WEBVTT - Did We Kill ⚰️The Sassy Man? 🤴🏻💀 💅🏻 0:00:01.600 --> 0:00:02.960 Flex and Frooms. 0:00:02.560 --> 0:00:05.320 Flex and fromes. This is the Flex and Frooms catch 0:00:05.360 --> 0:00:06.000 up podcast. 0:00:06.800 --> 0:00:09.000 It is Flexing Rooms on kater. If you've spent any 0:00:09.039 --> 0:00:11.119 time on the internet, I'm on, you would have noticed 0:00:11.119 --> 0:00:14.360 a trend popping up. It's called the sassy man apocalypse. 0:00:14.680 --> 0:00:18.919 It is what it says, sassy men and it being 0:00:19.000 --> 0:00:21.279 the end of what we consider to be the world 0:00:21.320 --> 0:00:24.000 as we know it now. For those of you who 0:00:24.000 --> 0:00:26.880 haven't encountered a sassy man or you're unfamiliar with what 0:00:26.920 --> 0:00:29.280 that might mean, it's a social phenomenon where men are 0:00:29.320 --> 0:00:35.360 observed behaving femininely or sassily. It's generally playful, but some 0:00:35.479 --> 0:00:40.279 are misogyny coded or people just making fun of men 0:00:40.360 --> 0:00:43.640 behaving like women. It's two or three prong depending on 0:00:43.680 --> 0:00:45.599 who's who's coming at you with it. So here are 0:00:45.600 --> 0:00:50.159 some examples of a sassy man being a passenger princess, 0:00:50.600 --> 0:00:52.800 your girls in the in the driver's seat, you're in 0:00:52.840 --> 0:00:55.560 the side seat on your phone, scrolling TikTok as assassin 0:00:55.720 --> 0:00:59.240 about that, him being moody when he's hungry. Sassy man 0:00:59.280 --> 0:01:02.680 behavior a ledge getting upset at youth, not getting a 0:01:02.680 --> 0:01:06.840 good photo of him. Sassy man behavior complaining about his 0:01:06.880 --> 0:01:09.679 friends not going to the restaurant he wanted sassy man behavior. 0:01:09.840 --> 0:01:13.039 Now you're wondering where are these examples coming from? I TikTok. 0:01:13.480 --> 0:01:16.360 I scrolled through the hashtag, through the trend, I thought, 0:01:16.520 --> 0:01:19.720 how deep does this really go? It's quite shallow, but 0:01:19.760 --> 0:01:23.040 I'll keep going. Him getting annoyed when his girlfriend stops 0:01:23.080 --> 0:01:26.160 rubbing his back, him saying you don't love him because 0:01:26.160 --> 0:01:28.559 you didn't text good morning. That's giving. 0:01:28.640 --> 0:01:31.400 That's like bordering into lack manipulation territory. 0:01:31.400 --> 0:01:36.440 But all right, cleyon. So basically what's happening is like cis, 0:01:36.440 --> 0:01:40.280 hetero men are going against their typical popular masculine coding 0:01:40.400 --> 0:01:44.640 and feeling and complaining and wanting to be perceived and 0:01:44.720 --> 0:01:47.600 to be noticed and to be acknowledged and to be 0:01:47.960 --> 0:01:51.160 given the same kind of considerations as their women counterparts would. 0:01:51.520 --> 0:01:55.080 And what's ironic about that is like women aren't liking it. 0:01:55.760 --> 0:01:59.480 I've heard of this, right, It's like when like when 0:01:59.480 --> 0:02:00.880 I went through my he's just not let in two 0:02:01.000 --> 0:02:03.760 faces and I was going on redd at heaps and like, 0:02:04.680 --> 0:02:08.040 but let's like ask men or something threads and they're like, 0:02:08.800 --> 0:02:12.320 have you ever like opened up to like. The question 0:02:12.440 --> 