couple
Speaker 4: of times as well. He's the guy who I spoke
Speaker 4: about his podcast because I was like, he's an easy
Speaker 4: entry for me to the world of finance, and I
Speaker 4: just love the way that the two of them discussed this.
Speaker 4: The episode is called Masculinity Debate, Our dating apps, creating
Speaker 4: in cells. Lonely men are more dangerous than ever. This
Speaker 4: episode is really long, It's nearly two and a half hours.
Speaker 4: It is basically a debate between Logan and Scott. However
Speaker 4: they agree on most things, but they have so many
Speaker 4: incredible statistics to back it up, and like listening to
Speaker 4: the episode, yes, it is a little bit alarming about
Speaker 4: what is going on in our world at the moment.
Speaker 4: This is obviously quite topical because there was a recently
Speaker 4: this report published called Lost Boys, and it was basically
Speaker 4: all about what's going wrong with the generation of men
Speaker 4: that are coming through now and with the boys who
Speaker 4: are growing up and adolescence has obviously been the number
Speaker 4: one TV show in the world, so this is a
Speaker 4: particularly interesting thing, I think for a lot of people
Speaker 4: to try and examine the reasons that you know, men
Speaker 4: are failing in society and the things that are causing
Speaker 4: for them to feel like they don't have a sense
Speaker 4: of purpose and why are they finding these internet people
Speaker 4: to align with, Why can't they find dates, why can't
Speaker 4: they have sex with people? And there was this really
Speaker 4: interesting part where Scott was talking about, you know, if
Speaker 4: a man doesn't live with a partner or have a
Speaker 4: long term relationship by the time they're thirty, there is
Speaker 4: a one in three chance that that person will experience
Speaker 4: substance abuse issues. And Logan's rebuttal to that was, Okay,
Speaker 4: that might be a statistic, but like, it's also not
Speaker 4: a woman's role to have to emotionally raise men, so like,
Speaker 4: how do we intervene? And I just found it one
Speaker 4: of the most interesting and brilliant conversations. They are both
Speaker 4: so incredibly intelligent, and I think that this is an episode.
Speaker 4: Not only did I feel as though I was like, Wow,
Speaker 4: I'm so glad I now know these things, but if
Speaker 4: I was a parent of a boy, this is a must.
Speaker 3: It is an absolute must for you to listen to this.
Speaker 1: But also the interesting thing about that as well, in
Speaker 1: terms of like men being more inclined if they've reached
Speaker 1: thirty and not had a relationship with a woman, I'd
Speaker 1: be interested to know what the return statistics are that
Speaker 1: are for women who reach thirty and haven't had a
Speaker 1: significant relationship with a man. It's like the patriarchy affects
Speaker 1: everyone you know negatively, but also I guess it's like
Speaker 1: almost that there should be this expectation of not pity,
Speaker 1: but like taking care of responsibility for and that just
Speaker 1: seems so misplaced.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's interesting because there are obviously a lot of
Speaker 4: problems that are happening with the rise of feminism and
Speaker 4: the rights that women have gained, a lot of men
Speaker 4: feel as though they don't have a purpose in the
Speaker 4: world anymore.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 4: They go through a lot of statistics about when women
Speaker 4: earn more, when they're more educated, and like everything is
Speaker 4: on the up and up, and Scott is the first
Speaker 4: person to say that is brilliant.
Speaker 3: We are not saying that this needs to change, but
Speaker 3: we need.
Speaker 4: To adapt other parts of society. How are we creating
Speaker 4: connection for men? How are we creating men's groups, How
Speaker 4: are we creating a sense of purpose? How are we
Speaker 4: redefining what masculinity means?
Speaker 3: How are we going to.
Speaker 4: Fix this problem? Because we've got all of these really
Speaker 4: massive issues at the moment, and he's not saying how
Speaker 4: are women going to fix it? He's the first person
Speaker 4: to say, how are men going to fix this? But
Speaker 4: it's something that I think we all kind of need
Speaker 4: to be aware of so that we can work out
Speaker 4: ways that we are contributing to it. You know, there
Speaker 4: were so many statistics about dating and relationships in this
Speaker 4: where eighty percent of women will set their filters on
Speaker 4: dating apps to be six foot and above, but that's
Speaker 4: only fourteen percent of adult men. And so they were
Speaker 4: talking about, you know, the top ten percent of men
Speaker 4: on dating apps are getting ninety percent of the people.
Speaker 3: Swiping right on the yes.
Speaker 2: You know.
Speaker 1: It was just it was absolutely fat. I mean, that's
Speaker 1: the stat that's said in adolescents itself. He was like,
Speaker 1: you know, only twenty percent of the I can't remember
Speaker 1: exactly what it was, but something around the lines of
Speaker 1: like only twenty percent of the men get like eighty
Speaker 1: percent of the women or something like that, you know,
Speaker 1: which is just I.
Speaker 2: Don't know, I think that that's the same On the
Speaker 2: other side, I don't know how I feel about the stats,
Speaker 2: because we were talking about how to mediocre men have
Speaker 2: these ludicrously high standards and get these amazing women, Like
Speaker 2: we had this whole conversation about it, not on the podcast,
Speaker 2: so don't go back and look for that episode. It
Speaker 2: was just a conversation between friends off the back of substack, yeah,
Speaker 2: or it was off the back of a substack, was
Speaker 2: it was an interesting conversation to have, and maybe it's
Speaker 2: something that we do need to unpack more. I want
Speaker 2: to listen to that episode and maybe we can all
Speaker 2: unpack it because it sounds fascinating. But from what you've said,
Speaker 2: like I feel like I have a strong visceral reaction
Speaker 2: to some of the things you've said.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think maybe.
Speaker 4: Something that we could potentially unpack on a future episode
Speaker 4: is this idea of red pill men. It's a kind
Speaker 4: of a term that's being thrown around a bit in
Speaker 4: the culture, and it was thrown around in this episode.
Speaker 4: And that's why I ended up going and googling it
Speaker 4: because I didn't completely understand. But I think we would
Speaker 4: all find it quite fascinating. And yeah, like I said,
Speaker 4: it's a really long one. It's on YouTube, It's on
Speaker 4: wherever you get your podcasts. It's the episode of Diary
Speaker 4: of CEO Masculinity.
Speaker 3: Debate with Prof. G Scott Galloway.
Speaker 4: And Logan Yuri, and I cannot recommend it more awesome.
