1 00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:05,120 Speaker 1: This is the Happy Family's podcast. Hello, my name is 2 00:00:05,160 --> 00:00:08,240 Speaker 1: doctor Justin Coulson. Welcome. If you want to have a 3 00:00:08,280 --> 00:00:11,560 Speaker 1: happier family, this is the podcast for you today. My 4 00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:15,400 Speaker 1: topic is this the five things every child should hear 5 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:18,880 Speaker 1: their parents say to them every day. And in my 6 00:00:19,079 --> 00:00:22,200 Speaker 1: ask Doctor Justin segment coming up, we'll be talking about 7 00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:25,680 Speaker 1: what do you do when your toddler keeps on swearing. 8 00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:30,080 Speaker 1: A few years ago, our church organized a Daddy Daughter 9 00:00:30,240 --> 00:00:32,960 Speaker 1: ball and all the dads who had daughters were asked 10 00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:34,959 Speaker 1: to make sure that they were there and that they 11 00:00:34,960 --> 00:00:36,800 Speaker 1: had their girls with them, and we were asked to 12 00:00:36,800 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: bring along a handwritten letter for our daughters. The letter 13 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:44,000 Speaker 1: had to chat about the reasons that we loved them, 14 00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:46,800 Speaker 1: we thought highly of them. I obviously had a lot 15 00:00:46,800 --> 00:00:50,680 Speaker 1: of writing to do. I've got six daughters. Fortunately I 16 00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,840 Speaker 1: only had to take the eldest three because the little 17 00:00:52,840 --> 00:00:55,560 Speaker 1: ones were too young. But during the evening, each dad 18 00:00:55,680 --> 00:00:58,160 Speaker 1: was asked to take his daughter into a beautifully decorated room, 19 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:03,160 Speaker 1: sit down, and re his daughter her letter. I'm probably 20 00:01:03,600 --> 00:01:05,080 Speaker 1: over sharing a little bit here, but I've got to 21 00:01:05,080 --> 00:01:07,360 Speaker 1: tell you I bored my eyes out and I sat 22 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:09,880 Speaker 1: there reading my letters to my girls. I like to 23 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,160 Speaker 1: think that I'm a pretty loving dad. I like to 24 00:01:12,160 --> 00:01:13,880 Speaker 1: think that I tell them that I love them quite 25 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:15,880 Speaker 1: a lot. And I listened lots on We talk lots, 26 00:01:16,400 --> 00:01:19,440 Speaker 1: but to stop and really pay attention to things that 27 00:01:19,520 --> 00:01:21,959 Speaker 1: I wanted them to hear and to share them from 28 00:01:21,959 --> 00:01:25,640 Speaker 1: my heart. It was an amazing experience. Well, there were 29 00:01:25,720 --> 00:01:28,200 Speaker 1: three things that I really wanted them to know, and 30 00:01:28,240 --> 00:01:31,800 Speaker 1: I told them each individually these three things, along with 31 00:01:31,840 --> 00:01:34,280 Speaker 1: a few other bits and pieces. I thought about it 32 00:01:34,280 --> 00:01:36,080 Speaker 1: a lot before I did it, and I decided that 33 00:01:36,120 --> 00:01:39,360 Speaker 1: my children needed to know these three things more than 34 00:01:39,360 --> 00:01:41,800 Speaker 1: anything else. I told them, first of all, you were 35 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:45,920 Speaker 1: wanted so very very much. Second, when we found out 36 00:01:45,959 --> 00:01:49,720 Speaker 1: we were having you, I was so excited. And third 37 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,320 Speaker 1: I told them that I loved them. And it was 38 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,840 Speaker 1: a really special moment. It was something that old treasure 39 00:01:55,160 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: and I hope that I will always remember it. And 40 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,559 Speaker 1: remembering the story reminded me that I wanted to share 41 00:02:00,560 --> 00:02:03,760 Speaker 1: with you the things that kids need to hear every 42 00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,400 Speaker 1: single day. I wrote a blog about this a while back. 43 00:02:06,400 --> 00:02:08,040 Speaker 1: It was one of the most popular posts that I've 44 00:02:08,040 --> 00:02:10,120 Speaker 1: ever written, so I thought i'd chat with you about 45 00:02:10,120 --> 00:02:12,960 Speaker 1: it today. I'm going to share my five things that 46 00:02:13,120 --> 00:02:16,960 Speaker 1: every child should hear every day right after this, and 47 00:02:17,000 --> 00:02:18,680 Speaker 1: I'm also going to fill you in on how we 48 00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,840 Speaker 1: can deal with a toddler who's always. 49 00:02:21,639 --> 00:02:25,000 Speaker 2: Swearing toilet training. It's a milestone that parents look forward to. 50 00:02:25,240 --> 00:02:28,040 Speaker 2: What is the best way to toilet train our children successfully? 51 00:02:28,440 --> 00:02:31,440 Speaker 2: Doctor Justin Coulson has written a no mess, no fuss 52 00:02:31,440 --> 00:02:34,919 Speaker 2: ebook to help called Toilet Training Easiest One two We 53 00:02:35,600 --> 00:02:38,600 Speaker 2: Written for busy parents. You'll wiz through a clear overview 54 00:02:38,639 --> 00:02:41,919 Speaker 2: of toilet training without getting bogged down in too much detail. 55 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,640 Speaker 2: At just over twenty pages, the new book can be 56 00:02:44,680 --> 00:02:48,200 Speaker 2: digested in under thirty minutes. You'll find direct answers about 57 00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,440 Speaker 2: toilet training based on scientific research, like how to know 58 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 2: when your child is ready to toilet train, myths and conspiracies, 59 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:58,040 Speaker 2: theories about toilet training, and the most too popular toilet 60 00:02:58,040 --> 00:03:01,000 Speaker 2: training approaches, and what science says about up there. Some 61 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:03,480 Speaker 2: toilet training guides take longer to read than it should 62 00:03:03,520 --> 00:03:05,919 Speaker 2: take to toilet train a child. This is the fast 63 00:03:05,960 --> 00:03:08,960 Speaker 2: flowing alternative to get your kids going at the right time, 64 00:03:09,040 --> 00:03:11,960 Speaker 2: in the right place and the right way. Toilet Training 65 