WEBVTT - MINI: Britt's latest fertility journey update

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<v Speaker 1>So if you guys have been following along with my

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<v Speaker 1>fertility journey, it's something that I've been going on. I

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<v Speaker 1>mean it's been going for the last couple of years.

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<v Speaker 1>I've been speaking very openly of the years about my

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<v Speaker 1>egg freezing purely because I'm in my mid thirties now,

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<v Speaker 1>my fertility, as most people does around this time, starts

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<v Speaker 1>to deteriorate. So I did the egg freezing a few

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<v Speaker 1>times and I haven't spoken about this yet, but last year,

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<v Speaker 1>mid to the end of last year, so I decided

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<v Speaker 1>that with in my situation and with my fertility and

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<v Speaker 1>the way it was going, that I should be freezing embryos,

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<v Speaker 1>not just eggs. I should make real babies and put

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<v Speaker 1>them on ice because you have more of a chance

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<v Speaker 1>of success in the future.

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<v Speaker 2>Britan embryo is like when you inseminate an egg from

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<v Speaker 2>you with your partner Ben's.

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<v Speaker 1>Sperm, So I, well, you can do it with anyone sperm,

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<v Speaker 1>you can do a donusperm. But I did this experience

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<v Speaker 1>with my partner Ben, who lives in Scotland, so he

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<v Speaker 1>came over here to do it, which was amazing, and

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<v Speaker 1>we just decided as a couple that that's what we

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<v Speaker 1>wanted to try and do, and then I literally thought, cool,

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<v Speaker 1>I've made the decision. We'll make an embryo. I'll forget

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<v Speaker 1>about it. There is no part of me that thought

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<v Speaker 1>I would walk away from that situation with no embryos, nothing,

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<v Speaker 1>and that's exactly what happened. And I guess I was

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<v Speaker 1>faced with this. I knew my fertility was not great,

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<v Speaker 1>but not one percent of me thought I would walk

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<v Speaker 1>away empty handed. And it was a real slap in

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<v Speaker 1>the face. So basically, I got a few embryos. And

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<v Speaker 1>the way it works is you get them on the spot,

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<v Speaker 1>right walk you wake up from the anesthetic, then struck them.

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<v Speaker 1>They make them right there. Yeah, it's amazing embrya Well

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<v Speaker 1>you can yeah, yeah, you can walk out when you

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<v Speaker 1>wake up from the anesthetic, and your doctor will tell

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<v Speaker 1>you how many she thinks you're going to have, But

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<v Speaker 1>that's not how many you end up with, because that's

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<v Speaker 1>how many on that day. But what happens is it

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<v Speaker 1>takes like six days for them to grow in a

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<v Speaker 1>little petri dish, and like, some of them won't grow

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<v Speaker 1>all the way, some of them will make it, some

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<v Speaker 1>will have an normality or whatever. So I started with

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<v Speaker 1>a couple, so I was feeling really good, and then

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<v Speaker 1>come day six, I only had one left. And then

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<v Speaker 1>we did some genetic testing, and I paid extra to

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<v Speaker 1>do the genetic testing, which was just a choice that

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<v Speaker 1>we made, and unfortunately it came back with a really

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<v Speaker 1>really rare abnormality that I think like twelve or thirteen

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<v Speaker 1>kids in the world were born with it because most

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<v Speaker 1>most of these embryos won't make it to gestation, they

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<v Speaker 1>won't make it to a live birth, and if they

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<v Speaker 1>do make it to a live birth, they don't last

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<v Speaker 1>very long.

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<v Speaker 2>Oh Earth started devastating.

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<v Speaker 1>It was really devastating. So I remember getting that call

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<v Speaker 1>in the middle of the night because I was overseas

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<v Speaker 1>at the time, and my geneticis called me and it's like,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm so sorry, but your one embryo hasn't developed and

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<v Speaker 1>we won't be going further with it because it's not

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<v Speaker 1>viable with life. At some point that that child will die,

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<v Speaker 1>whether it's miscarriage or early days of life. And I

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<v Speaker 1>wasn't ready for that because firstly, I just thought, what

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<v Speaker 1>do you mean, there's none like how But I just

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<v Speaker 1>paid all this money and science and I did hormones

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<v Speaker 1>for three weeks, and I've gone under for like the

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<v Speaker 1>third under and nine and sake for a third time,

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<v Speaker 1>and I've extracted it and I've waited for six days

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<v Speaker 1>and I've watched it and what do you mean, there's

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<v Speaker 1>none She's like, there's just none, Like it's sometimes that's

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<v Speaker 1>how it is. And I just got this real a

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<v Speaker 1>feeling that I can't explain. And I guess that's why

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<v Speaker 1>it's taken me so long to talk about. And I

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<v Speaker 1>know so many women go through this ten times more

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<v Speaker 1>than I have, Like they do so many rounds, and

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<v Speaker 1>I just can't imagine what that feels like when that's

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<v Speaker 1>all you want, the feeling of, like not just disappointment

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<v Speaker 1>and shock. But I was like, oh my god, I've

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<v Speaker 1>let my partner down. Yeah, like I all this pressure

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<v Speaker 1>for a family. There's two people here and he can't

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<v Speaker 1>do anything, and it's my body that's not working quote unquote,

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<v Speaker 1>and there's a real feeling of the weight of the

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<v Speaker 1>pressure of failure and ruining someone else's life if they want.

