1 00:00:00,640 --> 00:00:02,680 Speaker 1: This is a Will and Woody podcast. 2 00:00:02,920 --> 00:00:06,480 Speaker 2: Ninny. If you feel a bit flat and you're after 3 00:00:06,640 --> 00:00:10,400 Speaker 2: a boost, then let up to this tin bit. 4 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,559 Speaker 1: Baby, It's a tid bit. 5 00:00:13,119 --> 00:00:17,200 Speaker 3: It's will do we a bnal health? 6 00:00:17,320 --> 00:00:26,520 Speaker 1: Did did? Baby? Alrighty? 7 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:29,840 Speaker 2: So this afternoon, staying connected during an argument, how do 8 00:00:29,920 --> 00:00:30,440 Speaker 2: you do that? 9 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,440 Speaker 1: Possible? It can be, It really can be. 10 00:00:33,560 --> 00:00:36,720 Speaker 2: And as always with the tidbits, I'm not professing to 11 00:00:36,720 --> 00:00:38,479 Speaker 2: be a master of any of these things. These are 12 00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:42,559 Speaker 2: just observations that I've made, but effectively, yeah, it's it's 13 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:45,839 Speaker 2: often so important when you are having an argument with 14 00:00:45,880 --> 00:00:49,240 Speaker 2: someone because that to not let get let your emotions 15 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:49,920 Speaker 2: get in the way. 16 00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:54,600 Speaker 1: But if we're honest and like you do they do 17 00:00:54,880 --> 00:00:59,000 Speaker 1: if you care, Yeah, they're there right, Yeah, And. 18 00:00:58,960 --> 00:01:00,240 Speaker 2: I know it's something that you and I I've been 19 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:03,520 Speaker 2: talking about recently woods with parenting and like, particularly when 20 00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:06,240 Speaker 2: you're tired and all these other things and you're talking 21 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:09,560 Speaker 2: about something you care about, allah how your child's going 22 00:01:09,600 --> 00:01:13,199 Speaker 2: to be raised, Totally, emotions get involved pretty quickly, absolutely, 23 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,920 Speaker 2: But at the end of the day, you still want 24 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,880 Speaker 2: to work through what you're talking about because it's important 25 00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,679 Speaker 2: that you get to the bottom of that conversation. 26 00:01:21,920 --> 00:01:23,880 Speaker 1: Yeah, sure, So the question is how do you work 27 00:01:23,920 --> 00:01:24,200 Speaker 1: through it? 28 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:27,880 Speaker 2: So when I was on the Kickpod with Steph kles 29 00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:29,920 Speaker 2: Smith and Laura Henshaw, I spoke a little bit about 30 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:33,440 Speaker 2: this acronym which I created for how to deal with 31 00:01:33,480 --> 00:01:36,440 Speaker 2: men when they're depressed, and that was to remain soft, 32 00:01:37,480 --> 00:01:41,199 Speaker 2: which means s often when men are depressed, they're shitty, 33 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:43,360 Speaker 2: so try and stay open with them. 34 00:01:44,280 --> 00:01:46,639 Speaker 1: And then following from there, it. 35 00:01:46,560 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 2: Was reach out to their friends and effectively try and 36 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:51,360 Speaker 2: help them into therapy if you can. But I was 37 00:01:51,360 --> 00:01:53,840 Speaker 2: wondering if focus on the first two letters, if they're shitties, 38 00:01:53,880 --> 00:01:56,880 Speaker 2: try and stay open. So I think a big part 39 00:01:56,960 --> 00:02:00,920 Speaker 2: of your emotions getting involved is you're not open, you 40 00:02:01,480 --> 00:02:05,840 Speaker 2: close offensive And yeah, absolutely, yeah exactly so, And like, 41 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:09,280 Speaker 2: it's not I'm not saying anything particularly erodyte by saying 42 00:02:09,320 --> 00:02:12,600 Speaker 2: that anger is the protector of fear. So when you're 43 00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:15,040 Speaker 2: in when you're having an argument with someone, you're scared 44 00:02:15,040 --> 00:02:16,600 Speaker 2: about losing something. 45 00:02:16,440 --> 00:02:18,040 Speaker 1: Let's stick with the welfare of your child. 