1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,040 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for. 2 00:00:07,040 --> 00:00:10,560 Speaker 2: The time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:13,480 Speaker 1: Now when kids are in those primary school years. It 4 00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:17,320 Speaker 1: seems that the move has some cognitive impact. That is, 5 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:21,200 Speaker 1: the kids thinking they're learning, their ability to concentrate in class, 6 00:00:21,200 --> 00:00:24,480 Speaker 1: adapt to the new environment, continue with their educational attainment. 7 00:00:25,079 --> 00:00:26,000 Speaker 3: It can be affected. 8 00:00:26,320 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 2: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum 9 00:00:29,600 --> 00:00:30,040 Speaker 2: and dad. 10 00:00:30,120 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 1: Well, we haven't tried this before. I've been kicked out 11 00:00:32,720 --> 00:00:34,600 Speaker 1: of the office. We can't record a podcast in the 12 00:00:34,720 --> 00:00:38,040 Speaker 1: office because there's a new roof apparently going on the building, 13 00:00:38,040 --> 00:00:40,360 Speaker 1: which has meant that I'm not allowed to be there. 14 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:45,120 Speaker 1: And we're trying to record a podcast at home with kids, TVs, 15 00:00:45,240 --> 00:00:47,839 Speaker 1: washing machines, and who knows what else. 16 00:00:49,240 --> 00:00:49,360 Speaker 2: Lack. 17 00:00:49,400 --> 00:00:52,160 Speaker 3: If there's no dogs, it might be. 18 00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,880 Speaker 1: Whipper snippers or building stuff happening nearby. 19 00:00:54,960 --> 00:00:55,440 Speaker 3: Who knows. 20 00:00:55,480 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: It could all go pear shaped. Today on The Happy 21 00:00:58,120 --> 00:01:01,040 Speaker 1: Families Podcast a conversation in response to a question we 22 00:01:01,080 --> 00:01:04,120 Speaker 1: had from Powell. Powell asked the question, it looks like 23 00:01:04,120 --> 00:01:06,960 Speaker 1: you've recently moved. I would like to hear on your podcast. 24 00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,840 Speaker 1: How did you deal with such a significant disruption new school, 25 00:01:09,920 --> 00:01:12,640 Speaker 1: new friends, knew everything? And does the age of kids 26 00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,680 Speaker 1: play any role here? 27 00:01:15,319 --> 00:01:15,639 Speaker 3: Powell? 28 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:17,360 Speaker 1: Thank you so much for your question. You can ask 29 00:01:17,400 --> 00:01:20,520 Speaker 1: your questions via podcasts at happy families dot com dot a. 30 00:01:20,560 --> 00:01:24,560 Speaker 1: You podcasts at happy families dot com dot au. Kylie, 31 00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,000 Speaker 1: where do you reckon? We should start here? You you 32 00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:27,760 Speaker 1: were a child. 33 00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:28,119 Speaker 3: When you moved. 34 00:01:28,160 --> 00:01:32,080 Speaker 1: You moved from New Zealand to Did I say that right? 35 00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:33,640 Speaker 2: New Zealand? 36 00:01:33,920 --> 00:01:39,640 Speaker 1: That's what I said New Zealand? Was that your stomach? Sorry? 37 00:01:40,520 --> 00:01:43,119 Speaker 1: I mentioned New Zealand and your stomach starts rumbling when 38 00:01:43,120 --> 00:01:44,480 Speaker 1: you think of the what do they call it? 39 00:01:44,520 --> 00:01:44,880 Speaker 3: The kai? 40 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:49,200 Speaker 1: You want to have a honey? Gonna get the fish? 41 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:49,680 Speaker 3: Right? 42 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:55,600 Speaker 1: Ice cream? You moved from New Zealand to Australia when 43 00:01:55,600 --> 00:01:57,840 Speaker 1: you were ten, Is it about right? 44 00:01:57,920 --> 00:01:58,160 Speaker 3: Yep? 45 00:01:58,800 --> 00:02:00,400 Speaker 1: And then you you you were stay although in New 46 00:02:00,480 --> 00:02:03,240 Speaker 1: Zealand you were stable and in Australia you were stable. 