0:02:15.120 was like, what is something that everyone tells you should 0:02:15.120 --> 0:02:16.960 do that you do that backfight and it was like 0:02:17.520 --> 0:02:21.480 being like sharing my emotions with my girlfriend and then 0:02:21.520 --> 0:02:22.000 being like. 0:02:22.040 --> 0:02:24.920 Ill being emotionally vulnerable. And you might say, Okay, maybe 0:02:24.919 --> 0:02:28.480 this is just conjecture or correlation doesn't equal causation. It's 0:02:28.520 --> 0:02:30.959 not every woman that hates when a man is being 0:02:31.240 --> 0:02:34.240 openly vulnerable. And there's a difference between being openly vulnerable 0:02:34.280 --> 0:02:37.160 and being sassy. These things are definitely true. It did 0:02:37.200 --> 0:02:39.120 remind me, however, of a book that I was reading 0:02:39.200 --> 0:02:41.600 by a black feminist author called Belle Hooks, and the 0:02:41.600 --> 0:02:44.120 book is called The Will to Change, and it's about 0:02:44.160 --> 0:02:48.160 masculinity and how in order for us to better understand men, 0:02:48.360 --> 0:02:52.320 we need to understand masculinity in all forms, patriarchy, positive 0:02:52.360 --> 0:02:55.359 and toxic masculinity, and really start to lead with love 0:02:55.400 --> 0:02:58.320 when we have these conversations about men, and especially two men. 0:02:58.919 --> 0:03:01.720 But she talked about how we don't actually want men 0:03:01.760 --> 0:03:05.480 to be sensitive emotionally. We're a nuance. We often shame 0:03:05.680 --> 0:03:07.760 men back into their gender role. And so you have 0:03:07.800 --> 0:03:10.040 a man who's like, I don't feel cared for when 0:03:10.040 --> 0:03:12.320 you don't when you aren't physically affectionate, or I don't 0:03:12.320 --> 0:03:14.600 feel seen when you don't say good morning the first thing, 0:03:14.880 --> 0:03:16.680 and then we throw it back at them, Oh you're 0:03:16.720 --> 0:03:19.560 so sassy or you're being girly? What's this about? Like, 0:03:19.600 --> 0:03:22.800 why don't you just can't you emotionally soothe yourself? Aren't 0:03:22.800 --> 0:03:26.200 you masculine? Do you see the irony? It's not good, babe. 0:03:26.280 --> 0:03:29.320 I like to think I wouldn't do that, but but yeah, 0:03:29.360 --> 0:03:29.800 I think. 0:03:30.200 --> 0:03:32.320 And yet we have to be mindful about how we 0:03:32.400 --> 0:03:36.080 reinforce these gender roles because it's very like covert. But 0:03:36.200 --> 0:03:39.240 the quote that uh, she's the quote in particular is 0:03:39.880 --> 0:03:42.320 it stands to reason then that the masses of women 0:03:42.360 --> 0:03:45.520 committed to the sexist principle that men who express their 0:03:45.520 --> 0:03:48.800 feelings are weak really don't want to hear men speak, 0:03:49.040 --> 0:03:51.960 especially if what they say is that they feel hurt 0:03:52.280 --> 0:03:55.760 or that they feel unloved. The cracks of the sassy 0:03:55.800 --> 0:03:59.040 man apocalypse is men letting you know that they are 0:03:59.080 --> 0:04:03.840 whole people, and the women who are on the other 0:04:03.920 --> 0:04:06.840 end of this behavior like be less whole because now 0:04:06.880 --> 0:04:08.840 I have to be accountable to you in some way, 0:04:08.880 --> 0:04:10.360 and I don't want to do that. If you have 0:04:10.400 --> 0:04:12.320 any thoughts on the sasi Amount Apocalypse. I'd love to 0:04:12.320 --> 0:04:13.960 hear it because I'm not done speaking about it, but 0:04:14.000 --> 0:04:15.680 you know, we've got more of a show to do 0:04:16.360 --> 0:04:19.279 this podcast. Yes, yes, If you have more thoughts about 0:04:19.279 --> 0:04:21.359 the sas Amount Apocalypse, definitely hit us up on Instagram. 