WEBVTT - Live Show Diaries - Flex Mami 0:00:09.640 --> 0:00:11.760 Hey guys, and welcome back to another episode of Life 0:00:11.760 --> 0:00:14.600 Fun Card. I'm producer Keisha and I'm filling in at 0:00:14.600 --> 0:00:16.600 the moment for Britain Laura while they take a bit 0:00:16.640 --> 0:00:19.439 of a summer break. And we decided this year that 0:00:19.480 --> 0:00:22.320 we wanted to bring you some of the absolutely incredible 0:00:22.360 --> 0:00:25.159 conversations that we had from our live shows back in 0:00:25.200 --> 0:00:27.920 October when we got to fly all around the country. 0:00:28.200 --> 0:00:31.360 We visited seven cities and we had some amazing guests 0:00:31.440 --> 0:00:33.959 joining us on stage, so we wanted to bring them 0:00:33.960 --> 0:00:35.960 to you so that you could enjoy them over this 0:00:35.960 --> 0:00:40.360 summer period. Joining us today is the weapon of a woman, 0:00:40.560 --> 0:00:43.440 Flex Marmy. Now, if you haven't met Flex, or if 0:00:43.479 --> 0:00:46.800 you haven't heard Flex speak before, she's a person that's 0:00:46.800 --> 0:00:49.360 actually quite hard to put into words because she can 0:00:49.400 --> 0:00:53.920 take these really deep, complex topics and she can just 0:00:53.960 --> 0:00:56.720 make them so light and so funny to listen to. 0:00:56.960 --> 0:00:59.720 I find Flex such an engaging person because she's able 0:00:59.760 --> 0:01:03.400 to do that so well. In this conversation, the girls 0:01:03.400 --> 0:01:06.080 speak about where the name Flex Mammy comes from, because 0:01:06.120 --> 0:01:07.880 believe it or not, that is not her birth name. 0:01:08.280 --> 0:01:11.080 They speak about personal branding and when that becomes a 0:01:11.120 --> 0:01:15.400 business They also spoke about the concept of performative authenticity 0:01:15.840 --> 0:01:20.600 and whether being authentic online and being openly vulnerable is 0:01:20.880 --> 0:01:23.360 always a good thing, or whether people could have different 0:01:23.400 --> 0:01:26.880 motives for why they actually act that way online, whether 0:01:26.920 --> 0:01:31.000 it could be for followers, for engagement, for a multitude 0:01:31.040 --> 0:01:34.160 of reasons. And that led into another conversation that I 0:01:34.160 --> 0:01:38.080 found very very interesting, particularly for Flex's perspective, and that 0:01:38.160 --> 0:01:42.160 is on the idea of businesses increasing their diversity, so 0:01:42.200 --> 0:01:45.440 whether that be that they're catering for different sizes or 0:01:45.480 --> 0:01:49.520 colors or whatever it could be, and when that advertising 0:01:49.760 --> 0:01:52.840 is actually quite tokenistic. I think you're really gonna love 0:01:52.840 --> 0:01:54.760 this chat, so let's get into it with Flex mummy. 0:01:55.440 --> 0:01:58.240 All right, everyone, this takes us to our second half 0:01:58.320 --> 0:02:00.640 of the show, where we're going to introduced to you 0:02:00.680 --> 0:02:03.280 some of our absolutely phenomenal guests that we have who 0:02:03.680 --> 0:02:05.720 have come here to be with you guys tonight. 0:02:06.280 --> 0:02:08.320 Now, the first guest off. 0:02:08.080 --> 0:02:10.079 The ranks is someone who so many of you might 0:02:10.120 --> 0:02:13.160 know across social media, but she is like the entrepreneur 0:02:13.200 --> 0:02:17.200 of entrepreneurs. She is a DJ, she is a podcaster, 0:02:17.600 --> 0:02:20.160 she is a radio host. She is a TV presenter, 0:02:20.200 --> 0:02:23.280 She is a jewelry designer. She is an influencer. Honestly, 0:02:23.639 --> 0:02:28.360 Flex Mammy is everything. She can do everything, jack of 0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:31.639 all trades and master of everything. This woman Flex get 0:02:31.639 --> 0:02:32.440 on out here. 0:02:33.880 --> 0:02:37.639 Looking fine. I might say, I love it. Hi, take 0:02:37.639 --> 0:02:38.919 the hot seat. Flex. 0:02:38.960 --> 0:02:42.240 If that is even your real name, we'll get to that. 0:02:43.520 --> 0:02:44.480 Thanks for coming today. 