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Speaker 1: It's a woman woody podcast, minis.

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Speaker 2: But when you're in a rush or just can't be

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Speaker 2: bothered listening to them blather on for half an hour.

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Speaker 3: Do you think it's hard for guys to be vulnerable

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Speaker 3: in the bedroom? Yeah, saucy question to start the show.

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Speaker 4: No, it's an interesting and we don't go into the

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Speaker 4: specifics there. This is a family friendly show, but it's

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Speaker 4: super interesting to think about are you vulnerable enough to

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Speaker 4: truly ask for what you want in the bedroom, especially

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Speaker 4: if that goes against you know, the archetypal matro man

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Speaker 4: and what he's supposed to look like in a bedroom.

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Speaker 4: Last night on Maps we saw Russell aka look alike

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Speaker 4: to Dan Andrews, Victorian Premier, talk about what he wants

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Speaker 4: in the bedroom. You know, quite frankly, it's not exactly

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Speaker 4: a posy or showy answer.

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Speaker 1: Well, I guess with me, I'm kind of into pedestrians

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Speaker 1: sort of stuff, just me and the chicken. Don't know

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Speaker 1: much about the toy side sex With me, he's kind

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Speaker 1: of like, you know, go under a supermarket, not the

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Speaker 1: organic one where I don't know what anything is. We

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Speaker 1: can go on and slow walk a brisket. Sounds like

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Speaker 1: you like a bit of like vanilla affect.

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Speaker 3: And it was a shame to hear being canned.

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Speaker 4: He got candy for she Yeah, she sort of laughed

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Speaker 4: at him there, And good on Russell for being honest

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Speaker 4: and the binding.

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Speaker 3: Got caned for it as well, like you know, being

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Speaker 3: unoriginal and all that sort of stuff. And I think

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Speaker 3: it's a shame because I think it's really tough guys,

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Speaker 3: particularly straight guys, to be actually just be honest about

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Speaker 3: what they're into, because there's a very much a stereotype

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Speaker 3: that we've got to play into there. We've got doctor

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Speaker 3: Nicki Goldstein, who's a sex ologist from doctor Nicki shop

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Speaker 3: dot com dot u if you want to check out

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Speaker 3: his stuff. But doctor Nicki, what do you reckon about this?

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Speaker 2: Well, I think you're really right when you're saying that

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Speaker 2: this idea of men being vulnerable and being open and honest,

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Speaker 2: because I think really what we have to look about

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Speaker 2: when we speak about vulnerability. It's one of those trend

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Speaker 2: words that we throw around a lot, especially in Australia.

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Speaker 2: There is this unfair stereotype that a man should be

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Speaker 2: a certain way. And I even think it goes deeper

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Speaker 2: that it's not biggest certain way. But we don't teach

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Speaker 2: men to ask what they want from the bedroom. We

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Speaker 2: teach them to dominate and control and to do those things.

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Speaker 2: So now we're saying to you guys, hey, let's have

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Speaker 2: a conversation about what you might like. And it might

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Speaker 2: not be stereotypically what we think and then should want.

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Speaker 2: It might be about even emotions and love or something

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Speaker 2: outside of that vanilla box. But we go back into

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Speaker 2: that stereotype of what should a guy be doing in

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Speaker 2: the bedroom because we have these societal ideas.

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Speaker 3: Yea, and what do you think, Nikki? So I said before,

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Speaker 3: I mean, and I know I'm stereotyping here, and maybe

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Speaker 3: it is because I'm a heterosexual guy. But like for girls,

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Speaker 3: you know, if they're doing something that's considered kinky or

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Speaker 3: outside the box or whatever, that's sexy. If for a

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Speaker 3: heterosexual guy to be doing something that's kinky or have

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Speaker 3: a fetish or whatever it is, that's considered something that

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Speaker 3: needs to be repressed or suppressed, and it's you know,

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Speaker 3: often leads to a lot of issues.

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Speaker 2: Why is that, I think it's how we see men

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Speaker 2: when they desire sex, So we see when women desire sex.

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Speaker 2: When we put our hands up and say hey, we

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Speaker 2: want vibrators and we want all these things. That's okay,

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Speaker 2: it's female empowerment. But when we see a guy that

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Speaker 2: wants something particular or is desiring sex, we seem to

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Speaker 2: see it as being a sexual deviant or a sexual demon.

