1 00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:27,080 Speaker 1: Hello, Welcome to your Chrissy episode with your number one 2 00:00:27,160 --> 00:00:33,320 Speaker 1: Christmas nerd Lullaberry. Right this topic this episode, I wasn't 3 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,080 Speaker 1: sure how I was going to tackle it, but I 4 00:00:36,159 --> 00:00:38,760 Speaker 1: know that it happens around Christmas time, so I didn't 5 00:00:38,840 --> 00:00:41,600 Speaker 1: want to ignore it. But basically, what we're going to 6 00:00:41,600 --> 00:00:46,280 Speaker 1: cover in this little chat is what do you do 7 00:00:46,640 --> 00:00:49,959 Speaker 1: when you're at an event or a Christmas thing. You're 8 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:55,040 Speaker 1: seeing old mates or distant family members that maybe you 9 00:00:55,040 --> 00:00:58,120 Speaker 1: don't have the best relationship with or they have the 10 00:00:58,200 --> 00:01:01,840 Speaker 1: ability to be a bit trigger. I know, for me, 11 00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:04,760 Speaker 1: if I'm in a family event and somebody comments on 12 00:01:04,800 --> 00:01:09,479 Speaker 1: my body, I'm like, really, really you want to comment 13 00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:11,920 Speaker 1: on my body? You know I've got a heat disorder 14 00:01:11,959 --> 00:01:15,160 Speaker 1: that is so triggering for me, especially now I'm in 15 00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: a food environment where I am going to feel even 16 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:22,040 Speaker 1: more triggered because you've just commented on my body. Also 17 00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:25,679 Speaker 1: pro tip, if you know anyone that's been through an 18 00:01:25,680 --> 00:01:27,600 Speaker 1: eating disorder, I don't ever comment on their body unless 19 00:01:27,640 --> 00:01:32,400 Speaker 1: they ask you. I always get baffled when somebody does 20 00:01:32,440 --> 00:01:34,840 Speaker 1: that to me, and it happens so much more than 21 00:01:34,880 --> 00:01:42,720 Speaker 1: you realize. So my point is, although these family events 22 00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:48,440 Speaker 1: friendship events, gatherings, it's almost like a yearly reunion basically 23 00:01:49,440 --> 00:01:52,840 Speaker 1: can be so awesome. They can also be confronting and triggering. 24 00:01:52,880 --> 00:01:54,960 Speaker 1: And I just wanted to call that out now and 25 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:57,360 Speaker 1: just give you a little man try to have in 26 00:01:57,400 --> 00:01:59,480 Speaker 1: your head if you're worried about, oh, I've got to 27 00:01:59,480 --> 00:02:02,520 Speaker 1: see that found member. Oh I'm going doing a big 28 00:02:02,520 --> 00:02:05,960 Speaker 1: friendship thing and my ex boyfriend's there or like whatever 29 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:09,600 Speaker 1: it is. Right, So first of all, own your shit, 30 00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:13,200 Speaker 1: like own who you are. Go in confident, you know, 31 00:02:13,760 --> 00:02:17,680 Speaker 1: feel your best, like feel true to who you are, 32 00:02:17,720 --> 00:02:20,760 Speaker 1: because I think that that shines in a room. But also, 33 00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:24,720 Speaker 1: and my therapist has helped me with this, So this 34 00:02:24,760 --> 00:02:27,720 Speaker 1: has come from my therapist, hasn't come from me. He's like, 35 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:32,320 Speaker 1: have the mantra, I'm just gonna have fun, he said. 36 00:02:32,560 --> 00:02:35,000 Speaker 1: Some family members, some friends you're not going to have 37 00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:40,360 Speaker 1: massively deep connections with because, as my therapist said, they 38 00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:43,840 Speaker 1: haven't necessarily done the work. Like anybody that's listening that 39 00:02:44,760 --> 00:02:47,960 Speaker 1: is pro mental health will know that. Like, if you're 40 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:51,400 Speaker 1: doing mental health work and seeing a therapist or a 41 00:02:51,440 --> 00:02:54,720 Speaker 1: counselor or a healer of some kind, you often have 42 00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:57,120 Speaker 1: to sit in the shit. You have to sit in 43 00:02:57,160 --> 00:03:01,799 Speaker 1: that feeling of being uncomfortable. Now, now, ninety percent of people, 44 00:03:02,280 --> 00:03:05,560 Speaker 1: I would say, don't like that feeling. One hundred of percent. 