47 00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:05,920 Speaker 1: Before we talk about research and before we sort of 48 00:02:06,360 --> 00:02:08,680 Speaker 1: dive into what our experience has been with our children 49 00:02:09,120 --> 00:02:13,000 Speaker 1: and respond to Powell's question, what would you say that 50 00:02:13,080 --> 00:02:15,200 Speaker 1: experience was like for you? What are the learnings that 51 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,040 Speaker 1: come from that few? 52 00:02:17,160 --> 00:02:22,760 Speaker 2: I struggled desperately as a ten year old, eleven year 53 00:02:22,800 --> 00:02:26,200 Speaker 2: old coming to a new country. So New Zealand and Australia, 54 00:02:26,240 --> 00:02:29,279 Speaker 2: there's not a huge amount of cultural difference in comparison 55 00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 2: to other countries. 56 00:02:31,200 --> 00:02:33,399 Speaker 1: Yeah, so like if you moved to Asia or something 57 00:02:33,440 --> 00:02:34,639 Speaker 1: like that, you're going to notice that. 58 00:02:34,960 --> 00:02:40,760 Speaker 2: Yeah, But I grew up in a very Polynesian family, right. 59 00:02:41,000 --> 00:02:44,560 Speaker 2: My mum's marry, my dad's Australian, and so all of 60 00:02:44,600 --> 00:02:49,640 Speaker 2: her family are Polynesian, and I lived that life. I 61 00:02:49,680 --> 00:02:51,919 Speaker 2: spent time with the relatives on them at I and 62 00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:56,320 Speaker 2: I definitely didn't need all of their food, but I 63 00:02:56,400 --> 00:02:59,440 Speaker 2: was exposed to a very different. 64 00:02:59,120 --> 00:03:02,000 Speaker 1: Lifestyle cultural shift as well, it really was. 65 00:03:02,120 --> 00:03:06,160 Speaker 2: And so coming here and feeling the i'm going to 66 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:11,680 Speaker 2: say the coldness of Australia comparatively to the emotional availability 67 00:03:11,760 --> 00:03:16,200 Speaker 2: that Polynesians are for one another was really really hard, 68 00:03:16,320 --> 00:03:19,519 Speaker 2: and I just I struggled with friendships, I struggled with 69 00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:23,480 Speaker 2: even education. Australia and New Zealand were on totally different 70 00:03:23,480 --> 00:03:25,320 Speaker 2: pages and so when I showed up, I felt I 71 00:03:25,400 --> 00:03:30,480 Speaker 2: was very very far behind. And it took me, i'm 72 00:03:30,520 --> 00:03:32,960 Speaker 2: going to say a good five years before I even 73 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:36,520 Speaker 2: could accept that this was now where I live. 74 00:03:36,640 --> 00:03:38,360 Speaker 1: How did you feel about the move, like were you 75 00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:40,040 Speaker 1: were you excited We're like, yeah, we're going to have 76 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,640 Speaker 1: a new adventure in a new country. Or was there 77 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,840 Speaker 1: some hesitation, some reluctance to move on your past? I 78 00:03:45,880 --> 00:03:47,440 Speaker 1: was devastated, right, So that's got to. 79 00:03:47,400 --> 00:03:48,000 Speaker 3: Play a part in it. 80 00:03:48,080 --> 00:03:50,320 Speaker 1: Right, when the kids are excited about the move, that 81 00:03:50,640 --> 00:03:54,600 Speaker 1: would have to changed the overall experience that they have. 82 00:03:54,840 --> 00:03:57,120 Speaker 2: We're moving to a place outside of my grandparents. I 83 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,240 Speaker 2: knew no one, I had no friends. I'd come from 84 00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:03,600 Speaker 2: a massive family of cousins. Every holidays we got together. 85 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:06,320 Speaker 2: We had family reunions once a year at Christmas time 86 00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:10,040 Speaker 2: at my great grandparents' house. There were traditions and you know, 87 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:14,240 Speaker 2: connections that I would never see again as a result 88 00:04:14,280 --> 00:04:14,920 Speaker 2: of the move here. 89 00:04:15,120 --> 00:04:18,440 Speaker 1: So to underscore this, I mean, this really does answer 90 00:04:18,839 --> 00:04:21,800 Speaker 1: consistent with what research says at answers Powell's question, and 91 00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,480 Speaker 1: that is that the bigger the move in terms of 92 00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:30,920 Speaker 1: shifting schools, shifting geographical locations, You've changed climate enormously moving 93 00:04:30,920 --> 00:04:35,039 Speaker 1: from Auckland to Brisbane. There's also the cultural shift, which 94 00:04:35,120 --> 00:04:41,080 Speaker 1: is phenomenal, but that social connectivity that you've had completely 95 00:04:42,120 --> 00:04:43,480 Speaker 1: removed from your life. 96 00:04:43,680 --> 00:04:46,359 Speaker 2: My best friend lived right next door, right you know, 97 00:04:46,440 --> 00:04:48,599 Speaker 2: we had a little trail, we didn't have a fence 98 00:04:48,640 --> 00:04:52,240 Speaker 2: between our yards. All of those things played such a 99 00:04:52,279 --> 00:04:55,000 Speaker 2: significant role into how I felt as I kind of 100 00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:56,360 Speaker 2: came into this new place. 