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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast.

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Speaker 2: It's the podcast for.

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Speaker 1: The time poor parent who just wants answers.

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Speaker 2: Now, what I've been really working on hard as a

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Speaker 2: dad is having regular gentle kind touch points with the

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Speaker 2: kids when they're talking to me, having my phone down

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Speaker 2: on my screen closed, and actually focusing on my child

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Speaker 2: rather than the other things that could distract me.

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Speaker 1: And now here's the scars of our show.

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Speaker 2: My mom and dad. We love Fridays, especially Fridays when

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Speaker 2: there's a long weekend coming. We're going to keep this

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Speaker 2: one short today so that you can head into your

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Speaker 2: long weekend, be excited about spending time with your family,

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Speaker 2: have Monday off, and spend some time with gratitude in

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Speaker 2: your heart for the ANZACs that have fought for our

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Speaker 2: freedom and given us the amazing country that we live in.

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Speaker 2: This is doctor Justin Courson. I'm here with Kylie, my

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Speaker 2: wife and mum to our six kids. I'll do better tomorrow. Oh,

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Speaker 2: before we do, I'll do better tomorrow. I do need

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Speaker 2: to tell you the other day, our dog, so it's

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Speaker 2: not our dog, our daughter's dog that hasn't been with

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Speaker 2: us for rages because we're moving out of home, was

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Speaker 2: back with us. And I didn't tell you this, but

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Speaker 2: I had to take her to the vet. She swallowed

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Speaker 2: a bag of scrabble letters. Kylie, scrabble letters.

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Speaker 1: Coder, we don't even known scrabble.

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Speaker 2: Well, no, that's right, because she swallowed the scrabble letters,

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Speaker 2: took it to the vet. No word yet. Hey, just

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Speaker 2: before we actually dive into old do better tomorrow. For

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Speaker 2: those of you who are new to the podcast, Every Friday,

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Speaker 2: we talk about the learnings of the week, the intentional

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Speaker 2: ways that we can better tomorrow as a result of

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Speaker 2: our experience as parents this past week. Before we do that,

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Speaker 2: we always like to share a little bit of fun

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Speaker 2: stuff as well, And this last week I found something

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Speaker 2: that I thought you might like. This is a list

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Speaker 2: of proverbs that kids were asked to complete. You know,

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Speaker 2: those sayings that everybody knows. I'm going to get you

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Speaker 2: to say the saying and then I'll tell you what

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Speaker 2: the kids said. Okay, And I just want to test

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Speaker 2: to see whether or not you know them as well,

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Speaker 2: putting you on the spot. Are you nervous you know them?

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Speaker 1: Where you don't know them? There's nothing to be nervous.

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Speaker 2: Okay, You strike while the iron is hot. Yeah, you do.

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Speaker 2: Except the kids in grade one said, you strike while

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Speaker 2: the bug is close. It's always dark as before the dawn. Correct,

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Speaker 2: except the kids said it's always darkest before daylight saving time.

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Speaker 2: Another one was you can lead a horse to water,

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Speaker 2: but you can't make it drink. The kids said, you

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Speaker 2: can lead a horse to water. But how that was it?

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Speaker 2: Don't bite the hand that fed you feeds you. Yeah,

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Speaker 2: so they said, don't bite the hand that looks dirty.

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Speaker 2: I like this one as well. No news is good news, apparently,

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Speaker 2: except these kids thought, no news is impossible. A miss

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Speaker 2: is as good as a I've stumped you.

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Speaker 1: I don't know that one. A miss is as good

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Speaker 1: as a mile.

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Speaker 2: A miss is as good as a mile. You didn't

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Speaker 2: know that one. No, it's basically saying, if you miss

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Speaker 2: by a little bit, you might as well miss buy

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Speaker 2: a mile because you're still missed. That's the right.

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Speaker 1: I've never heard that one.

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Speaker 2: Well, these kids said, a miss is as good as miss.

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Speaker 2: See it's twenty twenty two. We're finally getting the message.

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Speaker 2: How good is that. You can't teach an old dog

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Speaker 2: new tricks? Except the kids thought it was you can't

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Speaker 2: teach an old dog new math and the one that

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Speaker 2: I thought was perhaps the most fun of all, the

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Speaker 2: one that I thought I would share is better late

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Speaker 2: than never, except the kids said better late than pregnant.

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Speaker 2: Oh gosh, get it, better late than better? Yeah, of

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Speaker 2: course you get it. Sorry, you've had six kids, all right,

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Speaker 2: let's just focus on the things that were supposed to

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Speaker 2: be focusing on. I thought they were very funny. I

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Speaker 2: also thought that my joke about the dog eating the

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Speaker 2: scrabble no wood yet was great, But you didn't like

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Speaker 2: that at all.

