1 00:00:05,880 --> 00:00:07,880 Speaker 1: There's something about parenting that means that you will give 2 00:00:07,920 --> 00:00:10,760 Speaker 1: more than you will ever get back, and there is 3 00:00:10,840 --> 00:00:13,680 Speaker 1: a need for us as parents to reconcile ourselves to that. 4 00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:15,560 Speaker 1: If we're going to be effective in giving more than 5 00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,599 Speaker 1: we're ever going to get back, because the rule is 6 00:00:17,600 --> 00:00:19,079 Speaker 1: we're going to give more than we ever get back, 7 00:00:19,520 --> 00:00:23,280 Speaker 1: Feeling resentful about that will undermine our joy as parents. 8 00:00:23,640 --> 00:00:26,599 Speaker 1: Today a conversation about how much we really do need 9 00:00:26,640 --> 00:00:30,280 Speaker 1: to give as parents, plus the value, the impact, the 10 00:00:30,320 --> 00:00:34,639 Speaker 1: importance of family dinners as evidence by what's going on 11 00:00:34,840 --> 00:00:38,120 Speaker 1: in the Colson household right now. It's our Friday edition 12 00:00:38,120 --> 00:00:42,120 Speaker 1: of a Happy Families podcast I'll do Better Tomorrow and 13 00:00:42,159 --> 00:00:47,440 Speaker 1: it starts right after this stay with us. Hello and 14 00:00:47,479 --> 00:00:49,519 Speaker 1: welcome to the Happy Families podcast, where you get real 15 00:00:49,560 --> 00:00:53,159 Speaker 1: parenting solutions every single day. This is Australia's most downloaded 16 00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,320 Speaker 1: parenting podcast. We are justin and Kylie Coulson. We're so 17 00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,160 Speaker 1: grateful you've joined us. Thanks so much for spending your 18 00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:01,280 Speaker 1: Friday morning hanging out with us as we talk about 19 00:01:01,560 --> 00:01:03,080 Speaker 1: the week that was, the stuff that we've learned, the 20 00:01:03,080 --> 00:01:06,160 Speaker 1: stuff that we've gotten right and wrong. Kylie, I'm going 21 00:01:06,240 --> 00:01:10,040 Speaker 1: to kick it off today. Our fifth daughter is currently 22 00:01:10,040 --> 00:01:13,080 Speaker 1: doing Grade eleven. It feels kind of crazy to say 23 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,039 Speaker 1: that that we've almost got five children through high school 24 00:01:16,440 --> 00:01:17,920 Speaker 1: one year and three terms. 25 00:01:18,200 --> 00:01:21,840 Speaker 2: I think we need a medal or some kind of award. 26 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,440 Speaker 1: Just a big sleep would be fine. And speaking of 27 00:01:24,520 --> 00:01:27,360 Speaker 1: sleep at the moment, because she's doing this thing called 28 00:01:27,400 --> 00:01:30,720 Speaker 1: Industry School, which we have found to be just tremendous 29 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:33,720 Speaker 1: for her and her school goals and the things that 30 00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:36,240 Speaker 1: are important for her. She's getting up at the moment 31 00:01:36,319 --> 00:01:38,839 Speaker 1: to do work experience, and that work experience just happens 32 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:42,559 Speaker 1: to be at the racing stables, which are about twenty 33 00:01:42,560 --> 00:01:44,720 Speaker 1: minutes drive from here, and she has to be there 34 00:01:44,800 --> 00:01:48,040 Speaker 1: mucking out stables and looking after horses from wait for it, 35 00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:49,520 Speaker 1: four am. 36 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:53,040 Speaker 2: Well, you can't complain because last year it was three it. 37 00:01:53,000 --> 00:01:55,120 Speaker 1: Was yeah, and then she also had to do some 38 00:01:55,120 --> 00:01:58,840 Speaker 1: stuff in Brisbane which was even worse. But we've been 39 00:01:58,880 --> 00:02:00,760 Speaker 1: getting up, well, you and I, yeah, we shared the load. 40 00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:03,160 Speaker 1: You've probably done more than me, but we've been getting 41 00:02:03,240 --> 00:02:04,960 Speaker 1: up and getting her down there for four am. That 42 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,880 Speaker 1: means a three thirty wake up and then we've got 43 00:02:08,880 --> 00:02:10,360 Speaker 1: to pick her up because her day is done at 44 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:13,880 Speaker 1: eight eight thirty something like that. So we've got her 45 00:02:13,919 --> 00:02:16,200 Speaker 1: home all day because she's doing work experience, and work 46 00:02:16,280 --> 00:02:18,560 Speaker 1: is finished. The other day you dropped her off, but 47 00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:20,960 Speaker 1: I had to pick her up. And what I didn't 48 00:02:21,000 --> 00:02:25,760 Speaker 1: realize was that to get twenty minutes down the road 49 00:02:25,840 --> 00:02:29,360 Speaker 1: and twenty minutes back during peak, during peak out traffic, 50 00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,839 Speaker 1: it's no longer a forty minute return trip. It's more 51 00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:36,880 Speaker 1: like an hour and fifteen, an hour and twenty. Guess what, 52 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:41,600 Speaker 1: I'm rewriting my boys book again. Ernest Hemingway said, writing 53 00:02:42,200 --> 00:02:47,200 Speaker 1: is continually rewriting, and I don't have time to do 54 00:02:47,240 --> 00:02:48,799 Speaker 1: this last edit. But I just wanted to go over 55 00:02:48,840 --> 00:02:50,880 Speaker 1: at one last time, fine tooth comb sort of stuff. 56 00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,840 Speaker 1: I don't have time. I don't have time to be 57 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,720 Speaker 1: spending an hour and a half in the car at 58 00:02:55,760 --> 00:02:57,760 Speaker 1: that time of day when I'm supposed to be productive 59 00:02:57,760 --> 00:02:59,600 Speaker 1: and I'm supposed to be in the office. So I 60 00:02:59,600 --> 00:03:02,160 Speaker 1: got to the I drive down there. It was raining. 61 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:05,200 Speaker 1: I was frustrated at the traffic. She got in the car. 62 00:03:05,320 --> 00:03:08,959 Speaker 1: She smelt like horse and horse poo. She was soaking wet. 63 00:03:09,000 --> 00:03:11,400 Speaker 2: I was sweat, so it would have been a hundred times. 64 00:03:11,680 --> 00:03:13,359 Speaker 1: I don't have leather seats in my car. I just 65 00:03:13,400 --> 00:03:15,919 Speaker 1: got fabric seats, and so she was sitting in her 66 00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:18,919 Speaker 1: wet clothes all over my seats, and she didn't want 67 00:03:18,919 --> 00:03:20,640 Speaker 1: to talk because she was tired, because she'd been up 68 00:03:20,680 --> 00:03:23,079 Speaker 1: since three point thirty. So she just kind of made 69 00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,440 Speaker 1: herself comfortable on the seat, closed to her eyes, and 70 00:03:25,960 --> 00:03:28,800 Speaker 1: she was pretty happy to snooze all the way home 71 00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:32,239 Speaker 1: while I sat in the worst traffic and the worst rain, 72 00:03:32,760 --> 00:03:35,640 Speaker 1: and I quietly seethed. I just got more and more frustrated. 73 00:03:35,680 --> 00:03:38,760 Speaker 1: I was chafing. I was so angry. Angry is the 74 00:03:38,800 --> 00:03:41,440 Speaker 1: wrong word. But I had stuff to do, important stuff. 