101 00:04:56,600 --> 00:04:58,600 Speaker 1: So if you wered have spin that around it like 102 00:04:59,080 --> 00:05:01,000 Speaker 1: my experience. So I lived in the same house in 103 00:05:01,080 --> 00:05:03,279 Speaker 1: Niagara Park on the new Southwest Central Coast until I 104 00:05:03,320 --> 00:05:06,120 Speaker 1: was in grade six. We moved from Niagara Park across 105 00:05:06,120 --> 00:05:09,960 Speaker 1: to Erina and I went from Niagara Park Public School 106 00:05:10,080 --> 00:05:12,520 Speaker 1: to Erina West, which is now I think called Woodport 107 00:05:12,560 --> 00:05:13,240 Speaker 1: Public School. 108 00:05:13,600 --> 00:05:14,880 Speaker 3: And when I went. 109 00:05:14,760 --> 00:05:18,000 Speaker 1: There, we were so excited because we were moving so 110 00:05:18,160 --> 00:05:20,719 Speaker 1: much closer to the beach. Erina is only five k's 111 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,920 Speaker 1: from the beach, whereas Niagara Park's like a thirty minute drive, 112 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:25,560 Speaker 1: and we were moving into a really big house. It 113 00:05:25,640 --> 00:05:30,720 Speaker 1: was super duper awesome. And I kind of didn't mind 114 00:05:30,720 --> 00:05:32,279 Speaker 1: that I was saying goodbye to all of my friends 115 00:05:32,320 --> 00:05:34,720 Speaker 1: because the adventure in front of us seems so exciting 116 00:05:35,320 --> 00:05:40,200 Speaker 1: in retrospect. I miss Chris White and Andy Lucas and 117 00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:43,039 Speaker 1: Jason Huxley, and I mean, I could just keep on 118 00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:45,800 Speaker 1: naming all the guys. Brett Morris and Ryan Hall. I 119 00:05:45,839 --> 00:05:47,960 Speaker 1: can still remember all of my buddies from Niagara Park 120 00:05:48,000 --> 00:05:49,640 Speaker 1: Public School, and I haven't talked to any of them 121 00:05:49,640 --> 00:05:51,919 Speaker 1: since grade five, grade six, when I left, but I 122 00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:55,120 Speaker 1: remember them because those relationships were so foundational to my 123 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:56,039 Speaker 1: life at that time. 124 00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:58,360 Speaker 3: It's so deeply enmeshed. 125 00:05:58,040 --> 00:06:00,279 Speaker 1: In me that I'm sort of surprising myself that I 126 00:06:00,279 --> 00:06:03,520 Speaker 1: can remember. When I got to Erina West, I made 127 00:06:03,560 --> 00:06:05,640 Speaker 1: friends pretty quickly, but it just wasn't the same, and 128 00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,000 Speaker 1: I knew I was only going to be there for 129 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:09,120 Speaker 1: I think it was nine months, and then I had 130 00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:12,839 Speaker 1: to go to a new high school. Changing schools was 131 00:06:12,880 --> 00:06:14,479 Speaker 1: the hardest thing, and I was in the same high 132 00:06:14,480 --> 00:06:16,840 Speaker 1: school from seven to twelve, but I never fitted in. 133 00:06:16,960 --> 00:06:18,640 Speaker 1: I never got it to work. So, even though we 134 00:06:18,640 --> 00:06:22,320 Speaker 1: didn't move house, the shift in school I think one 135 00:06:22,360 --> 00:06:24,279 Speaker 1: of the most detrimental things that happened to me during 136 00:06:24,320 --> 00:06:24,920 Speaker 1: my childhood. 137 00:06:25,080 --> 00:06:26,359 Speaker 3: It absolutely devastated me. 138 00:06:26,480 --> 00:06:28,400 Speaker 1: And so even if you're not moving, just shifting your 139 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:30,680 Speaker 1: child from one school to another, even for the very 140 00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:34,920 Speaker 1: best of reasons, sometimes it works, other times it's disastrous. 