Speaker 1: I have an unsubscribe which comes very infrequently, and it's
Speaker 1: something that we've been discussing here.
Speaker 3: I am unsubscribing.
Speaker 1: From April Fools Jokes and The reason why I'm unsubscribing
Speaker 1: this year is because I feel like, maybe it's just me,
Speaker 1: maybe it's my algorithm, but the increase in influences and
Speaker 1: people working in media who have jumped on the April
Speaker 1: Fools band, and I just find it a.
Speaker 2: Little bit l I hate it.
Speaker 1: Sorry to anyone who works in me that I was
Speaker 1: not pointed at any specific person.
Speaker 3: I just saw a few of them.
Speaker 2: And I was like, I mean, your husband did do one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean I pointed to him as well. I
Speaker 3: was like a man describing my husband.
Speaker 2: Do you know why I didn't like it because I
Speaker 2: just feel like it's in a way I don't want
Speaker 2: to say lost its meaning, because that's not right. It
Speaker 2: still has its meaning. I just don't like that. Yesterday,
Speaker 2: by the end of the day, I was so pissed
Speaker 2: off that every single thing I saw on every single platform,
Speaker 2: whether it was mainstream news, huge brands, small people, influences,
Speaker 2: every single thing I saw. There was nothing that I
Speaker 2: saw that was real, but I thought it was. And
Speaker 2: by the end of the day, I just I was
Speaker 2: just say angry. I was like, I'm just sick of
Speaker 2: the internet.
Speaker 3: Today.
Speaker 1: See, I felt kind of different because I had seen
Speaker 1: so many, and I instantly knew so many of them
Speaker 1: were April Fools jokes, and maybe because we'd spoken about
Speaker 1: it in the morning, so I was very.
Speaker 3: Conscious that it was April Fools.
Speaker 1: I just stopped engaging with social media that day because
Speaker 1: I was like, I'm not going to believe anything anything
Speaker 1: that seemed like slightly exceptional or was like an announcement
Speaker 1: or was a breakup post or Most of them are
Speaker 1: harmless and I don't have like any strong feelings. They're
Speaker 1: just kind of a bit annoying. I'm like, ahah, here
Speaker 1: we go again, another one.
Speaker 3: But there were a couple that I saw.
Speaker 1: One in particular, she is an influencer but also an
Speaker 1: incredible entrepreneur who I follow online based out of America,
Speaker 1: and she is I don't want to give the handle
Speaker 1: away because I don't want to like start more of
Speaker 1: a pilongs that's already happening. But basically, she's a real
Speaker 1: advocate in the space for being childless by choice. Her
Speaker 1: and her husband talk about it all the time, that
Speaker 1: they've made really considered decisions around not wanting to have kids.
Speaker 1: She's very vocal in that space, and then posted about
Speaker 1: how her and her husband were having a baby, and
Speaker 1: a few people in the comments were obviously like, is
Speaker 1: this April Fools. A lot of people were congratulating, And
Speaker 1: then I'd seen it and thought, if that's an April
Speaker 1: Fool's stroke, that's a really bad one. Like that's like
Speaker 1: one thing or one of many things you just don't
Speaker 1: joke about. And she posted a photo of herself with
Speaker 1: the caption saying I fucked up, and it set it
Speaker 1: on the picture as well, and she was like, look,
Speaker 1: you know, for so many years I've been asked around
Speaker 1: whether I am or I'm not going to have children,
Speaker 1: people of so publicly and quiet into my life and
Speaker 1: my choices around around having kids, and I just never
Speaker 1: thought that the alternate was that there are so many
Speaker 1: women who want children and can't have them, and so
Speaker 1: making a joke out of this would be tone deaf.
Speaker 3: And I was just kind.
Speaker 1: Of in my like when I saw this, I was like, Okay,
Speaker 1: appreciate the responsibility. Like it's so great that people acknowledge
Speaker 1: that sometimes April Fool's jokes are not funny because they're
Speaker 1: not punching across they're just punching down on people.
Speaker 3: I was like aren't we past the point where.
Speaker 1: Things like this could even be thought of as being
Speaker 1: a good idea for an April Fool's joke.
Speaker 2: It does seem weird in twenty twenty five that we're
Speaker 2: still doing the pregnancy jokes. Like maybe it's just been
Speaker 2: the algorithms that we've watched over the years. There's been
Speaker 2: many people the last five six years that have made
Speaker 2: the mistake of doing that April Fool's joke, have learned
Speaker 2: the dead lesson, and I felt like that was really public.
Speaker 2: I felt like by the time, how open we are
Speaker 2: with the pregnancy discussions or the infertility discussions. And I
Speaker 2: don't say weez in US, I see weez in a
Speaker 2: society and online. You'd think people would have learned by
Speaker 2: now that there are like a few no go zones
Speaker 2: for April fools and that is absolutely like up there
Speaker 2: with the top of them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, obviously brands are all jumping on board. It's definitely
Speaker 1: a big influencer thing at the moment. People have social
Speaker 1: media profiles. I saw the increase this year than last
Speaker 1: year and years in the past, and I think that,
Speaker 1: you know, next year, it's going to be something that
Speaker 1: we see more and more of I just don't find
Speaker 1: them particularly amusing. And maybe I'm on my own on that.
Speaker 1: I'm happy to be a gringe, but I just kind
Speaker 1: of was like, I'm bored by this.
Speaker 4: I completely agree, and I think that as technology advances
Speaker 4: with AI and the ability to create something that looks
Speaker 4: super real, they're going to get more and more extreme and.
Speaker 3: They're going to look more and more real.
Speaker 4: And like, I know that I'm probably taking this a
Speaker 4: little bit too seriously, but for me looking at social
Speaker 4: media yesterday and how believable some of the things were,
Speaker 4: it was that reminder to myself that I'm like, wow,
Speaker 4: we actually can be fed so much bullshit, deceived and
Speaker 4: not so easily. Some brands did it, and the jokes
Speaker 4: were funny, you know. I saw Shopo created a glow
Speaker 4: in the dark dress for your friend that you always
Speaker 4: lose in the club so that you'll be able to
Speaker 4: find them.
Speaker 3: That's funny.
Speaker 4: It's Hilaire, in line with what they do. It doesn't
Speaker 4: hurt anybody, like say, and.
Speaker 1: It's very much like you said, I think the big
Speaker 1: part of that is it's in line with the brand.
Speaker 1: It's when people do things that's really rogue and outside
Speaker 1: of like what their core values are.
