WEBVTT - Ask Uncut - The Challenges of Long Distance Relationships 0:00:00.160 --> 0:00:03.800 Life Uncut acknowledges the traditional custodians of country whose lands 0:00:03.840 --> 0:00:06.520 were never seated. We pay our respects to their elders 0:00:06.559 --> 0:00:10.280 past and present, Always was, always will be Aboriginal Land. 0:00:10.600 --> 0:00:12.760 This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. 0:00:22.480 --> 0:00:25.320 Hi, guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life Uncut. 0:00:25.360 --> 0:00:30.320 I'm Laura, I'm Brittany, and I am located currently in Romania. 0:00:30.440 --> 0:00:35.880 How is Romania, Brittany, I'm not there yet, So for context, 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:39.360 this was recorded just before we took off for our 0:00:39.360 --> 0:00:42.600 little one week getaway break. But we hate leaving you hanging, 0:00:42.680 --> 0:00:44.599 so we did want to pre record some things for you. 0:00:44.680 --> 0:00:46.840 We did, and also I did try and convince Bread 0:00:46.880 --> 0:00:49.519 that she should take her recording equipment to Romania, to. 0:00:49.479 --> 0:00:51.000 Which I said, which told. 0:00:50.800 --> 0:00:52.199 She to not me, to go fuck myself, which is 0:00:52.200 --> 0:00:54.240 absolutely fair, and I did. 0:00:54.720 --> 0:00:56.840 It's like I'm going to finish this sentence right here. 0:00:57.480 --> 0:00:58.560 No is a full sentence. 0:00:58.800 --> 0:01:00.920 We will do a pre rap free goods. 0:01:01.080 --> 0:01:03.120 But to be fair, I know, obviously, guys, we talk 0:01:03.160 --> 0:01:05.560 about we talk about relationships lots on this podcast. But 0:01:05.720 --> 0:01:09.360 something that I hadn't been aware of until you spoke 0:01:09.400 --> 0:01:11.679 about it on Tuesday, But you were talking about how 0:01:12.200 --> 0:01:15.320 you have been at a point at this like this 0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:18.160 break of long distance, where it's been particularly hard. 0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:19.800 Well, most of you know that you've been here for 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:21.959 a while. You know that Ben, my fian Ben has 0:01:22.000 --> 0:01:23.560 lived over in the UK for a long time. If 0:01:23.560 --> 0:01:26.280 you are new here, I am in a long distance relationship. 0:01:26.360 --> 0:01:30.399 My partner does say yeah, welcome, subscribe for We do 0:01:30.480 --> 0:01:31.880 get a lot of new listeners though, and I think 0:01:31.920 --> 0:01:34.080 sometimes we also forget that they're popping in and we 0:01:34.120 --> 0:01:35.119 expect everybody to. 0:01:35.080 --> 0:01:38.240 Know where we're at. But long distance has been great. 0:01:38.319 --> 0:01:40.360 Like you guys know that if I had the option, 0:01:40.440 --> 0:01:42.400 I wouldn't be doing long distance. It's not like I 0:01:42.440 --> 0:01:45.600 only want a long distance relationship, but I am somebody 0:01:45.600 --> 0:01:47.720 that can make the most of it, and I understand why. 0:01:47.800 --> 0:01:49.480 I can see the benefits and I can try and 0:01:49.480 --> 0:01:50.320 aim for the future. 0:01:51.040 --> 0:01:55.400 But occasionally, and now he's one of those times it's 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:56.200 hard to. 0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:58.320 Aim for the future when you're like really in the 0:01:58.400 --> 0:02:01.800 depths of shit in the distance relationships. 