Speaker 1: Hey guys, it is producer Keisha here with you. I
Speaker 1: hope you're all having a pretty good week. Your girls,
Speaker 1: Laura and Britt are still on break and we're still
Speaker 1: calling it kind of like a fake break because Covid
Speaker 1: had other plans. Right now, half of us here in
Speaker 1: Australia are in lockdown, so it's probably been a bit
Speaker 1: of a shitty week for a lot of people. And
Speaker 1: if you need a bit of a laugh, I would
Speaker 1: really recommend going back and listening to Tuesday's episode. It
Speaker 1: was an ask Brita and Laura anything episode, some unheard content.
Speaker 1: It was a brand newbie. We recorded it just before
Speaker 1: the girls went on break and my gosh, some of
Speaker 1: the messages we have been getting to Instagram kind of
Speaker 1: about sex lists and about your hall passes been pretty funny.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't the only person who found it funny
Speaker 1: because yesterday The Daily Mail decided to publish an article
Speaker 1: and I'm just going to read out the name of
Speaker 1: that article for you. The Bachelor's Laura Byrn makes a
Speaker 1: taboo sex confession as she opens up about her bedroom
Speaker 1: antics with fiance Mattie Johnson during a tell all podcast.
Speaker 1: Now for the og listeners, you would kind of be like,
Speaker 1: that wasn't a tell all episode. They are that open
Speaker 1: all the time. But it did give me a bit
Speaker 1: of a laugh. So if you need that right now,
Speaker 1: go back and listen to Tuesday's episode. But for today,
Speaker 1: we are taking a trip down memory lane, which means
Speaker 1: that we are revisiting some of our favorite episodes from
Speaker 1: the past, and we've gone back into the archives for
Speaker 1: this one. This one was an episode that the girls
Speaker 1: did a little while ago and it was pre brit
Speaker 1: being in a relationship. So it's all about being single.
Speaker 1: The pros and cons are being single and kind of
Speaker 1: how we hate the question of how are you still single?
Speaker 1: So that is what you're about to hear tomorrow dropping
Speaker 1: in your podcast Libraries is going to be the very
Speaker 1: first batch recap from Laura and Jay and I am
Speaker 1: so looking forward to it. I'm actually recording this the
Speaker 1: night before, so I'm about to watch The Bachelor and
Speaker 1: I'm so keen to see what happens. We have you
Speaker 1: really enjoyed this episode and we'll catch you back here tomorrow.
Speaker 2: Hi guys, and welcome back to another episode of Black Uncut.
Speaker 1: I'm Laura and I'm Brittany. Hi, Brittany, do you realize
Speaker 1: that we do the same, You do the same? Yep,
Speaker 1: we say hi, and then you go.
Speaker 2: Hi Brittany, and I'm like, hi, just hi, I alady
Speaker 2: said hello, We've already said hello, We've already been talking
Speaker 2: to each other for the last hour. I just think
Speaker 2: consistency is important so that the people know what they're getting,
Speaker 2: what are reliable, safe, secure Laura over here.
Speaker 1: And then whenever britt does an intro, she's like, oh, hey, guys,
Speaker 1: he just go and row. I always that though, I
Speaker 1: always go wild because I you know, I just think
Speaker 1: it's it's important to be spontaneous in all aspects of life, dating, relationships, podcasting.
Speaker 2: I have a lot of missionary sex, which okay, that note,
Speaker 2: actually this is a record.
Speaker 1: Never have you dropped that in the first two minutes.
Speaker 2: I liked how to do Myself, so actually on that
Speaker 2: I have a kind of a funny story if you
Speaker 2: listen to the last week's Tuesday episode where I talked
Speaker 2: about how I almost had sex and I remember well
Speaker 2: britt said it was a bit of an overshare, which
Speaker 2: clearly it was. So the other day I was at
Speaker 2: the petrol station and I walked into pay and there
Speaker 2: were these two girls standing in front of me, and
Speaker 2: one of them was like, Hi, Oh my god, Laura,
Speaker 2: I feel like we're friends. I listened to your podcast.
Speaker 2: I love your podcasts. Have you had sex yet in
Speaker 2: the in the petrol station was like, yes, yes, I have,
Speaker 2: just this morning.
Speaker 1: And then I realized that I was still sharing.
Speaker 2: Too much o my life to a complete stranger A
Speaker 2: petrol station high five if you're listening, Yeah, things have
Speaker 2: just sporrowed out of control of me.
Speaker 1: Britt. I love this for so many reasons. I love it.
Speaker 1: I love that you had sex. Yes, I love that
Speaker 1: you had sex.
Speaker 2: I love that Daily Mail is going to have a
Speaker 2: field day with the first four minutes of this episode.
Speaker 1: I just love that like that people running to us
Speaker 1: a I love that they feel like we're friends and
Speaker 1: they often forget that we don't know each other in
Speaker 1: real life. I love that they feel this really close
Speaker 1: bond that they can say to you like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: did you have sex yet, and that you feel the
Speaker 1: bond back to be like, well, yes, I did. Well.
Speaker 2: It was halfway through after saying that I realized I
Speaker 2: was like, I don't know you this is I'm being
Speaker 2: inappropriate right now?
Speaker 1: I don't feel like you should know if I've just
Speaker 1: had sex.
Speaker 2: But also, and this is one for all of the
Speaker 2: mums out there who are in relationships and maybe they're
Speaker 2: in the same boat as me. And every time because
Speaker 2: I get a lot of mums who message me and
Speaker 2: they're like, Laura, don't worry, You're not alone. We're all
Speaker 2: going through the same thing. However, I've realiz that the
Speaker 2: greatest affidisiac the greatest.
Speaker 1: One for a married, boring couple. It's not oysters, is it?
Speaker 1: What is it?
Speaker 2: It's not oysters, it's not perfume, it's not full play,
Speaker 2: it's not seduction.
Speaker 1: It's cleaning the fucking house.
Speaker 2: So it's cleaning. It's cleaning, Matt clean the house. And
Speaker 2: I have never been more turned on in my life.
Speaker 1: That was all it took.
Speaker 2: And I was like, talk to me, dirty talk, and
Speaker 2: he was like, I'm gonna clean the bathroom next and
Speaker 2: I was like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, boy, can't wait for this anyway. So on that note,
Speaker 1: you guys all know that we record in Laura's bedroom.
Speaker 1: We always chat Matt, Laura and I for like an
Speaker 1: hour or so in the lounderroom. And we run through
Speaker 1: the episode. We ask Matt's opinions on things because it's
Speaker 1: a guy just just a general catch up, you know,
Speaker 1: because we usually haven't seen each other for like twelve hours.
Speaker 1: It's important to debrief on the day. So you often
Speaker 1: hear us talk about like that will come into the studio, akay,
Speaker 1: the bedroom and Laura would just have like a pile
Speaker 1: of clothes here that Matt' stumps somewhere or what. We
Speaker 1: always have to wade through something.
Speaker 2: But what Brittany's getting out is that my house is
Speaker 2: not particularly clean. But that is because we have a
Speaker 2: one year old and we live in constant chaos. No
Speaker 2: what I'm kidding at to that doesn't bother me in
Speaker 2: the slightest Today tonight, right before this episode, we're sitting
Speaker 2: in the lounge room. Laura's like, oh, britt just wait
Speaker 2: here one second. I'm just gonna go and quickly clean
Speaker 2: all the stuff off the bed in the studio. The bedroom,
Speaker 2: she comes in to clean it all off because she's like,
Speaker 2: there is shit everywhere. Then she comes back out and
Speaker 2: she's like, oh, Matt's got this smug look on his face,
Speaker 2: and she's like, Matt, you angel I love you.
Speaker 1: You put all the stuff away. You've never done that.
Speaker 1: Thank you so much. And he's like all smug, being
Speaker 1: like yeah, I'm amazing. They kiss, Laura praises him. Laura
Speaker 1: walks back in and she's like, I'll meet you in
Speaker 1: the studio now, Laura. I hate to be the one
Speaker 1: to break this too. But Matt as soon as she
Speaker 1: walked out of the room, looked at me and goes, oh,
Speaker 1: I just got lazy. It's all shoved behind the mirror.
Speaker 1: It's all behind the mirror, and I'm thrown him under
Speaker 1: the body. You can see it coming out the side
Speaker 1: of the mirror that's against the walls. Is not getting
Speaker 1: nothing tonight. And I was like, I knew you wouldn't
Speaker 1: have done it. It's like, don't tell her.
Speaker 2: I'm really I feel victimized here. I feel like I'm
Speaker 2: the one that's been left out and this is cruel.
Speaker 1: Hey, I told you. I could have not told you
Speaker 1: and you would have had to have given him cleaning, sympathy, sex.
Speaker 1: But now you don't have to do that. Thank god,
Speaker 1: I can go to bed. Oh God, thank god, Bretty,
Speaker 1: you save me.
Speaker 2: Anyway, normally, just just get off that topic completely because
Speaker 2: I feel like that's five minutes too much of me
Speaker 2: talking about my sex life.
Speaker 1: Britt. Normally I ask you what you have done this week.
Speaker 2: However, I know exactly what you did this week because
Speaker 2: we just went away for your birthday.
Speaker 1: I can't believe that you're so old. I don't tell
Speaker 1: anyone my real age. I still say twenty eight. You
Speaker 1: look twenty eight.
Speaker 2: I feel forty, which there's nothing wrong with being forty,
Speaker 2: but there is when you're only thirty four. Laura and
Speaker 2: I basically for the first so Laura and I see
Speaker 2: each other every week so many times.
Speaker 1: We have never in the last year, I don't think
Speaker 1: we've ever done anything that wasn't work related.
