Speaker 1: Life Uncut podcast acknowledges the traditional custodians of country throughout
Speaker 1: Australia and their connections to land, sea and community. We
Speaker 1: pay our respect to their elders past and present and
Speaker 1: extend that respect to all Aboriginal and Torres Strait islander
Speaker 1: peoples today.
Speaker 2: This episode is recorded on Gaddigal Land of the Aurora Nation.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and are welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 2: Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and this is Thursday.
Speaker 2: Ask on the cut, Well, we answer your deep, dark
Speaker 2: and burning questions your.
Speaker 3: Sexy little saucy numbers.
Speaker 1: Do we have any sexy saucy numbers today?
Speaker 2: No? I did want to answer the question about the
Speaker 2: girl who wanted to lick her boyfriend's butthole, and you're
Speaker 2: I said no.
Speaker 3: Your answer to.
Speaker 2: That was, Laura, i am not going to answer that question.
Speaker 2: And I said why, it would be funny and you said,
Speaker 2: I'm not going to talk about licking an asshole on
Speaker 2: the podcast. And I said, Britt, it'll be funny that
Speaker 2: you're giving a blow by blow and I kept on
Speaker 2: with it. It would be funny thing. And then Britt
Speaker 2: said no because she turns her nose up at l Let's.
Speaker 1: Put it this way, Laura, would you like an article
Speaker 1: this week about you licking a buttole tell me that
Speaker 1: because this is this is what this questions about. No, exactly,
Speaker 1: I'm doing you a favor, but I also just think,
Speaker 1: go for it.
Speaker 3: Whatever. What's the worst that could happen anyway? Hellot, actually
Speaker 3: a lot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, things could turn terribly, terribly wrong. We have some
Speaker 2: really great questions today. We have some diverse and different
Speaker 2: questions that hit a whole lot of different areas of
Speaker 2: life and the body and the body. But none of
Speaker 2: them hit the bum Let's put it that way. Now,
Speaker 2: they don't unfortunately.
Speaker 3: Got left out. But Britt, you have a story. Something
Speaker 3: happened to you?
Speaker 1: Yeah, well I thought this was something funny, just one
Speaker 1: of those really awkward moments.
Speaker 3: It was bound to happen.
Speaker 1: In the little circle that I run in bond Eyed.
Speaker 1: The little is one suburb. Keisha and I spend a
Speaker 1: lot of time together. Now, now this was bound to happen,
Speaker 1: but producer, Keisha and I we are both single, and
Speaker 1: a lot of people don't know this. Keisha just doesn't
Speaker 1: work for us. But she's a very very good friend.
Speaker 1: I see Keisha every single day, and if I don't
Speaker 1: see her, I speak to her, or we carry a pigeon,
Speaker 1: or we text or we whatever. We are like very
Speaker 1: in constant contact, constant conduct. Anyway. We are both single,
Speaker 1: we are both on the dating app ready to mingle, babby,
Speaker 1: but we have never really had the problem of matching
Speaker 1: or talking to the same person or wanting to date
Speaker 1: the same person. We've always had different types, different vibes,
Speaker 1: like it just hasn't happened yet.
Speaker 2: I find that surprising because I actually think you guys
Speaker 2: have kind of a similar taste in men in some ways.
Speaker 3: Yeah, some ways, but not there.
Speaker 1: It's funny because Keisha will show me someone. She's like,
Speaker 1: look at this babe, I'm talking to it. And I
Speaker 1: was like, oh, yeah, babe, not my kind of babe,
Speaker 1: but for you. And then I will show her someone.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh, look at this guy, and she's the
Speaker 1: same She's like, oh, or yours kind of thing. You know,
Speaker 1: it hasn't happened often anyway.
Speaker 3: A couple of weeks ago, I showed her.
Speaker 1: I said, hey, look I'm talking to this babe, and
Speaker 1: I showed her were at the dog park, I showed
Speaker 1: her his profile and she goes, fuck off. She was like,
Speaker 1: it's happened. I was like, what's happened? She's like, I'm
Speaker 1: talking to him too. She was talking to him too.
Speaker 1: She's like, how often are you talking?
Speaker 3: I was like, well, actually a lot.
Speaker 1: But he hasn't replied to the last thing I said
Speaker 1: a couple of days ago. She's like same.
Speaker 3: I was like, because he met a girl and started
Speaker 3: dating someone.
Speaker 1: No, no, But she's like, oh, he just stopped replying
Speaker 1: to me as well.
Speaker 2: And I was like, in this situation, when you just
Speaker 2: realized you're speaking to the same person who dips like
Speaker 2: as as her employer, do you get to just continue
Speaker 2: the comment or are you like you can I'll take this
Speaker 2: one for the team, like this one you can continue
Speaker 2: because you can't both continue. It's not like it's not
Speaker 2: Hunger Game Survival of the Fittest, like you have to decide.
Speaker 3: Who's going to continue. Because I set out my bow.
Speaker 1: And arrow and I was like, runs anyhow, I will
Speaker 1: not know the answer to that because we haven't actually
Speaker 1: been in that position yet, because he hadn't responded to
Speaker 1: either of it. So I guess to answer the question
Speaker 1: if that had happened and we were still talking as much,
Speaker 1: we would probably just work out who had organized to
Speaker 1: meet up or who had spoken the longest, and the
Speaker 1: other one would have to just like like if Keisha
Speaker 1: was to the point where she's like, oh, he's taking
Speaker 1: me to dinner, I would stop texting immediately, and I
Speaker 1: think vice versa.
Speaker 2: But it's when you have met in IRL that that's
Speaker 2: when whoever you don't touch that with TECH, for whoever
Speaker 2: meets first in IRL gets the man.
Speaker 1: Well.
Speaker 3: If talking to.
Speaker 1: Him longer as well, or more in depth or whatever.
Speaker 3: Of course you wouldn't.
