1 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:09,400 Speaker 1: There is one day each month that can change your relationship, 2 00:00:09,560 --> 00:00:13,720 Speaker 1: change your family, changed almost everything for your child. We're 3 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,680 Speaker 1: going to tell you about that in just a sec. 4 00:00:15,800 --> 00:00:18,800 Speaker 1: Hello and welcome to the Happy Family Podcast, Real Parenting 5 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:22,320 Speaker 1: Solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. We 6 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 1: are Justin and Kylie Courson and every Friday we get 7 00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,960 Speaker 1: I was going to say down and dirty, but that's 8 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 1: not really what this podcast is about. We get it 9 00:00:29,840 --> 00:00:35,159 Speaker 1: into the details, the nitty grit. I'm so funny that 10 00:00:35,240 --> 00:00:40,199 Speaker 1: I made you snort? Was that a snort? Maybe We 11 00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:42,239 Speaker 1: get it into the detail of how our family is going, 12 00:00:42,240 --> 00:00:43,720 Speaker 1: what we're doing right, what we're doing wrong, how we 13 00:00:43,760 --> 00:00:48,720 Speaker 1: can do things better, and we introspect because we want 14 00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:52,040 Speaker 1: to be intentional parents. Today. I'm going to go first 15 00:00:52,240 --> 00:00:56,080 Speaker 1: because my one is really, really, really short. Over the 16 00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:59,680 Speaker 1: course of this past week, I'm back to work and 17 00:01:00,440 --> 00:01:02,480 Speaker 1: there's been a bunch of schools that are heading back 18 00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,640 Speaker 1: next week, and so I've been doing a lot of 19 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:08,600 Speaker 1: staff development seminars and sessions professional development for teachers, and 20 00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:10,520 Speaker 1: I've been away a lot more than I have been 21 00:01:10,560 --> 00:01:14,080 Speaker 1: over the last couple of months. This last week being away, 22 00:01:14,120 --> 00:01:16,640 Speaker 1: it's reminded me of how bad hotel pillows are, no 23 00:01:16,640 --> 00:01:19,360 Speaker 1: matter what hotel you're staying at, And it's reminded me 24 00:01:19,400 --> 00:01:21,279 Speaker 1: of how much I missed my family when I travel. 25 00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:23,280 Speaker 1: It's the hardest part of my job. The best part 26 00:01:23,319 --> 00:01:25,280 Speaker 1: is making a difference in people's lives, but the hardest part, 27 00:01:25,319 --> 00:01:27,839 Speaker 1: without question, is being away from you and the kids 28 00:01:28,840 --> 00:01:31,480 Speaker 1: on whatever day. It was a couple of days ago, 29 00:01:31,520 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: I got back from having been away for two nights, 30 00:01:34,240 --> 00:01:37,000 Speaker 1: and when I got home, I walked into the kitchen 31 00:01:37,080 --> 00:01:41,960 Speaker 1: to find you having made a delicious, healthy, gluten free 32 00:01:41,959 --> 00:01:48,280 Speaker 1: banana cake, and our two teenage daughters, age seventeen and fourteen, 33 00:01:49,240 --> 00:01:53,240 Speaker 1: and they were just delighting in one another. They were laughing, 34 00:01:53,240 --> 00:01:56,240 Speaker 1: they were telling stories, they were Do you ever remember 35 00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,120 Speaker 1: what they were talking about? I mean, it was just 36 00:01:58,400 --> 00:02:03,520 Speaker 1: stuff rights, being fun, teenage girls, two sisters having a laugh. 37 00:02:04,120 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 2: Well, the fact that one of them had been away 38 00:02:05,960 --> 00:02:10,600 Speaker 2: for nearly two weeks made the reunion delightful. 