WEBVTT - 🧍‍♂️+👫Should You Have A Back-up Boy 👀 0:00:01.680 --> 0:00:03.199 It's my worst and I haven't here. 0:00:04.760 --> 0:00:08.840 Talk to me about this hair who flex and rooms? 0:00:09.560 --> 0:00:11.000 It's lex and brooms cater. 0:00:12.200 --> 0:00:14.240 Today we're talking about whether or not having a backup 0:00:14.280 --> 0:00:17.040 boy is a bad thing. So this essentially refers to 0:00:17.560 --> 0:00:19.760 when you have a partner and then you have someone 0:00:19.800 --> 0:00:20.680 waiting in the wings. 0:00:20.920 --> 0:00:24.319 I would like to introduce a concept that I have 0:00:24.440 --> 0:00:27.920 called next in line please, and it's when you see 0:00:27.960 --> 0:00:31.600 someone who is eligible and you're not that close with them, 0:00:31.640 --> 0:00:33.240 but you think to yourself, I'd like to be next 0:00:33.240 --> 0:00:36.360 in line for you once that relationship deteriorates, I would 0:00:36.400 --> 0:00:38.560 like to be considered damn. 0:00:39.000 --> 0:00:42.519 And also I have found out through a woman called 0:00:42.560 --> 0:00:49.440 Emily Naysmith who runs Ingridipedia podcast the especially ingredient in Boston. 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:52.160 Mun's my favorite snack from Baker's Delight. 0:00:52.440 --> 0:00:53.720 I can't believe that's what they're. 0:00:53.479 --> 0:00:56.120 Called, mate, I know. Just just you wait for this one. 0:00:56.200 --> 0:00:56.920 It's flex and frooms. 0:00:57.000 --> 0:00:58.560 Let's go. This is flex and frooms. 0:00:58.760 --> 0:01:02.760 I'm cater, make nomous, I get myself around a bakery, 0:01:02.840 --> 0:01:06.240 treat give me a little Baker's Delight. Tell me why 0:01:06.319 --> 0:01:08.600 I'm going to my local rumbies and I'm loving the 0:01:08.600 --> 0:01:09.800 little hats they're wearing. 0:01:09.920 --> 0:01:11.720 So you like corporate bake treats. 0:01:12.400 --> 0:01:15.080 I don't mind both. I'd prefer one. 0:01:15.160 --> 0:01:16.920 I like the ones that have the bread and it's 0:01:16.959 --> 0:01:20.360 like not sour dough, like the ones where give me 0:01:20.400 --> 0:01:24.120 the white sluiced with the slaugh so police and the 0:01:24.120 --> 0:01:28.720 little tiny pizzas. Now I came across this podcast. It's 0:01:28.720 --> 0:01:33.000 called ingredia Pedia, ingreedy Pedia. 0:01:33.480 --> 0:01:37.120 So like ingredients, like an encyclopedia of ingredients. 0:01:36.840 --> 0:01:37.920 Ingreedypedia exactly. 0:01:38.600 --> 0:01:42.000 And it is by a woman called Emily Nay Smith. 0:01:42.760 --> 0:01:44.600 I'm not gonna lie. I don't know what the man's 0:01:44.680 --> 0:01:46.559 name is. And however, and that's okay. 0:01:46.640 --> 0:01:48.800 We are on a bit of a tight schedule. 0:01:48.800 --> 0:01:51.800 It's podcast and this radio show, so. 0:01:51.880 --> 0:01:53.560 Research in fact checking could not happen. 0:01:53.680 --> 0:01:57.280 Yeah, the other day on Emily's story, she posted it 0:01:57.360 --> 0:01:58.600 about Boston buns. 0:01:58.600 --> 0:01:59.480 So they're these like. 0:01:59.440 --> 0:02:02.800 Bunge you can get it from Brumbies or baker like. 0:02:03.240 --> 0:02:06.560 They are like a long bun or somethings, like a 0:02:06.640 --> 0:02:08.120 round bun, and they've got the icing. 0:02:07.960 --> 0:02:09.280 And the desecrated coconut. 0:02:09.400 --> 0:02:13.440 The desecrated, desecrated, desecrated is like when someone's dead. So 0:02:13.480 --> 0:02:15.520 it's a desicated coconut. 