Speaker 1: I would like to acknowledge the traditional owners of the
Speaker 1: land on which this episode is being recorded, the Komboo
Speaker 1: Marry people. We pay our respects to elders past, present
Speaker 1: and emerging and extend that respect to all Aboriginal and
Speaker 1: Torres Strait Islander peoples. Today I'm your host, Georgie Stevenson,
Speaker 1: and this is the Rise and Conquer podcast. This is
Speaker 1: the podcast where which have mindset, self development and becoming
Speaker 1: your higher self mix soon with a lot of laughs,
Speaker 1: plus behind the scenes of my life running two businesses
Speaker 1: and being among Think of us as the perfect combo
Speaker 1: of brunch with your besties mixed with self development. No
Speaker 1: matter where you are in your journey, We're here to
Speaker 1: help you be curious, pull yourself out, and embrace radical
Speaker 1: self awareness.
Speaker 2: If you're ready to get into the.
Speaker 1: Driver's seat of your own life and stop letting life
Speaker 1: pass you by, then you're in the right place.
Speaker 2: Hey everyone, welcome back to the potty and Happy Friday.
Speaker 2: Today we have a super fun episode with Cooper. He
Speaker 2: is answering one of the most asked questions we get,
Speaker 2: how to get your partner into self development. He touches
Speaker 2: on how he got into self development how he got
Speaker 2: his partner into it, and also just how you can
Speaker 2: get anyone around you into being interested in it in
Speaker 2: the first place. He also shares a super interesting technique
Speaker 2: that he's been using at the moment for when you
Speaker 2: get into a bit of a heated conversation with someone
Speaker 2: you love, and gives you four magic words that you
Speaker 2: can use to defuse certain situations. I may or may
Speaker 2: not have tested this with my mum, but I can
Speaker 2: confirm it wo. I will pop up a thread in
Speaker 2: the Facebook group where you can share your experience once
Speaker 2: you've tested it out, so be sure to hop in
Speaker 2: there if you're not the link will be in the
Speaker 2: show notes. But now let's get straight into the episode.
Speaker 2: Hey Cooper, Hey dear, welcome back to the podcast. Thank you.
Speaker 2: We're so excited to chat to you today about two things.
Speaker 2: Number one is a question we actually get asked a
Speaker 2: lot in our community that I thought you'd be the
Speaker 2: perfect person to get advice from, and that is how
Speaker 2: can you get your partner into self development?
Speaker 3: So, first of all, I would like to say that
Speaker 3: you can never force people to do things. So the
Speaker 3: question is how to get my partner into self development?
Speaker 3: But there can't be anything around it of force like
Speaker 3: you because I feel it can happen, might not happen.
Speaker 3: Of where you try and force this to your partner
Speaker 3: and like you can do it and it can work
Speaker 3: and it can be good, but it also can be bad.
Speaker 3: Where when you tell someone to do something, they use them,
Speaker 3: don't do it, they do the opposite. A good thing
Speaker 3: is to encourage them, influence them, and like it starts
Speaker 3: from you, doesn't start from putting your stuff on them
Speaker 3: and telling them self, development is the best thing and
Speaker 3: you've got to do it. Yeah, you've got to first
Speaker 3: of all, do it in yourself. So start with yourself.
Speaker 3: And if you're on the journey and you're feeling that
Speaker 3: it could benefit them a lot, bring them into your world,
Speaker 3: like show them what you've been doing, influence them, encourage them,
Speaker 3: and yeah, if you do this in a nice way,
Speaker 3: they might think that's pretty cool. Or if you do something,
Speaker 3: can you get a promotion at work or something else
Speaker 3: happens and you but yeah, so it just it starts
Speaker 3: from you. So if you're pushing something on someone and
Speaker 3: it can kind of sometimes tell that you're not fully
Speaker 3: confident in yourself in that area, like when you're trying
Speaker 3: to convince someone to do something, you've got to do it.
Speaker 2: It's usually when you don't want to do it on
Speaker 2: your own.
Speaker 3: In yourself and you need someone to be there with you.
Speaker 3: So everything starts from you. Like you can never blame
Speaker 3: people for stuff, it's always you. So this is the
Speaker 3: same instance. So yeah, start with yourself, get fully confident
Speaker 3: in doing what you're doing and the journey you're on.
