WEBVTT - FULL SHOW: What you didn't know about Post-Natal Depression 0:00:10.379 --> 0:00:14.219 I heard podcasts, hear more Kiss podcast playlist and listen 0:00:14.259 --> 0:00:16.099 live on the Free iHeart app. 0:00:19.499 --> 0:00:23.659 Good pickup with Britt Hockley and Laura Ben Radio work 0:00:24.619 --> 0:00:25.619 our windows down. 0:00:25.859 --> 0:00:29.618 That's my world, Rison the dust only good fabs all down. 0:00:30.659 --> 0:00:34.379 I've done much now, but yeah I'm not. I'll big 0:00:34.379 --> 0:00:37.059 get and what a lot. It don't matter where. 0:00:37.699 --> 0:00:40.699 This is the pickup, Hi, guys, it's the pickup with 0:00:40.699 --> 0:00:42.059 Britt Harkley and Laura Burn. 0:00:42.739 --> 0:00:44.459 I don't know if this has ever happened to you, Laura. 0:00:44.539 --> 0:00:46.939 I know we've spoken about it maybe once in relation 0:00:47.099 --> 0:00:50.059 to garlic. But I have like this new discovery the 0:00:50.139 --> 0:00:51.979 last probably two years. 0:00:52.019 --> 0:00:54.099 But I've only just been the last two weeks really 0:00:54.139 --> 0:00:57.859 realized it's something. What's going on. I cannot eat a 0:00:58.019 --> 0:01:02.619 mint without sneezing. That is so weirdly specific because I'm 0:01:02.779 --> 0:01:05.499 I'm allergic to it, but nothing else happens. I'm not allergic. 0:01:05.578 --> 0:01:07.899 Like all I do is sneeze every time within one 0:01:08.019 --> 0:01:10.219 minute of in a MINTI my mouth. I sneeze also 0:01:10.339 --> 0:01:14.859 happens with like listerine, like anything that is minty that 0:01:14.899 --> 0:01:17.419 goes in my mouth, I have a sneezing attack after it. 0:01:17.419 --> 0:01:17.938 Is that weird? 0:01:18.018 --> 0:01:21.419 Yeah, Chewinger know if it's weird, just look into the 0:01:21.499 --> 0:01:22.419 light and have a sneeze. 0:01:22.419 --> 0:01:23.979 Nothing like a good sneeze. 0:01:23.578 --> 0:01:25.938 But it's analogy thing that's formed later in life. Why 0:01:25.979 --> 0:01:27.178 do they come out of nowhere? 0:01:27.339 --> 0:01:28.259 I really don't know. 0:01:28.378 --> 0:01:30.779 But the one person who does the most impressive sneezes 0:01:30.818 --> 0:01:33.658 in this race is Produce a grace. No one has 0:01:33.738 --> 0:01:36.018 ever heard anyone sneeze like produce a grace. 0:01:36.139 --> 0:01:39.139 I hate sneezing. Actually say I love to sneeze, but 0:01:39.139 --> 0:01:39.619 that's not true. 0:01:39.658 --> 0:01:41.459 It's because you do seventeen of them in a row. 0:01:41.658 --> 0:01:43.619 I don't need to try and record you next time, 0:01:43.658 --> 0:01:46.499 just to play it out. It's almost like an unbelievable feat. 0:01:46.859 --> 0:01:49.058 It is, but it takes years off my life. 0:01:49.099 --> 0:01:51.179 Every time I do it, I swear, and every time 0:01:51.179 --> 0:01:53.259 I'm driving, that's the last time I'm driving. 0:01:53.259 --> 0:01:54.819 Because you can't sneeze with your eyes open. 0:01:55.059 --> 0:01:58.499 I think it's actually physiologically impossible just sneeze with your 0:01:58.539 --> 0:02:01.179 eyes open. I remember, I'm trying really hard when there's 0:02:01.179 --> 0:02:02.859 seventeen in a row, when you're on the highway. 