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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast. It's the podcast for the.

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Speaker 2: Time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 1: Now. We are so glad to have you joining us

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Speaker 1: for the Happy Families Podcast in twenty twenty four. My

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Speaker 1: name is doctor Justin Coulson. I'm the founder of Happy

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Speaker 1: Families dot com dot you, the parenting expert and co

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Speaker 1: host of Channel linees hit TV show Parental Guidance, and

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Speaker 1: the host of this podcast along with my wife and

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Speaker 1: mum to our six kids, missus Happy Families, Kylie Coulson.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe you turned my mic off. No, is

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Speaker 1: that the way you're going to treat me this year?

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Speaker 1: This is about good audio, high gene. I've just turned

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Speaker 1: your mic on so that you can talk, and the

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Speaker 1: first thing you did was criticize me. Welcome to a

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Speaker 1: new year, my husband, sir, my micaeff. I turned it

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Speaker 1: on so that people can hear how wonderful you are.

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Speaker 1: We have a lot.

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Speaker 2: Do you want to hear my breathing?

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Speaker 1: No, that's exactly right. We have a lot to talk

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Speaker 1: about in today's podcast, in fact, a huge week. I'm

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Speaker 1: so excited for where the podcast is going this year.

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Speaker 1: We go to talk to you about what's happening on

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Speaker 1: the pod this year. You're going to want to tune

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Speaker 1: into every episode and tell your friends about it. But

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Speaker 1: before that, we need to recap the break very briefly.

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Speaker 1: You don't need a travelog because we didn't travel and

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Speaker 1: this is going to be hard for me, but we're

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Speaker 1: going to talk about a major reversal on a decision

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Speaker 1: that I got wrong as both a parent and a

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Speaker 1: parenting expert. And last, but not least, we're going to

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Speaker 1: discuss our words for twenty twenty four. More on that shortly.

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Speaker 2: How do you think you went on the break?

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Speaker 1: Oh? I had a really tough break, felt really restless.

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Speaker 1: I'm writing a book while I'm about to Every author

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Speaker 1: is not quite writing the book that they're now writing,

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Speaker 1: but I've just started writing my book, and it's about

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Speaker 1: bringing up boys. When I wrote the Teenage Girl book

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Speaker 1: a couple of years ago, over and said we need

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Speaker 1: one for boys. And I'm finally getting to it. And

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Speaker 1: so I've been restless because I'm supposed to be having

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Speaker 1: a holiday with the family, but I've just my mind's

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Speaker 1: been on the book and that's kind of been my focus.

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Speaker 1: It's been really tricky to breathe and relax. But I

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Speaker 1: have enjoyed time with family. I've done a whole lot

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Speaker 1: of surf. My back and my neck are recovering really

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Speaker 1: well from the back break and the neck break last year.

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Speaker 1: Loads of reading. Can't wait for book club in a

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Speaker 1: couple of weeks. And I don't know. I mean, I

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Speaker 1: have to just highlight last year. As we wrapped up

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Speaker 1: the year, we talked about how all of our holidays

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Speaker 1: haven't quite worked out. None of them have gone to plan,

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Speaker 1: either through illness or over scheduling or not being able

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Speaker 1: to be together. We were supposed to have a Christmas

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Speaker 1: trip together with our family, and even that didn't work out.

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Speaker 1: You stayed home. I took the kids away.

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Speaker 2: You were going to put me under the bus.

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Speaker 1: You weren't on the holiday. Here I am trying to

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Speaker 1: have family holidays and you said, no, I'm not going

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Speaker 1: to go. Just not going.

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Speaker 2: I wish it was that easy, because while you were

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Speaker 2: having idyllic days by the beach side or down at

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Speaker 2: the pool with the kids, I was busy up to

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Speaker 2: my elbows in curriculum, trying to work out what we

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Speaker 2: were going to do for our kids this year.

