WEBVTT - Sam Stosur - Ordineroli Speaking 0:00:05.320 --> 0:00:08.320 Ordinarily Speaking, the professional side of my tennis was the 0:00:08.320 --> 0:00:12.399 easy part. It was the personal acceptance that I found hard. 0:00:20.840 --> 0:00:21.880 It takes time. 0:00:27.760 --> 0:00:31.720 Hello and welcome to Ordinarily Speaking, a podcast that celebrates 0:00:31.800 --> 0:00:36.080 resilience in sport. I'm narrowly meadows. This week's guest is 0:00:36.159 --> 0:00:40.479 tennis champion Sam Stozer. Sam is a US Open champion 0:00:40.520 --> 0:00:44.400 and French Open runner up, with nine WTA singles titles 0:00:44.400 --> 0:00:47.760 and twenty six doubles titles to her name, but as 0:00:47.800 --> 0:00:50.160 she reveals in this chat, it has been the battle 0:00:50.200 --> 0:00:53.680 within that has proved to be the biggest challenge. It's 0:00:53.800 --> 0:00:56.120 rare to hear Sam open up on the adversity she's 0:00:56.160 --> 0:00:58.560 faced in life, but now as a mum to Evie 0:00:58.720 --> 0:01:01.720 and partner to Liz, Sam feels it's time to speak 0:01:01.760 --> 0:01:06.039 honestly about what she's overcome in her journey to self acceptance. 0:01:06.600 --> 0:01:09.759 There have always been a lot of opinions about Sam's career. 0:01:10.000 --> 0:01:13.680 This is a candid conversation about how she feels about 0:01:13.720 --> 0:01:16.600 all of it, from her inner dialogue to the public 0:01:16.640 --> 0:01:20.720 scrutiny every year the Australian Open. This is Sam like 0:01:20.800 --> 0:01:26.120 you've never heard her before, and she's pretty amazing. As always, 0:01:26.200 --> 0:01:29.440 if this episode is triggering for you, please ask for help. 0:01:29.760 --> 0:01:32.880 Lifeline and Beyond Blue are just a couple of places 0:01:32.920 --> 0:01:49.040 you can go. I really hope you enjoyed the chat. Sam. 0:01:49.080 --> 0:01:51.320 Thanks so much for spending some time with me. I'm 0:01:51.320 --> 0:01:53.920 really genuinely excited about this because I've wanted to interview 0:01:53.960 --> 0:01:58.480 you for quite some time now. What is it about 0:01:58.680 --> 0:02:01.320 tennis that you first fell in love with and is 0:02:01.360 --> 0:02:02.400 still in love with? 0:02:05.000 --> 0:02:07.040 Well, I mean when I first started, it was just 0:02:07.080 --> 0:02:09.359 I think, the joy of being able to hit something 0:02:09.560 --> 0:02:11.520 and not not you know, like an angry way, or 0:02:11.560 --> 0:02:14.160 it wasn't an angry child, but like just having this 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:16.799 I guess goal of like this is where it's got 0:02:16.840 --> 0:02:19.480 to go and how can I do it? And how 0:02:19.480 --> 0:02:21.280 hard can I hit it and still get it in 0:02:21.320 --> 0:02:24.880 the lines? And I don't know, I just had so 0:02:25.080 --> 0:02:27.520 much fun. From the first time I had a lesson 0:02:27.840 --> 0:02:30.920 in a group, and then my older brother who's eight 0:02:31.000 --> 0:02:33.399 years older, would just take me and my younger brother 0:02:33.440 --> 0:02:35.519 down to the park after school and there was tennis 0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.280 courts there, so we would just play every day down 0:02:38.320 --> 0:02:40.080 at the park and yeah, I don't know, I just 0:02:40.120 --> 0:02:40.440 loved it. 0:02:40.320 --> 0:02:40.919 It was like this. 0:02:41.000 --> 0:02:44.400 Freedom of being in the court, of just being able 0:02:44.440 --> 0:02:46.079 to play and do something. 0:02:46.680 --> 0:02:49.160 Your eyes almost light up as you're talking about it. 0:02:49.160 --> 0:02:50.640 It's still there, isn't it. 0:02:50.680 --> 0:02:51.680 The love? Yeah? 0:02:51.760 --> 0:02:54.360 No, for sure, I still love playing and you know, 0:02:54.560 --> 0:02:57.400 practicing and kind of everything that comes with it. So 0:02:57.560 --> 0:03:00.960 I think there's tennis is very, I guess, somewhat unique 0:03:01.000 --> 0:03:03.240 in the way there's so many things you can practice. 