Speaker 1: Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of
Speaker 1: Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and if you
Speaker 1: have joined us for the very first time, well lucky you.
Speaker 1: But also this is our short and sharp episode. This
Speaker 1: is our usk uncut episode where we answer all of
Speaker 1: your deep, dark and burning questions.
Speaker 2: Also, if this is your first time, welcome. I feel
Speaker 2: like I forget sometimes that we do get a lot
Speaker 2: of new listeners every single week, and we don't really
Speaker 2: ever say high.
Speaker 1: We just expect that people have listened to all of
Speaker 1: the episodes in the past, and we keep referring back
Speaker 1: to them just to really weird people out. Anyway, you
Speaker 1: have one hundred and two episodes to catch up on
Speaker 1: or welcome to the party.
Speaker 2: I have one little update. We are going to get
Speaker 2: straight into the episode today because we've got a couple
Speaker 2: of screaming kids hanging around the house.
Speaker 1: Matt is one of them as well. We've got three
Speaker 1: screaming fuck my life. I've got a really funny update today.
Speaker 2: If you guys listen to Tuesday's episode with Mark Manson.
Speaker 2: We actually got great feedback from that, but there was
Speaker 2: at the end we do suck and sweet at the end.
Speaker 2: My suck was that I accidentally wrote an email to somebody,
Speaker 2: a business email to c S I A N and
Speaker 2: an auto Cora.
Speaker 1: Isn't it Shan? Is si a and Shan? Or is
Speaker 1: it Sean? I cannot confirm Norman if I feel like
Speaker 1: I also don't know how to spell it in my head.
Speaker 1: I read it a se it auto corrected to Asian,
Speaker 1: so I wrote, dear Asian. I got an email today
Speaker 1: from Cian herself. She said, dear Brittany.
Speaker 2: She's like, I want to let you know.
Speaker 1: That I'm actually a big podcast fan, and she goes,
Speaker 1: thanks for giving me a chuckle, and I lost it.
Speaker 1: I wrote back and I was like, oh my god,
Speaker 1: you are Sean, and I was talking about I do
Speaker 1: feel better knowing that you found this whole thing as
Speaker 1: funny as I did. We've all been there with an
Speaker 1: accidental autocorrect. I mean, I've told you about the time
Speaker 1: that I signed off my email with kind regards Laura
Speaker 1: Burn and actually it defaulted to kind retards Laura Burn.
Speaker 2: And we don't even use that word.
Speaker 1: It's not even okay, no, please, it's not if there's
Speaker 1: so many parts of that. So I mean, for anyone
Speaker 1: who missed that story. I didn't just send this to
Speaker 1: one person. I had just started a new company and
Speaker 1: I was c seed into all of my directors. There
Speaker 1: was thirty people on this email, and I wrote kind retarts,
Speaker 1: Laura Burn and then I didn't really stay at that
Speaker 1: job for very long, very surprising. But I also sent
Speaker 1: an email to a customer of mine. This is like
Speaker 1: on Mother's Day last year, and she bought a special
Speaker 1: peace It had been custom made. It was for her mum.
Speaker 1: And I wrote back to and I said, I hope
Speaker 1: you have a wonderful Mother's Day with your bum.
Speaker 2: I was not expecting that.
Speaker 1: As she wrote back and said, I'll be hanging out
Speaker 1: with my mum. My bum will also be there. Anyway,
Speaker 1: let's get into the episode, guys. We have three quick
Speaker 1: sharp questions for you guys today. The first one is
Speaker 1: and I'm just gonna paraphrase this because it came in
Speaker 1: weeks ago and now I can't find where it is
Speaker 1: in our inbox, But basically this listener has written in saying, ladies,
Speaker 1: I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and
Speaker 1: a half. Congratulations, Yeah, longer than most my relationships. He
Speaker 1: has a full beard normally, but recently he decided to
Speaker 1: shave his face and I cannot tell you how I
Speaker 1: felt when he shaved it. I've realized I'm completely unattracted
Speaker 1: to my boyfriend.
Speaker 2: On this one hits a couple of spots.
Speaker 1: I've been there, I've been I know this feeling. I
Speaker 1: dated a guy for several years who had some good,
Speaker 1: meaty facial hair, like and I like, like a bit
Speaker 1: of facial hair I need. I love facial hair, but
Speaker 1: just at least like a three day old bit of
Speaker 1: facial hair. That's when we're getting good anywhere from three
Speaker 1: days until like three weeks. I'm very very happy with this.
Speaker 2: I don't want a smooth skin face at all. I
Speaker 2: want to feel some like prickle on my face.
Speaker 1: Yes, MI said my face half before you jump in. Okay.