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Speaker 1: We are homeschooling our two youngest kids. If you missed

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Speaker 1: the news flash last year, child number one or child

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Speaker 1: number six, I should say, nine years old going into

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Speaker 1: grade four schooling her this year, and our second last child,

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Speaker 1: who is going into grade nine this year, we're also

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Speaker 1: going to homeschool her. So I don't know. I just

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Speaker 1: thought you didn't want to hang out with my family

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Speaker 1: and stay mum and Dad's place for a week while

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Speaker 1: we had a holiday, and on than your southwest central coast,

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Speaker 1: you decided that you'd rather do homeschool curriculum rather than

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Speaker 1: come and hang out on the coast.

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Speaker 2: Ask me how my holiday?

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Speaker 1: How was your holiday? How did you enjoy a week

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Speaker 1: at home in peace and quiet and air conditioning putting

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Speaker 1: together homeschool curricula.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to take it a little step back,

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Speaker 2: because holidays for me was actually wrapped up in Christmas

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Speaker 2: this year. Yeah, it was just so nice to be

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Speaker 2: with our little family that's not so little, with our

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Speaker 2: new grand baby and our son in law and Chanelle

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Speaker 2: and they all able to come over. And what was

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Speaker 2: different about this year is I've spent so many years

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Speaker 2: trying to create the magic of Christmas for our kids,

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Speaker 2: as they were little, but as they've grown, we're all

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Speaker 2: at a point where we recognized that the magic of

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Speaker 2: Christmas is actually just being able to be together. And

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Speaker 2: so this year was that I didn't even set the table.

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Speaker 2: Did you notice there was no tablecloth, there was pretty napkins,

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Speaker 2: there was nothing. We didn't overeat this year. I just

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Speaker 2: prepared a really simple breakfast, but one that we all enjoyed.

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Speaker 2: We had nice lunch together, and we had a really,

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Speaker 2: really delicious dinner, but it wasn't over the top.

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Speaker 1: And the key thing is we did it together. It's

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Speaker 1: not like you were doing it all on your own.

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Speaker 1: We did it together. So that brings me to the

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Speaker 1: second key thing that we need to talk about in

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Speaker 1: today's podcast, and that is the huge parenting reversal. For

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Speaker 1: the last fifteen years, I've been writing articles, doing media interviews,

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Speaker 1: and talking about an issue that arises every Christmas, mums,

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Speaker 1: dad's parents, caregivers. If you have young children listening, you

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Speaker 1: might just want to press pause for a second and

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Speaker 1: make sure the kids aren't going to hear what we're

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Speaker 1: about to talk about, because it revolves around the great

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Speaker 1: gift giver of every Christmas me one in the big reds.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, come Santa Claus. Here, come Santa Claus. Right down

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Speaker 3: Santa Claus Lane.

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Speaker 1: All right, we've given you enough time to press pause

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Speaker 1: and work out what's going on there. For the last

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Speaker 1: fifteen years I've been saying, and probably more probably the

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Speaker 1: last twenty years, don't lie to your kids. The Santa

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Speaker 1: myth doesn't need to be a thing. Like. Just be

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Speaker 1: honest with the children and let them know, like if

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Speaker 1: they're curious, just be honest with them. This Christmas, I

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Speaker 1: got this. I just saw it differently. Maybe it's because

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Speaker 1: I'm a grandparent now, maybe it's because we did Christmas

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Speaker 1: better this year than we have done in years. But

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Speaker 1: I just thought, ah, there is something really really fun

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Speaker 1: about the whole Santa thing. And I've been saying for

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Speaker 1: a long time that we should not be doing Santa.

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Speaker 4: And.

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Speaker 1: I'm just this is my mere Cooper, this is my reversal.

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Speaker 1: I don't think it's a big I still think if

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Speaker 1: the kids are asking questions, I mean pretty long it

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Speaker 1: for a year or two if you can, but you

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Speaker 1: do need to be honest with them. I don't have

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Speaker 1: a problem with that. But I'm nowhere near as hardcore

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Speaker 1: about it. As I used to be. This Christmas has

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Speaker 1: really changed me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, it's interesting. I don't really know where you're coming

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Speaker 2: from in relation to how your perception of this Christmas

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Speaker 2: has changed your thinking around it, because we didn't like

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Speaker 2: Santa didn't play a part in our Christmas at all

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Speaker 2: this year, and I don't feel like our kids missed

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Speaker 2: out in any way. I think, like I said, the

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Speaker 2: magic of Christmas wasn't that Santa showed up and put

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Speaker 2: a whole heap of presents under our tree. The magic

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Speaker 2: was that we were able to be together.