Speaker 1: You'd back off because you don't want to be in
Speaker 1: that situation. But we were pretty much the conversations were
Speaker 1: about the same level, but anyway irrelevant. He'd stopped replying
Speaker 1: to us, and it was a shame because he was
Speaker 1: He seems funny and nice. He was very good looking.
Speaker 1: He was foreign, which we all know I love.
Speaker 3: So I was he wearing a turtleneck.
Speaker 1: Nobo, He would look good in one. You can tell
Speaker 1: that as a man that would look good in.
Speaker 3: Turtle neck anyway, he's got a neck for it. Put
Speaker 3: it that way.
Speaker 1: We're at the pub on Saturday night, Keisha and I out.
Speaker 1: We're at the pub and it's pumping and it's very busy.
Speaker 1: I see this guy walking towards me and it's just
Speaker 1: a guy that I used to train at a gym
Speaker 1: with nine years ago. He was a coach there and
Speaker 1: I hadn't seen him in all this time, and I
Speaker 1: recognized him and I was.
Speaker 3: Like, oh my god.
Speaker 1: I was like, hey stopped him and I was like,
Speaker 1: how are you happen, say even ten years Like, we
Speaker 1: used to train on the other side of the city
Speaker 1: in North Sydney. Now we live in the East. We
Speaker 1: were chatting and having this really great catch up and
Speaker 1: I was with Keisa on a friend and then his
Speaker 1: two friends walk up and stand behind him and I
Speaker 1: look at his friend. I have this moment of realization.
Speaker 1: He looks at me and I'm like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: that I look at Keisha. Keisha looks at me, sees
Speaker 1: my face, looks at him, he looks at her, he
Speaker 1: looks at me.
Speaker 3: We're all looking at each other. There's like looking in
Speaker 3: and he walks away. It's this guy. It's the guy
Speaker 3: that we both matched with, both liked. He was like,
Speaker 3: this is way too much to deal with. The two
Speaker 3: of you that I ghosted.
Speaker 1: At the same time, I'm still not convinced. I don't
Speaker 1: know if he put it together right. I know he
Speaker 1: put Keisha's like he definitely recognized me. I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm not convinced he actually recognized me. But there was
Speaker 1: this awkward moment, right, so he walks away. I think
Speaker 1: this is hilarious, and because I don't have a filter,
Speaker 1: instead of just like pretending it didn't happen, the guy
Speaker 1: that I'm talking to, who's a common friend, I start laughing.
Speaker 1: And so these two friends walk away, right, and so
Speaker 1: I'm laughing saying I matched with your friend and he
Speaker 1: ghosted me, and he's like what. I was like, oh
Speaker 1: we He's like, hey really and he's like's like, that's
Speaker 1: not like him. And I'm like, yeah really, And I'd
Speaker 1: pointed over to them and he's like and I showed it.
Speaker 1: I was like we were talking that we're having the banter,
Speaker 1: and he asked me this question and I answered and
Speaker 1: asked him the question back.
Speaker 3: It was just all having in the right direction.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And he's like, that's crazy. Do you want me
Speaker 1: to say something? And I was like, yeah, I care.
Speaker 1: So he goes over to this guy. You don't do that.
Speaker 2: If someone ghosts, you don't get their friend to go
Speaker 2: and do like the like the interrogation.
Speaker 3: He comes, he brings him back.
Speaker 1: He goes over and he brings him back over to
Speaker 1: the circle. He puts him in front of me and
Speaker 1: he goes, I think you two have some stuff you
Speaker 1: need to work out. And I looked at this guy.
Speaker 1: He looked at me and he goes, you have a
Speaker 1: crush on each don't you. And I looked at him.
Speaker 3: I was like, that's not that's the wrong guy. You've
Speaker 3: just rushed. He just might have bought a random guy.
Speaker 1: Over, put him in front of my face and said
Speaker 1: you do you need to work some shit out? And
Speaker 1: I was like, this is so awkward. We both never
Speaker 1: spoke to the other guy again. He stayed on the
Speaker 1: other side of the bar the whole time, didn't say
Speaker 1: a word, didn't look at us, didn't do anything.
Speaker 2: I bet you he has a girlfriend. That's my that
Speaker 2: is my no.
Speaker 3: His friend told us he does. Hey, that is like
Speaker 3: my go to.
Speaker 2: Anytime that a guy just disappears and then ignores you,
Speaker 2: I'm like, oh, he's a cheating asshole, Like that's how
Speaker 2: affected I've been.
Speaker 1: In my life.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, he's doing the dirty.
Speaker 1: Part of me wanted I had to control myself. I
Speaker 1: had a few dreams. Part of me wanted to go
Speaker 1: up and just not anything bad because he didn't do
Speaker 1: anything wrong. Just put him on the spot and say, so,
Speaker 1: where did we go wrong? Like what happened there? But
Speaker 1: I just don't think he was ready for the awkward interaction.
Speaker 2: As somebody who typically says that they don't like confrontation,
Speaker 2: the fact that you wanted to go and confront a
Speaker 2: tinder match who you had never seen in real life
Speaker 2: who stopped speaking to you is possibly the weirdest thing
Speaker 2: that you've ever said.
Speaker 3: And I'm so glad.
Speaker 1: For you that you didn't do that, because to me,
Speaker 1: that's not the confrontation. I would have thought it was funny.
Speaker 1: I would have taken the piss a little bit. This
Speaker 1: wouldn't have been an argument, like I would have given
Speaker 1: him a hard time and then just walked off. But
Speaker 1: a hard time is in like having a lull. But
Speaker 1: I wonder if any of you are out there listening,
Speaker 1: or you're all out there listening, But if.
Speaker 3: Any of you that are listening, hopefully you're listening.
Speaker 1: No, but if there's anyone that stated the same, If
Speaker 1: your friends, if this, I would love to know what
Speaker 1: you did or how you handle it, or who gets
Speaker 1: first DIBs. What are the rules in your group if
Speaker 1: you've found out you're matching the same person, who backs off?
Speaker 3: Who steps away? And who is it?
