1 00:00:06,040 --> 00:00:08,640 Speaker 1: Oh my goodness, how good is Parental Guidance? Season three 2 00:00:08,840 --> 00:00:11,600 Speaker 1: is back. We've just had episode two last night on 3 00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,920 Speaker 1: Channel nine. You can stream it and catch up on 4 00:00:14,240 --> 00:00:17,680 Speaker 1: nine now today. Welcome to the Happy Families podcast, Real 5 00:00:17,720 --> 00:00:21,560 Speaker 1: parenting Solutions every day on Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. 6 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:25,120 Speaker 1: My name's doctor Justin Courson. I'm here with missus Happy Families, Kylie. 7 00:00:25,680 --> 00:00:27,600 Speaker 1: I love this show, Kylie, and I love sitting down 8 00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:29,680 Speaker 1: with the kids and watching it. A bitter heavy one 9 00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:30,320 Speaker 1: last night, though. 10 00:00:30,640 --> 00:00:32,720 Speaker 2: What I love about the show is just the way 11 00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 2: it opens up dialogue with your family. And because we've 12 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,440 Speaker 2: got such a vast range of ages in our home, 13 00:00:42,920 --> 00:00:46,320 Speaker 2: the way each of them perceives and is able to 14 00:00:46,360 --> 00:00:49,760 Speaker 2: internalize the messages that are shared is so delightful. 15 00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,240 Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it really is. We do need to warn 16 00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,120 Speaker 1: you spoilers galore. If you haven't watched it, don't listen 17 00:00:55,160 --> 00:00:57,800 Speaker 1: to the pod yet, or listen and then be prepared 18 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:01,400 Speaker 1: for what's coming. Last night, pressure of the long standing 19 00:01:01,480 --> 00:01:05,640 Speaker 1: struggle that is pushing kids to the edge. Can today's 20 00:01:05,720 --> 00:01:10,000 Speaker 1: kids make friends? Do they practice consent? Can they resist 21 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:14,240 Speaker 1: toxic influences? Our focused parents were the same as Episode one. 22 00:01:14,280 --> 00:01:16,160 Speaker 3: Courtney and Jean tell us about you. 23 00:01:16,800 --> 00:01:19,680 Speaker 4: We're the pro tech parents. We embrace technology in our 24 00:01:19,760 --> 00:01:22,480 Speaker 4: everyday lives so that our kids acquire the skills that 25 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:28,600 Speaker 4: they need for their future. I socialize with my kids 26 00:01:28,680 --> 00:01:31,880 Speaker 4: through technology because we will play games together, we will 27 00:01:31,959 --> 00:01:34,039 Speaker 4: live stream together, we'll make content together. 28 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:36,760 Speaker 1: How you client, I'm really good? 29 00:01:36,800 --> 00:01:37,280 Speaker 5: Thank you? 30 00:01:37,319 --> 00:01:38,399 Speaker 2: How about yourself? 31 00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:42,200 Speaker 6: Gaming allows the children to socialize with their friends online 32 00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,760 Speaker 6: and meet people online. 33 00:01:43,920 --> 00:01:44,800 Speaker 5: Thank you for the gifts. 34 00:01:45,160 --> 00:01:48,800 Speaker 6: It's very easy to succumb to peer pressure, so I 35 00:01:48,840 --> 00:01:51,600 Speaker 6: think we've had a lot of conversations with them about 36 00:01:51,880 --> 00:01:54,440 Speaker 6: standing up for what you believe in and making sure 37 00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,559 Speaker 6: your voice is heard. 38 00:01:56,080 --> 00:02:00,840 Speaker 3: Amy and Mark were the active parents, choose fun and 39 00:02:00,880 --> 00:02:02,440 Speaker 3: outdoor activities. 40 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,400 Speaker 2: And we prioritize family time. 41 00:02:08,840 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 7: As active parents, the more for risky play. Also, the 42 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:19,280 Speaker 7: backyard were built was a risky backyard. As active parents, 43 00:02:19,280 --> 00:02:23,520 Speaker 7: with peer pressure, we're constantly talking to the kids about it. 44 00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:25,360 Speaker 8: No means no. If they don't want to do something, 45 00:02:25,360 --> 00:02:26,400 Speaker 8: they don't have to do something. 46 00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,080 Speaker 7: You don't want to do it, just so no and 47 00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:28,600 Speaker 7: walk away. 48 00:02:30,760 --> 00:02:34,400 Speaker 3: Mark and Temmy we're the upfront parents, but we still 49 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,080 Speaker 3: have old school values. 