0:02:44.480 --> 0:02:47.400 We're going to kick start with and accidentally unfiltered because 0:02:47.400 --> 0:02:49.320 we make everyone do an embarrassing story. 0:02:50.040 --> 0:02:52.080 I thought really long and hard about this, and I 0:02:52.120 --> 0:02:54.359 was tossing up between the time I was robbed at 0:02:54.360 --> 0:02:58.040 a hotel, but I thought I would do something lighter. 0:02:58.560 --> 0:03:00.920 I was thinking about, like, I don't know, it's not 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.320 just me, because I'm not deranged on my own, but 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:05.600 the kind of mental illness that happens when you're in 0:03:05.600 --> 0:03:08.160 a new relationship and all you are is like horny 0:03:08.200 --> 0:03:12.920 and excited, horny and excited to that moving to a 0:03:12.960 --> 0:03:17.200 new city extra horny, extra excited. I feel alive. So 0:03:17.240 --> 0:03:20.080 I move into this amazing new apartment complex. It's bougie. 0:03:20.120 --> 0:03:23.480 They don't have a gym, it's a health club. What's 0:03:23.520 --> 0:03:26.080 the day? They don't have just like a space for 0:03:26.120 --> 0:03:28.960 you to go and eat. It's an outdoor area. With 0:03:29.000 --> 0:03:31.880 a habachi grill. They don't have an area for you 0:03:31.919 --> 0:03:34.560 to just do work. It's a coworking space, so you 0:03:34.560 --> 0:03:37.440 can only imagine what's going on. There's staff and everything. 0:03:38.120 --> 0:03:40.680 So I invite my new boyfriend to my apartment. I'm 0:03:40.720 --> 0:03:43.680 feeling I was gonna say Horney, but I've said it 0:03:43.720 --> 0:03:45.120 too much, so I'm like, let's go. 0:03:45.080 --> 0:03:48.600 To the spa. There's a spa. It's gonna be amazing. 0:03:49.200 --> 0:03:52.880 So it's like maybe eleven pm on a Friday, there's 0:03:52.920 --> 0:03:55.880 nobody there. Was I going to do anything. No, I'm 0:03:55.880 --> 0:03:58.720 a sensible woman with a public profile. I wouldn't do anything. 0:04:00.480 --> 0:04:03.760 So I get into this spa. It's PG, guys, it's 0:04:03.760 --> 0:04:08.480 almost g rated. I had thought to myself, are there cameras? 0:04:08.960 --> 0:04:09.440 Surely not. 0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:13.040 Surely in a place where you pay this amount of rent, 0:04:13.320 --> 0:04:15.600 they wouldn't document you without you knowing. 0:04:16.400 --> 0:04:17.880 Boy, it was I wrong. 0:04:19.800 --> 0:04:23.680 I don't think I did anything particularly inappropriate. But when 0:04:23.720 --> 0:04:27.400 you wake up on a Monday morning nine am with 0:04:27.520 --> 0:04:33.080 a building wide bulletin that says we respect and condone 0:04:33.480 --> 0:04:38.040 anything that adults want to do in their spare time, honeymooners, beware, 0:04:38.440 --> 0:04:39.520 there are cameras. 0:04:39.800 --> 0:04:41.080 You are being watched. 0:04:41.440 --> 0:04:46.640 Do what you want to the offending participants. They referred 0:04:46.640 --> 0:04:50.520 to me as, we will be directly emailing you if 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:54.440 you make this mistake twice. Just know you were being watched. 0:04:55.040 --> 0:04:57.599 Tell me why. I was like, sure, it couldn't be me, 0:04:58.000 --> 0:05:01.000 because I didn't really say it was Friday A or whatever. 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:04.560 I had gotten a response after I'd opened the email 0:05:04.680 --> 0:05:12.320 ten minutes later, directly to me, Hi Miss Lilian, government names, say, Hi, 0:05:12.360 --> 0:05:15.120 Miss Lilian, just letting you know that that email was 0:05:15.160 --> 0:05:19.840 for you. In particular, I didn't do anything, though I could. 