75 00:03:41,480 --> 00:03:42,720 Speaker 1: I've got a book to write. Don't you know how 76 00:03:42,800 --> 00:03:44,880 Speaker 1: much this matters. I tried to have a chat with her. 77 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,720 Speaker 1: She was a little bit chatty, but then she was 78 00:03:46,720 --> 00:03:49,400 Speaker 1: not chatty because she was tired. When we got home, 79 00:03:49,960 --> 00:03:51,920 Speaker 1: there was no reason for me to be upset, but 80 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,640 Speaker 1: I just kind of, I don't know, there was a 81 00:03:53,680 --> 00:03:56,640 Speaker 1: switch that flicked and I got really upset, not anyone 82 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:59,200 Speaker 1: in particular. I was just in a cranky mood because 83 00:03:59,200 --> 00:04:01,320 Speaker 1: sometimes life's like that. I was thinking about the lost 84 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:04,119 Speaker 1: time and all of the editing that I could have done, 85 00:04:04,160 --> 00:04:06,240 Speaker 1: and I could have been halfway through another chapter. And 86 00:04:06,640 --> 00:04:08,920 Speaker 1: the stress that I'm under because of all the other 87 00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:10,360 Speaker 1: things that have to be done on top of this 88 00:04:10,400 --> 00:04:12,240 Speaker 1: boy's book, which is coming out in a couple of months, 89 00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,400 Speaker 1: and I don't know how I'm going to get it 90 00:04:13,440 --> 00:04:15,360 Speaker 1: all done. And I was started getting I was just 91 00:04:15,360 --> 00:04:18,560 Speaker 1: getting really worked up. And then I said, she hasn't 92 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,720 Speaker 1: even said thank you, And I said loud enough that 93 00:04:20,800 --> 00:04:23,160 Speaker 1: she could hear, and that cred a little bit of 94 00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,320 Speaker 1: a stir. But I was thinking about it later and 95 00:04:25,360 --> 00:04:28,360 Speaker 1: not only did I not exactly cover myself in glory 96 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:32,360 Speaker 1: and goodness in that moment, but I lost an hour, 97 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,800 Speaker 1: but I also ran the risk of losing a relationship. 98 00:04:35,320 --> 00:04:38,359 Speaker 1: And the thing is with parenting, and I say this 99 00:04:38,400 --> 00:04:41,520 Speaker 1: on the podcast a lot, you are always going to 100 00:04:41,520 --> 00:04:44,120 Speaker 1: give more than your take and there's nothing that you 101 00:04:44,200 --> 00:04:46,240 Speaker 1: can do about nothing that you should do about it. 102 00:04:46,240 --> 00:04:48,680 Speaker 1: That's the nature of being a parent. When you sign 103 00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:50,320 Speaker 1: up to be a parent, you are signing up to 104 00:04:50,440 --> 00:04:53,080 Speaker 1: literally give your life for your children. And fortunately we 105 00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:56,160 Speaker 1: don't have to sacrifice our lives and die for them, 106 00:04:56,160 --> 00:04:59,800 Speaker 1: although maybe if you had to, you probably would, but 107 00:05:00,400 --> 00:05:02,240 Speaker 1: giving your life means doing the little things. That means 108 00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:04,240 Speaker 1: sacrificing an hour here and half an hour there, and 109 00:05:04,279 --> 00:05:06,640 Speaker 1: an hour and forty there, and spending the money on 110 00:05:06,680 --> 00:05:11,520 Speaker 1: this and taking them here and that sacrifice. Number One, 111 00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:15,200 Speaker 1: they'll never understand it, and even when their parents, I 112 00:05:15,200 --> 00:05:17,640 Speaker 1: don't know if they'll fully understand it because it'll be 113 00:05:17,680 --> 00:05:20,360 Speaker 1: different for them than how it was for us. And 114 00:05:20,720 --> 00:05:22,919 Speaker 1: number two, I don't think they're supposed to. I just 115 00:05:22,920 --> 00:05:24,520 Speaker 1: think that the nature of parenting is that you give 116 00:05:24,560 --> 00:05:26,719 Speaker 1: to your kids and hopefully they learn gratitude and they 117 00:05:26,760 --> 00:05:29,040 Speaker 1: learn how to say thank you, and they show some appreciation. 