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:16,240 Speaker 2: Easiest One Too We available at major online booksellers now 66 00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,400 Speaker 2: or at happy families dot com dot au. 67 00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:23,000 Speaker 1: Our words have a tremendous effect on our children, and 68 00:03:23,360 --> 00:03:26,480 Speaker 1: also often we get preoccupied, we get distracted, We struggle 69 00:03:26,520 --> 00:03:29,080 Speaker 1: to talk with our kids in the loving way that 70 00:03:29,120 --> 00:03:31,400 Speaker 1: they need us to. It's one thing for us to 71 00:03:31,440 --> 00:03:33,400 Speaker 1: eliminate the negative and stop saying all those things that 72 00:03:33,440 --> 00:03:35,920 Speaker 1: we really wish we wouldn't say that they don't need 73 00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,160 Speaker 1: to hear. But we need to know what to replace 74 00:03:38,480 --> 00:03:41,920 Speaker 1: those negative things with, or even what to replace silence 75 00:03:42,000 --> 00:03:45,360 Speaker 1: or nothingness with. So today, five things that we can 76 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,920 Speaker 1: focus on saying to our children as often as possible. 77 00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:55,200 Speaker 1: Number one, thank you. Gratitude. Gratitude is such a powerful motivator. 78 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:57,960 Speaker 1: It's much more effective than praising your kids and telling 79 00:03:57,960 --> 00:04:01,040 Speaker 1: them how awesome they are, much more, much more effective 80 00:04:01,040 --> 00:04:04,360 Speaker 1: to simply say thanks, I really appreciate that because it 81 00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:07,840 Speaker 1: makes your kids feel appreciated, and saying thank you also 82 00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,800 Speaker 1: models manners and gratitude for them to follow. Saying thank you, 83 00:04:11,840 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 1: by the way, and explaining why you're saying thanks, has 84 00:04:14,960 --> 00:04:18,159 Speaker 1: a really powerful impact on the relationship that you share 85 00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:21,600 Speaker 1: with your child. Think about it. When people appreciate you, 86 00:04:21,920 --> 00:04:24,159 Speaker 1: are you inclined to do more for them, or do 87 00:04:24,200 --> 00:04:26,159 Speaker 1: you sort of turn your back and say whatever. When 88 00:04:26,200 --> 00:04:29,320 Speaker 1: you are given sincere thanks by somebody for the things 89 00:04:29,360 --> 00:04:32,920 Speaker 1: that you do, chances are you turn towards them. You think, well, 90 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:36,000 Speaker 1: this person's really generous, this person's really kind. I like 91 00:04:36,080 --> 00:04:39,080 Speaker 1: this person. I want to be with them more. Saying 92 00:04:39,120 --> 00:04:41,839 Speaker 1: thanks makes a difference to relationships. One of my kids 93 00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:46,720 Speaker 1: is particularly responsive to being thanked. Whenever I say thank 94 00:04:46,760 --> 00:04:51,160 Speaker 1: you to her, she quite literally stops, she processes it. 95 00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,760 Speaker 1: Then she looks at me and she'll smile and she'll 96 00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:58,000 Speaker 1: say something like you're welcome, dad, I love you, And 97 00:04:58,040 --> 00:05:00,240 Speaker 1: I get a great response from her. Every time I 98 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:02,920 Speaker 1: say thank you to her. It's magic. It's just wonderful 99 00:05:03,120 --> 00:05:05,400 Speaker 1: saying thank you. It's something that our kids need to 100 00:05:05,440 --> 00:05:10,600 Speaker 1: hear as often as possible, for both the mundane and 101 00:05:10,680 --> 00:05:13,960 Speaker 1: the magnificent. It's a great way to connect. It's such 102 00:05:13,960 --> 00:05:16,800 Speaker 1: a great way to show appreciation, and it's a powerful 103 00:05:16,800 --> 00:05:19,360 Speaker 1: way to make your family happier. The second thing that 104 00:05:19,440 --> 00:05:22,280 Speaker 1: kids need to hear from us every single day is 105 00:05:23,160 --> 00:05:26,839 Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I'm still learning just like you, because the 106 00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,839 Speaker 1: reality is that every day we do make mistakes. With 107 00:05:29,880 --> 00:05:31,560 Speaker 1: the kids. No matter how good a parent we are, 108 00:05:31,839 --> 00:05:35,760 Speaker 1: parents who act like they're the finished product, who are 109 00:05:35,760 --> 00:05:39,239 Speaker 1: simply there to impart wisdom to their child will usually 110 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:43,360 Speaker 1: just leave their children feeling judged and imperfect. Sometimes our 111 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:46,360 Speaker 1: pride gets in the way we justify ourselves. We blame 112 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,880 Speaker 1: our kids when we've acted poorly. We say, well, if 113 00:05:48,920 --> 00:05:51,960 Speaker 1: you wouldn't do this, I wouldn't have to do that. 114 00:05:52,120 --> 00:05:55,040 Speaker 1: In fact, one of my children was once given a really, 115 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:59,159 Speaker 1: really hard time by somebody close to her, another adult, 116 00:06:00,240 --> 00:06:04,279 Speaker 1: and it really distressed my daughter. I spoke with the 117 00:06:04,279 --> 00:06:08,839 Speaker 1: adult and suggested that this adult might apologize to my 118 00:06:08,920 --> 00:06:13,120 Speaker 1: little girl because what she had said was so inappropriate 119 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:17,080 Speaker 1: on every single level. I couldn't believe that she did it. 120 00:06:17,120 --> 00:06:19,479 Speaker 1: Here's this little girl who had made a mistake and 121 00:06:19,520 --> 00:06:22,159 Speaker 1: said something that she probably shouldn't have, but a fully 122 00:06:22,200 --> 00:06:25,839 Speaker 1: grown adult who knows better said something really, really damaging 123 00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:30,279 Speaker 1: and terribly hurtful to her. Well, this adult decided that 124 00:06:30,960 --> 00:06:33,960 Speaker 1: she would go and offer the apology. Her apology went 125 00:06:34,080 --> 00:06:38,400 Speaker 1: like this, I'm sorry that you did what you did 126 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,920 Speaker 1: earlier that made me get angry at you and say 127 00:06:40,960 --> 00:06:43,080 Speaker 1: the things that I said. If you don't want me 128 00:06:43,120 --> 00:06:45,599 Speaker 1: to say those things, then you need to make sure 129 00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:47,719 Speaker 1: that you don't behave that way. Now. I'm sorry, but 130 00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:50,559 Speaker 1: that is not an apology, and it left my daughter 131 00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:55,080 Speaker 1: feeling worse, not better, and that's not what apologizing is about. 