Speaker 1: Hello, and welcome to a special episode of Outspoken called
Speaker 1: the Fourth Trimester. We have Kate joining us from maternity
Speaker 1: leave to discuss what life has been like since becoming
Speaker 1: a mum. There is a lot to catch up on.
Speaker 1: It's crazy to think it was around eleven weeks ago
Speaker 1: where I sat with you, Sophie and we spoke about
Speaker 1: my birth story. So that is available on Outspoken plus
Speaker 1: if anyone's interested, But I thought it would be good
Speaker 1: to actually talk about what the last twelve weeks have
Speaker 1: been like because you hear all these podcasts talking about
Speaker 1: pregnancy and the lead up to it, but the fourth
Speaker 1: trimester often gets overlooked, and I think that there are
Speaker 1: so many parents currently at home who have just given
Speaker 1: birth or they're in the trenches at the moment, and
Speaker 1: they want to know that it gets better. I know
Speaker 1: you are still very much in the trenches, but from
Speaker 1: seeing your experience, I think that once you reach the
Speaker 1: three month mark, you feel like you're almost in a
Speaker 1: better routine or you're more used to this new life. Well,
Speaker 1: I don't want to speak too soon, because, as you said,
Speaker 1: it's only twelve weeks and a lot of people talk
Speaker 1: about this four month's sleep progression that is coming up.
Speaker 1: But I do feel like I'm in a good routine
Speaker 1: at the moment, and I think for other parents, it's
Speaker 1: nice to listen to a podcast where someone is going
Speaker 1: through the same thing as them at the moment, because
Speaker 1: I mean, I'm not a mother yet, but I know
Speaker 1: that it can be very isolating. You found it somewhat isolating, Yeah, definitely,
Speaker 1: because in our close friendship group, I'm the only one
Speaker 1: that has a baby. You guys are all dinks at
Speaker 1: the moment, so it is hard to relate. And I
Speaker 1: think you only know what it's really like when you
Speaker 1: become a mum, and I think our friendship group has
Speaker 1: made an effort to try and include you. But at
Speaker 1: the same time, it's hard for you because you've got
Speaker 1: this very strict feeding schedule, so it's hard to make
Speaker 1: you know, random catch ups that you usually could drop
Speaker 1: everything for happen. Yeah, exactly. Now, we did put up
Speaker 1: a question box on our Instagram account, and you have
Speaker 1: been flooded with questions, so we've picked the best ones.
Speaker 1: Let's kick it off with how are you handling the
Speaker 1: unsolicited advice? It's unrelenting as a parent. Yeah, I was
Speaker 1: worried about this, and it's part of the reason why
Speaker 1: I haven't been sharing too much on social media about
Speaker 1: the last twelve weeks, because I think it's quite a
Speaker 1: private time at the moment, trying to navigate motherhood and
Speaker 1: you don't really need people on Instagram telling you that
Speaker 1: you're doing things wrong. And I know for you and Reese,
Speaker 1: you're currently navigating what you feel comfortable sharing online. And
Speaker 1: for you, you decided to start up a close friends
Speaker 1: list because you want to share all the cute photos
Speaker 1: and videos of Jack, but you don't necessarily feel comfortable
Speaker 1: putting that out there to the general public to then
Speaker 1: analyze what you're doing or, as you say, provide unsolicited advice. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it also from a privacy perspective because I'd like to
Speaker 1: share Jack with my close friends and family, but again,
Speaker 1: those pictures and videos, they don't need to be seen
Speaker 1: by everyone, and to be honest, everyone's probably not that interested.
Speaker 1: It is a safety thing too. I'm happy to provide
Speaker 1: updates here and there about Jack, but yeah, it just
Speaker 1: didn't sit right with me putting it up. And I
Speaker 1: mean not that I have that many followers, but you
Speaker 1: know there's people that follow the page. I don't know,
Speaker 1: so it's really made me reflect on what I will
Speaker 1: do when I have a child, hopefully one day. You
Speaker 1: guys have been pretty strict on it. I feel like
Speaker 1: I might be a bit freer with it, but again,
Speaker 1: I don't have a child right now. Yeah. Well, your
Speaker 1: motherly instincts kick in because Sovie's always like, oh, I
Speaker 1: got this really cute video of Jack, can I share?
Speaker 1: And maybe in time I'll be a little bit more
Speaker 1: lax about it, but at the moment, I'm like, well,
Speaker 1: can't we just enjoy him ourselves? Yeah? Well, because you
Speaker 1: have been pretty careful about what you've put up, do
Speaker 1: you think that you have received a lot of unsolicited
Speaker 1: advice or have you been kind of okay, well, not
Speaker 1: from people on social media, but you know, amongst friends
Speaker 1: and family, you're always going to get some advice. I mean,
Speaker 1: my mum has been super helpful at the moment, and
Speaker 1: so has all my other family. But for me, I'm
Speaker 1: so happy to take on my mum's advice. She brought
Speaker 1: up triplets, but she has been very careful of how
Speaker 1: she gives advice. It can be tricky though, because we're
Speaker 1: following this quite strict sleep routine at the moment, and
Speaker 1: when people have opinions on sleep routines as well. Yeah,
Speaker 1: with newborns exactly. So I'm probably going to get a
Speaker 1: whole bunch of unsolicited advice after this podcast episode drops,
Speaker 1: but also just explaining it to family members, like, oh,
Speaker 1: this is how we're burping, and this is how we're
Speaker 1: doing this and that, and it's just funny because it's
Speaker 1: different to what they would have done. Well, burping has
Speaker 1: changed so much because I know when we were born,
Speaker 1: I'd see these photos of our parents just throwing us
Speaker 1: over their shoulder with a lombit cloth and we'd be
Speaker 1: always vomiting. Yeah, but with Jack because I think we'll
Speaker 1: go into this further in the episode, but you are
Speaker 1: doing the doctor Gollie sleep routine and it involves lying
Speaker 1: him down and then you've got him up and down
Speaker 1: like it's a full routine. Yeah, it is a full routine.