Speaker 2: I'd love to know because we have had a few
Speaker 2: people in the Facebook group mentioned that their partners have
Speaker 2: expressed interest in starting self development, but they're just not
Speaker 2: quite sure where to maybe refer them to or what
Speaker 2: they can start on. What would sort of be your
Speaker 2: commendations on where someone could start.
Speaker 3: For me personally, it was and I have said this
Speaker 3: story before, but it started by listening to books on
Speaker 3: audible and podcasts, So that would be my first thing
Speaker 3: to say to same one. Yeah, and like I chose money,
Speaker 3: I wanted more understanding and I wanted to conquer that. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and so that's where I started and it, yeah, just
Speaker 3: changed everything for me. So I would say that like
Speaker 3: starts gaining knowledge is power, and yeah, go from there.
Speaker 2: And how did you get into manifestation.
Speaker 3: I've kind of just done it naturally, like I've not
Speaker 3: really tried.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I feel like that happens with a lot of boys,
Speaker 2: and it's.
Speaker 3: Really I'm more like I've got a drive and I've
Speaker 3: got a passion. Yeah, and the manifesting like it it
Speaker 3: hands down works and it's it's so powerful. But I
Speaker 3: don't use those words for myself, yeah, because they just
Speaker 3: didn't really because like George's the manifesting guru, yeah, and
Speaker 3: yet the one and yeah, I just never really I
Speaker 3: never really did it, but I was doing it because.
Speaker 2: Like you embodied it, but you didn't consciously practice anything, right,
Speaker 2: And when did you realize that you were manifesting? When
Speaker 2: did you? Like what was the moment where You're like, oh,
Speaker 2: I've actually been doing this the whole time.
Speaker 3: I don't know, probably a couple of years down the
Speaker 3: track with naked harvests, Like I was always always doing
Speaker 3: goals and we're always like we set a year goal
Speaker 3: and we look back on at me and George and
Speaker 3: we would always get it every time. This ship and
Speaker 3: then it then yeah, like it's it's your power of
Speaker 3: what you put on that bit of paper and we
Speaker 3: could have gone bigger numbers than we could have got there.
Speaker 3: So it's just your limiting belief of where you need
Speaker 3: to get to and where you're humbled to get to.
Speaker 3: And I don't know if you think about that, like
Speaker 3: put a big number on or put a big goal
Speaker 3: or something. So, yeah, it's the powers in you. So
Speaker 3: it was you. Everything's you start with you. It's always
Speaker 3: you with everything. But with that question, I was just thinking,
Speaker 3: like in a partnership, usually opposites of track, so it
Speaker 3: could work. Why not, but try and try and figure
Speaker 3: out where they are in their head and put yourself
Speaker 3: in their shoes and the pressures they've got. And if
Speaker 3: it's yeah, towards the ale, like with self development, he
Speaker 3: might not have the space to do it because he's
Speaker 3: got so much stuff going on in his head with
Speaker 3: pressures and I don't know, trying to provide and that
Speaker 3: sort of thing. So put yourself in his shoes or
Speaker 3: her shoes and pitch yourself there. Yeah, and then think
Speaker 3: how can I influence you, encourage you in that way
Speaker 3: so they get down on their level because yeah, they
Speaker 3: might not want to even believe this stuff or that
Speaker 3: sort of thing, and so you try and work out
Speaker 3: how to.
Speaker 2: And would you almost say that it could even work
Speaker 2: better if instead of going I'm going to get you
Speaker 2: into self development kind of thing of like I've been
Speaker 2: really I've been reading this really good book. You might
Speaker 2: like it and just start with things like that.
Speaker 3: Yet Yeah, so just like get on their level and
Speaker 3: get in their head and like, I.
Speaker 2: See what's consuming their mind kind of thing.
Speaker 3: Yeah, ask them some questions. So just ask them questions
Speaker 3: like why why don't they want to do it? I
Speaker 3: always do like that word why I use it all
Speaker 3: the time.
Speaker 2: Does anyone ever feel attacked when you say that?
Speaker 3: Well, you just say it in a nice, safe way,
Speaker 3: ye say, Oh, that's really like supportive if you're ever
Speaker 3: in a conversation if you have said this, like give
Speaker 3: a safe space and be supportive if you're doing that,
Speaker 3: and just say if you're saying like, oh, it'd be
Speaker 3: really hard to do self development with what's going through
Speaker 3: your head, and like you just give them support and
Speaker 3: then they'll they ego will kind of lower down and
Speaker 3: be like and then allow something.