46 00:02:18,120 --> 00:02:21,079 Speaker 2: Argument, you get angry. You get angry because you're defending 47 00:02:21,120 --> 00:02:24,760 Speaker 2: your position. So I started thinking, because it's as I 48 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,320 Speaker 2: said before, it's it's almost unavoidable that emotions are going 49 00:02:27,320 --> 00:02:29,120 Speaker 2: to get involved when you're talking about something you care 50 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:31,839 Speaker 2: about with someone you love. So is there a way 51 00:02:31,840 --> 00:02:35,560 Speaker 2: to bypass your emotions. When do your emotions most get involved? 52 00:02:35,639 --> 00:02:36,440 Speaker 1: That's a question for you. 53 00:02:36,440 --> 00:02:39,640 Speaker 3: Woods When do they get involved most? I'd say when 54 00:02:39,720 --> 00:02:43,080 Speaker 3: you interpret what someone is saying as an attack. Yeah, 55 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:47,320 Speaker 3: but your emotions step up to protect you. Or I 56 00:02:47,360 --> 00:02:49,679 Speaker 3: feel like your body puts the emotions in there or 57 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:51,480 Speaker 3: the anger in there, yeah, because it's going like get 58 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:52,080 Speaker 3: your guards up. 59 00:02:52,160 --> 00:02:54,120 Speaker 1: Yeah, because you're about to be taken down if you're not. 60 00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:56,280 Speaker 3: And it's just like a protective mechanism that your body 61 00:02:56,320 --> 00:02:57,720 Speaker 3: has done over its entire life. 62 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:58,000 Speaker 1: Yeah. 63 00:02:58,040 --> 00:02:59,680 Speaker 2: And I think, but I think you answered the question 64 00:02:59,760 --> 00:03:02,600 Speaker 2: in the first couple of words. You get angry when 65 00:03:02,639 --> 00:03:05,520 Speaker 2: someone's saying it to you. Yeah, The emotion comes up 66 00:03:05,520 --> 00:03:08,320 Speaker 2: when you're face to face. That's when you have a 67 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,240 Speaker 2: real issue. So if we go back to how do 68 00:03:10,240 --> 00:03:12,920 Speaker 2: you stay connected doing it during an argument, maybe the 69 00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:16,160 Speaker 2: first solution to this is not have it face to face. 70 00:03:16,919 --> 00:03:18,760 Speaker 2: So one of the things I learned when I was 71 00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:22,320 Speaker 2: doing the Shami Mood app was that a lot of psychologists, 72 00:03:22,360 --> 00:03:25,200 Speaker 2: if they're really struggling to connect with their patients or 73 00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:28,679 Speaker 2: their clients at the time is they won't talk to 74 00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:29,480 Speaker 2: them face to face. 75 00:03:29,720 --> 00:03:31,239 Speaker 1: So sometimes they'll get them to write. 76 00:03:31,120 --> 00:03:34,160 Speaker 2: Down what they're thinking and what they're feeling, and then 77 00:03:34,160 --> 00:03:36,760 Speaker 2: the cycle will read that and then they understand them 78 00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:37,760 Speaker 2: without having. 79 00:03:37,600 --> 00:03:38,280 Speaker 1: To probe them. 80 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 3: If I'm mid fight, though, yeah, and I go stop 81 00:03:42,080 --> 00:03:45,240 Speaker 3: two seconds, can you write down on this piece of paper? Heyfiling, 82 00:03:45,280 --> 00:03:46,920 Speaker 3: I think that piece of paper, get scrunched up and 83 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:47,680 Speaker 3: throw it in my face. 84 00:03:48,680 --> 00:03:52,880 Speaker 2: So Sam my partners, English is her second language, so 85 00:03:52,920 --> 00:03:55,760 Speaker 2: sometimes when we get into a really heated argument, she 86 00:03:56,120 --> 00:03:58,280 Speaker 2: physically has to tap out because she can't keep up. 87 00:03:58,960 --> 00:04:01,280 Speaker 2: So her English just gets to a point where she goes, 88 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,680 Speaker 2: I can't do this this argument in your language, because 89 00:04:04,680 --> 00:04:07,360 Speaker 2: I can't. I haven't got the responsiveness and I'm going 90 00:04:07,440 --> 00:04:10,240 Speaker 2: to lose effectively. And as soon as she says to me, 91 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:11,600 Speaker 2: I'm going to lose this argument. 92 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:12,400 Speaker 1: It's funny. 