WEBVTT - Should You Be Reimbursed For Failed Dates? 💰🙄 0:00:00.120 --> 0:00:02.960 Flex and Froods on Cada. 0:00:03.120 --> 0:00:05.640 Welcome to the podcast qtsqu TETs. 0:00:06.000 --> 0:00:08.360 I want to talk to you about loyalty tests on TikTok. 0:00:08.640 --> 0:00:11.119 I came across it in this advice thread and read it. 0:00:11.160 --> 0:00:14.160 But also I made a point when we were discussing 0:00:14.200 --> 0:00:15.920 the TikTok, I saw where this guy was like, should 0:00:15.920 --> 0:00:18.280 women be reimbursing men for failed dates? 0:00:18.440 --> 0:00:18.640 Kind? 0:00:18.880 --> 0:00:20.360 To that point, I was like, just everyone just needs 0:00:20.360 --> 0:00:25.759 to stop dating at this point, there's so much like politics, 0:00:25.800 --> 0:00:28.600 not even politics, but friction around it, and people aren't 0:00:28.600 --> 0:00:30.480 making it a pleasant environment to do it in. 0:00:30.600 --> 0:00:33.320 Let's just stop. I think it's post pandemic. People don't 0:00:33.360 --> 0:00:37.400 know how to hate being a scam manger, fear monger. 0:00:38.000 --> 0:00:39.520 I like scare monger that that's good. 0:00:40.040 --> 0:00:41.640 Every time I try to add a new world to 0:00:41.640 --> 0:00:45.080 my vocabulary, it all goes downhill. No, I think I 0:00:45.240 --> 0:00:47.640 think it's part of like not having dated for a 0:00:47.680 --> 0:00:52.599 long time, we feel socially anxious. We A don't want 0:00:52.600 --> 0:00:54.520 to spend money, B don't want to spend time. We 0:00:54.560 --> 0:00:56.560 don't want to feel uncomfortable. It's like how nobody wants 0:00:56.560 --> 0:01:01.000 to take a phone call anymore. Extends to dating. With 0:01:01.040 --> 0:01:01.960 out of practice. 0:01:02.280 --> 0:01:04.800 Yeah, but if that's the case, then I wish people 0:01:04.840 --> 0:01:09.039 would overcorrect and just be people pleasers. You know. I 0:01:09.160 --> 0:01:12.320 just feel like the conversation around fifty to fifty or 0:01:13.160 --> 0:01:16.759 the expenses involved around dating are just so dumb because 0:01:17.600 --> 0:01:19.800 you can enjoy yourself as well, Like, you're not paying 0:01:19.800 --> 0:01:22.200 the money just for the benefit of the other person. 0:01:22.440 --> 0:01:25.280 You're facilitating an experience. It's fun for everybody involved. Don't 0:01:25.280 --> 0:01:26.760 you want to do that totally? 0:01:26.800 --> 0:01:28.600 It's like if you pay for someone's if you go 0:01:28.680 --> 0:01:30.480 up someone and you pay for the whole bill, you 0:01:30.560 --> 0:01:33.920 gotta remind yourself. I ate too, Yeah, paying for myself as. 0:01:33.840 --> 0:01:35.600 Well outside the dating context. 0:01:35.640 --> 0:01:37.760 If we're going out to dinner and I pay because 0:01:37.760 --> 0:01:40.200 I want to or it's easier, it's because I'm excited 0:01:40.240 --> 0:01:43.160 to have shared an experience with you. I'm excited to 0:01:43.160 --> 0:01:46.120 have done this. It's fully worthwhile. I understand where that 0:01:46.120 --> 0:01:48.040 gets a bit difficult when you are a serial data 0:01:48.040 --> 0:01:49.920 and you are racking up a tab. But if you're 0:01:49.960 --> 0:01:53.800 actually taking out someone you like, then what is the issue, 0:01:54.320 --> 0:01:56.240 do you know? I think it all boils down to 0:01:56.240 --> 0:01:58.320 you don't like the people that you're trying to date. 0:01:58.960 --> 0:02:01.880 Totally. I went on the date on a date last 0:02:01.960 --> 0:02:05.360 year and we went to a lovely restaurant, and he said, 0:02:05.440 --> 0:02:07.560 you know, I don't go on many dates. It's my 0:02:07.600 --> 0:02:09.399 first date in a long time, and I'm really glad 0:02:09.440 --> 0:02:12.560 I'm here with you. And sure there was only two 0:02:12.639 --> 0:02:15.320 dates in total. He might have felt Jimmed. 