132 00:06:55,120 --> 00:06:58,559 Speaker 1: And that doesn't suggest in any way that we've actually 133 00:06:58,600 --> 00:07:00,960 Speaker 1: made mistakes. All it does is transfer the blame back 134 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:03,760 Speaker 1: to the child. When we say I'm sorry, I'm still 135 00:07:03,839 --> 00:07:09,400 Speaker 1: learning just like you, we genuinely acknowledge our mistakes. We 136 00:07:09,440 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: don't justify ourselves. We don't blame the kids when we've 137 00:07:12,480 --> 00:07:17,000 Speaker 1: acted poorly. We acknowledge our mistakes. We describe how we're 138 00:07:17,120 --> 00:07:20,880 Speaker 1: learning to be better people because of those mistakes, and 139 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:24,760 Speaker 1: our children, our children learn that it's okay to admit 140 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:27,640 Speaker 1: fault and try again. This is a really powerful and 141 00:07:27,640 --> 00:07:30,000 Speaker 1: important lesson for our kids. And the reality is that 142 00:07:30,080 --> 00:07:33,640 Speaker 1: even when we get it completely wrong, anytime we blow 143 00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:36,960 Speaker 1: up or treat them poorly, they deserve an apology because 144 00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:40,559 Speaker 1: they're people too, and our kids need us to treat 145 00:07:40,600 --> 00:07:43,840 Speaker 1: them the way they should be treated. So I'm sorry, 146 00:07:44,760 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 1: I'm still learning, just like you. As number two number three, 147 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,760 Speaker 1: I watched how much effort you put in. You seem 148 00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,200 Speaker 1: to give it all you had because parents want their 149 00:07:52,240 --> 00:07:56,720 Speaker 1: children to succeed, it's really really easy to ask for more, 150 00:07:57,400 --> 00:08:02,120 Speaker 1: to demand higher levels of performance, and to praise them 151 00:08:02,160 --> 00:08:05,520 Speaker 1: when they've done really well. The thing is, praise can 152 00:08:05,760 --> 00:08:09,360 Speaker 1: ultimately undermine children's performance and behavior. The research on praise 153 00:08:09,440 --> 00:08:12,840 Speaker 1: is fascinating. I'll actually i'll do a podcast about why 154 00:08:12,880 --> 00:08:15,440 Speaker 1: we shouldn't be praising our kids in a few weeks time. 155 00:08:16,840 --> 00:08:20,200 Speaker 1: But the pursuit of perfection also leads to disappointment. But 156 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:23,240 Speaker 1: when we let our kids know that we saw how 157 00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:26,560 Speaker 1: hard they tried, we let them know that we're satisfied 158 00:08:26,600 --> 00:08:28,560 Speaker 1: while ever they're doing their best, They're going to be 159 00:08:28,600 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 1: more inspired to try, and they're not going to feel 160 00:08:31,640 --> 00:08:34,480 Speaker 1: bad if they fail. Instead, they're going to be open 161 00:08:34,520 --> 00:08:36,880 Speaker 1: to learning how to do better. Sometimes we're so focused 162 00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:39,400 Speaker 1: on raising our kids to be awesome that we forget 163 00:08:39,400 --> 00:08:42,559 Speaker 1: how awesome the kids are that we're raising. I watched 164 00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,240 Speaker 1: how much effort you've put in, you seem to give 165 00:08:44,280 --> 00:08:46,520 Speaker 1: it all you had, Or I looked at how hard 166 00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:48,960 Speaker 1: you tried to make your bed. I think that you 167 00:08:49,040 --> 00:08:50,800 Speaker 1: might have tried harder this morning and done a better 168 00:08:50,840 --> 00:08:53,760 Speaker 1: job this morning than ever before, or whatever it might 169 00:08:53,800 --> 00:08:56,760 Speaker 1: be pointing out what they've done, and expressing our appreciation 170 00:08:57,080 --> 00:08:59,400 Speaker 1: and focusing on the effort that they're putting in something 171 00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,920 Speaker 1: that our kids need to hear every day now. The 172 00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,440 Speaker 1: fourth thing that I think children need to hear as 173 00:09:04,559 --> 00:09:07,440 Speaker 1: much as possible is I love you now. I know 174 00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,520 Speaker 1: this one's obvious. Every child should hear this every day, 175 00:09:10,559 --> 00:09:13,040 Speaker 1: but they shouldn't just hear it. They need to see 176 00:09:14,040 --> 00:09:18,760 Speaker 1: and experience evidence of it in all of their interactions 177 00:09:18,760 --> 00:09:21,960 Speaker 1: with us. As we say more of these beautiful and 178 00:09:22,000 --> 00:09:24,520 Speaker 1: important things and few of those harmful things, our kids 179 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:26,840 Speaker 1: are more likely to grow up feeling secure and confident 180 00:09:27,280 --> 00:09:29,880 Speaker 1: and happy and loved now. I grew up in a 181 00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:33,319 Speaker 1: home where we didn't really say I love you particularly much. 182 00:09:33,559 --> 00:09:38,560 Speaker 1: It was said, but only really on occasions, and I wish, 183 00:09:38,760 --> 00:09:40,800 Speaker 1: looking back, that i'd heard it more. I don't know 184 00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,760 Speaker 1: that it would have made a huge difference, but I 185 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,120 Speaker 1: can't help but thinking that it might have. I'm really 186 00:09:45,120 --> 00:09:46,440 Speaker 1: glad to say that my parents tell me that they 187 00:09:46,520 --> 00:09:49,040 Speaker 1: love me more nowadays, I think than when I was 188 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,880 Speaker 1: probably a kid, and I appreciate it. Maybe I'm just 189 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:53,840 Speaker 1: more lovable now than I was when I was a kid, 190 00:09:54,160 --> 00:09:56,960 Speaker 1: or maybe my parents have also come to realize just 191 00:09:56,960 --> 00:10:00,480 Speaker 1: how important it is to say those things. Fifth thing, 192 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:03,120 Speaker 1: the final thing that I think kids need to hear 193 00:10:03,280 --> 00:10:06,880 Speaker 1: all the time is this, well, what do you think? 