Speaker 1: I never knew that burping would take so long, but
Speaker 1: it does seem to be working very well with this
Speaker 1: sleep Yeah. I just want to point out before we
Speaker 1: get too deep into this episode that these are just
Speaker 1: the things that work for you. This won't necessarily work
Speaker 1: for everyone, and everyone has their own way of bringing
Speaker 1: up their child. Yes, just a disclaimer that we are
Speaker 1: not experts in this field. But I'm just talking about
Speaker 1: what I have been doing and what's been working for me.
Speaker 1: So the next question is what has been the most
Speaker 1: challenging thing about mum life so far? Now, for me,
Speaker 1: I think it's it's been living life in four hour blocks.
Speaker 1: So we were advised by our midwives to feed Jack
Speaker 1: every four hours. Some people are every two, some people
Speaker 1: are every three, but four hours has work for us.
Speaker 1: Some people cluster feed, yes, exactly. So it's weird to
Speaker 1: kind of look at your life in these four hour
Speaker 1: blocks and the lack of control that you have. So before,
Speaker 1: I was the center of my universe. If I wanted
Speaker 1: to stay up late, I could, if I wanted to,
Speaker 1: you know, cook my dinner late. But I have to
Speaker 1: really work within this tight time schedule. So that is
Speaker 1: really tricky to get your head around. And I didn't
Speaker 1: realize that when you start feeding, it doesn't matter how
Speaker 1: long the feed takes, the next feed is due within
Speaker 1: that block of time. So it just was really hard
Speaker 1: to get my head around that. Getting out of the
Speaker 1: house is very differ but at the moment, and it's
Speaker 1: not so much because of Jack. Like I've said to
Speaker 1: my mum, it's not him, it's the dogs. I've got
Speaker 1: two Golden Retrievers and they make it very difficult. They're
Speaker 1: very attached to me at the moment. There's a bit
Speaker 1: of separation anxiety going on. It's funny to say that
Speaker 1: because we took Jack for his first dinner out with
Speaker 1: the Goals on a Saturday night a couple of weeks ago,
Speaker 1: and I had to come over to your house and
Speaker 1: it was like a military operation because we had to
Speaker 1: distract the dog. So you had pre made these huge
Speaker 1: kongs that we quickly threw in the hallway. We then
Speaker 1: escaped through a back door went into the garage. It
Speaker 1: is really difficult with your dogs. Yeah. Well someone did
Speaker 1: ask how are my Golden's going? Because they're having a
Speaker 1: bit of trouble with their Golden Retriever. And it's funny
Speaker 1: because Sonny is the one that we were worried about.
Speaker 1: So she's a three year old that she now well
Speaker 1: she turns three in a couple of weeks and she's
Speaker 1: the one that just destroyed our couch. She eats everything,
Speaker 1: and Shadow is a lot more docile. He loves to
Speaker 1: bark those so he might hear him in the background.
Speaker 1: But with what Shadow would be like the one that
Speaker 1: loved Jack, but it's sunny. She was so excited. She
Speaker 1: always just trying to lick his head. Shadow just couldn't
Speaker 1: care less. He's in a bit of a humph about it.
Speaker 1: But it's very sweet because Shadow will always come into
Speaker 1: the nursery when we're feeding and just sit with us.
Speaker 1: I wonder if it's because Shadow is older and he's
Speaker 1: more used to his ways. Yeah, well he is turning
Speaker 1: seven in December, so and he's used to you know,
Speaker 1: he's had his sister come in and turn his life
Speaker 1: upside down. So I think he's just like, oh, not
Speaker 1: another thing. But they are very sweet with him. But
Speaker 1: as I said, they literally go nuts and I try
Speaker 1: and leave the house. We've already got toddlergates because of
Speaker 1: them in the house, which makes it a bit easier. Well,
Speaker 1: it kind of makes it harder because I've got to
Speaker 1: get them behind the toddlergates. Anyway, it's a bit of
Speaker 1: an ordeal. We had a couple of listeners asking about
Speaker 1: baby Blues, so one listener said, please shine a light
Speaker 1: on baby blues, it's not discussed nearly enough. Did you
Speaker 1: get the baby blues around day three five? Hormones a
Speaker 1: wild I feel very fortunate to say that I have
Speaker 1: not yet experienced baby blues, but I do agree it
Speaker 1: is really important to talk about, and I did hear
Speaker 1: a lot of people talk about them on pregnancy podcast.
Speaker 1: So I was really nervous because I'm someone that's quite
Speaker 1: health anxious anyway, I know they're quite separate things. So
Speaker 1: I've definitely had high and anxiety around Jack's safety. And
Speaker 1: when I used to do night feeds, I would get
Speaker 1: so nervous that he'd cough and choke, and you know,
Speaker 1: it's horrible when you're the only one their So I've
Speaker 1: definitely had increased anxiety, but I haven't had that depression
Speaker 1: or baby blues fortunately yet. I know, in particular, our
Speaker 1: mum was very wary that you might be feeling low
Speaker 1: on day three and five, and that was when you
Speaker 1: were back at home because you did only spend I
Speaker 1: think two days in hospital despite having a cesarean. But you, yeah,
Speaker 1: you were very lucky and fortunate not to experience it.