0:05:19.640 --> 0:05:21.120 Have and I wanted to. 0:05:21.240 --> 0:05:24.440 Also, I love the way you move, But also do you. 0:05:24.360 --> 0:05:27.080 Think in that instance, like I was now thinking about 0:05:27.120 --> 0:05:29.840 privacy and security like that it's their fault. 0:05:30.120 --> 0:05:32.279 Well that's what I need and exposure that they witnessed. 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:33.200 But that's what I was saying. 0:05:33.200 --> 0:05:36.039 But babes, I didn't actually do anything anyway, that's what 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:38.840 they all say. I think I've been on probation because 0:05:38.839 --> 0:05:41.400 they are on to me. I come to the reception, 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:45.400 they smiled cheekily. How's it going, they say, how's the relationship? 0:05:45.960 --> 0:05:48.760 No comment, you're in I'm but a victim and a 0:05:48.800 --> 0:05:49.400 pretty girl. 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:55.359 Flex I mean obviously, Lilian, I would love to know, 0:05:55.440 --> 0:05:56.920 and I think so many of the people who follow 0:05:56.960 --> 0:05:57.680 you would love to know. 0:05:57.800 --> 0:06:00.760 Where did Flex come from. I wish it was a 0:06:00.760 --> 0:06:02.440 good story, and it's just not. 0:06:03.279 --> 0:06:05.880 And I've thought about lying. I've had the name for 0:06:05.960 --> 0:06:08.719 ten years. I really thought about lying, but it's not 0:06:08.800 --> 0:06:13.280 a good one. I was nineteen and I was working 0:06:13.360 --> 0:06:15.599 in pr and I was really burnt out, and I 0:06:15.640 --> 0:06:18.159 thought the solution would be to get another job, but 0:06:18.200 --> 0:06:21.080 a fun job and a cool job. So I became 0:06:21.120 --> 0:06:23.600 a door girl, which was like the height of. 0:06:23.520 --> 0:06:24.680 Excitement at nineteen. 0:06:25.040 --> 0:06:27.520 But then through that I became a DJ, and like, 0:06:28.360 --> 0:06:31.680 I like music, but I didn't think the criteria of 0:06:31.680 --> 0:06:33.919 being a DJ was just liking music. It was that 0:06:34.000 --> 0:06:36.400 easy at the time. So I went to my friends, 0:06:36.440 --> 0:06:38.320 I'm like, I want to be a DJ. Let's do 0:06:38.400 --> 0:06:41.720 a round table, let's make a name. And so, literally, 0:06:41.839 --> 0:06:43.960 like you have to be on the internet ten years 0:06:44.000 --> 0:06:46.039 ago to know how not cool flex is. 0:06:46.160 --> 0:06:51.080 It's like lit on sleek or whatever we used to 0:06:51.120 --> 0:06:51.520 say to it. 0:06:51.640 --> 0:06:54.520 I literally still say that it's like yolo. 0:06:54.880 --> 0:06:56.720 I think it's one of those words. Though that's now 0:06:56.760 --> 0:06:58.480 it's been so long it's come back around and now 0:06:58.480 --> 0:07:00.600 you've made it cool again, yea talking to. 0:07:00.560 --> 0:07:04.680 Someone that says volcano, and so I was like, yeah, 0:07:04.680 --> 0:07:06.080 it would be flex, it would be great. So I'm 0:07:06.120 --> 0:07:10.600 like trying to buy, trying to secure the Facebook account 0:07:10.640 --> 0:07:14.040 or whatever, and naturally Flex is taken up by Chiropractice 0:07:14.120 --> 0:07:17.320 and yoga Instructure and everybody else. And I was like, guys, 0:07:17.400 --> 0:07:20.160 like quick, I've got my first gig on Friday. I 0:07:20.200 --> 0:07:23.240 need a name, and then Flexmami it became. Howd I 0:07:23.280 --> 0:07:25.920 have known it would be something that would be tied 0:07:25.960 --> 0:07:27.240 to me for this long? 0:07:28.080 --> 0:07:30.680 I would have done it differently, But DJ Lillian was 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:34.920 never gonna work. It was never gonna work. It doesn't 0:07:35.000 --> 0:07:39.040 Land doesn't. It doesn't like DJ Lily Lilia. Okay. The 0:07:39.080 --> 0:07:39.680 thing that I. 0:07:39.600 --> 0:07:41.640 Find so interesting though, is