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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 1: The time poor parent who just wants answers. Now I'm

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Speaker 1: not afraid of the dark anymore. It's been hard to

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Speaker 1: sit in that dark place, but for the first time

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Speaker 1: being willing to confront it and to just acknowledge that

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Speaker 1: it's there, not against me, it's actually there for me.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum

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Speaker 1: and dad.

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Speaker 3: Well, last week was fun. I had Kate me joining

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Speaker 3: me and we walked through a whole lot of really

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Speaker 3: great conversations. But it's different today because my name is

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Speaker 3: doctor Justin Coulson. I'm here with my wife again. Kylie

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Speaker 3: is back. Hello, Kylie, I'm back, everybody, I'm back breathing

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Speaker 3: Aside for RELI, I mean, it was great spending time

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Speaker 3: with Kate. I don't want to downplay the great work

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Speaker 3: that Kate did with this, but there's something different when

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Speaker 3: I get to hang out with you.

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Speaker 1: Oh you're too calm.

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Speaker 2: I'm pretty excited. So we are back. The Happy Families

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Speaker 2: Podcast is are we really?

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Speaker 1: Are we really back?

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Speaker 2: What do you mean by that?

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Speaker 1: Seriously? All the changes that have happened with kids going

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Speaker 1: back to school?

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I was well, somewhere in Queensland kids are

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Speaker 3: supposed to be back at school today. This is the

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Speaker 3: never ending holiday because they've got another couple of weeks.

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Speaker 2: Is like, oh, come on.

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Speaker 3: I know that parents love their kids, but you get

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Speaker 3: to a point when school holidays have just gone on

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Speaker 3: for long.

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Speaker 1: Enough, you know, I think more than anything, it's the uncertainty.

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Speaker 1: Our kids feel it as well. Yes, it's like we're

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Speaker 1: supposed to be back at school now we're not.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: It just drags on and everybody feels not so good

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Speaker 1: for it.

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Speaker 3: I read a quote the other day from Winston Churchill.

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Speaker 3: I'm going to paraphrase. I can't remember if I've got

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Speaker 3: it exactly right, but Churchill said, and it made me

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Speaker 3: think of the school holidays and the fact that they're

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Speaker 3: still going.

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Speaker 2: And it made me think of COVID and.

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Speaker 3: The fact that it's twenty twenty two and it's still happening.

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Speaker 3: In fact, I saw a funny meme it said, think

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Speaker 3: about it, twenty twenty two actually is twenty twenty two

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Speaker 3: All I'm doing twenty twenty all over again because it's

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Speaker 3: still here. But this Churchill quote that made me think

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Speaker 3: of COVID and the kids in school, holidays, and it's

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Speaker 3: this sort of thing he says, when you're going through hell,

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Speaker 3: keep going. I don't want to say that about what's

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Speaker 3: going on, but I'm kind of a.

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Speaker 2: Bit over it.

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Speaker 3: And everybody that I talk to, Like last year, we

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Speaker 3: were talking about this thing called COVID fatigue, but now

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Speaker 3: everyone is just well, I don't know if you've had.

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Speaker 1: The stages of grief, is there not?

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Speaker 2: Yeah?

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Speaker 1: Yeah, moving through the next stage.

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Speaker 2: Can we just get on with our lives?

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Speaker 3: Can we put and not being political, but many many

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Speaker 3: conversations that I'm hearing people say is can the government

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Speaker 3: just leave us alone and make up our own mind?

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Speaker 2: Now?

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Speaker 3: Like, depending on where you sit on the fence, there

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Speaker 3: are some people who are saying, thank goodness, the government's

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Speaker 3: protected us, and there are other people who are saying

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Speaker 3: not the government's job to protect us. Government's job is

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Speaker 3: to put structures in place for.

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Speaker 2: Us and then we get to choose.

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Speaker 3: And more people than not seem to be now saying, oh,

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Speaker 3: I just want to make up my own mind.

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Speaker 1: Well, it's interesting And when when the pandemic first hit,

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Speaker 1: there were conversations around do you know anyone do you

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Speaker 1: know anyone who said COVID. Yeah, yeah, and now just

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Speaker 1: about every person week you had it, and not only

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Speaker 1: have they had it, they've had a mild coal right. Yes,

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Speaker 1: you know, the symptoms are so manageable, and yet our

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Speaker 1: medical teams are just being worked to the bone to

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Speaker 1: have tests done for mild symptoms.

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Speaker 3: And to be fair, not everybody's having mild symptoms. There

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Speaker 3: are still people who are dying from.

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Speaker 1: But if I've got the flu and I've got a

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Speaker 1: sniffle and a cough and a sore throat, I stay

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Speaker 1: home and I take care of myself, right the doctor.