0:02:16.280 --> 0:02:18.480 Not your problem, though, but it was. 0:02:18.440 --> 0:02:20.320 Lovely and I was not sweet. That felt like I 0:02:20.400 --> 0:02:23.720 was treated and it was enjoyed, and I was in 0:02:23.760 --> 0:02:26.480 a good mood. Therefore the date was especially good. 0:02:27.120 --> 0:02:31.040 Period. Remember when we discussed swiper's remorse, where you. 0:02:32.480 --> 0:02:35.280 Swipe someone, match with them and then you're like, ah, 0:02:35.280 --> 0:02:37.320 I don't think I like the way they look that much. 0:02:37.480 --> 0:02:41.600 Or at worse, you swipe someone, you match with them, 0:02:41.800 --> 0:02:43.560 you talk with them and agree to go on a 0:02:43.639 --> 0:02:45.200 date with them, and when that time comes. 0:02:45.000 --> 0:02:46.280 You're like, I don't think I want to do that. 0:02:47.080 --> 0:02:50.760 I feel like this all boils down to the same thing. 0:02:50.800 --> 0:02:53.040 We're not picking people we actually want to date. I 0:02:53.040 --> 0:02:54.360 feel like this idea of like. 0:02:54.760 --> 0:02:55.560 Where do we go? 0:02:55.760 --> 0:02:58.400 Like coffee date's too casual, this date's too These things 0:02:58.400 --> 0:03:00.000 don't matter. When you actually like the person you spend 0:03:00.160 --> 0:03:02.440 time with, it's hard. 0:03:02.919 --> 0:03:05.520 I feel like a lot of it's social anxiety. I 0:03:05.560 --> 0:03:07.280 think often you can be like, oh no, I really 0:03:07.320 --> 0:03:09.280 really don't want to go, and you really feel that 0:03:09.280 --> 0:03:10.320 you don't want to go, and then you go and 0:03:10.360 --> 0:03:12.959 you enjoy it, So therefore it's just social anxiety. 0:03:13.480 --> 0:03:14.760 Yes, But do you feel that way when you're going 0:03:14.800 --> 0:03:16.600 to back to go hand with your best friends? 0:03:17.160 --> 0:03:20.040 Sometimes if feel so socially anxious, Oh that's strange, I'm 0:03:20.040 --> 0:03:23.360 so sorry. Remember I'm never talking about myself, I'm talking 0:03:23.400 --> 0:03:24.680 about everyone. 0:03:24.240 --> 0:03:30.760 Else other way around. Yeah, I know, but I do. Yes, 0:03:30.960 --> 0:03:35.240 social anxiety is super valid. But I feel like, let's 0:03:35.320 --> 0:03:40.200 say you get approached by someone you are super interested in, 0:03:40.600 --> 0:03:44.600 super attracted to. They're ticking so many boxes at that moment, 0:03:44.640 --> 0:03:47.080 you're not like, I'm not doing fifty to fifty, Like 0:03:47.160 --> 0:03:50.400 you'll do what's required to spend time with that person. 0:03:50.560 --> 0:03:52.800 Granted it's not so far out of your comfort zone. 0:03:53.000 --> 0:03:55.640 So even before, when people are hypothetically thinking about what 0:03:55.680 --> 0:03:57.760 they would or wouldn't do on a date, and they 0:03:57.800 --> 0:04:00.960 always skew so negative, you don't want to date that adlete. 0:04:02.080 --> 0:04:04.400 It's just because you're not seeing it as an enjoyable 0:04:04.400 --> 0:04:07.440 thing to do. You're not excited about the possibility, and 0:04:07.480 --> 0:04:11.280 even the outcome of potential romance is not enough for 0:04:11.320 --> 0:04:13.520 you to invest twenty bucks. 0:04:13.840 --> 0:04:15.600 Yeah, because I think what as a means to an 0:04:15.720 --> 0:04:18.560 end where you often just need to enjoy yourself because 0:04:18.600 --> 0:04:20.479 you'll find somebody, don't. 0:04:20.320 --> 0:04:20.760 Lie to them. 0:04:24.480 --> 0:04:25.880 But yes, like I was saying, there are these things 0:04:25.880 --> 0:04:28.919 on TikTok called loyalty tests where conventionally attractive people offer 0:04:29.000 --> 0:04:32.359 up their likeness and their face and they chat to 0:04:32.400 --> 0:04:34.880 your significant other to see if your significant other