WEBVTT - Answering your deep dark and burning questions - ASK UNCUT 0:00:14.480 --> 0:00:17.079 Hi guys, and a welcome back to another episode of 0:00:17.120 --> 0:00:19.680 Life Uncut. I'm Laura and I'm Brittany, and if you 0:00:19.720 --> 0:00:22.759 have joined us for the very first time, well lucky you. 0:00:22.880 --> 0:00:25.439 But also this is our short and sharp episode. This 0:00:25.480 --> 0:00:28.720 is our usk uncut episode where we answer all of 0:00:28.760 --> 0:00:30.960 your deep, dark and burning questions. 0:00:31.240 --> 0:00:34.560 Also, if this is your first time, welcome. I feel 0:00:34.560 --> 0:00:36.400 like I forget sometimes that we do get a lot 0:00:36.440 --> 0:00:38.560 of new listeners every single week, and we don't really 0:00:38.600 --> 0:00:39.680 ever say high. 0:00:39.720 --> 0:00:41.519 We just expect that people have listened to all of 0:00:41.560 --> 0:00:43.879 the episodes in the past, and we keep referring back 0:00:43.880 --> 0:00:45.839 to them just to really weird people out. Anyway, you 0:00:45.880 --> 0:00:47.600 have one hundred and two episodes to catch up on 0:00:47.760 --> 0:00:48.920 or welcome to the party. 0:00:49.120 --> 0:00:51.160 I have one little update. We are going to get 0:00:51.200 --> 0:00:54.200 straight into the episode today because we've got a couple 0:00:54.240 --> 0:00:55.640 of screaming kids hanging around the house. 0:00:55.920 --> 0:00:57.720 Matt is one of them as well. We've got three 0:00:57.800 --> 0:01:01.840 screaming fuck my life. I've got a really funny update today. 0:01:01.880 --> 0:01:06.040 If you guys listen to Tuesday's episode with Mark Manson. 0:01:06.280 --> 0:01:07.920 We actually got great feedback from that, but there was 0:01:07.920 --> 0:01:10.560 at the end we do suck and sweet at the end. 0:01:10.720 --> 0:01:15.200 My suck was that I accidentally wrote an email to somebody, 0:01:15.280 --> 0:01:18.160 a business email to c S I A N and 0:01:18.200 --> 0:01:18.880 an auto Cora. 0:01:19.080 --> 0:01:21.560 Isn't it Shan? Is si a and Shan? Or is 0:01:21.560 --> 0:01:24.120 it Sean? I cannot confirm Norman if I feel like 0:01:24.400 --> 0:01:26.840 I also don't know how to spell it in my head. 0:01:26.880 --> 0:01:31.640 I read it a se it auto corrected to Asian, 0:01:31.720 --> 0:01:35.679 so I wrote, dear Asian. I got an email today 0:01:35.800 --> 0:01:40.040 from Cian herself. She said, dear Brittany. 0:01:40.600 --> 0:01:42.720 She's like, I want to let you know. 0:01:42.720 --> 0:01:45.080 That I'm actually a big podcast fan, and she goes, 0:01:45.120 --> 0:01:47.440 thanks for giving me a chuckle, and I lost it. 0:01:47.720 --> 0:01:48.920 I wrote back and I was like, oh my god, 0:01:48.920 --> 0:01:52.080 you are Sean, and I was talking about I do 0:01:52.120 --> 0:01:55.240 feel better knowing that you found this whole thing as 0:01:55.320 --> 0:01:57.480 funny as I did. We've all been there with an 0:01:57.520 --> 0:02:00.480 accidental autocorrect. I mean, I've told you about the time 0:02:00.520 --> 0:02:03.520 that I signed off my email with kind regards Laura 0:02:03.560 --> 0:02:07.000 Burn and actually it defaulted to kind retards Laura Burn. 0:02:07.120 --> 0:02:08.160 And we don't even use that word. 0:02:08.240 --> 0:02:11.200 It's not even okay, no, please, it's not if there's 0:02:11.240 --> 0:02:13.000 so many parts of that. So I mean, for anyone 0:02:13.040 --> 0:02:14.840 who missed that story. I didn't just send this to 0:02:14.880 --> 0:02:17.200 one person. I had just started a new company and 0:02:17.240 --> 0:02:19.799 I was c seed into all of my directors. There 0:02:19.880 --> 0:02:23.840 was thirty people on this email, and I wrote kind retarts, 0:02:23.960 --> 0:02:26.920 Laura Burn and then I didn't really stay at that 0:02:27.000 --> 0:02:29.560 job for very long, very surprising. But I also sent 