50 00:02:35,960 --> 00:02:39,639 Speaker 7: With open communication, where knowledge is power. Do are silly, man. 51 00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,480 Speaker 7: We're the upfront family and we're all about proactive parenting. 52 00:02:46,720 --> 00:02:54,440 Speaker 7: Having open and honest conversations is ready. Nothing is off limits. 53 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:57,360 Speaker 7: If our kids found pressure by others, I would like 54 00:02:57,480 --> 00:02:59,960 Speaker 7: to see ink that they can remember what we've been 55 00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:04,640 Speaker 7: saying for thirteen years, Daddy. We rely on them knowing 56 00:03:04,720 --> 00:03:06,960 Speaker 7: right from wrong. We've taught our kids to say know 57 00:03:07,040 --> 00:03:08,280 Speaker 7: if they don't agree with something. 58 00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,840 Speaker 9: Their kids will definitely. 59 00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:15,600 Speaker 7: Much to our detriments sometimes. 60 00:03:14,280 --> 00:03:17,560 Speaker 3: Nathan and Joanne tell us your preferred parenting STYFF. 61 00:03:17,800 --> 00:03:18,920 Speaker 10: We're the traditional parents. 62 00:03:19,120 --> 00:03:22,520 Speaker 3: We have traditional mom and dad rules. We lead by example, 63 00:03:23,040 --> 00:03:28,560 Speaker 3: being kind and disciplined with ourselves one two three. We 64 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:31,720 Speaker 3: are traditional parents. We've chosen to parent our children with 65 00:03:31,720 --> 00:03:36,840 Speaker 3: strong Christian values. We allow them to walk their path 66 00:03:36,880 --> 00:03:40,000 Speaker 3: and we just sort of we're going along protecting them 67 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,200 Speaker 3: and keeping them safe on it. 68 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:46,840 Speaker 10: As traditional parents. I think our children can handle peer 69 00:03:46,840 --> 00:03:49,280 Speaker 10: pressure very well, and they have a very clear standard 70 00:03:49,320 --> 00:03:51,960 Speaker 10: of what's right and wrong that's based on our faith. 71 00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:56,720 Speaker 10: If they're pressured to do something that crosses that line, 72 00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:58,480 Speaker 10: then it's a hard no for them. 73 00:03:58,720 --> 00:04:01,880 Speaker 1: Okay, so last night was about peer pressure. We started 74 00:04:01,880 --> 00:04:04,160 Speaker 1: off by highlighting that not all peer pressure is bad. 75 00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:06,520 Speaker 1: I'm a really big believer in positive peer pressure. You 76 00:04:06,600 --> 00:04:08,480 Speaker 1: become the average of the five people you spend the 77 00:04:08,480 --> 00:04:10,960 Speaker 1: most time with, so who you're surrounding yourself with. If 78 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:14,040 Speaker 1: you can surround yourself with great people, you'll become a 79 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:17,279 Speaker 1: much better person. At the risk of oversimplifying, if you 80 00:04:17,320 --> 00:04:19,120 Speaker 1: hang around with a bunch of kids who study, you're 81 00:04:19,120 --> 00:04:20,840 Speaker 1: probably going to study. If you hang around with a 82 00:04:20,839 --> 00:04:23,159 Speaker 1: bunch of kids who play Fortnite, you're probably going to 83 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,720 Speaker 1: play fortnite. If you hang around with a whole lot 84 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:27,640 Speaker 1: of people who love to I don't know, go and 85 00:04:27,720 --> 00:04:31,040 Speaker 1: hang out at maccas and eat slushies and soft serves, 86 00:04:31,240 --> 00:04:33,080 Speaker 1: then you're going to become that kind of person. You 87 00:04:33,160 --> 00:04:36,159 Speaker 1: literally become the average of the five people you spend 88 00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:39,279 Speaker 1: the most time with. So we wanted to have a 89 00:04:39,279 --> 00:04:42,880 Speaker 1: look at how kids are going with building healthy friendships. 90 00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,559 Speaker 1: Healthy friendships are key for both good times and bad 91 00:04:46,640 --> 00:04:50,160 Speaker 1: and research, unfortunately shows that loneliness is at an all 92 00:04:50,360 --> 00:04:53,599 Speaker 1: time high, and we know that kids are struggling to 93 00:04:53,600 --> 00:04:57,200 Speaker 1: make friends, perhaps now more than ever before. 