1 00:00:00,520 --> 00:00:04,840 Speaker 1: Hello there, it's Amantha. I'm currently on a Christmas break, 2 00:00:04,840 --> 00:00:08,319 Speaker 1: so I've handpicked a bunch of my favorite episodes from 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:11,800 Speaker 1: the last year to share with you. Okay, on with 4 00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:16,840 Speaker 1: today's best of episode. Should is one of the most 5 00:00:17,000 --> 00:00:20,279 Speaker 1: problematic words when it comes to self talk, and I'm 6 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:23,680 Speaker 1: sure you've heard this before and we all use it. 7 00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:27,200 Speaker 1: I should go to the gym. I should accept this 8 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:30,920 Speaker 1: event invitation. I should call this friend and see how 9 00:00:30,960 --> 00:00:34,800 Speaker 1: she's going. I should spend less time on social media, 10 00:00:34,880 --> 00:00:41,120 Speaker 1: and so on. Shoulds are very, very unhelpful. They have 11 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:45,080 Speaker 1: the double whammy of making us feel guilty and they 12 00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:49,159 Speaker 1: don't actually help us change our behavior. So today I 13 00:00:49,200 --> 00:00:52,320 Speaker 1: want to share with you two alternative words or phrases 14 00:00:52,360 --> 00:01:00,160 Speaker 1: to replace the shoulds in your life. My name is 15 00:01:00,160 --> 00:01:03,680 Speaker 1: doctor Amantha Imber. I'm an organizational psychologist and the founder 16 00:01:03,720 --> 00:01:07,520 Speaker 1: of behavioral science consultancy Inventium, and this is how I 17 00:01:07,760 --> 00:01:10,720 Speaker 1: work a show about how to help you do your 18 00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: best work. So let's talk about shoulds and how to 19 00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:20,760 Speaker 1: get rid of them. Firstly, if you've been invited to 20 00:01:20,880 --> 00:01:23,800 Speaker 1: do something or a request is being made of you, 21 00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:27,320 Speaker 1: it can often feel really hard to say no, and 22 00:01:27,360 --> 00:01:29,720 Speaker 1: a lot of people feel quite guilty when they say 23 00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,480 Speaker 1: no to things that they feel like they should be 24 00:01:32,560 --> 00:01:38,679 Speaker 1: doing for various reasons. Thankfully, Marketing Professor Vanessa Patrick investigated 25 00:01:38,720 --> 00:01:42,360 Speaker 1: the impact of a four letter word that might be 26 00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:45,119 Speaker 1: able to help you a lot when trying to make 27 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:49,960 Speaker 1: it easier to say no. In one of Professor Patrick's experiments, 28 00:01:50,160 --> 00:01:53,640 Speaker 1: one hundred and twenty university students were recruited and asked 29 00:01:53,680 --> 00:01:57,920 Speaker 1: about how relevant setting goals around healthy eating was to them. 30 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:02,560 Speaker 1: Patrick recruited the type of people who would say to themselves, 31 00:02:02,640 --> 00:02:06,760 Speaker 1: I should eat more vegetables, I should eat less chocolate 32 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:10,400 Speaker 1: and sugary foods, and so on. Then the participants were 33 00:02:10,440 --> 00:02:14,960 Speaker 1: taught a strategy for managing unhealthy food temptations. One group 34 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:18,840 Speaker 1: was taught to say I can't eat X like unhealthy 35 00:02:18,840 --> 00:02:22,440 Speaker 1: snacks whenever presented with an unhealthy snack, and the other 36 00:02:22,520 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 1: group was taught to say I don't eat X. Then 37 00:02:27,520 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 1: participants were asked to turn their attention to a completely 38 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:35,120 Speaker 1: different and irrelevant task. But then when they got up 39 00:02:35,160 --> 00:02:38,360 Speaker 1: to leave the room, the crux of the experiment happened. 40 00:02:38,800 --> 00:02:41,519 Speaker 1: They were offered a choice of two snacks. One was 41 00:02:41,560 --> 00:02:44,160 Speaker 1: a chocolate bar and the other was a healthy granola bar. 42 00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:51,160 Speaker 1: The experimenters quietly noted which participants picked which bar. It 43 00:02:51,240 --> 00:02:54,800 Speaker 1: turns out there was a big difference between the strategy 44 00:02:54,840 --> 00:02:59,000 Speaker 1: people were taught and the bar that they chose. Thirty 45 00:02:59,080 --> 00:03:01,200 Speaker 1: nine percent of those who were taught to say I 46 00:03:01,240 --> 00:03:04,880 Speaker 1: can't eat X, when presented with a temptation, chose the 47 00:03:04,880 --> 00:03:09,959 Speaker 1: healthy granola bar. In contrast, sixty four percent of those 48 00:03:10,120 --> 00:03:13,680 Speaker 1: in the I don't eat X group picked the healthy 49 00:03:13,720 --> 00:03:19,040 Speaker 1: granola bar. In other words, changing one simple word increased 50 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:23,200 Speaker 1: the chance of selecting the healthy snack by over fifty percent. 