194 00:10:07,880 --> 00:10:09,760 Speaker 1: I think that this is possibly one of the smartest 195 00:10:09,760 --> 00:10:12,160 Speaker 1: things that we can say to our children because it 196 00:10:12,320 --> 00:10:16,800 Speaker 1: really empowers them. It gives them the opportunity to think 197 00:10:16,920 --> 00:10:19,560 Speaker 1: through solutions, to be responsible, to come up with ideas 198 00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:23,280 Speaker 1: for themselves. We often don't give our children choices, and 199 00:10:23,280 --> 00:10:25,320 Speaker 1: we often don't invite our children to tell us what 200 00:10:25,360 --> 00:10:28,200 Speaker 1: they think. Instead, we think that we've got all the answers. 201 00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:30,800 Speaker 1: We think that if we tell them what they have 202 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,200 Speaker 1: to do, that we'll teach them to become responsible. And 203 00:10:33,280 --> 00:10:35,320 Speaker 1: quite often it's just easier to tell them what to 204 00:10:35,360 --> 00:10:38,080 Speaker 1: do rather than sit down and have a conversation with them. Plus, 205 00:10:38,120 --> 00:10:40,560 Speaker 1: we're kind of into fixing as parents. We just like 206 00:10:40,640 --> 00:10:44,240 Speaker 1: to fix things. And I think that if we pause 207 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:47,920 Speaker 1: and say, hmm, I wonder what you think, what do 208 00:10:47,960 --> 00:10:49,440 Speaker 1: you think is the best thing to do right now? 209 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,920 Speaker 1: I think that we get much better results with our kids. 210 00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:55,400 Speaker 1: If we want to have responsible children, they need to 211 00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:58,080 Speaker 1: be given responsibility. And one of the most powerful ways 212 00:10:58,120 --> 00:11:01,200 Speaker 1: that we can help them to become. Response is to 213 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,720 Speaker 1: stop telling them what to do and instead ask them 214 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:05,800 Speaker 1: what do you think you should do? And then we 215 00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:07,920 Speaker 1: can encourage them if they've got a great idea, or 216 00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:10,600 Speaker 1: if they totally get it wrong, we can just gently 217 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:14,160 Speaker 1: guide them. I think that by asking them what they think, 218 00:11:14,960 --> 00:11:17,160 Speaker 1: they also start to develop a trust in their own 219 00:11:17,160 --> 00:11:20,240 Speaker 1: opinions and in their own ideas and in their own instincts. 220 00:11:20,960 --> 00:11:25,199 Speaker 1: So stop, listen, empathize if you need to, and then 221 00:11:25,240 --> 00:11:29,400 Speaker 1: say I wonder, I don't know what do you think. 222 00:11:29,400 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: I've got some ideas, but what do you think? I 223 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:34,559 Speaker 1: think that you'll find that you'll get amazing results and 224 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:38,280 Speaker 1: your children will come up with incredible ideas. So that's 225 00:11:38,320 --> 00:11:40,480 Speaker 1: my five things that kids need to hear more and 226 00:11:40,520 --> 00:11:44,480 Speaker 1: more and more of every single day. Thank you, I'm sorry. 227 00:11:45,520 --> 00:11:48,600 Speaker 1: I saw how much effort you put in what do 228 00:11:48,720 --> 00:11:52,600 Speaker 1: you think? And of course I love you? So now 229 00:11:52,600 --> 00:11:55,160 Speaker 1: it's your turn. What do you think that you should 230 00:11:55,160 --> 00:11:57,040 Speaker 1: say to your children every day? What do they need 231 00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:58,840 Speaker 1: to hear from us? You can leave your answer at 232 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:03,160 Speaker 1: happy families dot com, au slash podcast slash three as 233 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:05,439 Speaker 1: in the number three, and I'll be back in a 234 00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:09,240 Speaker 1: moment with answers to your questions today how to deal 235 00:12:09,600 --> 00:12:13,160 Speaker 1: with little kids who swear We all love. 236 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:16,680 Speaker 3: Our children, but sometimes they can make life challenging, and 237 00:12:16,720 --> 00:12:19,439 Speaker 3: we're all searching for the right answers. In the end, 238 00:12:19,520 --> 00:12:23,880 Speaker 3: all we want is happy children and happy families. Doctor 239 00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:28,080 Speaker 3: Justin Coulson is one of Australia's most respected parenting voices. 240 00:12:28,600 --> 00:12:32,520 Speaker 3: His seminars equipped and empowered thousands of parents to make 241 00:12:32,559 --> 00:12:36,319 Speaker 3: their families happier. But sometimes getting to a parenting seminar 242 00:12:36,400 --> 00:12:39,000 Speaker 3: can be tough. Now you can watch one of doctor 243 00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:42,240 Speaker 3: Justin's seminars from the comfort of your own home and 244 00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:44,200 Speaker 3: at a time that works for you. 245 00:12:44,559 --> 00:12:48,000 Speaker 2: In this seminar video available online now, you're invited to 246 00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:51,040 Speaker 2: sit in on one of doctor Justin's parenting seminars as 247 00:12:51,080 --> 00:12:54,760 Speaker 2: he takes you from confusion to clarity. Combining parenting research 248 00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:58,160 Speaker 2: with heartfelt stories, He'll discover the three essential keys to 249 00:12:58,240 --> 00:13:01,320 Speaker 2: raising a resilient child and create a happy family. What 250 00:13:01,480 --> 00:13:04,400 Speaker 2: your child needs from you From Doctor Justin Coulson at 251 00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:07,640 Speaker 2: Happy Families dot com dot Au. Download this ninety minutes 252 00:13:07,640 --> 00:13:11,040 Speaker 2: semini now or purchase the DVD at happy families dot 253 00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,040 Speaker 2: com dot Au. 254 00:13:12,760 --> 00:13:15,959 Speaker 1: This week, I'm responding to a question from Ruth, who asked, Hi, doctor, 255 00:13:16,080 --> 00:13:18,600 Speaker 1: justin My little girl is two years of age. Sometimes 256 00:13:19,040 --> 00:13:23,760 Speaker 1: sorry somewhere she heard for you, she heard the F bomb, 257 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:27,560 Speaker 1: somebody said f you. And now anytime she gets angry 258 00:13:27,600 --> 00:13:29,800 Speaker 1: she comes to me and pulls my clothes and swears. 