0:02:03.419 --> 0:02:05.539 I remember when I went for my driving my learner's 0:02:05.579 --> 0:02:08.538 lesson and I sneezed twice, and the guy in the 0:02:08.579 --> 0:02:10.739 seat next to me, who was doing the testing, he 0:02:10.739 --> 0:02:12.459 made a joke that if I sneezed again and I 0:02:12.459 --> 0:02:13.819 had to keep closing my eyes, he'd. 0:02:13.699 --> 0:02:15.139 Have to fail me. And I was like, I think 0:02:15.179 --> 0:02:18.059 he was joking. I think he was joking. But you can't. 0:02:18.138 --> 0:02:19.819 Yeah, you're right, you can't try and sneeze with your 0:02:19.859 --> 0:02:23.698 eyes open. It's a real, real experience. Now, being that 0:02:23.779 --> 0:02:26.619 it is Thursday, we have asked on cut, where you 0:02:26.619 --> 0:02:30.339 guys call up. We answer your deepest, darkest burning questions 0:02:30.418 --> 0:02:33.299 and we do our absolute best to answer them. Now, 0:02:34.019 --> 0:02:36.739 we've never had a question quite like this one. We've 0:02:36.739 --> 0:02:39.659 got Gabrielle on the line and she has just found 0:02:39.739 --> 0:02:43.659 out very recently that her husband has been cheating on 0:02:43.698 --> 0:02:44.779 her or having an affair. 0:02:45.179 --> 0:02:50.538 Gabrielle, welcome to the show. Hello, what's been going on? 0:02:50.779 --> 0:02:52.179 How long have you been with your husband? And how 0:02:52.219 --> 0:02:53.859 long have you found out he's cheating on you? 0:02:54.819 --> 0:02:58.979 Okay, so we've been together relationship for twenty nine years, wow, 0:02:59.019 --> 0:03:05.458 married three years, two kids, and apparently he has been 0:03:05.499 --> 0:03:07.819 having an affair for five years. 0:03:08.099 --> 0:03:09.418 How did you do you find that out? 0:03:10.659 --> 0:03:15.499 Well, long story short. Normally, his phone has been attached 0:03:15.538 --> 0:03:20.819 to him consistently. He happened to leave it in the 0:03:20.899 --> 0:03:23.978 kitchen one night and I heard a ding go off, 0:03:24.339 --> 0:03:27.939 so naturally I just picked it up, thinking nothing of it, 0:03:28.659 --> 0:03:32.739 went to hand it to him, and obviously discovered a 0:03:32.779 --> 0:03:34.619 lovely naked woman on his phone. 0:03:34.619 --> 0:03:37.779 Oh my god, Gabrielle, So is it been a five 0:03:37.859 --> 0:03:39.219 year affair with the same woman? 0:03:40.099 --> 0:03:43.859 Yes? Wow? How long ago did you find out all 0:03:43.859 --> 0:03:44.459 this information? 0:03:45.379 --> 0:03:47.259 Probably about four months ago. 0:03:47.179 --> 0:03:49.179 So you're still probably really in the thick of all 0:03:49.179 --> 0:03:51.819 of it. Have you made any decisions? Are you wanting 0:03:51.939 --> 0:03:55.699 to stay? Are you unsure? Like what is happening for you? 0:03:56.739 --> 0:04:03.219 Well, we are still living together, obviously. He claimed that 0:04:03.699 --> 0:04:08.499 they haven't actually been intimate together, which is my burning question. 0:04:08.579 --> 0:04:13.299 And do I believe that? No, And each morning I 0:04:13.339 --> 0:04:15.419 wake up, I guess and I go, oh, I'd love 0:04:15.499 --> 0:04:17.939 to talk to her. Also, is that the other question? 0:04:18.459 --> 0:04:20.259 I really have this craving. 0:04:19.979 --> 0:04:22.699 To talk to this woman, which is nautral strange. 0:04:22.819 --> 0:04:24.739 No, that's not I don't think that's strange at all. 0:04:24.779 --> 0:04:27.659 Like this is someone that has infiltrated your life directly 0:04:27.699 --> 0:04:30.019 and indirectly for five years. 0:04:30.219 --> 0:04:32.539 I mean Look, there are people who definitely have come 0:04:32.579 --> 0:04:36.339 back from infidelity in relationships, but only if their partner 0:04:36.539 --> 0:04:39.139 is really truthful and forthcoming about it all. Like if 0:04:39.219 --> 0:04:41.779 you if you are actually feeling like, Okay, I know 0:04:42.019 --> 0:04:43.059 I've got the information. 0:04:43.219 --> 0:04:46.219 Now we can go to therapy together. Things have changed. 