39 00:02:10,760 --> 00:02:13,320 Speaker 1: So about having a really great catch up. But the 40 00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:15,359 Speaker 1: thing is, I had a really big headache because I 41 00:02:15,360 --> 00:02:17,519 Speaker 1: hadn't slept because of a bad pillow in a hotel room. 42 00:02:17,800 --> 00:02:21,240 Speaker 1: But walking in and hearing these two girls catching up 43 00:02:21,400 --> 00:02:25,160 Speaker 1: and spending time together and laughing their heads off. I 44 00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:27,680 Speaker 1: don't know what's happening to me. I guess I've kind 45 00:02:27,680 --> 00:02:29,600 Speaker 1: of always done this. We do it all the way through. 46 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:32,360 Speaker 1: But at the moment, there's something happening where I feel 47 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:36,639 Speaker 1: like these experiences are richer than they've ever been. We're 48 00:02:36,639 --> 00:02:39,040 Speaker 1: dealing with daughters four and five in their teens now 49 00:02:39,200 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 1: only daughter number six is still to hit hers, and 50 00:02:43,320 --> 00:02:46,320 Speaker 1: there's something about it. I just I want to reach 51 00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:48,720 Speaker 1: out and capture the moment. I don't want the moment 52 00:02:48,800 --> 00:02:51,079 Speaker 1: to disappear. It almost brings me to tears. As I 53 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:54,680 Speaker 1: stood in the kitchen and spread butter, probably too much 54 00:02:54,720 --> 00:02:57,240 Speaker 1: butter on my healthy gluten free banana cake that you 55 00:02:57,280 --> 00:03:00,480 Speaker 1: had made, and listened to the girls. I thought, I 56 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 1: want this moment to last forever. This is heaven. My 57 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:09,840 Speaker 1: older better tomorrow is how can we have number one 58 00:03:09,880 --> 00:03:12,639 Speaker 1: more of those moments? But then number two? How can 59 00:03:12,680 --> 00:03:16,520 Speaker 1: we be in those moments and inhaled them? How can 60 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:19,400 Speaker 1: we absorb them? How can we emblaze them on our memories? 61 00:03:19,680 --> 00:03:21,040 Speaker 1: And I think the only way that you can do 62 00:03:21,080 --> 00:03:25,720 Speaker 1: it is to be absolutely present. I wasn't interested in 63 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:27,400 Speaker 1: checking my emails, even though I hadn't looked at them 64 00:03:27,400 --> 00:03:29,560 Speaker 1: all day, didn't really care if I had any social 65 00:03:29,639 --> 00:03:30,720 Speaker 1: media notifications. 66 00:03:30,919 --> 00:03:33,639 Speaker 2: The fact that you had delicious banana bread in your 67 00:03:33,680 --> 00:03:37,000 Speaker 2: hands it may have sweetened the moment, it. 68 00:03:37,080 --> 00:03:39,360 Speaker 1: Just said to me. It did certainly keep me really 69 00:03:39,400 --> 00:03:43,720 Speaker 1: present and right there, but it was just this, I 70 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:46,280 Speaker 1: mean intention, mindfulness. I want to do a quick experiment 71 00:03:46,320 --> 00:03:48,800 Speaker 1: with you. You might have done this with me before, and 72 00:03:48,840 --> 00:03:52,400 Speaker 1: if you have, then try not to try not to 73 00:03:52,480 --> 00:03:54,720 Speaker 1: ruin it. I want to do some quick maths with you. 74 00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:55,960 Speaker 1: What's a thousand plus. 75 00:03:55,800 --> 00:04:00,680 Speaker 3: Forty one thousand and forty plus one thousand, two thousand 76 00:04:00,720 --> 00:04:05,200 Speaker 3: and forty plus thirty two thousand and seventy plus one thousand, 77 00:04:05,520 --> 00:04:09,840 Speaker 3: three thousand and seventeen plus twenty three thousand and ninety 78 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:15,320 Speaker 3: plus one thousand, four thousand and ninety plus ten four 79 00:04:15,440 --> 00:04:16,640 Speaker 3: thousand and. 80 00:04:18,480 --> 00:04:19,160 Speaker 2: One hundred. 81 00:04:19,440 --> 00:04:20,920 Speaker 1: I think I've done this with you before. You were 82 00:04:20,920 --> 00:04:23,080 Speaker 1: paying too much attention. You knew what was coming. But 83 00:04:23,200 --> 00:04:23,760 Speaker 1: I'm going to know. 84 00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,480 Speaker 2: I'm not good at math, so I needed to make 85 00:04:25,520 --> 00:04:27,040 Speaker 2: sure I wasn't going to make a fool of myself. 