Speaker 2: Or believable, like really believable in the wrong way.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and then turn around and go psych that's not
Speaker 1: us anyway. It's like, but why for what point? I
Speaker 1: like that one because I think it's very much in line.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I'm just not an April Fools person the end.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, let's get into the questions question number one.
Speaker 2: I've freshly started dating again, but after being treated pretty
Speaker 2: poorly in my last relationship, I'm unfortunately a bit scared
Speaker 2: and always preemptively looking for reasons why a relationship won't
Speaker 2: work out, sometimes before we even have a first date.
Speaker 2: That my friend is called self sabotage. One thing I
Speaker 2: find really strange is men who have quite public profiles
Speaker 2: on social media and are very into creating and curating
Speaker 2: photos and content. It's weird because the traits I am
Speaker 2: attracted to, which is like motivated, inspired, outgoing active, tend
Speaker 2: to be the kind who posts a lot on social media.
Speaker 2: So it does feel like some thing I might need
Speaker 2: to get over. But I wonder how Laura found navigating
Speaker 2: her relationship in the public eye at first, and if
Speaker 2: she ever felt the ick from any of Matt's posts
Speaker 2: when they originally started dating. Basically, she's saying she's got
Speaker 2: the ick from men that she's dating that are like
Speaker 2: influences that are like, hey, can you take this photo
Speaker 2: of me here? And I'm going to do this and
Speaker 2: I'm going to look away, and like the very curated
Speaker 2: Instagram influencer photos is what's giving her the ear.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I guess, well, firstly, I don't think Matt's Instagram
Speaker 1: is particularly curated, Like he's not really the type of
Speaker 1: person that's posting hot photos. If anything, it's like dumb,
Speaker 1: funny content. But he's had a real transition in his
Speaker 1: content because when we first started dating, he was more
Speaker 1: of your traditional influencer. I guess we're both trying to
Speaker 1: figure out, like what was Instagram to us as people
Speaker 1: who had never used it before but now had a
Speaker 1: social media following. And I think it's an interesting one
Speaker 1: because I feel like social media we are very gendered
Speaker 1: with it, and it's exactly I think that this is
Speaker 1: point and case an affirmation of that we're okay with
Speaker 1: women doing it, but we don't like men doing it.
Speaker 1: With women being influencers, we find it weird when mental
Speaker 1: influencers we don't quite understand. And I don't mean this
Speaker 1: just as in like women having that perspective of men
Speaker 1: who post, men also have that perspective of other men
Speaker 1: who post. And I honestly couldn't tell you the amount
Speaker 1: of times where like we've left a party or a
Speaker 1: dinner or Matt meeting new people and he's been like,
Speaker 1: it's so hard for me to explain to people what
Speaker 1: I do for a job, and so I always just
Speaker 1: fall back on the podcast and say, oh, I have
Speaker 1: a podcast, Go.
Speaker 3: Two dotting dads.
Speaker 1: You know, he doesn't make his majority income through the podcast.
Speaker 1: He makes his majority income as a content creator working
Speaker 1: alongside brands. But most people, especially other men, don't understand.
Speaker 1: They cannot wrap their head around a man doing that
Speaker 1: for an income. And I think it's because traditionally the
Speaker 1: world of social media has been very much reserved for
Speaker 1: women and how we use it.
Speaker 3: Did he give me the ick? No, he doesn't give
Speaker 3: me the ick at all.
Speaker 1: I actually think it's incredibly creative how he's able to
Speaker 1: use it. He doesn't care about like what people say
Speaker 1: in and if anything, he has very funny come back
Speaker 1: and witty responses to things when people write stuff that's
Speaker 1: quite mean, Matt never retaliates in a way that has venom.
Speaker 1: He always retaliates in a way that's very, very self
Speaker 1: deprecating and really joking. And I think that that's such
Speaker 1: a beautiful quality because sometimes I react in a way
Speaker 1: that's like, hey, screw you, how dare you say that?
Speaker 1: But I think that this is something that you should
Speaker 1: get over. I mean, obviously there's a limit to it.
Speaker 1: There's some people that post every single part of their
Speaker 1: lives and they post things that are just incredibly cringe.
Speaker 1: We've all seen the person who's hogged at the sunset.
Speaker 3: Maybe you've been on holidays a sunset no, I mean this.
Speaker 1: I remember being on holidays in Bali, sitting in a
Speaker 1: nice restaurant and this one couple just took four hundred
Speaker 1: photos of themselves literally blocking everybody else's beautiful view of
Speaker 1: the sunset because they were taking social media content.
Speaker 3: And I was like, that is I mean, it's so annoying.
Speaker 3: That is annoying. I want to take away for that
Speaker 3: would give me the oic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, taking away from the fact firstly that the that
Speaker 2: you're getting these content creation is an ick whatever it is.
Speaker 2: If you get an ick from something it's pretty hard
Speaker 2: to get over. So your ick is a guy that
Speaker 2: creates too much content. Firstly, if you can get over that, great,
Speaker 2: If you can't, don't date someone that is in content creation.
Speaker 2: That's what I want to say, but that I do
Speaker 2: feel you in a way, so and I say that
Speaker 2: because sometimes you can't help it. But I remember and
Speaker 2: I know that you guys, remember I was dating this
Speaker 2: guy a couple of years ago, very briefly.
Speaker 5: His content was cringe, but it was like, hang on
Speaker 5: even talking about the same person are but he was great,
Speaker 5: but he was very He definitely had this life on
Speaker 5: social media that he was trying to present himself a
Speaker 5: certain way, which is I don't have a problem with it,
Speaker 5: but I had the problem with how much it meant
Speaker 5: to him.
Speaker 2: But when I say how much it meant to him,
Speaker 2: it's because it was things like I remember he would
Speaker 2: do really nice, lovely things for me, which was great,
Speaker 2: and he was a really nice person. But then and
Speaker 2: I'll use the example of like he sent me this beautiful,
Speaker 2: big bunch of flowers and it was lovely, and then
Speaker 2: he came over and he was like, do you love them?
Speaker 2: And I was like, I love them? So much. They
Speaker 2: are stunning. It was something like a hundred like it
Speaker 2: was one hundred roses or something.
Speaker 3: It was huge.
Speaker 2: It would have cost him a lot. We hung out
Speaker 2: for a couple of hours and then he was like,
Speaker 2: are you going to post that? And that was the
Speaker 2: moment literally, and I don't even know if he remembers it,
Speaker 2: but that was the moment in me where I was like, Oh,
Speaker 2: your life isn't real, Like you didn't actually want to
Speaker 2: give me those because you want to give me them.