is 0:04:34.920 --> 0:04:37.080 going to be loyal to you. So what I would do, 0:04:37.120 --> 0:04:42.599 for example, I would say, hello, handsome person, handsome woman, Yeah, 0:04:42.680 --> 0:04:46.120 I guess can you dare my boyfriend and flat with 0:04:46.200 --> 0:04:49.160 him and arrange to meet up or arrange to hook 0:04:49.240 --> 0:04:52.560 up and see what he says? And so this person 0:04:52.640 --> 0:04:54.839 will then screenshot all the evidence and send it to 0:04:54.880 --> 0:04:57.200 you so you can see what they do or don't do. 0:04:57.440 --> 0:05:00.320 And most people do quite poorly from what I've seen 0:05:00.360 --> 0:05:02.760 on TikTok, But I guess if they do well, that 0:05:02.839 --> 0:05:04.240 video is not gonna go viral, you know. 0:05:04.480 --> 0:05:07.800 And I'm sorry, but if you are trying, if you're 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:10.680 paying someone to do that, obviously something's wrong in your relationship. 0:05:10.720 --> 0:05:12.960 The likelihood that they're going to follow through and be like, yes, 0:05:13.680 --> 0:05:17.400 let's root is far higher than someone who's not going 0:05:17.400 --> 0:05:18.960 to go to those lengths exactly. 0:05:19.600 --> 0:05:22.640 And also there's been discussion of this idea of testing 0:05:22.680 --> 0:05:26.120 someone in a romantic dynamic. Is it just manipulative? Are 0:05:26.120 --> 0:05:29.760 you pushing someone towards an outcome that's not desirable anyway, 0:05:30.520 --> 0:05:32.359 there was this girl that mentioned that she does this 0:05:32.360 --> 0:05:35.560 thing called the Coraline test on't with people that she's seeing, 0:05:36.160 --> 0:05:38.719 where she says very early on that her favorite movie 0:05:38.760 --> 0:05:41.320 is Coraline. And she says, nine times out of ten, 0:05:41.560 --> 0:05:43.400 these men are like, oh my god, I love that movie. 0:05:43.440 --> 0:05:44.159 I love Tim. 0:05:44.040 --> 0:05:46.960 Burton, It's amazing, It's so good. It's my favorite too. 0:05:47.120 --> 0:05:50.279 They like over enthuse how much they also love Coraline. 0:05:50.920 --> 0:05:53.200 Then when they go out on their first day, when 0:05:53.240 --> 0:05:55.000 they hang out at each other's house for the first time, 0:05:55.240 --> 0:05:59.560 she always plays Coraline to see how they respond. Do 0:05:59.600 --> 0:06:03.560 they recognize the movie? Are they like, do they look enthused? 0:06:03.880 --> 0:06:07.520 Is everything a surprise to them? Are they like actually 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:10.560 engaged in it or not? And she says often they're not. 0:06:10.720 --> 0:06:13.280 They just said it to give this illusion that we 0:06:13.480 --> 0:06:16.039 like the same things when in reality they don't. Now, 0:06:16.080 --> 0:06:17.680 she got a lot of backlash on the intern because 0:06:17.680 --> 0:06:19.479 they were like, what were you expecting? Though, I could 0:06:19.720 --> 0:06:22.040 rewatch a movie I've already seen before and not be 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:23.960 interested because I've seen it. 0:06:24.040 --> 0:06:26.120 And also watching a movie on a day is silly. 0:06:26.320 --> 0:06:27.480 It's not to watch the movie. 0:06:27.520 --> 0:06:29.120 I'm here to hang out with you, So why are 0:06:29.160 --> 0:06:31.120 you testing me on how interested I am? 0:06:31.120 --> 0:06:32.600 The thinking abot, I'm not here to be interested in. 0:06:33.720 --> 0:06:36.720 Yeah. Also, if you're wanting to test someone, you're totally 0:06:36.720 --> 0:06:40.799 coming from the perspective of wanting to find something, wanting 0:06:40.800 --> 0:06:42.040 to get them found out. 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:43.400 It's a setup. 