Speaker 1: Just like, oh, you haven't had a hot one in
Speaker 1: a while? Will given to you? What's the rules of
Speaker 1: engagement or is.
Speaker 2: It survival of the fittest? Is it whoever gets in
Speaker 2: there first? Does he get to does he get to choose?
Speaker 2: Is it like a Bachelor not choose?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: Is it like an episode of The Bachelor soft just
Speaker 2: not on TV? Like you both go on dates and
Speaker 2: he gets to pick the one he wants the best
Speaker 2: irl bachelor? No, you're Sicico, That is not what you're doing.
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 2: Well speaking, I have an article I want to discuss
Speaker 2: before we get into answering your questions. And since we've
Speaker 2: just started with people ghosting and people disappearing, here's one
Speaker 2: that's really going to tickle your fancy. It certainly didn't
Speaker 2: tickle this girl's fancy, but this is probably the most
Speaker 2: messed up ghosting experience I have ever heard of when
Speaker 2: it comes to dating. There is an Australian woman. She
Speaker 2: has gone viral on TikTok. You know we love a
Speaker 2: good TikTok here. Her name is at Bris Deval. She
Speaker 2: is twenty five years old and she was living in
Speaker 2: Canada with her fiance. Now this is where things really
Speaker 2: take a turn for the worst. So her fiance ghosted her.
Speaker 2: But he ghosted her after she fell from a ten
Speaker 2: meter retaining wall. She fell head first into the pavement.
Speaker 2: Can you think about how horrific this is? Even saying
Speaker 2: those words makes me feel physically sick.
Speaker 1: Horrific.
Speaker 2: She ended up in a coma for three months and
Speaker 2: woke up after being in a coma to find out
Speaker 2: that her fiance not only had he ghosted her when
Speaker 2: she'd had this accident, but he fucking vanished and was
Speaker 2: in a relationship and had moved in with somebody else.
Speaker 3: He was living with them.
Speaker 1: Howd he move in in three months?
Speaker 3: I mean things move quickly for this man.
Speaker 1: This so they were actually engaged. I read the article,
Speaker 1: but I couldn't remember they were actually engaged. So she yeah,
Speaker 1: and so it's actually so horrific.
Speaker 2: I were thinking about whether we would get her on
Speaker 2: the podcast to talk this all through.
Speaker 3: I'd love just to really unpack what happened here. But
Speaker 3: she was twenty five years old.
Speaker 2: She had this severe brain injury, and the only reason
Speaker 2: why her life support wasn't turned off was because her
Speaker 2: parents were living in Australia. She was in Canada. It
Speaker 2: was all during COVID. Her parents couldn't get the permission
Speaker 2: to travel to Canada and so they wouldn't let the
Speaker 2: doctors turn off life support until they could get there
Speaker 2: and see their daughter again.
Speaker 3: And then, incredibly, like she.
Speaker 2: Was given like the most smallest percentage chance of being
Speaker 2: able to survive this, and incredibly she started getting her
Speaker 2: faculties back, She started to become aware of what was
Speaker 2: going on around her, and she actually woke up from
Speaker 2: this coma. So like to unpack this properly. He was
Speaker 2: under the impression that she was never ever going to survive,
Speaker 2: But moving on in three months after your partner has
Speaker 2: essentially passed away in your mind is pretty fucking wild.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So, also, the fact is she hadn't passed away yet,
Speaker 1: while she think that it's looking that way, which is horrific,
Speaker 1: And you know what, we cannot imagine we cannot put
Speaker 1: ourselves in this position because we haven't been in this position.
Speaker 1: I can't imagine what he was thinking or feeling at
Speaker 1: the time. But to move on, it wasn't three months
Speaker 1: after she'd passed away, after they decided to put the
Speaker 1: last It was three months after that accident.
Speaker 3: That's insanity, okay.
Speaker 2: But what makes this even worse is not only did
Speaker 2: he move on with somebody else, but this is how
Speaker 2: monumental the ghosting was. So when she woke up from
Speaker 2: her coma and she remembered who he was, and she
Speaker 2: remembered she had a fiance, she tried to reach out
Speaker 2: to him. So this is part of the TikTok that
Speaker 2: she's put together. So she explained that she called him
Speaker 2: after finally waking up from the coma, and he didn't
Speaker 2: answer the phone, but she did get a text from
Speaker 2: another woman, and the text said, he has moved out
Speaker 2: with me, and he has moved all of his things
Speaker 2: out of your house and now we are together, so
Speaker 2: please do not contact him again. And he never ever
Speaker 2: made contact with her. Can you imagine being such a
Speaker 2: pathetic piece of scum that you avoid confrontations so much
Speaker 2: that you get your new girlfriend to contact the person
Speaker 2: who's just come out of a coma after three months
Speaker 2: when you were engaged.
Speaker 1: My jaw is literally on the ground. And if but
Speaker 1: you know what, you know, I think in this situation,
Speaker 1: if there's anything to take from this for this girl,
Speaker 1: you dodged a fucking bullet.
Speaker 3: If that was the.
Speaker 1: Person that you were going to marry, such a weak
Speaker 1: little weasel, a weak, little disloyal weasel. And that is
Speaker 1: the perfect I haven't used that term a long time.
Speaker 1: He's a weasel. He is a scummy little weasel. You
Speaker 1: you dodgedow. It's so powerful though once you say it, it
Speaker 1: feels goods soasily.
Speaker 3: Yes, this feels good.
Speaker 1: But this girl has dodged an absolute bullet. And that's
Speaker 1: the only thing that can remotely make this easier for
Speaker 1: this poor girl is to think, Wow, you are so
Speaker 1: fucking detached that I'm glad that I didn't end up
Speaker 1: with you. That's what I would try to take from it.
Speaker 1: But I can't imagine the poor thing.
Speaker 2: And only like he was so conflict avoidant that he
Speaker 2: also ended up going on and blocking her from all
Speaker 2: of his social media accounts.
Speaker 1: I can't even a kind of sucked in she's gone viral.