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Speaker 3: We didn't used to call it going into isolation either,

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Speaker 3: We just like am had a couple of days off.

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Speaker 2: But now if I.

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Speaker 1: Have the flu and I've got heart palpitations and I'm

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Speaker 1: struggling to breathe, yes, then I seek medical attention quickly.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, I reckon. There's a couple of things

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Speaker 3: that we can do to help make this better. First off,

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Speaker 3: I think we just need to keep it in perspective,

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Speaker 3: like what we are going through is absolutely bizarre. I've

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Speaker 3: been a life for nearly five decades. Never in my

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Speaker 3: life have I seen stuff I can't believe. I just

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Speaker 3: never seen life like.

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Speaker 2: This, like what is this? This is okay?

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Speaker 3: And for our kids, this is really hard for them

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Speaker 3: as well, and as parents, I feel like we need

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Speaker 3: to really provide leadership on this and be there for

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Speaker 3: them and let them know that this year, especially kicking

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Speaker 3: off the year, whether you're a school teacher or a parent,

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Speaker 3: or a student, a child, whatever, that you should expect

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Speaker 3: some level of distress because like there are people. In fact,

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Speaker 3: we probably need to talk about something that you've been

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Speaker 3: through after the break, we'll talk about your last few months,

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Speaker 3: because they've been pretty rough.

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Speaker 2: And we kind of set ourselves up and we think if.

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Speaker 3: I do all of the well being practice, if I

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Speaker 3: do all of the wellness practice, my life is going

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Speaker 3: to be fine and I'm going to be happy because

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Speaker 3: I'm going to be meditating or reading or well.

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Speaker 1: I think it goes a little bit deeper than that.

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Speaker 1: I actually think that what we often fall into the

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Speaker 1: trap of believing is that if I'm doing all the

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Speaker 1: right things in my life, then.

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Speaker 2: Life should should be rainbows and unicorns.

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Speaker 1: Rains and unicorns.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, let's not talk heaps about COVID. Let's actually

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Speaker 3: talk about life and just acknowledge that things are pretty

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Speaker 3: bizarre right now.

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Speaker 1: I'm up with that, okay, or I'm down with that.

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Speaker 2: We are out down and that's what it's been lately.

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Speaker 3: So after the break, we're going to talk about some

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Speaker 3: big news about the podcast. We're going to also talk

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Speaker 3: about some big news about our family, and we're going

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Speaker 3: to talk about why we had the worst Christmas ever.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast.

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Speaker 4: Our Screens Creating Tension at Home betweens, teens and Screens

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Speaker 4: is a webinar to guide families to healthy, safe superscreen solutions.

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Speaker 4: Bye today at happy families dot com dot are you

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Speaker 4: slash shop?

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families Podcast, the podcast for the time

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Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers now and you've just

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Speaker 1: put your foot on it. Yep.

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Speaker 3: It's Justin and Kylie with you for this conversation. Some

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Speaker 3: good news, some bad news, and some other news as well.

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Speaker 3: Let's start off with the good news. The podcast last

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Speaker 3: year had one point nine to five million downloads.

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Speaker 1: I can't believe we didn't make two. I know, I know,

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Speaker 1: so close, but how amazing one point nine five million

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Speaker 1: download Thank you for allowing us to be in your life.

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Speaker 1: I just just I feel like this should be confetti

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Speaker 1: and you know, balloon down from the ceiling right now.

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Speaker 1: So excited.

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Speaker 2: So this year I reckon two and a half okay,

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Speaker 2: maybe three?

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Speaker 1: Are you putting it on loop?

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Speaker 2: It's what you're doing? My phot on silent and just

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Speaker 2: keep playing the podcast on feet.

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Speaker 3: I think though, that you you're going to have to

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Speaker 3: lift your game missus happy families.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, me, well maybe me too.

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Speaker 1: So that means you need to let me talk more.

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Speaker 2: Okay, you got me there. So that was the first

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Speaker 2: bit of news that I want to share.

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Speaker 3: The second bit of news we're going to talk more

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Speaker 3: about this on Friday, is we've made a decision across

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Speaker 3: the summer that we're going to move house. We're going

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Speaker 3: to relocate. We're out of Brisbane, we're moving to the coast.

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Speaker 3: It's time for a sea change.

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Speaker 1: And you know, COVID has been a pretty significant catalyst

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Speaker 1: to that decision. But we're going to share that a

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Speaker 1: bit more with you on Friday.

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Speaker 3: So much want to dive into the story right now

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Speaker 3: because there's so much to it, but we'll save that

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Speaker 3: for Friday for I'll do better tomorrow.

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Speaker 1: Let's just say if things sound a bit crazy on

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Speaker 1: the podcast over the next few weeks. You'll understand we're

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Speaker 1: packing boxes, we're unpacking boxes, we're living.