Speaker 1: A boyfriend several years ago shaved his face for the
Speaker 1: first time. Same thing. We've been dating, but maybe for
Speaker 1: like six months, and I was like, I'm not really
Speaker 1: sure what I do with this. Oh wow, there was
Speaker 1: a there was a weak jaw hiding behind that hairlines,
Speaker 1: which you can't say like it's so mean you No,
Speaker 1: I didn't say it, but you can't even think it.
Speaker 2: You can think it, you can have an internal monologue,
Speaker 2: but you just don't voice it.
Speaker 1: But also, like you would think that after being with
Speaker 1: someone for x amount of time six months, a year
Speaker 1: and a half, obviously your attraction to someone is not
Speaker 1: skin deep. You're not just attracted to them esthetically and
Speaker 1: what they look like. So for me, I was also
Speaker 1: very shocked by the fact that I had this visceral
Speaker 1: reaction to like, holy crap, that's what your face actually
Speaker 1: looks like. That makes me a very shallow shit person.
Speaker 2: No, but this is the thing, right, This doesn't make
Speaker 2: you shallow. This is what I think this. Oh god,
Speaker 2: I just love this topic so much because I am
Speaker 2: going through this currently with my new boyfriend, Jordan.
Speaker 1: Every time you say my new boyfriend, I'm like, Britney
Speaker 1: has a boyfriend.
Speaker 2: But do you know what it's like, I'm the extreme.
Speaker 2: You know, when someone gets engaged, they keep going my fiancee.
Speaker 2: I just do it with a boyfriend because I've never
Speaker 2: had one.
Speaker 1: My boyfriend. This is my boyfriend friend. I'm just not
Speaker 1: used to it. I have a boyfriend. Okay, I have
Speaker 1: a boyfriend as well. You know what I found out yesterday.
Speaker 1: It's been two years since Matt proposed to me and
Speaker 1: we're still not married.
Speaker 2: A boyfriend, you're a fiance. If you don't know what
Speaker 2: he looks like, go and google him if you want.
Speaker 2: But he's a tennis player that has only for some reason,
Speaker 2: I didn't know this. He only plays with a mustache,
Speaker 2: a big, thick, dirty.
Speaker 1: Mustache, like a Sanchez mustache.
Speaker 2: His nickname on like the tennis circuit is Mario. It's
Speaker 2: like Mario cart But when I met him was in
Speaker 2: his off season, so I didn't know him. I've never
Speaker 2: watched him tennis. I know follow tennis. We went on
Speaker 2: this date and it was in his three month off season,
Speaker 2: so he had this beautiful beard. Now he's got the
Speaker 2: most luscious hey scene. His beard was beautiful, and I
Speaker 2: was like, oh my god, Like he looks like a
Speaker 2: hot lumberjack and that's my jam.
Speaker 1: Like this looks like a lot of cushioning. I can
Speaker 1: sit on that.
Speaker 2: Super tractor to him. And now I got no warning
Speaker 2: that this happened. He will flew down to do the
Speaker 2: Australian Open. I flew down to support him when I arrived.
Speaker 2: I flew down a week after him and I arrived
Speaker 2: and there was someone standing there waiting for me, and
Speaker 2: I was like, who's that guy staring at me? I
Speaker 2: didn't know.
Speaker 1: He shaved his beard and had this dirty mow, and
Speaker 1: I was like, oh my god, I can't I don't
Speaker 1: know what to feel about this.
Speaker 2: I don't like it. And I told him I was
Speaker 2: really honest. I was taking aback at the start. I
Speaker 2: wasn't like, whoa, what the hell?
Speaker 1: I was like, may you missed a spot?
Speaker 2: I was like, oh, wow, talk me through this.
Speaker 1: No, see, I disagree. I think that as a female
Speaker 1: we take leeway and telling men how they should and
Speaker 1: shouldn't look, and I really disagree with it, because imagine
Speaker 1: if he turned around and said, hey, Brittany, I really
Speaker 1: don't like your blonde hair and you really should do
Speaker 1: something about that, you would be so offended, and you
Speaker 1: would also be like, actually, gin know what. You don't
Speaker 1: get to tell me how I look, how I dress,
Speaker 1: and the way I behave. But we do it as
Speaker 1: women to men way more often. I think, No, see,
Speaker 1: I disagree with you. I disagreed to disagree your disagreement.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying you can't do this, but I think
Speaker 2: you're entitled to say I love when you do this.
Speaker 2: I love when you look like this. He's done the
Speaker 2: same thing to me. He met me as a blonde.
Speaker 2: He didn't know I had long black hair. He hadn't,
Speaker 2: and I showed him a photo and he was like, whoa,
Speaker 2: I don't love it like that. Like he's like, I
Speaker 2: prefer you like this, but that's because hee how he
Speaker 2: met me. And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I'll probably
Speaker 2: still go back to that color one day. And he's like, oh,
Speaker 2: I just want you to know I like a better blonde.