0:02:29.680 --> 0:02:31.960 an email to a customer of mine. This is like 0:02:32.320 --> 0:02:34.959 on Mother's Day last year, and she bought a special 0:02:35.000 --> 0:02:37.000 peace It had been custom made. It was for her mum. 0:02:37.040 --> 0:02:38.720 And I wrote back to and I said, I hope 0:02:38.720 --> 0:02:43.239 you have a wonderful Mother's Day with your bum. 0:02:43.000 --> 0:02:46.560 I was not expecting that. 0:02:48.000 --> 0:02:49.600 As she wrote back and said, I'll be hanging out 0:02:49.639 --> 0:02:54.119 with my mum. My bum will also be there. Anyway, 0:02:54.400 --> 0:02:58.160 let's get into the episode, guys. We have three quick 0:02:58.280 --> 0:03:01.080 sharp questions for you guys today. The first one is 0:03:01.160 --> 0:03:03.080 and I'm just gonna paraphrase this because it came in 0:03:03.120 --> 0:03:05.280 weeks ago and now I can't find where it is 0:03:05.320 --> 0:03:09.280 in our inbox, But basically this listener has written in saying, ladies, 0:03:09.800 --> 0:03:11.799 I have been dating my boyfriend for a year and 0:03:11.840 --> 0:03:16.680 a half. Congratulations, Yeah, longer than most my relationships. He 0:03:16.760 --> 0:03:20.760 has a full beard normally, but recently he decided to 0:03:20.800 --> 0:03:23.800 shave his face and I cannot tell you how I 0:03:23.840 --> 0:03:27.919 felt when he shaved it. I've realized I'm completely unattracted 0:03:28.000 --> 0:03:29.400 to my boyfriend. 0:03:30.480 --> 0:03:32.639 On this one hits a couple of spots. 0:03:33.000 --> 0:03:36.520 I've been there, I've been I know this feeling. I 0:03:36.840 --> 0:03:40.320 dated a guy for several years who had some good, 0:03:40.520 --> 0:03:43.040 meaty facial hair, like and I like, like a bit 0:03:43.040 --> 0:03:45.240 of facial hair I need. I love facial hair, but 0:03:45.360 --> 0:03:47.640 just at least like a three day old bit of 0:03:47.680 --> 0:03:50.360 facial hair. That's when we're getting good anywhere from three 0:03:50.440 --> 0:03:53.120 days until like three weeks. I'm very very happy with this. 0:03:53.240 --> 0:03:55.240 I don't want a smooth skin face at all. I 0:03:55.280 --> 0:03:57.240 want to feel some like prickle on my face. 0:03:58.080 --> 0:04:03.080 Yes, MI said my face half before you jump in. Okay. 0:04:03.200 --> 0:04:05.640 A boyfriend several years ago shaved his face for the 0:04:05.640 --> 0:04:07.960 first time. Same thing. We've been dating, but maybe for 0:04:08.040 --> 0:04:10.840 like six months, and I was like, I'm not really 0:04:10.920 --> 0:04:13.080 sure what I do with this. Oh wow, there was 0:04:13.080 --> 0:04:15.560 a there was a weak jaw hiding behind that hairlines, 0:04:17.279 --> 0:04:20.800 which you can't say like it's so mean you No, 0:04:20.880 --> 0:04:22.279 I didn't say it, but you can't even think it. 0:04:22.440 --> 0:04:24.200 You can think it, you can have an internal monologue, 0:04:24.200 --> 0:04:25.200 but you just don't voice it. 0:04:25.279 --> 0:04:27.000 But also, like you would think that after being with 0:04:27.040 --> 0:04:28.880 someone for x amount of time six months, a year 0:04:28.920 --> 0:04:31.560 and a half, obviously your attraction to someone is not 0:04:31.640 --> 0:04:34.200 skin deep. You're not just attracted to them esthetically and 0:04:34.240 --> 0:04:36.320 what they look like. So for me, I was also 0:04:36.520 --> 0:04:38.640 very shocked by the fact that I had this visceral 0:04:38.720 --> 0:04:41.960 reaction to like, holy crap, that's what your face actually 0:04:41.960 --> 0:04:45.360 looks like. That makes me a very shallow shit person. 0:04:45.600 --> 0:04:47.560 No, but this is the thing, right, This doesn't make 0:04:47.560 --> 0:04:50.520 you shallow. This is what I think this. Oh god, 0:04:50.560 --> 0:04:52.840 I just love this topic so much because I am 0:04:52.880 --> 0:04:55.200 going through this currently with my new boyfriend, Jordan. 