0:02:15.520 --> 0:02:16.760 They're too close for me. 0:02:17.040 --> 0:02:19.959 And Emily talks about how she would like lick all 0:02:19.960 --> 0:02:22.320 the icing off the bun. I personally like to eat 0:02:22.360 --> 0:02:25.799 it whole. Well, so please be gentle. She's a big 0:02:25.840 --> 0:02:30.280 fan of the podcast. You just said, Ill, Yeah, you're 0:02:30.280 --> 0:02:32.400 a PO, you're a post, you're a co host. And 0:02:32.440 --> 0:02:35.280 I would still say, ill, I'm. 0:02:35.160 --> 0:02:36.440 A PO host and you're a LA. 0:02:37.400 --> 0:02:39.200 Get my moment in your mouth? Do you know? 0:02:39.440 --> 0:02:42.000 I don't the licking that gets me. The thing about 0:02:42.040 --> 0:02:47.160 licking the the the cream off the Boston bun is 0:02:47.880 --> 0:02:51.600 I think I just have very uncomfortable memories of watching 0:02:51.639 --> 0:02:53.960 fellow children play with food when I was younger, and 0:02:54.000 --> 0:02:56.720 I really didn't like it, And now as an adult, 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:57.399 I've doubled down. 0:02:58.280 --> 0:02:59.839 The same people that play with food are the ones 0:02:59.840 --> 0:03:02.760 that turn their eyelids inside out. Yes, it's a very 0:03:02.760 --> 0:03:06.040 particular Yes your people. No, I can't relate anyway. She 0:03:06.560 --> 0:03:13.760 dropped an incredible diabolical She dropped an incredibly diabolical hard 0:03:13.960 --> 0:03:19.079 fact on Instagram regarding Boston Buns and a crazy ingredient 0:03:19.120 --> 0:03:19.680 that is part of them. 0:03:19.720 --> 0:03:20.919 Are you ready flex Ready? 0:03:21.600 --> 0:03:22.160 Episode? 0:03:22.240 --> 0:03:24.120 And I came across the recipe in the New Zealand 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:25.799 Women's Weekly. This was the oldest kind of recipefore I 0:03:25.800 --> 0:03:28.119 could find. And I'm just reading through the ingredients. First 0:03:28.240 --> 0:03:30.359 ingredient one cup of mashed potato. 0:03:31.600 --> 0:03:37.360 Yeap, what the secret ingredient of Boston buns is mashed potato? 0:03:37.600 --> 0:03:41.480 There is no way, babes, I'm serious. And allegedly this started. 0:03:41.520 --> 0:03:43.640 I'll get to the next bit of the podcast. It 0:03:43.840 --> 0:03:47.280 started in the nineteen thirties. 0:03:47.440 --> 0:03:49.760 You're with Luthy when you bring in facts and dates, I. 0:03:49.720 --> 0:03:50.600 Do, don't, I hold on. 0:03:50.720 --> 0:03:51.600 Don't worry about it. 0:03:51.600 --> 0:03:54.880 Has a little context for the mashed potato, So she says, 0:03:55.000 --> 0:03:57.440 the Boston bun dates back to the earliest twentieth century 0:03:57.440 --> 0:04:00.560 in Australia, where mashed and seved potatoes commonly you as 0:04:00.600 --> 0:04:03.880 an economical substitute for flower in. 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:07.480 What in what world can you imagine living in a 0:04:07.520 --> 0:04:11.000 world where using potato is more economical than flower? 0:04:11.160 --> 0:04:12.000 I know, I don't get it. 0:04:12.520 --> 0:04:14.440 I mean, I guess the potato just comes straight out 0:04:14.440 --> 0:04:18.479 of the ground. Yeah, well, there you go, guys. I 0:04:18.560 --> 0:04:22.200 want a bust and bud right now. We are learned girls, 0:04:22.240 --> 0:04:26.880 and we love, love, love to share big important technological 0:04:26.880 --> 0:04:28.320 news with you hit it. 0:04:28.400 --> 0:04:32.719 Caitlin, tech Time, tech Time, tech Time. 0:04:32.839 --> 0:04:35.880 It's tech time with flex and froomes on Cater put 0:04:35.960 --> 0:04:36.960 it to the next level. 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:42.880 Oh my god, we will never stop talking about AI. 0:04:43.120 --> 0:04:43.680 Why is that? 0:04:43.720 --> 0:04:44.400 Because we like to. 0:04:44.360 --> 0:04:46.600 Think of ourselves as early adopters, and it's only a 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:54.640 matter of time before AI makes irrepairable damages or potentially positives. 0:04:54.520 --> 0:04:55.279 To the world. 0:04:55.480 --> 0:04:57.000 So it's humans have done worse. 