Speaker 2: I think it's in your delivery.
Speaker 1: So I have said to him, look to be honest,
Speaker 1: I'm so attracted to you when you have your beerd like,
Speaker 1: it really does something to me, Like I love it.
Speaker 1: I had a tingle in my lady past.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I get less of that.
Speaker 1: There's less tingling where there's a mustache, he said.
Speaker 2: But it's not me saying you can't do that anymore.
Speaker 2: I'm just like, you know, I love you, you do you,
Speaker 2: but this is what turns me on. Okay, guess what.
Speaker 2: He's decided not to shave his mustache anymore.
Speaker 1: However, I'd just like to tell everyone to know this
Speaker 1: the reason why Jordan has a mustache when he plays
Speaker 1: tennis is because it's his good luck charm. And he's
Speaker 1: just recently played very big game without a mustache. Had
Speaker 1: he go britt It was his first game yesterday and
Speaker 1: he for me, he didn't shave it. He left his
Speaker 1: Beardny lost.
Speaker 2: I was really hoping you would win because that was
Speaker 2: going to be me being like, told.
Speaker 1: You so, okay, we haven't really answered this girl's question,
Speaker 1: and I even know, no, no, we have it. We
Speaker 1: have it because the crux of the question is that
Speaker 1: she's not attracted to him with her shaved face. And
Speaker 1: I think that there is two parts of this. I
Speaker 1: think like, yes, one, you're absolutely allowed to have your
Speaker 1: personal preference on hair. You know, you can voice to
Speaker 1: your partner in a very positive criticism kind of way.
Speaker 1: I prefer when you xyz Like, for example, Matt used
Speaker 1: to always shave his chest like he did not have
Speaker 1: a follicle of hair on that chest. When I met him,
Speaker 1: there was no gray. It was not one grain to
Speaker 1: be eaten, not one inside. It was a vast desert land.
Speaker 1: But now he has a slightly hairier chest because he
Speaker 1: knows that that's my preference and of course, I think
Speaker 1: just naturally, you want to look good for your partner,
Speaker 1: and like, you know, if your partner tells you something
Speaker 1: in a very positive way, I like it when you
Speaker 1: do this, Usually that's met with a positive reaction. However,
Speaker 1: I do think that the reason why you're like, I'm
Speaker 1: not attracted to him with a shaved face isn't because
Speaker 1: you're not actually attracted to him. Of course you are,
Speaker 1: it's just different and it takes him fucking getting used
Speaker 1: to anytime Matt shaves his face now after not seeing
Speaker 1: his perfectly shaved face in weeks, months, years, literally it's like,
Speaker 1: whoa you were twenty four? I am dating a twenty
Speaker 1: four year old by me, Yes, it just totally changes
Speaker 1: not only like the shape of his face, but it
Speaker 1: makes him look so much younger, and so it always
Speaker 1: takes me like a couple of days to readjust and
Speaker 1: by a couple of days, I mean until his facial
Speaker 1: hairs going back. I honestly think, I really do think
Speaker 1: you can voice what turns you on or what you're
Speaker 1: attracted to, because what you're saying, you're not telling me
Speaker 1: not attracted to him.
Speaker 2: Don't go and say that like that's just nasty. He
Speaker 2: knows that you love him, and I hope you don't
Speaker 2: love him less because he shaved his face. But I
Speaker 2: think it's just in the delivery. You just have a conversation.
Speaker 2: You're like, this is cute, this is nice, but I
Speaker 2: love it when you do this. It's like positive reinforcement.
Speaker 1: Positive reinforcement goes a long way, and you're just letting
Speaker 1: your partner know what gets you going because you do
Speaker 1: want to please each other. Like Jordan is not if
Speaker 1: I dye my hair back brown, He's not going to
Speaker 1: break up with me. If he has a mustache for
Speaker 1: the rest of his life, I'm not going to love
Speaker 1: him less. Do I prefer the hair, Yeah, but it's
Speaker 1: not going to change anything. And I think, like Britt said, one,
Speaker 1: it's in delivery, but two it's also in like reflecting
Speaker 1: on how you lack things being said to you, Like
Speaker 1: how would you react if your partner said to you,
Speaker 1: I want you to dye your hair, I want you
Speaker 1: to wear these clothes, I want you to whatever. You
Speaker 1: would react pretty poorly to being told what to do
Speaker 1: and how to act because you have agency and you're
Speaker 1: in control of your own person and your partner's going
Speaker 1: to respond in the exact same way. We don't have
Speaker 1: a right to control the people that we're with. We
Speaker 1: shouldn't want to, and we should love them for exactly
Speaker 1: who they are and however they show up. No, that's
Speaker 1: not true unless unless there are Yeah, take that back.