94 00:04:58,000 --> 00:05:00,400 Speaker 2: Within our church community, I've spent the last couple of 95 00:05:00,480 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 2: years working with girls between the ages of twelve and eighteen, 96 00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:08,599 Speaker 2: and a large percentage of them are all saying the 97 00:05:08,640 --> 00:05:12,359 Speaker 2: same things. They have no friends, they feel isolated, they 98 00:05:12,440 --> 00:05:16,120 Speaker 2: feel lonely. And yet what I'm seeing when I'm actually 99 00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:21,160 Speaker 2: in these group settings is predominantly kids who are on 100 00:05:21,200 --> 00:05:23,479 Speaker 2: their phone in spite of the fact that there's a 101 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:26,720 Speaker 2: room full of people. They're looking down and as a result, 102 00:05:26,800 --> 00:05:30,599 Speaker 2: oblivious to what's up, to what's going on around them, 103 00:05:30,680 --> 00:05:34,359 Speaker 2: and who they might actually have a great friendship with 104 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:36,120 Speaker 2: if they just took the time to get to know them. 105 00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,720 Speaker 1: It never ceees it to amaze me that you can 106 00:05:37,760 --> 00:05:39,280 Speaker 1: be in a room of twenty or thirty people who 107 00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:42,040 Speaker 1: are all feeling lonely, isolated and want to make friends, 108 00:05:42,040 --> 00:05:43,760 Speaker 1: but because you stare at your phone, you don't actually 109 00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,479 Speaker 1: get to make the relationship leap and don't get there. 110 00:05:46,520 --> 00:05:49,560 Speaker 1: So here's what we did. Let's set the scene. First challenge. 111 00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:52,160 Speaker 1: It was a version of speed dating, but for kids. 112 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:54,680 Speaker 1: What we wanted to find out was have the parents 113 00:05:54,680 --> 00:05:58,400 Speaker 1: help their children to build the interpersonal skills to make friends. 114 00:05:58,920 --> 00:06:01,680 Speaker 3: In this challenge, each child will have five minutes to 115 00:06:01,760 --> 00:06:04,760 Speaker 3: make a new friend before the bell rings, and a 116 00:06:04,839 --> 00:06:08,239 Speaker 3: new interaction begins. We want to see if the kids 117 00:06:08,240 --> 00:06:12,680 Speaker 3: are comfortable using social conventions and are confident in new 118 00:06:12,800 --> 00:06:17,320 Speaker 3: social situations, because these skills are their first lines of 119 00:06:17,360 --> 00:06:20,239 Speaker 3: defense against negative peer pressure. 120 00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:23,920 Speaker 5: My name is Zach, my name's Marshall. 121 00:06:24,600 --> 00:06:26,039 Speaker 7: Marshall's our most confident kid. 122 00:06:26,440 --> 00:06:29,359 Speaker 5: Do you have any hobbies or anything. Yeah, I like boxing. 123 00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:30,799 Speaker 5: I've had several fights. 124 00:06:31,520 --> 00:06:34,880 Speaker 3: Have you want, Ernie, Yeah, I think I've won four 125 00:06:34,920 --> 00:06:36,039 Speaker 3: fights and lost three. 126 00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:36,920 Speaker 8: That's pretty good. 127 00:06:37,160 --> 00:06:38,840 Speaker 1: Yeah. 128 00:06:38,920 --> 00:06:41,320 Speaker 8: I think the active parenting style will help him out 129 00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:49,000 Speaker 8: with making new friends, building building confidence. Damie, it's nice 130 00:06:49,000 --> 00:06:49,320 Speaker 8: to meet you. 131 00:06:49,520 --> 00:06:50,839 Speaker 6: Next to meet you, you're gladly. 132 00:06:52,480 --> 00:06:55,040 Speaker 10: I think Rose is going to be a little bit nervous. 133 00:06:55,279 --> 00:06:56,159 Speaker 5: You're enduring the summer. 134 00:06:56,440 --> 00:07:00,559 Speaker 3: Yeah, I feel a little bit nervous for her only twelfth. 135 00:07:00,560 --> 00:07:01,640 Speaker 1: That she's quite capable. 136 00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:03,280 Speaker 3: I'm used to being with her. 137 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,360 Speaker 8: Hello, Saxon, Yeah, that's nice to meet you. Amors. 138 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:13,000 Speaker 1: Oh yeah, nice to meet you too. 139 00:07:13,440 --> 00:07:15,840 Speaker 5: And you started back to school? Yeah, well grade you went. 140 00:07:16,120 --> 00:07:16,760 Speaker 8: I'm a grade eight. 141 00:07:16,960 --> 00:07:17,680 Speaker 9: I'm a great I too. 142 00:07:17,920 --> 00:07:18,160 Speaker 10: Really. 143 00:07:18,320 --> 00:07:19,800 Speaker 8: Yeah you looked much short than me. 144 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:25,920 Speaker 9: Yeah. 145 00:07:26,000 --> 00:07:28,400 Speaker 3: Yeah, so you had like a great holidays? 