0:04:46.299 --> 0:04:49.379 Like if there's no action in changing anything, then you're 0:04:49.419 --> 0:04:52.499 just and you're left with so many unanswered questions. And 0:04:52.579 --> 0:04:55.539 also when you are seeking answers to those questions, if 0:04:55.539 --> 0:04:58.579 you're being shut down or you're not getting closure or 0:04:58.619 --> 0:05:01.419 any of this, like you can't heal because you're expected 0:05:01.459 --> 0:05:03.379 to just believe what's being told to you from the 0:05:03.419 --> 0:05:05.459 person who's been lying to you for five years about 0:05:05.459 --> 0:05:07.219 something correct. 0:05:07.899 --> 0:05:10.579 So is he still talking to her? Has he blocked her? Like? 0:05:10.619 --> 0:05:12.179 How is where are things at now? 0:05:13.139 --> 0:05:16.979 Well, apparently it's all been blocked. We haven't heard from 0:05:17.019 --> 0:05:20.259 her obviously. I think that the wall that blocks me 0:05:20.339 --> 0:05:23.059 now is he does still get quite defensive if you 0:05:23.179 --> 0:05:25.179 go to ask a question or talk about it and 0:05:25.699 --> 0:05:29.659 sort of says you should not be over it, but 0:05:30.259 --> 0:05:31.299 kind of be over it. 0:05:31.339 --> 0:05:34.379 If that may No, that is rubbing, and. 0:05:34.339 --> 0:05:37.499 I'm thinking the time frame for me is my biggest 0:05:37.539 --> 0:05:42.019 thing it hasn't just been a couple of months. It's 0:05:42.059 --> 0:05:45.099 actually been five years, and you know we're being married, 0:05:45.099 --> 0:05:46.259 I've had a baby. 0:05:46.739 --> 0:05:48.619 He was doing this at the same time that you 0:05:48.659 --> 0:05:50.819 were getting married, that you were walking down the aisle, 0:05:50.859 --> 0:05:52.699 or that you were choosing to have a baby together. 0:05:52.939 --> 0:05:55.059 But also, he doesn't get to do this to you 0:05:55.139 --> 0:05:57.419 and then tell you to get over it and move 0:05:57.419 --> 0:05:59.859 on like sorry, that's not how this works. He either 0:05:59.899 --> 0:06:02.979 has to be open and it's this goes now how 0:06:03.059 --> 0:06:04.699 you want it to go. If you want access to 0:06:04.739 --> 0:06:06.899 his phone and he wants to save the relationship, he 0:06:06.939 --> 0:06:08.819 gives it to you. If you want to contact her 0:06:08.859 --> 0:06:10.979 and ask her if you want to know anything about 0:06:11.019 --> 0:06:14.819 that situation. He has to be willing to be completely 0:06:14.859 --> 0:06:16.699 open with you. He doesn't get to gaslight you and 0:06:16.739 --> 0:06:18.219 now say you should be over this by now. 0:06:18.859 --> 0:06:23.779 Yeah, look I agree with this woman. Yeah, with children 0:06:23.979 --> 0:06:26.579 and thinking that life soul. 0:06:28.619 --> 0:06:30.699 Yeah, I think I just thought it. 0:06:31.059 --> 0:06:36.459 Yeah, I think you're totally in your right if you 0:06:36.539 --> 0:06:38.579 want to to reach out to this other woman to 0:06:38.739 --> 0:06:41.579 find out more of the truth, if you think that 0:06:41.619 --> 0:06:43.859 you might get more of the truth from her and 0:06:43.939 --> 0:06:46.219 that might give you some sort of lidity enclosure. 0:06:46.659 --> 0:06:48.659 You are absolutely in your right to do that, and 0:06:48.659 --> 0:06:49.259 I also. 0:06:49.019 --> 0:06:51.659 Don't think that you're breaching anything in the relationship by 0:06:51.699 --> 0:06:54.459 doing so, because at the moment, it sounds like one 0:06:54.499 --> 0:06:56.059 of the big things that you can't get your head 0:06:56.099 --> 0:06:58.939 around is whether you're being lied to as to whether 0:06:59.059 --> 0:07:01.579 or not something physical happened or didn't happen, or whether 0:07:01.619 --> 0:07:02.899 it was just text messages. 0:07:03.979 --> 0:07:05.779 You are not alone. 