Speaker 2: We've never gone out for dinner together. We've never gone like,
Speaker 2: I mean, if we go for a walk, it's because
Speaker 2: we have to talk about podcast topics, so we kind of.
Speaker 1: Do like a walking meeting.
Speaker 2: But we've never We keep saying we're going to go
Speaker 2: out and celebrate when we hit two million, and guys,
Speaker 2: next week we're going to hit three million downloads, and
Speaker 2: we still haven't even been out for dinner to celebrate.
Speaker 2: We didn't even book to kill us. So this weekend
Speaker 2: was actually really special because one it was Britty's birthday,
Speaker 2: we got to go away and we had a beautiful
Speaker 2: little weekend. And two because it was my very first
Speaker 2: night that I was away from Mali. So we guys
Speaker 2: went down to Shoal Bay.
Speaker 1: Actually that's a funny story. We went to Shoal Bay Penhouse.
Speaker 2: Wait, this is the problem because you keep saying we
Speaker 2: went down to Shoal Bay.
Speaker 1: So just don't blame start the story. Okay.
Speaker 2: So Britt told me that we were going to We're
Speaker 2: going down the coast. We're going to go down the
Speaker 2: coast for her birthday. And then she said Shoal Bay
Speaker 2: blah blah blah country club a few other things.
Speaker 1: I said, exactly where we're going, Sholbe country Club? I said,
Speaker 1: shoal Bait country Club, down down the coast.
Speaker 2: So I get into my car. I was driving by myself.
Speaker 2: I was like, I know where seul Haven is, Like,
Speaker 2: I mean, it must be around there. It's down the coast,
Speaker 2: Like what else is down the coast? So I start driving.
Speaker 2: I drive for an hour before I decided to put
Speaker 2: it into my maps.
Speaker 1: No, it turns out the Shoal Bay is not down
Speaker 1: the coast.
Speaker 2: It is three hours north of Sydney, and I had
Speaker 2: just driven an hour in the wrong direction, had to
Speaker 2: turn around, so round trip to get there.
Speaker 1: For your birthday was a five hour trip. I feel
Speaker 1: like you're putting a lot of this responsibility on me. Yes,
Speaker 1: to be fair in my defense, I okay, yes something.
Speaker 1: It is something I would say I often do say
Speaker 1: when I just say him going away in general, I'm like, hey,
Speaker 1: I'm just going to duck down the coast. It doesn't
Speaker 1: matter what direction I'm going. I just say it.
Speaker 2: Like, but I say, like, what other when you're going
Speaker 2: to Queensland, you say I'm just going down to Queensland.
Speaker 1: It's like when I say I'm going to duck down
Speaker 1: to the shops. The shop might be up the hill,
Speaker 1: but the expression is duck down. But you can't duck
Speaker 1: anywhere for three hours. Ye, but I can't. So I
Speaker 1: said to Laura, We're just gonna go down the coast
Speaker 1: to Shoal Bay Country Club. And I'm pretty sure, like
Speaker 1: I am pretty sure you're gonna disagree that I said
Speaker 1: it's just like near Newcastle. It's Nelson Bay. Absolutely incorrect.
Speaker 1: I know exactly where Newcastle is. I was born there.
Speaker 1: You can ignore me like you tune out when I'm talking.
Speaker 1: Not time for a sister fight, Brittany, not on air.
Speaker 1: Tone it down, all right, tell me about your birthday,
Speaker 1: so hang on. The moral of this story is we
Speaker 1: were supposed to just be like two and a half
Speaker 1: hours north. Laura drove an hour south, realized was the
Speaker 1: wrong way an hour and then the three hours, so
Speaker 1: she drove five hours together there. But you were in
Speaker 1: high spirits and it was worth it. Guys.
Speaker 2: Was my first night away from Mali, and I tell you,
Speaker 2: I'll drive five hours for that. Okay, how was your birthday?
Speaker 2: I know I was there, but I guess to usually
Speaker 2: ask you how your week is. So how was your weekend? Yes,
Speaker 2: so it was really amazing. I've said it before on
Speaker 2: the podcast.
Speaker 1: I hate my birthday. Every year, I hate my birthday.
Speaker 1: I'm never one of those people that looks forward to it.
Speaker 1: I never plan anything. Actually, most of the time, I
Speaker 1: don't even tell people. I've hung out with my friends
Speaker 1: on my birthday and haven't told them and they haven't known.
Speaker 1: I'm not one of those people that's like, let's make
Speaker 1: this a birthday month.
Speaker 2: Do you want to share why you hate your birthday
Speaker 2: because it kind of leads into the podcast topic for today,
Speaker 2: and I think it's really important. Yeah, it's important because
Speaker 2: I think a lot of people would feel like that. Yeah, yes, Laura, Oh,
Speaker 2: we'll have happy.
Speaker 1: To share that. I'm happy to share my most tormented feelings.
Speaker 1: Please share your trauma with everybody. Alsia's soul. So I think,
Speaker 1: and I really did have to. I think about it,
Speaker 1: and if I'm really honest, the last relationship I was
Speaker 1: in that we know that it was toxic, so I
Speaker 1: was it was almost like my birthday when it ended.
Speaker 1: I had a really really bad birthday with him, where
Speaker 1: long story short, he just manipulated me into feeling really
Speaker 1: bad the whole day. I had to act like it
Speaker 1: was his birthday. I had to take him out, I
Speaker 1: had to do all this stuff for him. I was
Speaker 1: apologizing him constantly. I just had We had this huge
Speaker 1: fight and I just had a really really bad birthday.
Speaker 1: Then we broke up not long after. Fast forward, and
Speaker 1: every year my birthday came. The first year that went past,
Speaker 1: I just felt like it was a reminder that I
Speaker 1: had this really bad that time of my life was
Speaker 1: really bad. Then I remember saying to myself and this
Speaker 1: was my mistake. I remember saying, all right, well, next year,
Speaker 1: I won't be alone on my birthday, I'll be with
Speaker 1: someone amazing, and I'll be really happy and I'll be
Speaker 1: sharing the moment with someone. Then the next year would
Speaker 1: come and it wouldn't happen. I wouldn't even be close.
Speaker 1: And the next year, then the next year, and fast forward,
Speaker 1: and this has been I think like the eighth or
Speaker 1: ninth year, and I just started to get really really
Speaker 1: depressed every year seeing that my friends were like, had
Speaker 1: all their partners doing these amazing things for them, surprising them,
Speaker 1: sharing them with love, just spending his quality time with them.
Speaker 1: And every year I just felt lonelier and lonelier and lonelier.
Speaker 1: And that is just being completely honest, because I feel
Speaker 1: like there have got to be people out there listening
Speaker 1: right now that are like, fuck like me too. I
Speaker 1: have felt that finally this year, you think I would
Speaker 1: have learned. It took me eight or nine years, but
Speaker 1: I realized it's probably not order, it's probably not gonna happen.
Speaker 1: I can't keep saying next year, I'll be with someone
Speaker 1: before I just make my own happiness. So I finally
Speaker 1: decided to go away with some of the girls. We
Speaker 1: had an amazing time down at Shelby Country Club, which
Speaker 1: was beautiful. We went hiking. Much of the girl's dismay.
Speaker 1: I made the girls go hiking. So much food. Oh
Speaker 1: my god, the food was ridiculous.
Speaker 2: And it was with like it was with all of
Speaker 2: your closest friends, which even if you don't have a
Speaker 2: guy there, we didn't need any guys there.
Speaker 1: Well, this is actually so all of these things are
Speaker 1: what got us to this episode today. Basically, the girls
Speaker 1: and I there were five or six of us. I
Speaker 1: was the only single person there. All the rest of
Speaker 1: my friends have babies, are married or engaged. Yet literally
Speaker 1: all of them. I was the only one that was simple.
Speaker 1: But we were having these deeper, meaningful conversations, and it
Speaker 1: came up that you know, this feeling of a lot
Speaker 1: of people feel failure and they feel so lonely and
Speaker 1: if they hit thirty, and it also appears to be
Speaker 1: that thirty is the magic number. Thirty is the number
Speaker 1: where people feel lonely. And I don't know why as
Speaker 1: a society we've set the number the benchmark to be like,
Speaker 1: oh you better, I've got your shit together. By thirty,
Speaker 1: like it's the be all and end all of our
Speaker 1: whole life. And then what I realized is the five
Speaker 1: other girls there, including yourself, Laura, everyone was so stoked
Speaker 1: to be having a waken away from their partners and
Speaker 1: the stress and kids and just general life. Not because
Speaker 1: they want to be away from their partner, but because
Speaker 1: they're like, oh my god, this I get some time
Speaker 1: to myself. I get to do whatever I want to do.
Speaker 1: I get to eat whatever I want to eat. I
Speaker 1: can go to bed when I want to go to bed.
Speaker 1: And it just made me think they are so stoked
Speaker 1: to be here. And sometimes it's like the grass isn't
Speaker 1: always greener, And I think it's really important that we
Speaker 1: touch on both sides of being single and being in relationships,
Speaker 1: the pros and the cons of both, and just make
Speaker 1: you guys realize that if you hit thirty and you're
Speaker 1: not where you thought you would be, that's okay. You
Speaker 1: can run your own race and you can be on
Speaker 1: your own timeline.
Speaker 2: Right, you're like looking like said no, I was like, preach, sister,
Speaker 2: I've really got on a tangent.
Speaker 1: Yes, I was like, is that us? Have we just
Speaker 1: done the whole topic that. Okay, that was my intro.