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.240 Precisely, I mean, I don't I think we should not 0:05:00.320 --> 0:05:02.400 say it's an all knowing being. Don't give it too 0:05:02.440 --> 0:05:03.000 much power. 0:05:03.520 --> 0:05:04.400 We can harness it. 0:05:04.560 --> 0:05:09.200 Yes, correct final last words, famous last words. So I 0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:10.920 came across the story in the Atlantic. 0:05:10.960 --> 0:05:12.640 It's an American website. 0:05:13.200 --> 0:05:16.080 We do love the Atlantic here we doy does plagiarize 0:05:16.120 --> 0:05:17.240 quite a bit from the Atlantic. 0:05:17.279 --> 0:05:18.680 He is it. 0:05:18.720 --> 0:05:23.520 Plagiarizing if you cite the sources? Hmmm, ridle me that. 0:05:23.560 --> 0:05:25.080 And we're on a new medium. It's not like I'm 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:27.000 writing it out and putting it on my newsletter. It 0:05:27.080 --> 0:05:32.960 was just frooms world anyway. Allegedly, pirated copies of Margaret 0:05:32.960 --> 0:05:35.800 Atwood's books are being used to train AI. 0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:40.200 Pirated as well, they can afford to buy. 0:05:40.360 --> 0:05:41.159 That's what she said. 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:46.279 Margaret's books are no more than maybe twenty dollars a copy. 0:05:46.279 --> 0:05:47.440 That's what I've been doing with that book. 0:05:47.520 --> 0:05:48.960 Truly get it secondhand. 0:05:49.600 --> 0:05:52.239 I really gotta say, guys, that's a life hack. Start 0:05:52.279 --> 0:05:54.520 buying secondhand books. Some people don't like because there's like 0:05:54.560 --> 0:05:56.800 weird crumbs and stuff in them. But trust me, I 0:05:56.800 --> 0:05:59.760 hate buying brand new books because I'm very doggied with them. 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:01.840 So you can get into ebooks like me, they still 0:06:01.839 --> 0:06:02.360 cost no. 0:06:02.480 --> 0:06:04.240 I like having the physical It's a piece of art 0:06:04.279 --> 0:06:08.480 every time. So they sort of say, Margaret in the 0:06:09.200 --> 0:06:12.039 Atlantic took to the website to give a clap back, 0:06:12.080 --> 0:06:15.880 if you will. So thirty three of her books have 0:06:15.960 --> 0:06:19.960 been used as training material for wordsmithing computer programs. So 0:06:20.080 --> 0:06:22.920 essentially they can say, write a Margaret Atwood novel and 0:06:23.000 --> 0:06:27.200 it will glurb forth five fifty thousand words like soft 0:06:27.279 --> 0:06:31.960 ice cream spiraling out of a dispenser. And essentially what 0:06:32.040 --> 0:06:36.599 she's saying is that she's likening this kind of art, 0:06:36.760 --> 0:06:38.760 if you not even art, she's likening this kind of 0:06:38.760 --> 0:06:43.279 program to a Stepford wife. So if you ever watch 0:06:43.279 --> 0:06:45.360 the Stepford Wives, I don't remember, but Nicole Kibn was 0:06:45.400 --> 0:06:45.640 in it. 0:06:46.120 --> 0:06:46.919 What they do. 0:06:46.960 --> 0:06:50.360 Is someone maybe the husband's start making these clones of 0:06:50.400 --> 0:06:51.000 their wives. 0:06:51.240 --> 0:06:52.719 They do all the cooking, do everything. 0:06:52.800 --> 0:06:55.880 They're really hot, but they don't have the annoying emotional 0:06:55.920 --> 0:06:59.560 aspects of the actual wives, right And Margaret at what 0:06:59.600 --> 0:07:01.119 he's saying, this is what they're doing with their books. 