0:03:03.400 --> 0:03:06.160 You can work on so many different shots, how to 0:03:06.200 --> 0:03:11.480 do it, your footwork, your strength, your decision making, the technique, 0:03:11.520 --> 0:03:13.440 whatever it is. There is so many things you can 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:15.800 work on, and when you actually break it down, you're like, oh, 0:03:16.040 --> 0:03:17.760 how am I going to do all of this in 0:03:17.840 --> 0:03:19.760 like a day or a week? And so it comes 0:03:19.760 --> 0:03:22.400 to planning and or there's just so many different aspects 0:03:22.400 --> 0:03:23.960 to it. I think it makes it really interesting. 0:03:24.120 --> 0:03:25.880 Is there a freedom that you feel out on the 0:03:25.880 --> 0:03:26.640 court as well? 0:03:27.200 --> 0:03:28.480 Oh for sure. Yeah. 0:03:28.520 --> 0:03:31.560 It's kind of like the place where nobody can come. 0:03:31.639 --> 0:03:33.800 So this is my court time, this is what I've got, 0:03:33.880 --> 0:03:36.080 this is what I'm doing. You're down the other end 0:03:36.160 --> 0:03:38.920 or someone you know, whoever it is, and that's just 0:03:39.040 --> 0:03:43.080 your time to enjoy and play and you know, feel 0:03:43.440 --> 0:03:44.440 like you're doing something that. 0:03:44.400 --> 0:03:47.720 You love David Taylor, your coach for a long time, 0:03:47.800 --> 0:03:50.720 seven years, I believe, and through the highest of highs 0:03:50.760 --> 0:03:54.040 as well. He told me a story that you told 0:03:54.120 --> 0:04:00.520 him when he first met you about a night in Japan. Yep, 0:04:00.640 --> 0:04:01.520 tell me about this? 0:04:01.800 --> 0:04:03.200 Was this when we were at the train station. 0:04:03.440 --> 0:04:07.760 Yeah, yeah, So, I mean I traveled to Japan a 0:04:07.840 --> 0:04:09.640 number of times when I was young. They had, you know, 0:04:09.960 --> 0:04:13.400 good challenger events basically and being a safe country and 0:04:13.440 --> 0:04:15.720 everything else. You know, it was okay for a group 0:04:15.760 --> 0:04:17.800 of girls to kind of travel around or I guess 0:04:17.839 --> 0:04:19.480 my parents probably felt better about it. 0:04:19.520 --> 0:04:22.560 And because you're traveling by yourself essentially. 0:04:22.279 --> 0:04:23.080 Yeah, we were traveling. 0:04:23.360 --> 0:04:24.839 We all none of us had a coach, so we 0:04:24.839 --> 0:04:28.200 would literally just travel together and if you know, some 0:04:28.320 --> 0:04:30.640 were still in the event, one or two would go 0:04:30.720 --> 0:04:32.760 on and then you'd all meet again. And how old 0:04:32.800 --> 0:04:35.720 we late teens, early twenty The first time I went 0:04:35.720 --> 0:04:38.640 to Japan, I was seventeen, and that was like even then, 0:04:38.640 --> 0:04:41.640 I had no idea about anything. And the coach that 0:04:41.680 --> 0:04:44.000 was meant to go with us couldn't go last minute, 0:04:44.080 --> 0:04:45.800 and they were like, do you still want to go? 0:04:46.120 --> 0:04:49.039 And we were like yes, So I traveled with a 0:04:49.080 --> 0:04:51.320 girl that I'm still very good friends with, Melissa Dows, 0:04:52.000 --> 0:04:54.000 and they're just having to be three other ossies going 0:04:54.000 --> 0:04:56.000 as well, and we traveled as a group for four 0:04:56.040 --> 0:04:58.560 weeks and that was when nine to eleven happened. Actually, 0:04:58.640 --> 0:05:00.760 so we thought we were never going to get home, 0:05:00.839 --> 0:05:01.880 or we were going to have to take a boat 0:05:01.880 --> 0:05:03.600 home or something, and got really worried. 0:05:03.640 --> 0:05:04.960 It was we had a week to go. 0:05:04.920 --> 0:05:07.640 And but that particular trip sleeping in a train station. 