Speaker 2: And also like the next time that you think you've
Speaker 2: been ghosted by someone who you were talking to, you
Speaker 2: can think of this person because like, nothing will ever
Speaker 2: compare to this level of.
Speaker 1: A Now, this takes away from my story, So my
Speaker 1: ghosting is like not even bad from this.
Speaker 2: But what would you do if this happened to you?
Speaker 2: Put yourself in this situation for a second. Would you
Speaker 2: like continue to call, would you show up at his house?
Speaker 2: Would you call your mutual friends, because obviously you'd have
Speaker 2: mutual friends that have to be more to the story.
Speaker 2: You wouldn't just be like, Okay, well you don't want
Speaker 2: to speak to me, I'm going to just disappear. You'd
Speaker 2: be so enraged and you, like, I think I would
Speaker 2: rock up at his house, and you know what you
Speaker 2: would do.
Speaker 3: I would be worried.
Speaker 1: I would restrain you. I would be worried what you
Speaker 1: would do. I would definitely I don't think I would
Speaker 1: be able to not have any form of communication with
Speaker 1: him at all. I would have needed something one phone call,
Speaker 1: one text at a minimum, which is not going to suffice.
Speaker 1: But to have absolutely nothing, it is such a pathetic, selfish,
Speaker 1: selfish weasly move for him, but itself, that's a great
Speaker 1: word besides weasel, selfish. It's such a selfish thing to
Speaker 1: take that from her and stop her from moving on
Speaker 1: in a sense. And I know we say you don't
Speaker 1: necessarily enclosure from other people to move on. You don't
Speaker 1: always you're fucking getting married. You were marrying this woman.
Speaker 1: She was in a tragic accident. I'm sorry, but the
Speaker 1: whole vow is far better or worse. That includes a coma.
Speaker 3: They didn't make it to that part of the Oh,
Speaker 3: but that's what you because.
Speaker 1: What you're about to do, like when you ask someone
Speaker 1: to marry you.
Speaker 3: It's actually so wild if you want to go and
Speaker 3: actually look at the tiktoks. Her name is hot Comba.
Speaker 2: Girl, one of the TikTok And as much as he
Speaker 2: as much as we are like laughing about it and
Speaker 2: joking about it, she definitely does it in a very
Speaker 2: positive and upbeat way. But what an incredible story, and
Speaker 2: the fact that she's been able to put a positive
Speaker 2: spin on what is truly just the most horrific and
Speaker 2: traumatic story is such a testament to what a strong
Speaker 2: individual she must be.
Speaker 1: All Right, well, let's get into some of the questions.
Speaker 3: I'm gonna kick it off.
Speaker 2: Hi, I am a longtime listener, first time caller. Me
Speaker 2: and my partner dated for over a year and we
Speaker 2: broke up for a couple of months. We are back
Speaker 2: together now, but I have found out that while we
Speaker 2: were broken up, he was seeing someone else. And now
Speaker 2: he wasn't just sleeping with them, but he was going
Speaker 2: on dates with them. When broken up. I was okay
Speaker 2: with him sleeping with other people because that's just physical,
Speaker 2: but dating is more than physical. So now I'm unsure
Speaker 2: how I feel about it all. We were also talking
Speaker 2: almost every single day when we were broken up, and
Speaker 2: he was saying that he was so sad and that
Speaker 2: he missed me and all this sort of stuff. I'm
Speaker 2: really confused. Could he have actually still loved me and
Speaker 2: missed me that much even though he was technically seeing
Speaker 2: someone else. I also think that the two of us
Speaker 2: might have caught up while he was actually seeing this person.
Speaker 3: Please help.
Speaker 1: He whilst not ideal, has not done anything wrong, and
Speaker 1: I think that this is morally sure. He is saying
Speaker 1: to you, I miss you, I love you, talking to
Speaker 1: you every day communication, and he's sleeping with someone else.
Speaker 1: And seeing someone else. Technically, on a technicality, that's okay
Speaker 1: because you guys broke up, so he's not cheating on you.
Speaker 1: And in answer to your question, can you.
Speaker 3: Can trickly one though, isn't it?
Speaker 1: I don't think it is.
Speaker 3: I think it is what it is.
Speaker 1: And there's a level of acceptance that you're going to
Speaker 1: have to have if you want to be with him
Speaker 1: knowing that he was with other people while you broke up.
Speaker 1: And one of your questions in that was could he
Speaker 1: really have missed me and loved me if he was
Speaker 1: sleeping with someone else? Well, the answer is yes, he
Speaker 1: can do that. He could very much miss and love
Speaker 1: you and use his appendage to make love to someone else.
Speaker 2: And also go out on a nice dinner with them
Speaker 2: every so while. Yes, it doesn't mean that he's emotionally invested.
Speaker 1: No, it means he was probably bored that night and
Speaker 1: wanted to go and have dinner and have a conversation
Speaker 1: with someone else. But you still stole his heart. Now,
Speaker 1: it's not I'm not saying this is ideal and it's
Speaker 1: great because it's not. And it sucks for you to
Speaker 1: think that he was with someone else. But if you
Speaker 1: were broken up. You're going to have to find a
Speaker 1: way to be okay with it if you want to
Speaker 1: be with him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I think at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: like technically and I mean, I love technicolity now, but
Speaker 2: at the end of the day, you are back together
Speaker 2: and he's chosen to be with you because he wants
Speaker 2: to be with you. And even though he dated somebody
Speaker 2: else in between, whether it was more than sexual, maybe
Speaker 2: he had some feelings for her, those feelings were obviously
Speaker 2: not strong enough for him to want to be in
Speaker 2: a relationship with her, or he would have been. I
Speaker 2: think getting back with someone when you've had a period
Speaker 2: of time broken up can be really messy and it
Speaker 2: can add a lot of feelings of confusion in the
Speaker 2: relationship because breakups unless you're going on.
Speaker 3: A break and having a break.