0:04:55.320 --> 0:04:57.840 Every time you say my new boyfriend, I'm like, Britney 0:04:57.880 --> 0:04:58.800 has a boyfriend. 0:04:58.920 --> 0:05:00.720 But do you know what it's like, I'm the extreme. 0:05:00.800 --> 0:05:03.080 You know, when someone gets engaged, they keep going my fiancee. 0:05:03.279 --> 0:05:05.000 I just do it with a boyfriend because I've never 0:05:05.040 --> 0:05:05.360 had one. 0:05:05.400 --> 0:05:07.640 My boyfriend. This is my boyfriend friend. I'm just not 0:05:07.800 --> 0:05:09.800 used to it. I have a boyfriend. Okay, I have 0:05:09.839 --> 0:05:11.960 a boyfriend as well. You know what I found out yesterday. 0:05:12.200 --> 0:05:14.000 It's been two years since Matt proposed to me and 0:05:14.040 --> 0:05:14.920 we're still not married. 0:05:16.400 --> 0:05:18.839 A boyfriend, you're a fiance. If you don't know what 0:05:18.880 --> 0:05:20.559 he looks like, go and google him if you want. 0:05:20.640 --> 0:05:23.799 But he's a tennis player that has only for some reason, 0:05:23.960 --> 0:05:26.359 I didn't know this. He only plays with a mustache, 0:05:26.400 --> 0:05:29.320 a big, thick, dirty. 0:05:29.120 --> 0:05:31.200 Mustache, like a Sanchez mustache. 0:05:31.240 --> 0:05:34.920 His nickname on like the tennis circuit is Mario. It's 0:05:34.920 --> 0:05:37.159 like Mario cart But when I met him was in 0:05:37.240 --> 0:05:39.040 his off season, so I didn't know him. I've never 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:40.919 watched him tennis. I know follow tennis. We went on 0:05:40.960 --> 0:05:43.039 this date and it was in his three month off season, 0:05:43.120 --> 0:05:45.400 so he had this beautiful beard. Now he's got the 0:05:45.440 --> 0:05:48.320 most luscious hey scene. His beard was beautiful, and I 0:05:48.360 --> 0:05:49.960 was like, oh my god, Like he looks like a 0:05:49.960 --> 0:05:51.599 hot lumberjack and that's my jam. 0:05:51.839 --> 0:05:53.320 Like this looks like a lot of cushioning. I can 0:05:53.360 --> 0:05:53.800 sit on that. 0:05:53.960 --> 0:05:56.320 Super tractor to him. And now I got no warning 0:05:56.320 --> 0:05:57.760 that this happened. He will flew down to do the 0:05:57.800 --> 0:06:00.800 Australian Open. I flew down to support him when I arrived. 0:06:00.880 --> 0:06:02.640 I flew down a week after him and I arrived 0:06:02.760 --> 0:06:04.400 and there was someone standing there waiting for me, and 0:06:04.400 --> 0:06:07.000 I was like, who's that guy staring at me? I 0:06:07.040 --> 0:06:07.440 didn't know. 0:06:07.520 --> 0:06:10.080 He shaved his beard and had this dirty mow, and 0:06:10.120 --> 0:06:12.360 I was like, oh my god, I can't I don't 0:06:12.360 --> 0:06:13.240 know what to feel about this. 0:06:13.839 --> 0:06:17.680 I don't like it. And I told him I was 0:06:17.760 --> 0:06:20.280 really honest. I was taking aback at the start. I 0:06:20.320 --> 0:06:21.799 wasn't like, whoa, what the hell? 0:06:22.160 --> 0:06:23.760 I was like, may you missed a spot? 0:06:24.640 --> 0:06:27.279 I was like, oh, wow, talk me through this. 0:06:27.760 --> 0:06:30.520 No, see, I disagree. I think that as a female 0:06:30.600 --> 0:06:32.680 we take leeway and telling men how they should and 0:06:32.720 --> 0:06:36.320 shouldn't look, and I really disagree with it, because imagine 0:06:36.360 --> 0:06:38.240 if he turned around and said, hey, Brittany, I really 0:06:38.279 --> 0:06:40.080 don't like your blonde hair and you really should do 0:06:40.120 --> 0:06:42.200 something about that, you would be so offended, and you 0:06:42.240 --> 0:06:44.600 would also be like, actually, gin know what. You don't 0:06:44.640 --> 0:06:46.839 get to tell me how I look, how I dress, 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:48.920 and the way I behave. But we do it as 0:06:48.960 --> 0:06:51.560 women to men way more often. I think, No, see, 0:06:51.600 --> 0:06:56.200 I disagree with you. I disagreed to disagree your disagreement. 