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Speaker 2: You know, we never quite use that word male empowerment

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Speaker 2: in the bedroom or it's seen as a positive. We

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Speaker 2: have this dynamic as the woman sometimes being the gatekeeper

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Speaker 2: and the innocent one, and the man who wants sex

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Speaker 2: are seen in that deviant way. So I think we

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Speaker 2: still have those views in society that when somebody does

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Speaker 2: want something that is in inverted comments outside of the

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Speaker 2: box of kinky, if it is a heterosexual man, especially,

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Speaker 2: we tend to flack on that label of it being

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Speaker 2: something deep here.

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Speaker 4: Yes, interesting, Sorry, Nikki, this is all amazing stuff you're saying.

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Speaker 4: And there's a lot of couples, no doubt, that are

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Speaker 4: listening to us who maybe they're sitting there going gee,

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Speaker 4: I probably haven't been vulnerable about what I want in

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Speaker 4: the bedroom. When is the right time or place to

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Speaker 4: bring that up? I mean, is it? Are you in

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Speaker 4: the bedroom and go hey? Before you know, we get

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Speaker 4: we get things started here. I actually wouldn't mind a

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Speaker 4: bit of that. Or is it you know something you

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Speaker 4: bring up over tea in the afternoon before you actually.

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Speaker 3: Wait, Nikki, that's a great question. Before you answer it,

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Speaker 3: let's go to a song and then we can speak

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Speaker 3: about it up next. Is that sound right with you?

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Speaker 3: That sounds cor okay? Great? Good question? Woulds thank you

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Speaker 3: first one in three months for twenty twenty one? Good stuff?

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Speaker 3: That's harsh. We're talking more about guys being vulnerable in

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Speaker 3: the bedroom up next? Do you think it's hard for

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Speaker 3: guys to be vulnerable in the bedroom? Wild question to

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Speaker 3: start the show, But we aren't talking We're talking about

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Speaker 3: it because Maps last night it was all about all

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Speaker 3: about rinsing the squirrel, flossing the fairy, planting, the parsnip,

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Speaker 3: whatever you want to call it. It was sex week on

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Speaker 3: Maps and one of the guys, Russell, was pretty vulnerable

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Speaker 3: being a bloke Woods and you and I've been talking

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Speaker 3: about this all morning. It's body hard for guys to

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Speaker 3: admit what they want. And we've got doctor Nikki Goldstein

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Speaker 3: who's sex ologistiging. So doctor Nikki shop dot com dot

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Speaker 3: are you want to get some other doctor Nikki give it.

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Speaker 3: Would you had a question for Doctor Nikki before the

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Speaker 3: song which I'd love to hear answer.

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Speaker 4: That's it, Yeah, doctor Nicky, I'm sure are there are

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Speaker 4: a lot of couples listening to us right now that

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Speaker 4: it may be struggling to be open honest about what

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Speaker 4: they want in the bedroom. My question too, is when

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Speaker 4: is the right time to have that chat or and

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Speaker 4: how do you bring it up?

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Speaker 2: Or anytime is the right time? And this always baffles

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Speaker 2: me that people can have sex with somebody, but when

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Speaker 2: it comes to talking about sex then they freak out.

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Speaker 2: But you get nervous. It's a crazy concept when you

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Speaker 2: think about it, but I get that it can cause

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Speaker 2: a lot of nerves for a lot of people. But

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Speaker 2: if you are feeling nervous and you think, hey, there's

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Speaker 2: something I really want to talk to this person about,

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Speaker 2: it's really good to own it and just say, you

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Speaker 2: know what, I really want to talk about something through

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Speaker 2: our sex life. But I'm feeling a little bit anxious

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Speaker 2: for nervous or worry You're going to think I'm weird

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Speaker 2: for it, and my person might be feeling something similar

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Speaker 2: and at least she get it out in the open

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Speaker 2: and kind of give that space to say, Hey, this

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Speaker 2: might be an awkward conversation and I'm going to flag it,

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Speaker 2: but let's go for it.

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Speaker 3: Yeah, good to flag it as well, I reckon, And

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Speaker 3: then well you go to new Bartner would so actually.

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Speaker 4: Really interestingly, I would say, and again, I don't want

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Speaker 4: to go into too much because it's not fair on

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Speaker 4: mem who's listening and she's not involved or anything. But

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Speaker 4: we're exploring each other a little bit now and finding

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Speaker 4: out what we want, what we don't like, and we're

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Speaker 4: starting to have those sorts of conversations.

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Speaker 3: But it's interially.

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Speaker 4: When you're throwing sometimes and this man, it be for everyone.

