1
00:00:05,920 --> 00:00:07,760
Speaker 1: Gooday. This is the Happy Families Podcast.

2
00:00:08,039 --> 00:00:10,360
Speaker 2: The school holidays have been wrapping up around the country

3
00:00:10,360 --> 00:00:12,800
Speaker 2: over the last week or thereabouts, depending on which state

4
00:00:12,840 --> 00:00:15,000
Speaker 2: you're in. Kylie and I were able to sneak away

5
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:16,120
Speaker 2: for a week with.

6
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:19,640
Speaker 1: Not all the kids. Our family's changing, Our family holidays

7
00:00:19,640 --> 00:00:20,880
Speaker 1: are shifting. Kids have got.

8
00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,520
Speaker 2: Part time jobs and full time jobs and university study

9
00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:26,960
Speaker 2: and it's really affecting how we holiday. In just a

10
00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:29,600
Speaker 2: sec for our Old Do Better Tomorrow, Kylee will unpack

11
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:32,559
Speaker 2: something about that holiday that was meaningful for her.

12
00:00:33,159 --> 00:00:35,920
Speaker 1: Plus what do you do.

13
00:00:35,960 --> 00:00:38,920
Speaker 2: When your child is having an absolute meltdown because they've

14
00:00:38,920 --> 00:00:40,960
Speaker 2: had the time of their life and now it's time

15
00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,639
Speaker 2: to get back into the car. That's my Older Better

16
00:00:43,680 --> 00:00:46,639
Speaker 2: Tomorrow coming up in just a sec, plus some other

17
00:00:46,760 --> 00:00:48,400
Speaker 2: big news that's happening around the country.

18
00:00:48,479 --> 00:00:49,600
Speaker 1: Stay with us.

19
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,080
Speaker 2: Hello and welcome to the Happy Families Podcast. It's real

20
00:00:54,120 --> 00:00:58,200
Speaker 2: parenting solutions every single day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast.

21
00:00:58,240 --> 00:00:59,640
Speaker 1: We are Justin and Kylie Colson.

22
00:01:00,320 --> 00:01:02,640
Speaker 2: Kylie as I seem to be doing more and more

23
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:05,319
Speaker 2: often on a Friday. There's so much going on outside

24
00:01:05,319 --> 00:01:07,280
Speaker 2: of Older Better Tomorrow that just needs to be flagged

25
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,160
Speaker 2: really quickly. Just wanted to highlight next week New South

26
00:01:10,160 --> 00:01:13,760
Speaker 2: Wales HSC exams start year twelve exams just around the corner.

27
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:16,399
Speaker 2: Other states will be starting there's shortly as well, but

28
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:18,000
Speaker 2: New South Wales kicks off first.

29
00:01:18,760 --> 00:01:19,480
Speaker 1: That's big news.

30
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:22,680
Speaker 2: Also big news this week in our family, at least

31
00:01:22,680 --> 00:01:25,960
Speaker 2: with our swifty daughter who just can't get enough. Taylor

32
00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:31,520
Speaker 2: Swift's new album has dropped. The stereo has been playing NonStop.

33
00:01:31,920 --> 00:01:34,199
Speaker 2: I feel like we've had wall to wall Taylor Swift all.

34
00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:35,720
Speaker 2: I've been away for most of the week. I've been

35
00:01:35,760 --> 00:01:37,280
Speaker 2: in Perth for most of the week doing talks. But

36
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,959
Speaker 2: every time I ring, every time I hear her, every

37
00:01:39,959 --> 00:01:42,160
Speaker 2: time I've walked into the house when I have been home,

38
00:01:42,360 --> 00:01:46,440
Speaker 2: it's NonStop Taytay and no. I think that's all the news.

39
00:01:46,440 --> 00:01:48,720
Speaker 2: I think that's everything. Is there anything before we step

40
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:50,720
Speaker 2: into Your Older Better Tomorrow that I should be mentioning?

41
00:01:50,760 --> 00:01:54,080
Speaker 2: That's been big, that needs to be highlighted. I don't

42
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:56,040
Speaker 2: think so, Okay, what's your Older Better Tomorrow?

43
00:01:56,080 --> 00:01:56,480
Speaker 1: This week?

44
00:01:57,400 --> 00:02:02,160
Speaker 3: Over the years, we've talked about whether or not returning

45
00:02:02,200 --> 00:02:05,440
Speaker 3: to a holiday destination is a good idea or not.