118 00:05:29,160 --> 00:05:32,320 Speaker 1: But they're never going to ever ever give more than 119 00:05:32,360 --> 00:05:35,400 Speaker 1: they take, and they're not supposed to. They're not self sufficient. 120 00:05:35,440 --> 00:05:38,400 Speaker 1: They're not able to do that. That was why I'll 121 00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:40,240 Speaker 1: do better tomorrow. I need to stop being a sick 122 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:43,080 Speaker 1: about it. This is what parenting is. You give more 123 00:05:43,120 --> 00:05:45,159 Speaker 1: than you'll ever get back, you give more than you take. 124 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,479 Speaker 2: I feel like there's a song in that. 125 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,359 Speaker 1: There's a new radicals you get what you give. I 126 00:05:51,360 --> 00:05:54,040 Speaker 1: don't think that's how it works in parenting. You don't 127 00:05:54,080 --> 00:05:56,360 Speaker 1: get what you give. You're given. You're given your give, 128 00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,400 Speaker 1: and if you're lucky, you might get a little song. 129 00:06:00,400 --> 00:06:02,680 Speaker 1: Maybe maybe we need to make one up. I reckon, 130 00:06:02,800 --> 00:06:04,600 Speaker 1: I don't want to do this to JR. But after 131 00:06:04,600 --> 00:06:07,760 Speaker 1: what he did with the K, I reckon he could. JR. 132 00:06:07,839 --> 00:06:10,240 Speaker 1: You don't have to, but I reckon you could just 133 00:06:10,920 --> 00:06:11,800 Speaker 1: step in. 134 00:06:12,000 --> 00:06:17,720 Speaker 3: Search something too. But in parents Haim book, you'll get 135 00:06:17,839 --> 00:06:21,400 Speaker 3: more than you love again, and you'll give more than 136 00:06:21,520 --> 00:06:25,840 Speaker 3: you take. And that's just that's just. 137 00:06:28,440 --> 00:06:28,560 Speaker 1: Well. 138 00:06:28,600 --> 00:06:32,280 Speaker 2: I guess my story coming up is a good companion 139 00:06:32,480 --> 00:06:37,080 Speaker 2: story to yours because it's really easy for us to 140 00:06:37,200 --> 00:06:39,599 Speaker 2: think that we don't get anything back. 141 00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,880 Speaker 3: Yeah, it kind of feels like that. 142 00:06:42,160 --> 00:06:46,440 Speaker 2: Yeah, but there's a compound effect that takes place after 143 00:06:46,600 --> 00:06:50,680 Speaker 2: years and years of giving that is priceless. 144 00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,440 Speaker 1: All right, let's talk about that next. 145 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:00,280 Speaker 3: Go back. 146 00:07:00,320 --> 00:07:02,560 Speaker 1: This is The Happy Family's podcast, Real Parenting Solutions, every 147 00:07:02,560 --> 00:07:08,000 Speaker 1: single day, Australia's most downloaded parenting podcast. Every Friday, we digest, 148 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:10,440 Speaker 1: revisit the week that was and work out what we 149 00:07:10,480 --> 00:07:12,480 Speaker 1: did right or wrong so that we can be better 150 00:07:12,520 --> 00:07:15,200 Speaker 1: parents tomorrow. Kylie, what's your older better tomorrow? 151 00:07:15,800 --> 00:07:17,720 Speaker 2: I feel like we talk about this a lot on 152 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,080 Speaker 2: the podcast, but it just occurred to me the other day. 153 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,640 Speaker 2: I've had a lot of conversations with different people over 154 00:07:24,800 --> 00:07:28,040 Speaker 2: the last little while who've been really intrigued by this 155 00:07:28,200 --> 00:07:30,320 Speaker 2: idea of family dinner conversation. 