Speaker 1: I was waiting for it on day three and five
Speaker 1: because that's when your milk comes in. But I wonder
Speaker 1: if it's because I had a cesarean and I was
Speaker 1: on very strong painkiller. It could be why Actually, yeah,
Speaker 1: someone said, does it get better after the first six weeks.
Speaker 1: I'm three weeks postpartum and struggling. The first three weeks
Speaker 1: I think are the hardest because you're just getting used
Speaker 1: to this being your new normal. I'm so sorry to
Speaker 1: hear that you are struggling at the moment. From my
Speaker 1: personal perspective, and of course all babies are different, but
Speaker 1: I found that after the six week mark it did
Speaker 1: get a lot easier. I mean, we've only been going
Speaker 1: here for twelve weeks, so we'll see how that all goes.
Speaker 1: But at that point I started to implement a bit
Speaker 1: more of a routine, and that really helped me, just
Speaker 1: from a mental perspective, to know, Okay, well, this is
Speaker 1: what the next couple of hours looks like, and things
Speaker 1: are going to pop up that are out of your control.
Speaker 1: But just having that routine to stick with really helped.
Speaker 1: I think it's good for parents to know that there
Speaker 1: is some light at the end of the tunnel. Now,
Speaker 1: what about expectation versus reality? I came into motherhood with
Speaker 1: very low expectations, so I always knew that I wanted
Speaker 1: to have children, but the decision to actually have a
Speaker 1: baby was a tough one for me because at the time,
Speaker 1: I was thirty four and very selfish and said in
Speaker 1: my ways and as you touched on, we're very social people.
Speaker 1: We usually go out to dinner a couple of times
Speaker 1: a week with friends, and all of that I knew
Speaker 1: would have to stop. And it is hard to stop
Speaker 1: those things that you enjoy, but it's definitely worth it.
Speaker 1: I I know everyone talks about the love that you
Speaker 1: feel for your baby, and it is hard to put
Speaker 1: into words those feelings because again, you don't know what
Speaker 1: it's like until you actually experience at firstthand and I
Speaker 1: remember saying to my friends, I'm not going to be
Speaker 1: one of these people that stick to some ridiculous routine,
Speaker 1: but that literally is me, So it's your life. At
Speaker 1: the moment, I was like, Oh, the baby's going to
Speaker 1: have to fit in with my life. I'll be able
Speaker 1: to bring him out, and I have brought him out
Speaker 1: to dinner once, but now I'm like, I need to
Speaker 1: be a home I just want to make sure he
Speaker 1: gets enough sleep, because when your sleep is threatened, you
Speaker 1: will do anything to make sure that your baby sleep well.
Speaker 1: But I think you've found different ways to catch up
Speaker 1: with friends. Yeah, I think, because I mean one thing
Speaker 1: that we've been doing a bit is will come over
Speaker 1: to your house and we'll all take him for a
Speaker 1: nice riverwalk. Or there's other occasions where we'll just bring
Speaker 1: takeaway over to your house at night time and we'll
Speaker 1: all have takeaway. Like yeah, I mean, you're probably saving
Speaker 1: a bit of money by not going out. But I
Speaker 1: think once Jack gets a bit older, you will be
Speaker 1: able to have a night out with your friends. It's
Speaker 1: you know, not all dooman group. And also is always
Speaker 1: like I'm so happy to look after him, but it's
Speaker 1: me like I feel guilty like that mum guilt sinks
Speaker 1: in about leaving the house because we know which I
Speaker 1: think You've got to stop feeling guilty because Reese's back
Speaker 1: at work, you're looking after the Jack full time at home.
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes for your own sanity, you might
Speaker 1: need one night out. Yeah. Well, one really good thing
Speaker 1: that we implemented from the start that we'll get into
Speaker 1: a little bit later is combination feeding. So I am
Speaker 1: doing breastfeeding and then also expressing milk and doing formula,
Speaker 1: and that has been amazing because it does allow Reese
Speaker 1: to feed Jack if I do want to go out
Speaker 1: so and he takes the bottle really well. So we've
Speaker 1: got pigeon bottles and they're incredible. Now. Another follower wrote
Speaker 1: in saying, was it what you expected? What did you
Speaker 1: wish you'd known? Congrats? Well, I kind of touched on
Speaker 1: this a little bit earlier, but despite going to a
Speaker 1: breastfeeding class, I had no idea how often babies fed.
Speaker 1: Do you think that would be something they may mention.
Speaker 1: We're also currently trying to get Jack to sleep independently,
Speaker 1: is cought, So I didn't know how much time it
Speaker 1: took to actually get your baby to go to sleep.
Speaker 1: Like I kind of just thought, oh, they probably just sleepy.
Speaker 1: You know, you don't have to rock them, you don't
Speaker 1: have to do all of these things, Like it can
Speaker 1: take so long to get him to go to sleep,
Speaker 1: and then he'll go to sleep, and then because babies
Speaker 1: have forty minutes sleep cycles, and then in forty minutes
Speaker 1: he'll be awake again and you've got to go in
Speaker 1: and resettle him. The next one is about how you
Speaker 1: see yourself as a person and your body now, and
Speaker 1: they said it's so hard to see the changes. It
Speaker 1: is a controversial topic to touch on because there's a
Speaker 1: lot of conversations around bounce back culture, and I think
Speaker 1: that is really unhelpful for women. But to be honest,
Speaker 1: it is hard when your body changes so much and
Speaker 1: you're not used to seeing your body in a certain way.