Speaker 1: That's our motto here at life unhun You should love
Speaker 1: them for however they look and however they show up.
Speaker 1: Because like realistically, we're all going to change over the years.
Speaker 1: We're going to put on weight, we're gonna lose weight,
Speaker 1: our boobs are gonna get saggier. Things are not the
Speaker 1: same after two children. Let me tell you that people,
Speaker 1: and you know, you want your partner to still find
Speaker 1: you attractive, and if there's bits and pieces about you
Speaker 1: that maybe they prefer when you have a middle part
Speaker 1: then a side part. All of that's pretty non offensive.
Speaker 1: And I think facial hair is one of those things
Speaker 1: that's non offensive that you can kind of critique compliment
Speaker 1: them in a very constructive way.
Speaker 2: The other thing you can do is it's again with
Speaker 2: the positive reinforcement. When he's got his beard and how
Speaker 2: you like it, jump his bones, tell him how sexy
Speaker 2: is telling him it turns you on and just like
Speaker 2: have the sex, have all the sex, and when.
Speaker 1: He doesn't have it, never have sex with him, don't
Speaker 1: touch him. Be like wam dry as the Sahara desert.
Speaker 1: Right now, what's happened? What's changed? Oh, it's your face
Speaker 1: and there isn't a hair follicle, insight, not a grain.
Speaker 2: Have you lost? I have? I have?
Speaker 1: All? Right onto question two. Sorry to anyone who has
Speaker 1: just joined us to this episode. I swear I'm not
Speaker 1: usually this battie. I've had three hours sleep every single
Speaker 1: night for the past six weeks. We're gonna excuse you
Speaker 1: apologize before we get into the next question. I'd just
Speaker 1: like to compliment the size of your breasts that are
Speaker 1: in my face.
Speaker 2: They are really lush us right now and they look great.
Speaker 1: Thank you. We are recording this episode in my bedroom,
Speaker 1: as we always do. I'm wearing nothing but a bra
Speaker 1: and some jeans and they're great. They're really voluminous. I
Speaker 1: just did a breastfeed and then came straight in here,
Speaker 1: so yeah, I'm ready.
Speaker 2: Okay. Question number two is a little bit more serious,
Speaker 2: So I'm interested to get your opinion on this, Laura,
Speaker 2: because we do get a lot of questions based around
Speaker 2: this topic, and I'm not convinced I know how to
Speaker 2: deal with it yet. Okay, I've been married for four
Speaker 2: years and we have a two year old girl. Since
Speaker 2: we got married, my mother in law has literally turned
Speaker 2: on me. I always thought we had a good relationship,
Speaker 2: but looking back, I've realized it was a bit of
Speaker 2: a show on her side. I haven't seen her in
Speaker 2: eighteen months now because of her destructive behavior towards me.
Speaker 2: I have never reacted or spoken back to her when
Speaker 2: I've been attacked, and yes, I say attacked. She's literally
Speaker 2: the mother in law from hell. I do complain to
Speaker 2: my husband about it privately, as it really upsets me
Speaker 2: that I always get singled out of family gatherings. The
Speaker 2: thing is, my husband thinks we need to sit down
Speaker 2: and have an intervention. I'm just not sold on this.
Speaker 2: I can see the situation snowballing even further. I know
Speaker 2: I will never get an apology, and I feel for
Speaker 2: my husband being stuck in the middle. But her mind
Speaker 2: is made up about me. Should I confront her and
Speaker 2: have this intervention or do you think I just continue
Speaker 2: to avoid it?
Speaker 1: Oh, this is such a hard one. Now we have Actually,
Speaker 1: you're so right, Brett. We've received so many questions from
Speaker 1: people in regards to how to navigate relationships with in
Speaker 1: laws and with all family members. But I think in
Speaker 1: laws are a really big one because you can treat
Speaker 1: your own family members in a very different way to
Speaker 1: the way that you can treat your partner's mom dad.
Speaker 1: I think because the relationship in the history isn't there.
Speaker 1: You know, and you do expect respect from all of them,
Speaker 1: but you can't come back from it the same with
Speaker 1: your parents in law, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: Like you could have a falling out with your mum
Speaker 1: and you'd be fine the next day, Whereas if you
Speaker 1: had that same falling out with your mother in law,
Speaker 1: you wouldn't necessarily be fine the next day, Like you
Speaker 1: just don't have that same relationship all the time.
Speaker 2: But also, I didn't realize until we started this podcast
Speaker 2: group and we do get all your guys' emails, I
Speaker 2: didn't realize how common it was to not have this
Speaker 2: amazing relationship with your in laws. It's we get this
Speaker 2: question every couple of days. This is a really tricky one.