156 00:07:30,600 --> 00:07:32,480 Speaker 1: Imagine that, Imagine sitting around the table, eating meal and 157 00:07:32,480 --> 00:07:33,720 Speaker 1: talking to each other. Is that what you mean? 158 00:07:34,040 --> 00:07:37,400 Speaker 2: Yeah? And I take it for granted that what we 159 00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:41,280 Speaker 2: do in our home is not necessarily what everybody else does. 160 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:43,760 Speaker 1: Yeah, Like we think it's normal because for us it is. 161 00:07:44,640 --> 00:07:48,960 Speaker 2: And so for over twenty five years now, we have 162 00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,880 Speaker 2: set around the dinner table and had various conversations with 163 00:07:52,920 --> 00:07:59,760 Speaker 2: our kids, and that compound effect of nightly gathering to 164 00:07:59,760 --> 00:08:05,840 Speaker 2: get and sharing a meal and having conversations of goodness 165 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:11,440 Speaker 2: and helping our kids to recognize the ways in which 166 00:08:11,480 --> 00:08:14,840 Speaker 2: they've made the world better or the ways in which 167 00:08:14,880 --> 00:08:17,840 Speaker 2: other people have made their world better, the things that 168 00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:20,400 Speaker 2: they're grateful for, the things that they're looking forward to. 169 00:08:21,080 --> 00:08:28,360 Speaker 2: Have created a ritual around sharing a meal with our 170 00:08:28,360 --> 00:08:33,000 Speaker 2: family that for me is priceless. And a few weeks ago, 171 00:08:33,320 --> 00:08:37,160 Speaker 2: as we tried to navigate bringing the whole family together, 172 00:08:37,200 --> 00:08:39,360 Speaker 2: we just do that once a week, our married daughter 173 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:41,400 Speaker 2: and our grand baby and son in law come and 174 00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,800 Speaker 2: join us. And we will now add. 175 00:08:44,080 --> 00:08:46,840 Speaker 1: As soon to be second. 176 00:08:45,360 --> 00:08:51,120 Speaker 2: So and So's that's a once a week celebration of 177 00:08:51,160 --> 00:08:54,280 Speaker 2: time together. And at the beginning of the year we 178 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:57,800 Speaker 2: tried to see if we might shift it from Sundays 179 00:08:57,840 --> 00:09:00,480 Speaker 2: to maybe Saturdays, and it was actually our son in 180 00:09:00,520 --> 00:09:02,600 Speaker 2: law who really put his foot down and he just said, 181 00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:06,480 Speaker 2: you can't break tradition. This has been what we've done 182 00:09:06,559 --> 00:09:09,160 Speaker 2: and it works, and it works for all of these reasons. 183 00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,200 Speaker 1: Yeah, I hope he doesn't mind me saying that. I'm 184 00:09:12,200 --> 00:09:16,760 Speaker 1: pretty confident that he won't. He's adopted, and there's something 185 00:09:16,760 --> 00:09:20,240 Speaker 1: that we do where I think that that conversation, that 186 00:09:20,400 --> 00:09:22,560 Speaker 1: discussion about what you're grateful for, that coming together as 187 00:09:22,559 --> 00:09:25,960 Speaker 1: a family. I know that in the first part of 188 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,960 Speaker 1: this podcast, I said that you don't get much back, 189 00:09:28,559 --> 00:09:31,640 Speaker 1: but as you said, it compounds and the things that 190 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,880 Speaker 1: he'll say around the table, the experience is that he's 191 00:09:34,920 --> 00:09:38,079 Speaker 1: having the richness of family life that we get to enjoy. 