259 00:13:29,800 --> 00:13:32,240 Speaker 1: But we don't speak like that in our home. Ever, 260 00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,120 Speaker 1: I don't know what to do. Recently, we were shopping 261 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:36,840 Speaker 1: and she got angry because I didn't let her do 262 00:13:36,920 --> 00:13:39,040 Speaker 1: what she wanted, and in that moment she began to 263 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:42,520 Speaker 1: say these words loudly. People were looking at me. I 264 00:13:42,520 --> 00:13:45,160 Speaker 1: felt like a bad mum. This has happened many times 265 00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:50,040 Speaker 1: in public. How or what can I do to fix this? Wow? 266 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,920 Speaker 1: So my response, this can be a really embarrassing situation, 267 00:13:54,040 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 1: obviously because people get really judgmental, and apart from that, 268 00:13:57,240 --> 00:13:59,120 Speaker 1: if your values are such that you don't use that 269 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:02,720 Speaker 1: language and home we're the same, Having our little children 270 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:06,840 Speaker 1: use this kind of language can be terribly distressing, really upsetting, 271 00:14:06,960 --> 00:14:10,280 Speaker 1: and obviously really embarrassing when it happens in public, especially 272 00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:13,480 Speaker 1: when they're dropping big bombs like that all over the place. 273 00:14:15,040 --> 00:14:18,840 Speaker 1: So first thing you should know is it's surprisingly common 274 00:14:19,240 --> 00:14:22,360 Speaker 1: some research that I came across suggests that between one 275 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:25,440 Speaker 1: third and one half of kids between one and three 276 00:14:25,600 --> 00:14:28,840 Speaker 1: will swear from time to time, and over two thirds 277 00:14:28,840 --> 00:14:32,200 Speaker 1: of kids between four and seven will use language like this. 278 00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:35,800 Speaker 1: So it's actually kind of normal. That doesn't make it okay, 279 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:38,080 Speaker 1: but it is kind of normal. Kids are starting to 280 00:14:38,080 --> 00:14:41,560 Speaker 1: experiment and learn. So for parents, there's definitely a handful 281 00:14:41,600 --> 00:14:43,760 Speaker 1: of things that we can do to handle it poorly, 282 00:14:44,200 --> 00:14:46,400 Speaker 1: and there's obviously a few things that we can do 283 00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,240 Speaker 1: to handle it well. Let me give you some tips 284 00:14:48,240 --> 00:14:50,440 Speaker 1: and hopefully this will help. Number one what not to 285 00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:53,640 Speaker 1: do well, don't make a big deal about it. If 286 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,480 Speaker 1: kids get a lot of attention, they keep doing it 287 00:14:57,160 --> 00:15:00,640 Speaker 1: just so that you notice them, especially when they're it 288 00:15:00,680 --> 00:15:03,320 Speaker 1: actually makes them feel quite powerful. They feel like, this 289 00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,680 Speaker 1: is how I can manipulate my parents. Is how I 290 00:15:05,680 --> 00:15:07,640 Speaker 1: can get their attention and their focus, and I can 291 00:15:07,880 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 1: I can change the mood of the house instantly. So 292 00:15:11,400 --> 00:15:13,480 Speaker 1: don't make a big deal about it. That's the first thing. 293 00:15:13,840 --> 00:15:17,040 Speaker 1: The second thing, don't make horrible threats about washing their 294 00:15:17,080 --> 00:15:20,000 Speaker 1: mouth out with soap or any other kind of punitive 295 00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:23,640 Speaker 1: or punishing kind of ideas. Research tells us that well, 296 00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:27,560 Speaker 1: some kids might stop unwanted behaviors when we threaten to 297 00:15:27,600 --> 00:15:30,680 Speaker 1: punish them. Most kids don't stop. They just get sneakier 298 00:15:30,680 --> 00:15:34,160 Speaker 1: about it to avoid getting caught, or they recognize that 299 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,720 Speaker 1: it's a button that they can push to get a 300 00:15:35,720 --> 00:15:38,040 Speaker 1: lot of attention whenever they feel like they need it. 301 00:15:38,080 --> 00:15:41,800 Speaker 1: So not a particularly effective strategy to make threats or 302 00:15:41,800 --> 00:15:43,960 Speaker 1: to do horrible things to them because of it. Not 303 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,720 Speaker 1: a helpful thing to make a big deal about it. 304 00:15:45,880 --> 00:15:47,800 Speaker 1: And you've already said you don't do this, but I'll 305 00:15:47,800 --> 00:15:49,880 Speaker 1: restate it for emphasis. Another thing to make sure you 306 00:15:49,880 --> 00:15:52,320 Speaker 1: don't do is don't swear in front of your kids. 307 00:15:52,720 --> 00:15:55,440 Speaker 1: If you want to avoid potty mouth kids, you can't 308 00:15:55,440 --> 00:15:58,320 Speaker 1: be at potty mouth yourself a monkey see monkey do. 309 00:15:58,520 --> 00:16:00,600 Speaker 1: It's a kind of a crass way of saying it, 310 00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:03,000 Speaker 1: but you know my point. The kids will copy what 311 00:16:03,040 --> 00:16:05,600 Speaker 1: they hear and what they see from us. So what 312 00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:09,840 Speaker 1: do you do. My first suggestion is, next time your 313 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:13,240 Speaker 1: child swears, just completely ignore it. Now there's a chance 314 00:16:13,320 --> 00:16:15,680 Speaker 1: that she might swear again. She may even do it 315 00:16:15,720 --> 00:16:18,800 Speaker 1: louder and angrier. And