Speaker 1: I think that's just human. And I think pretending that
Speaker 1: somehow we've cured this obsession with our bodies and that
Speaker 1: you know, women don't want bounce back in inverted commas.
Speaker 1: I don't think that's helpful either, because there is a
Speaker 1: sense where you do want to look like what you
Speaker 1: used to, but that's not always possible. So I think
Speaker 1: it's just about being kind to yourself. And it helped
Speaker 1: me because I had a cesarean, so I actually had
Speaker 1: to recover for six weeks, which meant I couldn't do anything.
Speaker 1: I'm still not doing anything, like I'll occasionally go for walks,
Speaker 1: but it's impossible at the moment for me to get
Speaker 1: out of the house and go do a workout or
Speaker 1: even go for a big walk, because again I'd have
Speaker 1: to take two Golden Retrievers with me and a pram,
Speaker 1: which is just impossible. So I'm trying not I'm trying
Speaker 1: to be so I'm trying to be really kind to myself,
Speaker 1: but there are voices in the back of my head
Speaker 1: that's like, oh, some's coming up, like I'd like to
Speaker 1: look like what I used to, and I have to
Speaker 1: tell myself, you've had a baby. What I find really
Speaker 1: hard is when you see a lot of influences absolutely
Speaker 1: thrashing themselves in the gym when they're pregnant. Because I'm
Speaker 1: in Sarah's day, I think is thirty two weeks pregnant
Speaker 1: at the moment, and her workout routine is very rigorous.
Speaker 1: I know that she has a pregnancy guide, but to me,
Speaker 1: it makes me feel uncomfortable to see someone so heavily
Speaker 1: pregnant working out to that level. We also touched on
Speaker 1: m Davies and how she has spoken about sticking to
Speaker 1: a pretty strict workout routine whilst pregnant, and she recently
Speaker 1: had her baby, and she's been sharing a lot of
Speaker 1: sort of body checks, so she showed her tummy or
Speaker 1: herself getting into a pair of pants two weeks after
Speaker 1: giving birth. And her stomach literally looked like what it
Speaker 1: did before. Oh. That actually really triggered me, and Sarah's
Speaker 1: Day's content has triggered me. I mean, I am to
Speaker 1: blame when it comes to Sarah's Day because I don't
Speaker 1: know why I did this to myself. When I was breastfeeding,
Speaker 1: I was like, I wonder what she looked like postpartum,
Speaker 1: And I went back and I started watching all the
Speaker 1: videos of her when she had her first baby, Fox,
Speaker 1: and I'm like, why am I doing this to myself?
Speaker 1: Sometimes you just can't help the comparison, though, because you're
Speaker 1: cure to see what other women are like at the
Speaker 1: same stages as you. Yeah. So I was pretty surprised
Speaker 1: after I gave birth because what I've seen on social media,
Speaker 1: people's stomachs just go back in, and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: mine hasn't. Like it actually takes eight weeks or six
Speaker 1: weeks for it to actually start to go down, like
Speaker 1: your uterus to contract. And that really surprised me. And
Speaker 1: I was a bit like, Oh, I thought, for some reason,
Speaker 1: I'm just like I've always been, you know, a straight
Speaker 1: sized person. I thought that I might just my stomach
Speaker 1: might go down, but you know, that is why social
Speaker 1: media can be so dangerous. I think that's why TikTok
Speaker 1: is so good, because I'm obviously all over Mumtalk now
Speaker 1: and there are a lot of women saying, hey, this
Speaker 1: is what a body looks like after you've given birth.
Speaker 1: I have to take my hat off to Jade Tunci
Speaker 1: because she is really growing on me. I know that
Speaker 1: we have spoken in detail about some of the controversy
Speaker 1: that she's been previously caught up in, but I think
Speaker 1: that she's really turned a new leaf because I really
Speaker 1: love how real she's been about motherhood, because she isn't
Speaker 1: trying to bounce back. She is trying to spend time
Speaker 1: with her child. And she spoke on her podcast recently
Speaker 1: saying that she has been triggered by other influencers sharing
Speaker 1: these body checks, and she herself has thought, well, why
Speaker 1: don't I look like that too, But she looks at
Speaker 1: her stomach and thinks, well, it's pretty miraculous that I
Speaker 1: bought a baby into this world. Yeah, you keep having
Speaker 1: to remind yourself of that, because I'm like, Wow, twelve
Speaker 1: weeks ago he was inside my stomach. It's absolutely crazy
Speaker 1: and amazing. At the same time, I have really resonated
Speaker 1: more of a jaddey twen. She's content as well. I
Speaker 1: think motherhood has really opened her eyes and made her
Speaker 1: a lot more relatable. What about how you feel about
Speaker 1: yourself as a person, though, because I know for us
Speaker 1: before you got pregnant, a lot of our worries about
Speaker 1: becoming a mum is that people only see you as
Speaker 1: a mum, they don't see you as anything else. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I've got to admit I do hate when people call
Speaker 1: me mama or mum because I'm like, well, I'm not
Speaker 1: your mom, like, and that's not what completely defines me.
Speaker 1: It's weird because I don't really think of myself as
Speaker 1: a parent. It's hard to get my head around the
Speaker 1: fact that I actually have a child. Well, you're prepared
Speaker 1: for Christmas. You've already bought Jack his own special stocking
Speaker 1: and then you were showing me yours and it said
Speaker 1: mom across it, and immediately I was like, is that
Speaker 1: for our mom? Like it didn't give you that's for you?