Speaker 2: Okay, BRIT's already used that she's already done the intro,
Speaker 2: so we can just skip right to the content. No,
Speaker 2: but it's so true. And then like, so basically, this
Speaker 2: episode is all going to be about being single in
Speaker 2: your thirties, the social stigma that's attached to that, the
Speaker 2: cultural expectations around especially women getting into relationships, and us
Speaker 2: having this like biological clock, but also just having this
Speaker 2: expiration date almost and that our value as a person
Speaker 2: and our worth is kind of tied up in are
Speaker 2: you in a relationship or not? And how we want
Speaker 2: to kind of break that down and redefine this. And
Speaker 2: you know, one, if you are in a relationship, you'll
Speaker 2: definitely sympathize with some of the parts of it that
Speaker 2: aren't great or that you know that you might miss
Speaker 2: about your single life. And if you are single at
Speaker 2: the moment, then maybe this podcast will help you to
Speaker 2: really embrace it and enjoy those years because it's not
Speaker 2: going to be that forever. I also had it, and
Speaker 2: I can't believe they said that one of our listeners
Speaker 2: was laying in bed with a guy who she'd been
Speaker 2: seeing him for a little while and she knew or
Speaker 2: had the feeling that maybe he was seeing some other people,
Speaker 2: but they were not exclusive, so she was like, whatever,
Speaker 2: I'm just going to see where this goes, not put
Speaker 2: any pressure on it. He'd already said to her that
Speaker 2: he wasn't ready to be in a relationship, so anyway,
Speaker 2: he came over. They got to town, they had a
Speaker 2: good night in between the sheets and they were lying
Speaker 2: in bed cuddling, and he rolled over and said to her,
Speaker 2: you know what, I really didn't think that I wanted
Speaker 2: to be with anyone, but tonight's made me realize I
Speaker 2: really want to be with the other girl that I've
Speaker 2: been sleeping with.
Speaker 1: That moment you realize you make someone want a relationship,
Speaker 1: but it's just not with you. This episode's going to
Speaker 1: be so great for you. Don't worry. Life is great
Speaker 1: when you're single. I reckon. I have made so many
Speaker 1: guys the perfect partner, Like I have been that person
Speaker 1: so many times where I've dated people just that few times,
Speaker 1: help them see what they want, help them be a
Speaker 1: better person, and then they're like, I'm ready for love now,
Speaker 1: but it's just not with me. Like I'm just I'm
Speaker 1: always the one for the one, you're like the husband maker.
Speaker 2: You're like, come to me or make you a husband
Speaker 2: and then go on your merry way and live a happy,
Speaker 2: happy life.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's me.
Speaker 2: So, although I think a lot of people who go
Speaker 2: through breakups there's often this fear that they're gonna then
Speaker 2: go into the next relationship and find the perfect person
Speaker 2: and be perfectly happy. But I do also think we
Speaker 2: need to keep perspective that often people, Yeah, sure they
Speaker 2: go into new relationships, and yes they may end up
Speaker 2: being with that person for forever, but they're still the
Speaker 2: same person. People very rarely will enact all this change
Speaker 2: and become this totally different person and live this perfectly
Speaker 2: happy life if they were not very good to you
Speaker 2: in the first place.
Speaker 1: No, it's more just that you're just I guess the
Speaker 1: sounding board, like you're the everyone treats someone shit at
Speaker 1: some point in their life before they treat someone like
Speaker 1: a queen. Everyone makes mistakes. I'm just the one that
Speaker 1: they always make the mistakes on. No, what I'm saying
Speaker 1: is like, you're assuming that they then go and treat
Speaker 1: someone like a queen. There's a lot of people out
Speaker 1: there who get into relationships who continue to be douchebags.
Speaker 1: That stuff doesn't always change. That's true, let's keep piscades
Speaker 1: with people. But I'm like, you know, daywo le, I'm
Speaker 1: looking at that fairy tale ending. I'm thinking the best
Speaker 1: it's coming. It's all right, guys, let's jump into single
Speaker 1: and thirty. Why are you single? This is the most
Speaker 1: commonly asked and honestly the most hated question of any
Speaker 1: single person at any age. I can absolutely guarantee it.
Speaker 1: It's sort of up there with don't worry Harne, It's
Speaker 1: just around the corner, or or hello, do you know
Speaker 1: you've got a body clock? Like, yes, yes, I know.
Speaker 1: But also I.
Speaker 2: Think it's it's like feigned as a compliment, you know
Speaker 2: this whole like, oh, but how are you single? It's
Speaker 2: meant to be a compliment, but actually it's like the
Speaker 2: most backhanded, like constantly reminding, oh, because I'm single, there's
Speaker 2: nothing wrong with me.
Speaker 1: I'm just single. No, So how are you single? Is
Speaker 1: different to why are you single? People that say why
Speaker 1: are you? How are you single? Can be really cute
Speaker 1: and positive, like, how on earth you single? You're such
Speaker 1: a cash? Why are you single? He's like, what's wrong
Speaker 1: with you? No? See?
Speaker 2: I disagree because I still think how are you single?
Speaker 2: Means that people who are single must be defective. So
Speaker 2: it's like, well, how did you end up being single?
Speaker 2: Because you see normal? So I still think that they
Speaker 2: both play into a negative.
Speaker 1: If someone says to me, how are you single, I'm like, Okay,
Speaker 1: that's more cute. I'm like cute.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm going to fight you on this stone cause
Speaker 2: it's the same as people being like, you're different to
Speaker 2: other girls. No, Like, that's not cute. Stop saying the
Speaker 2: girls or psychos, we're not like. It's the same kind
Speaker 2: of it's meant to be a compliment, but I think
Speaker 2: it's a backhanded compliment without realizing Printanty is like I
Speaker 2: love compliment.
Speaker 1: No, I just I'm not the same other girl. I'm
Speaker 1: not the same She's like this guy said that to
Speaker 1: me last night. It was really cute. Look, I think
Speaker 1: it's not the end of the world if someone said
Speaker 1: that to me. But these are the sort of questions
Speaker 1: that you do need to reconsider. If you've got a
Speaker 1: single friend or anyone that you meet in your life,
Speaker 1: you have to reconsider asking on these questions, why mom,
Speaker 1: she doesn't say it anymore? Because I had to say
Speaker 1: something to it. But she used to say it to
Speaker 1: me without meaning anything bad by it. But she used
Speaker 1: to say things to me like I would be dating
Speaker 1: all the time if I and I was so open
Speaker 1: with my mom, So I used to tell her everything,
Speaker 1: like going on a second date with this guy, going
Speaker 1: a third day with this guy. She'd call me, She's like,
Speaker 1: how's that guy? I bet I'm not seeing him anymore?
Speaker 1: Why not? Uh, he didn't want to see me anymore.
Speaker 1: He didn't feel anything. And she would say things like
Speaker 1: what do you think's wrong with you? Or what do
Speaker 1: you think you did? Things like that, but she would
Speaker 1: not she didn't mean that in any way. That was
Speaker 1: her way of just trying to say, like what went wrong?
Speaker 1: And I hadn't eventually said it. I was like, Mom,
Speaker 1: you can't phrase it like that because I just feel
Speaker 1: like something's wrong with me. And she's like, oh, what
Speaker 1: do you mean like that? But it's just really I
Speaker 1: think this really reiterates how important it is to choose
Speaker 1: the right word and when you're addressing people like this. Yeah, totally.
Speaker 2: And I think you know the reason why we wanted
Speaker 2: to do this episode is because, like we've talked loads
Speaker 2: about being single. We've talked loads about relationships. If you
Speaker 2: listen and you'd be listening to this podcast for a while,
Speaker 2: you might feel like that we've covered this, but we've
Speaker 2: done it in such a sporadic way over so many
Speaker 2: different episodes that we really wanted to have an episode
Speaker 2: that's dedicated to being single in your thirties, because, you know,
Speaker 2: there's so many people who are out there, so many women,
Speaker 2: so many men who are out there who are single,
Speaker 2: and there really is this cultural expectation and this societal
Speaker 2: pressure that you should be in a relationship by the
Speaker 2: time you're in your thirties, and you know, the older
Speaker 2: that you get in your thirties, the more that you're
Speaker 2: wasting time or that you know, maybe your expectations are
Speaker 2: too high, maybe you should settle. So we really wanted
Speaker 2: to address what that looks like. And for anyone who
Speaker 2: who listened to the episode that we did, which was
Speaker 2: Free brittany Where, Britt was talking all about her experience, well,
Speaker 2: her experience with you know, Tim, and then how she
Speaker 2: felt like, you know, no one's going to love me.
Speaker 2: One of the most common messages we had as a
Speaker 2: result of that episode was when you spoke really vulnerably
Speaker 2: about how how it felt to be single and how
Speaker 2: you felt like that there was a part of you
Speaker 2: that was unlovable, and so many people resonated with that,
Speaker 2: and that's kind of what made us realize, Okay, we
Speaker 2: really need to talk about this because there are so
Speaker 2: many great aspects of being single, but that doesn't mean
Speaker 2: that you can't feel the full spectrum of emotions as well.
Speaker 1: And we do really want to drive home that this.
Speaker 1: Whilst we are going to delve into single and thirty,
Speaker 1: these messages go for anyone single at any age, any
Speaker 1: feelings that you're feeling, what we're going to talk about
Speaker 1: pros and cons are going to relate to you as well.
Speaker 1: The only reason why sort of driving home the number
Speaker 1: thirty is because it does seem to be this magic
Speaker 1: number in society where we're supposed to have our shit together.