0:02:01.840 --> 0:02:05.919 And what I mean by that is this six months, 0:02:05.920 --> 0:02:07.760 so this back end of the year, from when we 0:02:07.800 --> 0:02:11.000 got engaged a couple of months ago in June until Christmas, 0:02:11.040 --> 0:02:15.640 this year, I am spending five nights with Ben in 0:02:15.760 --> 0:02:17.880 six months, that is it five nights, And I'm like 0:02:17.960 --> 0:02:20.760 beside myself every time I think about it because I'm 0:02:20.800 --> 0:02:23.520 really struggling with it. So when I was going there, 0:02:23.520 --> 0:02:25.200 I was like, I just want to be with him 0:02:25.200 --> 0:02:26.799 for five nights, and I'm going to be exhausted and 0:02:26.840 --> 0:02:30.079 jet lagged, and I'm so I'm really having a hard 0:02:30.080 --> 0:02:31.600 time with long distance long distance. 0:02:31.720 --> 0:02:33.520 I think he is great. I think you can do it. 0:02:33.560 --> 0:02:35.400 I think everyone can do it. I'm an advocate for 0:02:35.440 --> 0:02:36.440 it if it has to happen. 0:02:36.960 --> 0:02:39.880 But this is like extreme long distance, Like we've never 0:02:39.919 --> 0:02:42.760 gone six months with only five nights. Then on top 0:02:42.840 --> 0:02:45.960 of that, Ben stays up till one thirty in the 0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:48.080 morning just to say good morning to me when I 0:02:48.080 --> 0:02:50.160 wake up because the time difference is so bad. So 0:02:50.280 --> 0:02:54.200 we're not even conversing, do you know, It's like you're 0:02:54.240 --> 0:02:56.720 not even having those We speak like once a day 0:02:56.720 --> 0:02:58.679 if we can, and even then one of us is 0:02:58.720 --> 0:03:00.200 exhausted and one of us has woken up. 0:03:00.720 --> 0:03:00.919 Yeah. 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:02.640 So I think also you would have gotten used to 0:03:02.680 --> 0:03:04.880 your previous schedule, you know, like you kind of got 0:03:04.880 --> 0:03:06.760 into the swing of things when you knew what the 0:03:06.760 --> 0:03:08.640 time zones were where he was living before, and you 0:03:08.680 --> 0:03:11.680 got used to that, and now the parameters have changed 0:03:11.720 --> 0:03:15.440 as well. I can only imagine that there's only so 0:03:15.520 --> 0:03:18.680 many times you can say miss you until it sounds 0:03:18.840 --> 0:03:21.920 very like yeah, yeah, say miss you too, you know. 0:03:22.160 --> 0:03:24.400 And it's like I said to you girls, I use 0:03:24.440 --> 0:03:26.800 the term you know. I said it's not working. And 0:03:26.840 --> 0:03:29.040 when I say it's not working, I don't mean the relationship. 0:03:29.080 --> 0:03:30.680 Of course, we're going to get through that, but the 0:03:30.720 --> 0:03:33.720 long distance isn't working. That doesn't mean the relationships over. 0:03:33.760 --> 0:03:36.240 It just means sometimes long distance works well, like a 0:03:36.240 --> 0:03:39.120 well oiled machine, and sometimes it fucking doesn't. Right now, 0:03:39.160 --> 0:03:41.960 it doesn't. And what happens when you spend so much 0:03:42.000 --> 0:03:44.440 time apart and anyone listening now will know exactly what 0:03:44.440 --> 0:03:50.839 I'm talking about. You go from really lovey dovey, emotional 0:03:50.880 --> 0:03:53.520 and in love to quite angry and frustrated at each 0:03:53.560 --> 0:03:57.120 other for no reason, because like, what's the fucking point 0:03:57.160 --> 0:03:59.080 of like I'll just talk to you tomorrow, there's no 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:00.880 point you're tired to go to bed, I've got to 0:04:00.880 --> 0:04:03.640 do this. It's like you get angry over nothing. And 0:04:03.720 --> 0:04:05.520 I have noticed that over the last two years. 0:04:05.720 --> 0:04:07.040 Right at the end, when we're. 0:04:06.920 --> 0:04:09.520 At the long part, like just before we see each other, 0:04:09.520 --> 0:04:12.600 we realize we're at you need to see each We're 0:04:12.640 --> 0:04:15.520 at like the end of our teathers a bit with Okay, 0:04:15.560 --> 0:04:19.120 this needs to happen because we're just frustrated and you're 0:04:19.160 --> 0:04:20.040 not frustrated anything. 0:04:20.080 --> 0:04:22.919 No one's doing anything. And Ben is such an amazing partner. 