is like you say you 0:07:41.640 --> 0:07:44.520 stumbled across this, but like I look at you on 0:07:44.560 --> 0:07:47.480 social media and I see someone who is so good 0:07:47.480 --> 0:07:49.880 at branding. I'm like, you are so clever at the 0:07:49.880 --> 0:07:52.640 way that you brand yourself, and you brand all the 0:07:52.680 --> 0:07:55.080 different types of things that are a part of your 0:07:55.120 --> 0:07:59.040 Flex empire. So then how if you think, oh it 0:07:59.080 --> 0:08:02.120 just kind of happened, I just across this, how intentional, 0:08:02.120 --> 0:08:04.040 then is your branding when it comes to your business? 0:08:04.280 --> 0:08:08.720 It was a trauma rest bot. I'm telling you it was. 0:08:08.800 --> 0:08:12.240 There's something about you have to imagine what like the 0:08:12.400 --> 0:08:16.080 music landscape was like ten years ago. You weren't just 0:08:16.080 --> 0:08:20.560 like a DJ, like a female DJ, and everybody had 0:08:20.600 --> 0:08:23.240 opinions about what your intention was. 0:08:23.160 --> 0:08:25.840 To be a musician. You couldn't just like music. 0:08:26.240 --> 0:08:30.080 And so the only reason why I became intentional about 0:08:30.120 --> 0:08:33.160 branding is because people would say the most deranged things. 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:35.880 I used to write in all caps no reason. Thought 0:08:35.880 --> 0:08:38.120 it was aesthetic, thought it was fun. So tell me 0:08:38.160 --> 0:08:41.680 why I open up my browser because I had Google 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:42.520 alerts on myself. 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:42.840 I do. 0:08:43.559 --> 0:08:46.319 And so I see this article by a youth broadcaster 0:08:46.440 --> 0:08:48.960 that will not be named, that has written like a 0:08:49.000 --> 0:08:49.559 feature on me. 0:08:49.600 --> 0:08:51.720 I'm like, this is sick. I feel like a celebrity. 0:08:52.360 --> 0:08:56.080 Why do they lead with flex mummy right in all 0:08:56.240 --> 0:09:00.200 caps as a way to creatively express what it's like 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:03.200 to take up space in a male dominated industry? I said, babe, 0:09:03.200 --> 0:09:08.560 shut it down, deleted, Like that's what happens. People curate 0:09:08.640 --> 0:09:12.360 and craft these really convincing ideas about who you are 0:09:12.520 --> 0:09:15.720 and why you say things and so I feel like 0:09:15.880 --> 0:09:18.040 if it seems like I'm intentional about my brand, but 0:09:18.080 --> 0:09:18.839 I'm paranoid. 0:09:19.720 --> 0:09:22.360 I honestly like you could not have led into the 0:09:22.400 --> 0:09:24.960 conversation that we're having better and that was such an 0:09:25.040 --> 0:09:26.960 unintentional setup. But what we wanted to talk to you 0:09:26.960 --> 0:09:30.640 about is this idea of like authenticity on social media 0:09:30.679 --> 0:09:34.480 and online and verse performative, you know, and so where 0:09:34.480 --> 0:09:36.560 does that line see it? Especially in how people who 0:09:36.640 --> 0:09:38.840 have public profiles use it? And I think it's so 0:09:38.920 --> 0:09:42.120 interesting that you say so much of the brand that's 0:09:42.120 --> 0:09:44.800 being created, part of it's been intentional, but part of 0:09:44.840 --> 0:09:47.480 it's being created around you. Yeah, So then how do 0:09:47.520 --> 0:09:49.320 you think in terms of when it comes to being 0:09:49.360 --> 0:09:50.320 authentic online? 0:09:50.360 --> 0:09:53.320 What does that look like for you? It's really tricky. 