0:07:05.859 --> 0:07:07.579 I think anyone who's in their car is listening to 0:07:07.579 --> 0:07:10.659 this right now would absolutely be saying, Okay, if that 0:07:10.739 --> 0:07:13.579 messaging has been going on back and forth, nude messages 0:07:13.619 --> 0:07:17.779 for five years, it's probably unlikely that nothing more happened. 0:07:17.819 --> 0:07:19.899 But you know what, even if nothing more did happen, 0:07:20.259 --> 0:07:24.779 that's still such a huge infidelity that's happened in your 0:07:24.819 --> 0:07:27.899 relationship for five years that you're allowed to navigate this 0:07:28.019 --> 0:07:28.979 how is best for you. 0:07:29.019 --> 0:07:32.259 I think it's been eating at me and I'm like, 0:07:33.139 --> 0:07:35.259 should I shouldn't I because. 0:07:35.979 --> 0:07:38.019 I think I would call guys in this situation, what 0:07:38.059 --> 0:07:39.419 would you do, Britt? I mean, I have been in 0:07:39.459 --> 0:07:40.099 that situation. 0:07:40.339 --> 0:07:41.739 I'm not married with kids, but you know, I was 0:07:41.779 --> 0:07:43.979 with someone for six years that I found had a 0:07:43.979 --> 0:07:46.259 double life. And I did contact her and we spoke 0:07:46.299 --> 0:07:49.859 for hours and I got all the information. The difference 0:07:50.579 --> 0:07:53.379 was she didn't know I existed either, so we were 0:07:53.379 --> 0:07:54.659 both sort of in silos. 0:07:54.739 --> 0:07:56.819 So this woman might not want to talk to you. 0:07:57.379 --> 0:07:59.499 I think if you're going to go down that track, 0:07:59.699 --> 0:08:02.219 I would take a really gentle approach with her and 0:08:02.259 --> 0:08:04.339 just say, look, I just want to know. I'm not 0:08:04.379 --> 0:08:05.779 going to have a go at you. There's nothing that's 0:08:05.819 --> 0:08:07.299 going to happen. I just want the information. 0:08:07.499 --> 0:08:10.299 Like, no, what's done is done at the end of 0:08:10.339 --> 0:08:12.419 the day. Yeah, it's still eat at me. 0:08:12.659 --> 0:08:14.739 Is he really been? 0:08:15.739 --> 0:08:18.859 Like, yeah, he's got a lot to lose, Gabrielle. 0:08:18.899 --> 0:08:20.859 If you do speak to her, though, please give us 0:08:20.899 --> 0:08:24.179 a call and let us know what happens, because honestly, 0:08:24.259 --> 0:08:26.819 if I was in your situation, I would be calling. 0:08:26.819 --> 0:08:28.219 That's where I would be at. And you don't even 0:08:28.219 --> 0:08:29.819 need to tell your husband you're calling. To be honest, 0:08:30.019 --> 0:08:32.059 just just do it. Just do it. 0:08:32.179 --> 0:08:35.978 Ye, I definitely wouldn't devolve information. 0:08:36.219 --> 0:08:38.699 That's yeah, Please let us know how it goes. 0:08:39.379 --> 0:08:40.539 Thank you very much. 0:08:41.339 --> 0:08:43.218 We're so sorry you're in this situation. 0:08:44.899 --> 0:08:47.539 Have you ever done your DNA test like an ancestry 0:08:47.539 --> 0:08:48.978 test or I actually. 0:08:48.779 --> 0:08:51.219 Haven't, but I've never felt the need to. Are you 0:08:51.339 --> 0:08:51.979 just a bit. 0:08:51.859 --> 0:08:54.819 Curious about like I don't know your family tree? 0:08:55.059 --> 0:08:57.338 And like what it is? What's your DNA maker? I 0:08:57.419 --> 0:08:59.739 mean if you are questioning where I'm from. 0:08:59.819 --> 0:09:02.299 Yeah, if you have questions about me, I can definitely 0:09:02.339 --> 0:09:02.979 go and get it done. 0:09:02.979 --> 0:09:06.379 Don't belong to my parents? No, I this going. Do 0:09:06.379 --> 0:09:09.579 you know something I don't pretty need? This is your life? 0:09:09.819 --> 0:09:09.979 No? 0:09:10.179 --> 0:09:11.619 I find it really fascinating. 