Speaker 2: From each other, in which like, if you're going on
Speaker 2: a break, then Britt and I are big advocates that
Speaker 2: you have to set rules and boundaries for what that
Speaker 2: break looks like.
Speaker 3: So, if you're.
Speaker 2: Actually going on a break, can you date, can you
Speaker 2: have sex with other people? Are you exploring other connections?
Speaker 1: Are you in contact with each other?
Speaker 2: Still totally there has to be rules that are put
Speaker 2: in place, because otherwise each party end up disappointed because
Speaker 2: somebody feels portrayed that whatever rules they have in their
Speaker 2: head weren't executed by the other person. But if you
Speaker 2: actually broke up without necessarily the intention of you getting
Speaker 2: back together, or that was never discussed that you're getting
Speaker 2: back together, then I think it's okay that he tried
Speaker 2: to get on with his life.
Speaker 3: He tried to as much.
Speaker 2: As he may have still been really connected to you,
Speaker 2: missed you every day, still loved you. He was essentially
Speaker 2: trying to move forward with his life, even though he
Speaker 2: did it in a bit of a messy way. And
Speaker 2: I think like people are very complex. Feelings are complex.
Speaker 2: You can be going out on dates and be having
Speaker 2: sex with someone and still be in love with someone else.
Speaker 2: We all know that that's a very, very possible thing.
Speaker 2: The other part of this as well, is like sometimes
Speaker 2: I think we try and like remove sex and dating
Speaker 2: and be like, but you're only supposed to be going
Speaker 2: and having a sexual relationship. It's really hard to just
Speaker 2: find someone to have a sexual relationship with. Like, it's
Speaker 2: really hard to find someone where you've amen yeah, where
Speaker 2: you've like not been on a date. Most people will
Speaker 2: go on a couple of dates, even if it only
Speaker 2: then evolves into a sexual relationship, because people want to
Speaker 2: kind of know the person that they're fucking. It's very like,
Speaker 2: it's not that common that you just meet someone online,
Speaker 2: you only have sex with them, you never ever interact
Speaker 2: in any other capacity. Are the connection And like, maybe
Speaker 2: that happens from time to time, But I know for myself,
Speaker 2: like anytime I've had a friends with benefits situation, I've
Speaker 2: still kind of gone on dates with them. I've still
Speaker 2: gotten to know them. Doesn't mean I wanted to date
Speaker 2: them and them to be my boyfriend, but I've still
Speaker 2: gotten to know them so that I felt comfortable to
Speaker 2: have sex with them.
Speaker 1: Well, the term is friends with benefits. You're going to
Speaker 1: have that level of comfort and communication with someone to
Speaker 1: be able to be comfortable to sleep with them. So
Speaker 1: I think that that's a completely normal thing for him
Speaker 1: to have developed some connection with whoever he is sleeping
Speaker 1: with at the end of the day. This one is
Speaker 1: pretty easy. If you want to be with him, I
Speaker 1: think you have to have a level of acceptance that
Speaker 1: that did happen and be able to move on because
Speaker 1: if you don't have the acceptance and you can't move on.
Speaker 1: This is just going to develop, it's going to snowball,
Speaker 1: it's going to be very very toxic in your relationship.
Speaker 1: And this is just something you need to decide in
Speaker 1: So if you're not okay with it, that's also okay,
Speaker 1: but just means you're probably not gonna be able to
Speaker 1: continue the relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you can't change the past, like you're so right, Britt,
Speaker 2: You can't change what's happened. You just have to be
Speaker 2: able to figure out ways to deal with it. And
Speaker 2: maybe it's one of those situations where time heals all.
Speaker 2: And it's a really annoying saying, but the reason why
Speaker 2: it exists is because it's very fucking true. Time really
Speaker 2: does create great perspective on things, and maybe in a
Speaker 2: few months more time, or in a year's time, you
Speaker 2: won't ever even think about the fact that you guys
Speaker 2: broke up for a little bit and that he was
Speaker 2: seeing other people.
Speaker 1: Question two, Okay, Question number two. My friend has been
Speaker 1: with her partner for six years. Recently, she made an
Speaker 1: only Fans account. After discussing an in depth with her partner,
Speaker 1: he agreed that it was okay. As long as they
Speaker 1: discussed what was okay and what wasn't. Ten subscribers later,
Speaker 1: and one fake subscriber from her partner who has now
Speaker 1: basically broken up with her due to the Only Fans account.
Speaker 1: I should add that it was making her happy and
Speaker 1: helping her feel confident and good about herself. My question
Speaker 1: is should she have to delete the account to keep
Speaker 1: her relationship or does he need to sort his feelings
Speaker 1: out and get on board and get on her side.
Speaker 1: He has made her really upset the last couple of
Speaker 1: days about this. I hate seeing her so conflicted. So
Speaker 1: the question is does she have to delete her OnlyFans
Speaker 1: account because her boyfriend isn't happy with it? Or is
Speaker 1: it selfish of him to say he doesn't want to
Speaker 1: be with her if she has it, and does he
Speaker 1: needs to get on board? Now? I have very strong feelings,
Speaker 1: but what are yours?
Speaker 2: I have a few, Okay, I have a few questions
Speaker 2: which unfortunately would go unanswered because we can't get the
Speaker 2: answers to them. But my question, firstly is you said
Speaker 2: that they sat down and they created like boundaries. What
Speaker 2: he was okay with her posting and what made him
Speaker 2: feel uncomfortable and then he subscribed.
Speaker 3: And then he broke up with her. Did she post
Speaker 3: things that were.
Speaker 2: Pushing the boundaries of what he said made him feel comfortable? Like,
Speaker 2: that's my first question. Were there things that were posted
Speaker 2: that were beyond what they had mutually agreed upon, in
Speaker 2: which case I don't think that he needs to address
Speaker 2: anything about that.
Speaker 3: The other part, though, is okay.
Speaker 2: Let's say that the only the thing she posted were
Speaker 2: very much in line with what they had agreed upon.