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Speaker 2: In separate houses.

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Speaker 1: We don't even know where we're going to end up.

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Speaker 2: We literally haven't chosen a suburb or a school.

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Speaker 1: But we're doing life.

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Speaker 2: Helen Keller says, life is a daring adventure or it

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Speaker 2: is nothing.

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Speaker 1: Yes, you've channeled that our whole married life. We're taking

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Speaker 1: it to the instigree this time.

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Speaker 3: All right now, the last thing we need to talk

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Speaker 3: about is why we had the worst Christmas ever. I

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Speaker 3: teased it before the break, and we need to talk

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Speaker 3: about this because so often, and this is I think

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Speaker 3: I think it's really important that we talk about it

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Speaker 3: because we're justin Kylie Coulson, I run Happy Families dot

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Speaker 3: com dot au. We're talking about how you can make

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Speaker 3: your families thrive and flourish, and how you can make

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Speaker 3: your relations and ship's perfect and wonderful. And we talked

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Speaker 3: about before about rainbows and unicorns, but life isn't always

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Speaker 3: like that for us or for anybody. We've kind of

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Speaker 3: had that conversation in the first half of the podcast

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Speaker 3: today and over the summer. In fact, just before summer,

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Speaker 3: something started to change for you, and for people who

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Speaker 3: were listening closely to the podcast, they might have heard

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Speaker 3: that your energy was not where it used to be.

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Speaker 3: And I kind of had to drag your kicking and

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Speaker 3: screaming into the studio so we could record podcasts, and

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Speaker 3: you had to breathe deep and really push through. And

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Speaker 3: it wasn't because the podcast was getting you down.

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Speaker 2: It was life.

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Speaker 1: It's interesting you get to a certain point, I think,

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Speaker 1: or at least I have, where you recognize that maybe

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Speaker 1: the way you are responding to the people you love

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Speaker 1: is not the way you want to, or situations that

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Speaker 1: arise around you seem to really just get a rise

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Speaker 1: out of you that normally wouldn't. And I'd got to

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Speaker 1: that point where I just kind of was like, what

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Speaker 1: is going on on? Why do I respond like this?

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Speaker 1: Why do I treat the people I love like this?

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Speaker 1: Why do I feel in spite of the fact that

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Speaker 1: I am doing all of the things that I would

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Speaker 1: normally do to keep myself upbeat and happy, Why do

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Speaker 1: I actually feel like I am literally the lifeblood is

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Speaker 1: being drained out of me.

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Speaker 3: So I'm always talking about how the best in me

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Speaker 3: needs to speak to the best in you. But what

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Speaker 3: you were basically experiencing is that you could not find

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Speaker 3: any best in you, and you definitely couldn't find any

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Speaker 3: best in anyone else either.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, and so for me it's always been when I

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Speaker 1: get into those harder, challenging places, it's look outside yourself

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Speaker 1: because there's always someone else who's having a harder time,

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Speaker 1: always someone else struggling. And service has been a way

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Speaker 1: that has lifted me and you know, just kind of

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Speaker 1: helped me to put perspective around everything that's going on.

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Speaker 1: But the more I served, the more drained I felt,

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Speaker 1: the more empty I became. And then I resented having

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Speaker 1: to do it, and I resented the kids needing me,

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Speaker 1: entered you wanting help, and he.

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Speaker 2: Resented me wanting to record a podcast with you.

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Speaker 3: It's really important to help other people and to run

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Speaker 3: our business and do what we do.

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Speaker 1: And so, for the first time I think in probably

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Speaker 1: my whole life, I sat back and went, you know what,

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Speaker 1: I don't like this. I don't like how I'm feeling,

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Speaker 1: I don't like how I'm responding. I need to understand

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Speaker 1: this a bit more. And so I took a week away.

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Speaker 1: We had that conversation last year, and that actually was

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Speaker 1: the start of a pretty big unravel for me.

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Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah.

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Speaker 3: You came back and I was like, hang on, You've

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Speaker 3: just gone and had a week away. You're supposed to

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Speaker 3: come back refreshed, energized, happy, healthy, and you come back.

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Speaker 2: And you're more miserable than ever.

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Speaker 3: And we went through I would say two or three

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Speaker 3: of the hardest months of our lives we.

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Speaker 1: Have, and through that process that you didn't even want

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Speaker 1: to put the Christmas tree up, No, I didn't.

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Speaker 3: You didn't want to have Christmas lunch, there was no

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Speaker 3: family coming over. You set boundaries and said don't want

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Speaker 3: to see anyone. And it was a really I'm going

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Speaker 3: to say dat couple of months.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it really was. And so grateful that, in

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Speaker 1: spite of how dark it was, that there were a

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Speaker 1: few key people in my life who helped me to

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Speaker 1: recognize that, even though it felt like I was literally

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Speaker 1: drowning in this dark space, that if I would be

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Speaker 1: patient and I would just sit in that darkness and

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Speaker 1: be willing to see whatever came out and acknowledge it,

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Speaker 1: that I'd actually have the capacity to work through it.