Speaker 1: You're supposed to have been married, supposed to have your
Speaker 1: job sorted, you're supposed to know where you're going, you're
Speaker 1: supposed to have done all this shit, you're supposed to
Speaker 1: have kids, and all of a sudden, for some reason,
Speaker 1: there's this stigma attached that if you hit thirty or
Speaker 1: you are newly single at thirty two, thirty three, thirty four,
Speaker 1: there's this stigma attach that you're a failure, that you're unlovable,
Speaker 1: that you've done something wrong, that no one wants you,
Speaker 1: that it's not going to happen for you, that you're
Speaker 1: not going to have your kids in time, and it
Speaker 1: can be this really negative, all consuming, drowning feeling that
Speaker 1: a lot of people feel. So I want to talk
Speaker 1: about that a lot, and I'm going to be really
Speaker 1: honest with you because I'm someone that has been in
Speaker 1: long term relationships for about ten years total, and I'm
Speaker 1: someone coming up to nine years single. So I have
Speaker 1: done both ends of the spectrum and all my single
Speaker 1: years have been in my older years, and I have
Speaker 1: just turned thirty three this week, so I feel like
Speaker 1: it's relevant. I also was very infamously dumped on The
Speaker 1: Bachelor on my thirtieth birthday, so I was literally talking
Speaker 1: about being thirty and single. I was sitting at home
Speaker 1: turning thirty whilst the nation watched me be dumped. So
Speaker 1: I can say that all of this comes from a
Speaker 1: place of experience. We often say Laura and I. Laura
Speaker 1: always says it. She's like, we are unqualified to be
Speaker 1: giving this advice, but I feel like I am an
Speaker 1: expert this field. I should have a back. Oh that
Speaker 1: was no pun intended. I feel like about I felt
Speaker 1: like a bachelor degree, but I should have a bachelor too. Okay, guys,
Speaker 1: going to take a real quick break to say thanks
Speaker 1: to our sponsor.
Speaker 2: Also, I really want to reiterate and just drive this
Speaker 2: point home this this episode is not just for people
Speaker 2: who are single. This episode is also for people who
Speaker 2: are in their thirties and they are in relationships where
Speaker 2: they're not happy, but they're so fearful about breaking a
Speaker 2: relationship or leaving someone who's not good for them, or
Speaker 2: they've settled for something that's like you know, they're dating down. Basically,
Speaker 2: if you acknowledge that there's a part of you that
Speaker 2: feels like you're settling and the reason why you're doing
Speaker 2: that is because you're like, well, it's too hard now,
Speaker 2: I don't want to go out there and find someone new,
Speaker 2: biological clock, all these different things. Then you know, we
Speaker 2: just want you to have another perspective on that, to
Speaker 2: think about life is long, you don't want to spend
Speaker 2: it with the wrong person, and you sure shit would
Speaker 2: rather be single than to be in an unhappy relationship.
Speaker 2: So this, this topic, and this episode is also for you. Actually,
Speaker 2: I just want to start by saying I did a
Speaker 2: lot of research in this. Obviously I'm going to give
Speaker 2: you my personal opinions and my personal thoughts, but research
Speaker 2: showed that most people real happiness begins for them at
Speaker 2: age thirty three. You get to a certain age where
Speaker 2: you just don't suffer bullshit anymore, right like your your relationships,
Speaker 2: you have this like level of confidence that comes out
Speaker 2: in your thirties. I think that, you know, when they
Speaker 2: say like youth is wasted on the young's, there's truth
Speaker 2: to it. And I think that the older that you get,
Speaker 2: the more that you realize it really is the case.
Speaker 1: Because since I.
Speaker 2: Have been, you know, in my thirties, I just care
Speaker 2: less about the things that I used to care so
Speaker 2: much about, Like I care not that I don't care
Speaker 2: about the way I look, but I care my self
Speaker 2: worth isn't dependent on the way I look now, and
Speaker 2: I don't feel so insecure in social settings, and I
Speaker 2: don't feel or worry about what other people think of
Speaker 2: me like I used to. And I think that there's
Speaker 2: this real liberation that comes when you reach you know,
Speaker 2: the rifle age of thirty thirty five, thirty six or
Speaker 2: seven thirty eight forty. And I think that that really
Speaker 2: just gets better and better with this self acceptance that
Speaker 2: happens as you get older.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And I just think there's a multitude of reasons
Speaker 1: the more I thought about it and the more I
Speaker 1: read about it. So you hit thirty, and all of
Speaker 1: a sudden, you're in a better place, usually financially, so
Speaker 1: you're starting to settle into your job. You've made some
Speaker 1: progression in your career, You've put some money behind you,
Speaker 1: you might have savings, so you feel comfortable in that sense.
Speaker 1: You hopefully have gotten all the red flags out of
Speaker 1: the way. You have dated, you've made mistakes, you've seen
Speaker 1: the bullshit, you've seen the assholes. You've had your heartbreak,
Speaker 1: and you've learned a lot of lessons from it. Also,
Speaker 1: like you just said, you get to this place of
Speaker 1: confidence where you just don't care anymore. You know the
Speaker 1: value of time, and you know what you want and
Speaker 1: you know what you're looking for, and you don't put
Speaker 1: up with anything less. So I feel like it all
Speaker 1: sort of molds into one. You hit thirty to thirty
Speaker 1: five and you're like wow, like and this is good
Speaker 1: for me because I turned thirty three four days ago,
Speaker 1: so this is my year of happiness.
Speaker 2: Well I even say, like I reckon my Like, the
Speaker 2: best year I've ever had was thirty one, thirty two,
Speaker 2: thirty one, thirty two, thirty three, I had Malley and
Speaker 2: thirty three, so The Bachelor thirty one. I turned thirty
Speaker 2: one when I was on the show, like when we
Speaker 2: were actually filming the show, and my life in my
Speaker 2: twenties was just really complicated. I mean, I think back
Speaker 2: on my dating life form my twenties, and my dating
Speaker 2: life was so complicated, and I've spoken about it loads
Speaker 2: before and I'm not going to go into it into
Speaker 2: too much detail, but like that was when I was
Speaker 2: making all the mistakes in my relationships. Like I was
Speaker 2: dating the wrong type of guys, the same type of guys.
Speaker 2: I was getting into toxic relationships. I didn't value myself.
Speaker 2: I didn't think that I was worth anybody better than
Speaker 2: the people that I was dating. And I know that
Speaker 2: that sounds really self entitled, but like you know, I
Speaker 2: was being treated like shit, I was being cheated on,
Speaker 2: and I still was going back for more and for
Speaker 2: more and for more, and I didn't have any standards.
Speaker 2: And it wasn't until after my thirtieth birthday when I
Speaker 2: went through a really cataclysmic breakup on my thirtieth birthday
Speaker 2: as well, it wasn't on national TV, but it was
Speaker 2: pretty bad that I realized I wanted something more for
Speaker 2: myself and then things Obviously I got really lucky. I mean,
Speaker 2: I know that there is a huge amount of luck
Speaker 2: that played into my circumstances with meeting Matt, but my
Speaker 2: life has only gotten better since being in my thirties,
Speaker 2: and there's you know, we want to kind of go
Speaker 2: into like the good bits about being single, But one
Speaker 2: thing I do want to touch on is you can
Speaker 2: get into this real negative self talk when you're not
Speaker 2: happy with the current situation that you're in. So if
Speaker 2: you are single and you want to have a boyfriend,
Speaker 2: it's very easy to think that it's going to be
Speaker 2: like this forever and you're trying to project what the
Speaker 2: future is going to be like. And I just think
Speaker 2: it's so important to not speak to yourself in a
Speaker 2: way where you're saying, like, well, I'm going to be
Speaker 2: single next year or I'm going to be single forever.
Speaker 2: No one's gonna love me because you literally don't know
Speaker 2: what's around the corner. You literally don't know what decisions
Speaker 2: you're gonna make, or who you're going to meet, and
Speaker 2: how your life could change in an instant. I just
Speaker 2: think that's a really important thing to throw out there
Speaker 2: to start with, to say, like this negative self talk
Speaker 2: because you're unhappy with the situation right now. This is
Speaker 2: not going to be your life forever. Life is so dynamic.
Speaker 2: Shit changes so quickly. Three and a half years ago,
Speaker 2: I was single. Now I have kid like it's wild.
Speaker 2: That is wild, But you know what, it takes nine months,
Speaker 2: months and maybe seven minutes. Who knows nine months and
Speaker 2: seven minutes.
Speaker 1: No, And I'm I'm guys, I'm gonna be really real
Speaker 1: with you throughout this episode. I don't want to sugarcoat things,
Speaker 1: because I think it's important that we do take the
Speaker 1: bad way the good I guess, and I will be
Speaker 1: really honest and tell you that I have had really, really,
Speaker 1: really tough times, and I have been so horrible to
Speaker 1: myself and to be around. I've locked myself in my
Speaker 1: house for weeks and just not wanted to go out,
Speaker 1: and it's all because it's stemmed from this feeling of
Speaker 1: not being good enough. No one wants you, You'll never
Speaker 1: be loved, You're never going to meet anyone. I genuinely
Speaker 1: would tell myself. I would look in the mirror and
Speaker 1: I can't believe I would say this. I would look
Speaker 1: in the mirror and say to myself. I would be like,
Speaker 1: you are so disgusting. I couldn't look at myself and
Speaker 1: I would cancel my night out. It all came from
Speaker 1: this feeling of not being good enough in a relationship.
Speaker 1: That's where it stemmed from. And I was the sort
Speaker 1: of person that I shouldn't have let it grow, but
Speaker 1: I did. Couldn't stand aside of myself, and I would
Speaker 1: tell myself every day, no one's ever gonna love you
Speaker 1: like you will be alone forever. And that is half
Speaker 1: the battle, because we talk about this all the time,
Speaker 1: this really negative self talk. If you tell yourself that
Speaker 1: every day, you're gonna believe it, that's the energy you're
Speaker 1: gonna put out into the world. And you're never going
Speaker 1: to receive anything back because you're not giving anything good out.
Speaker 1: And I can't stress that enough that I know I'm
Speaker 1: not disgusting now.
Speaker 2: Like literally everyone listening to this is like, oh god
Speaker 2: it Brittain Hill's like that, there's no help for me.