Speaker 1: So yeah. Well, so during the two am breastfeeds, it
Speaker 1: popped into my head how important it was for Jack
Speaker 1: to have a really nice Christmas stocking because we still
Speaker 1: have ours from when we were little, and I'm like,
Speaker 1: I need to make sure it's a really nice one.
Speaker 1: So I've found this Etsy store that do personalized stockings
Speaker 1: and they're so cute. And then I was like, oh, well,
Speaker 1: if Jack has one recent, I should have one. And
Speaker 1: I'm like to Mom, should I have recent Kate or
Speaker 1: mum and dad? And Mom's like, You've got to have
Speaker 1: mum and dad. So, yeah, it is really weird to
Speaker 1: refer to yourself as mum. I'm sure once Jack can
Speaker 1: actually talk it, will you know sit better with me.
Speaker 1: What do you feel about returning to work because your
Speaker 1: maternity leave is technically up in four weeks? Yes, it
Speaker 1: is just wild. I can't believe that this is the
Speaker 1: system in place. Yeah, it is crazy. I mean I
Speaker 1: suppose it depends on workplaces. I am exployed by Outspoken
Speaker 1: Pecha Ltd. But when pick up out Spoken, I'm actually
Speaker 1: excited to get back to work. I'm just stressed how
Speaker 1: it's gonna work because I'm on this strict schedule. But
Speaker 1: you and Amy, you're a bit more lax with your timings,
Speaker 1: particularly Amy. We're not lax with our timings. We run
Speaker 1: another business as well, which makes things difficult. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: Amy is not really a stickler for being on time.
Speaker 1: Like I'll usually say I'll be here at twelve and
Speaker 1: she'll get here at once. To be fair, I think
Speaker 1: that it's a tourba trait being yes and yes. Iways
Speaker 1: exactly the same before. But now that I've got this
Speaker 1: strict schedule to run to, it is stressful. So I'm
Speaker 1: planning to get hopefully I mean again, it depends on
Speaker 1: the day. I'm hoping that I can get work done
Speaker 1: during Jack snaps, but I will be relying on babysitters
Speaker 1: as well. And I do have to shout out to
Speaker 1: my mum. She has been absolutely incredible. I would be
Speaker 1: lost without her. She over, you know, lots of mornings
Speaker 1: and afternoons helping me, and it's just so nice to
Speaker 1: have someone here to talk to because it can be
Speaker 1: isolating now. One follower wrote, what are a few things
Speaker 1: that have surprised you so far? One thing that really
Speaker 1: surprised me when Jack was first born was how dry
Speaker 1: his skin was. I know that sounds really random, but
Speaker 1: babies essentially shed this layer of skin, so we're trying
Speaker 1: to moisturize him. But the midwife's light no that's very normal.
Speaker 1: It's all fine. Oh yeah, forgot that he was a
Speaker 1: bit scaly. Yeah, but his skin is super soft now,
Speaker 1: it is so soft. I get told off because I'm
Speaker 1: always trying to kiss him on the cheeks. Yeah, I
Speaker 1: might stop my head. He gets nude lipstick all over him.
Speaker 1: And then his hair is so soft too. I'm always
Speaker 1: touching that. Are you still brushing it? I know I
Speaker 1: haven't for a while. It's starting to fall out, you know,
Speaker 1: when they get that patch because they've been lying on
Speaker 1: their head for too long. The other thing that has
Speaker 1: surprised me is, especially in the first couple of weeks
Speaker 1: reason I've both had it where we'll be asleep and
Speaker 1: we've woken up thinking that Jack is in the bed
Speaker 1: with us and he's all in the cover, and I'll
Speaker 1: actually reach around. There was one time where I thought
Speaker 1: Reese's head was Jack and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: and I was like touching you, and Raese's like, what
Speaker 1: the hell is going on? Well, they do look very similar.
Speaker 1: Jack is a mini me of reach they do. The
Speaker 1: other thing is the lengths that you'll go to to
Speaker 1: be quiet for the baby when he's sleeping. So it's
Speaker 1: really gross. But we've got an on suite and also
Speaker 1: like a main toilet, and we won't flush the toilet
Speaker 1: when Jack is asleep, so it's actually it feels like
Speaker 1: it's turned into a long drop. It's disgusting. Oh yeah,
Speaker 1: remind me never to use your on suite. That is gross.
Speaker 1: Now there's also a question is it harder than you expected.
Speaker 1: I went in with very low expectations and a lot
Speaker 1: of people said to me, you'll be grateful if you
Speaker 1: have a shower again kind of thing. And I think
Speaker 1: it's because I've been open to accepting so much help
Speaker 1: from my mum that I am able to have a shower,
Speaker 1: and I have been putting on makeup because those things
Speaker 1: make me feel a lot more myself. Yeah, that's the
Speaker 1: thing I really feel for people who don't have the
Speaker 1: support of family or friends, because it would just be impossible.
Speaker 1: Because the days where mum doesn't come over to help,
Speaker 1: you'll ring me and be like, fuck, I haven't even shower,
Speaker 1: I haven't got anything my makeup, But I haven't done anything.
Speaker 1: I know. I think I'm very spoiled, and Mum will
Speaker 1: bring me over like a bread roll that I can
Speaker 1: put salad in, like the other day, I'm like, oh
Speaker 1: my god, I've been home alone and i haven't had
Speaker 1: anything to eat. So I think I would be finding
Speaker 1: it much more difficult if it wasn't for all the
Speaker 1: help that I've been given. Everyone needs a Linda Torper
Speaker 1: in their life. That woman is absolutely incredible. I mean
Speaker 1: for her because she raised three at once. One's probably like, yeah, exactly.