45 00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:08,040 Speaker 1: People don't like that feeling of being confronted by their 46 00:03:08,040 --> 00:03:13,480 Speaker 1: own demons, right, But ninety percent of people won't sit 47 00:03:13,520 --> 00:03:15,720 Speaker 1: in it and face it and grow from it and 48 00:03:15,800 --> 00:03:17,960 Speaker 1: learn from it and heal it and let it pass. 49 00:03:18,480 --> 00:03:28,200 Speaker 1: Most people will self medicate with food, sex, booze, buying something, 50 00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:32,480 Speaker 1: doing something, could be scrolling the gram for goodness sakes. 51 00:03:32,800 --> 00:03:36,160 Speaker 1: But they'll use escapism basically, And that's fine. I did 52 00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:40,920 Speaker 1: that up until I was oh, thirty maybe more. That 53 00:03:41,040 --> 00:03:44,360 Speaker 1: was my one hundred percent, my go even maybe more. 54 00:03:44,640 --> 00:03:46,960 Speaker 1: I'm thirty five now, so I've only been with my 55 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,480 Speaker 1: therapist consistently for three years. So I would say up 56 00:03:49,560 --> 00:03:54,520 Speaker 1: until yeah, thirty two, I would turn to food or 57 00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:58,160 Speaker 1: mainly food, and that would be how I would anytime 58 00:03:58,160 --> 00:04:00,600 Speaker 1: an uncomfortable feeling came up, I'd be like, don't want 59 00:04:00,640 --> 00:04:03,680 Speaker 1: to feel that, pop it down. So when you go 60 00:04:03,720 --> 00:04:05,480 Speaker 1: to a therapist and you work in your mental health, 61 00:04:05,560 --> 00:04:07,840 Speaker 1: you do the work, You face the shit, you sit 62 00:04:07,920 --> 00:04:10,480 Speaker 1: in what is uncomfortable, You learn about the stuff the 63 00:04:10,480 --> 00:04:13,520 Speaker 1: stuff that you don't like about yourself. You're invited to grow, 64 00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,680 Speaker 1: to learn to feel, and that's all done with a therapist, 65 00:04:15,720 --> 00:04:20,240 Speaker 1: somebody that has trained and that understands how to navigate 66 00:04:20,279 --> 00:04:23,039 Speaker 1: you through that. But because a lot of people don't 67 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,159 Speaker 1: do that, and there's nothing wrong with that, therapy is 68 00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:28,000 Speaker 1: not everybody's cup of tea. I get that. I totally 69 00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,440 Speaker 1: get that. When you go to a function where a 70 00:04:31,440 --> 00:04:34,760 Speaker 1: lot of people or some people don't believe in therapy 71 00:04:34,960 --> 00:04:40,200 Speaker 1: or have unresolved shit, most humans do. Not everyone, totally, 72 00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:45,880 Speaker 1: not everyone. And even I'm reading Matthew mcconniey's book green 73 00:04:45,920 --> 00:04:47,680 Speaker 1: Lights the moment, I'm like, that guy has got his 74 00:04:47,760 --> 00:04:52,520 Speaker 1: shit together. That guy is so clear, and you'll meet 75 00:04:52,560 --> 00:04:55,120 Speaker 1: people like that. They will just be clear and you don't. 76 00:04:55,760 --> 00:04:58,720 Speaker 1: Necessarily I'm not saying people need to have gone to 77 00:04:58,839 --> 00:05:02,680 Speaker 1: a therapist to I've done the work, but usually when 78 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,800 Speaker 1: I say I've done the work on themselves, I kind 79 00:05:04,800 --> 00:05:08,320 Speaker 1: of mean, like face their demons, learned from them, made 80 00:05:08,320 --> 00:05:11,159 Speaker 1: a choice, grown, and it's that kind of like fork 81 00:05:11,200 --> 00:05:13,719 Speaker 1: in the road kind of moment. Now when you go 82 00:05:13,760 --> 00:05:16,040 Speaker 1: to a I'm totally digressing, but it's all for reason. 83 00:05:16,360 --> 00:05:19,440 Speaker 1: When you go to a family function or a big 84 00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:24,599 Speaker 1: social outing with your friends, not everybody will have sat 85 00:05:24,640 --> 00:05:28,960 Speaker 1: in the shit faced their demons, sat in the discomfort. 86 00:05:29,040 --> 00:05:33,520 Speaker 1: We call it in yoga shuction to stand in the 87 00:05:33,520 --> 00:05:39,520 Speaker 1: fire and bear witness as opposed to reacting. So when 88 00:05:39,560 --> 00:05:42,719 Speaker 1: you go to these family things and a family member 89 00:05:42,800 --> 00:05:44,760 Speaker 1: might have a throwaway line like the one that I 90 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,400 Speaker 1: get a lot is when you're having kids, and I 91 00:05:49,440 --> 00:05:54,080 Speaker 1: find it really confronting when somebody asks me that, or well, 92 00:05:54,200 --> 00:05:57,120 Speaker 1: haven't got married? Yed is a big one through through 93 00:05:57,160 --> 00:06:01,760 Speaker 1: in your thirties. The body is a big one. It's 94 00:06:01,800 --> 00:06:04,720 Speaker 1: always a lot about like how you look or what 95 00:06:04,720 --> 00:06:09,919 Speaker 1: you're doing or plenty of stuff. So if you feel 96 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,080 Speaker 1: that you're in a social scenario and you feel like 97 00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:15,400 Speaker 1: you're triggered, know that not everybody has done the work 98 00:06:15,560 --> 00:06:19,360 Speaker 1: to understand themselves and to understand their own human psychology 99 00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,479 Speaker 1: and their own human behavior. And that's fine, But as 100 00:06:23,480 --> 00:06:26,400 Speaker 1: a result, they'll say dumb things like why haven't you 101 00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,599 Speaker 1: had a kid yet? Is it something wrong? Why aren't 102 00:06:29,600 --> 00:06:33,200 Speaker 1: you having a kid? Or when you're getting married? Or 103 00:06:33,240 --> 00:06:35,239 Speaker 1: when are you're buying a house, or just like really 104 00:06:35,279 --> 00:06:40,120 Speaker 1: weird judgy stuff. Right, it happens. So rather than to 105 00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,279 Speaker 1: get triggered by it and get caught up in it 106 00:06:42,320 --> 00:06:44,840 Speaker 1: and be like fuck, like you want to pull your 107 00:06:44,839 --> 00:06:49,200 Speaker 1: hair out, sometimes my therapist says, Lola, just have fun. 108 00:06:49,320 --> 00:06:51,400 Speaker 1: You're not gonna have a deep conversation with him, but 109 00:06:51,480 --> 00:06:53,760 Speaker 1: you can have a fun like combo and he goes 110 00:06:53,920 --> 00:06:58,160 Speaker 1: never expect anything from them, and it completely changes the 111 00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:00,719 Speaker 1: dynamic and you will end up having a freaking great 112 00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:03,440 Speaker 1: day because you don't expect anything. You're just there to 113 00:07:03,440 --> 00:07:06,039 Speaker 1: have a bit of fun. You know who you are, 114 00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:08,040 Speaker 1: but you're around people that may not know who they are. 115 00:07:08,160 --> 00:07:11,120 Speaker 1: In fact, if you've done therapy and mental health work, 116 00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:14,920 Speaker 1: you're probably gonna know their behavior and traits better than 117 00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:20,920 Speaker 1: potentially themselves. So be okay with going somewhere being trigger 118 00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,960 Speaker 1: and being like, ah, it's just their stuff. I'm gonna 119 00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:27,240 Speaker 1: just talk to them about something lighter and fun. And 120 00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,520 Speaker 1: you'll have certain family members where you just kind of 121 00:07:29,520 --> 00:07:31,280 Speaker 1: switch on the fun mode and you're like, I'm just 122 00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:33,280 Speaker 1: gonna have fun with them. But then you'll have other 123 00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,880 Speaker 1: family members where you can have a really deep, awesome 124 00:07:36,080 --> 00:07:39,880 Speaker 1: convo with and really connect to and you're like, oh, legend, 125 00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:43,160 Speaker 1: you know same with your friend's circle. You're gonna have 126 00:07:43,160 --> 00:07:45,600 Speaker 1: friends that you're like, oh, we're on the same page. 127 00:07:46,080 --> 00:07:49,800 Speaker 1: They get me, I get them, they see me, I 128 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:52,840 Speaker 1: see them, And that's gonna be a really nourishing friendship. 129 00:07:53,160 --> 00:07:55,080 Speaker 1: But you'll have other friends that are kind of like 130 00:07:55,160 --> 00:07:58,600 Speaker 1: on them, more periphery that won't. You'll feel like they 131 00:07:58,640 --> 00:08:02,240 Speaker 1: don't get you. That's fine, But what's not fine is 132 00:08:02,280 --> 00:08:05,320 Speaker 1: if you allow that to trigger you. And Christmas brings 133 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,840 Speaker 1: up all these events and social scenarios where we could 134 00:08:08,840 --> 00:08:13,600 Speaker 1: potentially feel triggered. So I invite you to simply just 135 00:08:13,720 --> 00:08:18,520 Speaker 1: have fun and to drop any kind of expectation around 136 00:08:18,720 --> 00:08:23,560 Speaker 1: how someone should treat you and what they should say 137 00:08:24,000 --> 00:08:27,040 Speaker 1: or anything like that, because as soon as we have expectation, 138 00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:31,200 Speaker 1: we get