0:09:11.659 --> 0:09:13.979 And so my husband and I we actually did DNA 0:09:14.099 --> 0:09:18.739 tests together recently, ancestry DNA tests, and we got an 0:09:18.739 --> 0:09:22.019 email saying that their results were inconclusive, so we weren't 0:09:22.059 --> 0:09:25.499 able to get our results back. And I don't know, 0:09:25.579 --> 0:09:27.259 but I'm gonna do it again because I made these 0:09:27.259 --> 0:09:28.899 big jokes to Matt and I was like, what if 0:09:28.939 --> 0:09:31.019 like they found out something, because when you do it, 0:09:31.099 --> 0:09:32.139 you have to submit like. 0:09:32.299 --> 0:09:34.939 This is my dad, this is my mom, this, and 0:09:35.019 --> 0:09:35.939 you submit. 0:09:35.619 --> 0:09:37.699 As much as your family tree as you possibly can. 0:09:37.779 --> 0:09:39.339 And I was like, what if the reason why they 0:09:39.419 --> 0:09:43.459 kept it is because they found out something they don't 0:09:43.459 --> 0:09:45.619 want us to know about it, like maybe your dad's 0:09:45.699 --> 0:09:46.299 not your dad. 0:09:46.819 --> 0:09:48.659 They don't want to blow up your life. Maybe my 0:09:48.739 --> 0:09:50.779 uncle's not my uncle. I don't know, but like, look, 0:09:50.779 --> 0:09:52.219 I think they'd tell you if your uncle of your 0:09:52.299 --> 0:09:54.338 uncle's that's not that impactful. Well, I don't know, I 0:09:54.379 --> 0:09:54.939 think it is. 0:09:54.979 --> 0:09:57.819 Anyway, this article that came out, so a woman kind 0:09:57.819 --> 0:09:59.539 of she went and did all the different DNA tests. 0:09:59.579 --> 0:10:01.499 There's a couple that are really big ones in Australia, 0:10:01.579 --> 0:10:05.019 ones my heritage obviously ancestry DNA, which I think most 0:10:05.019 --> 0:10:07.259 people know of. And then there's also another one which 0:10:07.299 --> 0:10:09.379 is kind of like the Crem Delachreme of DNA tests 0:10:09.379 --> 0:10:10.379 called twenty three. 0:10:10.179 --> 0:10:13.379 And me, hasn't that just gone into what's it called receivership? 0:10:13.419 --> 0:10:15.419 Yeah, maybe you know more about it than I. You're 0:10:15.459 --> 0:10:16.859 like the Krem de la Crem. I'm like, it just 0:10:16.859 --> 0:10:17.539 went down and go go. 0:10:17.659 --> 0:10:19.619 Do you know why they say it's the Krem dela 0:10:19.619 --> 0:10:21.619 crem purely because it's the most expensive. It's meant to 0:10:21.619 --> 0:10:24.979 be the most thorough. But in the experience of this woman, 0:10:25.139 --> 0:10:27.819 it absolutely wasn't the case. But one thing she did 0:10:27.859 --> 0:10:31.499 find out plot twist. She found out that her childhood crush, 0:10:31.539 --> 0:10:34.259 who she had been obsessed with and in love with, 0:10:34.579 --> 0:10:37.979 for the majority of her adolescents turned out to be 0:10:38.099 --> 0:10:42.019 her cousin. Imagine if you found out not when you know, 0:10:42.179 --> 0:10:44.299 not a childhood crush. Imagine if you found out like 0:10:44.699 --> 0:10:45.339 you were dating. 0:10:45.539 --> 0:10:48.779 There was a couple that found out in America. She 0:10:48.859 --> 0:10:51.139 did the DNA test. She found out that her husband 0:10:51.219 --> 0:10:54.219 or fiance was a direct relation to her and she 0:10:54.379 --> 0:10:56.179 was going to bury that information. 0:10:56.259 --> 0:10:57.939 Did she tell him I can't remember, I'm on the. 0:10:57.979 --> 0:11:00.019 Edge of my seat, Producier Grace Park to look it up. 0:11:00.299 --> 0:11:02.499 Okay, So there was a couple who discovered, after ten 0:11:02.579 --> 0:11:05.019 years of marriage and having three children, that they were cousins. 