0:06:56.279 --> 0:06:58.520 I'm not saying you can't do this, but I think 0:06:58.560 --> 0:07:01.000 you're entitled to say I love when you do this. 0:07:01.120 --> 0:07:03.160 I love when you look like this. He's done the 0:07:03.160 --> 0:07:05.760 same thing to me. He met me as a blonde. 0:07:05.800 --> 0:07:08.080 He didn't know I had long black hair. He hadn't, 0:07:08.080 --> 0:07:10.240 and I showed him a photo and he was like, whoa, 0:07:10.560 --> 0:07:12.360 I don't love it like that. Like he's like, I 0:07:12.360 --> 0:07:13.880 prefer you like this, but that's because hee how he 0:07:13.920 --> 0:07:16.320 met me. And I'm like, oh, that's interesting. I'll probably 0:07:16.320 --> 0:07:18.360 still go back to that color one day. And he's like, oh, 0:07:18.440 --> 0:07:20.160 I just want you to know I like a better blonde. 0:07:20.240 --> 0:07:21.480 I think it's in your delivery. 0:07:21.520 --> 0:07:24.760 So I have said to him, look to be honest, 0:07:25.040 --> 0:07:27.520 I'm so attracted to you when you have your beerd like, 0:07:28.000 --> 0:07:29.920 it really does something to me, Like I love it. 0:07:29.960 --> 0:07:31.400 I had a tingle in my lady past. 0:07:31.600 --> 0:07:33.440 Yeah, and I get less of that. 0:07:35.520 --> 0:07:39.080 There's less tingling where there's a mustache, he said. 0:07:39.160 --> 0:07:41.240 But it's not me saying you can't do that anymore. 0:07:41.280 --> 0:07:43.280 I'm just like, you know, I love you, you do you, 0:07:43.680 --> 0:07:47.160 but this is what turns me on. Okay, guess what. 0:07:47.320 --> 0:07:49.320 He's decided not to shave his mustache anymore. 0:07:49.480 --> 0:07:51.640 However, I'd just like to tell everyone to know this 0:07:51.960 --> 0:07:54.480 the reason why Jordan has a mustache when he plays 0:07:54.480 --> 0:07:56.280 tennis is because it's his good luck charm. And he's 0:07:56.360 --> 0:07:59.320 just recently played very big game without a mustache. Had 0:07:59.400 --> 0:08:01.920 he go britt It was his first game yesterday and 0:08:02.000 --> 0:08:03.720 he for me, he didn't shave it. He left his 0:08:03.760 --> 0:08:04.480 Beardny lost. 0:08:07.440 --> 0:08:09.160 I was really hoping you would win because that was 0:08:09.360 --> 0:08:10.680 going to be me being like, told. 0:08:10.480 --> 0:08:13.880 You so, okay, we haven't really answered this girl's question, 0:08:13.960 --> 0:08:15.920 and I even know, no, no, we have it. We 0:08:15.920 --> 0:08:17.480 have it because the crux of the question is that 0:08:17.520 --> 0:08:19.880 she's not attracted to him with her shaved face. And 0:08:20.000 --> 0:08:22.240 I think that there is two parts of this. I 0:08:22.280 --> 0:08:24.440 think like, yes, one, you're absolutely allowed to have your 0:08:24.440 --> 0:08:26.960 personal preference on hair. You know, you can voice to 0:08:27.000 --> 0:08:29.680 your partner in a very positive criticism kind of way. 0:08:29.920 --> 0:08:33.400 I prefer when you xyz Like, for example, Matt used 0:08:33.440 --> 0:08:35.920 to always shave his chest like he did not have 0:08:36.040 --> 0:08:38.360 a follicle of hair on that chest. When I met him, 0:08:38.840 --> 0:08:41.440 there was no gray. It was not one grain to 0:08:41.480 --> 0:08:44.800 be eaten, not one inside. It was a vast desert land. 0:08:44.920 --> 0:08:48.560 But now he has a slightly hairier chest because he 0:08:48.640 --> 0:08:50.800 knows that that's my preference and of course, I think 0:08:50.840 --> 0:08:53.280 just naturally, you want to look good for your partner, 0:08:53.320 --> 0:08:55.080 and like, you know, if your partner tells you something 0:08:55.120 --> 0:08:56.880 in a very positive way, I like it when you 