Speaker 1: This episode was recorded on Cameragle Land. Hi guys, and
Speaker 1: welcome back to another episode of Laugh on Cut.
Speaker 2: I'm Laura, I'm Brittany.
Speaker 3: Brittany has gastro no. I.
Speaker 2: Firstly, I just had this thought. I often forget the
Speaker 2: stuff that we talk about on here.
Speaker 3: I forget them.
Speaker 2: My biggest fan in the world is my dad. Puny
Speaker 2: listens shout out. He listens to every episode.
Speaker 1: Does he listen to every single one? Still every episode.
Speaker 2: He gets up at four thirty am every day to
Speaker 2: work out, to do his pull ups yep, to do
Speaker 2: but big big tomes. He's keeping fear and he listens
Speaker 2: to the podcast. And I often get messages from him,
Speaker 2: you know, if he is inspired by an interview, or
Speaker 2: he gives me really good feedback, like he genuinely listens.
Speaker 2: He's like, hey, Britty, I loved what this such and
Speaker 2: such sett in this episode and was really thought, Perican,
Speaker 2: it was interesting to hear your guys opinion on this,
Speaker 2: and it's always like quite deep, you know, good feedback,
Speaker 2: solid feedback.
Speaker 3: We stand as supportive daddy. That's nice.
Speaker 2: The other day it was like, ah, heard you had
Speaker 2: a little bit of fun at the laser clinic.
Speaker 3: Sorry.
Speaker 2: So remember when I was talking about laser getting laser
Speaker 2: and the blowing air was on my vagina and I
Speaker 2: said it was ticklish, and he's like, excuse, like, hey, bringing,
Speaker 2: it's just good to know what you're keeping maintenance down there,
Speaker 2: and like he just jokes about it. I'm like, I
Speaker 2: just forget that. My dad listens to me.
Speaker 4: We kind of different version of the audio that your
Speaker 4: dad will cut of anything to do with body or
Speaker 4: sex with Ben, Like we're just an amended version.
Speaker 1: But also it's game of your dad to say anything,
Speaker 1: like you can listen. They're the conversations you don't bring up.
Speaker 3: They're the found mention.
Speaker 2: Nah, there's My family is one of those families, the
Speaker 2: six of us. My parents been married forty eight years
Speaker 2: or something, and that would be a dinner table conversation,
Speaker 2: like there's nothing that is off limits, like the idea
Speaker 2: of talking about sex and all that stuff. We were
Speaker 2: such an open family, which I love now I love
Speaker 2: and I didn't realize it was so open at the time.
Speaker 2: I thought it was normal, Like it just created an
Speaker 2: environment where you could talk about anything. And like my parents,
Speaker 2: it used to make us cringe, but we would know
Speaker 2: when they'd had sex growing up, not as kids, but
Speaker 2: as teach.
Speaker 3: I'm disgusted for you.
Speaker 4: Laura and I shudder in divorced parents totally.
Speaker 2: But as teenagers you just know that come out Dad
Speaker 2: give like mom a little hit on the bottom and
Speaker 2: you'd know. And I'd be like, you guys had sex,
Speaker 2: didn't you, And Dad'd be like, yeah we did, Mo'm
Speaker 2: and be like, tell me of the kids, Like it
Speaker 2: was just that kind of a family. And I get
Speaker 2: now as an adult that that I was a minority.
Speaker 2: And actually I drove my friend to work today and
Speaker 2: she said, you know how rare it is to have
Speaker 2: your family unit these days, Like to have parents that
Speaker 2: are still together for so long.
Speaker 3: And that's still like each other and still like each other,
Speaker 3: is still attracted to each other.
Speaker 1: Yeah, lots of parents like live amicably and like they
Speaker 1: co parent and they're like, you know, they're in the
Speaker 1: comfort stage.
Speaker 4: I've never related to something you've ever said less same same.
Speaker 4: I literally have broken home, Like I've never once seen
Speaker 4: my parents even thinking all the way back when tap
Speaker 4: each other on the bum in a cheeky way.
Speaker 1: If anyone wants to talk about parents fighting over child support,
Speaker 1: like I can really relate to that slide into my DM.
Speaker 4: If anyone has like a three month period where they
Speaker 4: didn't see their parents speak, I'm with you.
Speaker 3: You know what's so funny.
Speaker 2: I can't imagine my dad.
Speaker 1: You guys will know Terry Byurn. He lives on Magnetic Island.
Speaker 1: He lives with the Koalas. He's like one with the koalas.
Speaker 1: No wi fi, no, no, absolutely no wi fi. Oh,
Speaker 1: actually he might have it now. He's definitely got a
Speaker 1: mobile phone. Every day I get a nature update from
Speaker 1: my dad. He still doesn't really understand what a podcast is.
Speaker 1: He calls it a pod book.
Speaker 2: I actually love that so much.
Speaker 1: And I never ever have to worry about him hearing
Speaker 1: or knowing anything that I say or do.
Speaker 3: So that's fine. I'm in the clear with Terry Burrn.
Speaker 2: You're in the same bone.
Speaker 4: And my dad doesn't know that I have ADHD. He
Speaker 4: created a whole timpart mini series about it.
Speaker 5: But I was like, it's fine.
Speaker 4: He doesn't have Instagram or he doesn't know how to
Speaker 4: listen to podcasts, So I'm in the clear.
Speaker 3: Should you just maybe send him, would you? Yeah, it's probably.
Speaker 2: Things in it.
Speaker 3: Kusha doesn't want him to hear to be honest it Yeah.
Speaker 2: Well, like that time that you got the liplip and
Speaker 2: couldn't give a blow jobs. I don't want you to
Speaker 2: hear Dad, you don't want you hear that.
Speaker 3: This is my.
Speaker 5: Career, aren't you for us?
Speaker 2: Something else I did want to say is and I
Speaker 2: know that Laura, you're gonna hate what I'm about to say.
Speaker 2: I was, well, I was because it's about like manifesting.
Speaker 3: I don't hate manifesting.
Speaker 1: We can talk about that in a second, but like,
Speaker 1: I don't hate it, I have reasons to dislike the
Speaker 1: version of manifesting that's kind of touted.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well this is like the it's like an anti
Speaker 2: manifest manifest probably isn't the word, but you know how
Speaker 2: a couple of weeks ago, we were talking about how
Speaker 2: I had said Delilah's never been to the hospital, she
Speaker 2: has never been sick before, and then three hours later
Speaker 2: I was taking it to the emergency VET and I
Speaker 2: was like, wow, I wieled that into fruition. That day.
Speaker 2: I did it again. A couple of days ago, so
Speaker 2: on the weekend, I was talking to a girl and
Speaker 2: we were talking about food poisoning. That day, I haven't
Speaker 2: not talked about food poisoning in it's not something that
Speaker 2: comes up right. And I literally said to her, She's like,
Speaker 2: care if you don't get it when you go to
Speaker 2: Balley and I said, oh, yeah, I've been to Bili loads.
Speaker 2: I don't get it. I was like, I actually don't
Speaker 2: get food poisoning, like I couldn't total last time I
Speaker 2: got food poisoning. And she's like, wow, you're so lucky,
Speaker 2: and I was like, yeah, I must have guts of steel.
Speaker 2: So then all of us go out as a group
Speaker 2: that day on National Carbonara Day.
Speaker 1: Mind you, it was also the late celebration for my birthday,
Speaker 1: but I think we were celebrating Carbinara Day.
Speaker 2: It was a week later celebration for Laura's birthday, but
Speaker 2: it was also National Carbonara Day. I only know that
Speaker 2: because carbonara would be the meal that I had on
Speaker 2: my deathbed. Anyway, So we went to this amazing restaurant,
Speaker 2: like quite high end, quite classy, quite expensive, and I
Speaker 2: was like, the Carbonaro is going to be amazing. Waited
Speaker 2: an hour and a half for it. They were very slow.
Speaker 4: We did have a five point thirty booking because it
Speaker 4: was so it was actually so busy that that's the
Speaker 4: only time we could get in.
Speaker 2: It was like a geriatric booking, isn't it. We were like,
Speaker 2: we'll take it.