0:11:05.179 --> 0:11:07.019 Yeah, and they found out viral D. 0:11:07.459 --> 0:11:09.699 You just stay if you're being married and you've got kids, 0:11:09.739 --> 0:11:10.499 it's goorn too far. 0:11:10.619 --> 0:11:12.458 You're in two D. You've already done all that. 0:11:12.579 --> 0:11:15.459 You're in white LOADUS territory, just staying there. Look, I 0:11:15.459 --> 0:11:17.419 mean we opened up the text line and also I 0:11:17.419 --> 0:11:19.499 did a call out on my Instagram for this. You 0:11:19.579 --> 0:11:23.019 would be shocked by how many people discovered really salacious 0:11:23.019 --> 0:11:25.899 things about their families or about their lives. This One 0:11:25.899 --> 0:11:28.499 girl wrote in and said that her grandma had six 0:11:28.619 --> 0:11:32.619 kids and they all did their ancestry tests as grandchildren, 0:11:32.939 --> 0:11:35.139 and they found out that the grandma had been having 0:11:35.139 --> 0:11:38.019 an affair with the farmer who lived on the farm 0:11:38.059 --> 0:11:41.659 next door in Italian farmer, and the youngest three children 0:11:41.779 --> 0:11:45.379 were not actually their grandfathers, but it was this Italian farmer. 0:11:45.499 --> 0:11:48.259 So three of the kids had the Italian heritage in 0:11:48.339 --> 0:11:50.099 DNA and they were all linked to a different dad. 0:11:50.139 --> 0:11:52.579 They were all having a rumble behind the shed. No, 0:11:52.619 --> 0:11:55.419 they weren't just her, just the grandma. The kids absolutely 0:11:55.419 --> 0:11:57.899 were not rumbling. They were they all weren't. But they 0:11:57.979 --> 0:11:59.459 were wow. Good on her. 0:11:59.619 --> 0:12:02.458 People who found out that their biological dad just wasn't 0:12:02.499 --> 0:12:03.739 like their dad, wasn't their dad. 0:12:03.899 --> 0:12:05.099 Loads of those came in. 0:12:05.179 --> 0:12:07.819 That would be a really sad discovery imagining thirty years 0:12:07.859 --> 0:12:10.019 old and finding out that your dad's not actually. 0:12:09.739 --> 0:12:12.539 Your biological dad. No, that that is gut wrenching, and 0:12:12.579 --> 0:12:15.379 your mum did the dirty all those there. 0:12:15.499 --> 0:12:17.939 Another girl wrote, my sister found out that she has 0:12:17.979 --> 0:12:20.619 a different dad. There's a lot of dads out here 0:12:20.619 --> 0:12:22.659 that are finding out that they either have kids that 0:12:22.659 --> 0:12:25.019 they didn't know they had, or that they're not the 0:12:25.179 --> 0:12:26.659 father to the kids they thought they did have. 0:12:26.859 --> 0:12:32.779 I just think let dead dogs lie. What that's the saying, 0:12:32.819 --> 0:12:33.179 isn't it. 0:12:33.339 --> 0:12:35.179 This is why I would worry about going and doing 0:12:35.179 --> 0:12:36.979 a test, Not that I think anything would come of it, 0:12:37.019 --> 0:12:38.059 but I'm happy with my life. 0:12:38.139 --> 0:12:39.099 I don't need the disruption. 0:12:39.379 --> 0:12:40.979 If it came out then my dad wasn't my dad, 0:12:41.019 --> 0:12:41.939 which he definitely is. 0:12:42.459 --> 0:12:43.739 Hang On, I don't want to stick go anywhere. My 0:12:43.819 --> 0:12:44.379 dad is my dad. 0:12:44.419 --> 0:12:47.019 I don't have any queries, but I'm just saying, sometimes 0:12:47.059 --> 0:12:48.978 I think ignorance is bliss. 0:12:49.019 --> 0:12:49.859 How's this one? 0:12:50.339 --> 0:12:53.539 This girl found out that Ivan Malatt is her dad's 0:12:53.579 --> 0:12:57.139 second cousin. See you know that's that's a skeleton in 0:12:57.139 --> 0:12:58.139 a wardrobe and a closet. 0:12:58.139 --> 0:13:00.019 You don't need to know about it. You're related to 0:13:00.059 --> 0:13:02.179 a psychopath. What are you gonna do with that information? Anyway? 