46
00:02:05,680 --> 00:02:09,560
Speaker 2: My mum has such strong opinions. She's tried to indoctrinate

47
00:02:09,600 --> 00:02:12,440
Speaker 2: me and basically said, you never want to go back

48
00:02:12,440 --> 00:02:14,600
Speaker 2: to the same place for a second time. You want

49
00:02:14,600 --> 00:02:16,240
Speaker 2: to have new experiences. There's so much of the world

50
00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:17,639
Speaker 2: out there, you've got to explore it all.

51
00:02:17,960 --> 00:02:20,040
Speaker 1: Why would you go back, is what she says.

52
00:02:20,080 --> 00:02:22,799
Speaker 3: Why why that's right?

53
00:02:22,840 --> 00:02:25,280
Speaker 2: Why would you go somewhere you've already been, You've already

54
00:02:25,320 --> 00:02:25,680
Speaker 2: seen it?

55
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,680
Speaker 1: How boring, Let's go do something new.

56
00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:32,400
Speaker 3: And yet I have vivid memories of being in my

57
00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:36,040
Speaker 3: teenage years and having my friends go off to the

58
00:02:36,160 --> 00:02:40,160
Speaker 3: same camp site, for instance, every September.

59
00:02:39,680 --> 00:02:42,160
Speaker 2: Holidays and probably bump into the same other families who

60
00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:45,160
Speaker 2: are all showing up. So they've got this annual friendship renewals.

61
00:02:45,240 --> 00:02:47,919
Speaker 3: Yeah, and they meet up, they meet new friends there

62
00:02:48,040 --> 00:02:51,400
Speaker 3: who have the same traditions, and those friendships blossom. But

63
00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,520
Speaker 3: they also go with families that they have friendships with

64
00:02:54,560 --> 00:02:57,880
Speaker 3: in their local communities as well. And I just used

65
00:02:57,880 --> 00:03:01,360
Speaker 3: to listen to them so excited because they were going

66
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:03,680
Speaker 3: to catch up with this friend they haven't seen twelve months,

67
00:03:03,760 --> 00:03:05,519
Speaker 3: or you know, they were going to go hang out

68
00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:07,919
Speaker 3: at the special rock place that only the kids knew

69
00:03:07,960 --> 00:03:11,080
Speaker 3: about and the parents didn't or whatever it was. And

70
00:03:11,120 --> 00:03:13,200
Speaker 3: so you and I have had conversations for a long

71
00:03:13,240 --> 00:03:15,880
Speaker 3: time about whether or not we should kind of create

72
00:03:15,919 --> 00:03:17,720
Speaker 3: that tradition for our kids or not. And because of

73
00:03:17,720 --> 00:03:21,639
Speaker 3: where you've come from, it hasn't really been a plus

74
00:03:21,639 --> 00:03:26,160
Speaker 3: in our conversations. But what I have found joy in

75
00:03:26,720 --> 00:03:30,840
Speaker 3: is returning home. For the majority of our girls, Woollongong

76
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,040
Speaker 3: was their childhood home. It was the place that they

77
00:03:34,080 --> 00:03:37,760
Speaker 3: grew up and being a much smaller community, we weren't

78
00:03:37,760 --> 00:03:41,680
Speaker 3: surrounded by grandparents and aunties and uncles, so the community

79
00:03:41,880 --> 00:03:46,000
Speaker 3: filled the gap for them in that regard, and over

80
00:03:46,040 --> 00:03:48,920
Speaker 3: the years we have gone back. But what I found

81
00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:52,040
Speaker 3: this time there was just there was a difference. Going back.

82
00:03:52,120 --> 00:03:55,480
Speaker 3: It literally felt like we were home. We were enveloped

83
00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:58,160
Speaker 3: again in the community, and there there were these moments

84
00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,560
Speaker 3: where I was literally sitting and it was all I

85
00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:02,960
Speaker 3: was having this outer body experience, and I was like

86
00:04:03,360 --> 00:04:07,280
Speaker 3: deja vous as I remembered all of these beautiful moments

87
00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,200
Speaker 3: where the community came together and just swallowed us up

88
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,360
Speaker 3: in love and joy, and just watching our children re

89
00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:17,720
Speaker 3: engage in that space and see people so excited and

90
00:04:17,839 --> 00:04:23,440
Speaker 3: so energized and engaged and so invested in our children's

91
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,320
Speaker 3: success in life.