0:05:08.560 --> 0:05:11.000 One of the girls wanted to save money on not 0:05:11.120 --> 0:05:13.840 having to get an a hotel the last night we 0:05:13.839 --> 0:05:15.560 were there because she was flying out early in the morning, 0:05:15.600 --> 0:05:16.919 and she's like, I'm just going to go sleep at 0:05:16.960 --> 0:05:17.480 the airport. 0:05:17.880 --> 0:05:20.040 I'm like, I'm not sure you should do that. 0:05:20.160 --> 0:05:22.839 And then so that she wasn't by herself, the couple 0:05:22.839 --> 0:05:24.680 of others we were like, okay, we'll go with you. 0:05:25.120 --> 0:05:26.800 So we went to the airport to go sleep at 0:05:26.800 --> 0:05:29.520 the airport. You weren't allowed to sleep in that particular airport. 0:05:29.520 --> 0:05:31.880 So then we went back to the train station and 0:05:31.920 --> 0:05:33.680 she's like, well, let's just stay here. So we set 0:05:33.720 --> 0:05:35.839 up our bags, ring them all together with the straps 0:05:35.839 --> 0:05:37.960 of our bags outside the police station in the train, 0:05:38.240 --> 0:05:40.360 slept there the night and it was the worst night ever. 0:05:40.680 --> 0:05:44.480 But we had, you know, some teenagers come through and 0:05:44.839 --> 0:05:47.080 sing us a song. Some other guy went and bought 0:05:47.160 --> 0:05:49.240 us some orange juice from like the seven to eleven. 0:05:49.400 --> 0:05:51.800 Brought it down, And yeah, I mean I could not 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:53.359 wait to get on that plane the next day. I 0:05:53.400 --> 0:05:55.880 had an afternoon flight and I was so tired. But 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:59.440 it was certainly on an experience, but yeah, it's the. 0:05:59.360 --> 0:05:59.760 Things you do. 0:06:00.000 --> 0:06:01.839 And I guess, yeah, you're trying to save money and 0:06:01.880 --> 0:06:03.919 stay as a group and be safe and yeah, not 0:06:04.000 --> 0:06:04.680 leave anyone out. 0:06:04.800 --> 0:06:07.200 So you're literally just strapping your bags and your rackets 0:06:07.200 --> 0:06:08.480 to your back and just falling asad. 0:06:08.520 --> 0:06:10.800 We strapped all the bags together and then like yeah, 0:06:10.839 --> 0:06:13.560 put them in a circle. We thought, well, if we're 0:06:13.560 --> 0:06:15.719 outside the police station, what's going to happen there? So 0:06:15.800 --> 0:06:18.440 that's going to be all right, And yeah, just hope 0:06:18.440 --> 0:06:20.400 no one would steal them. But again, I think if 0:06:20.440 --> 0:06:22.440 you're ever going to do that, Japan's probably the best 0:06:22.480 --> 0:06:25.320 place to kind of leave your bags out and nothing's 0:06:25.320 --> 0:06:25.839 going to happen. 0:06:26.000 --> 0:06:28.279 I just love that story because it kind of gives 0:06:28.320 --> 0:06:31.560 an insight into what tennis players go through when they're 0:06:31.600 --> 0:06:35.719 not the top tennis players. How tough is it on tour? 0:06:37.120 --> 0:06:39.600 I mean everyone sees the I guess what you'd call 0:06:39.640 --> 0:06:42.640 the glamorous side and the you know, the four million 0:06:42.680 --> 0:06:45.400 dollar paycheck for winning a Grand Slam and all of that, 0:06:45.520 --> 0:06:48.640 and it is so not like that in the real 0:06:48.880 --> 0:06:51.760 world of the tennis tour and the top ten and 0:06:52.279 --> 0:06:54.400 you know, the top players in the world make a 0:06:54.440 --> 0:06:57.120 lot of money, but you know, if you're ranked anywhere 0:06:57.160 --> 0:07:01.360 i'd say from fifty or down, it's hard to pay 0:07:01.400 --> 0:07:03.919 for a coach full time. It's hard to pay for 0:07:03.960 --> 0:07:05.760 all the expenses. It's not just the way, just the 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:09.040 expenses and everything else that comes along with it. So 0:07:09.279 --> 0:07:11.640 it's not always easy, and especially when you're starting out, 0:07:11.720 --> 0:07:13.360 especially if you're doing it on your own, and the 0:07:13.400 --> 0:07:16.720 players that kind of gets stuck in that challenger level, 0:07:17.160 --> 0:07:20.000 it's tough. They're not making any money really, and they're 0:07:20.080 --> 0:07:22.280 just going week by week hoping that that's going to 0:07:22.320 --> 0:07:24.720 be their breakthrough and then you can get to the 0:07:24.800 --> 0:07:27.960 WTA or ATP Tour and then start making a living. 