192 00:09:39,400 --> 00:09:41,920 Speaker 1: It does kind of actually make my little winge about 193 00:09:41,960 --> 00:09:44,240 Speaker 1: having to get up and go for a drive in 194 00:09:44,280 --> 00:09:48,680 Speaker 1: an inconvenient time paling to insignificance, doesn't it. Because the 195 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:53,599 Speaker 1: richness of those conversations and the gratitude that's expressed and particularly, 196 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,400 Speaker 1: I think that he stood up for that Sunday night 197 00:09:56,640 --> 00:09:59,600 Speaker 1: ritual because it means so much. It means so much 198 00:09:59,640 --> 00:10:01,959 Speaker 1: it is it's such a profound way for us to 199 00:10:02,640 --> 00:10:04,599 Speaker 1: be together and have that experience. 200 00:10:05,400 --> 00:10:08,000 Speaker 2: And the wonderful thing about is it extends beyond the 201 00:10:08,080 --> 00:10:11,760 Speaker 2: kitchen table. It's dancing in the kitchen, it's singing at 202 00:10:11,760 --> 00:10:16,959 Speaker 2: the top of our lungs. It's just creating joy and 203 00:10:17,080 --> 00:10:22,120 Speaker 2: celebration in literally just being together. There's no rhyme or 204 00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,560 Speaker 2: reason for it other than we're excited to come together. 205 00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:28,400 Speaker 1: It's me grabbing that little two year old toddler, Indy 206 00:10:28,679 --> 00:10:31,600 Speaker 1: and saying, let's read stories. She just comes to me. Now, 207 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:34,120 Speaker 1: she's like, the story's popped, let's read stories. Like she 208 00:10:34,320 --> 00:10:36,600 Speaker 1: really she looks forward to it, and she knows that 209 00:10:36,640 --> 00:10:38,520 Speaker 1: I'm the story reader. I'm the guy that's going to 210 00:10:38,559 --> 00:10:40,160 Speaker 1: read her a story. No one else will, but I've 211 00:10:40,200 --> 00:10:42,040 Speaker 1: got the stories and it's just awesome. 212 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,320 Speaker 2: And it seems that she keeps adding books to the 213 00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:47,280 Speaker 2: list each week. It gets a little bit longer and long. 214 00:10:47,320 --> 00:10:48,800 Speaker 1: One more, one more, one more. I think I read 215 00:10:48,840 --> 00:10:52,920 Speaker 1: about nine stories the other night and it still wasn't enough. Anyway, 216 00:10:53,040 --> 00:10:55,880 Speaker 1: We really hope that these ideas give you some thought. 217 00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:57,840 Speaker 1: You do give a lot as a parent, and it 218 00:10:57,880 --> 00:10:59,640 Speaker 1: takes a long time for it to compound and come 219 00:10:59,720 --> 00:11:01,360 Speaker 1: back to but when it does, it is pretty rich. 220 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,240 Speaker 1: It's pretty wonderful. It's pretty hard to put into woods 221 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:09,120 Speaker 1: how many for it can be. But that investment is demanded. 222 00:11:09,520 --> 00:11:14,000 Speaker 1: It's necessary day in, day out for twenty years, twenty 223 00:11:14,040 --> 00:11:16,679 Speaker 1: five years, and that's when you start to see that return. 224 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:19,760 Speaker 1: But my goodness, what a rich return it is. The 225 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:22,400 Speaker 1: Happy Family's podcast is produced by Justin Roland from Bridge 226 00:11:22,440 --> 00:11:26,040 Speaker 1: Medium Having. It provides our additional admin support. For more 227 00:11:26,080 --> 00:11:29,400 Speaker 1: information to make your family happier, check out our ADHD 228 00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:33,480 Speaker 1: course on Happy families dot com dot au and have 229 00:11:33,480 --> 00:11:38,679 Speaker 1: a great weekend. Jesus successor. 230 00:11:40,000 --> 00:11:45,480 Speaker 3: Good abarancing work. You give more than again back, You 231 00:11:45,480 --> 00:11:59,520 Speaker 3: give more than you secon you give more than you 232 00:12:00,280 --> 00:12:04,920 Speaker 3: forget that, you get more than you'd take. Advances through 233 00:12:05,040 --> 00:12:06,040 Speaker 3: where it is