0:08:56.960 --> 0:09:00.000 do this, Usually that's met with a positive reaction. However, 0:09:00.240 --> 0:09:02.360 I do think that the reason why you're like, I'm 0:09:02.360 --> 0:09:04.800 not attracted to him with a shaved face isn't because 0:09:04.800 --> 0:09:06.920 you're not actually attracted to him. Of course you are, 0:09:07.040 --> 0:09:09.280 it's just different and it takes him fucking getting used 0:09:09.280 --> 0:09:11.800 to anytime Matt shaves his face now after not seeing 0:09:11.840 --> 0:09:16.920 his perfectly shaved face in weeks, months, years, literally it's like, 0:09:17.040 --> 0:09:20.439 whoa you were twenty four? I am dating a twenty 0:09:20.440 --> 0:09:24.280 four year old by me, Yes, it just totally changes 0:09:24.360 --> 0:09:26.560 not only like the shape of his face, but it 0:09:26.559 --> 0:09:28.360 makes him look so much younger, and so it always 0:09:28.400 --> 0:09:30.599 takes me like a couple of days to readjust and 0:09:30.640 --> 0:09:32.080 by a couple of days, I mean until his facial 0:09:32.120 --> 0:09:35.120 hairs going back. I honestly think, I really do think 0:09:35.400 --> 0:09:38.559 you can voice what turns you on or what you're 0:09:38.559 --> 0:09:40.680 attracted to, because what you're saying, you're not telling me 0:09:40.760 --> 0:09:41.600 not attracted to him. 0:09:41.640 --> 0:09:43.720 Don't go and say that like that's just nasty. He 0:09:43.800 --> 0:09:46.040 knows that you love him, and I hope you don't 0:09:46.040 --> 0:09:48.080 love him less because he shaved his face. But I 0:09:48.080 --> 0:09:50.000 think it's just in the delivery. You just have a conversation. 0:09:50.120 --> 0:09:52.120 You're like, this is cute, this is nice, but I 0:09:52.240 --> 0:09:55.239 love it when you do this. It's like positive reinforcement. 0:09:55.280 --> 0:09:57.600 Positive reinforcement goes a long way, and you're just letting 0:09:57.640 --> 0:10:00.400 your partner know what gets you going because you do 0:10:00.520 --> 0:10:02.640 want to please each other. Like Jordan is not if 0:10:02.640 --> 0:10:04.280 I dye my hair back brown, He's not going to 0:10:04.320 --> 0:10:06.280 break up with me. If he has a mustache for 0:10:06.320 --> 0:10:07.640 the rest of his life, I'm not going to love 0:10:07.679 --> 0:10:09.679 him less. Do I prefer the hair, Yeah, but it's 0:10:09.679 --> 0:10:12.079 not going to change anything. And I think, like Britt said, one, 0:10:12.120 --> 0:10:15.160 it's in delivery, but two it's also in like reflecting 0:10:15.160 --> 0:10:17.000 on how you lack things being said to you, Like 0:10:17.080 --> 0:10:19.000 how would you react if your partner said to you, 0:10:19.120 --> 0:10:20.840 I want you to dye your hair, I want you 0:10:20.880 --> 0:10:23.440 to wear these clothes, I want you to whatever. You 0:10:23.480 --> 0:10:26.440 would react pretty poorly to being told what to do 0:10:26.600 --> 0:10:29.160 and how to act because you have agency and you're 0:10:29.200 --> 0:10:31.200 in control of your own person and your partner's going 0:10:31.240 --> 0:10:33.160 to respond in the exact same way. We don't have 0:10:33.240 --> 0:10:34.959 a right to control the people that we're with. We 0:10:35.000 --> 0:10:36.920 shouldn't want to, and we should love them for exactly 0:10:36.920 --> 0:10:39.120 who they are and however they show up. No, that's 0:10:39.120 --> 0:10:42.320 not true unless unless there are Yeah, take that back. 0:10:42.400 --> 0:10:44.720 That's our motto here at life unhun You should love 0:10:44.760 --> 0:10:47.040 them for however they look and however they show up. 0:10:47.080 --> 0:10:49.480 Because like realistically, we're all going to change over the years. 