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Speaker 1: I'll tell you what changed my thinking. Every Christmas Eve,

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Speaker 1: you give each person in the family a book, and

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Speaker 1: we do that Icelandic tradition where we laid down in

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Speaker 1: bed and we read a book until we fall asleep

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Speaker 1: on Christmas Eve, already for the next day. And the

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Speaker 1: book that you gave me was a book written by

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Speaker 1: jub R. Tolkien. Actually, Tolkien is the one who wrote

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Speaker 1: The Lord of the Rings. Tolkien didn't necessarily write this

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Speaker 1: as a book. Instead, every year from about nineteen twenty

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Speaker 1: seven through for the next twenty or so years, he

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Speaker 1: wrote letters from Father Christmas, gave them to his kids,

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Speaker 1: and what happened with the book is that one of

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Speaker 1: his kids has grabbed all of those letters. They kept

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Speaker 1: every one of them, and there are letters in there

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Speaker 1: from Father Christmas, and there are letters in there from

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Speaker 1: the North Polar Bear, who always gets up to no

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Speaker 1: good and who accidentally blacked out the North Pole one year,

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Speaker 1: and who burned down the toy factory another year. And

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Speaker 1: there's just there's gorgeous creativity where Tolkien is creating this

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Speaker 1: magic around Christmas with his kids and every year they're

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Speaker 1: looking forward to these letters from Father Christmas and they're

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Speaker 1: writing letters to Father Christmas.

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Speaker 2: So we are talking about a world renowned allpit Yeah, I.

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Speaker 1: Know, but it was just the creativity of it, and

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Speaker 1: it was the delight of it. And as I'm reading,

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Speaker 1: I'm going, oh, we could have been so much more

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Speaker 1: creative around us with our kids. We could have done

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Speaker 1: this so much better. And that's actually where it's coming from.

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Speaker 1: You're right, we had a beautiful Christmas and there was

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Speaker 1: almost no emphasis at all on Santa. But there is

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Speaker 1: something gorgeous about the imaginative aspects of it and the

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Speaker 1: fantasy elements, and that is what has shifted my thinking

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Speaker 1: more than anything.

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Speaker 2: Well, I guess we have this wonderful opportunity now along

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Speaker 2: with our kids, to create new traditions and they get

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Speaker 2: to be the helpers.

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Speaker 1: Ho ho ho. It's going to start next year. I'm

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Speaker 1: excited for it. Let's just do that now.

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Speaker 2: Are you doing Olf on the Shelf next year?

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Speaker 1: Is that going to be your lime? I'm not going

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Speaker 1: that fast. There was nothing about Elf on the Shelf

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Speaker 1: in J. DOUBLR. Tolkien's let Us from Father Chris.

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Speaker 2: Okay, well, I'm looking forward to see your first letter

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Speaker 2: next year.

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Speaker 1: The third big thing to talk about on today's Happy

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Speaker 1: Families podcast is well, we've got some news for you

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Speaker 1: the podcast. It's going to undergo a couple of tiny

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Speaker 1: tweaks as we move into twenty twenty four. Can't wait

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Speaker 1: to tell you all about it. What have we got

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Speaker 1: lined up this year?

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Speaker 2: Well, you've decided we're going to go with some much

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Speaker 2: more hard hitting topics.

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be bringing guests on to talk about

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Speaker 1: stuff that really really matters, and we're going to tackle

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Speaker 1: issues that are really challenging. There's been a couple of

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Speaker 1: things come up just recently in the news that have

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Speaker 1: blown me away in terms of studies and I'm bringing

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Speaker 1: in the authors to talk about those tricky topics. We're

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Speaker 1: going to be talking about things like childcare. Massive study

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Speaker 1: just came out recently about childcare that highlights that ideology,

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Speaker 1: not policy, is driving what happens with kids in childcare.