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<v Speaker 2>Kids, their opportunity to have children.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, it's really hard.

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<v Speaker 2>That's such a huge responsibility that you feel as though

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<v Speaker 2>you're taking on in that moment, because it's not I mean,

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<v Speaker 2>you went through and had another round of testing and

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<v Speaker 2>also of like trying to create embryos. But I just

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<v Speaker 2>feel for any woman out there who feels as though

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<v Speaker 2>that the sole responsibility falls onto them and that they're

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<v Speaker 2>a failure if they can't provide this, because it's not

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<v Speaker 2>the only reason why you're not put on this earth

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<v Speaker 2>is to have children. Like, there's so much value to

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<v Speaker 2>your relationship and to your life regardless of whether you

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<v Speaker 2>do or don't have kids. How did Benny take it?

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<v Speaker 2>Your partner?

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<v Speaker 1>Was he all right, Oh, Ben's incredible. He really wants

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<v Speaker 1>to be a dad, but he doesn't have put pressure

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<v Speaker 1>on me at all, and he has said like he

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<v Speaker 1>was perfect in that moment. I didn't wake him up

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<v Speaker 1>and tell him. Actually, I remember going out to the

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<v Speaker 1>land room and I just cried the whole night and

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<v Speaker 1>I slept out there, and I didn't want to put

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<v Speaker 1>that on him, so I just like, and I did

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<v Speaker 1>all this research about the chromosobal at chromosomal abnormality that

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<v Speaker 1>embryo had. I just like spent the whole night looking

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<v Speaker 1>it up because I was like, oh my god, does

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<v Speaker 1>this mean all of our children are going to have

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<v Speaker 1>this because I didn't have enough time to go through

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<v Speaker 1>it with a specialist. But he was amazing. He said,

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<v Speaker 1>I want kids, but I want you more, like it's

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<v Speaker 1>not a choice. It's not a choice for me, Like I.

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<v Speaker 2>Was such a beautiful yeah response.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, he's like, I will because I get that kids

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<v Speaker 1>are non negotiable for a lot of people, like in

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<v Speaker 1>a relationship, there are people that just the be all

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<v Speaker 1>and end all. But I think it's different when it's

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<v Speaker 1>not a choice. It's different when I'm not saying I

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<v Speaker 1>don't want them. I was just saying, look, I couldn't

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<v Speaker 1>provide you with that at this time. But what I

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<v Speaker 1>do want to say is I don't want this just

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<v Speaker 1>to be a real doom and gloom. It was, and

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<v Speaker 1>I know for a lot of women it was. But

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<v Speaker 1>we let a couple of months go by and then

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<v Speaker 1>we did it again and my specialist gave me like

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<v Speaker 1>double the hormones and it was the worst couple of

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<v Speaker 1>weeks ever. I was all right previously, but with the

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<v Speaker 1>extra hormones, it was really really tough, and my partner

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<v Speaker 1>Ben flew over and because he was worried that I

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<v Speaker 1>would get a bad result again.

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<v Speaker 2>And going through it alone.

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<v Speaker 1>So he flew over just for a couple of days

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<v Speaker 1>to look after me, and I am very happy to

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<v Speaker 1>report that with this extra embryo, with the extra hormones,

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<v Speaker 1>we did get three embryos, So after like six months,

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<v Speaker 1>we did get a couple. So we do have three

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<v Speaker 1>that there for one day when I wanted to trust them,

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<v Speaker 1>but I just wanted to say it only because I

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<v Speaker 1>know so many women go through this and it's not

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<v Speaker 1>spoken about, and this enormous pressure that's put on ourselves

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<v Speaker 1>by ourselves and by society. It's it shouldn't be like that,

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<v Speaker 1>and I just want people to know that if you're

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<v Speaker 1>going through it, you're one hundred percent not alone. You've

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<v Speaker 1>been talking about this on this show for like the

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<v Speaker 1>better half of the year, so you can podcast it

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<v Speaker 1>too on iHeart.

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<v Speaker 2>If you on Life un Cut, your podcast, you've been

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<v Speaker 2>speaking about it for a long time.

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<v Speaker 1>It's a big episode on Life Uncut that we did

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<v Speaker 1>just last week. If you guys want to go and

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<v Speaker 1>hear more, we'll see all tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 2>Goo bye, guys.