86 00:04:27,080 --> 00:04:29,440 Speaker 1: You've got the record, but none Well, I guess there's 87 00:04:29,440 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 1: two things here. First, first thing, you're saying you're not 88 00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,600 Speaker 1: good at maths, so therefore you had to pay attention. 89 00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:38,799 Speaker 1: On the same day that I had this beautiful interaction 90 00:04:38,839 --> 00:04:42,720 Speaker 1: with our daughters, I ran that puzzle by a room 91 00:04:42,880 --> 00:04:47,760 Speaker 1: of educators, probably one hundred school teachers are sitting in 92 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:51,360 Speaker 1: the room, and the opening exercise, the opening conversation piece 93 00:04:51,640 --> 00:04:54,640 Speaker 1: for my keynote presentation for them was let's do some 94 00:04:54,680 --> 00:04:57,080 Speaker 1: simple maths and wake up your brain. And when you 95 00:04:57,120 --> 00:04:59,400 Speaker 1: get to four thousand and nine and I say plus ten, 96 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:03,080 Speaker 1: the whole room and I've done this with hundreds, No, 97 00:05:03,080 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: I've done this with thousands of people over the years. 98 00:05:04,839 --> 00:05:06,839 Speaker 1: The whole room and maybe whoever's listening to the podcast 99 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,480 Speaker 1: felt the same way. Everyone just says five thousand. They 100 00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:14,120 Speaker 1: go their mindlessly because you're not good at maths. You 101 00:05:14,160 --> 00:05:16,400 Speaker 1: were trying really hard to be in the moment. Quite 102 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:18,720 Speaker 1: often they're in the room and they're not so much 103 00:05:18,760 --> 00:05:21,719 Speaker 1: in the moment, they're just sort of on autopilot. And really, 104 00:05:21,839 --> 00:05:24,880 Speaker 1: my take home message is when it comes to our kids, 105 00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,720 Speaker 1: we can't be on autopilot, or maybe a better term 106 00:05:27,760 --> 00:05:31,000 Speaker 1: for it would be we can't beyond auto parent we 107 00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,560 Speaker 1: need to be there in the moment with them paying attention. 108 00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:38,520 Speaker 1: When we do it, the moments are just so much richer. 109 00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:41,640 Speaker 1: That's my I'll do better tomorrow. Be in the moment. 110 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:45,279 Speaker 1: Soak it up because one day they're not going to 111 00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:58,560 Speaker 1: be three, or seven, or eleven or fourteen and seventeen. Again, Kylie, 112 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,800 Speaker 1: what's your I'll do better tomorrow? We've teased it at 113 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:04,800 Speaker 1: the top of the podcast. There's one day each month 114 00:06:05,240 --> 00:06:07,479 Speaker 1: that will make a bigger difference in your family's life 115 00:06:07,480 --> 00:06:09,160 Speaker 1: and your kid's life than just about anything else. 116 00:06:09,560 --> 00:06:13,600 Speaker 2: Well, it flows in beautifully from your message in that 117 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:16,840 Speaker 2: you have to be intentional. I would love to attribute 118 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:17,480 Speaker 2: this to. 119 00:06:18,839 --> 00:06:21,480 Speaker 1: Our genius and prowess and brilliance as parents, but. 120 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:23,880 Speaker 2: This actually has to go to one of our listeners, 121 00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,960 Speaker 2: and I wish that I had taken note of their 122 00:06:26,040 --> 00:06:29,440 