WEBVTT - MINI: 5 'Magical' Questions to ask on a First Date

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<v Speaker 1>I heard podcasts, hear more Kiss podcast playlist and listen

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<v Speaker 1>live on the free iHeart app. Now, Okay, Britt, how

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<v Speaker 1>do you feel about small talk in general? Small talk

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<v Speaker 1>makes me feel uncomfortable because I always wonder where am

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<v Speaker 1>I going to take it?

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<v Speaker 2>And then I feel like I'm on the spot.

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<v Speaker 3>I could small talk my way out of anything. I

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<v Speaker 3>don't love it, I don't get anything from it. I'd

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<v Speaker 3>rather avoid it, but it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 2>Make me uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 1>The problem is this, Sometimes I think that I become

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<v Speaker 1>the interviewer in a small talk situation where I always

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<v Speaker 1>I just keep asking questions, asking questions, asking questions, and

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<v Speaker 1>then eventually I ran out of questions to ask and

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<v Speaker 1>waiting for the conversation to circle back around.

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<v Speaker 2>But it doesn't.

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<v Speaker 1>So I try and avoid it because and when I

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<v Speaker 1>say avoid it, you can never avoid small talk. I

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<v Speaker 1>try and avoid situations that put me into making small

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<v Speaker 1>talk because I find it uncomfortable.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah, well, I mean, no one loves it, no one.

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<v Speaker 3>There is no one that's like, oh, come, wait to

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<v Speaker 3>go small talk tonight, like, but some people maybe don't

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<v Speaker 3>really know how to avoid it or how to like

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<v Speaker 3>escalate it to a medium.

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<v Speaker 2>Talk or a yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>But also some people are like super extroverted, and so

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<v Speaker 1>they they don't even quote unquote making small talk doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>touch the sides for them. I think I'm a hybrid.

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<v Speaker 1>I definitely would call myself an extrovert in some things,

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<v Speaker 1>but when it's new people and new environments, I'm quite

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<v Speaker 1>happy to take the back seat if someone else is

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<v Speaker 1>wanting to step into that.

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<v Speaker 3>I've never seen you take the back seat anywhere anywhere.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not what it is, no, But I don't enjoy

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<v Speaker 1>it at all, Like I do really feel like it

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<v Speaker 1>is a task to make small talk and to keep

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<v Speaker 1>the conversation going. But sometimes I feel as though I

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<v Speaker 1>have to, and sometimes they also maybe.

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<v Speaker 2>This is in my own insecurities.

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<v Speaker 1>I think as though it's almost expected because we work

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<v Speaker 1>in a role where we talk all the time, so

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<v Speaker 1>people are like, oh, well, Laura can do this, and

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<v Speaker 1>so I feel as though I walk into some of

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<v Speaker 1>those environments where it's like new people or it's a

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<v Speaker 1>work thing, and I'm like I'm on and I'm singing

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<v Speaker 1>and dancing, and I go home and a crash because

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so overstimulated by having to put on a show.

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah, that makes sense.

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<v Speaker 3>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Well, the reason why I want to bring this up

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<v Speaker 1>is because firstly, I think a lot of people like

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<v Speaker 1>struggle to get conversations out of the small talk conversation

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<v Speaker 1>purgatory and into something that feels a little bit more

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<v Speaker 1>media or it feels like it's a back and forth.

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<v Speaker 1>But there is a guy named Charles Jewick. Now he's

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<v Speaker 1>a Politzer Prisman and he's also coined a super communicator.

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<v Speaker 1>We recently interviewed him on our podcast Life on Cut podcast.

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<v Speaker 1>He's brilliant if you want to communicator, if you want

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<v Speaker 1>to learn a little bit about communicating, that is the

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<v Speaker 1>episode to go and listen to. But I actually found

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<v Speaker 1>an article that he has been quoted in and it

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<v Speaker 1>was talking about how to get deeper on a first date.

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<v Speaker 1>Now I found this so funny because some of these questions,

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<v Speaker 1>they've called them magical questions, magical questions that take small

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<v Speaker 1>talk to deep talk. If someone asked me these questions

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<v Speaker 1>on a first date, I think I'd have to up

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<v Speaker 1>and leave.

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<v Speaker 3>So this article isn't just about generally taking chat to

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<v Speaker 3>the next level.

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<v Speaker 1>You know what, dates only it doesn't just have to

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<v Speaker 1>be first dates.

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<v Speaker 2>But is that what he is saying it's first dates only.

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<v Speaker 1>It was about how to connect on a deeper level.

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<v Speaker 1>But it was with people that you would be making

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<v Speaker 1>small talk with. Right, So imagine going to a work party,

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<v Speaker 1>you're making small talk, first date small talk, you're just

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<v Speaker 1>in the getting to know each other phase, and then

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<v Speaker 1>someone throws out one of these questions. I'm going to

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<v Speaker 1>ask you what a coin to the five Magical questions,

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<v Speaker 1>and you can answer them as honestly or you can

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<v Speaker 1>tell me where to go.