if she does it, it's because 316 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,600 Speaker 1: she wants your attention, and this is how she's trying 317 00:16:20,640 --> 00:16:23,640 Speaker 1: to get it, so ignore it now. If it's in public, 318 00:16:23,680 --> 00:16:25,120 Speaker 1: you might not be able to ignore it, Or if 319 00:16:25,160 --> 00:16:27,560 Speaker 1: it's just getting too much to ignore and it's going crazy, 320 00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,520 Speaker 1: then my next suggestion would be to do this very quietly, 321 00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 1: ask would you please use your manners? Or how can 322 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:36,720 Speaker 1: you speak more politely? Or how can you ask for 323 00:16:36,760 --> 00:16:40,040 Speaker 1: that in a way that is nice. Now. The advantage 324 00:16:40,040 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: of this strategy is that when your kids get zero 325 00:16:42,520 --> 00:16:46,040 Speaker 1: attention for a certain behavior, they're more likely to eventually 326 00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,840 Speaker 1: stop it. It's particularly the case for challenging behaviors that 327 00:16:49,920 --> 00:16:52,840 Speaker 1: have attracted a whole lot of attention, like swearing out 328 00:16:52,880 --> 00:16:55,880 Speaker 1: loud and getting a big reaction. Ignoring it means there's 329 00:16:55,920 --> 00:16:58,160 Speaker 1: no threats, there's no getting angry. It actually means no 330 00:16:58,240 --> 00:17:02,760 Speaker 1: response at all. Now, if the swearing persists, what I 331 00:17:02,800 --> 00:17:05,720 Speaker 1: would suggest is that you have a gentle conversation about things, 332 00:17:05,720 --> 00:17:07,960 Speaker 1: but wait until things are calm. Don't do it in 333 00:17:08,000 --> 00:17:11,480 Speaker 1: the moment. If there's a big swear word, don't dive 334 00:17:11,520 --> 00:17:13,000 Speaker 1: in and say right, we need to talk about this 335 00:17:13,080 --> 00:17:15,240 Speaker 1: right now, because neither you nor the child are in 336 00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:18,240 Speaker 1: the right frame of mind for it. Instead, an hour later, 337 00:17:18,359 --> 00:17:20,280 Speaker 1: two hours later, that night, while you're sitting on the 338 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:24,160 Speaker 1: edge of your child's bed tucking her in and everything's calm, 339 00:17:24,520 --> 00:17:28,200 Speaker 1: you might just say something like, you know, lately you've 340 00:17:28,200 --> 00:17:30,080 Speaker 1: been getting angry and using lots of words that I 341 00:17:30,119 --> 00:17:33,680 Speaker 1: don't like. Do you know what they are? And help 342 00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:36,800 Speaker 1: your child to identify the issue and then discuss better 343 00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,920 Speaker 1: ways to communicate and behave You might even say, well, 344 00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,800 Speaker 1: what do you think you could do instead? Going back 345 00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:43,960 Speaker 1: to what I mentioned in the previous segment, this is 346 00:17:43,960 --> 00:17:47,119 Speaker 1: really about trying to understand what's upsetting your child and 347 00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:49,879 Speaker 1: try to see the world through your child's eyes, about 348 00:17:49,920 --> 00:17:52,560 Speaker 1: identifying the emotions that your child is feeling. See, the 349 00:17:52,600 --> 00:17:55,960 Speaker 1: interesting thing is your child probably wouldn't be behaving like 350 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:59,240 Speaker 1: this if her needs were being met. I'm not suggesting 351 00:17:59,240 --> 00:18:02,480 Speaker 1: you're being negligent not meeting needs, but kids have all 352 00:18:02,520 --> 00:18:05,000 Speaker 1: sorts of needs at all kinds of inconvenient times, and 353 00:18:05,040 --> 00:18:07,000 Speaker 1: when they don't get what they want, they often feel 354 00:18:07,040 --> 00:18:09,200 Speaker 1: that they have an unmet need and they'll act out 355 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:12,520 Speaker 1: because of that. So this is really a perspective taking exercise. 356 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:15,840 Speaker 1: When things are come find out how are you feeling? 357 00:18:15,880 --> 00:18:17,840 Speaker 1: Why are you behaving like that? Why are you saying 358 00:18:17,880 --> 00:18:20,760 Speaker 1: those words, what's underlying it, and if you can pinpoint 359 00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:22,840 Speaker 1: those emotions, give them a name, and let it know 360 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,880 Speaker 1: that it's normal to feel angry or frustrated or disappointed 361 00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:30,600 Speaker 1: or upset, and then set limits with her about what's 362 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:33,720 Speaker 1: appropriate and what's not. You might say something like, okay, well, 363 00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:35,199 Speaker 1: what do you think is a much better thing to 364 00:18:35,240 --> 00:18:39,120 Speaker 1: do in our home? We don't use those words. Perhaps 365 00:18:39,119 --> 00:18:41,399 Speaker 1: you could do this, see if she can come up 366 00:18:41,440 --> 00:18:44,320 Speaker 1: with answers and give her some yourself. Finally, when your 367 00:18:44,400 --> 00:18:48,679 Speaker 1: child's upset, this emotion coaching that I've sort of just 368 00:18:48,720 --> 00:18:51,360 Speaker 1: described can be a really effective way to settle big 369 00:18:51,359 --> 00:18:54,480 Speaker 1: emotions without making a fuss. If your child swears, you 370 00:18:54,520 --> 00:18:58,520 Speaker 1: can actually work with her to stabilize her emotions and 371 00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:02,120 Speaker 1: deal with the anger and reduce the likelihood that she'll 372 00:19:02,160 --> 00:19:04,359 Speaker 1: be angry in the future or that she'll respond poorly 373 00:19:04,800 --> 00:19:07,000 Speaker 1: when she's upset. You can look at her when she 374 00:19:07,040 --> 00:19:09,959 Speaker 1: swears and actually say something like, you're feeling really upset 375 00:19:10,000 --> 00:19:11,840 Speaker 1: right now, come and give me a hug. Now, that's 376 00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,240 Speaker 1: completely the opposite to what you might typically want to do, 377 00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:17,960 Speaker 1: but the likelihood is you're much more likely to meet 378 