146 00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 5: Yeah it was it was good. 147 00:07:31,400 --> 00:07:36,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, if I had to pick a friend out of 148 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,240 Speaker 3: every and I met today, I will probably pick. 149 00:07:41,560 --> 00:07:44,160 Speaker 9: Saxon because I don't know. 150 00:07:45,760 --> 00:07:53,520 Speaker 3: I don't Oh, Nathan and Jim, you're in trouble, what 151 00:07:53,640 --> 00:07:54,440 Speaker 3: did you think of that? 152 00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:55,600 Speaker 1: So it's very cute. 153 00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,880 Speaker 9: It was a bit of flirting going on. 154 00:07:58,680 --> 00:08:01,520 Speaker 1: Nathan, you're a dada tools I'm a dad of six girls. 155 00:08:02,840 --> 00:08:07,320 Speaker 1: When you see your daughter starting to show interest in 156 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:11,640 Speaker 1: a boy, it does something to you, and it's really 157 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:16,520 Speaker 1: tricky for dads to navigate their little girl growing up. 158 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:20,480 Speaker 10: It's the first time I've kind of seen that, you know, ever, 159 00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,960 Speaker 10: and it's played back at you, and so it's kind 160 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:24,680 Speaker 10: of a little bit of a well I know what 161 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:26,280 Speaker 10: he's doing, and I know what's happening there. 162 00:08:26,480 --> 00:08:28,040 Speaker 3: Yeah, but I mean we've got a long way to 163 00:08:28,080 --> 00:08:29,080 Speaker 3: go before she's dating. 164 00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,560 Speaker 4: It is happening, and you're just not told about it. 165 00:08:33,640 --> 00:08:36,079 Speaker 7: I was interested in boys, I remember of grade six. 166 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,839 Speaker 7: I think Joanne might be a bit naive to think 167 00:08:40,880 --> 00:08:43,600 Speaker 7: that at thirteen years of age, where's he's not thinking 168 00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:44,480 Speaker 7: about boys? 169 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:47,800 Speaker 1: All right? So before we talk about Nathan and Joanne 170 00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,360 Speaker 1: and our traditional parents, I just want to highlight our 171 00:08:50,400 --> 00:08:56,880 Speaker 1: active parents. Nailed it. Amy and Mark, their son chatty, conversational, curious. 172 00:08:57,360 --> 00:08:59,520 Speaker 1: Love what he he was great. I just love what 173 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 1: he did. I really want to talk though about Nathan, 174 00:09:03,000 --> 00:09:05,720 Speaker 1: dad to two daughters. Obviously I made the point that 175 00:09:05,800 --> 00:09:09,200 Speaker 1: we have six daughters, but this really resonated for me. 176 00:09:09,440 --> 00:09:12,120 Speaker 1: We've got our girls going through all kinds of different 177 00:09:12,120 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: stages of being interested in boys. You're watching rosies flirting 178 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:20,720 Speaker 1: with the little young man who was sitting opposite her 179 00:09:20,760 --> 00:09:22,840 Speaker 1: at the table. I mean, the flicking of the hair 180 00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:25,200 Speaker 1: and the big smiles and the laughter, and it was 181 00:09:25,280 --> 00:09:27,520 Speaker 1: just it was really delightful. 182 00:09:27,880 --> 00:09:30,640 Speaker 2: Why is it that a girl's positive behavior is seen 183 00:09:30,679 --> 00:09:31,360 Speaker 2: as flirting? 184 00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:33,840 Speaker 1: Oh? Come on, that was flirting. You can't tell me. 185 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,360 Speaker 1: She was smiling, she was flooding her eyes, she was 186 00:09:36,679 --> 00:09:39,120 Speaker 1: flicking her hair. She didn't do that with anyone else 187 00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:43,000 Speaker 1: that she spoke to. It was just that boy. That's 188 00:09:43,000 --> 00:09:44,600 Speaker 1: why it was seen as flirting. If she was doing 189 00:09:44,600 --> 00:09:46,839 Speaker 1: that with everyone, that'd be one thing, But she wasn't. 190 00:09:47,200 --> 00:09:49,520 Speaker 1: What I want to ask you is, what do you 191 00:09:49,600 --> 00:09:52,360 Speaker 1: think that we've done in our family, or maybe even 192 00:09:52,400 --> 00:09:56,120 Speaker 1: what you've specifically done as a mum of six girls, 193 00:09:56,400 --> 00:10:02,480 Speaker 1: as