Speaker 3: It's not a it's a parenting booking.
Speaker 4: Well, I had five thirty or eight thirty when I
Speaker 4: went to book and I knew us well enough to
Speaker 4: know which of those options.
Speaker 3: Five thirty is the mum time slot.
Speaker 2: Okay, five thirty is also my time slot. I don't
Speaker 2: want to go out and start the evening at eight thirty.
Speaker 2: It was quite expensive, like it cost me a couple
Speaker 2: of hundred bucks for the meal. And then I got
Speaker 2: home and that Carbonara did me so dirty that about
Speaker 2: four hours, almost to the minute, I got this pang
Speaker 2: in my stomach and I was like, what's that. I
Speaker 2: was like, oh, that doesn't feel good. Within ten minutes,
Speaker 2: I was on all fours in the bathroom, both ends
Speaker 2: like heaving.
Speaker 3: They are the moments where you're happy you live on
Speaker 3: your own, no.
Speaker 2: There the moments yes, like I don't want Ben to
Speaker 2: be seen that, but also someone to help you in
Speaker 2: those moments would so be good, like don't come in
Speaker 2: the room, don't see it, but like sliding stuff on
Speaker 2: the door.
Speaker 3: I'll never forget I'll never forget when I used to it.
Speaker 1: I mean, so everyone, we have a new videographer, Vanessa.
Speaker 2: Keeping here in the background for a couple of weeks.
Speaker 1: Our video edited Vanessa. So, Nas and I have lived
Speaker 1: together for I mean we were housemates, like when I
Speaker 1: went to the Bachelor, right, So we lived together for
Speaker 1: a really long time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this job's nepotism.
Speaker 3: Yes, she's my child.
Speaker 1: We've been We've been like the closest friends for over
Speaker 1: a decade now decade, he almost a decade.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: And Nessa's wife, Jess, we all lived together before that.
Speaker 1: They were like a married couple. And one night Jess
Speaker 1: got food poisoning so bad. But I was like, is
Speaker 1: she okay?
Speaker 3: Opened the door up.
Speaker 1: There was just like poor thing in the midst of
Speaker 1: both ends dying. And she still hates me and will
Speaker 1: probably hate me telling that story.
Speaker 3: That's okay. I love her.
Speaker 1: It's been seven years six She was like looked at
Speaker 1: me like she was an animal.
Speaker 2: Was like, god, yeah, no one needs to see that.
Speaker 5: I pictured column from Lord of the Rings.
Speaker 4: No, it's like it was another type of ring any
Speaker 4: of us.
Speaker 2: Well, I did message. So I was heaving in the
Speaker 2: bathroom for a long time, and then it sort of
Speaker 2: faded down a little bit and I crawled back into bed,
Speaker 2: like my column, and I messaged the group and I
Speaker 2: was like, is anyone else scuse anyone else feel sick?
Speaker 2: Message Keisha privately. He She's like, are you sure it's
Speaker 2: food poisoning not something else? And I was like, Bro,
Speaker 2: if you saw me right now, you would not be
Speaker 2: questioning that.
Speaker 1: The only thing, though, is and like, you can't say
Speaker 1: that I'm going to hate this. I don't think you
Speaker 1: manifested fantasting. These moments, to me are coincidences. I know
Speaker 1: that there's been two of them recently. Even someone who's
Speaker 1: really into manifesting would say that that's not how manifesting works.
Speaker 2: What's also I'm joking it's the anti manifest anyways.
Speaker 3: Like doing bad things and bad things will happen.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yes, there's got to be something in that, but
Speaker 2: I've been doing it a lot lately.
Speaker 1: For anyone who's really into manifesting, please don't think that
Speaker 1: I don't think it has a purpose. I just don't
Speaker 1: like the simplified version of it. I don't think that
Speaker 1: it is like think good thoughts and you're going to
Speaker 1: get out of situations. I think there are a lot
Speaker 1: of complexities in the lives that we all live, and
Speaker 1: I think that it is a luxury in a lot
Speaker 1: of times to be able to prioritize manifesting. That's not
Speaker 1: to say that I don't think you should have goals
Speaker 1: and work towards achievements and whatnot.
Speaker 4: The thing I don't seem to resonate with is that
Speaker 4: I often will hear people and I think it is
Speaker 4: like a different type of goal set.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 4: You know, you've got the thing that you want written down,
Speaker 4: or maybe you say it, or however you actually go
Speaker 4: about manifesting and then if.
Speaker 2: You achieve it.
Speaker 4: Sometimes I think that if you label it as manifesting,
Speaker 4: I'm like, are you taking it away from the fact
Speaker 4: that you worked really hard towards something like you are
Speaker 4: the reason that that happens. So don't put it down
Speaker 4: to like some spiritual thing you made that happen for yourself.
Speaker 4: And does it maybe take away from like your sense
Speaker 4: of pride about that or your sense of feeling like
Speaker 4: you had determination to reach a certain goal or achieve
Speaker 4: something that you wanted.
Speaker 2: Well, I don't look at manifesting like it's spiritual. I
Speaker 2: look at it as a step in achieving goals. It
Speaker 2: is just another step. Whether it's subconsciously, it makes people
Speaker 2: chase that goal harder when you've written it down and
Speaker 2: you're working towards it and you're thinking about it all
Speaker 2: the time, because that's a big part of manifesting, right,
Speaker 2: It's like thinking about it, looking for it, working for it.
Speaker 2: Then you see opportunities that you might not have seen before.
Speaker 2: You take opportunities you might not have seen before, and
Speaker 2: it all comes back to that idea of like really
Speaker 2: putting into fruition what you want. So it's not that
Speaker 2: you you sit at home and we've spoken about this
Speaker 2: so much, but I believe Ben's new football job came
Speaker 2: off the back of manifesting. And that's a whole another chat,
Speaker 2: and that's not just manifesting. But I taught him how
Speaker 2: to do it. It was definitely a move that was not
Speaker 2: on the cards in any capacity, and we didn't think
Speaker 2: was possible for a multitude of reasons. But I taught
Speaker 2: him how I do it, to write it down and
Speaker 2: think about it, and then off the back of that
Speaker 2: he did things that he probably wouldn't have done otherwise,
Speaker 2: just because it's in the front of your mind. So
Speaker 2: it's just about another step in the road to achieving
Speaker 2: a goal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I guess maybe it is the difference in
Speaker 1: how people describe it, Like I look at it as
Speaker 1: it's a goal setting activity. I think I struggle with
Speaker 1: some people who agree with me, and some people absolutely won't.
Speaker 1: And that's totally fine, Like, please know that me disagreeing
Speaker 1: with it is not me shitting on people's beliefs around it.
Speaker 1: If it works for you, fantastic, totally. But there is
Speaker 1: like a lot of conversations if you've really gone down
Speaker 1: the manifesting research about like raising your vibrations and like
Speaker 1: you know, putting it out into the universe, And there
Speaker 1: is a spirituality element to it for a lot of people.
Speaker 1: And I think that is probably the side of it
Speaker 1: that I struggle with.
Speaker 3: Don't get me wrong.
Speaker 1: I think like good mental health is important. Having all
Speaker 1: of your goals set out is so important for keeping
Speaker 1: it front of mind and achieving things. I just don't
Speaker 1: use that terminology. I don't use high vibration low vibration.
Speaker 1: It doesn't resonate with me and with my skepticism.
Speaker 4: That's all. There's also that thing I've just googled it
Speaker 4: because I couldn't remember what it was actually called. It's
Speaker 4: I could be mispronouncing this the beta Mainhoff phenomenon, also
Speaker 4: known as the frequency illusion, and that's when you think
Speaker 4: about something then suddenly you notice it everywhere totally like
Speaker 4: it's a proven psychological concept.
Speaker 1: This is very similar to the theories around angel numbers.
Speaker 1: And don't get me wrong, like I said, some of
Speaker 1: this stuff I do believe it, and some of the
Speaker 1: stuff I like find it contradictory in myself. But angel numbers,
Speaker 1: if you start seeing you know one one one or
Speaker 1: one one one one or whatever, that there's quite a
Speaker 1: few of them.