Speaker 2: I still think it's okay that it made him uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: And I think that we all have different levels for
Speaker 2: what isn't isn't acceptable in our relationships, and we can't
Speaker 2: just expect that our partner will get on board for everything.
Speaker 2: And as much as we live in a society now
Speaker 2: that is really pro sexual positivity, talking about sex inclusively,
Speaker 2: being really open and transparent, I mean even you and
Speaker 2: I talking about sex on this podcast, like sex is
Speaker 2: having a real renaissance, and I think there is a
Speaker 2: lot of social acceptance when it comes to things like
Speaker 2: only fans.
Speaker 3: Now, that doesn't mean that.
Speaker 2: He feels comfortable dating somebody who has an OnlyFans account,
Speaker 2: and that is okay, because that is what suits him,
Speaker 2: and I think the fact that you've been together for
Speaker 2: six years, you kind of already when you've been with
Speaker 2: someone for six years, you kind of you already know
Speaker 2: what you're in for, right, Like you've already kind of
Speaker 2: signed up for the relationship being a certain way. It's
Speaker 2: okay that if one person wants something very different to
Speaker 2: turn around and say, well, that doesn't suit what I
Speaker 2: want and so therefore I don't feel comfortable being in
Speaker 2: this relationship. That's a kind of a hard thing to
Speaker 2: swallow if you both start to want different things. But
Speaker 2: I understand why that can occur.
Speaker 3: The only thing I.
Speaker 1: Want to add to that because I agree with it all.
Speaker 1: The only thing I really really want to point out
Speaker 1: is he's allowed to change his mind about what he's
Speaker 1: okay with the fact that he said it was okay
Speaker 1: and they talked about it, and then she did it,
Speaker 1: and then he's decided, actually, you know what I'm not
Speaker 1: that's okay. So I don't think she can use that
Speaker 1: against him to say, well, you said it was. And
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, I think it's actually
Speaker 1: a great thing. He did try to meet you halfway.
Speaker 1: By the sounds of it, he's come in and said, Okay,
Speaker 1: let's give it a go. You want to do it.
Speaker 1: This is what I think I'll be okay with, let's
Speaker 1: do it. I've then seen it and realize that, fuck,
Speaker 1: you know what, it's not comfortable with me. I'm not
Speaker 1: about this. This is something that you guys with this
Speaker 1: couple are really really going to have to communicate on
Speaker 1: and see what's more important at the end of the day,
Speaker 1: because he has come and said that this is his boundary.
Speaker 1: He does not want his partner posting whatever she is
Speaker 1: posting on an only fans account. What is more important
Speaker 1: to your friend, the person that's written this in what's
Speaker 1: more important to the girl her OnlyFans account? Or having
Speaker 1: the conversation and saying, Okay, I appreciate us trying, I
Speaker 1: won't do it anymore totally.
Speaker 2: I think you hit the nail on the head of
Speaker 2: that completely, brit Like that being the ultimate question. That's
Speaker 2: probably where he's coming from as well. What's more important
Speaker 2: to you our relationship or having an only fans account?
Speaker 2: Like why is that so important? Why is that where
Speaker 2: you're getting your self confidence from? Why is that where
Speaker 2: you're getting a sense of self from? I think that
Speaker 2: they're really big questions for your friend to ask herself around,
Speaker 2: like what is it about having an only fans that's
Speaker 2: making her feel so confident? And if that's what's really
Speaker 2: important to her, that's absolutely fine, But it doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that they are a perfect pairing. For example, and I
Speaker 2: think that this is a good example. I struggle, and
Speaker 2: I've had this conversation with Matt before. I could never
Speaker 2: date an act because I wouldn't be comfortable with them
Speaker 2: making out with a woman on screen, even though it's
Speaker 2: his job.
Speaker 1: Even though I used to have his conversation with Jordan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I dated an actor once and he there
Speaker 2: was a scene that he had to do and it
Speaker 2: was a it was a film clip for a song,
Speaker 2: and he was going to have to kiss the female
Speaker 2: singer in the film clip. It made me feel so uncomfortable.
Speaker 2: I hated every single second of that. And I knew
Speaker 2: that if that made me feel so insecure, that I
Speaker 2: probably wasn't suited for dating someone when that's an integral
Speaker 2: part of their job. So we didn't date any longer.
Speaker 2: And that's okay. That doesn't make me a bad person
Speaker 2: because I felt insecure about the fact that he was
Speaker 2: an actor and part of his job was kissing a girl.
Speaker 2: Nor was I going to say to him, yes, you
Speaker 2: can be an actor, but you're not allowed to kiss anyone,
Speaker 2: Because what a stupid rule that is to put in place.
Speaker 2: You know, I think that it's okay for people to
Speaker 2: have jobs that they don't align with what you want
Speaker 2: in a relationship. I do think that we're in a
Speaker 2: really tricky position at the moment with society where we're
Speaker 2: being so and it's a good thing. We're so sex
Speaker 2: positive and we're so liberal about it. But then it
Speaker 2: doesn't mean that he's done anything wrong. It just doesn't
Speaker 2: align with where his boundaries lie in his relationship, and
Speaker 2: that is okay.
Speaker 1: I think we covered that one. I think we need
Speaker 1: to okay.
Speaker 3: Question not the O wait wait, you mentioned one thing though.
Speaker 2: What was Jordan's opinion of you kissing someone as someone
Speaker 2: who's an aspiring actress. You said that this is something
Speaker 2: that was a point in your relationship. What was the outcome?
Speaker 1: Yeah, there was an audition we were talking about that
Speaker 1: I had that if I got the role, would have
Speaker 1: involved kissing someone else, and he was an adamant no.
Speaker 1: He was like, I couldn't be with you if you
Speaker 1: were going to make out with someone else, And I said, oh, well,
Speaker 1: you know that, that's like, that's all I want to do. Like,
Speaker 1: I don't want to make out with other people.
Speaker 3: But I would love to. What do I want to
Speaker 3: do is kiss other people? So this is going to
Speaker 3: be a real problem in our relationship. Yeah, No, like
Speaker 3: I wanted to.