141 00:06:35,200 --> 00:06:38,719 Speaker 1: And my experience with the school that my parents put 142 00:06:38,760 --> 00:06:41,640 Speaker 1: me into, it was a fairly posh private school on 143 00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:46,240 Speaker 1: the New South Wales central coast. That was devastating for me, 144 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:50,159 Speaker 1: and it has had lifelong ramifications. I made a couple 145 00:06:50,160 --> 00:06:53,320 Speaker 1: of friends, a couple of girls who are friends that 146 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:57,560 Speaker 1: I've stayed in reasonable contact with even up until today. 147 00:06:58,120 --> 00:06:59,800 Speaker 3: But it was just awful. 148 00:06:59,839 --> 00:07:02,080 Speaker 1: I don't have any contact with anybody from the school. 149 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:06,200 Speaker 1: It was super, super hard. So that's your experience and 150 00:07:06,240 --> 00:07:08,480 Speaker 1: my experience. You know what's curious to me, though, is 151 00:07:08,480 --> 00:07:10,520 Speaker 1: the popular opinion when it comes to moving house. What 152 00:07:10,520 --> 00:07:11,640 Speaker 1: did most parents say? 153 00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:14,400 Speaker 2: Everybody? Everybody says it to me all the time. Oh, 154 00:07:14,520 --> 00:07:16,240 Speaker 2: kids are resilient, they'll get over it. 155 00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:18,560 Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, they'll be fine. They'll be fine. 156 00:07:18,760 --> 00:07:22,200 Speaker 1: So we've moved with children a number of times, but 157 00:07:22,240 --> 00:07:24,920 Speaker 1: there are three big moves that our family has done. 158 00:07:25,120 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 1: The first one was monumental, It was massive. So we 159 00:07:28,080 --> 00:07:30,960 Speaker 1: had a daughter who was in grade one, I think 160 00:07:31,080 --> 00:07:35,000 Speaker 1: grade two perhaps Chanel. We moved from Brisbane all the 161 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:37,040 Speaker 1: way down to Woollongong so that I can pursue my 162 00:07:37,080 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 1: postgraduate studies and watching that happen for her and her 163 00:07:41,280 --> 00:07:43,280 Speaker 1: little sister Abby, who was just going into her first 164 00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:48,320 Speaker 1: year of school, that that was really surprisingly hard. For 165 00:07:48,360 --> 00:07:52,480 Speaker 1: such little kids. We were shocked by how poorly they responded. 166 00:07:52,600 --> 00:07:54,480 Speaker 1: But we stayed in will and Long for nine years. 167 00:07:55,080 --> 00:07:56,360 Speaker 3: We created a community. 168 00:07:56,560 --> 00:07:58,720 Speaker 1: It was an amazing experience, one of the best experiences 169 00:07:58,720 --> 00:08:00,720 Speaker 1: of our lives. And we just love the whole ill 170 00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,480 Speaker 1: Warror area. Fell in love with the place, fell in 171 00:08:03,480 --> 00:08:06,520 Speaker 1: love with the people. It was wonderful. But our second 172 00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:09,280 Speaker 1: move nine years later up. 173 00:08:09,160 --> 00:08:12,680 Speaker 3: To Brisbane for very very strong, very very good. 174 00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:15,560 Speaker 1: Reasons, and we don't regret the move, but my goodness, 175 00:08:15,720 --> 00:08:20,160 Speaker 1: the toll that it took on now six children is 176 00:08:20,320 --> 00:08:22,720 Speaker 1: not to mention you and I yeah, it's really hard 177 00:08:22,760 --> 00:08:25,160 Speaker 1: to sort of look back and go, gee, that was hard, 178 00:08:25,560 --> 00:08:30,120 Speaker 1: especially the kids in their teens. We had a child 179 00:08:30,160 --> 00:08:33,240 Speaker 1: who was fourteen fifteen that she was the one who 180 00:08:33,480 --> 00:08:35,199 Speaker 1: really struggled when she went into her first year of 181 00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:38,080 Speaker 1: school down in Willgong. That was super hard, crazy hard. 182 00:08:38,080 --> 00:08:40,200 Speaker 1: She didn't forgive us for a long long time. 183 00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:42,479 Speaker 3: And then the younger. 