Speaker 1: Now listeners are keen to know what have been your
Speaker 1: top three favorite slash most used products. I actually got
Speaker 1: a bit gretty. I wrote more than three down, but
Speaker 1: you've got I'm looking at your notes, you have a
Speaker 1: fair list here. Yeah. So the first is those Bonds
Speaker 1: double zip ones. Is they are incredible. Don't go out
Speaker 1: and buy a heap of fancy baby clothes because you
Speaker 1: don't need them. The Bonds ones are so cute as well,
Speaker 1: like they've got stripey ones, They've got spots, different patterns,
Speaker 1: they're really cute. And don't buy them full price. They
Speaker 1: always have forty percent off sale. So I wait for those. Well,
Speaker 1: I know you were saying to me that it's really
Speaker 1: important to get the zips. Yeah, so the double zips
Speaker 1: in particular, because that means you don't have to let
Speaker 1: zip the whole outfit down. You can just kind of
Speaker 1: zip halfway and change then appy and buttons. You can't
Speaker 1: be dealing with them at two am. The other thing
Speaker 1: I would also recommend is a Love to Dream sleep suit,
Speaker 1: so instead of swaddling your baby. I don't even know
Speaker 1: how to swaddle, like The Midwife taught Reese how to
Speaker 1: do it, but because I was bedbound in hospital because
Speaker 1: of my cesarean, I never did it. I don't think
Speaker 1: anyone really swaddles anymore. Some people do, but these sleep
Speaker 1: suits you just zip them up. They're great. They do
Speaker 1: grew out of them very quickly. Or they can be
Speaker 1: expensive as well. Yeah, we don't have to get the
Speaker 1: Love to Dream. There are other brands. I think Big
Speaker 1: w and Kmart have their own versions. Jack looks so
Speaker 1: cute in them too. He looks like a little star
Speaker 1: because he likes to hold his hands in the corner. Yeah,
Speaker 1: he actually reminds you of a gingerbread man when he's
Speaker 1: wearing them. Another thing that I love is the Ubi
Speaker 1: nappy bin. So I actually heard Jesse Stevens on her
Speaker 1: podcast recommend this and I'd already chosen it, so I
Speaker 1: felt very validated in my selection and it has been
Speaker 1: so good. So it is a little bit expensive. I
Speaker 1: think it was like one hundred or one hundred and
Speaker 1: fifty dollars, but it means that you don't have to
Speaker 1: constantly go out and put nappies in the big bin outside.
Speaker 1: It surprises me how small it is because we are
Speaker 1: recording in your nursery. I'm looking at it for some reason,
Speaker 1: I thought be double the size, and I suppose nappies
Speaker 1: are quite small. You do have to change it quite
Speaker 1: a bit. Well even want the smell, Well that's the thing.
Speaker 1: It actually keeps the smell in. I mean we don't
Speaker 1: put pooey nappies in there. We do put them straight
Speaker 1: in the bin. We just put the wet ones in there.
Speaker 1: And also the good thing about it is there's these
Speaker 1: other bins I think, like the Tommy tippy bin where
Speaker 1: you have to actually buy special bin bags for it.
Speaker 1: These you just put normal bin bags in and it's
Speaker 1: very cheap. I know. A big one for you has
Speaker 1: been the breast pump. Like when you left hospital, you're
Speaker 1: like a meat. I need this. The first thing I
Speaker 1: need to do when I leave hospitals go to baby
Speaker 1: bunting and pick one out. Yeah. Actually mum did that
Speaker 1: for me, which was kind of her. But so I
Speaker 1: got the Medulla Freestyle hands free breast pump. It's not cheap.
Speaker 1: I paid five hundred bucks for it, but it is
Speaker 1: worth every dollar. So it's funny you say that because
Speaker 1: my sister in law is pregnant, which is so exciting,
Speaker 1: and she wanted a recommendation from you about a breast pump.
Speaker 1: But my father in law, he is so thrifty. I
Speaker 1: love him so much. He loves going to garage sales
Speaker 1: and he saw a secondhand baby pump listed and he's like,
Speaker 1: do you want this? Like, I can get it for you.
Speaker 1: My first reaction was like, oh, that's a bit gross.
Speaker 1: But as you've pointed out to me, you would change
Speaker 1: all of the cups, like, it's only the mechanics of
Speaker 1: the device that you would be using. Really, I think
Speaker 1: you can now don't quote me with this, but I
Speaker 1: did hear Victoria Devine on She's on the money talking
Speaker 1: about it. You can actually, yeah, buy the different pump
Speaker 1: and like you know, different bits of the equipment. I
Speaker 1: suppose the expensive bit is the actual pump. B Well,
Speaker 1: I mean that's the thing. I think on marketplace there's
Speaker 1: so many secondhand baby things because realistically, you use some
Speaker 1: of these items for only a couple of weeks, so
Speaker 1: it's a great place that you can find something cost effective. Yeah,
Speaker 1: and this one is so good because it's hands free
Speaker 1: and also you don't have to be connected to the
Speaker 1: wall when you use. It's got a battery, so it's
Speaker 1: really good. This is what has blown my mind though,
Speaker 1: how expensive some baby things are. Yeah. Well, the thing is, though,
Speaker 1: you don't need the top breast pump. I just decided
Speaker 1: that that was one of the things that I really
Speaker 1: wanted to spend money on, whereas in my nursery I
Speaker 1: got a Target cop that was I think one hundred
Speaker 1: and something dollars and I've got a keya draws. So
Speaker 1: it just depends where you want to spend the money.