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:21,480 Speaker 1: her needs If your child was a little bit older, 379 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,720 Speaker 1: maybe around school age. I'd probably also suggest that you 380 00:19:23,800 --> 00:19:26,840 Speaker 1: chat with them about why the language is being used, 381 00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:30,639 Speaker 1: discover if they know what it means, and then set limits, 382 00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:34,280 Speaker 1: so increase the level of education around that language. It's 383 00:19:34,320 --> 00:19:37,320 Speaker 1: probably not going to be quite so effective with toddlers 384 00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:40,080 Speaker 1: and preschoolers, and a couple of other quick points. First 385 00:19:40,080 --> 00:19:42,440 Speaker 1: of all, be aware of what other kids are saying 386 00:19:42,480 --> 00:19:45,719 Speaker 1: in your child's environment. Be aware of the media that 387 00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:50,080 Speaker 1: your child's exposed to. Ultimately, words have got power, and 388 00:19:50,119 --> 00:19:53,399 Speaker 1: when kids use certain words, they know that those words 389 00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:57,000 Speaker 1: are so powerful that they command attention. They get mum, 390 00:19:57,080 --> 00:19:59,840 Speaker 1: they get dad really riled up. They create a ne 391 00:20:00,119 --> 00:20:06,080 Speaker 1: you power balance in the home. So don't give words 392 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:09,800 Speaker 1: that you don't want to hear that much power. So 393 00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:12,080 Speaker 1: that's the answer to this week's question. If you would 394 00:20:12,160 --> 00:20:14,200 Speaker 1: like to ask me a question, visit happy families dot 395 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,320 Speaker 1: com dot I use slash questions. You can either leave 396 00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:20,000 Speaker 1: me a voicemail message or you can email me with 397 00:20:20,080 --> 00:20:23,040 Speaker 1: your question. That's happy families dot com dot U slash 398 00:20:23,400 --> 00:20:26,000 Speaker 1: questions and I'll be back right after the break with 399 00:20:26,160 --> 00:20:27,480 Speaker 1: my tip of the week. 400 00:20:27,600 --> 00:20:29,920 Speaker 3: Are you pulling your hair out? Because your child won't 401 00:20:29,960 --> 00:20:32,560 Speaker 3: listen or won't do what you request. Do you find 402 00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:35,119 Speaker 3: yourself shouting at the children because you just don't know 403 00:20:35,160 --> 00:20:37,000 Speaker 3: what else to do? Or are you dealing with a 404 00:20:37,080 --> 00:20:40,720 Speaker 3: child that's back chatting or disrespectful. Are you finding parenting 405 00:20:40,920 --> 00:20:44,920 Speaker 3: more challenging than you ever thought possible? Doctor Justin Coulson 406 00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:48,399 Speaker 3: provides one on one parenting coaching via Skype or phone 407 00:20:48,560 --> 00:20:52,320 Speaker 3: and can help you With parenting coaching. You'll receive personalized 408 00:20:52,400 --> 00:20:58,320 Speaker 3: individual guidance designed specifically for your families unique circumstances, find 409 00:20:58,359 --> 00:21:01,879 Speaker 3: solutions to the parenting proper that are driving you crazy, 410 00:21:02,080 --> 00:21:05,480 Speaker 3: effective discipline strategies where you can stop being the drill sergeant, 411 00:21:05,680 --> 00:21:08,600 Speaker 3: a better relationship with your children, and a happier home 412 00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:12,680 Speaker 3: where everyone looks forward to being together. Visit happyfamilies dot 413 00:21:12,720 --> 00:21:16,119 Speaker 3: com dot au slash coaching for more information, or email 414 00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,000 Speaker 3: Kylie at happyfamilies dot com dot au. 415 00:21:19,359 --> 00:21:22,560 Speaker 1: This week's Tip of the Week relates to keeping kids 416 00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,760 Speaker 1: happy in the car. So I'm not into giving kids 417 00:21:26,040 --> 00:21:30,280 Speaker 1: iPads or devices in the car unless I'm going on 418 00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:33,680 Speaker 1: a long, long, long trip. But with six kids, they 419 00:21:33,800 --> 00:21:37,600 Speaker 1: can get pretty irritable from fun to times. I'm sure 420 00:21:37,600 --> 00:21:41,320 Speaker 1: you can appreciate. So I encourage them to amuse themselves. 421 00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:42,960 Speaker 1: But now and then they need a little bit of help, 422 00:21:43,000 --> 00:21:44,359 Speaker 1: a little bit of guidance, a little bit mum and 423 00:21:44,400 --> 00:21:46,520 Speaker 1: dad interaction. So we've got a couple of games that 424 00:21:46,560 --> 00:21:49,159 Speaker 1: we play that seem to be never endingly amusing for 425 00:21:49,200 --> 00:21:51,400 Speaker 1: the kids. And I just want to share these games 426 00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:52,919 Speaker 1: as my tip of the week because I think that 427 00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:54,720 Speaker 1: you and your kids might love them as well. The 428 00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:58,040 Speaker 1: first game is called the Yes No Game, and I 429 00:21:58,119 --> 00:22:00,440 Speaker 1: got this off a radio show when when I was 430 00:22:00,480 --> 00:22:02,560 Speaker 1: a kid, my dad and I used to sit in 431 00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,199 Speaker 1: dad's milk truck. My dad was a milkman back in 432 00:22:05,200 --> 00:22:07,680 Speaker 1: the day, and we would listen to these guys have 433 00:22:08,000 --> 00:22:10,280 Speaker 1: adults on the radio who would ring in and they 434 00:22:10,280 --> 00:22:12,359 Speaker 1: would ask them questions and try to get them to 435 00:22:12,400 --> 00:22:16,360 Speaker 1: say yes or no or anything that could be yep 436 00:22:16,440 --> 00:22:18,879 Speaker 1: or nup, any sort of a yes or no. So 437 00:22:19,000 --> 00:22:21,680 Speaker 1: I would ask my children questions. They're not allowed to 438 00:22:21,720 --> 00:22:24,480 Speaker 1: say yes or no or anything like it, or they're out, 439 00:22:25,040 --> 00:22:27,000 Speaker 1: and it's very rare that they last more than maybe 440 00:22:27,040 --> 00:22:29,640 Speaker 1: thirty seconds, but they have a ball. We laugh lots. 441 00:22:29,760 --> 00:22:31,480 Speaker 1: I get to ask them lots of questions and get 442 00:22:31,520 --> 00:22:33,439 Speaker 1: involved