0:04:21.360 --> 0:04:22.280 It's Flex and frooms. 0:04:22.400 --> 0:04:24.240 There's a polar guist outside of the studio. There's a 0:04:24.279 --> 0:04:27.320 light turning on and off. Is this like an emergency? 0:04:28.200 --> 0:04:28.600 They say? 0:04:28.640 --> 0:04:28.960 Definitely? 0:04:29.240 --> 0:04:33.080 Not all not all men. Yes, how do you feel 0:04:33.080 --> 0:04:34.040 about sax Amount Apocalypse? 0:04:34.120 --> 0:04:34.280 For me? 0:04:34.320 --> 0:04:35.360 Have you heard about this trend? 0:04:35.600 --> 0:04:35.680 No? 0:04:35.760 --> 0:04:36.679 Have you seen it in action? 0:04:37.440 --> 0:04:39.880 Or have I seen in action? Like I've always had 0:04:39.920 --> 0:04:43.799 guy friends that have been able to like have conversations 0:04:44.240 --> 0:04:48.279 with me, like you know how Like the typical idea 0:04:48.360 --> 0:04:50.440 is like people like, oh, I'm only friends with guys, 0:04:50.880 --> 0:04:53.680 you know that whole rhetoric like they pick me, Oh yeah, 0:04:53.720 --> 0:04:57.080 Like I would say that this might be meta meta 0:04:57.120 --> 0:04:58.800 pick me with me to say, but like, oh, I 0:04:58.839 --> 0:05:00.920 was a drama girl, so I had heat of guy friends. 0:05:02.400 --> 0:05:03.000 I don't even know. 0:05:04.440 --> 0:05:05.839 What I'm trying to say. So I was like friends 0:05:05.839 --> 0:05:08.200 a lot of drama guys. That would be definitely very 0:05:08.240 --> 0:05:09.400 much in the sassy camp. 0:05:09.480 --> 0:05:10.080 Got it right. 0:05:10.160 --> 0:05:18.360 It's giving in touch with the emotions, and I I 0:05:18.520 --> 0:05:21.840 liked it. I feel like I've grown up with like 0:05:21.920 --> 0:05:25.560 my dad, for example, is very like masculine vibes, but 0:05:25.600 --> 0:05:27.760 also he's actually really sensitive. So I've kind of seen 0:05:27.800 --> 0:05:34.240 the dichotomy of like having a feeling and then expressing 0:05:34.279 --> 0:05:36.039 it in a certain way, like and then how it 0:05:36.120 --> 0:05:39.000 kind of like comes through the prism of the way 0:05:39.040 --> 0:05:41.840 he's been socialized when he just has the same like 0:05:42.120 --> 0:05:45.359 emotional vibes as me, like very emotional, very like quick 0:05:45.400 --> 0:05:49.039 to feel an emotion and like respond, did I use 0:05:49.080 --> 0:05:50.800 the economy right? There? Is it not quite right? 0:05:50.839 --> 0:05:52.400 It doesn't matter. I got your vibe. 0:05:52.440 --> 0:05:56.120 Yeah. And I remember my uncle used to teach me 0:05:56.160 --> 0:05:58.279 when I was a kid, don't go their girlfriend and 0:05:58.320 --> 0:06:01.479 you're doing. And I don't think that was him because like, 0:06:01.520 --> 0:06:03.159 I feel like for a long time, the whole sassy 0:06:03.160 --> 0:06:04.840 thing has been used in a way that is like 0:06:06.320 --> 0:06:12.200 what's it called, uh not, what's it called when you 0:06:12.400 --> 0:06:18.040 discriminate against