Speaker 2: I think that apart from divorcing your husband, the only
Speaker 2: other thing you can do is sit down and have
Speaker 2: the conversation. Now, I have tried to think of what
Speaker 2: I would want to do in this situation. Your husband
Speaker 2: is right, I think the conversation needs to be had.
Speaker 2: I would want my husband to have the conversation with
Speaker 2: his mother without me to begin with. I would want
Speaker 2: him to speak to her and say almost like it's
Speaker 2: not like it's me bringing it up. It's almost like
Speaker 2: the husband can go to his own mother and say, look, mom,
Speaker 2: I've noticed you know you've singled Sally out a few
Speaker 2: times and have you is there something going on that
Speaker 2: I don't know or has she done something to upset you?
Speaker 2: I just noticed there's a lot of tension there, and
Speaker 2: just make it look like it's an observation on his behalf,
Speaker 2: so he is not attacking his own mother. Also, it's
Speaker 2: not putting you in the middle straight away, because it's
Speaker 2: not like you have come with the complaint yourself. See
Speaker 2: what she says, see what happens, and if she comes
Speaker 2: back with something quite aggressive, or if she's really honest
Speaker 2: and just says she's got an issue, then I think
Speaker 2: you do probably need to all sit down and work
Speaker 2: out what the issue is. Where's it stemmed from and
Speaker 2: what you can do about it to resolve it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I totally agree. I don't think that's sweet under
Speaker 1: the rug is a good idea because all that's going
Speaker 1: to do is manifest in says something bigger done in
Speaker 1: the line, And like right now, you're probably in a
Speaker 1: situation where it could be salvageable and you could talk
Speaker 1: through it and work it out. And maybe there is
Speaker 1: something that you have done that you're not aware of
Speaker 1: that's been taken out of context or it's been taken personally.
Speaker 1: And you know, maybe your mother in law there's just
Speaker 1: something that's happened that's made her behave the way that
Speaker 1: she's behaved. And in no way am I saying that
Speaker 1: you're at fault. What I'm saying is that maybe she
Speaker 1: has perceived something that's happened in a way that wasn't
Speaker 1: the way you intended, you know. And I think that
Speaker 1: people can misunderstand each other, and misunderstandings that go without
Speaker 1: speaking and without communication can then manifest into something so
Speaker 1: much bigger. But I totally agree with what you just said, Brent.
Speaker 1: I think that once you've committed yourself to somebody else,
Speaker 1: you live with them, especially if you have kids with them,
Speaker 1: that is your nucleus family, and that family needs to
Speaker 1: be given priority. That's the family that you have to nurture,
Speaker 1: do you know mean, because like that's the family that's
Speaker 1: going to see you throughout your good old age. And like,
Speaker 1: as much as your parents are still so important, you
Speaker 1: are the bridge between those two relationships. Your partner has
Speaker 1: to sit down with you, understand what your concerns are,
Speaker 1: and then he has to go and have those conversations
Speaker 1: with your mum because it is up to him to
Speaker 1: be that bridge between the two worlds, especially if he
Speaker 1: wants you guys to have a great relationship. There's a
Speaker 1: massive responsibility on him. And I think often what we
Speaker 1: find is when there is a little bit of tension
Speaker 1: between people, the person who's in the middle goes, I
Speaker 1: don't want to get involved. Well, unfortunately, in this instance,
Speaker 1: he does have to get involved, and I think it's
Speaker 1: a conversation that needs to happen before dragging you into it.
Speaker 1: And then if it's not something or there is a reason,
Speaker 1: then yeah, sit down, have dinner, make it casual. It
Speaker 1: doesn't have to be an attack, it doesn't have to
Speaker 1: be an intervention, which I think sounds very aggressive and
Speaker 1: it sounds very formative, But you can sit down and
Speaker 1: have a conversation about it and explain to her how
Speaker 1: it makes you feel and why it upsets you so much,
Speaker 1: and why you want to get back to a place
Speaker 1: where you feel like you can have a great relationship
Speaker 1: with her.
Speaker 2: Look, I totally get why you don't want to have
Speaker 2: the conversation, and I totally get why probably more of
Speaker 2: you wants to avoid it. Continue on as you are.
Speaker 2: That is what I would want to do, in all honesty.