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<v Speaker 2>All right?

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<v Speaker 1>Question number one, what are you excited about right now?

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<v Speaker 2>My wedding? That's actually a good one.

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<v Speaker 1>Because someone could get into more debt. What about your wedding?

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<v Speaker 2>I'm not getting married for on a first date?

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<v Speaker 1>I was like, yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>Number two, if you could wake.

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<v Speaker 1>Up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability.

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<v Speaker 2>What would it be to be able to fly?

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<v Speaker 3>Great?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, but that doesn't feel particularly deep. He's my answers.

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<v Speaker 2>Don't ask me a question then tell me my answer

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<v Speaker 2>is wrong. What is it about flying?

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<v Speaker 1>Okay? Number three, imagine someone who you don't know asking

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<v Speaker 1>you this, when's the last time you cried in front

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<v Speaker 1>of another person?

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<v Speaker 3>Oh?

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<v Speaker 2>I think that's a good question.

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<v Speaker 3>I mean I cry all the time on the podcast

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<v Speaker 3>in front of loads of people, like all the interviews

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<v Speaker 3>that we do.

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<v Speaker 2>You and I cry in front of each all all

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<v Speaker 2>the time?

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<v Speaker 1>Are you true?

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<v Speaker 2>This is true?

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<v Speaker 1>We do, but I mean like a real cry, like

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<v Speaker 1>a oh my dog.

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<v Speaker 2>I cry a lot in front of my dog. And

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<v Speaker 2>then I say, don't tell anyone, okay. I won't critique

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<v Speaker 2>your answer.

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<v Speaker 1>Question number four, do you have a secret hunch about

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<v Speaker 1>when or how you will die?

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<v Speaker 2>Can we just stop down?

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<v Speaker 1>This could be someone at a work party asking you these,

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<v Speaker 1>and these feel deeply inappropriate.

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<v Speaker 2>All the questions until now are fine?

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<v Speaker 3>Asking someone about their like impending death is not okay

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<v Speaker 3>when you don't even know that.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay, Well, this one's going to really send you into

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<v Speaker 1>out of space. How do you feel about your relationship

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<v Speaker 1>with your mother?

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<v Speaker 2>I love my mom. I have no trauma. Imagine ask

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<v Speaker 2>it though.

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<v Speaker 1>Imagine if you did have trauma and some person who's

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<v Speaker 1>read a super communicator's book who barely knows you and

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<v Speaker 1>wants to take small talk to medium talk ask you

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<v Speaker 1>out of nowhere about your relationship with your mum. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm sorry, I think that's small talk that has a

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<v Speaker 1>purpose at a place, No, I.

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<v Speaker 2>Think you can definitely. Look I'm not a polite surprise

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<v Speaker 2>winner Charles.

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<v Speaker 1>Sorry, but I do love Charles as well.

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<v Speaker 2>Not criticizing him, but I feel like I'm good at this.

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<v Speaker 2>I am the interviewer in every relationship I've got. When

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<v Speaker 2>I went into the I'm a slebrity.

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<v Speaker 3>Jungle, no one even knew my name, but I asked

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<v Speaker 3>everyone every single thing about them.

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<v Speaker 2>I genuinely love it.

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<v Speaker 3>I think the key to it is all you have

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<v Speaker 3>to do is find common ground.

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<v Speaker 2>So you need to find a common interest with someone.

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<v Speaker 3>Then the second you have that, they're going to feel

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<v Speaker 3>more comfortable, and then you ask questions about it, but

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<v Speaker 3>not that.

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<v Speaker 2>You just have to ask like what is it about

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<v Speaker 2>that that makes you excited?

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<v Speaker 3>Or why? What is it about that that made you

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<v Speaker 3>want to go into that industry? Or do you think

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<v Speaker 3>you'll be in that industry forever? And if not, what

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<v Speaker 3>would you do instead? There are so many questions that

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<v Speaker 3>aren't like hey, do you have some trauma bond with

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<v Speaker 3>your mom? Like that's crazy to me to ask on

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<v Speaker 3>a first date or something to me?

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<v Speaker 1>There are some things, yes, I mean everyone's heard the whole,

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<v Speaker 1>like ask an open question that doesn't have a yes

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<v Speaker 1>no answer, like that's kind of like one oh one

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<v Speaker 1>of interviewing. But there are some things, regardless of how

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<v Speaker 1>magical a question might be, you should not ask if

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<v Speaker 1>you don't know someone well enough.

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<v Speaker 2>There's a level, there's a level of.

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<v Speaker 1>Depth that we just don't need with everyone because also

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<v Speaker 1>no one cares.

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<v Speaker 2>You don't care about if you're a stranger at a

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<v Speaker 2>work party. You don't care what Sally's mom's doing.