LGBGQI plus men homophobic? Like I feel like 0:06:18.080 --> 0:06:20.520 a lot of this kind of like sassy was very 0:06:20.520 --> 0:06:25.400 early two thousands homophobic coded like movie style stuff. So 0:06:25.440 --> 0:06:26.880 I think we're getting beyond it, but I do wonder 0:06:26.920 --> 0:06:28.880 if there is a hangover for people in our generation 0:06:29.279 --> 0:06:31.560 where we've grown up with these movies that are like 0:06:31.560 --> 0:06:33.240 like I've watched in early two thousands of movie the 0:06:33.240 --> 0:06:35.920 other day and I was like, on the plane back 0:06:35.920 --> 0:06:39.720 from New York, I was shocked by how many jokes 0:06:39.760 --> 0:06:42.599 about a man being gay there was, like it was 0:06:43.000 --> 0:06:46.880 open slaver. And so I wonder if there's like kind 0:06:46.880 --> 0:06:53.800 of this like hangover of thinking that, Yeah, don't. I 0:06:53.800 --> 0:06:55.280 don't know what I'm trying to say. 0:06:55.400 --> 0:06:59.480 I will say, sassy men in my type personally, and 0:06:59.560 --> 0:07:04.120 all my favorite men are by this definition sasy men 0:07:04.279 --> 0:07:07.760 being raised by women, being emotionally aware, being able to 0:07:09.800 --> 0:07:11.560 engage with me like I engage with them. It's the 0:07:11.600 --> 0:07:14.160 same thing. Or maybe I'm like more masculine, you know 0:07:14.200 --> 0:07:16.240 what I mean? Who knows? All our coding is confusing, 0:07:16.400 --> 0:07:21.800 But I will say why. I think I think it's 0:07:21.840 --> 0:07:26.040 ironic that we're phrasing this kind of like emotional sentience 0:07:26.120 --> 0:07:29.160 of men as an apocalypse, like that phrasing the sassy 0:07:29.280 --> 0:07:32.240 men apocalypse. We're not talking it. We're not talking it 0:07:32.640 --> 0:07:35.720 but sorry, we're not saying it's patriarchy two point zero 0:07:35.800 --> 0:07:40.480 or positive masculinity or modern masculinity. It's been called the 0:07:40.480 --> 0:07:44.880 sassy man apocalypse. It's being inferred that it's silly and 0:07:44.960 --> 0:07:50.200 that it's juvenile, and that it's reactive, and that it 0:07:50.320 --> 0:07:53.920 is not to be taken seriously, and that I think 0:07:53.960 --> 0:07:57.360 is really tricky because if I was to use any 0:07:57.360 --> 0:07:59.840 of these phrases I said earlier, these quotes or these 0:08:00.200 --> 0:08:03.200 identifies being a passenger princess, being moody when you're hungry. 0:08:03.440 --> 0:08:04.680 But I said it was a woman who did it. 0:08:04.680 --> 0:08:07.360 You tay, Oh, that's that's the woman experience. Like we 0:08:07.400 --> 0:08:10.280 are living life, that's just what we're doing. But I 0:08:10.360 --> 0:08:13.239 feel like it's kind of ironic that we can't see 0:08:13.920 --> 0:08:15.560 it for what it is when the shoe is on 0:08:15.600 --> 0:08:18.040 the other foot. I'm not just moody when I'm hungry 0:08:18.040 --> 0:08:21.200 for no reason. I've maybe assessed in the dynamic that 0:08:21.280 --> 0:08:24.360 you're I'm your responsibility and you've let it go for 0:08:24.400 --> 0:08:28.680 too long and now I'm annoyed. Or let's say I 0:08:28.960 --> 0:08:32.240 got annoyed that you didn't send me a good morning text. Isolated, 0:08:32.360 --> 0:08:34.040 you might say, oh, that feels like a little bit 