0:06:44.560 --> 0:06:47.120 Is can you think of any scenarios where it is 0:06:47.240 --> 0:06:51.239 appropriate and also best case scenario to test someone? 0:06:52.960 --> 0:06:55.400 I think it's fun to like do that test if 0:06:55.440 --> 0:07:02.479 you're engaged to someone. Oh, it's like a good natured test. Yeah, 0:07:02.520 --> 0:07:04.400 where it's like the Hens Night or whatever, and you 0:07:04.440 --> 0:07:07.080 have to do it like study. You have to do 0:07:07.120 --> 0:07:08.520 a test of like how much do. 0:07:08.440 --> 0:07:11.880 You know your like paw TikTok when they're like girls 0:07:11.920 --> 0:07:14.320 Hens Nights are doing how well do you know your 0:07:14.320 --> 0:07:17.400 partner quiz? And men's wanted to like let's get to it. 0:07:19.840 --> 0:07:21.240 I feel like it's a little bit late to be 0:07:21.280 --> 0:07:22.120 doing those tests. 0:07:22.560 --> 0:07:25.160 Maybe, Oh, can I think of a test that makes 0:07:25.200 --> 0:07:28.320 sense that's fair. I can't really think of one. I 0:07:28.360 --> 0:07:31.560 just don't like the idea of tests generally, because you're 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:34.320 just expecting them to fail. Every test is a test 0:07:34.360 --> 0:07:37.440 of something. Why should you need to be testing anything? 0:07:37.640 --> 0:07:40.360 Just test such fun and theory until you find out 0:07:40.400 --> 0:07:43.240 that you've been tested. Like what if somebody gives you 0:07:43.320 --> 0:07:44.920 feedback and says, you know, like I thought it was 0:07:44.920 --> 0:07:46.400 gonna go well, but I was testing you and you 0:07:46.400 --> 0:07:48.280 didn't pass, I'd be like what. 0:07:48.840 --> 0:07:51.480 It's almost like remembering those teen movies, just like I 0:07:51.520 --> 0:07:53.320 bet you can get that girl to hang out with 0:07:53.360 --> 0:07:55.400 you because she's ugly, and then you do, and then 0:07:55.400 --> 0:07:56.240 you fall in love with her. 0:07:56.760 --> 0:08:01.520 Awful whoa. But like sweet means to an end is 0:08:01.560 --> 0:08:02.800 not means to an end. 0:08:02.880 --> 0:08:06.440 Foreshore point remains, And I definitely think that we'll get 0:08:06.520 --> 0:08:09.200 to that part in dating discourse, because you know, there 0:08:09.200 --> 0:08:10.600 are certain community who were like, I'm just gonna be 0:08:10.640 --> 0:08:15.040 celibate or whatever. But that's in spite of their natural wants. Right, 0:08:15.040 --> 0:08:16.640 It's like you're not finding anyone you want to route. 0:08:16.680 --> 0:08:19.120 Therefore you're saying a celibate. You know you're not doing 0:08:19.160 --> 0:08:20.320 it for any spiritual reason. 0:08:20.520 --> 0:08:24.520 Five steps to in cell or one step in them. 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:27.640 Cell fleck and froms flexy mummy. 0:08:27.880 --> 0:08:30.120 Yeah, do you have a blanky that you sleep with? 0:08:30.320 --> 0:08:35.200 I absolutely do not this concept even I don't even 0:08:35.240 --> 0:08:38.679 know if I knew what it was until. I wouldn't 0:08:38.679 --> 0:08:41.679 say recently. But I've seen a few cooked tiktoks of 0:08:41.720 --> 0:08:46.680 people and their raggedy, rinky dink, tattered blankie letting go. 0:08:47.679 --> 0:08:48.560 It's discussed. 0:08:48.800 --> 0:08:50.920 Maybe it's like a cultural thing I'm missing though. 0:08:50.960 --> 0:08:51.400 Do you reckon? 0:08:51.640 --> 0:08:51.880 Yeah? 0:08:52.280 --> 0:08:53.720 Like what culture? 0:08:53.920 --> 0:08:54.439 Caucasian? 0:08:55.080 --> 0:09:00.880 Oh, Caucasian culture. My people apparently blank He's often referred 0:09:00.880 --> 0:09:03.960 to as comfort objects, and they're more than just blankets. 0:09:04.000 --> 0:09:08.439 Here's the definition. A comfort object or transitional object or 0:09:08.480 --> 0:09:12.520 security blanket is an item used to provide psychological comfort, 0:09:12.880 --> 0:09:17.240 especially in unusual or unique situations or at bedtime for children. 