93 00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,960 Speaker 4: What that does to me is the arguer, Geez, I 94 00:04:16,160 --> 00:04:16,440 Speaker 4: put to. 95 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,880 Speaker 1: The jugular time time to really get it. I've got 96 00:04:18,880 --> 00:04:20,159 Speaker 1: her on the back call in the cal r. 97 00:04:21,839 --> 00:04:24,240 Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I immediately go, geez, I'm not here to 98 00:04:24,279 --> 00:04:27,200 Speaker 2: beat you. I didn't want to do that, So I 99 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:28,960 Speaker 2: think it's funny you say that, but I think if 100 00:04:28,960 --> 00:04:31,800 Speaker 2: you can build in a mechanism. This obviously sounds like 101 00:04:31,800 --> 00:04:33,479 Speaker 2: I'm talking relationships and I am, but it might be 102 00:04:33,520 --> 00:04:36,520 Speaker 2: at work it two where you have a safe word, 103 00:04:36,680 --> 00:04:38,800 Speaker 2: but you have a moment where you go, yo, we're 104 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:41,880 Speaker 2: arguing right now. I don't want to stop talking about this, 105 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:45,080 Speaker 2: but can I text you what I think about this? 106 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:47,960 Speaker 4: Can I write it down for you? Also, when I 107 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,080 Speaker 4: made the share my mood AUP. 108 00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:52,040 Speaker 2: We spoke to a mutual friend of ours, Tyson, who 109 00:04:52,080 --> 00:04:54,679 Speaker 2: when he was feeling really flat and stuff, he couldn't 110 00:04:54,720 --> 00:04:56,720 Speaker 2: talk to his partner about it, so they would. 111 00:04:56,480 --> 00:04:58,360 Speaker 1: Text on the couch to each other. 112 00:04:58,600 --> 00:05:00,600 Speaker 2: They would sit on the same couch and text each 113 00:05:00,600 --> 00:05:02,039 Speaker 2: other and that was the way that he got his 114 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:05,320 Speaker 2: point across. So there are other ways of communicating with 115 00:05:05,360 --> 00:05:07,520 Speaker 2: the people that you're with other than sitting down face 116 00:05:07,560 --> 00:05:09,160 Speaker 2: to face and just having it out with them. I 117 00:05:09,200 --> 00:05:11,719 Speaker 2: don't think it's the preferred method of communication, but in 118 00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,520 Speaker 2: terms of actually getting through something, I think it's a 119 00:05:14,560 --> 00:05:18,240 Speaker 2: really good idea to put down tools and actually find 120 00:05:18,240 --> 00:05:20,720 Speaker 2: another way to finish the argument without actually having an argument. 121 00:05:20,880 --> 00:05:22,800 Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, so writing it down. 122 00:05:23,360 --> 00:05:25,039 Speaker 2: The last place that I found out about this I 123 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:28,840 Speaker 2: was listening to Hamish Blake's podcast, how Are the Dad's Dad? 124 00:05:28,440 --> 00:05:30,080 Speaker 4: Great idea for a podcast? 125 00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:33,719 Speaker 2: Absolutely whish we had to have that first, and the 126 00:05:33,720 --> 00:05:35,840 Speaker 2: most entertaining person in Australia didn't do it before us. 127 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:39,600 Speaker 2: But he has a chat with Adam Hills and he 128 00:05:39,640 --> 00:05:42,839 Speaker 2: talks about this argument that Hamish had with his son Sonny, 129 00:05:43,000 --> 00:05:45,920 Speaker 2: and they're having this argument and Hamish ends up writing 130 00:05:45,960 --> 00:05:47,760 Speaker 2: to him because they were sending letters to each other 131 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:48,200 Speaker 2: at the time. 132 00:05:48,320 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 1: Oh adorable. It was really cute. 133 00:05:49,680 --> 00:05:51,559 Speaker 2: And he wrote him a letter about how he felt 134 00:05:51,560 --> 00:05:53,320 Speaker 2: and how he was really sorry for what had happened, 135 00:05:53,640 --> 00:05:55,880 Speaker 2: and then Sonny wrote him a note back and they 136 00:05:55,880 --> 00:06:00,240 Speaker 2: didn't even talk about it afterwards, but then resolved the conflict. Yeah, 137 00:06:00,480 --> 00:06:02,240 Speaker 2: so even with your kids might be an idea. 138 00:06:02,360 --> 00:06:04,120 Speaker 1: Okay, there you go. 139 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:07,960 Speaker 4: That's the tidbit for today. Yeah, the pen is Mightier 140 00:06:07,960 --> 00:06:08,680 Speaker 4: than the sword. 141 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,960 Speaker 1: Nice, that's Shakespeare. 142 00:06:12,320 --> 00:06:15,200 Speaker 2: Now you're done with that, why not check out more 143 00:06:15,279 --> 00:06:18,000 Speaker 2: from Will and Woody on The Full Show podcast.