1 00:00:03,480 --> 00:00:07,120 Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast. It's the podcast for the 2 00:00:07,200 --> 00:00:10,120 Speaker 1: time poor parent who just wants answers. 3 00:00:10,240 --> 00:00:12,520 Speaker 2: Now, it's not about whether they're beautiful or not. It's 4 00:00:12,520 --> 00:00:16,040 Speaker 2: not about if they're the fastest guy on the track team. 5 00:00:16,320 --> 00:00:19,400 Speaker 2: It's actually about who they are, the qualities that they possess, 6 00:00:19,440 --> 00:00:21,120 Speaker 2: and the way it makes other people feel. 7 00:00:21,360 --> 00:00:24,599 Speaker 1: And now here's the stars of our show, my mum 8 00:00:24,680 --> 00:00:25,120 Speaker 1: and dad. 9 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:29,520 Speaker 3: Well, hello missus. Happy Families Today, Kylie, we have got 10 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:32,680 Speaker 3: a question that has come through two podcasts at Happy 11 00:00:32,760 --> 00:00:35,320 Speaker 3: families dot com dot A. You can I read it 12 00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,960 Speaker 3: out to you go says, Hey, I have a question 13 00:00:38,000 --> 00:00:40,239 Speaker 3: for the podcast. This one's from Sarah in Victoria. My 14 00:00:40,320 --> 00:00:42,479 Speaker 3: husband and I differ on how much we think we 15 00:00:42,479 --> 00:00:46,360 Speaker 3: should tell our kids they're beautiful and handsome. He thinks 16 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:49,120 Speaker 3: that telling them often will help them to feel good 17 00:00:49,159 --> 00:00:52,560 Speaker 3: and confident about themselves, and maybe even stop our daughters 18 00:00:52,560 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 3: from falling for the first guy that compliments them. He's 19 00:00:55,120 --> 00:00:56,880 Speaker 3: great with encouraging words, and I have to admit that 20 00:00:56,880 --> 00:00:59,440 Speaker 3: I appreciate it when he tells me I'm beautiful. However, 21 00:01:00,080 --> 00:01:02,200 Speaker 3: I don't think we should be encouraging them to dwell 22 00:01:02,200 --> 00:01:04,280 Speaker 3: on physical beauty I'm worried that they'll think that it's 23 00:01:04,319 --> 00:01:07,319 Speaker 3: important to be beautiful or handsome, and it may increase 24 00:01:07,360 --> 00:01:09,520 Speaker 3: how conscious they are about the way they look. So, 25 00:01:10,280 --> 00:01:12,600 Speaker 3: which is it should we tell our kids they're beautiful? 26 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:16,200 Speaker 3: What a great question. We have six daughters. This is 27 00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:19,039 Speaker 3: something that we have talked about a number of times 28 00:01:19,040 --> 00:01:22,280 Speaker 3: in our home physical beauty. Do we make comments about it? 29 00:01:22,280 --> 00:01:25,360 Speaker 3: Do we talk about, wow, you look great? What are 30 00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,920 Speaker 3: your initial reactions before we dive into some research and 31 00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:28,440 Speaker 3: some thoughts. 32 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,479 Speaker 2: I don't think there's anything wrong with telling your children 33 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:32,800 Speaker 2: that they're beautiful or they're handsome. But if it's the 34 00:01:32,840 --> 00:01:35,039 Speaker 2: only thing we're focused on, then I think we're setting 35 00:01:35,040 --> 00:01:38,720 Speaker 2: them up to not to fail, but to have a really, 36 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,040 Speaker 2: really limited view of themselves. 37 00:01:41,560 --> 00:01:44,200 Speaker 3: You're so pragmatic. I love that setting them up to 38 00:01:44,200 --> 00:01:46,240 Speaker 3: have a limited view of themselves if that's what our 39 00:01:46,240 --> 00:01:48,880 Speaker 3: central focus is. So are you saying that it's okay 40 00:01:48,880 --> 00:01:50,240 Speaker 3: to tell the kids that they look beautiful? 