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Speaker 1: We're going to be talking about, unfortunately abuse. A recent study,

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Speaker 1: the Australian Child Male Treatment Study, just came out and

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Speaker 1: it tells us very clearly who is most likely to

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Speaker 1: be an abuser in your street and it will blow

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Speaker 1: you away. We're going to have these really important conversations

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Speaker 1: that matter a great deal.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm going to back that up with a whole

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Speaker 2: heit more fun this year.

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Speaker 1: That's the intention. Hopefully it feels like that already today.

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Speaker 1: You know what, We've come up with a new segment

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Speaker 1: that we're going to do at least once a month,

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Speaker 1: hopefully even more often. We're going to do this segment

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Speaker 1: that we're calling is it just Me? And we're going

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Speaker 1: to tackle those issues that you worry about but you

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Speaker 1: think you're the only one, Like is it just me

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Speaker 1: that is worried about sleepovers? Or is it just me

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Speaker 1: We'll come up with a whole lot of other fun topics,

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Speaker 1: and we want your voices on the podcast. We're going

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Speaker 1: this podcast to encourage you to use your voice notes

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Speaker 1: and send us emails so that we can have your

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Speaker 2: There's one more thing.

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Speaker 1: There is one more thing, and it's supposed to be

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Speaker 1: happening right now, but we can't figure out the technology.

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Speaker 1: But it's going to be happening in the next very soon,

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Speaker 1: like tomorrow or the day after or hopefully in the

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Speaker 1: next week. Don't make promises you can't deliver. We're supposed

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Speaker 1: to be on YouTube as of today and TikTok because

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Speaker 1: reason that Christmas was hard as well. We had people

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Speaker 1: and we've got everything that's supposed to be happening, and

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Speaker 1: for some reason, I can't get the technology to work.

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Speaker 1: So you'll be able to watch or listen on YouTube

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Speaker 1: or TikTok or wherever you want to get your podcast,

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Speaker 1: as well as your usual podcast app, So lots of

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Speaker 1: different ways to enjoy the podcast. That's all happening as well.

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Speaker 1: Now the final thing for today's podcast, and I'm so

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Speaker 1: excited for this.

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Speaker 2: I'm really surprised you're excited for this.

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Speaker 1: Tell me why our words.

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Speaker 2: For twenty twenty four. You've never actually engaged in words before.

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Speaker 1: I did a business course years ago where they talked

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Speaker 1: about how if you set your intention for the year

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Speaker 1: with a big word, and you keep that word front

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Speaker 1: and central all year, it's just going to help you

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Speaker 1: to stay focused. And I'm not actually huge on that

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Speaker 1: because context changes and sometimes sometimes I just I don't know.

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Speaker 1: The whole goal setting thing didn't work for me. But

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Speaker 1: just recently, as I've contemplated what twenty twenty four was

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Speaker 1: going to look like for us and specifically for me,

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Speaker 1: I realized that I needed to get my focus clear.

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Speaker 1: And it came back to me and I thought, we

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Speaker 1: need to do a word of the year, so we

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Speaker 1: need to talk about our word of the year before

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Speaker 1: we do. I thought it would be fun to have

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Speaker 1: a look at what the word of the year was,

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Speaker 1: as designated by the people who decide what the word

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Speaker 1: of the year actually is. In twenty twenty three, the

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Speaker 1: word of the year was authentic. That is not my

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Speaker 1: word of the year. In twenty twenty two, the word

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Speaker 1: of the year was gas lighting. So at least we're

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Speaker 1: moving forward as a society. We've moved from gas lighting

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Speaker 1: to authentic. I think that's great. But our word for

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Speaker 1: the year is what we're going to talk about now.

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Speaker 1: We actually ask you what your word for the year is,

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Speaker 1: and a bunch of people responded by sending their voice

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Speaker 1: notes through to us podcasts at Happy Families dot com

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Speaker 1: dot au. This one came through from Briting.