0:08:34.040 --> 0:08:36.960 emotionally an adminipulative, But no, there's a responsibility between two 0:08:37.440 --> 0:08:39.360 people who are in a partnership for you to check 0:08:39.400 --> 0:08:42.400 on me and me to check on you. When if 0:08:42.440 --> 0:08:44.280 I can imagine, if I said, oh, this is this 0:08:44.320 --> 0:08:46.680 is a woman existing, you'd be like, oh, yeah, I 0:08:46.679 --> 0:08:49.640 can see those sensitivities. I can understand. But as soon 0:08:49.640 --> 0:08:51.880 as a man wants that same consideration, I don't think 0:08:51.880 --> 0:08:55.360 we're really well equipped to dole it back in a 0:08:55.360 --> 0:08:58.400 way that's respecting of how they'd want to receive love 0:08:58.440 --> 0:09:00.960 and partnership and to be acknowledged. And that I think 0:09:01.040 --> 0:09:05.240 is really it's lame number one, and it proves how 0:09:06.400 --> 0:09:11.480 much progress we haven't made, especially in feminism. Like when 0:09:11.920 --> 0:09:15.440 modern women talk about feminism, it's still very women centered, 0:09:15.480 --> 0:09:17.960 as it should be, but we have to interact with 0:09:18.280 --> 0:09:21.000 heaps of non women and we don't know how to yet, 0:09:21.240 --> 0:09:24.160 and so we're encouraging all this behavior. We just want 0:09:24.160 --> 0:09:25.839 men who can tell us how they feel and who 0:09:25.840 --> 0:09:28.400 aren't afraid to just be themselves and be comfortable, and 0:09:28.440 --> 0:09:29.800 then when they do, we're like. 0:09:29.960 --> 0:09:32.520 Ah, doing it wrong, You're. 0:09:32.400 --> 0:09:35.120 Doing it wrong. Can you that with like less feeling 0:09:36.679 --> 0:09:39.400 and you have your back up straight, definitely chest out. 0:09:39.880 --> 0:09:41.880 You know, that would be really really good if you 0:09:41.880 --> 0:09:44.200 could do that. And just like maybe don't cry when 0:09:44.240 --> 0:09:46.440 you're upset because that makes me feel kind of weird. 0:09:47.400 --> 0:09:50.360 But like tell me, but don't say you're sad, because 0:09:50.480 --> 0:09:52.920 I so you're going through. 0:09:53.040 --> 0:09:55.480 We didn't even bring up IX. This is what that is. 0:09:55.880 --> 0:09:59.000 This is completely related. Yeah, it's the same. 0:09:58.760 --> 0:10:03.600 Thing, just people expressing their human behavior. And I do 0:10:03.640 --> 0:10:05.720 think the sassy Man Apocalypse is going to backfire in 0:10:05.720 --> 0:10:08.720 a really bad way. People are already teetering too close 0:10:08.720 --> 0:10:11.560 to fem cell in Cell, you know, we're already onto 0:10:11.920 --> 0:10:14.200 two of the most extreme extremes there is. 0:10:14.400 --> 0:10:16.000 Can we do an episode on theem cell because I 0:10:16.040 --> 0:10:18.280 hadn't really heard that before. Yeah, we can. I'll write 0:10:18.280 --> 0:10:18.559 it down. 0:10:18.640 --> 0:10:18.920 Thank you? 0:10:19.240 --> 0:10:21.080 Cell. Did that make sense at all? 0:10:21.120 --> 0:10:22.320 When it always makes sense? 0:10:22.480 --> 0:10:24.920 Okay? Yeah, I hope you guys knew what I meant 0:10:25.320 --> 0:10:30.319 you ate with flexrooms. You've been listening to The Flex 0:10:30.360 --> 0:10:33.400 and Froom's daily podcast. For more, tune into cater on 0:10:33.480 --> 0:10:35.600 DAB or stream it on iHeartRadio.