Speaker 1: But that's why. And I mean, we touched on it
Speaker 1: with the body dysmorphy episode, and I think it's I
Speaker 1: think it's really important for people. I hope that someone,
Speaker 1: I hope that you guys are listening out there now.
Speaker 1: And I'm not saying for any sort of atension. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying it for any reason other than I want
Speaker 1: to be honest and say that you don't know what
Speaker 1: anyone is feeling, or what they're going through, or how
Speaker 1: a relationship in the past, whether that's a family relationship,
Speaker 1: a romantic relationship, how that has affected someone and what
Speaker 1: they actually believe about themselves. So I just want to say,
Speaker 1: I'm only telling you this so that you guys know
Speaker 1: that if this is hitting home with you in any way,
Speaker 1: that A it's normal to feel like that at some point,
Speaker 1: but it's really really important to pull yourself out of
Speaker 1: that and see the positive. I want to start by
Speaker 1: saying being single can be bloody awesome. I want to
Speaker 1: start by talking and discussing the good, positive, fun, amazing
Speaker 1: aspects of being single and what it can do and
Speaker 1: why it is really important to see how great life
Speaker 1: can be.
Speaker 2: When we talk about relationships and we see and relationships
Speaker 2: are held up as like the beacon of what everyone
Speaker 2: should want, there is a lot of pressure to be
Speaker 2: that and to have that. But that is also we
Speaker 2: talk about Instagram as well a lot, but that is
Speaker 2: also because you only ever see the highlight reel, right,
Speaker 2: Like when Britta and I were talking about this conversation,
Speaker 2: I was like, you never see the ship parts of
Speaker 2: a relationship, and like I love Matt with all my
Speaker 2: heart and I would not want anything different for my
Speaker 2: life now, and I love Mali. But that's not to
Speaker 2: say that there aren't times where I feel really jealous
Speaker 2: that you're able to just go to the gym whenever
Speaker 2: you want to, that you're able to live your life
Speaker 2: in whatever way, make whatever decisions you want, whenever you
Speaker 2: want them. If you clean your house, you come home
Speaker 2: to a clean house. If I clean my house, I
Speaker 2: come home to a shit storm and my headphones are
Speaker 2: in the bin. Like, honestly, it's chaos. It's absolutely chaos.
Speaker 2: And like you have to have this level of acceptance
Speaker 2: once you have kids, and you're in a relationship that like,
Speaker 2: your life is never going to be just your life again.
Speaker 2: And it's actually taking me a really long time in
Speaker 2: the last year to be okay with that, because there
Speaker 2: are days where I personally feel really jealous that I
Speaker 2: don't get to just be me anymore, and I feel
Speaker 2: like I've lost myself in that. So I think it's
Speaker 2: very easy to look at what somebody else has and
Speaker 2: to think that your life will be better when you
Speaker 2: have it. But in saying that life can be great
Speaker 2: when you're single, life can be great when you're in
Speaker 2: a relationship, there's shades of grey to both of them,
Speaker 2: you know. But people who are in relationships are only
Speaker 2: taking photos and sharing photos during the positive times. I'm
Speaker 2: not taking photos where Maley vomits on my chest. I'm like, hey, honey,
Speaker 2: go get the camera up.
Speaker 1: Yeah. And similarly, I'm not taking photos when I'm at home,
Speaker 1: living alone on my own, eating a can of tuna
Speaker 1: for dinner, watching a sad rom com. Like, I'm not
Speaker 1: showing you, guys those pasts. I'm showing you like me
Speaker 1: being unhappy. You're showing you the best highlights of your life.
Speaker 1: So it's really important that people remember that.
Speaker 2: And there are loads of people who are single and
Speaker 2: who are happy, and there are loads of people who
Speaker 2: are in relationships who feel completely isolated and unloved. So
Speaker 2: having a relationship is not a determining factor for your happiness.
Speaker 2: Happiness comes from doing the hard yards when you're single,
Speaker 2: and like really working on your own personal and self
Speaker 2: development so that your happiness is already there. Somebody else
Speaker 2: can just add to your life a bit of flavor,
Speaker 2: a bit more of love, a bit more stability.
Speaker 1: But the number one point I want to say is
Speaker 1: if you're single, eat, You've got all the time in
Speaker 1: the world. You can do what you want. You can
Speaker 1: go where you want when you want, you can travel alone.
Speaker 1: You don't have to make plans. You can sit at
Speaker 1: home and eat cereal for dinner if you don't want
Speaker 1: it every day. Well no, but like if you could,
Speaker 1: you could because you don't have to worry anyone else.
Speaker 1: I mean, you can do that in a relationship too.
Speaker 1: Just shit gets weird after a while, but it sounds selfish,
Speaker 1: but it's not. When I say, the only person you
Speaker 1: need to think about is you, And that is a really,
Speaker 1: really nice place to be in because you won't be
Speaker 1: in it forever. So this is the time where you
Speaker 1: get your creative juices flowing. You find out who you
Speaker 1: are and what it is you want to do when
Speaker 1: you go and do it. It's actually proven that people that
Speaker 1: are single or living on their own are more driven
Speaker 1: and can be generally more successful because they have more
Speaker 1: time to focus. They have more time to sit at
Speaker 1: home and be like, you know what, I've always had
Speaker 1: this idea, I'm going to do it. They don't have
Speaker 1: a kid, they don't have a h to look after,
Speaker 1: and I'm not saying you have to look after them,
Speaker 1: but they've just got nothing else taking their energy and
Speaker 1: their time. So it's known that these people are more
Speaker 1: likely to go and pursue their dreams.
Speaker 2: Well, you actually just said something, which is I think
Speaker 2: I think something. This is something that a lot of
Speaker 2: mothers specifically will deal with, and women who are in
Speaker 2: relationships and they have only newly kind of like gotten
Speaker 2: into this parental role.
Speaker 1: Actually I take the back.
Speaker 2: Maybe definitely not new parents, people who have toddlers, small children.
Speaker 2: We're kind of sold on this idea of a happy
Speaker 2: family and like the happy family dynamic. But what I
Speaker 2: was unaware of And I mean, I definitely can't fault
Speaker 2: Matt on it, because he's stepped up to the table
Speaker 2: massively now. But what I wasn't aware of is that
Speaker 2: women in relationships who have children, even if they're the
Speaker 2: bread winners, even if they're working, we still more often
Speaker 2: than not, And I see this with my friends, I
Speaker 2: see this in other relationships more often than not, that
Speaker 2: the women still does the line's share of the work
Speaker 2: in the house. There is still this patriarchal expectation that
Speaker 2: the women do the housework. I just see so many
Speaker 2: moms who are exhausted, exasperated, like don't feel like they
Speaker 2: understand or know themselves anymore, don't even feel like they
Speaker 2: feel like they're a shell of their old self because
Speaker 2: they're working all day. Then they're coming home, they're taking
Speaker 2: care of children, they're cooking, they're cleaning.
Speaker 1: Nothing.
Speaker 2: Like I said, nothing stays clean. And it's this like perpetual,
Speaker 2: never ending, absolutely exhausting cycle that you get into. And
Speaker 2: I just think it's so easy to be sold on
Speaker 2: this dream that life is going to be better once
Speaker 2: you have all those things. But there are a lot
Speaker 2: of people who are in relationships who aren't happy or
Speaker 2: there are a lot of people who are in relationships
Speaker 2: who as much as they love their family and as
Speaker 2: much as they love their husband, they can't recognize themselves.
Speaker 2: They're unhappy for other reasons. Yeah, and this is just
Speaker 2: you're just really driven home my first point, single people,
Speaker 2: you have the time and luxury, so use it wisely
Speaker 2: and take and take advantage of that. You need to
Speaker 2: tell yourself every day today, I can do whatever I
Speaker 2: want today, I can be whoever I want today, get
Speaker 2: anything done.
Speaker 1: And I think that's really really important thing. And I'm
Speaker 1: really good with that. I feel if anyone that knows
Speaker 1: me knows I feel my days. From six am till midnight,
Speaker 1: I'm like NonStop, I'm doing a thousand things. I'm trying.
Speaker 1: I'm always thinking up new ideas, and I'm really I
Speaker 1: often think to myself, do I always want to start
Speaker 1: these new businesses? And do I always want to climb
Speaker 1: these mountains and do these holidays and work so much
Speaker 1: because I don't have a partner, And I actually think
Speaker 1: I do. I think it's because I'm like, Okay, I
Speaker 1: have the time, so why wouldn't I just feel it?
Speaker 1: Why wouldn't I utilize it? Now?
Speaker 2: I do think that so much personal growth and development
Speaker 2: comes when you are single, because that is a time
Speaker 2: when you're able to work on yourself and for yourself,
Speaker 2: and you actually really get to understand who you are
Speaker 2: as a person and what you want in a relationship.
Speaker 2: So I think it's very hard, especially for people who
Speaker 2: jump from one relationship to another relationship.
Speaker 1: They'd never stay single.
Speaker 2: There's no self development that happens there because you didn't
Speaker 2: really sit with.
Speaker 1: Who you are.
Speaker 2: You haven't really taken the time to figure out what
Speaker 2: you want in a relationship, Whereas when you're single, there's
Speaker 2: so much time to really understand who you are and
Speaker 2: what you want. One of the things that I think
Speaker 2: is like really important and something that I know when
Speaker 2: I was single, it was what filled my life with meaning,
Speaker 2: is this idea that you really need to invest in
Speaker 2: your friendships. Where As people were hardwired to want connection,
Speaker 2: and so if you're lacking in having a romantic connection,
Speaker 2: then really investing in your friends who are around you
Speaker 2: and the people who love you can really fill that
Speaker 2: hole and fill that void. And being that you know
Speaker 2: you have people to go out for dinner with, you
Speaker 2: have people to call when something goes wrong and having
Speaker 2: really strong friendships is the savior for being single, I
Speaker 2: do think, and that's where a lot of happiness comes from.