92
00:04:25,440 --> 00:04:28,320
Speaker 2: Yeah, reuniting was really really nice. Something about this that

93
00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,840
Speaker 2: I didn't tell you, unless I don't think I told you,

94
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:35,039
Speaker 2: is you went to your old message therapist. You wanted

95
00:04:35,080 --> 00:04:36,839
Speaker 2: to go and have a catch up with your message therapist,

96
00:04:36,920 --> 00:04:39,920
Speaker 2: get a massage, and prepare for the trip home. And

97
00:04:39,960 --> 00:04:42,600
Speaker 2: while you were doing that, I took our twenty one

98
00:04:42,640 --> 00:04:44,919
Speaker 2: year old daughter. She said, can you just drive me

99
00:04:44,960 --> 00:04:47,560
Speaker 2: past my old netball courts. So we jumped in the

100
00:04:47,560 --> 00:04:49,560
Speaker 2: car and as we were driving along, she said, I

101
00:04:49,600 --> 00:04:51,440
Speaker 2: remember Chanel used to go to school there, and I

102
00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:55,159
Speaker 2: remember this store over here. We did this like all

103
00:04:55,200 --> 00:04:57,359
Speaker 2: along the way. She was pointing to this street or

104
00:04:57,400 --> 00:05:00,800
Speaker 2: that landmark of whatever it was, and she had all

105
00:05:00,839 --> 00:05:03,400
Speaker 2: these memories. So halfway along the road she said, I've

106
00:05:03,400 --> 00:05:04,920
Speaker 2: got a pretty good memory, haven't I done? Because we've

107
00:05:04,920 --> 00:05:06,960
Speaker 2: been gone for a decade, but we also lived there

108
00:05:07,000 --> 00:05:09,680
Speaker 2: for a decade, and these were the children's formative years.

109
00:05:10,279 --> 00:05:10,680
Speaker 1: It was.

110
00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:13,120
Speaker 2: It was really nice to go back and have that experience.

111
00:05:13,160 --> 00:05:17,240
Speaker 2: I'd like to go back regularly. I love that Woollongong

112
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:20,760
Speaker 2: so underrated, The whole Woongong region is so underrated. What

113
00:05:20,839 --> 00:05:21,520
Speaker 2: a great place.

114
00:05:22,240 --> 00:05:24,599
Speaker 3: While we were there, you actually introduced to me to

115
00:05:24,720 --> 00:05:28,719
Speaker 3: one of your absolute loves. Right you took my bike.

116
00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:30,880
Speaker 3: Oh oh, you put me on the road.

117
00:05:30,920 --> 00:05:35,159
Speaker 2: I was thinking, I don't remember eating anywhere. I thought

118
00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:36,640
Speaker 2: you were going to talk about chickos and getting the

119
00:05:36,680 --> 00:05:38,039
Speaker 2: chicken burger or something like that.

120
00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,240
Speaker 1: Yeah, we did. We went for a ride through the

121
00:05:40,279 --> 00:05:41,280
Speaker 1: Royal National.

122
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,760
Speaker 3: Park and it was that was a highlight. That was

123
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:47,080
Speaker 3: really lovely. I remember all of those mornings that I

124
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:49,880
Speaker 3: would wake up all by myself because you'd got up

125
00:05:49,880 --> 00:05:52,359
Speaker 3: at the crack of dawn to hang out with your like.

126
00:05:52,400 --> 00:05:55,239
Speaker 2: Reclad buddies who all shaved their legs and hang around

127
00:05:55,240 --> 00:05:55,480
Speaker 2: in here.

128
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,200
Speaker 3: What was your sparrows Farts?

129
00:05:57,400 --> 00:06:01,920
Speaker 2: We got home before all the sparrows were popping off,

130
00:06:01,960 --> 00:06:04,040
Speaker 2: so it was the Sparrows Fart Cycle Club. Because we

131
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:06,120
Speaker 2: meet each other at four fifteen to get our rights,

132
00:06:06,279 --> 00:06:08,560
Speaker 2: because we had wives who didn't like us riding our bikes,

133
00:06:08,560 --> 00:06:10,919
Speaker 2: and so we had to get our early bike ride in.

134
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,480
Speaker 3: And over the last handful of months we've started riding

135
00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:18,000
Speaker 3: together and I've really really enjoyed it. But riding down

136
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:21,200
Speaker 3: there was really special and I could see why it

137
00:06:21,360 --> 00:06:24,479
Speaker 3: had been such a joy point for you.

138
00:06:23,279 --> 00:06:26,120
Speaker 2: You mean you could understand why I would get out

139
00:06:26,120 --> 00:06:27,880
Speaker 2: of better before I can leave you?

140
00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,479
Speaker 3: Yes, yes, and I would like to do it again.

141
00:06:31,600 --> 00:06:34,520
Speaker 2: That view from Bald Hill over the Seacliff Bridge. For

142
00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:37,400
Speaker 2: anyone who hasn't been to the Elora, just just googled

143
00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:38,719
Speaker 2: the images and if you live.

144
00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,320
Speaker 1: In the Elora, you know what we're talking about.