41 00:01:50,640 --> 00:01:52,440 Speaker 2: The reality is there's someone out there who's going to 42 00:01:52,440 --> 00:01:54,720 Speaker 2: tell me that, No, you shouldn't be doing it. It's 43 00:01:54,720 --> 00:01:58,280 Speaker 2: an evaluation of someone's appearance, right. I wouldn't do that 44 00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:01,720 Speaker 2: in a childcare setting. With painting. I wouldn't tell them 45 00:02:01,800 --> 00:02:04,840 Speaker 2: that I thought their painting was beautiful. I would describe 46 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:07,800 Speaker 2: the things that I saw about it, that I enjoyed 47 00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:10,720 Speaker 2: or I loved, but I wouldn't put an evaluation on it. 48 00:02:10,800 --> 00:02:13,520 Speaker 2: So there's going to be lots of people out there 49 00:02:13,520 --> 00:02:16,240 Speaker 2: that would say that it would be putting an evaluation 50 00:02:16,919 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 2: on it. Do I think there's any problem with telling 51 00:02:19,320 --> 00:02:22,240 Speaker 2: your daughter or your son that they look beautiful? No? 52 00:02:22,440 --> 00:02:27,079 Speaker 2: I don't so when, as she stated, there is something 53 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,040 Speaker 2: reassuring when the person you love in your life tells 54 00:02:31,080 --> 00:02:31,880 Speaker 2: you that you're beautiful. 55 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,560 Speaker 3: How do you feel when I tell you that you live? 56 00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,839 Speaker 2: I feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. Yeah, 57 00:02:36,040 --> 00:02:37,520 Speaker 2: conquer anything. 58 00:02:38,440 --> 00:02:41,840 Speaker 3: How about that song by Eric Clapton, you look beautiful tonight, wonderful, 59 00:02:41,880 --> 00:02:42,600 Speaker 3: wonderful tonight. 60 00:02:42,720 --> 00:02:43,880 Speaker 2: No, I look beautiful. 61 00:02:46,000 --> 00:02:49,600 Speaker 3: Love that. So let's talk about some research here. Rene 62 00:02:49,760 --> 00:02:52,079 Speaker 3: Engeln has written a book called Beauty Sick. I think 63 00:02:52,120 --> 00:02:56,800 Speaker 3: it is the Bible on this particular topic. Her research 64 00:02:57,040 --> 00:03:00,600 Speaker 3: is exquisite, so well done in the book is brilliantly written. 65 00:03:00,840 --> 00:03:03,520 Speaker 3: It is absolutely one of my top ten books of 66 00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:06,200 Speaker 3: all time and absolutely one of the best books I've 67 00:03:06,240 --> 00:03:11,160 Speaker 3: ever read. About about girls and the issues around beauty. 68 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:14,280 Speaker 3: What we know is that whether we say this stuff 69 00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:18,799 Speaker 3: or not, from around about the age of five, our daughters, specifically, 70 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:21,280 Speaker 3: much more than our sons are worried about how they 71 00:03:21,280 --> 00:03:23,760 Speaker 3: look and want to change things about their appearance. Now 72 00:03:23,760 --> 00:03:26,880 Speaker 3: I can't remember the exact stats they're in Renee Elgen's 73 00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:30,880 Speaker 3: Beauty Sick Book, but something like one third of our 74 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,000 Speaker 3: five year olds are already wanting to change something about 75 00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:36,800 Speaker 3: their appearance. They're already worried about how they look. One 76 00:03:36,840 --> 00:03:39,280 Speaker 3: of the challenges that you have when you start giving 77 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:43,760 Speaker 3: praise and talking about how somebody looks is you increase 78 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,760 Speaker 3: the focus on how they look, and so we've got 79 00:03:46,800 --> 00:03:48,760 Speaker 3: to be really careful that we don't overdo it. And 80 00:03:48,800 --> 00:03:51,080 Speaker 3: something that did stand out to me in Sarah's email 81 00:03:51,320 --> 00:03:54,880 Speaker 3: was her husband thinks that telling them often will help 82 00:03:54,880 --> 00:03:58,520 Speaker 3: them feel good and confident about themselves. And he's right, 83 00:03:58,800 --> 00:04:01,600 Speaker 3: but if we tell them too often, it can do 84 00:04:01,680 --> 00:04:04,520 Speaker 3: the opposite. It can lead them to start to become 85 00:04:04,640 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 3: reliant on the external evaluation of somebody else to help 86 00:04:10,520 --> 00:04:11,960 Speaker 3: them to feel that they are enough. 