Speaker 2: You wanted to make a moment that you could post
Speaker 2: on social media. And that was the moment where I
Speaker 2: was like, Okay, cool, we have very different ideas around
Speaker 2: our lives and our private lives.
Speaker 3: And you're like, and I'm also not ready to go
Speaker 3: public with you, so no.
Speaker 2: And I was like and I was like, I was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: I might post some Yeah.
Speaker 4: Do you know what this reminds me though, of that
Speaker 4: really good quote. There's a big difference between doing things
Speaker 4: in your life and posting it on social media versus
Speaker 4: doing things in your life so that you.
Speaker 3: Can post it on social media. Yeah, really really different intention.
Speaker 4: And I think that's why you were like, Oh, the
Speaker 4: intention here is really different.
Speaker 1: I think it comes down to authenticity though, right, Like,
Speaker 1: if you meet a guy and he's super out, goal
Speaker 1: and he's you know, motivated, inspired, active, all these things
Speaker 1: that you mentioned that you like in someone and he
Speaker 1: posts on social media, if is his authentic version. I
Speaker 1: hate that word, but it's true. If he's authentically himself
Speaker 1: on social media and also is the same person in
Speaker 1: real life, then I don't think you'll get the ick
Speaker 1: because I think that you'll be like, oh, it's so
Speaker 1: congruent with the person he is that it's kind of
Speaker 1: just like an extension of his personality. But if he's
Speaker 1: posting things and you look at it and you're like,
Speaker 1: oh my god, you're a fucking try hard, like, that's
Speaker 1: a very different perception. My only thing I do want
Speaker 1: to say is is like, it's so obvious that you're
Speaker 1: trying to pick apart and look for things that you
Speaker 1: don't like in someone. You even said, unfortunately, I'm a
Speaker 1: bit scared and always premptively looking for reasons why relationship
Speaker 1: won't work out, even before the first date. I do
Speaker 1: think that that's something that you probably have to recognize
Speaker 1: in yourself, and if you're getting the dick too, easily. Yes,
Speaker 1: it's easy for us to say, well, when you got
Speaker 1: the ick, you got the ick, but you can't get
Speaker 1: the ick about everything and you do have to work
Speaker 1: on that. If that's the case, and power through it,
Speaker 1: I think totally.
Speaker 2: But I also think it comes down to in these situations,
Speaker 2: like how much does it take over their life? Are
Speaker 2: you going somewhere and he's like, Hey, this looks like
Speaker 2: it'd be a great post. Can you get a picture
Speaker 2: of me there? You get the picture and it's done.
Speaker 2: You get a picture of the food and it's done.
Speaker 2: Or is he the four hundred person at the sunset?
Speaker 2: But is he the person that.
Speaker 3: Like the sunset hog? I would get the ick.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent if my partner was like, you take
Speaker 2: some photos of me here then came over and was like,
Speaker 2: oh take them better, goes back, goes back. If this
Speaker 2: was going on for forty five minutes, I'd be like,
Speaker 2: this isn't the life I want to live. But if
Speaker 2: he's happy to get his content and be like this
Speaker 2: is this would be cool. Let's make a great post.
Speaker 2: Let's do this and then it's done, And then he
Speaker 2: doesn't sit there and look at his phone and edit
Speaker 2: his photos and edit the videos over dinner, and if
Speaker 2: it's not consuming his whole life, then yeah, get over it.
Speaker 1: But if it is, it's interesting, isn't it, though, Because
Speaker 1: like that's what a lot of women do, Like a
Speaker 1: lot of women do that for their social media profile.
Speaker 2: One hundred percent. But I wouldn't want to be in
Speaker 2: a relationship with that woman either. So if you're both
Speaker 2: two content creators that want to go take your photos
Speaker 2: and videos and then sit down at dinner and edit together,
Speaker 2: there's nothing wrong with that, but you both have to
Speaker 2: just be on board with it.
Speaker 4: I think I'm a hypocrite with this because my boyfriend
Speaker 4: hasn't posted on Instagram since like twenty twenty one or
Speaker 4: something that's hot, and I've this is whenever I say
Speaker 4: that to people, like to other women, to other girls,
Speaker 4: they're like, oh, that's such a green flag, and I agree.
Speaker 3: And yet I'm here being like.
Speaker 4: Post post post post post, post, my upfits, post everything.
Speaker 4: And I realize that it's hypocritical because I have different
Speaker 4: standards for what I want in a partner.
Speaker 3: To what I actually put out. But I will.
Speaker 4: Admit it really was something that made me attracted to
Speaker 4: him because I was like cool, you don't care about that,
Speaker 4: you don't feel the need to get validation through people
Speaker 4: on Instagram like must be nice?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean you did ask one more question, and
Speaker 1: this is does having an Instagram slash TikTok presence imply
Speaker 1: anything about someone that I should avoid?
Speaker 3: I don't think so.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of people use social media now
Speaker 1: for many many reasons. I think what we've established is
Speaker 1: that it's how they engage with their social media. I
Speaker 1: don't think that someone having you know, a following or
Speaker 1: posting what they're doing in their day, so long as
Speaker 1: it doesn't consume their life is a big deal. The
Speaker 1: only time when I would disagree with that is when
Speaker 1: it is their job. So like for Matt, it is
Speaker 1: his job. He spends a lot of time creating content
Speaker 1: for social media, but he gets paid to do so.
Speaker 1: And so at the same way that a lot of
Speaker 1: people spend time at their physical work working at nine
Speaker 1: to five, he has allocated time for writing content, coming
Speaker 1: up with skits, filming skits, like he has designated work
Speaker 1: hours that he does that for And so I can't
Speaker 1: turn around and be like, oh god, he spends so
Speaker 1: much time on social media I'm like, it's his.
Speaker 2: Job, but it also doesn't imply anything. Having an Instagram
Speaker 2: and a TikTok that's literally every single person. It's almost
Speaker 2: a red flag. If someone doesn't, you're like, what are
Speaker 2: you hiding?
Speaker 3: I don't know what do you got?
Speaker 2: But like, having someone that has social media is absolutely
Speaker 2: not a red flag because it's every person. You're a
Speaker 2: minority if you don't have it.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I agree, I agree, all right. Question two. I've
Speaker 3: been with my husband for three years.