Speaker 2: And I also believe strongly that that should be any
Speaker 2: age of life twenties, thirties, forties, fifties. I think it's
Speaker 2: really important to never ever neglect friendships completely.
Speaker 1: A lot of people do get sucked into that hole
Speaker 1: where they're in this all consuming relationship there and love
Speaker 1: and like all they want to spend every second with
Speaker 1: them when they start to ignore their friends. And I
Speaker 1: really think it's important that you do have a group
Speaker 1: of people that you can always go to. I have
Speaker 1: friends that have friends that they're not my friends, but
Speaker 1: they'll say to me things like haven't heard from our
Speaker 1: own three years. All of a sudden, she's broken up
Speaker 1: and she wants to be my best friend kind of thing.
Speaker 1: And she's like, and they're all still friendly. They're friendly,
Speaker 1: but there's this like bitterness to be like, well, does
Speaker 1: she actually really want to be my friend? Like she
Speaker 1: wasn't there when I needed her and now it's just
Speaker 1: suiting her. So I think it's really important to not
Speaker 1: neglect that part of your life.
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I guess it makes sense though, that there's
Speaker 2: this resentfulness when you get ditched as soon as your
Speaker 2: friend finds a partner, like that's you know. And the
Speaker 2: reality is is, like Brittan, I were talking about this earlier,
Speaker 2: but it's an unfair expectation to have on your romantic partner,
Speaker 2: that your partner is going to be everything for you,
Speaker 2: Like they can't be your soulmate, your best friend, the comedian,
Speaker 2: the person that you go out with to vent about
Speaker 2: the dramas in your life, because sometimes they're going to
Speaker 2: be the dramas in your life. Like you need to
Speaker 2: have other people in your life that satisfy a whole
Speaker 2: variety of different things. And that's why friendships are so
Speaker 2: important to maintain through relationships because it just puts it's
Speaker 2: this unrealistic expectation that one person can be your sole
Speaker 2: provider of every single source of happiness in your life.
Speaker 1: Next point, how bloody quick, efficient and easy dating in
Speaker 1: your thirties is because you know what you want, so
Speaker 1: you just call it straight away. You go on dates,
Speaker 1: you can have fun, it's easy, but you don't have
Speaker 1: to worry about oh, how do I say no to him?
Speaker 1: How do I cancel that date? Oh? I don't want
Speaker 1: to see him again. Oh is he going to go
Speaker 1: to me? That shit doesn't really happen in your thirties
Speaker 1: because people are more confident and honest and open. And
Speaker 1: I know it because I'm like this dating now. And
Speaker 1: I think I even said last week on the podcast,
Speaker 1: you know how, I said, I was really honest with
Speaker 1: that guy. I was like, hey, didn't feel anything with you?
Speaker 1: Straight up. I think I wouldn't have said that a
Speaker 1: few years ago in my twenties. I just wouldn't have
Speaker 1: done it. I would have been uncomfortable, wouldn't want to
Speaker 1: hohose feelings, don't want any confrontation. I probably would have
Speaker 1: just like freaked out and not said anything. But now
Speaker 1: in your thirties, and it's the same. Usually Usually men
Speaker 1: are equally as good at reciprocating that as saying, like,
Speaker 1: to be honest, I don't feel anything. And I love that.
Speaker 1: I love the ease of no where you stand in
Speaker 1: your thirties.
Speaker 2: Well, I also think there's a lot more respect that
Speaker 2: comes not with everyone. Like there's still a hell of
Speaker 2: a lot of f boys around and f girls.
Speaker 1: Hate to dickhead, so I see them all time.
Speaker 2: But I do think that there is a greater level
Speaker 2: of respect. Like when you're in your early twenties, dating
Speaker 2: is like musical chairs, like you a round about, swinging doors, rotation,
Speaker 2: like there is ample amount of people to date. When
Speaker 2: you're in your thirties, the pool of people to date
Speaker 2: does decline, and like you have to be a little
Speaker 2: bit more considered, respectful, thoughtful, And I really like for
Speaker 2: people who are wanting to get into a relationship, I
Speaker 2: really like this idea of like intentional dating, where like
Speaker 2: you treat dating in the same way that you would
Speaker 2: treat That makes it sound so clinical, but like you
Speaker 2: you're intentional with your job, you're intentional with your friends,
Speaker 2: be intentional with your dating as well, in that you
Speaker 2: know you don't waste your time with people who don't
Speaker 2: make you feel happy. You don't like settle for someone
Speaker 2: who don't date down just because you feel lonely, Because
Speaker 2: while you're wasting time with someone who is feeling a
Speaker 2: lonely but isn't the guy, then you're stopping yourself from
Speaker 2: either one enjoying time with people who love you, or
Speaker 2: two being able to find somebody else who's way better
Speaker 2: suited to you and could actually be a life partner
Speaker 2: or a partner for whatever length of time, because nothing's
Speaker 2: a guarantee.
Speaker 1: These games nice guarantee. Very easy to feel this, like
Speaker 1: this weight on your shoulders when you have been dating
Speaker 1: a long time. Hello me and I have been through
Speaker 1: this process. It's very easy to be overwhelmed, to be disinterested,
Speaker 1: to be weighed down, especially when it's date after date
Speaker 1: after date that hasn't gone well. It's easy to throw
Speaker 1: in the towel and be like, I don't want to
Speaker 1: do it anymore. I don't have the energy to do
Speaker 1: it anymore. I can't be bothered. I'm sick of telling
Speaker 1: my story. I can't tell you how sick of telling
Speaker 1: my story. I am think of nine years worth of
Speaker 1: being like, my name's Brittany. This is my job. I
Speaker 1: go traveling and do this. Oh yep, that was me.
Speaker 1: I got dumped. Yep, that was me again, got dumped again.
Speaker 1: You know what I think would be bloody brilliant if
Speaker 1: we could all get to a point where we just
Speaker 1: make a PowerPoint presentation on ourselves on the basic bumble
Speaker 1: and no proper one, proper one. You send it to them.
Speaker 1: Everyone looks at it, and if they want to go
Speaker 1: on the date with you, you go and it's like going
Speaker 1: straight to a second date. It's like you bypass the
Speaker 1: shit on the first day. But what I'm getting at
Speaker 1: is I have been there. I have thrown in a
Speaker 1: towel for weeks or months on end, and I've been like,
Speaker 1: don't have energy. But it's really important that you don't
Speaker 1: give up on dating because it's not going to come
Speaker 1: into your apartment, onto the lounge, push the ice cream
Speaker 1: out of your lap, and literally fall int your lap.
Speaker 1: It's not gonna happen. You need to be proactive and
Speaker 1: you need to look at it like it's fun. You
Speaker 1: can have so much fun. You get to meet new people,
Speaker 1: you get to go to new restaurants, you get to
Speaker 1: go to new bus you might even make friends.
Speaker 2: I'm just thinking now that someone out there needs to
Speaker 2: start like Uber for dating, where you just like call
Speaker 2: someone a rotation they get dropped to your apartment. Maybe
Speaker 2: that is just Tinder with Uber attached to it. I
Speaker 2: think it's just Saturday night in the cross.
Speaker 1: Isn't it sad?
Speaker 2: I think it's very normal to get dating burnout, Like
Speaker 2: it's okay to go through these periods where you are exhausted.
Speaker 2: By the dating game then, and I think it's normal
Speaker 2: that people then delete all their apps and delete all
Speaker 2: their dating apps, and then a couple of weeks later
Speaker 2: they're like, Okay, I'm back on I'm going to do
Speaker 2: it again. Don't be hard on yourself if you go
Speaker 2: through dating burnout, because I think it's a very normal
Speaker 2: process because it is exhausting you. No one wants to
Speaker 2: say their story ten or twenty or thirty or indefinite
Speaker 2: amounts of time. But something else that I think is
Speaker 2: really important is that and I've spoken about it before briefly,
Speaker 2: but I kind of want to touch on it again.
Speaker 2: Is this idea that, like, especially as women, that we
Speaker 2: need to be proactive in choosing the type of men
Speaker 2: that we want to bring into our lives and choosing
Speaker 2: the type of partners that are suitable for you, not
Speaker 2: just sitting back and being reactive to whatever walks in
Speaker 2: the door or whoever chooses you. Because if you're only
Speaker 2: able to pick a partner from the people who physically
Speaker 2: have chosen you, then your pool is so limited and
Speaker 2: there's a good chance that you're end up going to
Speaker 2: settle for someone who's not right for you. And what
Speaker 2: I mean by this is like, be the first person
Speaker 2: to make a move, be the person to flirt when
Speaker 2: you go out, really proactive and show people that you're
Speaker 2: interested if you are interested, because that will open up
Speaker 2: your potential for meeting new people.
Speaker 1: Mister right, it is maybe a little bit lost and
Speaker 1: needs a bit of help. Mate, Fuck he's cares and
Speaker 1: got his passport. God knows where he is. That also
Speaker 1: comes with I think in your thirties again, you get
Speaker 1: more confidence and you don't care as much. Well, I
Speaker 1: don't care as much if someone doesn't like me back,
Speaker 1: or if I hit on someone and it doesn't go well,
Speaker 1: I laugh, I laugh at and I genuinely laugh it off.
Speaker 1: I'm like, oh that was funny, Like He'm like, guy, whatever.
Speaker 1: It comes with being confident in your thirties and not
Speaker 1: caring as much what other people think. So I one
Speaker 1: hundred percent agree. I think go out and get them.