145
00:06:40,400 --> 00:06:44,400
Speaker 2: It's just just magic. While we're talking about bike riding again,

146
00:06:44,440 --> 00:06:45,839
Speaker 2: this isn't part of our old bit of tomorrow.

147
00:06:45,880 --> 00:06:46,000
Speaker 3: Now.

148
00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:47,839
Speaker 2: I guess you're old the better tomorrow to take home messages.

149
00:06:47,880 --> 00:06:49,760
Speaker 2: It's good to go back to places that you've been before.

150
00:06:50,200 --> 00:06:51,880
Speaker 2: I think it is you're saying, my mum's right. This

151
00:06:52,279 --> 00:06:55,800
Speaker 2: podcast is you're clap back against your mother and lawa.

152
00:06:55,800 --> 00:06:56,560
Speaker 1: Is that what you're saying.

153
00:06:57,160 --> 00:06:59,279
Speaker 3: You talk about the conversation that you had with our

154
00:06:59,320 --> 00:07:01,800
Speaker 3: twenty two year old as she drove past all of

155
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:07,520
Speaker 3: these places, and just the remembrance and the joy that comes,

156
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:10,840
Speaker 3: like she wanted to go past a network place. That

157
00:07:10,920 --> 00:07:13,880
Speaker 3: place was hell for me. It was freezing cold. I

158
00:07:13,960 --> 00:07:17,360
Speaker 3: was sitting on the sidelines, rocking a baby in a pram,

159
00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:21,160
Speaker 3: totally wrapped up in every layer I had because it

160
00:07:21,200 --> 00:07:23,280
Speaker 3: was that cold and she was out there having so

161
00:07:23,520 --> 00:07:24,160
Speaker 3: much fun.

162
00:07:24,440 --> 00:07:25,400
Speaker 1: Big smile on a face.

163
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:30,200
Speaker 3: Yeah, and she remembers that that's special and that's something

164
00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:33,040
Speaker 3: that you want to allow your children to relive.

165
00:07:33,480 --> 00:07:35,080
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, it was a good trip.

166
00:07:35,680 --> 00:07:37,680
Speaker 2: After the break, I'm going to share another quick cycling

167
00:07:37,720 --> 00:07:40,200
Speaker 2: story from you and then my older better tomorrow about

168
00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:43,160
Speaker 2: a child who did not want to leave and how

169
00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:55,400
Speaker 2: we navigated that like pride. It's The Happy Family's podcast.

170
00:07:55,480 --> 00:07:57,560
Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Kilsner, who my wife from Under

171
00:07:57,560 --> 00:08:00,920
Speaker 2: our six kids, missus Happy Families, Kylie. Just before I

172
00:08:00,960 --> 00:08:04,120
Speaker 2: share my i'ld do better tomorrow, I want to quickly

173
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:07,120
Speaker 2: highlight if you are driving a car and you see

174
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:10,240
Speaker 2: a cyclist, please be gentle, please be nice. Kylie and

175
00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:12,960
Speaker 2: I love to ride our bike, but we spent some

176
00:08:13,000 --> 00:08:14,520
Speaker 2: time on the New South walest Central coast where I

177
00:08:14,520 --> 00:08:15,960
Speaker 2: grew up. We hung out with my parents for a

178
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:18,200
Speaker 2: couple of days. The kids were having a ball on

179
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,560
Speaker 2: the coast and Kylie and I went for a ride

180
00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:24,400
Speaker 2: and somehow, I don't know what was going on, Kylie,

181
00:08:24,440 --> 00:08:26,360
Speaker 2: but I was in front of you, which is unusual

182
00:08:26,440 --> 00:08:27,840
Speaker 2: because you usually ride in front of me.

183
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:28,840
Speaker 1: You're much faster than me.

184
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:35,040
Speaker 2: And what happened like the front tire caught the lip

185
00:08:35,080 --> 00:08:36,559
Speaker 2: of the bitchmen. You sort of were half in the

186
00:08:36,600 --> 00:08:38,240
Speaker 2: gunter and half on the bitchmen, trying to stay out

187
00:08:39,280 --> 00:08:40,800
Speaker 2: of the way, stay on the shoulder of the road.

188
00:08:41,080 --> 00:08:43,120
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, a bit like that.

189
00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:45,840
Speaker 1: And you went down and fell.

190
00:08:45,679 --> 00:08:48,319
Speaker 3: Into our first blood sacrifice.

191
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,160
Speaker 2: Fell into the road, and there was a car coming.

192
00:08:50,240 --> 00:08:52,360
Speaker 2: Fortunately they hit the brakes well before they got to you.

193
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,319
Speaker 2: But a scary moment.