Speaker 1: A couple of years ago, he opened up to me
Speaker 1: about enjoying prostate stimulation and told me he never told
Speaker 1: anyone or done it with any partner before. He said
Speaker 1: he wasn't comfortable doing it with me at the time. Now,
Speaker 1: a little while later, he told me he decided that
Speaker 1: he was ready to give it a crack.
Speaker 3: I was crack. He was ready for me to put
Speaker 3: it up the crack.
Speaker 1: I was really happy that he felt comfortable and was
Speaker 1: really open to doing anything that made sex even better
Speaker 1: for him. He said he'd like to go to a
Speaker 1: sex shop to buy a toy, but I didn't push that.
Speaker 1: Last night, when we were having sex, he suddenly brought
Speaker 1: out quite a large dildo. I'm talking like six inches
Speaker 1: and a replica of a penis and balls. I was
Speaker 1: quite taken aback as there wasn't much warning, but I
Speaker 1: was still okay with him to use it while we
Speaker 1: had sex. Afterwards, he told me he went by himself
Speaker 1: to buy it a couple of weeks ago because he
Speaker 1: felt more comfortable going into a sex shop without me,
Speaker 1: and he was open about trying it out a couple
Speaker 1: of times by himself first. There is a lot I'd
Speaker 1: like to ask him about, like why would he select
Speaker 1: a dildo that is really phallic as opposed to like
Speaker 1: an anal plug or just a plain dildo. But even
Speaker 1: asking him about when he bought it made him really shy,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to undo any of the progress
Speaker 1: he's made to do something that I imagine would have been
Speaker 1: difficult for him. What would you do in this situation?
Speaker 2: I don't think this situation has to be a big
Speaker 2: deal at all. Obviously he's quite shy and reserved, but
Speaker 2: he's come out to you saying like, hey, I want
Speaker 2: to try something new, which I think is great. He
Speaker 2: has been open about the fact that he felt more
Speaker 2: comfortable buying it on his own he's tried out in
Speaker 2: his own I also think that he is okay, like
Speaker 2: it's okay for people to masturbate and do what they
Speaker 2: want in private, and maybe he wanted to make sure
Speaker 2: he liked it before he introduced it to you and
Speaker 2: had further conversations. Would I personally find it strange if
Speaker 2: my partner not wanted to try butt stuff, that's fine.
Speaker 2: But if my partner wanted to try it with a
Speaker 2: replica of a penis as opposed like a big six
Speaker 2: inch as opposed to starting with the butt plugs and
Speaker 2: smaller things, would I have questions? Absolutely? But it doesn't
Speaker 2: have to be negative questions, and it doesn't have to
Speaker 2: be like accusatory. It's just a conversation. And you said
Speaker 2: you're curious. He's your husband. You can have those conversations.
Speaker 2: I'd just be saying, why did you go for this?
Speaker 2: Have you ever tried butt plugs first? Have you other
Speaker 2: other things you want to try in this situation, Even
Speaker 2: if he's shy, that's not a reason to not have
Speaker 2: a conversation. You're married to the guy that has gone
Speaker 2: out and bought a six inch dick with balls. It's
Speaker 2: okay to ask, like it's okay. I don't think it's like,
Speaker 2: I fully agree.
Speaker 1: I also think it's not an indicator of something to
Speaker 1: be worried about, because, like, I think a lot of
Speaker 1: people listening or like the reading between the lines is like, oh, like,
Speaker 1: does that indicate that maybe he's bisexual, or that he
Speaker 1: likes you know, that he's maybe wanting to do other things.
Speaker 1: I think he just likes butt play, and he probably
Speaker 1: I mean, who knows. Maybe it's a fetish, maybe it's
Speaker 1: something that he finds super attractive.
Speaker 3: Obviously he does. I think it's okay to ask questions.
Speaker 1: I think it's okay to be like, hey, it does
Speaker 1: feel a little bit like we went from zero to
Speaker 1: one hundred. Is there any sort of like, you know one,
Speaker 1: what do you like?
Speaker 3: What don't you like?
Speaker 1: Is there a specific reason why this is more referred
Speaker 1: for you or feels better for you? I think you
Speaker 1: can have those conversations, because, like, if he's been comfortable
Speaker 1: enough to bring it to you, if he's been comfortable
Speaker 1: enough to try it and to talk about trying it,
Speaker 1: it does sound like he's been pretty damn open with you,
Speaker 1: and so as much as like you don't want to
Speaker 1: make him shy. There probably are questions that you feel
Speaker 1: a bit embarrassed or uncomfortable to ask as well, because
Speaker 1: it does sound like he is being really open and honest.
Speaker 1: And I keep coming back to it, is that is
Speaker 1: this like fear that she must be feeling around like, well,
Speaker 1: where did this come from? And I guess like maybe
Speaker 1: ask yourself. Yes, you might have curiosities around some of
Speaker 1: the questions that you want to ask, But what are
Speaker 1: you going to do with the answers or the outcome?
Speaker 1: Like if he's like, oh, yeah, I've been using butt
Speaker 1: plugs for the last five years, what difference is that
Speaker 1: going to make to you?
Speaker 3: Like is that going to make you upset? Is that
Speaker 3: going to make you feel validated?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 3: What will that do?
Speaker 1: Because I mean, even if he has or he hasn't been,
Speaker 1: I feel like, now you know that that's something he
Speaker 1: wants to incorporate into his sex life, Like is it
Speaker 1: a big deal for you? And I guess like, only
Speaker 1: you can answer that question.
Speaker 2: I don't think it has to be a big deal.
Speaker 2: I think it's just important to know if three years
Speaker 2: in the relationship, currently being pleasuring himself in a way
Speaker 2: that you had no idea about it's just information. Information
Speaker 2: is knowledge and power. And for me, he has told
Speaker 2: you that he enjoys it. It's not abnormal for a
Speaker 2: man to enjoy the prostate stimulation, like that's that is
Speaker 2: very enjoyable.
Speaker 1: Fine, Yeah, And I don't think it's that. I think
Speaker 1: that it's the reaction to the object he's chosen. I
Speaker 1: think that's like, yeah, I think it's like, Okay, of
Speaker 1: all the things that you could choose if you're into
Speaker 1: butt play, there is something that probably for her feels
Speaker 1: a bit intimidating by it being a replica of a penis. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and there is far more implications in that that probably
Speaker 1: makes her be like, Okay, is this a conversation we
Speaker 1: need to have?
Speaker 3: And that's where I feel like this question is circling.