184 00:08:42,280 --> 00:08:45,600 Speaker 1: Kids they had mixed reactions, but it was generally hard. 185 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,320 Speaker 1: And then the third move, the third big one, was 186 00:08:48,440 --> 00:08:50,480 Speaker 1: just this year when we moved to the Sunshine Coast 187 00:08:50,480 --> 00:08:55,320 Speaker 1: from Brisbane, and that's been mostly good but surprisingly hard 188 00:08:55,520 --> 00:08:59,720 Speaker 1: for child number four, who is now fifteen. 189 00:09:00,280 --> 00:09:01,559 Speaker 3: That age group, again, the. 190 00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:04,240 Speaker 1: Other kids have actually adapted pretty well. Hasn't been smooth sailing, 191 00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:07,240 Speaker 1: but it's been okay. I wouldn't say it's been great, 192 00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,920 Speaker 1: but it's been okay. And over time we're now starting 193 00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:13,560 Speaker 1: to see some settling in and some general improvement. But 194 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:16,080 Speaker 1: it's been a tough year for them. 195 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:19,600 Speaker 2: So what does the research say. We've obviously shared our experiences, 196 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,239 Speaker 2: but what's research telling. 197 00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:24,640 Speaker 1: Us The research? No, No, Remember, this is about averages, right, 198 00:09:24,679 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: All of psychological research is about averages. So just because 199 00:09:27,559 --> 00:09:29,480 Speaker 1: it happens on average doesn't mean it will happen to you. 200 00:09:29,720 --> 00:09:34,480 Speaker 1: But essentially there's different effects for different ages. Data indicates 201 00:09:34,520 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 1: that younger children are going to be less impacted than 202 00:09:39,280 --> 00:09:42,840 Speaker 1: older children. They do seem to adapt a little bit easier. 203 00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 3: But what I find. 204 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:47,840 Speaker 1: Quite curious is that if your kids are between birth 205 00:09:47,960 --> 00:09:51,800 Speaker 1: and that first year of school, birth and kinder or 206 00:09:51,920 --> 00:09:55,520 Speaker 1: reception or prep or whatever you call it in your state, 207 00:09:56,760 --> 00:10:02,920 Speaker 1: some data suggests that there can be impeded social emotional outcomes. 208 00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:06,680 Speaker 1: That is, they struggle a bit socially, their emotions become 209 00:10:06,679 --> 00:10:08,719 Speaker 1: a little bit more dysregulated. It takes them a bit 210 00:10:08,760 --> 00:10:12,000 Speaker 1: to get over that, but their cognitive function once they're 211 00:10:12,040 --> 00:10:14,720 Speaker 1: in school, there's no real impact at all. They seem 212 00:10:14,760 --> 00:10:17,280 Speaker 1: to be just fine. Whereas when kids are in those 213 00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:20,480 Speaker 1: primary school years, it seems that the move has some 214 00:10:20,760 --> 00:10:25,400 Speaker 1: cognitive impact. That is that kids thinking they're learning, their 215 00:10:25,400 --> 00:10:28,000 Speaker 1: ability to concentrate in class, adapt to the new environment, 216 00:10:28,120 --> 00:10:32,280 Speaker 1: continue with their educational attainment. It can be affected. It's 217 00:10:32,320 --> 00:10:35,560 Speaker 1: fairly minimally, but it can be affected. And obviously there's 218 00:10:35,600 --> 00:10:37,920 Speaker 1: still that ongoing issue with friends. You described it, I 219 00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:40,240 Speaker 1: described it. We've watched it with our own kids, and 220 00:10:40,280 --> 00:10:43,360 Speaker 1: it seems to be pretty much universal. It's a really 221 00:10:43,400 --> 00:10:45,800 Speaker 1: hard thing for kids to move and to have that 222 00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:49,760 Speaker 1: really substantial shift. The other thing that the research tells 223 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:54,040 Speaker 1: us is that the more you move, the more those 224 00:10:54,080 --> 00:10:57,520 Speaker 1: moves add up towards negative impacts on our kids functioning. 225 00:10:57,520 --> 00:11:00,360 Speaker 1: Whether it's executive functioning, whether it's cognitive function whether it's 226 00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:03,120 Speaker 1: social emotional functioning. Regardless of what it is, there's an 227 00:11:03,120 --> 00:11:06,000 Speaker 1: impact on well being, impact on relationships, impact on schooling. 