Speaker 2: My personality with conflict, and we've done a whole episode
Speaker 2: on this, I will avoid conflict to the death until
Speaker 2: I know it's going to be extremely detrimental to my
Speaker 2: life or someone in my life's life. And that I
Speaker 2: riddled me that. But the fact for this is as
Speaker 2: much as you want to avoid it, something that Laura
Speaker 2: just said that I was also going to say, it's
Speaker 2: a really great point. There could just be one huge,
Speaker 2: ugly miscommunication and it's festering. It could be the most
Speaker 2: ridiculous thing. Probably the biggest fight I've ever had in
Speaker 2: my existence was with a friend and it was over
Speaker 2: a miscommunication. It was one of us thought something was
Speaker 2: said that wasn't and someone took it the other way
Speaker 2: via messages, because you know, anything can happen via text,
Speaker 2: and we both just thought that something horrendous was happening
Speaker 2: between us, when really, as soon as we finally spoke
Speaker 2: about it, we're like, oh, that's what you meant and
Speaker 2: that's what you said, and it was ridiculous. With one
Speaker 2: adult conversation, we could have avoided the whole thing. But
Speaker 2: I get you want to run away. I get you
Speaker 2: want to run for the hills. Get your husband to
Speaker 2: have the conversation first, feel it out. He can report
Speaker 2: back to you, and then you can all decide as
Speaker 2: adults in a family where to go from there.
Speaker 1: The other part of this as well, like before we
Speaker 1: quickly wrap up, is you are married to your husband.
Speaker 1: You're not necessarily married to his family, and you can't
Speaker 1: choose the family that he comes with, right, And so yeah, sure,
Speaker 1: maybe you will have this intervention, Maybe you will sit down,
Speaker 1: maybe you will have this conversation. Maybe you just have
Speaker 1: two personality types that absolutely do not mesh, and you
Speaker 1: are not going to have the relationship that you want
Speaker 1: to have with her because you're just two very different people.
Speaker 2: Also cool.
Speaker 1: He's okay so long as there is absolute mutual respect there,
Speaker 1: so long as she's not saying things about you, or
Speaker 1: treating you away or putting you on blasts. It is
Speaker 1: absolutely fine that you don't have the level of closeness.
Speaker 1: And I know that that can be disappointing and that
Speaker 1: in itself can be something to overcome, but it's not necessary.
Speaker 1: What's necessary is that you can still go to family
Speaker 1: events without feeling like on edge that you're going to
Speaker 1: end up having a fight or there's going to be
Speaker 1: some passive aggressiveness. So I think that that's where it's important.
Speaker 1: But have the conversation. Do do not ignore all this?
Speaker 1: That's a terrible fucking idea, I reckon. We've answered this
Speaker 1: question well enough, right, let's go to question number three.
Speaker 2: Okay, Question number three is one.
Speaker 1: I feel like a lot of people have been in
Speaker 1: this position as well. I've been in this position before. Hey, girls,
Speaker 1: please help. So I've recently been going to the physio
Speaker 1: for a shoulder injury. The phisio I'm seeing is pretty
Speaker 1: damn cute, and I feel like he's been flirting with me.
Speaker 1: We have really good banter and we've both chatted a
Speaker 1: lot about our lives. I really want to see if
Speaker 1: he wants to go on a date, but I don't
Speaker 1: want to make my future visits with him super awkward.
Speaker 2: If I've read the situation wrong, how do I subtly
Speaker 2: find out if he's interested in going on a date
Speaker 2: or should I just hope that he makes a first move?
Speaker 1: Thanks, girls, I am such a worse I would never ever, ever,
Speaker 1: ever ever ask him ever.
Speaker 2: I would.
Speaker 1: I am such a fanny when it comes to stuff
Speaker 1: like that. I don't think I've really ever asked many
Speaker 1: guys out on dates.
Speaker 2: I've literally asked every guy I've ever dated. I'm like
Speaker 2: a go getter like that. But this situation is different.
Speaker 2: Whilst they think you need to put your feelers out
Speaker 2: there for it, because I'm really big on if you
Speaker 2: have feelings and voice them. This is a little bit
Speaker 2: tricky to navigate because medically you do have a relationship
Speaker 2: here and he has to honor that patient relationship. But
Speaker 2: my advice would be you could put feelers out in
Speaker 2: conversation about like if he's got a girlfriend and stuff
Speaker 2: like you know, what are you doing on the weekend?
Speaker 2: You can you can find this information out.
Speaker 1: I'm sure, or you could just stalk his Instagram.
Speaker 2: I'm sure you've stalked him on the Gram. But the
Speaker 2: other thing, there's two things you gotta be careful of here. One,
Speaker 2: he could just be developing a really good patient physio
Speaker 2: relationship where he is chatty and he is friendly and
Speaker 2: he does have that rapport with you because you're his
Speaker 2: client and he enjoys treating you. He enjoys getting your
Speaker 2: money and your paycheck at the end of the day,
Speaker 2: he enjoys your money. No, But like, if you think
Speaker 2: this is someone who's in the medical industry, your word
Speaker 2: of mouth is everything. So if you're going to him
Speaker 2: and you're having a great experience with him, you're gonna
Speaker 2: go and tell other people, like, he's such a great physio,
Speaker 2: he's got a really good bedside manner, he's friendly. There
Speaker 2: is a chance here that he's just been a really
Speaker 2: leap person. Now, if you are going to ask him out,
Speaker 2: I one hundred percent think you should do that, But
Speaker 2: I don't think you should do it until literally your
Speaker 2: last physio session. You're not gonna have physio forever, is
Speaker 2: my assumption. If this is a shoulder injury, you're on
Speaker 2: a program for physio. I would wait towards the end.