Speaker 1: If there's someone you're interested in right now, if there's
Speaker 1: someone you've been thinking about messaging right now, I want
Speaker 1: you to message them. What do you think has changed?
Speaker 2: So like your perception when we started this podcast, and
Speaker 2: I know like for the majority of the time, you
Speaker 2: very much like I'm a batter, single bitch, and.
Speaker 1: I love my life.
Speaker 2: But then there are periods where you're you feel vulnerable
Speaker 2: and you go through periods where you're like, actually, you
Speaker 2: know what, I really want someone there. And I think
Speaker 2: that both of those things are very norm to experience
Speaker 2: and to feel. But what has kind of shifted in
Speaker 2: your perception recently where you're very happily single, but ready
Speaker 2: to open your life up if the right person comes along,
Speaker 2: but not desperate to find someone to fill a hole.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's an interesting question. I definitely still am. I
Speaker 1: always have been, and I still am. I like to
Speaker 1: think bad ass, independent woman. I'm so okay on my own.
Speaker 1: I think what it is now is you cannot avoid
Speaker 1: feelings in yourself changing as you age, and that is
Speaker 1: because of reasons, like all of a sudden, when you're
Speaker 1: in your twenties, maybe one, maybe one or two of
Speaker 1: your friends got married or had a baby young, maybe,
Speaker 1: so you're not surrounded by it as much. The older
Speaker 1: you get and single people out there in their thirties,
Speaker 1: now you'll be like a bloody man. All of your
Speaker 1: friends basically now are married or engaged or having babies
Speaker 1: or pregnant or trying or buying and building houses, and
Speaker 1: then all of a sudden, there's this feeling of being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I feel like I'm the only one that's not progressing
Speaker 1: in life in that way. Now, that's a strange thing
Speaker 1: to say, because I'm progressing in life in every other way,
Speaker 1: in my careers, in my travels, in who I am
Speaker 1: as a person. Everything's non stop growing. But you can't help.
Speaker 1: But when you were surrounded by it, by being like, Okay,
Speaker 1: I wish I had someone to share my life with.
Speaker 1: And there's been a few pivotal moments where I've really
Speaker 1: really felt that in the last year or two. One
Speaker 1: was starting this podcast. I remember, I remember clearly when
Speaker 1: we debuted at number one. We released a podcast, we
Speaker 1: went at number one, We were ecstatic, like we were
Speaker 1: beyond excited, and I remember just crying, not of happiness.
Speaker 1: I was so sad because all I wanted to do
Speaker 1: was I feel sad thinking about now, like I could cry.
Speaker 1: I just wanted to go back to like I don't know,
Speaker 1: I'm emotional right now, correctly made me cry. All I
Speaker 1: wanted to do was like have someone to say, look
Speaker 1: what I've done, Like look what I've worked so hard
Speaker 1: to do and I had not one person, and I
Speaker 1: remember being like, oh my god, I've got no one
Speaker 1: to share the moments of my life with. I went
Speaker 1: home to an empty house, just on my own and
Speaker 1: was like, Okay, this is the first time I have
Speaker 1: first time, and it was the first time I've really
Speaker 1: been like, fuck, no one cares about me, like I
Speaker 1: no one cares about what I've just worked so hard
Speaker 1: to do. The second one was just like when I
Speaker 1: had to move recently, it was fucks moving here. You
Speaker 1: don't need a man, you just need to remove less.
Speaker 1: It's a very different thing. I feel like I'm so
Speaker 1: like I'm so independent and I don't like to ask
Speaker 1: for help. But when I realized again, I was like,
Speaker 1: I don't even have someone to help me move by
Speaker 1: freak from the hallway into my house.
Speaker 2: I was eight months pregnant and Matt was overseas and
Speaker 2: I moved at house by ourself. You do not need
Speaker 2: a man, Okay, you just need to pay someone to
Speaker 2: help you.
Speaker 1: It's just those moments, and they sound funny. You'll be listening.
Speaker 1: You'd be like Britney's head case, like she couldn't move
Speaker 1: on around. It's not that it's just the pivotal moments
Speaker 1: when you're like writing this second, I've realized I just
Speaker 1: didn't have anyone to call, not at all.
Speaker 2: I don't think anyone's going to listen to this and
Speaker 2: think that your head case. But I also think it's
Speaker 2: so important to keep perspective in that. You know, you
Speaker 2: see people who in relationships, and you see people who
Speaker 2: are seemingly killing it at life, but there are so
Speaker 2: many people who are in relationships who, like I said earlier,
Speaker 2: who still feel isolated, who still don't have that incredibly
Speaker 2: supportive person because they're not in the right relationships. So
Speaker 2: you know, as much as you want to have someone
Speaker 2: by your side, you need and you want that to
Speaker 2: be the right person, someone who loves and supports you.
Speaker 2: But I just feel like you have changed so much
Speaker 2: in the last year, not just in the last year,
Speaker 2: but also in like the last couple of months that like,
Speaker 2: I feel like that there's been this like shift in
Speaker 2: confidence and shift in happiness where you are. You know
Speaker 2: if it comes and when it comes, because it will,
Speaker 2: like that's great, but right now you're really enjoying life,
Speaker 2: and it's been awesome to watch that change. Happen as well.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I do, and I I genuinely love being single.
Speaker 1: I actually really love it. And we'll get into some
Speaker 1: more things. Why you know the moment that it can
Speaker 1: be hard in a minute. But I love meeting new people.
Speaker 1: I love going on dates. I love having an empty
Speaker 1: house for me to do what I want. I love
Speaker 1: not having responsibility like another human's responsibility. And I think
Speaker 1: one of the greatest things for me that being single
Speaker 1: has taught me, and one of the greatest things I
Speaker 1: think anyone can take from being single is independence. Becoming
Speaker 1: an independent person is so pivotal in who you are
Speaker 1: and creating a life that is going to be a
Speaker 1: lot more smooth going for you, and you're going to
Speaker 1: feel like you can take on the world a lot more.
Speaker 1: I've said up before, no one's going to come and
Speaker 1: hand you something on a platter, like I just remember
Speaker 1: something used to go wrong in the house, like my
Speaker 1: bloody toilet. Remember when I moved in to my house
Speaker 1: and I had a toilet problem. To remember, Oh my god,
Speaker 1: two days in and my toilet broke. Normally I would
Speaker 1: have like.
Speaker 2: Like, that's the dad's first time me to try and help,
Speaker 2: And I was like, girlfriend, you're not the wrong person
Speaker 2: right now.
Speaker 1: She had a one arm down and Dunny I was like,
Speaker 1: I think you should FaceTime somebody else. Well, it just
Speaker 1: made me really think that normally i'd be like dad,
Speaker 1: the toilet or your boyfriend or your partner. I feel
Speaker 1: like that's straightway, and it shouldn't be but straight away
Speaker 1: like the husband's job or the man's job. But I
Speaker 1: remember sitting there being like, well, if I want to
Speaker 1: use the toilet, I'm gonna have to go and fix
Speaker 1: it now. Because I was in my head, I was like,
Speaker 1: what are my options? Fix the toilet or I run
Speaker 1: across to Bonda Beach public toilet. I was like, that's
Speaker 1: not gonna happen. So I think it's really important that
Speaker 1: you learn to be so capable and so in control
Speaker 1: of your own life. And I think it's a really
Speaker 1: really beautiful quality to have.
Speaker 2: I just have one more thing that I want to
Speaker 2: add to this, which kind of like ties into the
Speaker 2: very beginning of this episode, which is like around the
Speaker 2: stigma that's associated with like being single. And I think
Speaker 2: anybody who is the single girlfriend and a group of
Speaker 2: friends who has they're all partners, and that used to
Speaker 2: be me. So I used to be the one with
Speaker 2: the crazy dating stories. Now it to you pretty but like,
Speaker 2: I remember what it's like to be the one where
Speaker 2: all your couple friends expect you to entertain them, Like
Speaker 2: you feel like a bit of the clown because you're
Speaker 2: you come to dinner and they're like, tell me your
Speaker 2: dating stories, tell me what crazy shit's happening in your
Speaker 2: life now.
Speaker 1: And that's literally me on this podcast.
Speaker 2: That's your job exactly. That is also what adds to
Speaker 2: the stigma around it. That's also what adds to the
Speaker 2: fact that, like, your life is a bit crazy and
Speaker 2: everyone's life is normal and boring, And as much as
Speaker 2: the stories are interesting and great and I fucking love them,
Speaker 2: never stop giving them to us because I need them.
Speaker 1: But I get it.
Speaker 2: I get that there is this feeling of being like
Speaker 2: a performing monkey, and that there are times in relationships
Speaker 2: where actually it didn't work out. You're probably a little
Speaker 2: bit sad about it, and humor is a coping mechanism
Speaker 2: and you make a joke, but at the very bottom
Speaker 2: of that joke, there's this feeling of like, here we
Speaker 2: go again, Let's make a joke about it, because it
Speaker 2: makes it easier to cope with. It makes it easier
Speaker 2: to process. I mean, I never minded telling these stories
Speaker 2: because I think for even me, it was a coping mechanism.
Speaker 2: But I really used to be the ridiculous friend in
Speaker 2: the friendship group that had all these crazy, crazy stories
Speaker 2: about my shit dating life and how terribly I was
Speaker 2: a relationships and I think playing into that narrative constantly
Speaker 2: and being that performing monkey isn't necessarily good for your
Speaker 2: self esteem in the long term.
Speaker 1: I agree, and I totally get that. I definitely have
Speaker 1: you said it before, I use humor as a coping mechanism,
Speaker 1: but I actually love telling you guys my stories. They're
Speaker 1: so messed.
Speaker 2: Up and we actually love them. Please never stop. I like,
Speaker 2: I know that you want to find love, but as
Speaker 2: much as you want to find love, I don't know
Speaker 2: if I'll cope with you coming to this podcast and
Speaker 2: talking about the shit I talk.