0:07:28.280 --> 0:07:30.480 So even if you are one of the top players, 0:07:30.720 --> 0:07:35.920 I'm intrigued by the toll that living on tour takes 0:07:36.080 --> 0:07:39.240 out of a person as opposed to the player. What 0:07:39.360 --> 0:07:43.840 is it like dedicating your life to the tour and suitcases? 0:07:44.800 --> 0:07:44.960 Yeah? 0:07:45.000 --> 0:07:46.600 I think now having done it for so long, you 0:07:46.640 --> 0:07:50.200 realize how hard it is. And I think you certainly 0:07:50.240 --> 0:07:52.760 go through stages and if you're winning, everything seems a 0:07:52.760 --> 0:07:53.520 whole lot easier. 0:07:53.560 --> 0:07:55.440 And then if you're learning not doing so well. 0:07:55.920 --> 0:07:59.120 But because cricketers have told me many times about it 0:07:59.120 --> 0:08:01.920 feels like the hotel the walls are closing in on 0:08:01.960 --> 0:08:03.640 you when things are not going well, when you're stuck 0:08:03.680 --> 0:08:04.640 on the other side of the world. 0:08:04.720 --> 0:08:07.320 Oh yeah, and if you'd not in a great place, 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:10.280 or you're in an airbnb and you're like, oh it's bed, 0:08:10.320 --> 0:08:12.600 I can't deal with his bed anymore, or this shower 0:08:12.640 --> 0:08:14.480 was broken, or you know whatever it is. 0:08:14.560 --> 0:08:17.120 Sometimes some weeks to seem way too long. 0:08:17.360 --> 0:08:21.160 Everyone that I speak to, they just laud your resilience. 0:08:21.360 --> 0:08:23.000 What made you that way? Do you think? 0:08:25.360 --> 0:08:26.080 I don't. 0:08:26.640 --> 0:08:29.040 I think just really wanting to do what I do. 0:08:29.280 --> 0:08:32.240 I think a standout trip for me that probably you 0:08:32.240 --> 0:08:34.199 know in hindsight looking back, I didn't know this when 0:08:34.240 --> 0:08:37.360 I was fifteen, but I was in the eighteen's team 0:08:37.640 --> 0:08:39.800 when I was fifteen, going to Europe for ten weeks, 0:08:39.800 --> 0:08:42.440 and I'd been to Indonesia, I think, for a week 0:08:42.559 --> 0:08:45.160 or two when I was thirteen, and done maybe one 0:08:45.160 --> 0:08:47.160 other trip internationally, and then all of a sudden, I 0:08:47.200 --> 0:08:49.960 was in this eighteen's team because there was no sixteens team, 0:08:50.000 --> 0:08:52.000 so I just got put into that one. And I 0:08:52.120 --> 0:08:54.480 was so far out of my depth, out of my league. 0:08:54.679 --> 0:08:57.680 The other girls in the team were seventeen and eighteen 0:08:57.760 --> 0:09:01.320 years old, so playing in the you know, proper age group, 0:09:02.040 --> 0:09:04.160 and I'd never played on clay before. I went to 0:09:05.520 --> 0:09:08.720 Italy for four weeks and we had one other event 0:09:08.760 --> 0:09:10.079 in Belgium and then the French Open. 0:09:10.240 --> 0:09:11.640 I did not win a match. 