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Speaker 1: And so that's what I did.

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Speaker 2: And there's an old saying that sometimes you have to

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Speaker 2: have a breakdown to have a breakthrough.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, And I feel like that's exactly what's happened. I

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Speaker 1: feel like I needed to go through that, I needed

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Speaker 1: to sit in that place because the one thing that

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Speaker 1: had led me to this was that I had this

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Speaker 1: sense of complete emotional overwhelm all the time, and as

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Speaker 1: a result, I pretty much only felt two or three emotions.

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Speaker 1: I was happy, I was sad, or I was angry, oh.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, or your physical exhaustion is not an emotion, I guess,

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Speaker 3: but I was going to most of the time, you're

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Speaker 3: exhausted while you're having any of those three as well,

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Speaker 3: I'm not trying all of that.

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Speaker 1: And so starting life coaching and recognizing that there's more

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Speaker 1: than three emotions in the human experience and being able

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Speaker 1: to articulate what the emotion was that I was feeling

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Speaker 1: in any given moment and expand it and understand that

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Speaker 1: if something happens, a circumstance takes place, I'll have a

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Speaker 1: thought which creates an emotion. Ye, what's the thought that's

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Speaker 1: creating the emotion I'm feeling right now. And as I

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Speaker 1: was able to work through that, then I started to

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Speaker 1: understand a bit more, and then a few beautiful aha

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Speaker 1: moments where it was just like that, I do X,

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Speaker 1: Y and Z because of this belief system. This belief

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Speaker 1: system is not even mine. It's been sitting in my.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, I inherited this from my parents.

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Speaker 1: It's been sitting there my whole life, and it's been

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Speaker 1: allowed to be on autopilot and I've never recognized or understood,

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Speaker 1: and now I do. It's like it literally, when I

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Speaker 1: had those aha moments, it was like standing in the

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Speaker 1: middle of a football stadium in the pitch black and

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Speaker 1: those floodlights go on, and all of a sudden, it

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Speaker 1: was like, Oh, that's why I do what I do.

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Speaker 3: I just I can't help thinking, Kylie, that there will

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Speaker 3: be so many people who are listening to what you're sharing,

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Speaker 3: even though you're mainly talking fairly abstractly about it and

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Speaker 3: tapping into and saying yeah, I've.

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Speaker 2: Been there or I'm there right now, And.

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Speaker 3: There are probably some people who are going, wow, you

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Speaker 3: only had it for what three months, two months, and

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Speaker 3: I'm in my third or fourth year or third or

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Speaker 3: fourth decade. But I think that's really important, really brave

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Speaker 3: of you that you shared it. So I'm really glad

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Speaker 3: that you did that.

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Speaker 2: Thanks.

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Speaker 1: You know. One of the biggest lessons I learned out

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Speaker 1: of all of this, and I recognize that this will

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Speaker 1: be an ongoing pursuit of mine through life, but the acknowledgment,

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Speaker 1: for the very first time in my life, I'm not

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Speaker 1: afraid of the dark anymore. It's been hard to sit

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Speaker 1: in that dark place, but for the first time being

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Speaker 1: willing to confront it and to just acknowledge that it's

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Speaker 1: they're not against me, it's actually there for me. And

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Speaker 1: if I'll be open to seeing what the darkness has

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Speaker 1: to show me, it actually gave me a light.

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Speaker 3: The Happy Families podcast continues tomorrow. We're going to talk

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Speaker 3: about Oh no, we're not COVID, well not really, we're

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Speaker 3: going to do We're going to talk about kids.

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Speaker 2: And needles.

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Speaker 1: Because I can't make any promises, No you can't.

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Speaker 3: Oh my god, We're going to be talking about not COVID,

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Speaker 3: but kids and needles because there's going to be a

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Speaker 3: whole lot of children who are, if they haven't already,

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Speaker 3: being expected to line up and have their first shot

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Speaker 3: between the age of five and twelve. How do we

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Speaker 3: get that done later in the week is well, we're

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Speaker 3: going to talk about how to make your morning's magic

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Speaker 3: and a whole lot more on The Happy Family's podcast,

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Speaker 3: which is produced as always by the fabulous Justin Rulan

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Speaker 3: from Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce as our executive producer.

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Speaker 3: If you'd like more info about making your family happier,

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Speaker 3: by the way, you can get every thing you needed

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Speaker 3: happy families dot com.

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Speaker 2: Dorie you

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Speaker 1: Mm hmm