Speaker 2: In right, so like validate how they're feeling, yeah, and
Speaker 2: then ask what support?
Speaker 3: Yeah, just making them feel safe and they might bring
Speaker 3: up something completely different and non related, but you might
Speaker 3: get a good conversation. So like, I ask those deepig questions,
Speaker 3: but not too deep because then your skin.
Speaker 2: But yeah, so well, I know there was something else
Speaker 2: you wanted to talk about on the podcast today. Do
Speaker 2: you want to share with us? I think it flows
Speaker 2: on nicely from what you were just talking about. Ego.
Speaker 3: This has come up a few times in conversations with
Speaker 3: friends and family and in a conversation when you're in
Speaker 3: the fight or flight mode and someone's wants to be right.
Speaker 3: M So it's a big thing that our egos need
Speaker 3: to be right. And I got this from a book.
Speaker 3: It's not what book, but the author's Wayne Dyer. All
Speaker 3: this stuff. He's the man, yeah, and what he preaches
Speaker 3: and what he tells people to do in conflict in
Speaker 3: those situations. I do this with my wife as well,
Speaker 3: and I give her the information so she can use
Speaker 3: it on me. And just don't do that too much.
Speaker 3: Though I've heard that, oh you kind of use it
Speaker 3: too much, then it won't work. But you use it
Speaker 3: here when it needs to be done. Otherwise, if you
Speaker 3: do it too much, you just like shut the hell up,
Speaker 3: because sometimes you need to let it out yeah, And
Speaker 3: it's yeah to lower the ego because when you're arguing.
Speaker 2: You want to be right absolutely.
Speaker 3: Yes. So when someone comes in and says, I don't know,
Speaker 3: you go into a party. I think he kind of
Speaker 3: says that, why did you put the food out on
Speaker 3: the table like that? It's such a weird way, like
Speaker 3: you should have done it this way, yeah, or something
Speaker 3: in those lines of like you should have done it
Speaker 3: like that like this, yeah, and you say four words
Speaker 3: and those four words are you're right about that? I
Speaker 3: have to make it.
Speaker 2: I know. It's full.
Speaker 3: Pressure, so funny. Yeah. So when they say those things,
Speaker 3: like you picture it in your head and they're trying
Speaker 3: to be right, and you're like, you should have done
Speaker 3: it like that, and you just say, yeah, you're right
Speaker 3: about that.
Speaker 2: What are they going to do? But can't do anything?
Speaker 3: You can't do anything, And then their ego just goes down,
Speaker 3: like I'll be my mind's down, just lowers down. And
Speaker 3: then they might try and bring it up again because
Speaker 3: they might say, oh, well, next time, do it this way.
Speaker 3: You're going to do it that way, and then you say, no.
Speaker 2: Probably not.
Speaker 3: I'm going to do it my way because that's what
Speaker 3: I want now, and they might say no, but this
Speaker 3: is a better way. Then you say, yeah, you're right
Speaker 3: about that. It's like, so it's a really cool tool
Speaker 3: I've been using and you can use it anywhere in
Speaker 3: any conversation when it gets heated, like let them be right?
Speaker 2: And how do you almost stop that from I guess
Speaker 2: being a rollercoaster because in my head when you told
Speaker 2: that story, it's like they ask you and you say, yeah,
Speaker 2: you're right, and then they have to kind of back off.
Speaker 2: And then if they follow up and say, you know,
Speaker 2: do that like the next time, you're not gonna lie,
Speaker 2: so you say no, I'm probably gonna do it my
Speaker 2: way again, and then it like almost fires back up
Speaker 2: again and they need to be right. So is it
Speaker 2: just sort of like you just keep saying that until
Speaker 2: they just don't ask again.
Speaker 3: If you want to, but test it out like it yeah,
Speaker 3: probably won't go or because they'll figure out I'm not
Speaker 3: getting anywhere with this person because yeah, they're so content
Speaker 3: and not getting fired up. They probably want to fight, yeah,
Speaker 3: and they want that conflict, but you're not giving it
Speaker 3: to him, and then they just think.
Speaker 2: And how have you I guess navigated the difference of
Speaker 2: knowing when to do that and when that person just
Speaker 2: needs to like let a bit of steam out and
Speaker 2: to guys, I guess let them just be angry.