87 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:14,520 Speaker 2: That's right, and his hope that doing it on his 88 00:04:14,760 --> 00:04:17,000 Speaker 2: end will actually stop her from falling for the first 89 00:04:17,040 --> 00:04:20,360 Speaker 2: guy that compliments them is actually not the case. It's 90 00:04:20,360 --> 00:04:23,880 Speaker 2: actually going to create that desire and need. It has told. 91 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:25,640 Speaker 3: It has the potential too. I don't want to say 92 00:04:25,640 --> 00:04:27,520 Speaker 3: that it will, but it has the potential to, because 93 00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:31,039 Speaker 3: if this girl, for example, if his daughter keeps on 94 00:04:31,120 --> 00:04:32,880 Speaker 3: hearing and hearing and hearing, Oh, my dad thinks that 95 00:04:32,920 --> 00:04:35,760 Speaker 3: I'm beautiful, I'm so beautiful, and then she's with a 96 00:04:35,839 --> 00:04:38,760 Speaker 3: guy who says the same thing, Oh, you're so beautiful. 97 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:41,760 Speaker 3: She said. Oh, now I feel reassured. I'm feeling those 98 00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,839 Speaker 3: same feelings now that I feel when my dad tells me, 99 00:04:43,880 --> 00:04:45,560 Speaker 3: except they're even better because they're coming from this boy 100 00:04:45,560 --> 00:04:48,279 Speaker 3: that I like. And so we know story after story 101 00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:50,680 Speaker 3: of girls who have fallen for boys who have whispered 102 00:04:50,720 --> 00:04:52,560 Speaker 3: sweet and nothing's in their ears and told them how 103 00:04:52,720 --> 00:04:55,159 Speaker 3: beautiful they are. So for me, I just look. 104 00:04:55,040 --> 00:04:58,440 Speaker 2: At the fact that beauty is number one. It's so 105 00:04:59,640 --> 00:05:04,279 Speaker 2: subt active, and it's also so changing as a five 106 00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:07,119 Speaker 2: year old what beautiful looks like, to what it looks 107 00:05:07,120 --> 00:05:08,880 Speaker 2: like as a fifteen year old, and then as a 108 00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:11,680 Speaker 2: twenty five year old, and then as a fifty year old. 109 00:05:12,160 --> 00:05:17,839 Speaker 2: Our beauty changes. Our physical appearance is constantly changing, and 110 00:05:17,880 --> 00:05:20,960 Speaker 2: if our focus is so honed in on the physical, 111 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:24,080 Speaker 2: it's hard to accept the changes for what they are. 112 00:05:24,600 --> 00:05:26,359 Speaker 3: After the break, I'm going to share a handful of 113 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:30,600 Speaker 3: ways that we can offer encouraging words to our children 114 00:05:30,800 --> 00:05:33,919 Speaker 3: and help them to feel like they are enough, regardless 115 00:05:33,960 --> 00:05:40,839 Speaker 3: of whether they feel beautiful on Your daughter just walked by, 116 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:44,440 Speaker 3: eyes glued to her phone, expression unreadable. You ask her 117 00:05:44,440 --> 00:05:47,039 Speaker 3: to put it down, but she balks. You know it's 118 00:05:47,040 --> 00:05:49,680 Speaker 3: not good for her, but you're not sure why or 119 00:05:49,800 --> 00:05:53,680 Speaker 3: how to support better choices. In the webinar pixel Perfect, 120 00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:57,720 Speaker 3: I joined with psychologist and Team tech expert Joscelyn Brewer 121 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:00,520 Speaker 3: to discuss how to set screen boundary that work for 122 00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:03,800 Speaker 3: you and your daughter. Check out pixel Perfect now on 123 00:06:03,839 --> 00:06:05,040 Speaker 3: the Happy Families webshop. 124 00:06:06,080 --> 00:06:08,360 Speaker 2: It's the Happy Families podcast, the podcast for the time 125 00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:11,920 Speaker 2: poor parent who just wants answers. Now. It's interesting this 126 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:15,480 Speaker 2: whole conversation around beauty, and you've obviously mentioned your book 127 00:06:15,520 --> 00:06:17,280 Speaker 2: Beauty Sick that you read. 128 00:06:17,320 --> 00:06:21,800 Speaker 3: Yeah Yeah by doctor Renee Engeln, highly recommended. I actually 129 00:06:21,839 --> 00:06:25,240 Speaker 3: wrote a few things in Misconnection about our daughters who 130 00:06:25,240 --> 00:06:29,039 Speaker 3: want to be pixel perfect and this desire to look amazing, 131 00:06:29,360 --> 00:06:32,080 Speaker 3: And I thought I might share a couple of those ideas. 