0:09:11.640 --> 0:09:13.720 I did not win a set, didn't know how to move, 0:09:13.800 --> 0:09:17.480 didn't I how to slide. I was struggling big time, 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:19.800 you know, calling home two three times a day on 0:09:19.840 --> 0:09:23.120 reverse charges, and god knows how much that costmom and dad. 0:09:23.559 --> 0:09:25.440 Then we went to the grass for four weeks and 0:09:25.760 --> 0:09:29.400 finished at Wimbledon, and finally won a match as nine 0:09:29.440 --> 0:09:31.400 to seven in the third on court fourteen against my 0:09:31.440 --> 0:09:34.520 Teina Babakova from Slovakia. I still remember it all and 0:09:35.040 --> 0:09:39.040 that was like the ultimate win for me. Having gone 0:09:39.160 --> 0:09:42.319 nine weeks without winning anything and I finally won something 0:09:43.640 --> 0:09:46.040 was just amazing. I think that Rezi I wanted to 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.360 come home and just every day, so no, I just 0:09:48.400 --> 0:09:49.000 do one more day. 0:09:49.040 --> 0:09:50.000 I'll just do one more day. 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:53.560 I think that in itself taught me a lot of 0:09:53.600 --> 0:09:56.640 resilience and how to stick something out, because I I mean, 0:09:56.679 --> 0:09:58.320 I think if I came home and just thought it 0:09:58.360 --> 0:10:00.319 was all too hard, who knows when I would have 0:10:00.360 --> 0:10:03.080 gone away again. I would have put myself in that 0:10:03.080 --> 0:10:05.920 sort of position again to try. And I really think 0:10:05.960 --> 0:10:08.920 that trip it was so hard at the time. I 0:10:08.960 --> 0:10:12.079 look back on that now and think what a godsend 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:14.360 that that kind of happened to me, and that I 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.160 did stick it out and work out a way to 0:10:16.200 --> 0:10:18.560 stay over there. And you know, the next two years 0:10:18.720 --> 0:10:21.680 I did that same trip again with far better memories. 0:10:21.720 --> 0:10:24.120 I didn't win everything by any means, but you know, 0:10:24.240 --> 0:10:26.400 you've done it once and thought, well, okay, I can 0:10:26.520 --> 0:10:28.720 do this again. I'll go to this next tournament. Or 0:10:29.400 --> 0:10:31.280 still couldn't win on clay, but that was fine. 0:10:32.640 --> 0:10:35.760 Was it as much realizing how strong you really were 0:10:35.840 --> 0:10:38.320 and going, oh, I'm actually I'm pretty tough. 0:10:39.000 --> 0:10:39.680 Yeah, well, I think. 0:10:40.120 --> 0:10:42.600 I mean it was a bit of a hit to 0:10:42.679 --> 0:10:44.720 my tennis because then I realized that there were so 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.960 many better players than me, you know, everywhere around the world. 0:10:48.280 --> 0:10:50.360 That was hard, But I think I did show myself 0:10:50.400 --> 0:10:54.280 that I had some pretty good mental toughness to step. 0:10:54.040 --> 0:10:55.760 Out on court again and do it again. 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:58.400 And you know, there was a one coach with four players, 0:10:58.520 --> 0:11:01.040 and when you're not doing well, you're not getting any 0:11:01.040 --> 0:11:03.120 time with the coach. So you got to find a 0:11:03.160 --> 0:11:06.520 way to make something happen. And I guess, yeah, that's 0:11:06.520 --> 0:11:07.400 what I was able to do. 0:11:07.840 --> 0:11:11.600 So before your heights of your career, you actually were 0:11:11.640 --> 0:11:14.600 struck down by a quite significant illness. Tell me about that. 0:11:15.360 --> 0:11:17.200 Yeah, that was lime disease. 