194
00:08:54,480 --> 00:08:55,840
Speaker 1: So a meter matters.

195
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,280
Speaker 2: That is not a paid sponsorship. That is just we

196
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:00,800
Speaker 2: had a close call. And you've been feeling a bit

197
00:09:00,840 --> 00:09:02,719
Speaker 2: the worse for wear for the last week because there was.

198
00:09:03,040 --> 00:09:05,800
Speaker 1: There was blood on the road. There was blood down

199
00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:06,240
Speaker 1: your leg.

200
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:09,400
Speaker 3: You don't bounce so much when you're nearly fifty, no,

201
00:09:09,640 --> 00:09:10,520
Speaker 3: like you do when you're two.

202
00:09:10,600 --> 00:09:13,640
Speaker 1: Body is stiffened up a bit more. Yeah. Yeah, So I'm.

203
00:09:13,480 --> 00:09:16,400
Speaker 2: Really glad that you're okay and that you still want

204
00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,720
Speaker 2: to ride a bike. Given how much I spent on

205
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,360
Speaker 2: that bike, I'm very glad that you want.

206
00:09:20,200 --> 00:09:22,400
Speaker 1: To keep on writing it. Okay, here's my old bedit tomorrow.

207
00:09:22,440 --> 00:09:23,880
Speaker 2: I can do this one fairly quickly, but it's a

208
00:09:23,880 --> 00:09:25,840
Speaker 2: really important one, and there's some great lessons here. We

209
00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:28,240
Speaker 2: don't always get this stuff right. Sometimes we're a bit emotional.

210
00:09:28,280 --> 00:09:29,880
Speaker 2: Sometimes we're a bit tired and over it. And even

211
00:09:29,920 --> 00:09:32,600
Speaker 2: though I've written all the books and you and I've

212
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:37,240
Speaker 2: recorded like fifteen hundred podcasts, now, Kylie, sometimes you just

213
00:09:37,320 --> 00:09:38,439
Speaker 2: kind of get to the point where you're like, I

214
00:09:38,440 --> 00:09:40,280
Speaker 2: don't I don't care what the books say, just do

215
00:09:40,360 --> 00:09:40,880
Speaker 2: as you're told.

216
00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:46,160
Speaker 1: With the kids. So last what was it last Friday.

217
00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,080
Speaker 2: Morning or something like that, we got up at five o'clock,

218
00:09:48,200 --> 00:09:51,360
Speaker 2: I packed the car and by six am we were

219
00:09:51,400 --> 00:09:54,199
Speaker 2: getting ready for our soon to be twelve thirteen hour

220
00:09:54,320 --> 00:09:56,240
Speaker 2: drive back to the Sunshine Coast from then yourself a

221
00:09:56,280 --> 00:09:58,720
Speaker 2: central coast. It shouldn't take that long, but we knew

222
00:09:58,720 --> 00:10:01,560
Speaker 2: that with a long weekend come up, that it.

223
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:02,680
Speaker 1: Was just it was going to be tricky.

224
00:10:03,200 --> 00:10:05,000
Speaker 2: We're going to get to Brisbane if we were lucky,

225
00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:07,000
Speaker 2: and then have traffic all the way with the Sunshine Coast.

226
00:10:07,640 --> 00:10:09,520
Speaker 2: So we're getting in the car, the kids getting in

227
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,200
Speaker 2: the car, and all of a sudden, Emily, our eleven

228
00:10:11,280 --> 00:10:12,560
Speaker 2: year old, just had a meltdown.

229
00:10:12,559 --> 00:10:13,720
Speaker 1: I don't want to go. I want to stay with

230
00:10:13,720 --> 00:10:14,040
Speaker 1: my cousin.

231
00:10:14,080 --> 00:10:15,439
Speaker 2: I want to stay with that and Pop, I want

232
00:10:15,480 --> 00:10:17,400
Speaker 2: to keep on having all the fun that I've been having.

233
00:10:17,520 --> 00:10:20,000
Speaker 2: I like it here more than I like it at home.

234
00:10:20,720 --> 00:10:22,520
Speaker 3: It doesn't have anything to do with the fact that

235
00:10:22,559 --> 00:10:24,480
Speaker 3: her now lets her do whatever she wants.

236
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:26,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, like when we had a couple of days and

237
00:10:26,520 --> 00:10:30,400
Speaker 2: left the kids with mum, I'm pretty sure there were approximately.

238
00:10:29,880 --> 00:10:34,119
Speaker 1: How many boundaries? Zero That's what I thought, zero boundaries.