0:04:22.960 --> 0:04:24.600 He always talked me off the ledge, like every time 0:04:24.640 --> 0:04:27.479 I work myself up and get really upset, which is 0:04:27.480 --> 0:04:29.839 a lot lately, way more than I would care to 0:04:29.880 --> 0:04:32.560 admit or I want, it's really tough. And I know 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:34.680 on Instagram and stuff, it looks like we spend a 0:04:34.680 --> 0:04:37.000 lot of time together. I mean someone we laughed about 0:04:37.000 --> 0:04:38.600 it a little while ago. Someone laughed and said, it's 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:41.080 just bitch always on holiday because I did. 0:04:41.080 --> 0:04:42.239 And I was like, fuck you. 0:04:42.640 --> 0:04:45.279 I was like, if I can be yes, yeah, but 0:04:45.360 --> 0:04:47.479 I was like, and I'm aware it sometimes looks like 0:04:47.480 --> 0:04:50.760 that because I'll always post photos from four months ago 0:04:50.760 --> 0:04:52.320 on a holiday, like so I look at him and 0:04:52.360 --> 0:04:53.520 I miss him, and I'm like, I'm just gonna put 0:04:53.560 --> 0:04:57.200 this up whatever. But yeah, so this is being recorded, 0:04:57.240 --> 0:04:58.839 like I fly in a couple of hours, so we 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:01.320 left it right up into the last minute. But it's 0:05:01.360 --> 0:05:05.240 because time is a very precious commodity this week, and 0:05:05.320 --> 0:05:07.719 I didn't think you wanted me to record tuning while 0:05:07.720 --> 0:05:08.880 I was fornicating this. 0:05:09.120 --> 0:05:11.920 I want to hear you to be yes, I wanted 0:05:11.920 --> 0:05:19.080 you to be mid coitus. That's exclusive subscriber content for you. 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:19.359 Talk about giving away prizes if you subscribe. 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:21.760 Do you know how many times we have these conversations 0:05:21.760 --> 0:05:24.040 and I glance over to our video editor, John O 0:05:24.200 --> 0:05:25.640 and he doesn't even look up, but his face is 0:05:25.680 --> 0:05:27.839 always like, I'm just going to tune outs. 0:05:27.920 --> 0:05:29.960 We don't have Patreon yet, but maybe that will be 0:05:29.960 --> 0:05:33.560 the first subscriber episode. Join click now, swipe up up. 0:05:33.640 --> 0:05:35.240 Can you pay me to not have to edit? 0:05:36.880 --> 0:05:39.240 No, it's uncut, it's raw and it's not edited. 0:05:39.560 --> 0:05:43.640 So yeah, it's it's been really tough, but I'm very excited, 0:05:43.800 --> 0:05:46.479 like you listening to this, guys, hopefully I'm there and 0:05:46.520 --> 0:05:48.800 I'm posting it. I'm having a great time, but I'm 0:05:48.920 --> 0:05:50.839 very ready to see him, Like I feel like we've 0:05:50.880 --> 0:05:54.640 pushed it to the extreme from you know, seeing each other, 0:05:54.680 --> 0:05:57.360 and I'm so beyond ready. The fact that every time 0:05:57.360 --> 0:06:00.120 I think of him, my cry, which is ridiculous. But 0:06:00.160 --> 0:06:01.080 let me tell you something funny. 0:06:01.120 --> 0:06:01.400 I did. 0:06:05.839 --> 0:06:07.800 This is actually this will make you laugh. And I 0:06:07.880 --> 0:06:12.040 was so embarrassed. I was so mortified. I got a 0:06:12.120 --> 0:06:18.520 DM from a listener. She is this amazing musician, very talented, 0:06:18.600 --> 0:06:21.600 Like I follow her because she's so brilliant. She messaged 0:06:21.640 --> 0:06:23.680 me and she's like, hey, Britt, Like I just wanted 0:06:23.720 --> 0:06:26.000 to say congrats on your engagement, Like it was the 0:06:26.120 --> 0:06:30.320 loveliest message. I have been a life a listener for years, 0:06:30.360 --> 0:06:32.480 Like I've listened to all the episodes. If you ever 0:06:32.520 --> 0:06:34.680 want to talk music or anything for your wedding, you 0:06:34.720 --> 0:06:35.919 know I'm around. 