Speaker 1: You've put your feelers out over the next coming sessions,
Speaker 1: you've stalked his Instagram, You've done your due diligence. Wait
Speaker 1: until the end, and then you can either go hardcore
Speaker 1: where you're like, thank you so much for treating me,
Speaker 1: like I would love to grab a coffee with you
Speaker 1: or something. Sometime he'll either shut you down and say
Speaker 1: I've got a girlfriend, or he'd be like that sounds great,
Speaker 1: or you just thank him so much for helping you
Speaker 1: rehabilitate your shoulder, and then you slide into his DM
Speaker 1: after the fact and be like, do you know what,
Speaker 1: I would love to see you again?
Speaker 2: And then that's it.
Speaker 1: I love that this advice comes from you because you
Speaker 1: are the literal dating queen of ten years. This advice
Speaker 1: comes from a wealth of experience. I would have been
Speaker 1: like just a fade off into the nether. We did
Speaker 1: have this exact question come in about six months ago,
Speaker 1: except the girl had already reached out to her physio
Speaker 1: whilst she was still seeing him, like, you know, for treatments,
Speaker 1: and she had asked him out and he had said,
Speaker 1: I'm sorry, I can't breach the patient doctor relationship here,
Speaker 1: which was just a really subtle way of him being like,
Speaker 1: I'm just not that into you, but I think I
Speaker 1: totally agree with what you've just said. It's not going
Speaker 1: to be forever. And if he shuts you down when
Speaker 1: you're only going to see him one or two more times,
Speaker 1: so fine. You just don't want to have to go
Speaker 1: there and then be in that awkward space or have
Speaker 1: to find a new physio that also sucks.
Speaker 2: Even if he does shut you down, just take this
Speaker 2: little bit of knowledge with you. We had a girl
Speaker 2: that accidentally fart it in front of her physio and
Speaker 2: it's not going to be as bad as that.
Speaker 1: But also who cares, Like, once you finish a course,
Speaker 1: it's a very good chance you're never going to see
Speaker 1: him again. There's plenty of physios wherever you are, wherever
Speaker 1: you live, unless you live in the middle of Australia,
Speaker 1: plenty of physios that you can go to, like take
Speaker 1: a chance. And we do advocate for this whole idea
Speaker 1: of you need to be proactive in dating the people
Speaker 1: that you want to date. And as much as I say,
Speaker 1: like I suck at asking people out, I went on
Speaker 1: the Bachelor, so you know, I gave it my best shot.
Speaker 1: But if you like someone, just fucking grab it by
Speaker 1: the balls, not literally, metaphorically, and don't him take that responsibility.
Speaker 1: Because by asking somebody out, you are choosing the types
Speaker 1: of people that you want to date instead of just
Speaker 1: being passive and having people choose you instead. And I
Speaker 1: think that's a really important thing for you, ending up
Speaker 1: in a relationship that you want, not just a relationship
Speaker 1: that was like, ah, that was good enough, you know,
Speaker 1: a relationship that means you're settling. Additionally, yes, pretty.
Speaker 2: In addition to all these really great points, the other
Speaker 2: thing I want you to remember is it's okay to
Speaker 2: ask someone out and them to say no. It's okay
Speaker 2: to be rejected if I don't be scared of that,
Speaker 2: And I think that's probably a big part of Laura,
Speaker 2: like why you've never wanted to ask people out. You
Speaker 2: have to come to terms with the fact that if
Speaker 2: somebody says no when you ask them ount that it's
Speaker 2: not personal. You don't have to be upset by that
Speaker 2: because there are billions of people in the world. There
Speaker 2: is absolutely no way that every single person's going to
Speaker 2: want to date you. And that is nothing about who
Speaker 2: you are. It's about compatibility, and we don't know what's
Speaker 2: going on in someone's life. You actually don't, So if
Speaker 2: someone says no to you, don't take heart to heart.
Speaker 2: Just say okay, cool, no worries, have a great date,
Speaker 2: and walk off. Like I've been. I've asked people out
Speaker 2: before and it's gone swimmingly and we've dated. I've asked
Speaker 2: people out before and they've literally said no into my face,
Speaker 2: and I'm like, cool, have a great day.