0:09:17.880 --> 0:09:21.240 Among toddlers. Comfort objects may take the form of a blanket, 0:09:21.559 --> 0:09:24.199 a stuffed animal, or a favorite toy, and it may 0:09:24.240 --> 0:09:29.320 be referred to as nicknames, but adults also use comfort objects. 0:09:29.320 --> 0:09:33.120 Many adults consider that comfort and security blankets provide are 0:09:33.200 --> 0:09:37.560 essential and according to a study in twenty eleven in Britain, 0:09:37.840 --> 0:09:40.120 thirty five percent of adults slope at the Teddy Bear. 0:09:40.200 --> 0:09:43.880 Thirty five What is that sample size? Like three people? 0:09:44.040 --> 0:09:46.080 Oh, it's by like a real crap. It's like by 0:09:46.120 --> 0:09:46.600 a brand. 0:09:46.880 --> 0:09:48.880 Yeah, it's not to be trusted. 0:09:49.160 --> 0:09:52.160 But there's been another builder. Bear also did a study 0:09:52.160 --> 0:09:54.760 and forty percent of adults, which I know they have 0:09:54.800 --> 0:09:57.440 a cut in that they want us. 0:09:57.880 --> 0:09:59.839 Yeah, they want Yeah. 0:10:00.200 --> 0:10:03.000 I understand it. Not even in theory and practice. I 0:10:03.040 --> 0:10:05.240 totally get it. But it's just seeing the state of 0:10:05.280 --> 0:10:10.280 some of these tattered, raggedy They're not being washed, they're 0:10:10.320 --> 0:10:13.560 not being kept after they were conceptualized. It's like these 0:10:13.720 --> 0:10:16.920 beautiful white stuffed animals sixteen years it's gone by their 0:10:16.960 --> 0:10:19.120 olive green with a tinge of brown. 0:10:19.200 --> 0:10:21.840 What is happening? I don't get it. 0:10:21.840 --> 0:10:24.800 It's called there's this famous fairy tale called the Velveteen Rabbit. 0:10:24.840 --> 0:10:28.320 It's about this boy at Christmas gets all these gifts 0:10:28.360 --> 0:10:30.120 and he gets this rabbit, and he plays with the 0:10:30.200 --> 0:10:32.280 rabbit for like a day and then gets over excessible 0:10:32.360 --> 0:10:35.440 these shiny toys. Then he ends up loving it. Till 0:10:35.480 --> 0:10:36.240 it's tattered. 0:10:36.800 --> 0:10:38.200 What is the moral of the story. 0:10:38.280 --> 0:10:40.199 I couldn't tell you. I get to sleep before the end. 0:10:41.640 --> 0:10:43.320 FLEXI I have a confession to make. 0:10:43.600 --> 0:10:46.400 Struggling to get it out. Now, what is it? 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.680 I have a comfort object? Yeah, otherwise known as a blanky. 0:10:51.120 --> 0:10:51.880 What does it look like? 0:10:52.200 --> 0:10:53.160 You don't have any visuals? 0:10:53.880 --> 0:10:55.760 I thought about it before I came in, Like, damn, 0:10:55.800 --> 0:10:56.600 I should have brought it with me. 0:10:56.679 --> 0:10:59.960 Like it doesn't do photo ops. 0:11:00.360 --> 0:11:04.120 It's a nighty with kind of an eighty style print. 0:11:04.160 --> 0:11:08.040 It's got parrots and like blues and greens, and it's 0:11:08.080 --> 0:11:10.560 really silky. And I sleep with it every night I 0:11:10.640 --> 0:11:12.439 go to sleep, get my Heiti weedy, put it between 0:11:12.480 --> 0:11:13.600 my legs. Grab mother. 0:11:13.679 --> 0:11:16.800 Even when you're doing sleepovers at other people's houses, do 0:11:16.800 --> 0:11:17.839 you take with No? 0:11:18.080 --> 0:11:19.960 Do you sleep poorly without it? No? 0:11:19.960 --> 0:11:21.920 No, No, it's not that bad. And like if I 0:11:21.920 --> 0:11:23.760 have someone coming up, I'm putting it in a drawer. 0:11:24.640 --> 0:11:26.679 Sometimes I forget it. Sometimes I forget it and then 0:11:26.840 --> 0:11:28.680 seen under the pillow, it's a bit of a scary 0:11:28.840 --> 0:11:34.160 kind of look. But my blankie is the nighty that 0:11:34.320 --> 0:11:39.400 my mum gave birth to me in. Oh disgusting isn't it. 0:11:39.600 --> 0:11:41.480 That's sweet though, that's sentimental. 