0:06:36.000 --> 0:06:37.840 Like her name is Sydney. 0:06:38.080 --> 0:06:41.960 So what she does is takes two songs that you 0:06:42.040 --> 0:06:45.400 might love and she mashes them together but makes them 0:06:45.480 --> 0:06:47.760 acoustic and suitable for. 0:06:47.720 --> 0:06:50.480 A wedding, Like you have to go. We can put her. 0:06:50.880 --> 0:06:52.839 You've showed me her account. She does like melodies, so 0:06:52.880 --> 0:06:55.240 she'll get brilliant. And the thing about pop songs is 0:06:55.240 --> 0:06:57.560 that they're often written in the same time signature, and 0:06:57.640 --> 0:07:00.560 you're able to transpose them into the same chord. You 0:07:00.600 --> 0:07:03.080 can kind of put one on top of the other. 0:07:03.200 --> 0:07:06.120 Quite easily and quite seamlessly. She does it to a 0:07:06.200 --> 0:07:09.279 level that is so you're just like, oh my gosh, 0:07:09.320 --> 0:07:11.480 this is every song in the pop charts, and you've 0:07:11.480 --> 0:07:13.240 made it into the one song and she'll just sing 0:07:13.240 --> 0:07:15.400 a bridge from one and a chorus from another, and yeah. 0:07:15.400 --> 0:07:18.600 It's like yeah, yeah, but not just a mash up. 0:07:19.000 --> 0:07:21.120 Any song that she doesn't even have to mash them right. 0:07:21.160 --> 0:07:22.920 Any song that you might love but it could be 0:07:22.960 --> 0:07:25.040 a pop song but you love the lyrics. She just 0:07:25.120 --> 0:07:28.000 makes it her own and sings this soft, beautiful acoustic 0:07:28.160 --> 0:07:30.240 version that is suitable because not every song you gotta 0:07:30.320 --> 0:07:31.360 rock down the aisle. 0:07:31.040 --> 0:07:34.120 Too, right, but she makes it likely. Anyway, this is 0:07:34.120 --> 0:07:34.800 not the point. 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:41.680 Walking down the ar to My Pussy and My crack crack. Yeah, 0:07:41.800 --> 0:07:44.200 but that's what she does. Anyway, That was irrelevant. Can 0:07:44.280 --> 0:07:46.640 we request that she makes a melody of My Pussy 0:07:46.680 --> 0:07:48.320 and My Crack. I can ask me to sing it 0:07:48.360 --> 0:07:51.920 on the podcast, please, Sidney, if you're listening, please sing 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:53.160 My Pussy and My Crack for us. 0:07:53.240 --> 0:07:55.240 But my point of this is she wrote me this 0:07:55.440 --> 0:07:59.400 beautiful message, and I am just always such a hurricane. 0:07:59.680 --> 0:08:02.000 So I wrote back to her really quickly, because I 0:08:02.040 --> 0:08:03.120 was busy and put my phone down. 0:08:03.520 --> 0:08:04.840 What I responded to her? 0:08:05.120 --> 0:08:07.080 So she'd written this beautiful message, and she said she's 0:08:07.120 --> 0:08:10.520 a longtime listener. And I wrote back, Oh, you're a loser. 0:08:10.800 --> 0:08:11.760 Exclamation mark. 0:08:11.960 --> 0:08:15.040 That's what I wrote. I wrote, you're a loser because 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:16.400 you meant to send it to someone else. 0:08:16.520 --> 0:08:19.320 No, because it was supposed to say, oh, you're a lifer. 0:08:20.160 --> 0:08:24.120 Order I was supposed to say you're a lifer, which 0:08:24.160 --> 0:08:26.080 is why it had exclamation marks. 0:08:26.160 --> 0:08:27.160 Oh you're a lifer. 0:08:27.840 --> 0:08:32.120 I reaan Oh you're a loser, exclamation mark, exclamation mark. Anyway, 0:08:32.200 --> 0:08:35.439 then I Sidney were so sorry bury me. You know what? 0:08:35.559 --> 0:08:40.680 She wrote back, tell me what you really think. But 0:08:40.800 --> 0:08:44.079 before she wrote that, I was in huge capital letters. 0:08:44.080 --> 0:08:45.720 I was beside myself. I was like, oh my god, 0:08:45.720 --> 0:08:46.440 I'm so sorry. 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:47.000 Lifer. 0:08:47.160 --> 0:08:49.000 I meant you're a life by life, a lifer like 0:08:49.040 --> 0:08:50.440 I love you. You are not a loser. 