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:02.120 And it got me thinking, like. 0:07:03.839 --> 0:07:09.000 If a program can come up with a Margaret Atwood 0:07:09.000 --> 0:07:11.240 type style, which is like, she's a very particular style 0:07:11.240 --> 0:07:14.320 of writing. Have I ever read Margaret Atwood book? Absolutely not, 0:07:14.960 --> 0:07:16.760 but just from reading this article, it's my first piece 0:07:16.760 --> 0:07:17.440 that I've read of hers. 0:07:17.760 --> 0:07:18.960 She has a very particular tone. 0:07:22.760 --> 0:07:27.240 Is it ever does it ever have life? Or is 0:07:27.240 --> 0:07:31.280 it always quote unquote dead? What do you mean, like, 0:07:31.320 --> 0:07:33.440 you know how some art or some movies. I was 0:07:33.480 --> 0:07:35.960 reading this other thing about AI, like, sure, someone could 0:07:35.960 --> 0:07:40.040 make a Christopher Nolan movie, but and it might be 0:07:40.040 --> 0:07:42.000 better on paper, like it might be not as long, 0:07:42.080 --> 0:07:46.160 it might have more succinct storylines. But do you reckon 0:07:46.240 --> 0:07:50.480 humans have this particular kind of like innate understanding that 0:07:51.080 --> 0:07:52.560 we need to know another human. 0:07:52.320 --> 0:07:53.840 Made it in order to completely relate. 0:07:54.120 --> 0:07:58.800 No, if people really respected the human element of creation 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:03.400 of creating media, creating art, then they wouldn't critique it 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:06.320 so heavily. I don't think it's the human element of 0:08:06.400 --> 0:08:08.120 a movie or the human element of a TV show, 0:08:08.120 --> 0:08:11.000 a human element of music that makes it feel good. 0:08:11.440 --> 0:08:15.840 I think people, especially these US modern day consumers who 0:08:15.880 --> 0:08:20.920 would trade, you know, who would easily sub out like 0:08:21.440 --> 0:08:24.880 human rights for convenience. I don't think they care that 0:08:26.040 --> 0:08:28.560 the media they're consuming didn't come from a human I 0:08:28.600 --> 0:08:34.240 think what makes AI. I think what makes consuming AI 0:08:34.280 --> 0:08:38.400 media difficult is that it's trying really hard to be human, 0:08:38.480 --> 0:08:41.120 and that's not what people want. I think if you 0:08:41.240 --> 0:08:44.760 told the average person you can get the new season 0:08:44.800 --> 0:08:49.040 of your favorite show in half the amount of time 0:08:49.160 --> 0:08:52.960 because robots made it and AI made it and it's 0:08:53.240 --> 0:08:57.599 just like the seasons you watched thus far, people would say, yeah, great. 0:08:57.559 --> 0:08:59.240 I wouldn't mind a new Sex and the City, Oliver, 0:08:59.320 --> 0:09:02.120 former Damn writer, A strike is quaking. 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:09.600 Yeah. Look, I think people are fearing Okay, what in 0:09:09.640 --> 0:09:14.560 this article? Where okay in this article where you're saying 0:09:14.559 --> 0:09:16.640 markret Atward wrote this article for The Idea, Yeah wow. 0:09:16.960 --> 0:09:19.840 So in this article where Margaret Atwood is insinuating that 0:09:21.080 --> 0:09:25.599 to have AI spit out stories, right, is the equivalent 0:09:25.720 --> 0:09:27.840 of you know, in the Stepward Wives, like you were 0:09:27.840 --> 0:09:30.600 saying earlier, when you create this figment of a woman, 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:32.160 but you take out all the things that make her 0:09:32.240 --> 0:09:35.880 quote unquote human, which in this example was the nuances 0:09:35.880 --> 0:09:40.400 and the neuroticisms and like the the irritating bits. That's 0:09:40.400 --> 0:09:43.640 what most people don't really like in their art. Like, 0:09:43.679 --> 0:09:45.760 I think people get really frustrated to hear that their 0:09:45.800 --> 0:09:48.320 favorite artists won't release an album because they have anxiety. 