0:09:53.360 --> 0:09:55.720 I was thinking the other day, I like to ask 0:09:55.760 --> 0:09:58.960 people questions that aren't small talk because I think I 0:09:59.000 --> 0:10:01.160 get bought easily. But I was saying to a friend 0:10:01.240 --> 0:10:04.880 of mine, what's a misconception people make about you constantly 0:10:05.080 --> 0:10:08.160 that you use your advantage? Because I think about that 0:10:08.360 --> 0:10:11.280 so often, like we're so paranoid about like are we 0:10:11.360 --> 0:10:14.319 being perceived the right way? And do I come across well? 0:10:14.840 --> 0:10:16.880 But when we don't. What do you do about it? 0:10:17.280 --> 0:10:19.840 If someone's like, oh my gosh, you come across so gentle. 0:10:19.920 --> 0:10:21.960 I love that you were color often you must be 0:10:22.040 --> 0:10:24.840 so bold. What are you gonna say you read me wrong? 0:10:25.240 --> 0:10:26.600 No, you know, I mean like, thank you. That like 0:10:26.679 --> 0:10:27.320 works for me. 0:10:27.920 --> 0:10:30.640 So when people were saying because I wrote in all 0:10:30.720 --> 0:10:34.160 caps and wore color and I'm overweight, she's a buddy 0:10:34.160 --> 0:10:38.080 positivity pritaincess, like, I was like, so, whatever you want 0:10:38.080 --> 0:10:41.360 to do, I'm just a yes. 0:10:41.440 --> 0:10:41.720 Yeah. 0:10:41.720 --> 0:10:42.280 And at the. 0:10:42.240 --> 0:10:46.320 Time, especially like the Internet was like visuals first, visuals first, 0:10:46.440 --> 0:10:50.320 So whatever the visual was saying, it didn't matter that 0:10:50.360 --> 0:10:52.920 I had an alternate narrative because everyone's like, but we 0:10:53.000 --> 0:10:56.839 get it, like we know this vibe, say no more. 0:10:57.360 --> 0:10:59.640 And so now when I think about authenticity and I'm like, 0:10:59.640 --> 0:11:04.040 this we trajectory on the internet, because you know, I 0:11:04.040 --> 0:11:07.880 didn't intend to be an influencer or anything. Because I 0:11:07.960 --> 0:11:09.840 was saying to you earlier that if I reflect on 0:11:09.880 --> 0:11:11.920 who I was when I was like a high schooler, 0:11:12.400 --> 0:11:17.640 I was so inarticulate, empty headed, ditsy, dreamy. I could 0:11:17.679 --> 0:11:21.280 never get finish's sentence out. I literally have such strong 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:24.520 memories of trying to tell my friend's stories and watching 0:11:24.600 --> 0:11:26.240 like the light fade from their eyes? 0:11:27.000 --> 0:11:28.640 Do you know what I'm saying? Like you're like, okay, 0:11:28.679 --> 0:11:30.920 let me start again. I'll start from the top because 0:11:30.960 --> 0:11:32.319 I can get missing my point. I start from the 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:36.560 st that's your mind. And so then so I. 0:11:36.760 --> 0:11:41.720 I think about, like what that felt like, and it 0:11:41.760 --> 0:11:44.400 to be articulate was a trauma response. I was like, 0:11:44.440 --> 0:11:47.600 oh my god, nobody listens to me, nobody cares. And 0:11:47.640 --> 0:11:52.120 so when I started DJing at nineteen and I suddenly 0:11:52.160 --> 0:11:55.280 had to create a brand, I was like, oh, I 0:11:55.320 --> 0:11:58.640 have to start like knowing who I am and saying 0:11:58.679 --> 0:11:59.320 what I like. 0:11:59.840 --> 0:12:02.160 And I think now people are like, oh, this is 0:12:02.200 --> 0:12:03.800 so cool. You're so confident. 0:12:04.200 --> 0:12:07.200 Back then, everybody was like, why are you so obnoxious? 0:12:07.240 --> 0:12:09.160 Why do you always talk about how you feel? Why 0:12:09.200 --> 0:12:11.160 do you think it's important that people know what you think? 0:12:11.320 --> 0:12:12.040 Just shut up? 0:12:12.679 --> 0:12:15.079 And to that, I said, I am the youngest sibling 0:12:15.120 --> 0:12:16.199 of two older brothers. 0:12:16.400 --> 0:12:19.000 I deserve space to speak. I earned this. 