0:11:41.720 --> 0:11:42.520 I'm twenty seven. 0:11:43.559 --> 0:11:45.080 Why have you kept it? 0:11:45.160 --> 0:11:47.240 I can imagine over the course of your life there 0:11:47.240 --> 0:11:49.640 are tons of things you were given and gifted for 0:11:49.760 --> 0:11:53.079 various reasons, a little a Barbie Dolla truck, a book 0:11:53.120 --> 0:11:55.960 that you really loved. What is it about this blankie 0:11:56.000 --> 0:11:57.880 that you've kept? Why not just give it back to 0:11:58.120 --> 0:11:58.560 your mum? 0:11:59.600 --> 0:12:00.160 Well? 0:12:00.200 --> 0:12:02.440 I think it's a few things. I'm very close to 0:12:02.440 --> 0:12:06.440 my mum and I don't find her gross shout to other. 0:12:06.520 --> 0:12:08.680 A lot of people in this world gross me out, 0:12:09.280 --> 0:12:14.800 poor hygiene, smelly, grotty. My mum is none of those things. 0:12:14.920 --> 0:12:17.040 And you know, you often love the smell of a 0:12:17.120 --> 0:12:19.160 parent like you love the smell of your mum. Yeah, 0:12:19.840 --> 0:12:23.000 And so there's that. And then also just the feel 0:12:23.040 --> 0:12:26.360 of the blanky. It's soft, silk style thing. It feels 0:12:26.360 --> 0:12:29.440 good against my face. And I've always been a blanky bitch. 0:12:29.800 --> 0:12:32.000 When I was a kid, I used to suck my 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.520 fingers upside down and hold the blanky in the thumb. 0:12:37.160 --> 0:12:40.680 So the best way to describe it is holding your 0:12:40.800 --> 0:12:43.920 fingers like a trigger yep, and then putting the pad 0:12:44.080 --> 0:12:47.120 of your fingers to the roof of your mouth while 0:12:47.120 --> 0:12:48.480 holding a blanky with your thumb. 0:12:49.120 --> 0:12:52.840 This is obscene, obscene. 0:12:52.080 --> 0:12:53.800 And it got so bad when I was a little 0:12:53.880 --> 0:12:56.040 kid that I went to the dentist and they said, 0:12:56.440 --> 0:12:58.800 sir and ma'am, if your child does not get the 0:12:58.800 --> 0:13:01.440 fingers out of her mouth, she's gonna have buck teeth. 0:13:01.559 --> 0:13:03.840 Yeah, because you push your your teeth forward. 0:13:04.240 --> 0:13:06.839 Yeah, you could really tell on people didn't wean themselves 0:13:06.880 --> 0:13:11.199 off the dummy. Yeah, it's giving cletus so much so 0:13:11.400 --> 0:13:13.000 they had to put this spray on my fingers that 0:13:13.040 --> 0:13:14.959 would make it smell bad so I'd stop doing this. 0:13:16.080 --> 0:13:19.000 I'm still not understanding the blanky thing, because again, there 0:13:19.040 --> 0:13:21.000 are heaps no, no, no, there are heaps of things that 0:13:21.040 --> 0:13:23.120 you would have been given that you'd have an emotional 0:13:23.160 --> 0:13:25.239 attachment to that you don't. 0:13:25.000 --> 0:13:26.080 Sleep with every night. 0:13:27.559 --> 0:13:29.840 It's just it's the it's the sense. It hits so 0:13:29.880 --> 0:13:33.240 many senses, smell, touch, longevity. 0:13:33.520 --> 0:13:34.760 Do you do something animals too? 0:13:35.360 --> 0:13:37.680 No? If I do a heaty weaty between my legs. 0:13:37.800 --> 0:13:41.319 What is a heaty weaty like a heat bag, a 0:13:41.400 --> 0:13:44.200 hot water bottle? Yeah, but a heaty weedty yeah? Wow, 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:47.240 So I think a lot most of my good girlfriends. 0:13:47.280 --> 0:13:48.800 I've come to the house and I see a little 0:13:48.800 --> 0:13:49.920 stuffed animal on the bit. 0:13:50.840 --> 0:13:51.719 Really huh. 0:13:52.760 --> 0:13:56.040 I'm not judging. I'm just observing and wincing. 