Speaker 4: Do you think it also could be that because it
Speaker 4: does seem like quite a jump. I think naturally you
Speaker 4: would have a bit of a question of like, Okay,
Speaker 4: well I didn't I didn't know about any of the
Speaker 4: steps that kind of happened in between here, So is
Speaker 4: there other things that I.
Speaker 3: Don't know about totally?
Speaker 4: You know, like, and I don't think that I don't
Speaker 4: think you've been at all judgmental. I don't think that
Speaker 4: having that as a natural curiosity is a particularly judgmental thing.
Speaker 3: I think it's just.
Speaker 4: Quite a normal feeling to be like, oh, I've just
Speaker 4: found out this thing that I feel like is quite
Speaker 4: far down the line in terms of this compared to
Speaker 4: where I thought things were. Maybe there's other things I
Speaker 4: don't know about, so maybe asking those questions actually will
Speaker 4: validate you in a sense where it's just like, Okay,
Speaker 4: now I feel a little bit more like there's less
Speaker 4: question marks around other things. And I'm not implying that
Speaker 4: he's been doing anything dodgy. It's just I can understand
Speaker 4: why you would feel a little bit confronted. I also
Speaker 4: think that if we flipped this and let's say, like
Speaker 4: a lot of women like to incorporate vibrates into the bedroom,
Speaker 4: but if you had said, in a while, I would
Speaker 4: like to incorporate a vibrator or something like that, and
Speaker 4: then all of a sudden, you turned up, however, far
Speaker 4: in the future, and you had a twelve inch vibrating.
Speaker 2: Huge phallic object that would probably.
Speaker 4: Be intimidating to the other partner, you know, Like, I
Speaker 4: think that it's it's also based off of the type
Speaker 4: of toy. And I'm not saying that there's anything wrong
Speaker 4: with that. If that's what you want to do, that's fine,
Speaker 4: And we wouldn't judge the fact that maybe you'd use
Speaker 4: smaller vibrators on yourself. But I think that we have
Speaker 4: to be reasonable about how to we get from ada Z. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and like what we're expecting the partner to react, you know,
Speaker 4: Like I would find that a bit of like a
Speaker 4: oh okay, I just feel like I've gone from being
Speaker 4: you know, in year one to being in year twelve.
Speaker 3: That's going from year one to pegging him like a ten. Yeah,
Speaker 3: you know what I mean.
Speaker 4: Like, I think the advancement of it is what would
Speaker 4: probably put me on the back foot a little bit,
Speaker 4: like wow, okay, this kind of came out of nowhere.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: It's definitely the size and the phallicness when there were
Speaker 2: other choices. That's the thing that's taken by the surprise.
Speaker 2: She's known for years, three years that he likes butt play.
Speaker 2: He's always said that, but he never wanted to bring
Speaker 2: it in. So I think she probably assumed butt play
Speaker 2: was a butt plug or something smaller. So when a big,
Speaker 2: giant penis came out.
Speaker 3: She was like, just wasn't expecting it.
Speaker 2: So I think it's one hundred percent okay for you
Speaker 2: to be like, hey, just wasn't expecting it. Let's chat
Speaker 2: about it, like that's that's so fine, but let us.
Speaker 3: Know that after my FID, I know I need to know.
Speaker 1: Okay, next quest I need to know, is this the
Speaker 1: biggest of toys that he whipped out first?
Speaker 3: Imagine if there's more.
Speaker 2: That's him starting smaller, if he started.
Speaker 3: From the bottom he was like I did start. He's like,
Speaker 3: I did start little. That's my smallest one. All right?
Speaker 2: How much should I take into account my partner's parents
Speaker 2: in my relationship. I love my partner and I feel
Speaker 2: like he is the one, but I'm concerned about his father,
Speaker 2: who is very close with and we see often. My
Speaker 2: partner's father is a misogynist, constantly making derogatory comments about women.
Speaker 2: He supports Trump, he says things about being homophobic, and
Speaker 2: he comments on people's bodies and wait quite a lot.
Speaker 2: This is particularly triggering for me as I have struggled
Speaker 2: with an eating disorder in the past. My partner doesn't
Speaker 2: make these comments, but when his dad says these things,
Speaker 2: he also doesn't respond, and that's what bothers me. He
Speaker 2: never brings it up with me afterwards either, So I'm
Speaker 2: worried my partner might have similar views deep down because
Speaker 2: that's how he's been raised. But I'm scared to bring
Speaker 2: it up because he is so close to his dad.
Speaker 2: They're a big Greek family. I don't want to be offensive.
Speaker 2: Am I overthinking it? What should I do? What would
Speaker 2: you do?
Speaker 1: This is a tricky one because I mean, obviously you
Speaker 1: don't want to just rule out your boyfriend because his
Speaker 1: parent is problematic. But I think it's important to have
Speaker 1: conversations with your boyfriend to figure out if his views
Speaker 1: are the same, because then that will be a really
Speaker 1: key sign and a key indicator. I think there are
Speaker 1: a lot of people that are close to their parents,
Speaker 1: but they don't necessarily agree with their parents, or agree
Speaker 1: with the things and the political views or the perspectives
Speaker 1: of their parents, even though they can love them and
Speaker 1: have a good relationship with them. So for me, if
Speaker 1: I was in this situation, I think the very first
Speaker 1: thing I would do would be to have conversations with
Speaker 1: him to really drill down. Okay, well, what is it
Speaker 1: that you think of women? What is it that you
Speaker 1: think of racism?
Speaker 3: What is it like?
Speaker 1: Where do our values align? And it sounds like you
Speaker 1: actually aren't sure yet whether your values and your boyfriend's
Speaker 1: values are aligned. I don't know how long you've been
Speaker 1: dating for. It may be an early relationship and he
Speaker 1: might still be on best behavior with you because he
Speaker 1: might be trying to present himself as a version of
Speaker 1: himself that you will like. So that's why it's so
Speaker 1: important to have these conversations, especially after his dad has
Speaker 1: done things and said things and shown a version that
Speaker 1: you just don't like and don't accept. Definitely, don't think
Speaker 1: that you should rule out being in a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone just because their parents sucks, you know, because we're
Speaker 1: not always a direct reflection about parents.
Speaker 2: I think you're overthinking, you've said them overthinking. You're absolutely
Speaker 2: overthinking whether you can have this chat to him about it.