Speaker 3: They all mean different things.
Speaker 1: They are meant to mean different signs, and there's this
Speaker 1: belief that it is its spirits guiding you the universe,
Speaker 1: showing you that you're on the right path, or trying
Speaker 1: to redirect you or to reassure you. There's loads of
Speaker 1: different the kind of affirmations around it. But it is
Speaker 1: also something that when you become very aware of your
Speaker 1: brain is wired to look for it. There's this amazing
Speaker 1: I think I've done it with you guys a while back,
Speaker 1: but I might even try it now. I went through
Speaker 1: a really really shitty time in my early twenties, like
Speaker 1: a really bad mental health space. I remember I was
Speaker 1: sitting at my work desk and I was just crying
Speaker 1: at my laptop and my boss came over and he
Speaker 1: was like, what's going on? Had just gone through a
Speaker 1: bad breakup, but it was like a lot of my
Speaker 1: mental health, I think at that age of my life
Speaker 1: was revolved around my relationship, which wasn't particularly good. And
Speaker 1: he took me into a boardroom and he was like, Hey,
Speaker 1: I just really want you to listen to this experiment,
Speaker 1: this activity, and I was very negative. I was like,
Speaker 1: very upset about everything that was going on in my life,
Speaker 1: not just my relationship, but the flow and effect that
Speaker 1: it had had in every facet of my life. And So,
Speaker 1: unless you're in a car, do this activity with me. Now,
Speaker 1: close your eyes.
Speaker 5: Well, this is fun closure.
Speaker 2: Don't be on a cliff walk now either.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Same, if you're somewhere safe, like in your house, in
Speaker 1: your room, whatever, close your eyes. Okay, on the count
Speaker 1: of three, I'm going to ask you to open your
Speaker 1: eyes and look around the room for every single thing
Speaker 1: that you can find that is brown. You have to
Speaker 1: really focus close your eyes cicature. Focus on everything that's brown.
Speaker 1: Really remember the specificness of it, the textures, the colors
Speaker 1: of the brown, because I'm going to ask you to
Speaker 1: recite them. So you've got like three to four seconds.
Speaker 1: I'll tell you when to close your eyes again. Okay,
Speaker 1: open your eyes. Look for brown, brown, brown, brown, brown, brown.
Speaker 1: Look around behind you, look everywhere brown. Close your eyes.
Speaker 1: I want you to tell me everything that you saw
Speaker 1: that was green. Keep your eyes closed.
Speaker 4: The only things that I can label that are green
Speaker 4: are because we're in this room consistently, and I just
Speaker 4: know the things that are green. I know that parts
Speaker 4: of the podcast machine and green. I know that there's
Speaker 4: a plant behind me. I would not have if we
Speaker 4: were in an unfamiliar room. I wouldn't be able.
Speaker 3: To tell you those things.
Speaker 1: Can you think of any one thing that's not something
Speaker 1: you see every day that's green? No, Okay, open your
Speaker 1: eyes and then look around the room for things that
Speaker 1: might be green that you wouldn't have necessarily noticed, Like
Speaker 1: over there, there's a green thing on your coffee cup,
Speaker 1: there's a green tape on the camera. The thing is
Speaker 1: you train your brain to only see what it is
Speaker 1: that you're looking for so, if you're looking for the
Speaker 1: brown in your life, i e. The shit in your life,
Speaker 1: you will only see that version of it. Your brain
Speaker 1: doesn't have the capacity to focus on multiple things. And
Speaker 1: so when we talk about this idea and this is
Speaker 1: I guess my version of manifestation, it's retraining your brain
Speaker 1: to focus on the things that are positive or are
Speaker 1: good and are not saying, you know, toxic positivity, but
Speaker 1: like really looking for those things, because if all you're
Speaker 1: seeing is brown, you will only see brown.
Speaker 3: You will never see the green.
Speaker 2: But that is the psychology behind manifestation. It's the whole thing.
Speaker 2: Once you've written it down and you're thinking about it,
Speaker 2: you are looking for those things and those opportunities when
Speaker 2: they present themselves that you wouldn't normally look for. If
Speaker 2: it wasn't front of mine.
Speaker 1: I'd be so interested for anyone who actually just did
Speaker 1: that activity, Like, let me know how it went, did you, Like?
Speaker 1: Because when I did it in the room that day,
Speaker 1: I looked around and I recalled all these brown things,
Speaker 1: and then I opened my eyes and like, right in
Speaker 1: front of me was this little pop plant that had
Speaker 1: been there the whole time, this plastic green pop plant,
Speaker 1: and I just hadn't seen it.
Speaker 3: I hadn't seen anything.
Speaker 1: And the more I looked around the room, the more
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, like I really had just completely
Speaker 1: discarded all of those things, and it really helped me
Speaker 1: to rewrite how I see things when I'm going through
Speaker 1: challenging negative times in my life.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I mean that was a weird tangent.
Speaker 1: We didn't even plan to talk about manifestation today, but
Speaker 1: here we are.
Speaker 5: No.
Speaker 2: But then, like, just so we know, I am joking
Speaker 2: when I said I manifested my your diarrhea and my
Speaker 2: popping in.
Speaker 4: Like that, Just to be clear, I had a bit
Speaker 4: of your carbonara and I also felt a little bit sick,
Speaker 4: and that's why I asked you.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I was like, oh, we're food sharers. I don't
Speaker 2: know if I do want to completely like shame and
Speaker 2: blame the carbon era because we did also have prosudo
Speaker 2: that it could have.
Speaker 3: I ate the precuido and I was fine, dam was
Speaker 3: a cab and Ira girls.
Speaker 2: God.
Speaker 1: Anyway, something has been going on in my life from
Speaker 1: I feel like there'll be other parents out there, particularly
Speaker 1: probably mums who can resonate with this. It is Easter
Speaker 1: Hat Parade week.
Speaker 3: I wish that we did.
Speaker 5: These kind of thing for work.
Speaker 3: Remember last Halloween?
Speaker 2: You want to here. I just want to add a little.
Speaker 4: Bit of novelty, Like how cute wouldn' it be if
Speaker 4: we were all sitting here in at easter hat guys,
Speaker 4: it would be good social content. Okay, It's like that
Speaker 4: time it was Halloween and Keisha wore little little ghost
Speaker 4: buns and I didn't.
Speaker 3: I didn't My people loved them. I didn't quite know
Speaker 3: what they were.
Speaker 1: It took me so long, and it was halfway through
Speaker 1: the record that you were like, do their ghosts?
Speaker 3: And I thought you just kind of dressed out like
Speaker 3: little Lamb and the prairie for the day. And I
Speaker 3: didn't know what. I didn't want to Rakish.
Speaker 2: We're not stopping you. If you want to come in
Speaker 2: here in an easta hat.
Speaker 3: Do it myself.
Speaker 5: I'm thirty one years old, it look like.
Speaker 2: But even if there's three of us doing it, we're
Speaker 2: all still thirty year.
Speaker 3: Olds doing these. I'm almost forty. I have a hot
Speaker 3: glue gun at home. I'm ready to go. Come on over,
Speaker 3: you can rumble tonight. I would love to do arts
Speaker 3: and crafts with So it's Easter hat parade we are.
Speaker 1: I've got to go back to Kmart tonight to go
Speaker 1: and get more things so that I can do Like
Speaker 1: the most epic Easter hat tonight is the hot glue
Speaker 1: gun night.
Speaker 3: It's the whole thing.
Speaker 1: I've got to make one for Lola, even though she
Speaker 1: doesn't even have one at her preschool. And then Marley's
Speaker 1: got very specific theming. I feel like the Easter hat
Speaker 1: in our household is turning into the cake creation in
Speaker 1: like the Hamish Blake's household.
Speaker 3: It's like the equivalent.
Speaker 2: Who has put the specifications on Marley's the school or
Speaker 2: Marley Marley.
Speaker 1: Oh, so what is she at? The creative genius. We've
Speaker 1: bought all these different toys that are getting stuck on
Speaker 1: the hat. She wants green crepe paper to go around
Speaker 1: it so that the bunnies look like they're sitting in
Speaker 1: a field. Then she wants Easter eggs. She wants plastic ones,
Speaker 1: but also real ones stuck onto the hat.