Speaker 1: Another thing I would highly recommend, and I was gifted
Speaker 1: this I was very fortunate to get it is the
Speaker 1: Nanat baby monitor. It is so incredible. We did a
Speaker 1: video about it. It's crazy. So Reese can be well,
Speaker 1: he often does. He is like watches us while we're
Speaker 1: in the nursery when he's at work. Okay, I never
Speaker 1: want to have a conversation with you in this nursery,
Speaker 1: because I know that Race could tune in at any opportunity.
Speaker 1: I mean, he's getting a free podcast here if he
Speaker 1: cares to listen, Yeah, so he can. Actually, it'll be
Speaker 1: funny to see if he actually says anything. He might
Speaker 1: be listening right now. He can actually from his office
Speaker 1: press the microphone button and talk into it. So the
Speaker 1: other day he freaked us out. He said something and
Speaker 1: I was like, did he just say something. Another thing
Speaker 1: I would recommend is a portable change matt. So I
Speaker 1: was tossing up whether I buy a changing table or
Speaker 1: just put a change mat on top of my draws.
Speaker 1: And I'm so happy I did that because Jack can
Speaker 1: use these draws, you know, until he's older, Whereas if
Speaker 1: it was a change table, it's not like he's going
Speaker 1: to get much use out of us. So we just
Speaker 1: moved that Cama Changing Matt to the family room and
Speaker 1: here it's really good. And my final recommendation is Pigeon bottles.
Speaker 1: Now today's episode is brought to you by Pigeon. But
Speaker 1: before Jack was born, I was doing research into what
Speaker 1: bottle I should get. I had no idea. I went
Speaker 1: on TikTok, and I also looked at a lot of
Speaker 1: blogs and pigeon kept coming up, and I thought it
Speaker 1: was funny because our last name, Torbat in German actually
Speaker 1: meets pigeon, so I was actually drawn to that originally.
Speaker 1: But they had such good reviews, and because Jack was
Speaker 1: put on formula when he was two days old as
Speaker 1: a top up, he took to the bottle instantly. It
Speaker 1: was so good because I heard of so many people
Speaker 1: saying that their baby would reject all these different bottles
Speaker 1: and had to buy so many. Moving on to the
Speaker 1: next question, one listener has written in to say, do
Speaker 1: you feel like having a newborn has impacted your relationship
Speaker 1: with your husband? Having a baby has shown me how
Speaker 1: important it is to actually be with the right person,
Speaker 1: because I think if you didn't have a strong relationship
Speaker 1: then it would be really hard. So or a partner
Speaker 1: who doesn't do anything, Yeah, exactly. So Rees and I
Speaker 1: feel have been such an amazing team. So he had
Speaker 1: the first three weeks off and I would have loved
Speaker 1: him to have more time, but he was changing jobs.
Speaker 1: He got a new job just when Jack was born,
Speaker 1: so his workplaces were really great about it. But Originally
Speaker 1: we had planned for him to take more time off,
Speaker 1: so I was quite nervous about it, but he has
Speaker 1: been aboutally incredible. So because I had a cesarean, I
Speaker 1: really needed to rely on him to do heaps of
Speaker 1: stuff for me because I really couldn't move that well.
Speaker 1: I didn't change a nappy for the first couple of days.
Speaker 1: He was doing it all and he listened to a
Speaker 1: lot of parenting podcasts before and doctor Gollie was on
Speaker 1: one of the podcasts he listened to, and he spoke
Speaker 1: about how the non breastfeeding parent really should be doing
Speaker 1: everything but breastfeeding because as a person that's breastfeeding, it
Speaker 1: takes a lot of energy to actually produce milk and
Speaker 1: the whole process is very time consuming, so that person
Speaker 1: really needs to get a lot of sleep. So we
Speaker 1: implemented that from the get go, and Reese took charge
Speaker 1: of all the burping, all the nappy changes, all the settling,
Speaker 1: and obviously now that he's back at work, I'm doing
Speaker 1: a lot of that during the day and it's really
Speaker 1: nice because Reese will come home from work and do
Speaker 1: Jack's last bottle for the night and also put him
Speaker 1: into bed, give him his bath and that's their little routine,
Speaker 1: and in the mornings before work, he'll also do his
Speaker 1: early MOREK feed and it just makes such a difference
Speaker 1: for me, and also it means that he gets to
Speaker 1: spend time with Jack as well. The thing that I
Speaker 1: worry about when I think about having kids is feeling
Speaker 1: resentful to my partner if he is the one that
Speaker 1: goes back to work full time, which will probably most
Speaker 1: likely be the case, because I mean, I run two businesses,
Speaker 1: but I have a level of flexibility with my job
Speaker 1: that he does not. However, I hate that it's always
Speaker 1: the default generally that it's the woman who has to
Speaker 1: do the bulk of the child caring and it's just
Speaker 1: assumed that the husband will go back to work. I
Speaker 1: think it's really important to have a discussion one what
Speaker 1: works financially best for your family, and two who wants
Speaker 1: to be looking after the child all. I don't like
Speaker 1: how when you discuss it, it's kind of like, oh,
Speaker 1: the negative that you have to stay home because I
Speaker 1: felt sorry for es having to go back to work
Speaker 1: and not getting to see Jack all day. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: there's a lot of women who would feel resentful because
Speaker 1: they're you know, you're seeing your husband going back to work,
Speaker 1: and he's able to stop off for lunch, he's able
Speaker 1: to speak to other humans, he's able to socialize and
Speaker 1: get dressed up every day and feel like a member
Speaker 1: of society, whilst you're at home, probably covered in vomit
Speaker 1: in your pajamas in most cases. So I think that
Speaker 1: that's where a level of resentment can be bred. Or
Speaker 1: I understand the level of resentment, but what I'm saying is,
Speaker 1: I think it's how you look at motherhood too. And
Speaker 1: it is a full time job, and it's a very
Speaker 1: rewarding job, but it's also very difficult. So I think
Speaker 1: what you're trying to say is sometimes the men and
Speaker 1: the dads get the best of both worlds because they
Speaker 1: get to enjoy parenthood and also then get to have
Speaker 1: that go to work and be an adult and talk
Speaker 1: to adults exactly. I have heard a lot of new
Speaker 1: parents also talk about how they miss their partner even
Speaker 1: though they're there a lot. And I think that definitely
Speaker 1: happens because at night, you know, Reese will take the
Speaker 1: dogs for a walk while I'm feeding Jack, and then
Speaker 1: we'll do a little bit of a tag team switch
Speaker 1: over and then he'll get give him his final bottle
Speaker 1: and put him to bedlah blah blah, and then I'll
Speaker 1: be cooking dinner and then we'll finally have like two
Speaker 1: hours together where we eat dinner, but then Jack will
Speaker 1: wake up. So you feel like you don't really get
Speaker 1: to spend a lot of time together either, and it's
Speaker 1: not that quality time that perhaps you used to spend together.