239
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,000
Speaker 2: And yet we're grateful that our parents are willing to

240
00:10:37,040 --> 00:10:38,520
Speaker 2: look after the kids, and so we're not going to

241
00:10:38,800 --> 00:10:40,400
Speaker 2: kick up big fuss about that. We're just going to

242
00:10:40,400 --> 00:10:40,920
Speaker 2: say thank you.

243
00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:46,080
Speaker 3: Well, you know, I know I'm hijacking your story.

244
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:47,320
Speaker 1: I do it to you all the time.

245
00:10:47,400 --> 00:10:50,079
Speaker 3: But we talk about this a lot, and we've had

246
00:10:50,120 --> 00:10:52,200
Speaker 3: lots of questions over the years.

247
00:10:52,000 --> 00:10:53,480
Speaker 1: About We've done a lot of pods on this.

248
00:10:53,440 --> 00:10:58,280
Speaker 3: Topic, boundaries and grandparents. But again, maybe because we're at

249
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,120
Speaker 3: the other end of parents and not the beginning of

250
00:11:01,160 --> 00:11:06,400
Speaker 3: our journey. But I just love that your mum's this beautiful,

251
00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:08,480
Speaker 3: soft place for the kids and she gets to give

252
00:11:08,520 --> 00:11:11,960
Speaker 3: them so much joy. And yes, it is frustrating and

253
00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:14,120
Speaker 3: it's hard when they come home and there's all these

254
00:11:14,160 --> 00:11:20,120
Speaker 3: meltdowns and big emotions because and sugar withdrawal. We are

255
00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:23,160
Speaker 3: setting the boundaries again. But isn't that what grandparents are

256
00:11:23,200 --> 00:11:25,640
Speaker 3: supposed to do. They're supposed to just fill them up

257
00:11:25,640 --> 00:11:27,760
Speaker 3: with love and joy and they know that when they

258
00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:30,760
Speaker 3: go there, they're going to be absolutely the most important

259
00:11:30,760 --> 00:11:31,600
Speaker 3: person in their world.

260
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,520
Speaker 2: I'm racking my brain trying to remember what I did

261
00:11:33,559 --> 00:11:36,400
Speaker 2: the other day within the our granddaughter. But she now

262
00:11:36,400 --> 00:11:37,880
Speaker 2: looked at me and she's like, you would never have

263
00:11:37,920 --> 00:11:40,000
Speaker 2: done that with us, You would never have let us

264
00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:40,640
Speaker 2: get away with that.

265
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,600
Speaker 1: And I looked at her up she.

266
00:11:42,640 --> 00:11:45,640
Speaker 3: Was pushing the washing basket along our brand new floors.

267
00:11:45,720 --> 00:11:47,600
Speaker 2: Oh that's right, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah yeah, And I

268
00:11:47,720 --> 00:11:49,720
Speaker 2: just laughed and said, yeah, but she's my granddaughter.

269
00:11:49,760 --> 00:11:50,200
Speaker 1: She can do it.

270
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,720
Speaker 2: And she knows, like this is so un fair. I'm like,

271
00:11:52,840 --> 00:11:55,320
Speaker 2: I know, but how good is it? I'm really enjoying

272
00:11:55,320 --> 00:11:58,480
Speaker 2: the double standard. I think that grandparents are allowed a

273
00:11:58,559 --> 00:11:59,679
Speaker 2: certain level of hypocrisy.

274
00:11:59,679 --> 00:12:02,800
Speaker 1: That's what I've decided. Never also the.

275
00:12:02,760 --> 00:12:05,319
Speaker 3: One that says I've changed enough nappies, I'm now a

276
00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:08,000
Speaker 3: great parent. I don't have to did that come from?

277
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:09,920
Speaker 2: And I share my story because this is going to

278
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:14,200
Speaker 2: This is going to blow out to twenty minutes otherwise, Kylie.

279
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:16,480
Speaker 2: We tried to get Emily in the car and she

280
00:12:16,559 --> 00:12:18,000
Speaker 2: really didn't want to get in the car. I was

281
00:12:18,040 --> 00:12:20,000
Speaker 2: going to drag her to the car and carry her

282
00:12:20,000 --> 00:12:21,520
Speaker 2: to the car, and just thought, no, that's not how

283
00:12:21,520 --> 00:12:25,360
Speaker 2: it works, and so we coaxed it to the car miserably,

284
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:26,800
Speaker 2: and she got in the car and she was boiling

285
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,120
Speaker 2: her eyes out and it was the six am. I've

286
00:12:29,120 --> 00:12:33,160
Speaker 2: only just woken up, cry, I know what go, And

287
00:12:33,200 --> 00:12:37,360
Speaker 2: it was loud and it was enduring, and Mum was