Speaker 3: The whole thing is just like what do you do
Speaker 3: with them afterwards?
Speaker 1: Right? You sit them in the cupboard. I have like
Speaker 1: a one cupboard that's just full of fucking Easter hats.
Speaker 3: Last three years, I don't. I don't really do.
Speaker 4: I have a business idea we could have, like no,
Speaker 4: like a exchange easter hats each year.
Speaker 2: Easter hatswap, yeah, because then you never have to make
Speaker 2: one for your kid again. You just get one. That's
Speaker 2: fuck yeah, that's brilliant.
Speaker 3: Cycle recycle.
Speaker 5: It could be like the sister of the Traveling Pants,
Speaker 5: but the Easter hat.
Speaker 4: And you've got to leave like a letter about your
Speaker 4: experiences in the year.
Speaker 2: I love this.
Speaker 3: Did you win the year? Priorly? Where did you place?
Speaker 3: Because it's competitive, Where did you play?
Speaker 4: Yes, we want top three, but it's got to be
Speaker 4: tiered because if you're a really good easter hat maker
Speaker 4: and then you swat with someone who's a shit hat maker.
Speaker 1: I'm creative and competitive, So both of these things they
Speaker 1: take seriously. But actually, the reason why I wanted to
Speaker 1: talk about this isn't so much about the Easter hats,
Speaker 1: although I'm sure we all have very fond memories of
Speaker 1: being in school and the Easter hat parade. It is
Speaker 1: the duality of being a working parent and also having
Speaker 1: your kids do something that they're really excited about at school.
Speaker 1: And we had a moment this morning, so obviously we're
Speaker 1: making the hat tonight, excited, excited, excited. The parades on Friday,
Speaker 1: it's at nine forty five, and I can't go because
Speaker 1: I have a photo shoot for Tony Mayon that's been
Speaker 1: planned for ages, long before I knew that the Easter
Speaker 1: Hat parade was on, and it's all paid for it
Speaker 1: and I can't cancel it.
Speaker 3: I explained that to Maley and she was so upset.
Speaker 1: But then, to make matters worse, Matt also has something
Speaker 1: that he can't move, so she was in absolutely hysterics.
Speaker 3: The solution is Nana is going to go.
Speaker 1: We're very lucky living with Ellie that Ellie steps up
Speaker 1: to the plate in the instances where we're not able
Speaker 1: to do it. But I think that there's this increasing
Speaker 1: expectation on our generation of parenting to be available, ever present,
Speaker 1: to be ever present at things that are in working hours.
Speaker 1: And I try so hard, like I would say that
Speaker 1: we do make it to ninety percent of them, but
Speaker 1: the disappointment that they feel, and the disappointment you feel
Speaker 1: as a parent when you aren't able to move work
Speaker 1: things like you feel like you're not doing a good
Speaker 1: job and you feel like what kind of trauma am
Speaker 1: I creating in my child that I wasn't there for
Speaker 1: these key moments when every other parent is going to
Speaker 1: be there to see their kid do something that they're
Speaker 1: so excited about.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but I don't think every other parent is going
Speaker 2: to be there. And I think it's an unrealistic expectation
Speaker 2: to expect parents to be available consistently through school hours.
Speaker 2: It is not the norm, and I know the expectations
Speaker 2: are increasing, but I just think that we probably need
Speaker 2: to take a step back from that and say, hey,
Speaker 2: you know what they're Most families that I know are
Speaker 2: duel workers. Both parents go to work. Not everybody runs
Speaker 2: their own business. Not everybody has the luxury to have
Speaker 2: one parent stay home full time and still earn enough
Speaker 2: to live in the economic climate they were in.
Speaker 3: Like, it's not a luxury some families.
Speaker 1: It's actually financially more viable for a parent to stay
Speaker 1: home and take care of their kids then put them
Speaker 1: in daycare. There's so many reasons why people have the
Speaker 1: setup that.
Speaker 2: They have totally, but there's so many people that do
Speaker 2: have to go to work as both parents, and that
Speaker 2: is just like I just think to my childhood one
Speaker 2: of four kids, and my parents both worked jobs that
Speaker 2: meant that they had to go to work. If my
Speaker 2: parents were leaving every time one of the four kids
Speaker 2: has something to attend, neither of them would work, Like
Speaker 2: you would be impossible, and they came to the things
Speaker 2: that were really important or if they could move their
Speaker 2: work around. But I turned out just fine, Like it
Speaker 2: doesn't it did.
Speaker 1: I guess the thing, though, is is with that And
Speaker 1: this is probably like the big question that you ask
Speaker 1: as a parent is what to find something that's really important.
Speaker 1: The Easter hat parade is something that's so important to her.
Speaker 1: Mollly doesn't care about sports. She's got cross country on Wednesday.
Speaker 1: She's like, I'm not running, don't come. I'm not running
Speaker 1: around the school. I hate running. But an Easter happ
Speaker 1: parade is something that is like deeply exciting for her.
Speaker 1: But she is absolutely stoked on it, and it's something
Speaker 1: that we're doing as an activity together, Like she's really
Speaker 1: proud of it, and she's been talking about it for
Speaker 1: weeks and so I guess in this instance, this is
Speaker 1: something that is important to her and normally I would
Speaker 1: move mountain and earth to try and be there, but
Speaker 1: this one I physically can't move like there are moments
Speaker 1: where you just have such immense guilt and you're like,
Speaker 1: I know that I'll make it up in other ways,
Speaker 1: but it's a really shitty thing to try and juggle
Speaker 1: when you've got to do it all.
Speaker 4: I think this is actually a flow and effect. Like
Speaker 4: we know that we're the therapy generation. We like to
Speaker 4: psychoanalyze everything. We'd like to unpack out trauma, and for
Speaker 4: some people that that is real trauma. For some people
Speaker 4: bullets trauma with a little tea. I think that there's
Speaker 4: been this shift in the way that our behavior can be,
Speaker 4: you know, in our romantic relationships, before we had an
Speaker 4: absent parent or if we had, you know, a parent
Speaker 4: that wasn't emotionally engaged with us, and we we kind
Speaker 4: of know what the flow and effects of that are.
Speaker 5: But also that has a scale.
Speaker 4: You can have a parent that is completely emotionally absent
Speaker 4: and completely physically absent, or you can have a parent
Speaker 4: that's not able to go to one little thing that
Speaker 4: their child is wanting them to be at because they
Speaker 4: have other responsibilities or other commitments that they can't get
Speaker 4: out of. And I think that we've kind of almost
Speaker 4: equated them to be the same, and like the flow
Speaker 4: and effects for the kid are going to be the same.
Speaker 4: And that's probably why you feel guilty because you're like, oh,
Speaker 4: you know, I'm not able to be present for every
Speaker 4: single thing that she wants me to be. Therefore, you
Speaker 4: even made a joke of like, how's this going to
Speaker 4: fuck her up in the future?
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 5: The reality is when we were growing up, our parents.
Speaker 4: Missed a lot of things because it was just the
Speaker 4: that was just the way it was, you know, and
Speaker 4: we kind of just had to accept it.
Speaker 1: And I guess the other question is is, like, disappointment
Speaker 1: is a reality of life. Obviously, you don't want to
Speaker 1: be disappointed by your parents. That's the terror to feel
Speaker 1: that down by. But have we almost overcorrected in some
Speaker 1: ways where we're so fearful of ever allowing our kids
Speaker 1: to feel a sense of disappointment. And maybe I'm saying
Speaker 1: this to make myself feel better. I am probably self
Speaker 1: soothing with this anyway, But like, is that something that
Speaker 1: is like if it is meted and it is infrequent,
Speaker 1: a level of disappointment is something that every kid has
Speaker 1: to experience from a resilience perspective, because people aren't able
Speaker 1: to show up for every single thing, every single time,
Speaker 1: one hundred percent. I'm sure this parents will disagree with me,
Speaker 1: but I get that I try to make myself feel better.