Speaker 2: name when I read their comment because it has stuck 123 00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:33,400 Speaker 2: with me. But they suggested that one of the things 124 00:06:33,760 --> 00:06:37,520 Speaker 2: they do in their home is they have a date 125 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:42,000 Speaker 2: night with each of their children on the birth date 126 00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:43,160 Speaker 2: of each of them. 127 00:06:43,360 --> 00:06:45,000 Speaker 1: Right, So, basically, if your child is born on the 128 00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:50,679 Speaker 1: second of May, every month January through December, on the second, 129 00:06:50,839 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: you have a date night, or an outing of some kind. 130 00:06:53,360 --> 00:06:55,560 Speaker 1: Maybe it's a brecky, but you go and do something 131 00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,280 Speaker 1: to celebrate their birth day each month. On the stit 132 00:06:59,400 --> 00:06:59,680 Speaker 1: it's not. 133 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,640 Speaker 2: About celebrating their birthday. It's actually about being intentional about 134 00:07:02,760 --> 00:07:06,960 Speaker 2: making time together. So I attempted to do it last 135 00:07:07,040 --> 00:07:09,880 Speaker 2: year with moderate success. 136 00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:11,679 Speaker 3: It's a little bit tricky. 137 00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:15,240 Speaker 2: There's six of them, and our lives were very, very 138 00:07:15,240 --> 00:07:16,080 Speaker 2: busy last year. 139 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:17,920 Speaker 1: That is a lot of date nights or date days, 140 00:07:18,000 --> 00:07:20,440 Speaker 1: or mornings out or whatever. It's a lot. 141 00:07:20,600 --> 00:07:22,680 Speaker 2: But at the beginning of the year I recommitted that 142 00:07:22,760 --> 00:07:26,040 Speaker 2: this was something I really wanted to try, and so 143 00:07:26,200 --> 00:07:28,480 Speaker 2: at the beginning of January, I sat down and looked 144 00:07:28,520 --> 00:07:31,600 Speaker 2: at my calendar. I actually marked out the days that 145 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:35,800 Speaker 2: I would be required, and then I worked out exactly 146 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:39,760 Speaker 2: what would make a meaningful experience for each of our children. 147 00:07:40,240 --> 00:07:42,560 Speaker 2: If we leave it to chance, if we leave it 148 00:07:42,600 --> 00:07:46,240 Speaker 2: to the last minute, we're going to have a substandard experience. 149 00:07:46,600 --> 00:07:49,480 Speaker 2: But if we are actually really intentional, do you know what, 150 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:52,600 Speaker 2: this is something that either my child's been dying to 151 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,640 Speaker 2: do forever and we just have never got around to it, 152 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:57,240 Speaker 2: or this is something that's going to light my child 153 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:01,480 Speaker 2: up you are going to build memories with your children 154 00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:04,960 Speaker 2: in ways that you won't otherwise do so because you 155 00:08:05,000 --> 00:08:08,160 Speaker 2: are willing to be so in the moment with them. 156 00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:10,840 Speaker 1: There's a podcast that I really like listening to who 157 00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:15,040 Speaker 1: says something along the lines of the definition of love 158 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:18,680 Speaker 1: is bearing witness to one another's lives, and I love 159 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:21,320 Speaker 1: that idea. It's about to get this. You have to 160 00:08:21,320 --> 00:08:24,120 Speaker 1: be together. You have to be considered and affectionate towards 161 00:08:24,160 --> 00:08:27,160 Speaker 1: one another and watch and participate and spend time in 162 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:29,440 Speaker 1: one another's lives. That's how you show that you love them. 163 00:08:29,880 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 2: So the other day I took one of our girls 164 00:08:33,040 --> 00:08:36,199 Speaker 2: out for an early morning walk. She doesn't love getting 165 00:08:36,280 --> 00:08:38,199 Speaker 2: up too early, so this was a little bit of a. 166 00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:39,880 Speaker 1: Stretch for the statement of the month. 