0:13:56.240 --> 0:13:58.200 I think it's got to do with living in another state, 0:13:58.280 --> 0:14:01.040 because all my girlfriends that have that are from interstate. 0:14:02.360 --> 0:14:09.000 What stay perfect Victoria? Okay, scattered scattered energies across Australia, 0:14:09.120 --> 0:14:11.000 So you don't know. Like the thing is there are 0:14:11.000 --> 0:14:16.600 comfort objects beyond, like blankies or teddy bears, Like, what's 0:14:16.600 --> 0:14:17.640 something you use every day? 0:14:17.720 --> 0:14:18.319 My phone? 0:14:18.760 --> 0:14:22.400 Your phone is your comfort object? Yeah, I reckon, don't 0:14:22.400 --> 0:14:25.080 look it. You can't look it? Yeay. Lip Barm's your thing. 0:14:25.520 --> 0:14:27.400 Flex you told me your story the other day. She 0:14:27.560 --> 0:14:30.880 actually left a cinema mid movie. Yeah, to go to 0:14:31.760 --> 0:14:34.480 some sort of pharmacy. I'm not going to name drop 0:14:34.680 --> 0:14:37.520 to get lip barm and I'd do it again. That's crazy. 0:14:37.680 --> 0:14:39.480 This is flex and frooms. 0:14:40.760 --> 0:14:43.360 It's not an episode of flex and frooms. That me 0:14:43.480 --> 0:14:45.720 referencing TikTok and something I've learned from it. 0:14:46.080 --> 0:14:47.400 Listen to this. 0:14:47.400 --> 0:14:49.800 Something I read about for my latest book called the 0:14:49.880 --> 0:14:53.200 Zigonic Effect, which is waiters remember bills that are left 0:14:53.240 --> 0:14:55.960 open but the second they close the bill, they forget it. 0:14:56.000 --> 0:14:58.200 When a task is left unfinished, it creates like a 0:14:58.240 --> 0:15:01.200 mental load and stress. And people now when studying are 0:15:01.440 --> 0:15:04.400 trying to study a bit, go do something else, come 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.760 back and then study the rest. They leave that loop opened. 0:15:07.360 --> 0:15:10.600 I can imagine for yourself that if you've operated on someone, 0:15:10.960 --> 0:15:13.480 you've opened a loop, and now you are supposed to 0:15:13.560 --> 0:15:15.560 go home and sleep and not think about the outcome 0:15:15.560 --> 0:15:18.080 of that, and oh, just go home and be find me. 0:15:18.320 --> 0:15:20.320 We're not going to see if seven hours. But all 0:15:20.400 --> 0:15:23.080 these open loops. The person you removed, you know, colon, 0:15:23.120 --> 0:15:25.360 the other person who did this suddenly, you know, you 0:15:25.400 --> 0:15:27.200 go into work the next day. How did that guy do? 0:15:27.640 --> 0:15:29.760 Is he right? Do you get that kind of feedback. 0:15:29.360 --> 0:15:32.120 From yeah, I mean all the time. So literally, yesterday 0:15:32.120 --> 0:15:34.000 I had an orday operating list where I was operating 0:15:34.040 --> 0:15:36.480 with one of my bosses and we removed a bowel 0:15:36.480 --> 0:15:40.120 cancer on the left side of their colon, and I 0:15:40.120 --> 0:15:42.880 stitched the colon back onto the colon like two pipes, 0:15:42.920 --> 0:15:46.400 stitched them back together and all went really well. Patient 0:15:46.480 --> 0:15:48.080 was fine at the end of the operation. I saw 0:15:48.080 --> 0:15:50.240 them afterwards. It were fine. But there's something when you 0:15:50.280 --> 0:15:52.920 do bowl cancer operations and you remove the cancer and 0:15:52.960 --> 0:15:55.680 the intestine, and then you join the two remaining cut 0:15:55.760 --> 0:15:58.400 ends of the intensin back together. There's one risk we 0:15:58.440 --> 0:16:01.080 always warned patients about, and that risk could be anywhere 0:16:01.080 --> 0:16:03.760 from four percent to ten percent. There's a risk of 0:16:03.760 --> 0:16:06.720 something called an anastematic leak. Well, the intestines can just 0:16:06.760 --> 0:16:08.920 come apart, the stitches come apart, and they leak, and 0:16:08.960 --> 0:16:13.080 they leak shit into the abdomen, and obviously you can 0:16:13.120 --> 0:16:15.280 die if you're shit's leaking to jaipim. You don't need 0:16:15.320 --> 0:16:18.040 to be medical to know that. So that is a 0:16:18.120 --> 0:16:20.840 risk that could happen for anywhere from day one after 0:16:20.840 --> 0:16:24.600 the operation to day five, six seven. So until this 0:16:24.920 --> 0:16:26.960 patient goes home, I'm going to be thinking in the 0:16:27.000 --> 0:16:29.640 back of my mind I put those stitches in his colon. 