Speaker 2: Guys agree with you reports on it. Kids need to
Speaker 2: feel levels of independence paying discomfort. They need to be
Speaker 2: able to feel emotions so they know how to correct
Speaker 2: them and what to do with them. Like if we
Speaker 2: are telling them how to feel all the time and
Speaker 2: how to do things all the time. If a kid's
Speaker 2: trying to tie his shoelace and we don't let them
Speaker 2: figure it out and we just do it for them,
Speaker 2: like all of these little things matter, but part of
Speaker 2: life is feeling discomfort and trying to work it out
Speaker 2: and disappointment. Like you, just perspective is really important, and
Speaker 2: maybe that is what people teach their kids more because
Speaker 2: there are kids that don't have families at all, so
Speaker 2: it's about maybe putting things into perpective. There's kids that
Speaker 2: don't go to a school that would never have an
Speaker 2: Easter hat parade, or kids that don't have everroof over
Speaker 2: their head, or so maybe it's just broader conversations. Having
Speaker 2: said that, maybe something you could tell her is that
Speaker 2: Ellie will FaceTime you or something, so without physically being there,
Speaker 2: you'll watch it live. You're going to see her walking down,
Speaker 2: but just from a distance, so she knows that you're
Speaker 2: still watching it happen, but you're physically not there. And
Speaker 2: maybe that is like a way to meet in the middle,
Speaker 2: so she knows you're watching because you'll feel that pride
Speaker 2: when she's walking down in a hat.
Speaker 1: Let me say though, like thank God for excellent grandparents
Speaker 1: who step up, Like that's the village, right, that's the
Speaker 1: village that you need around you because it is so
Speaker 1: hard to do it all when you are working full
Speaker 1: time and you have kids and everything else. I'm no
Speaker 1: busier than anybody else, like everyone else is juggling so
Speaker 1: much as well. But when grandparents want to be grandparents
Speaker 1: and they step up to the plate and they can
Speaker 1: play that maternal role in a fair it's all paternal role,
Speaker 1: you know, it's fucking wonderful. And you know I know that,
Speaker 1: Like obviously, so Ellie's lived with us for like the
Speaker 1: last year now almost, and at the start, so many people.
Speaker 3: Were like, oh my god, living with your mother in law.
Speaker 3: That's crazy.
Speaker 1: And to be honest, I was cautious about how it
Speaker 1: was going to be. You know, I was unsure that
Speaker 1: the benefit and the love that those kids get because
Speaker 1: they had their grandparent in the household. It's been the
Speaker 1: most incredible experience. Like I love it so much.
Speaker 3: I feel very, very grateful.
Speaker 1: Something that I wanted to talk about, and it really
Speaker 1: ties into the conversation we were just happening around having
Speaker 1: the village around you or a sense of community. I
Speaker 1: came across a substack article and I sent it in
Speaker 1: the group chat because it really hit me the content
Speaker 1: of this.
Speaker 3: It's written by a woman, Fluorine Tideman.
Speaker 1: She's a writer who contributes to Pop Sugar Murray Claire
Speaker 1: and it is titled enough with the Boundaries Already Losing
Speaker 1: my stepfather showed me the community we are sacrificing for
Speaker 1: our so called boundaries very much. I would say that
Speaker 1: we are the generation that speaks so much about boundary
Speaker 1: setting and the importance of boundary setting. We're also a
Speaker 1: generation that has had some of the highest rates of
Speaker 1: loneliness and disconnection. I really wanted to read you some
Speaker 1: of this, but before I do, just to set up
Speaker 1: what this substack was about. Florine she recently lost her stepfather,
Speaker 1: and she helped support her mum through his battle with
Speaker 1: brain cancer, and she was there side by side caring
Speaker 1: throughout his palliative care journey. And what she witnessed was
Speaker 1: the incredible community that her stepfather and her mum had
Speaker 1: around them during this time. Neighbors popping over to walk
Speaker 1: the dog, people dropping off food, people just really showing
Speaker 1: up in droves. And I guess it made her ask
Speaker 1: the question as to whether that would be something that
Speaker 1: she would receive if she was in this position. Has
Speaker 1: she built a community and this sense of community around her?
Speaker 1: And I'm not talking about your best friends. I'm talking
Speaker 1: about your neighbors. I'm talking about people who were within
Speaker 1: the same street as this couple who lived there, because
Speaker 1: they had this real sense of localized community as well.
Speaker 1: This is what she had to say about it, and
Speaker 1: it is this conversation that has a cross comparison of generations.
Speaker 1: She wrote, I have amazing friends in my life. Don't
Speaker 1: get me wrong. I am privileged to call such strong
Speaker 1: and interesting people my friends, and they were there for
Speaker 1: me throughout this time. I'm not trying to imply that
Speaker 1: they are anything less than a solid support system. Rather,
Speaker 1: I'm trying to share an observation about millennials and especially
Speaker 1: GenZ as someone on the cusp of both of these generations.
Speaker 1: While we have close friendships, besties and more, we don't
Speaker 1: quite have that community. We wouldn't drive each other to
Speaker 1: the airport. We'd expect someone to take public transport or
Speaker 1: get nubah. Why give up more time than it would
Speaker 1: take them. We just don't see the sentimental touch of
Speaker 1: dropping someone off or picking them up at the airport.
Speaker 1: We look at the cost of our time. We prioritize
Speaker 1: practicality over sentimentality. And I guess the big question I
Speaker 1: had around this is definitely about community. But do you
Speaker 1: think that we are the generation that is so obsessed
Speaker 1: with this sense of convenience and boundary setting over a
Speaker 1: sense of collective community.
Speaker 2: So funny you say that, because I had this exact
Speaker 2: argument with Ben last night. So when you said the
Speaker 2: airport pick up, we don't take people to the airport anymore.
Speaker 2: We've missed that sentimental touch. The argument, believe it or not,
Speaker 2: that I'm having with Ben is so tomorrow I'm flying
Speaker 2: to Italy. I'm playing twenty four hours. It's a big
Speaker 2: flight and it's two and a half hours drive away
Speaker 2: from where Ben lives. And Ben's going to drive two
Speaker 2: and a half hours to Milan to the airport to
Speaker 2: get me. But then the airport's an extra hour fifteen
Speaker 2: minutes from Milan, so it is a huge effort. So
Speaker 2: he's trained all day, he's doing all this, he's driving
Speaker 2: to Milan, and he has said, let me know exactly
Speaker 2: when you're landing, and I will drive the extra hour
Speaker 2: and a half to get you. And we had this
Speaker 2: argument about him saying I love you, I'm going to
Speaker 2: come pick you up, and me saying I love you,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to let you come and pick me up.
Speaker 2: But I absolutely think that is a product of what
Speaker 2: we value in this generation. And for me, I think
Speaker 2: time and convenience definitely, whether it's right or wrong, definitely
Speaker 2: is at the forefront of what's important to me other
Speaker 2: than that sentimental touch.
Speaker 1: Well, I think one of the things I really love
Speaker 1: that she wrote in this was that she has the
Speaker 1: privilege to call such strong and interesting people her friends.
Speaker 1: And there is no doubt that in hard times, our
Speaker 1: friends rally around us, and our friends are there for us.
Speaker 1: But I guess this idea of having accessibility to our
Speaker 1: friends whenever we want to is something that we definitely
Speaker 1: don't have in our generation anymore. For example, if your
Speaker 1: friend was just to pop over unannounced, completely unannounced on
Speaker 1: a Saturday, not text, I think the majority of us
Speaker 1: would find that very odd, or we would find it
Speaker 1: in an inconvenience. I'd find it intrusive, because almost every
Speaker 1: day we've got plans, we've got things that we've organized.