167 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:42,679 Speaker 2: But I did sweeten the deal with an assah bowl. 168 00:08:43,280 --> 00:08:46,120 Speaker 2: I don't know whoever came up with the idea or concept, 169 00:08:46,200 --> 00:08:48,440 Speaker 2: but to me, it is sunshine in a cup and 170 00:08:48,480 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 2: it is the best way to start a day. 171 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:52,560 Speaker 1: I love that. I can't stand this stuff. I don't 172 00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,320 Speaker 1: know how you eat it. You've you've tried to force 173 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,160 Speaker 1: feit it to me, and every time it's just like wow. 174 00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:58,240 Speaker 1: That is so especially when. 175 00:08:58,080 --> 00:09:00,560 Speaker 2: You put some pain nuts in there, and you've got 176 00:09:00,559 --> 00:09:01,880 Speaker 2: the crunch and the sweet. 177 00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:02,920 Speaker 3: Oh it's just awesome. 178 00:09:03,240 --> 00:09:06,560 Speaker 2: I love it, but so does she, So she doesn't 179 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:08,440 Speaker 2: want to pay for it though, So going on a 180 00:09:08,440 --> 00:09:08,880 Speaker 2: little date. 181 00:09:09,120 --> 00:09:10,640 Speaker 1: Have you noticed that none of our kids want to 182 00:09:10,640 --> 00:09:12,880 Speaker 1: pay for anything? It's always on us all the time. 183 00:09:12,920 --> 00:09:14,400 Speaker 1: I wonder if we were like that with our parents. 184 00:09:14,440 --> 00:09:14,720 Speaker 1: Think so. 185 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:18,679 Speaker 2: But part of the sunshine in a cup is being 186 00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:21,360 Speaker 2: able to sit down on the water's edge and to 187 00:09:21,720 --> 00:09:26,360 Speaker 2: just soak in the sun's rays and just that beautiful 188 00:09:26,520 --> 00:09:30,520 Speaker 2: positive energy from the ocean and lap it up. And 189 00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:33,880 Speaker 2: what's beautiful about that is sitting side by side and 190 00:09:33,920 --> 00:09:39,360 Speaker 2: being in that beautiful setting. Conversations that would not happen 191 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,679 Speaker 2: any other way start to flow. And as I listened 192 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,840 Speaker 2: to her share the things that she was really excited 193 00:09:45,880 --> 00:09:51,320 Speaker 2: about this year, I was blowing away how much growth 194 00:09:51,360 --> 00:09:55,080 Speaker 2: has taken place. Even in the last six months she 195 00:09:55,120 --> 00:09:57,760 Speaker 2: applied for UNI, didn't get into the course that she wanted, 196 00:09:57,880 --> 00:09:59,960 Speaker 2: had to take on a second course that she wasn't 197 00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:04,800 Speaker 2: excited about. But given six months of time and work 198 00:10:05,040 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 2: and play and all of the stuff that's happened, she's 199 00:10:08,920 --> 00:10:11,160 Speaker 2: now sitting there going you know what, I wasn't really 200 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:15,040 Speaker 2: excited about it, but I can't wait. I'm so excited 201 00:10:15,040 --> 00:10:17,439 Speaker 2: to get involved in this, and who knows where this 202 00:10:17,480 --> 00:10:17,880 Speaker 2: is going. 