0:11:17.440 --> 0:11:21.120 I was over in the UK when I first started 0:11:21.120 --> 0:11:24.320 getting symptoms, actually during Wimbledon, and I was staying with 0:11:24.400 --> 0:11:26.840 a family over there. I'd stayed with them for a 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:29.360 few years. They took in lots of Ossie players and 0:11:30.360 --> 0:11:32.320 were amazing. They got their next door neighbors to start 0:11:32.320 --> 0:11:34.000 taking Aussies in and before we knew it, there was 0:11:34.040 --> 0:11:35.960 like eight of us between all these houses and had 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:39.280 a great time. But yeah, I started feeling really ill, 0:11:39.640 --> 0:11:44.760 no energy, swollen and puffy everywhere, and had this lump 0:11:44.800 --> 0:11:46.880 in my neck. And as the days went on, there 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:50.120 was always something new happening to me. And turns out 0:11:50.320 --> 0:11:52.720 months later at the US Open it was lime disease, 0:11:52.760 --> 0:11:55.920 but they thought maybe I had rebella or something like that. 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:59.760 So actually finished playing Wimbledon and I've made the semi 0:11:59.920 --> 0:12:03.400 or the final of the doubles somehow, and flew home 0:12:03.600 --> 0:12:07.520 and didn't do anything pretty much until I thought, all right, well, 0:12:07.520 --> 0:12:09.720 I'll go to the US Open, do a few weeks training. 0:12:09.720 --> 0:12:12.760 I'm just got really unfit, and you know, it'll it'll 0:12:12.760 --> 0:12:13.760 come back, it'll come back. 0:12:13.760 --> 0:12:15.199 So I'll go to the US Open. 0:12:15.240 --> 0:12:18.080 And I was playing my match there and after like 0:12:18.160 --> 0:12:20.440 four games, I knew that I had no chance of winning, 0:12:20.640 --> 0:12:23.680 had barely was going to finish the match. I lost 0:12:23.679 --> 0:12:26.280 in straight sets, and then just kind of kept training 0:12:26.320 --> 0:12:28.480 with my coach, who was Dave at the time, and 0:12:28.520 --> 0:12:31.079 he's like, well, train every morning, we'll get on the bike. 0:12:31.160 --> 0:12:33.120 Well you know, we'll just I'll do everything with you. 0:12:33.160 --> 0:12:35.160 We'll do it all together. About a week later, I 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.960 was in the hospital. I had the chest pains and 0:12:38.040 --> 0:12:41.480 all sorts of things happening, flew back to Tampa, and 0:12:41.720 --> 0:12:44.280 on that flight home, I had this. To Tampa, had 0:12:44.280 --> 0:12:47.080 this whopping headache and put up with it all night, 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:49.240 and by six am I called Renee Stubbs, who's now 0:12:49.280 --> 0:12:51.160 coaching me, who lived down the street, and says, Stubbs, 0:12:51.160 --> 0:12:52.160 you've got to come pick me up. 0:12:52.480 --> 0:12:54.240 I don't know what's wrong with me. I've got this headache. 0:12:54.240 --> 0:12:56.040 I can't stand it anymore. I was in tears. 0:12:56.880 --> 0:12:59.240 Took me to hospital there and they told me I 0:12:59.280 --> 0:13:01.440 had sign aside and I was like, I don't have 0:13:01.480 --> 0:13:05.439 sinusidis and sent me home. So I stayed at Stubbsy's 0:13:05.480 --> 0:13:07.920 house for the day and by that afternoon I was like, 0:13:08.080 --> 0:13:10.400 this is something I can't I can't put up with 0:13:10.400 --> 0:13:12.560 this anymore. So we went to another hospital and they 0:13:12.600 --> 0:13:14.160 did a spinal tap and then told me I had 0:13:14.240 --> 0:13:17.600 viralmin and gitis and I was like, oh, okay. And 0:13:17.640 --> 0:13:19.640 by that stage it was like late at night. And 0:13:20.040 --> 0:13:23.520 spent three days in hospital recovering from that, and it 0:13:23.600 --> 0:13:25.680 turns out, yeah, a couple of months after that, I 0:13:25.720 --> 0:13:28.520 was able to see it infectious disease specialists still in Florida. 