Speaker 1: We're such a busy, hustle culture. I don't want to
Speaker 1: say of a generation, because I don't think the gen
Speaker 1: z's any different to millennials. We are constantly doing things
Speaker 1: and constantly have plans. We are like absolutely diarized to
Speaker 1: the nines. So I think that for most people, we
Speaker 1: know that it would be an inconvenience mostly to just
Speaker 1: pop over to someone's house. But I think that that's
Speaker 1: very different from generations and go when that was something
Speaker 1: that wasn't necessarily seen as an inconvenience. I would say,
Speaker 1: for the most part, a lot of people listening to
Speaker 1: this podcast wouldn't even know their neighbors, wouldn't know who
Speaker 1: their next or neighbor is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, last night I saw there. I went down into
Speaker 2: my garage to park my apartment building. And it's not
Speaker 2: huge apartment building. I don't know, one to nine, maybe nine.
Speaker 2: And there was a girl in the downstairs that I
Speaker 2: had never seen before, and she was trying to close
Speaker 2: the garage door and I could see you looking for
Speaker 2: the button and I.
Speaker 5: Was like hey.
Speaker 2: She's like sorry, do you know how to close the door?
Speaker 2: And I'm like yeah. I was like, did you just
Speaker 2: move in? Like welcome? She's like no, I've been in
Speaker 2: here two years. I'm upstairs. And we had never seen
Speaker 2: each other. We never spoken. We introduced ourselves to each other,
Speaker 2: and she said we should get you up for a
Speaker 2: drink sometime, and I was like, yeah, you know what
Speaker 2: we should. And then I went inside and I was like, wow,
Speaker 2: that's weird. No neighbors ever invited me over for a drink.
Speaker 1: I think it depends on where you live, obviously, Like
Speaker 1: if you're in an inner city and you live in an
Speaker 1: apartment building, going to be different to people who live
Speaker 1: in suburban areas or people who do live in it.
Speaker 3: There are neighborly streets.
Speaker 1: I don't want to discredit everything I've lived in, every
Speaker 1: version of it.
Speaker 3: I know who my neighbors are.
Speaker 5: Now.
Speaker 1: I've lived in incredibly friendly streets, and I think COVID
Speaker 1: changed that slightly. I think people who lived in maybe
Speaker 1: you lived in a could a sac or you lived
Speaker 1: in like a quiet street because there was nothing else
Speaker 1: to do. People became friends with their neighbors during that period.
Speaker 1: I think that that was like a pivot point for
Speaker 1: a lot of people. But I would still say that
Speaker 1: the vast majority of young people don't have any idea
Speaker 1: who a lot of their neighbors are.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I think it kind of comes down to the
Speaker 4: convenience piece that you were talking about, and yes, if
Speaker 4: you flip it, like the reason I don't necessarily want
Speaker 4: to go and knock on my neighbor's doors is because
Speaker 4: I don't want to be an inconvenience to them, Like
Speaker 4: I don't want to impose myself on them and force
Speaker 4: them another part of this article.
Speaker 3: Force them.
Speaker 1: I also think it's because nothing's fixed these days. We
Speaker 1: move around like whereas back in the day you might
Speaker 1: live in a house for nineteen twenty years.
Speaker 3: People, we are far more.
Speaker 1: Transient in terms of how our living arrangements work, especially
Speaker 1: at this period.
Speaker 3: Of our lives.
Speaker 4: There was another part of the article, she said, wouldn't
Speaker 4: it be nice to know that you don't have to
Speaker 4: arrange a pet sitter, to know that a neighbor could
Speaker 4: come over just to water your plants and not see
Speaker 4: it as an intrusion. We have apps for everything that
Speaker 4: we once relied on neighbors for, and it's because it's
Speaker 4: an exchange. I think we now don't want to feel
Speaker 4: indebted to people. We don't want to feel as though
Speaker 4: we're putting them out, and that they might be able
Speaker 4: to hold well at least this is how I feel
Speaker 4: they might be able to hold that Over me. I
Speaker 4: would kind of in most situations, I would rather just
Speaker 4: pay someone and have that exchange be very very clear.
Speaker 4: But I think it's in the convenience of that and
Speaker 4: the lack of having to feel an emotion about that
Speaker 4: interaction that we really have had this decline in a
Speaker 4: sense of community.
Speaker 2: I don't think it's comparative, like I think it's very
Speaker 2: hard for us to sit here and compare and say
Speaker 2: the community aspect has changed, because of course it's changed.
Speaker 2: A lot of what it comes down to is the
Speaker 2: fact that our parents' generation, when you finished work, you
Speaker 2: finished work, you didn't have the You did not have apps.
Speaker 2: You didn't take your work home. Some jobs obviously did,
Speaker 2: but most people that went to a nine to five.
Speaker 2: When you got home, you were at home for the afternoon,
Speaker 2: your kids were playing in the front yard. When you
Speaker 2: saw your neighbor's kids in the front yard, you knew
Speaker 2: your neighbor was home. Like it was just a different time.
Speaker 2: Now everyone is on a hustle. Everyone has something else
Speaker 2: to do, and they have access to the ability to
Speaker 2: do it. Like Laura, you run your own business. You're
Speaker 2: always going to be working on that. There's always something
Speaker 2: for you to do at home.
Speaker 1: You said something interesting for it when we were talking
Speaker 1: about the unpacking of this concept.
Speaker 3: You said, we have community that we opt into.
Speaker 1: Now, if you want community, you go to the gym
Speaker 1: and you see your friends there, or you see the
Speaker 1: people that you want a touch base with, or you
Speaker 1: might go to a sporting thing or whatever. You opt
Speaker 1: into your sense of community. The response to that is
Speaker 1: something that was written in the comment section of this
Speaker 1: sub stack. And to have a village, you have to
Speaker 1: be a villager. And I guess the problem with having
Speaker 1: the opt in communities it means that when something big
Speaker 1: happens in your life. If you do go through a
Speaker 1: tragedy or a death, or let's say you have a
Speaker 1: baby and you're going through terrible postpartum, if you have
Speaker 1: always had an opt in community around you, then they
Speaker 1: don't opt in when you're in a time of need
Speaker 1: because you haven't been there to support throughout the other
Speaker 1: times when other people required it. They probably have their
Speaker 1: own sense of community elsewhere.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think what I mean by that is we
Speaker 2: want community that is convenient, and when we opt into it,
Speaker 2: I don't mean we opt into it. It's like, hey,
Speaker 2: I need help now, so let me That's not what
Speaker 2: I mean. So I'll use my gym as an example
Speaker 2: that I go to because I think gyms and like
Speaker 2: running clubs and exercise clubs or tennis well, I think
Speaker 2: that they are probably the main place people go to
Speaker 2: get their community in our day and age. And my
Speaker 2: gym it's called Vertus, it's in Bondi Beach. It is
Speaker 2: an amazing gym for community and I've only discovered that
Speaker 2: in the last year. But what it is is everyone
Speaker 2: goes to the gym every day, right, so the community
Speaker 2: is there. It's not opt in, it's opt in that
Speaker 2: you get to choose what time of the day you
Speaker 2: go totally, but when you are there, and I have
Speaker 2: seen it at this gym. This is why I'm using
Speaker 2: as an example. When somebody needs something or is going
Speaker 2: through something, the people all the way that they turn
Speaker 2: up for each other. It almost is cult like, but
Speaker 2: it's like, hey, these are one of our own and
Speaker 2: they need this, Like let's all jump in and help them,
Speaker 2: let's support them, let's raise money for this. And that
Speaker 2: is when everyone does opt in because of the community.
Speaker 2: But it's not opt in like I need something, now
Speaker 2: help me. When I say opt into your community, it'said.
Speaker 2: It's like, hey, it's six pm. I'm ready for some community.
Speaker 2: I don't want my neighbor to pop over, but I'll
Speaker 2: go to the gym and I'll meet these people. And
Speaker 2: that's what I think we mean as a generation, We're
Speaker 2: not going over to our neighbors to sit and have
Speaker 2: a tea anymore and form the community. We're forming it
Speaker 2: on our own timeframe.
Speaker 1: I think also, like I mean, we can talk about
Speaker 1: navally versions of this, but I think religion played a
Speaker 1: massive role.
Speaker 3: People went to church, they had their church communities.
Speaker 1: You know, a lot of people and a lot of
Speaker 1: our generation have you know, moved away from religion. I know,
Speaker 1: not everyone, obviously, but there is definitely a push towards
Speaker 1: being more agnostic or even atheist.