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Speaker 4: When you're throwing alcohol in the mix, all of a sudden,

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Speaker 4: there might be a little bit more common exuberance or

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Speaker 4: confidence in the bedroom.

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Speaker 2: In a Dutch courage, a little bit.

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Speaker 4: Of Dutch courage.

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Speaker 3: Let's go to Amy here. Amy, you've got a question

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Speaker 3: for doctor Nicki Goldstein.

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Speaker 2: I do so, basically, what's the easiest way to go about,

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Speaker 2: you know, talking about your partent and me, even if

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Speaker 2: you're at the same issue was super vol on the

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Speaker 2: board of the bedroom. We'll figure that all out now.

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Speaker 2: But how is the easiest way to go about that. Sorry,

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Speaker 2: just are saying you're a bit bored in the bedroom?

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Speaker 3: Answer that question, Yeah, I think Nikki pretty much.

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Speaker 4: Amy, I'll rephrase what Nikki just said. It's pretty much

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Speaker 4: there's never a bad time to bring it up. And

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Speaker 4: Nikki also said sometimes it's worth just flagging it as well.

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Speaker 4: You say like, hey, there's going to be a bit

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Speaker 4: of an awkward conversation, but here we go. I'm interested

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Speaker 4: in this in the bedroom, and yeah.

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Speaker 3: Let's go to Maida. You got a question for doctor

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Speaker 3: Nicki Goldstein about guys being vulnerable in the bedroom.

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Speaker 5: Yes, doctor Nikki. My question is, does it mean that

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Speaker 5: they actually love us if they're being vulnerable during sex

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Speaker 5: or like, instead of it being very transactional and like,

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Speaker 5: you know, kind of feeling like a piece of meat

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Speaker 5: when we're sleeping together, if they're being very vulnerable, like,

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Speaker 5: does that actually mean that they love us?

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Speaker 2: Not necessarily, as horrible as that sounds, because you could

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Speaker 2: have great casual sex with somebody, feel really comfortable with them,

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Speaker 2: feel comfortable enough to be vulnerable, and that's where it stops.

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Speaker 2: So I think we get very confused when it comes

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Speaker 2: to love and lost and sex. And we need to

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Speaker 2: make sure that if we are looking to see if

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Speaker 2: somebody loves us. But that's a separate conversation. But if

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Speaker 2: somebody does feel vulnerable enough with you to open up,

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Speaker 2: then I think that's something that's really beautiful and you

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Speaker 2: should be grateful for that. But don't got over analyzed

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Speaker 2: and thinking does this mean it's true love? If you

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Speaker 2: can open up? Great?

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Speaker 3: Can I wait on there? Actually made it? Because this

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Speaker 3: is why we're talking about it is why what do

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Speaker 3: you know I'm talking Aboutcause this guy on Maps last night, Russell,

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Speaker 3: who was like branded as you know, just wanting things

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Speaker 3: to be too vanilla and stuff. I honestly, honestly like,

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Speaker 3: and I'm speaking on behalf of a lot of other

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Speaker 3: guys who I'm mate with as well. I reckon the

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Speaker 3: transactional side of things is genuinely just like the biggest

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Speaker 3: smoke screen in the world. I think more often most

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Speaker 3: heterosexual guys are just trying to do what they think

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Speaker 3: is normal or what they've seen on pawn or like movies, movies, movies.

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Speaker 3: We just don't talk about it like in that way

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Speaker 3: with other guys, and we don't learn it. Yeah, we

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Speaker 3: don't exactly we just don't learn enough about it, like

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Speaker 3: it takes a woman to be able to go, hey mate,

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Speaker 3: that is not okay, or like that. What you're doing

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Speaker 3: there is do you know? And I think we can

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Speaker 3: be educated a lot better. That's why I want to

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Speaker 3: talk about it more. And that's why I'm really happy

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Speaker 3: that doctor Nikki has come and joined us. Thanks for

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Speaker 3: joining us, doctor Nikki Goldstein. That was awesome, No worries

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Speaker 3: at all. Dodr nikkey shop dot com dot au if

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Speaker 3: you want to get more of doctor Nikki golds standing,

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Speaker 3: great insights there. This dude's going to join us a

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Speaker 3: bit later on. We should bringing up with Deans. That

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Speaker 3: to you. I'll leave that to you. And we're back.

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Speaker 3: We're back behind our fences as hetersexual guys. Let's go

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Speaker 3: to the traffic. Okay, more of the boys on the

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Speaker 3: Full Show podcast.

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Speaker 5: You know you want to