our daughters have developed relationships and friendships with boys. 194 00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,680 Speaker 2: I grew up in a really strict home, quite very 195 00:10:05,800 --> 00:10:10,920 Speaker 2: traditional and with strong Christian values, and as a result, 196 00:10:11,640 --> 00:10:14,960 Speaker 2: having a relationship with a boy any time before I 197 00:10:15,080 --> 00:10:19,680 Speaker 2: was thirty two was probably ridiculously taboo. So I couldn't 198 00:10:19,679 --> 00:10:21,160 Speaker 2: come home and tell my mum that there was a 199 00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:23,800 Speaker 2: cute guy in my class or anything like that. And 200 00:10:23,840 --> 00:10:26,200 Speaker 2: so that's something that I've really really focused on with 201 00:10:26,240 --> 00:10:29,080 Speaker 2: our girls. I want them to know that it's actually 202 00:10:29,240 --> 00:10:33,000 Speaker 2: completely normal for them to be interested, for them to 203 00:10:33,160 --> 00:10:35,800 Speaker 2: have eyes on, for them to you know, kind of 204 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:41,080 Speaker 2: want to have these close relationships with boys. So for me, 205 00:10:41,360 --> 00:10:44,080 Speaker 2: the biggest thing has been helping them to recognize that 206 00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,360 Speaker 2: conversations around boys is not taboo. And then if we 207 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:52,320 Speaker 2: extend on that, it's about having those tricky conversations with 208 00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,559 Speaker 2: them regularly and helping them to understand what age appropriate 209 00:10:56,120 --> 00:10:58,880 Speaker 2: relationships are with the opposite sex. 210 00:10:59,280 --> 00:11:02,199 Speaker 1: There's an obs of that the protech parents made that 211 00:11:02,280 --> 00:11:03,880 Speaker 1: we do need to just tap into. 212 00:11:04,240 --> 00:11:06,520 Speaker 6: I think there's a risk of the traditional parents wrapping 213 00:11:06,559 --> 00:11:09,000 Speaker 6: their kids in cotton wool and not letting them experience 214 00:11:09,040 --> 00:11:09,640 Speaker 6: the real world. 215 00:11:10,280 --> 00:11:11,839 Speaker 4: Their views are really outdated. 216 00:11:12,600 --> 00:11:16,040 Speaker 2: So reflecting on that, justin what are three tips that 217 00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:19,640 Speaker 2: you would suggest to help navigate through the early stages 218 00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:20,200 Speaker 2: of puberty. 219 00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:23,959 Speaker 1: Yeah, I mean, when I think about this whole scenario, 220 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:26,480 Speaker 1: and we're going to get to more after the break. 221 00:11:26,800 --> 00:11:30,360 Speaker 1: But for me, seeing children who are socially adept, they're 222 00:11:30,400 --> 00:11:34,360 Speaker 1: able to make an argument that they're a friend worth having, 223 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:36,480 Speaker 1: They're able to reach out and connect with other people, 224 00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:39,120 Speaker 1: I think I would say more time face to face, 225 00:11:39,240 --> 00:11:41,880 Speaker 1: less time in front of screens. The more practice you 226 00:11:41,920 --> 00:11:44,439 Speaker 1: get at it, the better you get at it. People 227 00:11:44,440 --> 00:11:47,520 Speaker 1: don't want to meet people nowadays because it's too anxiety inducing, 228 00:11:47,520 --> 00:11:50,880 Speaker 1: and that really concerns me. I think though, that especially 229 00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,880 Speaker 1: with younger kids, there still has to be appropriate levels 230 00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,280 Speaker 1: of supervision, like organize the playdates, organized to get togethers, 231 00:11:56,720 --> 00:11:58,800 Speaker 1: bring the kids over for a little bit of a 232 00:11:58,880 --> 00:12:02,679 Speaker 1: hangout on the back and provide the milkshakes and the 233 00:12:03,160 --> 00:12:06,199 Speaker 1: treats and have them swim in the pool, and facilitate 234 00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:09,560 Speaker 1: those kinds of get together opportunities where there is some 235 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,680 Speaker 1: parental oversight. And last of all, I mean, you've already 236 00:12:13,679 --> 00:12:16,440 Speaker 1: talked about it with our kids, regular chats, just regular 237 00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:19,440 Speaker 1: conversations about what friendships are working and what friendships aren't 238 00:12:19,840 --> 00:12:22,240 Speaker 1: and how it feels to introduce yourself to the new 239 00:12:22,280 --> 00:12:25,959 Speaker 1: kid in class. It's not rocket science, but doing these 240 00:12:26,000 --> 00:12:30,040 Speaker 1: basic things gives the kids such an early advantage in 241 00:12:30,120 --> 00:12:35,160 Speaker 1: terms of being socially flexible, agile, and adept. After the break, 242 00:12:35,360 --> 00:12:37,200 Speaker 1: a little bit more on how kids are doing when 243 00:12:37,240 --> 00:12:40,520 Speaker 1: it comes to meeting strangers and striking up friendships for 244 00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:50,880 Speaker 1: the first time. Okay, we're talking about the speed dating 245 00:12:51,360 --> 00:12:54,680 Speaker 1: how the kids go making friends and meeting new people. 