Speaker 4: There's actually a start that we got about this. Historically,
Speaker 4: church of synagogues, mosques and temples provided a strong sense
Speaker 4: of community, but in the twenty twenty one census, over
Speaker 4: thirty eight percent of Australians reported that they were non
Speaker 4: religious and that they didn't attend any of those institutions.
Speaker 1: I think when I read this like it definitely made
Speaker 1: me question my behavior, and not in a way where
Speaker 1: I was like I need to radically change everything so
Speaker 1: that I had this community around me.
Speaker 2: He's starting a church.
Speaker 3: I have my own cult of Laura Burn.
Speaker 1: I guess my thing is is obviously I have my husband.
Speaker 1: I have a really like we are so close. We
Speaker 1: do everything together, my husband, Matt. That sound weird, you
Speaker 1: guys know exactly is I have really good girlfriends in
Speaker 1: the same way that this woman Fluorine describes that she
Speaker 1: has really close friends around her. But I definitely am
Speaker 1: someone who is guilty of prioritizing convenience over you know,
Speaker 1: I'm not the one who's putting my hand up to
Speaker 1: run to the airport to go get someone if they
Speaker 1: can get a NEWBA. You know, maybe I feel like
Speaker 1: slightly guilty for that in some ways, but I think
Speaker 1: it is because we stack our work schedules so heavily,
Speaker 1: we stack our life schedules. We make excuses for it
Speaker 1: because we've got two kids and we're parenting, and everything's
Speaker 1: always busy all the time, that it's hard to make
Speaker 1: space to be inconvenienced, I guess, and I think like
Speaker 1: that's something where I read this and I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I am guilty of being this person. And I don't
Speaker 1: say that as though that's an isolated thing. I think
Speaker 1: a lot of people would read that and go I
Speaker 1: would do the same. I have friends over for dinner.
Speaker 1: I'm not cooking them dinner. I'm ordering Uber Eats.
Speaker 5: You know.
Speaker 1: I know that that is fine, and I know that
Speaker 1: no one's judging me for ordering it. But there wasn't
Speaker 1: the sense of time. I didn't spend time creating something
Speaker 1: that was a really well thought at me, or that
Speaker 1: I knew my friend was gonna love.
Speaker 3: I was just like, come over and I ordered.
Speaker 1: I think I often opt into convenience because it suits
Speaker 1: my life at the moment.
Speaker 5: Yeah, I think.
Speaker 4: I mean what you're talking about is that you prioritize
Speaker 4: other things. And I think that that could be because
Speaker 4: of the particular life stage that you're in, because that
Speaker 4: was my immediate thought when I read this too, I
Speaker 4: was like, how am I showing up as a villager.
Speaker 4: I will actually put my head up and say, I'm
Speaker 4: pretty good at doing the airport pick up and drop off.
Speaker 3: I think you're a great village a case.
Speaker 1: If I was out of all my friends, you're the
Speaker 1: first person to go, I will do that for you.
Speaker 3: And I'm like, but why you don't need to?
Speaker 1: And I personally have a S and so I don't
Speaker 1: want to inconvenience you and I and exactly what you
Speaker 1: described earlier on, I don't want to be indebted to you,
Speaker 1: so I will not ask for things because I don't
Speaker 1: want to exploit that either.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I mean I was thinking about this last night. I
Speaker 4: so appreciate you saying that because it's something that I
Speaker 4: really I guess I did grow up in a church,
Speaker 4: so maybe it's actually because I had those values and
Speaker 4: like that sense.
Speaker 5: Of community was really instilled in me.
Speaker 4: My mum was incredibly social as well, so we had
Speaker 4: family groups around us all the time growing up.
Speaker 2: I would just say, you're a good friend. I wouldn't
Speaker 2: give the church that credit, to be honest, I think
Speaker 2: you're just a good person. That's maybe you've been raised
Speaker 2: well because you were at the church. Maybe, But I
Speaker 2: think it's a.
Speaker 4: Value system that is like a lot of religions, This
Speaker 4: isn't specific to the religion I grew up amongst.
Speaker 5: I think that this is across every religion, you know.
Speaker 3: I know that in the.
Speaker 4: Bible there's a lot about you know, doing things for
Speaker 4: thy neighbor, and it's all about caring about each other
Speaker 4: and having a moral code that you will operate under
Speaker 4: so that you're not hurting the people around you. And
Speaker 4: maybe it is the fact that we've had this increase
Speaker 4: in technology that has made us feel more connected through
Speaker 4: the technology rather than physically connected to other people.
Speaker 5: There's a lot of research on the fact that that's
Speaker 5: not the same.
Speaker 4: You know, there's a lot of research on the neurotransmitters,
Speaker 4: the release in your brain, and they're not the same
Speaker 4: as when you're in person physically sitting with someone. But
Speaker 4: I also think that you develop this really deep sense
Speaker 4: of community with people in the moments you don't expect
Speaker 4: the gradual hanging out with each other, and you know,
Speaker 4: we drive to work together, and that's when I have
Speaker 4: some of my most deep and meaningful conversations with you,
Speaker 4: because it's just in the accidental nature of things happening
Speaker 4: and things coming up. And I really do think that
Speaker 4: I've lost that in almost every other aspect of my life.
Speaker 4: But keep you have a question for you, and I
Speaker 4: think it comes into the conversation around boundaries. In this
Speaker 4: would you define yourself as a people pleaser? I hugely
Speaker 4: would have defined myself as a people pleaser. In fact,
Speaker 4: I only feel as though I've been able to create
Speaker 4: boundaries in my life in the last year to year
Speaker 4: and a half. And I would say that since leaning
Speaker 4: into this concept of boundaries, you say no to things
Speaker 4: more often that I'm saying this not as a criticism.
Speaker 4: I'm saying this as like it was an eye opener
Speaker 4: to me.
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm someone who has a lot of
Speaker 1: boundaries in place to preserve my time, and that's something
Speaker 1: that I worked really hard on. Don't get me wrong
Speaker 1: when I say like I'm not going to go out
Speaker 1: of my way to do X y Z. Don't please,
Speaker 1: don't think I'm an asshole. I also never have expected
Speaker 1: anyone to go out of their way for me. It's
Speaker 1: not a take situation. It is a completely unreciprocated like
Speaker 1: I'm fine, I'll get a taxi.
Speaker 3: I'm fine, I'll do this.
Speaker 1: I'm so deeply independent that I don't expect anything from
Speaker 1: anyone else. And I guess, like what I took from
Speaker 1: this substack, and what I think is so interesting is
Speaker 1: that people who don't have this willing sense of like
Speaker 1: strong boundaries that we've all been told we are supposed
Speaker 1: to have still are the people that show up in
Speaker 1: this way because they're so much more open. And it's
Speaker 1: exactly how she described herself in this first paragraph, a
Speaker 1: chronic people pleaser.
Speaker 3: They's so much more open to do things.
Speaker 1: For other people for the joy of how that makes
Speaker 1: the other person feel.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: Actually, I was thinking about this last night because a
Speaker 4: lot of the whole boundary setting and that kind of thing,
Speaker 4: if people haven't listened to Cloud. I became more aware
Speaker 4: of it when I learned that I was masking in
Speaker 4: a lot of situations and that perhaps the reason I
Speaker 4: was doing those things for other people, or I was
Speaker 4: at least offering was more so about because I didn't
Speaker 4: want them to view me in a negative way. I
Speaker 4: don't think I did it for the most genuine reasons.
Speaker 4: I don't think I did it because I was like, Hey,
Speaker 4: this is a village, and this is what we do
Speaker 4: for each other.
Speaker 5: But I read this one thing and I was like, Fuck,
Speaker 5: that's what it is.
Speaker 4: It's a term that researchers call crowded loneliness. So it's
Speaker 4: the emphasis on hyperindividualization and personal boundaries that may lead
Speaker 4: to prioritizing yourself over shared responsibility. Basically, it means that
Speaker 4: you can be around people a lot, and you can
Speaker 4: kind of be in these crowded environments, but you don't
Speaker 4: actually feel a meaningful sense of connection. And I think
Speaker 4: that that's maybe where I am now learning to put
Speaker 4: boundaries in place in a much better way, and it's
Speaker 4: leading to much more meaningful connection. I'm more specific with
Speaker 4: the people that I want in my village and that
Speaker 4: I will bend over backward for.