Speaker 2: That's the number one thing you should chat about. If
Speaker 2: his dad says something horrific or derogatory or homophobic at
Speaker 2: the dinner table, you go home and you say, hey,
Speaker 2: what did you think when your dad said this? What
Speaker 2: do you think about that? That is an absolutely baseline
Speaker 2: normal discussion for me, and I think if you're worried
Speaker 2: about being offensive, which you have said, then that's not
Speaker 2: the relationship for you, because I wouldn't be in a
Speaker 2: relationship if my partner's family were making racist, homophobic jokes
Speaker 2: constantly and my partner agreed with those. You don't have
Speaker 2: to have a partner that goes up against his family.
Speaker 2: That is fine, but you need to know where he stands,
Speaker 2: like you don't want to cause a rift where he
Speaker 2: has to sit there and fight them at the dinner table.
Speaker 2: It might be something he's been battling for a long time.
Speaker 2: He knows he's going to disagree with them, so they
Speaker 2: just let it slide. That's fine, but you have to
Speaker 2: make sure that you align on those views or the
Speaker 2: relationship isn't going to go anywhere you've said you think
Speaker 2: he's the one, You can't know he's the one if
Speaker 2: you haven't had the conversation, if your morals aligned yet.
Speaker 2: I truly believe that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I also think I know you say you
Speaker 1: don't want to make anything uncomfortable. I actually would question,
Speaker 1: and maybe it would be good to like have a
Speaker 1: little think about it. I question whether it's about making
Speaker 1: things uncomfortable or whether you're worried about getting an answer
Speaker 1: you don't like because that's a very different response. Right,
Speaker 1: So are you scared to bring this up in case
Speaker 1: your partner says, oh, you're overreacting. Dad's great, Like, there's
Speaker 1: nothing what he said is fine, because that means you
Speaker 1: have to do something. That means you have to actually
Speaker 1: consider that maybe your values don't align. So that's going
Speaker 1: to be real uncomfortable for everyone because you'll have to
Speaker 1: take action. I really, and this is not just for
Speaker 1: this question. This is for everyone, Like, don't avoid hard
Speaker 1: conversations that are going to get you to your end
Speaker 1: destination faster, because it's either going to mean your relationship
Speaker 1: is rock solid and you know that they're the one,
Speaker 1: you don't just think that they're the one, or it's
Speaker 1: going to show you that actually your values are not
Speaker 1: aligned and you're wasting time with someone who in five years,
Speaker 1: six years time, you're going to realize is misogynistic, supports
Speaker 1: people that you don't support, thinks it's okay to make
Speaker 1: jokes about people's bodies and weights when that's something that's
Speaker 1: really struggled and has been like really triggering for you.
Speaker 1: Like there's so many parts of this that I think
Speaker 1: like finding out sooner rather than later is really important.
Speaker 1: The other thing, though, is if your partner knows that
Speaker 1: eating disorders and conversations around weight is something that is
Speaker 1: triggering for you, if you've had that conversation with him,
Speaker 1: then I do think that that is something he probably
Speaker 1: should stand up to his dad about and not in
Speaker 1: front of you, but just say hey, dad, like, this
Speaker 1: is a really tricky thing for if you can be
Speaker 1: a bit more sensitive about way because it's something that's
Speaker 1: been like a really really hard thing in her life.
Speaker 1: That is a considered response of a partner who cares
Speaker 1: about your feelings. And I think, you know, don't write
Speaker 1: off the relationship until you know, but don't be fearful
Speaker 1: of asking the questions that will allow you to really
Speaker 1: understand and get closer to your partner. I think it's
Speaker 1: really important. Okay, next question, how soon is too soon?
Speaker 1: I came out of a six year relationship with my ex.
Speaker 1: We ended on good terms as it was a mutually
Speaker 1: agreed thing and things weren't working out.
Speaker 3: He is definitely more upset.
Speaker 1: About it than I am, though I've known for over
Speaker 1: a year that we should end it, but was holding
Speaker 1: on hope that things would improve. Now, one month on
Speaker 1: from our breakup, I met someone who I've instantly clicked
Speaker 1: with and I get the feeling he is the one.
Speaker 1: But is it too soon? Should I take more time
Speaker 1: to heal and move on? I was not expecting to
Speaker 1: find someone so soon, and I met this guy completely
Speaker 1: by accident. I had no intention of seeing anyone so soon.
Speaker 1: No one ever felt so perfect for me, though. But
Speaker 1: I'm really worried it's happening so fast after my breakup.
Speaker 2: It's way too soon.
Speaker 3: You never know. Bullshit? You know what I say?
Speaker 2: It is not too soon to date. No, that's fine.
Speaker 2: You can date the week after, especially like when you've
Speaker 2: checked out this relationship earlier. But after six years with someone,
Speaker 2: you've just met someone and one month in you're saying
Speaker 2: that they're the one. That is too soon? And now
Speaker 2: it is someone that has fallen in love with someone
Speaker 2: over a weekend. I will say that I didn't say
Speaker 2: he was but I didn't say he was the one
Speaker 2: after a week and I didn't come out of a
Speaker 2: six year relationship. There are definitely some feelings that you
Speaker 2: may not have processed after a six year relationship. YEA
Speaker 2: and quite often. We can hold on to something very
Speaker 2: quickly when it feels amazing. This would feel amazing. It's
Speaker 2: something new after being with someone for six years, it's
Speaker 2: something new.
Speaker 3: It's so early.
Speaker 2: There's chemistry, there's attraction, there's things that are going to
Speaker 2: feel I imagine your last relationship the last few years
Speaker 2: probably felt a little bit dead, dry and boring. You
Speaker 2: checked out. It was long term. This is going to
Speaker 2: feel amazing. People are on their best behavior on the
Speaker 2: first month, definitely the honeymoon stage. Chemistry can lie. We
Speaker 2: know that go forth date this person if you want to,
Speaker 2: but don't go and date them with intention that they're
Speaker 2: going to be the one. That's what I would say now,
Speaker 2: I would just not lock yourself into something too soon.
Speaker 2: I definitely would try and hook up with some other
Speaker 2: people in the interim, just to like get some stuff
Speaker 2: out of your system in case this person is the
Speaker 2: one and then you're locked down for the rest of
Speaker 2: your life.
Speaker 1: I just think, slow it down, you've said, as it
Speaker 1: moving too fast. Yes, pump the brakes, pump the breaks.
Speaker 1: You're in control of the speed of their You can
Speaker 1: go on one day to week, or one day to
Speaker 1: fortnite or you know, I think it's very easy when
Speaker 1: you spent six years with someone and then not be
Speaker 1: alone at all, to instantly replace them with someone else.