0:08:50.800 --> 0:08:53.240 She goes, tell me what you really think. I nearly died. 0:08:53.559 --> 0:08:56.959 That is so funny. Imagine imagine if you hadn't noticed 0:08:57.440 --> 0:08:59.640 that's it's got. 0:08:59.520 --> 0:09:01.320 A review through Brittany's a bit. 0:09:02.840 --> 0:09:06.120 I just could not believe it. I was like, man, 0:09:06.480 --> 0:09:09.520 like you gotta focus more. You can't be going around 0:09:09.520 --> 0:09:10.600 throwing loser around. 0:09:10.800 --> 0:09:12.480 I feel like I also shoot from the hit with 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:13.439 messages quite a bit. 0:09:14.360 --> 0:09:17.200 You're like, she was wonderful and I think she still 0:09:17.240 --> 0:09:20.320 will be composing some music for me my. 0:09:20.360 --> 0:09:26.160 Grand to hear it if you want to check her out, 0:09:26.200 --> 0:09:29.080 and also apologize for Brittany's no correct. 0:09:29.160 --> 0:09:30.600 I haven't even booked her in or anything. 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:33.520 But what I will say is she does do weddings 0:09:33.920 --> 0:09:36.640 where she will rock up and personally sing like she 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:40.240 will be your entertainment or if it's like a destination wedding, 0:09:40.240 --> 0:09:42.000 all she can't make it, she pay for her to 0:09:42.040 --> 0:09:44.600 do the song that you want, and she also she 0:09:44.720 --> 0:09:47.000 almost curates it. I'm just so excited by this. Is 0:09:47.040 --> 0:09:48.520 she coming to BALI is that? Is that? What? 0:09:49.440 --> 0:09:49.920 Sponsored? 0:09:50.240 --> 0:09:50.520 It's not? 0:09:51.320 --> 0:09:53.600 No, I just think she's I just looked at her. 0:09:53.640 --> 0:09:55.160 She could be my vibe this week. But I just 0:09:55.200 --> 0:09:57.040 looked at her page and I'm like, you're so talented, 0:09:57.080 --> 0:09:58.040 and I just love the work. 0:09:58.080 --> 0:09:59.800 I haven't booked it. I'm not doing anything yet. 0:10:00.040 --> 0:10:01.600 You're really doing a good job of digging up from 0:10:01.600 --> 0:10:03.600 the loser comment. You're like, and she's she's the best 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:06.640 we are a winner. 0:10:07.120 --> 0:10:08.200 You're a winner in my eyes. 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:11.840 Fark Let's move on, Okay. 0:10:11.880 --> 0:10:13.720 I have a question for you guys before we get 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:15.640 into ask gun cuts. And I think it kind of 0:10:16.000 --> 0:10:18.840 pertains to an ask gun cut in some ways. Do 0:10:18.880 --> 0:10:22.040 you think and it's a tricky one to explain this 0:10:22.120 --> 0:10:26.280 question without like just try throwing the person completely under 0:10:26.280 --> 0:10:26.760 the bus. 0:10:27.240 --> 0:10:29.040 Do you think it is okay? 0:10:29.360 --> 0:10:32.800 Or there is a limit slash time frame to how 0:10:32.880 --> 0:10:35.880 long you can be in a relationship without knowing for 0:10:35.960 --> 0:10:38.920 sure that that person is the one. And I say 0:10:38.920 --> 0:10:40.720 this because it came off the back of a conversation 0:10:40.760 --> 0:10:43.280 I had with a friend recently. They've been a relationship 0:10:43.320 --> 0:10:48.480 for almost eight years, and they said, I'm not really 0:10:48.559 --> 0:10:52.720 sure if they're the one talking about their partner talking 0:10:52.720 --> 0:10:55.079 about whether or not they would want to get engaged 0:10:55.080 --> 0:10:56.880 to and do all the big life things that their 0:10:56.920 --> 0:10:58.800 partner also wants in life. 0:10:58.840 --> 0:11:00.600 It's not like they're both just cruising. 