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Speaker 1: So now talking about words. I had a conversation with

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Speaker 1: one of our daughters over the holidays because she's been

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Speaker 1: doing a bit of work for you. It's actually had

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Speaker 1: to do the subtitles for all of your videos.

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Speaker 2: You're going to bring that up. I can't believe you're

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Speaker 2: bringing that up. We're supposed to be talking about old

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Speaker 2: do better tomorrow. We're supposed to be building people up here,

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Speaker 2: and you're gonna me down.

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Speaker 1: I'm not going to slap you down, but I am

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Speaker 1: going to highlight that. All this time we've been recording

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Speaker 1: the podcast, you have talked to me a lot about

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Speaker 1: all of the verbal crutches that I have.

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Speaker 2: Things like you know, as an example, or you know

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Speaker 2: it's interesting that, or.

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Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, so the subtitles have kind of suggested that

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Speaker 1: you might have a few of your own.

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Speaker 2: I try so hard not to.

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Speaker 1: And our daughter said, do you know how many times

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Speaker 1: I've had to get rid of?

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Speaker 2: And then she's told us all of my verbal crutches.

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Speaker 2: I loved it.

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Speaker 1: It was so funny because the reality is we all

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Speaker 1: have them. Apparently, Yeah, even radio announces.

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Speaker 2: Well, I'm not a radio announcer anymore. I used to be,

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Speaker 2: and you will note that I don't have very many.

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Speaker 1: And it's interesting because she said she's had to do

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Speaker 1: a lot.

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Speaker 2: Well, I try really hard not to have them, and

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Speaker 2: now I'm even more aware of them. And I guarantee

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Speaker 2: if she was doing I'm let's just move on. Can

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Speaker 2: we just move on? All right? Are you going to

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Speaker 2: share our eye? Yeah? I'll go first, because my older

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Speaker 2: better Tomorrow is really short, It's really brief, and it's

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Speaker 2: just really simple, like when it comes to making our

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Speaker 2: family happier and having great quality interactions with the children

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Speaker 2: and being intentional about things. I don't have any massive

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Speaker 2: stories to tell about a special endearing moment or a

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Speaker 2: complete stuff up this week It's been a fairly run

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Speaker 2: of the mill week. The kids are back at school,

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Speaker 2: we're living separately for the final week. Today's actually the

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Speaker 2: last day that we're separate. The furniture truck arrives a

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Speaker 2: little bit later today and all of our gear gets

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Speaker 2: moved out of our house. I'm so excited to be

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Speaker 2: coming up the coast with you, and from this point

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Speaker 2: forward we're back in the same premises. I'm going.

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Speaker 1: But I don't know where you plan on working.

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Speaker 2: No, we're going to have some really interesting podcasts, and

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Speaker 2: who knows what's going to happen. But what I've been

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Speaker 2: really working on hard as a dad is having regular,

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Speaker 2: gentle kind touch points with the kids. So just when

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Speaker 2: they enter the room, smiling and being happy when they're

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Speaker 2: talking to me, having my phone down or my screen closed,

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Speaker 2: and actually focusing on my child rather than the other

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Speaker 2: things that could distract me, being delighted in the experiences

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Speaker 2: that they're sharing after school or whatever it might be.

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Speaker 2: Those tiny, little intentional moments, the moments that are actually

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Speaker 2: meaningless and don't offer anything. They're the moments that I've

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Speaker 2: been focusing on this week, and it has just it's

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Speaker 2: felt beautiful. I felt like my interactions are richer, I

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Speaker 2: feel like my engagement with the children is stronger. Those

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Speaker 2: gentle touch points have been a real highlight for me,

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Speaker 2: and so I wanted to share that just to highlight

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Speaker 2: that when it comes to old do better tomorrow. When

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Speaker 2: it comes to our parenting, we don't have to be

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Speaker 2: doing big things all the time and making a big

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Speaker 2: deal about how great we are as parents. In fact,

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Speaker 2: I think that it's the consistency of doing the unspectacular

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Speaker 2: but important that leads to the best parenting.

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Speaker 1: Well, you can't have those spectacular moments without the underbed,

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Speaker 1: the foundation of unspectacular day by day, increment by increment,

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Speaker 1: positive experiences with our children.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, so that's why take our message for today's I'll

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Speaker 2: do better tomorrow. After the break, we'll find out what

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Speaker 2: Kyl's story is. Just when you think you've got this

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Speaker 2: parenting gig nailed, your child hits some new milestone that

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Speaker 2: leaves you figuratively banging your head against the wall. You wonder,

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Speaker 2: where's the instruction manual? Your growth guide? Is that instruction

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Speaker 2: manual a webinar outlining basic milestones so you know where

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Speaker 2: your child's at, where they're going and what you can expect.

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Speaker 2: Get insights, reassurance and support from your growth Guide, available

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Speaker 2: online at happy families dot com dot a you.