Speaker 1: I want to create and I want to be in
Speaker 1: that industry and do really fun things like that. And
Speaker 1: if that came up, then, you know, not ideal. But
Speaker 1: I would hope that in a relationship, whatever relationship I'm in,
Speaker 1: that there is a level of trust in your partner.
Speaker 1: And I get that it's not for everyone. If I
Speaker 1: was dating somebody and I and they were kissing somebody
Speaker 1: else or sexy with someone else, of course it's not
Speaker 1: ideal and you don't want to watch it. But I
Speaker 1: would hope in my relationship I had enough trust in
Speaker 1: the relationship to know that they're just going to work
Speaker 1: and doing what they're doing and it's not doing anything
Speaker 1: for them, it's not turning them on. And it's there's
Speaker 1: like twenty five cameras on you. There's a lot of people.
Speaker 1: It's not These people are not being turned on. And
Speaker 1: I know that historically speaking, there have been some very
Speaker 1: famous people that have had relationships off the back of
Speaker 1: meeting on screen. Totally.
Speaker 3: I think I did get it.
Speaker 2: I think it's naive to say that people don't get
Speaker 2: turned on for us. Yes, it is part of the job.
Speaker 1: Maybe they get turned on later at night when they're
Speaker 1: thinking about it, but in the moment.
Speaker 3: They're not that like that.
Speaker 2: No, what I mean is it's like not turned on
Speaker 2: by the kiss. Like, yes, it is part of the job.
Speaker 2: There are many actors who have ended up hooking up
Speaker 2: with their coastars. I mean, there are many actors who
Speaker 2: have ended up having affairs with their co stars totally right.
Speaker 2: So I don't think that you can just say that
Speaker 2: like it never happens. I can understand why some people
Speaker 2: feel like it is a really tricky part. And that's
Speaker 2: how I felt one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: And that's what it comes back to you. At the
Speaker 1: end of the day, you have to be okay that
Speaker 1: your partner's going to go and do something, and in
Speaker 1: this situation, he is just not okay that something you
Speaker 1: need to discuss and accept only fans of your partner,
Speaker 1: because that seems to be without him giving an ultimatum here,
Speaker 1: because it doesn't sound like he is. It just sounds
Speaker 1: like you're saying, well, I don't want to do this anymore.
Speaker 1: If you want to do it, that's an ultimatum. Yeah,
Speaker 1: but it's not like fucking delete it. He's just saying,
Speaker 1: this is my choice. Well, I mean, we don't have
Speaker 1: this information. He hasn't said delete or I'll leave. He's like, okay,
Speaker 1: well I'm super uncomfortable with this, so I'm going to
Speaker 1: leave the relationship. You've got to sign it. What's more important?
Speaker 3: That's it? Yeah, I totally agree.
Speaker 2: All right, Question A number three, and we needed to
Speaker 2: throw in a spicy sexy one, so of course we
Speaker 2: had to throw in a spicy one. So this one
Speaker 2: has to do with cunning linguists, linus, lingos, cunning lingus?
Speaker 3: Is that what it is?
Speaker 2: I don't know what you're talking about, hunting lingus, flicking
Speaker 2: the virgine, going downtown, going downtown. Let's just colloquialize it,
Speaker 2: all right. I had a baby a bit over six
Speaker 2: months ago. My partner has only been down on me
Speaker 2: once since then. This used to be a regular part
Speaker 2: of out sex lives and something that I really liked.
Speaker 2: It's starting to really bother me that this hasn't returned.
Speaker 2: I've tried talking to him about it, and he says,
Speaker 2: I just don't feel like it or we will get
Speaker 2: back to it eventually. It's hard to not get resentful
Speaker 2: of the fact that, along with my job, my body,
Speaker 2: my social life, that I've given up this too. Now.
Speaker 3: I know I can't make him do it, but is
Speaker 3: this normal? And what can I do?
Speaker 2: Well?
Speaker 1: I do not know if this is normal because I
Speaker 1: am not married, I have not had a baby, and
Speaker 1: I have no sex life after baby life, So this
Speaker 1: one might have to be for you, Laura.
Speaker 3: I mean, it's not normal.
Speaker 2: It's not normal for your partner to stop doing something
Speaker 2: that was an integral part of your sex life after
Speaker 2: you have kids. That to me makes me think that
Speaker 2: he views your body differently after having kids, like there's
Speaker 2: some sort of mental shift that's happened.
Speaker 1: Like that's where the baby came from. Yeah, I can't
Speaker 1: go there anymore.
Speaker 2: But also like, well, if you can still have sex
Speaker 2: with me, Like what is so problematic about my vagina
Speaker 2: and my volva that you now can't go down there?
Speaker 2: Like what trauma did me giving earth create for you.
Speaker 2: Let's unpack that body. I think it's probably the big
Speaker 2: place to start.
Speaker 3: But it's true.
Speaker 2: Like, it's true, it's true, and I understand why you
Speaker 2: feel resentful.
Speaker 3: Like you when you become a mum, you give up
Speaker 3: so much. You give up so much.
Speaker 2: There's already aspects of your body that you probably feel
Speaker 2: less desirable in because so many of us after having kids,
Speaker 2: you know, things aren't the same as what they were
Speaker 2: pre baby. So to sacrifice a part of what makes
Speaker 2: you feel desirable and makes you feel like your husband
Speaker 2: wants to be with you and wants to have sex
Speaker 2: with you would also add to those feelings of insecurity. Now,
Speaker 2: I do think it's only been six months. There is
Speaker 2: a chance that will return, But six months is still
Speaker 2: a long enough time that your body is back to Essentially,
Speaker 2: it's back to some sort of normality. You're back into
Speaker 2: a routine, your baby's probably sleeping through a little bit.
Speaker 2: More like, there's not really any reason for him to say, oh,
Speaker 2: that's something that will get back to in the future
Speaker 2: if he's not actually actively trying to figure out why
Speaker 2: it's a problem.