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:23.720 So now when it comes to authenticity, I try really 0:12:23.760 --> 0:12:25.960 hard to be myself. But the older I get, the 0:12:26.000 --> 0:12:29.080 more sensitive I get, and I'm like, oh, it's really 0:12:29.160 --> 0:12:32.880 hard to be yourself and have everything about you come 0:12:32.920 --> 0:12:36.880 across as conceptual and therefore critiqued. I think people really 0:12:36.920 --> 0:12:40.920 struggle to conceptualize how hard it is for people to 0:12:41.640 --> 0:12:44.320 not only see you, but make assumptions about you and 0:12:44.360 --> 0:12:46.839 then tell them to you. It could be little things 0:12:46.880 --> 0:12:49.319 like I remember not too long ago, I got this 0:12:49.640 --> 0:12:52.720 comment from someone that was like, I just love that 0:12:53.000 --> 0:12:56.199 every time like you wear an outfit, your stretch marks 0:12:56.240 --> 0:12:58.679 poke through, because it makes me feel so confident. I said, 0:12:58.840 --> 0:12:59.440 which ones? 0:13:00.640 --> 0:13:00.960 I don't. 0:13:01.280 --> 0:13:03.000 I don't know which one are you talking about. I 0:13:03.760 --> 0:13:06.880 don't think I noticed those. So in this instance, if 0:13:06.960 --> 0:13:10.720 I was being authentic, i'd say, shut up, you freak. 0:13:10.640 --> 0:13:13.480 Like, why would you say that? That's weird? 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:19.199 But to perform authenticity, I have to reward that open. 0:13:18.960 --> 0:13:20.840 Display of co vulnerability. 0:13:21.080 --> 0:13:23.280 Yep, Because to shut you down in a moment where 0:13:23.320 --> 0:13:27.280 you felt like you were connecting something, I'm the bad guy. 0:13:28.040 --> 0:13:32.600 It's a real balance between people wanting authenticity from the 0:13:32.600 --> 0:13:35.160 people that they follow and the people online. But then 0:13:35.200 --> 0:13:40.800 there's this balance on too much authenticity, like when the 0:13:40.880 --> 0:13:46.319 crossover to performative authenticity. When something traumatic's happening in someone's 0:13:46.320 --> 0:13:48.920 life and the first thing they've thought of. I don't 0:13:48.960 --> 0:13:50.960 know about you, guys, but when I watch someone that's 0:13:51.000 --> 0:13:53.360 like almost died in a car accident and the first 0:13:53.400 --> 0:13:55.200 thing they've done is get their phone out to film 0:13:55.240 --> 0:13:57.600 themselves crying that they almost died, I'm like, why is 0:13:57.640 --> 0:13:58.480 that your response? 0:13:58.520 --> 0:13:59.640 There's a part of me that's. 0:13:59.480 --> 0:14:02.440 Like, why did you just jump online to share that? 0:14:03.880 --> 0:14:06.240 And that's where I struggle with people that I'm like, 0:14:06.280 --> 0:14:09.560 I don't believe that. And I'm sure for you you've 0:14:09.559 --> 0:14:12.800 had a lot of virtue signaling, like you're seeing a 0:14:12.840 --> 0:14:13.600 lot of people do that. 0:14:13.960 --> 0:14:14.959 What's your view on that? 0:14:15.480 --> 0:14:18.280 I don't think it's a fine line between authenticity and 0:14:18.360 --> 0:14:22.600 performing authenticity. I think the reason why authenticity online doesn't 0:14:22.640 --> 0:14:27.080 work is because everything about documenting yourself is contrived. Even 0:14:27.080 --> 0:14:29.240 the fact that you get a chance to decide how 0:14:29.280 --> 0:14:31.160 you want to show up on a device, where you 0:14:31.200 --> 0:14:34.080 decide the angle and the lighting and the context and 0:14:34.160 --> 0:14:36.040 the time you post it and the reason why you 0:14:36.080 --> 0:14:40.120 post it, it's all contrived. It's inauthentic in its very being. 0:14:40.560 --> 0:14:44.200 The concept can never be authentic. So to bypass that 0:14:44.640 --> 0:14:48.400 and to pretend that everything in this moment is authentic 0:14:48.440 --> 0:14:51.560 because I'm coming across well doesn't make sense. And I 0:14:51.680 --> 0:14:55.160 also think, you know, he was authentic, Ted Bundy. He 0:14:55.400 --> 0:14:58.240 was being authentic, that's a a turn. Was being true 0:14:58.320 --> 0:15:02.400 to himself, and nobody was like, oh, I love authentic characters. 