0:16:30.160 --> 0:16:32.640 So actually, you know, this morning, before I came here, 0:16:32.680 --> 0:16:36.880 I texted someone who's working right now and is reviewing 0:16:36.880 --> 0:16:39.000 that patient on a ward round, just saying how is he? 0:16:39.440 --> 0:16:41.880 You know, and I shouldn't be doing that colon. 0:16:42.080 --> 0:16:44.600 I didn't have to play that whole TikTok, but I 0:16:44.600 --> 0:16:46.400 thought you'd be an enjoyable thing for all of us 0:16:46.400 --> 0:16:49.960 to experience. So basically, what the zygonic effect is is 0:16:50.000 --> 0:16:53.640 the idea that once you start a task, a loop 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:57.680 has been started, or you've you've essentially started something that 0:16:57.720 --> 0:17:00.240 needs to be wrapped up for your brain to stop 0:17:00.280 --> 0:17:03.240 thinking about it. And generally we go about our day 0:17:03.280 --> 0:17:05.399 starting a bunch of things and not thinking about it 0:17:05.440 --> 0:17:10.200 and having ongoing cumulative anxiety about it and not recognizing why. 0:17:10.560 --> 0:17:13.399 And so when we talk about productivity, there's a lot 0:17:13.440 --> 0:17:16.320 of discussion around how multitasking is like either good or 0:17:16.359 --> 0:17:18.920 bad or whatever it might be, But that is secondary 0:17:18.960 --> 0:17:22.960 to the fact that in order to clear yourself of 0:17:23.000 --> 0:17:25.840 the anxiety or the thoughts associated with something, you need 0:17:25.880 --> 0:17:29.680 to close the loop. And so, you know, I don't 0:17:29.760 --> 0:17:33.120 know how many people can integrate this into their daily 0:17:33.119 --> 0:17:35.960 lives effectively because we aren't in control of when things 0:17:35.960 --> 0:17:38.440 are done. Like I do this thing very frequently when 0:17:38.720 --> 0:17:41.760 I hate email threads, Like I will get an email, 0:17:41.800 --> 0:17:44.040 respond to the first thread, and then clear it out 0:17:44.040 --> 0:17:44.680 of my inbox. 0:17:44.680 --> 0:17:46.160 It's done for me, and. 0:17:46.119 --> 0:17:50.200 Then I just ignore the following emails what are you amazing? 0:17:50.359 --> 0:17:52.320 It just happens because I want off my to do list. 0:17:52.320 --> 0:17:54.040 I don't want to think about it, and so I 0:17:54.080 --> 0:17:56.159 actually use I don't use Gmail. I use this like 0:17:56.240 --> 0:17:59.560 email software where you can like. It calls your inbox 0:17:59.560 --> 0:18:01.760 a trio, so you're meant to just clear things out 0:18:01.800 --> 0:18:04.160 of your inbox and get to zero. So if I've 0:18:04.160 --> 0:18:06.480 answered an email, I'll clear it and it's done. Out 0:18:06.480 --> 0:18:09.000 of my head. If I leave things there, then every 0:18:09.040 --> 0:18:11.200 time I go into my Gmail, I'm looking at things 0:18:11.200 --> 0:18:14.320 that I'm half dealt with, half not. It's not my problem. 0:18:14.400 --> 0:18:15.880 If I've answered the email. 0:18:15.920 --> 0:18:16.879 You need to do the archive. 0:18:17.600 --> 0:18:19.000 I don't know. We'll talk about this. I don't know 0:18:19.000 --> 0:18:19.600 how to archive. 0:18:20.320 --> 0:18:22.600 You send it archive and then when they respond, it 0:18:22.600 --> 0:18:23.639 comes back into your inbox. 0:18:23.680 --> 0:18:27.720