Speaker 1: I don't think anyone's gonna cote from what everyone's constantly
Speaker 1: messaging me. They're like love, like I want you to
Speaker 1: be in love, but also like low key don't like
Speaker 1: even if a situation has made me feel sad, what
Speaker 1: makes me feel better is turning it into a funny
Speaker 1: story and that everyone can laugh at you and share.
Speaker 1: I want I, yes, I want you guys to better
Speaker 1: laugh at their ridiculousness that is my life and I
Speaker 1: want you to be aware of how many crazy, fucked
Speaker 1: up things are out there.
Speaker 2: But I also think that the ridiculous of your life
Speaker 2: is and other people aren't laughing at that, they're laughing
Speaker 2: at the relatability of it. Like so, and that's what
Speaker 2: I came to realize about me telling my single stories,
Speaker 2: was like, it's it's the relatable fact that, like, we've
Speaker 2: all lived this, we've all done it, just at different
Speaker 2: points in our lives, and like some people settle down
Speaker 2: earlier than others. But you know, I think another important
Speaker 2: thing to touch on is this idea of a biological clock,
Speaker 2: especially for women. That is why I think there is
Speaker 2: way more pressure on women in their thirties to be
Speaker 2: in a relationship, especially because when you go to a
Speaker 2: pregnancy appointment when you're thirty five, after thirty five, you're
Speaker 2: considered a geriatric pregnancy like that.
Speaker 1: It's I've heard that term the other.
Speaker 2: Day and I was like, that's crazy to me, Like
Speaker 2: I didn't understand that that is the terminology that's used
Speaker 2: around pregnancy, and so you know, you can be single
Speaker 2: and be kicking it in all aspects of your life,
Speaker 2: but there is a very real aspect of being single
Speaker 2: in your thirties that I think puts a hell of
Speaker 2: a lot of pressure on people, and that makes people
Speaker 2: feel like they're falling behind. Obviously it's not for everyone,
Speaker 2: but for those people who want it and who aren't
Speaker 2: in a relationship, it is something to think about. And
Speaker 2: so we thought for this episode as well, you know,
Speaker 2: we've never heard anyone really talk about freezing their eggs.
Speaker 2: I mean it's one of those things that's kind of
Speaker 2: brandied around and you know, especially for single people if
Speaker 2: they're not in a relationship yet, you might hear like, oh,
Speaker 2: I'll just freeze my eggs, but what does that mean?
Speaker 1: But what is that? What's freezing your eggs?
Speaker 2: Like?
Speaker 1: How do you do it?
Speaker 2: So I thought it'd be really interesting just to have
Speaker 2: a little look into it, have a look at what
Speaker 2: the costs are, and kind of give that information for
Speaker 2: anybody who's interested in it, because I certainly was. Basically
Speaker 2: in Australia, I found one clinic who had their prices
Speaker 2: very openly up online and it's four four hundred and
Speaker 2: ninety dollars to do the freezing of the eggs, like
Speaker 2: to actually book it in and to have it done.
Speaker 2: The medication that you need to take, which is like
Speaker 2: a hormone therapy, is one thousand, five hundred dollars that
Speaker 2: they charged that at it. You get the first six
Speaker 2: months of storage for free two hundred and fifty dollars
Speaker 2: or five hundred dollars per every twelve months depending on what.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: There's different obviously different options for story, so two hundred
Speaker 2: and fifty to five hundred dollars per year after the fact,
Speaker 2: so depending on how long you end up storing your
Speaker 2: eggs for, it's a pretty costly thing. However, I think
Speaker 2: it's an amazing thing that gives women the opportunity to
Speaker 2: be able to stretch out that biological lifespan and to
Speaker 2: feel that there's less pressure on themselves to make decisions.
Speaker 1: I used to have this idea in my head that oh, yeah,
Speaker 1: freezing your eggs great idea, but like twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: I used used to be this stigma that like, freezing
Speaker 1: your eggs was super expensive and it was going to
Speaker 1: be super hard to do, and it wasn't accessible to everyone.
Speaker 1: But to hear that you can do it now for
Speaker 1: four thousand, four hundred and ninety dollars means that basically
Speaker 1: anyone can do that, because even if you don't have
Speaker 1: five thousand dollars cash, you would have access to five
Speaker 1: thousand dollars in a small loan, in a credit card.
Speaker 1: So I think it's really nice for women to know
Speaker 1: that you do have options and it's not the end
Speaker 1: of the world if you hit thirty five and you
Speaker 1: aren't with the person you're going to be with, or
Speaker 1: you're not pregnant, or you don't have a baby. There
Speaker 1: are so so many other options for you totally.
Speaker 2: And you can have a may without being with someone
Speaker 2: like we would live in a day and age now
Speaker 2: where if you want a single parent, that's totally an option.
Speaker 2: You can happily single parent, And I'm sure there are
Speaker 2: a lot of divorce mums out there who are like
Speaker 2: just single parent. It's uzier basically like that. It was
Speaker 2: something I found was really interesting because I had the
Speaker 2: same preconceived ideas that it was going to cost this
Speaker 2: obscene amount of money that like nobody only the wealthiest
Speaker 2: of the wealthy could afford to do it, And I
Speaker 2: think that that gives people a bit of reassurance and
Speaker 2: a bit of closure that there are other options out
Speaker 2: there if that's a route that you want to pursue
Speaker 2: as well, and that you know as much as we
Speaker 2: do have a biological clock and something that is something
Speaker 2: that's very real and that women need to think about.
Speaker 2: Not every woman wants to have kids. Not every woman
Speaker 2: wants to have kids by the time they're thirty five.
Speaker 2: Not everyone wants to have kids by the time they're
Speaker 2: thirty eight, thirty nine, forty, and so these there are
Speaker 2: other options out there, and there are other life choices
Speaker 2: out there that don't have to be defined by what
Speaker 2: society expects of you.
Speaker 1: I reckon if I hit thirty five and I wasn't
Speaker 1: didn't feel like I was anywhere near having a baby
Speaker 1: either ready to have it on my own, in a relationship,
Speaker 1: whatever it is. I always thought that if I hit
Speaker 1: thirty five, that's when I would freeze my eggs. It's
Speaker 1: it's not that's not for everyone. That's just something I've
Speaker 1: always said to myself. And it's security, it's a comfort,
Speaker 1: it's comfort, it's knowing that you have the option, you're
Speaker 1: giving yourself the option. Whether you ever use it doesn't matter.
Speaker 2: Well, we're not going to go into this in full
Speaker 2: detail now because we were just thinking. Actually we were
Speaker 2: just like looking at each other and going like, oh,
Speaker 2: this is the epic and there's an episode, but we're
Speaker 2: gonna do an episode around fertility. So we'll say that
Speaker 2: and put it in the bag for a future episode
Speaker 2: so we can really get into it properly and all
Speaker 2: of the ins and outs and what that entails. One
Speaker 2: thing that I did want to add to this before
Speaker 2: we kind of wrap up this conversation around being single
Speaker 2: in your thirties is and it kind of flows on
Speaker 2: from last week's episode around attachment theories. Is this idea
Speaker 2: that you know, obviously we discussed last episode about how
Speaker 2: your upbringing and your relationships with your parents can have
Speaker 2: a really formative impact in the way that you attach
Speaker 2: yourself to your romantic partner and and to the people
Speaker 2: that you choose to be your romantic partners. And I
Speaker 2: thought it was really interesting this whole idea of you
Speaker 2: can't choose your family, but you can choose your friends.
Speaker 2: And I think that that's the case saying that gets
Speaker 2: branded around a lot, and we kind of use that
Speaker 2: when we maybe have a family that's slightly dysfunctional, or
Speaker 2: you know, you have a bit of a complicated relationship
Speaker 2: with your parents. You know, you can't choose your family,
Speaker 2: but you can choose your friends. If you're in a
Speaker 2: relationship with somebody who isn't treating you right or in
Speaker 2: a complicated relationship, the people that you date become your
Speaker 2: family because you might marry that.
Speaker 1: Person, you will have kids with that person.
Speaker 2: In reality, you do choose your family, and I think
Speaker 2: it's really important to think about that and to choose
Speaker 2: your family wisely, because you know that then has an
Speaker 2: impact on the rest of your life. It has an
Speaker 2: impact on your children and has a full impact on
Speaker 2: your happiness. So if you're single and you're worried about
Speaker 2: being lonely or alone, and you just feel your time
Speaker 2: and fill that singleton with whoever comes your way, just
Speaker 2: keep that in the back of your head, because you know,
Speaker 2: you really do choose your family in the long run,
Speaker 2: and you can have a really great and wonderful life
Speaker 2: with somebody who you choose, or you can have a
Speaker 2: really freaking miserable life with someone who doesn't treat you right.
Speaker 1: The main message I wanted to portray here is that
Speaker 1: being in a relationship doesn't define who you are. Being
Speaker 1: single does not define who you are. It doesn't mean
Speaker 1: you're a failure if you are on your own and
Speaker 1: you're doing life on your own right now, it's so
Speaker 1: important to remember that you are in control of your
Speaker 1: happiness with how you perceive yourself, with how you perceive life,
Speaker 1: with the way you're out there chasing dreams, with the
Speaker 1: way you're living your life day to day. Stop thinking
Speaker 1: about the future, Stop thinking about what if? What if
Speaker 1: I never meet anyone, what if my partner leaves me?
Speaker 1: The most important thing you can do is live your
Speaker 1: life day to day and stop worrying about things that
Speaker 1: may or may not ever happen, because that is the
Speaker 1: stuff that will steal your happiness. Us.
Speaker 2: She got deep, She got real deep.