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Speaker 1: It's the Happy Families podcast, The podcast for a time

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Speaker 1: poor parent who just wants answers. Now, my story is

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Speaker 1: a little bit different to yours.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, let's hear it.

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Speaker 1: One of our children is an absolute creative. If you

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Speaker 1: had to pick a word to describe her, it would

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Speaker 1: be creative. And she is creative in the way she dresses,

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Speaker 1: in the things that she chooses to spend her time doing,

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Speaker 1: in the way she acquires money.

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Speaker 2: Yes, you've got to share this story. Is that what

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Speaker 2: you're going to?

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Speaker 1: Oh? No, actually wasn't. But now that we're here, she

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Speaker 1: has decided that she doesn't want a job because she

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Speaker 1: wants to focus on her studies right now.

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Speaker 2: Yep.

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Speaker 1: But she's feeling the pinch of a very very empty

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Speaker 1: bank account.

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Speaker 2: Because I'm not going to keep on giving a cash

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Speaker 2: for nothing.

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Speaker 1: And so an ad came up for some medical research

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Speaker 1: and she decided that she'd give it a go. She'd

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Speaker 1: had a friend who tried and they'd been pushed back.

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Speaker 1: So we kind of said to her, look, we're not

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Speaker 1: really kind of happy about.

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Speaker 2: This pharmaceutical company. Let's inject you with something, we'll do

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Speaker 2: a clinical trial, and we'll pay you to do it.

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Speaker 1: But she's thinking, I'm going to get paid. I get

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Speaker 1: get paid for like a couple of days worth of.

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Speaker 2: Work, and it's been money, like they pay really well.

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Speaker 1: So anyway, she rang up and did the preliminary interview

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Speaker 1: and she made it through to the you know, the

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Speaker 1: next stage, and she came back and she said to

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Speaker 1: her she said, so I'm going to do this medical study.

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Speaker 1: She said, do you know how much they're going to

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Speaker 1: pay me?

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Speaker 2: And it was a large sum, Like I was surprised

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Speaker 2: how much they're paying for a fairly modest level of input,

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Speaker 2: like not much time.

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Speaker 1: We were very concerned.

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Speaker 2: Obviously they're going to experiment with her with experimental medical

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Speaker 2: drugs and she's I'm like, what are you actually gonna

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Speaker 2: let them do to your body? Like this is craziness.

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Speaker 1: Well, one of the things one of the questions they

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Speaker 1: asked her was if she was okay with needles.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, this is the this is the child who have tantrums,

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Speaker 2: who as a seventeen year old we had to drag

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Speaker 2: into the medical facility so she could get a needle.

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Speaker 2: She's eighteen now, by the way, so she can do

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Speaker 2: whatever she wants.

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Speaker 1: She said, I'm fine. I said, it's amazing. What a

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Speaker 1: big money pouch we'll do. So anyway, she is one

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Speaker 1: hundred percent creative. And the other day we were driving

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Speaker 1: the car. Oh so that's not your old about that

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Speaker 1: Actually wasn't my old be able tomorrow? The other day

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Speaker 1: we were driving in the car and anyway, she she

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Speaker 1: turns to me and she says, Mum, I think I

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Speaker 1: know what I want to be when I grow up.

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Speaker 1: And I said, uh huh, And she said, I think

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be a tattoo artist. Yeah, you and

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Speaker 1: I don't have tattoos. We kind of you know, it's

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Speaker 1: not our thing.

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Speaker 2: We're not tatoo people.

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Speaker 1: And and she was.

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Speaker 2: No shame, no judgment. If you are, by the way,

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Speaker 2: we're not. We're not making any judgments, just saying we're not.

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Speaker 1: She was staring a hole through me from mum, Mom,

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Speaker 1: did you hear me? Did you hear what I said?

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Speaker 1: I'm going to be a tattoo artist? She said, Can

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Speaker 1: you imagine how cool that job would be? She said,

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Speaker 1: I just love the idea of being part of people's

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Speaker 1: like special moments when they come in and they say

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Speaker 1: they want to have, you know, like their baby's name

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Speaker 1: or whatever. And she kind of listed all of these

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Speaker 1: different things that she thought were spectacular moments that she'd

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Speaker 1: be a part of, and she said, did.

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Speaker 2: You highlight that a lot of those moments would just

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Speaker 2: be drunken idiot moments?

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Speaker 1: Well? And then I said to her and she said, well,

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Speaker 1: and I bet you there'd be a whole heap of

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Speaker 1: funny ones as well. And she said, and meanwhile, I'm

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Speaker 1: just I was sitting there smiling and I'm listening to her,

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Speaker 1: but I'm not really responding. And she finally looks at

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Speaker 1: me when she realizes she's not going to get the

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Speaker 1: rise out of me that she wanted. She said, I

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Speaker 1: just don't know how serious anyone would take a tattoo

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Speaker 1: artist that doesn't have a tattoo. And she just left

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Speaker 1: it there and we both had a really big laugh.