0:09:48.800 --> 0:09:51.600 People don't like that. People don't like hearing that the 0:09:51.640 --> 0:09:54.439 reason why they couldn't see their favorite movies because the 0:09:54.600 --> 0:09:59.120 real people aren't eating because there's a writer strike. They empathize, 0:09:59.160 --> 0:10:01.320 but they don't like that. Hearing about Euphoria was going 0:10:01.360 --> 0:10:03.360 to come out in twenty twenty four, and now it's 0:10:03.600 --> 0:10:05.640 maybe going to start filming in twenty twenty six, They 0:10:05.640 --> 0:10:06.280 don't like that. 0:10:06.800 --> 0:10:08.800 Are they gonna have all the same characters? Who knows 0:10:08.920 --> 0:10:12.600 it's gonna be Euphoria? Like post college, like no one. 0:10:12.559 --> 0:10:13.560 Can get a job vibes. 0:10:13.800 --> 0:10:16.480 So I think what people what we should be talking 0:10:16.520 --> 0:10:21.439 about is this conversation about AI gives people the impression 0:10:21.480 --> 0:10:23.319 they care more about people than they do. 0:10:25.120 --> 0:10:27.720 It is that time of the week again. It is 0:10:27.800 --> 0:10:30.600 time to get down and deep into the relationship bag. 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:38.400 Hit it, Kaylein, Hello, lovel. 0:10:37.559 --> 0:10:39.160 God, you hate to be driving right now and you're 0:10:39.160 --> 0:10:41.920 thinking I'm getting a call through the blue tooth. No, no, no, 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:43.240 it's just flexing frooms. 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:46.400 I don't think I've heard my phone ring like make 0:10:46.480 --> 0:10:50.559 a noise since twenty eleven. Seriously, truly, well, I. 0:10:50.520 --> 0:10:53.320 Went through the other day and changed all the sound 0:10:53.360 --> 0:10:56.520 effects like for my messages and for my calls, and 0:10:56.559 --> 0:10:58.680 I got the one that goes no, no, no. The 0:10:58.720 --> 0:11:02.120 pianof it cracks me up. You just gotta add a 0:11:02.160 --> 0:11:03.840 little bit of joy throughout you day. Guys, go and 0:11:03.920 --> 0:11:07.360 change back to the original iPhone ones. And that's grateful 0:11:07.360 --> 0:11:12.440 when you keep getting these robo calls. All right, this 0:11:12.640 --> 0:11:15.559 is a love line by a listener. It's a real listener, Guys. 0:11:17.800 --> 0:11:21.000 I'm not gonna lie sometimes it isn't okay, high flex 0:11:21.000 --> 0:11:23.000 and frooms and Mickey, I love the pod. 0:11:23.280 --> 0:11:24.800 Caitlin producer. Kaitlyn's here. 0:11:25.080 --> 0:11:27.560 Kaitlyn wasn't there at the time, however, we'll extend the 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:30.520 hello to Kaitlyn. We'll extend I love the potty sm 0:11:30.600 --> 0:11:33.360 so much hoped you'd get some intrigue out of my dilemma. 0:11:33.600 --> 0:11:36.319 Please keep a noon, love Hut. I've been exclusive with 0:11:36.360 --> 0:11:38.760 my boyfriend James for about two weeks now, and we're 0:11:38.840 --> 0:11:43.640 mutually healthily obsessed. I really appreciate the preface there. The 0:11:43.720 --> 0:11:46.920 other day, I was playfully rummaging around his Instagram dms 0:11:47.160 --> 0:11:50.120 and he casually said, Hey, you can only look at 0:11:50.120 --> 0:11:51.480 mine if I can look at yours. 0:11:51.960 --> 0:11:53.840 Very bold of you to just go through straight. 0:11:53.640 --> 0:11:56.840 Through the Yeah, just how do we get here? I 0:11:56.920 --> 0:11:57.600 like that for you. 0:11:57.720 --> 0:12:01.439 In the moment, I did give him back his phone. 0:12:03.280 --> 0:12:04.040 No no, no. 0:12:05.000 --> 0:12:07.079 She said up, which hopefully doesn't make me look to 0:12:07.200 --> 0:12:09.679 sus I've been thinking that if he did go through 0:12:09.679 --> 0:12:12.960 my messages, he'd come across my ex long term situationship Danny. 