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Speaker 5: My word for this year is nevertheless. It reminds me

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Speaker 5: that there is always a choice. Nevertheless is a word

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Speaker 5: to learn and grow from. It helps remind me to

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Speaker 5: try and teach my children that no matter where they

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Speaker 5: are in life or what choices they are making, nevertheless,

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Speaker 5: they are always loved unconditionally.

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Speaker 1: Ash from New Zealand sent this through.

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Speaker 4: My word for twenty twenty four is Mana. Mana is

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Speaker 4: Ato Marti word from New Zealand and it has deep

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Speaker 4: spiritual meaning that can be a little difficult to translate

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Speaker 4: into English, but if I were to try, some things

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Speaker 4: that come close are honor, presence, influence, and authority. My

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Speaker 4: focus this year is to provide opportunities and an environment

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Speaker 4: in which my children can build on and develop their

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Speaker 4: own manner.

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Speaker 1: Okay, this one came from Jackie. I like this one.

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Speaker 3: My word for twenty twenty four is uncomfortable. My parenting style,

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Speaker 3: I would say, is connected, but at times I can

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Speaker 3: find it really hard to be firm with my boundaries

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Speaker 3: with my kids, and I end up finding myself being

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Speaker 3: quite permissive. I just need to learn how to sit

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Speaker 3: in my discomfort and know that it's okay to be

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Speaker 3: uncomfortable with that. When we are uncomfortable, that is the

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Speaker 3: space that we grow.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, really cool stuff. Laura sent us this one. This

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Speaker 1: is her word for the year.

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Speaker 6: My word for the year is micro, and I've chosen

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Speaker 6: it because, as a busy working mum of two kids,

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Speaker 6: I realized that I've got to focus on the little opportunities,

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Speaker 6: not always wait for those big opportunities to present themselves.

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Speaker 6: So this year is all about micro moments of connection

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Speaker 6: with my kids, with my husband, with my friends.

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Speaker 2: There are a bunch of words that came through on

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Speaker 2: Facebook as well. Karen shared hers inspired.

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Speaker 1: I love that I'm going to be inspired in twenty

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Speaker 1: twenty four. How good does that say?

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Speaker 2: Desanka's word is love. Megan says growth is her word

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Speaker 2: as she steps into a new job this year. Claire's

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Speaker 2: word is quiet, inspired by a beautiful song and some

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Speaker 2: of the lyrics are you will fight my battles if

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Speaker 2: I will just be still? Why would I keep running

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Speaker 2: when you're right here? I'll just be quiet and let

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Speaker 2: you speak through the silence. I love that quiet. And lastly,

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Speaker 2: we've got Michelle present Ah.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe that she's gone with present that's mine,

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Speaker 1: But I'm not going to say anything about that yet.

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Speaker 1: I want to share one more really quickly. This one

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Speaker 1: came from Tony.

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Speaker 7: My word for twenty twenty four is grow. I've chosen

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Speaker 7: this because last year was incredibly challenging. My only brother

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Speaker 7: took his life at the age of forty two, and

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Speaker 7: our thirteen year old daughter was diagnosed with adhd ODD

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Speaker 7: and social anxiety after lots of school refusal and engaging

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Speaker 7: in some risky behavior. So life is challenging that this

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Speaker 7: new year presents us with a wonderful opportunity to grow

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Speaker 7: and learn so we can live more harmoniously together and

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Speaker 7: make the most of each day. And it's a bit

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Speaker 7: of a cliche, but life is very precious and it's

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Speaker 7: also you know, as twenty twenty three told us that

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Speaker 7: it's very fragile.

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Speaker 1: Love that from Tony. Life does give us so many

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Speaker 1: opportunities to grow. I hope Tony that your year is

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Speaker 1: full of growth. Kylie, it's time for our words. What

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Speaker 1: was the decision that you made about your word for

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Speaker 1: twenty twenty four.

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Speaker 2: Well, I've been working with words for a few years now.