0:15:02.480 --> 0:15:06.960 There's also this like misconception about what you're saying when 0:15:07.000 --> 0:15:10.880 you say you like authenticity, because when your feed is 0:15:10.920 --> 0:15:14.920 full of people with like really harmful views, suddenly it's 0:15:14.960 --> 0:15:17.000 not okay anymore and I'm not gonna be a country 0:15:17.000 --> 0:15:20.000 And he's like, don't say how you feel. But I 0:15:20.040 --> 0:15:22.440 think the difficulty with social media is that we're all 0:15:22.480 --> 0:15:26.760 in denial about how real and not real it is. 0:15:26.840 --> 0:15:30.000 It amplifies all the ways that we're contrived in real life, 0:15:30.000 --> 0:15:33.160 but just in a digital space. Like I think about 0:15:33.200 --> 0:15:37.240 like fundamental social norms and politics. I can't go in 0:15:37.280 --> 0:15:40.200 a room when I'm feeling pissed off and act the 0:15:40.240 --> 0:15:42.440 way that I want to act because it's inappropriate. I'm 0:15:42.440 --> 0:15:46.080 being inauthentic every time someone says, hey, how are you going, 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:49.640 and I'm like, I'm dead parised in my brain, but 0:15:49.680 --> 0:15:52.840 I'm like, hey, that's so fine, nic see meet it's inauthentic. 0:15:53.280 --> 0:15:56.240 I promise you. I always tell my friends. People don't 0:15:56.320 --> 0:15:59.320 want you to be authentic. They want to be entertained, 0:15:59.680 --> 0:16:02.720 they want to be validated, or they want to be educated, 0:16:02.960 --> 0:16:05.240 and if it doesn't fit between that, suddenly you come 0:16:05.240 --> 0:16:06.560 across as inauthentic. 0:16:07.000 --> 0:16:08.320 Do you know what I think is so interesting as 0:16:08.360 --> 0:16:10.800 this of this conversation as well, and it's something I've 0:16:10.840 --> 0:16:14.360 witnessed on social media over the years, is that as 0:16:14.720 --> 0:16:17.560 people become more and it's a very different thing between 0:16:17.600 --> 0:16:21.000 authenticity and vulnerability, right, they're different, two different conversations, but 0:16:21.080 --> 0:16:24.880 as people become more vulnerable, they can sometimes be rewarded 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:28.320 for that vulnerability by more followers, more likes, more comments. 0:16:28.360 --> 0:16:30.280 You know, you see the post of someone crying about 0:16:30.320 --> 0:16:33.440 something that is a touch point, and then that's when 0:16:33.480 --> 0:16:36.400 it can grow into using it as a tool, I 0:16:36.440 --> 0:16:39.680 think as well. And that is a very gray area 0:16:39.680 --> 0:16:41.720 because there's obviously and I mean we're talking about it 0:16:41.760 --> 0:16:45.320 from podcast perspective, We've done it for years, but there 0:16:45.400 --> 0:16:47.520 is definitely a gray area where it comes from a 0:16:47.560 --> 0:16:51.080 point of sharing for a purpose and sharing for a motive. 0:16:51.120 --> 0:16:51.800 There are two. 0:16:51.600 --> 0:16:55.480 Different aspects I think that social media can portray, and 0:16:55.520 --> 0:16:57.120 they both have different incentives behind them. 0:16:57.160 --> 0:16:58.880 As well, I also. 0:16:58.640 --> 0:17:00.400 Think we need to do a disclaimer that we do 0:17:00.520 --> 0:17:02.360 not support Ted Bundy. 0:17:05.720 --> 0:17:07.160 Like you were. 0:17:08.240 --> 0:17:10.120 On a serious note, you were such a touch point 0:17:10.200 --> 0:17:12.680 for a lot of people during the Black Lives Matter. 0:17:12.840 --> 0:17:15.879 I don't want to say movement because that's you know, 0:17:16.000 --> 0:17:18.840 it just doesn't feel right like the movement it was, 0:17:18.880 --> 0:17:19.680 but it should trend. 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:22.760 Yeah, it was a conversation that was and it was 0:17:22.880 --> 0:17:25.440 really in the limelight there for a moment. And it's 0:17:25.480 --> 0:17:27.480 not that it's not now, but it was really front 0:17:27.520 --> 0:17:31.480 and center on everyone's minds as the way Instagram works. 