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Speaker 1: And she came home that night and around the dinner table,

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Speaker 1: she decided to see if she'd get her rise out

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Speaker 1: of you.

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Speaker 2: She put it on me. Yeah, And what was my response.

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Speaker 2: I was eating dinner when she said it, and she.

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Speaker 1: You put another mouthful of food in your mouth. I

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Speaker 1: believe when it came out, because the response.

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Speaker 2: From me when I'm not sure what to respond is

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Speaker 2: always increase the space between what's just happened and response

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Speaker 2: so that I can make sure that the response is

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Speaker 2: the right one.

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Speaker 1: And then she took another step further. She decided to

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Speaker 1: tell her grandmother, who is very, very conservative, Oh yeah,

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Speaker 1: and my mum's face literally dropped at All of her

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Speaker 1: siblings were around, and they're all looking at me, waiting

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Speaker 1: to see what I'm going to do. And I've just

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Speaker 1: got the smile on my face. And then her big

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Speaker 1: sisters lost it, and my mom's realized and she's decided

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Speaker 1: she can laugh.

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Speaker 2: You know what, I think that that particular child would

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Speaker 2: probably make a really great tatoo artist. I'm just putting

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Speaker 2: it out there. I think she'd be amazing at it.

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Speaker 1: And I just look, I just love that our kids

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Speaker 1: have these totally different personalities. Yeah, and I had an

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Speaker 1: experience in my teenage years that really kind of, I guess,

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Speaker 1: changed the way I wanted to respond to my kids.

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Speaker 1: Me and my friends fourteen year olds, we decided we

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Speaker 1: wanted to move out of home, and her mum had

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Speaker 1: a downstairs apartment space that we could use, and so

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Speaker 1: we spent the whole weekend on the sleepover planning everything

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Speaker 1: that we needed so that we could move in together.

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Speaker 1: We told her mum and she was ecstatic. She was

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Speaker 1: so excited, and she said, well, you can use the

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Speaker 1: clock room in that room and you can take the

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Speaker 1: bed from there, and she helped us kind of bring

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Speaker 1: it all together. I went home and told my mum

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Speaker 1: and she lost it. She was so worked up about it.

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Speaker 1: The reality was that it probably was never going to happen,

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Speaker 1: but because of the way my mum responded to me

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Speaker 1: about it, it severed my relationship with her. It actually

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Speaker 1: put a big gap in the relationship, and it meant

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Speaker 1: that I didn't want to tell her any more of

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Speaker 1: the things that I thought I wanted to do with

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Speaker 1: my life. And so, you know, whether my daughter decides

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Speaker 1: to be a tattoo artist or not, it's not actually

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Speaker 1: up to me. It's up to her and just being

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Speaker 1: able to kind of have that perspective and allow her

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Speaker 1: to explore options, because anybody who's anybody would know that

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Speaker 1: just because you think you're going to do something doesn't

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Speaker 1: mean that you will. And so often as parents, we

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Speaker 1: get so worked up about what our children think they're

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Speaker 1: going to do without giving them the space to kind

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Speaker 1: of work it out and realize that maybe this isn't

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Speaker 1: what I want to do, or maybe they do end

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Speaker 1: up down that road, but they're doing what they want

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Speaker 1: to do and their life is going to be so

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Speaker 1: much richer for it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, great take home message. Thanks so much for listening

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Speaker 2: to The Happy Family's podcast. We would love it if

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Speaker 2: you enjoyed the podcast. If you could, please live five

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Speaker 2: star rating and review. If you don't enjoy it, that's okay.

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Speaker 2: You don't have to leave a rating or review at all,

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Speaker 2: just don't listen, but if you like the podcast, please

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Speaker 2: five star ratings and reviews make a difference for other

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Speaker 2: people being able to find the podcast, have it popcum

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Speaker 2: in their feed, and make their families happier. The ANZAC

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Speaker 2: weekend commences at the end of the day. We really

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Speaker 2: hope that you are able to have a special weekend

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Speaker 2: with your family and that on Monday you can take

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Speaker 2: some time to reflect on the wonderful freedoms that we

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Speaker 2: are so so fortunate to have in our country Because

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Speaker 2: of the incomprehensible unspeakable sacrifice of so many for what

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Speaker 2: we have. It's a special day and we hope that

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Speaker 2: it's a wonderful weekend for you and that you have

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Speaker 2: that sacred time. The Happy Families podcast is produced by

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Speaker 2: Justin Rulan from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive

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Speaker 2: producer and if you want more infolve about making your

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Speaker 2: family happier. We hope that you'll keep on listening to

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Speaker 2: the podcast and also visit us for more at happy

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Speaker 2: families dot com, dot a