0:13:02.179 --> 0:13:04.699 We've got a caller on the line, Rosie. What did 0:13:04.699 --> 0:13:06.659 you find out from your ancestry DNA. 0:13:06.819 --> 0:13:11.059 Hiber Yeah, it wasn't myself directly, but it was a 0:13:11.099 --> 0:13:13.859 family member. It was probably in her late fifties at 0:13:13.859 --> 0:13:16.779 the time, who'd been doing the whole ancestry journey for 0:13:16.819 --> 0:13:20.619 a long amount of time with her sister and her 0:13:20.899 --> 0:13:23.779 dad wasn't her real dad, and it was actually the 0:13:23.819 --> 0:13:25.659 next door neighbor when she was growing up. 0:13:25.819 --> 0:13:28.419 Does linking to the neighbor though, how did she get there? 0:13:29.019 --> 0:13:32.699 I think maybe that family had also been doing kind 0:13:32.699 --> 0:13:34.859 of their own journey, so there was already DNA kind 0:13:34.859 --> 0:13:38.139 of in the system that was able to be linked. Yeah, 0:13:38.179 --> 0:13:38.899 a bit of a shock. 0:13:39.419 --> 0:13:41.699 So did his neighbor. What's the outcome here? Did the 0:13:41.699 --> 0:13:43.299 neighbor take her on? As like the dad? 0:13:44.419 --> 0:13:46.659 So look, I'm not sure if he was actually alive, 0:13:46.699 --> 0:13:48.659 but I do know that she's now in touch with 0:13:48.739 --> 0:13:51.499 the children that he did have, So she has kind 0:13:51.539 --> 0:13:54.059 of got other siblings out of there, and she's in 0:13:54.339 --> 0:13:56.019 very much the same mindset as she said for it, 0:13:56.179 --> 0:13:58.979 Like you know, my great grandfather was her dad, that's. 0:13:58.779 --> 0:13:59.499 Who raised her. 0:13:59.619 --> 0:14:02.579 So that's still kind of her opinion. But kind of 0:14:02.619 --> 0:14:04.499 good story is which has yeah, kind of got some 0:14:04.539 --> 0:14:05.539 more family members out of it. 0:14:05.659 --> 0:14:07.499 So that's nice, all right, you sold me, I'll go 0:14:07.539 --> 0:14:09.739 do one. I want to do one because I'm frightened 0:14:09.739 --> 0:14:10.659 to what I might find out. 0:14:10.739 --> 0:14:12.579 To be honest, you need to do one because you've 0:14:12.619 --> 0:14:14.459 done it and it came back inconclusive. 0:14:14.619 --> 0:14:15.979 So either they're saying that you're. 0:14:15.859 --> 0:14:18.379 One of those avatars and your DNA doesn't match the 0:14:18.459 --> 0:14:20.779 humans or something is a myth, So we need to 0:14:20.779 --> 0:14:21.739 get to the bottom of that. 0:14:21.739 --> 0:14:23.179 That is not a story arc that I want to 0:14:23.219 --> 0:14:24.299 unpack on radio. 0:14:24.499 --> 0:14:28.179 That you're an avatar, that you're not related to your parents. 0:14:28.939 --> 0:14:32.699 It's not a surprise to anyone about when we speak 0:14:32.699 --> 0:14:35.939 about postnatal depression and how it affects women who are 0:14:35.979 --> 0:14:37.179 going through that. 0:14:37.299 --> 0:14:39.899 Incredibly just full on. 0:14:39.899 --> 0:14:43.259 Time after having a baby, that postnatal time, your hormones 0:14:43.259 --> 0:14:45.859 are all over the place, the lack of sleep, the 0:14:45.939 --> 0:14:49.579 transitioning in motherhood, like there are so many changes, and 0:14:50.219 --> 0:14:53.019 the study suggests that one in seven women in Australia 0:14:53.339 --> 0:14:56.619 will actually suffer from postnatal depression after having a baby. 0:14:57.219 --> 0:15:00.219 But something I found really really interesting and like this 0:15:00.299 --> 0:15:02.739 came up in an article, but it's also a conversation 0:15:02.779 --> 0:15:04.899 I had recently with a friend of mine, and that 0:15:05.019 --> 0:15:08.419 is that one in ten new dads also experienced walk 0:15:08.659 --> 0:15:12.899 described as postnatal depression. Now, I would say very few 0:15:12.899 --> 0:15:16.219 people would ever have kind of correlated this idea of 0:15:16.219 --> 0:15:19.139 postnatal depression with men, and even given it the airtime, 0:15:19.179 --> 0:15:21.339 I think there's