Speaker 5: I don't know.
Speaker 4: If that's because I realized throughout the course of time
Speaker 4: that maybe things I would be willing to do for
Speaker 4: other people they wouldn't be willing to do for me,
Speaker 4: And so I've kind of started to create a little
Speaker 4: bit more distance in those situations.
Speaker 5: That seems like a bit of a selfish way to
Speaker 5: think about it, but not really.
Speaker 4: Well, I think it isn't just natural that if you
Speaker 4: don't feel it's a two way street, you're probably going
Speaker 4: to be like, oh, actually, if you're not going to
Speaker 4: show up for me, I probably don't need to show
Speaker 4: up for you as much.
Speaker 1: But yeah, exactly, which comes back to the whole to
Speaker 1: have a village, you've got.
Speaker 3: To be a villager.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: The last thing I wanted to question you guys on
Speaker 4: is whether this is a life stage thing. Do you
Speaker 4: think that it's fundamental shift in the way that we
Speaker 4: now connect with each other because of technology and because
Speaker 4: of this, you know, therapy culture that we've got, or
Speaker 4: do you think it's just more reflective of the stage
Speaker 4: that we're in and when we get older, we might
Speaker 4: have more free time and therefore we will kind of
Speaker 4: put more time and effort into community.
Speaker 3: I can't wait to play long bowls every day when
Speaker 3: I like seventy.
Speaker 1: I hope that as my life is less busy because
Speaker 1: I feel like I am currently in the thick of
Speaker 1: my life life, Like I can't imagine being fifty and
Speaker 1: still running at this pace.
Speaker 3: I think I'll have a heart attack and die, do
Speaker 3: you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like I don't imagine having little kids and running multiple
Speaker 1: businesses and trying to keep a husband happy, and like
Speaker 1: living with my mother in law, Like I already feel
Speaker 1: like I'm so overstimulated by the requirements. And I would
Speaker 1: dare say that so many people who are at our
Speaker 1: phase of life feel the same. I hope that when
Speaker 1: I'm fifty or sixty and my kids are older, I
Speaker 1: have time to put into these things, and maybe then
Speaker 1: I will have more accessibility to it. The only thing
Speaker 1: is is do we become a product of what we
Speaker 1: have conditioned ourself to be for so many years?
Speaker 3: You know?
Speaker 1: Do we just become a product of Like Okay, well
Speaker 1: now I have time, I still don't have.
Speaker 3: Community and I'm just lonely. Like is that the end goal?
Speaker 3: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know. I think it's a really interesting one
Speaker 1: for so many people to have a think about. And
Speaker 1: please go, Like I said, We're going to link it
Speaker 1: in the show notes. The substack, so that you guys
Speaker 1: can go and have your own thoughts on it as well.
Speaker 1: But it's a really fascinating read. I have a suck
Speaker 1: and suitet. What is your stuck of the week?
Speaker 2: My suck of the week is, and I mean I'm
Speaker 2: a very blessed.
Speaker 1: Suck, but sitting and vomiting orife obviously that was it.
Speaker 2: But no, we can't use that twice. I am flying
Speaker 2: to see Ben in the morning. I'm getting picked up
Speaker 2: at three am in the morning, so I have to
Speaker 2: get up at two am, and I have not packed.
Speaker 2: And I don't know why I do this. I just
Speaker 2: have this aversion of packing. I detest it.
Speaker 3: I wait just to take you to pack. Surely packing
Speaker 3: takes like one hour.
Speaker 2: No, not when you're going for a couple of weeks
Speaker 2: and you're taking so much. I've got to take so
Speaker 2: much equipment over for the podcasting, cameras, setups, lights.
Speaker 3: How long do you reckon it takes you to do.
Speaker 1: I am my last minute packer, but I will pack
Speaker 1: for my entire family myself maximum. If I've got to
Speaker 1: pack for everyone two hours maximum.
Speaker 2: It'll take me a couple of hours for sure. And
Speaker 2: then you've got to get your house ready. You've got
Speaker 2: to throw everything in the fridge out. You got to
Speaker 2: make sure everything is warned, and you've got your plant
Speaker 2: food and all this stuff. Got to get Delilah out
Speaker 2: and pack up her stuff. It's just like one of
Speaker 2: those things that I put off to the last minute,
Speaker 2: and I hate it and I don't know why I
Speaker 2: do it, because now I'm going home tonight to sort
Speaker 2: out my life.
Speaker 3: I've just realized.
Speaker 4: I know I've got Delilah, but am I also expected
Speaker 4: to water the plants again?
Speaker 3: If I call you can okay?
Speaker 5: If I call over, I'm not responsible.
Speaker 1: You need to stop taking responsibility because then it just
Speaker 1: means that you have to replace You replaced it last time.
Speaker 1: That's expensive. That's like that's a debt. You don't want
Speaker 1: to get a bargain though. That's a debt you don't want. Okay,
Speaker 1: what's your sweep for the week?
Speaker 2: You bok are out of water in my plants.
Speaker 3: We just spoke about community. Yeah, but when did you
Speaker 3: ever walk to put it outside in the garden? We do?
Speaker 5: Can you put it outside in the garden.
Speaker 3: It's been raining a fair bit. It'll be fine.
Speaker 2: I mean, I can I guess.
Speaker 1: Your fiddle fee will do better underneath a tree in
Speaker 1: the garden. The water will do in your house while
Speaker 1: you're gone.
Speaker 2: They don't want it to be moved anyway. My sweet
Speaker 2: is I'm seeing Ben tomorrow.
Speaker 3: Well on that. We'll be doing a record next week.
Speaker 1: So we are taking a holiday break at the end
Speaker 1: of next week. But next week we'll be doing one
Speaker 1: record with Britain in Italy.
Speaker 2: Yep, I will be coming to you from Italia.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and with all the kabanarah and no gastro that
Speaker 1: you can possibly have, what is yoursf my suck for
Speaker 1: the week, to be honest, I don't have a suck
Speaker 1: this week, and the reason for that is because the
Speaker 1: weekend just passed. We got to go down to Ala
Speaker 1: Dalla and spend two nights in the house. We wanted
Speaker 1: to go so like, as if you're not across it.
Speaker 1: We've been doing this renovation. I'm sure you are. We've
Speaker 1: literally not talked about anything else. For me, I think
Speaker 1: they're across and I reckon everyone's across it. But we
Speaker 1: like the house is almost finished, we've started to get
Speaker 1: furniture in, We've like all the appliances have been installed.
Speaker 1: So we went down there on Friday, and we spent Friday, Saturday,
Speaker 1: Sunday down there with the girls so that we could
Speaker 1: test everything out and make sure that it was like
Speaker 1: Liverpool and things actually worked the way that they said
Speaker 1: they were going to work, so that we can spend
Speaker 1: our Easter holiday down there. So where I'm so stoked.
Speaker 1: I honestly it felt like a dream walking into the
Speaker 1: house and seeing it finished and like seeing it so
Speaker 1: so close to completion because I haven't seen it since
Speaker 1: Matt was in the jungle. I went down there while
Speaker 1: he was away, so it's been for me like almost
Speaker 1: two months I've seen the house.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so and it was amazing.
Speaker 1: The girls have their own sweet bedroom and like it's
Speaker 1: all really come together. So next week I'll be able
Speaker 1: to update you guys properly on how that is going
Speaker 1: down because we're going to be recording from.
Speaker 2: All bla amazing.
Speaker 1: But that's it from us, guys. If you love the episode,
Speaker 1: go and leave a review. You can also join in
Speaker 1: the conversation on Spotify where you listen to pod or
Speaker 1: on Apple Podcasts.
Speaker 3: Where you can leave a review. Just so many ways YouTube.
Speaker 1: Get in the comments section there all of the things,
Speaker 1: or you can join the Facebook discussion group, which is
Speaker 1: where so many conversations go down as well.
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