0:10:49.520 --> 0:10:51.280 We're going to put on weight, we're gonna lose weight, 0:10:51.320 --> 0:10:54.400 our boobs are gonna get saggier. Things are not the 0:10:54.440 --> 0:10:56.960 same after two children. Let me tell you that people, 0:10:57.040 --> 0:10:59.240 and you know, you want your partner to still find 0:10:59.280 --> 0:11:01.360 you attractive, and if there's bits and pieces about you 0:11:01.400 --> 0:11:03.320 that maybe they prefer when you have a middle part 0:11:03.320 --> 0:11:05.640 then a side part. All of that's pretty non offensive. 0:11:05.760 --> 0:11:07.560 And I think facial hair is one of those things 0:11:07.559 --> 0:11:10.760 that's non offensive that you can kind of critique compliment 0:11:10.840 --> 0:11:13.200 them in a very constructive way. 0:11:13.640 --> 0:11:16.200 The other thing you can do is it's again with 0:11:16.240 --> 0:11:19.000 the positive reinforcement. When he's got his beard and how 0:11:19.000 --> 0:11:21.280 you like it, jump his bones, tell him how sexy 0:11:21.320 --> 0:11:22.600 is telling him it turns you on and just like 0:11:22.840 --> 0:11:24.480 have the sex, have all the sex, and when. 0:11:24.320 --> 0:11:26.360 He doesn't have it, never have sex with him, don't 0:11:26.400 --> 0:11:30.000 touch him. Be like wam dry as the Sahara desert. 0:11:30.080 --> 0:11:33.120 Right now, what's happened? What's changed? Oh, it's your face 0:11:33.160 --> 0:11:35.320 and there isn't a hair follicle, insight, not a grain. 0:11:36.000 --> 0:11:38.199 Have you lost? I have? I have? 0:11:38.320 --> 0:11:42.240 All? Right onto question two. Sorry to anyone who has 0:11:42.280 --> 0:11:44.040 just joined us to this episode. I swear I'm not 0:11:44.120 --> 0:11:46.800 usually this battie. I've had three hours sleep every single 0:11:46.920 --> 0:11:49.320 night for the past six weeks. We're gonna excuse you 0:11:49.400 --> 0:11:51.600 apologize before we get into the next question. I'd just 0:11:51.600 --> 0:11:53.360 like to compliment the size of your breasts that are 0:11:53.360 --> 0:11:54.000 in my face. 0:11:54.080 --> 0:11:56.520 They are really lush us right now and they look great. 0:11:56.600 --> 0:11:59.280 Thank you. We are recording this episode in my bedroom, 0:11:59.320 --> 0:12:01.040 as we always do. I'm wearing nothing but a bra 0:12:01.160 --> 0:12:03.920 and some jeans and they're great. They're really voluminous. I 0:12:03.960 --> 0:12:06.080 just did a breastfeed and then came straight in here, 0:12:06.160 --> 0:12:07.679 so yeah, I'm ready. 0:12:07.760 --> 0:12:10.480 Okay. Question number two is a little bit more serious, 0:12:10.520 --> 0:12:12.440 So I'm interested to get your opinion on this, Laura, 0:12:12.480 --> 0:12:14.960 because we do get a lot of questions based around 0:12:15.000 --> 0:12:18.000 this topic, and I'm not convinced I know how to 0:12:18.000 --> 0:12:20.000 deal with it yet. Okay, I've been married for four 0:12:20.120 --> 0:12:22.280 years and we have a two year old girl. Since 0:12:22.280 --> 0:12:25.080 we got married, my mother in law has literally turned 0:12:25.080 --> 0:12:27.760 on me. I always thought we had a good relationship, 0:12:27.760 --> 0:12:29.760 but looking back, I've realized it was a bit of 0:12:29.760 --> 0:12:32.040 a show on her side. I haven't seen her in 0:12:32.040 --> 0:12:34.840 eighteen months now because of her destructive behavior towards me. 0:12:35.240 --> 0:12:37.800 I have never reacted or spoken back to her when 0:12:37.800 --> 0:12:41.040 I've been attacked, and yes, I say attacked. She's literally 0:12:41.160 --> 0:12:43.360 the mother in law from hell. I do complain to 0:12:43.400 --> 0:12:45.920 my husband about it privately, as it really upsets me 0:12:46.080 --> 0:12:48.719 that I always get singled out of family gatherings. The 0:12:48.760 --> 0:12:51.200 thing is, my husband thinks we need to sit down 0:12:51.200 --> 0:12:54.319 and have an intervention. I'm just not sold on this. 0:12:54.720 --> 0:12:57.720 I can see the situation