288
00:12:37,360 --> 00:12:39,439
Speaker 2: trying to convince her that she needed to go, and

289
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,720
Speaker 2: there was a whole lot of logic conversation going on,

290
00:12:41,760 --> 00:12:44,920
Speaker 2: but this was just an understanding conversation. But the car

291
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,520
Speaker 2: door closed and you hopped in the back seat next

292
00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:51,480
Speaker 2: to her, and we put our elder daughter Ella, who

293
00:12:51,520 --> 00:12:55,400
Speaker 2: was twenty one, into the front seat and we'd gone

294
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,480
Speaker 2: about two hundred meters when fifteen year old Lily just said,

295
00:12:58,679 --> 00:13:00,800
Speaker 2: she's being ridiculous. We've got to go home. This is

296
00:13:00,840 --> 00:13:02,520
Speaker 2: just ridiculous. Can you just tell her to stop it?

297
00:13:02,559 --> 00:13:03,600
Speaker 2: Can she just be quiet?

298
00:13:03,600 --> 00:13:05,480
Speaker 1: And like she was being really really cranky.

299
00:13:05,640 --> 00:13:07,200
Speaker 3: Well, she wasn't just crying by that stage.

300
00:13:07,240 --> 00:13:08,880
Speaker 1: She was like, I don't want to go.

301
00:13:09,480 --> 00:13:10,680
Speaker 3: I don't want to go.

302
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,640
Speaker 1: It was a lot, I mean it was. It was

303
00:13:12,720 --> 00:13:13,080
Speaker 1: a lot.

304
00:13:13,120 --> 00:13:14,720
Speaker 2: It had been going on for a few minutes by then,

305
00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:18,080
Speaker 2: and I just I just paused, and I so badly

306
00:13:18,120 --> 00:13:19,760
Speaker 2: wanted to pull the car over and just say, you

307
00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:21,800
Speaker 2: know what, stay, I don't want you to come home either.

308
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:22,120
Speaker 3: Just.

309
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,679
Speaker 1: But instead I said to Lily.

310
00:13:27,320 --> 00:13:29,640
Speaker 2: She's only eleven, and she really misses her grandparents and

311
00:13:29,679 --> 00:13:32,000
Speaker 2: her cousin, and she really doesn't want to go.

312
00:13:32,320 --> 00:13:34,319
Speaker 1: And I get that you.

313
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:37,760
Speaker 2: Find it inconvenient, so do I. But I was eleven

314
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,800
Speaker 2: once and I felt like that, and so were you.

315
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,720
Speaker 2: And then I had this remembrance, I said to her, Kylie,

316
00:13:44,720 --> 00:13:47,600
Speaker 2: when you and I were engaged to be married, there

317
00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,160
Speaker 2: was only a couple months ago. I was living in

318
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:51,320
Speaker 2: mad Eyes, were working as a radio announcer. You were

319
00:13:51,360 --> 00:13:53,600
Speaker 2: living in Brisbane with your parents, and I flew down

320
00:13:54,200 --> 00:13:57,880
Speaker 2: to spend a couple of days, maybe across the Christmas

321
00:13:57,880 --> 00:14:01,680
Speaker 2: break or something with you and your family. And when

322
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,720
Speaker 2: it was time for me to fly back to Mount iSER,

323
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:09,319
Speaker 2: I remember walking through security and then walking onto the airplane.

324
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,480
Speaker 2: I'm like, at any moment, now, Kylie's going to come

325
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:12,920
Speaker 2: dashing down and say, don't go.

326
00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:15,960
Speaker 3: And I remember trying to think what movie had you watched?

327
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,839
Speaker 2: No, no movies was for that moment in my mind.

328
00:14:18,920 --> 00:14:21,120
Speaker 2: And then as we're taching, I'm thinking, at any moment,

329
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:22,680
Speaker 2: the pilot's going to say, I'm sorry, we need to

330
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:27,400
Speaker 2: we need to return to the terminal because Kylie wants

331
00:14:27,560 --> 00:14:28,280
Speaker 2: justin to stay.

332
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,280
Speaker 3: You were thinking I was going to fly up and

333
00:14:30,360 --> 00:14:31,480
Speaker 3: meet you in the sky.

334
00:14:31,880 --> 00:14:34,480
Speaker 2: Like as we're roaring down the runway, but take off,

335
00:14:34,520 --> 00:14:36,680
Speaker 2: I'm thinking he's going to hit the brakes at any moment.

336
00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:38,560
Speaker 1: I'm not actually going to take off. I am staying.

337
00:14:38,600 --> 00:14:40,320
Speaker 1: I am staying. And then I ended up in Mount

338
00:14:40,320 --> 00:14:42,320
Speaker 1: iSER and I shared that story.