0:11:00.679 --> 0:11:03.680 Their partner is hoping that one day they will have 0:11:03.800 --> 0:11:05.720 the you know, the white picke at fence and the 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:10.080 house and the potentially family with this person. What are 0:11:10.120 --> 0:11:13.880 your views on not being sure when you're in a 0:11:13.920 --> 0:11:16.320 long term relationship whether the person that you're with is 0:11:16.360 --> 0:11:18.400 the one and if you feel like that, how long 0:11:18.480 --> 0:11:20.600 is it okay to feel like that before you take action. 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:23.840 Is the person that is unsure a male or female? 0:11:24.040 --> 0:11:27.560 A male okay checks out. Women usually know what they 0:11:27.600 --> 0:11:29.720 want for me. I think if you are eight years 0:11:29.800 --> 0:11:32.760 deep and you're at this age group, like there's a 0:11:32.800 --> 0:11:35.720 difference between eight years from eighteen, like coming out of school, 0:11:35.840 --> 0:11:38.600 or a difference between eighteen and you're in your mid 0:11:38.640 --> 0:11:40.400 to late twenties to thirties and onwards. 0:11:40.840 --> 0:11:42.400 If you don't know what you want. 0:11:42.240 --> 0:11:45.120 With that person after eight years, chances are they're probably 0:11:45.120 --> 0:11:47.360 not right, And I think you're wasting somebody's time. I 0:11:47.400 --> 0:11:51.199 don't think that's fair. Do they know that you are unsure? 0:11:51.200 --> 0:11:53.560 Because that's the other question too. It's like, have you 0:11:53.600 --> 0:11:55.719 had that conversation with them where you're like, look, I 0:11:55.760 --> 0:11:57.960 don't I don't know what I want? Or are you 0:11:58.040 --> 0:12:00.920 internalizing that? And this poor person does think that you are. 0:12:01.040 --> 0:12:02.920 You know, she's waiting for the engagement and she's waiting 0:12:02.960 --> 0:12:04.800 for the baby. Because they're two very different things. 0:12:04.880 --> 0:12:07.400 I mean, yeah, absolutely, I do think they are two 0:12:07.400 --> 0:12:09.320 to different things. But I don't necessarily think it's the 0:12:09.360 --> 0:12:11.760 wrong relationship. I think that there are people out there 0:12:12.000 --> 0:12:14.920 it's the person. It doesn't matter what relationship they're in, 0:12:15.280 --> 0:12:17.720 They're always going to have this casual lais a fair 0:12:17.880 --> 0:12:21.080 kind of attitude towards it, because they themselves don't know 0:12:21.120 --> 0:12:23.000 whether they as a guy, they've got like a bit 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:25.120 of Peter Pan syndrome. They don't know whether they want 0:12:25.120 --> 0:12:26.559 to have kids, they don't know whether they want to 0:12:26.559 --> 0:12:28.520 get married. They don't really know whether they want to 0:12:28.559 --> 0:12:31.120 have these big things. But they're quite happy to be 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:35.240 in a committed monogamous relationship, which would indicate that they 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.440 are after those things. That would, you know, allude to 0:12:37.600 --> 0:12:38.720 that the time is coming. 0:12:39.080 --> 0:12:39.840 But I think it's not. 0:12:40.000 --> 0:12:41.240 Yeah, I think that's okay. 0:12:41.480 --> 0:12:43.920 If you can't be sure about if you want kids 0:12:44.000 --> 0:12:45.600 or not, or you want to get married or not, 0:12:45.640 --> 0:12:47.720 but you are so sure about that person and they 0:12:47.760 --> 0:12:49.520 know that. I think that's different. You know, we spoke 0:12:49.559 --> 0:12:51.880 about me being in that pendulum of kids and not kids. 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.400 There are plenty of people that are unsure about their 0:12:54.400 --> 0:12:57.480 big life decisions. But the constant there is your partner, 0:12:57.600 --> 0:12:59.160 Like you need. 0:12:58.880 --> 0:13:00.920 To know if that part nor is right for you, 0:13:01.360 --> 0:13:02.040 if your partner. 