246 00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:59,600 Speaker 1: From episode two of Parental Guidance. Here's some more audio 247 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:02,439 Speaker 1: from what happened in last night's conversations. 248 00:13:02,520 --> 00:13:04,040 Speaker 5: Nice to meet you. 249 00:13:04,040 --> 00:13:05,880 Speaker 4: My name is Samuel, what's yours? 250 00:13:06,559 --> 00:13:09,520 Speaker 9: As upfront parents actually going out to meet new people. 251 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:12,760 Speaker 9: I don't have any concerns about that. I know by 252 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:16,600 Speaker 9: us being able to have conversations with our kids, it's 253 00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:18,880 Speaker 9: probably given them the confidence to then go and maybe 254 00:13:18,960 --> 00:13:20,560 Speaker 9: approach people and speak to them as well. 255 00:13:20,760 --> 00:13:21,760 Speaker 2: Do you have any hobbies. 256 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:31,199 Speaker 5: Yeah, I like to play football, basketball, I like to. 257 00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:33,200 Speaker 6: Play video games. 258 00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,440 Speaker 2: Nice I like to play video games as well. 259 00:13:37,720 --> 00:13:40,559 Speaker 3: I feel like every teenager does nowadays. 260 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:43,560 Speaker 8: I'm not going to get addicted to gaming and stuff 261 00:13:43,920 --> 00:13:45,360 Speaker 8: like other people. 262 00:13:48,040 --> 00:13:51,959 Speaker 4: Hey, that's your name, Archer, what's your name. 263 00:13:55,800 --> 00:13:57,599 Speaker 7: Do you play any sports? 264 00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:57,920 Speaker 2: Yeah? 265 00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,080 Speaker 8: Play basketball? 266 00:14:00,200 --> 00:14:06,679 Speaker 9: So said. 267 00:14:07,800 --> 00:14:10,120 Speaker 5: Hi, Hey, Hi, what's your name. 268 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:14,720 Speaker 8: My name's Land and I'm Hugo. It's a good thanks, 269 00:14:14,840 --> 00:14:15,560 Speaker 8: nice to meet you. 270 00:14:17,600 --> 00:14:20,480 Speaker 6: There's protect parents. People often assume that because our kids 271 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:24,040 Speaker 6: are on technology that they will turn into screen zombies. 272 00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,280 Speaker 5: No, tracks are good. 273 00:14:27,640 --> 00:14:29,600 Speaker 6: We can see that they can be at home but 274 00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:30,640 Speaker 6: still socialized. 275 00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:33,880 Speaker 4: I think online friends are better because you don't have 276 00:14:33,880 --> 00:14:34,800 Speaker 4: to see them all the time. 277 00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,120 Speaker 6: That's the real answer. 278 00:14:48,160 --> 00:14:49,240 Speaker 5: Do you play any games? 279 00:14:49,320 --> 00:14:49,520 Speaker 8: Yeah? 280 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:52,040 Speaker 5: I play Fortnite? I played fourne as well. 281 00:14:52,360 --> 00:14:53,760 Speaker 6: Hu, what lovel are you? 282 00:14:53,920 --> 00:14:55,600 Speaker 9: I'm I don't really know. 283 00:14:55,640 --> 00:14:58,920 Speaker 5: Love Liam, but I'm over two hundred, over two hundred, 284 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:05,920 Speaker 5: I'm only a hundred. Yeah, nice to meet you. 285 00:15:08,720 --> 00:15:10,600 Speaker 2: What is your favorite thing to do with friends? 286 00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:15,520 Speaker 4: Probably play Fortnite? 287 00:15:16,120 --> 00:15:17,520 Speaker 5: I'd probably go shopping. 