0:13:28.720 --> 0:13:30.880 He told me I had lime disease, so I'd never 0:13:30.920 --> 0:13:32.720 heard of it before. I didn't know what it was, 0:13:32.800 --> 0:13:35.120 what they were talking about. And he put all the 0:13:35.160 --> 0:13:37.400 symptoms that I had and then environment and giitis and 0:13:37.400 --> 0:13:39.040 all of that kind of together and made a full 0:13:39.080 --> 0:13:42.280 picture and yeah, diagnosed me with lime. So took me 0:13:42.600 --> 0:13:44.600 ten months or eleven months until I played my next 0:13:44.600 --> 0:13:49.320 event and really started from scratch again. So literally going 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:51.040 for a walk for twenty minutes and trying to keep 0:13:51.040 --> 0:13:54.120 my heart rate under one twenty was hard. Yeah, it 0:13:54.160 --> 0:13:57.320 was a huge process. I was over there again, just stubsy, 0:13:57.360 --> 0:13:59.520 lived down the street. My dad was able to fly 0:13:59.559 --> 0:14:01.360 over a week or two later and stay with me 0:14:01.440 --> 0:14:03.160 for a bit, which was great, But other than that, 0:14:03.200 --> 0:14:07.199 it was just my little apartment and hoping that this 0:14:07.280 --> 0:14:08.280 headache would go away. 0:14:08.520 --> 0:14:09.439 How tough was that? 0:14:10.080 --> 0:14:12.839 Oh? That was really hard. That was a really tough. 0:14:14.240 --> 0:14:17.240 Tough few months, well, the whole time, because one, I 0:14:17.320 --> 0:14:19.920 just didn't know what was going on. And I think 0:14:19.920 --> 0:14:23.720 when you don't know something, it's always harder than what 0:14:23.880 --> 0:14:26.480 even if the outcomes terrible, at least you know what's 0:14:26.520 --> 0:14:29.400 going on. But yeah, just the unknown, and then once 0:14:29.440 --> 0:14:32.960 finally knowing and having such a foreign, you know, something 0:14:32.960 --> 0:14:35.920 that you'd never heard of before, really really affecting your 0:14:35.920 --> 0:14:38.280 health to the point where people said, oh, you know, 0:14:38.320 --> 0:14:40.600 you might need to be careful here if you're going 0:14:40.600 --> 0:14:43.000 to play again when you're only twenty one twenty two 0:14:43.080 --> 0:14:46.120 years old. That's pretty scary when you've just kind of 0:14:46.600 --> 0:14:49.360 started to understand what you're doing and really get a 0:14:49.360 --> 0:14:51.120 grip on what you wanted to try and achieve for 0:14:51.200 --> 0:14:55.040 your career. So to have that maybe going away so quickly. 0:14:54.920 --> 0:14:56.280 That was hard. 0:14:56.800 --> 0:14:57.880 How hard is it? Mentally? 0:14:58.640 --> 0:14:59.600 Really heartbreaking? 0:14:59.640 --> 0:15:02.240 Because again it's kind of I just got to the 0:15:02.240 --> 0:15:04.200 top of the sport really in doubles. I was around 0:15:04.240 --> 0:15:07.120 thirty or so in singles and going along thought everything 0:15:07.200 --> 0:15:09.400 was great. And yet, you know, when you're young, you 0:15:09.440 --> 0:15:11.320 think you're kind of untouchable and I'm not going to 0:15:11.320 --> 0:15:14.400 get injured that only happens to other people and blah 0:15:14.440 --> 0:15:16.880 blah blah, and then you kind of feel it could 0:15:16.920 --> 0:15:18.600 happen to me, or it did happen to me, and 0:15:19.000 --> 0:15:20.520 oh what if it happens again? Or what if I 0:15:20.520 --> 0:15:22.640 don't come back from this, And then it goes down 0:15:22.680 --> 0:15:25.200 that path of well, hang on, I'm only so young 0:15:25.240 --> 0:15:26.760 and I wanted to do this for a long time 0:15:26.800 --> 0:15:28.120 and maybe now I'm not going. 0:15:27.920 --> 0:15:29.640 To So that was shocking to me. 0:15:29.760 --> 0:15:34.240 I guess that can actually happen, and I still think 0:15:34.280 --> 0:15:37.560 I'm very lucky that I did go to America to 0:15:37.560 --> 0:15:39.800 play the US Open. If I stayed here in Australia, 0:15:39.880 --> 0:15:41.720 I don't think I would have got diagnosed in the 0:15:41.720 --> 0:15:43.560 time frame that it did. So even though I think 0:15:43.600 --> 0:15:48.360 that decision was incredibly stupid and ridiculous to think that 0:15:48.400 --> 0:15:51.200 I was going to be able to play, it's the probably. 