Speaker 1: Do you know what I mean? Well, I think that
Speaker 1: is exactly what we need to discuss right now. What
Speaker 1: you need to discuss is the why. So have you
Speaker 1: sat down and had the conversation with him about why,
Speaker 1: why he's no longer wanting to go down on you,
Speaker 1: why he has an aversion of sorts. If you don't
Speaker 1: know why, and you just keep that to yourself, well a,
Speaker 1: you're going to make up God knows what reasons in
Speaker 1: your head, like you are going to perpetuate a lot
Speaker 1: that could may or may not be true. Same thing
Speaker 1: as Laura and I always say, communication, and he's your partner,
Speaker 1: it's okay to sit down and have those hard conversations
Speaker 1: with him. Maybe don't have it in the bedroom. You know,
Speaker 1: we've spoken to psychologists and sexologists and everyone says the
Speaker 1: same thing. You don't have these conversations in the bedroom,
Speaker 1: like you're not about to get jiggy with it and
Speaker 1: you're pushing his head down and you're like, why are
Speaker 1: you going down to me? Don't have those conversations, have
Speaker 1: a just have a real conversation. Maybe it's over dinner
Speaker 1: and maybe it's watching TV. Maybe it's like, Hey, I
Speaker 1: want to ask you something that's been bothering me a
Speaker 1: little while and just ask where his head's at, because
Speaker 1: maybe even him discussing it and you discussing it back
Speaker 1: and having a conversation might help him work through some
Speaker 1: stuff or whatever is bothering him totally.
Speaker 2: And I think it also comes back to your vulnerability
Speaker 2: around it, Like explaining to him why that makes you
Speaker 2: feel the way that you feel, and also explaining how
Speaker 2: you feel like you've given up so much already might
Speaker 2: give him a bit of context because maybe he is
Speaker 2: being a bit selfish in the bedroom now. Maybe it
Speaker 2: was something that he wasn't doing when you were pregnant,
Speaker 2: and so therefore he's just slid back into a routine
Speaker 2: of like, oh, well, I don't need to do that
Speaker 2: anymore kind of thing. But I also think it's really
Speaker 2: important that if he's giving you these sort of like
Speaker 2: half last answers of like, well, I don't feel like it,
Speaker 2: or we'll get back to it eventually, digging a bit
Speaker 2: deeper to understand why will we get back to it
Speaker 2: eventually and why can't you do it now? Because yes,
Speaker 2: although you can't force him to go down on you,
Speaker 2: you can lay down your expectations in what you want
Speaker 2: when it comes to like being intimate with your partner,
Speaker 2: and it's not like you're asking for something that's never
Speaker 2: happened before. It's not like you're asking for some crazy
Speaker 2: kink that lies outside of what he feels comfortable with. Like,
Speaker 2: this is something that you guys have always done, and
Speaker 2: the only thing that's changed is having a baby. I
Speaker 2: know that, like not necessarily this specific thing, but sex
Speaker 2: changes for a lot of people after kids many different reasons,
Speaker 2: and I think for a lot of men there is
Speaker 2: some sort of post having babies thing where they're like, oh,
Speaker 2: that's where the baby comes from, and they have a
Speaker 2: weird attachment to it, and to that I kind of
Speaker 2: have always had the stance of like, they need to
Speaker 2: get the fuck over it for you guys to get
Speaker 2: back to having a great relationship, because ultimately, as women,
Speaker 2: we're the ones who sacrifice so much.
Speaker 3: That really I don't have a lot.
Speaker 2: Of sympathy for a guy who's struggling with like being
Speaker 2: intimate or having sex after having a baby, because I'm like,
Speaker 2: this didn't impact you in the same way it impacted
Speaker 2: me totally.
Speaker 1: Just to finish it off, it is important to say
Speaker 1: that we unfortunately we can't force our partners to do
Speaker 1: anything they don't want to do. And this is in
Speaker 1: all aspects of life. You can't make someone do something
Speaker 1: they don't want to do. But what you can do
Speaker 1: is have the conversation to figure out why, express yourself
Speaker 1: what you want, why you want it, and how it
Speaker 1: makes you feel. He will do the same or your
Speaker 1: partner will do the same, and then you can work
Speaker 1: on it from there. But you can't you if you
Speaker 1: start to without this conversation, right, what I'm trying to
Speaker 1: say is, without this conversation, if you're of force him
Speaker 1: to do something he doesn't want to do, all it's
Speaker 1: gonna do is build resentment. He's gonna resent it even
Speaker 1: more and resent you even more. You just can't. As
Speaker 1: much as it's the easy option, you can't go down
Speaker 1: that track. This just has to be doesn't even have
Speaker 1: to be a hard conversation, but it has to be
Speaker 1: a conversation.
Speaker 3: Well, do you not think though?
Speaker 2: When you have some of these conversations like it can
Speaker 2: almost make the issue a bigger problem. Like if the
Speaker 2: fact that you're like talking about it and you're giving
Speaker 2: airtime to it, and then you can become insecure when
Speaker 2: you're actually in the bedroom so when it comes to
Speaker 2: like going down on you, you think, oh my god, he's
Speaker 2: only doing it now because I've made him do it,
Speaker 2: and so therefore you then get in your own head
Speaker 2: about the whole situation.
Speaker 3: It becomes even bigger.
Speaker 1: Okay, the other option is just sit on his face.
Speaker 3: Just get on up there, girl. This is all we're
Speaker 3: doing tonight. We're gonna have a really fun time. We're
Speaker 3: gonna go down on me for an hour.
Speaker 2: But anyway, guys, that is it from us on askun Car.
Speaker 2: Will be back on.
Speaker 3: Saturday with our radio show.
Speaker 2: You can listen to it live if you're in the
Speaker 2: car or you're sitting at your laptop.
Speaker 3: We're on from ten am till midday on The Kiss
Speaker 3: and their network.
Speaker 1: So yeah, so my mum played Unclad Dog to friends
Speaker 1: and shared a lot because we love live