132 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:34,400 Speaker 3: As we go through this, something that comes up all 133 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:37,000 Speaker 3: the time is we just need to teach your kids 134 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:39,200 Speaker 3: to be critical of what they see in the media. 135 00:06:39,279 --> 00:06:41,279 Speaker 3: We need to teach them about photoshop. We need to 136 00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:44,880 Speaker 3: teach them that every picture that you see on screen ap. 137 00:06:45,000 --> 00:06:46,960 Speaker 2: But they know they know that. And you know why 138 00:06:47,000 --> 00:06:49,760 Speaker 2: they know that because ninety percent of what they post 139 00:06:49,760 --> 00:06:51,200 Speaker 2: of themselves is filtered. 140 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:53,160 Speaker 3: That's exactly right. And what I was going to say 141 00:06:53,200 --> 00:06:55,600 Speaker 3: is they know it, but it doesn't stop them aspiring 142 00:06:55,760 --> 00:06:56,120 Speaker 3: to it. 143 00:06:56,160 --> 00:06:58,280 Speaker 2: No, they filter because they're trying. 144 00:06:57,960 --> 00:07:00,920 Speaker 3: To be precisely. But more than that, while ever we're 145 00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:05,720 Speaker 3: doing that, we are still focused on looks. We're still 146 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,200 Speaker 3: focused on appearance. I actually think the best thing that 147 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,160 Speaker 3: we can do when we are having conversations with people, 148 00:07:11,160 --> 00:07:14,040 Speaker 3: when we see someone that we haven't bumped into for ages, 149 00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,600 Speaker 3: is to not say anything about how they look like. 150 00:07:16,720 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 3: Just try it. Next time you see someone you haven't 151 00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:20,520 Speaker 3: seen for ages, try and not say, oh, you look great, 152 00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:22,960 Speaker 3: or you look like you've lost weight, or wow, you 153 00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:26,400 Speaker 3: look fantastic, or like it's one of those natural things 154 00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,000 Speaker 3: that we say, we see someone and one of the 155 00:07:28,000 --> 00:07:29,920 Speaker 3: first things we do is comment on their appearance. 156 00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:32,360 Speaker 2: I reckon, you've just lost half the mums right now, 157 00:07:32,520 --> 00:07:34,240 Speaker 2: because everyone loves hearing that. 158 00:07:34,760 --> 00:07:37,760 Speaker 3: Well, they do, I know. But the thing is, we 159 00:07:37,840 --> 00:07:40,120 Speaker 3: wonder why our kids are so worried about their appearance. 160 00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,360 Speaker 3: But every time we bump into somebody, we talk about 161 00:07:42,400 --> 00:07:44,600 Speaker 3: their appearance. It's one of the first things that we say. 162 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:47,360 Speaker 3: And it's an unhealthy obsession with appearance. Why can't we 163 00:07:47,440 --> 00:07:49,960 Speaker 3: just say it is so great to see you, or 164 00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:52,280 Speaker 3: it's been so long since we've caught up. This is 165 00:07:52,320 --> 00:07:54,160 Speaker 3: going to be such a great chance to talk like 166 00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,920 Speaker 3: why do we have to focus on appearance? 167 00:07:56,240 --> 00:07:59,400 Speaker 2: I think that, you know, if we could counter Like 168 00:07:59,440 --> 00:08:01,240 Speaker 2: I said from the very beginning, I don't. I don't 169 00:08:01,240 --> 00:08:04,080 Speaker 2: see any problems telling your child that you know, they're beautiful. 170 00:08:04,440 --> 00:08:06,640 Speaker 2: But one of the things that you and I are 171 00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:10,720 Speaker 2: very specific about is your beautiful insight and out right, 172 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:13,720 Speaker 2: what are the things about your child? What is there 173 00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:18,360 Speaker 2: you know, like their personality, make up their value system, 174 00:08:18,520 --> 00:08:22,520 Speaker 2: what is it their strengths help them to recognize and 175 00:08:22,560 --> 00:08:26,720 Speaker 2: see those things because those things actually improve with age 176 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,280 Speaker 2: and just get better and better there where they will 177 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:32,720 Speaker 2: find their sense of worth. 