339
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:45,760
Speaker 2: With Well, finish it off with Lily, Well.

340
00:14:45,640 --> 00:14:47,400
Speaker 3: What were you doing while you're in there thinking all

341
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:47,960
Speaker 3: of those things?

342
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:52,000
Speaker 1: Oh, I was having a big cry. I was having

343
00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:53,600
Speaker 1: a big cry. I missed you.

344
00:14:54,800 --> 00:14:57,240
Speaker 2: But I said to Lily, I was twenty one or

345
00:14:57,280 --> 00:15:00,240
Speaker 2: twenty two years old when that was happening, and it

346
00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:02,920
Speaker 2: just broke my heart and I sobbed on this airplane

347
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:04,640
Speaker 2: because I didn't want to leave.

348
00:15:04,520 --> 00:15:05,680
Speaker 1: My soon to be wife.

349
00:15:06,280 --> 00:15:08,320
Speaker 2: I said, We've got little Emily in the back seat,

350
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:10,400
Speaker 2: and she just wants to stay with her cousin and

351
00:15:10,400 --> 00:15:13,640
Speaker 2: her grandparents. She's having those same feelings and they're normal

352
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:15,680
Speaker 2: and they're natural, and we just need to let her

353
00:15:15,680 --> 00:15:19,960
Speaker 2: have those feelings. And two things happened. Number One, Lily softened.

354
00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:24,040
Speaker 2: There was that empathy, that perspective that she needed. But

355
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:27,240
Speaker 2: Emily calmed down as well. Number One, I think she

356
00:15:27,360 --> 00:15:29,400
Speaker 2: enjoyed the story and hearing about how the plane did

357
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:32,120
Speaker 2: actually take off and how I couldn't understand why you

358
00:15:32,160 --> 00:15:34,800
Speaker 2: would leave me. But more than that, I think she

359
00:15:34,800 --> 00:15:37,400
Speaker 2: felt understood. She felt seen and heard and valued, She

360
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:42,520
Speaker 2: felt connected, and she was able to regulate her emotions.

361
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:46,040
Speaker 2: In fact, that was the last sobbing we had for

362
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:48,400
Speaker 2: the entire trip. It only lasted a couple of minutes.

363
00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:52,120
Speaker 2: I think that I mean might take her messages. Empathy

364
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:56,000
Speaker 2: is powerful. Empathy and perspective are powerful. They stop you

365
00:15:56,040 --> 00:15:57,520
Speaker 2: from getting mad at the kids. It helps you to

366
00:15:57,520 --> 00:16:00,280
Speaker 2: have some compassion to join them in their suffering. But

367
00:16:00,320 --> 00:16:01,320
Speaker 2: it also helps.

368
00:16:01,080 --> 00:16:04,040
Speaker 1: Those around you or around.

369
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:06,960
Speaker 2: The upset child to recognize that we all have these moments,

370
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,120
Speaker 2: we all have these big emotions from time to time.

371
00:16:09,160 --> 00:16:12,840
Speaker 3: So you're going to take credit for calming her down

372
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:16,720
Speaker 3: when it was my hugs and cuddles that did. Is

373
00:16:16,720 --> 00:16:17,600
Speaker 3: that what you're going to do?

374
00:16:18,120 --> 00:16:19,960
Speaker 1: It was a team effort. It was a team effort.

375
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:20,760
Speaker 1: It's serious.

376
00:16:20,920 --> 00:16:23,960
Speaker 2: It was a team Believe that you're taking taking credit

377
00:16:24,000 --> 00:16:25,280
Speaker 2: for my brilliant empathy.

378
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,000
Speaker 3: Hey, I was sitting in the back seat. For goodness sakes,

379
00:16:30,120 --> 00:16:31,520
Speaker 3: I got to get some credit there.

380
00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:34,760
Speaker 2: The Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from

381
00:16:34,800 --> 00:16:39,760
Speaker 2: Bridge Media. Mim Hammonds provides admin, research and other support.

382
00:16:39,800 --> 00:16:41,960
Speaker 2: We really appreciate both Justin and Mim for all.

383
00:16:41,840 --> 00:16:42,600
Speaker 1: The work that they do.

384
00:16:43,040 --> 00:16:45,120
Speaker 2: Have a great weekend. Thanks so much for choosing to

385
00:16:45,120 --> 00:16:47,040
Speaker 2: listen to the podcast. We hope that these ideas will

386
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:49,840
Speaker 2: help your family to be happier and we'll be back

387
00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:53,160
Speaker 2: on Monday with more of The Happy Famili's podcasts.

388
00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:00,080
Speaker 1: Y