0:17:31.680 --> 0:17:33.080 But how do you feel. 0:17:32.720 --> 0:17:37.479 Like the landscape has changed since we all started speaking 0:17:37.520 --> 0:17:39.280 more openly about Black Lives Matter? 0:17:39.359 --> 0:17:40.760 Have you noticed a difference? 0:17:41.359 --> 0:17:44.000 I think it's ironic because I try to explain to 0:17:44.080 --> 0:17:47.720 people that it's as good as it is worse in 0:17:47.800 --> 0:17:51.280 the same way that you know when you give context 0:17:51.320 --> 0:17:54.240 to someone who's hurt you about the ways that they've 0:17:54.320 --> 0:17:56.360 hurt you, and they're like, can you explain it differently? 0:17:56.760 --> 0:17:59.320 Can you explain it better? Can you see it from 0:17:59.359 --> 0:18:01.520 my perspective? And then sudden you're like, wait, I thought 0:18:01.560 --> 0:18:03.600 I was the one who was hurt at the moment, 0:18:03.600 --> 0:18:04.680 I thought I was the one who needed to be 0:18:04.760 --> 0:18:08.240 listened to that, so that conversation felt like it started 0:18:08.280 --> 0:18:11.280 in this really helpful place where it's like, oh, these 0:18:12.359 --> 0:18:16.000 all these experiences that felt really subjective are now being 0:18:16.040 --> 0:18:17.879 put in a very objective lens. 0:18:17.920 --> 0:18:18.879 Like it's happening. 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:22.240 It's it's tricky, it's uncomfortable. But the way that I 0:18:22.280 --> 0:18:25.919 trickled down in conversation became really conceptual. And then I 0:18:26.000 --> 0:18:29.680 also felt like it turned out to be like kind 0:18:29.680 --> 0:18:31.760 of like the way that feminism is positioned. I think 0:18:31.800 --> 0:18:33.760 a lot of people are like, oh, no, I say 0:18:33.800 --> 0:18:35.639 I'm a feminist, so you think I'm not a bigot. 0:18:35.920 --> 0:18:39.640 Not because I'm like trying to me myself make sure 0:18:39.640 --> 0:18:41.199 that there's a quality of the sexes. That's just a 0:18:41.200 --> 0:18:42.639 bit much like I just want you know I'm not 0:18:42.680 --> 0:18:45.359 a bad person. That's what it felt like at the time. 0:18:45.800 --> 0:18:50.800 And it's so strange because like, I don't feel like 0:18:51.680 --> 0:18:53.800 in the audience now I don't have to like respond, 0:18:53.840 --> 0:18:56.800 But how often are you actually thinking about your skin color? 0:18:57.880 --> 0:19:01.040 Whether that's like I'm tanning, I'm not tanning, I'm not burnt. 0:19:01.280 --> 0:19:04.520 But when the whole world is authorizing you for this thing, 0:19:04.520 --> 0:19:08.080 you're like, damn, I could be all these things, and 0:19:08.119 --> 0:19:10.000 then at the end of the day, someone's like, oh, 0:19:10.560 --> 0:19:13.240 but you're black first. And then even if I am 0:19:13.400 --> 0:19:15.720 black first, I'm like, if this is the way that 0:19:15.760 --> 0:19:18.320 it comes across, everyone's like, well, don't say that. 0:19:18.480 --> 0:19:21.280 Like they're making everyone feel weird. So I don't know. 0:19:21.359 --> 0:19:22.040 I just think. 0:19:23.359 --> 0:19:26.879 It was an interesting time for to see the world 0:19:26.960 --> 0:19:29.600 change in that way. But I also just felt like 0:19:29.640 --> 0:19:33.840 it gave people the language to justify their behavior. So 0:19:33.920 --> 0:19:38.080 when we're having these private conversations in public, people are saying, well, 0:19:38.119 --> 0:19:40.000 I believe in anti racism. 0:19:40.080 --> 0:19:41.120 I don't even know what that is. 0:19:41.280 --> 0:19:45.800 Do you still experience racism now in the day to day? 0:19:45.960 --> 0:19:50.119 I think I experienced more like microaggressions, you know, like 0:19:50.359 --> 0:19:52.160 one that comes across so well is like. 0:19:52.640 --> 0:19:55.160