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Speaker 2: So in previous years, I've used the word light, I've

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Speaker 2: used the word joy. This year, I actually thought I

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Speaker 2: found my word, and then I was reading a book

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Speaker 2: and I thought I found another word. But I've actually

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Speaker 2: gone back to my original word. So my word this

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Speaker 2: year is embrace. And as I looked.

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Speaker 1: Into who you embracing? What are you embracing? Sorry, I

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Speaker 1: just I'm hoping that you're going to say me, just

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Speaker 1: say me. Yeah, that's all I want to hear. Okay,

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Speaker 1: it's going to be a great year.

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Speaker 2: As I looked into what embrace actually means. I found

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Speaker 2: a few things that really jumped out at me. To

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Speaker 2: embrace something is to welcome it with open arms, hold

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Speaker 2: hug except completely, the state of taking in or encircling,

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Speaker 2: or to take up the cause, ideology, practice method and

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Speaker 2: use it as one's own. And so, as I look

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Speaker 2: at the mammoth task ahead of me as I endeavor

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Speaker 2: to homeschool our kids this year, the notion that I

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Speaker 2: will embrace with open arms all that comes our way

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Speaker 2: is where I want my focus to be.

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Speaker 1: Would it be helpful if when you're not embracing it,

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Speaker 1: if I remind you and say, honey, we need to

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Speaker 1: embrace these things, is that going to be helpful?

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Speaker 2: Please?

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Speaker 1: Don't I didn't think so. Okay. My word, as I

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Speaker 1: mentioned before, because it was preempted with somebody else who

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Speaker 1: has the same word, is to be present, to be present.

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Speaker 1: As I've looked at what we've got installed this year,

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Speaker 1: in terms of the amount of travel I'm doing for work,

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Speaker 1: the number of presentations that I'm going to be giving,

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Speaker 1: the book that I have to write, and the enormous

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Speaker 1: work and professional demands that are going to be placed

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Speaker 1: upon my shoulders, it occurred to me that I have

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Speaker 1: got to be present. So I've deleted all of my

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Speaker 1: social media and I've deleted all my games, and my

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Speaker 1: focus is just being in the moment when I show

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Speaker 1: up to the table, when we are doing things together.

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Speaker 1: You should be noticing already that my phone is not

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Speaker 1: with me. I'm not looking at anything as a device.

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Speaker 1: I'm just trying to be present for you and for

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Speaker 1: the kids. And this year, that's what i really want

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Speaker 1: to do more than anything, be focused and in the moment,

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Speaker 1: just be present.

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Speaker 2: Well, I guess our embraces are going to be really good.

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Speaker 1: Let's see. Let's see how we go at the end

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Speaker 1: of the year. I've already made a diary note for

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Speaker 1: us to recap our words for the year in November December.

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Speaker 1: As we wrap up the podcast for twenty twenty four,

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Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to an embracing present. Yeah, so thank

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Speaker 1: you so much for joining us today. The take home

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Speaker 1: message of the podcast for the time poor parent who

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Speaker 1: just wants answers now. Number one, please do holidays better

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Speaker 1: than us. Number two, stop the fuss about Sanda, He's awesome.

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Speaker 1: Number three, We really hope you enjoy the podcast this year.

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Speaker 1: We've got so much cool stuff coming up at number four.

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Speaker 1: Maybe you might consider creating a focus for the next

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Speaker 1: twelve months. We will check in periodically and let you

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Speaker 1: know how we're doing. The Happy Families podcast is produced

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Speaker 1: by Justin Rulan from Bridge Media with Craig Bruce, our

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Speaker 1: executive producer. If you'd like more information about making your

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Speaker 1: family happier, we'd love for you to join us for

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Speaker 1: the Quest. It's our brand new updated membership the Quest.

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Speaker 1: All the details are available at happy families dot com

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Speaker 1: dot you or online at Dr Justin Colson's Happy Families.

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Speaker 1: Tomorrow on the podcast, five parenting trends that are going

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Speaker 1: to be huge in twenty twenty four