WEBVTT - MOTIVATIONAL MOMENT: Removing negative relationships ❌

0:00:00.520 --> 0:00:03.560
<v Speaker 1>I'm Sam Wood, and this is your motivational moment for

0:00:03.640 --> 0:00:08.119
<v Speaker 1>this week, and we are going to be removing negative

0:00:08.240 --> 0:00:18.520
<v Speaker 1>people from your life. Now. I know that sounds harsh,

0:00:18.960 --> 0:00:23.520
<v Speaker 1>but I'm also confident and comfortable saying that. I better.

0:00:23.560 --> 0:00:26.320
<v Speaker 1>Soon as I said that, your mind went to a

0:00:26.360 --> 0:00:30.760
<v Speaker 1>certain group of people or particular person that you know

0:00:32.400 --> 0:00:38.000
<v Speaker 1>isn't good for you. They're a bad influence, they have

0:00:38.200 --> 0:00:43.960
<v Speaker 1>very different values. They drag you down. You don't feel

0:00:44.760 --> 0:00:48.239
<v Speaker 1>good about yourself after spending time with this person. You know.

0:00:48.400 --> 0:00:49.960
<v Speaker 1>One of the terms that I use is they're an

0:00:50.080 --> 0:00:54.200
<v Speaker 1>energy vampire. You know, they sort of suck your energy

0:00:54.360 --> 0:00:57.680
<v Speaker 1>or I don't know. You feel like their relationship with

0:00:57.720 --> 0:01:01.640
<v Speaker 1>you is transactional to them. Don't actually care about your

0:01:02.120 --> 0:01:05.160
<v Speaker 1>well being or you doing well. It's more about what

0:01:05.240 --> 0:01:07.120
<v Speaker 1>they get out of the relationship rather than being a

0:01:07.160 --> 0:01:10.160
<v Speaker 1>two way street. There's a myriad of different ways in

0:01:10.200 --> 0:01:13.119
<v Speaker 1>which people are not good for us. But I think

0:01:13.120 --> 0:01:15.399
<v Speaker 1>we need to start by acknowledging, and you may have

0:01:15.440 --> 0:01:18.200
<v Speaker 1>heard this before, we are the average of the five

0:01:18.280 --> 0:01:21.440
<v Speaker 1>people we spend the most time with. So I think

0:01:21.520 --> 0:01:24.920
<v Speaker 1>if any of those things that I mentioned before, you

0:01:25.000 --> 0:01:28.240
<v Speaker 1>are nodding along, going Yep, I absolutely have that person

0:01:28.480 --> 0:01:30.759
<v Speaker 1>or that type of person in my life. And then

0:01:30.800 --> 0:01:34.319
<v Speaker 1>you're also saying, oh, yeah, that person would actually be

0:01:34.440 --> 0:01:37.440
<v Speaker 1>in one of the people I spend the most time with,

0:01:37.520 --> 0:01:41.160
<v Speaker 1>they would be in that top five. Then it makes

0:01:41.319 --> 0:01:45.480
<v Speaker 1>complete sense that they are going to be doing you

0:01:45.640 --> 0:01:48.520
<v Speaker 1>damage in some way, whether you feel that they're holding

0:01:48.560 --> 0:01:52.160
<v Speaker 1>you back from happiness or achieving what you want to achieve,

0:01:52.360 --> 0:01:55.080
<v Speaker 1>or they're emotionally draining on you, or whatever it might be.

0:01:56.200 --> 0:01:59.040
<v Speaker 1>So I'm not saying we only look at the five

0:01:59.080 --> 0:02:00.720
<v Speaker 1>perop we spend the most time with, but I think

0:02:00.720 --> 0:02:04.040
<v Speaker 1>that's a really important place to start. Then we look

0:02:04.280 --> 0:02:08.079
<v Speaker 1>outside of perhaps the more obvious ones, and there might

0:02:08.120 --> 0:02:11.960
<v Speaker 1>be people that until now you haven't even realized they're

0:02:11.960 --> 0:02:16.000
<v Speaker 1>having this negative effect on you. The easiest way is

0:02:16.040 --> 0:02:21.200
<v Speaker 1>to actually observe how you feel before you catch up

0:02:21.200 --> 0:02:24.600
<v Speaker 1>with someone, and then again how you feel after we

0:02:24.680 --> 0:02:28.360
<v Speaker 1>catch up with someone. Which sounds very simple, but how

0:02:28.400 --> 0:02:32.280
<v Speaker 1>often do we actually do this? Why if you are

0:02:32.360 --> 0:02:35.480
<v Speaker 1>feeling like I don't want to spend time with this person,

0:02:35.560 --> 0:02:38.240
<v Speaker 1>or you get anxious about it, or you're not looking

0:02:38.280 --> 0:02:41.880
<v Speaker 1>forward to it, or you know it's going to put

0:02:41.919 --> 0:02:45.880
<v Speaker 1>you in a bad mood or drain you or frustrate you,

0:02:45.960 --> 0:02:49.040
<v Speaker 1>or there's going to be anxiety or anger or arguments.