0:12:13.400 --> 0:12:15.640 We were off and on for about four years and 0:12:15.679 --> 0:12:18.920 have been friends for seven years. Because of sporadic messages, 0:12:19.200 --> 0:12:21.199 it wouldn't take long for James to realize Danny and 0:12:21.200 --> 0:12:23.920 I weren't one hundred percent platonic. I'd flirt with him 0:12:23.960 --> 0:12:25.880 and we talk about how to handle another girl coming 0:12:25.880 --> 0:12:28.720 into his life. Ultimately, I do see Danny as a 0:12:28.760 --> 0:12:30.439 backup even though I'm not sure. 0:12:30.280 --> 0:12:31.040 He feels safe. 0:12:32.280 --> 0:12:35.960 And anyway, we live in coasts opposite the US with 0:12:36.000 --> 0:12:36.560 no plans. 0:12:36.600 --> 0:12:38.000 Okay, are you in New York? 0:12:38.160 --> 0:12:39.040 Give me any tips? 0:12:40.520 --> 0:12:42.600 With no plans to move out, a move from our 0:12:42.640 --> 0:12:45.840 beloved cities. My question is, when, if ever do you 0:12:45.880 --> 0:12:48.480 tell my boyfriend? When, if ever, do I tell my 0:12:48.520 --> 0:12:51.360 boyfriend about my ex friend? Also, what are your thoughts 0:12:51.360 --> 0:12:53.680 on backups? Is it wrong to be connected with that 0:12:53.800 --> 0:12:55.840 kind of person when you're in a relationship if you 0:12:55.880 --> 0:12:58.080 have no plans to act on it. Danny and I 0:12:58.120 --> 0:13:03.280 share particular neurodive urgencies, special interests, and he's supportive in 0:13:03.280 --> 0:13:05.920 the hard times. He is a genuine close friend. What 0:13:05.960 --> 0:13:10.319 do I owe in this situation? Babes, listen before flex 0:13:10.360 --> 0:13:13.000 opens her mouth because she's making some crazy hand movement 0:13:13.160 --> 0:13:16.360 and she has her hand up against her mouth in 0:13:16.400 --> 0:13:18.959 a concerned way, like when you when you find yourself 0:13:19.000 --> 0:13:21.160 holding your neck, could be scared. It's give me that, 0:13:21.400 --> 0:13:23.760 so let's take a little break up. Next, we're gonna 0:13:23.800 --> 0:13:25.760 get the bottom of whether or not it's okay to 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:28.360 have someone on the back burner when you're in a committed, healthy, 0:13:28.559 --> 0:13:29.720 obsessed relationship. 0:13:30.840 --> 0:13:31.840 Flexi I've just told. 0:13:31.679 --> 0:13:33.840 You the story from a listener and non of course 0:13:33.960 --> 0:13:38.559 like hard. She is in a mutually committed, healthy obsessed 0:13:38.600 --> 0:13:42.240 relationship with a new boyfriend. Meanwhile, she has a guy 0:13:42.280 --> 0:13:45.080 on the back burner. They're in a situationship for four 0:13:45.160 --> 0:13:48.080 years and friends for seven. Her BF is like, let's 0:13:48.120 --> 0:13:50.800 look through each other's dms. In fact, she actually started 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:52.480 that line of query. 0:13:52.240 --> 0:13:53.640 And he was like, Okay, if you're looking through mind, 0:13:53.640 --> 0:13:56.120 I'd like to look through yours. And she says, take back, yeah, 0:13:56.440 --> 0:13:58.679 take the phone. Did we mention that they've been boyfriend 0:13:58.840 --> 0:13:59.920 and girlfriend for two weeks? 0:14:00.320 --> 0:14:03.040 Yes, but I'm a you know, exclusive for two weeks, 0:14:03.080 --> 0:14:05.280 so who knows how long this has been a courting process. 0:14:05.520 --> 0:14:07.480 She wants to know, is it okay to have Danny, 0:14:07.520 --> 0:14:10.240 who's the old situationship on the backburn of if it 0:14:10.280 --> 0:14:12.480 doesn't work out with current boyfriend James? 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:14.480 What your thoughts? Flicks? Mummy? 0:14:14.920 --> 0:14:17.199 First, I have questions, Okay. 0:14:17.800 --> 0:14:19.600 I'll attempt to answer on behalf of the listener. 0:14:19.840 --> 0:14:24.120 Thank you so much. So we've got a mutually healthily 0:14:24.160 --> 0:14:30.120 obsessed relationship exclusive for two weeks. Yes, so one would 0:14:30.200 --> 0:14:33.960 say that when you're in a mutually healthy obsessed dynamic, 0:14:34.200 --> 0:14:35.800 that your eggs are in the horn basket. 