snowballing even further. I know 0:12:57.800 --> 0:12:59.720 I will never get an apology, and I feel for 0:12:59.760 --> 0:13:02.400 my husband being stuck in the middle. But her mind 0:13:02.480 --> 0:13:05.280 is made up about me. Should I confront her and 0:13:05.360 --> 0:13:07.960 have this intervention or do you think I just continue 0:13:07.960 --> 0:13:08.640 to avoid it? 0:13:08.840 --> 0:13:12.160 Oh, this is such a hard one. Now we have Actually, 0:13:12.200 --> 0:13:14.480 you're so right, Brett. We've received so many questions from 0:13:14.520 --> 0:13:17.320 people in regards to how to navigate relationships with in 0:13:17.400 --> 0:13:19.840 laws and with all family members. But I think in 0:13:19.920 --> 0:13:22.680 laws are a really big one because you can treat 0:13:22.720 --> 0:13:25.320 your own family members in a very different way to 0:13:25.360 --> 0:13:27.840 the way that you can treat your partner's mom dad. 0:13:27.920 --> 0:13:30.400 I think because the relationship in the history isn't there. 0:13:30.520 --> 0:13:33.040 You know, and you do expect respect from all of them, 0:13:33.080 --> 0:13:34.760 but you can't come back from it the same with 0:13:34.800 --> 0:13:36.040 your parents in law, do you know what I mean? 0:13:36.080 --> 0:13:37.720 Like you could have a falling out with your mum 0:13:37.760 --> 0:13:40.000 and you'd be fine the next day, Whereas if you 0:13:40.040 --> 0:13:41.960 had that same falling out with your mother in law, 0:13:42.120 --> 0:13:44.360 you wouldn't necessarily be fine the next day, Like you 0:13:44.440 --> 0:13:46.920 just don't have that same relationship all the time. 0:13:47.000 --> 0:13:49.319 But also, I didn't realize until we started this podcast 0:13:49.360 --> 0:13:51.240 group and we do get all your guys' emails, I 0:13:51.240 --> 0:13:53.360 didn't realize how common it was to not have this 0:13:53.480 --> 0:13:56.200 amazing relationship with your in laws. It's we get this 0:13:56.280 --> 0:13:59.080 question every couple of days. This is a really tricky one. 0:13:59.160 --> 0:14:01.440 I think that apart from divorcing your husband, the only 0:14:01.480 --> 0:14:03.880 other thing you can do is sit down and have 0:14:04.000 --> 0:14:06.240 the conversation. Now, I have tried to think of what 0:14:06.240 --> 0:14:08.080 I would want to do in this situation. Your husband 0:14:08.160 --> 0:14:10.640 is right, I think the conversation needs to be had. 0:14:11.360 --> 0:14:14.360 I would want my husband to have the conversation with 0:14:14.480 --> 0:14:17.360 his mother without me to begin with. I would want 0:14:17.440 --> 0:14:19.600 him to speak to her and say almost like it's 0:14:19.600 --> 0:14:22.240 not like it's me bringing it up. It's almost like 0:14:22.320 --> 0:14:24.640 the husband can go to his own mother and say, look, mom, 0:14:24.640 --> 0:14:27.440 I've noticed you know you've singled Sally out a few 0:14:27.480 --> 0:14:29.880 times and have you is there something going on that 0:14:29.960 --> 0:14:32.560 I don't know or has she done something to upset you? 0:14:32.640 --> 0:14:34.440 I just noticed there's a lot of tension there, and 0:14:34.560 --> 0:14:37.320 just make it look like it's an observation on his behalf, 0:14:37.360 --> 0:14:40.120 so he is not attacking his own mother. Also, it's 0:14:40.120 --> 0:14:42.040 not putting you in the middle straight away, because it's 0:14:42.080 --> 0:14:44.640 not like you have come with the complaint yourself. See 0:14:44.680 --> 0:14:47.200 what she says, see what happens, and if she comes 0:14:47.240 --> 0:14:49.960 back with something quite aggressive, or if she's really honest 0:14:50.000 --> 0:14:51.480 and just says she's got an issue, then I think 0:14:51.480 --> 0:14:53.280 you do probably need to all sit down and work 0:14:53.280 --> 0:14:56.120 out what the issue is. Where's it