51 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:28,760 Speaker 1: When the researchers delved deeper into this very significant effect, 52 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: the reason they uncovered for the huge shift in behavior 53 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,960 Speaker 1: was that those in the I don't group felt more 54 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:40,400 Speaker 1: empowered to say no. Saying you don't do something sounds 55 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:43,200 Speaker 1: like you're the one in control of your choices, whereas 56 00:03:43,200 --> 00:03:46,680 Speaker 1: saying that you can't do something sounds like someone else 57 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:49,960 Speaker 1: is calling the shots. So when you're thinking about making 58 00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:53,320 Speaker 1: a change to your life, the language that you use 59 00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:57,280 Speaker 1: when talking to yourself is critical. Become a dopte person 60 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:00,720 Speaker 1: instead of a can't person or a should person, and 61 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,800 Speaker 1: you'll be well on your way. To making some positive 62 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:08,080 Speaker 1: changes to your life. Now, the next phrase that you 63 00:04:08,160 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 1: might find really helpful is rather than telling yourself, oh, 64 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,480 Speaker 1: I should do this thing that's good for me, like 65 00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,400 Speaker 1: I should try to walk ten thousand steps every day. 66 00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:21,520 Speaker 1: Instead a really great reframe that you can use for 67 00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:24,000 Speaker 1: self talk, which I learned from a couple of people, 68 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:27,680 Speaker 1: including best selling author Dan Pink and also from burn survivor, 69 00:04:27,760 --> 00:04:32,279 Speaker 1: an all around motivational person to repit. So, something they 70 00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:37,800 Speaker 1: both do is they reframe their shoulds into get tos. So, 71 00:04:37,880 --> 00:04:41,600 Speaker 1: for example, when it comes to doing exercise, rather than 72 00:04:41,640 --> 00:04:46,760 Speaker 1: say I should exercise, they instead say I get to exercise, 73 00:04:47,680 --> 00:04:51,080 Speaker 1: or I get to eat fresh vegetables. And for me, 74 00:04:51,480 --> 00:04:53,680 Speaker 1: when I don't want to do something but I know 75 00:04:53,920 --> 00:04:56,800 Speaker 1: I should be doing it, this is exactly what I do. 76 00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,680 Speaker 1: So I get to walk over ten thousands today because 77 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:03,400 Speaker 1: I'm healthy and my body is working properly. And I 78 00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,919 Speaker 1: get to eat lots of vegetables because I have access 79 00:05:05,960 --> 00:05:08,560 Speaker 1: to fresh food. And for me, I find that this 80 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,400 Speaker 1: is a very very helpful reframe. So those are two 81 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:15,840 Speaker 1: strategies that you can use, maybe today to get rid 82 00:05:15,960 --> 00:05:19,359 Speaker 1: of the shoulds in your life. Hello, there, that is it? 83 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:23,600 Speaker 1: For today's show. If you enjoyed today's episode, why not 84 00:05:23,720 --> 00:05:27,000 Speaker 1: share it with someone else that you think would benefit 85 00:05:27,040 --> 00:05:29,280 Speaker 1: and maybe get some useful tips to improve the way 86 00:05:29,320 --> 00:05:32,760 Speaker 1: that they work. Hell I Work is produced by Inventium 87 00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:35,880 Speaker 1: with production support from Dead Set Studios. And thank you 88 00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,279 Speaker 1: to Martin Nimba who does the audio mix for every 89 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,040 Speaker 1: show and makes everything sound so much better than it 90 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: would have otherwise. See you next time.