0:14:37.160 --> 0:14:39.720 Okay, would you say personally yes? 0:14:39.880 --> 0:14:40.320 Okay. 0:14:40.960 --> 0:14:43.800 Now we go on to say that there's Danny, the 0:14:43.840 --> 0:14:47.280 situationship on and off for four years, friends for seven 0:14:47.880 --> 0:14:51.000 They flirt, and they talk about how to handle another 0:14:51.040 --> 0:14:54.600 girl coming into Danny's life. This listener sees Danny as 0:14:54.600 --> 0:14:59.840 a backup. However, does not feel or know if Danny 0:15:00.320 --> 0:15:02.600 the same way. So it's not as though like we've 0:15:02.600 --> 0:15:06.560 been there, We're like, it's not the right timing. It's 0:15:06.760 --> 0:15:10.760 it's plausible that what you're experiencing to be a situationship 0:15:11.080 --> 0:15:16.680 is a platonic friendship with romantic tingencies. It's tingencies because 0:15:16.760 --> 0:15:19.680 this person is a agenda you're attracted to. But I 0:15:19.720 --> 0:15:22.960 don't know if there's anything here that you should be 0:15:23.720 --> 0:15:26.880 concerned about, or in the sense that I mean that, 0:15:26.960 --> 0:15:29.440 like you in this moment decide what it is or isn't. 0:15:30.600 --> 0:15:32.880 So like, if they're on the back burner, then put 0:15:32.880 --> 0:15:35.520 them on the back burner. Don't be keeping up the 0:15:35.560 --> 0:15:38.840 flirty flirty flirty while you're in this quote unquote mutually 0:15:38.840 --> 0:15:43.160 healthily obsessed dynamic. Right, And then the question what do 0:15:43.240 --> 0:15:47.440 I own the situation. You don't owe anybody anything, but 0:15:47.480 --> 0:15:50.800 what is your responsibility in the situation? I would say 0:15:50.840 --> 0:15:53.640 often to behave in a way that sets a precedent 0:15:53.720 --> 0:15:56.600 for how you expect your other half to behave. Not 0:15:56.640 --> 0:15:59.720 that you hold them to that standard. But if you 0:15:59.800 --> 0:16:03.600 find find out that your boyfriend James is in the 0:16:03.720 --> 0:16:07.200 DMS with their friend that they've been put on the 0:16:07.240 --> 0:16:09.240 back burner with, would you not feel some type of 0:16:09.280 --> 0:16:11.840 way I think you might look. 0:16:11.960 --> 0:16:17.560 I I am hesitant to say this because it is 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:18.640 a real list in the DM. 0:16:18.840 --> 0:16:19.040 Yeah. 0:16:19.200 --> 0:16:21.800 I have a bit of a a sixth sense about 0:16:21.840 --> 0:16:24.880 this one. Ooh, I believe that Danny, who's the X 0:16:24.880 --> 0:16:27.360 situation ship deal a little number on your heart. 0:16:27.600 --> 0:16:28.400 Oh. 0:16:28.640 --> 0:16:32.680 The vibe that perhaps there are some unrequireded love there because. 0:16:32.320 --> 0:16:35.280 You say you were never. 0:16:35.160 --> 0:16:38.680 Going to move from opposite cities, sounds like maybe you 0:16:38.880 --> 0:16:40.360 would consider it, but he didn't. 0:16:40.840 --> 0:16:41.800 Just getting a sense. 0:16:41.640 --> 0:16:45.400 There for it to go on for four years, there's 0:16:45.440 --> 0:16:47.040 got to be some kind of hankering there. 0:16:47.080 --> 0:16:49.760 Like I personally, that's an emotional commitment. 0:16:49.880 --> 0:16:52.560 Emotional commitment and friends for seven years, where we're also 0:16:53.280 --> 0:16:54.640 keeping tabs on how long that's been. 0:16:54.760 --> 0:16:56.800 And also there was a vibe shift. You didn't say 0:16:56.800 --> 0:16:58.760 it's been on and off for seven years. There would 0:16:58.760 --> 0:17:02.240 have been three years of platonic friendship, a vibe shift 0:17:02.280 --> 0:17:06.120 exchange due to one or both parties acknowledging that it's 0:17:06.119 --> 0:17:09.080 not just platonic. And maybe the only limitation is that 0:17:09.119 --> 0:17:09.920 you're at a distance. 