Speaker 1: But again, I haven't had a child, but I am
Speaker 1: led to believe by your situation and what I hear
Speaker 1: other parents say is that there's something so special about
Speaker 1: having a child that is both of you. Yeah, it
Speaker 1: definitely is, and it just brings you a lot closer
Speaker 1: together as well. The last question is was the sleep
Speaker 1: training guide worth it? I have a six week old
Speaker 1: baby at the moment now, as I have touched on,
Speaker 1: we are following doctor Gollie's sleep guides and I would
Speaker 1: highly recommend them. So for those who don't know, Doctor
Speaker 1: Gollie is a pediatrician and he calls himself a baby expert.
Speaker 1: So I came across him on a podcast and then
Speaker 1: I noticed that he also is a pediatrician to a
Speaker 1: lot of influencers baby so Steph cles Smith uses him
Speaker 1: and also Chantel Stanton. He's got one hundred and fifty
Speaker 1: thousand followers, so I was a little bit dubious. I
Speaker 1: was like, ah, has he just got a lot of
Speaker 1: hype around him because he's a doctor to all of
Speaker 1: these celebrity babies. And it was actually my husband who
Speaker 1: came across him on this podcast first. So Reese really
Speaker 1: liked him, and he resonated a lot with him, so
Speaker 1: I was happy. I'm like, cool, if you like this guy,
Speaker 1: let's check him out. And one of Reese's friends actually
Speaker 1: bought doctor Golli's book. So the book is a guide
Speaker 1: to the first four weeks of parenting. It's not a
Speaker 1: sleep guide or anything like that. It's just got a
Speaker 1: lot of helpful tips. And a lot of people have
Speaker 1: been asking me, what's a good present to buy for
Speaker 1: a baby shower. I would buy your friend this book
Speaker 1: because it was so helpful, particularly for someone like me
Speaker 1: who knew nothing about babies. And I have heard advice
Speaker 1: that if your baby is sleeping well, that you shouldn't
Speaker 1: talk about it because it jinxes it, and I'm very
Speaker 1: worried about doing that, but I also think it's important
Speaker 1: to talk about things when they are positive, because then
Speaker 1: you only get this one side of a story that
Speaker 1: when you have a baby, you never sleep and things
Speaker 1: change so quickly. And as I said, we are approaching
Speaker 1: the four month sleep progression, so who knows what our
Speaker 1: sleep is going to be like. But for the last
Speaker 1: four weeks, Jack has been sleeping around six or seven
Speaker 1: hours overnight, so we have managed to drop one of
Speaker 1: his night fees and it's been absolutely life changing. You
Speaker 1: do have to wait until your baby is at least
Speaker 1: five to six kilos before you do drop that night feed,
Speaker 1: and we did talk to our doctor and our midwife
Speaker 1: about it and they were really happy with how Jack's
Speaker 1: weight was tracking. So it's been really good. But in
Speaker 1: saying that, we are now working on his daytime naps
Speaker 1: because once they start to consolidate sleep overnight, it does
Speaker 1: sometimes affect their day naps. So at the moment, we're
Speaker 1: trying this new technique it's called cuddle to cot, where
Speaker 1: you get the baby to sleep in their basinet or
Speaker 1: cot by themselves. So normally we were spending all this
Speaker 1: time rocking him and putting him to sleep and then
Speaker 1: trying to transfer him across into his cop But now
Speaker 1: which trying to do this thing where he falls asleep
Speaker 1: in his cop because it helps him link his sleep
Speaker 1: cycles better. So that is ongoing. That has been quite
Speaker 1: challenging the last couple of weeks. Well, that is where
Speaker 1: we are going to wrap things up. Thank you so
Speaker 1: much to all of our listeners for sending in questions,
Speaker 1: and Kate, thank you for returning from maternity leave for
Speaker 1: this episode. Yes, I will be back, as you said
Speaker 1: in mid October, raring to go, but I may be
Speaker 1: a little bit tired trying to juggle everything well. This
Speaker 1: episode was recorded on the traditional land of the Ghana
Speaker 1: people of the Adelaide Planes. We'd pay respect to elders
Speaker 1: bills in the present