228 00:11:06,120 --> 00:11:09,840 Speaker 1: We want to keep those moves toward minimum. And the 229 00:11:09,920 --> 00:11:13,679 Speaker 1: research also seems to suggest that academic effects of moving 230 00:11:14,520 --> 00:11:15,640 Speaker 1: are felt pretty much. 231 00:11:15,559 --> 00:11:16,839 Speaker 3: Straight away, but. 232 00:11:18,280 --> 00:11:21,160 Speaker 1: They largely fade over the course of a couple of 233 00:11:21,280 --> 00:11:25,160 Speaker 1: years as the kids get sett or as their relationships develop, schooling, 234 00:11:25,480 --> 00:11:29,760 Speaker 1: cognitive stuff, learning academics, that all starts, all all the 235 00:11:29,760 --> 00:11:32,360 Speaker 1: negative effects of the move typically fade within a couple 236 00:11:32,360 --> 00:11:33,040 Speaker 1: of years. 237 00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,560 Speaker 2: As we've watched each of our kids go through this 238 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:39,960 Speaker 2: in different at different stages of their lives and at 239 00:11:39,960 --> 00:11:44,520 Speaker 2: different ages, what has really stood out to me is 240 00:11:44,840 --> 00:11:51,199 Speaker 2: just their cognitive processing and the way in which some 241 00:11:51,280 --> 00:11:56,000 Speaker 2: of our kids have chosen to embrace the change and 242 00:11:56,160 --> 00:12:00,200 Speaker 2: the adventure of the experience, while others have resist to 243 00:12:00,240 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 2: do it. And it has probably no surprise that the 244 00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:09,280 Speaker 2: kids with the adventure mindset are the ones that have 245 00:12:09,720 --> 00:12:15,000 Speaker 2: actually benefited in lots of ways from that move as 246 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:16,760 Speaker 2: opposed to the kid who's been resistant. 247 00:12:17,000 --> 00:12:20,600 Speaker 1: Mindset is so important and helping the kids to be 248 00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,280 Speaker 1: in that mindset. I remember we were sitting in the car. 249 00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:24,480 Speaker 1: We had three kids that were winging and whining and 250 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,160 Speaker 1: pretty much crying and saying. 251 00:12:25,920 --> 00:12:27,400 Speaker 3: This is the worst thing ever. I can't believe we 252 00:12:27,400 --> 00:12:27,600 Speaker 3: did it. 253 00:12:27,600 --> 00:12:29,760 Speaker 1: That was when we moved from wooll and Goong to Brisbane, 254 00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,720 Speaker 1: and one of our kids said, well, I'm actually thinking 255 00:12:32,760 --> 00:12:34,360 Speaker 1: that this is a great opportunity for us to meet 256 00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:38,920 Speaker 1: new people and to discover new places and have new experiences. 257 00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,680 Speaker 1: And I'm deciding right now that this is going to 258 00:12:41,679 --> 00:12:43,640 Speaker 1: be a really good experience and I'm just going to 259 00:12:43,640 --> 00:12:45,360 Speaker 1: put my heart into it and make it work. I mean, 260 00:12:45,559 --> 00:12:48,480 Speaker 1: they're my words, not hers, But that was essentially the mindset. 261 00:12:48,520 --> 00:12:50,520 Speaker 1: And I have looked at each other in the car 262 00:12:50,679 --> 00:12:54,559 Speaker 1: in the car and gone, hell yeah, now can the 263 00:12:54,559 --> 00:12:55,480 Speaker 1: rest of the kids catch it? 264 00:12:55,520 --> 00:12:56,200 Speaker 3: And they didn't. 265 00:12:57,200 --> 00:13:01,199 Speaker 1: That emotion that she felt didn't catch on that mindset, 266 00:13:01,400 --> 00:13:03,240 Speaker 1: It didn't permeate the whole family as much as we 267 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:06,080 Speaker 1: tried to emphasize and encourage it, and the kids just 268 00:13:06,080 --> 00:13:07,520 Speaker 1: had to kind of work through their stuff. 269 00:13:07,840 --> 00:13:11,559 Speaker 2: And looking back on that experience and watching that particular child, 270 00:13:11,880 --> 00:13:14,000 Speaker 2: she didn't have an easy goal of it. She had 271 00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:17,360 Speaker 2: some really really significant challenges that she was met with 272 00:13:17,480 --> 00:13:19,400 Speaker 2: along the time that we were there. 