0:17:10.760 --> 0:17:11.960 I think that's what we're getting. 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:16.080 Yeah, because she says, you know what here, darling, You've 0:17:16.119 --> 0:17:19.119 never said anything about what you and James have in common. Instead, 0:17:19.160 --> 0:17:24.600 you've said, Danny, who's the exitration chip, share neurodivergencies, special interests, 0:17:24.600 --> 0:17:26.600 and he's supportive in the hard times. I get the 0:17:26.680 --> 0:17:29.280 vibe that maybe you are potentially in love with Danny. 0:17:29.280 --> 0:17:30.919 That's why you would keep him on the back burner. 0:17:31.080 --> 0:17:33.639 Other's not giving some random situationship that is still in 0:17:33.640 --> 0:17:36.679 the DMS, A bit of a like letting. 0:17:37.080 --> 0:17:38.159 Okay, so this is different. 0:17:38.760 --> 0:17:40.280 This is just my surmising. 0:17:40.560 --> 0:17:43.760 This is different. What I will say in summary, it 0:17:43.840 --> 0:17:48.520 is okay to conceptually have people that are next in line. Okay. 0:17:48.800 --> 0:17:51.399 Love is not eternal, unfortunately, and you don't want to 0:17:51.440 --> 0:17:55.480 be the dimwit who assumes that they won't be someone 0:17:55.480 --> 0:17:58.439 else to move on to next. However, you shouldn't be 0:17:59.600 --> 0:18:02.960 nurt sharing the romantic part of that relationship in any 0:18:03.040 --> 0:18:06.240 kind of way while you're in a platonic no sorry, 0:18:06.240 --> 0:18:07.840 while you're in a monogamous relationship. 0:18:08.560 --> 0:18:09.359 I tend to agree. 0:18:09.520 --> 0:18:12.359 Yeah, but also like I reckon pay yourself on the 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:14.120 back for having options full stop. 0:18:15.600 --> 0:18:16.040 Exciting. 0:18:16.080 --> 0:18:18.800 I feel like sometimes people stay in relationships that are 0:18:18.840 --> 0:18:21.119 bad because they feel like there's no other option. So 0:18:21.280 --> 0:18:23.399 relish in the fact that you are a woman with choices. 0:18:24.160 --> 0:18:29.000 Yeah, definitely the choice feminism. You do have a bit 0:18:29.000 --> 0:18:31.680 of a bone to pick with pop culture, bear with us. 0:18:32.080 --> 0:18:36.280 Pop culture would describe the pick me as historically a 0:18:36.320 --> 0:18:39.720 woman who distances herself from other women to be more 0:18:39.760 --> 0:18:43.440 appealing to men or the patriarchy. 0:18:44.160 --> 0:18:48.439 We have make me in our midst hold on just kidding, 0:18:49.920 --> 0:18:53.000 oh oh, tendencies without growing them. 0:18:53.080 --> 0:18:56.399 Yeah, rooms is the pick me in the room now 0:18:57.119 --> 0:18:59.520 for those of us who For those of us who 0:18:59.600 --> 0:19:03.240 have the acquainted with the very famous Gorne Girl monologue 0:19:03.400 --> 0:19:06.280 in which this protagonist lists out the key features of 0:19:06.320 --> 0:19:10.960 a pickney, which is oft referenced in pop culture, including 0:19:11.040 --> 0:19:14.600 but not limited to it's hot dogs, never gains. 0:19:14.320 --> 0:19:21.600 Weight, drinks beer yeah, and actually likes the taste, loves beer, serious, 0:19:21.680 --> 0:19:25.800 watches sport, or at least gives the impression she watches 0:19:25.840 --> 0:19:29.959 sport to become more appealing to men, likes doing anal 0:19:32.119 --> 0:19:33.119 that was in the monologue. 0:19:33.160 --> 0:19:34.520 It was in the monologue, But I don't think they 0:19:34.520 --> 0:19:37.040 can use her. We can use her redacted. And with 0:19:37.119 --> 0:19:39.320 that in mind, I have a fear of a feeling 0:19:39.640 --> 0:19:44.760 that the sudden uptick in women in particular being more 0:19:44.800 --> 0:19:49.000 interested in watching sports or liking sports more broadly because 0:19:49.040 --> 0:19:52.600