0:02:49.880 --> 0:02:52.560
<v Speaker 1>Do you continue to see these people? Or why are

0:02:52.560 --> 0:02:58.320
<v Speaker 1>we not recognizing the emotions that they're creating or the

0:02:58.360 --> 0:03:01.680
<v Speaker 1>behaviors that they're creating and doing anything about it. So

0:03:01.720 --> 0:03:05.359
<v Speaker 1>I think that's a really important place to start. Now.

0:03:05.400 --> 0:03:09.080
<v Speaker 1>I said at the beginning, this sounds harsh, because sometimes

0:03:09.360 --> 0:03:14.280
<v Speaker 1>the people that are impacting us negatively we are very

0:03:14.320 --> 0:03:17.480
<v Speaker 1>close to. They might be a partner, a very close friend,

0:03:19.040 --> 0:03:22.480
<v Speaker 1>and to sort of say cut these people out of

0:03:22.520 --> 0:03:27.120
<v Speaker 1>your life can sound drastic. And I'm not suggesting that

0:03:27.120 --> 0:03:29.520
<v Speaker 1>that is the only way to deal with these things.

0:03:30.120 --> 0:03:33.960
<v Speaker 1>But reducing the time you are spending with these people,

0:03:34.240 --> 0:03:37.600
<v Speaker 1>or changing the relationship you have with these people by

0:03:37.640 --> 0:03:43.360
<v Speaker 1>having some really hard, honest conversations has to happen. And

0:03:43.400 --> 0:03:46.480
<v Speaker 1>I know that this isn't an easy thing to do.

0:03:46.720 --> 0:03:49.560
<v Speaker 1>In fact, I'm not even suggesting you do anything ration

0:03:49.880 --> 0:03:52.680
<v Speaker 1>rush out and make wholesale changes tomorrow. You're going to

0:03:52.720 --> 0:03:57.920
<v Speaker 1>observe behavior over a month to really identify how and

0:03:58.040 --> 0:04:01.480
<v Speaker 1>who are impacting you. But I think it's really important

0:04:01.480 --> 0:04:03.240
<v Speaker 1>that you acknowledge that it's happening, and then it's really

0:04:03.280 --> 0:04:05.680
<v Speaker 1>important that you accept that it's going to be hard. Now,

0:04:05.680 --> 0:04:09.760
<v Speaker 1>one of my favorite sayings is hard choices, easy life,

0:04:10.200 --> 0:04:14.840
<v Speaker 1>easy choices, hard life. I'll say that again, hard choices,

0:04:15.280 --> 0:04:20.880
<v Speaker 1>easy life, easy choices, hard life. Often do we avoid

0:04:21.160 --> 0:04:27.840
<v Speaker 1>the tough conversations, the confrontation, the uncomfortableness, the awkwardness, and

0:04:28.760 --> 0:04:33.920
<v Speaker 1>things just get worse. You're just not prepared to have

0:04:33.960 --> 0:04:40.200
<v Speaker 1>that tough situation, and therefore you have months, sometimes years,

0:04:40.279 --> 0:04:45.240
<v Speaker 1>sometimes decades of pain that could have been avoided if

0:04:45.279 --> 0:04:48.320
<v Speaker 1>you were prepared to have that hard situation or face

0:04:48.320 --> 0:04:51.880
<v Speaker 1>that hard situation. So before you start just chopping people

0:04:51.880 --> 0:04:56.839
<v Speaker 1>out of your life, have those hard conversations. Life is short,

0:04:57.160 --> 0:05:00.480
<v Speaker 1>we don't have much free time. We need to value

0:05:00.560 --> 0:05:05.960
<v Speaker 1>our happiness more highly and protect it more strongly, and

0:05:06.000 --> 0:05:09.120
<v Speaker 1>to reduce the time that we spend with certain people

0:05:09.240 --> 0:05:12.359
<v Speaker 1>or cut that time out all together is a really

0:05:12.440 --> 0:05:16.760
<v Speaker 1>really powerful way sometimes of taking back control of our

0:05:16.800 --> 0:05:27.240
<v Speaker 1>own happiness and our own strength. So this is not

0:05:27.320 --> 0:05:31.400
<v Speaker 1>one of those listener tasks that is black and white.

0:05:31.640 --> 0:05:36.919
<v Speaker 1>You have to spend I believe probably a month evaluating,

0:05:37.600 --> 0:05:39.840
<v Speaker 1>and then you need to identify who in your life

0:05:39.880 --> 0:05:41.880
<v Speaker 1>brings that to you in spades, and who in your

0:05:41.880 --> 0:05:44.880
<v Speaker 1>life perhaps creates the opposite, and you need to do

0:05:44.920 --> 0:05:49.560
<v Speaker 1>something about it. And it's really really, really hard, but

0:05:49.680 --> 0:05:54.680
<v Speaker 1>I promise you this your first reaction, I swear to

0:05:54.760 --> 0:05:58.760
<v Speaker 1>you will be God. That was hard. God, that was uncomfortable.

0:05:59.040 --> 0:06:12.120
<v Speaker 1>But I wish I did this a long Tomica sh