Speaker 3: Well, another thing you can kind of do is put
Speaker 3: yourself in their shoes. Yeah, so I said this this
Speaker 3: morning to my mom and dad. And like when someone's
Speaker 3: grumpy when they're working or something, can they're grumpy and
Speaker 3: they're giving you your bad energy and you just think, man,
Speaker 3: that guy's so grumpy, like you get aggressive and you're like, yeah,
Speaker 3: but like imagine being them if they've had something personal
Speaker 3: big in their life happen and they're just having a
Speaker 3: bad day. And I'm getting this off when Diane as well,
Speaker 3: and he says, like, just say some nice words, Just say,
Speaker 3: oh man, this job would be so hard, Like you've
Speaker 3: got such a hard job, you do so such an
Speaker 3: amazing job and you're doing so well, like it must
Speaker 3: you must be a bit tired or I don't know,
Speaker 3: say something nice and then that's their ego down and
Speaker 3: they're like thanks so much for noticing, because I just
Speaker 3: want to be noticed or they have some sort of
Speaker 3: need and because if you just think if you fire up,
Speaker 3: they're going to fire back. And yeah, it's the ego again,
Speaker 3: and you kind of just don't let that happen. And yeah,
Speaker 3: your instincts might be to go for it. Yeah, but
Speaker 3: if you've got enough time, sometimes you don't, but to
Speaker 3: take three deep breaths in your belly and that really
Speaker 3: calms your nervous system down.
Speaker 2: And how have you worked on I guess being so
Speaker 2: aware of like your instinct to I guess fire back
Speaker 2: and stop yoursel well from doing that. Is it just
Speaker 2: like the conscious breadths before you say anything back? Or
Speaker 2: do you have any other tips on because I'm a
Speaker 2: bit of a fiery person as well. And if someone
Speaker 2: you're you haven't seen it yet, I can be But
Speaker 2: if someone like pushes a button, I struggle, Like as
Speaker 2: soon as I've said the thing, I'm like, oh, I
Speaker 2: shouldn't have I just should have kept quiet. They're obviously
Speaker 2: just having a bad day. But how did you bring
Speaker 2: that awareness from like after you've said it too, before
Speaker 2: you say it? It's just practice.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so you kind of you catch yourself and that's
Speaker 3: the first thing, and being aware of it, because not
Speaker 3: many people aren't even aware and they just go for it.
Speaker 3: So being aware is the first thing. And then you
Speaker 3: go from there. When that happens again, I'm not going
Speaker 3: to do that thing. Yeah, I'm gonna be more content
Speaker 3: and be more calm and how can I do that?
Speaker 3: And you figure out a plan and yeah, step by
Speaker 3: step it becomes you get like evidence that you're trying
Speaker 3: to not be that person that's aggressive. And yeah, you
Speaker 3: get to the point where it might just get you,
Speaker 3: because it'll get you and you might even just close
Speaker 3: your eyes and go and then go for it. There's
Speaker 3: something really simple or like, yeah, just keep practicing it
Speaker 3: if you want to do it though.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, the powers in you, yeah.
Speaker 3: To me than anyone else. So yeah, that's a that's
Speaker 3: a cool thing I've been doing and it's been working
Speaker 3: really well.
Speaker 2: I love that. I actually can't wait to try that words.
Speaker 3: You're right about that.
Speaker 2: You're right about that music. I feel so wrong to say,
Speaker 2: like so cat, yeah, you're right about that.
Speaker 3: Try it. Everyone, try it.
Speaker 2: Everyone try it will pop up both thread in the
Speaker 2: Facebook group and let us know how it felt and
Speaker 2: if it worked yep.
Speaker 3: Because if they're yeah, I can just picture it like
Speaker 3: someone coming.
Speaker 2: Home fully get thrown off guard.
Speaker 3: And then like yeah, you're in. You're in a relationship
Speaker 3: and you're getting home and the other person's had not
Speaker 3: much sleep, and then you do something wrong that doesn't
Speaker 3: make sense and they fire back at you. Just say, yeah,
Speaker 3: you're right about that. You must be having a really
Speaker 3: bad day. And then just.
Speaker 2: See, they'll calm down.
Speaker 3: They'll be like, I am having a bad day, thanks
Speaker 3: for noticing, and then you'll have a good conversation.
Speaker 2: I love that. Thank you for sharing, Cooper. It's all right,
Speaker 2: and we'll see everyone in the next episode.
Speaker 1: Thanks everyone, Thank you so much for listening to another
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