into the detail of their lives, talk to them 443 00:22:33,480 --> 00:22:36,239 Speaker 1: about their friends, talk to them about school, asking them 444 00:22:36,240 --> 00:22:39,000 Speaker 1: all questions about their favorite music whatever it might be, 445 00:22:39,240 --> 00:22:42,840 Speaker 1: their favorite movies, their favorite things to do, and we 446 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:44,960 Speaker 1: just have lots and lots and lots of fun talking 447 00:22:44,960 --> 00:22:47,760 Speaker 1: about their lives with them trying their hardest not to 448 00:22:47,800 --> 00:22:51,719 Speaker 1: say yes or no or yep or not, and we 449 00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,879 Speaker 1: laugh a lot and it keeps us amused for a 450 00:22:54,920 --> 00:22:58,480 Speaker 1: surprisingly long amount of time. In fact, we enjoy it 451 00:22:58,520 --> 00:23:01,199 Speaker 1: so much that the kids try to get me and Kylie, 452 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:04,080 Speaker 1: my wife, she loves playing it as well, and she 453 00:23:04,119 --> 00:23:06,679 Speaker 1: gets really cranky every time I get her out. So 454 00:23:06,720 --> 00:23:09,399 Speaker 1: the Yes No game is the first game that we 455 00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:11,680 Speaker 1: love to play in the car or even at home. Sometimes. 456 00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:14,399 Speaker 1: The second game is called twenty one. The object of 457 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:16,360 Speaker 1: this game is that you've got to count to twenty one. 458 00:23:17,440 --> 00:23:20,080 Speaker 1: Each person says a number, so I might say one 459 00:23:20,200 --> 00:23:22,280 Speaker 1: and then I wait, and somebody else in the family 460 00:23:22,280 --> 00:23:24,639 Speaker 1: has to say two, and then somebody else has to 461 00:23:24,680 --> 00:23:27,399 Speaker 1: say three. But if you talk at the same time, 462 00:23:28,000 --> 00:23:30,960 Speaker 1: you start all over again, so there's no order. You've 463 00:23:30,960 --> 00:23:32,760 Speaker 1: just got to start counting, and when there's been a 464 00:23:32,800 --> 00:23:35,080 Speaker 1: sufficient gap where you think that you should go next, 465 00:23:35,359 --> 00:23:37,760 Speaker 1: you jump in with the next number and hope that 466 00:23:37,800 --> 00:23:40,520 Speaker 1: somebody else doesn't say it exactly the same time with 467 00:23:40,800 --> 00:23:42,920 Speaker 1: the little kids playing, we're lucky to get past about 468 00:23:42,920 --> 00:23:46,240 Speaker 1: the number five. But for something so simple, you wouldn't 469 00:23:46,240 --> 00:23:48,000 Speaker 1: believe how much fun it is. If you have any 470 00:23:48,000 --> 00:23:50,160 Speaker 1: great ideas for games and having fun in the car, 471 00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:52,600 Speaker 1: tell me about it. Happy families dot com dot AU 472 00:23:52,760 --> 00:23:56,520 Speaker 1: slash Podcast slash three just use the number three. And also, 473 00:23:56,800 --> 00:23:59,399 Speaker 1: if there's any things that you make sure that you 474 00:23:59,440 --> 00:24:02,080 Speaker 1: tell your kids every day, leave your message there at 475 00:24:02,080 --> 00:24:04,120 Speaker 1: the website as well. I'd love to hear those things 476 00:24:04,119 --> 00:24:06,200 Speaker 1: that you think kids need to hear every day. Happy 477 00:24:06,280 --> 00:24:11,320 Speaker 1: families dot com dot a U slash Podcast slash three. Well, 478 00:24:11,359 --> 00:24:13,359 Speaker 1: if you have any questions that you'd like answered, just 479 00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:15,840 Speaker 1: visit happy families dot com dot a U slash questions. 480 00:24:15,880 --> 00:24:18,399 Speaker 1: I'll do my best to answer you in an upcoming podcast. 481 00:24:18,760 --> 00:24:21,080 Speaker 1: And if you've enjoyed the episode, you can get the 482 00:24:21,280 --> 00:24:24,880 Speaker 1: outline resource links in the show notes at Happy families 483 00:24:25,000 --> 00:24:28,760 Speaker 1: dot com dot AU slash podcast slash three. The number 484 00:24:28,800 --> 00:24:31,159 Speaker 1: three of course, and if you think that this podcast 485 00:24:31,480 --> 00:24:34,680 Speaker 1: has made your family happier, will make your family happier 486 00:24:34,880 --> 00:24:39,080 Speaker 1: or could make other people's family happier. I'd be so delighted. 487 00:24:39,080 --> 00:24:41,879 Speaker 1: I'd be really appreciative if you would visit Happy Families 488 00:24:41,880 --> 00:24:45,960 Speaker 1: dot com dot au slash podcast slash three and you'll 489 00:24:45,960 --> 00:24:48,359 Speaker 1: find a prepopulated Twitter or Facebook post that you can 490 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:50,000 Speaker 1: share with your friends and followers to get the word 491 00:24:50,000 --> 00:24:52,760 Speaker 1: out about the podcast. It's you sharing it that makes 492 00:24:52,760 --> 00:24:54,679 Speaker 1: it more visible, and that helps me to make a 493 00:24:54,720 --> 00:24:57,520 Speaker 1: bigger impact in other people's families, and that's what I 494 00:24:57,560 --> 00:24:59,760 Speaker 1: believe I'm on this earth to do. So I'd be grateful. 495 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:02,440 Speaker 1: I'd be even more grateful if you would rate the 496 00:25:02,480 --> 00:25:05,520 Speaker 1: podcast on iTunes because it's your ratings that pretty much 497 00:25:05,560 --> 00:25:08,960 Speaker 1: determine how likely it is that other people will discover 498 00:25:09,000 --> 00:25:13,160 Speaker 1: the podcast. Your ratings increase the visibility of the podcast, 499 00:25:13,320 --> 00:25:15,119 Speaker 1: and it helps other people to find out how I 500 00:25:15,160 --> 00:25:17,640 Speaker 1: can help them to make their families happier. Of course, 501 00:25:17,680 --> 00:25:19,439 Speaker 1: while you're there, you can subscribe to the podcast on 502 00:25:19,480 --> 00:25:22,720 Speaker 1: iTunes as well, so please check that out and have 503 00:25:22,800 --> 00:25:26,160 Speaker 1: a look and share your feelings there. Whether it's good 504 00:25:26,200 --> 00:25:28,080 Speaker 1: or bad. By the way, you might actually think it stinks, 505 00:25:28,119 --> 00:25:30,720 Speaker 1: but your feedback can help me to make the podcast better, 506 00:25:30,800 --> 00:25:34,200 Speaker 1: so please visit there. I think that's it for this week. 507 00:25:34,240 --> 00:25:37,320 Speaker 1: I'll have another podcast ready to go next week, so 508 00:25:37,440 --> 00:25:39,320 Speaker 1: until then, remember that you don't have to be the 509 00:25:39,320 --> 00:25:41,159 Speaker 1: best parent in the world. You just have to be 510 00:25:41,200 --> 00:25:43,000 Speaker 1: the best parent in your child's world.