273 00:13:19,520 --> 00:13:21,880 Speaker 3: Yeah too, right, Yeah, But again. 274 00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:28,520 Speaker 2: Just that constant desire to find the positive and to 275 00:13:28,559 --> 00:13:31,680 Speaker 2: find ways that she could learn and grow through the process, 276 00:13:31,720 --> 00:13:34,840 Speaker 2: as opposed to having it hold her back, were paramount 277 00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:36,320 Speaker 2: to her being able to move forward. 278 00:13:36,600 --> 00:13:39,160 Speaker 1: So Powell, I hope that answers the question. The research 279 00:13:39,240 --> 00:13:43,839 Speaker 1: would indicate that it's disruptive. It can lead to pretty 280 00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:46,880 Speaker 1: small effects, but it can lead to some small levels 281 00:13:46,880 --> 00:13:51,199 Speaker 1: of dysfunction. They usually fade over time as relationships become embedded, 282 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:54,360 Speaker 1: as school becomes part of the new school becomes part 283 00:13:54,360 --> 00:13:57,040 Speaker 1: of the new routine, and as everyone sort of settles in. 284 00:13:57,360 --> 00:13:59,760 Speaker 1: But your kids need a lot of support. They definitely 285 00:13:59,760 --> 00:14:02,600 Speaker 1: need to look forward to and the more we can 286 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:08,120 Speaker 1: help them to approach this new move with a positive attitude, 287 00:14:08,240 --> 00:14:11,640 Speaker 1: with a curiosity, with an my eyes are open and 288 00:14:11,840 --> 00:14:15,079 Speaker 1: I'm looking forward to opportunities. The more we can do that, 289 00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:18,280 Speaker 1: the more likely it is that they'll do well. Bearing 290 00:14:18,320 --> 00:14:19,840 Speaker 1: in mind that if you force that too hard, it 291 00:14:19,880 --> 00:14:22,320 Speaker 1: will backfire. They'll know what you're up to and they'll say, no, 292 00:14:22,400 --> 00:14:24,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to dig my heels and make this miserable 293 00:14:24,160 --> 00:14:26,440 Speaker 1: for everyone. So we want to tread carefully and give 294 00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:29,000 Speaker 1: them as much autonomy around this as we possibly can. 295 00:14:29,600 --> 00:14:31,120 Speaker 2: So maybe we could share some of the things that 296 00:14:31,160 --> 00:14:33,520 Speaker 2: we've done over the years with those big moves that 297 00:14:33,560 --> 00:14:37,320 Speaker 2: have helped our children and ourselves to assimilate into a 298 00:14:37,360 --> 00:14:40,760 Speaker 2: new community and to start to move forward in positive ways. 299 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,160 Speaker 1: Okay, let's hit it nice and quick. 300 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:45,840 Speaker 2: So the thing that stands out to me top of 301 00:14:45,880 --> 00:14:49,040 Speaker 2: the list is you have to be intentional as a parent. 302 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:51,000 Speaker 2: You actually can't take a step back and just say 303 00:14:51,000 --> 00:14:53,120 Speaker 2: the kids will work it out. You actually have to 304 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:57,440 Speaker 2: get in there and start to help them know how 305 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,720 Speaker 2: to build the relationships there's new relationship. Depending on how 306 00:15:01,720 --> 00:15:04,720 Speaker 2: long they've stayed in the one place, starting again can 307 00:15:04,760 --> 00:15:07,400 Speaker 2: be really, really daunting, and so as a parent, it's 308 00:15:07,520 --> 00:15:11,120 Speaker 2: really important that they see you doing those things, making 309 00:15:11,200 --> 00:15:14,000 Speaker 2: new relationships, taking the steps to do it, but also 310 00:15:14,240 --> 00:15:16,920 Speaker 2: providing them with opportunities to do it as well. So 311 00:15:17,040 --> 00:15:18,760 Speaker 2: a couple of things that we've done. We've talked about 312 00:15:18,760 --> 00:15:21,280 Speaker 2: the neighborhood breakfast that we had just recently. We've done 313 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,720 Speaker 2: that a few times in a few different communities, and 314 00:15:23,760 --> 00:15:27,040 Speaker 2: it's really good for you as a parent to get 315 00:15:27,040 --> 00:15:28,720 Speaker 2: to know the parents of the. 316 00:15:28,720 --> 00:15:29,520 Speaker 1: Kids in the street. 