stemmed from and 0:14:56.200 --> 0:14:57.880 what you can do about it to resolve it. 0:14:58.000 --> 0:15:00.360 Yeah, I totally agree. I don't think that's sweet under 0:15:00.360 --> 0:15:02.400 the rug is a good idea because all that's going 0:15:02.440 --> 0:15:04.360 to do is manifest in says something bigger done in 0:15:04.400 --> 0:15:06.480 the line, And like right now, you're probably in a 0:15:06.480 --> 0:15:09.600 situation where it could be salvageable and you could talk 0:15:09.640 --> 0:15:11.680 through it and work it out. And maybe there is 0:15:11.720 --> 0:15:14.120 something that you have done that you're not aware of 0:15:14.240 --> 0:15:17.160 that's been taken out of context or it's been taken personally. 0:15:17.400 --> 0:15:19.360 And you know, maybe your mother in law there's just 0:15:19.480 --> 0:15:21.840 something that's happened that's made her behave the way that 0:15:21.880 --> 0:15:23.880 she's behaved. And in no way am I saying that 0:15:23.920 --> 0:15:26.360 you're at fault. What I'm saying is that maybe she 0:15:26.440 --> 0:15:29.880 has perceived something that's happened in a way that wasn't 0:15:29.960 --> 0:15:31.680 the way you intended, you know. And I think that 0:15:31.680 --> 0:15:35.240 people can misunderstand each other, and misunderstandings that go without 0:15:35.280 --> 0:15:38.640 speaking and without communication can then manifest into something so 0:15:38.760 --> 0:15:41.560 much bigger. But I totally agree with what you just said, Brent. 0:15:41.680 --> 0:15:44.120 I think that once you've committed yourself to somebody else, 0:15:44.160 --> 0:15:46.600 you live with them, especially if you have kids with them, 0:15:46.840 --> 0:15:49.920 that is your nucleus family, and that family needs to 0:15:49.920 --> 0:15:52.520 be given priority. That's the family that you have to nurture, 0:15:52.560 --> 0:15:54.440 do you know mean, because like that's the family that's 0:15:54.480 --> 0:15:56.720 going to see you throughout your good old age. And like, 0:15:56.800 --> 0:16:00.280 as much as your parents are still so important, you 0:16:00.320 --> 0:16:03.240 are the bridge between those two relationships. Your partner has 0:16:03.280 --> 0:16:05.880 to sit down with you, understand what your concerns are, 0:16:05.960 --> 0:16:07.880 and then he has to go and have those conversations 0:16:07.880 --> 0:16:10.120 with your mum because it is up to him to 0:16:10.160 --> 0:16:12.760 be that bridge between the two worlds, especially if he 0:16:12.800 --> 0:16:15.080 wants you guys to have a great relationship. There's a 0:16:15.160 --> 0:16:17.760 massive responsibility on him. And I think often what we 0:16:17.840 --> 0:16:21.240 find is when there is a little bit of tension 0:16:21.360 --> 0:16:24.000 between people, the person who's in the middle goes, I 0:16:24.000 --> 0:16:26.720 don't want to get involved. Well, unfortunately, in this instance, 0:16:26.760 --> 0:16:28.920 he does have to get involved, and I think it's 0:16:28.920 --> 0:16:31.800 a conversation that needs to happen before dragging you into it. 0:16:31.840 --> 0:16:34.160 And then if it's not something or there is a reason, 0:16:34.200 --> 0:16:36.960 then yeah, sit down, have dinner, make it casual. It 0:16:37.000 --> 0:16:38.680 doesn't have to be an attack, it doesn't have to 0:16:38.720 --> 0:16:41.280 be an intervention, which I think sounds very aggressive and 0:16:41.320 --> 0:16:43.880 it sounds very formative, But you can sit down and 0:16:43.880 --> 0:16:46.280 have a conversation about it and explain to her how 0:16:46.320 --> 0:16:48.920 it makes you feel and why it upsets you so much, 0:16:48.960 --> 0:16:50.560 and why you want to get back to a place 0:16:50.600 --> 0:16:53.640 where you feel like you can have a great relationship 0:16:53.680 --> 0:16:53.960 with her. 0:16:54.080 --> 0:16:56.720