Speaker 1: So true, Like, your value is not based on what
Speaker 1: somebody else wants from you, or what somebody else thinks
Speaker 1: if you, or if somebody else wants.
Speaker 2: To date you.
Speaker 1: Like, if somebody says no, it's not a reflection that
Speaker 1: you're not funny enough or cool enough or sexy enough
Speaker 1: or whatever it is, Like, it's just a reflection of
Speaker 1: where they're at in their lives and whether or not
Speaker 1: they think that they're compatible for you and were all
Speaker 1: attracted to different things.
Speaker 2: I mean, my person was chaining ting and but whatever
Speaker 2: the same.
Speaker 1: I guarantee you that not even em Rada has had
Speaker 1: every man that she's ever asked out has said yes
Speaker 1: to her. Again, they probably have to want to be
Speaker 1: in pimbly or something in school as well, there would
Speaker 1: have been some reason why a guy would have said.
Speaker 2: No to her.
Speaker 1: I mean, I think that will make every single person
Speaker 1: has experienced rejection, every single one. You can just mediate
Speaker 1: this or mitigate this rejection by doing it on your
Speaker 1: very last appointment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, or just by Instagram message.
Speaker 1: Faceless take the coward's way out and just slide on
Speaker 1: into his DMS.
Speaker 2: I actually want a follow up on this one, like
Speaker 2: whether you put it in the group chat or whether
Speaker 2: you send us a dam. I want to know what
Speaker 2: you do in this. I want to know if you
Speaker 2: actually ask him out in person. I also would love
Speaker 2: a follow up on the mother in law, if you
Speaker 2: sit down and talk to her or not.
Speaker 1: We had a couple of follow ups from the last
Speaker 1: episode of Ask Guncut that we did and both had
Speaker 1: left their partners.
Speaker 2: So did they take our advice?
Speaker 1: Well, I think one of them had already done it
Speaker 1: pre and then one of them was like, I'm heading
Speaker 1: to break up town. Oh that's miserable.
Speaker 2: Anyway.
Speaker 1: On that note, thanks for listening guys. Guys, that's another
Speaker 1: episode for us for Ask gun Cut.
Speaker 2: Thanks for tuning in.
Speaker 1: Please keep sending your questions in you can send them
Speaker 1: to our dms on at Life Uncut Podcasts on the Instagram,
Speaker 1: which is on the interweb, but you can also is
Speaker 1: it on the interwep, wasn't it? You're from your phone?
Speaker 1: Call it on the interweb, so.
Speaker 2: You can get it on Yeah, dude, that's internet.
Speaker 1: Okay, what hell? Little bit a month for You can
Speaker 1: jump onto our Facebook group which is also a Life
Speaker 1: Uncut podcast group and if you want to share your
Speaker 1: questions that it's not anonymous, but like, there is such
Speaker 1: a wealth of knowledge there and there are so many
Speaker 1: supportive people who will give you their thought, their answers
Speaker 1: and give you a little bit of help as well.
Speaker 2: There are also some great meetup groups happening on the
Speaker 2: discussion group too, and I know there's one that is
Speaker 2: going to kickstart in the eastern beaches of Sydney too.
Speaker 2: So if you are listening to this and you're living
Speaker 2: around here and you want to go meet up, jump
Speaker 2: on there, because there are people are making some really
Speaker 2: amazing friends in this community. Actually, here's an update. My
Speaker 2: sister Sherry is moving up north really soon. She's going
Speaker 2: to Queensland and she's already said that through the life
Speaker 2: un cup podcast group. She's got like a book club
Speaker 2: up there, and she's already met people through it already,
Speaker 2: so she talk about I mean like I don't even
Speaker 2: know what I'm having for dinner. She's already lined up
Speaker 2: a book club. She doesn't even know when she's moving.
Speaker 1: That's amazing. And we get so many questions that come
Speaker 1: in which are around like how do you make friends
Speaker 1: as an adult? And we've done full episodes on this,
Speaker 1: and I think if you are in a situation at
Speaker 1: the moment where you feel like you would love to
Speaker 1: meet some new people, you would love to kind of,
Speaker 1: you know, move out of your own friendship circles and
Speaker 1: just have some fresh life in your life, then maybe
Speaker 1: joining the group is a great way to start.
Speaker 2: I don't I My circle is literally you. I don't
Speaker 2: know how I can leave it.
Speaker 1: My circles, you and two screaming children, which I have
Speaker 1: to get back to. But anyway, guys, if you enjoyed
Speaker 1: the episode, please leave a review, jump on to Apple
Speaker 1: and you can subscribe there as well. And you know
Speaker 1: the drill, Tell you mum, tell your dad's who friends,
Speaker 1: tell your dog, just tell everyone, share the love, because
Speaker 2: We we all love,