317 00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:32,080 Speaker 2: So your kid's going to end up in somebody's house 318 00:15:32,120 --> 00:15:37,520 Speaker 2: at some point, but it's also just for your kids 319 00:15:37,520 --> 00:15:41,280 Speaker 2: to watch you as you initiate conversations and you know, 320 00:15:41,360 --> 00:15:44,680 Speaker 2: kind of have have that time to build those relationships. 321 00:15:45,040 --> 00:15:47,040 Speaker 2: One of the other things that I love doing is 322 00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:50,080 Speaker 2: just having like activity days during the holidays with the kids. 323 00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:53,400 Speaker 2: Hold a party for no reason at all. So whether 324 00:15:53,440 --> 00:15:56,280 Speaker 2: it's a craft party or a pool party or pizza 325 00:15:56,320 --> 00:15:59,600 Speaker 2: and movies, it's just an opportunity to have families come 326 00:15:59,640 --> 00:16:02,600 Speaker 2: into your home and you know, the kids to hang out. 327 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:05,520 Speaker 2: What we did this time round is actually delayed to 328 00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:08,360 Speaker 2: the birthday party. Part of the reason was because we 329 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:10,000 Speaker 2: didn't have a house. We were homeless. 330 00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:11,480 Speaker 1: We talked about it there of the week. We had 331 00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,120 Speaker 1: the party six months late, but. 332 00:16:13,240 --> 00:16:15,640 Speaker 2: It made all the difference because we weren't inviting just 333 00:16:15,800 --> 00:16:18,680 Speaker 2: random kids. We were inviting their friends. They've had three 334 00:16:18,760 --> 00:16:21,880 Speaker 2: terms to build relationships and had actually made all the difference. 335 00:16:22,360 --> 00:16:24,640 Speaker 2: And the other thing that we've done we invite families over. 336 00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,760 Speaker 2: Let's just start getting to know people. You don't know 337 00:16:27,800 --> 00:16:29,720 Speaker 2: who's going to be a friend unless you actually spend 338 00:16:29,800 --> 00:16:34,640 Speaker 2: time together, and those relationships take time. So again bringing people, Oh, 339 00:16:34,680 --> 00:16:37,080 Speaker 2: you've got a kid, you know my daughter's age, let's 340 00:16:37,120 --> 00:16:39,360 Speaker 2: have you over. Let's just get together and you know, 341 00:16:39,520 --> 00:16:41,400 Speaker 2: kind of see where it goes. You might not ever 342 00:16:41,440 --> 00:16:44,960 Speaker 2: be best friends, but it's actually just about starting the 343 00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,120 Speaker 2: process build community. 344 00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,520 Speaker 1: That's really at the heart of it and be there 345 00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,680 Speaker 1: for your kids. Like you said, really listen and don't 346 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:56,400 Speaker 1: dismiss their their disappointment, their sadness, their struggles throughout the move. 347 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,080 Speaker 1: We really hope that this has been helpful for anyone 348 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:01,040 Speaker 1: who's in the process of we've been thinking about moving 349 00:17:01,120 --> 00:17:02,040 Speaker 1: or knowing that a. 350 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,720 Speaker 3: Move is impending. 351 00:17:04,000 --> 00:17:06,719 Speaker 1: The Happy Families podcast is produced by Justin Rowland from 352 00:17:06,720 --> 00:17:11,360 Speaker 1: Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer. Tomorrow an 353 00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:15,159 Speaker 1: important conversation about transitioning to high school because there's a 354 00:17:15,200 --> 00:17:16,800 Speaker 1: whole lot of people who are about to go through 355 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:18,520 Speaker 1: that and as I mentioned earlier, it wasn't really good 356 00:17:18,520 --> 00:17:20,840 Speaker 1: for me. On Thursday at the doctor's desk. 357 00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:22,520 Speaker 3: Can't wait to get into some studies. 358 00:17:22,800 --> 00:17:25,720 Speaker 1: It's all happening this week on the Happy Families Podcast. 359 00:17:26,080 --> 00:17:31,960 Speaker 1: For more information, visit us at Happyfamilies dot com dot au.