Speaker 1: Like it's almost the definition of monkey branching, just straight
Speaker 1: into the next exciting, big thing that comes along.
Speaker 3: Is it common? I mean a lot of people know
Speaker 3: a lot of.
Speaker 1: People monkey branch, and in my experience, it doesn't work
Speaker 1: out well. It's very exciting for a short period of time,
Speaker 1: and then you know you haven't resolved or fixed the
Speaker 1: things that you wanted to fix or the you know,
Speaker 1: even necessarily figured.
Speaker 3: Out what's the right type of person for you.
Speaker 1: And you've just done six years in a relationship with
Speaker 1: someone who ended up not being the right person for you.
Speaker 3: That's a really long time.
Speaker 2: And it's been four weeks, yeah, twenty eight days.
Speaker 3: I was twenty eight days.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would say, And you've only been broken up
Speaker 1: for four weeks, which means you didn't meet him, you
Speaker 1: haven't even known him for four weeks. I would say,
Speaker 1: if you're having feelings of like this person could be
Speaker 1: the one to me, that's an alarm bell and that's
Speaker 1: a red flag. That's not an indicator that this is
Speaker 1: necessarily a good idea. I'm not saying don't explore it.
Speaker 1: It's really hard to deny those excitement and the butterflies
Speaker 1: and everything else when you met someone new. Absolutely explore it,
Speaker 1: but explore it with your eyes wide open to what
Speaker 1: it could be.
Speaker 3: And also just slow it down.
Speaker 1: You don't need to go straight into a full time relationship,
Speaker 1: which is something that we can often be guilty of
Speaker 1: doing when we've come out of a full on relationship
Speaker 1: because we only know how to operate in full monogamy
Speaker 1: and commitment. That's not how you have to be now.
Speaker 1: You don't know this person, you don't owe them anything.
Speaker 1: You can just calm it. I also get down to
Speaker 1: the dating level, not to the instant relationship level, the
Speaker 1: one level.
Speaker 3: Yeah, to the one level. Yeah.
Speaker 2: I also think if you have said quote should I
Speaker 2: take more time to move on, that means that you
Speaker 2: haven't moved on yet. So the answer is yes, you
Speaker 2: don't need to be fully moved on and heal to date,
Speaker 2: not just to go out and enjoy it, to hook up,
Speaker 2: have sex, have situationships.
Speaker 3: You can.
Speaker 2: I believe you can do that simultaneously. Sometimes it helps
Speaker 2: you to move on. But I think trying to get
Speaker 2: into a relationship with someone a couple of weeks after
Speaker 2: that you think is the one. If you haven't healed
Speaker 2: and moved on, that is a recipe for disaster. I
Speaker 2: do think you need to be ready for a proper
Speaker 2: relationship with somebody that you think is going to be
Speaker 2: your person forever.
Speaker 3: Don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: I know that there are people who have gotten out
Speaker 1: of a relationship, met someone really soon, and then they're
Speaker 1: with them for forever.
Speaker 3: Like I mean, to be fair, I think my sister
Speaker 3: is kind of a version of that.
Speaker 1: Of course, it happened, and it happens, and this could
Speaker 1: be the case, but it's going to be the case
Speaker 1: regardless of speed, Like it'll be the case even if
Speaker 1: you slow things down or don't slow things down. I
Speaker 1: just think, like, give yourself some buffer so that you're
Speaker 1: not going headfirst into some and then getting so deep
Speaker 1: and so caught up in the emotion of it that
Speaker 1: you can't make sensible decisions. And also, it's not like
Speaker 1: you owe your ex partner anything. I know that you
Speaker 1: guys are obviously separated. You can do whatever you want,
Speaker 1: but like do it with some kindness, you know, Like
Speaker 1: I don't know, I do think that there is a
Speaker 1: kind way of navigating post breakup, and then there's a
Speaker 1: really selfish and hurtful way of navigating post breakup. And
Speaker 1: I think like flaunting a new relationship four weeks after
Speaker 1: a six year, long term, committed relationship would be incredibly hurtful,
Speaker 1: and so I would say, do it all with kindness.
Speaker 1: You don't have to do that for forever. But like
Speaker 1: this is, you're in like the red hot zone post breakup.
Speaker 2: You can't have been with him more than two or
Speaker 2: three weeks because there's only been a month since you
Speaker 2: broke up then you met him.
Speaker 3: Unless he was the reason that the breakup actually kept year.
Speaker 2: I wasn't expecting to find someone so soon after I
Speaker 2: met him completely by accent you just to say, no
Speaker 2: one ever felt so perfect for me. You truly, I
Speaker 2: just don't care what anyone's says. It is impossible to
Speaker 2: know someone wholeheartedly after two weeks. They're just not their
Speaker 2: honest version of themselves. That's not to say he is
Speaker 2: not the most incredible person, but you haven't gone through
Speaker 2: the process yet. You haven't seen how they argue. You
Speaker 2: haven't seen how they are with their family. You probably
Speaker 2: haven't got the bottom of to their morals or seen
Speaker 2: how they treat other people in their life. There are
Speaker 2: so many things that you don't know about a person.
Speaker 2: You can know enough to know the feeling is good
Speaker 2: and you're like, oh, there could definitely be something here,
Speaker 2: but I do reckon that you need to slow it down.
Speaker 2: Continue to date him for sure. Like the feeling is there,
Speaker 2: that is absolutely fine, but just do it without the
Speaker 2: pressure and the expectation of him being the one.
Speaker 3: Just go forth with caution, everybody. And that's it from us, guys.
Speaker 3: That's asking Cut.
Speaker 1: If you have any questions to asking Cut for next week,
Speaker 1: slide on into the dms at Life on Cut podcasts
Speaker 1: on our Instagram. Go and follow the instagram page as well,
Speaker 1: and also you can join the discussion group on Facebook.
Speaker 2: And also I'm going to Italy to see Bann in
Speaker 2: two days time. Whoo.
Speaker 3: How excited are you?
Speaker 5: Yep?
Speaker 2: So next time you hear from me, guys, I'm middle
Speaker 2: b Os week for the updates.
Speaker 3: Brittany and Italy is coming here next week anyway, guys.
Speaker 2: That's it. Mask to you, Mum, to your dad, to you, DOT,
Speaker 2: to your friends and she the love because we love
Speaker 2: love