hurt. That said, also have a fucket line 139 00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:33,959 Speaker 1: in the sand. My therapist also taught me this. If 140 00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:36,679 Speaker 1: someone says something so triggering that you find it offensive, 141 00:08:37,160 --> 00:08:40,240 Speaker 1: just ask them why they said that. Hey, why'd you 142 00:08:40,280 --> 00:08:43,760 Speaker 1: say that? Why do you make that comment about my body? 143 00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,120 Speaker 1: Doesn't make sense? Do you feel shit about your own body? 144 00:08:47,200 --> 00:08:51,040 Speaker 1: Is that why you're doing that? You get where I'm going. Usually, 145 00:08:51,080 --> 00:08:53,160 Speaker 1: if someone triggers you, it's because there's something they're not 146 00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:59,160 Speaker 1: facing in their own life. I'm getting very human behavior 147 00:08:59,240 --> 00:09:03,280 Speaker 1: psychology you here. I love this topic. If I didn't 148 00:09:03,320 --> 00:09:07,200 Speaker 1: get into doing nutrition in media, I always wanted to 149 00:09:07,200 --> 00:09:11,240 Speaker 1: specialize in neuroscience. I think the brain is freaking incredible 150 00:09:11,640 --> 00:09:14,679 Speaker 1: and I think human behavior is awesome. So that's why 151 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:17,520 Speaker 1: I'm pretty passionate about it. Again, I'm not a psychologist. 152 00:09:17,520 --> 00:09:20,000 Speaker 1: This is just stuff I've learned three years of therapy 153 00:09:20,240 --> 00:09:23,800 Speaker 1: to be completely honest with you. So what's you mantra? 154 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:30,600 Speaker 1: Just have fun, remember no expectations. You will not be disappointed. 155 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,560 Speaker 1: Do not worry. There are people in your life that 156 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,120 Speaker 1: you have a really deep, honest connection with and they're 157 00:09:36,120 --> 00:09:38,040 Speaker 1: the ones that you can be like. So this is 158 00:09:38,080 --> 00:09:40,600 Speaker 1: my plan for twenty twenty one. I'm going to change. 159 00:09:40,640 --> 00:09:42,160 Speaker 1: I'm going to dive into the deep end. I'm going 160 00:09:42,160 --> 00:09:44,400 Speaker 1: to use all my courage to really chase that dream. 161 00:09:44,679 --> 00:09:46,400 Speaker 1: You can say that to the people that get you, 162 00:09:46,440 --> 00:09:50,240 Speaker 1: that know you, that really see your heart, people that 163 00:09:50,320 --> 00:09:54,480 Speaker 1: don't get you. Keep it fun, keep it light. Christmas 164 00:09:54,600 --> 00:09:56,800 Speaker 1: is a time for fun, after all. I hope that 165 00:09:56,920 --> 00:09:59,400 Speaker 1: shed some light for you. I feel like I got 166 00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,240 Speaker 1: a bit passionate around the mental health stuff. But I'm 167 00:10:02,320 --> 00:10:05,600 Speaker 1: so pro having a therapist, and I think if anybody 168 00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:09,000 Speaker 1: wants like a superpower, it is to have a therapist. 169 00:10:09,360 --> 00:10:12,400 Speaker 1: And you become more successful as a result because you 170 00:10:12,720 --> 00:10:18,120 Speaker 1: understand how to I know what the word is. I 171 00:10:18,120 --> 00:10:20,520 Speaker 1: wanted to say, like moderate yourself. That's not the right word, 172 00:10:20,559 --> 00:10:24,640 Speaker 1: but you can. You can see yourself so much more 173 00:10:24,720 --> 00:10:27,320 Speaker 1: clearly that when you're kind of like feeling triggered, you 174 00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,080 Speaker 1: can be like, oh, I'm feeling triggered. I'm just going 175 00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:32,840 Speaker 1: to reset myself by going outside or by doing some yoga, 176 00:10:32,960 --> 00:10:35,680 Speaker 1: or by getting out of this situation, or by standing 177 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:39,520 Speaker 1: up for myself, whatever it is, as opposed to when 178 00:10:39,520 --> 00:10:42,199 Speaker 1: you're in it and you feel triggered, you then can 179 00:10:42,240 --> 00:10:45,199 Speaker 1: sometimes react, and that's what we're trying to avoid. We're 180 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:49,320 Speaker 1: trying to avoid that overreaction and bring it back to 181 00:10:49,559 --> 00:10:53,640 Speaker 1: hang on. I know who I am, I know what 182 00:10:53,800 --> 00:10:57,480 Speaker 1: I what matters to me, I know what my values are. 183 00:10:58,040 --> 00:11:01,199 Speaker 1: I got this, you know and you do have this. 184 00:11:01,600 --> 00:11:06,760 Speaker 1: Remember that, have your own back always, big love. Bye,