203 00:10:17,760 --> 00:10:20,319 Speaker 1: To take, so much so that she's essentially saying, I'm 204 00:10:20,360 --> 00:10:22,319 Speaker 1: not sure if I actually want to do the thing 205 00:10:22,360 --> 00:10:24,360 Speaker 1: that I thought I really wanted to do, because this 206 00:10:24,440 --> 00:10:25,480 Speaker 1: has really grabbed me. 207 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,600 Speaker 2: And six months down the track, we might be in 208 00:10:27,600 --> 00:10:30,200 Speaker 2: a totally different position and she might go, actually, I 209 00:10:30,320 --> 00:10:32,520 Speaker 2: don't know why I was excited about this, but that's okay. 210 00:10:33,040 --> 00:10:33,640 Speaker 2: That's okay. 211 00:10:34,200 --> 00:10:36,520 Speaker 1: Tangent on this, and it's a really important tangent for 212 00:10:36,559 --> 00:10:38,880 Speaker 1: any parent who has got a child who says, this 213 00:10:38,920 --> 00:10:39,920 Speaker 1: is what I want to do or this is the 214 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:42,079 Speaker 1: path that I want to take. Some research that came 215 00:10:42,080 --> 00:10:44,560 Speaker 1: out some years ago from a researcher named Laura King, 216 00:10:44,600 --> 00:10:47,160 Speaker 1: she looked at this concept known as the best Possible 217 00:10:47,200 --> 00:10:50,439 Speaker 1: Future Self. Essentially, what it is is it's a projecting 218 00:10:50,480 --> 00:10:52,760 Speaker 1: yourself into the future and imagining in five or ten 219 00:10:52,840 --> 00:10:54,600 Speaker 1: years all the things that you want to have happened 220 00:10:54,600 --> 00:10:56,600 Speaker 1: having happened, so that you can see not just the 221 00:10:56,679 --> 00:10:58,199 Speaker 1: kind of life you're living, but the kind of person 222 00:10:58,200 --> 00:11:00,680 Speaker 1: you've become. It's really much more about character and career 223 00:11:00,800 --> 00:11:06,160 Speaker 1: and finances and aspiration. But what's fascinating about her research 224 00:11:06,360 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: is I can't remember it was her or some career researchers. 225 00:11:09,400 --> 00:11:11,760 Speaker 1: They took on this idea and said, well, that's great 226 00:11:11,840 --> 00:11:13,439 Speaker 1: if you've got a clear idea of what you want 227 00:11:13,480 --> 00:11:17,120 Speaker 1: to do, but there's potentially a whole lot of different 228 00:11:17,240 --> 00:11:20,360 Speaker 1: best possible future selves. What they found was when they 229 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,840 Speaker 1: got people to do this experiment where they would imagine 230 00:11:22,840 --> 00:11:24,960 Speaker 1: themselves doing the thing that they dreamed of, but also 231 00:11:25,040 --> 00:11:27,160 Speaker 1: doing one or two other things that they hadn't really 232 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:29,199 Speaker 1: dreamed of, but they might really like to do or 233 00:11:29,240 --> 00:11:31,400 Speaker 1: really like to try, things that are completely different to 234 00:11:31,520 --> 00:11:36,280 Speaker 1: their dream career or dream goal. They found that people 235 00:11:36,320 --> 00:11:38,760 Speaker 1: were much more balanced and much more relaxed about the future, 236 00:11:38,760 --> 00:11:40,719 Speaker 1: and their well being was higher and their life satisfaction 237 00:11:40,800 --> 00:11:46,080 Speaker 1: was higher because they weren't so boldly completely wedded to 238 00:11:46,240 --> 00:11:50,280 Speaker 1: this one true path. What they started to understand was, 239 00:11:50,360 --> 00:11:52,360 Speaker 1: I can take the pressure off a bit because there 240 00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,520 Speaker 1: are a multitude of different things that I could do 241 00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,920 Speaker 1: that could still help me to be who I wanted 242 00:11:57,000 --> 00:11:59,480 Speaker 1: to be, develop how I wanted to develop, and make 243 00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:01,280 Speaker 1: a difference in the way that I'd like to do it. 244 00:12:01,600 --> 00:12:04,960 Speaker 1: So when I hear you tell that story, that sparks 245 00:12:05,920 --> 00:12:09,600 Speaker 1: joy and satisfaction and optimism for me because it makes 246 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,760 Speaker 1: me think our daughter was initially rigidly fixed to a 247 00:12:13,800 --> 00:12:17,720 Speaker 1: specific career path, and now she's going there's any number 248 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,240 Speaker 1: of options that might be suitable for me, And that's 249 00:12:20,280 --> 00:12:22,360 Speaker 1: a wonderful thing to come out of a conversation like that. 250 00:12:22,880 --> 00:12:24,800 Speaker 2: We were also able to talk about the things that 251 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,439 Speaker 2: she was anxious about, the things that were worrying her 252 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:29,360 Speaker 2: at the moment, the things that she was fearful of, 253 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:34,920 Speaker 2: and just being able to sit there in again without 254 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,560 Speaker 2: the agenda, without the stress of everybody else in the 255 00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:43,840 Speaker 2: house moving and getting on with things that intentional time 256 00:12:43,920 --> 00:12:48,040 Speaker 2: that's taken away from everything else, meant that we could 257 00:12:48,080 --> 00:12:52,359 Speaker 2: sit there and I could actually listen here, offer support 258 00:12:52,720 --> 00:12:55,440 Speaker 2: and we could work through those challenges. You know, the 259 00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:57,840 Speaker 2: best thing to say to your kid when they're struggling 260 00:12:57,880 --> 00:13:01,560 Speaker 2: like that, what's the worst thing that could happen if 261 00:13:01,600 --> 00:13:05,080 Speaker 2: that happens? What's going to happen if you fail that class? 262 00:13:05,679 --> 00:13:08,960 Speaker 2: What's the worst thing? Is someone going to die? Is 263 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:10,480 Speaker 2: it going to you know, like, is the world going 264 00:13:10,520 --> 00:13:13,040 Speaker 2: to erupt. No, you're going to have to do another class. 265 00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,760 Speaker 2: It's not the end of the world. Your teacher might 266 00:13:15,760 --> 00:13:18,360 Speaker 2: be able to give you an extension assignment, or you know, 267 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:21,160 Speaker 2: like there's so many other possibilities, but they always we 268 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:25,000 Speaker 2: human nature, we go to the worst possible case scenario. 269 00:13:25,600 --> 00:13:28,760 Speaker 2: So it's just it was just a really lovely, lovely 270 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:32,680 Speaker 2: opportunity to have that moment, and I want more of them. 271 00:13:32,920 --> 00:13:35,200 Speaker 1: So to take our message for your all, do better tomorrow. 272 00:13:35,679 --> 00:13:39,680 Speaker 2: Be intentional about finding moments that you can spend with 273 00:13:39,720 --> 00:13:42,480 Speaker 2: your child. It might be the structure that we've been 274 00:13:42,679 --> 00:13:45,920 Speaker 2: shared by one of our wonderful listeners if you're out there, 275 00:13:46,640 --> 00:13:48,640 Speaker 2: but it might be another way. You might do it 276 00:13:48,679 --> 00:13:51,120 Speaker 2: each weekend, or it might be a Sunday thing, whatever, 277 00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:54,760 Speaker 2: whatever works for your family. It is about making time 278 00:13:54,920 --> 00:13:56,240 Speaker 2: for each of your children. 279 00:13:56,000 --> 00:13:56,520 Speaker 3: One on one. 280 00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:59,839 Speaker 1: Yeah, I love a spelt tim to our kids. Really 281 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:03,680 Speaker 1: there's some helpful take my message and inspiration from our 282 00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:06,920 Speaker 1: I'll do better tomorrow, have a great weekend. The Happy 283 00:14:06,920 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 1: Families podcast is produced by Justin Ruland. For more information 284 00:14:10,200 --> 00:14:12,960 Speaker 1: and resources that will make your family happier, we'd love 285 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,200 Speaker 1: for you to visit us at happy families, dot com, 286 00:14:15,200 --> 00:14:15,559 Speaker 1: dot a you