so much focus that's put on women 0:15:21.339 --> 0:15:23.819 who are having babies and rightly so, like it's incredibly 0:15:23.819 --> 0:15:27.019 taxing for women. But I remember sitting down with a 0:15:27.019 --> 0:15:30.899 good maid of mind and we're talking about having kids, 0:15:30.899 --> 0:15:33.179 and he was talking about when he had his first baby, 0:15:33.699 --> 0:15:36.419 and he said, you know, I always pictured that i'd 0:15:36.419 --> 0:15:38.739 have my first baby and it would be this moment 0:15:38.779 --> 0:15:41.579 when I held them and I'd be just full of 0:15:41.659 --> 0:15:43.779 joy and cry and all the things that you see 0:15:43.819 --> 0:15:47.219 on social media. And he was like, I held him, 0:15:47.699 --> 0:15:50.859 I felt really absent. He's like, I walked out of 0:15:50.859 --> 0:15:54.819 the hospital and I burst out crying. And it really 0:15:54.899 --> 0:15:57.099 hit me because I think we think and they were 0:15:57.099 --> 0:16:00.859 going to be overloaded with this flood of love. But 0:16:01.019 --> 0:16:02.379 he was telling me, he was like, you know what 0:16:02.899 --> 0:16:05.579 happened for me is that I grew to love my child. 0:16:05.659 --> 0:16:07.459 I grew to love being a dad, and I fell 0:16:07.459 --> 0:16:09.379 in love with him as he kind of turned into 0:16:09.419 --> 0:16:13.539 this little person. But he really experienced postnatal depression. And 0:16:13.539 --> 0:16:16.459 I think that there's more dads coming forward talking about this. Well. 0:16:16.499 --> 0:16:19.619 I think there reason we don't necessarily associate men as 0:16:19.699 --> 0:16:22.139 much with post natal depression is because a huge part 0:16:22.179 --> 0:16:25.019 of the postnatal depression is linked to the hormones and 0:16:25.259 --> 0:16:27.499 we're like, oh, cool, Well, the men's bodies haven't changed, 0:16:27.539 --> 0:16:29.459 and they haven't been flooded with the hormones, and they 0:16:29.459 --> 0:16:31.859 haven't just gone through a traumatic birth, and they aren't 0:16:31.859 --> 0:16:34.299 trying to physically keep it alive with the breast, So 0:16:34.339 --> 0:16:38.099 people don't necessarily associate it straight away. But I think 0:16:38.139 --> 0:16:42.259 we have to realize that their life also does change drastically, 0:16:42.739 --> 0:16:46.179 and the lack of hormones is what also keeps them 0:16:46.219 --> 0:16:49.139 from having that almost natural sort of a bond that's 0:16:49.459 --> 0:16:51.699 I mean, not every mother gets, but it's what helped 0:16:51.739 --> 0:16:54.059 moms have that initial bond, and the men they're not 0:16:54.139 --> 0:16:56.619 doing that. They haven't carried it and had that connection 0:16:56.699 --> 0:16:57.819 with it for nine months. 0:16:57.819 --> 0:16:59.819 The flood of love is how it's described. 0:16:59.859 --> 0:17:02.579 But yeah, and I also think, I mean something that 0:17:03.139 --> 0:17:08.059 is very relevant, and I guess a good dad probably 0:17:08.138 --> 0:17:11.658 doesn't to make it about himself in that environment. I 0:17:11.699 --> 0:17:13.579 think it would be pretty misled for a man to 0:17:13.579 --> 0:17:15.619 be like, well, i'm having a hard time too. They're 0:17:15.619 --> 0:17:17.418 not going to get a lot of sympathy out of 0:17:17.419 --> 0:17:19.939 that situation, and so it really does mean that those 0:17:19.939 --> 0:17:22.619 men who are struggling don't talk about the facts that 0:17:22.659 --> 0:17:25.419 they're struggling because they also can read a room and 0:17:25.459 --> 0:17:27.859 they realize that well, they probably it's not their time 0:17:27.899 --> 0:17:29.579 to have the airtime to talk about it, and so 0:17:30.219 --> 0:17:33.579