0:13:02.120 --> 0:13:05.560 Female partner really wants kids and she doesn't know how 0:13:05.720 --> 0:13:08.120 undecisive you are. That's a conversation you need to have 0:13:08.200 --> 0:13:09.960 because it could be a deal breaker for her. You 0:13:09.960 --> 0:13:12.520 don't want to take that away from her that moment, 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:14.840 and that's a huge It's not a moment, it's like 0:13:15.000 --> 0:13:16.400 the rest of your entire life. 0:13:16.559 --> 0:13:19.800 I have so many complex feelings about this, to be honest, 0:13:19.840 --> 0:13:22.640 because on one hand, I and maybe it comes from my 0:13:22.679 --> 0:13:25.640 own personal experience a little bit, because when I was 0:13:25.760 --> 0:13:29.440 in my early twenties, my six year relationship I will 0:13:29.520 --> 0:13:31.840 never forget when he one day was like, I just 0:13:31.840 --> 0:13:34.160 don't know whether you're the person I want to marry 0:13:34.240 --> 0:13:34.480 or not. 0:13:34.840 --> 0:13:35.960 And I was like, sorry, what. 0:13:36.120 --> 0:13:39.200 We've been together for six fucking years. You still don't 0:13:39.200 --> 0:13:42.000 know You're not sure? And it was really, really hurtful. 0:13:42.040 --> 0:13:44.679 I thought it was so mean, And now that I'm older, 0:13:45.200 --> 0:13:47.880 I do have an appreciation because by him giving me 0:13:47.960 --> 0:13:51.160 that information, he was also giving me the opportunity to 0:13:51.160 --> 0:13:52.440 make a decision for myself. 0:13:52.840 --> 0:13:53.800 I was just too. 0:13:53.679 --> 0:13:56.600 Young, too naive, too blindly and love to realize well 0:13:56.679 --> 0:13:59.040 that but it was the truth, and the truth doesn't 0:13:59.080 --> 0:14:01.480 always make you feel good. And so it did give 0:14:01.520 --> 0:14:04.480 me the information that I should have done something with, 0:14:04.880 --> 0:14:06.200 although I stuck my head in the sand. 0:14:06.480 --> 0:14:08.040 I think this a lot of it comes down to 0:14:08.040 --> 0:14:11.200 the communication of the desires, you know, like and I 0:14:11.240 --> 0:14:13.960 think far too often we hear of this scenario where 0:14:14.120 --> 0:14:18.800 person A doesn't communicate the fact that they're not sure about, 0:14:19.080 --> 0:14:21.480 you know, because it works in their favor. It's almost 0:14:21.560 --> 0:14:24.000 quite manipulative because they're getting everything they want out of 0:14:24.040 --> 0:14:27.080 the situation. And I think it adds a particular layer 0:14:27.120 --> 0:14:31.200 of cruelty when you add in a potential biological clock, 0:14:31.920 --> 0:14:34.800 Like you said, I think if the person's communicated it 0:14:35.040 --> 0:14:37.000 and they're like, hey, I don't know if this is 0:14:37.120 --> 0:14:39.200 what I want. I don't know if this is you know, 0:14:39.320 --> 0:14:43.000 the future of us, and that other person, person B, 0:14:43.160 --> 0:14:45.880 chooses to stay in the relationship, well, that's kind of 0:14:45.920 --> 0:14:48.000 a bit like a you're aware of the scenario, you're 0:14:48.040 --> 0:14:50.200 aware of the factors, and you're choosing to opt into it. 0:14:50.480 --> 0:14:53.320 But I think far too often the person who feels 0:14:53.320 --> 0:14:56.680 that way, the person who feels unsure, isn't communicating that, 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:59.200 and he is leading the other person down the garden path. 0:14:59.480 --> 0:15:02.360 And that's why you hear so many stories of people 0:15:02.400 --> 0:15:05.360 just being like, I am so blindsided by this decision 0:15:05.400 --> 0:15:08.440 because the other person's been thinking about it for months, 0:15:08.480 --> 0:15:12.880 if not years, and you've had absolutely no idea that 0:15:12.960 --> 0:15:14.760 this is