288 00:15:18,720 --> 00:15:19,880 Speaker 6: Yeah that's pretty good. 289 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:23,520 Speaker 1: Yeah, let's have listen to some of the feedback from 290 00:15:24,000 --> 00:15:27,240 Speaker 1: the group around The tech savvy kids. 291 00:15:27,720 --> 00:15:30,760 Speaker 5: Like watching Land and kind of reminded me of myself 292 00:15:30,760 --> 00:15:33,160 Speaker 5: when I was young, I was hooked to the screens 293 00:15:33,160 --> 00:15:36,040 Speaker 5: of video games and I was very antisocial. I could 294 00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,320 Speaker 5: not hold conversations. You can see he wasn't comfortable being 295 00:15:39,320 --> 00:15:41,040 Speaker 5: in that like he's normally used to probably chating to 296 00:15:41,080 --> 00:15:43,840 Speaker 5: the people online, which to me is to us suggest 297 00:15:43,840 --> 00:15:44,400 Speaker 5: to your concern. 298 00:15:45,160 --> 00:15:47,560 Speaker 8: I think that's where the concerns of us who don't 299 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:50,560 Speaker 8: do much screen time. We feel that that negatively affects 300 00:15:50,600 --> 00:15:56,200 Speaker 8: ability to form relationships and things like that. Exactly you 301 00:15:56,280 --> 00:15:58,640 Speaker 8: even mentioned, which I think is a bit of a 302 00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,280 Speaker 8: dangerous narrative. His online friends are better. 303 00:16:02,880 --> 00:16:03,280 Speaker 4: It was a. 304 00:16:03,320 --> 00:16:06,000 Speaker 2: Panel appearance, had some really good observations, but I really 305 00:16:06,000 --> 00:16:08,200 Speaker 2: want to hone in on it. This idea, you know, 306 00:16:08,360 --> 00:16:14,200 Speaker 2: watching the protect Sun's lack of eye contact. He couldn't 307 00:16:14,200 --> 00:16:17,120 Speaker 2: he couldn't hold a stare at all. But I think 308 00:16:17,160 --> 00:16:19,400 Speaker 2: the thing that really stood out to me was he 309 00:16:19,480 --> 00:16:22,720 Speaker 2: was really happy to answer the questions, but he had 310 00:16:22,760 --> 00:16:25,080 Speaker 2: no questions of his own. There was no curiosity, There 311 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:30,280 Speaker 2: was no ability to maintain and to build on the 312 00:16:30,280 --> 00:16:32,080 Speaker 2: conversation that had been gifted him. 313 00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:34,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, those social skills are so important, unless, of course, 314 00:16:34,760 --> 00:16:38,360 Speaker 1: the conversation was about Fortnite, Fortnite, Night Fortnite. Yep. If 315 00:16:38,360 --> 00:16:40,560 Speaker 1: it was about Fortnite, he was pretty heavy to get 316 00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:42,560 Speaker 1: in there. I don't know where that came from. I'm 317 00:16:42,560 --> 00:16:43,120 Speaker 1: so sorry. 318 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:46,640 Speaker 2: So is there any evidence of a correlation between screen 319 00:16:46,760 --> 00:16:49,800 Speaker 2: time and meaningful relationships with the young people. 320 00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:53,480 Speaker 1: So this is the thing that really annoys me about science. 321 00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:55,640 Speaker 1: It takes a long time to get really good research happening, 322 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:59,120 Speaker 1: and to do good quality studies to have them published 323 00:16:59,120 --> 00:17:03,360 Speaker 1: and disseminated is a process. So I have to preface 324 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,640 Speaker 1: what I'm about to say with there's not a lot 325 00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:08,160 Speaker 1: of evidence. There's not a lot of solid evidence, and 326 00:17:08,680 --> 00:17:10,880 Speaker 1: the evidence that we do have does tend to point 327 00:17:10,920 --> 00:17:14,920 Speaker 1: generally in one direction, although it's still a little bit mixed. Basically, 328 00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:18,760 Speaker 1: when screens are involved in a conversation, like if you 329 00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,159 Speaker 1: and I are sitting here and there's a phone on 330 00:17:20,200 --> 00:17:23,959 Speaker 1: the table, we're typically going to rate our conversation partner 331 00:17:24,040 --> 00:17:27,960 Speaker 1: is less interested, less interesting, less empathic, and we're going 332 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,439 Speaker 1: to say that the conversation was less enjoyable, Whereas if 333 00:17:31,480 --> 00:17:33,720 Speaker 1: there is no device on the table, we tend to 334 00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:37,600 Speaker 1: find people more enjoyable, more empathic, we find the conversation 335 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:42,120 Speaker 1: more satisfying. There is some data, limited data that indicates 336 00:17:42,119 --> 00:17:45,560 Speaker 1: that compulsive screen users may be less socially adept, but 337 00:17:45,840 --> 00:17:48,080 Speaker 1: I don't think that it's particularly strong at this point. 