178 00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,720 Speaker 3: I'm going to I'm probably going to butcher this, but 179 00:08:34,960 --> 00:08:38,000 Speaker 3: in her book Beauty Sick, Renee and Geln actually says 180 00:08:38,000 --> 00:08:40,720 Speaker 3: something that her grandfather used to say to her. It 181 00:08:40,760 --> 00:08:42,480 Speaker 3: was to do with her youth and her beauty. 182 00:08:42,720 --> 00:08:44,079 Speaker 2: Yes, and she'mbre you telling me. 183 00:08:44,360 --> 00:08:48,040 Speaker 3: She basically said her grandpa would would say, don't ever 184 00:08:48,720 --> 00:08:51,920 Speaker 3: think that there's anything special about your youth or your beauty, 185 00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:54,240 Speaker 3: because you did nothing to deserve it and you can 186 00:08:54,280 --> 00:08:57,079 Speaker 3: do nothing to keep it. Yeah, it's really about who 187 00:08:57,080 --> 00:09:00,360 Speaker 3: are you becoming? And I think that if we go 188 00:09:00,360 --> 00:09:03,120 Speaker 3: back to Sarah's email, is it okay to tell your 189 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:05,880 Speaker 3: daughter that she's beautiful or tell your son that he's handsome? 190 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,079 Speaker 3: From a practical point of view, as you said, Kylie 191 00:09:08,120 --> 00:09:11,160 Speaker 3: at the very beginning of this conversation, yeah, like it 192 00:09:11,160 --> 00:09:13,920 Speaker 3: feels nice to be appreciated and to go to some 193 00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:16,120 Speaker 3: effort on your appearance and have somebody notice it. It 194 00:09:16,160 --> 00:09:19,440 Speaker 3: does feel nice, But we can't make that the focus. 195 00:09:19,640 --> 00:09:21,600 Speaker 3: I don't know where we get this horrible idea from, 196 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:24,000 Speaker 3: and our daughters carry it more than anyone else, this 197 00:09:24,200 --> 00:09:29,000 Speaker 3: sense that my value as a person is inextricably linked 198 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:33,760 Speaker 3: to my physical appearance and my worth. I'm only worthy 199 00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,240 Speaker 3: if I look a certain way. 200 00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,640 Speaker 2: I had a conversation with a friend the other day, 201 00:09:37,640 --> 00:09:39,960 Speaker 2: and it wasn't about her physical appearance. She's just started 202 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:42,199 Speaker 2: a new job and she's feeling the pressure because her 203 00:09:42,240 --> 00:09:46,800 Speaker 2: new boss feels like my friend is her living savior. 204 00:09:46,880 --> 00:09:49,000 Speaker 2: She's come in and swept her off her feet and 205 00:09:49,120 --> 00:09:51,600 Speaker 2: is doing things that no other person in her position 206 00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:53,839 Speaker 2: has ever done for her before, and she can't believe 207 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:56,080 Speaker 2: her eyes. And so my friend's kind of feeling the 208 00:09:56,120 --> 00:09:58,520 Speaker 2: weight of that. And I just said to her, this 209 00:09:58,600 --> 00:10:01,280 Speaker 2: actually hasn't got any to do with what you're doing. 210 00:10:01,600 --> 00:10:04,040 Speaker 2: This actually has everything to do with who you are. 211 00:10:05,160 --> 00:10:08,800 Speaker 2: She doesn't have to do anything extreme. It's because of 212 00:10:08,840 --> 00:10:11,720 Speaker 2: who she is, the way she thinks, the way she 213 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,520 Speaker 2: just goes out of her way to do little things 214 00:10:14,559 --> 00:10:19,280 Speaker 2: that lighten her boss's load. She's not doing anything massive. 215 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,120 Speaker 2: It's just because of the way she is. It's who 216 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:27,239 Speaker 2: she is, and that's what we need our children to understand. 