going on in their head, and now you're. 0:15:14.600 --> 0:15:15.600 Like, what the fuck? 0:15:15.680 --> 0:15:18.080 I had this trajectory of where I thought my life 0:15:18.120 --> 0:15:20.240 was going to go. Now all of a sudden, it's 0:15:20.280 --> 0:15:23.120 completely different and I'm in a different phase of life. 0:15:23.200 --> 0:15:25.400 I agree with you. I think that is a particularly 0:15:25.520 --> 0:15:29.720 cruel scenario. And it's so funny because over the years, 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:32.280 and like I said, I would have prior if we'd 0:15:32.280 --> 0:15:35.320 gotten that askun cut, say five years ago, where someone 0:15:35.360 --> 0:15:37.200 was like, hey, i've been in a relationship for seven 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:40.160 years and my partner has told me that they don't 0:15:40.200 --> 0:15:42.800 think I'm necessarily the person that they want to spend 0:15:42.800 --> 0:15:44.960 the rest of their life with. I would have had 0:15:45.000 --> 0:15:47.080 the response of like, well, fuck your partner, Like, how 0:15:47.120 --> 0:15:49.640 dare they kind of get to that point and only 0:15:49.720 --> 0:15:50.520 just tell you now. 0:15:50.600 --> 0:15:52.360 I do think seven years is a long time. 0:15:52.400 --> 0:15:54.680 If you've been thinking that that whole time, you should 0:15:54.680 --> 0:15:57.600 have had the conversation sooner. But in the same instance, 0:15:57.760 --> 0:16:01.800 there is something about the honesty that I do appreciate 0:16:01.880 --> 0:16:03.880 now and I go, okay, well, at least they're giving 0:16:03.880 --> 0:16:06.760 you the opportunity to make a decision for yourself. It's 0:16:06.920 --> 0:16:10.160 exactly the scenario that you've described, Kesh, where that person 0:16:10.240 --> 0:16:12.560 is unaware and then one day might get broken up 0:16:12.600 --> 0:16:15.520 with and had no idea that they will never ever 0:16:15.640 --> 0:16:18.160 endgame in the first place. And it's like it's the 0:16:18.200 --> 0:16:22.200 stopping and the prohibiting of that person to be able 0:16:22.240 --> 0:16:25.240 to seek out a relationship with someone who wants the 0:16:25.280 --> 0:16:28.040 same things as them that I think is particularly manipulative. 0:16:28.120 --> 0:16:31.200 Yeah, I think it changes if how long you've had 0:16:31.200 --> 0:16:34.800 these uncertain thoughts for so if I mean, everyone goes 0:16:34.840 --> 0:16:38.120 through these ups and downs in a relationship, right, if 0:16:38.160 --> 0:16:40.720 it's just hit you after eight years and you're like, 0:16:41.240 --> 0:16:42.920 we do I think this is the right person? 0:16:43.080 --> 0:16:44.600 Like that's okay, where that's okay? 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:45.960 And I don't think you need to go and discuss 0:16:45.960 --> 0:16:47.480 that immediately. I think you need to get your own 0:16:47.480 --> 0:16:50.160 collective thoughts together. But if your eight years deep and 0:16:50.200 --> 0:16:52.560 you have always thought I don't know if they're the one, 0:16:52.560 --> 0:16:54.280 and I don't know if this is the right relationship, 0:16:54.320 --> 0:16:58.400 then it is cruel to not have that conversation. Time 0:16:58.520 --> 0:17:01.280 is such an important commodity that you cannot get back, 0:17:01.400 --> 0:17:03.720 especially for women with that fertility window. 0:17:03.840 --> 0:17:06.720 So what is the time frame. Let's say one of 0:17:06.720 --> 0:17:08.840 our friends came to us. We were catching up with 0:17:08.880 --> 0:17:11.480 them today and they came and they said, you know, 0:17:12.280 --> 0:17:13.480 I'm just not sure. 0:17:14.160 --> 0:17:15.000 I'm not sure the. 0:17:14.920 --> 0:17:17.359 Person I'm with is the one or like you know, 0:17:17.920 --> 0:17:20.960 in game, long term, etc. What do we say to 0:17:21.000 --> 0:17:23.000