0:15:50.880 --> 0:15:52.080 The best decision I've ever made. 0:15:52.160 --> 0:15:54.040 And who knows from that point if I would have, 0:15:54.240 --> 0:15:57.040 you know, gone on to play as long as I 0:15:57.040 --> 0:15:58.880 have and achieve what I've achieved if I didn't go 0:15:58.960 --> 0:16:01.960 to the States and get a proper diagnosis. 0:16:02.280 --> 0:16:05.960 So you end up recovering and reaching the peak of 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:10.040 your powers. You've both won and lost a Grand Slam final, 0:16:10.280 --> 0:16:15.280 French Open Final twenty ten up against Francesque Skiavoni. What 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:19.320 do you remember of your mindset from that day? 0:16:20.320 --> 0:16:21.520 Yeah, I mean that day. 0:16:21.560 --> 0:16:25.600 I remember it was it was an incredible tournament because 0:16:25.600 --> 0:16:29.000 I'd had three amazing wins going into the final and 0:16:29.080 --> 0:16:32.400 I felt like this was mine and I'd always wanted 0:16:32.440 --> 0:16:36.960 to win the French Open. And that was interesting because 0:16:36.960 --> 0:16:39.280 then the day before, once you'd made it into the final, 0:16:39.360 --> 0:16:42.320 all of a sudden, you had two bodyguards or security 0:16:42.320 --> 0:16:45.440 guards following you everywhere you went from your hotel to 0:16:45.640 --> 0:16:49.800 dinner and just in the background. But everything changed. And 0:16:49.840 --> 0:16:54.040 then that night beforehand, I remember being at dinner walking 0:16:54.120 --> 0:16:57.320 back to my apartment again the security following you, and 0:16:57.360 --> 0:16:58.160 You're just like, why are they? 0:16:58.240 --> 0:16:59.760 Hear like, they haven't been here the whole time. 0:16:59.760 --> 0:17:03.600 It was so strange, had a paparazzi taking photos of 0:17:03.600 --> 0:17:05.640 me all of a sudden, and I'm like, no, what's 0:17:05.680 --> 0:17:09.800 going on? Like everything felt so different and more stressful 0:17:09.800 --> 0:17:12.080 all of a sudden, it just it wasn't the same 0:17:12.119 --> 0:17:14.280 as the day before. And then again going to the 0:17:14.280 --> 0:17:16.040 courts for the match, she had the security in the 0:17:16.080 --> 0:17:20.200 car and I'm like, this is all crazy, and where 0:17:20.200 --> 0:17:24.960 were you when I needed you in Japan exactly? And yeah, 0:17:25.160 --> 0:17:29.560 I remember being really more nervous. I mean, I think 0:17:29.560 --> 0:17:31.800 that's normal for anyone being in a Grand Slam final 0:17:31.840 --> 0:17:33.879 for the first time. I'm sure Franchesca was feeling exactly 0:17:33.880 --> 0:17:36.359 the same way. But yeah, got out there and just 0:17:36.600 --> 0:17:39.760 I felt like I never played how I did in 0:17:39.800 --> 0:17:43.680 the round before against Serena or Hennan or Yankovic in 0:17:43.720 --> 0:17:47.480 the semis, And having watched that match back now it's 0:17:47.640 --> 0:17:49.680 not as bad as what I thought it was at 0:17:49.680 --> 0:17:51.679 the time. And I think if I knew that at 0:17:51.680 --> 0:17:53.919 the time, and you could be kind of process all 0:17:53.960 --> 0:17:56.640 of these things in a better way, maybe I could 0:17:56.680 --> 0:17:58.679 have got out of it. Whereas I think Francesca she 0:17:58.800 --> 0:18:01.840 played amazing, she went for it, she played free, more 0:18:01.880 --> 0:18:05.200 free than me, and played amazing and deserved to win 0:18:05.240 --> 0:18:08.399 on the day. But everything just kind of hit me 0:18:08.680 --> 0:18:11.240 with all the other peripheral things that were going on 0:18:11.400 --> 0:18:14.399 that I'd never experienced before. And I think the fact 0:18:14.440 --> 0:18:17.080 just wanting to win the French Open so badly and 0:18:17.880 --> 0:18:18.680 that was my chance. 0:18:18.680 --> 0:18:19.439 I was in the final. 0:18:20.840 --> 0:18:22.960