217 00:10:27,480 --> 00:10:29,520 Speaker 2: It's not about whether they're beautiful or not. It's not 218 00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:32,959 Speaker 2: about if they're the fastest guy on the track team. 219 00:10:33,240 --> 00:10:36,280 Speaker 2: It's actually about who they are, the qualities that they possess, 220 00:10:36,360 --> 00:10:38,040 Speaker 2: and the way it makes other people feel. 221 00:10:38,280 --> 00:10:40,000 Speaker 3: Yeah, it's not about the dress. It's about the girl 222 00:10:40,040 --> 00:10:43,120 Speaker 3: in the dress. Yeah. A few years ago, I was 223 00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:45,240 Speaker 3: on the Today Show and we were having this conversation 224 00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,880 Speaker 3: about whether or not we should tell our kids if 225 00:10:46,920 --> 00:10:48,640 Speaker 3: they're a bit chunky, if they're of a weight, if 226 00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:53,200 Speaker 3: they're fat, and I'm made the comment no, actually we shouldn't, 227 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,160 Speaker 3: and the person who was hosting that day, who will 228 00:10:55,200 --> 00:10:59,880 Speaker 3: remain nameless, said but surely if your kids are fat, 229 00:11:00,440 --> 00:11:04,120 Speaker 3: you need to let them know. And my response to 230 00:11:04,840 --> 00:11:08,640 Speaker 3: that person was, they already know their fat, you don't 231 00:11:08,679 --> 00:11:10,640 Speaker 3: need to tell them. The conversation was, we need to 232 00:11:10,640 --> 00:11:12,640 Speaker 3: watch what's going into our kids' mouths. We need to 233 00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,800 Speaker 3: be in charge of the pantry. We need to help 234 00:11:14,840 --> 00:11:17,760 Speaker 3: our children to be beautiful because that's the expectation in society. 235 00:11:17,800 --> 00:11:20,120 Speaker 3: They need to be healthy and beautiful. And I think 236 00:11:20,120 --> 00:11:25,680 Speaker 3: my final advice in this conversation it comes from James Corden, 237 00:11:26,120 --> 00:11:27,319 Speaker 3: the British comedian. 238 00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,920 Speaker 2: Okay, I'm not sure where you're going with this. 239 00:11:32,080 --> 00:11:33,960 Speaker 3: He had a viral video a couple of years ago 240 00:11:34,200 --> 00:11:36,839 Speaker 3: from his late night talk show and I can't remember 241 00:11:37,040 --> 00:11:39,880 Speaker 3: the full context, but it was about weight issues and appearance, 242 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:42,400 Speaker 3: and he just said, instead of watching what goes into 243 00:11:42,440 --> 00:11:44,920 Speaker 3: our daughter's mouths, we need to watch what comes out 244 00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:45,800 Speaker 3: of ours. 245 00:11:46,200 --> 00:11:46,760 Speaker 2: How good is that? 246 00:11:47,559 --> 00:11:50,840 Speaker 3: So, Sarah, in relation to your question, what comes out 247 00:11:50,880 --> 00:11:54,120 Speaker 3: of your mouth should be uplifting and positive. It should 248 00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:57,200 Speaker 3: help your kids to feel good about themselves. But more 249 00:11:57,240 --> 00:11:59,920 Speaker 3: than anything, it should help them to not be really 250 00:12:00,360 --> 00:12:05,520 Speaker 3: on you for evaluations of their value and worth as 251 00:12:05,559 --> 00:12:09,080 Speaker 3: a human. If they look beautiful, that's great, let them know, 252 00:12:09,840 --> 00:12:11,920 Speaker 3: but focus on other things more. 253 00:12:12,160 --> 00:12:14,600 Speaker 2: As they come to recognize what their strengths are, that's 254 00:12:14,600 --> 00:12:16,959 Speaker 2: actually where they get their fulfillment and their sense of 255 00:12:17,040 --> 00:12:19,560 Speaker 2: purpose as they tap into those strengths and they. 256 00:12:19,559 --> 00:12:21,080 Speaker 3: Use them to help other people. 257 00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:25,040 Speaker 2: Yeah, and they don't need the constant affirmation from outside 258 00:12:25,120 --> 00:12:27,800 Speaker 2: sources to help them feel a sense of worth. 259 00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:28,160 Speaker 1: Well. 260 00:12:28,160 --> 00:12:30,680 Speaker 3: We really hope that this conversation has been helpful for you, Sarah. 261 00:12:30,800 --> 00:12:33,280 Speaker 3: The Happy Famili's podcast is produced by Justin Ruland from 262 00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:36,760 Speaker 3: Bridge Media, with Craig Bruce as our executive producer. For 263 00:12:36,800 --> 00:12:39,320 Speaker 3: more information about making your family happier, please join us 264 00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,040 Speaker 3: at Happy families dot com. Do you