338 00:17:48,760 --> 00:17:52,880 Speaker 1: My suspicion, my hypothesis is that this is a concern, 339 00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:54,240 Speaker 1: it is a problem, and we need to do the 340 00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:56,440 Speaker 1: stuff that we've talked about in this podcast to help 341 00:17:56,520 --> 00:17:59,560 Speaker 1: children to learn how to navigate social situations, reduce the anxiety, 342 00:17:59,600 --> 00:18:03,359 Speaker 1: be curiate about one another, ask questions, and have fun 343 00:18:03,400 --> 00:18:06,399 Speaker 1: in social settings. We are ultrasocial as a species, and 344 00:18:06,440 --> 00:18:08,720 Speaker 1: it's bad for our species if we stop connecting. 345 00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,439 Speaker 2: What are some suggestions or advice you would give to 346 00:18:11,760 --> 00:18:16,320 Speaker 2: parents specifically around helping their kids find a balance between 347 00:18:16,400 --> 00:18:19,159 Speaker 2: friendships in the real world and their online worlds. 348 00:18:19,200 --> 00:18:21,280 Speaker 1: Yeah, I'd just say, I mean you and I know 349 00:18:21,320 --> 00:18:23,160 Speaker 1: this because we emphasize it so much in our home. 350 00:18:23,359 --> 00:18:27,679 Speaker 1: Minimize screens, encourage the kids to be outdoors with people, 351 00:18:27,920 --> 00:18:31,000 Speaker 1: being active, and have a really good mix of both 352 00:18:31,000 --> 00:18:35,520 Speaker 1: structured and unstructured activities so that they're developing skills. They're 353 00:18:35,520 --> 00:18:37,919 Speaker 1: having enriching opportunities. They're getting coached in things that are 354 00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,280 Speaker 1: important to them like playing the drums or playing their 355 00:18:41,359 --> 00:18:44,200 Speaker 1: ball or whatever. But they're also being social and being 356 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:46,359 Speaker 1: able to climb trees, ride bikes, god of the local park, 357 00:18:46,520 --> 00:18:48,720 Speaker 1: do that kind of stuff. They need to have these 358 00:18:49,560 --> 00:18:50,840 Speaker 1: face to face experiences. 359 00:18:51,240 --> 00:18:53,719 Speaker 2: I just think this is all about intention as parents. 360 00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:56,879 Speaker 2: We actually have to we actually have to be intentional 361 00:18:57,119 --> 00:19:00,040 Speaker 2: about providing opportunities for our kids. I look at the 362 00:19:00,080 --> 00:19:03,679 Speaker 2: relationships that our girls have, and the one thing that 363 00:19:03,760 --> 00:19:06,240 Speaker 2: really surprises me is we've got a handful of friends 364 00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:08,800 Speaker 2: that because of location, we haven't been able to spend 365 00:19:08,840 --> 00:19:10,880 Speaker 2: a lot of time with them at all. We might 366 00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:13,720 Speaker 2: catch up with them once every twelve months. But as 367 00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:19,440 Speaker 2: they've grown, they've actually gravitated to those relationships as they've 368 00:19:19,480 --> 00:19:23,400 Speaker 2: gotten older, because they've gotten in they've had shared experiences, 369 00:19:23,440 --> 00:19:25,119 Speaker 2: and in spite of the fact that they haven't had 370 00:19:25,400 --> 00:19:29,840 Speaker 2: a mass amount of time together, they have been building 371 00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:32,280 Speaker 2: slowly a relationship that works. 372 00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:35,520 Speaker 1: So that's about it for today. Tomorrow we're going to 373 00:19:35,520 --> 00:19:37,760 Speaker 1: focus on those conversations that you need to have with 374 00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:40,760 Speaker 1: your children about consent. This was one of my favorite 375 00:19:40,760 --> 00:19:44,320 Speaker 1: parts of last night's episode. A huge thank you to 376 00:19:44,560 --> 00:19:47,720 Speaker 1: Justin rule On, our producer for our podcast, Justin Rolan 377 00:19:47,760 --> 00:19:50,720 Speaker 1: from Bridge Media. Craig Bruce is our executive producer during 378 00:19:50,720 --> 00:19:54,360 Speaker 1: the Parential Guidance series. We appreciate his guidance and support 379 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:57,320 Speaker 1: as well, and MM Hammond's provides all of our research 380 00:19:57,520 --> 00:20:01,720 Speaker 1: and admin support. I like more information and resources to 381 00:20:01,720 --> 00:20:04,760 Speaker 1: make your family happier, visit us at happy families dot 382 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:06,399 Speaker 1: com dot au. We'll see you tomorrow.